AW SHIT NEGRO, you're Fester Winchester, the rootin' tootin' space cowboy, owner of the Marshal. A giant super robot that is also a rootin' tootin' space cowboy. You and your friends, a space pirate and crew, are on the run from strange aliens who attacked your space colony. You're on a mission to recruit new members to the crew. So now, alongside your space pirate buddy, you're helping another space vigilante mech pilot dude defeat another dude that's been terrorizing his city with hostile mechs. Currently you have reached the boss room!
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>3713942greet the boss
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>3713949Roll 2d100 for level of greetage
Rolled 85, 91 = 176 (2d100)>>3713971
>>3713982Talk about greetage.
>>3713982Then entire city went deaf for a few seconds
Rolled 87 (1d100)>>3713998For the sake of tradition... Punch on our face.
Rolled 87 (1d100)>>3714014Let's see who the boss is.
>>3714018As is customary, the villain reveals himself pilotting a bigass mech
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>3714029As is customary, we shoot him
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>3714034Roll 2d100He has a +20 bonus
Rolled 55, 7 = 62 (2d100)>>3714047nat 100 here we go baby
Rolled 7, 87 = 94 (2d100)>>3714047Aim for the groin!
Rolled 24, 26 = 50 (2d100)>>3714047
Rolled 78, 3 = 81 (2d100)>>3714047
>>3714053YOur shots did nothing!
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>3714059Quickly, punch him while his hand is busy!
Rolled 98 (1d100)>>3714071Yes, 1 hand out of 4 is busy, perfect time to attack.Roll 2d100+30 for 'im
>>3714071>punchingI hope you meant for the punchy robo to punch.
So anyway you get punched into the floor
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>3714090You guys can try now, I'm gonna take a tiny break here
>>3714094And so you engage a tactical recuperation as your comrades jump into battle
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>3714106Switch to Edgar.
Rolled 53 (1d100)>>3714106Contemplate what we're gonna have for dinner once we're back in the ship
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>3714116Punch self in face.
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>3714116Pull out the rifle and sniper shoot the boss's arm.
>>3714118Your inadequacy causes you to double fist your face
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>3714128>>3714120Now this
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>3714128Jester tries to get the enemy monologuing by asking him why he's terrorizing the city.
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>3714128Ok take our rifle and wait for an opportune moment to shoot the boss, when he's about to attack our allies
>2 nat 1s>on a d100What the fuck, man?
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>3714134Alright! Gotta wait for the right moment! Roll 2d100
Rolled 38, 22 = 60 (2d100)>>3714145
Rolled 42, 27 = 69 (2d100)>>3714145
Rolled 61, 31 = 92 (2d100)>>3714145SHOOT TO THRILL!
Rolled 23, 97 = 120 (2d100)>>3714145Mudamuda!
Somebody else roll, they might actually pass.
>>3714153Damnit, something's blocking the optics
Rolled 23 (1d100)>>3714161alright then just SHOOT
Rolled 2 (1d100)>>3714161OP gets dragged off by Todd.
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>3714161OP Gets molested by the boss
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>3714173Now Focus!
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>3714173Shoot the boss in the nuts.
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>3714173This >>3714175
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>3714176Roll 2d100The boss's mecha nuts have a +20 bonus
Rolled 4, 90 = 94 (2d100)>>3714182
>>3714184You blew apart what's ever between the legs of the boss mech. Being a giant robot, aside from normal structural damage, it doesn't do anything else.
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>3714193Keep shooting at the nut!
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>3714193Try to get the boss to monologue. Ask him why he's terrorizing the city.
Rolled 51, 87 = 138 (2d100)Jester throws Edgar at the Boss. Edgar thrusts his pirate swords forwards.Go go go
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>3714215Turns out that was a load bearing nut.
Rolled 51 (1d100)>>3714215Redirect our shooting efforts towards the boss' eyes
>>3714217Leading to the death of a stack of unrelated nuts. So sad.
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>3714226Smack OP for being a smartass.
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>3714230Smack him again just because
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>3714230>>3714219
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>3714230Anyway, what is the state of enemy boss while we are eating peaNUTS?
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>3714230Now, get the boss monologuing while we look for a weak point.
>>3714238Jester Frenks employ the secret technique: Monologue Bait"You! Dickbag! Why are you doing this?! Why are you attacking the city?!""Why?! I'll tell you why! Because they refused to see my genius! They..."And then he kinda prattled on about some shit that you stopped paying attention to a minute in
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>3714246Look for his genius weak point
Rolled 98 (1d100)>>3714246Sneak behind enemy boss and then jam our rifle through it mecha's butt.
Rolled 13 (1d100)Don't do >>3714253.We shot its nuts and that did nothing. Why do you think sticking it in the pooper like a faggot will do anything?
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>3714253Roll 2d100+20 for the boss mech
Rolled 66, 4 = 70 (2d100)>>3714265Ah shiet
Rolled 91, 36 = 127 (2d100)>>3714265
Rolled 66, 39 = 105 (2d100)>>3714258So we can shoot inside the enemy boss's inner frame.>>3714265
Rolled 39, 24 = 63 (2d100)>>3714265
>>3714268Shooting the load bearing nut was a mistake, a part of the ceiling comes loose and smashes onto you
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>3714279Think of the dinner waiting for you back at the ship, Fester. All you need to get it is kill this guy. Now stand up and suplex the boss
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>3714279Did the boss notice or is he still monologuing?
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>3714279Quickly check if he's still monologuing
>>3714284"...you see, my mother was a strict woman, she had always...."Gonna be a while
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>3714295Alright, prepare to drop a ceiling on top of him via strategically placed shots, make sure we wait 'till he finishes monologue tho, don't want to upset the cliche God
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>3714295Detect the waek spot
Rolled 75 (1d100)>>3714301Roll 2d100
Rolled 22, 46 = 68 (2d100)>>3714305
Rolled 27, 52 = 79 (2d100)>>3714305Fugg
Rolled 76, 94 = 170 (2d100)
>>3714313Here we have a winner
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>3714314>>3714300
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>3714314>Shoot the load bearing nut above this guy
Rolled 96, 61, 44 = 201 (3d100)>>3714314>>3714300
>>3714322A part of the ceiling collapses and smashes into OP
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>3714327Pick up OP and smash him into the back of the evil mech's head.
Rolled 53, 80 = 133 (2d100)>>3714329Hey, OP's so hardheaded that it might just work.
