Right. Your daughter's a magical girl. You wife's a kitsune - and they're both in dead heat.This was not exactly what those parenting books talked about. Next chance you get, you're burning them. It's what their authors deserve.At least Melon (your daughter) decided to slam sleeping pills and roll herself into a bedtime caterpillar. While you have some issues with the whole pills thing, it was a rather legitimate response to the party you had in the house. Gods, a dragon, their hangers-on, and all the rest. Not really an environment you wanted your family in, more than you could prevent it.The neighborhood dragon and an itinerant Greek god (screw Dionysus) fucked off. ...after a crazy night of magic ferret fights, Unfortunately, your old battle buddy, 'Superfly' Johnson didn't. And he has a team with him."Well, glad you folks could come over tonight," you say, staring down a crew of science projects, a surgical half angel, and a wizard.If they could just leave, that'd be great.Of course it wouldn't be that simple."WE love what you've offered," 'Ace' says. At least you can'r see any wings. Then the kid turns toward Superfly, and says "get me out. The grain, the new wine, and the oil are going to - seriously, get me out.""Nice to have a barbecue like old times, Deuce," Superfly say, looking you in the eye while mashing something into the keys of something that looks like a cellphone."Not sure it was quite like the old times," you say, as the front door opens to disclose a disquietingly silent helicopter behind him."We can't go back, can we?" Superfly asks, then yells "GET TO THE CHOPPER!"As his crew decamps, he winks at you and whispers "I always wanted to say that.""Too bad it had to be in my home," you tell him."Yeah," Superfly says, "we're OUT. Kicker! Mach! Slice! Doubter! Ace! We're going! On me!""I'm staying here and going with-" Ace begin to say, but gets cut short by a knife across his throat."You're gonna thank me for this," 'Doubter' says, as he drags the half-angel's corpse toward the helicopter."Look," Superfly says, after seeing your expression, "we don't take chances on that sort of thing. He'll be fine in ten. Thanks for having us over.">What about your mole and his girlfriend?>Hope life treats you well>That's actually how you guys deal with him?>I'm afraid I'm taking 'Ace' here.>You've changed a bit from when we knew each other.>WRITE IN
>>3159298Guess we're back.Archive (for catching up on how we got into this fix): http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=ShotgunTwitter (for thread announcements and such): https://twitter.com/HaikuDeluge
>>3159298>>What about your mole and his girlfriend?
>>3159298>What about your mole and his girlfriend?>That's actually how you guys deal with him?>Seems a bit extreme, even by the admittedly lax standards of ge magical community.
>>3159298"That's actually how you guys deal with him?" you ask, as Superfly stares back at you from the doorway."You already saw it once," he says with a sigh, leaning against the doorframe, "I wish we didn't have to.""Seem a bit extreme," you say, staring down a mask of a face, "even by the lax standards of the magical community."Superfly sighs, still in your front door."Jim gave the game away - Ace's ex-Stargate Project material. There's," Superfly says, his voice dropping to a whisper, "something else in him. Something none of us understand. And he'll be back in - nine.""Didn't think you'd wind up doing that to kids," you say, leaning against the foyer wall. You feel Liska's tails brushing against your back."You're the last person I want calling me on the carpet for that sort of shit," Superfly says, "no hard feelings, Deuce. You know how this world works. It's a bit more violent than you've seen.""What about your mole and his girlfriend?" you ask. Pressing him on that note probably won't get anything."I'm pretty sure you won't let Reynolds die," Superfly says, then glances over his shoulder at the helicopter."I can buy a Greek interpreter online," you say, "and-""He's going to die anyway," Superfly says, still leaning in your doorway, "but you wouldn't do it, Deuce.">Would you?>Man, you've still got guest right. Even if you run for the chopper.>Really wish things hadn't come down to this. Get to the chopper, man.>You know, those collard greens were great.>I can get a new assistant.>WRITE IN
>>3159439>>Really wish things hadn't come down to this. Get to the chopper, man.
>>3159439>Man, you've still got guest right. Even if you run for the chopper.>You know, those collard greens were great.
>>3159439"Would you?" you ask.Superfly sighs."She is going to kill him eventually," Superfly says, glancing over his shoulder at his 'unorthodoxical unit' bailing for the helicopter, then he looks back at you, "maybe. Are we cool?"Right, he did know about that."Really wish things hadn't come down to this," you say, watching his unit haul 'Ace' inside, "we're within a few degrees of cool. And you've still got guest right.""Not 0 Kelvin yet?" Superfly asks."GET TO THE CHOPPER!" you yell at him, then you say "I always wanted to say that too.""Yeah," Superfly says, then looks over your shoulder, "we all do. Hope you like the action movie cliches.""They're fun, aren't they?" Liska says, as the oddly-silent rotors of that black helicopter whip up the leaves on your front lawn. They aren't even spinning it down. This is a hot extraction."Uh," you say, "get to da choppah!""Seven," Superfly says under his breath, then tells you "thanks," before bolting for the chopper."שבע!" you hear an unearthly voice bellow from the black helicopter.Then you hear sparks, and the resounding noise of "I WILL DO YOU AGAIN!" as Superfly climbs into the chopper.It's almost a miracle that it takes off. More of a miracle that it stays airborne.But, luckily, it fades into the sky."Not the sort of guy I'd expect you to be in with," Liska whispers into your ear."Hope he didn't tell you the embarrassing stories," you say, watching the helicopter fade into the night sky, "and I never expected Superfly to go in for the deep state shit.""Embarrassing?" Liska asks, with a crooked up eyebrow, "I don't think his could touch what I've seen of you."...Thirty years will do that."Glad Melon tried locking herself away before she met someone like you," she says.While you're of a similar opinion, that's an extremely predatory grin on your wife's face.>I hear I'm going up the spheres>You want it? You got it.>Let's figure out what's going on inside.>Embarrassing?>WRITE IN
>>3159960>Let's figure out what's going on inside.>Later honey.
>>3159960>Let's figure out what's going on inside.>other: Let's let the neighborhood have 30 minutes of peace and quiet... before we scream up a storm for another 3 rounds.
>>3159960"Will you take a rain check?" you whisper to her."I'd take a goddamn sleet check," Liska mutters back."I think we need to figure out what's happening inside before you cash any of those," you say.Liska whirls back into the house, and yells "ARE YOU FUCKERS FINE?"That's not exactly what you'd meant, but..."Mostly," Madison deadpans from the hallway."The kitchen is under control and I'm thinking about leaving," Shelby says from the kitchen.That's not a bad idea for him right now.Then Jean surfs into your vision, half-supported by Rick (luckily still in human form)."Guess things are a bit crowded here?" Jean asks."We're uncrowding them," Liska tells her, eyeing Sue over the broad shoulders of the demon."I'm not taking her home," Rick says, in a voice as flat as a table being used to beat down a pro wrestler.His eyes are pinpricks.>You sort yourselves out>Everyone, sound off!>You don't have to. We have a couple of couches.>Where did Ellie, Butler, and Haru go?>We have large fish to fry - we're going in after Mary, and I need wizards. Wizards!>Let's just regroup, now that our foreign factions are out of the picture>I want The Angel Of Death, W, and James here, stat! We're going up the tree!>WRITE IN
>>3160176>You don't have to. We have a couple of couches.>Where did Ellie, Butler, and Haru go?
I thinking I'm banging out for the night. Keep voting.I should be back tomorrow, or whenever I wake up.
>>3160176>You don't have to. We have a couple of couches.
>>3160176>>You don't have to. We have a couple of couches.>>Where did Ellie, Butler, and Haru go?probably this after words>We have large fish to fry - we're going in after Mary, and I need wizards. Wizards!>Let's just regroup, now that our foreign factions are out of the picture>I want The Angel Of Death, W, and James here, stat! We're going up the tree!
>>3160176>You don't have to. We have a couple of couches.>>We have large fish to fry - we're going in after Mary, and I need wizards. Wizards!
>>3160191Holy shit your back chief. Hope ya had a good Christmas and new years
>>3160176oh nice, this is back. supporting >>3160667
If I'm remembering where we were last thread. The time travel cat is out of the bag and we need to get Harriet on suicide watch. We don't need her drunkenly offing herself right before we were about to fix everything if that's possible.
>>3160176"I can drive myself," Jean tells him, defiance written across her face."Right," Rick says, looking at her, "I'm not buying that, and I've got a breathalyzer in the car. Want me to grab it?""We have couches," you offer."Get the damn thing," Jean tells him, "I haven't had that much to drink. I'm fine.""You're still - that won't tell us anything about the magical effects clearly going on here!" the demon says.Jean steps away from the demon."I can stand, right?" she asks, not even swaying, "go ahead, give me a field sobriety test. Breathalyze me. Make me walk the fuckin' line. Do it. I'm good to drive."You're not sure if Rick even has pupils anymore.Liska's fingers dig further into your shoulder. That's probably going to be another shirt ruined."I need a smoke," the police chief says, pushing his way past you out the front door.Jean's looking past you, probably straight into your wife's face."I write fairytales," Liska hisses, then takes a step toward the policewoman, "you may be good to drive, but are you good to drive Sue?""Maybe in an hour," Jean says, a bit less restrained, "that blonde fuck-""I saw something worse than you did," Liska tells her, "let's go somewhere quiet. That can't have been fun."Then she looks over her shoulder at you, "alright, where is there space in this house?""Garage is shot," you say, "people in kitchen, dining room, and living room, guest bedroom's taken - maybe upstairs? Maybe the master bedroom? Or a hall closet?""It's not a standard field sobriety test," Liska says, turning back to Jean, "but think you can climb some stairs for me?""I said I was fine," Jean tells her, "what about the kitchen? I kind of want to get some of that meat. Seems like I missed dinner.""Sounds good," Liska tells her, "I want seconds myself," she finishes, with a twitch of an ear toward you.Alright, that... could have gone worse.But where the hell did Ellie, Haru and Butler go?Probably the guest bedroom.
>>3163909You walk down the hallway and knock. It's usually best to knock when Ellie's involved."Who should I announce to her grace?" a prim voice asks from inside."The Shotgun Shogun!" some idiot yells, "Defeater of Demons! Disgracer of Dragons! Dragracer of Deities! And all those other titles! Callsign Deuce - First of His Name!"...Yeah, that's Shelby."What is your name anyway?" he asks in a soft voice from behind you."Doesn't matter," you tell him, "they all know. And I thought you were bailing.""Your wife kicked me out of the kitchen," he says, "I probably should, but...""The party's still going on, right?" you ask, "just steer clear of the hallway, and I'll try fulfilling your request.""...First of his Name!" you hear butler intoning on the other side of the door, having finished his litany.The the door opens. Ellie is sitting in state on the bed, Haru half-curled around her like a furred throne. Butler is standing at attention. Rob's still huddled in a corner.>Oh, so this is where you all were - I've got some wizards to talk to>We're regrouping in the living room>Rob, talk to your sister>Just wanted to make sure things were fine - I've got wizards to recruit>WRITE IN
>>3163910>Oh, so this is where you all were - I've got some wizards to talk to>Rob, talk to your sister
>>3163910>>Oh, so this is where you all were - I've got some wizards to talk toLet's get this rescue moving.>"you may be good to drive, but are you good to drive Sue?"This hearken back to the street racing arguments. Even if you and your passengers could easily survive a major crash, most everyone else on the road can't. And you're a cop. Don't be stupid Jean.
>>3163910>other: Rescue the human half of Rob. the debauchery he went through with your sister can't have been good. You think.
>>3163910>>Oh, so this is where you all were - I've got some wizards to talk to
>>3163910>Oh, so this is where you all were - I've got some wizards to talk to>We're regrouping in the living room>Rob, talk to your sister
>>3163910"Oh," you say, "so this is where you all were.""You seem to have added a few titles," Ellie says, eyeing you."Other people gave them to me."That gets her laughing. "titles aren't worth shit if you give them to yourself, you know," she says, "and when did you disgrace a dragon?""Bernie showed up massively hung over a couple days ago," you say, then remember the last time titles were discussed tonight, "so do I feel any different? Open question for anyone who can sense magic or whatever.""You still feel like an arrogant mortal," Butler says, and you wish he didn't always have a half-smirk on his face. It would be easier to figure out when he was messing around."You feel like my little brother," Ellie tells you, with a quick glare at Butler, then her expression softens, "so yeah, that's pretty accurate. When did you get a herald?""I didn't," you say, "I think he thought it would be funny. You guys spending the night? I've got some wizard to talk to.""I've got a half-finished date in Hell," Ellis says, "and I'm going to relax a bit before I go back for round two."Yeah, Belphegor must have fucked her up pretty badly if she's admitting she needs time to recover."You still haven't shown me the final circles," Haru growls."Oh, we'll see them," she says, "you're gonna love the last one."While they start talking about resuming their hike, you look down at Rob."You doing fine, kid?" you ask."Not really, but I'm here," he says, "still trying to rest a bit.""You might want to talk to your sister about that career path," you say."I/we'll think about it," he tells you, then glares balefully at his hand.You're guessing Haru probably hasn't let anyone mess with him too much. If anyone can keep demons in line, it's probably someone who grew up in a castle full of youkai."If there's one piece of advice I can give you," you say, turning back toward the door, "it's don't wait too long on that sort of conversation. Don't just bang out one day. Everyone gets hurt."You can almost feel Ellie's eyes piercing you as you leave the room."Especially if they still love you," you finish, and almost stumble over Madison in the corridor just outside. She doesn't bother looking up from her book.It's time to scrape up a few wizards. Hopefully W isn't plastered yet.A few yells and a journey to the smokers' spot later, you're sitting back in the living room with the unlucky folks who are your magical advisors (James, W, Kelly, Shirley, and Alice - Iris seem to have joined Liska and Jean in the kitchen), and a number of the girls from your combined crews.>We're going in tonight [WRITE IN WHO TO TAKE]>What's the earliest we go go in after Mary?>Kelly, feel like reaping any souls lately?>Now, you all remember what happened last time I went out of town>WRITE IN
>>3164733>>Now, you all remember what happened last time I went out of town>>So, what's the earliest we go go in after Mary?
>>3164733>>We're going in tonight [WRITE IN WHO TO TAKE]It's been too long. Only people directly connected to the yarnball though, otherwise we risk losing more people up there than we started with.>Now, you all remember what happened last time I went out of town
I ended up sleeping for three or four hours after the last post, sorry about that. Bed-chan won over floor-chan that time. I'm back now, and should be running for several hours.>>3161542>Hope ya had a good Christmas and new yearsI did. My family visited me. Twice. And I had a birthday in there somewhere.>>3163929>Don't be stupid Jean.That's basically Liska's entire point to Jean. She was just the one to realize that would be the most effective way to present it.>>3163944>the debauchery he went through with your sister can't have been good. You think.I think he's actually just been chilling in the corner and talking to the demons. If the implication isn't clear, Madison's been listening at the door while pretending to read. I don't think the MC quite picked up on that.
>>3164733"What's the earliest we can go in?" you ask W, when people seem to have settled a bit. You managed to grab a seat on the couch."Right now, if you want," the wizard says, then fixes you with his stare over the eternal wineglass, "we're doing something extremely risky here. It would take me years to make this ritual reliable, and lifetimes to make it safe. So it's as good as it's realistically going to get, assuming we don't manage to catch immortality like the common cold.""But you guys are opening portals to Hell and calling up demons," you say, "seems fairly reliable.""There's been at least six thousand years' of research into that," W tells you, "with a few geniuses along the way and a bit of help from folks on the other side. And a lot of fuckups. Besides - we're humans. Going to Hell is natural for us. Magic just speeds it up.""Hitting a bullseye on a new pocket dimension somewhere between Malkuth and Yesod is a much taller order," James chimes in, "Hell's not that hard to get into and out of. I think that's got something to do with how many people believe in it, instead of it being our destiny, though," he finishes, looking at W."We had that argument," the other wizard says, "and the fact you can sew an angel or a demon onto a dude and it JUST WORKS is still the best evidence that all this has its own independent existence beyond popular belief. Cosmology isn't a democracy.""Can you two both just accept that you're terminally insane and get on with it?" Kelly asks, swabbing out the barrel of that oversized pistol he likes carrying with some evil-smelling solvent. You're just hoping he doesn't get any of that on the carpet."We may be brothers now," W says, leaning back in the recliner, "but you're still a hack who treats magic like a tool without understanding how it really works.""And millions of people drive cars without knowing how an engine really functions," you say, trying to get things back on track, "wouldn't know an injection system from a carb. Now," you say, looking around the crowded room, "you all remember what happened last time I went out of town.""You told me to do that," W mutters."Let's not do that this time," you tell him, "or do the whole proxy war against a lord of Hell while I'm unconscious. Yes, that was my fault.""So we're going in tonight," W says, ignoring your admission, but probably getting the meaning.>Yes. Who wants to sign up? Yarnball members only.>I'm going in tonight. Maybe with a wizard.>I'm going by myself>Let's sleep on it first>WRITE IN
>>3164938>>Yes. Who wants to sign up? Yarnball members only
>>3164938>Yes. Who wants to sign up? Yarnball members only.
>>3164938>>Yes. Who wants to sign up? Yarnball members only.
>>3164938"Yes," you sigh, "who wants to sign u-""I'm going," Harriet says, looking a little better than the last time you saw her.At least she could have let you finish!"I'm not," Kelly says, continuing to clean his gun, "even my more academic colleagues," he continues, glancing at W, "aren't sure if the title would mess things up.""There are about five worst-case scenarios," James says, "and those are just the ones we thought of. I'm up for it, I guess. Not the stupidest shit I've done.""Bro," Freebles says, climbing from your breast pocket onto your shoulder, "I'm afraid I have to stay here. Wish I could roll in with you, but we don't know how the contracts attenuate over distances between spheres."And, given the risks here, if the little furry guy got lost on the way, all the girls might go out at once.You can see W having some sort of whispered conversation with Alice."I'm in," Sue says, leaning over the back of the couch, her head level with yours, "I think.""Screw that," Karen says, "I'm in all the way! We're getting Mary back!""Might as well," Rachel says, stepping up with Karen and playfully punching her on the shoulder, "haven't known her as long as you guys," she tells the redhead, "but I'm ready to go."If your previous experiences with her have been any indication, she's been ready to 'go' for a while. All too ready. And both of her parents' heads snapped around at that.W's expression is completely unreadable, but you'd guess he doesn't want to trust his daughter to the half-finished magic he'd be slamming you through. Then he whispers something to Alice."I'll come with you," he says, looking at both you and his daughter."I'm just guessing here," you say, "but everyone on this should be a direct yarnball member, right?""That would make it easier," W says."Want me to get the stuff, boss?" Freebles asks.>Grab it. I like this team>That's not necessary. I'm just going in with W and James.>I'm going by myself.>Karen, this isn't some theme park ride, and I can't answer to your parents if anything goes wrong. You're not coming.>Harriet, you're half fucked-up, and I'm not sure this is the 'Mary' you want to see. Or the 'you' that Mary wants to see. You're not coming.>Sue, your mom needs you. You're not coming.>Rachel, I don't want the loosest cannon on this crew. You're not coming.>W, you have a family. You're not coming.>James, I don't think you realize what you'd be throwing away this time. You're not coming.>WRITE IN(Multiple options are always accepted, and in this particular case, most of the options are directed at trying to cut people from the team, if that seems good.)
>>3165050>>WRITE IN>but we don't know how the contracts attenuate over distances between spheres."This would not only apply to Freebles, but all the MGs. I don't mind them coming along otherwise.
>>3165050>That's not necessary. I'm just going in with W and James.We don't need magic girls crossing spheres if Feebles contracts might blow up in our face.
>>3165050>>Grab it. I like this team
>>3165062>>3165074Supporting the ask part
>>3165050>That's not necessary. I'm just going in with W and James.Contract fuckery means ALL the girls come, or none do.
>>3165050"Not yet," you say, "I've got more questions.""I'm shocked," Harriet deadpans in a low voice from beside you on the couch. Well, that definitely means she's feeling better."That 'attenuating between spheres' stuff," you say, "doesn't that mean we can't take any of the girls on this, for the same reason my fuzziest brother can't go?""I'm not entirely sure, really," W says, "here's what we know: we can faintly feel Mary through the yarnball, wherever she is. Your, our, sister and her butler have both demonstrated that they can affect Kelly through his contract from Hell. You told me your brother-in-law felt her through the yarnball as well. However, the 'radiator effect' seems to be limited to the plane or sphere (although its existence is still a theory). So I'm pretty sure that there's some sort of falloff over distance for this stuff. Our 'fuzziest brother'," he continues, gesturing at the ferret perched on your shoulder, "has said that rats can return to their pocket dimension for 'checkups' without the contract cutting out, so that seems sustainable over distances between Malkuth and Yesod. The real issue is if anyone gets lost."The wizard leans forward, and stares you in the eyes."Because we are going to be going into utter terra incognita here, with the worst maps ever," he says, "if Freebles gets lost and out of range, we lose everybody. If..." he pauses, then takes a gulp of wine, "someone connected to him gets lost and out of range, it really," he goes on, steel in his voice as he tries not to look at anyone, "doesn't matter if they go out. Hell, it'll probably be a good thing - give 'em the firepower to take on whatever's hanging out where they land. They'll be drifting between the spheres anyway - justabout good as dead.""I'm still a bit confused," you tell him."Basically," James says, "he's saying that if the Apollo moon mission winds up missing the moon and orbiting Saturn, it's fucked whether or not it explodes. We don't want to put the keystone ferret in the Lunar lander, because if we do miss the 'moon', it might take down the girls who stayed here. Does that make more sense?" he asks, his eyes raking the girls who volunteered. He might as well have "do you idiots want to die?" tattooed on his forehead.And he said this wasn't the stupidest shit he'd ever done.>This is sounding worse and worse every time someone explains it>Why are any of us going?>After hearing that, how many of you are still in?>What are the chances of us getting separated?>WRITE IN
>>3165195>What are the chances of us getting separated?>After hearing that, how many of you are still in?
