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/qst/ - Quests


Sometimes, it feels like you've wandered into another world.

But it's a world that's been all around you for years - you just never noticed. Well, you tried not to notice, after your sister walked into Hell.

Finding out your daughter, Melon, was a magical girl opened the door to finding out your wife is a kitsune, your in-laws are youkai nutjobs with a castle, your boss is a dragon, and then there was that part where you got a bunch of wizards and your daughter's magic rat to swear brotherhood with you.

Your neighbor Fred may be the only normal and uninvolved person you know now.

And a mad priest called him an angel.

There's no denying that you've taken the supernatural world for a shakedown cruise, though. You've pumped your shotgun at demons, blown people's arms off, accumulated most of the major magical factions in your city under one familial banner, watched magical girls shoot down satellites, kneecapped a duke of Hell and seen your forces tear through his honor guard, had your soul auctioned off in Hell (luckily, your sister, now a duchess of Hell, bought it) and spent a month in a coma recovering, hosted a duchess of Hell at dinner (and hugged her), and all of that stuff that happened in Japan.

Even your accounting job has acquired a tinge of the supernatural. You're working for a dragon, doing accounting for gods, and ended up dragging your new assistant into the deep end.

Hopefully his girlfriend will drag him out of his hangover tomorrow.

Talking to your daughter about drugs almost felt like a relief, a bastion of normalcy. That's a normal dad thing normal dads do, right?

Asking her about that redhead kid, Shelby, proved to be a bit of a tactical error, proven by a closed bedroom door and a deadbolt's slam.

Well, he's sworn to you as a younger brother, so you can probably lean on him pretty hard. Or just clean your shotgun on the front porch, per tradition.

Your wife teased you a good bit about what apparently didn't happen while you were in a coma, and right now, you're pinning her on the couch, having been pushed just a step too far.

She's a seven-hundred-ish-year old kitsune, she can take it.

Hell, she's enjoying it.
>>
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>>2806271
"Not sure the shotgun-cleaning's going to be necessary," you say, "he saw what I did to Sachio, and he's sworn to me."

"And you've got a much better place to polish your shotgun," Liska says, smiling up at you and breathing heavily.

God, she really is enjoying this.

You put on the most serious face you can muster. Well, within limits. It's not the 'war face' the DIs asked for back at Pendleton.

"I've really got to ask you something," you say, "how serious are you about, well, all the stuff you've been suggesting?"

"Like what?" she says, the ends of her tails twitching in the corners of your eyes.

Well, you might as well go for it.

"Like us fucking Ellie," you say, "she's my sister, for god's sake! Like the itemized list of why you want us to do the magical girls! They might as well be our daughters, at this point! Like suggesting the oyakodon thing!"

There's a moment of near-silence, disturbed only by Liska's ragged breath.

"I'm just a bit concerned," you say, staring down into her eyes.

For a while, all you can hear is her breathing. And you can't read that expression.

"I don't know," she whispers.

More of her hot breath on your face as the minutes drag on. Hell, this feels more awkward than the conversation with Melon about drugs.

And a lot hotter. You can feel Liska squirm a bit under you.

"What would you say if I told you 'yes'?" she asks.

>I'd say it would destabilize everyone. And I've been working hard to get and keep these people together
>I'd say the yarnball hit you pretty hard
>I'd say there's no harm in JUST talking about it
>I'd ask if you were in heat
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2806331
>>I'd say it would destabilize everyone. And I've been working hard to get and keep these people together
>>
Well, we're live again. I think I counted right, but that was a near-even split on the last vote. I guess I'll save "roll over and go to sleep" for once the MC's actually in bed?

Twitter, for runtimes (and occasional trolling tweets about the quest): https://twitter.com/HaikuDeluge
Archive, for catching up: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Shotgun

In retrospect, this is about the worst/best place to split threads. This is going to be someone's introduction to the quest.
>>
>>2806331
>>I'd ask if you were in heat
>I'd say it would destabilize everyone. And I've been working hard to get and keep these people together

Ellie should be the only real destabilizing personality in the yarnball, and she was acting this way before Ellie visited.
>>
>>2806331
>>I'd ask if you were in heat
>>
>>2806331
>>I'd say it would destabilize everyone. And I've been working hard to get and keep these people together

Maybe once the girls are free we can have a big ol' orgy but not now.
>>
>>2806331
>I'd say a lot of things, but the thing that sticks out strongly is the fact that you've been also under a lot of pressure with a lot of things, especially with how things are now. And I as your husband have not been considerate of your feelings on the matter.

>inb4 she's really just in heat and I'm blowing this way out of proportion
>>
>>2806331
>I'd say it would destabilize everyone. And I've been working hard to get and keep these people together
>>
>>2806331
>I'd say the yarnball hit you pretty hard
>>
>>2806331
"I'd," you start, and take a deep breath, "I'd say it would destabilize everyone."

Yeah, 'if I told you' your ass. She was at least a bit serious, if that expression means anything.

"And you've been working long and hard to get them together?" Liska asks, "and been a bit thick about some of it?"

Her jokes are worse than yours.

"Dads are supposed to make the terrible jokes," you tell her, pressing her wrists further into the couch.

"If I wanted to," Liska says, and that's a face you could read a mile away, "I could rip your throat out, or just throw you through a wall, and walk out the door."

You are pinning down a supernatural being that could flatten you ten times over.

Who you've been married to for almost twenty years.

"But you don't want to," you say, "why?"

All you can hear is Liska's breathing.

Time drags on, interminably. You might have heard an oiled deadbolt slide back at some point, but you're still waiting for Liska's response.

Finally, she says, "are you really making me do this?"

"I'll do it first," you tell her, "I love you," and shut her mouth with a kiss before she can respond.

Somehow, eventually, you manage to pull back.

"I love you, too," she whispers, as though it takes an effort.

"But," she whispers, "I'm kind of an omnisexual. It's not that different from the pillow talk we used to have about who else we'd fuck."

Yeah, whispering things in your ear in full sight of the potential target is a bit different!

"And," she tells you, grinning, "you did say 'us' with everything you mentioned, even dealing in just hypotheticals. I," she says, as you feel the tension drain from her limbs, and she smiles up at you, "I really appreciate that."

She's got an oddly possessive streak.

"So who would you fuck with me?" she asks, grinning again.

>We're not having this conversation, I'm going to bed, and you're not getting any tonight
>Well, other considerations aside, I'd do [WRITE IN] with you
>I'm pretty sure Melon's listening
>Are you in heat or something?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2806468
Additional option:
>You
>>
>>2806468
>>2806472
>(You)
Yes I'm taking the bait. No, not that bait, the other bait.
>>
>>2806468
>>Are you in heat or something?
>We're not having this conversation, I'm going to bed, and you're not getting any tonight
>>
>>2806468
>I'm pretty sure Melon's listening
>Well, other considerations aside, I'd do Jean with you
>But only *with* you, not one on one.
>>
>>2806468
>>We're not having this conversation, I'm going to bed, and you're not getting any tonight
Don't need or want anyone else.
>>
>>2806468
>>Well, other considerations aside, I'd do [Harriet,Mary,Madison,Roxanne] with you
>>
>>2806494
>>2806490
You're much better men than I. And I mean that sincerely.
>>
>>2806468
>>I'm pretty sure Melon's listening
>We're not having this conversation, I'm going to bed, and you're not getting any tonight
Why would I want anyone else? You're hot and always willing.
oh man I suck at this sort of stuff. General intent, not word for word.
>>
>>2806468
>You
>>I'm pretty sure Melon's listening
First option could probably be worded a tad better.
>>
>>2806468
"We're not having that conversation," you say, "I'm going to bed, and you're not getting any tonight."

"Besides," you tell Liska, "why would I want anyone else? You're hot and always willing," you say, licking that place on her neck she likes, "and you've got a hell of a wit."

"God," Liska manages to gasp, "if I don't get any after this," she continues, her words coming in bursts, and you feel her chest heaving against you, "I'm pretty sure you're violating the Geneva Convention."

"Well," you say, "I am American."

She starts laughing.

And you whisper in her ear "I'm pretty sure Melon's listening."

"Give her something worth listening to," Liska whispers savagely back at you, her teeth tearing your earlobe.

"FUCK!" you yell, jerking back off of the couch, barely managing to gain your feet before Liska jumps up and bears you to the floor.

"I am going to take you every way a woman can take a man," your wife tells you, and you feel a wave of pressure radiating from her.

"MOM," Melon's voice cuts across the room, "he's my dad! Are you in heat or something?"

"Haru told you about that, huh?" Liska asks, still straddling you, "Melon, get back in your room unless you want a real-life sex-ed lesson."

Then you feel a subtly different force pushing out from your daughter.

"I can take you," Melon says, with a very dangerous glint in her eyes.

Then she goes frilly.

And you manage to somehow reverse things, in that moment of confusion, and get Liska under you on the rug.

"Can we please not wreck the house again?" you ask the two of them, ignoring everything trying to slam you into the rug.

"Go on," Liska says, facing you with a more excited look in her eyes than you've ever seen, "answer the question."

"All considerations aside," you say, as you realize Liska's gaze is fixed on your throat, "I'd do Harriet with you. Emphasis on the 'with'. Not one on one. Same for Mary, Madison, Jean, and Roxanne."

"Not the girl that actually wants to fuck you?" she asks, and you feel her hot breath on your windpipe, "because I really want Sue."

"You and Ellie," you say, "and she's a demon!"

"Sounds like a fun profession," Liska says, and you're pretty sure she's lost it.

>Melon, get out, please
>I'm going to fuck you like Zeus couldn't even imagine
>I'm actually just going to bed now. You still don't get any
>I thought Ellie was bad about getting clam-jammed
>If you two are going to fight, do it in the back yard
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2806648
>>Melon, get out, please
>Because I'm going to fuck your mother like Zeus couldn't even imagine.
>>
>>2806648
>>I'm actually just going to bed now. You still don't get any
>>I thought Ellie was bad about getting clam-jammed
>>
>>2806651
Supportan.

>>2806468
>We're not having this conversation, I'm going to bed, and you're not getting any tonight

Why the fuck anyone thought this was a good idea, I have not even the slightest clue.
>>
Also, hello again, QM! Nice to catch this live even if anon is making terrible decisions.
>>
>>2806657
>Why the fuck anyone thought this was a good idea, I have not even the slightest clue.
Most people think clamping the lid down harder on the pressure cooker is a GREAT idea
>>
>>2806648
>I'm actually just going to bed now. You still don't get any
She doesn't get to be a little forceful and get her way. and her forcing us down after we said she wasn't getting any is a little closer to rape than I'm cool with.[\spoiler]
>"We're not having that conversation,"
And then we had it anyway. Goddamnit.
>>
>>2806657
Because she's literally trying to force us to have sex? She decided she's horny, so we're doing it, and we don't get a say?
>>
>>2806648
>>Melon, get out, please
>>I'm going to fuck you like Zeus couldn't even imagine
>>
>>2806662
Let's see... she's coming off a month of presumed abstinence, not long after a major battle (which has been established as an aphrodisiac), and is currently being dosed with a fuckton of natural aphrodisiacs, and anon wants to blueball her?

>>2806663
>She doesn't get to be a little forceful and get her way.
I agree with you there. I'm just not wanting to overcorrect the other way, either.

>>2806669
>literally trying to force us to have sex
My reading comprehension may be shot all to shit, but I wasn't really getting that. Aggressive foreplay, maybe, and she's certainly blitzed out of her mind on aphrodisiacs, but I wasn't reading out-and-out rape from her.
>>
>>2806648
>I'm actually just going to bed now. You still don't get any
No means no.
>>
>>2806648
>I thought Ellie was bad about getting clam-jammed
>>Melon, get out, please
AYYY my vote actually got through.
>>
>>2806669
I mean, on a re-read, anon's fucked the MC pretty badly on this one. We can either ignore her like a pissed-off prima-donna teenage girlfriend, be a conscientious husband and do this on our terms, or do nothing and get fucked.
>>
>>2806648
>Melon, get out, please
>Mom is frisky because it's been a period of thirty days since she last had sex. And she wants to make up for it.
>I'm going to fuck you like Zeus couldn't even imagine
>>
>>2806700
>thirty days since she last had sex
Not counting literally last night. And/or the night before.
>>
>>2806648
>>I'm actually just going to bed now. You still don't get any
>>I thought Ellie was bad about getting clam-jammed
We should not be rewarding bad behavior.
>>
>>2806648
>>Melon, get out, please
>>I'm going to fuck you like Zeus couldn't even imagine
>>
>>2806648
>I'm actually just going to bed now. You still don't get any
We've have sex the last night or two, she's not deprived.
>>
>>2806718
hey, prior to our dive into the hidden world, we had sex with our wife on a daily basis! Why should we stop?
>>
>>2806648
>I feel like I might be doing terrible things
Truer words have never been spoken. I'm just... gonna check back in later when this has all blown over. Cya, QM!
>>
>>2806648

>Melon, get out, please
>I'm actually just going to bed now. You still don't get any
>If you two are going to fight, do it in the back yard
>>
>>2806648

>I'm actually just going to bed now. You still don't get any
But we are ready for her rape so then we
>I'm going to fuck you like Zeus couldn't even imagine
>>
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>>2806648
"One I don't want to see you fall to, Liska," you say, "what's going on?"

"Melon," she says, darting a look at your daughter, "kind of spilled the beans. I'm going into heat, and it's hitting me really hard this time."

Is that because of what you've done? Liska did say that your steps to empire were really damn hot.

"I thought Ellie was bad when she got clam-jammed," you say, looking down at Liska.

You're completely split on what you should do here.

"I bet she was," Liska says, "surprised she didn't break your nose."

"Melon," you say, looking at your daughter, "you should probably get back to your room," as you scoop Liska up into a bridal carry.

"You gonna be ok, dad?" Melon asks.

"It'll be fine," you say, and she darts back into her room.

"Our one success, huh?" Liska whispers to you, as you walk the hallway with her in your arms.

You don't even know how to respond to that.

So you throw her onto the master bed.

She looks pretty damn good, spread out like that.

"I'm brushing my teeth and going to bed," you say, turning toward the master bathroom, "you still don't get any."

You hear a muffled growl from behind you.

But the two of you finish up the nighttime ritual, and before you know it, it's 4AM.

And you're awake again, in bed, pulling a tingling arm out from under Liska's head.

She hums and murmurs, then asks, "mmmwhat?"

"My arm went to sleep," you tell her, shifting around for a better position.

>Fuck her like Zeus couldn't even imagine
>Restart that other 'who would you fuck' conversation
>Go back to sleep
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2806754
Go back to sleep

I don't think this actually IS Liska, I think its fucking Zeus.
>>
>>2806723
> I'm just... gonna check back in later when this has all blown over.
Hopefully that'll be about two posts.
>>
>>2806754
>>Fuck her like Zeus couldn't even imagine
>>
>>2806754
>>Fuck her like Zeus couldn't even imagine
>>
>>2806754
>Restart that other 'who would you fuck' conversation
Goddamnit, now that we said we wouldn't do it we can't back off.
>>
I say we hold off from Sue for a few years. Let her mature a bit to see if her attraction is just a symptom of her daddy issues. If they aren't we should go for it.
>>
>>2806761
Actually, I think I'm good. You really hit the whole 'handle it like mature adults' thing out of the park with the last update.
It's a refreshing break from the usual approach to these sorts of character interactions that I particularly bemoan.
>>
>>2806754
>>Go back to sleep
>>
>>2806754
>Go back to sleep
We said we wouldn't, so we shouldn't. Takes the bite out if we just cave later.
>>
>>2806754
>Go back to sleep
Pinch her nipples and nipple her ears.
>>
There was a voting period During which I cooked and ate some food.

I'm going to start writing now.

>>2806791
>You really hit the whole 'handle it like mature adults' thing out of the park
Interested in what part of it you thought got out of the park. This is an anime genre quest, but I try keeping it moderately true to life.
>>
>>2806866
>what part of it you thought got out of the park
Compared to the usual tripe I run into, I thought you handled the "you're not getting any" bit with entirely unusual maturity - there were no tantrums from spoiled children, and it's neither stated nor implied that Liska tried to rape us in revenge, or any other shit along those lines.
It's more indicative of the quality of what I usually find to read than the quality of what you write (and I may be a bit hyperbolic), but I am usually very pleasantly surprised by how you handle 'sensitive' topics like these.
For a concrete example - you have a character in a heterosexual relationship who knows about (and practices, to some extent) safewords / bdsm, without it immediately (or ever, so far) devolving into femdom. Outside of blatant fetish bait and/or smut, I find that to be pretty fucking rare, more-or-less especially in this sort of genre.
Yes, I'm that anon. You know the one.
>>
>>2806908
GirlTalkAnon?
>>
>>2806921
I can neither confirm nor deny that that is indeed the handle that I will wear proudly will haunt me to the end of my days.
>>
>>2806754
You fall back asleep.

And wake up, a little early, with Liska half-wrapped around you, and staring into your eyes.

She's never been a morning person.

"You up?" she asks.

"Maybe," you tell her, "what time is i-" and she smothers the rest of the question with a kiss.

"It's time for us to have some fun," Liska says, licking her lips, and yours.

"I thought I said you weren't getting any tonight," you say.

"It's not last night," Liska says, and you can feel her claws dig into your shoulders, "it's this morning. And you know I'm in dead heat," she says, her tongue slurping up your neck, finding just that place.

"Were you serious about having another kid?" she whispers into your ear.

Now that's playing dirty.

>Yeah, let's go
>Yeah, if you can have one
>No, I need you to be ready for anything
>[CONFUSED AND CONFLICTED NOISES]
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2806931
>>[CONFUSED AND CONFLICTED NOISES]
OH NO, IT'S AN ALL CAPS OPTION!
>>
>>2806931
>[CONFUSED AND CONFLICTED, WHILE SEXUALLY AROUSED NOISES]
>>
>>2806931
>Remind her that consent is a step that must not be missed / but that we forgive her
>Yeah, let's go

I tried to salvage anon's spaghetti.
>OH NO, IT'S AN ALL CAPS OPTION!
Fuck, it didn't work.
>>
>>2806931
>Yeah, let's go

Seriously you guys. I leave for one thread for a couple hours to sleep and you egg our wife on about fucking other people, then get all pissy and refuse to fuck her.

Like.

Heat is physically painful for a lot of animals, and honestly we actually do love our wife, so let's help her scratch the goddamn itch so we can have a reasonable post-coital discussion with her.

Or at least move the fuck on from this. You're all going full Joker Quest Waifu Simulator here.

Goddamn.
>>
>>2806931
>>No, I need you to be ready for anything
>>
>>2806931
>No, I need you to be ready for anything
Stick to our guns, we've made it this far.
>>
>>2806931
>Yeah, let's go
We showed we were serious when we say no means no. Fuck the fox already so we can move on
>>
>>2806931
>Yeah, let's go
>>
>>2806931
>[CONFUSED AND CONFLICTED NOISES]
Throw in some half-assed excuse with the core message being "if we can stave off the dozens of apocalypses? Apocalypsi? That are all slated to happen this year"
>>
>>2806931
>"Can we afford to feed a litter?"
>>
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>>2806931
"You know consent's a thing?" you ask her.

"Well," Liska says, above you, "do I have yours? I can stop now, if I have to. No promises after."

"Yeah," you say, rather breathlessly, looking up at her dilated eyes, and ask, "so Haru's not an outlier?"

"No," Liska whispers, and you can feel how tense she is, taught as stretched razor wire. As if she's daring you to reject her. And you feel her claws pierce farther into your flesh.

It's a good pain.

"Let's go," you tell her, "and you're washing these sheets when you manage to drag yourself out of bed," you say, rearing up to lick, and then bite, that place where her neck meets her shoulder.

"And," Liska tells you, once she recovers her voice, "don't talk about my family when we're~"

Then you go for a nipple.

Things blur together after that, into a slur of confused and conflicted noises.

Something like an hour later, she's bandaging you in front of the bathroom mirror, muttering apologies, as her tails wave happily behind her.

Well, you probably should have expected something like that. This was the first time you've both really honestly gone for it with each other.

The rubbing alcohol stings a bit, though.

"It's fine," you say, "although I don't think I'm going to regrow that earlobe. Want me to call it a shaving accident, or wear it like a badge of honor?"

Liska hugs you from behind.

"I just want you to wear it," she whispers in your ear, "for me."

"Sure, honey," you say.

>Then the doorbell rings
>Then you go out to breakfast with Melon again
>Then you discuss [WRITE IN] with Liska
>Then it's time for round two
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2807048
>Then the doorbell rings
We've spent plenty of time with the family recently, let's give someone else some screen time.
>>
>>2807048
>although I don't think I'm going to regrow that earlobe
Like we're not gonna get someone from the random grab-bag of bullshit powers that can't regenerate other people.

I think this was a fairly good salvage from all the... everything that went on above. I'm not exactly happy with it, but I don't hate it either.

>>2807063
Yeah. This is good.
>>
>>2807048
>>Then you go out to breakfast with Melon again
>Melon, rape is illegal and wrong
>>
>>2807048
>Karen's dad calls. He can't reach her cell and she said she was staying at our place.
>>
>>2807048
>>Then the doorbell rings
>>
>>2807048
Then the doorbell rings
>>
>>2807048
>>Then it's time for round two
>>
>>2807066
>earlobe
Ironically, the MC lost it back in >>2806648, before anything else happened. Liska also bit Ellie's ear off - maybe their ears are really tasty?
Oh, hey, GirlTalkAnon is back to overanalyze and keep me honest!
>>
>>2807048
>Then the doorbell rings
It's Fred.
>>
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>>2807048
Then the doorbell rings.

At six-fucking-thirty in the morning?

"I don't think it's the Girl Scouts," you tell Liska, as you pull on a pair of pants.

She shrugs on a bathrobe as it rings again. Insistent bastards.

The two of you walk down the hallway, as the doorbell rings a third time.

Then finally make it to the entryway, and open the door just as someone punches the doorbell again.

"Do you have any manners?" you ask, then realize who's ringing the doorbell.

"I figured someone would be up here," Madison says, "you mind if we park on your driveway? The farmer kicked us out."

Well, that's not who you expected. To be fair, you weren't expecting anyone at this time in the morning.

"And what happened to you?" she asks, eyes raking over the bandages on your chest.

Oh, you didn't have time to throw on a shirt.

[SET 1:]
>Blender accident
>Fighting demons and such
>I fell down the stairs
>My wife
>WRITE IN

[SET 2:]
>Find a better parking spot
>Did James die last night?
>Liska, you think we could let them stay in the driveway for a while?
>Enjoying the view?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2807186
>>Fighting demons and such
Silly, but believable.
>Liska, you think we could let them stay in the driveway for a while?
wasn't the RV there last night? we commented on it on the way in.
>>
>>2807186
>Discretion is the better part of valor, I think, so I'm gonna have to call it a blender accident.
>Liska, you think we could let them stay in the driveway for a while?

>>2807136
>to overanalyze and keep me honest
Aww, thanks QM! I-its not like I like your story or anything, b-baka!
>>
>>2807186
>It’s mating season for Kitsune for a while and more wife was waiting it out while I was in a comma.
>park out on the back, stay under the tree and off the good grass. Also James better not have drunk himself to death last night.
>>
>>2807195
>wasn't the RV there last night? we commented on it on the way in.
The RV was parked on the street near the bar the MC was at last night. NOW it's in your driveway.
>>
>>2807186
>Fighting demons and such
>Did James die last night?
>>
>>2807201
This brought to you by the sum total of the three words of the Japanese language I know.