>>3714329Sadly, OP is a terrible weapon and a terrible thing all around so the attack didn't do anything
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>3714336Suplex fallen ceiling joist through boss mech's head like a piledriver
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>3714338Roll 2d100+15 bonus for the boss mech
Rolled 93, 8 = 101 (2d100)>>3714347
Rolled 72, 29 = 101 (2d100)>>3714347OP owes me one winning roll so this has to work
Rolled 66, 23 = 89 (2d100)>>3714347God dammit
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>3714350OH SHIT!QUICKLY ROLL 2D100 TO GET OUT OF HIS GRIP!He gets a +10 Kung Fu Grip action!
Rolled 12, 8 = 20 (2d100)>>3714364
Rolled 39, 95 = 134 (2d100)>>3714364Uhhh there was a fly on your back, a big mecha fly
Rolled 11, 52 = 63 (2d100)>>3714364Tactical reposition!
>>3714370You are one lucky bastard.>>3714383Bitch.
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>3714383OP don't make me call the secret police
Rolled 30 (1d100)>>3714383you can't do that!
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>3714383OP has a change of heart
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>3714404>OP is the best
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>3714404>>3714410
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>3714416No, OP, we won't pay for your daily copy of Skyrim. Pay it yourself and continue the quest.
>>3714420You broke out of his grip!
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>3714437Try to shoot the enemy boss's arms!
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>3714437>>3714440Focus first, you ding-dong.
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>3714440>>3714440Roll 2d100He has +20
Rolled 56, 5 = 61 (2d100)>>3714448
Rolled 91, 26 = 117 (2d100)>>3714448
Rolled 63, 25 = 88 (2d100)>>3714448why can't dice god give us A FUCKING BREAK
Rolled 23, 86 = 109 (2d100)>>3714448Hey, where's the Focus bonus? I rolled higher in my support roll.
>>3714463Yes well, you see....
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>3714476HEY I GOT HIS ATTENTION NOW YOU GUYS WANNA DO SOMETHING?
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>3714476Ranged and melee don't seem to work. Use an emotional attack
Rolled 30 (1d100)>>3714476>>3714479None of those apply so give us a free Alert.
>>3714491Ah but you see, the Free Space means I can put anything there. Like "The moon was unaligned" or "The table in the corner was turned 30 degrees to the left"
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>3714517The empty space in your head isn't free, OP.
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>3714526Well yeah dude, that shit's like prime real estate. Gotta collect rent.Anyway roll 2d100 to get a hit in
Rolled 16, 16 = 32 (2d100)>>3714537
Rolled 27, 14 = 41 (2d100)>>3714537Maybe?
Rolled 27, 26 = 53 (2d100)>>3714537
Rolled 67, 38 = 105 (2d100)>>3714537
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>3714562DO YOU TWO FUCKS ENJOY SEEING ME GET BEAT UP? BACK ME UP HERE
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>3714587now that we're free, empty our entire clip into that fucker!
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>3714587Do we have any grenades left? If yes, throw one at his face, if no, the shoot in his eyes
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>3714587Now throw enemy boss's arm back at it and scream... "ROCKETTO PAUNCH!!!"
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>3714598Roll 2d100 to let him have it!
Rolled 14, 8 = 22 (2d100)>>3714607AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Rolled 60, 73 = 133 (2d100)>>3714607
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>3714620Do triple combo attack!
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>3714620Damage report
>>3714626"Beep boop. After eating a girder to the face, getting manhandled and punched by a bigger mech, the Marshal could probably survive about 2 more direct hits before exploding into scrap"
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>3714631Report on him, not me!
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>3714631Tactical run away and let Edward and what's his face keep his attention.
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>3714631This >>3714635And then blame on Microsoft.
>>3714637The secret Winchester technique
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>3714653Edward gave us a very disappointing look.
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>3714653Aim at room boss with the fancy new rifle
Rolled 40 (1d100)>>3714653Switch to Edward.
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>3714653Stroke fake beard whilst assessing boss damage report
>>3714667You are now Edward Roberts, space pirate. Piloting your space pirate mech that is currently unamed.Fester jsut retreated, he must be running low on health.
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>3714678Cut with sword
Rolled 21 (1d100)>>3714678Boss Damage Report and what are our moves again?
Rolled 68 (1d100)>>3714701damage report on the room boss and remember attacks
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>3714701Summon a mecha-sized pirate cannon.
>>3714712"Beep Boop. Enemy mech is operating at 60% capacity"Attack List:- Beam Cutlass- Beam Pistol- Black Horse fire support- Pirate Cannon- Keelhaul
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>3714743Keelhaul because I don't know waht that is
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>3714747Support
>>3714747>he votes for something because he doesn't know what the vote isBest playerbase
>>3714747"Well you see anon. Keelhauling was believed to be an ancient marine method of execution and/or torture. Usually the victim would be tied down with a line of rope that looped around the vessel, usually from side to side of along the length of the ship. Usually ship undersides would be covered in barnacles and other marine life forms, which would cause damage to the victim when he is dragged across them, usually leading to bleeding and other nasty things. Or they could just drown eventually"
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>3714774Aight, lets do that
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>3714774The enemy boss started to get nervous about getting keelhauling.
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>3714774>>3714780
>>3714778"Of course, you may wonder, the Black Horse can't keelhaul, it's not a sea-faring vessel! It doesn't have any barnacles on it! Which is why I installed giant mecha shredding chain blades on its underside"
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>3714783I always thought it was for making planet sized sandwiches and stuff, but that explains it
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>3714783What is the enemy boss's reaction to it?
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>3714783>>3714787
>>3714786Suddenly Fester remembers all the time Edward says he was making a giant sandwich but Fester never found where it was. All he heard were screams.
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>3714792Edwards is always full of surprises... Anyway, lets keelhaul this boss now
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>3714792That also explain why he often see bloods on the ships.
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>3714792That explains the "ketchup" on the ship and ghosts of the damned...ah well back to work
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>3714783Oh no! The disguise!
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>3714793Get out that beam chain and roll 2d100!+20 for the boss+10 For you
Rolled 15, 48 = 63 (2d100)>>3714810
Rolled 58, 63 = 121 (2d100)>>3714810Pirate mode on!
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>3714814You wrapped the chain around the boss mech's arms and rocket boost up to the Black Horse!Don't let him break outta those now!Roll 2d100
Rolled 5, 74 = 79 (2d100)>>3714835
Rolled 88, 95 = 183 (2d100)>>3714835Ah shiet
>>3714837Very ah shiet for the boss.
>>3714837Edward is bringing the rain.
