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File: Alright folks.jpg (698 KB, 600x848)
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Obviously, it's not a midlife crisis, because your wife is ok with it all.

Probably more ok than she would be if you'd taken up street racing as a midlife crisis You're a fragile human.

She's a ~700 year old kitsune (you're not exactly sure, because it's impolite to ask a woman her age, but she's got seven tails).

You're a former marine (not ex-marine, them's fighting words) she met during a drinking binge in San Francisco.

And married.

Sounds like a goddamn romcom plot.

Maybe it's mutual dependency, but you've both been good for each other. You both settled down a bit. And you managed to have a daughter.

One daughter. According to Liska (your wife), she should have had a litter. Well, maybe that's Gulf War Syndrome for ya.

Luckily, you don't seem to have had some of the other symptoms crop up.

Unluckily, you managed to start leading a sort of magical mafia - wizards, magical girls, a magic rat, one-and-a-half demons, etc. after you figured out your daughter was part of it all.

Now you're at a pizza place, celebrating killing a duke of Hell who was menacing your town. (Killed him in Hell - no collateral damage to your city, somewhat courtesy of your sister, Ellie, a very ex-magical girl who walked into Hell and managed to become a duchess of it several times over.) And then the local dragon walked in.

Yeah, he's also your boss at the accounting firm. During the daytime.

And he's walking out now, with his knight, and his minotaur, dragging someone who used to be a priest.

The dragon offered your crew a job. After playing insulting power games for half an hour.

"I'll see you Monday morning," you tell him, "but, Bernie, I think we're not taking you up on that offer. We're not mercs, we're just trying to lead normal lives."

"We?" Bernie asks you, his head snapping around, a slice of pizza still in his hand, "they're yours. You lead - they follow."

"That's not how I run things," you tell him, looking around at the magical girls and wizards, "I'm not on the Seven Tips For Highly Effective Demon Lords plan."

"Then I'll see you tomorrow," Bernie says, "but if you're not doing that - you should consult them. You might get outvoted," he says with a smirk, before dragging his entourage out to the parking lot.

Well, that takes care of one problem.

And you steel yourself to take care of another. Sue's mom (Jean) just found out about all this, and although she's taking it well... you think looking back toward her and her daughter.

Oh shit, they're both holding the Thousand Year Blade in a death grip, sweat dripping down their faces.

>Interrupt this
>Glab the sword too
>Just continue out back
>Grab the sword yourself
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2789222
> Be prepared to catch Jean.
Knowing the Sengoku Spook, she might not be able to stand after dealing with the sword's mental shenanigans.
>>
>>2789222

>Just continue out back


>>2789044
>That's an interesting idea, although I'd have to really think about what sort of perspective someone like that would have. If the girls we've seen are warped, imagine what years of that lifestyle does to a person... I think someone like that would be very hard to write. Super good idea, though.


Think Ellie, just as a magical girl instead of a demon.
>>
>>2789222
>WRITE IN
"Well, did anyone save room for dessert? With the staff gone, I'm sure they have booze stocked up in the back somewhere."
>>
>>2789279
Don't underestimate moms.
>>
>>2789222
>>Interrupt this
sword wat r u doin.

>>2789282
So similar, just with less crazy and more depression?
>>
>>2789349
probably.....Actually a toned down version of Harriet might work too.
>>
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>>2789279
>>2789282
>>2789337
>>2789349
Well, these appear to be spread across several moderately incompatible options.

Guess I'll just execute them by turns and/or throw them in a blender.
>>
>>2789337
I thought we weren't going to get drunk again for a change.
>>
>>2789222
>Glab the sword too
>>
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>>2789222
"Did ya save room for desert?" you ask, turning back to look at the tables, and get an encouraging response, although you can't see Harriet, "Kelly," you ask the assassin, "did they have any booze?"

"This place doesn't have a liquor license," Kelly tells you, "and besides, I only bought the pizzas."

That has a certain logic to it, you think, and ask "no desserts, then?"

"Dessert pizzas," Kelly tells you, grinning, and you're pretty sure you don't want any of those.

That's a terrible gimmick.

You turn back towards Sue and Jean Macleod, walking up to the girl and the woman both wrapping their hands around the hilt of your sword.

They seem dead to the world, with closed eyes and gritted teeth, sweat, and, well, that's probably sweat too, beading off their faces.

Is Sue actually using the Thousand-fucking-Year Blade to touch her mother's soul?

Or to allow her mother to touch her soul?

You put your hand over the pommel, and you feel grabbed by something, and there's nothing to hang onto, before you're in the VIP seats of some sort of arena.

Where Sue and Jean are going at each other, bare knuckles, no holds barred. The rest of the arena is empty.

"SO YOU SHOWED UP FOR THE MATCH, LORD," you hear from the seat next to you, occupied by a rather nondescript-looking samurai, "GOD, I WANTED COMPANY."

"What the hell is going on?" you ask it, pointing at the ring, "those two are beating the shit out of each other!"

And you realize you can't hear a thing.

"THAT'S WHY I WANTED COMPANY," the samurai says, "THIS IS RATHER STRANGE. I DO NOT THINK I HAVE EVER HOSTED A FIGHT INSIDE MYSELF BEFORE. THEIR SOULS ARE COLLIDING WITHIN ME."

"Is that why it's silent?" you ask, watching Sue wriggle out of a submission hold and slam her knee into her mother's face.

"I DO NOT THINK EITHER OF THEM WISH YOU TO HEAR THIS," he finishes, his face covered by a basket hat, "I AM ATTEMPTING TO LEARN DISCRETION."

>Let me hear it anyway
>I'll respect their privacy, take my hand off you, and talk to Freebles
>I'll just watch
>I'll respect their privacy, take my hand off you, and check on the idiots outside
>Who the hell are you?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2789488
>>I'll respect their privacy, But since you are my vassal and i'm concerned about their mental health let me hear it anyway
>>
>>2789488
>I'll respect their privacy, but give me very short version.
>>
>>2789488
Supporting >>2789510
>>
>>2789488
>>I'll just watch

>"I AM ATTEMPTING TO LEARN DISCRETION."
So he can be taught!
>>
>>2789488
>>2789510
>give me the broad strokes.
>>
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>>2789488
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GowMI4wvmU4&feature=youtu.be
"I'll respect their privacy," you say, watching Sue get her mother into a chokehold, and Jean thrash her elbow into her daughter's face until Sue finally lets go, "but, please give me the short version. I'm concerned about their mental health."

"FIRM AS MY - THEIR NATIVE ROCK, THEY HAVE WITHSTOOD THE SHOCK," the samurai says, as the scene before you devolves into a very free-for-all wrestling match, "VICTORIOUS IN BATTLEFIELD, SCOTLAND THE BRAVE!"

"Is it really victory?" you ask, looking down on what's happening below you, "they should be on the same side - FUCK! did she just dislocate her shoulder to get out of an arm bar?"

"DEEPEYED IN GORE IS THE GREEN TARTAN'S WAVE," the samurai sitting next to you says, and his eyes fix you under the basket hat, "FREEDOM EXPIRES AMONG AMONG SOFTNESS AND SIGHS! I WON'T LET YOU HEAR THEIR GASPS, THEIR COMPLAINTS AGAINST EACH OTHER, EVEN IF I AM YOUR VASSAL. THEIRS IS A FAMILY MATTER!"

Jesus Christ. Let Italy boast, indeed. That's not a friendly match. You can see them yelling, but hear nothing, as is you're on the other side of a recording studio's window.

At least it's just fists. And feet. And elbows. And everything else a human body can muster.

"LAND OF THE BRAVE AND PROUD," the samurai says, "WELL, ONE LAND OF THE BRAVE OF PROUD. I'D BACK A REAL SAMURAI AGAINST ANY OF THE CLANS."

This is painful to watch. And more painful to not even hear why they're doing it.

"You know what I meant," you say, watching Sue fight on with one flailing arm.

"I STAND FIRM, LORD," the samurai says, "THIS IS THEIR FIGHT. THIS IS HOW THEIR SOULS TOUCH EACH OTHER."

You're just hoping it's not how their bodies have been touching each other.