>>3165195>This is sounding worse and worse every time someone explains it>Any magical trinkets that could help us?>Let's pack up and get ready.
>>3165195>This is sounding worse and worse every time someone explains it>WRITE INOk, I'm thinking Harriet, as she's got something vaguely akin to a spare life, though we would lose her on this timeline. None of the others have that flexibility, but we're going to need some sort of guide to get around up there, so I guess James is in. The others... I don't think we should let them. The more we bring the more would could lose on the way up, and that sounds like an awful way to die. And I don't think the boost in fire power will matter, if we get made up there it won't matter anyway. Plus, if mary is still coherent, she'd murder us for letting them die like that.
>>3165195>You let the cat out of the bag earlier Harriet. I think it would be better for them to hear it from you now rather than later. It's a bit too late to try and go it alone this time. Plus if we were actually bugged we'd need to know after all of this is done to protect you.At least one of the wizards might be able to finally answer if it's relegated to one timeline or she just poofs to the next one. She's also going to need to learn how to disable it since her achieving the good end and everything resetting after she dies of old age would absolutely break her beyond belief.>That little brand on Kelly gives me an idea. What if we did something much less painful via the yarnball akin to rock climbing? Leave an anchor point at home, Send a team up,.and a recon/scout team goes up each step while able to backtrack if they went the wrong way?I hope i explained that cleanly enough?
>>3165195"Unfortunately yes," you say, "this is sounding worse and worse every time someone explains it.""Welcome to magic," Kelly says, not bothering to look up as he re-assembles his gun."Alright," you tell the room in general, "who's still in after hearing that?""Still sounds fun," Karen says, "you think I'd meet Cthulhu if I got lost out there?""Please never say that name again," James tells her with a strained look, "and no, he's in the ocean. You might run into some of the fuckers he's a priest for, though."Rachel steps toward her father, going frilly as she strides across the room. "It's gonna be fine since you're there, right, dad?" she asks W, grabbing his hand.There's no supernatural tension in the room, but you could probably cut the air with a knife and grill it. Or hear a pin drop."It's not going to be fine," he says, after a very long pause, "it's going to be dangerous, and scary, and awful, and we could all die, and I can't really tell you anything that's going to stop you from trying it, and -""I'm going to bring you back if it's the last thing I do," he finishes, then looks over at his wife, "I'm going to bring her back, Alice.""Hey," Harriet whispers from beside you, snapping you out of watching the scene unfolding, "do you think I'd die for real if I died out there?"That's... oh shit. One more possible wrinkle in this whole scheme."Want to let the cat out of the bag and ask a wizard?" you whisper back."Hell no," she whispers back, "I shouldn't have said anything to Sue earlier," she finishes, then leans into the couch, away from you.Speaking of Sue, where the hell did the blue-haired girl go? She was right here a moment ago."TO THE KITCHEN," your hear the sword inside your head.What? Why?"PROBABLY TO CONSULT WITH HER MOTHER," the sword thinks through your temples, "A FINE EXAMPLE OF FAMILIAL DUTY. LOOK, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO SAY NEXT, AND I KNOW YOU'LL BE ANGRY ABOUT IT, EVEN THOUGH I'M RIGHT."Yes, you probably would be angry. You're not really in the mood for the Sengoku Spook to harp on that theme."...gonna be fine, mom," you hear Rachel say from across the room, "I'll pick dad up if he gets too drunk.">Harriet, you probably should tell them>Alright, let's pack up and get ready>I think we should take a stripped-down team. Less risk of losing people. [WRITE INs], you're not coming>Would anyone else in this house like to have their melodrama moment tonight?>WRITE IN
I'm going to try to sleep again now.Twitter (for the news on when the next run is and general douchebaggery): https://twitter.com/HaikuDelugeArchive (for figuring out how we all got into this mess and who these people are): http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=ShotgunCharacter/Notes Sheet (needs updating, but should still be useful and entertaining): https://pastebin.com/1PQhyGrZ>>3165210>>3165224These were interesting ideas.
>>3165259>>Would anyone else in this house like to have their melodrama moment tonight?
>>3165259>We should get a safety net, Butler did use Kelly as a moving portal before so maybe we can setup something similar.
>>3165259>>Alright, let's pack up and get readyI'm not super happy with the team composition, but let's just get this started, It's taken us long enough already.
>>3165267If one combined the two and wizard training enabled Harriet to control how far back she jumps she could probably just jump solo as a guide but that would also be a super dick move from all the crazy mind melting stuff she can accidentally run into.
>>3165259Alright, let's pack up and get ready
>>3165259>>Alright, let's pack up and get readyThis sounds like a good idea >>3165296
>>3165259"Alright," you say, with just enough force to cut across the room, "let's pack up and get ready. W, set up whatever you need in my backyard, not my living room."Ok, you gave the man an easy out. And if he doesn't take it - they'll probably think better of him."Harriet," you whisper as you get up, "sure you're good for this?"She nods silently."Kelly," you say, looking at the assasin, "any hardware they want. And make sure that our ersatz allies don't get any stupid ideas.""Got it," Kelly says, punctuating it with the fierce snap of a gun coming together, "not sure I can promise anything.""It's the thought that counts," you say wheeling from the room as Freebles bails off your shoulder.Unfortunately, there's one more conversation you need to have.So you head to the kitchen."Hey," you say, leaning over the counter, "can I get on fox-wife snack - for here?"It's not the best pickup line you've ever tried, but Liska lights up when she hears it, tails flaring. You can barely see Jean and Sue leaning against opposite counters crossing their arms behind that display. Their eyes are probably locked."I'm afraid we only serve that in the bedroom," Liska says, and you're almost surprised she didn't leap at you across the counter."I'll take delivery," you say, and walk down the hall, wondering how far you'll manage to get....and you stumble over Madison again. She's still got her face buried in a book."Do I need to put traffic cones up?" she asks, without raising her head."You probably need to be," you say, as you rake over the topsoil of your mind for some variant of 'pull your legs back' that doesn't sounds like an innuendo, "less of a tripping hazard for the next one. Sorry about that."Madison glances behind you."Ah," she says, scrunching herself against the wall, "good luck. You ever read her novels?"That's not really comforting."Not as many as I should have," you say, heading for the master bedroom. You probably pulled the trigger on an essential part of the takeoff sequence for your next escapade, given Liska's earlier comments, but you're not entirely sure about what's really necessary here, you realize, as you get into the master bedroom and shut the door behind you.You're pretty sure Liska's only a few seconds behind.>Strip off everything, lie on the bed seductively, and ask "so, who's the snack now?" as Liska opens the door.>Ambush Liska as she opens the door. 'Hard' and 'Fast' are your zodiac sign's lucky words today>Greet your wife at the door, pretending you have no idea what's going on>Dear god, just fade to black>DOMINATE>So, if this was your last chance to have me, what would you do?>WRITE IN
>>3169202> Ambush Liska as she opens the door. 'Hard' and 'Fast' are your zodiac sign's lucky words today> DOMINATE
I think the old lewd pastebins aren't working.
>>3169202>>Dear god, just fade to blackNot like we've haven't done this in-quest a few times already.
>>3169202>Ambush Liska as she opens the door. 'Hard' and 'Fast' are your zodiac sign's lucky words today>DOMINATE
>>3169202>>Dear god, just fade to black
>>3169202>Dear god, just fade to black
>>3169202>Ambush Liska as she opens the door. 'Hard' and 'Fast' are your zodiac sign's lucky words today>DOMINATE>Fade to black after initial description.
>>3169202>Ambush Liska as she opens the door. 'Hard' and 'Fast' are your zodiac sign's lucky words today
>>3169202Well, you're not going to ruin another perfectly good shirt tonight, you think, stripping it off onto the desk. Luckily, it looks like there aren't any claw rips.And you're pretty sure Liska wants to be ambushed.So you tackle her as she comes in through the door, hoping she doesn't care too much about that dress.Because you're ripping it off her with more wild abandon than any of the male characters in her novels could have managed."So you're my pet fox now, huh?" you ask, and get your hands exactly where they need to be."I'm your pet vixen," she says, and then yelps as your fingers stage their assault on the canyon, far better than a squad and three helicopters could."Guess what the horoscope said my lucky words were today," you ask her as she writhes on the floor.You're probably not going to get an answer, given the truly animal cries Liska's shrieking through bared teeth as she arches her back against the floor."Hard," you say, "and fast."You're not entirely sure how long it takes for both of you to end up lying on the bed together, half snuggled against each other."That horoscope's shit," Liska says, "should have had 'long' too. God, I can't feel my hips.""Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" you ask."It's a really good thing," she says, leaning into you and making verbal conversation entirely impossible for a while.Then she pulls back, and stares into your eyes."Let's see if I get a litter this time," she says, a hand trailing up herself, "so I'm supposed to hold the fort while you go do one more damn thing that's probably going to get you killed, hmm?">Are you going to run out on me and become a land goddess?>And I'm pretty sure that's half the reason you enjoyed that so much>Liska, I'm coming back. Just don't give me a photo to take along>Well, you do get to be the lady of this crazy house while I'm gone>You know what's in my will>WRITE IN
>>3169500>Are you going to run out on me and become a land goddess?>You know what's in my will
>>3169500>Liska, I'm coming back. Just don't give me a photo to take along>Well, you do get to be the lady of this crazy house while I'm gone
>>3169500>Liska, I'm coming back. Just don't give me a photo to take along>Well, you do get to be the lady of this crazy house while I'm gone oh my, oh my~
>>3169500>You know what's in my will>And I'm pretty sure that's half the reason you enjoyed that so much
>>3169500"Liska," you tell her, "I'm coming back - just don't give me a family photo to take along."She laughs, "that is the cliche, isn't it?" she asks, "you should be glad I'm an author," she continues, snaking over you until her mouth's against your ear, "or is it 'authoress'? If I wasn't one - whatever it's called, I'd be damn offended by that.""I'm pretty sure this entire world runs on cliches," you say, "and you get to be the lady of this crazy house while I'm out."She flops decidedly back onto her side of the bed, then turns her head and mutters at you: "naginata practice in the mornings, household management after, cooking in the afternoons, archery in the evenings. Guess they were right about what feudal lords want in a wife. Managing everything while you're out of the castle on an invasion.""You get to be the head honcho here," you say, "and don't tell me that doesn't sound fun."Then you see her eyes. Oh, she's playing with you."You don't get to use that to play matchmaker," you say, "or 'sample' certain -""Think I'd do that without you?" she asks, "and you never said you weren't a feudal lord.""Didn't think I needed to," you tell her, "you've read my will. Doesn't list any provinces.""You should really update that thing," Liska says, sprawling beside you, and then suddenly all over you, tails flaring above the bed, "put in a clause about how a son gets all of it. I'll raise him well. Melon will marry into a very advantageous family - and now I'm talking like my dad.""Remember what happened to him?" you ask, "besides, I'm sure you'll do fine-"Ok, if the old adage about girls going for guys like their fathers is true, you're very concerned about what Liska evidently sees in you. And she's currently making it very clear that she sees something."Now that I think about it, if having a family photograph makes it more likely you'll bite it," she says, snaking her hand down you, "doesn't not having a recent will make it more likely you'll come home alive?""Shush," you say, "or W's going to want to write a treatise on how the world works on narrative magic."...and there's that barking laugh you know so well, as she half-rolls away rather languidly."Hey," Liska says, as you climb out of bed, "I'll wait for you until someone tells me this bed's carved into an olive tree.""But it's-" you start, then catch her eye, and she winks. Oh."Then I'll eat their liver and keep waiting," she finishes, rather sleepily.You pull your clothes back on, hoping it never comes down to that."Love you babe," you say, planting a kiss on her forehead, and get a murmured reply, before heading back down the hall - wait what's that general scrambling noise?You suddenly realize that nobody thought to shut the door to the master suite.>Alright, who's next?>Alright, who's ready to go where nobody's gone before?>Alright, we're doing this - who's got my pack and a magic circle?>Alright, ARE YOU FUCKERS READY TO GO?>WRITE IN
>>3169643>Alright, ARE YOU FUCKERS READY TO GO?
>>3169643> Alright, ARE YOU FUCKERS READY TO GO?> BRING ME THE ARMS OF MY OFFICE!These being spook-sword and shotgun.
>>3169643>Is there any way to make an anchor point like what was done to Kelly without the soul searing pain? Getting back might end up being just as hard without one?Kelly seems the prime candidate, it doubles as an oshit button if Kelly can reel us in while everyone else in the house gets ready incase we drag something with us,and ensures we don't do something dumb like Odysseus and get lost on the way back because we accidentally got too close to a celestial section of Olympus.
>>3169664If we end up on Olympus, I would laugh my ass off if Hera wound up saving us because we told Zeus to eat a dick.Alternatively, Dionysus might redeem himself for fucking with our heads by helping us Scooby-Doo our way out.
>>3169643Well, that really doesn't matter. You just hope Melon's still asleep. That's probably something she'd have problems with hearing.Everyone's probably pretty sure what sort of relationship you have with Liska, they're guests in your all-to-small house, and, god, you feel like a million dollars right now.You never really did that roll-over-and-go-to-sleep thing."Alright," you say, walking down the hall, managing to not trip over Madison this time, "ARE YOU FUCKERS READY TO GO?""Armed and ready!" Karen says, as you stride into the living room. There are a few magical girls with flushed faces who look suspiciously like they've run down a hallway in the past few seconds."As I'll ever be," Harriet says, still sitting on the couch....with a few more layers of kevlar, bandoliers, and holsters over her frilly uniform."Uh, hey," you hear a voice from behind you.You turn, and see Sue poking her head across the kitchen counter, and she barely gestures for you to come over.This seems vaguely dangerous, but you head over anyway."Look," Sue says, and takes a deep breath, "I think I'd be more useful here. It'd - I'd be with mo- I wasn't ever that close to Mary anyway.""And I'd kind of like to have the sword," she continues, "I can't... I can't fight a dragon or a demon lord without it. And if it comes down to the wire here...">I'll ask the sword>Pretty sure you could. So you're not going? This guy's coming with me.>I'm kind of proud of you - no running off to Hell, ya hear?>You were one of Mary's OG crew. You should probably come.>Why?>WRITE IN
>>3169680>Pretty sure you could. >I'm kind of proud of you - no running off to Hell, ya hear?i mean, i know we're totally incompetent with a sword, but maybe he'll be useful somehow
>>3169680>Sword you are too aid in the protection while I'm gone. No mind control however, I'll return.>hand sword too crazy lady
It's nearly 3AM here, so I should probably bail very soon.I hope I managed to keep disappointment to a minimum here.>>3169649>>3169676>>3169664>>3169675I'm registering these for a future update. Couldn't get to them within this most recent choice.>>3169664>we don't do something dumb like OdysseusSomeone got the fucking 'bed carved into an olive tree' reference!>>3169674>If we end up on Olympus, I would laugh my ass off if Hera wound up saving us because we told Zeus to eat a dick.>>Alternatively, Dionysus might redeem himself for fucking with our heads by helping us Scooby-Doo our way out.IIRC, most of the Greek gods are fairly favorably disposed toward the MC and he has a free ticket to the Elysian Fields if he does die.
>>3169688Supportin'>>3169694Thanks for the run handler
>>3169680>I'll ask the sword, and Jean, if it's okay for you to have it.Swords been kinda fucking with her lately.
>>3169756Damn, had a brainfart. I meant haiku
>>3169680Bring the sword with us
>>3169680>I'll ask the sword
>>3169680>>Pretty sure you could. So you're not going? This guy's coming with me.>>I'm kind of proud of you - no running off to Hell, ya hear?>>3169694>I hope I managed to keep disappointment to a minimum here.Didn't even bother to read those last posts with Liska when fade to back lost. I'm tired of dealing with her.
>>3169680>Pretty sure you could.>I'll ask the sword>I'm kind of proud of you - no running off to Hell, ya hear?
>>3169680"Pretty sure you can," you tell the magical girl, looking into those sparkling blue eyes.They're awfully deep."I'll ask him, though," you say, "alright, sword, you want to stay here?""SHE'S A BETTER WIELDER THAN YOU'D EVEN HOPE TO BE," rings through your head.When does the other shoe drop?"WHEN I THROW MY GETA IN YOUR FACE, LORD," resonates between your temples.She needs a break from you. She threw you into a wall because of that."WILL I EVER GET BACK TO HER IF YOU TAKE ME?" the sword asks, "I WANT TO STAY HERE, EVEN IF HUNG ON THE WALL.""Guessing you heard most of that," you say to the blue-haired magical girl."I think we both heard it," officer Jean Macleod says, leaning across the counter as she puts an arm over her daughter, and Sue tenses up visibly, "well, Sue," she says bending her head toward the magical girl, "want to hang him on the wall?""He won't do much good there," Sue tells her mother, "but it's not a bad place for him. I'm staying here," she says, looking at you, and the sword thrust through your belt, "you can make your own choice, sword," she finishes, looking at the museum piece in its scabbard."I'm kind of proud of you," you say, looking at daughter and mother in turn, "no running off to Hell now, ya hear?""I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO PICK HERE," you hear, and you're betting they do too. There's a bit of a pause before "I WILL STAY," reverberates inside your skull."Not sure I've got anywhere to really hang a sword, though," you say."TOSS ME ON TOP OF A BOOKSHELF," the sword says, "NO USE IN DISPLAYING ME. I'M A WEAPON, NOT A PAINTING."You're not really sure about this, but it seems everyone else involved is, so you set the sword, still in its scabbard, on the counter."Thanks," Sue says, before grabbing it and rushing around into the living room. Even on her tiptoes, she can't quite reach the top of the bookshelves, and ends up just chucking the sword up there."You trust her a lot," Jean whisper to you over the counter.You sigh, and say "I think it's merited."Then there's a noise from the hall, and you head off to get a look.
>>3171063A hall closet appears to have burst open, disgorging old board games, winter coats, a wizard, and a witch into a rather significant pile. Seems like you weren't the only one who had certain items on their pre-flight planning list."And I am taking it!" Alice says, filching a photograph from W's breast pocket in the scramble, "if you look at it out there, you're going to die!""That's just in the movies," W tells her, getting to his feet, and unconscious of the rubberneckers, "and I - want to remember you all," he finishes, making an ineffectual grab for the piece of paper."And I want you both to come back," Alice tells him, as she accepts his help getting up, while still keeping the photograph well out of his reach."I guarantee Rachel's coming back," W says, staring at his wife, "this isn't the dumbest thing I've done, and I have to do it.""This is what I get for marrying a wizard," Alice says, then pecks him on the cheek and whispers something in his ear."Not to interrupt, but how's the magic stuff going outside?" you ask."We're ready," W says, straightening his tie.Then Alice adjusts it.You really don't have any grounds to object here, given what the whole damn house probably just heard."Lead the way," you tell him, and turn out of the hallway."And someone get me my shotgun," you say to the world in general.By the time you're across the living room, someone's delivered it into your hands (and you're not sure if it was Shelby or Freebles).The next few minutes are a blur, with everyone going marshalling themselves into the circles painted across your back lawn, W finally coming out and yelling instructions at Kelly to complete the damn thing, a glimpse of the wiards holding his daughter's hand so tightly his knuckles went white, a rebellious look from Rachel at her father, and ->ROLL 1D10
Rolled 4 (1d10)>>3171074
Rolled 9 (1d10)>>3171074FINALLY
Rolled 9 (1d10)>>3171074
>>3171074"Are you really sure this is the incantation?" Kelly asks, looking up from what looks like a scrap of notebook paper at W."Can you even read Latin?" W asks him, his grip tightening on Rachel's hand to the point where she yanks it back, going frilly at the same time."Yeah," Kelly says, looking back at the piece of paper, "I'm a fuckin' wizard. So it's -"And then the man says something in a language dead and buried for a thousand years, as Harriet grabs your hand, and you see W fold his daughter into a crushing embrace.You reach out for Karen's wrist as you feel the spell mounting. It's tearing away at the world around you, but you manage to get your hand on her arm and then -It hits. It REALLY hits. This is probably what being run over with a tank feels like."I SAID IT WAS EXPERIMENTAL!" is the last coherent yell you hear before being swept into the roiling maelstrom of whatever the hell is happening here.You hear a lot more incoherent yells after that.Your fingers are digging into Karen's arm hard enough to leave marks, and you're surprised Harriet hasn't broken your wrist yet, as you're all swept along by some tide you can't describe into a realm you don't understand.This is what space travel must be like.Except instead of sitting on a bomb made of rocket fuel, and hoping you make it out of orbit, you're riding some goddamn explosion of magic through a place you can't really make any sense of.There's nothing to do but hold on tight. You turn your hand to grab Harriet's wrist just before the three of you slam into something invisible, and shatter through it.And then you hit a sand dune.It's merciful that you didn't bite it right there, but the very landscape seems like it would devour anything that stayed here too long. And you've never been a fan of the desert.You black out from the impact."Hey! Hey!" you hear, as someone tries slapping you back to consciousness, "get up! You made a hole in the Qliphoth - let's get out! Can you hear me?"It's... a dude with nearly-white hair.Seems like you missed Mary's new digs by a country mile.You look around, and realize you're still holding on to Harriet and Karen.>Excuse me, who the fuck are you?>Qliphoth?>Ignore him and make sure the girls are fine>I'm suing the airline about this>WRITE IN
>>3171218>>Excuse me, who the fuck are you?>>Make sure the girls are fine
>>3171218>Excuse me, who the fuck are you?>make sure the girls are fine
>>3171218>>I'm suing the airline about this>Excuse me, who the fuck are you?he's the most immediate threat(?), the girls can wait 10 seconds.