>>3714837Edward indulges himself for a bit and laughed, and laughed, and laughed as the giant mech is put through the chain blades repeatedly. The unholy sound of metal grinding on metal rang through the sky violently until the boss mech and the pilot inside was reduced to nothing
Rolled 51 (1d100)>>3714859Cut to everyone else being traumatized
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>3714859edward again with his...... eccentricities... well at least we have a new crew member huh?
>>3714870"Uh hey, Fester. Thanks for helping me liberate this city from the evil...but uh....you sure your friend over there's just a normal mercenary?" Jester Frenks asks as the piles of scrap metal and viscera rains down from the sky
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>3714884As far as I know, he also likes pirate movies
Rolled 75 (1d100)>>3714884To be honest he's been a bit on edge lately. But I'm sure this is just him taking out his righteous anger on a villain... you have to unwind sometimes.I wonder what's for dinner
>>3714887"Well that explains all the skulls, I suppose"
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>3714898The enemy boss's remanding minions are traumatized by the scene.
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>3714898Wanna go somewhere...where its a bit less...rainy? Also you sure your nemesis wasn't a giant in a suit, 'cause this is more blood than a person can have
>>3714903"Yeah, he's kind of a big dude"And so you moved to an area with a roof to discuss Jester's new allegiance to the crew.While Edward's communication screen shows him still laughing. And he won't stop until the whole process is complete
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>3714905And also we enjoyed an cold alcohol-free beer with orange taste, provide by Jew-Brewery Inc!
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>3714905Introduce Jester to the rest of the crew over dinner
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>3714905Lets hope he isn't taking off his pants for now...so, lets go to that BBQ you had a coupon for
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>3714905How about that bbq, or is it getting rained on?
>>3714913Dammit, anon. You forgot about the barbeque.
>>3714922That's what we will be dining over
>>3714913Right, now, what are ya having?
Rolled 98 (1d100)>>3714927>femsterStop pushing that shit, OP. Barbeque.
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>3714927>Push away our rule63/sissy self back to their dimensionBBQ OF COURSE, LIKE THE REAL COWBOYS AND HIS FRIENDS!!!
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>3714927Cowboy bbqalso keep those femsters coming
>>3714928Yes, this should be simple for a red-blooded cowboy like yerself.Look, a piece of steak. Surely you can BBQ this thing like no tomorrow
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>3714938I thought mechanic and dai'si would have prepared dinner for us
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>3714938Lets use the coupon Jester has and invite the crew over
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>3714938>>3714946
>>3714943WHat?! Women are not expected to cook for men! Anon, you're being very problematic right now. It's the [CURRENT YEAR], don't you know?
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>3714954Dai'si did it because she wasn't really doing much else at the time. It was Spasian-style, though.
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>3714954We're a cowboy OP, we're obviously a hardlike conservativeNow lets go to that BBQ place where we have coupon and remember that Fester doesn't know that Dai is a gril
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>3714954Okay geez..... lets take that coupon
>>3714957Yes, steak with rice and vegetables.....with a Buddha on top for some reason
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>3714969Why is there buddha on the steak? WAIT it's probably edible. Swallow it
>>3714972Oh shit, nigger. What are you doing?
>>3714972My god....it's rice
Rolled 75 (1d100)>>3714984Did we ever see the criminal's face
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>3714984Now the steak, true cowboy never eats vegetables! Dai'si will force us to tho
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>3714984Dai'si is a real bro, being considerate for our (anons) idiocy. How are the others doing?
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>3714984Not your regular rice.... It is sticky rice! Everything is made of colored sticky rices!
>>3714987It's not like you have any other option, even if you refuse everytime you try to bite into the steak Dai will just shuriken the veggies into your mouth
>>3715011So how are the others doing with the new guy?
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>3715011Cover your mouth with one hand and eat steak with the other, like the the old times when mean ninjas tried to force brave cowboys to eat their veggies
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>3715013Forgot my dice.
>>3715015And just like the olden days, the ninja employs wackass ricochet bullshit to bounce the veggies off the table into your mouth, bypassing your hand
Rolled 7 (1d100)>>3715022Bandit follow Dai's exemple and also shuriken veggies into our mouth too.
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>3715022>>3715013
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>3715022AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA....oh hey Jester, guys this is Jester, new member of our team
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>3715022check how is Jester settling in with the rest of the crew
>>3715027"Uh Hi. I already met the captain. So I heard you guys are a bunch of mercs, going around the galaxy doing right for money, yeah? I can respect that""Uh yeah sure"
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>3715042Bandit give Jester a fine handmade cape as offer of frienship.
>>3715047"Oh hey, thanks doggy"
Rolled 53 (1d100)>>3715062I can't eat food like this dai'si. I'm just gonna go check up on the captain
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>3715062>>3715076Here's probably done laughing now.
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>3715062Meanwhile keelhauling is still in progress
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>3715062Fester finally eat his steak (actually it is made of colored sticky rice)!And Edward is still laughing...
ah shit, gotta head off to the gulag. theread continues later, byehttps://twitter.com/notapaladin
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>3721026Hmm
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>3721079Psst, hey mechanic, what do you think about this Jester guy?
>>3721080"Seems pretty okay to me. So far, anyway"
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>3721087Alright great. The sole reason why we are asking her is because if she seemed endeared with him that would mean that our life-long goal to impress the mechanic and make her appreciate us would have a competitor and that would have pushed us to commit a murder in order to ensure that no one can subvert our eternal love by stealing her heart from under our grasp. Now what's for desert
>>3721090Sweet balls of rice in a sugary soup
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>3721102Suck the balls
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>3721110Swallow the balls and go find the nearest phone to order a delivery
>>3721115The Space Phone
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>3721120Listen, delivery man, I just came to the realization that for the past twenty minutes there hasn't been a single anon other than me voting for anything. This means that I have unchecked powers to influence the quest in whatever way I wish. What do you think I should do? Make OP draw my fetishes? Push some agenda? Take revenge for grievieances inflicted on me in previous quests? Tell me because I can't make up my mind and there are no other anons in sight to stop me
>>3721125"Shit, man I dunno. This is a pizza delivery hotline"
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>3721139Order 10 pizzas to ourselves and another 10 for Edwards because he'll probably want some too. Then just leave the phone and go to the hangar
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>3721144>>3721139One of them must be a meat lovers pizza.
