Your story all started as usual for a normal-functioning person living in this real life, as you make sure you begin your day without a simple hitch. Things were looking fine for this day and age (as the book of classic quotas may say) until something came out of nowhere.Now at first, you’ve expected to see nothing than just a day; No holidays, no vacations, only just.But somehow this (Insert any mainstream pop-cultural thing/random lookalike played by celebrity/product placement here) came in front of you and thought, “What the fuck is going on with my life?”Now let me tell you this question: On the scale to one to ten, how much shit could it get and if so, then what to expect next?Take a couple of hours and make up any venom as you wished before proceeding, because crap may hit the fan at any moment.
"Lil pump? Is that you? What are you doing in my hometown?""You see, things in south florida have kinda hit the shit, ya'll know what i mean homie? So I need to stay a couple of days at yo place, wait until this all blows over."I'd reluctantly let the rapper inside and check on the news>"...Florida Authorities are still on the lookout for the rapper Lil Pump on suspicion of drug possession and possibly for armed robbery and murder after an incident at an St. Augustine gas station..."Well fuck...
>>2939888How much shit do you expect to happen with your choice?
>>2939906Lots of disguise antics, running from cops and hostile gangs, may have a shootout or two, goal is to get to switzerland or some other safe place
Were you grown in a petri dish?
>>2939907Hold on while I set up the scale spreadsheet.
>>2939907Now roll 1D10 to see what do you expect to happen next.
Rolled 10 (1d10)>>2939937
>>2939940Oh no... oh no... you're in deep shit right now.
>>2939942Yeah, of course i would be in deep shit considering I have to help a rapper get out of the city and to another country.
>>2939940Is the main character Adam Sandler?
>>2939943As you see the reports of a crime that somehow happened and you got a rapper on the run, your decisions are now boiled down to three thoughts, Either:>You tell him to hide in a _____ (Any room or thing)>“Why are you running from the cops?” (Write your own response like it’s dnd.)>Find a way to disguise lil’ pump. (Paper dolls or art required)
>>2939955I'll bet Lil'Pump is Adam Sandler.
>>2939959Surely nobody will suspect a Pimp
>>2939976Okay, so you disguised him with pink spandex, now what? The police are looking in every home to see if pimp's inside and you don't have much longer to live. Think something quick!
Dead. Maybe a two shot maybe best fitted for a quest.
>>2940392Or one take your pick.
Morning, people, how's your day going? Pretty damn great because now, you're arrested for helping the criminal responsible for this sudden crime.For the entire night, you spent time in jail with the pimp in pink spandex and there's no way to find an escape plan to get off this dirty place.That is until you roll the dice (1d10) to see what blatant awfulness would show up.>1 to 3: A Terry Crews impersonator shows up with old spice to help you on the escape.>4 to 6: A certain green stone with magical powers has fell from the heavens.>7 to 10: The police guard tells you that your judgement is ready for you and Lil' pump. (Say your prayers)
Rolled 1 (1d10)>>2942234Time to die!
>>2942243Ooh, you hit the snake eye number.Anyway, as you fiddle around doing nothing while awaiting trial, a sudden *SMASH* came from the right wall.Out from the dust came (not)Terry Crews riding an Old Spice hovercar complete with the most absurd anime bullshit you ever saw in your dang life.He shoots out acid spice to melt the jail bars and told em’ to hop on to his car and run the city away like a motherfucker where its safe (pst, that includes Lil’ pimp in pink spandex).Now before you enter the absurdest of car chases, describe your scream in painful detail.
>>2942588Our scream is as if the universe is attempting to be ripped in two while giving birth as if every person that has died cries out in a cacophony of an unholy sound that if heard by the living, would kill them as well and break the first seal, starting the End Times noted in the Book of Revelations.
>>2942835Okay then, now describe how fast does this thing could go before we'll all set.
>>2943037Morning, it's back up again.
>>2943037Beyond Ludicrious speed since Not-Terry-Crews's Old Spice Hovercar is fueled by Old Spice Essence. Which is the most powerful fuel in existence but can only be wielded by Not-Terry-Crews, which is why it has not be tapped into by the governments of earth.