>>3171218"Excuse me, who the fuck are you?" you ask, then, without waiting for an answer, start checking vitals on Harriet and Karen.Luckily, they still have pulses."I'm..." the dude says while you're checking on the girls, "a very unlucky wizard," he finishes, helping you get the two into the recovery position, "how the hell did you get in here?""A couple of wizards who are going to be very unlucky when I get out," you say, as Harriet's eyes open."We aren't in Kansas anymore," she says, looking up behind you at - you turn your head - that should be a sky, but there's a hole smashed through it, showing a roiling void behind the clouds."God, I hate sand," Karen says, spitting on the dune next to her, "how fucked are we?""Unfucked," white-hair says, "let's get out of here before the Qliphoth repairs itself!">Can you do that?> We messed up our destination. But I have some magic leading to it.>Why are you here?>Did we overshoot and hit a fucking sphere?>Does our savior have a name?>WRITE IN
>>3171282>Did we overshoot and hit a fucking sphere?>Why are you here?
>>3171282>>Why are you here?>Did we overshoot and hit a fucking sphere?> We messed up our destination. But I have some magic leading to it.
>>3171282"Did we overshoot and hit a fucking sphere?" you ask, sounding as dazed as you can. You have no idea what this guy really is, and appearing clueless is probably a good idea."Close," white-hair says, as the girls start picking themselves up, "welcome to Gamchicoth - the Qliphoth barrier around Chesed, the fourth fucking sefirot on the tree. You broke the outer part of the barrier when you checked in to this Hotel California, and -""Why are you here?" Karen cuts in.Dammit, he might have given part of the game away!"I'm a very unlucky wizard," white-hair says, "some folks decided I needed to chill here. Not really sure about their definition of 'chill' - Gamchicoth's a devouring desert. Too damn hot for my taste."Yeah, you're pretty sure you wouldn't last more than a few days here."A wizard?" you ask. This guy doesn't quite strike you as the type."I'm not a seven-nation army," white-hair says, looking at you under lowered brows, "look, you fuckers know how magic works if you wound up here. Sounds like you got done as dirty as I did. We have one chance to get out through that hole in the Qliphoth, or we're all stuck here. You want in on getting out?">Depends on where the flight's headed>I have magic that could guide us. If you're a wizard, you should be able to pick up on it>Where would we be going? Another sphere?>Are you really a wizard? Because we came here as an accident. If you got put here, someone had a reason.>WRITE IN
>>3171377>>Depends on where the flight's headed>Where would we be going? Another sphere?
>>3171377>Depends on where the flight's headed>Where would we be going? Another sphere?
>>3171377>>I have magic that could guide us. If you're a wizard, you should be able to pick up on it
>>3171377>>Depends on where the flight's headed>>I have magic that could guide us. If you're a wizard, you should be able to pick up on it
>>3171377> See if he knows our wizards first.
>>3171377"Depends on where the flight's headed," you say."Threading the needle between Netzach and Yesod," he says, "my stop's between Malkuth and Yesod. Can't exactly let you all off halfway, but I might be able to send you wherever you're going after we get down there.""Between Malkuth and Yesod?" Harriet asks."I've got some unfinished business there," white-hair says, "I'll try to send you guys on before I finish it," and a hint of a predatory grin crosses his face, "goodwill for fracturing this Qliphoth, and all that.""We're actually headed for somewhere between Malkuth and Yesod," you say, "and I've got a magic tie that could help you home in on it. What if we go there first, then you jump for your destination?"White-hair stares at you for a bit, then says "you do have a few threads coming off you. Sure. I admit, I don't want to go in hot on those guys.""So you're a demon-contracting wizard?" Karen asks, having put a few things together."Yeah," white-hair says, and a frown crosses his face, "and some of my contractees decided they wanted me out here."You wonder if you'll ever meet a wizard who isn't terminally insane. And what the hell happened to W, Rachel, and James?"If we're doing this," white-hair says, "we have to do it now, before the hole closes," and he begins scuffing out a rather complicated-looking diagram in the sand, "we're going to your stop, grizzled wizard."Wait, does he mean you?Karen apparently finds that epithet damnably funny, and it even gets a giggle out of Harriet."Everyone hang on to me," white-hair says, finishing the circle, and walking toward you, "we're getting out of here."Two times in one night is far too many for the feeling you get after that group hug.The world dissolving, catapulting through space that isn't space, generally being ripped at by somewhere you should never be."IT WAS BETWEEN MALKUTH AND YESOD, RIGHT?" white-hair yells, "NOT THE THREADS TO MALKUTH?""YES!" you yell back, eyes tight shut against the assault on your senses."HANG THE FUCK ON - WE'RE MAKING A COURSE CORRECTION!" white-hair yells, and you open your eyes for a split second, still keeping a tight hold on Harriet and Karen.Those are wings. LOTS of wings, you realize before you all slam into something."THIS IS GONNA HURT!" you hear the self-proclaimed wizard yell.And you black out again. Maybe that's a common side effect of traveling between spheres?This time, you're awakened by a pointy white shoe poking you."Well, eldest brother," Mary says, "you certainly do know how to arrive in style.">I take it you're ok?>Did W, Rachel, and James make it here?>Check on Harriet, Karen, and white-hair>Hug her>WRITE IN
>>3171504>Hug her>Did W, Rachel, and James make it here?
>>3171504>>Hug her>WRITE IN>You don't call, you don't write...>I take it you're ok?>Did W, Rachel, and James make it here?That was suspiciously easy...
>>3171504>That was disturbingly easy.>Did everyone else make it here?> You doing...better? You didn't sound OK when you left and Harriet misses you.
>>3171504There's only one thing to do, even if you can't really feel your legs yet.You drag yourself off the floor and hug Mary."You don't call," you say, crushing her against you, "you don't write - I take it you're ok?""I'm fine, daaaaad," she deadpans, but she leans into you, "it's only been a few hours.""Felt like months," you say, "did W, Rachel, and James make it here?""Oh," you hear from above you, "I MADE it here!"And you look up to see...That's not just 'going frilly', that's going for broke.Rachel's barely wearing anything, and floating as if she doesn't have a care in the world."My first - disciple? Angel? Demigod?" Mary says, and pulls out of the hug, gesturing at Rachel, "I'm not sure what the term is. Glad they showed up - I was getting lonely."You start looking around, and realize that you're standing in what should be called a hall, if its pillars were supporting a roof. James and W are off to one side, and Karen and Harriet are standing around....There are what look suspiciously like tear stains on Mary's new garb.Seems like you were the last to get up this time.>That's a daring outfit, Rachel>What exactly are you a goddess of?>What happened to that white-haired guy?>I'm so glad you're fine - we thought you might have gotten eaten by monsters between the stars or something!>WRITE IN
>>3171564>>That's a daring outfit, Rachel>>What exactly are you a goddess of?>>Where the hell did white hair go?
>>3171564>I'm so glad you're fine - we thought you might have gotten eaten by monsters between the stars or something!>What exactly are you a goddess of?>What happened to that white-haired guy?>That's a daring outfit, Rachelask ALL the things!
>>3171564>That's a daring outfit, Rachel>What exactly are you a goddess of?>What happened to that white-haired guy?>I'm so glad you're fine - we thought you might have gotten eaten by monsters between the stars or something!
>>3171564>>I'm so glad you're fine - we thought you might have gotten eaten by monsters between the stars or something!>What exactly are you a goddess of?>That's a daring outfit, Rachel
>>3171564>>That's a daring outfit, Rachel>>What exactly are you a goddess of?>>What happened to that white-haired guy?>>I'm so glad you're fine - we thought you might have gotten eaten by monsters between the stars or something!
>>3171564>>That's a daring outfit, Rachel>>What exactly are you a goddess of?>>What happened to that white-haired guy?
>>3171564>Your dad AND mom are going to kill me because of that outfit when we get back.
>>3171564"Glad you're fine," you say, "we thought you might get eaten by horror between the stars or something!""W, James," Mary says, cocking her head at the wizards, "is that a real thing that happens to gods?""You're the expert," W mutters, rather pointedly not looking at Rachel, and it echoes across the space. That's odd, because not only isn't there a ceiling, there aren't any walls! The whole thing seems to be a small floating island in an endless blue sky.Then you look over your shoulder as James sighs, and see a shattered hole in the sky, exposing a space you can't comprehend.Must have been where you came in."...and in general," James finishes, "very scary bastards with too many mouths and tentacles in five dimensions that supposedly lurk between the stars and visit from time to time to eat gods. So that might be a thing. If the madmen who wrote about it were right.""So I need to scale up as fast as I can to be able to fight them off?" Mary asks, then looks back at you with an odd expression and says "thanks," before striding toward the wizards."What exactly are you a goddess of?" you ask her, and she pauses, then turn to you."I'm not sure," she says, then looks up at Rachel with a smug grin, "I'm wondering if it's fertility. Or lust. That's a rather daring outfit.""Hey!" Rachel says, "I didn't pick this! Can't you control what it looks like?""Only for my own stuff," Mary tells her, suddenly appearing back in her mafia-style trench."I'm pretty sure there's an inverse correlation between powerlevel and clothing coverage," James says, considering Rachel, "unless you're wearing a suit or a coat or-"W punches him. "She's my daughter!" the wizard yells, "stop ogling he-"Then James slams him with an uppercut."I still haven't forgiven you for leaving me to that curse, brother," he says, throwing a couple of fierce jabs, and then it's on.Everyone else seems content to just watch the two wizards pummeling each other. Are all the people you pull in going to have to settle some old score with someone else you recruited?It's rather ridiculous to see two wizards bare knuckle boxing and hurling invectives at each other in a newly born goddess' pocket dimension, with magical girls and whatever the hell Mary and Rachel are now shouting encouragement at them."You just might be a goddess of combat," you hear over your shoulder. A look back shows you that white-hair's on his feet again, as he grins and says, "humans never change.""I'm afraid I never thanked you for rescuing my friends," Mary says, "and 'humans'? I thought you were one.""I'm a man of wealth and taste," white-hair says, "oh, and they freed me. I owe several people here rather large favors.">Do you go by Morning Star, Lucifer, or Satan?>Collecting favors from supernaturals is my hobby>Can we get those wizards to break it up?>You're going to have to explain>You're really lucky you didn't go straight to Hell. Things are different there now>WRITE IN
>>3171694>>Do you go by Morning Star, Lucifer, or Satan?>>You're really lucky you didn't go straight to Hell. Things are different there now>Chad Narukami is Luciferholy shit
>>3171694>You're going to have to explain>Do you go by Morning Star, Lucifer, or Satan?what is happening?
>>3171694>So Demon, Fallen angel, or something else?>Do you go by Morning Star, Lucifer, or Satan?>You're really lucky you didn't go straight to Hell. Things are different there now>>3171703Plot twist he's actually big G God, and he's only acting as Luci because the real one is dead.
>>3171694>Collecting favors from supernaturals is my hobby>You're going to have to explain
>>3171694>Do you go by Morning Star, Lucifer, or Satan?>Collecting favors from supernaturals is my hobby>You're going to have to explain
>>3171703>>>Do you go by Morning Star, Lucifer, or Satan?>>>You're really lucky you didn't go straight to Hell. Things are different there nowI swear if we have to blow our favors from Lucifer in ensuring our sister doesn't get killed Ima be so pissed.
>>3171694>>You're really lucky you didn't go straight to Hell. Things are different there nowThough not actually. Ellie may hold a good chunk of it, but the rest is still in eternal feud with itself.
>>3171694>It's a thing that happens. Not sure how I keep on getting them so often. Mind explaining?>You stuck here, or able to head back if you wanted to? Turns out the rats are trying to make their own heaven which ends up crashing the spheres. That does some pretty bad stuff to earth and I'm pretty sure much worse to your new house. >A less immediate thing I wanted to ask is if you wanna basically become the Goddess of magical girls? There's some other stuff, but I'm just gonna enjoy the moment for now.
>>3171694"I take it you're a very new goddess?" white-hair asks Mary, "I'm sorry I can't give good advice on building a pantheon and running a religion. But good luck! Wish I'd been around for your ascension - must have been something to see. Not every day a human becomes a god.""So what are you?" she asks."I'm guessing demon, fallen angel, an actual angel, or something really stupid," you say."Oh come on," white-hair says, "didn't you listen to the Stones?"Wait.Wait.What the fuck?"Do you go by Morning Star, Lucifer, Satan or the Devil?" you ask, as Mary's jaw drops.Yeah, you've spent too much time around wizards and messing around with the occult side of the world. And far too much listening to old rock and roll.White-hair laughs."Call me Lucy," he says, "how long have I been down for the count? I think it's been at least a thousand years since my lieutenants tossed me out of Hell and imprisoned me up there, but I could be wrong.""When did that happen?" you ask, incredulously. Mary's jaw still hasn't recovered from its precipitous drop."I'm pretty sure Rome was still a republic," 'Lucy' says."Yeah," you say, still not really believing this, "it's been about two millenia. How the hell do you know the Stones then?""As above," Lucy says, "so below, and the reverse. I still got the reverberations from Malkuth. Mostly just pop culture - stuff everyone knows. Two thousand fucking years? I'm going to rip Gusion's spine out through his asshole."That's ridiculous, but, considering you're a walking yarnball of magic, you don't have much room to grouse."So," you say, as Mary recovers from her shock, "not just some stranded wizard who got sold out by his contracted demons?""Well," Lucy says, scratching the back of his head, "if I'd told you I was literally the devil, would you have helped me get out? And technically, I was betrayed by my contracted demons.""That's a fair point," you tell him, "but couldn't you have just bailed once we punched that hole?"Speaking of punches, you can hear Rachel cheering on her father, shrieking like a banshee."I needed several other entities present to cast that fuckery that launched us out," Lucy says, "the universe works on rules. And they'd set up some other bullshit that - you're not actually a wizard either, are you?""I'm a concerned father," you tell him, and Mary giggles behind you."And it's probably best you didn't go straight to Hell," you tell the number one fallen angel, "it's a huge power struggle.""As always," Lucy says with a sigh, "what the Hell are they up to now?">My sister might have gotten some vengeance for you already>Demons are playing chess with world politics>I killed Gusion last week>What do you know about magic rats?>WRITE IN
>>3171761>>My sister might have gotten some vengeance for you already>>Demons are playing chess with world politics>>Also, I killed Gusion last week. I *might* have his head somewhere, didn't really check.
>>3171761>I killed Gusion last week>What do you know about magic rats?
>>3171761>Demons are playing chess with world politics>My sister might have gotten some vengeance for you already>What do you know about magic rats?
>>3171761>>I killed Gusion last week. Didn't take his crown though.>WRITE IN>My sister might have shaken thing up down there more than usual. And she's not really the sharing type.If the rats were around during the roman era, that means there could have been roman MGs floating around.
>>3171761>Demons "secretly" run the world but most people wouldn't be surprised if they thought about it for a moment and they already half suspect it.> We killed Guiston a week or so ago?>My sister has probably killed almost all of the remaining lieutenants you want revenge on and should finish the rest of em off soon enough. I don't think she's going to want to give it back and she isn't originally from around there anyway.>The spheres are gonna collapse in a few weeks thanks to some magical ferrets making their own heaven, so hell is probably really low on your priorities list.
>>3171761I killed Gusion last week
>>3171761>I killed Gusion last week
>>3171761> ALL OF THE ABOVEAt this point, why the fuck not.
>>3171761"Secretly running world politics like a giant game of chess," you say, and Lucy groans."That's what fuckin' gods do," he says, "sounds like things have really gone to Hell while I was out. Those bastards are going to pay.""Sorry about the revenge thing," Mary chimes in, "but I killed Gusion last week. That was before I ascended.""Dammit," Lucy says, "I wanted to kill that asshole myself. What about Focalor?""My sister killed him," you say, "she's been murdering her way through the power structure of Hell. Might have gotten most of your revenge for you.""Ok," Lucy says, a new look in his eyes, "when did humans get this powerful? Is there some new god granting them power? Are the gods from my time actually still hanging out and getting off their asses to do that? I thought - that guy basically sewed them up. But my info isn't that great.""Have you heard about magic rats?" you ask."Uh," Lucy says, "magic whatnow?"Then you and Mary treat him to a short explanation of rats and magical girls."...and we're pretty sure they're gathering energy for something," you finish, "but we're not sure what. And they may be setting up a sphere crash.""That's a lot to take in," Lucy finally says, "I don't remember anything like that - other than nephilim and other halfbreeds. That contracts nonsense... What the Hell? What are my bloody idiots doing? If you're right, those furry bastards have been using humans to feed on demons by proxy, and they're going to shut down the fucking universe! Where'd fuckin' YVWH go?""No clue," you say, "I've only met half an angel. He wanted to come on this trip.""Best that you didn't let him," Lucy says, "he would have figured out what I was. Wait, half an angel? A nephilim?""No," you say, "a dude they sewed angel parts onto. I think.""FUUUUCK!" Lucy yells, loud enough to drown out the fistfight and the cheer squad, "FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!"You're surprise he isn't hammering his fists into the floor tiles."So the world's gone crazy," Lucy says, once he masters himself, "in every possible way that won't show up in the pop culture I managed to skim, there's some entirely new faction threatening the very structure of the universe (and eating demons), Hell's gone to Hell (by the way, I must meet this sister of yours one day), YVWH has apparently checked the fuck out, and I'm damnably weak after two millennia of solitary confinement.""Welcome to my life, Lucy," you say."Hey," James says from behind you, looking much the worse for wear, and supporting a half conscious W, "who's this guy?"Yeah, that scream would get an audience anywhere.>He managed to bail us out after that spell messed up>Lucifer>Lucy>Did you two really have to do that?>WRITE IN
>>3171841> Lucy> He managed to bail us out after that spell messed up
>>3171841>He managed to bail us out after that spell messed up>Lucy
>>3171841>>LucyA guy named lucy that we found up here should be a decent hint.there's gotta be a "I Love Lucy" joke in here somewhere...>He managed to bail us out after that spell messed upThe fighting is annoying, but not unexpected with this group.
>>3171841Turns out we freed Lucifer and he's thinks the current state of affairs I just filled him in on is pretty fucked.
I'm falling asleep at the keyboard again. Time to call it a night.Huh. I just introduced Satan/Lucifer/etc. as an actual character in this quest. Considering how much this quest has had to do with Hell, that was eventually going to happen. I think it makes sense that what's been seen from demons/Hell so far would only really occur in the sort of power vacuum erupting from Lucifer getting permanently exiled. This also explains why Harriet doesn't remember him from other loops - most timelines, he just sits out the end of the world.For what it's worth, the 1d10 roll was for which 'sphere'/sefirot/Qliphoth the spell would accidentally dump the MC into, thus the numbered chart on that post.Archive (for catching up on how we got into this fix): http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=ShotgunTwitter (for thread announcements and such): https://twitter.com/HaikuDeluge
>>3171841>Lucy>He managed to bail us out after that spell messed up(To Lucy)>We also have half a demon sewn up to a guy>Just in case, my sister is already taken.>I met Dionysus a few times, i guess he didn't change much.
>>3171915Thanks for the run haiku
>>3171841> He's a man of wealth and taste.Let the realization also come over them slowly. Then add> Also probably our ride back, maybe Mary's new consultant on how to be a right proper bitch of a Goddess to be able to fight off nameless horrors etc.Let's proactively deal with having another OP cast bloat before he moves into our basement while getting his stuff back together.While he helps out Mary, he can use her strengthened realm as a base to work out of for now since he's damnably weak.
>>3171841"Lucy," you tell him, than look back at the demon, "the wizard in the trenchcoat is James, the wizard in the red suit is W, and, do I need to make more introductions? Or did you meet them already?""I just got up, man," Satan says, putting his hand on your shoulder, "that flight really took it out of me. And I didn't have much to get taken out. Gamchicoth is rough living. Who are the girls?""I'm Mary," the pink-haired goddess says, "pleased to meet you. Welcome to my fuckin' world.""You've got a really inconvenient name," Lucy says, then grins, "although - how many people do you think are saying 'Hail Mary, full of grace' right now?""Wouldn't know," she says, "my folks weren't Catholic. And I'm pretty sure 'grace' is the last thing I'm full of.""Oh, you are going to skim that!" Lucy says, "unless - look, did YHWH actually check out? I've been wondering.""The seal of Solomon's still effective," James says, eyeing this new fool warily.If he hasn't put two and two together, you're a rabbit."Yeah," Lucy tells him, "that was fuckin' Solomon. There are rules to this world, and he figured them out. Why do think the bastard collected women who worshipped foreign gods? Because he was horny? No," Lucy says, "so he could figure out the common threads and how to bind anything. And probably also because they were hot or good political marriages. Trust me, I watched.""Who the fuck are you?" W says, groggily, as James looks like he's just swallowed a very bitter pill."Lucy," Mary tells him, then looks back at Lucy, "and I'll do the rest of the introductions. The redhead is Karen, and she's got a boyfriend who can fuck you up. The girl with the black hair who's not floating is Harriet, and if you touch her, you're dead. The chick in the stripper outfit who's floating," and you see W grimace, "is Rachel. She's a headcase who could kill you in orbit - no offense, Rachel.""I'm offended that you don't think I could kill anything out of orbit," Rachel says, and laughs."You remind me a little of Ishtar - or was it Ashtoreth?" Lucy says, after a fleeting glance at the floating girl, "well," he says to the world in general, "I'm pleased to meet you all. I'm Lucy.""Then where's Ricky Ricardo?" W asks, and gets a goddamn laugh from Satan, and a bare smile from James. Everyone else seems to be too young to get the joke."How the Hell should I know?" Lucy says."This guy got us out of some place I can't pronounce," you say, then fix James an W with your best dad glare, "when a certain spell dumped us out there.""I'm gonna have to work on that one," W says, "told you it was experimental.">Try to grab [WRITE IN(s)] for a solo or group conversation>Whisper "Lucy, how weak are you?">So are there rituals or sacrifices owed to the new goddess?>How do we get home?>Rachel, is your contract broken?>WRITE IN
>>3173493>>So are there rituals or sacrifices owed to the new goddess?>Rachel, is your contract broken?I kinda doubt is, as she's not stark raving mad, but maybe the disciple thing is helping there?>>How do we get home?>WRITE IN>Mary, we're here to bring you back. Is that what you want?