>I COMMAND you to let me hear
>This is all in their heads and your... uh, blade, right? No recoil?
>Take your hand off the pommel. Your real hand.
>Who are you?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2789579
> This is all in their heads and your... uh, blade, right? No recoil?
I mean, aside from mental and emotional fatigue. That's completely understandable in this kind of situation.
> Did you have a name before you became the sword?
IF I TAKE OFF YOUR MASK, WILL YOU DIE?
>>
>>2789579
>>2789591
backing this.
>>
>>2789579
> This is all in their heads and your... uh, blade, right? No recoil?
I mean, aside from mental and emotional fatigue. That's completely understandable in this kind of situation.
> Did you have a name before you became the sword?
IF I TAKE OFF YOUR MASK, WILL YOU DIE?
>>
>>2789579
> This is all in their heads and your... uh, blade, right? No recoil?
I mean, aside from mental and emotional fatigue. That's completely understandable in this kind of situation.
> Did you have a name before you became the sword?
>>
>>2789579
"This is all in their heads," you say, looking at what seems to be the personification of the sword's spirit, "and your... uh, blade, right? No recoil?"

"THIS IS THE MOST HONEST THEY HAVE BEEN WITH EACH OTHER IN YEARS, I FEEL," the samurai says, "OF COURSE THERE WILL BE RECOIL. NOT PHYSICALLY. BUT IT'S STILL GOING TO HURT."

"How did things get like this?" you ask, breathing something of a sigh of relief.

It's still probably not as awful as some of the other introductions to magic.

"SUE PERSUADED JEAN TO TOUCH ME WITH HER," the samurai says, "AND ENTER INTO ME. I THINK SHE WANTED TO HAVE THE SAME SORT OF UNDERSTANDING WITH HER MOTHER THAT SHE SHARES WITH ME."

You can respect that. But why did it take this form? Although it's a pretty even fight, this shit's only good for pay-per-view!

"Did you," you say, trying to distract yourself from the brutal fight happening in the ring, "have a name before you became...?"

"PROBABLY," the samurai says, looking at you under that odd straw hat, "BUT I'VE FORGOTTEN. AND IT DOES NOT MATTER. I BETRAYED MY LORD, I BECAME A RONIN, I GOT SEALED IN A SWORD. WHY REMEMBER ME? I DOUBT HISTORY REMEMBERS MY NAME, WHY SHOULD I?"

"If I take off that hat," you ask, looking for anything to distract you from that fight, "will you die?"

"IT WOULD BE GETTING YOU OUT OF THIS ILLUSION," the samurai says, looking deep into your eyes.

So you pull his hat off.

And you're suddenly on the floor of a pizza place, with Sue, a police officer (Jean, Sue's mom), the sword, and Freebles in a pile around or on top of you.

>I need to check on those guys out back
>This is better than most of my nights on the town, and I'm sober
>Are you two ok?
>Liska, this really isn't what is looks like
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2789657
>>Are you two ok?
>This is better than most of my nights on the town, and I'm sober
>Freebles what are you doing in the pile?
>>
>>2789657
> This is better than most of my nights on the town, and I'm sober.
> I need to check on those guys out back.
>>
>>2789657
>>This is better than most of my nights on the town, and I'm sober
>Freebles what are you doing in the pile?
>>
>>2789657
>Are you two ok?
>This is better than most of my nights on the town, and I'm sober
>Freebles what are you doing in the pile?
>>
>>2789657
Liska, this really isn't what is looks like
Bang bang the mum and her girl
>>
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>>2789657
"This is better wakeup than most of my nights on my town," you says, feeling the magical girl and her mother draped across you, "and I'm even sober."

"Bro," Freebles says form by your ear, "what the hell happened in there?"

"I was about to ask you why you were in this pile," you say, trying to pull yourself off the floor and let Sue and Jean down gently.

"I explained some stuff," the ferret says, jumping onto a table, "and then they both grabbed the sword. Went into him or something. I told Sue it was a stupid idea, bro," he says, looking down at them.

"Maybe it was," you say, as you notice Liska and a few of the magical girls clustered around the collapse, and you all start helping Sue and Jean into booths, Freebles perching on your shoulder, "maybe not. Hopefully nobody tries writing a paper on this style of psychiatry."

"I think," Liska says to you, "that's the only time I've seen the Thousand Year Blade take three people at once."

"Yeah," you tell her, "that was really weird. I was just a spectator for those two."

"You hit the deck a couple seconds after you touched it," Liska says, "did you drag them out with you?"

"Something like that," you tell her, "I pulled the sword's hat off. I guess time's different when you're inside him?"

"I wouldn't know about that," your wife tells you, "I don't usually go inside people. People usually... nevermind. So what happened?" she whispers in your ear.

And you tell her.

"Hell," Liska says, glancing down at the mother and daughter lying on the booths, "I don't think those two will be getting up for a while."

And realize that you have two idiots fighting out back.

>By the way, one-and-a-half demons fighting in the back. I'm staying here. Someone check on them.
>Can someone watch these two for me? I've got a couple of guys fighting in the back.
>Who wants to see the weird red hand throw down of the century?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2789757
>>Can someone watch these two for me? I've got a couple of guys fighting in the back.
>>
>>2789757
>Can someone watch these two for me? I've got a couple of guys fighting in the back.
Well this is a far cry from the peaceful dinner I expected. Then again this is normal to them...
>>
>>2789757
>>Can someone watch these two for me? I've got a couple of guys fighting in the back.
>>
>>2789757
> Who wants to see the weird red hand throw down of the century?
> No betting unless you're 18 or older.
> Nonchalantly bring Liska in for a snog.
> Check on where favorite daughteru has gotten to.
>>
>>2789757
>Can someone watch these two for me? I've got a couple of guys fighting in the back.
>Who wants to see the weird red hand throw down of the century?
>>
>>2789757
Who wants to see the weird red hand throw down of the century?
Such a dirty wife she is, she was going to say normaly people go into her
>>
>>2789785
She is ~700 years old, she can make that claim. What i'm more interested is in the "usually "part.
>>
>>2789757
>"I think," Liska says to you, "that's the only time I've seen the Thousand Year Blade take three people at once."

Did we just gangbang the sword?

Waaaaaait. Does that mean we could bang people in the sword and have it not count?

>>Can someone watch these two for me? I've got a couple of guys fighting in the back.
>>
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>>2789757
"Can someone please watch these two?" you ask the room at large, "I've got a couple guys fighting in the back."

Kelly walks over to you, then whispers in your ear "I think almost everyone else wants to see this. I'll stay with them. Tell me what tricks the police chief has up his sleeves, though."

"I'll stay in, too," Myrna says, near-collapsing into a chair, "I don't think it's the kinda fight I want to watch."

Considering the kinda fight you saw her participate in...

"I'll get the low-down later," Rachel tells you with a glare that dares you to contradict her, "I'm staying with them for this. Any idea when they'll wake up?" she asks, stroking Sue's cheek.

"And I want some research on out of body experiences," Shirley says, walking back toward the booths, "few minutes to a month," she says.

Yeah, if that's why she's making an excuse to be around her sister, you're a fuckin' dragon.

Then you head out through the back door, almost slamming into Harriet.

"I was hitting the 'nobody sees it' field," she whispers, and you look at one-point-five demons slinging fists at each other, "thought we'd need it."

Yeah, you're all gonna need it. Rick is a very large, very red demon.

At least Rob's not using his sword.

That might put him at a disadvantage, considering that Rick's got a goddamn sledgehammer for a fist!

You got here in the middle of a fistfight, didn't you?

"And why do you care?" Rob asks, ducking around a punch, "what, is she your daughter?"

That opens an odd realm of possibilities. They're more disturbing than before!

Seems like you came out in the middle of an odd conversation.

"Hell no," Rick says, jumping at Rob, "and fuck you for implying it!" he yells, bring that huge fist down, "brother!"

"I've never had a brother before!" Rob tells him, dancing away, "god, let's GO!" you hear at least two voices yell from his throat.

"Be my fuckin' guest!" Rick yells, and before you can react, they hit each other, fist-on-fist.

Huh. Well, it didn't end the world.

It didn't even end the alley.

Both the idiots are standing there, fists locked, after the shockwave and dust dissipates.