>>2807205
>I was in a comma
A most perplexing conundrum. We're we in the dot, or the tail?
>>
>>2806931
Im sad and VERY disappointing that no one chose to write an
>[HIGH IMPACT SEXUAL VIOLENCE]
joke in the options
>>
>>2807186
>>I fell down the stairs
>park out on the back, stay under the tree and off the good grass. Also James better not have drunk himself to death last night.
>>
>>2807186
>My wife
>Did James die last night?
>>
>>2807186
>High impact sexual violence, Madison. High impact sexual violence. It was worth it.
>Have you tried someplace else? As much As I'm willing to accommodate, I do have limits. And besides just about EVERYONE in this city comes to my house for barbeque on a weekly basis. I would love to have some actual privacy once in a while.
>>
>>2807186
>My wife is in heat. Be warned, for it is beyond even my power to stop her should she set her sights on you.

>Liska, you think we could let them stay in the driveway for a while?
>>
>>2807186
You'll understand when you get married, maybe. Do I need to get out Kerry's slideshow later?
>>
>>2807347
>Kerry's
Kelly's? I'm not sure who you're talking about.
>>
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>>2807186
"Fighting demons and such," you tell her, "you know, the usual."

You hear Liska giggling behind you, and Madison cocks an eyebrow at you.

"Fine," you say, "high-impact sexual violence, mating season for kitsune, my wife got really thirsty while I was in a comma, why do you think we're awake at zero-six-thirty in the morning?"

"Were you in the dot," Madison asks, shaking with laughter, "or the tail?"

You glance behind you. Liska's laughing so hard she has to hold herself up against the wall.

"If you're trying for a weird metaphor," you say, turning back toward Madison, "I'm missing it. Tell me James didn't drink himself to death last night."

"He's still sleeping it off," the magical girl tells you, "Rob stepped in for the fight he picked. I'm still not sure what his problem with the police chief is."

You've got a couple of ideas. And Liska's started giving that barking laugh.

"Tell me they didn't do anything that needs an architect or a civil engineer to fix," you tell her, leaning against your doorframe, "because I don't have that kind of budget."

"That's sort of why the farmer kicked us out," Madison says, "they killed a few cows as collateral damage."

Wait. Last time you saw the camper, it was parked near the bar.

That means that Rick (and maybe some other folks) went back with them to have another fight with Rob in the cow pasture. This would probably make more sense if you were drunk.

"Did anyone die?" you ask.

"Well," she says, with a worried look on her face, "they'll all be fine in the morning. So, no?"

"Park it out back," you tell her, jerking your thumb around the house, "not on the good grass. And you guys had better find a place in town soon. Whatever's left of those five million Swiss francs should set you up nicely."

You would ask Liska whether she wanted it back there, but she's basically collapsed with laughter.

"Thanks," Madison says.

>How many police officers do you have in there?
>How many people am I making breakfast for?
>I'm surprised you didn't ask about my bitchin' bod
>You want to come in for coffee?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2807382
>>You want to come in for coffee?
>>
>>2807382
>>How many people am I making breakfast for?
>>I'm surprised you didn't ask about my bitchin' bod
>>You want to come in for coffee?

>Also my wife is still horny so if she tries to drag you in, you have my permission to spray her with cold water. Should buy you enough get away./
>>
>>2807382
>>How many people am I making breakfast for?
>>I'm surprised you didn't ask about my bitchin' bod
>>You want to come in for coffee?

>Also my wife is still horny so if she tries to drag you in, you have my permission to spray her with cold water. Should buy you enough get away./
>>
>>2807396
We did mention her as part of the girls we may want to have sex with her so best cover our bases just in case she has ideas.

Also surprised no one said Sue or was it because, Sue might actually take us up on that? and we choose ones our own age and ones who seemed not interested.
>>
>>2807382
>How many people am I making breakfast for?
>You want to come in for coffee?
>I'm surprised you didn't ask about my bitchin' bod
>>
>>2807403
It's been pretty canonically established that Sue has issues, and we'd be more than happy to include her in that (purely hypothetical) group in a few years when she's settled out.
>>
>>2807382
>>How many people am I making breakfast for?
>>I'm surprised you didn't ask about my bitchin' bod
>>
>>2807382
>Tell you what. My kitchen cabinet's running low on breakfast ingredients. I'll cook you and the cops breakfast, but all of you will have to foot the bill that is my next trip to the local Costco and a few groceries. My house ain't a family bar&grill restaurant you know.
>Also, what's your sexual orientation? I hope you're flexible with type because I think I saw my wife is giving you those bedroom eyes.
>>
>>2807403
As the one who wrote that vote, I wrote the list based on both my tastes and more or less how much trouble would it cause to fuck one of them (Rob might get angry if we fucked Madison but it seems manageable). Sue kinda creeps me out.
That's not to say I'm actually pursuing them or expecting to ever get them in bed.
>>
>>2807409
Oh right, but was that said in quest or OOC.
>>
>>2807453
OOC because anyone actually wanting to do something to Sue or the others sparks arguments from all the other anons that don't want a smut quest. I'm surprised anyone even budged as far as we have now on this.
>>
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>>2807382
"And how many people am I making breakfast for?" you ask.

"Add nine?" Madison says, as you hear Liska pull herself off the floor behind you.

That's something like twelve people. For the first time in your life, you wish Shelby was here. He's pretty good at cooking for a shitload of people.

"I'm surprised," your wife purrs, running her hands over your torso, "that you didn't ask about his bitchin' bod. Want to come in for coffee?"

"If it's just coffee," Madison says, a wary look in her eyes. You can't tell what look Liska's giving her over your shoulder, but you've got your guesses.

"That is pretty good for a guy in his, wait," Madison says, "how old are you, anyway? You've got the whole silver fox thing going on."

"I'm pushing fifty," you tell her, "and Liska's the real fox here," you finish, grabbing your wife's ass.

"The tails kind of gave it away," Madison says.

"If Liska jumps you," you say with a sigh, "and you're not up for it, yell or use magic, and I'll try to pull her off."

"Honey," Liska whispers, in a humorously offended tone. You look to the side and see a huge grin on her face.

"I'm going to say this while I'm outside," Madison tells the two of you, "so you can't say I'm threatening you in your home. If you try any of that, I will burn the fur off your tails, I will burn it off those cute ears, and I'll burn your hair off, too. I'm coming in for coffee, not a threesome."

"I like you," Liska says, over your shoulder.

"I've got a healthy respect for you, too," Madison says, looking at her, "but I just wanted to be clear. What coffee do you guys serve, anyway?"

"Folger's," you tell the magic girl, "we're not a fancy place."

"But it is a fun one," she says, following you and Liska inside, and into the kitchen.

You put the coffee pot on, as Liska and Madison perch on the countertops.

>I need some help, if we're doing breakfast for twelve
>What do you think of our fair city?
>You said nine people?
>So what did happen last night?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2807488
>You said nine people?
>What do you think of our fair city?
>>
>>2807488
>>I need some help, if we're doing breakfast for twelve
>>What do you think of our fair city?
>>
>>2807488
>I need some help, if we're doing breakfast for twelve
>What do you think of our fair city?
>You said nine people?
>>
>I need some help, if we're doing breakfast for twelve
Seriously, that's a lot of food.
>I'm coming in for coffee, not a threesome."
Thank goodness, someone in this quest that doesn't want to jump us, or wouldn't even be willing if asked. It's shocking how rare that is.

>>2807476
It's always kinda baffled me that despite being happily married to an incredibly hot and eager woman, anons are still interested in pursuing more woman and girls. It's also kinda confused me why Haiku doesn't put a definitive point on these discussions; They never go anywhere new, and isn't the whole point of a quest MC to cut the constant horndogging off at the knee?
>>
>>2807500
>quest MC
quest MC being married
>>
>>2807488
>I need some help, if we're doing breakfast for twelve
>other: This house ain't some family owned family run bar&grill restaurant. Your bill is going to be the shopping bill the next time I run to Costco or Sam's Club for grocery shopping.
>>
>>2807500
>someone in this quest that doesn't want to jump us, or wouldn't even be willing if asked
Well, the MC's not W's type, even if he was gay. Or Butler's type (reportedly).
>It's also kinda confused me why Haiku doesn't put a definitive point on these discussions
Mostly because I find them incredibly entertaining, and they're one way to talk/speculate about character personalities.
>isn't the whole point of the quest MC being married to cut horndogging off at the knee?
The MC is married because I tossed off a couple of lines in the first thread, and there are no take-backs when questing. I kind of like the character Liska's turned out to be, even if she's down with things the MC isn't comfortable with.
>>
>>2807539
When we finally break down to do a three some, She's gonna get super fucking territorial of us isn't she?
>>
>>2807500
Look up something called the Coolidge effect.
>>
>>2807488
Were the remains of any of those cows that got exploded edible? I used to live on a farm and I know how big a hit losing cattle can be.
>>
>>2807539
>Mostly because I find them incredibly entertaining, and they're one way to talk/speculate about character personalities.
They can be interesting initially, but we burned though everything worth saying a while ago; everything is just rehashes at this point. And the end result of any such discussion is either "yes we'll fuck someone else" or "maybe later". There is no apparent way to definitively close the debate. We do this enough times, the answer will eventually be "yes".


>>2807570
Yeah, a head of cattle isn't cheap.
>>
>>2807570
>exploded
>edible
If I'm reading it right, they're talking chunky salsa levels of exploded. Take a guess.
>>
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>>2807488
"Ladies," you say, "if we're doing breakfast for twelve, I'm going to need some help. And I'm thinking scrambled eggs, because it's easy. Someone grab a bowl and a whisk, please," you say, pouring olive oil into a frying pan, and slapping a quarter-inch of a stick of butter on it.

"All the eggs?" Madison asks, opening the refrigerator.

"All the eggs," you tell her, as Liska gets a very large bowl out of the cabinets.

"So what do you think of our fair city?" you ask.

"Decent terrain," Madison says, "low cost of living, entrenched magical creatures," she continues, grinning at you and Liska, "are easy to deal with. And, well, it's not about the city, it's about the people."

"Glad to hear that," you say, "but, speaking of people, you said 'plus nine'?"

"Yeah," Madison say, "we scraped up a few people to spectate that fight."

Then you hear your front door open. And a knight walks down the hallway to your kitchen.

Holding his hands up.

"I come in peace, earthlings," he says, and hell, it's Heinrich, "and is that a waffle maker? I make MEAN waffles."

"Bernie's in the camper," you mutter at Madison, "isn't he?"

She nods.

Well, you are going to have the BEST excuse for being late this morning.

>Well, separate the eggs we're using for the scramble and do it Belgian style, Heinrich
>So, immortality. Last I heard you were 900s. How's that work?
>So, what's the best way to kill a dragon?
>So, what the Hell happened last night?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2807597
>>Well, separate the eggs we're using for the scramble and do it Belgian style, Heinrich
>>So, immortality. Last I heard you were 900s. How's that work?
>>
>>2807580
Well we don't know if they actually exploded. They're merely collateral damage. They probably just got sliced open and/or shot.
>>
>>2807597
>>Well, separate the eggs we're using for the scramble and do it Belgian style, Heinrich
>>So, immortality. Last I heard you were 900s. How's that work?
>>
>>2807570
>>2807578
>>2807580
That's why they're on the MC's doorstep.
>>
>>2807597
>Well, separate the eggs we're using for the scramble and do it Belgian style, Heinrich
>So, immortality. Last I heard you were 900s. How's that work?
>>
>>2807597
>>Well, separate the eggs we're using for the scramble and do it Belgian style, Heinrich
>>So, what the Hell happened last night?
>>
>>2807597
>Is Bernie a morning person?
>You're welcome to make a cascade of waffles. Make sure to keep the ones you need separate.
>So got any clue what their problem is? If I can stop it, I'd like to try before something other than cows get hurt.
>So what's the thing you like most about the modern world?
>>2807610
I expect the average city slicker to not notice the difference between bulls and cows when referencing either. If they were dairy cows then that's a massive loss from the milk sales even if the farmer can sell the meat.
I'm resisting the temptation to bring up my theory on the rats robbing our clients again. I guess it feels like something hasn't clicked in MC's brain just yet due to how little downtime he actually has to stop and think..
>>
>>2807663
So what you're saying is that we should find a quiet place and think like the philosophers of old?

>>2807597
>Well, separate the eggs we're using for the scramble and do it Belgian style, Heinrich
>So, immortality. Last I heard you were 900s. How's that work?
>>
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>>2807597
"Separate the eggs we're scrambling," you say, "bowls are in that cabinet," and you gesture, "if you're doing egg-white foam Belgian-style."

"Not like we have time for a yeast rise," Heinrich says, grabbing a bowl and getting into a bit of an argument with the other two occupants of the kitchen about who can separate an egg best.

"I've been doing this for eleven hundred years," you hear the knight tell them, "you're, what," he says, gesturing at Liska, "seven hundred? And you," he says, looking at Madison, "are barely legal. Let me show you how to separate an egg."

That was a bit insulting, but the three of you watch spellbound, as Heinrich tosses the yolk between the halves of its shell, dripping the white into his bowl, over and over again.

"Eleven hundred years of practice," he says, depositing the yolk into the scramble bowl.

"Holy shit," Madison says, as Heinrich cracks another egg.

"Where's the flour?" he asks, as he separates it, "nutmeg, baking powder, sugar, and can someone melt the butter, please. A stick and a half. Also, tell me you have vanilla."

You wonder whether letting this guy meet Shelby in a kitchen would be the worst or best idea, as Liska darts around to get him his ingredients, and Madison whisks away at the soon-to-be-scrambled eggs.

"So," you say, dialing down the stovetop, "900s? How's that work?"

"Pact with Bernie," Heinrich says, barely missing a beat as he whisks the egg whites into foam, "I'm his partner. His Dragon Dragoon."

"Practice your rhythm games," you tell him. You've got a PS3. And you hope you never face Heinrich riding the dragon. If he fights like he cooks, well...

"You think you're funny, don't you?" Heinrich asks, and then says, "I'm going to need a another bowl for the dry ingredients, pretty please~!"

Liska gets him one.

"Pan's hot," you say, and Madison dumps the bowl of eggs into it, then you start scrambling.

"Is Bernie a morning person?" you ask, rather innocently.

"I'd say I am," an unmistakably craconis voice says from behind you, "Mr. Bond. What the hell happened last night, Heinrich? I woke up in a camper! And I think I lost a bet on a fight between demons."

"You got wrecked," Heinrich says, not bothering to look up from his breakfast construction, "drinking contest with a wizard. And I told you to bet on the other guy."

"Christ," Bernie says, "but I've got a hell of a headache. And probably need to pay up to some people?"

"You need to pay me," Heinrich says, "for one," then sprays Pam on the waffle maker, "I did bet on the other guy."

"Headache's getting worse," Bernie says.

>I've got ibuprofen
>Is he always like this?
>Oh, hey boss
>If you're in the kitchen, you're helping
>Ok, what the hell happened last night?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2807722
>craconis voice
That should be "draconic voice". I'm blaming my keyboard.
>>
>>2807722
>I've got ibuprofen
>Is he always like this?
>>
>>2807722
>Oh, hey boss
>I've got ibuprofen
>If you're planning on staying in the kitchen, you're helping

>>2807737
I'm totally thinking that Bernie has a bit of phlegm in the back of his throat that he hasn't gotten out yet and it's messing with his voice.
And that will be my headcanon on what Craconis means.
>>
>>2807722
>>I've got ibuprofen
>Dare I ask for a more in depth explanation?
>also, If you're in the kitchen, you're helping
>Before you pull anything, my house, surprise visit, my rules for getting everyone fed.
>>
>>2807722
>Dragon Dragoon
Was that a fucking Drakengard reference?
Like I would know, I'm allergic to Yoko Taro tragedies.

>Oh, hey boss
>I've got ibuprofen
>If you're planning on staying in the kitchen, you're helping
>>
>>2807722
>>I've got ibuprofen
>>Oh, hey boss
>>If you're in the kitchen, you're helping
>>
>>2807722
>>Is he always like this?
>>Oh, hey boss
>>If you're in the kitchen, you're helping
>>
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>>2807750
>Was that a fucking Drakengard reference?
Yes. The "I've got a PS3" and "practice your rhythm games" was also one.
I'm still blaming the anon who started posting Caim in an earlier thread.
>>
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>>2807761
And I will never regret posting Caim.
There is always time for Caimposting.
>>
>>2807722
Is that a regular grab some ibuprofen headache or a demonic brainworms are going to pop out of your skull because you lost a bet headache? I'm not equipped for the second one.
>>
>>2807722
>If you're in the kitchen, you're helping
>Ok, what the hell happened last night?

Liska is a Shapeshifter, right? So is Bernie?

If we ARE gonna swing, let's bang Heinrich and Bernie. Because we can always shoot them later without feeling bad.
>>
>>2807803
Well there goes our anal virginity.
>>
>>2807803
lolno
>>
>>2807722
>Oh hey boss
>I've got ibuprofen if that does anything to you

Haiku x Bottle stealing away from Haiku x Floor? Or supporting cast? Discuss
>>
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>>2807722
"Hey, boss," you say, "there's ibuprofen in the medicine cabinet, although the multivitamin might do you more good. Eventually."

"Where's the medicine cabinet?" Bernie asks, looking more defeated than you've ever seen him.

"Down the hall," you say, "master suite, you can't miss it."

"Thanks," he tells you, and you can hear the phlegm in his throat.

"Yes," Heinrich says, half through a conversation you'd tuned out, "this IS the right amount of vanilla!"

"Can't say I'm a waffle expert," Madison tells him, as you keep scrambling eggs, "but it seems like a bit much."

"This is imitation vanilla," the knight says, "synthesized vanillin! You know what, taste them when they're done."

Liska punctuates the exchange with a barking laugh.

"WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU IN MY HOUSE?" echoes down the corridor, and you're pretty sure that's your daughter.

Oh Hell, seems like Melon was going to the shower or something.

"Someone please keep scrambling these," you say, and head out of the kitchen and into the hallway.

"We've got guests again," you say, then realize that somehow, Bernie managed to collide with your daughter in the hallway, and they're, well, rather tangled up on the floor.

"This isn't what it looks like," Bernie says, as he picks himself up, and extends a hand down to your daughter to help her off the floor.

"What on earth," Melon says from the floor, "is going on here, dad?"

"Madison's camper showed up on our driveway," you tell her, "with a bunch of people in it. Aftermath of a really crazy night on the town. Man's got a hangover, cut him just a little slack."

She takes Bernie's hand and stands up, still in pyjamas.

"It's six forty-five, dad," Melon says, "what did you do?"

"He left before closing time," Bernie says, padding off toward the master suite.

"I didn't do anything," you tell Melon, "it just happened."

Then you hear the waffle maker beep.

"Are you making waffles?" Melon asks.

"Heinrich is," you say.

"Huh," Melon says, looking a little disappointed, "I'm going to whip through a shower before they're all gone," and she darts into the bathroom.

Just after she vanishes, Bernie comes back from your room.

"Guessing the missus got a bit frisky last night," he says, "you need a transfusion? I think the health insurance covers that."

Oh hell, he did walk by the bloody sheets.

"Does explain the bandages, though," Bernie tells you, eyeing your torso.

"You're coming back to the kitchen," you say, "and you're helping."

[1/2]
>>
>>2807812
>>2807815
> Not fucking rule 63 Bernie

> Not fucking Trap-Bernie

Plebs. "Ooh, we're so kinky and sexually liberated hurr durr hurr durr".

You don't have the balls to be a faggot, admit it.
>>
>>2807863
Are you sure you're ok Anon? Cause you seem a bit out of it.
Don't sleeppost, it's not good for your health.
>>
>>2807862
"Too many cooks," Bernie says, following you.

"We're not making soup," you tell him, "we're making breakfast for twelve people. We need folks to get it on plates, at least."

"That has some logic to it," the dragon says, and you're not sure if he's managed to sober up yet. He doesn't seem as confrontational as usual

Then you see Madison leave the kitchen, and hear the front door open and shut.

"I think we're about to get besieged," you tell Bernie.

"I'm pretty good at breaking sieges," he says, as the two of you walk back into the kitchen.

Ok, NOW you wish Shelby was here. Whatever his faults may be, the guy can manage a kitchen.

Not tripping over people is more of a challenge than getting waffles and eggs on plates.

Then the tide comes in.

Madison's crew of magical girls, James (who looks like he's probably still drunk), Rob (sporting some interesting-looking injuries), Rick (stubbing out his cigarette before entering the house), and Jean (who seems far too perky for this hour - maybe it's a police thing?).

The tide is hungry.

>Talk to [WRITE IN]
>Ask generally "so, who won?"
>So, late night?
>What the hell did you people do last night?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2807891
>So, late night?
>Could someone grab the carton of Orange Juice out of the fridge? The unopened one, not the half empty one.
>>
>>2807891
>>WRITE IN

> So. Did you all learn that the real treasure is Friendship, last night?

> We should redirect this energy outwards before some of you turn up dead or pregnant.

> Got an ideas for who to go after next? Princesses that need saving? Foes that need slaying? Gods that need to be reminded that if they don't keep it in their pants, we'll keep it in a box?
>>
I'm hitting the bed now. As in getting in bed, not domestic violence.

Next runtime (hopefully tomorrow morning) on twitter: https://twitter.com/HaikuDeluge
Archive (for anyone who wants to catch up): http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Shotgun

This has been an odd run so far.
>>
>>2807891
Seconding >>2807903
Because I think friendship is the last lesson they learned.
>>
>>2807891
>>2807903
But be as snarky as humanely possible.
>>
>>2807891
Seconding >>2807903as well.
>>
>>2807891
>Yell back to the kitchen crew: "THE BREAKFAST ZOMBIES ARE HERE"
>At least someone had a wonderful night.
>>
>>2807891
>Get in before I have to run interference on Fred during his morning walks with his dog. It's gonna be harder to come up with a convincing alibi this time.
>>
>>2807903
>>2807891
Support this because I want to see the look on Bernies face.
>>
>>2807891
So, late night?
>>
I should start back up shortly.

>>2806908
>it's neither stated nor implied that Liska tried to rape us in revenge
Maybe you were too fast with that one.
>I am usually very pleasantly surprised by how you handle 'sensitive' topics like these.
Well, thanks. I think that's mostly due to the fact that I find more realistic dynamics a bit more interesting than some of the other options. In this particular case, the good old "I have a headache/I'm not feeling it tonight" "ok, it's morning, you still have that headache?" cycle seemed more fun than what you're talking about.
>femdom
I think Liska's hilariously turned on by the idea that she could kill the MC, but she's letting him pin her down, and he's got the guts to do it.
I say all this, and yet I'm writing a story in which a teenage girl shows up on the MC's doorstep and threatens grievous bodily harm if someone tries to pull her in for a threesome, and this is sort of normal.
>>
>>2808998
We'd probably be thanking her for that threat if seeing us talking to her wouldn't encourage Liska instead.
>>
>>2808998
Seems to me that Liska's been holding back all that sexual depravity when MC was still somewhat blissfully ignorant of the magical masquerade. But now that it's been about 2 weeks (that one month long coma didn't count) since MC's headfirst dive into the deep end, That dam that's holding back the reservoir of Sexual degeneracy is starting to burst.

And it's starting to scare and grate on MC's nerves. He's fine with the sex, but he's a good wholesome American and there are some lines that he dares not cross. Not after seeing the sexual depravity that his sister does on a daily basis before she went to hell.
>>
Haiku Deluge
@HaikuDeluge
47 minutes ago
Power outage hit while I was writing the next post. Fuck me, I'll try again tomorrow.
>>
>>2809268
>holding back
>the dam broke
That’s how I’m reading it. This whole heat thing is just icing. Since we’ve been with Liska for twenty years or so, she’s had to have done this before, but kept a lid on it.