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>3721154Find a can of red paint and paint "Reds = Fags" on the wall
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>3721154Check to see the condition of the Marshall
Rolled 40 (1d100)>>3721166Roll 2d100 to spray paint "Reds = Fags" on the wall
Rolled 25, 26 = 51 (2d100)>>3721175
Rolled 95, 71 = 166 (2d100)>>3721175
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>3721185Check the condition of the Marshall.
>>3721187With the quest completed, the mechanic has fixed up the Marshal back to 100%
Rolled 98 (1d100)>>3721191Head back to our quarters
>>3721211Open the pod
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>3721211Search under pillow if tooth fairy left us anything
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>3721217"You aint getting anything Fester you piece of shit"Roll 2d100 to see if you got anything
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>3721218
Rolled 62, 46 = 108 (2d100)>>3721225fuck you fairy
Rolled 79, 4 = 83 (2d100)>>3721225Pls let it be a new pokemon game for the megamechagenesis.
Rolled 65, 1 = 66 (2d100)>>3721225You're supposed to be a fairy that collects teeth not a tooth that is a fairy!
>>3721237"Biiiiiiitch"The tooth fairy leaves as you found NOTHING under your pillow
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>3721242But did you check INSIDE THE PILLOW COVER!
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>3721246Roll 2d100
Rolled 20, 51 = 71 (2d100)>>3721259
>>3721264>Sadly there were also nothing in there
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>3721269Go find Edward, we're gonna discuss fulfilling the next contract
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>3721269Pod?
>>3721277Ah, the Captain. He finally stopped laughing
Rolled 7 (1d100)>>3721294You seem thoughtful Cap'n.
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>3721294Call the janitor to make sure Edwards cocpit is clean...he is to use ultraviolet light thing
>>3721296"Eh, just thinking about random things. Like what we're gonna do now. It's not that deep thinking, I assure you. This is just my default expression"
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>3721307How long have we been staying here?
Rolled 93 (1d100)>>3721307Sometimes I feel like I lost control of my life. But we should consider going after the next bounty
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>3721307Alright...what's next on the agenda?
>>3721313"Yes. As if there are voices in your head. Dictating your every move...Anyway. We're done with this planet. Got new crewmen, resuplied.Time to leave."
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>3721324Letsa go! Meanwhile I shall wander about to make sure there are not more of them aliens 'round 'ere
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>3721324Wait, which bounty are we chasing this time
>>3721329"Alright. Good luck with that"
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>3721343And so we do...except not really as we hide in a box and eat our steak undisturbed by any veggie flinging ninjas
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>3721371Mission Accomplished?
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>3721371Suddenly, a presence in the box
Rolled 75 (1d100)>>3721387Oh shit, don't move!
>>3721391Stay still. Now if nothing happens you and your steak will be safe from the veggie terror
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>3721405Absolutely still...UNTIL ALIEN INFILTRATOR INSIDE OUR BOX RUNS OFF WITH OUR STEAK!
Rolled 84 (1d100)>>3721422CHASE AFTER THAT ALIEN
Rolled 39 (1d100)>>3721441BANGBANGBANG
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>3721441>>3721445
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>3721447Roll 2d100
Rolled 56, 33 = 89 (2d100)>>3721466What in the goddamn
Rolled 36, 49 = 85 (2d100)>>3721466>>3721469pard'ner we ain't rolling that high
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>3721466NOOOOO, OUR STEAK!
>>3721469you missed all your shots.The alien eats the steak mockingly amidst your hail of bullets
Rolled 47 (1d100)>>3721510Thank fuck we ordered those pizzas just in case this happened!But while the alien is busy snacking Dai'si catches up with him
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>3721510>>3721520
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>3721510COWBOY RAGE
>>3721537But before Dai can catch up....it eats your pizza too
Rolled 21 (1d100)>>3721555>Tackle it
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>3721555The pizza was delivered to our room and there's 10 of them. There's no way he will eat them all before we put an end to him, it's not possible
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>3721560Roll 2d100 to see if it's possible
Rolled 77, 50 = 127 (2d100)>>3721573no its NOOOOOOT
>>3721580Yeah, you're right
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>3721600WHY!? WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS EATING MY FOOD!? FIRST CAKE, THEN STEAK AND NOW PIZZA!!
>>3721604It doesn't answer. Perhaps it's to mock you. To make you feel helpless and pathetic against the seemingly endless onslaught of shit that is your life.Or maybe because it's dead cuz Dai cut it in half.
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>3721619...this wouldn't have happened if you didn't fling the veggies in my mouth
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>3721619Thankfully we can eat our pizza now that Dai'si saved it
>>3721619Eat the alien.EatThe Alien
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>3721619switch to bandit
>>3721621The alien corpse stays silent. As it did not fling any veggies into anybody's mouth.Also because it's a corpse
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>3721647I mean you Dai...either way when are we arriving?
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>3721647Ask Dai'si if we arrived to our next destination yet
>>3721658Almost there, as soon as OP remembers which bounty are we heading for
Rolled 21 (1d100)>>3721689Uhhh...it was the not!ork I think
>>3721693Of course! IT's the legally distinct space orc!
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>3721700SURPRISE SUPLEX
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>3721730Now when do we arrive?
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>3721730hey dai what is the meaning of life
>>3721742"Well you see, it's gonna be a.....18 hour wait. Since OP gotta go away now, due to unexplained faggot OP business. Check out https://twitter.com/notapaladin for updates when the time comes"
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>3724045the robot will kill us all kill it
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>3724059the universe is saved now back to the main story
>>3724063The Black Horse is in mid-warp. Hope nothing goes wronggg
Rolled 2 (1d100)>>3724081hey captain..... wanna play connect 4?
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>3724081Nothing goes wrongEXCEPT THAT FIST IN YOUR FACE
>>3724096GASP!You are punched by a mysterious fist!
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>3724109Its yours
Rolled 58 (1d100)>>3724109ita mine from the future
>>3724143My god! It is!Mystery solved
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>3724157wait the fist is talking
>>3724162"Foolish space cowboy. You have underestimated my power"
>>3724169what do you want with me weird space hand?
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>3724173>>3724169
>>3724174"Give into the darkside of the fist. And lay down your guns. The only weapons you need are your hands"
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>3724183stop talking to ourselves and look up mech stuff
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>3724183Fat chance! And now the warp is complete, lets plan our attack on the ork
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>3724183do so
>>3724188Sssssshhhhwwwwooooorrrp - Warp complete"Ey, Fester. Time to plan our attack. You okay over there? Cliff says you've been talking to yourself during the trip"
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>3724193Nah, it was the warpWe'll be fine, I'm totally not talking to my hand
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>3724193"I'm completly fine Edward!" while talking with the hand.