>>3173493>So are there rituals or sacrifices owed to the new goddess?>How do we get home?>Rachel, is your contract broken?
>>3173493>Whisper "Lucy, how weak are you?">So are there rituals or sacrifices owed to the new goddess?>Rachel, is your contract broken?
>>3173493>So Mary, can you head back to earth with us, or atleast give us a way to contact you? Lucy got any advice on the subject?
>>3173493>>So are there rituals or sacrifices owed to the new goddess?>>Rachel, is your contract broken?
>>3173493>So are there rituals or sacrifices owed to the new goddess?
>>3173493>Rachel, is your new contract even active anymore?>A few less important things than making sure you were ok. What do you think of basically becoming the goddess of magical girls? None of the girls i've asked so far are thrilled about Bernie's council push, but the parent in me wants at least somebody responsible that knows what the girls are getting into to have a say on if a contract is allowed. You and Ellie would probably make a good dualism setup.>Get Mary up to speed on what's happened since she left.>So if you've been stuck here for 200 years, then who was Old Scratch? Somebody's been posing as Lucy for a while down there.
>>3173493"Well," you say, "we're not dead, but I can't say the experiment was a success.""Some place you can't pronounce?" W asks, and you can almost see the gears behind his eyes turning, "Gamchicoth, you said?" he asks Lucy, "that's the Qliphoth around Chesed. Hey, James, I can stand on my own."W disentangles himself from the other wizard as Lucy says "I was marooned out there.""Next you'll be telling me there are crews sailing like pirates through the spheres," W says, "but that's not what happened here, is it?""Entertain me with your theory," Lucy tells him, then turn to Mary, "by the way, does a goddess' realm just not have chairs?""I don't think they come stock," Mary says, "should probably get some couches, but I'm not quite sure how these powers work."Lucy laughs. "Well, you're not as bad as some deities I've known," he says."If someone decided to 'maroon' you out there," W says, "you're probably dangerous as Hell. That takes some power and some knowhow I don't have.""Please allow me to introduce myself," Lucy tells him, with the sort of look a hawk would give a rabbit, "I'm a man of wealth and taste. Although I really wasn't around for the stuff in that song, I loved it. The Stones just really captured how humanity wants to blame some devil for all their own shortcomings," he says, seeming to grow a couple inches, "when it's mostly their own fault.""לוציפר?" W and James say, almost in chorus, then "שָׂטָן?"Lucy sighs. "People have called me that," he says, with the look of a man going through how he entirely deserved having his ex-wife take the kids over half a handle of vodka. Unfortunately, you've been in a couple of bars where that happened."What's puzzling us is the nature of this game," you say, "for instance," you call out at Mary, "are there rituals or sacrifices owed to the new goddess?"
>>3173789"I actually don't know, " Mary says, "I've been a goddess for like five hours, I have no idea what what I'm fucking doing here, or what I can do, or what metaphysically sustains me.""Did you," W yells, "feel anything when James and I were beating the shit out of each other?""Yeah," Mary says, "that was actually awesome. You've got a good fuckin' hook.""One more fucking combat and lust goddess. Why do humans put all those together?" Lucy mutters disappointedly, then turns and look you in the eye, "maybe because those are the fun ones," and winks."Rachel," you say, "is your contract broken?""Contra-oh shit," she says, "oh my god it's gone!" and she does a frenzied loop-de-loop through the air.You actually can't make sense of what she says before she slams into Mary, bearing the young goddess across the 'sky' in an intense hug."Is Ishtar still active?" Lucy asks."As far as I know," you say, "I've heard people talk about her.""Get me slaughtered goats and bulls and doves! And maybe just everything else?" Mary yells from high above you, "we'll figure out how this works!">Uhh...>Lucy, is this normal for gods?>Look, we need to go from Old Testament to New Testament really fucking fast>I'm beginning to think you're a goddess of magical girls>What about offerings of general affection and faith?>Have you heard about the debacle that happened on earth yet?>WRITE IN
>>3173799>>I'm beginning to think you're a goddess of magical girls>>Have you heard about the debacle that happened on earth yet?
>>3173799>Lucy, is this normal for gods?>Look, we need to go from Old Testament to New Testament really fucking fast>I'm beginning to think you're a goddess of magical girls
>>3173799>>Look, we need to go from Old Testament to New Testament really fucking fast>>I'm beginning to think you're a goddess of magical girls>>What about offerings of general affection and faith?>>Have you heard about the debacle that happened on earth yet?>>Well...this could very well solve our magical rat problem...atleast until their boss comes knocking wanting to know what's going on.
>>3173799>>Uhh...>What about offerings of general affection and faith?It's possible her 'type' isn't set yet. If so, sacrificing live animals would set a bad president.Old Testament I get, Fire and Brimstone. Not as clear on New Testament here.>"Contra-oh shit," she says, "oh my god it's gone!"A problem solved, and a problem caused. What's done to the MGs forces them to be sustained by the heartbeat energy, which is why breaking a contract is bad. As rachael hasn't gone sideways, that suggests it's been replaced, or the need has been removed. If the first, the issue has only been shifted, not solved. I trust Mary, but that's a lot of power over someone placed in her hands, and she's already showing some instability when given power. If the second, Mary just blew a fairly large amount of energy, meaning she has enough energy to do something the rat corp does sparingly, or she's cleaned out her reserves.
>>3173799>Why not just become Goddess of magical girls? That seems like the sort of position that's open and way easier to get faithful tributes from when we smack the rats in line.>Do you even like goats and doves? Doves are pigeons and pigeons are just rats with wings. I don't think Shelby is going to agree to making fried pigeon wings if he comes for a visit.>Bunch of stuff happened back on Earth and just about everything noticed you becoming a goddess.
>>3173799>Uhh...>Lucy, is this normal for gods?>What about offerings of general affection and faith?
>>3173885A real bad precedent since eventually some (probably Japanese) guys are going to get the idea to offer semen and I doubt she's going to be amused by the result if offerings get automatically delivered to her realm.
>>3173799The kids aren't alright.You're in a pocket dimension (or so the wizards call it) with a goddess, ACTUALLY FUCKING SATAN, a couple wizards, and a handful of magical girls, one of which is now a demigod or something in this new pantheon.This is farther out of your depth than than you'd be if something slammed you a mile deep into the ocean. But slightly less immediately deadly."I'm beginning to think you're probably a goddess of magical girls," you say, "sister. Not sure you'd really enjoy the supernatural taste of goats (satyrs, anyone?), and Karen, you cool with eating beef? Or Mary eating beef? And seriously, who eats doves?""YVWH," Lucy whispers from behind you, "turtledoves in particular. They are quite tasty.""A goddess of magical girls?" Mary asks, disengaging from Rachel, who decides to hover behind her, "hmm. But if the wizards get to experiment with this sort of thing, I should too.""Many gods with sacrifice rituals had their worshippers and priests eat the meat," Lucy deadpans from behind you, "as a communal meal between them and their deity, and I'm not sure exactly what you are, other than a goddess. The very smoke and crackling from the altar was what they enjoyed.""Sounds like barbecue," Harriet says, and one look at her is enough to figure out where those tear streaks on Mary's divine outfit came from."Ok," W says, "I read Crowley, I read Trismegistus, I read - god, what haven't I read?" he says, and looks around, "but barbecue? As a ritual? That's - actually it makes sense. The fleshooks and the - wow. Hey," he says, looking at you through two black eyes, "you're the Hierophant. You grill."It might just be because you're out here between Malkuth and Yesod. Between What Is, and what's on higher planes/spheres/bullshit. But you feel something, and Mary grins at you."I do like your grilling," she says, then looks you in the eye, "how much meat do you have, High Priest? Let's go back to the party.">'High Priest'? What?>Let's go back home. To - Malkuth. Everyone's got someone who wants to see them alive>W, brother, I might have to go a round with you for that one.>What did you just do, Mary?>WRITE IN
>>3174140>'High Priest'? What?>What did you just do, Mary?
>>3174140>>'High Priest'? What?>>What did you just do, Mary?>>Marry, your my sister, I love and respect you like one, but so help me if you just tied me even more into supernatural bullshit, then newly ascended goddess in her home plane or not, I will bend you over my knee and spank your ass until you remove whatever you just did.
>>3174140>What did you just do, Mary?>Let's go back home. To - Malkuth. Everyone's got someone who wants to see them alive
>>3174183Supporting. Lets go back home, debrief, maybe grab something to eat, and have a good night's sleep. We got what we came here for, lets figure out that worship stuff tomorrow.
>>3174140>>WRITE IN>No. Nope, you didn't do anything. You wouldn't change anything about me without asking first, right? Plus you'd have to answer to Liska if you did.>W, brother, I might have to go a round with you for that one.>Let's go back home. To - Malkuth. Everyone's got someone who wants to see them alive
>>3174140If this means I eventually have to fight Shelby in ritual combat for the right to use MY grill, then newly ascended goddess in her home plane or not, I will bend you over my knee and spank your ass until you remove whatever you just did.
>>3174140"W," James says, "you're an idiot. You've studied more than I have, and you labeled someone in the presence of a goddess who could make it stick?""Heard you were talking shit about my dad," you barely hear Rachel say as she abducts James into the sky."High Priest?" you ask, remembering what the Hierophant card is, as W yells at James, then looking at Mary, "what did you just do?""I'm really not sure," Mary says, "I've only been playing this game for a few hours, brother. I can't even get fucking couches in my goddamn pocket dimension," and she suddenly turns away from you to yell at Rachel "let the guy down! GENTLY!""Gods are a bit more tractable than I remember," Lucy whispers to you.Is this what having a devil on your shoulder is like?"Let's go back home," you yell, "to Malkuth! Everyone's got someone who wants to see them alive after this escapade.""I've got a lot of bastards who don't want me alive," Lucy mutters, "but it seems like they're not on your team.""I've gotten back out of worse than this," James says, wiping blood from his face."Yeah," Mary says, "look, I don't know how this all works.""Group hug, hang on to me, and we bail," Lucy says, "flare your power when we're out of the shell, I'll feed off it."That seems to be a decent argument for the wizards, so you go along with it."I've only got one jump in me," Lucy says - after the launch happens, "WHERE THE HELL ARE WE GOING?""WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" several people ask."I'VE GOT ONE THREAD, ANOTHER THREAD, AND A FUCKTON OF THREADS!" Lucy yells as the universe collapses in on you and you see wings with too many eyes, as you try hanging onto everyone."HAVEN'T DONE THIS IN A COUPLE THOUSAND YEARS!" the fallen angel screams.>One thread>Another thread>Fuckton of threads>WRITE IN
>>3174403>>Fuckton of threadsThis is probably our crew given how most of them were at our house.The singular threads are probably our wife's brother in Japan and....I'm not sure.
>>3174403>>Fuckton of threadsShould be the majority of the yarn ball.I'm waiting for the return of satan himself to Earth to trigger the return of God. Otherwise things are going to go south fast there. He's on a whole different power band to anyone we know.>>3174409>Other singleDid Ellie go back to Hell yet?
>>3174403>>Fuckton of threadsThat's our yarnball all in one place. Which probably means we'll drop in the middle of everyone.
>>3174403>Fuckton of threadsOkay
>>3174403>Fuckton of threads
>>3174429>Did Ellie go back to Hell yet?She hadn't when we left. She said she was going to wait abit to recover before going back to challenge that demon lord.Then again who knows how much time has passed while we fucked around between the spheres?
>>3174403Fuckton of threads.
>>3174457Ellie said 5 hours which isn't that bad of a timeframe for everyone panicking to rescuing her.
>>3174457Who's actually hooked into the yarnball? We know there's a least two levels, direct connection (did yakuza thing with) and indirect (related to us or related to a direct connection).Then of those, who isn't at the party?
>>3174565Supafly if you wanna go by the term brother's in arms.
>>3174403"FUCKTON OF THREADS!" you yell, and you can feel the eyes on those wings winking at you."ALRIGHT!" Lucy yells, "ANYONE WHO THINKS THEY CAN MAKE THEIR OWN RE-ENTRY - BAIL! ON MY COUNT!""FIVE! FOUR! THREE! TWO! ONE! ZERO!" he screams."YOU KNOW WHAT?" Mary yells, "I'M A FUCKIN' GODDESS!""SO YOU SHOULD HAVE BAILED!" Lucy yells at her."NO," Mary yells back, "I DO WHAT I WANT!""FINE! WE'RE IN MALKUTH AND WE'RE HITTING THE ATMOSPHERE OF EARTH IN THIRTY SECONDS!" Lucy yells.Then there's a shock, as if you'd slammed through a wall. You clutch on tighter to everyone you can reach."FUCKING SATELLITES!" Lucy screams, "WE'RE GOING IN UNDER ORBIT! THIS IS GONNA HURT!"...why is it always satellites?"ATMOSPHERE!" Lucy yells, and you slit your eyes open, then promptly scrunch them as tightly shut as you can. The bright light of the atmosphere burning around Satan is blinding. You just wish you were in a Mercury capsule or something, not clinging on to a bunch of supernatural teenagers and wizards and one fallen angel for dear life."ARE WE GOING TO MAKE A CRATER?" you ask."DON'T FUCKING TALK TO ME ABOUT MY FALL FROM HEAVEN!" Lucy yells, "WE ARE GOING TO DO HALF AN ORBIT AND BRAKE WITH THE ATMOSPHERE."You could swear you hear W say something like "going to get published" during the precipitous descent.Must be the all-too-strong wind.Half an orbit is apparently really fucking fast, when you enter earth's atmosphere at an angle. Maybe the earth's just spinning really fast all the time?"BRACE YOURSELVES!" Lucy yells, "AND HOLD THE FUCK ON!"You were already doing that."THIS IS GOING TO BE REALLY ROUGH!" Lucy yells, second before his wings flare.That impact hurts. The landing hurts more, as you're tossed across rocks before being grabbed by..."Tell me you're not a valkyrie," you manage to mutter at Rachel."You wish," she says, and flits away to the other victims of this stupid plan.You're not sure you can get up.But you can:>Call Liska, and tell her you're in the quarry>Call Superfly, and ask for some help in the quarry>Just pick yourself up and check on everyone else>Call Kelly and ask him to get another favor from his satellite guy.>Call Bernie and tell him that shooting star isn't a problem, and you have it under control.>WRITE IN
>>3174613>>Call Liska, and tell her you're in the quarry>>Call Kelly and ask him to get another favor from his satellite guy.>>Call Bernie and tell him that shooting star isn't a problem, and you have it under control.In that order.
>>3174613>>Call Bernie and tell him that shooting star isn't a problem, and you have it under control.I wouldn't be surprised if we almost caused a global thermonuclear war. Again. Berrie isn't going to be happy about our pilot though.Hmm, so if the multiple threads got us to earth, not somewhere on earth, them where do those other threads go?
>>3174630Seconding.Also>>Roll Call! Say your name if your not dead!
>>3174613>>Call Bernie and tell him that shooting star isn't a problem, and you have it under control.
>>3174613>Call Liska, and tell her you're in the quarry>Call Bernie and tell him that shooting star isn't a problem, and you have it under control.
>>3174613Damn, it's this place again.You look around, and see Mary and Rachel floating around, checking on people who are sitting up.And a smashed conflagration of wings half-buried in the quarry floor. He only had one jump left in him, huh?Luckily, your phone's still alive, somehow. You dial Liska."You're ok?" she asks, halfway through the first ring."I'm a bit under the weather," you say, "we got everyone back - crashlanded an awful play in the quarry outside town. Couple of the girls on the team are crying.""Were you the shooting star I wished on?" she asks."You married me - hope I was," you say, then realize all the people who could be listening in, "can you get the minivan over here, please? Bring everything we have for first aid, and - not so many people we fill up the seats. Softball's been rather unfortunate tonight.""Did the umpire grab a bat and go berserk?" Liska asks, not missing a beat."Didn't get quite that bad," you say, "we just need a pick-up."Then she hangs up on you, and you just hope she's good to drive.Then you dial Kelly."Good evening, Kelly Edwards," the guy answers in a perfectly level voice, "how can I help you get rid of your problems?""I've got a scoring issue with my girl's softball team," you say, "the sort of thing a ref could only see from the nosebleeds.""So they made a bad call?" Kelly says, "c'mon, I don't do that sort of tripe," and hangs up....he'll probably figure out what you meant.The last call is one you're really not looking forward to."Good evening," a draconic voice says, as it picks up, "is this about the meteor?""It's about the bullshit fireworks my daughter's team decided to pull tonight," you say, still laying on the ground, "I'm still half-deaf from them - they may have gone stratospheric.""Oh?" Bernie asks, "was that the shooting star I saw?""And the one everyone else saw, too," you say, "we have it under control," you say, "but someone might call it in," then hang up.Work might be odd tomorrow, but you've still got this all under control. Right?>Attempt, and fail, to lever yourself off the ground>Check on the girls>Check on 'Lucy'>Get up and just generally prowl around the area>WRITE IN
>>3174613>Call Liska, I'm back, Mary seems better than when she left,I didn't think landing on the way back would be so literal,Kelly's guy just had a heart attack, W accidentally made my barbecues an even more holy ritual, and some stuff that there's no way in hell I can say over the phone.>Call Supafly . Your demon bosses are about to terror shit themselves. Maybe you should lay low and hope Bernie can stall anyone from hitting nuclear launch codes.>Call Bernie Bernie, I'm sorry that I have to call you like this, but can you make sure that my landing didn't kickstart Ragnarok or the apocalypse without you? I'm sure neither of us want it to be caused by sheer dumb luck and idiots freaking out.Pretty lucky that none of those satellites were connected to phone networks.
>>3174839>Attempt, and fail, to lever yourself off the groundThen pull out our flask and have a drink
>>3174839>>Check on 'Lucy'>>Come on man. If the teenage magical girls can walk off that landing, and you can't, what kind of example are you setting for the younger generation? Also, my sister is a duchess of probably a third of hell, and you really don't want to be lying there helpless if she shows up.
>>3174839>>Attempt, and fail, to lever yourself off the ground>>Lie there for a bit and reflect on how much shit you're willing to put up with in the next few hours.>>Get up and check on 'Lucy'
>>3174839>Anyone happen to pack a beer? I think I deserve one right now.
>>3174839>>Attempt, and fail, to lever yourself off the ground
>>3174839You attempt to lever yourself off the ground....ok, that was a harder landing that you were built for. Although, considering that you managed to slam through earth's atmosphere in one piece, without a re-entry capsule, you still did pretty well.But there's someone you have to thank for that.Somehow, you get on all fours, then up, shakingly, onto two feet. It takes a bit.You lean against a rock wall and look around, catching your breath. The abandoned quarry is probably the best place 'Lucy' could have picked to land around here. Was he actually thinking about that during the descent?You stumble toward where you think you saw those wings.You're looking around, see the various magic girls recovering, and W's yelling at James about something awfully magical, as the other wizard mostly agrees, slumped against the quarry wall, and sometimes launches back arguments. Magic's not your thing. Like explosives, you know just enough to be dangerous, but not enough to be useful."Hey," you say, approaching the impact crater, "you doing ok?""To be honest," Lucy groans, "fuck no. I'm really close to dead. A kid with a stick could kill me. That was a stupid stunt.""Come on man," you say, approaching Lucifer, "the teenage magical girls are are walking that off. What kind example are you setting for the younger generation?""I just fucking crossed astral space, pulled a freefall re-entry through the atmosphere," Lucy says, still laying on the ground, "and hit a fuckin' target point on earth, with how many people on my back? RIGHT AFTER I SPENT TWO FUCKING MILLENIA IN A TRAP IN A QLIPHOTH CONSTANTLY EATING AWAY AT ME! AND NONE OF YOU DIED? I shielded the hell out of you all on that descent. Give me a goddamn medal, unless any of them would do that. I'd take a 'thank you', too. And help getting up.""Thanks," you say, reaching down a hand to help - Satan, Lucifer, the Mourning Star, out of his crash-landing crater, "sorry I can't give you a medal - I'm not that important.""It's the fuckin' thought that counts," Lucy says as you pull him out of the hole, "let me lean on you - I can't really walk. I'm," then he whispers, "burnt to the socket, much as I hate to say it.""If you feed on emotions," you say, walking away from the crater with the Devil leaning on your shoulder, "like some other demons I know, you'll be fine in a bit. We all run hot.""I'm not sure you understand exactly how big, or empty, my fuel tank is," Lucy says, almost a dead weight on you, "I'm down to the wire here. I probably would have died up there in a few years if you hadn't come by.">Then we might need to stage an emotional confrontation to get you jazzed>Then you really shouldn't meet my sister until you're better - she'd kill you>So I could just add 'The Man That Killed The Devil' to my titles?>Honestly, thanks for getting us all back. You seem like a decent guy>I'm pretty sure you're baiting me right now, and you could take my head off>WRITE IN
>>3175074>>Then we might need to stage an emotional confrontation to get you jazzed>>Then you really shouldn't meet my sister until you're better - she'd kill you>>Honestly, thanks for getting us all back. You seem like a decent guy>>I'm pretty sure you're baiting me right now, and you could take my head>>Well the local Police Chief and his legion are sworn to me. Think interacting with a bunch of violent criminals would help?