Some other anon was speculating she’s insecure about us actually accepting her, despite that speech we gave. I’m beginning to wonder if that’s part of the reason she’s jumping us so hard. Physical intimacy as a proxy for other sorts?
>>
>>2808998
>Maybe you were too fast with that one.
I was specifically talking about us finally putting our foot down, and (you writing) Liska actually respecting that. In retrospect, it's a bit silly given the previous two (three?) updates, but once again, I was filtering that through the lens of 'agressive foreplay'.
'Course, I could be entirely misreading what you are saying, so there's also that.

>find more realistic dynamics a bit more interesting than some of the other options
I've got absolutely no bones with that. I've had more than enough of the more unrealistic (arguably downright abusive) dynamics found elsewhere.

>she's letting him pin her down, and he's got the guts to do it.
This is probably the number one reason I'm here at all - this kind of dynamic (especially in a non-abusive capacity) between these kinds of people is /so/ /fucking/ /rare/ it's not even funny. That, and it hits me right in the fetishes.

>threatens grievous bodily harm if someone tries to pull her in for a threesome, and this is sort of normal
The most popular alternative (I'll outline it if you really want to know the kind of shit I usually wade through) essentially discards personal autonomy and sexual preference for the sake of lesbian empowerment. I'm pretty damn good with grievous bodily harm for what essentially amounts to sexual coercion.
Oh, you meant the everything. Yeah, it's pretty fucked up, but it's been a damn good ride so far, and it's been /mostly/ internally consistent.
Bringing the priest and the kabbalah in was probably the greatest strain to my SOD, and even that's partially due to my religious convictions.
And I even voted for the priest. Should have known better.
>>
>>2809586
>/so/ /fucking/ /rare/
Let me amend that - outside of highly fetish-oriented, unrealistic (and usually low quality) smut, that is.
>>
>>2809486
>Physical intimacy as a proxy for other sorts?
It might well be. We've had all of maybe a week's worth of actual sit-down-and-talk time with her (running a /legitimate business/ keeps you busy, yo) since we found out she was a literal fox, and twenty some years of hiding things is not great for the mental state.

We should probably make it a priority to spend some one-on-one time with our wife, beyond just fucking the stuffing out of her. Just find something fun to do (probably off-camera) to build better communication and trust.
Man, speaking in possessive third-person like this is fucking /weird/.
>>
>>2809608
>Man, speaking in possessive third-person like this is fucking weird.
You get used to it once you start channeling the personality of a rock star.
>>
>>2809608
>Just find something fun to do (probably off-camera) to build better communication and trust.
Preferably later; she's had a lot of screentime recently. But yes, she is one of the many people we should spend some time with hashing things out.

She is running into the same general issue as everyone else though: character bloat. You can go deep with a few characters, or wide with many. We're wide, and getting wider all the time.
The real solution is to either kill off something like half the cast, or send about half the cast away for some reason or another. I have a vague idea for sending them off to manage domains, or maybe work on specific elements of the contract issue, or maybe send some of them off as favors to supernaturals that aren't a threat to us (ie not burnie or sister). Does anyone have anything more concrete?
>>
>>2809635
Madison's crew can probably fuck right out of the picture to act as a quasi-independent party, W and Kelly ought to recede into the background soon, Mary's crew isn't gonna go away anytime soon (by dint of our daughter being on it), and we'll be left with some shenanigans with our new apprentice.
>>
>>2809608
Ma, we should re-propose to our wife to have a second marriage. A marriage to her again, with all her foxy glory and family invited.
>>
>>2809836
Will Marion or Shelby be the ringbearer?
>>
>>2809877
Clearly it will be Freebles. The Ring Champion, and Bearer.

Shelby would be a Groomsman with our other Brothers, and Melon would be the Maid of Honor.

The question is who would be our best man. I think The Thousand Year Blade. Whom we should see if there are any enchanted shotguns we could set him up with.
>>
>>2809885
But if Freebles is the Ringbearer. Who's gonna be the Priest?
>>
>>2806866
How to Handle A Harem

> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6FmtiDbg4xY

Remember, D is the most important point to remember.
>>
>>2809898
Fred.

Who is not an angel.

But WAS ordained surprisingly as a joke once in Vegas.
>>
>>2809908
but if we're doing the second marriage, why are we dragging the guy who is MOST DEFINITELY 100% MUGGLE into the masquerade?
>>
>>2809921
I personally don't get the point of second weddings at all besides wasting money, but it's obviously just a masquerade themed wedding in Vegas.
>>
Hopefully I'll be running soon.

>>2809268
>>2809486
I think these are definitely components, but there are a number of factors. Another interesting point is that she didn't try the really rough stuff on the MC until after Haru had gone for it and the MC didn't seem to care, and they had a conversation about it.
>>2809586
>Liska actually respecting that
Although she can get fairly wild, they do have a rather functioning relationship. And this isn't the first time he's turned her down in bed during this quest.
I thought the "it's not last night anymore" coda felt fairly accurate, and it set up some more jokes for the morning scenes.
>non-abusive capacity
This isn't fucking Black Bird.
>/so/ /fucking/ /rare/
Which is weird, because it's not really that uncommon IRL, in my experience. Part of the fun of sex is shifting dominance roles (often on the fly), and letting someone do things that both parties know could easily be stopped (sometimes while pretending they can't be). BDSM kind of codifies it, but that element is usually present no matter how vanilla things are.
>>2809635
>kill off something like half the cast
Which half? Taking votes.
>>
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>>2807891
"Well, folks," you say to the other people in the kitchen, "the breakfast zombies are here. Someone grab the orange juice and start filling glasses."

"How did I get back here?" James asks, over the kitchen peninsula.

"Drinking contest with a dragon," Heinrich deadpans at him, pouring more batter in the waffle maker, "sometimes people teleport after that."

"Didn't think you'd be up for a few hours," Madison says, looking over at the wizard. Yeah, that guy really does sleep in his coat.

"You wake up pretty fast when someone's shaking you and two people are slapping your face," James says, then looks around the crowd, "and I will find out who dumped the cold water on me! I will find y-"

"And you'll serve them breakfast," you tell the wizard, shoving a couple of plates into his hands, "you're press-ganged as a waiter. Have fun."

Well, that gets a wave of giggles.

Then James looks at you, eyes tracing over the bandages on your chest, "what the hell happened to you?" he asks.

"I did," Liska tells him, with a look that shows a lot of sharp teeth, "get those plates on the table."

"Good luck," James says, winking at you before taking the plates into the dining room. the tide seems to be flowing toward it, like water circling into a drain.

"Mornings always like this here?" Jean asks, pouring herself a cup of coffee, as her eyes flicker between your bandaged chest and Liska.

"Only sometimes," you sigh, and after a blur of activity, everyone's finally at the table, with food, drinks, and varying degrees of hangovers (or still being drunk).

"So," you say, looking down the table, "I hope you all learned a valuable lesson last night."

"Don't post up when a wizard picks a fight?" Rob mutters, looking darkly at James.

"Never listen to you when you ask me to hit the bar?" Bernie asks, still holding his head in his hands.

"Get the cows clear before having a fight?" Rick asks.

"Don't drink with dragons?" James says.

"I was hoping you'd all learned the real treasure is friendship," you say.

Bernie turns to look at you, a truly unreadable expression on his slack-jawed face.

"Well," Madison says, "considering nobody," and she glares at her brother, "is dead, or even seriously injured, you could say that. And thanks for breakfast."

That gets a chorus of thanks from the table, and people start scarfing down breakfast.

>Bernie, do you need a ride to work?
>So, Jean, having fun in the deep end?
>We should redirect this energy outward, before some of you turn up dead or pregnant.
>Sounds like you folks had a good night
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2810088
>>Bernie, do you need a ride to work?
>>
>>2809957
>kill off something like half the cast

I personally think we just need to send em off on missions to collect rats after we start/do the magic lessons/training. They don't need to show up at every last place we go to unless this is a much smaller town than I thought it was instead of a full blown city.

So I suppose that makes the order of priorities for myself to be:
>Magic training/school
>Double check that we're combat ready for Zeus and boss rat.
>Renegotiate contracts after we've made sure they have fine control in order to prevent accidents. Do it one at a time to make sure everyone isn't accidentally creating satellite nukes at the same time.
>Recruit for the war for the title of new rat god. Have a B team go out and snipe/catch/snatch rats before they can do anything to their magical girls They can bring corpses back to freebles or does he absolutely need to fight them in combat?
>Booth at magic-con for parents of magical girls
>Madison seems well read and experienced enough that she might make a good general for the new recruits.
>Mary could too, but I think we should present our first batch as some elite cadre thanks to the suits they like to wear for morale purposes.
They're the go to team and we only know that our current groups have learned enough to be safe for the important missions. Anyone new might be stupid enough to let something slip when they jump right in because they don't have the support network at home we were lucky enough to have.
>Ask Liska to make that sex ed book for magical girls. Probably have it proofread by one of the other ladies of the group since Liska being in heat is gonna warp her priorities a bit.
>By this point everyone should be suitably busy enough to not be in every scene at the same time. If that's not enough we might have to make som sort of magical congress for organization sizes above the current level to represent groups.
>Make an idiot's guide to not die from stupid magical shit from the things we've learned (and everyone else knows) not to do so far. QM might make us run into a newbie magical girl with a dad that's about to start thread one of our quest and it'll be good to have.
By that point our forces should be amassed and we can do the final run at the Rat God.
Obviously very point on this list will go horribly wrong.


>I was thinking that we should have some magic classes for the girls. They're all self taught and things like being able to see a rat hovering above a girl on the astral plane might be useful for a team of rat-catchers
>Madison, wanna be a general? Once Freebles give the go ahead about his boss not caring/noticing about us killing that duke I think we're going to be recruiting aggressively. Waiting around too long while children get dragged into this life doesn't sit right with me.
>>2810088
Having fun in the deep end Jean? It seems a bit less life threatening than my experience at least.
>>
>>2810088
>Bernie, do you need a ride to work?
>So, Jean, having fun in the deep end?

>>2809957
>Black Bird
I don't even want to know.

>it's not really that uncommon IRL
Yeah, that's the weird thing - I guess most things like this quest are written by people who subscribe to the (70s? 90s?) idea of gender politics best characterized by "yes dear" and "never raise your hand against a woman" but think it is perfectly okay for a woman to slap a man to show her displeasure, and unironically mix that with modern feminism.
That may or may not be a caricature and/or one of my hot buttons.

I haven't seen anything near that level of disassociation in this quest so far, though, which I've got to give you props for.
>>
>>2810135
>Make an idiot's guide to not die from stupid magical shit from the things we've learned
This probably should be pretty high on the priorities - we've already established that the existing material pretty much amounts to "get hammered".

Bonus points if it winds up being https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2gEkdPZOM8.
>>
>>2810088
Bernie, do you need a ride to work?
also jean im not a abuse victim
>>
>>2810088
>>We should redirect this energy outward, before some of you turn up dead or pregnant.
Let's see if we can stat delegating.
>>
>>2810135
Major flaw in your "fight the rat god" plan: a most of our firepower comes from magical girls, and we'd only be recruiting more. Until we figure out how to get them off the rat's processed energy, as soon as we start a fight with them they'll cut our whole group off. Our first priority should be to seriously work on removing/replacing that dependency (maybe send our wizards to an enclave or something?). After that, if we want to, we can fight rats, inc.
>>
>>2810212
That's what rewriting the contracts and the research is for. The yarnball makes it easier to understand what energy is being fed to the rats to try and reproduce it or teach freebles how to make it.
>>
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>>2810088
"Bernie," you ask the dragon in a low voice, "you want a ride to work?"

"I'd appreciate that," he mutters at you, still rubbing his temples. This is the meekest you've ever seen your boss. Are dragons weak to booze? Does Bernie just have a low tolerance? Did James use some sort of magic to drink the dragon under the table?

You'll probably never know.

"Do you have a dark room?" the dragon asks.

"Guest bedroom," you tell him, trying to restrain a grin, "it's got blackout curtains. Second door on the left, down the hall."

"Thanks," Bernie whispers, getting out of his chair with an uncoordinated motion, "Heinrich, make sure they don't Saint George me."

"I'M the knight here," Heinrich says, with a grin, and Bernie smiles at him and staggers down the hall.

"I was thinking," you tell the table, "we should have some magic classes for all you girls."

"I AM magic," Myrna says, grinning at you.

"Yeah, you all are," you say, "but you're self taught. And I've got it on good authority that the rats don't want any any of you studying wizardry. So that seems like something we should do."

"Because fuck those guys," Freebles says, crawling out of your pants pocket and onto the table.

Madison looks at you like you're the fuckin' second coming.

Then her head snaps around to James.

"You know that's what I've been asking you for for three months," she tells him.

"Magich's dangeroush," he says, around a mouthful of waffles, then swallows, "not sure I want to drag you guys any further in."

"WE," Madison yells, leaning over the table at him, "ARE FARTHER IN THAN YOU COULD EVER BE! If anything you know helps us," she says, settling back into her chair by degrees, as she glares at the wizard, "spill the beans."

"I've been helping you!" James yells, standing up from his chair, "I brought your brother back from the brink of death! I've been to Hell three times, and fought my way out two of them! Before I even met you! You think you're farther in than I am?"

This is beginning to look oddly like a lover's tiff.

"So," you ask Jean, under the yells, "having fun in the deep end?"

"Watching this sort of thing is never fun," she whispers, and then leans in to breathe "are things ok here? Feel safe in your own home and all that?"

"I'm not an abuse victim," you mutter, "I married a kitsune and I'm damn happy about it. You should have seen what her brother and my sister did."

Then you realize that's the room you sent Bernie to.

"Did he make her fellate his shotgun?" Jean whispers, almost innocently, but you can see the implication in her eyes.

Fuck, they've been touching souls and reliving memories inside the sword, haven't they?

>Liska, you have fun with these folks. I'm going to work
>That was in self defence, Jean
>Ladies and gentlemen, I really just meant a class on applying wizard-style magical principles to magical girl stuff
>Hey, Rob, I think that guy's making a really awkward pass at your sister. I've got a backyard
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2810251
>Ladies and gentlemen, I really just meant a class on applying wizard-style magical principles to magical girl stuff
>>
>>2810251
>For your information The shotgun-in-mouth was to make sure she stopped summoning more swords. Sue was the one who turned it into an innuendo.
>I've never seen a girl that masochistic, save for my sister.
>Rob, what kind of brother are you letting someone make a pass at your sister without your inspection and approval?
>>
>>2810251
>>For your information The shotgun-in-mouth was to make sure she stopped summoning more swords. Sue was the one who turned it into an innuendo.
>Ladies and gentlemen, I really just meant a class on applying wizard-style magical principles to magical girl stuff
>>
>>2810251
>The shotgun-in-mouth was to make sure she stopped summoning more swords. Sue was the one who turned it into an innuendo.
>>That was in self defence, Jean
>>Ladies and gentlemen, I really just meant a class on applying wizard-style magical principles to magical girl stuff
>>
>>2810282
Supportan
>>
>>2810251
>Your daughter was trying to slice me up like Jason in some sort of machete warehouse and I needed her to stop that. She did that whole molesting my shotgun thing on her own. I kind of suspect she had an ulterior motive when she told me the cops are demons after i said i was gonna call em on her.

When I said magic I meant more like proper understanding of the principles and their applications instead of accidentally summoning Cthulhu. Everyone seems to be self taught so there's a bunch of stuff you might not know. Would you know if some rat was sitting in the middle of this table as an astral projection? That's apparently how they usually monitor you. Can you teleport if you wanted to? If you ran into some wizard crazy enough to do stuff that scares James, would you know what he was doing? Everyone needs to figure out what they don't know and I hope you're mature enough to not do whatever crazy shit James must have been thinking about. Besides. Can you imagine the look on a rats face if you suddenly pimp slapped it's astral form into a warded shoebox?
>Just keep in mind that some of the stuff on the rat's list might actually be banned for a good reason
>>
>>2810251
>>For your information The shotgun-in-mouth was to make sure she stopped summoning more swords and to make sure she wouldn't bite me or something. Sue was the one who turned it into an innuendo.
>>I've never seen a girl that masochistic, save for my sister.
>>
>>2809957
Kill off Melon . Go full Doom Guy.
>>
>>2810135
> need school for the girls

We gotta teach them small unit tactics. Get Sue to be up there wrecking faces while Mary stays in the back for nukes, and Marion acts to flank around the enemy and drive them into Mary's killzone.

I honestly don't remember what the other girls do.

Same deal with Madisons group.

We should break them down by power sets so they can work in supporting groups of three than can smoothly transition to providing cover, pushing ahead to flank, set up enfilades, target spot for indirect fire, etc.
>>
>>2810251
> If you know about that, then you know that I only do that to enemies. If shotguns count, Sue and Sachio are eskimo siblings.

> Besides, I wasn't the super power magical girl that was looking to beat up a normal person.

> You and Sue are lucky she's changed a lot since then, but I'm still scared every day about what having to live with all the magical BS can do to our kids.

Captain NoFun! Right away reminding Jean that we're the Adults here.
>>
>>2810363
That's Kelly's job. I presume he'd be some sort of intro to modern warfare and tactics instructor.
>>
>>2810384
Ironically most small unit tactics are ancient.
>>
>>2810251
>Liska, you have fun with these folks. I'm going to work
>That was in self defence, Jean
>>
>>2810251
>That was in self defence, Jean
Thank allah she can grow her limbs back though
>>
>>2810363
While some of regular small unit tactics would work, remember the powerlevel of them and who they might be fighting. Hard cover might as well not exist, though visual cover would still work. Some of them can fly. etc.
I love the idea of operator MGs though, so I'm willing to try and make it work.
>>2810384
Kelly is more of a lone wolf assassin-type. He'd be great or individual combat skill, not so much group tactics. We were in the marines and deployed, so we should have a decent idea of how it should work.
I wonder if we've kept up with anyone we served with..
>>
>>2810390
Guns and artillery changes things a little. Magic should also radically alter what tactics are effective. Kelly is a prime example of just how much mundane solutions can work against supernatural beasties.
>>2810404
He's also a mercenary so I presumed he's worked in groups before. We can help out, but we know that what he's learned actually works against magical creatures while our knowledge is supposed to be human vs human.
>>
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>>2810251
"For your information," you mutter at her, "the shotgun-in-mouth thing was to make sure she didn't keep summoning more swords and keeping trying to kill me. Self defence. Sue was the one who turned it into innuendo."

"That isn't what I saw," Jean whispers, her eyes narrowing at you, "that was one hell of a sexual gesture."

Oh hell.

Memories are gradually overwritten, as they're accessed. Emotional ideas dyeing them in odd colors as they're remembered. If the damn sword has been letting Jean relive Sue's memories...

"They ever give you the lecture about eyewitness testimony and how you have three witnesses and five stories at the police academy?" you whisper, "I don't know what you saw in that sword, but I have been," you hiss "fending your daughter off. Although she's been getting better, those memories are probably just a little colored - I've never seen a girl that sadomasochistic, save for my sister."

"Surprised your wife wasn't fending her off," Jean whispers, with a wry grin, darting her eyes at Liska, and back at the bandages on your chest.

That's not exactly the reaction you'd expected.

"She has," you whisper back, and bite down on some of the other things you could have said. You're not telling Jean that Liska and Ellie have both expressed interest in fucking her daughter.

That just doesn't seem kosher.

"Masochistic?" Jean whispers at you, finally processing that part of what you said.

If there was an expression calculated to make you want to grab someone by the neck and slam them against the nearest wall, and they'd enjoy it, it's probably the one Jean's wearing right now.

DOES IT RUN IN THE FAMILY?

"Your sister?" she hisses.

"That is a really long story," you tell her, hoping this manages to collapse back into relative normalcy really fast, "but basically, she was a magical girl and became a demon. Demoness. Duchess of Hell."

"Don't tell me," Jean whispers, "Sue thought she was a role model, didn't she?"

>We told her why that's a terrible idea.
>Lady, you really need to stop giving me that look, or my wife's going to assume it implies consent.
>Why do you think she'd do that?
>It's 7:15, I have to be at work at 8, and let's postpone this one.
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2810416
>We told her why that's a terrible idea.
>Lady, you really need to stop giving me that look, or my wife's going to assume it implies consent.
>>
>>2810416
We told her why that's a terrible idea.
>>
>>2810416
>>We told her why that's a terrible idea.
>It's 7:15, I have to be at work at 8, and let's postpone this one.
>>
>>2810428
Supporting
>>
>>2810416

>We told her why that's a terrible idea.
>Miss, with that look you're giving, my wife's gonna assume your consent."
>are you sure you want to end up like me after my wife's done with you? The aftermath is comparable to the end of Macbeth. It's a step down from the room wrecking romp made by my Sister and Brother-in-law. But still comparable.
>Besides, it's 7:15 and I need to drive my boss to work.
>>
>>2810416
>We told her why that's a terrible idea.
>Lady, you really need to stop giving me that look, or my wife's going to assume it implies consent.
>>
>>2810416
>We told her why that's a terrible idea.
>Lady, you really need to stop giving me that look, or my wife's going to assume it implies consent.
>It's 7:15, I have to be at work at 8, and let's postpone this one.
>>
>>2810416
>We told her why that's a terrible idea and while I think that drove the point home, the accidental visit she had last week sure as hell made it clear.
>Kelly ran into her for some weird ritual and an entire city got slaughtered when she had a temper tantrum.
> And change that look on your face. My wife is apparently going into heat right now and I have work to get to. I'm guessing that if we properly impregnate her the heat thing will wear off?
>>
>>2810416
>We told her why that's a terrible idea.
>It's 7:15, I have to be at work at 8, and let's postpone this one.
>>
>>2810416
>>We told her why that's a terrible idea.
>>Lady, you really need to stop giving me that look, or my wife's going to assume it implies consent.
>>
Everyone picking the trick option.

You're doing it on purpose aren't you
>>
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>>2810416
"We told her why it was a terrible idea," you say, staring at the police officer, "we are looking out for her, or, at least, trying to. I don't want to see anyone else walk the path my sister walked," you tell her, then whisper, "and Sue seems oddly similar to her. I don't want to watch one more person I care about walk into Hell."

"Thanks," Jean tells you, and sighs, leaning toward you, "look," she whispers, "I admit, I'm not exactly the best mother, and I'm not quite sure what's going on here. Everything I've seen is a bit horrifying. Although I have to thank you for loaning out the sword - I probably 'get' Sue more than I ever did before."

You hope she does.

"And she's, well," Jean says, and smiles, "definitely my daughter. And you care about her."

"You keep looking at me like that," you mutter, "and Liska's going to assume it implies consent."

"Consent to what?" Jean asks, as Liska suddenly hugs her from behind.

"You have to ask?" you barely hear your wife breathe into her ear, then Liska's lips move without making a sound your ears can pick up.

You see several people around the table stiffen. The magical girls are going 'fight or fight harder' mode.

And Heinrich starts laughing.

"Let's not," Jean whispers at your wife, her cheeks flushing, then whispers, "really, don't," she gasps, "I HAVE a service pistol," she hisses, and Liska relaxes her hold.

"But can you please sign this book?" Jean asks, pulling a worn paperback out of her jacket pocket.

"That one?" Liska asks, grabbing it, her face going red, "you want me to sign..." and it's impossible to read that mask of pride and shame on your wife's features as she reads the title, but at least it seems to have snapped her out of it, "someone get me a pen," Liska says.

Well, that seems to have cut the red wire.

You hand a sharpie to your wife, and whisper "do I need to call in sick today?"