Rolled 23 (1d100)>>3724193>>3724196
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>3724206By the way another alien infiltrated your shit, you oughta do something about it
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>3724206>>3724208We should look into getting tighter security for the ship
>>3724206protect fester bandit
>>3724210"Indeed. I fucking hate those goddamn shapeshifters. No matter how tight you think your security is, they'll just transform into some retarded shape to squeeze through the gaps"
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>3724237are you sure you're not a shapeshifter yourself, edward??
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>3724237How retarded are we talking?
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>3724248OH FUCK SHOOT HIM
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>3724248Someone turn that light back on, you're obscuring Edward's face
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>3724263Okay. Lets go and kill that fuckin ork now
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>3724263Yeah I also have an idea to test all of our blood just in case...but either way lets get that green devil partner, yeeehaw!
>>3724274"Does it involve some heated copper wires and a petri dish? In any case. This planet is the current location of the orc's ongoing rampage across this system. People around here put a price on his head so he'll stop this bullshit and they can go on with their lives"
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>3724292Any minions or special moves?
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>3724292>>3724298I heard that he could jump really high.
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>3724292bandit what is he up too
>>3724298"Reports say he does it alone. Even fought off a couple of space police patrols and squads. Apparently he made whatever that is he's piloting from stolen space military tech. Which gave him an edge over regular ol' space police forces....and the local populace too, naturally"
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>3724317Do you think we could take him?
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>3724317Send our stealthy boys on sabotage mission
>>3724327"Alright who among you is the stealthiest?"
Rolled 2 (1d100)>>3724327Dai'si, Edward, you dummy.
>>3724341Dai'si Bandit, no one suspects a dog
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>3724347Even me
>>3724347Oh shit, nigger. What are you doing?
>>3724347"HOLY SHIT YOU'RE RIGHT FESTER! WE GOT 2 BOUNTY HUNTERS, A MECH PILOTING VIGILANTE AND A CYBORG NINJA! OF COURSE THE FUCKING DOG WOULD BE THE PERFECT CHOICE!"
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>3724357LET'S GO BANDITBANDIT QUEST
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>3724357Send the ninja and bounty duo
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>3724357No. Dai'Si
>>3724366"OH WHAT'S THAT FESTER? YOU WANNA SEND ACTUAL PEOPLE THAT CAN SNEAK AND SABOTAGE ON THE MISSION INSTEAD OF THE DOG? OH WOW! WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED, HUH"
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>3724376Y-yes, please stop screaming I just wanted to be funny
Rolled 2 (1d100)>>3724376Slap Edward while Dai'Si goes. He should be well aware of our multiple stupid anon --Imean-- personality disorder.
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>3724376Actually that is Dai-Si who disguise as Bandit.
>>3724385Dai'Si is not retarded.
>>3724379"Anyway. We have no idea where this asshole bases himself out of to sabotage him. So this is what we'll do. We'll interrupt his rampage and fight him. Preferably, we'll distract him enough for the stealth team to sabotage him on the spot and scoop up the win. If that fails, then we'll fight to cause him to retreat, the stealth team can then track him down to his secret hideout and sabotage the mech there"
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>3724399Okay, though it's word he doesn't have any minions.
Rolled 51 (1d100)>>3724399send the children
>>3724406"Children? What children?"
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>3724408Children?
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>3724408Sorry its my mental disorder again, I really should check my head next time we're at the station.What were you saying?
Rolled 58 (1d100)>>3724408Ignore that anon. Let's go.
>>3724410"Anyway, in our crew we have 3 mech pilots, you, Jester, and me. So any of us could go down and distract this asshole. Or any 2 man combo. Or all 3."
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>3724422Do we know anything about his "mech"?
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>3724422If all three are coming then why not just kill him there?
>>3724422>>3724425I mean, anything that would help us decide the best people to deploy.
>>3724425"Its primary means of dealing damage is its two weapon arms, one's a giant hammer and one's a giant gatling gun. Aside from that it has a thick layer of armor and a bunch of missile launchers on its back for fire support. Kinda slow, until it activates its back boosters and charges through anything in its way. Aside from that, seems like it doesn't have any hands, so it probably can't do grappling moves"
Rolled 84 (1d100)>>3724443I'll do the distracting. We can start now
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>3724443Jester and I can handle it.
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>3724443Jester and I can handle it.
>>3724452>>3724453The fuck happened there?
>>3724450"Alright. If we follow the sound of exploding colonies, we'll find him"*a colony exploding*"There it is"
>>3724457Maybe your long lost twins or soulmate or just being newtype?
Rolled 93 (1d100)>>3724461plan has failed go in guns a blaizen
Rolled 23 (1d100)>>3724461Ignore >>3724475, he's being retarded.
>>3724475"The fuck you talking about"
Rolled 68 (1d100)>>3724481Ignore him, he's being retarded. Let's go.
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>3724506YOU STINK ORK!!! shoot him
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>3724506Deploy Pirate Cannon 1 and 2.
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>3724525This should get his attention.Roll 2d100You get a +20 back attack bonus
Rolled 97, 68 = 165 (2d100)>>3724537
Rolled 57, 89 = 146 (2d100)>>3724537Aim for the gun arm.
>>3724544Shit, we should've done that.
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>3724543It's a hit! You got his attention! Your sneak attack also managed to hit and disable his missiles' targeting system.He won't be using that for a while. So he opted to use his gatling arm instead, roll 2d100!
Rolled 50, 65 = 115 (2d100)>>3724568Darn
Rolled 10, 74 = 84 (2d100)>>3724568
Whoever opted to go alone is a retard.>>3724450It was you. Thanks for sending our squishy selves out alone.
>>3724570Oh. Oh geez. Oh that's bad."Fester! You okay down there? I already sent the sabotage team down there, can you hold out until they're done?"
Rolled 87 (1d100)>>3724591Maybe send Jester out? Some idiot in my head forgot that we're as durable as wet paper.
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>3724591Charge him to attack him with fists
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>3724591Pull out the Coffin to shield from shoots
>>3724592Jester jumping in!Now...roll 2d100 to see how long will you need to stall before the sabotage team fuck up the orc's mech internal systemsFirst roll, pickingsSecond roll will determine how long:90-100: 1 more turn 70-89: 2 more turns40-69: 3 more turns10-39: 4 more turns1-9: 5 more turnsNote: a "turn" counts when you make an attack and he makes a counter attack
Rolled 65, 98 = 163 (2d100)>>3724615
Rolled 21, 93 = 114 (2d100)>>3724615
>>3724619Wow, she works fast.