>>3175074>>I'm pretty sure you're baiting me right now, and you could take my head off>>But we might need to stage an emotional confrontation to get you jazzed>>Honestly, thanks for getting us all back. You seem like a decent guy
>>3175074>>So I could just add 'The Man That Killed The Devil' to my titles?>>Honestly, thanks for getting us all back. You seem like a decent guyWe've no particular reason to distrust him yet, but he goes by many names, including the Father of Lies. It might not be a bad thing he's running so low, nor should we be eager to get literal satan back to full strength. No reason to be a dick about it though, so don't be hard on him.
>>3175074>Then we might need to stage an emotional confrontation to get you jazzed
>>3175074>>So I could just add 'The Man That Killed The Devil' to my titles?Getting the devil himself up to full strength is a terrible idea, no matter how nice he's been so far.
>>3175074>Then you really shouldn't meet my sister until you're better - she'd kill you>Honestly, thanks for getting us all back. You seem like a decent guy>I'm pretty sure you're baiting me right now, and you could take my head off
>>3175074>What would happen if we all started chanting "the power of Christ compels you!"?>Bit of advice now that you're back. Don't try that apocalypse stuff. There's a long, involved ,drug fueled prophecy involving Jesus kicking your ass when you try it.
>>3175074> You know there's, like, 8.5 Billion people now? Did that come up? Also>>3175086Finally, since he's a sucker we should offer to swear brotherhood with him to protect him from our sister.
>>3175235>wanting to plug Satan hinself into the yarnball>when having a single demonically corrupted human (not even a full normal demon) plugged in causes instability in everyone one else plugged in
>>3175074>So I could just add 'The Man That Killed The Devil' to my titles?>Honestly, thanks for getting us all back. You seem like a decent guy>Then we might need to stage an emotional confrontation to get you jazzed
>>3175244> "I'm not sure you understand exactly how big, or empty, my fuel tank is,"He's harmless right now. In fact, he would probably suck the demon energy up and be able to manage that for us.Win-Win.
>>3175102It really depends upon what version of his nature is "canon." Much of his personality clearly gets distorted by fairy tales, impersonators, and fan fiction if he's really been locked up for 2000 years. Right now he seems like a guy that kept up the status quo. We'd be extremely stupid to trust him, but better the devil we roughly know than the devils that have fucked up human history pretty bad through the centuries.The real terror is that there are millions of Christians WILLING to repower Lucifer in order to bring about the apocalypse since they figure they aren't going to hell so fuck the rest of ya'll. .>>3175235He already owes us a favor. Not harming harassing, spindling, fucking, or anything else that we would not approve of to our sister was like the first one I thought of.
>>3175262In the short term, if we don't "jazz" him, yes. But it'll only get worse over time, and we've never tried to disconnect someone from the yarn ball.>>3175266This is less of a "better the devil you know" and more "you want a devil or not?">spoilerright...
>>3175266I'm far more worried about Sis going after him and messing things up for the world. >>3175276I mean, we could also always kill him. He IS the Devil. I wouldn't feel too bad about it.But it would help for quite a while I imagine if he was only feeding off the excess. We could lead him on, get an idea of how long it would take him to recover, then offer to swear brotherhood to protect him from getting ganked from any of the factions if it's a long enough time scale.
>>3175074"I'm pretty sure you're baiting me right now," you say, "and you could take my head off if you wanted to.""They do call me The Father Of Lies, don't they?" he says, then sighs, "boy who cried wolf - I couldn't make you trust me at gunpoint. I will say this, take it or leave it: I could probably rip your head off, but everyone else here would finish me off in a flash right after I did. I am on my last legs. Partially because of what I just pulled for you. What'd you think of Gamchicoth?""I wouldn't have made it three days," you say, "but I'm not good with deserts.""I guess I've been there for a couple thousand years," Lucy says, "even for an immortal piece of absolute bullshit, that wears you down. And then I burned enough power for two jumps. I think we're dead even now. Nah, you're still ahead. I would have died out there.""Honestly," you say, "thanks for getting us all back. You seem like a decent guy."Lucy laughs weakly."That is how I deceive people," he says, "you should have seen Adam's face when he figured it out! And you wouldn't believe me if I said I had reconsidered everything over a couple thousand years in time-out.""No," you tell the - Devil leaning on your shoulder, "not really.""I will say that this whole rat thing is bullshit," Lucy tells you, "nobody here would want a sphere crash, unless they were absolutely insane. That would end not only the universe, but everything up to Keter. And Keter too.""I'm not a wizard," you deadpan."It won't just kill our universe," Lucy says, "it'll kill the very concept of a universe here. Much as I hate the bastard, where the fuck did YHWH go? He should be styling on those bastards. מיכאל should be beating their heads in," he pauses, "unless you're the liar here.""Get thee behind me, Satan," you mutter."What?" the Devil asks, "that line has actual weight," he says, still on your shoulder and technically behind you. He seems slightly heavier."Oh fuck," Satan says, "that actually happened?""SOMEONE ACTUALLY TOOK MY NAME IN FUCKING VAIN TO BAIT YVWH? " Lucy asks, with as much strength as he seems to be able to muster, "I am going to slaughter my way through Hell to find that bastard, and make him regret being born, make him regret jumping ship with me, and make him regret fucking me over and impersonating me - FUUUUCK! Job was interesting. That shit - I'd be taking them out because they're garbage, even if they didn't insult and betray me!"This guy's kind of all over the place.
>>3175300"My sister's been slaughtering her way through Hell," you say, "you probably shouldn't meet her until you're ok. She'd wreck you too.""I'm not sure you can even understand how awful this is," Lucy says, still leaning on you for support, as the two of you walk back toward the others, "I raised my fist against YVWH, enticed the second woman, created Hell out of the void, tempted saints and argued in YVWH's throne room - and got exiled from my own fucking kingdom. Then YVWH staged a grand plan, some idiot pretending to be me failed to stop it, AND THEN YVWH CHECKED OUT? AND RATS ARE RUNNING AROUND? WHAT THE HELL? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? And I'm leaning on the shoulder of a human who says his sister could kill me - no offense. Also, thanks. I can't really stand on my own right now.""Some taken," you say.>'Second woman'?>I think I can hear the minivan>Can you feed on emotional conflict?>You know what sounds like fun? Letting you talk to a local preacher.>WRITE IN
>>3175304>>'Second woman'?Ok, I lost the thread here. What happened to him after this>"Get thee behind me, Satan," you mutter.For one, I'm not sure how you use the name of the Devil in vein. But none of the rest of that made any sense either.
>>3175304>>I think I can hear the minivanOh, Lilith is canon?
>>3175304>>Can you feed on emotional conflict?>>Because letting you talk to a local preacher sounds like fun right about now.
>>3175304>'Second woman'?>Can you feed on emotional conflict?
>>3175304>You know what sounds like fun? Letting you talk to a local preacher.
>>3175314>For one, I'm not sure how you use the name of the Devil in vein. But none of the rest of that made any sense either.Lucy's said he got betrayed and imprisoned back when Rome was a republic - before the temptation of Christ by the 'devil' would have happened. He's mad about one of the demons who betrayed him pulling a 'Grand Pirate Roberts' on YVWH (or his son/other personage of the trinity).And he's shocked that a line he'd thought was just repeat pop culture actually has metaphysical weight on him, confirming that this actually happened. Lucy actually knows much of the popular idea of history since he got fucked over, but he has no idea whether it's accurate. He doesn't know if the New Testament it real, or a fanfic a lot of people happen to believe in.Unless he's lying.>>3175314>>>'Second woman'?>Ok, I lost the thread here. What happened to him after this>>3175323>Oh, Lilith is canon?Seems like someone answered another person's question.
>>3175294If God didn't kill the devil for millennia of bullshit, (outside of him being an ultra disappointed father figure)then there's probably a good reason for us to not even try. >>3175304Adam was kind of a dick. It's probably a bit of a miracle that Eve didn't leave him too after he tried to pin all the blame on her to try and not get kicked out of Eden.>>3175323That's a pretty big thing if she is since she used god's secret name and was in such a rage at Adam for being a douchebag that she even made God scared of her.
>>3175304"Second woman?" you ask."Yeah, Eve," Lucy says, "you really aren't a wizard, are you?""I never claimed to be," you say, "if this is some earth-shattering revelation, get it over with before we're in earshot of W - he'll want to write another paper.""The first woman ran out on Adam because he was a prick," Lucy says, "the second should have too.""What?" you ask."You heard me," Lucy says, "just between fri- we're not friends, are we?""No.""Between men thrown together by circumstance," Lucy says, with a faraway look in his eyes, "I really wish I'd bagged Lilith.""If that's supposed to mean something to me," you say, "I need to adjust my receiver."Lucy clicks his tongue, then sighs."It shouldn't mean anything," he says, with a disastrous face."Can you feed on emotional conflict?" you ask."Not my own," Lucy says, "but yes. Are you about to have some with somebody else?""No," you say, "I hear my minivan."Then the damn thing rolls into the quarry. Liska barely stops it before Shirley's out. Through a window.Alice follows, once the damn thing's fully in park."Ahh," Lucy says, "I get it.""I'll be very honest," you say, watching Shirley sprint across the quarry, "I just want you to get enough to get back on your feet so I don't have to carry you.""You prepare a feast and tell me to eat like a slave?" Lucy says, "I'm just going to enjoy this. It's been too long."Then Shirley slams into Rachel at a full run, hugging her sister with at least the force of an NFL linebacker....and Rachel takes off, dragging her sister into the air, as W looks on with a slack jaw.You can't hear what they're saying to each other, but after a few seconds, Lucy is standing on his own.And after a few more, during which Alice manages to grab W, The Devil is practically glowing.You hope that means he's bleeding energy because he can't absorb it all, not that he's fully topped off.There are still some problems with that.>You guys want to pose for a family photo?>Head for whoever was driving the minivan - you're pretty sure it's Liska>Attempt shotgun decapitation on Lucy (roll 1d100)>Well, looks like you got your fix, Lucy>WRITE IN
>>3175412>You guys want to pose for a family photo?>Head for whoever was driving the minivan - you're pretty sure it's Liska
>>3175412>>Well, looks like you got your fix, Lucyshotgun is the terrible, attractive trap option.
>>3175347God got suckered by someone pretending to be the devil, apparently, or otherwise other demons can do his job.
>>3175412>>Head for whoever was driving the minivan - you're pretty sure it's Liska
Banging out.I really like the concept that Lucifer actually got 'marooned' by other demons. After all, he was the one that persuaded them to rebel against another power in the first place.Sorry about indulging in Christian/Rabbinical/Kabbalistic/Hermeticist mythos all over this thread. Honestly, the MC doesn't get it either. If you notice, virtually everything he says about it is just repeating what someone else has told him.Is Lucifer lying? Or not? Would anyone be sorry if he got killed?>>3175347>Adam was kind of a dick. It's probably a bit of a miracle that Eve didn't leave him too after he tried to pin all the blame on her to try and not get kicked out of Eden.This is always the weird part of the rabbinical stuff involving Lilith - why didn't God say "we've had two failures here, and Adam - you're the common denominator"? Admittedly, Christian canon doesn't include Lilith, so there's a little more room for interpretation, but "the woman you gave me" is still SUCH a damning line, and Adam's definitely not a great guy in any version.>That's a pretty big thing if she is since she used god's secret name and was in such a rage at Adam for being a douchebag that she even made God scared of her.Don't quote me on this, but the various supernatural creatures such as kitsune, faeries, dragons, etc. are probably Lilith's descendants in this cosmology. Even if that is the case, I doubt it'll ever be a plot point.
>>3175457Thanks for the run chief and god I missed this. Ironically enough the snek in the garden of eden and Lucifer are sometimes two different folks.
>>3175457I dunno how mainstream an interpretation it is, but I at least remember being taught that Adam got in trouble specifically (or at least more) for blaming everything on Eve than actually eating the apple. I'm not sure what level of irony it is that women kept on being blamed for everything afterwards.Kind of hilarious that Lilith snapping was "caused" by Adam refusing to let her ride him cowgirl.>>3175435Or God made do with what he had. I notice that God didn't kill the old Satan while the new one gets run through with the sword from the Garden of Eden by either Jesus or Gabriel.(Assuming Lucy doesn't do something dumb and actually try to make a prophecy about him getting fucked up become real) I don't think it not being Lucifer was really hidden either since even I knew that there were multiple Satans in the Bible.
>>3175412>You guys want to pose for a family photo?
>>3175460>Ironically enough the snek in the garden of eden and Lucifer are sometimes two different folks.Yeah, this is what makes surfing the vast body of canon, fanfictions, interpretations, and addendums to Abrahamic religions so fun.>>3175670>I at least remember being taught that Adam got in trouble specifically (or at least more) for blaming everything on Eve than actually eating the apple.I was raised with an interpretation the went the "he got in more trouble for blaming her, and it's his fault for not policing the garden / educating Eve to refute the snake / refuting the snake himself" route, but I've even heard interpretations saying that Adam only ate the fruit out of pity for Eve, so she wouldn't be alone in her sin.>Kind of hilarious that Lilith snapping was "caused" by Adam refusing to let her ride him cowgirl.The whole Lilith thing is absolutely crazy, and, to be honest, it really feels like a 'morality tale' someone made up as a parable about how male dominance is the right order of the universe. It's definitely an odd contrast with the MC in this quest, which is why I threw it in as a toss-off line.
>>3176462Didn't notice it till just now but the whole argument for male dominance in the tale falls to it's own internal logic short specifically because Lilith's belief that she was equal never got refuted. They could claim Eve was the kohai due to the whole rib thing, but once babies started popping out, any men and women afterward fall under the same logic of "we were both made from the same source. Ergo we are equal".I guess the lesson of the story is don't piss women off.If Liska really is descended from Lilitth that might explain why Adam was so against her taking charge. The missionary was just invented and she wants to start making him bleed and biting shoulders off? Even if he was immortal back then it must have been a bit scary.
>>3176543>Didn't notice it till just now but the whole argument for male dominance in the tale falls to it's own internal logic short specifically because Lilith's belief that she was equal never got refuted.Yeah, that's one of the things that has always puzzled me about that story and how it's interpreted. It's really very unfair to her - but maybe that's the point.>If Liska really is descended from Lilith that might explain why Adam was so against her taking charge.I'm not sure if I'm actually going to run with that, but it seems like a very convenient explanation for why there are native supernaturals on earth, without a direct connection to gods, angels, or demons.>The missionary was just invented and she wants to start making him bleed and biting shoulders off?I can say from experience that 'missionary' is the position where you're most likely to get your back and shoulders scratched up, and potentially get your shoulders or neck bitten if she's flexible enough and really into it. The Lilith story is pretty obviously about the metaphorical significance of the woman being on top, which is echoed in the curse on Eve.
>>3176669The Liska part was a joke.
>>3176686>The Liska part was a joke.And the fact that I'm talking about which sexual positions are most likely to leave marks isn't?
>>3176814That's just normal dude talk, bro!
>>3176849>normal dude talkSpeaking of which, that side of Liska's behavior is inspired by some girlfriends my various roommates had, and my own experience. While a couple things are cranked up to a supernatural level (nobody actually got part of their ear bitten off), I do know some folks (one of them might be me) who woke up in the morning with bloody backs, because someone had very sharp nails and got far too enthusiastic.Oh well. I gave up my chance at being a wizard, and I'm not sure it was worth it. But most of it was fun.
>>3175412"If you can stand on your own now," you tell the Devil himself, "I've got some business to attend to," and head for the minivan.A quick glance behind you shows Lucy basking like a snake in the sun....everyone's got their thing, don't they?As you turn back to the minivan, Liska's on you, and your ribs creak in that embrace."You're back!" she nearly yells at you, "none of the wizards got you killed?"She's like a dog jumping on you after opening the door. And you hug her, with about a tenth of the power she's hugging you with."Everyone made it back alive," you say, "we even picked up one more," then you whisper, "that white-haired guy is literally the Devil. With a capital 'D'. Also, someone talked Mary into thinking barbecue is a sacrament - she's definitely a goddess, and generally, this is all really screwy.""Who cares?" she whispers, nuzzling against your neck, as you hold her, "you're back."Well, it's better than the last few times you went to a different plane. Makes sense she'd be concerned."Glad you didn't know me when I was doing tours," you say, "you wouldn't have lasted.""No," Liska whispers, "probably not. And you smell different," Liska whispers, "did you go somewhere with incense or something? It's like a temple.""Someone said I was 'The Hierophant'," you whisper back, "and Mary stuck the title on me, like a fuckin' 'kick me' sign. Do I really smell?""I kind of like it," she says, "and my husband got another title? Aren't you going places?" she finishes, eyes dancing."Glad I managed to come back to this one," you tell her, and she smiles.Liska wheels away toward the minivan, but you're pretty sure you heard a soft "so am I."Might have just been the wind."Be useful!" she yells from in back of the van, tossing a first aid kit at you....and a second one.Luckily, you somehow catch both. Then Liska grins."How much patching up are they going to need?" she asks, as the two of you walk around a spar of rock toward the rest of the crew."The wizards are going to need most of it," you say, rounding the corner to see...Well, that's a rather jaw-dropping arrangement.Liska's starting to snap pictures before you can say anything else."I'd ask you to pose first," you say, looking at W and his family rather entangled, "but you already did.""Can you at least get one where we're smiling?" Rachel says, as she floats behind them, half hanging on to her sister."3, 2, 1, CHEESE!" Liska says. And snaps another couple of photos.>Let's triage and get back in the van. I want to go home tonight.>Oh, let's do a full set of the folks who went on this adventure>Where'd everyone else get off to?>Well, Lucy, hope you got your fix>WRITE IN
>>3177584>Let's triage and get back in the van. I want to go home tonight.Iv got work in the day time fml
>>3177584>>Where'd everyone else get off to?
>>3177584>Let's triage and get back in the van. I want to go home tonight.Something tells me Lucy's gonna top up real fast around this absolute madhouse.
>>3177584>>Oh, let's do a full set of the folks who went on this adventure>>Where'd everyone else get off to?>>So Lucy, did I call you being able to juice up around my family, or what?
>>3177584"Let's triage and get in the van," you say, "I want to go home tonight, and I don't want to be around if someone comes to investigate a meteor crash.""One more picture," Liska says, then yells at W's family, "all of you get into frame!"You can see Mary, Harriet, and Karen scurry out of the camera's field of view.Seems like they're fine.You walk over to James, who's managed to stand, if only because he's supporting himself against the quarry wall."That's cute," he says, gesturing at the photo op, "but," he continues, dropping his voice to a whisper, "we need to ice that guy NOW. I don't care how friendly he seems - that's actually the Devil himself, and he's going to gain power off - Hell, even this conversation. I would really prefer to not be 'that wizard who accidentally brought Lucifer back'. People have given me enough names over the years, but that'd be the worst.""Injuries?" you ask."I'm fine," James says, "everyone else is, too. He did a ridiculously good job on that," then he whispers again, "he slammed us into Malkuth, got us through earth's atmosphere, he's walking it off, and he's only going to get more powerful! I don't care what The Father Of Lies told you - he's a threat.">Let's ice him. [ROLL 1D100]>He could have just let us die on that descent. Let's give him the benefit of the doubt>James, we're knee-deep in something more bullshit than you've ever seen before, and if we can get one more ally, I'm all for that>You think he's going to power up fast enough that he can beat Ellie and the maelstrom of monsters we have back at the house?>WRITE IN
>>3177747>>Let's ice him. [ROLL 1D100]This is the trap option. It's clearly the trap option. Obviously. But he's also not wrong, and the longer we wait the harder it's going to get.
>>3177747>WRITE INGod didn't Ice him the infinite opportunities hes had, and what makes you think that would be the actual right call here.
>>3177747>He could have just let us die on that descent. Let's give him the benefit of the doubt
>>3177747>If god didn't ice him, I'm not going too. That simple. Let him go, Besides his not our pantheon thing and this is on me. Not you
>>3177747He was glowing after Rachel and Shirley reunited. It's way too late by now and if God didn't ice him to begin with, there's probably some reason behind it we don't want to find out firsthand. If he's not trying to trick me with his reaction to finding out that "get thee behind me, Satan" works everyone is better off remembering to thank Jesus.
>>3177747>He survived the atmosphere, i doubt we could ice him without nuking a continent.>Big G probably didn't kill him for a reason.