"I can probably handle it," she mutters back, taking the pen and scrawling "MAY YOU FARE BETTER THAN THE PROTAGONIST, JEAN - LISKA" across the inner cover of a cheap paperback.

"Thanks!" Jean says, receiving the paperback with a look reserved for gods and authors.

>I need to get to work
>Uh, which of yours was that?
>Can you all please, please, manage to not destroy my house?
>Liska, we're spending the day in bed
>Liska, how would you like to be my receptionist for the day?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2810730
>I need to get to work
>Heinrich, can you please check up on my boss?
>Freebles, please ring up the bill for these diners in my house. The Breakfast for 12 cleaned out much of the pantry and fridge.
>>
>>2810730
>>I need to get to work
>Can you all please, please, manage to not destroy my house?
We do still have a job.

>"Let's not," Jean whispers at your wife, her cheeks flushing, then whispers, "really, don't," she gasps, "I HAVE a service pistol," she hisses, and Liska relaxes her hold.
She needed a threat of violence to dissuade her from raping someone. Yes, that would have been rape.
This can't be the first time she's been in heat. How has she dealt with it in the past? Not in the usual way, on account of Melon being her only kid, and that's the whole point of heat.
>>
>>2810730
>>Can you all please, please, manage to not destroy my house?
>Find Bernie, arrange for us to get off early because of our wife's ongoing medical issue. Trust us, he will be happier without a sex crazed kitsune running around town.
>>
>>2810730
>>Uh, which of yours was that?
>>I need to get to work
>>
>>2810739
Probably took birth control pills or spells and just acted like your normal Hedonist Kitsune.
>>
>>2810730
>I need to get to work
>Can you all please, please, manage to not destroy my house?

Pull Liska aside later (preferably in bed) and ask her
>Which book of yours was that? And what was that about the protagonist?

>>2810739
>How has she dealt with it in the past?
Probably by getting blackout drunk in addition to what anon is saying - I wouldn't be surprised if part of the night we don't remember was her coming off of heat.
>>
>>2810730
>Can you all please, please, manage to not destroy my house?
>I need to get to work
>Give her a mildly smug look
>>
>>2810730
>You're not wrong or alone about everything being horrifying. It seems to be the main excuse for why everyone is an alcoholic.
>I have to go to work soon
>Please don't destroy my house
>You can check with the other girls for testimony if you want.
>James, Madison, Liska, mind getting her up to speed on anything else she might not know? If she didn't know about my sister, she definitely has gaps in what Sue told her or cared to remember.
>Group meeting tomorrow night. We gotta sort out a great deal of things including whatever the hell the rats are up to.
>>
>>2810730
>Find Bernie, arrange for us to get off early because of our wife's ongoing medical issue. Trust us, he will be happier without a sex crazed kitsune running around town.
>>
>>2810743
>>2810749
Birth control pills are a fairly recent invention, considering her age. Her dealing with it in the expected way would have yielded a child by this point; even with her low fertility, she's been around a long time, and heat is sure to boost it. How long are kitsune fertile anyway?
>>
>>2810909
Romans had an herb that was a natural contraceptive actually. Also given how Liska struggled to give one kid, she might be more infertile than most, or fucked lots of partners that were not cross species compatible.
>>
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>>2810730
You're almost surprised nobody released some sort of supernatural pressure during that exchange, but, looking down the table, you see a few people who were ready to fight or die, and are just trying to settle their pulses now.

"So," you say, "I have to go to work. Can I trust you guys to not destroy my house?"

"You trust me?" Madison asks, "I can keep my folks in line. Even James," she finishes, looking at the wizard.

"We're on shift pretty soon," Rick tells you, "so we won't be here long."

"You should probably put a shirt on before you go to the office," someone says, and you glare around the table as laughter breaks out.

"I'll take it under advisement," you say, rising out of your chair, and heading back to your bedroom. Liska follows you.

"I probably went a little overboard there," she whispers in the hallway.

"Definitely," you say, "what did you whisper to her? I didn't catch it."

"Nothing I would do in front of nine people," Liska tells you, following you into the master closet, as you pick out a shirt, "if someone's in our world, they have to be able to put their foot down and threaten violence. Even if they never use it."

You're not sure you're buying the 'it was just a test' thing, particularly given some of what Liska's said before.

Buttoning the shirt in the mirror is a bit harder than usual. Things hurt.

"Jean passed with flying colors," Liska says, smiling behind you in the mirror, looking impressive in that bathrobe.

"And this has nothing to do with oyakodon, or being in dead heat?" you ask, staring at her eyes in the mirror as you tie your necktie.

Liska sighs.

"Can we please save it until you get back from work?" she asks.

"Unless I'm missing today," you tell her, turning around and pecking her on the cheek.

"You've got to drive Bernie in," she says, "and, yes, I'll keep it under control. I won't jump - any of them."

"Glad to hear it," you say with a smile, as she tightens your tie, and you throw on a jacket.

"But I'd really like you to jump me," she whispers, as you head out to grab your boss.

Then you turn back and french her.

"Now you're going to have to do it," she whispers, breathlessly.

"I have to grab Bernie and go to wor~" you start, as her teeth pierce the side of your neck.

"Have a good day, honey," she says, "I'll be waiting for you tonight."

"We always liked Def Leppard, didn't we?" you ask her with a grin, "good luck with our guests," you say, and walk to the guest bedroom.

You knock on the guest bedroom door, then open it.

"You're going to have to tell me what the hell happened happened in here," Bernie says from the floor.

"Family stuff," you say, helping him up, "you want to be late?"

"I thought you were straight-laced," the dragon says, grinning.

"And I think you want to get to work on time," you say, shepherding him to the garage, and your 'beast of a car', "Heinrich coming?"

"He'll call someone to pick him up," Bernie says, as the garage door rolls up, "let's go."

[1/2]
>>
>>2810951
You merge onto the freeway.

"So," you ask the dragon, "a hangover mellows you out this much?"

"Anyone ever tell you you're a terrible person?" Bernie asks.

"Several people," you say, taking a glance at the dragon's untucked shirt and half-done tie, "mostly women."

He starts laughing.

"It would be," he says, "you're one of those guys that goes wild in his youth, then finds religion, or a wife, and settles down, huh?"

Hangover, your ass. He's still drunk.

"I saw a lot of them over the years," Bernie tells you, "blue-eyed crusaders, men fighting for their country, their religion, their people, their god - doing terrible things and -" he claps his hands, "BAM! They get married. Or find a good-looking milkmaid, which is about the same thing, or so all the songs say, or they become a monk, then they're, well, whatever you are."

"And what am I?" you ask him, changing lanes, "you're the near-immortal dragon here. Give me your ageless wisdom."

"You're," Bernie says, staring at you as he slumps in his seat, "hmm. I'm not really sure. You're not a princess-saving knight, you're not the third son who upstages his younger brothers, and that retired soldier thing, well, according to fairytales, you're screwed."

"If we're going according to fairytales," you tell him, "you're a dragon, so you're going to either get killed by the hero or give the hero a boon."

Bernie laughs.

"Or I could just drop you at your place on the way to the office," you say.

"No, no," Bernie says, muddling around with his tie, "we're going to the office. Hmm," he continues, looking over at you, "the hero, huh? You got any divine descent?"

"Not that I know of," you tell him.

"If you did," the dragon says, "I'm guessing Venus."

>Why?
>You seem unusually friendly this morning
>What if I told you there were four satellites?
>I have to get you drunk more often
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2811007
>>You seem unusually friendly this morning
>I have to get you drunk more often
>>
>>2811007

>Why?
>We need to get wasted some point.
>>
>>2811007
>*over exaggerated Sarcastic midlife crisis mode* I was of magical decent the entire time? No wonder my sister went frilly and my wife is a fox!
>>
>>2811007
>That'd explain how my sister acted both before and after becoming a demoness.
>>
>>2811007
>Because everyone around me seems to hook up lately?
>You seem unusually friendly this morning. Was it the waffles?
>>
>>2811007
>Now here's the thing I don't get about those fairytales, why does the hero need to be the kid of some dickass god? Now you're making me uncomfortable because you're telling me I'm Zeus's nth times great grandson 90th removed
>>
>>2811058
>I learned from Freebles that he was probably stolen from King Enma to be turned into one of the rats but I didn't see any recent reports of theft in the ledgers. Is he euphemistically listed as an expense that was written off or something? I must be missing something somewhere.
>I'm still amazed that those girls managed to knock out 4 satellites.
>>
>>2811007
>Actually, my mother-in-law is a land goddess...
>>
>>2811007
Why?
>>
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>>2811007
"That would explain Ellie," you say, "both before and after becoming a demoness, and maybe the 'perfect wingman' thing I had going on in the Corps, and how I managed to get with Liska."

"Wait," Bernie asks, "who's Ellie?"

"My sister," you say.

"I try to stay out of my employees' personal lives," Bernie says, "but I think you just said your sister was a demoness. 'Ellie'... 'Ellie'... uh, is your sister's name Elanor?"

"Yes," you tell him, clicking on your turn signal.

"WELL," Bernie says, as you pull into the parking garage, "you've just become a lot more valuable to this organization. You were really valuable before, but you're the brother of a duchess of Hell? Super valuable."

"I think I need to get you wrecked more often, or get wrecked with you," you tell the dragon, as the two of you get out of your car.

"And," you ask, as the two of you head for the elevators, "why does the hero of a fairytale need to be the kid of some dickass god? Not that I'm saying I'm a hero-"

Bernie just manages to catch himself before he hits the ground, he's laughing so hard.

"Venus," he says, once he recovers himself a little, "was the mother of Aeneas, This happened a bit before my time, but I'm told Aeneas founded what became Rome. And Rome fucked everyone. Or Romans fucked everyone. Well, around the mediterranean and a bit west, east, and north. So if you're from a place Rome fucked," Bernie says, his voice echoing through the parking garage, "which is most of Europe, you're probably descended from Venus! Damn near everyone is, in this fair country."

"Bernie," you ask him, "are you sure you don't want me to take you home? Not that I don't like you like this, but I'm not sure you're good to work."

"If," Bernie says, straightening up, "my firm can't take ONE DAY of the boss coming in drunk, if I am that critical to all operations, I might as well burn this place to the ground and melt the ashes!"

He's still slammed, but he's got a point. Delegation is a good skill to have.

"Well," you tell him, as the elevator dings, "please don't."

Then the two of you step inside.

Frank gets on at the ground floor, and casts an eye over you and Bernie, who looks rather disheveled.

"The cancer still ok?" he asks you.

"The docs say it's in remission," you tell him.

"He's a capricorn," Bernie says, grinning, "cancer can't touch him," and he walks out as soon as the elevator dings.

"You either just won the pool in the worst way possible," Frank says, "or you're sleeping your way to the top, or both."

>How much was that pool?
>Salty about me stealing Reynold from you? He asked for it.
>If you didn't get the joke, read up on the zodiac.
>How's golf going for ya, frank?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2811170
>>If you didn't get the joke, read up on the zodiac.
>>How's golf going for ya, frank?
>>
>>2811170
>If you didn't get the joke, read up on the zodiac.
>How's golf going for ya, frank?
>I am happily Married Frank. Very happily married at that.
>>
>>2811170
>If you didn't get the joke, read up on the zodiac.
>How's golf going for ya, frank?
>I am happily Married Frank. Very happily married at that.
>>
>>2811196
>>2811204
Supportan.
>>
>>2811170
>Found him on my front lawn. Party at the pub went out of control after I left it apparently.
>How high is the pool now?
>>
>>2811170
>Frank, I was happily married before I joined the company. And my wife was feeling frisky last night.
>It's a zodiac joke.
>Found him on my front lawn this morning halfway through a six-pack of Corona and a bottle of Everclear in his hand.
>>
>>2811170
I wanna pick your brain for a minute, QM. I'm toying with (read: trying to dissuade myself from) the idea of running a quest at some point, and I had a question – how the hell do you QMs find >pic related for everything?
Is it just "have an image folder you've been filling for a decade", or do you go out and actively look for them, or what?
Any advice you have would be quite appreciated.
>>
>>2811261
google danbooru.
>>
>>2811261
If you're running an anime quest, danbooru, DANBOORU, DANBOORU! You can only use two tags at once, but once you figure out what characters you want, you're basically done. It's just chucking on the 'solo' tag and sifting through all the porn.
Other than that, hit /tg/ character art / image dump threads.
>>
>>2811278
I've also got a question, if you don't mind me asking. Why is it exactly that you choose pictures of the characters that you did to represent the ones you created? I mean madoka magica is a fairly obvious one but JoJo? And motherfucking Black Lagoon?Not that I'm complaining (I love JoJo and Black Lagoon), I'm just genuinely curious as to what lead to these choices.
>>
>>2811278
I think you can use 3 tags now, but I tend to use gelbooru
>>
>>2811265
Was that supposed to be 'google and danbooru'? Cause I know about danbooru already.
Admittedly, I didn't quite associate it in this context, though.

>>2811278
'rating:safe' weeds out the porn. '-rating:explicit' only filters out the... well, I'm sure you can extrapolate that.
They're not really well advertised (aka, you can't click on them like regular tags), but they work on all -booru boards that have a rating system.

>/tg/ character art / image dump threads
Did not know about those. Thanks.
I'm pretty damn new to 4chan. 'Bout the only time I was active before was when some QM was running a Lego space station crawl, back in... 2017? ish?
Well, that and I caught a couple KQC threads near the end before planefag went dark.
>>
>>2811307
KCQ, dammit. Can never get that straight.
>>
>>2811170
>How much was that pool?
>If you didn't get the joke, read up on the zodiac.
>>
>>2811307
You could just try the safebooru if you're scared of porn. Hydrusdownloader is great for mass downloading and databases.
>>
>>2811319
>scared of porn
I think it's been pretty well established I'm nowhere near scared of porn. Was just trying to offer Haiku (and anyone else) some non-obvious search tips.
>>
>>2811292
Two tags still; just tested it.

>>2811319
Thanks for the tip on hydrus, though. Did not know about that one.
>>
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>>2811170
"It's a zodiac joke," you tell him, stepping out of the elevator, "cancer and capricorn are opposite signs."

You have REALLY been hanging around wizards too much, if you know that.

"And," you mutter at Frank, "I was happily married before I signed on here. Still am. Very happily married."

"You do you," Frank says in skeptical tones, and then catches sight of your neck, "Jesus!"

"Liska's a bit frisky lately," you tell him.

"There's 'a bit frisky'," Frank says, "and then there's 'I got mauled by a bear and the blood ruined my suit'!"

"The blood gives me legitimacy with several of my accounts," you tell him, with the most deadpan voice you can muster, "how's golf going for ya, Frank?"

"You can HAVE the Russian mob accounts," Frank says, "and golf's been pretty good lately. Consistently under par. Want to come play some time?"

"Or," he says, grinning, "would it cut into your bear wrestling hobby, or your marital bliss?"

"I haven't touched a set of clubs in years except to move them," you say, "I'd just slow you guys down. And I'm a bit busy helping my daughter with her homework, and her softball team."

"So if you're such a family man," Frank asks, dropping his voice a bit, "why were you in an elevator with Bernie looking like he'd run a train on a gay frat house?"

That's a rather odd metaphor. Simile. Whatever it is, it's kind of strange.

"He collapsed on my lawn," you whisper to Frank, "with half a six-pack of Corona in one hand, and half a fifth of Everclear in the other."

"At 6AM," you finish.

"Well," Frank says, grinning as he paces alongside you, "they say don't let work follow you home. But they don't say anything about letting your drunk boss follow you home!"

"Word to the wise," you say, putting your hand on your office door, "if you have any meetings with him today, reschedule if you can."

"I'll keep it in mind," Frank tell you, as you unlock your door, "thanks for the tip," and he walks away.

Well, it looks the same as it did yesterday.

Then your phone rings. It's a woman.

"Reynold's out sick until after lunch," she says, "I'm his girlfriend - he gave me this number."

>Are you CIA?
>Are you FBI?
>Are you freelance, and can I hire you?
>Did you torture him? I kinda like the guy
>Did he tell you anything really interesting?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2811410
>>Are you freelance, and can I hire you?
>>Did you torture him? I kinda like the guy
>>Did he tell you anything really interesting?
>>
>>2811410
>Did he tell you anything really interesting?
>>
>>2811410
Did he keep on drinking after I left? I discovered half the bar on my lawn this morning.
>>
>>2811410
>Did he tell you anything really interesting?
>So, what can I do for you?
>I can manage without him today, don't worry about it.
>>
>>2811436
>>2811437
Supportan
>>
>>2811291
>Why is it exactly that you choose pictures of the characters that you did to represent the ones you created?
Some of it is just image density. Fate, Madoka, Touhou, and Persona have a shitload of fanart.
Several years ago, for another quest, I wanted 'silver fox' images for a character, and I grabbed basically the set of old Joseph Joestar images I'm now using for this quest. In the first thread of this quest, I used some Ryotaro Dojima art (which I had grabbed for that same earlier quest) for the MC. I'm now using it for Rick.
Sometimes, like for Ellie, I grab art because I really need art for 'basic', 'fallen', and 'fallen but kind of sexy'.
Sometimes, like for Sachio, John and Haru, I just hit danbooru for male kitsune, and found characters.
Sometimes, I want to be able to pull a 'the squad rolls up' pic, which is part of the reason I've used and abused the Fate/ families.
>>
>>2811410
>Did you torture him? I kinda like the guy
>Did he tell you anything really interesting?
>>
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>>2811410
"You made quite the impression last night," you say.

"I do that," she says, "usually .45 caliber impressions. And exit wounds. I use hollow points."

Part of you really likes her already.

"Did he tell you anything really interesting?" you ask.

"A bunch of weird shit about 'magic'," she says, "and how singing Come Out Ye Black And Tans would actually get the Black and Tans to come out."

"He got really fucked up last night," you say.

"Yeah," she spits, "there's 'he got really fucked up last night', and then there's 'a Greek god wants to fuck my boss' daughter', which he said after he sort of sobered up, so I feel like I'm entitled to a bit of an explanation here."

"Well," you say, shuffling through your mail pile, "there's the client confidentiality issue. A 'Greek god' might as well be 'Aristotle Onassis'."

Oh hell, those are a lot of envelopes with Greek on them.

"Ari's been dead for about forty years," she says, "and you and I both know Greece's gods must have abandoned it two thousand years ago."

"Oh," you say, pulling the blinds on your office window, "do go on."

"Figure of speech, jackass," she says, "did the Angel Of Death tell you the story of how we met?"

"Russian nightclub?" you ask, very innocently, "he's a married man, you know."

"Fuck off," she says, "I always thought there was something bullshit about that whole thing, and now Reynold's babbling about gods?"

>That was just a job gone bad
>Welcome to the masquerade
>I can do without your boyfriend until noon, but he's my Greek interpreter
>So what did happen over there?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2811545
>>Welcome to the masquerade
>>I can do without your boyfriend until noon, but he's my Greek interpreter
We need a magical tattoo artist. I want a giant lion head on our chest that doubles as some form of magical protection.
>>
>>2811545
>Welcome to the masquerade
>I can do without your boyfriend until noon, but he's my Greek interpreter
followed by
>So what did happen over there?
>>
>>2811545
>I can do without your boyfriend until noon, but he's my Greek interpreter
>>
>>2811557
supporting this
>>
>>2811545
>exit wounds
>hollow points
I may not frequent /k/ enough, but I'm pretty sure you got that one backwards.
Hollow points are designed to deform ("mushroom") in the body, which transfers much more kinetic energy into tissue damage, coincidentally slowing the bullet down and drastically reducing the chances of pass-through.
Even with .45, it's dubious. And it'd certainly not leave .45 caliber exit wounds.


>That was just a job gone bad
>Welcome to the masquerade
>I can do without your boyfriend until noon, but he's my Greek interpreter
>>
>>2811545
>I'm sure you can work that out with your boyfriend.
>I'll still need him by noon since he's my Greek interpreter.
>That mail came in way too quick if they're responses. We need a Greek interpreter and maybe somebody that knows magic to be certain that it's not some sort of magical Greek letter bomb? Lock it up in a box for now.
>>
>>2811582
>>hollow points
I may have messed that up. If there is an exit wound from a hollow point (often there isn't, which is why police use them, to prevent collateral damage. As you said, most kinetic energy is transferred into the tissue), it's a lot larger than the original bullet size.
As my saving throw, this chick might just be spouting off.
>>
>>2811545
>>Welcome to the masquerade
>>I can do without your boyfriend until noon, but he's my Greek interpreter
>>
>>2811545
>Welcome to the masquerade
>If you like Kelly can introduce you to our magical place 101 free of charge
>>
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>>2811545
"How much did he tell you?" you ask.

"Why would I tell you?" she asks you, "we're playing chicken here - hundred miles an hour each way on the highway. You know I know something. You're not sure what. You probably know more than I do, but you want to give out the bare minimum."

Silence.

"If," she says, "if he told me anything, obviously, my best move is to give the bare minimum to pique your interest."

"I thought an assassin didn't ask questions," you say.

"This isn't a fucking job!" she yells, and you hold the phone away from your head, "this is Reynold," she says in a much more reasonable tone, but you can hear her breathing hard.

"Welcome to the masquerade," you tell her, "and be glad you're not playing poker with a demon. You know why you and the... Angel Of Death are both still alive after that fracas in Russia?"

"He's actually a wizard?" the woman asks, "he can stop time for about six seconds?"

"You beat me to it," you tell her, "welcome to the world you can't walk away from. I tried to."

"I've already walked into one of those," she tells you, "I don't want Reynold to walk to walk into another."

"He begged me to let him in," you tell her, "not quite on bended knee. But close enough for American corporate culture. It's all real. Accounting for death gods. Greek idiots wanting to fuck my daughter. I can do without him until noon," you say, "but I can't do without him after one o'clock. He's my Greek interpreter."

And you cut the call.

If you don't miss your guess, those two will either be a couple hundred miles out of town, or Reynold will be in your office at 1PM sharp.

...Fuck this Samedi guy. His accounts are impossibly tangled. Even for a Jamaican.

You grab a sandwich from the cafeteria and head back to you office.

"Hey," Reynold says, as you come in, "sorry, I caught a bit of a cold."

"Seems like your girlfriend blew off my advice like smoke from a gun," you tell him.

"Is that some sort of military metaphor?" he asks.

"Nevermind," you tell him, "I've got some Greek shit I need done."

>Sobered up, padawan?
>You've got interesting taste in women
>Beat the hangover yet?
>You know your 'plus one' is an assassin, right?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2811721
>Sobered up, padawan?
>You've got interesting taste in women
>You know your 'plus one' is an assassin, right?
>>
>>2811721
>You've got interesting taste in women - most assassins are rather unemotional
>Beat the hangover yet?
>>
>>2811721
You've got interesting taste in women
>>
>>2811721
>Sobered up, padawan?
>You know your 'plus one' is an assassin, right?
>One good enough to fight someone with the moniker angel of death and not die.
>>
Anyone want to place bets on when Radical Revy makes her magical girl debut?
>>
>>2811832
Oh shit I had forgotten about that
>>
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>>2811721
You toss the letters at Reynold.

As he gets to work, you think about the conversation you just had. So the 'Angel Of Death' can stop time for six seconds. You're guessing he can move freely during that. So THAT's how Kelly won that arm wrestling match against Sachio. If that's how his magic works, it makes sense that he abuses firearms.

And someone who fought him, and survived, figured it out? That's a bit scary.

"You've got interesting taste in women," you tell your assistant.

"Yeah?" he asks, looking at you from the letters for a second, "so does your mom."

"She's been dead for ten years," you tell Reynold, "I'd wanted this to be a nice, friendly, informal thing," you say, leaning back in your chair and stretching your arms.