>>3724619"Well these stuff looks important""Better start chopping then"This team works fast
>>3724638Does Jester know Guard? Can he cover us?
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>3724638Blindfire at the ork while strategically repositioning ourselves backwards
Rolled 29 (1d100)>>3724638Focus+Alert with our rifle.
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>3724643Roll 2d100!
Rolled 10, 56 = 66 (2d100)>>3724654
Rolled 16, 6 = 22 (2d100)>>3724654Darn 2.0
Rolled 81, 63 = 144 (2d100)>>3724654Of course.
Rolled 20, 36 = 56 (2d100)>>3724654
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>3724661The Marshal crashed into a small mountain and your retreat is halted! Seeing this, the orc will activate his boosters and slam into your stunned ass and get out of Jester's melee rangeRoll 2d200You have a -15 due to smacking into a mountain
Rolled 85, 87 = 172 (2d100)>>3724671
Rolled 21, 16 = 37 (2d100)>>3724671the mountain is sentient
Rolled 96, 39 = 135 (2d100)>>3724671
>>3724676you fucked us
>>3724676OF COURSE! WE'RE FUCKING DEAD!
>>3724676Congratulations FOOLur an absolute disgrace. fuuuuuuuck youuuuuuuuu
>>3724678>>3724682MAYBE IF WE CHOSE TO ALERT, WHICH IS A FREE FUCKING DODGE, THIS WOULDN'T HAVE HAD THE POSSIBILITY OF HAPPENING IN THE FIRST PLACE!
Rolled 93 (1d100)>>3724681its your fault you fuckroll to kirr
>>3724687if you didn't roll periord we wouldnt have this problem
>>3724676And so Fester has died. OP will now play a mournful funeral dirge on a kazoo to honor his memory
>>3724689No u, I actually chose to Alert. You fuck.
Rolled 93 (1d100)>>3724695Lock-in Fester's death. We have to acknowledge our failures and carry on
>>3724698no you rolled a bad roll that killed us. you failed us
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>3724695Reload last save
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>3724695save fester with berserker modo
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>3724695Rolling to Load Save
>>3724701The player-controlled character is now....Edward Roberts. Space Pirate.Oh damn, Fester didn't get out of that in time. He got slammed right through that mountain, the Marshal's looking real bad. Better call him in......yo he ain't responding
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>3724721This isn't funny.
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>3724721Send Jester down there to help him quickly
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>3724721send bandit to save fester
>>3724729Yes, it's time to launch JEster! Oh waitasec. He's already down there."Captain, sabotage successful. We have fucked up the mech's internal systems" Dai's team calls in
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>3724738send in bandithe can fix everything
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>3724738Proceed and take him out, we need to bail Fester get away from there
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>3724738Go down by yourself and Jester, no one is killing your buddy other than you when covering your tracks!
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>3724738>>3724746Yeah, you haven't finished writing your prerecorded speech yet on how everything was his idea
>>3724746Edward, on the field!
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>3724770Edward now charges
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>3724770Get to Fester.
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>3724776Roll 2d100!The Orc has a -25 due to sabotage
Rolled 82, 32 = 114 (2d100)>>3724797
Rolled 80, 81 = 161 (2d100)>>3724797
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>3724841KEEHAUL
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>3724841bandit recover marshal!
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>3724841tear the pilot straight out of the ship
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>3724841Use cutlass to penetrate the pilots chamber killing that fucker.+20 bonus for Edwards rage for what happened to Fester
>>3724844Good thing you taught the dog how to use the tractor beam
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>3724860he is a good boy
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>3724860Rip the pilot out of the mech
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>3724860>>3724846
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>3724860>>3724847
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>3724867Roll 2D100!+20 You-25 that asshole
Rolled 52, 45 = 97 (2d100)>>3724876
Rolled 63, 82 = 145 (2d100)>>3724876RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH
Rolled 23, 5 = 28 (2d100)>>3724876yaaarrrrgggghhhh
>>3724894Now check on Fester
>>3724894Time to check on Fester.
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>3724895
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>3724894fester talks to his hand again
>>3724902Fester is fucking dead, anon.>>3724701
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>3724902>>3724894Dai got to fester with his nanomedbots so he's kinda fineKinda
>>3724902"So how bad was it Dai?""Pretty bad, Ed. His last words were some insane ramblings about his hand or something"
Rolled 7 (1d100)>>3724926Will he live and why is your mask different again?
>>3724932Nevermind, not yet.
>>3724931>"Pretty bad, Ed. His last words were some insane ramblings about his hand or something"
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>3724926Can we save him? Do we have the technology?
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>3724926now he is talking to space jews in his teeth
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>3724926shave his beard
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>3724931Fester was supposed to be the retard. Edward was the straight man.
>>3724932"Who said that?""Who said what?"
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>3724940>>3724944and>>3724939
Rolled 21 (1d100)>>3724944So is he "dead" dead? Like, 100(one hundred)% dead?
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>3724944What? So is he dead or no?
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>3724944No... it can't be... is our childhood friend truly dead?
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>3724939>>3724944
>>3724948"Well, Dai?""Machines are not showing any vital signs, Ed. He's dead"
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>3724953Time to mourn.
Rolled 47 (1d100)>>3724953bring him back with science
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>3724953Buy the ressurection did on the Black Market
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>3724953The very sad Bandit inject Fester with (untested) nano-nites at hope of reviving him...
>>3724956>>3724957>disrespecting our friends memory by reanimating his corpse
>>3724963you killed him and fuck that drag his soul back
>>3724956"Hmmm. Should I desecrate the corpse of my dear friend by shoving it full of untested nanomachines and hope for the best?"
Rolled 87 (1d100)>>3724970...YES!thats how i wanna go and brought back.
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>3724970Nah, nigger, just reload.
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>3724970Bandit cry at front of Fester's corpse until Edward finally decided to revive him.
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>3724970Its been what, 5 or 10 minutes? Did anyone even tried to do some CPR or anything? Fucking incompetent
>>3724971"Really? That's how you wanna go? You're a weird guy, anon"
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>3724981am i weird or am i just giveing us a chance to do some character recreation to a new radical Fester 2.0
>inb4 it fails
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>3724981The Terminator Fester is back.