>>3177747James, we're knee-deep in something more bullshit than you've ever seen before, and if we can get one more ally, I'm all for that.We got biger shit to deal with right now.Hell he might wven make stuff better
>>3177747"I'm a threat," you tell the wizard, then draw your brows down, "you're a threat, Mr. 'sew a demon onto a dude' - we're all threats. How many people do you think Bernie's eaten? He bankrolled that one crusade that sacked Constantinople, by his own admission. Ellie destroyed a city! My wife and in laws have been killing people since before your and my great-grandparents were born. I do TAX WORK for a serial supernatural rapist, for crying out loud! If God didn't ice Lucifer, and he had a lot of opportunities, let's not try it ourselves. Besides," you say, "if this shit's getting as screwy as I think, we absolutely need someone who has some idea about how the metaphysical universe came to be.""Wait," James says, spewing smoke from his mouth, "did Bernie actually do the Fourth Crusade?""He said he did," you tell the wizard, "I'd bet you have laundered money from Venice in your account.""That would make sense," he sighs, "fine. He didn't let us die," then his voice drops to a whisper, and he leans in close enough that you can feel his stubble scratch your cheek, "but I don't trust this bastard, and if I put two fingers on my collar, I'm about to go on him, unless I get a really good reason not to.""Well, brother," you whisper, "let's hope we never have to go there. He did that re-entry, so we'd probably have to take out a continent to kill him.""You don't know how magic works," James mutters, "fine. Let's add one more sociopath to the roster.""This is on my head," you tell him as he draws back, "not yours.""The Normal Who Broke Satan Out?" he says, and laughs, "has a nice ring to it.""I don't need any more titles tonight," you say, grinning at the smoking wizard."Who's driving?" you hear someone yell from over your shoulder. Seems like the photoshoot finished up.Eventually, everyone's in the minivan, if a bit scrunched.Liska's at the wheel - you still don't feel good to drive. Lucy's in the cargo area, in blatant defiance of every traffic safety regulation, but he can take it. Even after those confrontations, he seems - weak, compared to all the supernatural folks you know.>Well, let's hope we don't run into the fuzz>Let's play [WRITE IN] on the stereo>Lucy, you are going to have to play it real cool around my sister>Alright, we've got ten minutes, two wizards, a goddess, and the Mourning Star! Get your heads together!>WRITE IN
>>3177904>Let's play [WRITE IN] on the stereoQueen Bohemian Rhapsody
>>3177904>Lucy, you are going to have to play it real cool around my sister>Alright, we've got ten minutes, two wizards, a goddess, and the Mourning Star! Get your heads together!
>>3177904>Let's play Bat out of Hell on the stereoIm crashing out, thanks for running.
>>3177904>>Lucy, you are going to have to play it real cool around my sister
>>3177919Or queen dont stop me now
>>3177904You turn on the radio."Is this just fantasy?" the speakers warble."Is this how it actually sounds?" Lucy yells from the back."Yeah," Karen slings at him, "it's Bohemian Rhapsody. Whaddya mean 'actually sounds'?""Holy shit," Lucy says, "the echoes were nothing like this.""Wait," W says, leaning back over his seat, "it sounded different up there? How'd you even hear it in the first place?""Mama!" Lucy sings, ignoring him, "just killed a -"Suddenly half the van is singing. You included. The song itself probably isn't magic, but it's definitely magical, in a mundane way.Lucy's not a bad singer, and pretty enthusiastic about it it all."So who's A and who's B?" he asks during the first solo."Everyone just pick a part," Mary says."I see a little -" Lucy starts with a couple of other people.Of course you picked B.And you hit a couple of mean "WE WILL NOT LET YOU GO!"s in there. At least people distributed themselves well between the parts."SO YOU THINK YOU CAN LOVE ME AND LEAVE ME TO DI~E? OH BABY!" Lucy sings out from the back, with probably more fervor than merited.Eventually, you're left with a haunting chorus of "any way the wind blows..." and the station's DJ comes on.Liska turns him down."That was pretty incredible," she says."I'm an angel - or I was one," Lucy tells her, "we're built to sing.""I was talking to my husband," Liska says, and Lucy laughs, "and everyone in general.""Can I," he says, "I think the phrase is 'crash at your place'?" he asks."If we have room," you say, as the first bombastic chords of Bat Out Of Hell play in a muffled way out of the van's speakers, "you might have to sleep on the floor. We've got sleeping bags. And you're going to have to play it real cool around my daughter and my sister."Liska glances at you. Oh, it's Meatloaf, isn't it? That guy might as well be a third in your relationship - his music certainly is. You wink at her."Sure, I'd prefer not to die tonight," Lucy says, "what's this song?"Liska gets a truly evil grin on her face, and cranks the volume, just as "LIKE A BAT OUT OF HELL I'LL BE GONE WHEN THE MORNING CALLS!" rips from the speakers.This one doesn't get a singalong. From anyone but you and Liska. Well, everyone knows Bohemian Rhapsody. Some people don't appreciate the lesser-known classics.The song gets you back to your house.>Where you find a positively irate dragon standing on your driveway. Bernie's quite unhappy tonight>Where you find Reynold and Rosemary just leaving through the front door>Where you find most of the crew waiting on the doorstep>Where you find - your house. God knows what you'll find inside>WRITE IN
Curses. An update before I could suggest Ode to joy or Die Irae to tempt fate!
>>3178158>Where you find - your house. God knows what you'll find inside
>>3178158>Where you find - your house. God knows what you'll find insideMystery box!
>>3178158>>Where you find a positively irate dragon standing on your driveway. Bernie's quite unhappy tonightLet's see how close we came to ending the world this time!
>>3178158>>Where you find most of the crew waiting on the doorstep
>>3178158>You notice that your backyard has some weird holy aura centered around your grill
>>3178158Where you find Reynold and Rosemary just leaving through the front door
>>3178158Where you find your house. It's still standing, you can't see any smoke, and Fred's house is still carpeted in vines.Liska parks in the driveway, and shuts off the car."Thought I was gonna go deaf," W mutters, as he steps out onto the pavement.Some people just don't appreciate the classics. Or the volume they should be played at."So this is suburbia?" Lucy asks, clambering over the back seat after its occupants get out themselves."Yeah," Liska tells him, turning around in her seat, "what's your story?""Marooned in Gamchicoth," he says, "got some reverberations from down here in Malkuth, but I just sort of know it - I haven't gotten to experience it."He steps out of the car, stretches, and takes a deep breath, then slowly exhales, as you whisper to Liska "did you get that?""Not really," she says, climbing out, "sounds like a wizard thing.""Love this place," Lucy says, to nobody in particular, "it's good to be back!"Well, what's the worst thing that could be waiting behind the door?That question answers itself as most of the 'home team' pile out of your front door, led by Sue, Madison, and Ellie."You're back!" Sue yells, running to hug Mary."Looks like you managed to not die," Madison says, looking at James, "need a light?"A wisp of flame flickers from her fingertip, and the wizard lights one more cigarette off it."Thanks," he tells her, "wasn't much fun being out there without my lighter."Ellie leans against the wall of your house."So who's the hot guy?" she asks....If the expressions on Rick's face is anything to go by, he has a pretty good idea. You've seen some dropped jaws in your time, and some slack ones, but Rick's jaw is in the running for first place. He gets it under control pretty fast, but he probably has an idea who's standing on your driveway.Fuck, he said he was part of the crew that bailed from Heaven, didn't he?>Let Lucy answer>Let's get inside before the neighbors think we're practicing for a play again>You know how I am - just picked another person up>I have some really hungry people here who want me to grill>WRITE IN
>>3178275>Let's get inside before the neighbors think we're practicing for a play again
>>3178275>>Let Lucy answer>>Let's get inside before the neighbors think we're practicing for a play again
>>3178275Let's get inside before the neighbors think we're practicing for a play again
Did Bohemian rhapsody at least sound like the Muppet version to Satan?
>>3178275"The new hot guy, I mean - we've got way too many of them," Ellie says. Fortunately, she has her back turned to Rick, who's really having trouble controlling his face, "white-hair.""They, uh," Lucy, says, rubbing the back of his head, "kind of rescued me along the way. I'd messed up some magic and got stranded out in the spheres. I'm Lucy, and you're?""Ellie," she says, "Duchess of Hell something like six times over? I lost count. My butler'd know. You always did pick up friends in the weirdest ways," Ellie tells you with a smile, as Rick looks like he's about to go into conniptions behind her."It seems like your brother's not the only exceptional one in the family," Lucy says, "and a sextuple duchess? How the Hell did you manage that?" he asks."Killed a bunch of demons," Ellie states flatly."I'd kind of like the story," Lucy says, "sounds like it'd be interesting.""And I'd like us all to get inside before I have to tell the neighbors we're practicing for a play again," you tell the small crowd.At least that gets people moving.A few of them probably remember that night you fobbed Fred off with that excuse while the projector was showing the Fisherman's Wife's Dream on your garage door. The last thing you want is a repeat.After getting inside, the next order of business is obviously...>Figuring out if the government mole is still here>Briefing Kelly on who just walked in the door before he does something dumb>Making sure Ellie doesn't figure out who this guy is>Pulling Ellie aside and mentioning that this guy's a high-ranked demon, and you'd like it if she didn't kill him>Making a sacrifice to M- grilling for some hungry folks>WRITE IN
>>3178362>Making a sacrifice to M- grilling for some hungry folks
>>3178362>>Briefing Kelly on who just walked in the door before he does something dumb>>Making sure Ellie doesn't figure out who this guy isShe will fight him if she figures it out, and the result will be writing off the city.Sacrificing to Mary is silly, as we don't actually want the position.
>>3178380But the people are hungry, We'd be a shitty guest if we didn't feed them.
>>3178380But we also ain't giving up the grill and Shelby isn't allowed to have another #1 girl besides Melon unless she's his mother.
>>3178362>Making sure Ellie doesn't figure out who this guy is>>3178381Do we know how long we were gone, or even what time of day it is? It only took look five or so posts, and we just finished a massive party. Let's not immediately start another one.
>>3178362>Briefing Kelly on who just walked in the door before he does something dumb>Have Freebles do a quick checkup on Mary and Rachel
I'm going to go to bed before 2AM tonight.So, I'm out.Questions, comments, death threats, etc. always appreciated.Twitter (for the next runtime): https://twitter.com/HaikuDelugeI'm incredibly amused by the fact that Rick, who claimed to be an OG fallen angel who followed Lucifer out of Heaven in the old days, recognized Lucy and is just freaking out while Ellie talks down to the Prince of Darkness without knowing who he is.I guess this means that Lucifer's favored appearance has been a white-haired pretty boy for a long time? Actually, now that I think about it, every white-haired character in this quest has been either angelic or demonic, and all the blondes have been some degree of supernatural. I'm not counting the MC, because he was only blonde when he was younger, and has grey hair now.>>3178163That could have been hilarious.>>3178319>Did Bohemian rhapsody at least sound like the Muppet version to Satan?Maybe. Something between that and just reading the lyrics in text form. He hasn't heard the song before, even if he 'knows' it, but he can sing like an angel. Because he is one, albeit a fallen one.
>>3178394>every white-haired character in this quest has been either angelic or demonicI fucked up. Madison is apparently the exception to that rule.
>>3178394For Lucy it makes sense as he was the Morningstar which have off bright white light.
>>3178430She burninates like one doesn’t she? Angels are of light and fire, she could be a Nephilim.
>>3178394Thank you for sharing that Bader story. What an old codger. Decades after the war, he saw some Germans at a fighter pilot reunion and quipped "my God, I had no idea we left so many of you bastards alive".
>>3178362>>Briefing Kelly on who just walked in the door before he does something dumb>>Making a sacrifice to M- grilling for some hungry folks
>>3178362>Briefing Kelly on who just walked in the door before he does something dumb.>While making a sacrifice to M- grilling for some hungry folks.>Fob off the Ellie responsibility on someone else.
>>3178362> WRITE INLet everyone know that Lucy is Lucifer. Rick's gonna give it away anyways, and I'd rather have Ellie murder him than the other way around.Second of all, call Bernie and let him know about the satellites so he can smooth stuff over. Tell him it's a literal "act of God" but we won't tell the insurers if he doesn't.Get Rick to help weigh in on how to handle Lucifer.
>>3178362>>Making sure Ellie doesn't figure out who this guy is
>>3178382Or a daughter. And we aren't hoping for grandkids just yet.>>3178362>Briefing Kelly before all Hell accidentally breaks loose.>Get Ellie and Lucy (mostly Lucy but Ellie is gonna figure something is up if we're hyper-focused on him as the threat) to swear in the name of Jesus(Yeshua) to not fight, harm, or plot against each other for at least a few decades. >Convince Lucy that Armageddon isn't all it's cracked up to be and he dies at the end>Point out that Satanism is a thing, so he could play at trying to prove he's better at being a god than YHWH instead of taking over his old prison yard.
>>3178843> to swear in the name of Jesus(Yeshua) Odd choice.
>>3178865If get thee behind me Satan works, then binding his promise to Jesus in some wizardly way means he would get divine backlash if he broke the promise. That's the idea anyway.
>>3178843Derp. I forgot to point out that the bottom three options were me just floating ideas and hoping one of them is good enough for other anons to try and use.
>>3178394I feel like this might be useful, considering Ellie's character, if you ignore the maid costume
>>3178885Satan also broke his Faith with the Big G once already, when he was full on Old Testament.Now you want to swear by his hippy faggot son who bottomed 12 dudes and the whole human race?Pretty sure swearing bonds of brotherhood with multiple Demons also puts us squarely in the "probably not a good idea to draw the attention of the Heavens.
>>3180089He broke his faith with big G and got taken out so hard he became the first to go to hell.Jesus is actually willing to kill him (via the giant flame sword from the Garden of Eden) unlike YWVH, is prophesied to kill him,and literally loots all of the souls from hell as a drop. Jesus is perfectly capable of throwing down when he gets tired of your shit.But for real though, the backlash could harm him just enough to be stomped by Ellie while he's stunned. It doesn't have to work perfectly. It just has to be a bad idea to break the stalemate.
>>3180103Nigga did you just describe starting the Apocalypse?Think that one through.
>>3180173I described things Lucy DOESNT want to start because spoiler alerts tell him he loses ultra hard.
>>3180480I mean.Assuming that he isn't willing to suicide if it means destroying Gods creation. . . . After all, it could crash the spheres.Can we just not drag God and all his dickishness into this? Remember how well we got along with the Angel breed?The devil is bound by contracts anyways, and we are a CPA with three wizards and a dragon, not to mention our Fox bros and Ellies butler.I think we could hash out something simple and reliable, short of bringing Jesus into it.
We should be going later today.This conversation is incredibly entertaining, but I feel like I shouldn't weigh in on most parts of it. Except for the fact that - well, nevermind.>>3178453Madison's a magical girl - it seems like she got rather literal firepower as her thing, like Mary got the bow, Sue got the swords, Melon got the guns, and Karen got the spears. Harriet just got THE SUFFERING. Now, as for why Madison and her brother are both naturally white-haired...We've seen at least one other magical girl who was possibly actually supernatural to begin with. So I can't rule your idea out, although natural albinism is a real thing.>>3179725>considering Ellie's characterHonestly, that's the reason I picked that character for Ellie's image sources. There's such a broad range of art out there of everything from relative innocence to absolute succubus chic, although I, along with you, doubt that Ellie would ever wear a maid fetish outfit - willingly.
>>3178362There's something you absolutely have to get through the tide of bodies for. You keep an eye out for an assassin as you come in through the door.Dining room.Oh, a good covering position, nice. You walk to Kelly, and slap a hand down on his shoulder."We just rescued Lucifer," you whisper in his ear, "he's the other white-haired guy. Seems alright - for now. If James and I put two fingers on our collar, or one of us does and the other doesn't have hands...""Got it," Kelly whisper to you, "and it sounds like the entire East Coast is complaining about their DirectTV going out."A commercial satellite? That sounds like more of a headache than some others."We aren't Kessler Syndrome yet," Kelly whispers, "they think it's a meteor, and that mole ain't out.""Keep things quiet until I say something," you whisper to him."Fucking hope you know what you're doing," Kelly whispers, then says, "so you found Mary?""No thanks to that incantation," you tell him."Yeah, W wrote that," Kelly snaps back."I want the high priest, and sacrifices!" you hear from behind you. Well, that's Mary."Grab W or James to fill you in," you whisper, as the two of you saunter into the living room together, "this has gotten insane.""I'll take beef, pork, tuna, goat, lamb, veal, or - I've actually never had mutton," Mary says, looking at you, "but I'm super hungry.""Not sure what I've got left to throw on the grill," you tell her, looking around the living room. Rosemary's face is probably the best study in absolute fear you can see. Well, if she's Fae, the gods she lived with were...Lucy's listening intently to Ellie's story about conquering through Hell. Hopefully that won't go badly.But in the end, you have hungry people to feed, and probably more meat.>Ellie, want to grill with me?>I want Shelby, if he's not gone already - he knows what we've got left>Freebles, get back on my shoulder - it's time to grill>(whisper) Liska, make sure that - doesn't explode.>WRITE IN
>>3180933>>Freebles, get back on my shoulder - it's time to grill
>>3180933>Freebles, get back on my shoulder - it's time to grill
>>3180933>>I want Shelby, if he's not gone already - he knows what we've got left>>Freebles, get back on my shoulder - it's time to grillIf Mary's become a goddess of magical girls but requires bbq as an offering, does that also make her a goddess of dad's?
>>3180933"Hey, bro," you say, "get-"You can't finish before you've got a ferret perching on your shoulder."Never thought you'd bit it out - wherever you went," the ferret says, brushing against your hair, "are we building an army?""Against my better wishes," you mutter, then say, "but now it's time to grill."Alright, you think walking into the kitchen, what did Shelby leave you with?...nothing on the counters, everyone's already eaten that. Do magic powers just feed on raw calories?It's the fridge, then.Oh. The best was saved for last.You do things to it. Hit it, sprinkle spices on it, hit it again, flip it and repeat.Then carry it to the grill on a platter. Freebles helps open the sliding door.Well, at least Shelby choked the grill so the coals didn't burn themselves out. But it's going to take a bit for it to get it back up to what you want for this.>Then Mary decides to come watch>Then you go lean against the smoker's wall with Rick>Then you dial Shelby and ask where he is>Then you brief Freebles>WRITE INI actually have my folder for this as "Magical Gril Dad Quest". Huh. I think it was a typo.
>>3181011>Then Mary decides to come watch
>>3181011>>Then Mary decides to come watch>>Then you brief Freebles
>>3181011>Then you brief Freebles before suddenly MARY decides to come watch
>>3181011>Then Mary decides to come watch>Then you brief FreeblesAlso:> typo> what is 'Freudian Slip' for 400 Alex?
>>3181011>>Then Mary decides to come watch
>>3181011Well, waiting is part of grilling. You're glad the kid choked the grill - he know what he's doing, at least with food.Then the back door slides open, and Mary walks out, with Rachel floating behind her."It's going to be a while," you say."I want to watch it all," Mary says, as Shirley follows them, "I don't think I got any earlier - I'm still hungry. And if I did and forgot - this is the first time you're doing it as my high priest - uh, Hierophant?, right?""I'm your host," you say, "and you're my guest. Of course I'll feed you. There's nothing different here than the other times you came over."There's something you can't quite feel, but you're sure it's there. Like monsters in the shadows when you were a kid. But these 'monsters' are whispering things like 'the charcoal is good now', and 'add more salt'."Want me to scatter blood on the altar?" you say, drawing from fragmentary lessons about certain deities."Nah," Mary says, "don't really like how that tastes - just grill like you do."You check the grill again. The coals are hot again, and you chuck the steaks on the grill.As you're putting the last one on, you hear, "more salt," in your ear and almost jump.Then you look around. Nobody else heard that.Right?And nobody's even close to you. It's like a ghost whispered to you.>Rachel or Shirley, get your father>Someone get Sue and that sword she's holding>Pretend nothing is happening and scatter a bit more salt>I want everyone who pretends to know how magic works out here RIGHT NOW>WRITE IN
>>3181116>>Rachel or Shirley, get your father
>>3181116>>add the salt>>I want everyone who pretends to know how magic works out here RIGHT NOW
>>3181116>Pretend nothing is happening and scatter a bit more salt
>>3181116>>I want everyone who pretends to know how magic works out here RIGHT NOW>>Mary I do not appreciate whatever being your High Priest did thats causing me to hear voices when I grill.
>>3180718Father of lies. No contract with him actually works unless he thinks it will screw you over.The good news is he probably prefers you to hang yourself, so not doing anything stupid is generally helpful.I really just want to find a way to use that favor as quickly as possible too. The longer it's up in the air the more likely he's going to plot to get rid of it which is never something you want from the devil. I'm hoping to try and steer things to either him "curing" Ellie without any negative side effects like death extreme weakness, or simply him not killing (or worse) to Ellie if he does fight over rulership of hell with her and he wins.>>3181116Mary, please stop haunting my grill, it seems to be demanding me to cook everything to what I'm guessing is the exact specifications of what your perfect meal is.> And add a bit more salt.>Wanna be one of the people magical girls have to get approval from if they get a new contract? Having a bit of trouble finding people without worrying ulterior motives. Parents would almost never say yes to a contract unless they were insane,Supafly is controlled by the government, Bernie is Bernie. A great boss but he can just outlive almost anyone that's wary of him. Butler is a scheming grand Vizier. Somehow Ellie is the safest option on the theoretical table right now. I'm also kind of afraid everyone's gonna try and become warlords eventually if we leave it up to girls that have been around long enough. I have a horrible idea. Make Lucy a client.I have a properly dadish idea.Probably a good idea to get Mary setup with an account too?>Call Bernie and ask if we can setup an account for Mary when we come back into work?
>>3181116>>Someone get Sue and that sword she's holding>Do not add more salt, Ignore the voices.
>>3181116>>add the salt>>I want everyone who pretends to know how magic works out here RIGHT NOW>>Mary I do not appreciate whatever being your High Priest did thats causing me to hear voices when I grill.