"Guess you met Rosemary at the bar last night," Reynold says, "so I like tattoos. How's that your problem?"

"Kid," you say, "you're in the masquerade. I've played 'how far can you push me?' with much better players. I've played it with a dragon a few times, with several kitsune, with a girl close to becoming a goddess, and with a real goddess - I think she might have won that one."

"I am not playing it with you," you tell him, as you lean forward.

"What are you doing?" he asks, locking his eyes with yours, and you see him tense all his muscles.

"Nothing," you tell him.

"Fuck that," Reynold says, "it feels like the air is trying to crush me!" and he plants his feet, trying to stand from his chair.

Wait, Ellie isn't even on earth. How are you doing this? Overflow power from the yarnball?

More importantly, how do you release it?

You take a deep breath and think about releasing it.

Reynold starts gasping.

"Nice, friendly, informal, my ass!" he says, collapsing back into his chair, "I shouldn't have made that crack about your mom, but jesus! What the hell was that?"

"I'm not sure," you tell him, "the wizards tell me we're on the bleeding edge of magic. And I wasn't making a crack about your girlfriend. Just an observation. My own taste in women is interesting."

"What," he says, standing up, "you like 'em with cat ears on or something?"

"Or something," you tell him, "you know your 'plus one' is an assassin, right? We had an interesting conversation earlier."

His face goes ashen.

"Yeah," he breathes, barely at a whisper, "but I don't care."

"That makes two of us," you tell him.

>And apparently one good enough to fight someone with the moniker angel of death and not die"
>Most assassins are rather unemotional
>Tell me what those letters are
>Does she know you know?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2811901
>Does she know you know?
>Tell me what those letters are
>>
>>2811901
>>Does she know you know?
>>
>>2811922
Supportan
>>
>>2811901
>Does she know you know?
>>
>>2811901
>And apparently one good enough to fight someone with the moniker angel of death and not die"

Reynolds. I is your boss in IRL and I have had more than enough of this dick measuring shit. We have a job to do, please don't bring personal lives into this. Fuck.
>>
>>2811901
>I'm your boss so quit the attitude
>i don't know how That pressure thing works though, sorry
>>
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>>2811901
The two of you go back to accounting (on your side), and trying to translate Greek (on Reynold's side).

After an hour or so, you ask "does she know you know?"

Reynold sighs.

And goes back to translating Greek.

Eventually he says, "look, I don't want to mix my personal life up with my work."

"I can respect that," you tell him, and go back to trying to untangle Samedi's assets.

Another hour passes, with Reynold scribbling notes on sheet after sheet of a legal pad.

"I don't think she does," he finally says, "and you're going to want to see these."

"How bad is it?" you ask him, walking over to his desk.

"Well," Reynold tells you, "remember that 'carbon copy Hera' thing? Looks like she distributed it to the entire pantheon. Ares wants a war, any war," he says, putting a finger on a letter, "Athena thinks you've got your head screwed on straight, Hestia's either praising your regard for the hearth fires of home or telling you to burn the world (Greek is really fucky), Apollo actually sent a letter saying 'I couldn't give less of a fuck', Artemis wants to know if your daughter wants to commit to virginity, Hera wants you to blow her husband's head off if he tries anything, Aphrodite thinks you might be descendant of hers and to 'keep up the good work the Trojans started', Hephaestus just slammed a hammer on a piece of parchment and shoved it in an envelope (at least sparing me the job of translating anything), Hercules sent 'don't let Hera get you down', Demeter thinks you're in love with her daughter or granddaughter or something, Hermes says he's your patron god, I think the saltwater-soaked rag is probably from Poseidon but all the ink's washed off, and Hades just sent 'come visit me next time - we have pomegranates!'"

"Did we get one from Zeus, though?" you ask.

"That one's odd," Reynold says, "it says 'not worth it', but had three tickets for a Mediterranean cruise inside."

Are gods actually that geographically limited?

"I've got to ask about some of these, though," Reynold says, "what did Hades mean 'next time'?"

"It's got something to do with how I almost flattened you earlier," you tell him, "I think."

"And Hermes as your patron?" he asks.

"I play decent poker," you say.

"The Aphrodite thing?" Reynold asks.

"Half of the world might be descended from her," you tell him.

"Demeter's granddaughter? Or descendant?" he asks, "I did have trouble translating that one."

"Conflation of fertility goddesses," you say.

>Burn the tickets
>How much would it cost to get a small army on that cruise?
>Kid, there's nothing like sharing a secret with someone you love
>All in a day's work, I guess
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2812013
>>Burn the tickets
Not even once.
>All in a day's work, I guess
>>
>>2812013
>Write-In
>See if Venus wrote something maybe my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother's sister probably wrote something for me.
>>
>>2812016
Going on a nice Mediterranean cruise to go kill a god sounds like the perfect opportunity for CHARACTER BLOAT.
In other words, supportan.
>>
I'm hitting the sack.

Next runtime on twitter: https://twitter.com/HaikuDeluge

I find the reactions of the Greek pantheon to the MC infinitely amusing.
By the way, the cruise tickets are basically the "do you really want to make this a thing?" option.
Do remember that the Greek and Roman gods are basically the same, with some odd naming and a couple of different interpretations/personalities.
Hermes has declared himself the MC's patron deity because he is the god of trolling super hard.
I guess Dionysus was to drunk to bother writing a letter.
>>
>>2812013
>>Burn the tickets
>Kid, there's nothing like sharing a secret with someone you love
The cruise has bad idea written all over it. Picking a fight with a God, especially at our current power level, is asking for a bad time.

Thanks for running.
>>
>>2812027
>I'm hitting the sack.
Figured as much.
See you tomorrow or Monday.

>>2812027
>I find the reactions of the Greek pantheon to the MC infinitely amusing
Hephaestus is definitely best Greek deity. Any guy who's chill enough to send a /hammer imprint/ as a letter is good in my books.
>>
>>2812013
>Gift the tickets to Frank
no need to waste shit
>>
>>2812013
>>2812041
How about Haru and Ellie? Truly it would be an unforgettable honeymoon.
>>
>>2812072
>>2812041
>>2812037
>>2812036
>>2812027
I wonder if we should take a camping trip with the wife into the wilderness for some proper alone time.
Or would we have to fight off the werebears and the skinwalkers?
>>
>>2812072
Supporting even if Its probably a bad idea
>>
>we have pomegranates!
Did we somehow piss off the most chill god in the Greek pantheon or was that just an accident on his part?
I'm guessing that he really doesn't want to spend an eternity with Zeus afterwards. Maybe we should ask if there's something we can do to keep Zeus technically alive as a (preferably not talking) head. I was gonna say launch said head into space but too much shit in space is named after Greek gods. They might actually have most of the planets as secret bonus domains.

I'm guessing that the hammer has some weird power to it to enable us to better craft the perfect dildo for Hera.
I think Hestia sounds slightly weird due to the yarnball affecting the definition of what family is for us magically. So she may be also asking us to take over the world and/or just teach everyone to cower under the might of FAMILY?

>>2812072
We're warning them that the tickets are from Zeus. There's no way in or out of hell (if Zeus remembers he has a brain) that we're forgiving ourselves if he actually manages to do anything to Ellie. Hopefully Elliie's bad taste in men doesn't kick in.
>>
>>2812177
The Ares response is a little strange since he as always a momma's boy, but i guess he really loves his war?
>>
>>2812177
>Hopefully Elliie's bad taste in men doesn't kick in.
But Anon that would imply that it can be turned off.
>>
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>>2812013
> Gift the tickets to Frank

Only because we have teleportation hacks.

Let Frank know he should visit a temple to Zeus and check it out while he's there.

Honestly I was all down for ganking Zeus earlier, but so long as we have an understanding then I don't have much of a problem with him.

> Hermes declares himself our patron God

Let's send him pic related.
>>
>>2812013
>Gift the tickets to Frank
Maybe he doesn't have a daughter
>>
>>2812193
It's a good neutral way of putting the ball in Zeus court, too. Like Frank's a good dude, so long as he thanks Zeus for the tickets then the Gods will probs actually show him a real good time. Greek gods, the frat boys of the divine.

Also we should totes set a plate out for big Zed at the next cookout. See if he's willing to come chill on our turf. I mean, if he don't start no shit there won't be no shit.

We can put his plate between Ellie and Haru.
>>
>>2812199
>>2812193
Or Frank gets assraped by Zeus letting off some steam because Zeus is not known for his strict heterosexuality.
>>
>>2812013
Also we better meet the greek pantheon at some point in time because you wrote them so well
that even Hera seems like a cool god to hang around.
>>
>>2812013
>>How much would it cost to get a small army on that cruise?
>>Kid, there's nothing like sharing a secret with someone you love
>>
>>2812013
>Give the tickets to Frank.
>Kid, there's nothing like sharing a secret with someone you love


You know, being descendant of Aphrodite actually explains most of our harem related things that have happened.
>>
>>2812027
So, coming soon: Frank Quest, a Quiet Mediterranean Tour?
>>
>>2812280
And then Frank went to the underworld and hung out with Hades.
>>2812278
>inb4 we're just being lead on a wild goose chase concerning our actual heritage and it ends with us actually being our own ancestor in a time warp shenanigan.
>>
>>2812248
Anons, you should really know better. Hades and Persephone are the only cool dudes in the pantheon. The rest of the pantheon might occasionally seem 99% ok but that last 1% involves madness, turning into spiders,SNAAAAKES, flash freezing you to be an eternal husbando and so on. Outside of Dionysus, the Greeks knew better than to actually want their company.
>>
So Zeus isn't going to know what we (or anyone else he's not familiar with) look like, otherwise he wouldn't have had to ask about how hot any daughters we might or might not have are. What are the chances he's got some way to track those tickets when they enter his domain?
>>
>>2812013
>burn the tickets
>sorry about the sudden atmospheric pressure i brought on you earlier.
also we are NOT going to drag Frank into this.
>Reynold I hate to break it to you, but when go straight into open water, that world does not care about keeping your personal life and business life separate. hell, my first true exposure to the actual deep end of the masquerade is finding out that Bernie is a dragon.
>>
>>2812013
>Reynold , Your girlfriend clearly knows magic exists now. If we get work done quickly enough today I'm going to try and make the first draft of how not to die to crazy magical shit for dummies before she stumbles into a vampire nest or something.

>I need to figure out if there's anyone i can give these tickets to that can survive if it's a really stupid trap. Segues into the Ellie x Haru giveaway.
>>2812340
inb4 Frank Franks and goes full Punisher to Frank anything in his way.
>>2812013
Just to be clear since it now occurs to me that here are alternate interpretations here. Did you mean Hephaestus hit a piece of parchment with his hammer or did you mean he slapped a hammer down onto some parchment, wrapped it up, somehow stuffed said hammer into an envelope, and mailed the whole thing to us? I personally assumed it was #2.
>>
>>2812340
Burning the tickets might count as snubbing his "peace offering" to give him a "legitimate" reason to attack.
>>
>>2812370
>Burning the tickets might count as snubbing his "peace offering" to give him a "legitimate" reason to attack.
>>2812027
>By the way, the cruise tickets are basically the "do you really want to make this a thing?" option.
>>
We should resume once I get something to eat and figure out these votes. Hmm. Quite a lot of things happened yesterday.

>>2812177
>Did we somehow piss off the most chill god in the Greek pantheon
I think it was a joke about the MC getting dragged into Hell. Possibly added by Persephone before sealing the letter. It makes sense to me that death/underworld gods and other figures talk shop more often than other domains, so he's the one making a crack about it.
>most chill god
When your pantheon's 'most chill god' drags a goddess to the underworld and tricks her into eating something that makes her stay there half the year, and has benches you can't get up from, that says something about your pantheon. To be fair, the benches were for dicks that came to kidnap his wife, but still.
>Hestia sounds slightly weird
She's the goddess of hearth and home, so what the MC is trying is right up her alley.I think the alternate translation is probably Reynold being bad at Greek. He's not a professional interpreter.
>>2812180
Ares' appearance in the Illiad establishes him as the guy who likes fights, but starts crying for his mother when his nose gets broken.
Although, given that this pantheon did double duty for Rome, I'm guessing he could yell "I AM MARS, BRINGER OF WAR!", have a transformation sequence, and become an actual badass, complete with theme song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0bcRCCg01I.
It's really interesting to note what gods were more respected in the two versions of that pantheon.
>>2812193
>Maybe he doesn't have a daughter
He's just got a son. And a wife. And an ass. All of these are potential targets, as >>2812212 pointed out.
>>2812248
>you wrote them so well
It was a list of cheap gags based on their myths.
>>2812278
>being descendant of Aphrodite actually explains most of our harem related things that have happened
It would, wouldn't it?Personally, I like Bernie's rather drunken explanation of how that works.
>>2812365
>Did you mean Hephaestus hit a piece of parchment with his hammer
That's what I meant. His letter was just a piece of parchment he hit with a hammer and put in an envelope.He doesn't have the best relationship with Hera, and did the bare minimum.
>>
>>2812383
>When your pantheon's 'most chill god' drags a goddess to the underworld and tricks her into eating something that makes her stay there half the year, and has benches you can't get up from, that says something about your pantheon. To be fair, the benches were for dicks that came to kidnap his wife, but still.


Depends on the version. In a version I heard, Demeter is kind of a smother mother,Persephone was trying to get some actual personal space when she ran into Hades, and that sort of changes the tone of the whole thing. Plus they got along surprisingly well after the first "date" so I'm willing to cut him some slack for having what appears to be an actual healthy and mutually loving relationship despite it's origin.(If you ever have to deal with Hades, getting Persephone to agree with your plan is an automatic clearance for EVERYTHING.) It's actually bizarre how normal Hades and Persephone are when you look at absolutely anyone else in the family tree.
>>
>>2812405
>Depends on the version.
Yeah, it really does.
>they got along surprisingly well after the first "date"
You're right, and that's true in virtually all versions. Which is why Athenians have thin thighs.
>>
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>>2812013
"Conflation?" Reynold asks, "let me get this straight - you're involved with the descendant of a fertility goddess?"

"What do you think happened to my neck, kid?" you ask.

"My working theory was 'vampire attack'," he says with a smile, "so is this some goddess I would have heard of?"

"No," you tell him, "she's got a river valley and a couple of mountains in Japan. I think it's more that she became a goddess?"

"Japan's weird," he says, and shrugs, "so what do you want me to do with these tickets?"

"I'm wondering who I can regift them to," you say, "or if I should just have you burn them. I'm pretty split, but the one thing I know for sure is that I'm not going on that cruise."

"Given our client's reputation," Reynold says, "I think that's a wise choice."

"There's my neighbor," you say, thinking out loud, "but I'm a bit afraid of sending him and his family in for that. Ellie might like it, but that could end poorly."

"Who's Ellie?" Reynold asks. You could swear this is the third time today you've fielded some form of that question.

"My sister," you tell him, "if you end up going to Hell, ask for 'Elanor'. Might make things better, or a lot worse."

The kid gives you a funny look.

"I hate to break it to you," you say, sitting back down at your desk, "but you're in open water here. And the sharks are circling. This world doesn't care about keeping your personal life and your business life separate. If a client signing his letters with 'is your daughter hot?' didn't clue you in already. At least your girlfriend knows how to take care of herself," you tell him, "and that magic exists. And you do happen to work for a dragon."

"Is that what you are?" Reynold asks.

"No, I'm just a concerned father," you tell him, putting your feet up on your desk, "kind of a normal guy, aside from my family. Finding out Bernie is a dragon was my plunge into the deep end."

His jaw goes slack, and then there's a rap on the door.

"Come in," you say, and Bernie enters, escorting another all-too-blonde motherfucker.

Looks like the kind of guy that would bail out the window when the cops showed up at a party, then reappear two blocks away with a handle of vodka.

You don't bother taking your feet off the desk.

"This is the gentleman who would be handling your account," Bernie tells the guy, "give him the rest of the sales pitch," he tells you, and leaves, closing the door behind him.

He really isn't in a state to be handling potential clients right now.

"I'm afraid Bernie's a bit under the weather today," you say, and by the time you finish, the other guy has pulled up a chair and has his feet up on your desk.

And a wineglass in his hand.

"Decent euphemism for a hangover," he says, looking around your office, "interesting collection of letters you've got there. Is one of them wet?"

Now you see why Bernie dumped him on you.

[1/2]
>>
>>2812412
>Which is why Athenians have thin thighs.
I don't get it.
>>
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>>2812658
"I'm afraid I can't discuss other clients' information with you," you tell him, as Reynold scrapes the letters and other paperwork into a haphazard pile, "Mr.?"

"Onassis," he says, grinning, "D. Onassis."

"We pride ourselves on confidentiality," you tell him, "so what sort of accounting work are you looking for?"

"I've got a few wineries in the states," he says, grinning, "and a bottling company or two. You know, grain alcohol might just be one of the most exciting inventions mankind's come up with!"

"I was looking for some of that Nevada corporations and Cayman Islands shell companies thing you guys do," he tells you, "I want to funnel the money to Greece - give back to the community, provide some economic stimulus, all that sort of thing," he says with a breezy gesture, "I'd heard good reviews of this firm from my family."

"We endeavor to give good service," you say, feeling the pressure in the room spike as 'D. Onassis' grins at you.

Two can play that game.

In about thirty seconds, Reynold is only managing to stand because his back is against the wall.

"I wish I smoked," you tell the man across the table from you, "because this would be a great time to light up. You here on business, or for a spot of supernatural dick-waving?"

"Both," he says, as grapevines twine up the walls of your office, and whatever he's putting out utterly eclipses what you're borrowing from the yarnball.

It's like moving while drowning in molasses, the smell of wine clouding your senses, and an incredible urge to get a drink.

"I hope you're not blanketing the building," you tell him, and he laughs, as the pressure releases.

"I just thought your office needed a little redecoration," he says, waving his hand at the grapevines, "and I figured I'd show up in person, since I was too drunk to send a letter, and in the states anyway."

Well, at least you know who you're dealing with.

"Running wineries?" you ask, as Reynold totters into a chair. If he managed to stay standing during that, he might be worth having as an assistant.

"And a few parties," 'D. Onassis' says, grinning.

You can only imagine what those parties looked like.

>Let's talk business
>So you're not locked to Greece?
>I may have received some harassing letters and a few cruise tickets from your father
>I'm not going out drinking again tonight
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2812711
>Let's talk business
>So you're not locked to Greece?
Let's be professional for as long as possible.
>>
>>2812711
>Let's talk business
>So you're not locked to Greece?
>>
>>2812711
>>Let's talk business
first business then other stuff
>>
>>2812711
>>So you're not locked to Greece?
>Let's talk business
>>
>>2812711
>>Let's talk business
>>
>>2812684
As part of "hi, I'm Pirithous, welcome to Jackass!", Theseus tried helping his buddy Pirithous kidnap Persephone away from Hades. Theseus sat on a bench or rock in the underworld, and stuck there. Later on, Heracles pulled him off the bench (during the 'bring me Cerberus' labor), with permission of the underworld gods, since Theseus had just been dragged along by his friend. Some of Theseus' flesh remained stuck to the rock/bench, and that's why Athenians have thin thighs - their big hero-king got most of his ripped off.
It was a joke about Hades being in love with / jealously protective of Persephone.
Pirithous got whipped and probably killed and eaten by harpies.
>>
>>2812711
>Reynold, you might want to take notes, watch and listen carefully. I know you're still shaky from the sudden change in the room but bear with me. I'm trying to keep your head above water and lungs full of air since you don't have enough weight to throw yet and I can't have you passing out in the middle of negotiations.
>Do you mind asking your relatives to resend their letters? some of them weren't legible enough to make out.
>So let's talk business.
>Try to use that yarnball to prop Reynold up and keep him clear headed.

>>2812735
Dyonisis pre-hellenization/greekification was also some archaic Madness/Death god who delivered madness through disconcerting stares and booze. Like there were some really weird rituals back then dedicated to Dyonisis before he became Booze and party god.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5brAr51ip_k&t=
>>
>>2812711
> Mentally resolve to keep a shotgun at work.

I mean. It might not kill the dude but it might help us make a point.

>Let's talk business
>So you're not locked to Greece?
>>
>>2812748
Maenads, man, maenads.

Actually we're living a pretty Dionysian life recently what with all the drinking and surrounded by murderous women.
>>
>>2812711
>>Let's talk business
>>So you're not locked to Greece?
>>
>>2812711
>Let's talk business
>So you're not locked to Greece?

Who the fuck is this? is it fucking Gilgamesh?
>>
>>2812711
Not at all surprised he's not locked to an area.

We should totally ask him about the time he went to India.
>>
>>2812711
>Let's talk business
>So you're not locked to Greece?

>>2812753
I mean, we've already got the lil' guy fetching us weapons by means of teleportation.
But bringing our shotgun at the firm is slightly unprofessional.
>>
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>>2812711
"Well," you say, "now that the pleasantries are over, let's talk business."

"I do prefer the Scandinavian pre-business pleasantries," D. Onassis says, "a few shots of aquavit before discussing anything serious. Although I did bring a folder of, you know, things," he continues, flopping a manilla folder of papers onto the desk.

You start looking over them, as the guy you're pretty sure is a free-wheeling Greek god starts talking to your assistant. To his credit, Reynold pulled himself together pretty fast.

This one's going to be relatively easy. The on-site accountants have done the good work, even included their most recent audits. It's just a matter of funneling things in the manner that gets the least taxes.

"You got anything in Ireland?" you ask, suddenly looking up.

"I'm telling you," D. Onassis says to your assistant, "Smirnoff is overrated, Grey Goose doubly so, just do an Everclear shot, man! It'll get you twice as drunk. Oh," he says, looking over at you, "questions?"

"Ireland," you say, "It's EU, so you can get the money into Greece, they've got great corporate tax laws - you could pull in revenue from all over the world there, do you have anything there already? Everything I'm looking at is USA."

"I've had a bit of difficulty there," he says, "the Tuatha De Danann are a bit territorial. Try being the foreign drunk god in a place where the whole pantheon is drunk, I dare you," he says with a grin.

"I'm thinking more about establishing a corporate presence there," you say, "renting an office shouldn't be hard, you should be a resident of the European Economic Area already, and you can pad the board of directors with your pantheon."

"Yeah," D. Onassis says, "I'm not letting any of them get their claws on this. If it's just a corporate presence - you think I can staff it with maenads and satyrs? Although I might have to ask Pan about the satyrs, but he wouldn't care."

Suddenly, scenes of satyrs and maenads having a bacchanal in cubicles, in suits and pencil skirts impinges on your mind. That's actually really ho-

"Please stop it," you tell him, gasping, "if I can't think straight, I can't work for you. Besides, it has to look like a legitimate business. And orgies don't look legit."

"Incorporate in Ireland?" he asks, swilling the wine in his glass, "hmm. You know what? You guys get the contract. I kind of like you."

"You push back," he hisses across the desk, then takes another drink, "it's fun!"

>So you're not locked to Greece?
>What's this 'patron deity' thing?
>Mind asking a couple of your relatives to resend their letters?
>So I've got a couple questions about cruise tickets
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2812830
>So you're not locked to Greece?
>What's this 'patron deity' thing?
>>
>>2812821
Dionysus, God of Wine. Makes sense, knowing our weekly barbecues and drinks with our dad pals.
>>
>>2812838
Thanks boss
>>
>>2812830
>So you're not locked to Greece?
>>
>>2812821
>Who the fuck is this?
D. Onassis -> DEE Onassis -> Dionysus
He probably thinks it's hilarious.
>>
>>2812830
>Grab a hammer and whack a paper with it and ask if he can get that to Hephaestus.
>>
>>2812845
>>2812830
Seconding this as well. But let's get Freebles to grab our own hammer from home. Don't want to use just some company hammer for personal business.

