This started as a desperate gamble to save your daughter from slavery as a magical girl. Then you found out what your wife (a seven-tailed kitsune) and your boss (Jormungandr) were.Somehow, it's all escalated into a world-spanning conflict, with at least one seven nation army involved. And Lucifer is crashing at your house. Along with Siegfried.And Mary, a magical girl who's ascended into becoming a goddess. Apparently you're her 'high priest' or something, and under Mesopotamian rules (Lucy's pretty sure Mary's operating under those), that means your grilling and people eating it is an act of worship to sustain her? You don't have much of a clue how this all works. But you have a bunch of hungry people to feed.You're not sure how many miles it is to Chicago, it's early afternoon, you don't have sunglasses on, and your father never took you into the city to see a marching band when you were a young boy. But you're just a man - just a father, not a hero, not a high priest, but you'll carry on.There are people to feed, after all.So you say: "I'm going to grill. Anyone who wants to can eat - but I won't answer for the consequences.""I'm not eating anything a priest cooks," Lucy says."That's why we have a fridge," Liska tells him, raking her glance across Alice and Shirley, "so is this the supernatural equivalent of being gluten-free?""More like having a real celiac disease," Alice tells her, "we might have problems if we eat that. I'm a witch - I can't commit to a goddess by eating what her priest cooked," then she looks at you, "nothing against your cooking. It's great. But I can't eat it if you're her high priest.""Just make the fucking food!" Karen yells at you.So you go out to get the grill ready. Rachel and Mary are still talking in the backyard, with James watching from the smoker's wall.>Press gang them into grill service>James, what do think about this kind of masquerade break?>Just grill>James, what the fuck have I gotten myself into here?>WRITE IN
>>3402787>Just grill>James, what the fuck have I gotten myself into here?
Yes, we're back!Archive: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=ShotgunTwitter: https://twitter.com/HaikuDelugeGeneral ideas:The April Fools' gag thread was fun, if only because it was just "overdose it with tropes".Fuck Campbell's "The Hero's Journey" - it was an analysis of common elements in myths, not a paint-by-numbers guide to writing a story.The Index III anime is, sadly, generally shit.I've made some significant mistakes in this quest.P&SwG needs a second season.
>>3402787>Press gang them into grill service
>>3402787>Press gang them into grill service>James, what the fuck have I gotten myself into here?
>>3402787>Press gang them into grill service>James, what do think about this kind of masquerade break?>James, what the fuck have I gotten myself into here?
>>3402787"Get me some charcoal and the starter from the shed!" you yell."What high priest asks his goddess to do that?" Mary asks you, as her head snaps around."I'm not your high priest," you say, "I'm just asking you to help out as a guest. James, that means you too.""Fine," the wizard says, levering himself off of the wall, "not the stupidest shit I've done."You open the grill, pull out a grate, and start scraping ashes to provide a proper bed for the coals. Funny thing to be doing while there's a full-on supernatural war raging, but you're just a dad. And the grill is your battleground.Eventually, they show back up for - should you even think it's a rite?No, it's just grilling. Just piling charcoal around the electric starter and plugging it in. Nothing special.Mary drags Rachel off to continue their argument, so you turn to James and ask "what the fuck have I gotten myself into here?""Not really sure," he says, "I kinda just paid attention to the practical aspects of magic - I don't know anything about the divine.""Yeah, you sewed an angel and a demon onto two dudes," you tell him, "don't play coy. You know a lot about this.""I'm still no expert in the intangibles of dealing with gods," James tells you, "that was study and blind luck.""And I need both of those, brother," you say, "because I'm way out of my depth here - and I have people refusing to eat anything I prepared. Including two witches.""Fine," he says, "it's possible that her saying you're her high priest grants everything you do supernatural weight. And preparing an offering gives even more. If Lucy's right, and she's operating on Fertile Crescent or even Mediterranean rules, then 'eating with her people' is a major rite. I don't *think* that binds anyone to her, more than drinking with Dionysus could bind them to him, but various gods see it differently.""Are you going to eat?" you ask him."Hell yeah!" James says, "you know how to grill, and I'm not going to let that designation stand in my way. Besides, every god I've seen hates me anyway."...Someday, you're going to have to ask all your wizard brothers for their stories.>Want to try talking the witches into eating?>Go in and grab whatever meat Liska's got for me>You're pretty chill about this full masquerade break>Were you really cursed?>WRITE IN
>>3402938>Want to try talking the witches into eating?