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>3724981Its either that or you are stuck with us for eternity
>>3724990Edward gets...A SUDDEN REVELATIONFester was keeping all these fags inside his head. If he dies then these homos will be free to spread their fuckery across the universe.
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>3724995Raise your fist Edward, its time to start the day
Rolled 66 (1d100)>>3724995Edward wake up and see Fester full alive but... he look bigger and muscular than before.
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>3724995better get to work then
Rolled 21 (1d100)>>3724995Load Prompt shows up.
>>3725002Indeed. Time to get to work....The work of collecting the bounty. Fester's corpse can be put into cold storage for now.
Rolled 47 (1d100)>>3725013Punch self in face
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>3725013if you do tthat a goop alien will reanimate his corps for more faggotry
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>3725013Fester appear behind Edward and point out that corpse is actually a clone.
>>3725015"Punching myself in the face? A strange thing to think of. Better ignore it"
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>3725025Do it
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>3725025The cold storage suddently make sound as if somebody punching on their face.
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>3725025rip off own dick and eat it
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>3725025>>3725030Edward is not the retard character. Stop trying to be retarded with him.
>>3725031"You're a pretty weird guy, anon. I wish you the best in life and hope you get your issues resolved. Goodbye"
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>3725036how are the others taking this btw
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>3725036Were always with you Edwards until our old vessel is restored, now get dosh from the bounty, woooo
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>3725036Bandit look very sad until he got determination to revive Fester back to life!>>3725032Actually I don't aim at Edward but rather somebody else...
>>3725044 (checked)Oh no, I was trying to support your roll.
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>3725036dont fight it! i am in your heaaaaad edwaaaarrrd
>>3725044I just don't understand why they're trying to make the straight man act retarded.
>>3725056But Ed's more black comedy, not slapstick.
>>3725062That's black comedy, ghosts of his dead friend driving him insane
>>3725041bwoop"Captain. The funds' been transferred. The system thanks the crew for getting rid of their green--skinned annoyance""Good. Now maybe I can finally pay off my phone bill. Still hasn't find out why it got so high"
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>3725074How's Dai'Si taking Fester's death, btw? I doubt the others really care as much outside of Bandit.
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>3725074Pay it
>>3725080Pwoop"Phone bill payment complete, Captain""Thank you, computer."Now, what's our next move
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>3725086talk to girlfriend
Rolled 26 (1d100)>>3725086Check on Dai'Si.
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>3725086Fall on the ground crying about our best friends death?
>>3725098This works too.
>>3725090Sadly you don't have a current girlfriend right now. How unfortunate. Perhaps these last few missions has been tough on the crew. Liberated a city from evil robots. Collected another bounty. Fester's death. Maybe you should dock at a space pirate station to wind down.
Rolled 84 (1d100)>>3725109And by wind down you mean drink the images of your best friend's cadaver out of your mind, Edward?
>>3725113"Yeah, that works. Computer, set a course to the nearest source of alcohol"
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>3725121While we're waiting, how's everybody else talking this?
>>3725123Heath and Cliff the bounty hunters: Somewhat indifference. Didn't know Fester that well, knows why people may feel down, but don't let that affect them.Mechanic and Jester: Kinda bummed out. The Mechanic liked the Marshal. While Jester still thinks of Fester as a heroic merc out to right the wrongs of the galaxy. For money.Dai: Has moved back to quarters to meditate on the matterBandit: Nobody told him anything yet so is currently kinda confusedJanitor: no comment, he endeavors to be neutral to al proceedings
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>3725134What are Edward's feelings on this?
>>3725137Edward: Needs a drink
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>3725139Let's get that drink at the pirate station, which happened to be the nearest source of alcohol.
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>3725139Oh well, revivification services comes later, let's get a drink and hope not to be attack by pirates.
>>3725142Of course. The Black HOrse will dock at the nearest pirate station. And now we have OP's thoughts on the matter:OP: Needs to suspend thread due to the calling of the communist overlords. Will resume later. Updates r here:https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>3725142Woe be to those pirates.
>>3725145this might not have happened if it weren't for >>3724701
>>3725147No I'm pretty sure communist overlords woulda call me in either way
>>3725149I mean the death
Rolled 40, 33 = 73 (2d100)>>3725145this is to see if we need to roll to get fester alive through nanomachines
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>3725635
What the fuck happened you faggots Why is Fester fucking ded
>>3725922He is dead, I killed himt. Anon
>>3725922>>3725959He is not dead... he is just resting...
I swear if we aint gonna full cyberpunk or full occult I'm gonna report yall to the authorities
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>3725515>>3725959time for lynch mob
>>3725959What a fag you are, changing a perfect vessel for shenanigans for Edward, do you know how long its gonna take to drive him insane?Lets hope nanobot zombie raising works
>>3726561We should go for resurrection first chance we get
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>3727970Fester has a twitch that makes his fist connect to his faceEven tho he's dead
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>3727970NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
>>3727976No no, you stay down there
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>3727980>>3727974
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>3727985Back to Edward planning Festers comeback by drinking
>>3727989"So cap'n. What are we gonna do about Fester?""I'm working on it""By drinking?""It's my thinking juice"
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>3728011Bandit are mixing cocktails for Edward.
>>3728016"Also why is the dog the one making the drinks""I taught him. A real useful boy, that one"
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>3728024Maybe DaiSi has some contacts with some mad mech doctors that can rebuild Fester?
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>3728024actually unknown to edward bandit has a successful bar on old earth
>>3728034"I mean yeah. I gotta become a cyborg somehow. BUt when I did it I was still alive"
Rolled 84 (1d100)>>3728041alive or dead it doesnt matter to the nano machines.
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>3728041Well do you know for sure if that guy cant make a cyborg out of recently deceased and put in stasis pod cowboy?
>>3728045"Thanks for the input. anon"
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>3728064Promote Bandit to Bartender
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>3728064on another note, have you punched your self in the face recently? better do it edward.
>>3728064We could also try space magic.
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>3728049>>3728064
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>3728064>>3728069
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>3728064we could always look up rumors of revivication
>>3728072"...hmmm. Not sure. He does handle plenty of near dead cases, but never heard of a full-on cadaver being cyborg-ized"
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>3728083Eh, Fester never had much of a brain to begin with, so a braindead cyborg would actually still be better.
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>3728083Any other methods you guys know about? Ones that make sure Fester stays sapient?
>>3728085>disrespecting Fester>as EdwardNigger.
>>3728085>>3728088"....hmmm. Must be the alcohol talking""Yeah Ed, that was kinda mean.""Hey man, usually he's here to insult me back and say some dumb shit. Just getting used to the absence okay"
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>3728096Anyways can you contact that guy and make an appointment?