Or maybe we can give the paper a few whacks with our hammer, then "sign" it with a company hammer.
>>
>>2812845
>Not grabbing some random forms, posting them up on the wall, firing a shotgun blast into them, and sending it back to Hephaestus for his files.
>>
>>2812853
That's a little aggressive, I think.
>>
>>2812830
>So you're not locked to Greece?
>What's this 'patron deity' thing?
>>
>>2812865
Maybe, but it’s practically our staff of office at this point, more then some hammer we could borrow.
>>
>>2812844
it also sounds kind of like neo nazis, but that is more of a stretch
>>
>>2812883
It may just be my dialect, but D. Onassis is actually closer to 'neo nazis' than 'Dionysus'.
>>
>>2812872
Put paper between the gun hammer and the chamber and shoot it off?

Guns have hammers right? To hit the firing pin?
>>
>>2812830
>So I've got a couple questions about cruise tickets
Also on an unrelated note can we go see /K/elly about upgrading from our shotgun to something beefier asap? And get something we can cc at the office while we're at it.
>>
>>2812986
but we already have a new (full auto? can't remember) shotgun.
>>
>>2813002
Man ain't no pansy-ass 12 gauge gonna do shit when zeus comes swiggity swootin' on Marion. We need something like a KS-23 (23mm a.k.a 4 gauge shotgun) and we can't exactly open carry a shotgun at the office so getting some pistol in a armpit holster we can easily hide under the suit.
>>
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>>2812830
"We aim to please," you tell him.

"Well," he says, three shots appearing in his hands, and a smile on his face, "I am pleased. Join me in a drink?" he asks, proffering them to you and Reynold.

"To a mutually beneficial relationship," you say, clinking glasses.

If this really is Dionysus, the last thing he'd ever do is poison liquor. And you should do what the client wants to gain their trust.

FUCK, that's the second time you've slammed everclear in twenty-four hours. You know that burn.

"Pitcher of water," you manage to say to Reynold, "three glasses," and he scurries into the hallway.

D. Onassis laughs.

"So you guys aren't locked to Greece," you say, trying to ignore the pain in your throat.

"I'm just a supernaturally powerful individual here," he tells you, "not the god I'd be in the Mediterranean. That's why I'm just a wine merchant. Here."

"Go be a floor samples guy at Sam's," you tell him, "or maybe work at Total Wine? Make recommendations as a sommelier?"

"I supply Total Wine!" he says, and laughs again, "you're hilarious. I like that. Kicking around the world is fun - I get to meet people like you. Hey, would you like to host an orgy?"

"No," you say, very flatly.

"Ah, that's too bad," he tells you, "it would have been amazing."

Gods are weird.

"So what's this 'patron deity' thing?" you ask, "Hermes said he was mine or something."

"The 'patron deity thing'," D. Onassis tells you, "is, well, it's complicated. You do stuff the god likes. You offer sacrifices, claim cities in their name, build temples, that sort of thing, and occasionally they show up in your hour of need to help you out of it. Or you're just a favored mortal of theirs. Why Hermes, though? I'd be a much better fit, considering how many people you've gotten slammed. And I'm counting those college bars. And the bars around the bases you were stationed at. You're already in my good books."

>I never asked for this, and I'm not making sacrifices
>Any rule against having two patron gods?
>I've never sacrificed to anyone but Uncle Sam
>Your dad gave me these tickets, how fucked is someone that goes on this cruise?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2813045
>I've never sacrificed to anyone but Uncle Sam
[patriotism intensifies]
>Your dad gave me these tickets, how fucked is someone that goes on this cruise?
>>
>>2813027
but he already said it wasn't worth it. Either way, a shotgun regardless of caliber will do jackshit against him.

>>2813045
>Any rule against having two patron gods?
It doesn't hurt to ask.
>Your dad gave me these tickets, how fucked is someone that goes on this cruise?
>>
>>2813045
>I've never sacrificed to anyone but Uncle Sam
>Any rule against having three patron gods?
>>
>>2813045
>Maybe, but since my wife’s been in the masquerade longer then I have, I’d have to run it by her.
>Besides, I merely adopted the LOLs. She was born in it, molded by it.
>Your dad gave me these tickets, how fucked is someone that goes on this cruise?

I know we shouldn’t invite him just yet, but should we have him over for a barbecue sometime?
>>
>>2813045
>Your dad gave me these tickets, how fucked is someone that goes on this cruise?
>>
>>2813045
>I've never sacrificed to anyone but Uncle Sam
>And I don't do sacrifices or deeds in their vain name, born and raised as a Christian, happily married to Liska under God's house, all that jazz. Before I got roped in by Bernie to work in special accounting that is.
>Have you even heard of the ruckus I made when I dived into the deep end? 2 months ago I was blissfully ignorant of this magical business.
>>
Guys. What do you think about having him as the 3rd seat on that cruise?
>>
>>2813164
Just why? Keep in mind we are already set on the "Not going to the Mediterranean anytime soon" part.
>>
>>2813045
>>I never asked for this, and I'm not making sacrifices
>I've never sacrificed to anyone but Uncle Sam

>>2813027
While it would be cool, we're dealing in powers of magnitude here. If the 12-gauge won't cut it, a 4 won't either.
And our 12 maimed a duke of hell. It's got plenty of power for anything we actually have a chance of winning against.

>>2812986
I have wondered why, with our military history, we use a shotgun instead of, say, an M4. Surely we at least own one?
>>
>>2813189
>use a shotgun instead of, say, an M4
Because the shotgun existed before our varied and colorful background did.
>>
>>2813045
>I've never sacrificed to anyone but Uncle Sam
>Your dad gave me these tickets, how fucked is someone that goes on this cruise?
>>
>>2813189
We'll need the Lo Wang Brand of shotguns A quad barrel. Or a double-barreled shottie
>>
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>>2813045
"I've never sacrificed to anyone but Uncle Sam," you tell the god.

"Oh," he grins at you, "you've sacrificed to me many times. A week-long drunken party? That thing you did right after boot camp? A party that wrecked the road in front of your house? Don't sell yourself short."

"Any rules against having multiple patron gods?" you ask this rather excitable Greek.

"Of course not," he says, with a huge smile, "we patronize people on a whim. Hermes thinks he's your patron? Uncle Sam does? Well, so am I, now!" he yells with a grandiose gesture.

You wait for some sort of special-effects extravaganza. And maybe an infusion of power.

It doesn't happen.

"You," he giggles, "did you really thi-"

"No," you tell him, feet still propped on your desk, "this sounds like it's all on your side. Uncle Sam's patronage was the GI Bill, described by senators, paid by taxpayers. I'm going to live my life. Patronize me, make it easier, harder, whatever - I'm not doing anything differently. You get no temples. You get no sacrifices. I'll live my life. On my terms."

"THAT'S EXACTLY WHY I FAVOR YOU!" Dionysus yells, almost spilling his wine, "that's what I want! Probably what Hermes wants, too. You don't give a shit! THAT'S WHY WE LIKE YOU! DO IT! LIVE YOUR LIFE! I'll pop the damn popcorn, and maybe jump in to save your ass once or twice."

"I am," D. Onassis says, leaning back into his chair, "the god of people who don't give a fuck. I am the god who tripped through India, before India was a thing, and went back to Greece. I am a chthonic god of madness and death," he says, leaning toward you, "my mysteries take people to a better afterlife, I am the god of 'you do you!'" he finishes, as Reynold comes back in with a pitcher of water and three glasses on a tray.

"Am I interrupting something?" he asks, and you slug a glass of water gratefully.

"No," you say, "I was about to ask exactly how fucked someone who accepted your father's cruise tickets would be."

"They have a daughter?" D. Onassis asks, "they have a wife? They have a son? They have an ass? Figure it out yourself - you know the legends. And if you burn them, well, he'd take it as an insult. He's not a god here, but it'd be dangerous."

>I'm giving them to my sister
>I'm giving them to Sachio
>I'm giving them to Fred
>I'm burning them
>WRITE IN
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>>2813045
Write-in
>Probably my greatest contribution is from Hard Rock Cafe for 1 week huh
Hey Liska said that the best way to cure hangover is to drink more than you ever should.
>>
>>2813242
>>WRITE IN

Give them to Dionysus
>>
>>2813247
>This
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>>2813242
>>2813247
this

I thought you said burning them would be the end of this.
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>>2813242
>I'm just going to forget them under a folder somewhere
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>>2813242
>Here ya go then Dionysus, Enjoy the trip
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>>2813254
>I thought you said burning them would be the end of this.
That vote looked evenly split between giving them to Fred, giving them to Ellie/Haru, and burning them.
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>>2813242
>>I'm giving them to my sister
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>>2813242
>>I'm giving them to my sister
>>
>>2813265
I thought we were giving them to Frank, not Fred?

Fred’s our neighbor and Frank’s our former assistant’s boss, right?
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>>2813242
>>I'm giving them to my sister
Who knows, maybe ellie and haru already got married and we might need an impromptu wedding gift. She is also capable of defending herself and give Big Z a run for his money on the bonin' department, so there's that.
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>>2813242
>I'm giving them to my sister and brother in law. They make a cute couple.
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>>2813265
nobody wanted to give them to our innocent neighbour Fred, a good third of the people wanted to give them to our coworker we don't care about, Frank.
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>>2813278
Just imagine if Fred would have gotten the tickets. I could imagine that a Mr.Bean situation would arise
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>>2813242
>Give them to Dionysus
>Here Mr.Onassis. Enjoy your cruise. 1 giant boat full of party goers in the Mediterranean. I've got more important things to do than go on a boat.
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>>2813242
Give them to Dionysus
>Here Mr.Onassis. Enjoy your cruise. 1 giant boat full of party goers in the Mediterranean. I've got more important things to do than go on a boat.
>>
>>2813242
>You ever been on a party cruise with a duchess of Hell before?
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>>2813265
Ellie/Haru would be nice. The third one's for Mr. Dionysus. I kinda like the idea of a bait/switch on Zeus.
>>
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>>2813242
"Well," you ask, "do you want them?"

"If I wanted a Mediterranean cruise," D. Onassis tells you, "I could get one. And maybe not have to do the crew up with ivy and tigers this time."

"But I insist, Mr. Onassis," you say, proffering the tickets, "think of it as a signing bonus with the firm."

"Cool," he says, "but there are three tickets here. And I'm afraid I don't have anyone to take up the other spots. I'm not going on a cruise with Silenus. I'd prefer to not take the satyrs, that might cause real problems," and you get a vision of satyrs running wild on a ship full of bikini-clad sunbathing babes, "and it's not like I have a real significant other."

"You ever been on a party cruise with a duchess of Hell before?" you ask, very innocently.

Dionysus grins.

"You give me the one ticket," he says, taking it, "and you give the other two to whoever you're thinking about. I'm guessing dad thought he was going to bag your daughter?"

"He might bag my sister," you say, "but I'm guessing it'd be over the dead body of her boyfriend. They make a cute couple."

"Oh," Dionysus says, grinning as he slams his legs down from the desk, "THIS is going to be fun. And I'd appreciate it if those accounts were sewn up in a month," he tells you, before walking out of your office.

"Is this a normal day?" Reynold asks after the door shuts.

"Not really," you tell him, "but I'm not really sure what 'normal' is anymore."

"You and me both," the kid says, "ready to pack things up for the day?"

"Very," you tell him with a sigh.

>Get W to summon Ellie so you can give her the tickets
>Tell your assistant to get straight with his girlfriend
>Proceed directly home to deal with your wife
>Kid, you been seeing this shit too?
>WRITE IN
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>>2813247
Kek this
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>>2813410
>Get W to summon Ellie so you can give her the tickets
Preferably not while she's getting drilled by a fox.
>Tell your assistant to get straight with his girlfriend
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>>2813410
>Get W to summon Ellie so you can give her the tickets
So we kinda soeta arranged Hau's and Ellies honeymoon eh?
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>>2813410
>>Kid, you been seeing this shit too?
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>>2813410
>>Get W to summon Ellie so you can give her the tickets
Guess who is going on a mediterranean cruise for two weeks with a drunk god!
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>>2813410
>Get W to send a powerbank and a charger to Haru and maintain a portal to call him
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>>2813410
>>2813421
Suppor-tan
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>>2813410
>Phone call to Haru first before doing a demonic summoning. We don't want to walk into them fucking like MC did when he was 16.
>Tell your assistant to get straight with his girlfriend
>Reynold. Here's a piece of advice. Come clean with your girlfriend. It saves you a LOT of trouble in the long run. My first experiences involved finding out my daughter was a magical girl who signed up a Leonine contract with a talking ferret and roamed around the streets with a posse of girls acting like a group of thugs. Shortly followed by finding out my wife is a 7 tailed fox. I had to have several hours of long heart to heart talks with my wife, my daughter, and my daughter's friends before everything was sorted into a relatively square-ish state. Magical violence may be involved. If you need help dealing with the magical bullshit, you have your girlfriend and your boss.
>Reynold, this shit wasn't your first rodeo was it? If your girlfriend is an assassin, you must've had some close calls seeing some strange shit that your girlfriend tried to cover up?
>Do you need my help in getting things square with your girlfriend?
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>>2813410
>Get W to summon Ellie so you can give her the tickets
>Tell your assistant to get straight with his girlfriend
>>
>>2813410
>You blab a ton while drunk. Tomorrow at lunch we're gonna try and make a how not to die horribly from magic shit for dummies draft for your girlfriend. And tell her not to talk about that shit on the phone. The NSA and CIA are literal demons.
>>2813410
>Tell W we're gonna summon Ellie to give her the tickets. Might as well make it a group meeting tomorrow since she did make that remark about summoning always happening in the middle of a fight and we'd like to survive if that actually happens. Attempt to Call Haru on the cellphone first since he was obviously lying about the battery.
>Let Sue's mom and everyone else know it's gonna be a group meeting tomorrow to figure out future plans
>Go home to sexy wife
>Text melon to let her know to GTFO the house for the night to spare her the noise.
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>>281341
>Text melon and ask her to see if she can stay with Mary and Harriet for the night.
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>>2813410
>Get W to summon Ellie so you can give her the tickets
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>>2813410
We should call Ellie and ask her if she wants to go, first.
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>>2813482
Jean is easily worst girl. Terrible mom. Bad at adulting.
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>>2813518
Why?
I think Ellie is worst girl.
>>
So I wonder how everyone will react when Ellie gets prego by Haru.
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>>2813518
>Bad at adulting.
Not really. She has a decent job and has no economical problems that we know of.
>Terrible mom.
That's very subjective and i don't think we have proof of that.
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>>2813518
From a pragmatic standpoint it's either deal her in or let her eventually get mad about being left out of plans for the future of her daughter. Loose ends are things that come back to bite you in the ass for any story and us leaving her out would be part of some random moral as the part where we fucked up.

>>2813513
It's going to be hosted by a literal party god. She's going to be ok with it.
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>>2813548
hmmm....will she get a litter due to haru, or that only happens with female kitsunes?
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>>2813550
She tried to threesome with us instead of taking care of Sue. Fuck, instead of talking she had a fight in the sword. That's shitty problem solving for an adult.

It's no surprise Sue ended up sexually aroused by any amount of attention from an adult, let alone one that acts like it.

Jean is a shit mom. Fucking irresponsible.
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>>2813531
(You)
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>>2813569
that explains why she's single and divorced or she's single and Sue was an out-of-wedlock child born from a one-night stand
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>>2813569
>She tried to threesome with us instead of taking care of Sue.
False. Jean outright told Liska she would shoot her if she tried to make any more advances.
>instead of talking she had a fight in the sword.
But Sue started that, not her.

Yes, Jean is not a spectacular mom, but from the few lines of conversation we have had with her it shows that she is trying her best.
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>>2813569
Liska tried to threesome with everyone instead of reconsidering how it would affect Melon. We aren't losing on the idiot parent awards.
I think you might just be projecting or something?
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>>2813569
None of this is false.

>>2813596
Liska isn't us. Since she's 'come out' as a fox, she has been very hedonistic, and it seems to be getting worse over time. In the context of parenting, this is a bad thing.
Personal attacks definitely help your argument.
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>>2813635
We'll be likely be needing another conversation with Liska and set down some hard lines. We are a human dad after all.
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>>2813635
Not a personal attack. I'm legitimately wondering if you are projecting since it's pretty clear from everyone else's response that your claims came out of nowhere. If it was just one person i'd think I missed something.
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>>2813635
Liska was also doped up on Demon juju.
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>>2813650
It's clearly just someone shitposting.

"Worst Girl" should have tipped you off.

> Bored? Start a waifu war!
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>>2813642
Yea, we will. I suspect when we discovered what she was, and we were cool with it, she relaxed the persona she wore while married to us. Trouble is, she's relaxed too much, and is reverting to "I do what I want" powerful immortal. That might be closer to who she was when we first got together, but isn't a good quality in a parent.

Though maybe it should wait for a bit. She's had a lot of screen time latel, and isn't the only one we need to talk to.

>>2813650
I wasn't the one you originally responded to.
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>>2813671
pic related is the correct response, though in this case it does seem to have yielded at least somewhat interesting discussion, instead of the usual shitstorm.
>>
meanwhile, Haiku is groping floor-chan
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>>2813665
The demon juju isn't affecting them THAT much or at least that's what they claim. She's probably just far too relaxed about her urges. The male equivalent of what she's doing is that meme picture.
>>
wait if Liska is in heat, does that mean that her brothers are in rut?
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>>2813735
yes, it's a species-wide thing
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>>2813410
"Rather impressed you stayed standing," you tell Reynold.

"Honestly?" he asks, following you out of the office, "so am I. We just had a Greek god in the office!"

"I'm dying to find out what his ride is," you say, striding toward the elevators.

"And I''ll give you one piece of advice," you whisper at your subordinate, as he falls into step alongside you, "secrets cause a lot of problems in the long run. Faster you clear things up," you say, jamming the button for the parking garage, "better everything's going to be. I got in late. And I had to have several hours, days, of heart-to-heart talks with everyone from my wife to my daughter's farthest friends. I'm not sure we're even all square yet."

"I'll keep it in mind," Reynold says, as the elevator opens.

"You don't know my situation," he tells you, after the door shuts.

"That's why I'm giving very general advice," you say, looking at him in the mirrored walls of the elevator, "my wife's a seven-tailed kitsune, and I don't think I've ever seen her happier than when I found out and told her I was ok with that."

You watch Reynold grit his teeth, "you got any specific advice?" he asks.

"Kid," you tell him, "your girl scraped you off the ground last night, and you shoved her down on a table and frenched her until a cop kicked you two out of that bar. And she dragged you home. That's a keeper. She also dueled a guy known as the 'Angel of Death', back in the day. Managed to not die. My specific advice is that you go home, kiss her, tell her you know her secret, and kiss her again, before she can say anything. Hug her. Maybe take her to the floor at some point, if you can. Tell her you're fine with it."

"I'll think about it," he says, as the elevator doors open, and he walks out a couple of seconds too late to get run over by a really tricked-out Maserati.

So that's D. Onassis' ride.

Reynold nods at you, and heads off.

You get into your car and dial W.

"What's going on?" he asks.

"I've got a couple of cruise tickets to give my sister," you tell him, "you got that summoning circle worked out?"

"This'd be the first test," he says, and you can hear wine swishing in a glass, "it really does need a trial run."

"Anything we can do to make sure she's not fighting or fucking?" you ask, "when we summon her."

"I can't fight fate," W says, "we're gonna have to take our chances."

>We're taking our chances tonight, at my place
>I might have just met your ancestor
>Let's do it tomorrow - barbecue at my place
>How're you holding up?
>WRITE IN
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>>2813751
>I might have just met your ancestor
>Let's do it tomorrow - barbecue at my place
Tonight it’s just us, our wife, a bottle of wine and whatever’s in the back of our closet that hasn’t been brought out in a while.
Oh, and after we’re done that, we really should try reading our wife’s book. Might have a few tricks we should try.
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>>2813751
>How are you and your family holding up?
>Let's do it tomorrow - barbecue at my place
>write-in: You got any good meat markets you know? my pantry and fridge is looking sparse.
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>>2813751
>Let's do it tomorrow - barbecue at my place
we do have a wife to honor
>>But if you can send her a message to be ready and dressed tomorrow, that'd be good
>>
Man, Reynold seems to have an issue with taking advice from vets and people trying to bar him from actually diving head first into the deep end from his pov. Either that or he's gearing up for a fight with his girlfriend. I think we'll need to stage some sort of event to actually make him sober up on the whole masquerade idealism he's got. Either that or let him dig his own grave.

Anyways. We'll need to keep a close eye on our assistant.
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>>2813751
>Let's do it tomorrow - barbecue at my place

> Invite Dionysus but don't warn W
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>>2813805
what are the odds that they know eachother and that he brought that wine glass from him?
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>>2813805
> Invite Dionysus but don't warn W
Shit yeah, let’s do it.
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>>2813751
Let's do it tomorrow. Barbecue at my place to double as a war council for our future plans and we can probably ask what the story that's being spread around about that Duke is.
>I've been too busy to ask this before. How are you and Rachel holding up? She wasn't exactly conscious enough to see how she was affecting everyone with her actions.
>>2813789
Or we tell on him to his girlfriend. She would know how to get through to his thick skull more than we can.
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>>2813847
>Or we tell on him to his girlfriend.
no. that never ends well and more importantly, its not our problem. We are not his babysitter.
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>>2813953
That's the point. We aren't his babysitter and we do not need some pissed off assassin bitch that can match Kelly despite having no magical power after us because of him not listening to us about shit being dangerous. We're shoving off the "babysitter" job onto her since she presumably at least has a sense of danger, knows how to deal with his lack of it, and half of her clients were probably secret demons so revealing that to her gives her a general standard measurement for understanding how dumb him acting like everything is sparkly unicorns is to his health. Plus we don't have time for his bullshit on top of everything else we have to deal with. We should have been fucking our wife last night and having the meeting tonight but had to babysit his ass instead. It also stops her from saying shit over the phone that Kelly probably doesn't want to become known. We actually need to warn Kelly that she said he can stop time over the phone now incase that might fuck him over.
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>>2813995
OR, we just don't do anything and let reynold fix or break his relationship on his own.
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>>2814002
Which as I just pointed out ,will get an assassin with a grudge that might actually be able to finish the job after us because she views us as some drug dealer offering some radical magic pills. We tried our best but we sound like some asshole dragging him into dangerous shit from the other perspective of that phone call.
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>>2813751
>>We're taking our chances tonight, at my place
>>I might have just met your ancestor
>>
>>2813751
>>I might have just met your ancestor
>>Let's do it tomorrow - barbecue at my place
>>How're you holding up?
>>
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>>2813751
"Let's do it tomorrow," you say, "already scheduled a barbecue at my place."

"We get everything important done at those," W says, "don't we?"

"It does seem to turn out that way," you tell him, switching the phone to 'hands free' as you start driving.

"I am a bit worried about summoning your sister to one again," W says, as you pull out of the garage.

"So am I," you tell him, "there any way to send a message to request Ellie's dressed, decent, and not covered in blood, or in heat? And hopefully has my brother-in-law in one piece?"

"I could try summoning her butler," W says, "and send him back with a message. There was a reason James was mouthing off about getting you a cell connection into Hell - that sort of thing isn't easy. It's much easier to get a person across than a message."

"You're the wizard," you say, merging into traffic, "I'll take your word for it. Why'd Butler home in on Kelly when he came over earlier, though? That seemed a bit weird."