>Was that just the warm-up? Grab your weapons for the second round, brothers.
>How do we do the annual Weird Hand Award if this happens? I think that was a draw.
>Ok, actually go for it this time. Fucking fight!
>Brothers, I think that's a draw.
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2789885
>>Brothers, I think that's a draw.
There's nothing productive going on here, and we have no business mixing it up with them.
>>
>>2789885
>How do we do the annual Weird Hand Award if this happens? I think that was a draw.
>>
>>2789885
>Brothers, I think that's a draw.
>>
>>2789885
> Ask them if they figured out whose is bigger, or if they are gonna have to drop trou to settle the issue.
>>
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>>2789885
"Brothers," you say, in a voice the cuts through the stillness after that collision, "I think that's a draw."

Rick and Rob look at you, through a variety of eyes.

"I'll take that as a slip of the tongue," Rick says, shrinking back into the familiar figure of the police chief, and looking at you, "you are my lord, not my brother. Otherwise, I could smoke inside. Still accepting the draw, though."

That's... Is that really the important distinction between sworn brothers and sworn, uh, subordinates?

"Yours is bigger," Rob says to him, "but I've got some skill in using mine."

"If you didn't have skill," Rick tells Rob, slapping him on the back, "I would have shattered it!"

"You were actually trying to rip my arm off?" Rob asks, smirking, "I thought it was a fist bump."

"Call it 'accelerated training'," the demon tells him with an awkward smile, "anyway, you were the one who dragged me out here."

"I figured we weren't too useful for what was happening inside," Rob mutters at Rick.

"Kid," you hear the demon starts, and you hear nothing else, although you can see him whispering in Rob's ear.

You're still not sure what the fuck anything that just happened means.

And if seems like your magical girls thought it was kind of a let down. Well, with a few exceptions that are giggling themselves sick.

>Don't be disappointed, girls. Things aren't supposed to end in horrifying bloodshed all the time!
>Ask a giggling magical girl what's got her laughing
>Go check back on Sue and Jean
>Put an arm over Rob and Rick and ask what the hell that was about
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2789935
>Don't be disappointed, girls. Things aren't supposed to end in horrifying bloodshed all the time!
>Ask a giggling magical girl what's got her laughing
>>
>>2789935
>Don't be disappointed, girls. Things aren't supposed to end in horrifying bloodshed all the time!
>Ask a giggling magical girl what's got her laughing
>>
>>2789935
>>Don't be disappointed, girls. Things aren't supposed to end in horrifying bloodshed all the time!
>>
>>2789935
>Don't be disappointed, girls. Things aren't supposed to end in horrifying bloodshed all the time!
>Ask a giggling magical girl what's got her laughing
>>
>>2789935
Don't be disappointed, girls. Things aren't supposed to end in horrifying bloodshed all the time!
>>
>>2789938
Supportin
>>
>>2789935
>Don't be disappointed, girls. Things aren't supposed to end in horrifying bloodshed all the time!

Giggling girls are best left alone. Not all knowledge is good.
>>
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>>2789935
"Don't be disappointed," you say, "things aren't supposed to end in horrifying bloodshed all the time."

It does seem rather anticlimactic, watching those two walk back inside the restaurant.

Harriet's giggling as you walk past her, following them.

"What's so funny?" you mutter at her.

"Can't you see it?" she whispers, "It's such a dumb situation."

"No, I really can't," you whisper back, "they're just fighting because they're demons, right? Or half demons?"

"Did that look like one-and-a-half demons slugging it out?" Harriet whispers back to you, smirking as the two of you walk toward the restaurant's back door, "hell, that was more polite than most magical girl fights!"

Well, most of the demons you know are slightly more polite than magical girls, you think, as you push open the back door of the pizza place, and see Sue and Jean sitting up, slightly dazed, as Freebles plies them with water.

"You ok, officer Macleod?" Rick asks his subordinate, kneeling by the booth, and you shoot a glance at Harriet.

"About a quarter of the timelines," she whispers at you, grinning, "it happens. Although most of them really aren't pretty. And I hate the guy myself."

He was a bit fast on revealing his true form, wasn't he? As if he wanted to be rejected. And put an end to anything that could happen.

Oh hell. Scotland is too damn brave.

"Sent me to a mental institution," Harriet whispers, "a couple of times. I wasted him a couple of others."

"I'm sort of ok," Jean says, hugging Sue, "we had a... moment."

That wasn't a moment, that was a knock-down drag-out fight!

"I still love you," you barely hear Sue say, "mom. And those elbows were great."

Yeah, this is the deep end.

>Harriet, he's going to apologize on bended knee
>Am I a one-man matchmaking bureau?
>Everyone here is a fucking head case, and I'm going home.
>"really aren't pretty"?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2789983
>Am I a one-man matchmaking bureau?
>>
>>2789983
> Just one-arm hug Harriet.

Then shout out

> Am I a one-man matchmaking bureau? Let's shut this party down, everyone you don't have to come home but you can't stay here.
>>
>>2789983
>>Everyone here is a fucking head case, and I'm going home.
It's stupid to judge someone based on something they did in another timeline. The person you're talking to never did those things, may have never even considered those things.
>>
>>2789044
I stopped reading Prisma pretty quickly. Trying to find chapters properly tended to be a bitch.
Bazatt basically joined the grail war for a chance to fight Cuchulain (plus fix that whole tragedy thing) since he's a great hero she looked up to since she was a kid and all of that. Her being Irish presumably factors into that. Her family got entrusted with some ancient sword (Fragrach)and they're all proficient at using it due to some weirdo genetic memory inheritance thing.(They never even have to bother studying magecraft since they automatically learned the lessons unlike normal mages) She can basically wreck most servants in the grail war, usually either defeats or draws with Cuchulain whenever they actually fight (with the draws being due to Nasu's inability to not have everything be a shocking twist to break da rules)
She's basically a monster in that she's stronger than that assassin guy buffed up by Medea all on her own while also being "3x" stronger as a mage than Rin the local Mary Sue. The only reason she gets taken out of the war so fast is Kotomine backstabbing her while she was mid summon since he was supposed to be an impartial observer.
Supposedly Kotomine during Fate/Zero was stronger, but that bastard had dozens of command seals he was burning through like white people with cocaine.
I question whatever thought process the mage association went through that determined Irish Juggernaut had absolutely nothing of value for them to be bothered with.


>>2789983
>Sue, please tell me that Rick isn't your stepdad or something.
>I had better not have secret matchmaking powers
>>
>>2789983
>One arm hug Harriet
>Do i have matchmaking powers?
>>
>>2789935
>Don't be disappointed, girls. Things aren't supposed to end in horrifying bloodshed all the time!

Maybe one day we can be violence free
>>
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>>2790024
> Maybe one day we can be violence free
Oh, oh, you poor thing. Words cannot express.
>>
>>2789983
Am I a one-man matchmaking bureau?
>>
>>2789983
> Am I a one-man matchmaking bureau?
> Everyone here is a fucking head case, and I am fond of (maybe even care about) most of you, but I'm going home.
>>
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>>2789983
You put an arm around Harriet, and whisper "please tell me I'm not a one-man matchmaking bureau."

"I think that might actually be your magical power," she mutters back at you, "getting everyone laid."

Oh HELL. So that's why your buddies thought you were the perfect wingman?

"And you fought on with your shoulder dislocated!" Jean Macleod say, running her hands over her daughter to make sure none of the horrifying injuries were real, "that's my girl!" And the police officer goes red, realizing how many people heard that.

Ok, Sue comes by it honestly.

"It was all in our heads," Sue says, "mom. Uh, that's something the Thousand Year Blade does."

"Something it's done once in seven hundred years," Liska tells them, bringing more water, "that is the dumbest thing I've ever seen that sword do. But," she continues, setting the water on the booth table and hugging them both, "probably the best."

"I think," you mutter at Harriet, "it's more about 'forging bonds between people'. Or creating circumstances where that happens."

"Can't tell if you're joking," she whispers back, "if you're lucky, if you're good, or if you can actually rewrite fate."

"If I could rewrite fate, snip and tie the red string, and all that," you whisper, "W would already be writing a paper about it."

Harriet starts laughing, and pulls out of your one-armed hug.