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>3728096Meanwhile, lynch mob on this guy >>3725515
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>3728096Anyone know other ways, or is cyberification the most plausible method? Maybe some space voodoo or something?
>>3728098"Sure, I'll tell you when it's done""Good. Now we just need to make a stop at the local pirate station and pilfer their alcohol, and we can be on our way""We are at the local pirate station, captain""oh""Hey dickhole, tell your dog to get out of my bar counter"
Rolled 40 (1d100)>>3728108Hey rageface dont insult him. I bet creds he can make better cocktails than you
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>3728108Come on man, he's isn't doing anything wrong, just being better than you are brewing
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>3728108>>3728111>>3728116That isn't brewing, anon.
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>3728108There's a dog here?
>>3728111>>3728116"THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?""To be honest I'd rather drink piss then drink whateever you were serving before the dog got here"
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>3728122So what, you gonna take a challenge and whip up something better than my dog can do? Or are you a PUSSY?
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>3728122Look, the other patrons are loving Bandit's mixes
>>3728119Mixing, I'm drunk here
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>3728122>>3728123
Why is it all the good ideas get low-rolled?
>>3728162Its going okay so far:shrug:
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>3728122>>3728123
>>3728128"NOW LISTEN HERE FUCKER. Get your dog outta my fucking bar. Or i'll turn you, and him, into fucking mince meat""Oh...So what you're saying you should have been a cook instead of a bartender?"
>>3728168Getting fester killed was a good idea?
Rolled 98 (1d100)>>3728175oh shit its our ex. run
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>3728175Oh look, the first victim.
>>3728184We already handled that
Rolled 1 (1d1)>>3728184Fucking pussy.>>3728175Tear his arm off. I want a barslaughter.
>>3728184Ah shit better ru---waitasec. You paid your dues and gifted her a mech. Hostility's over. Now let's get back to insulting this dead bartender
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>3728195i miss fester... he listen to the crazy voices in his head
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>3728175Well your just a tiny man in a large suit just like in the men in black
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>3728195Let him taste Bandit's superior cocktail.
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>3728195Oh shit, we already killed him during that close-up.
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>3728195>this dead bartenderNANI
>>3728196"Anyway, I gotta go. You thirsty?""What"
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>3728205Pour the drink down his throat
Rolled 29 (1d100)>>3728205Rip his heart out, puree it with the saw blade and serve it to him, on the rocks.
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>3728205BZZZZZZZZZZZZZ THE BARTENDER
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>3728205
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>3728205[Glass Him.]
>>3728205>>3728211>>3728212>>3728214>>3728218>>3728210All of these, in whatever order
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>3728205>>3728224
>>3728214Putting the drink straight into his throat. That'd quench his thrist
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>3728238Take his saw arm as a trophy
>>3728238no bzzzzz his head off and pirate the bartender's nano machines.
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>3728238Oh look, more walking, talking corpses.
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>3728238Cut his heart out with your sword.Or rip it with your hands
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>3728238Really need to get the voices out of your head
>>3728243"EY! AINT NOBODY DO THAT TO OUR BARTENDER!""SPECIALLY SINCE HE MAY OR MAY NOT BE ACTUALLY PART OF OUR CREW SO WE'D SECRETLY GET A PART OF THE PROFITS"
Rolled 21 (1d100)>>3728263Keelhaul them!!!
Rolled 98 (1d100)>>3728263BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>3728263They're dead in the next picture
>>3728271"IN RETROSPECT, THREATENING A GUY HOLDING A BIG SAW ARM WASNT THE BEST OF IDEAS""AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>3728289Hi Edward's ex, how's things
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>3728289Shift to Fester who are in.... "After life"?
Rolled 75 (1d100)>>3728289A chance encounter!
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>3728289Bandit serves everyone a cold one and gets deserved praises and headpats
>>3728289>>3728300Do this in the back/foreground too.
>>3728296A chance encounter?!Now who wants to roll for what it is
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>3728314It's a good one
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>3728314We encounter our big brother, Eddy Redbeard who is also a space pirate and a doctor.
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>3728314>>3728320
>>3728323Well, I was meaning to have one guy roll for a result from a list, but this works too"Big brother, long time no see""Eddy?"
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>3728359What are you doing here?
>>3728364"Oh you know, same old same old. A night of drinking after a successful raid. I got a patient coming in later."
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>3728376Think you can bring someone back from the dead?
Rolled 87 (1d100)>>3728376Well nice seeing ya we've got an appointment to attend so gotta bounce. Keep in touch
Rolled 29 (1d100)>>3728383
>>3728383Rolling for higher
>>3728397Ah, yes. The highest number if all. Zero
FinallySorry haven’t don’t qst for a while
>>3728386should I post cool bug facts on you
Accept it boys, we're going technology route
>>3728406putdice+1d100in options field
>>3728386"Alright. See ya bro""Stay cool"bap
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>3728411Now what about that mad scientist, Daisi?
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>3728409Did that already wasn’t workingLemme try again
>>3728413"Got an appointment. We can head there whenever you're ready, Ed"
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>3728437Well I'm wasted enough and vented a bit on these freaks. So I'm ready for whatever atrocities this guy will do
>>3728446Dang today is my lucky day, I'm winning everythingits not even fun hoping to jinx it so someone else could have fun
>>3728446Black Horse, away! Let's hope Edward's little bar fight don't lead to anything that may hamper progress
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>3728464 or did it?
>>3728472the answer is it didin real life.OP has took a massive shit that was harder than expected and now his anus is on fire. Thread is suspended by way of excruciating pain
Rolled 86 (1d100)>>3728464Only slightly puking up in the bathroom
>>3728477Wow I didn't even read this when I made my post
>>3728478>>3728482must you hurt me so
Rolled 84 (1d100)>>3728484Roll for random events? We didn't really get to last time.
>>3728484I wonder how Eddy uses his Red Mode?
>>3728487Yeah sure. Roll for it now and the event starts later. Because now, as state here >>3728477, I must lie down and rest my ass90-100: Nothing happens and the trip goes off without a hitch70-89: Edward's sister bugs him50-69: The space cops bugs Edward20-49: Aliens bugs Edward1-19: The aliens bring out the big guns
Rolled 70, 6 = 76 (2d100)>>3728499
Rolled 83, 16 = 99 (2d100)>>3728499
>>3728512dang and its all while fester is gone