>>3402938>Want to try talking the witches into eating>Go in and grab whatever meat Liska's got for meThis witches are going to eat our food. No matter what.
>>3402938Evening, Haiku. Good to catch this live again.>Want to try talking the witches into eating?>Go in and grab whatever meat Liska's got for me>You're pretty chill about this full masquerade break
>>3402938>You're pretty chill about this full masquerade break>Want to try talking the witches into eating?
>>3402938>Want to try talking the witches into eating?>Go in and grab whatever meat Liska's got for me
>>3402938>Go in and grab whatever meat Liska's got for me>You're pretty chill about this full masquerade break
Methinks Haiku hath fallen face-first onto the flat plane of floor-chan once again. Why he doesn't like the soft, pillow-like embrace of bed-chan, I'll never know.
>>3402938"Can you grab whatever meat Liska's gotten out of the fridge for me?" you ask him, "and talk the witches into eating it?""Yes and no," James says, "look, if they think it's going to disrupt their magic, it will, divine or not. I'm going to let you in on my secret to being a genius wizard - I don't think anything matters. I could chow down on a person offered to the Deep Ones and not bat an eye. If I think it doesn't matter: it doesn't.""Are you actually a sociopath?" you ask."Wish I was," James says, "it'd make things easier. But I'm just good at not giving a fuck. I can argue with them a bit, but I won't try forcing them to do something they think will damage them.""You seem pretty cool with the whole masquerade break, too," you say."Of course I'd be," James bites back, "that means more people bumping back at the things that go bump in the night. You can do a lot with just salt and silver, even if you don't know jack. And if they all know - less casualties.""You may be right," you tell him, "actually, I hope you are. But I do need that meat."James walks back into the house, leaving you alone with the kindling coals.>Put your entire fortune into silver futures>Ask Mary and Rachel for company>Head inside yourself>Then [WRITE IN] comes outside>WRITE IN
>>3403175Fer fucks sake, I've been ninja'd!>Put your entire fortune into silver futures, all two dollars of itHmm, who haven't we seen recently... Fuck it, why not.>Then SUE comes outside
>>3403175>Ask Mary and Rachel for company
>>3403175>Ask Mary and Rachel for company>Then [sue] comes outside
I'm jacking out again. hope to see you guys tomorrow.Twitter for the runtimes: https://twitter.com/HaikuDeluge
>>3403232Good night, Haiku. Have a pleasant sleep and stay true to bed-chan! Floor-chan is a homewrecker and you know it!
>>3403175>>Ask Mary and Rachel for company
>>3403175Put your entire fortune into silver futures
>>3403175> Then Sue comes outside> Put SOME of our fortune into silver futuresSo when does Fred head over to see if nothing bad happened to us?
>>3403175>put it all into the silver futures>then sue shows up
>>3403175>>Put your entire fortune into Silver, Cold Iron and Salt.>The your prospective son in law and sworn brother comes out with a very loopy Melon hanging off him like a monkey while giggling and playing with his face. He is silently asking you for help.
What is this apirl fools thread? Anyone got a link?
no i am NOT going to fuck you, regardless of your daughters magical properties
>>3405699But thou must, to save the future from it's darkest fate!