"Alright, folks," you say, "closing time - you know the song: you don't have to go home, but we can't stay here."

"Most of us are going back to your place anyway," Kelly deadpans.

"I've got kids to deal with," Rick says, standing up, "and I didn't pay the babysitter for two nights," he says, giving a glance you can't interpret, and vanishes.

Fucking demons.

"I'm technically still on shift," Jean says, utterly unable to move under Sue and Liska, "uh, actually," she says, looking at her watch, "I think that ended a couple minutes ago."

>Well, everyone, come on over to my place.
>You guys have to stop freeloading at my place - I'm not in a coma anymore
>Sue, why don't you ride along with your mother? We teleported in, but she's still got a squad car out there.
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2790050
>>You guys have to stop freeloading at my place - I'm not in a coma anymore
At some point, you people need to actually go back to your own houses.
Sue and her mom are working (or have worked) out their issues, they don't need us interfering with that.
>>
>>2790050
>At this rate we may as well start adding another level onto the house with the amount of people that sleep over there.
>>
>>2790050
Actually changing >>2790063 to >>2790054

Let's get to the Zeus file on Monday in the office.
>>
>>2790060
I would be afraid of them taking us up on it, and attempting amateur engineering and construction before we could get a word in edgewise.
>>
>>2790050
>>At this rate we may as well start adding another level onto the house with the amount of people that sleep over there.
>Sue, why don't you ride along with your mother? We teleported in, but she's still got a squad car out there.
>>
The logistics of this are rather funny:

Kelly's family car is at the MC's house.

Madison's group has a camper outside of town.

Officer Macleod has a squad car she needs to drive wherever she spends the night.

W and Freebles are the only people/entities capable of mass teleport.

Sorting everyone out is at least three teleports for W, and the given drive for Jean.
>>
>>2790070
Just handwave that part.

I mean. Not like we've been tracking bathroom breaks.
>>
>>2790066
Are you telling me you don't want our "minions" to build our 5 mile by 5 mile dungeon underneath the suburbs so we can also be a Dungeon Keeper?
I mean sure we can put their efforts elsewhere.
>>
>>2790050
>You guys have to stop freeloading at my place - I'm not in a coma anymore
>At this rate we may as well start adding another level onto the house with the amount of people that sleep over there.
I would love to find out >>2790080 happened afterwards as well.
>>
>>2790050
>Sue, why don't you ride along with your mother? We teleported in, but she's still got a squad car out there.
>Officer Macleod. I'm sure you still have some business with me as a parent. I'm going to finally get back to my job tomorrow and hope I actually have a normal day for once. Let me know a time to try and let everyone fill you in on the details. Oh, If one of those rats shows up, pretend you have no idea this group or magic exists if you value any of our lives including your own.

>>2790070
I'm pretty sure that MC is going to have to actually ask Bernie how much that hypothetical raise he spoke about is and add extra floors to his house.
>>
>>2790091
>>2790050
James, aren't you a millionaire now? Surely you can afford to get a house nearby?
>>
>>2790050
"I'm not in a coma anymore," you say, "you guys have got to freeloading at my place."

"Technically," Kelly says, getting his coat back on, "we've just been sleeping there. We've been splitting groceries, my son's been cooking, and Liska," he says, glaring at your wife, "even made us split utilities for that month."

Well, you think, as Liska disentangles herself from the Macleods, you can't quite call them freeloaders.

"If you're all going to keep staying there," you say, "we're going to have to add another story to the house. Maybe three stories and a basement. Unless you really like sleeping bags and couches. And I think my guest bedroom got scratched last night."

Several people nod at that last bit.

"Can I please sleep in my own bed?" several voices say, almost in unison, and W and Kelly are besieged by their families.

"I'd actually like to check on the camper," Madison tells you, walking up as you watch the two wizards trying to figure things out, "make sure the farmer hasn't sold it for scrap or something."

"That's a real possibility," James agrees, "but we teleported here. It's a logistics problem."

Well, you're good at those.

...when you aren't arguing them with wizards and their families.

Eventually, things get settled. Jean's going to take Sue back home in the squad car. Mary's going to drag Harriet on a flight to her apartment, then fly to her own place.

A sneaking suspicion crosses your mind that they both live in that office you went to once. There were a lot of blankets on that couch.

W's going to teleport his family, Kelly's family, Madison's group, and your family back to your house, where Kelly will grab his car and his family and drive back to his place.

Then W will teleport his folks and Madison's group out to the camper, and from there, teleport his family home.

There was some argument about whether W needed to make all three jumps, but Freebles pointed out that the energy would be coming from his stocks, which he pays his boss from, and it's pretty hard to argue with a magical ferret who's getting his ears scratched by a cute police officer.

"Alright," Kelly says, slapping a stack of Benjamins into the restaurant's till, and slamming it shut, "we're done here."

"Officer Macleod," you whisper, catching her as she walks out, "you probably have some business with me as a parent."

"Maybe," Jean says, "it's been a lot to take in."

"I'm hoping to have a normal day at the office tomorrow," you tell her, "for once. Let me know a time that works to get someone to fill you in on the details."

"I think Sue can get me the gist of it," she says, ruffling her daughter's hair, "but I'll let you know."

"And if a rat shows up," you tell her, "please pretend you don't know anything."

"I get it," she says, then whispers, "Sue and Freebles told me what's going on."

"And I saw you watching us," Sue whispers suddenly in your other ear, before walking out the front door with her mother.

[1/2]
>>
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>>2790106
For once, a plan you're involved in goes off without a hitch.

W takes most of everyone to your place, Kelly drive off with his family, W ports out with his family and Madison's crew for the campsite, and you hope that goes well, breathing a sigh of relief.

"It's really quiet," Melon says, once everyone's left.

"That's a nice, normal, Sunday night," you tell her.

"It does feel weird to not have everyone swarming around," Liska says, and looks at you, "but that means we have more of the house to ourselves, doesn't it?"

You know that look.

"I'm going to enjoy not having to kick my friends out of my bed at three in the morning," Melon says, "and not having a line for the showers. A shower sounds awesome right now," she says, and heads off to the bathroom.

She might have winked at her mother. You're not sure.

"I've been to Hell today," you tell Liska, "a shower sounds good to me too."

"And I'm joining you," she growls.

At some point later, you're laying on your bed, freshly-washed foxtails as a second blanket. And very tired.

It's been a long day.

>So Sue's mom gave me this phone number last night - want to call it?
>Well, what'd you think of officer Macleod, dear?
>I can't tell if everything's getting better or worse, Liska
>So, we left Haru in Hell
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2790121
>>I can't tell if everything's getting better or worse, Liska
>>
>>2790121
>I can't tell if everything's getting better or worse, Liska
>>
>>2790121
>>So, we left Haru in Hell
>>
>>2790121
>So, we left Haru in Hell
>I can't tell if everything's getting better or worse, Liska
>>
>>2790121
>I can't tell if everything's getting better or worse, Liska
>>
>>2790121
>So, we left Haru in Hell
>I can't tell if everything's getting better or worse, Liska
>>
I think I'm punching out. What, nobody wants to open Schrodinger's number? You want to keep hiding it from the MC's wife?

Next runtime (hopefully tomorrow) on the twitter: https://twitter.com/HaikuDeluge
Archive here (for anyone that wants it): http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Shotgun
This Character List/Info Doc is outdated, but it's better than nothing: https://pastebin.com/54JEEFtf

>>2790010
>implying I don't know who Bazett is
I just saw the Prisma pic, and said I didn't know her incarnation in that show.
>Nasu's inability to not have everything be a shocking twist to break da rules
As you can see from the number of things in this quest that are on the "bleeding edge, goddamit, I'm writing a paper on this!" of magic, I do love that.
Fragarach is still some real bullshit, though.
>>2790077
>Just handwave that part.
I feel like the 'dad logistics' of "who rides with who?" is thematically appropriate to pay attention to for this quest. I have handwaved it before, but I liked it here.
>>2790092
>James, aren't you a millionaire now?
This is a great question. A really superbly good question. A question that I'm sure James is getting asked by everyone else in the beat-up Winnebago camper tonight.