"That sigil on his hand is like a lighthouse for anyone associated with it," W says, "cross-planar travel is a bit difficult, and hitting a target point - do you know how fast the earth is spinning? That's why stuff like the 'emo kid array' works. It gives them a specific place to come out and play. He formed a contract with your - our sister. It's a bit like her, and her demons, having his number. And address. Wherever he goes."

"You said you were in that fight, too," you tell the phone, "so who's got your number?"

"He's dead," W says, "or regenerating in Hell. She might have killed him when he came back over there, too."

"I've been a bit busy and haven't had the time to ask," you say with a sigh, "but how are you and your family holding up?"

"We're ok," W tells you, as you swerve to avoid some idiot changing lanes without a turn signal, "we're ok. Had a board game night for the first time in forever last night."

"How'd that go?" you ask.

"Pretty alright," W says, as you exit the freeway, "the girls were arguing about strategy until two in the morning. Heard them through the wall."

Knowing his daughters, that's a bit of an improvement, but you're guessing you don't have the full story.

"Glad to hear that," you say, pulling into your driveway - looks like the camper crew moved their vehicle into the back, "I've got to go, but keep up the good work. And we are having a barbecue tomorrow night."

"I'll definitely be able to summon Ellie by then," W says, "good night, man," and hangs up as you park in your garage.

>Tonight it’s just us, our wife, a bottle of wine and whatever’s in the back of our closet that hasn’t been brought out in a while
>Figure out who's inside
>Just grab Liska and pin her to the ground - she'll like that
>"Honey, I'm home!"
>WRITE IN
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>>2814133
>>Figure out who's inside
>>
>>2814133
>Figure out who's inside
gotta make sure that we have the house to ourselves.
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>>2814133
>>Figure out who's inside
>"Honey, I'm home!"
>>
>>2814133
>Just grab Liska and pin her to the ground - she'll like that

>Tonight it’s just us, our wife, a bottle of wine and whatever’s in the back of our closet that hasn’t been brought out in a while
>>
>>2814133
>Tonight it’s just us, our wife, a bottle of wine and whatever’s in the back of our closet that hasn’t been brought out in a while
>>
I'm out, don't count on seeing me before Monday (other than shitposting / responding to stuff). Small chance I'll be back Saturday or Sunday night.

Twitter (for runtimes): https://twitter.com/HaikuDeluge
Archive: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Shotgun

Questions/comments/death threats will be responded to or ignored.

Also, I really love the speculations on certain characters and their psychology.
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>>2814133
>Text Kelly before we go inside, Group meeting/barbecue tomorrow night.Spectator only knew about 3/4 of the home run balls. Check to see if the 4th doesn't have anyone still angry about broken windows. FYI That Russian chick was talking about your secret recipe on the phone at work.
>Pounce and princess carry Liska
>Melon go out with your friends tonight if you want to protect your virgin ears! And let Sue's mom know there's a group meeting tomorrow!
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>>2814133
>"Honey, I'm home!"
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>>2814133
>>Figure out who's inside
>>
>>2814172
Die! Die! DIE! DIE! DIIEE! GET DRUNK AND SHIP THE FLOOR!
Seriously though, thanks for running. I'll probably catch you Sunday/Monday-ish.
Now that I think of it, I haven't seen you hitting the floor recently. You doing better on that front?
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>>2814452
He lost the silly straw.
But yeah, glad if he has been doing better.
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>>2813735
That would explain why Haru got enthusiastic with Ellie, and Sachio banged the shrine maiden. We should probably call Japan to make sure the roof’s still on the castle.
>>
found a pic that explains Liska's name
>>
These threads inspired me to host a barbecue irl. How fucked am I?
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>>2815135
Now that i think about it. Liska is a very weird name. Like if you call your son Homo,or Human or hombre.Not that i'm complaining, but you know, just a thought,
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>>2815260
You're at VSF levels of fucked m8.
Make peace with your loved ones.
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>>2815260
Depends on how many people actually bring food. MC seems to be stuck paying for everything half of the time when I'm personally used to everyone at least bringing one contribution to the meal even if it's the shitty plastic silverware.

Make sure to bring a boom box of some sort for music, find a grill buddy or two,remember marinade/season the meat beforehand and try to sort out who brings what beforehand. Maybe a first aid kit too? Don't forget that kids tend to show up at these things so there has to be a kiddie table.
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>>2815262
Not really. Most names are weird once you think about their literal meaning. I mean, chances are that half of the anons here are basically named flower.
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>>2815279
No kids here, well at least small ones. We're all 19y/o here. The meat is marinaded and music's all sorted out. A friend of mine is going to bring some more meat, and of course the whole shebang is byob.

What the fuck is a grill buddy though?
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>>2815289
You aren't going to be stuck by yourself at the grill serving everyone else for the entire party are you?
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>>2815292
This party isn't That big, we're like 20 people strong tops. I can handle it ezpz
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>>2815293
You won't, believe me. i found out that there should be one grill person for every five people. At least get one or 2 buddies that are willing to help you out.
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>>2815262
I wonder if Liska and John both changed their names when they left Japan? They’re both odd names for Japanese people to have, and itsounds a lot like Liska to literally call herself a fox and laugh about it.
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>>2815338
I also didn't hear any mention of anything not made of meat. No macaroni and cheese, potato salad, coleslaw,break/buns,Secret alcohol recipes stolen from the descendants of pirates by your family,corn on the cob and etc.
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>>2815386
well, where i am from we just grill some meat, corn and sausages and make quesadillas. Everything else is superfluous because the main point is to eat meat and have a good time with friends.
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>>2815412
This is what we're doing atm, though i might get a friend to bring some corn.
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>>2815412
>the main point is to beat meat and have a good time with friends
Sometimes I have reading problems
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>>2814133
>>Tonight it’s just us, our wife, a bottle of wine and whatever’s in the back of our closet that hasn’t been brought out in a while
>>Just grab Liska and pin her to the ground - she'll like that
>>
>>2815440
get some white mushrooms, skin/clean them and remove the foot and you can just put them a minute or two on the grill with a pinch of salt for a really tasty sidesnack
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>>2815495
I've done them before, but atm my budged is kinda strict, luckily 2.6kg of chicken was enough to satisfy the hungry horde and now my friends revere me as a god among cooks for simply not overcooking the chicken and using spices. But that just might be the alcohol talking on their part.
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>>2814133
>Figure out who's inside

Caught up, wanted to say you guys might be playing this a bit to straight and robbing yourself out of bonding opportunities that can easily avoid sex. Not that that isn't a possibility, its just avoidable.

Like with Jean in the bar. Bonding over a newly discovered, shared dilemma and showing sympathy and understanding to those feelings would most likely lead to her crying and being obligated to share a shoulder to cry, but it doesn't mean sex comes after. It was an opportunity sidestepped for no real reason.

From what I saw at least.
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>>2815793
You would be amazed how many people have never had chicken that wasn't overcooked. Same with homemade roasts.
>>
Finally found it.
Ron White is our spirit animal.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YjkvbiLwno
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>>2815995
Any suggestions on how to do that? Besides, she’s usually been the one dragging things in that direction.
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>>2815995
Anons are thirsty. Given the chance, they will take have sex, despite any consequences. Thus, staying away from things that might bring up the option is the safest choice. If Haiku would lock us out of fucking anyone but the wife, I'd be much more willing to do things like you suggest. But he "enjoys the discussion", so it'll never happen.
>>
>>2815995
Just cause we avoid sexual encounters doesn't mean the girls will. From the sounds of it, regarding her literary choices, Jean would have been a bad person to try to get close to during the few interactions we've had.
>>
>>2816594
>spoiler
It's also because of something along the lines of "Being able to do something and not doing it is better than not being able to do it" and honestly, I agree with that kind of thinking.
>>
>>2815995
We were having our little heart to heart but we also wanted to come home and we were only there in the first place because circumstances kept on dragging us there. I suppose it's lucky that we were there if the first draft incase W would have published it since Kelly was too drunk to point out the flaws in that idea but more likely, we'd have a group meeting tonight instead, get a status report, and then the same series of events would happen.
It does not personally annoy me, but I think that we can empathize with how the MC was stuck somewhere he really didn't want to be and just wanted to leave. it made him skip a social cue and all but I sincerely doubt we were remotely as sober as we think we were. There were also about 5 other shoulders to cry on in that room.
Anons are also horny bastards that see everything as sex so i'd rather not fall into the trap of anons trying to seduce her for a threeesome.
>>
>>2816628
There are always some sort of restrictions. Would he let us screw Melon, for instance? Or Ellie? Or a dead body? Or could we dedicate our lives to working on becoming an astronaut, forsaking the entire current situation? Could we blow our brains out? Melon's? Liska's?
>>
>>2816765
I mean if it was all in character, Why would it stop us?
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>>2816546
Just say no if she asks, stop her if she strips? We're a grown man with supernatural powers of a significant power, have the police chief in our pocket, and she's a relatively normal woman. We can draw a line and enforce it without sidestepping conversations.

>>2816594
>>2816622
>>2816655
A) What are you guys, Christians? We do deals with demons and otherworldly forces and it seems much more appropriate to roll with the flow of everything and even then, its been stated by the person who would be most effected, our wife, that she's fine with it and is open to options if we ever decide to go that way. Have Haiku lock it out? Are you seriously asking the qm to lock out player agency just cause your morals would be hurt?

B) Even if you are paranoid "anons" would ree and hop on any train towards sex every chance they get, don't you think that would have happened by now?

Using the excuse that anons are horny bastards and thirsty to try and justify those decisions when it could have happened many times at this point, but didn't, just makes you look like you're jumping at shadows and using "anon" stereotypes when anons have consistently proven you wrong.
>>
>>2816782
>what would stop us from ignoring the plot?
the end of the world in less than a year?
>>
>>2816802
Still rather far off.
>>
>>2816807
We don't even know what will cause it this time, nor the exact date. Remember, It's a year-ish from Harriet's reset, not when we first met her. And we lost an entire month recently, plus normal time, some 2-odd weeks. Less time than you think.
>>
>>2816837
Honestly, there's no way to prepare for that because we have no idea what will happen, when, unless Harriet has some new premonition.
All we can really do is face what is in front of us at the moment and handle it as best we can. That and get ready to fight Rat God. I would ask Harriet if they ever fought the rat god before, that might be the apocalypse this time.
>>
>>2816893
>I would ask Harriet if they ever fought the rat god before, that might be the apocalypse this time.
She's mentioned getting cut off before, which is what would happen if we tried to fight the rats without a replacement energy source. But they don't have a reason to end the world. In fact, they have a good incentive to prevent it: this is where they get their energy from.
>>
>>2816794
>just say no
>she’s a normal woman
I actually was talking about how Liska often pushes our talks with her in a sexual direction. Might have misread your point.

Jean’s just very friendly. Ithink we handled her pretty well in the bar, and left replacements when we left.
>>
>>2816999
For Liska, well, its about give and take. She's abide many times to suit our wishes and wants. If she wants to mix it up once in awhile by including another person while having sex or something or other, can't we humor her once or twice?

Give back to her, cause she puts up with us almost dying time and again and keeping the household straight while we are on our deathbed, and throwing ourselves deeper and deeper into the shit without advising her as often as we should have? Meet her wishes and wants now and again yeah?
>>
>>2817052
I’m all for that, except as she pointed out once when she brought it up, there would be a shitload of fallout. And Haiku would gleefully play every angle of how that could fuck over morale and complicate relationships in our teams even further. And probably call us names
>>
I just find it incredibly sad and pathetic that there are players who insist on living vicariously through the MC by repeatedly attempting to force kinky and freaky sex when most of us just want to play a Dad being a good father.

You can't ever budge against that kind of person because they /never/ stop inserting their fetishes. This is a collective game you gotta accept that if you keep getting shot down in votes and discussion you are the minority and it's time to pipe down.

You know those never ending stream of Magical Realm stories on tg and other forums, of weirdos who insist on making everyone else uncomfortable without an ounce of social awareness? That's you guys.
>>
>>2817253
Honestly if she said that and then brings up the idea again like she has and is, I think the situation has changed since the time between then and now that she has seen, but we haven't or something similar.

And quite honestly, if we can give back to the wife doing what she wishes or asked and it ends up like that, I'd be willing to suffer through it because that woman is very, very good to us. Sometimes better than we deserve for the kind of shit we end up springing on her.
>>
>>2817544
>Sometimes better than we deserve for the kind of shit we end up springing on her.
We don't spring anything on anyone in this quest, we get sprung on. The entire supernatural thing we've been reluctantly dragged into, and we are usually the leveled one. She hid her true nature from us for decades.
Some people do value monogamy, you know. It's ok to not be ok with something.
>>
>>2816837
Harriet did say our current timeline is very far off the beaten path compared to the rest of the 30 years of her own loops.
>>
>>2817620
She wasn't the one who decided we should 1v1 a duke of hell, she wasn't the one who said we should go to hell to take on that duke of hell a second time.
She wasn't the one to decide we should basically adopt a whole nother set of magical girls, or invite wizards of all kinds to BBQs that can last from weeks to months, and it wasn't her that decided to piss off a Greek God then not tell their significant other until we had to make sure our daughter knew the stakes.

We get sprung on yeah, but we spring stuff on her too.

And this didn't even start with advocating for sex or saying monogamy is bad. This started because we, as an adult, can have close, intimate, conversations with others without it progressing to sex and that we don't need to sidestep those conversations. You don't have to be paranoid that anons will focus on just getting laid because anons, and that includes you, have shown time and again that that is not what you focus on.
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>>2817544
Right now what the wife wants is another baby. She is in Heat. For anyone who has ever owned a non-spayed animal knows what that means, breeding season has come again. She wants the dick and her brain is so addled with hormones that she probably isn't thinking straight.

If we assume the last time she was in heat was around when Melon was conceived that means it is a long cycle. Kitsune have so many kids because they live a long time and have litters. Her heat has probably slowly been creeping up on her since before we found out Melon was a magical girl. I think she will settle back down again once a bun is safely ensconced in her oven.

You can tell the heat is having an effect, she has never, NEVER, physically hurt the MC to this extent or been this physically forceful before. Even through all of that she listened to us and didnt try to force anything.

You gotta remember heat is like puberty dialed up to 11 when it comes to libido and the way it can effect your mind.
>>
>>2817861
i don't think that's quite right. My guess is that most of what is happening is because this is the first time she has her period/is in heat without hiding she is a kitsune.

>If we assume the last time she was in heat was around when Melon was conceived that means it is a long cycle.
I think that's mistaken, otherwise the MC would have noticed that Liska never has periods, or such.
>she has never, NEVER, physically hurt the MC to this extent or been this physically forceful before.
She has never been in heat with us without trying to hide she was a kitsune. Since she no longer has to hide that, and knows we can handle the heat(heh), she has gotten rid out of the kiddie gloves.
>>
>>2817972
>I think that's mistaken, otherwise the MC would have noticed that Liska never has periods, or such.

I don't know. It can be pretty easy to forget about or overlook things about a woman's periods if feminine hygiene products (or their wrappers) are not brought up or visible.
>>
>>2818096
Yeah, but it would have clicked at least once in the MC's mind that Liska has no periods and that there was some weird shit going on. The most obvious point would have been the moment Melon had her first one or didn't.
>>
>>2818096
It's also very possible that heat only happens in full kitsune mode, and the menstrual cycle is only a thing in human mode. It's already established in-universe that a number of types of supernatural creatures are capable of an equivalent level of shapeshifting; see Rick for a prime example.
>>
>>2818156
It's also possible he did notice, and actively ignored it because he was repressing anything outside the norm super-hard.
>>
I was wondering if Sachio would be jailed because of hamasaki who is barely legal (16?) I mean it would be fun to prank him by wearing swat suits with Kelly, UU, James, Jean, Rob and that police chief.
>>
>>2818973
Isn’t Japanese age of consent like 13? I thoughtHamasaki was 17-18ish, anyway
>>
When Madison shot down that threesome I wanted to hug her if doing so wouldn't be super awkward. This entire quest has had noone respect the MCs stated refusal to fuck other women and at this point her refusal is close enough.
>>2818973
Those laws are only for Gaijin barbarians. Sachio is safe.
>>2816794
>>2817052
>How dare you prudes think anons are sexed up horny bastards who want to sleep with other women the first chance we get!
5 minutes later*
>We need to consider some possible threesomes. It's the only right, logical, and fair thing to do.

You couldn't have at least changed your IP or phoneposted?
>>
>>2819114
The first one is in reference to talking to people without having sex

the second one is in reference to how to give back to our wife for all the stuff she puts up with when we get into shit. Sex isn't the only option in that regard, but its what she has been asking for.

two different things.
>>
>>2819123
At risk of being called a prude, but does it have to be sexually related?
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>>2819114
>When Madison shot down that threesome I wanted to hug her if doing so wouldn't be super awkward.
Same here. It was nice to not need to worry about her, at least.

>>2819123
>asking for
Pretty sure she was at first at teasing us, and now she's too horny to think straight, or care. Don't take her comments literally.
>>
>>2819123
Your first one also ignored that the majority of my post had other reasons to not stick around like us not wanting to be there in the first place. Anons just wanted to go home to our wife and kid but obstacles kept on plopping themselves down in the way.
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>>2819138
>not needing to worry about Madison
She’s been leading a group of magical girls on a road trip for a year, and only got adult help (if James counts) the past six months. Good reasons to not worry, except about her stress levels.

I’m guessing that’s why her response to a horny supernatural creature with a guy who claimed to have just gotten sexually mauled was “you didn’t ask, but count me the fuck out”. She seems to get along with Liska pretty well normally.
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>>2819126
No, but the other one I am aware of was a Mediterranean cruise, which is out of the picture until we deal with Zeus.

Maybe a cruise along the fjords of Norway and greater Scandinavia is in order.
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>>2819862
>Mediterranean cruise
We’re turning down free tickets for one (for good reasons).

I’m still not sure why anyone thinks having Ellie and Dionysus anywhere near each other isn’t a terrible idea
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>>2819877
As long as they aren't anywhere near us or the girls it's fine.
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>>2819888
There's also the whole "she affects the yarnball more when she's on the same plane" thing. Part of the reason we finally left her in Hell was because she was affecting everyone just be being on Earth with us.
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>>2819905
Was it really? I though we left her because her behavior was getting out of hand, but her affect on others went unproven.
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>>2819939
Thread 9:
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive/2753283/
>>2761096

>"The bad news: we have yarnball problems," he says, "you notice anything 'off' after your sister hit earth?"
>"Seems like the damn thing operates on proximity,"
>"so when she was in Hell, on another plane, it was fine. When she's right here with all of us, she's flowing into everyone. Magically. I'm not going to debate Free Will - I don't want to go mad like that priest, but it's an influence on everyone hooked up to it."
>"The worse news," W says, ..."She's been stabilising since last night," the wizard says, "almost like we're a radiator for her."
>>
>>2820484
Yeah I was there. Then we went around and tested it a bit and frankly everyone was acting normally, in their own crazy ways.
>>
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I'm back, after a weekend.

Hmm. I might have enough time to quest for a bit tonight. After counting votes and such.

>>2814452
> I haven't seen you hitting the floor recently. You doing better on that front?
I think I'm just getting better at managing it. I'm also not posting as fast, and no longer on the Eat-Sleep-Quest-Repeat program, so I don't burn out as fast during threads.
>>2815260
Five point to whatever your house is.
>>2815371
That may be a correct assumption. John definitely changed his name when he shipped out with the Dutch.
>>2815260
I've come back to a lot of things after being away from a dormant thread, but this is a first. Good luck! Hope it went well!
>>2816594
>Given the chance, they will take have sex, despite any consequences
Given that they've turned down Liska twice (for good, in character reasons), despite there being no consequences, I think that's rather debatable.
I was expecting the discussion about threesomes, heat, etc.
I was also expecting the discussion to lead to some good points about the characters and relatively mature opinions about the topics. I wasn't disappointed - I really like my players.
Have I mentioned I hate being in a position, as the QM, where I can't mix it up in these debates without my words carrying too much weight?
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>>2820540
Yeah, Liska only bit our sister's ear off and left it on the table as a trophy about 10 minutes before wanting to fuck her with us in a threesome, we started radiating "killing intent", Sue flew into a rage, and everyone had the sudden urge to murder/fuck/cannibalize. Perfectly normal.
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Heinrich and Bernie in pic related.
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SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT


We Totally forgot about that wizard Bernie hired that was going to publish a book. And they have less info so they may have less to sort through before publishing than we do, depending upon their mindset.

I vote that we suddenly have a flashback to that and call an emergency meeting
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>>2820806
[spoiler/] Take off teh name, turn on opera, swap location and post as anon?
>>
Still getting used to that. Still tho, chiming in on the discussion is not outside of your scope if you remain neutral.
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>>2814133
You think about your game plan as you pull into the driveway, but don't hit the garage door opener yet.

From what she said this morning, Liska would probably love nothing more than having you stride in and pin her to the nearest available surface.

But you might have a bunch of magical girls, a wizard, and a surgical half-demon in the house, too. If nothing else, the camper crew wants your showers.

Just to kill your own tension, you text Kelly about the barbecue that's apparently happening tomorrow night.

And you tell him to make sure his family brings another side this time.

You hit W with that one, too.

Then you punch the garage door opener and park. Your workbench looks rather different than you remember. More like a gunsmith's shop. Probably a relic of the month when you were out, and you just haven't noticed yet.

Then you step inside.

"I've got wood for your sheep," you hear Liska say, "all of them."

"I'll accept a trade of lumber for sheep," Roxy says, as you walk toward the family room, "at 3-to-1."

"2-to-1," Rob growls. Poor guy's probably trying to build roads or something, as you realize what they're playing.

"1-to-1," James says.

"Yeah, well, you've got a wood port!" Melon tells him.

"I'm a wizard," he says, and by then you're far enough into the house to to see him grinning.

"It's obviously a bad trade, mom," your daughter says, "he could turn those into anything."

"Hey, honey," Liska tells you, as you walk into the living room, "how was the office?"

"Greek god dropped by," you say, "I read letters from the rest of the pantheon, gave life advice to my assistant, have a dragon as a boss, you know - the usual."

"That guy needs some advice," James says, "still up for that trade?" he asks Liska.

"Wait for my turn," Madison says, "and you might get a better deal."

That's a hell of a Settlers of Catan board they've got there.

"I might be dropping out soon," Liska says, looking at you, her tails waving behind her.

>Please, carry on with the game
>We've got a better game to play somewhere else
>Liska, I scored a big account today. Want to go out to dinner?
>I take it you've been having fun today?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2817739
We admitted that the duel was exceptionally stupid, and we're the goddamn adult in the situatiom with the Magical Girls in addition to being their "Lord".

Personally I just don't see the MC intentionally complicating his home life by starting to bang people who has ethical obligations towards as well as literally being in a position of Power and authority over.

We can't kill or run from fucking up the group dynamic, and we have a responsibility to put that ajead of getting our rocks off.

The Zeuss thing I saw as a bit of friendly banter to show him that we bite back. Zeus might survive a fight in Greece, but we'll do our damndest to make sure he at least doesn't win it.

Sending Ellie and Haru as our representatives, with the power they have themselves, and also along with Dionysius, is just politics.

Zeus doesn't have anything against them personally, after all.

And we DID refrain from actually going there to beat his ass.

And he showed weakness by refusing to come out from Greece and instead tried to lure us there.

Regardless, using the MCs previous mistakes that were one off exceptions isn't reallt a good argument for making ANOTHER decision with possible far reaching consequences.

I'm serious when I say inter-group drama has honestly been the biggest threat. Gusion got fucking CHUMPED. Because that's easier than dealing with teenage girls, or a single mother who was jusy exposed to a world shaking revelation and might not be in the best frame of mind to develop a relationship.