>>3403175Sounds like time to go long on silver futures. Or perhaps grab shares in some silver holding or producing companies?It's terrifyingly easy to do on your phone. It's still the middle of the trading day in America, so there are still a few hours until things close out. And silver's going up, but, if you know the look of that graph, it's just the speculators and people like you right now. Maybe some foreign investors trading during their exchanges' off-hours. It's a bump that could easily die out if the populace doesn't make the move everyone expects.You've got insider information, though. Well, is it really 'insider' if a werewolf transformed on a news broadcast? Hopefully that's the way the SEC will see everything, you think, as you shuffle some investments and loose change into the commodity that's about to break the world. So you crank a fair amount of your saving into silver futures.Besides, Ellie's probably murdering whatever demon lords have the SEC in their pocket right now.And America will get home tonight, panic buy everything even silver-plated they can get their hands on, sterling or not, and tomorrow everything'll be through the roof. This actually feels dirty.You're pretty sure you're not doing anything unethical, and you aren't even breaking any laws. Salt seems like it's got too much production for its price to jump through hoops, and you're still not sure what sorts of iron qualify as "cold" magically. So, well, you're making a bet on one element, and selling out tomorrow if it jumped and you're not dead.Because you seriously might be dead tomorrow. Anything with enough power to kill Bernie would probably wipe the whole city, and the government jokers listening to your phonecalls know you're with Superfly. Or at least not against him - basically the same thing.To say nothing of, well, going up the spheres to kill a god. That's a recipe for dying....And you're thinking about positioning your portfolio into commodities? The exchanges might not even exist tomorrow.It's very dangerous to leave a man, a phone, and an investment plan alone by a grill.But there's not much else to do while waiting for the coals to catch. Mary's having a bit of a heart-to-heart with Rachel across the backyard. They seem to be in one of those "three's a crowd" situations, and you're pretty sure you overheard an exchange like "I'm your fucking goddess!" "I'm an atheist!" "did I disappear?"It's far more entertaining than it should be.Then you hear the back door open, and Sue strolls toward your grill, giving a bit of a glance at the divine duo along the way."Hey," she says, without much of an expression."Did James run into trouble with the meat?" you ask."No," Sue says, leaning back against the wall and watching the heat shimmer over the grill, "he'll probably be out in a minute.">Something up?>I'm just investing - nothing interesting>This day's probably going to go down in history>Your mom somewhere ok?>WRITE IN
>>3419234>Your mom alright? And don't mind me. Investing encase things go the wrong way
>>3419234>Something up?>Your mom somewhere ok?
>>3419234>>Something up?>>Your mom somewhere ok?
>>3419234"I'm pretty sure none of those witches can take him, if he really went for it," Sue says, stretching and rubbing her shoulders against the wall like a cat."Do they have a reason to?" you ask. Something seems a bit off. "Oh, and is your mom somewhere safe?""She's probably wherever the local demonic legion - I mean, the city police, has its headquarters," Sue says, "I'm pretty sure that's different from their official 'headquarters'. Might be an abandoned farm or something.""Something up, Sue?" you ask, checking the coals. Not fully lit yet....Ok, you recognize that expression, as Sue says "No." There's definitely something wrong, and she's not a demon fox (or half of one) that can eat your liver and spread your other organs across three counties.Then you remember that she's a magical girl who absolutely can do that, unless you or someone powerful and feeling particularly charitable towards you gets the drop on her.Oh dear.Why can every woman (and and all the girls) in your life murder you spectacularly? (Well, you realize after a couple of seconds, the guys can too, but you'd give any of the whole crowd a run for their money.)"What would you do," Sue asks out of the blue, staring straight ahead, nearly boring a hole through your fence, almost muttering, "if someone you loved left? Or you knew they were going to leave, and you didn't go? What about what you'd do if you saw someone else get on the bus to go where you wanted to go, but you felt you couldn't skip town?">I joined the Marines. They're going to start recruiting magical folks if we win this>Do you want to go where Jean is before they batten down the hatches?>I'm kind of proud you didn't just on the bus to Hell, really. Even if Ellie is my sister>Let's make sure we survive this - and they do too>WRITE IN
>>3419431>Sue, you may be a swordsman with next to no peers, but you're very bad at beating around the bush.>You already know what I did when Elle left, went to go join the Marine's with massive chip on my shoulder.
>>3419431>>I'm kind of proud you didn't just on the bus to Hell, really. Even if Ellie is my sister>>Let's make sure we survive this - and they do too>Write In: "Whether I survive or not, if you make it, if your mom makes it, I give my word my family make sure you two are re-united. My sister is the biggest power in Hell, and I am sure the rest of us can pull strings in most afterlives. So, you WILL get to see each other again, of that I am sure." Dunno if that sounds good but it seemed like the sentiment.