>>3181412apologies, forgot to de-namefag
>>3181116You add more salt. It seemed like a good idea to you - nevermind any voices. You're probably better at this than the ghosts. If that's what they are."Those smell damn good," Mary says, walking toward the grill."They should," you say, "whether or not they're an offering. They're food. And that's a very different ballgame from whatever you pulled me in on.""It is funny," Mary says, "that you're my 'eldest brother', and also my 'high priest', because some idiot tricked me into it! I can't exactly force you to start a religion, although I'd really like that."No, that's not a good idea. You just can't see anything with a goddess this - you know what? Dionysus is a god, and he's even worse! Still, probably not the greatest idea.Particularly with these voices around."By the way, are you haunting my grill?" you ask her. This 'starting a religion' thing sounds like an awfully bad idea."Not intentionally," Mary says, "wait, haunting?""With the spirits of guys who died choking on the smoke of their own barbecue pit or something?" you ask, "I'm really not sure. There are a few telling me how to compound spices, too. And promising me the Secret Rub and the Secret Sauce if I just let them take over my body for a bit. Promise you, this has never happened before."Mary looks you deep in the eyes and says "I think we need the wizards, and maybe a priest.""Thought you didn't like those guys," you say."Then," Mary tells you, leaning forward, "I was a magical girl. Now, I am a goddess. And if they want to take me, they can try.""Before we turn this into a madhouse," you say, "I should tell you that we've been trying to find a good form to restructure magical girl contracts into.""I fucking BROKE Rachel's," Mary whispers, "I could break then all. If I had the power, Eldest Priest. Tell me those steaks are done and this bullshit actually works, because I'm really hungry. And, much as I hate to say it, we probably really need anyone who gets magic. I just DO it. I don't understand it."You open the grill. "They need a bit on the other side," you say, "but I can get you wizards.">ANYONE WHO EVEN PRETENDS TO KNOW MAGIC, GET OUT HERE!>Let's get our home team wizards in on this>Continue cooking - something will happen>So you're thinking there steaks will get you power?>WRITE IN
>>3181441>>ANYONE WHO EVEN PRETENDS TO KNOW MAGIC, GET OUT HERE!>>Continue cooking - something will happen>>And what happens when the Rats find out all these contracts broke at once and send someone to investigate?
>>3181441>>Continue cooking - something will happenIgnore the religious overtones creeping into the grilling thing.We already had more than one drawn out conversation about the MG contracts; unless Mary can replace or modify them such that they don't need the heartbeat, nothing has changed there. If she can do that, she's operating in the same power band as the rat's themselves, and it doesn't matter what we do.
>>3181441>Continue cooking - something will happen>So you're thinking there steaks will get you power?
>>3181441Continue cooking - something will happen
>>3181441You continue 'cooking'. Grilling is the art of understanding when you can just step back."Can you gift wrap them for me?" Mary asks, winking."Obviously not," you say, "you think I could get enough gift wrap for W? And Kelly'd put a 30-30 or .45 through my head if I tried. Still not sure exactly what he's packing. Might just be a hailstorm of 9mm.""I'm going to pretend that I didn't get any of that," Mary says with a smirk, "where are the wizards?""Inside," you say, "like you saw - along with most of the other people I care about in this world. And some that aren't usually in this one," you say, flipping open the grill's lid....You expected a comeback.The you look at Mary, who staggers a couple of times before -And you manage to catch her before she falls."Didn't think they were right," she mutters in your arms, "but that's incredible. Can I get one of those?">Can I resign?>Tell me there's no vow of celibacy, and this isn't binding - and you get one>This had better not have messed up my grill forever>WIZARDS! I need WIZARDS and ANY OTHER MOTHERFUCKER WHO THINKS THEY KNOW MAGIC!>Yeah, sure. We really need to have that 'High' Priest talk later. Weed wasn't even my thing>WRITE IN
>>3181572>WIZARDS! I need WIZARDS and ANY OTHER MOTHERFUCKER WHO THINKS THEY KNOW MAGIC!What the fug
>>3181572>>WIZARDS! I need WIZARDS and ANY OTHER MOTHERFUCKER WHO THINKS THEY KNOW MAGIC!
>>3181572>Tell me there's no vow of celibacy, and this isn't binding - and you get one>Yeah, sure. We really need to have that 'High' Priest talk later. Weed wasn't even my thing
>>3181572>>Tell me there's no vow of celibacy, and this isn't binding - and you get one>>WIZARDS! I need WIZARDS and ANY OTHER MOTHERFUCKER WHO THINKS THEY KNOW MAGIC!
>>3181572Unlike you guys, i'm not going to summon Lucifer.>Wizards and Gals, gather up!(precedents are important. We don't want either of us to be stuck grilling for one.)
>>3181572>This had better not have messed up my grill forever
>>3181572"First," you say, "I NEED WIZARDS!" you yell at the the house, "AND ANYONE WHO EVEN CLAIMS TO KNOW MAGIC!"At least Shirley slides open the back door before Rachel tries slamming through it."You ok?" you ask the goddess."I wouldn't know what that feels like," Mary says, very weakly, "never been ok. It's just - no one woman should have all this power. And now I do - FROM THE FUCKING SMOKE FROM YOUR GRILL! BECAUSE SOME IDIOT BAITED ME INTO IT!""Well at least you're not the goddess of Earth and Altar," Rosemary says, and when did she slip out back? "look, if you want to die, because you shouldn't have that power, I'll do it.""I'd really like to not die," Mary says, "I'm not sure you could take me, but I would probably wreck the whole place in the process. And what are you?""I'd prefer not to say," Rosemary tells her, "and neither of us wreck this place. Agreed?""Only say yes if you're completely on board," you mutter, "that might bind you.""Neither of us die and this plot of ground and everyone on it is completely unharm-" Mary starts."PHYSICALLY UNHARMED!" you yell, before she can do something stupid, "TONIGHT!"And you take the steaks off the grill. They're rare, but that's the BEST way to do them."Neither of us die and this plot of ground and everyone on it, and on all neighboring parcels, is physically unharmed by our actions tonight," Mary tells her, then smiles at you, "am I getting the hang of this?" she asks you."Yes," Rosemary says, then looks at you, "but there are a lot of other bargains in place. I agree, though.""I gave you a good bargain," you say, "just get out of town with your boyfriend. We won't chase you.""Lots of other people will," Rosemary says."Then throw in with us!" Mary tells her, "come on, you're something special. We're doing something crazy! We cow dragons! We cow demons! Get on the express train to never having to bow to anyone again! Except maybe me. And... well, maybe... - but that guy's not important!"You're tempted to laugh as people pour out of your house.On your orders.You're probably the least powerful person here.>What's going on with Mary?>What's going on with me?>Tell Reynold what his girlfriend is and hope every dogpiles her before you die>Mary, want a steak? (this will be considered as an add-on to other options)>WRITE IN
>>3181783>>What's going on with Mary?>>What's going on with me?>>Mary, want a steak? (this will be considered as an add-on to other options)Pretty sure Reynold knows she's something, but he's gonna have to figure that out himself.
>>3181783>>What's going on with Mary?>>What's going on with me?>>Mary, want a steak? (this will be considered as an add-on to other options)
>>3181783>What's going on with Mary?>What's going on with me?>Mary, want a steak? (this will be considered as an add-on to other options)
>>3181783>Mary is haunting my grill. Please tell me it's not going to be stuck with the same recipe for the rest of my life. >Mary doing ok? Opening the grill made her start to fall over from the power surge. I'm a little worried about bright lights the moment she/we start eating.>Mary, your pick on what steak you want.>Liska, honey, Mating season didn't end while I was away by chance? I don't want her to miss out if she thinks she can handle herself for this.>Call Supafly. If your chopper is secretly really close I've got a bunch of holy steaks. Mary seems to be settling on being a goddess of magical girls. But be absolutely sure to not let Ace say a damn word about the latest guest before all hell literally breaks loose and worse. (the more people participate the stronger she gets probably)>Mary, got anything to say to start the feast? It's your night. or day. I have absolutely no idea what time it is.It's kind of amusing just how much stuff has gone down with Melon not knowing a damn thing about it a few doors away.
>>3181783"I guess I'm the authority here," Kelly says, over the throng, one hand poised to quickdraw."Mary," you say, "want a steak?"You take one for yourself before anyone else does.It's better than a drink, but that's probably what you need right now."An offering?" she says, "don't mind if I do," and she slides it onto a plate."You know very well it's not," you tell her, then you see the goddess glowing."Ok," you yell, "what the hell's going on with the two of us? And just in general?""She's a goddess," someone says, "and you're her High Priest. That's how this works."That has to be Lucy. You can't see W or James anywhere. And it's not Kelly's voice.And then you see The Devil looking up at you from the crowd."Please tell me your priests don't have to be celibate," you mutter at Mary as she chews on your steak."nrly," she manages to get out out around a mouthful of your meat.The meat you grilled.Not any other sort of meat."Not really," she says, after swallowing, "that had better not be my ritual."Ok, this is one time in your life you want wizards to come in. To tell you what the FUCK is going on. And you don't count Kelly as a real wizard."Hey," Lucy says, gesturing at Mary, "you had a name - I forgot it. But you are doing the cult rites of eating with your people. Like that guy we don't mention, the Greek fuckers, and a few other folks. What's the phrase? Mad respect?">Gotta stop you there - nobody else has eaten those steaks>No offense, Kelly, but where are my more academic and less fuck-shit-up wizards?>That's the phrase, Lucy.>I am going to FIND W and JAMES AND BRING THEM HERE!>WRITE IN
>>3181882>>Gotta stop you there - nobody else has eaten those steaks>>I am going to FIND W and JAMES AND BRING THEM HERE!>inb4 we walk in on W having "glad you're alive" sex with Alice and/or on James being cuddled by Madison who totally wasn't worried about him.
>>3181882>No offense, Kelly, but where are my more academic and less fuck-shit-up wizards?You know thinking about it, We could now snap our magical girls to Mary sense she is a goddess could't we?
>>3181882>Gotta stop you there - nobody else has eaten those steaks>No offense, Kelly, but where are my more academic and less fuck-shit-up wizards?What happen
>>3181899I was personally thinking she smacks humility into any magical girl that does something stupid like trying to take over the world to initiate a thousand year Reich. Depowers em and>>3181882>I think we should feed everyone else too. Eating mostly by yourself seems like it would get lonely pretty quickly. No offense Kelly, but mind dragging the guy that got me into this out here before we make rituals that are too rigid. If he's gonna be writing a book he should be watching what's going on anyway. I am gonna need you to teach Harriet some magic but we can talk about the reasons later.I wonder how the firm determines that godly faith currency value. It would be pretty useful to get a powerlevel on that scouter.>Mary, Were you going for something solemn and full of grace or did you want dancing? I wouldn't mind some transubstantiation of water into wine for the first round, but let's not accidentally resummon or reenact anything Dio would like. He showed up after you jetted out and it turns out he thinks all parties should end with everyone dead from partying too hard.Maybe storytelling? Each year/meeting people could try to talk about the awesome stuff that happened since the last one.Think Mary is the unaging type of god or is she going to at least get into her 20s before she stops growing?
>>3181971Wait, But would't a Thousand year Reich work out well for us if its for the betterment of magical beings?
>>3181882"Nobody else ate those," you tell Lucy, and push through the crowd, "everything's on my head.""Even mine?" he asks."Hell no," you say, sliding open your back door, "you provoked the original Sin.""Tell me you don't love it," he says, "what, you want to be a robot?"Then you go inside. There's no good rejoinder."I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU'RE DOING!" you yell, "RIGHT NOW. I REALLY NEED WIZARDS!"...No dice."WIZARDS, ASSEMBLE!"Still no dice."WE NEED TO GO SAVE THE WORLD!" you yell.At this point, there really aren't any more dice.Then a very black fox pokes his head around the the corner, then waves his paw at everywhere someone could be, and shakes his head.>Look, Haru, you're a fucking wizard. Want to get in?>Great, you just let me know where they are. I'M GETTING THEM!>Retire to outside and realize you have no real wizards for this very wizardly shenanigan>Salute Haru for protecting Melon, then leave>Feed everyone outside the meat, like some fertility cult>WRITE IN
>>3182011>Salute Haru for protecting Melon, then leave>Feed everyone outside the meat, like some fertility cult
>>3182011>Look, Haru, you're a fucking wizard. Want to get in?Part of me wants us to somehow involve our neighbor who is totaly not an angel to this totaly not a sacrament.
>>3182011>Salute Haru for protecting Melon, then leave>Feed everyone outside the meat, like some fertility cult>thisisfine.jpg
>>3182006You know exactly what is implied by a Reich. It's one thing if it was a semi benevolent dictator like Modern England or an actually benevolent utopia it would be cool. It's another thing if they're founding best Korea.>>3182011>You remember anything important from when your mom became a goddess that we should or shouldn't do? It's Mary's first sacrificial offerings.>Lucy, If you promise not to start Armageddon , ill let you have a steak. Spoiler alert: you die at the end of it anyway.
>>3182011>>Retire to outside and realize you have no real wizards for this very wizardly shenanigan>>Salute Haru for protecting Melon, then leave
I'm out for tonight. Trying to get to reasonable sleep cycle.Keep voting and commenting,Questions, comments, death threats, etc. always accepted, sometimes responded to.Twitter for next runtimes: https://twitter.com/HaikuDelugeArchive for "how in the cocking fuck did we wind up here?": http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=ShotgunI sometimes feel like I'm manhandling the votes, although I think it's often just trying to meld certain combinations together. Not sure I'm doing a good job - let me know!>>3181895Someone made the guesses.There are are lots of people happy to see that stunt in the spheres come back without anyone dying. Liska is not the only one.
>>3182044>Nervous laughter>>3182060I'm enjoying it rather well. Just so much to talk about and so little time!
>>3181208> Father of lies. No contract with him actually works unless he thinks it will screw you over.Actually he scrupulously keeps his word. Devil went down to Georgia? The hook is that making a deal with the Devil damns your soul regardless, so honestly he has you the moment you agree whether or not he follows through.Luckily, we appear to have afterlife options.Also that's apparently been another devil, since he's been out of the game since when he was simply trapped in hell prior, so he's not the one screwing people over.But like with "Get the behind me Satan" I'm sure the contract thing applies.
>>3182011> WRITE INSend a pulse of urgency through the web.I'm sure Mary's energy won't affect it and make the wizards realize that we are still messing around with a possible magical nuke. Like how Ellie affected us with her Hellblaze aura.
>>3182011>You remember anything important from when your mom became a goddess that we should or shouldn't do? It's Mary's first sacrificial offerings.>Feed everyone outside the meat, like some fertility cult
>>3182011>>Retire to outside and realize you have no real wizards for this very wizardly shenaniganDo not feed anyone else, that's likely to make this worse.>>3182060I sometimes feel like I'm manhandling the votes, although I think it's often just trying to meld certain combinations together. Not sure I'm doing a good job - let me know!I've given up on anything coherent happening, as most of the options aren't mutually exclusive, meaning most of the time everything happens anyway. Or when they are "mutually exclusive" they just happen in sequence instead of actually preventing each other.I do enjoy your writing otherwise though, otherwise I wouldn't be here.>>3182113Have we ever been able to use the yarnball for anything deliberately?
>>3182011>Retire to outside and realize you have no real wizards for this very wizardly shenaniganPlease don't feed to rest of them. Rememeber the talk we had about avoiding putting too much power in anyone's hands, how for instance remaking the MG contracts via someone else only shifted who could screw them over? Making everyone a follower of Mary leads to the same issue. We should be discouraging worshiping her, especially as she's not showing herself to be stable with this influx of power.
>>3182481This idea is less "use" and more "fuck with".But we've used it to flare power before, so it should at least get their attention.> QM finishes "Liska in heat" arc, makes everyone else too horny to be even vaguely responsible after bringing Satan and a Goddess back Alternatively we could just send Liska after them after telling her something might be wrong with us. I'm sure she could convince the Wizards that they have a responsibility to thoroughly check it out in case we get accidentally Persephone'd.
>>3182485There will plenty of other magical girls ascending to godhood in the epilogue if Rachel didn't already get that. We're really just establishing Mary as the head of a pantheon while trying to make sure she maintains sanity. Ellie and everyone else should be roughly acting as a safety net on that front. The important thing is her maintaining her sense of ego so that it doesn't get fractured and require an intermediary to communicate. Or she learns how to possess people and start them speaking in tongues?I kid, I kid. We want her to be lucid if she does any avatar nonsense in the future.>>3182611Pretty sure everyone should be feeling Mary's power surges through the yarnball. If that isn't making them get up then we should let them be.As a side note. Asherah used to be the wife of God and Asherah is generally linked with Ishtar. I did a quick glance on google to fact check what I was remembering, and what I'm getting from this is Rachel just became Mary's metaphorical daughter.
>>3182011>>Retire to outside and realize you have no real wizards for this very wizardly shenaniganDon't feed anyone. There's nothing to gain and a high risk of something going wrong.
>>3183008The food would get cold. We can't give Mary a bad offering. I think we might just have to change the ritual up to us generally checking up on how well Mary is doing and her festival can start afterwards?I mean, we can't exactly demand that they start worshiping her. That would be a dick move and set a bad precedent to encourage magical girl warlord fanatics to spread the holy word of Mary.
What was that Shrine Maiden's name again? I want to call her for advise on the whole "priest" thing.
>>3183480smart move, anon
>>3183480The one that drunkenly fucked her way into forcing the head of the foxes to marry her?
>>3183461>The food would get cold. We can't give Mary a bad offering.
>>3183501We aren't savages that serve cold steaks.
>>3183529Ooh. New way to bully goddesses and gods. Well done steaks, with Ketchup.
>>3182060On a scale of 1 to Flambe, how jelly are other gods gonna be that Mary has a LORD OF THE GRILL as her heirophant?I wonder if we can bribe other Gods to support her in exchange for cookout invitations.
>>3184256You sicken me.
>>3184256I like my steaks medium, and yet you're still the monster here.
>>3184548Well imagine how all those gods who just got raw animals burned up will feel when they start getting proper steak.Or grilled corn for Agricultural Goddesses.BBQ Shrimp for Sea Goddesses.Moose Burgers for Goddesses of the Hunt.Wanna make Mary popular with her new social circle? I think I have a plan.Hey, I bet those voices are shameless mooching Gods.
>>3182754>As a side note. Asherah used to be the wife of God and Asherah is generally linked with Ishtar. I did a quick glance on google to fact check what I was remembering, and what I'm getting from this is Rachel just became Mary's metaphorical daughter.So Mesopotamian theology is pretty nuts, and has a track record of being redacted over and over as different city-states became dominant and the pantheon was re-ordered so their gods were on top (Egypt did a similar thing - that's how we got Amun-Ra, as a conflation of Amun, the main deity of Thebes, and Ra, the big sun god). There's an interestingly murky thing about whether An, Enlil, or Marduk was top god during various periods in the fertile crescent. (Baal and Astarte/Ashtoreth, also conflated with Ishtar (possibly because the Hebrews used Ashtoreth as a catch-all for pagan fertility goddesses), are deities from further west, and Tammuz, one of the lovers of Ishtar, is also conflated with Baal in the region, particularly in their rites, which are nearly genderswapped versions of Hades and Persephone as a just-so story for why winter happens, and strangely akin to the Amaterasu legends of Japan.) By most accounts, Ishtar is a very contradictory goddess, combining both fertility/harvest/love/lust and war/death aspects (although Ereshkigal is the main death goddess of the Sumerian traditions, akin to Hel in the Norse ones), with some strained family relationships (Ishtar literally threatens her father with unleashing the zombie apocalypse if he didn't give her the Bull of Heaven during the Epic of Gilgamesh), and seemed like a good fit for Lucifer to type Rachel as. The other half of the joke is that the art I'm using is from a variant version of the character I've been sourcing art from for Rachel - who is channeling Ishtar.>>3183480>What was that Shrine Maiden's name again?Hamasaki Reiya, I think.>>3183499To be entirely fair, two drunk people made a mistake, and she pretended afterward that nothing happened. Sachio's the one who got really wound up about it.>>3184256>Well done steaks, with Ketchup.Get thee behind me, Satan.>>3184257>On a scale of 1 to Flambe, how jelly are other gods gonna be that Mary has a LORD OF THE GRILL as her hierophant?All the ones who liked burnt offerings had one at some point.>>3184744>imagine how all those gods who just got raw animals burned up will feel when they start getting proper steak.My understanding of most ancient sacrifice religions is that virtually all of the meat was cooked, then eaten by the worshippers or priests, aside from portions deliberately burned so the gods could feed off the aroma, since smoke ascends to heaven. The central idea was the gods eating with their people. (There's at least one incident in the Old Testament where YWVH smites priests for selecting the best cuts of meat as their portion before the beast was offered.)Priests were the ancient grillmeisters.
>>3185726Into the flame, into the fireWith no regard for a thingFuck that, I'm the Lord of the GameI rule this empireI am the God of Hellfire!
>>3185805How fucked would it get if stuff like this was played while Ellie continues her campaign through Hell?https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qxa91EwFco
>>3182011You salute Haru, and says, "thanks for being on guard duty.""Set a fox to guard a henhouse," he mutters. You're still not entirely sure how he can form understandable words with a canine mouth, "and she's my niece. What the Hell's going on?""At this point," you say, "what the Hell isn't going on? We've got one more powerful, eccentric guest tonight, and I've got a new goddess who's literally getting high off smoke from my barbeque. They're telling me it's because I'm her high priest. Did - your mother do anything like that?""Don't exactly know how you western dogs do it," Haru says, without much malice, "but we lived with our gods. And we'll do it again. Seriously, DON'T go for any fertility rituals. I killed a priest for that. And I'd," the fox says, baring his teeth, "murder you without a second thought if you cheated on my sister.""Because that went so well the last time you tried to kill me?""I was holding back," Haru growls, "and I was holding back against Ellie, too."...You're pretty sure he went pedal-to-the-metal on that one."She's been trying to drag extras into our bed," you tell him, "and isn't too happy I won't let her. Not sure if she's just testing me."The moment where you stare into a kitsune's eyes seems to drag on forever.Haru sighs."As brothers maybe thrice or four times over," he finally says, "I'm not sure either. If she brings them... Have fun. And don't take anything she says in heat seriously," he says, retreating back into the hallway....it feels oddly like you're getting lectured by a father. Isn't that your job?Well, you're going to go back out and deal with a very wizardly situation without a cadre of wizards to help make sense of it.Same thing you always do.Just make it work.You slide open the back door, and see that nobody but Mary's eating. James is half a head above most of the crowd, and he's berating Lucy about something.And getting deflected by "someone impersonating me!" over and over."NO!" Lucy finally says, supernatural power rippling off of him hard enough to scatter some of the audience, or get them to go frilly, "I have HAD IT! That was some other demon impersonating me, because I've been exiled for a couple thousand years! DO YOU FUCKING WANT TO GO, SORCERER? I can TAKE you. Or we could go to lunch together. Your choice.">I think lunch is the best option here>What's going on?>James, you're probably going to die, and I don't want to lose you>Lucy, I assume my brother has been insulting you? Consider it against whatever debt you feel you owe me>Someone get the popcorn>WRITE IN
>>3185955>Ok what’s going on here? I turn away for one second and now I might need to rebuild my house or worse a fucking gain. I just got back for fuck’s sakes. So here’s what we’re doing instead. I let you both talk one at a time, then tell you both how stupid you’re being.