Multiple times.
>>
>>2790143
My best guess is that the money was used to either pay off a debt or it was quickly lost because James is not too good with spending money wisely.
>>
>>2790121
>>WRITE IN

Sleep the dreams of the dad.
>>
I kinda want to call Schrodinger's number and have it be Sue's mom. Mostly because that's the most guilt-free threesome Liska could talk us into, considering she's both single (I believe) and not underage.

The only awkwardness would come from banging the mom of a girl who wants to bang us.
>>
>>2790143
i feel like it's not the right time for that, but maybe that's just me
>>
>>2790153
I mean, RIGHT NOW's not quite the right time. But soon enough, maybe. I'm like 90% sure it'll happen eventually though. Because Liska.
>>
>>2790146
Seems a bit excessive and a bit dumb when he's now working for a damn accountant.
>>
>>2790150
I'm just waiting for a drunk and horny Liska to suggest bringing both Jean AND Sue in for some fun times, with the Sengoku Spook backing her up.

Que torrential sweating and nose bleeds.
>>
>>2790155
>>2790159
No.
>>
>>2790143
Ehh guess I'll add checking the number with Liska to my earlier vote since most people are voting two things anyways.
>>
>>2790167
Okay but why though?
>>
>>2790197
I like that we've kept to the whole monogamy thing.

Also, if we bang Sue's mom then we gotta bang Sue and really shit's getting out of hand at that point.

Also, I am PRETTY sure it would be a bad idea to call her for a hookup after all the shit that happened tonight.

That's just asking to look like we're taking advantage of highschool girls.
>>
>>2790121
>I can't tell if everything's getting better or worse, Liska

>So Sue's mom gave me this phone number last night - want to call it?
fine
>>
>>2790202

>>I like that we've kept to the whole monogamy thing.

Monogomy's fine, but it's not cheating if Liska wants a threesome and we're willing to go along with it.

>>Also, if we bang Sue's mom then we gotta bang Sue and really shit's getting out of hand at that point.

No, we really don't. Jean being single/of age is the whole reason this even being considered.

>>Also, I am PRETTY sure it would be a bad idea to call her for a hookup after all the shit that happened tonight.

Agreed, which is why, assuming the number is even hers, it wouldn't be happening tonight.
>>
>>2790121
>>So Sue's mom gave me this phone number last night - want to call it?
>>
>>2790210
Just because Liska wants a harem, doesn't mean the MC has to.
>>
>>2790295
but what if she wants it for her birthday?
>>
>>2790308
I like to think she respects him too much to force it on him like that.
>>
>>2790121
>>I can't tell if everything's getting better or worse, Liska
>>So, we left Haru in Hell

>You want to keep hiding it from the MC's wife?
..She knows it exists. she mentioned that she was impressed we got a girl's number while wearing our ring when we first got back from that drive.
>>
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Well, this is what I should have expected to wake up to.

Time to tallywhacker some votes, I guess.

The real question is whether I should stick to the original plan for whose number it is.

>>2790146
>used to either pay off a debt
That seems like something James might need to do.
>or it was quickly lost because James is not too good with spending money wisely
I don't think he's had the time yet. It's been a busy 24 hours.
Although the idea of James fielding "are we rich now?" questions from a bunch of magical girls in a cheap camper amuses me.
>>2790150
>banging the mom of a girl who wants to bang us
This is a ticket to a DEAD END where Sue cuts contract, murders several people very messily, and probably walks into Hell.
Well, Ellie might get something/someone she wants.
>>2790159
>drunk and horny Liska to suggest
She is rather suggestive.
>bringing both Jean AND Sue in for some fun times
>>2790202
>shit's getting out of hand at that point.
Even with the power of DAD LOGISTICS, I doubt the MC could satisfy... wait, Liska would be all over them too.
That might work, although it would probably generate several other mad and violent people, and lead to no end of awkwardness.
>call her for a hookup after all the shit that happened tonight.
That's not what I meant with that option.
>>2790360
>She knows it exists. she mentioned that she was impressed we got a girl's number while wearing our ring when we first got back from that drive
Oh, shit, you're right. Keeping track of continuity becomes harder over time. Thanks for reminding me.
>>
>>2790121
"I can't tell if everything's better or worse, Liska," you say, and she turns to look at you.

"Definitely better," she says, "that's the first time we've done it like that in the shower. And you threw me on the bed afterward? It's good to have you back," she says, pecking your cheek.

"It's good to be back," you say, rolling over to face her, "but you know what I meant. All this, well, stuff. Killing dukes of Hell like it's a day's work. Playing obscure subtext powergames with Bernie - I don't remember him doing that before I got dragged into this. The shit I've dragged the girls and their families into. Just... everything."

She rolls onto you, face oddly serious, and you see her tails behind her.

"Did you see," she says, her sharp teeth brushing your earlobe, "Harriet playing dressup? Putting stupid coats on her shoulders, instead of that burden she's been bearing? I'd say things are a lot better."

"We actually left your brother in Hell," you tell her.

"And if Ellie's anything like you," Liska says, laughing, "Haru's damn happy there. I'm more worried about her."

"I'm more worried about him," you say, and feel your wife's teeth barely prick the skin where your shoulder meets your neck.

Then she licks the blood off.

"I'd dare her to get wilder than he can be," she says, rolling off, her tails spread over both of you, "I think you put two regenerating switches with a thing for blood in bed together."

"Wasn't exactly what I meant to d-" you say, before Liska interrupts you with her tongue on JUST that place on your neck.

You can't even think straight.

"And I don't think Hell's the worst place he's be-" Liska says, and gives a rather satisfying 'eep' as you roll onto her and press her to the bed.

"Are you all like this?" you ask, "Christ, is that shrine maiden even still alive?"

"You are," Liska says, grinning up from under you, "we only play rough with someone who can take it."

Everything after that's a bit of a blur.

And the alarm clock reads 3am as you pull yourself out of bed, disentangling yourself from a number of tails. Unfortunately, you've got to make a trip to the head.

The mirror in the bathroom makes you look like you've been mauled by a bear. Very gently mauled.

"Mmm," Liska says, half-asleep as you cuddle into her again, returning from your trip.

"You know," she whispers, "I like it better like this. Where everyone can show who they really are."

"I might like it too," you tell her, and - is this round four? Five?

The alarm drags you away from sleep at 6:30. Liska's still comatose, as you begin your morning routine.

[1/2]
>>
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>>2790435
Shave. Shower. Get on a suit. Kiss your sleeping wife, who's still sprawled out on the bed, her tails the best blanket anyone could have.

Liska never was a morning person, you think, heading for the kitchen to make breakfast.

Someone's already frying eggs, by that smell.

Peeking into the kitchen, you see Melon stirring a frying pan, and the coffeemaker already going.

You hug Melon from behind, and she makes a noise far too much like some you've heard from her mother.

"Hey dad," she says, and then looks at you, "what happened to your neck?"

>Uh, your mother gets a bit wild sometimes
>Glad you didn't inherit the 'not a morning person thing'
>What do you think?
>So, I haven't gotten a chance to talk to you about what happened yesterday
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2790435
>QM's writing smut
That explains why it took so long.

Good to catch this live again, QM.

>>2790439
>What do you think?
>Glad you didn't inherit the 'not a morning person thing'
>>
>>2790439
>>Glad you didn't inherit the 'not a morning person thing'
>>
>>2790439
>....Shaving problem. Yes, shaving problem.
>>Glad you didn't inherit the 'not a morning person thing'
Melon can imply whatever she wants from that. We don't have to get more explicit than that.
>>
>>2790439
>Oh, nothing.
>Glad you didn't inherit the 'not a morning person thing'
should we rush back up and try to camouflage it?
>>
>>2790441
10:52 - 11:10ish voting period.

>QM's writing smut
I'm just writing an affectionate married couple having a conversation in bed. Far more fun than a Tab A into Slot B piece.
I do like how Liska's opening up, after having hidden an entire side of who/what she is from the MC for years.
It's not lewd! There wasn't even any hand-holding!
>>
>>2790449
we can always make liska cure us. Kitsune's saliva can close wounds, right?
>>
>>2790439
>Nothing that you should think about
>Any of your friends actually play softball? I should actually put more effort into that cover story like actually having equipment.
>>
>>2790451
>affectionate married couple
Foreplay is still (questionably) smut.