>>3419431>>I'm kind of proud you didn't just on the bus to Hell, really. Even if Ellie is my sister>>Let's make sure we survive this - and they do too
>>3419431>I'm kind of proud you didn't just on the bus to Hell, really. Even if Ellie is my sister>Let's make sure we survive this - and they do too>They'll probably let you join the army after that, it'll be fun in it's own twisted way
>>3419431"Neither of us are very subtle, are we?" you ask, meaninglessly checking the coals again."Oh, come on," Sue says from behind you, "I didn't melt a crater and kill satellites. I'm pretty subtle."That's not exactly the definition you'd use for 'subtle', and you're pretty glad Rachel doesn't seem to have overheard any of this yet."Well," you say, still messing with the grill, "then you're damn bad at beating around the bush. And I'm not exactly subtle myself.""So hit me," Sue says, like she's daring a blackjack dealer to give another card and make her go bust.You never much liked blackjack, as a game."Let's make sure we survive this, and they do too," you say, "and if someone doesn't - I've got a favor with one death god, and another four on speed dial, Lucifer's crashing at my house, and Ellie, well, I could probably drive a bargain. Even if I don't make it, I should be able to make things work out somehow for you and your mother."Sue stays silent."I'm kind of proud you didn't go to Hell with my sister," you say, closing the grill and leaning against the wall again, "I heard she did get a recruit though.""Yeah," Sue says with a wry smile, "guy's half a demon anyway, so it's probably where he belongs.""Not where you belong?" you ask, and instantly regret it."Could be awesome," Sue says, her fingers slightly gidding into the brick of your house's wall, "could suck. Same for signing up with a fuckin' goddess," the goes on, with a jerk of her head toward Mary and Rachel at the other end of the yard, "I like Mary and all, but I don't want to go be an angel or something. Or screw around with the government. Things were more fun when we were just out killing demons, then I got my arms blown off by some idiot with a shotgun!"You look at her, starting to ask who would - and she's grinning. Oh. Yeah. That's how you met her.Well, she'd been around as one of 'Melon's friends' before that, but it was the first time you'd really met her."I want to go find my mom and guard her," Sue says, "I also want to fight the final battle with everyone. I want to - I don't even know. You know what I want?" Sue asks smiling further, "I just want to know who to stab, and stop havin' to think.">That's not the most disturbing thing someone's told me today>Then stab rats, once the sun sets - and try calling your mom>You sound hungry - down with eating stuff I cook?>What if I designated you my liason with Rick's fuckers?>WRITE IN
>>3419666>What if I designated you my liason with Rick's fuckers?
Bailing out. Twitter for next runtime: https://twitter.com/HaikuDelugeSue is really hard to write right now. This scene has taken forever. I'd like to say that's because she's at a very odd point in her personal journey, and really doesn't know what she wants: she's seen Ellie, Mary, and Superfly's groups as potential options in the past few days (with Dionysus as an additional example of gods). She's quite uncomfortable with being at kind of a crossroads here, which is why she's sort of seeking advice, whereas people have nearly had to force advice on her before. I feel like I'm doing her a disservice with my writing tonight, because I'm just not nailing her character like I want to.>>3419666Goddamn, look at those fucking 666 trips. I should just hang up my hat now - that's never going to happen again.
>>3419666>>What if I designated you my liason with Rick's fuckers?
>>3419666>Don't worry, i'm sure your mom is in safe hands>Mary is still Mary, it's probably bet to not overthink this mess>You sound hungry - down with eating stuff I cook?
>>3419666>That's not the most disturbing thing someone's told me today>Then stab rats, once the sun sets - and try calling your mom>You sound hungry - down with eating stuff I cook?
>>3419683>>3419687>>3419917Now here me out.... what if we ... Dick the Sue in the shed while wifey watches... should calm her down real good!Sorry, we are low on Aussie shitposters I felt I had to do something to pick up the slack.Lets bone Melon until she is good to participate in the battle after that! I mean, she can always get the morning after pill!Okay, done with my shitposting now, lets all move on.
>>3420275 I am perfectly fine with that. So just get more votes and hope that the DM does it.
>>3419666>Then stab rats, once the sun sets - and try calling your mom>You sound hungry - down with eating stuff I cook?
>>3420275We’re not a harem protag, so we don’t get to solve everything with our dick. Sue’s even gotten less thirsty too. I’m pretty sure Liska wouldn’t even bother hiding the bodies if she knew we’d done Sue without her, and she wasn’t fine with us screwing Melon even while she was completely fucked up.
>>3420275>>3422489This is the wrong quest for you haremfags.