Bevause Jean wouldn't be a one-off-and-done, we wpuld have to figure out how to integrate her into our group dynamics as a lover. Not to mention Sue, who is a teenager our daughters age and we're a 50 year old man who is kind of her boss slash father figure.

And honestly Liska doesn't strike me at being actually good at actual social interaction. Fun to socialize WITH, but destabilizing as fuck due her impulsive and instinctive actions.
>>
>>2821509
>Liska, I scored a big account today. Want to go out to dinner?
>>
>>2821509
>I take it you've been having fun today?
>Please, carry on with the game
>>I'll go upstairs and read a book while waiting for you.
and then, the final hit : whisper in her ear
>I'll reward you if you win

people will think we fell into a giant blender tomorrow
>>
>>2820806
I would like to know when the two "no consequence" times were.

Honestly if we're interacting with someone who isn't caught up in eitjer personal or political relationships with us, I would totally vote for a threesome.

The first Demon girl

But even then, honestly the levels of thirst we've had thrown at us is downright unsettling, and it's just been easier to say we aren't terribly interested in anyone else rather than deal with jealousy over it, or alternatively like I said doing a one and done.
>>
>>2821509
>We've got a better game to play somewhere else
It should have been explicit, but the 'we' here is the MC and Liska. [This is not a voting post for that option]
>>2821522
There are many things I like about this post. There are some I think are rather inaccurate. Is that neutral enough for QM engagement?
>>
>>2821509
>Liska, I scored a big account today. Want to go out to dinner?

It would be nice to spend time with our wife alone.
>>
>>2821548
>the two "no consequence" times were.
I meant 'no consequences for having sex'. The first one was when the MC told Ellie's story in bed, and Liska told him something like "tragic backstories are really hot" and was ready to go. The MC wasn't really in the mood (understandably, since he'd just told a rather traumatic story about his sister/teenagerhood), and they just cuddled. The second one was further up in this thread.
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>>2821549
Seriously I don't see banging anyone in our group as making things in any way less complicated.

Jean would get a pass if she wasn't Sue's Mom.

I could see Harriet getting a stress release boning. She gets a pass on the teenager thing for having lived through a 3 decade apocalypse.

Mary seems to be in more of a work wife situation as the head of the Magical Girls. Don't shit where you eat and all that. Karen is dating Beef Slab McThunderCock. Sue has issues previously noted, although that I see having potential to change.

No touchy W or Kelly's kids.

Melon is right out, as is Ellie because we're Rednecks not degenerates.

Shelby is Melons love interest, but it would be pretty funny to pass him an invitation.

We could have banged someone from Japan I guess, but sticking our dick into the Supernatural right as massive political upheaval we were partially responsible for was probably going to cause Sachio some difficulty, as well as a cultural disconnect making us wary.
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>>2821565
> 'no consequences for having sex'.

With Liska, yeah, our Wife and partner in life.

Honestly I can't think of anyone who having sex with wouldn't have further complicated a situation where we've formed an alliance among people who previously had a "Murder on Sight" as the only acceptable interaction, and have enough personal power to really fuck things up if they snapped, and are in constant threat of death let alone if they get ganked while isolated.

Honestly if we go out to Dinner we'll need some people to come with us for protection because we are especially at risk of Ganking.

Now that I've rum down the list, though, there IS one person without complicated positions or emotions. Someone who jas been with us from the start. Someome who is, like Liska, a Shapechanger.

We could fuck Freebles. Pic rule 63 related.

Or we could let Liska shapeshift herself a dick
>>
>>2820821
Yeah that's all their normal, especially when we're getting them hammered as much as we do. Except that cannibalize shit, who are you referring to there? Liska biting ears? Bitch is in heat so she's a little bitey, that how she asserts her sexual dominance. Also she isn't human so not cannibalism,.
>>
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>>2821631
>>
>>2821637
Actually there was a marked increase in Thirst all around, including the MC considering things impulsively that he had previously hard shut down. The provided options got a lot more exaggerated emotionally.

Also we apparently startef being able to and unconsciously using our "Aura" to confront people out of proportion to the situation. It was like we were acting similar to the overpowered PTSD afflicted child soldiers who had given up hope od survival in the long run but are almost garanteed to survive a fight to the near-death instwad of talking things pit with our friends, allies, and subordinayes.

Ellie got noticably less crazy and aggressive as time passed, too.

>>2821549
I wonderz Kelly's disease is sone bullshit magical illness of the soul, right? So I'm concerned and optimisyic about possobly it srpreading through thw yarn ball, as it could possibly just onfect us or alternatively allow everyone to ameoiorate the effect by spreading them out.
>>
>>2821509
>>Liska, I scored a big account today. Want to go out to dinner?
>>
>>2821637
Also Liska spent the majority of our life keeping that shit under total lockdown, so it's not like she wouldn't be capable of self regulating her behaviour, or at least biting an ear off to make a point. Liska is a fox Demon not an actual fox that relies entirely on intinct.
>>
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>>2821509
"You might," you say, "Liska, I scored a big account today, want to go out to dinner?"

"I'm dropping out now," she tells the table, as she gets up, "not sure what the rules say about that, but I don't care."

"I expected that," Madison says, with the hint of a smile. Was she actually basing her strategy on you pulling Liska out of the game?

"Who's got the rulebook?" you hear Melon ask, as you head back toward your bedroom.

"I was winning that," Liska says as she catches up, and pushes you against the side of the hallway, "and you know," she continues breathlessly, "I'm a bit competitive."

"I'm taking you somewhere," you whisper back, "there's no competition. You just get to show up the upper crust of the city."

"You just want to show me off on your arm, don't you?" she asks, and you lean forward, pinning her against the other wall of the hallway.

"You're damn worth showing off," you say, "real trophy wife. And you could wipe the floor with any of theirs. More of a looker, more of a fighter, more of a talker. Hell of a better fuck."

"How many women with wedding ring tans did you bag before you met me?" Liska asks, "I'll take it as a compliment."

"I didn't go for those," you tell her, letting her up, "didn't feel right. But," you say, with a smile, "I probably got a few of their high-class daught- wait, why are we talking about this?" you ask, as the two of you walk into the master suite.

"Because I'm competitive," she says, turning toward you, "and I was fucking state secrets out of SS werewolves who were out of their minds on meth in the 40s. Let me tell you, their 'love bites' hurt worse than mine. Guessing that's a side of me you don't want to show off tonight," Liska finishes, her eyes daring you to take exception and censure her

>Fuck dinner, I can do better than they ever could
>We're not bagging half of city society into our bed tonight
>I'd prefer the 'seven veils' side was just mine
>Hug her and tell her you love her
>I just want to treat you to a nice dinner
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2821700
>You want to show me off to every other woman there? I know I’m no Nazi werewolf
>>
>>2821700
>>Fuck dinner, I can do better than they ever could
ESTABLISH DOMINANCE
>>
>>2821700
>Hug her and tell her you love her
>I just want to treat you to a nice dinner. Both parts are still the woman I fell in love with and married, there's worse things than continuing to find new things out about each other.
> But I do enjoy just spending time talking to you, and now we have a whole lot more to talk about.
>>
>>2821731
Supportin'
>>
>>2821700
>>Hug her and tell her you love her
>>I just want to treat you to a nice dinner
We are gonna romance the fuck out of her tonight.
>>
>>2821700
You hug Liska.

"I love you," you whisper to her, "and I just wanted to treat you you to a nice dinner. Both, no, every part of you are still the woman I married. There's worse things than continuing to find new things out about each other."

"You're a fuckin' tease," Liska says, grinning.

"I do just enjoy spending time talking to you," you say, "and now we have a lot more to talk about. Maybe over dinner. A really nice dinner."

"And you like getting teased," you finish in a whisper.

"I'm taking a cold shower and pulling out something from the back of the closet," Liska says, then cocks her head looking at you, "not sure if I want you in the bloodstained suit or something else. And don't shower - I love your scent."

Then she pecks you on the cheek and flits off to the bathroom.

And you realize you haven't actually made reservations.

[SET 1:]
>You should be able to get them normally. At the last minute
>Bernie owes you for this morning's drive - and you did land him a huge account
>You have enough magical power to lock down a restaurant

[SET 2:]
>Just keep your clothes on
>Change into something formal
>Hop in the shower with Liska
>>
>>2821793
>>Bernie owes you for this morning's drive - and you did land him a huge account
>Change into something formal
We'll leave the days' stank for her but we have more decorum than dining bloody.
>>
>>2821793
>You should be able to get them normally. At the last minute.

This is a problem that can be solved with money.
>>
>>2821802
> Owing a dragon a favor

And vice versa I ain't wasting that on Dinner.
>>
>>2821793
>>Bernie owes you for this morning's drive - and you did land him a huge account
>Just keep your clothes on
>>
>>2821808
I want to get rid of it a soon as possible. Longer everything is square with Bernie the better things are.
>>
>>2821808
If Bernie knows our wife, he’ll be trading up on even one of those
>>2821793
>Set 1: negotiate with Bernie. Give least ground possible
>Set 2: Change into something that will match her
>>
>>2821793
>You should be able to get them normally. At the last minute.
>Change into something formal
>>
>>2821808
It was a ride to his own company and he can afford a limo. You are severely overestimating the driving part of that favor and if you aren't then it probably repays those satellites which means we'd actually be owing HIM a favor if anything after we went and made things even.
>>
>>2821839
If we are going to do some sort of favor thing then we trade knowledge of what we're doing with those cruise tickets in exchange for dinner since Bernie can get prepped for the shitstorm that's gonna happen to Zeus for maximum profit.
>>
>>2821843
Unless Ellie, Haru, and Dionysius go and everything is fine.
>>
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>>2821793
There's one man, dragon, or person in this city you can count on for something like this.

Bernie picks up on the second ring.

"You sober?" he asks.

"Serviceably," you tell him, listening to Liska showering in one ear, "I'm at home."

"I was guessing Onassis would have dragged you to a bar," Bernie says.

"He banged out in a hell of a car," you say, "after redecorating my office."

"He had me doing shots with him," Bernie says. Well that explains why he still seems a bit out of it.

"Well," you tell him, shrugging off your suit, "we got that account. And you know what they say about 'hair of the dog that bit you'."

"Wait," the dragon says, "you got that account?"

"That's why you pay me the big bucks," you deadpan, "because I'm a salesman. Do I get paid on commission now?"

"Fuck no," Bernie says, "you're an accountant. But I probably owe you something. Maybe a lot of somethings. Not sure, I'm still fuzzed. Don't drink with a Greek god."

"One two-person table," you say, finding some good formal wear in your closet and hoping it fits, "best restaurant in town, twenty minutes. Maybe thirty. As the first installment on the 'somethings' you owe me."

"Oh," the dragon asks, "do you doubt my hold on the best places in this city? I can get you the entire restaurant."

"Please don't," you say, "I want a great, normal, evening with my wife."

"She find out about your mistress or something?" Bernie asks, and you can hear muffled laughter from the background, "how about I make sure they have a good table in your name?"

"The dragon seems magnanimous tonight," you say, putting on the finishing touches on your formal outfit in front of the mirror.

"You signed up a god," Bernie says, "and all you want is a reservation? Something I can EASILY make happen? Are you insulting me?"

"I said it was a first installment," you tell him.

"Hey," you hear in a muffled voice from your phone, "I kinda like this guy. He stands up for himself."

"Or else he wouldn't have a kid," you hear, very distantly through your phone, "hang up and get some water," and the connection cuts.

Well, you know the dragon's weakness now. If you have to go to the mat with him, it's going to be a drinking contest.

You're going to trust the dragon's pride to make things work out.

You're not going to trust Liska in a towel, jesus.

"You look good," she purrs, "and pleased with yourself."

"We've got reservations at the best place around," you tell her.

"I guess that means," she says, and walks into the closet, and you hear in muffled tones, "I should get some clothes on."

In a few minutes, you're getting in your car with a woman who you're sure would be sucking your soul out through your eyes, if she was a succubus.

>TOPICS FOR CONVERSATION DURING THE DRIVE
>>
>>2821890
>So how do you see our days without kids?
>You look lovely
>tell her more about the job
>Ask about her books
>>
>>2821899
>Ask about her books
>>
I'm punching out, hopefully there will be a thread tomorrow, announced on twitter: https://twitter.com/HaikuDeluge

I may divide write ins between the drive and dinner.
They say to not cut deals with a dragon, but nothing about cutting them with a drunk dragon.
Still, geek the mage if you can.
>>
>>2821890
> Where her favourite places to eat were over the years
>>
>>2821890
>Ask about her books

>"and I was fucking state secrets out of SS werewolves who were out of their minds on meth in the 40s. Let me tell you, their 'love bites' hurt worse than mine."
So I guess Lycanthrophy doesn't work on kitsune?
>>
>>2821890
> Can she and did she ever shapeshift to jave a cock?
>>
>>2821890
>You look lovely
>So how do you see our days without kids?
>Ask about the books
>Where her favorite places to eat were over the years

Holy crap an actual date with the missus, it's a Christmas in August miracle.
>>
>>2821890
>>2822066
second
>>
>>2821890
>It's nice having family like this.
>>
>>2821890
>Ask about her books
>Ask about any interesting stories she's picked up over the years
>>
We should be resuming shortly.

>>2822066
>Holy crap an actual date with the missus, it's a Christmas in August miracle.
I read the weekend dormant threads for ideas, and it seemed like some people wanted this. It makes sense, even though it's not what I was shooting for, which is another reason I take weekend breaks and read the threads - helps jolt me out of my myopia, sometimes.
>>
Why does it always happen when I'm asleep?
>>2821890
>Ask her about her books
>Ask her about what she thinks of the current group interactions and dynamics
>Ask her about what happened in detail when we were out for a month.

Wait a fucking minute.
>Ask her to remind us what spurred us to remodel the house and change the locations of all the rooms.
>>
>>2822225
That was actually the whole thing that spurred it yeah? Freebles crashing in cause he thought it was Melon's room when it was changed recently.
>>
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>>2821890
"You look lovely," you tell Liska, pulling out of the driveway.

"And you're just a little handsome," she says, smiling "might look better in a Hugo Boss number."

"Please don't tell me you didn't take a job sleeping with Nazis because their uniforms were designer fashion."

"That was a reason," she says, lounging in her seat, "among many. Big one was that I'm a kitsune, and, well, the werewolf bite thing just doesn't work on me. At least, not like that," she growls, posing like she's a cover model.

"You should probably fasten your seatbelt," you say, trying to keep your eyes on the road, and away from the woman laying on a fully-reclined carseat.

Liska laughs, with that barking note.

"What," she asks, "we gonna try bondage again?"

"At this rate," you tell her, "we might need to. I can't take another mauling like that. Not until this heals, as least. Is that the sort of thing you write about?"

"Well, it's uh," Liska says, "usually the protagonist that gets mauled. I did do one where she binds a demon so he can't hurt her while they fuck."

"In a circle? Or some sort of magic contract?" you ask, and you KNOW you've spent too much time around wizards when you're asking that.

"Blessed ropes," Liska says, and you're sure she's grinning, but you're on the freeway, so you don't dare to look at her, "soaked with holy water. They're burning him the whole time, but he puts up with it or enjoys it (I wrote it a bit ambiguous) for her."

"Was that the boo-" you start, a horrible suspicion forming in your mind.

"Yeah," Liska says, "It's the one I signed for Jean. That's scene's about the halfway point. Things get a bit worse from there. I Reichenbach Falls'd the main character at about three-quarters. I was tired of writing her, and the rest of the book was the demon trying to get get revenge for her."

"I really," you say, "need to read those someday. It's not my style of literature, but-"

She fucking frenches you, then manages to pull away, before you go trying to co-locate with cars in other lanes.

"I know it's not," Liska says, "that's why I don't talk much about it. And, uh, did I do that much damage? I was trying not to hurt you."

"I'll be fine," you say, "but I can't take that every night," you tell her, as you pull up to the valet parking stand.

Then you roll down the window.

"I can take you every night," Liska says, under the shocked visage of the valet, "over and over."

You get out and get her door. The valet gives you a look of awe and fear as Liska takes your arm.

"He's mine," she tells him.

You slip the guy a twenty with the key. He grins before getting in the car.

"I don't think he was envying YOU," you tell your wife, and she laughs as the two of you walk into the restaurant.

>ask her about what happened while you were out
>it's nice having family like this
>talk about work
>how do you see our days without kids?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2822276
>ask her about what happened while you were out
>Remind me again, why did we remodel the house those months back?
>>
>>2822276
>>it's nice having family like this
>>talk about work
>>
>>2822276
>ask her about what happened while you were out
>Remind me again, why did we remodel the house those months back?
>>
>>2822276
>>ask her about what happened while you were out
>>it's nice having family like this
>>
>>2822276
>write-in: sling a arm around her back, keep her close. tease her with a couple of ass gropes and behind-the-dress boob squeezes.
>it's nice having family like this
>how do you see our days without kids?
>>
>>2822276
>>ask her about what happened while you were out
>>it's nice having family like this
>>talk about work
>>how do you see our days without kids?
>>
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>>2822276
You walk past a line of guests seated on benches to the maitre d's podium.

"I believe I have a table reserved," you tell the remarkably chipper young lady, and give her your name.

"I believe you do," she says, and beckons a waiter with a smile that could kill ants through a magnifying glass.

"Right this way, sir," he says, as you feel irate stares from the benches boring into your back.

So this is what the VIP treatment is like. You grab Liska's ass for a second, just to rub it in (and because it's well worth grabbing), before the two of you follow the waiter to a table.

"I'll give you a few minutes to ponder the drink menu," he says.

"Don't bother," Liska tells him, "waters, please. Also, two glasses of a good, full-bodied red. Ask your sommelier."

"I'll have that out in a minute," the waiter says, before flitting off.

"Did you see their faces?" Liska asks, grinning across the table.

"No," you say, smiling, "but you said I just wanted to show you off. So I did."

She pants, then takes a couple of deep breaths. Bringing her somewhere with too many people around to really unleash herself was probably a good idea.

"What happened while I was out?" you ask, opening a menu.

"We fought," she says, her teeth sharpening a little, "you tease."

"I won't deny it," you tell her as the waiter comes back with a couple of wineglasses and two waters.

"Do you need some time to consider the menu?" he asks.

Liska sniffs her wine, then takes a sip.

She swallows.

"If your chef's as good as your sommelier," she says to the waiter, "tell him to cook whatever he wants."

"And for you?" the waiter asks, turning toward you as he scratches at his notepad.

"I'll have what she's having," you tell him.

"And tell him," Liska says, narrowing her eyes at the waiter, with a grin that shows just slightly too-canine teeth, "it's a challenge to beat the sommelier."

"I will relay that message," the waiter says, "and it's on your head if they kill each other," then he flits away again.

"The past month's been odd," Liska tells you, "I think it's been good for Melon, though. Hell, most of the girls. You have to grow up fast when demons are dropping in and you're getting lessons from a sociopathic assassin. They've really matured."

>I don't think Kelly's a sociopath. I think he forces himself to act like it
>Did you grow up fast?
>Matured? Slapping on kevlar doesn't make you mature
>It's a nice family to have
>WRITE IN

I can't hit everything voted for in a post.
>>
>>2822363
>I don't think Kelly's a sociopath. I think he acts that way to put up that "tough dad image" we men show to our kids.
>There's a thing as growing up too fast though. There's fast and there's too fast to adjust.
>write in: When the food's done and the wine is drunk, give leave a hefty tip (a big benjamin) to either the chef or the sommalier (we'll vote on that). Or we can make it a bet on which of the two (chef or sommalier) loses their temper first in the battle for personal tips.
>>
>>2822363
>>I don't think Kelly's a sociopath. I think he forces himself to act like it
>>
>>2822363
>I don't think Kelly's a sociopath. I think he forces himself to act like it
>It's a nice family to have
>>
>>2822363
I don't think Kelly's a sociopath. I think he forces himself to act like it
>>
>>2822363
>I don't think Kelly's a sociopath. I think he forces himself to act like it
>It's a nice family to have
>>
>>2822363
>I don't think Kelly's a sociopath. I think he forces himself to act like it
>Matured? Slapping on kevlar doesn't make you mature
>Did you grow up fast?
>>
>>2822363
>>I don't think Kelly's a sociopath. I think he forces himself to act like it
>Matured? Slapping on kevlar doesn't make you mature
We should know.
>It's a nice family to have
>>
>>2822363
>mature? Slapping on kelvar doesn't make you mature.
>Kelly is a good person just forcing himself too much.
>I wouldn't trade our family at all, I love it all and you as its queen
>>
>>2822450
This + tease her a little under the table.

[Spoiler] Sliding in from bingeing the archives, good quest gettin run here, yup. This the good shit. [/spoiler]
>>
>>2822363
"Not sure that guy's a sociopath," you say, twirling your wine in your glass, "I think he's forcing it."

"Why?" Liska asks.

"Because we all are," you tell her, "we're all trying to be that 'tough guy dad' to our kids - that guy who polishes his shotgun on the porch when their boyfriends come to pick them up. We're trying to be the swashbuckler our wives married. We're trying to be what everyone thinks we should be. And for him, I think he's trying to fit his profession. He is an assassin. You said he was training them? I don't think my DIs were anything at home like they were with me."

"You think men are the only ones wearing a mask?" Liska asks you, grinning, "try ours on. We're the Madonna, the Eve, or the Lillith. Maybe the Ingenue. They're not fun to wear."

"The funny thing about masks," you say, and take a sip of the wine, "is that you can switch them. Or take them off. Slapping on kevlar doesn't make you mature - ask me about the guys I knew."

"You've told me the stories," she says, sighing, "and I've been trying to figure out exactly how much I can let 'Eve' slip off. Guess I hit your limit."

"Don't make this another 'fox wife' story," you say, grabbing her thigh under the table, "that's one more mask. I want you. I want whoever's behind all the masks."

"I'm an animal," Liska barely breathes, "even looking like this is a mask."

"I know," you say, and manage to whisper, leaning across the table, "and I don't care."

Hell, that's what your assistant told you. And a bit like your own advice.

"Even if everything I said was true?" she asks, leaning toward you, "even if it meant us fucking everyone?"

"I appreciate the 'us'," you say, feeling her breath on your face, "but this is the family we've created. I like it, and I'm not trading it for a night of pleasure. If we did that, we'd fracture everything. And I want you as that family's queen."

"And I," Liska breathes, and gasps, "I want... let's not bother with the food," she whispers, "just take me in the car, on the table, anywhere! Just... Please."

>We wear masks for a reason
>What would a romantic dinner be without a secret tryst?
>You said it was particularly bad this time?
>I'm concerned about the girls having to grow up that fast
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2822585
>>You said it was particularly bad this time?
Seriously did the in-law decide she wants more grankids or what?
>>
>>2822585
>You said it was particularly bad this time?
>>
>>2822585
>What would a romantic dinner be without a secret tryst?
>You said it was particularly bad this time?
you know....i believe Ellie's residual aura is affecting her.
>>
>>2822585
>What, and spoil dinner with desert first?
>Tell her that we were serious about her not getting any, but wink
>Eat then go out with her somewhere private, maybe a nicepark full of dark woods where the masks can disappear and try for kits
>>
>>2822585
>What would a romantic dinner be without a secret tryst?
>>You said it was particularly bad this time?
>>
>>2822585
What would a romantic dinner be without a secret tryst?
Just tease her durning dinner and then we have her in a frield overlooking the city or something.
Mybe get some rope
>>
>>2822585
>>We wear masks for a reason
>You said it was particularly bad this time?
>>