>>3185955>>What's going on?>>James, you're probably going to die, and I don't want to lose youI'd rather keep ahold of that debt, I have a feeling we're going to need it at some point.Vaguely related, there's an animu currently airing that reminds me a little of this quest in it's dealing with the mental state of MGs. It's more bloody and shock value and suffering than anything, but I thought it was worth a mention: Magical Girl Spec-Ops Asuka. The "spec-ops" is a misnomer, no tacticool here.
>>3185955>James, calm down, Mary promised no physical harm during this and you're going to get hurt from whatever metaphysical backlash breaking that promise gives than he is.>Whisper Bill Murray has us covered, do not force a hand that doesn't have to be forced.
>>3185955>I think lunch is the best option here>What's going on?
>>3185955"Ok," you ask, "what's going on here?""I got fed up with an arrogant mortal," Lucifer says, "and he's about to see why I'm called The Mourning Star," then he gets a nervous grin on his face, "The Mourning Star. The M-O-R-N-I-N-G S-T-A-R! What the Hell? Did that title change?""You are going to be mourning when I'm done with you," Ellie says, cracking her knuckles by the wall."Wait," James says, "The Mourning Star? Not the Morning Star?""I just spent two thousand years in prison!" Lucifer yells at him, "and it's like I can't say my own title!""You're still Lucifer though?" James asks."Yeah," Lucy says, "I'm Lucifer. Satan. Shaitan. The Devil. At least those still work. The guy you blame for everything bad that happens to you. Good evening," he says, spreading his arms in a theatrical gesture, "kill me, and see if all the bad things suddenly stop!"James grits his teeth, but stays his hands."I can still blame a bastard for poking a stick into the dike," Ellie says, walking toward him, "so if I kill you, do I become the ruler of Hell?""Fuck no," Lucy says, looking at her, "those bastards betrayed me and threw me out to die. There's nothing you can take from me better than," and he catches his breath, as he seems to actually LOOK at her for the first time, "...what you've already taken for yourself. Holy Hell, you're beautiful."Wait, is the Devil himself actually coming on to your sister? That's a real problem."Took you this long to figure that out?" Ellie says, "if you'd been a week earlier, I might be interested.""You're just casually holding that many titles?" Lucy says, not seeming to hear her, "I see most of the guys I want to put down in there. What about Belial? Belphegor? Beleth? Paimon? Baal? And all those other fuckers?"Doesn't seem like 'beautiful' had anything to do with her physical qualities."Had a run-in with Belphegor earlier tonight," Ellie says, very levelly, "he's still alive. Interference from outside the match," she finishes, and glares at Mary. And you."Oh," Lucy sighs in relieved unison with you, then grins like a shark, "then I CAN have my revenge!""Alright," Ellie says, "now I'm lost.""Actually Satan," you say, "marooned out in the boonies of the Sefirot for about two thousand years by demons who betrayed him, wants revenge. Only knows anything after that by hearsay mass consciousness reverberating up there.""Chesed's not 'the boonies'," Lucy says, "I hear it's a great place. The trouble was that I was trapped in its shell. Do you have any idea how many times I walked around that desert?">Also known as 'The Father Of Lies', so I wouldn't take anything he says at face value>Also the dude who rescued us when we crashed into his prison>James, when did you get out here?>No, I really don't. Guess it was a lot>Check on Mary>WRITE IN
>>3186040>Also known as 'The Father Of Lies', so I wouldn't take anything he says at face value>Check on Mary>And no fucking fighting in or on my property!
>>3186040>Also the dude who rescued us when we crashed into his prison>No, I really don't. Guess it was a lot
Well, damn, I said I'd get a couple of posts in tonight. Didn't expect someone to call me partway through.Twitter (for next thread time): https://twitter.com/HaikuDelugeArchive (figuring out how on earth we got here): http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=ShotgunCharacter/Notes sheet that needs updating: https://pastebin.com/1PQhyGrZ>>3185969>Magical Girl Spec-Ops AsukaI actually read that manga. I wouldn't call it a straight-up inspiration, but it might have factored into the aesthetic I was envisioning for the "let's load up with weapons and body armor" scenes before the two Gusion fights, and the 'they look more like militia than magical girls' scenes while the MC came out of his coma. Unfortunately, I don't like the anime's streamlined version of the artstyle. Spec-Ops Asuka really benefits from that sketchy, raw feeling the manga art gives it. Also, I just don't like sadistic torture scenes in general, and BOY HOWDY does that manga have several. Still a very good series, but I'm not watching it because I prefer the manga.
>>3185858I just assumed that, and 5D, were a constant soundtrack in Hell.
>>3186040>Also known as 'The Father Of Lies', so I wouldn't take anything he says at face value>Also the dude who rescued us when we crashed into his prison
>>3186040Ok. Now this all went confusing after i fell asleep because his title of Lucifer the Morning star was his JOB title before he rebelled. He doesn't actually still get to keep it after he's been fired.
>>3186040>>No, I really don't. Guess it was a lot>James, when did you get out here?>>3186228We're mixing and matching so many different variations of different myths and legends, there's no telling anymore.
>>3186040>>No, I really don't. Guess it was a lot>>Check on Mary
>>3186040Also the dude who rescued us when we crashed into his prison
>>3186040"No," you say, "guess it was a lot.""You have no idea," Lucy says....you have some. You've trekked across deserts before."He's also known as 'The Father of Lies'," you tell Ellie, "so I wouldn't take anything he says at face value.""Then you're all my children," Lucy mutters, then says, "I have a LIST. It's not a little list. And NONE of them'd be missed. ""Wait," Ellie says, and grins at him, "you down to go Kill Bill through Hell?""That's EXACTLY what I'd like to do," Lucy says, with a devilish smile, "I did get some reverberations from that.""Gimme the list," Ellie says, grinning, "this sounds like fun.""Anyone got parchment?" Lucy asks."I'm not signing anything you draw up," Ellie says, then winks at you."I just wanted something that I could write on," Lucy says."You ever used a ballpoint?" you ask Lucifer, then yell at people in general, "printer paper!"Then you unclip the officemax special from your breast pocket and hand it to The Devil as some folks scurry to secure the right materials."So," Lucy says, popping the cap and eyeing the pen as if it's a magical artifact, "I chuck this on the page?""Yeah," you say, "it just works. We need a table, too. So, probably inside."Then you start walking inside."This," Lucy whispers, far too closely. "is actually, exactly, and superlatively, what I wanted.""Welcome to humanity," you say."No," he says, grabbing you, "I KNOW WHAT HUMANITY IS, what the fuck is this stuff? Robots?">Yes>Oh, get thee to a car factory>If you don't knuckle down, you're going to die>Welcome to the 21st Century>I admit, we don't know ourselves - but isn't that the beauty of it?>Wait, do you just want a struggle? Because we can provide that.>I have some room you can sit to process this>WRITE IN
>>3186231he Islamic devil is actually a considered a Djinn as a way to explain how he could rebel when angels aren't supposed to have free will in the first place so that's probably the biggest hint as to what the New Testament Satan is if that one wasn't satan v 3.0.
>>3187444>>Welcome to the 21st Century>>Tell me Lucy. Have you ever heard the words Nuclear Weaponry before?
>>3187444>No, Robots are what everyone can see coming as a repeat of you trying to overthrow God, but mankind is dumb enough to keep trying to make them smart enough to do that anyway.
>>3187444>>Welcome to the 21st Century
>>3187444>Oh, get thee to a car factory>I have some room you can sit to process this
>>3187444Backing this >>3187465
>>3187627Why are you guys going out of your way to tell Lucifer about Armageddon weapons?
>>3187636Because luficer is gonna find out either way and it would be better to gauge his reaction when we can whack him rather then him being off all by himself.
>>3187444>Oh, get thee to a car factory>>If you don't knuckle down, you're going to die>>Welcome to the 21st CenturDon't mention nukes or anything similar, that's stupid.
>>3187641We don't need to whack him. We need to stop everyone from being dumb and trying to whack him when we can just teach Harriet how to control her groundhog day effect enough to go back just before we ever met him if/when he doesn't something stupid.The only threat is that somebody is going to trigger Harriet's groundhog day when they don't need to because our house or anywhere else doesn't stay fucking empty long enough for us to tell everyone that whatever crisis of the minute doesn't matter. At this point we can't even reveal it in the house for the wizards to help Harriet with because Lucifer or somebody else might be spying on us when that happens.. I guess we show him wonders of the world like ice cream to distract him ( and give reasons to not destroy civilization) as all of the wizards try to give Harriet a crash course in time magic and it's effects on the yarnball? The sooner the better since we should still remember that the rats should have noticed Mary and Satan descending upon the Earth is gonna turn a few heads too..
>>3187705Harriet has full control over her time powers. It's dead simple; she just has to die to trigger them. As far as she's concerned, triggering it that way is no different than a less lethal means.
>>3187731Since when? She's only been able to trigger her groundhog day effect upon death and has no control over how far back she goes as far as I've seen.
>>3187744>It's dead simple; she just has to die to trigger them.>how far backI think she always goes back to the same day. I know she's never had more than 1 year per loop.
>>3187744Yes she does. She always goes back basically 1 year. You know that D Greyman episode where the woman was living the same day over and over again for like a month and a half but she was the only one who knew?It's like that, she keeps repeating the exact same year over and over, always that one year.>>3187636Because he's going to find out on his own and the look on his face when he finds out Humanity can kill the entire planet, and everything/everyone on it, will be hilarious.Espessially when he learns the US government has one of the largest nuclear arsenals in the world and its run by demons.
>>3187444Oh, get thee to a car factoryYou gota try dmc
>>3187764>>3187761>She always goes back to the same time independent of her will>That's totally controlling it!Guys...
>>3187444"Get thee to a car factory," you tell him....Lucifer's too busy doodling on his hand to say anything back."This is awesome!" he says after a bit, "wait, car factory?""Yeah," you say, "where we have robots make those thing that go real fast on the highways. You rode in one.""Look, I know what cars are," he says, "but this is the coolest shit!"He shows you his right hand, with a complete version of the sephirot on it, trailing down his arm, and some points between Malkuth and Yesod labeled things like "Asgard", "HELL", "this is where Sumerians go - don't mess with Ereshkigal", "Greek bastards live here", "Mary's place", "probably the Elysian fields", "I think that's where Valhalla is", and countless other emendations in several languages you can't read."A ballpoint pen?" you ask, walking back into the house with Lucy, "welcome to the 21st century, I guess.""This thing is amazing!" he tells you, "I thought they must have made it up for the movies.""Are you going to act like an excited puppy about everything?" you ask the Devil, "I think that'd be bad for your image.""Of course I'm going to act like that!" Lucy tells you, "everything you have is the coolest stuff! I am so glad I broke you guys out from under YVVVH! Next you'll be telling me nuclear weapons are real!""They are," you say, "and please don't.""Wait," Lucy says, with a weirdly sober look on his face, "those aren't science fiction? Next, you'll be telling me about elves and dwarves defeating a dragon.""That was fiction," you say, "but I think parts of that were based on World War One - the war to end all wars. Then they wrote a sequel.""After I write my list," Lucy says, "I NEED to go read everything you have on history.">There's this thing called 'the internet'>Anything you've gotten echoes from you really want to see for yourself? I've got a TV.>I have a bookshelf - help yourself>You're bit more... interesting than I'd heard>WRITE IN
>>3188192>There's this thing called 'the internet'
>>3188192>>I have a bookshelf - help yourself>"but I think parts of that were based on World War OneTolken always did deny that.>"Wait," Lucy says, with a weirdly sober look on his face, "those aren't science fiction? If he knows about that, does he know about MAD? That seems like it would be a fascinating topic for an immortal.
>>3188192>>I have a bookshelf - help yourself>>Anything you've gotten echoes from you really want to see for yourself? I've got a TV.>>There's this thing called 'the internet'Let's do it in this order. If we set him loose on the internet head first it'll either break him or make him explode.
Sorry about crashing out for a few hours. Guess I'm back to my old bad habits.>>3188196>Tolkien always did deny that.Oddly, I think The Hobbit, with its instances of Bilbo just blacking out or blanking out during battles may have a larger claim to the lineage of WWI than LOTR, but that's just me.>If he knows about that, does he know about MAD? That seems like it would be a fascinating topic for an immortal.Lucy's problem is that he's just been skimming the high points of mass consciousness for the past two thousand years, and doesn't necessarily know what's fact or fiction.
>>3188225That was pretty clear when he actually thought that all scientists were atheists.. (the Yoke of God comment.) He had better not be dumb enough to be cheery about the holocaust.American history in general is gonna be super scitzosphrenic>>3188192My stuff leaves out the parts about demons actually ruling the world so it's probably not as accurate as I thought it was last month.>>3188219He probably thinks the internet is some massive porn thing that people also communicate with while masturbating on their food as everyone sends likes to comment on technique.>>3188192>What part of history did you want to start with? Break out your phone and start reading aloud wikipedia articles.
>>3188192"I have a bookshelf," you say, gesturing at the wall of your living room, "help yourself. And I'd appreciate it if you didn't rip any of them up - just saying that because some of them are about you and I'm not sure how accurate they are.""Thanks for the warning," Lucy tells you, sitting down in front in front of the sheets of paper spread of you coffee table, "let me write the list FIRST."This guy may as well be the Jesus of Suburbia. You're afraid the pen will rip the paper with every stroke. He slams the names on the page with anger you've rarely seen in anyone who wasn't trying to shoot you.In several languages, just to make sure.Cuneiform seems particularly hard to write with a ballpoint."I think that's the lot," Lucy finally says as he finishes, "well, it's not as fun as wet clay, but I just love writing with this thing!" he says, twirling your pen in his hand, "I wonder how it would work on parchment," he says, getting up and looking at your bookshelves.You'd leave him to his own devices in the living room, but you're not sure it even Haru could keep him out of the hallway.And that could be a real problem."By the way," Lucy says, "how are these organized?""They're not," you tell him, "it's sort of by year, but there's fiction mixed in. Liska and I couldn't ever agree on how it should work.""Your wife?" Lucy asks, with a crooked eyebrow, then smiles, "I'm glad Adam never had anyone like her. I wouldn't have gotten the time of day.""You can thank her for the library, at least," you tell the Devil, "also, there's this thing called the internet.""Which I'm ONLY going on after I read through your bookshelves," Lucy says, "sounds like a silly place."...you file away that this guy really needs to watch the entire works of Monty Python, if he's making that joke. You've heard that it's popular with demons in general.>Grab whatever looks interesting off the shelves, and let's go outside>May I recommend Milton?>Where do you want to start with history?>By the way, how do you feel about camping outdoors? I have a tent>So, what's with the outfit? Looks real schoolboy>WRITE IN
>>3188329>>Grab whatever looks interesting off the shelves, and let's go outside
>>3188329>Where do you want to start with history?
>>3188329>>Where do you want to start with history?>So, what's with the outfit? Looks real schoolboy
>>3188329>What continent/civilization do you want to start on? There isn't much specific info on American history before the late 1400s on that shelf.
>>3188329"Well," you say, "where do you want to start with history?"Then you realize he's already got two books in his hands....that's the first volume of Gibbon's The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire in one, and Shirer's The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich in the other."I'd kind of like to learn how Rome really turned out," Lucy says, looking from one to the other, "but I've seen the symbol on this book before.""Everyone's seen it," you say, "that's the one dust jacket I'm half-ashamed to have on my shelves. But the book's good. Shirer's title is referencing Gibbon's.""Guess it's Gibbon first," Lucy says, setting Shirer's volume back on the shelf, nestled against Mein Kampf.You're just glad he didn't grab that. Or The Prince.Yeah, it's sort of by year and sort of by topic. You and Liska could never quite agree on that. Over the years, the organizational scheme for the bookshelves has morphed into 'does it fit here when I put it back?'"Mind if I take it out into the smoke?" Lucy asks, opening the volume of Gibbon. You never really made it through those, despite that one history teacher who was imperative you should. Well, you passed."That's fine," you say, "if you're going to be able to read out there.""You should know what my eyes can do," Lucy says, staring at you over the book.It probably says something about the supernatural beings you hang out with that you don't even feel an ounce of pressure from Satan's eyes. Seems like when you're the top dog, you don't have that urge to bare your teeth.Then he shuts the book."You want one of those steaks?" you ask, heading toward the door."Hell no," Lucy says, "well, yeah, they smelled good. I'd like to get one. But I'm never eating something a priest cooked. Personal thing."You raise an eyebrow at Lucy, and he laughs as you open the door.To find...>A bunch of untouched steaks and a lot of people>Mary and James having an argument about how deity works>Empty plates>A ton of people who really need to go to bed>This looks like a ritual. This really looks like a ritual
>>3188513And, as always:>WRITE IN
>>3188513>>Mary and James having an argument about how deity works>>Empty plates>>A ton of people who really need to go to bedBelatedly,>>This looks like a ritual. This really looks like a ritual
>>3188513>>A bunch of untouched steaks and a lot of peopleSatan himself won't touch them. That says everything you need to know.>A ton of people who really need to go to bed
>>3188513>>A bunch of untouched steaks and a lot of people>>Mary and James having an argument about how deity works
>>3188513>this looks like a ritual >empty plates
>>3188513This looks like a ritual. This really looks like a ritual
>>3188513Sometimes, you wonder what you've gotten yourself into, and how it all ended up like this.Now is one of those times.Well, at least Satan's literally behind you.But what's in front of you..."No," Mary says, in the middle of a circled crowd, "I'm not going to say you're my champion, paladin, knight, whatever just to test a theory.""I would have thought less of you if you did," James tells her.The steaks are still on a pan by the grill."And you're a bit of a coward for not eating one of these to test your other theory," Mary tells him."I'd have so many problems if that one turns out to be right," James says, "and so would you. Believe me. I've been cursed so many times I won't even say the Pledge of Allegiance or sing - ok, what's that song they do before baseball games?" he asks, looking around.This looks like a ritual. A really screwy one, but a ritual nonetheless.Someone yells "THE STAR-SPANGLED BANNER!" at him."Yeah," James says, "that. I don't want to infect the entire country with my own curses. So I think you don't want me eating your offerings, or anything else, elder sister.""If she's actually a goddess of sisterhood," Lucy whispers to you, "I will eat every hat in existence. Right off people's heads, if I have to.""Remember the threads?" you whisper back, "she's talking about that.""Huh," Lucy says, and sighs, "there's just so much to learn.""Lucky you're actually immortal, then?" Liska says, walking up."Unfortunately," Lucy tells her, "it's that sort of immortality where I die if I get killed. And," he glances at Ellie very quickly, over Liska's shoulder, "I can be killed.""Well then," Mary says to James, "what if we get another subject for this experiment? One who isn't so cursed?""I'm not bringing you W," James says, "even if I could find him."If this goes on much longer, someone might turn it into a play.Could be more hilarious than the Greek ones."I've got a better idea," you say, stepping forward, "because I see a lot of people here who need to go to bed.""Tell me I get an actual bed and not a couch this time," Mary says.>If you want to bunk in a room with, uh, uhm, in Melon's room. I don't recommend that right now>Afraid we've only got couches and floorspace. But lot of sleeping bags and blankets!>I'd offer you mine, but I'm pretty sure Liska wants to use it>James, Madison - that camper has some beds, doesn't it?>WRITE IN
Speaking of people that need to go to bed, that includes me at the moment. Floor-chan got her share of me laying on her earlier, it's bed-chan's turn now.I hope to run most of tomorrow.Twitter, for runtimes and such: https://twitter.com/HaikuDeluge
>>3188722>WRITE INHow about she bunks with Harriet? She took it pretty hard when you ascended. Also I think she has some things to talk to you about in the morning.
>>3188722>I'd offer you mine, but I'm pretty sure Liska wants to use it
>>3188722good plan >>3188742
>>3188722>WRITE INYou're bunking with Harriet, she'll need you in the morning.
>>3188722>>Afraid we've only got couches and floorspace. But lot of sleeping bags and blankets!
>>3188742You could say she looks... harried.
>>3188742That doesn't solve the where, which is what this vote is about.
>>3188722>Other: Bunk with Harriet - give them the master bedroom (put clean sheets on)>Other: MC/Liska sleep on Melon's floor (Shotgun guard duty - Satan literally in the House)Maximum comfort possible for Liska, Maximum shotgun for anyone that thinks they can bunk with our daughter because her door is broken.We should modify our contract/binding with Mary and have our head priest title changed to something fatherly. Isn't she an orphan or runaway?
>>3192790We're so Father material that it would be too obvious to use.