>It's not lewd! There wasn't even any hand-holding!
Ahh! Stricken through the heart!
You got me there, QM.

>how Liska's opening up, after having hidden an entire side of who/what she is from the MC for years.
>puerilegiggle.jpg.png.datcord
But seriously, this is quite nice. A refreshing change from the drama! drama! that tends to attempt to get stuck into every scene by some other writers I've had the displeasure of reading.
>>
>>2790439
Ask her who showed her how to cook like this
>>
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>>2790439
"Shaving problem," you tell your daughter, with the straightest face you can muster, as you step back across the kitchen, "definitely a shaving problem."

Her face goes a bit pinkish, or maybe that's just the heat from the stove, "a 'shaving problem' that kept waking me up last night?"

"Nothing you should worry about, at least," you tell her, wondering exactly how loud things had gotten, "I'm glad you didn't inherit the 'not a morning person' thing."

"I think I did," Melon says, turning away from you to tend to the eggs, "but getting up to cook has sort of become a habit this past month."

...oh. You'd bet she wasn't cooking by herself.

"Is it that bad?" you ask, rubbing your neck, and get an indignant stare.

"Dad," Melon says, with a warning tone, "it's not your deal."

"I was just talking about my neck," you tell her.

"Unless you're wearing a scarf," Melon says, looking at you, "you're going to get stares."

Considering that half the office watched Liska french you while dropping you off, you're not too worried.

"And I think these are done," Melon finishes, dishing up a couple plates of eggs and toast.

Well, it's apparently breakfast time.

>Just... don't take Ellie's advice about that too seriously
>If you want advice, you can ask me. I was a teenage boy once
>I'm afraid I have to ask about the drugs
>So how was the raid on Hell for you?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2790490
>>So how was the raid on Hell for you?
>>
>>2790490
>>Just... don't take Ellie's advice about that too seriously
>>If you want advice, you can ask me. I was a teenage boy once
>>I'm afraid I have to ask about the drugs
>>
>>2790490
>>If you want advice, you can ask me. I was a teenage boy once
>>
>>2790490
>BUT WHICH OPTION IS THE BAIT OPTION?

All of them. It's all of them, every time.
>>
>>2790490
>>>2790490 #
>>>Just... don't take Ellie's advice about that too seriously
>>>If you want advice, you can ask me. I was a teenage boy once
>>>I'm afraid I have to ask about the drugs
>>
>>2790490
Changing my vote cuz telling her she can talk to us then coming down on her is bad strat.
>Just... don't take Ellie's advice about that too seriously
>If you want advice, you can ask me. I was a teenage boy once
>>
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>>2790490
"Thanks," you say, as the two of you sit down at the table.

"They're really good," you tell her, after taking a bite, "so who got you cooking like this?"

"You know mom taught me," Melon says, studying you through carefully-guarded eyes.

Good grief. Into the valley of death ride the six hundred.

"If you want advice," you say, spearing another bite, "you can ask. I was a teenage boy, too, once. And I wouldn't put too much stock by whatever Ellie said."

"You were listening to that?" she asks, her face going redder.

"I heard you ask," you say, "and I... well, I know my sister. Your aunt didn't have a, uh, great track record, even before she went to Hell."

It feels like speaking ill of the dead, somehow.

"When I want advice," Melon says, a bit on edge, "I'll ask for it."

Yeah, this month has been a bit rougher on some people than others. It's definitely sharpened your daughter a bit.

"And it would feel kind of weird to get advice about that from my dad, right?" she asks, "aren't you supposed to be sitting on the porch cleaning a shotgun and muttering about what happens if I'm not back home by midnight?"

"I think everyone involved has a pretty good idea about that already," you tell her with a wink, "look, just don't live your life like you're going to die tomorrow, alright?" you finish, and reach across the table to pat her head.

You don't touch the ears this time. They're fuzzy, but you've got a decent idea of what 'sensitive' means.

"I'll... try," Melon says, "it's weird for the house to be this quiet, isn't it?"

Yeah, normal's beginning to feel weird.

"I do sort of like the peace and quiet," you tell her, "want me to drop you at school, or you want to wait for your mother?"

"I think I'll ride with you today, dad," she says, and the two of you finish breakfast together.

It does feel a bit odd to be driving without a bunch of fools in the backseat, no sword screaming into your head, no wizards talking about scary things, just Melon riding shotgun with the winds flicking at her hair. The ears are gone already.

There's something enjoyable about being able to have a quiet moment with your daughter, you think, pulling up in front of her school.

She leans over and pecks you on the cheek, "have a good day, dad," she tells you, before walking toward the entrance.

Oh, hell, you did mean to ask about the drugs. But it would have ruined the moment.

And it's not as if you're clean on that score yourself, you think, pulling out to continue your drive to work.

And you command attention when you walk in. It might be because they heard you had cancer.

It might be the suit.

It might be because a kitsune very emphatically marked your neck as hers last night.

>Confront co-worker's stares at your neck with stony silence
>Confront co-worker's stares at your neck with a knowing wink
>Confront co-worker's stares at your neck with a dismissive frown
>It was thyroid cancer, guys.
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2790626
>>Confront co-worker's stares at your neck with a knowing wink
>>
>>2790626
>>It was thyroid cancer, guys.
>>
>>2790626
>Confront co-worker's stares at your neck with stony silence
>>
>>2790626
>>Confront co-worker's stares at your neck with stony silence
Let them wonder.
>>
>>2790626
>Say hi to one of our co-worker buddies and ask if there's any news you need to catch up on. (We do have actual friends at work don't we?)
>>
>>2790626
Come in nice and cheerful because it's going to be a beautiful 100% normal day day. Possibly while whistling with a pep in our step. Co-worker's stares don't matter.
>>
>>2790644
>We do, and its Fred.
>>
>>2790626
>>Confront co-worker's stares at your neck with a dismissive frown
>>
>>2790626
>>Confront co-worker's stares at your neck with a knowing wink
>>
>>2790626
>Confront co-worker's stares at your neck with a knowing wink
and showing them our ring, before any misunderstanding happens, i guess?
>>
>>2790626
supporting >>2790649
>>
Next post is delayed because I went out for food and am eating.

Bargain bin salami tastes better than salami you paid full price for!

I haven't hit the floor.
>>
>>2790679
And can also make you twice as sick! So much value for so little price!
I kid, mostly, I buy clearance myself when I get the chance!
>>
holyshit, wish i learned you where back sooner.
>>
>>2790626
>Confront co-worker's stares at your neck with a knowing wink
>>
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>>2790626
"Morning," the receptionist says, as you walk over to her desk, "glad to see your recovery is going... well," she says, her eyes tracing over your neck.

Great, your most visible wounds since you started messing with the supernatural, and Liska gave them to you.

Was she feeling possessive after Sue's little display last night?

Or are you just starting to see her true face?

You're pretty sure nobody would want your liver, with all the damage you've done to it over the years.

"They tell me it was touch-and-go for a bit," you say, "anything come in for me while I was out?"

"We had them sent to your office," the receptionist tells you, "and it's good to have you back."

"Thanks, it's good to be back," you say, and walk to the elevators, ignoring any stray looks you catch.

Wait, multiple things came in for you?

Given your accounts...

And who's been handling them, anyway? Just Bernie?

Finally the elevator comes, and you step in, but hold the door for Frank. He's not exactly a friend, but you do chat sometimes.

"Thanks," he says, panting and leaning against the wall of the elevator, "you're a lifesave- Jesus!" he yells, looking at your neck as the doors close, "was the cancer a cover story for wrestling bears in Alaska or something?"

It didn't look THAT bad to you in the mirror this morning. But your scale might be a little off recently.

After all, you're beginning to get used to seeing shotgun amputations.