>>2942835As you hop on the car along with the pimp in pink spandex, Terry Crews immediately hit the gas as the cops tried to capture the escaping suspects.What results is something you see from any single blockbuster that features car chases with overblown effects, only to mix it with the iconic forest chase from Return of the Jedi as the said cops are using futuristic hover-scooters (and that happens in an urban city rather than that in star wars)Of course, you screamed as described when the chase intensifies at ludicrous speed.What's even worse is that even the CIA and Area-51ers have joined the chase with hover vehicles as well, making it more like the fifth element mixed with the legendary franchise that became the target point of Russians.Now, while that is happening, the now screaming pimp in pink spandex yelled, "What are we GOOOOING?!!!!">Terry Crews replied: _________ (Write in choose your next location.)
>>2944066Uh huh, cause he loves the smell of adrenaline-fueled spice.>>2944088
>>2944088"MY OLD SPICE SECRET LAIR THAT'S HIDDEN UNDERNEATH THE P&G HEADQUARTERS IN OHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
>>2944095As the chase gets into the heat, we can calculate how far would you get away from before we transition to old spice headquarters or trial if the cops (The GM) is safe and you get slammed.You roll 1d10 for this one while I will roll for the cops. Whoever gets slammed ends the chase.Optionally, you could also write in the action as it progresses.>TURN 1<You go first.
Rolled 8 (1d10)>>2944119I have no idea what I am doing but fuck it anyway.
>>2944122The cops give a roll.
Rolled 1 (1d10)>>2944220
>>2944222>Turn 2<The Spice get a roll
Rolled 10 (1d10)>>2944229Sure, I guess.
>>2944305The cops go full speed
Rolled 4 (1d10)>>2944345
>>2944349"Those fucking brats are getting away! SHOOT THOSE FUCKERS!!!" yelled one of the cops as they prepare to shoot.>TURN 3<You go, take the speed of faith.
Rolled 1 (1d10)>>2944361GAS GAS GAS, I'M GONNA STEP ON THE GAS!
>>2944380Shit! Their guns are effective against Old Spice!
Rolled 3 (1d10)>>2944385The police are getting closer."Quickly, men. Let's get those fuckers and throw them to trial. That'll show em' who's pussy." one of them chuckled with a slight grim smile.
>>2944472>TURN 4<Oh shit, they left the hotter spot.Quickly find any way to distract them before it gets fuckin' serious!You roll and pray.
Rolled 8 (1d10)>>2944478Banana Peels! They always get the rider!
Rolled 6 (1d10)>>2944487"No time for monkeying around, you spice product placing days are cooked."The cops attempt to avoid the peels
>>2944497>TURN 5<They fail as some of the peels blocked the eyes of the hover-scooter cop, causing first public signs of fatalities and damages in your hometown.But there's no stopping now, keep rolling and you're spiced!
Rolled 5 (1d10)>>2944514Take the freeway Terry! Lots of room to maneuver there and we can cut across most traffic!
Rolled 9 (1d10)>>2944568Haha, The CIA has pulled a secret booby trap!
>>2944646DAMN YOU GLOW IN THE DARK CIANIGGERS!
>>2944646>TURN 6<They managed to slow down by a bit, but due to their success, they get to spin the dice first for this turn.Keep going, they're catching up.
Rolled 4 (1d10)>>2944678"We have them cornered, there's nowhere to hide for cover, and now your ship has just sunk. HA!"
Rolled 9 (1d10)>>2944682PUNCH IT TERRY!
>>2944685>TURN 7<The powerful impact of the TERRY PUNCH(!) had knocked the cops into the hottest zone, keep it up and you'll be in the HQ in no time.Your roll...
Rolled 1 (1d10)>>2944761"Whew! Terry don't ever scare me like that again!"
>>2944787THE SPOOKS WILL CONTINUE UNTIL THE OLD SPICE IMPROVES!
Rolled 9 (1d10)>>2944787"Not so fast terry." a CIA mumbled, he picked up a walky-talky and whispered the deadly words: "Initiate Project: SOIMONKEY!"
Due to personal problems, I have to put the quest on hold for now. When I'll return, we'll finish the quest.