>I've got interesting hobbies
>Unfortunately not
>Don't call my wife that
>How've you been holding up?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2790777
>>Don't call my wife that
>>How've you been holding up?
>>
>>2790777
>I went from being nearly dead to being fully cured in a month, my wife was -really- happy to have me back and healthy
>>
>>2790777
>>How've you been holding up?
>>
>>2790777
>>I've got interesting hobbies
Being vague about any hobbies we might or might no have will be a useful long-term cover for any other odd injuries we acquire dealing with supernaturals.
>>
>>2790777
>Don't call my wife that again
>She's a bit.. enthusiastic about me being back in the land of the living.
>>2790790
Like how Bernie being vague has totally not gotten everyone in the office to try and figure out what his deal is? You're doing everything in your power to make em more interested by being vague and mysterious.
>>
>>2790777
>>Unfortunately not
>>
>>2790777
>Don't call my wife that, She missed me being alive
>How've you been holding up?
>>
>>2790796
Support
>>
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>>2790777
"Don't call my wife that, man," you tell him, stroking your throat, "they tell me I died on the operating table, and Liska was very... enthusiastic about my return to the land of the living."

"Damn," Frank says, smiling, "I envy you. Mine'd be enthusiastic about my life insurance."

"Come on, man," you say, grabbing his shoulder, "don't tell me that's happening anytime soon. How have you been holding up?"

"Fine," he tells you, shrugging free and leaning back against the wall of the elevator, "I managed to not get serial killed or die in a gas explosion. I hope they fire whoever planned those gas lines."

Oh hell. Those are the cover stories, aren't they.

"Don't most serial killers target women?" you ask.

Frank laughs, "well, there's got to be one out there for fat guys in their fifties," he says, "takes all sorts to make a world, right?"

It does, but you're not sure he has any idea how many sorts there are.

"If that's what your wife does," he says, winking at you as he looks at your neck, "you'll have no trouble figuring out if she's having an affair."

"I'm still betting on Bear wrestling," Frank continues, as the elevator opens and Bernie walks in with his secretary.

"Nah," the dragon says, "Packers are taking it this year."

"I take it you managed to get some sleep, Bernie," you say.

"And I take it you got none," he says, looking at your neck.

Oh hell. It's your chance to win the office pool on the boss' sexuality.

You'd be sacrificing your own reputation to do it, but it's a setup.

>How could I? My arm kept going to sleep under your head!
>What happened with those accounts while I was gone?
>I got some. Really good sleep, too.
>Who do I need to check in with to get back up to speed?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2790867
>>I got some. Really good sleep, too.
>>Who do I need to check in with to get back up to speed?
>>
>>2790867
>>I got some. Really good sleep, too.
>>Who do I need to check in with to get back up to speed?
Amusing, but unless we've got a lot of money in the pot, it's not worth it.
>>
>>2790867
>>I got some. Really good sleep, too.
>>
>>2790867
>I got some. Really good sleep, too.
>>
>>2790867
>>I got some. Really good sleep, too.
>>Who do I need to check in with to get back up to speed?
>>
>>2790867
yeah, first tell us how much money is in the pool.
>>
>>2790867
>Now now, we don't want Liska to get jealous.
>Who do I need to check in with to get back up to speed?
>>
>>2790867
>>I got some. Really good sleep, too.
>Who do I need to check in with to get back up to speed?
>>
>>2790916
>>2790886
We'd probably get disqualified the moment everyone realizes we went on a double date with em last month anyway.
>>
>>2790867
Eh, I slept for a month. I think i'm good for today.
>>
>>2790929
not really. we made the bet before the double date, and we were the only one ballsy enough to find out the truth
>>
>>2790867
How could I? My arm kept going to sleep under your head!
>>
guys, we could ask him " how is Heinrich?". IT could be some sort of payback considering the mess he did yesterday.
>>
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>>2790867
"I got some," you tell him, "really good sleep, too."

"There was kind of a party for him beating cancer," Bernie tells Frank, and his secretary, spreading his hands like a lecturer, "I think I got dragged home afterward."

'Beating it'? So that's how he's playing things.

"I'm still a bit tired from the operation and the chemo," you say, "any sleep I can get is good. Particularly in my own bed."

"And we didn't get invited?" Frank asks, crossing his arms, "I'm still going with a bear wrestling trip."

"Who do I need to check in with to get up to speed?" you ask Bernie.

"Frank," he says, as the elevator doors open, and the dragon and his secretary leave.

"I probably should have mentioned it," Frank says, as the two of you walk out together, "but, well, I kind of put one of my subordinates on it. So I sort of forgot about them."

"Who?" you ask him.

"Reynold Oliver," Frank tells you, "bright kid. He's probably in your office now."

"Thanks for the help," you say, ditching Frank as politely as you can.

Some 'bright kid' in your office? That's a recipe for disaster!

You open your office door on a rather unassuming-looking guy, shuffling papers on your desk.

And wonder if you're going to have to introduce one more person to the supernatural in these 24 hours.

"Oh," he says, looking up, "I guess you're the guy I was filling in for? I've got a couple questions on valuing some of these assets. How was the cancer?"

"Rather crablike," you tell him.

>Just get me up to speed
>We've got a table for evaluating abnormal assets. You might not have clearance for it.
>Welcome to the brave new world of gods and monsters
>You should probably forget everything you saw
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2790972
>Just get me up to speed
>>
>>2790972
>Just get me up to speed
>>
>>2790972
>>We've got a table for evaluating abnormal assets. You might not have clearance for it.
>You should probably forget everything you saw
We know how much of a pain the supernatural can be, we don't need to drag another normal person into it.
>>
>>2790972
>>Just get me up to speed
>>
>>2790972
>>We've got a table for evaluating abnormal assets. You might not have clearance for it.
>>
>>2790972
>Just get me up to speed
>>
>>2790972
>Just get me up to speed
>We've got a table for evaluating abnormal assets. You might not have clearance for it.
>>
>>2790972
>We've got a table for evaluating abnormal assets. You might not have clearance for it. Probably best for you to pretend you never saw those before a bunch of people get in trouble. I want a nice, drama free day at work right now.
>Get me up to speed. I'm sure you'll understand one day how great it feels to provide for your family.
>>
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>>2790972
He laughs.

"Just get me up to speed," you tell him.

"Posted speed, or the one people really use?" Reynold asks, standing up.

"The one that lets me do my job," you tell him, sitting in your chair. Looks like he's been working on a laptop, and not your computer, at least.

"Well," he says, "I think we've got that greek guy almost done. Not quite sure how to value 'all who believe in me go to limbo, Hades, or the Elysian fields' in monetary terms."

Great. This has to Bernie's idea of a joke.

"We've got a table for abnormal assets," you tell the kid, "you might not have clearance for it."

"I've got," he says, with an awkward smile, "some friends in IT. There's nothing in our tables for afterlife options. Which is why the Samedi accounting is still a bit stalled."

"Tell me those are all codenames," he says, "and 'souls' are actually drugs. Or something. And we are not actually doing accounting for gods."

>Yeah, we're doing accounting for drug-runners and assassins. It's all codenames.
>Welcome to the brave new world of gods and monsters
>Kid, you're sharp. Transfer yourself to me from Frank. And then I'll tell you.
>Walk out, and pretend you never saw anything.
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2791033
>>Kid, you're sharp. Transfer yourself to me from Frank. And then I'll tell you.
>>
>>2791033
>>Kid, you're sharp. Transfer yourself to me from Frank. And then I'll tell you.
>>
>>2791033
>Kid, you're sharp. Transfer yourself to me from Frank. And then I'll tell you.
>>
>>2791033
Mixture of these:
>Kid, you're sharp. Transfer yourself to me from Frank. And then I'll tell you.
>Walk out, and pretend you never saw anything.

>Kid, you're sharp. If you are really sharp you will walk out, and pretend you never saw anything. If you are not going to do that, transfer yourself to me from Frank and then i'll tell you.
>>
>>2791033
Eh, fuckit
>Kid, you're sharp. Transfer yourself to me from Frank. And then I'll tell you.
>>
>>2791033
>WRITE IN
>>Yeah, we're doing accounting for folks that are serious about privacy. It's all codenames.
We won't be doing him any favors by telling him.
>>
>>2791033
>Hand on forehead. Goddammit kid. If you can cover up your tracks you might want to do that and pretend you never saw anything. Otherwise consider possibilities like one of your bosses could consider turning you into schwarma less bothersome than figuring out if you're fired or get new job responsibilities. If you wanna stick around, get a transfer to under me so that I can lower the risk of that happening.
>>
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>>2791033
"Kid," you say, leaning over your desk and staring him down, "I think you're sharp. But if you're really sharp, you'll walk out now. And pretend you never saw anything. Our clients value privacy. It's all codenames."

"I've seen drug deals," the idiot says, "but this stuff doesn't match. If the rabbit hole goes deeper..."

"Transfer yourself to me from Frank," you tell him, "and maybe I'll tell you."

Well, you did not expect him to have a transfer form, just waiting for your signature. And Bernie's. Frank's already signed.

"I've been working these accounts for a month," Reynold says, looking at you, "I've seen some things. So give me the red pill."

And you sign, hoping that doesn't pull him into the yarnball.

"If you're smart," you say, "you'll rip that in half, and pretend you saw nothing. Any of these guys could turn you into shawarma. Find another place, or a better department."

"Or I could stay here," he says, grinning, "and see everything. I'll be right back," he finishes, heading out the door of your office, doubtless to see your boss.

Oh Hell. This is probably Bernie's revenge on you.

But set up a month ago, as soon as you left?

Alternatively, you're just getting one of Frank's problems.

>Put your feet on the desk
>Go through the stuff the receptionist said had been delivered to your office
>Tackle the idiot in the halls, and rip the transfer paper
>Log in to your computer
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2791092
>>Go through the stuff the receptionist said had been delivered to your office

Its not like we warned him.
>>
>>2791092
>Go through the stuff the receptionist said had been delivered to your office

Huh, he really is like Rock.
>>
>>2791092
>Go through the stuff the receptionist said had been delivered to your office
>>
>>2791092
>>Go through the stuff the receptionist said had been delivered to your office
Horse, water, etc. Though I do feel sorry for him.
>>
>>2791092
>Go through the stuff the receptionist said had been delivered to your office
>>
>>2791092
>Go through the stuff the receptionist said had been delivered to your office
>>
>>2791092
>Go through the deliveries
>Make your Ipad, phone, or the computer play something relaxing.
>>
>>2791092
>>Go through the stuff the receptionist said had been delivered to your office
>>
>>2791092
>Go through the stuff the receptionist said had been delivered to your office
>>
>>2791092
>>Go through the stuff the receptionist said had been delivered to your office
>>
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>>2791092
You can lead a horse to water, you think, but you can't make him drink.

Well, at least he found you, and not a wizard.

You go over to your mail pile and start sifting through it.

There's a letter there, addressed in greek letters you can barely read. You rip it open, and yeah, you can't read that either.

Another is emblazoned in Chinese characters you can't do anything but guess at. But someone bothered to have an interpreter write a translation below it: "TO THE SCRIBE WHO IS EVALUATING (SO CALLED) BARON SAMEDI'S HOLDINGS"

So you open it, and the rest is in the same style - gaudily-daubed Chinese characters with English scratched in pen below them.

"DO NOT DEAL ME FALSE," it reads, "YOU WILL DIE ONE DAY. AND I HAVE NUMEROUS TORMENTS DEVISED FOR FALSE DEALERS. DEAL WITH JUSTICE."

Chinese gods are weird.

You pull open an envelope with a Jamaican post-stamp.

"Yo," it reads, "Baron Samedi here and shit, I hear you're doing my accounts for the case against Enma. Just, like, it's chill. I'm down for whatever judgement. I mean, anything that lets me keep going with the wine, women, and song. AND THE FUCKIN' GANGA! So, thanks for taking the account. Also, don't fuck me ove~"

And that's a fountain pen scrawl, if you've ever seen one.

You're dying to see who his lawyer is.

But you hope you never have to face that court.

And you rip open the next letter. It's in greek, but with English, Latin, and hieroglyphics below it.

"DEAR RECIPIENT," it reads, "I AM MINOS, JUDGE OF THE DEAD, AND I HEAR YOU HAVE DONE ONE OF MY SONS A FAVOR."

That was rather short.

Is he talking about the time you didn't kill Angus? That seemed more like human decency than doing anyone a favor!

There's another couple of letters in greek, and you toss them aside.

You can't read them anyway.

Then Reynold comes back into your office, saying "alright, Bernie signed it! I'm with you now."

>Can you read greek?
>Welcome to this brave new world of gods and monsters
>Is your girlfriend good with guns? I could use that.
>Well, you took the red pill. Have fun - most of us had it forced down our throats.
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2791175
>Welcome to this brave new world of gods and monsters
>Can you read greek?
>>
>>2791175
>Welcome to this brave new world of gods and monsters
>Well, you took the red pill. Have fun - most of us had it forced down our throats.
>Can you read greek?
>>
>>2791175
>>Well, you took the red pill. Have fun - most of us had it forced down our throats.
>Welcome to this brave new world of gods and monsters
The quickest and easiest way to prove this stuff is real if he wants proof would be to summon Freebles over; He should have plenty of experience bringing newbies into the fold, and the whole "teleporting talking ferret" thing is pretty overt.
>Can you read greek?

Girlfriend? What?
>>
>>2791175
>Welcome to this brave new world of gods and monsters
>Can you read greek?
>Also, if you see something from either Zeus or Hera, just stick it in the very bottom of the pile, okay? They're always the longest to deal with...
>>
>>2791175
>Well, you took the red pill. Have fun - most of us had it forced down our throats.
>Welcome to this brave new world of gods and monsters
>Can you read greek?
>>
>>2791175
Can you read greek?
>>
>>2791175
>Can you read greek?
>>
>>2791175
Bernie's a Dragon, Yes those are actual gods, I wasn't fucking with you about the spreadsheet tab, I've only been in this a month, keep any ferret looking things away from your teenage relatives, and figure out if we have translators for whatever the hell these letters are saying.
>>
>>2791175
>>Can you read greek?
>>Well, you took the red pill. Have fun - most of us had it forced down our throats.
>>
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>>2791175
"Welcome to this brave new world," you say, putting your feet up on your desk, "and please shut the door."

He does so, saying "of gods and monsters? I do know Shakespeare. Liberal Arts minor."

"Well," you ask, "can you read greek? Hit the mailbox. Most of us had the red pill shoved down our throats, and you want it? There it is."

"I can read a bit," he says, grabbing a few greek letters, "this isn't even coinae," he tells you, shuffling through them, "they all just say 'is your daughter hot?', I think. Greek is weird."

Yeah, that's what you should have expected. He starts going through the other letters.

"Three death gods, too," you hear him mutter, and then he turns toward you, "we're really doing accounting for them?"

"Like I said," you tell Reynold, "welcome to the brave new world of gods and monsters. Oh, and we're not replying to any of those."

"I see why we're not," he tells you, "but this could all just be an elaborate prank."

Then Freebles worms his way out of your pocket and jumps onto your desk.

"Hey," he says, "I hear you work for my bro now. It would be a real shame if something happened to your..." he trails off, glancing up and down the guy, "everything. I bet your kidneys are tasty," he finishes, flexing his back at your new assistant.

"Please don't do it," you tell your ferret, "he could be useful."

"Holy shit," Reynold says, "it's actually real."

"Unfortunately, yes," you tell him, "now do you see why I told you it would be smart to get out?"

"Yeah," Reynold tells you, and then grins, "but I'm glad I'm in. What account are we starting with?"

"God," you say, "let's get Zeus off our backs."

The rest of the workday is fairly normal. Reynold is a good, hard, fast worker, and you're wondering whether Bernie sicc'd him on you as a punishment or a reward.

"I think," he finally says, "we've sewn this Greek up."

"We've certainly charted an empire for his kids to take," you tell your new assistant.

"I'd like to be a fly on the wall for those cases!" he says.

>I like you, kid, let's grab a drink
>I've got a family to get home to
>Welcome to the masquerade. You do decent work.
>I've got to talk to by boss
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2791272
>Welcome to the masquerade. You do decent work.
>I've got to talk to my boss
>>
>>2791272
>Welcome to the masquerade. You do decent work.
>I've got to talk to by boss
>>
>>2791272
>>Welcome to the masquerade. You do decent work.
>Every couple of days, me and some of the more magically inclined dads of the local "Girl's Softball Team" get together for BBQ. Might as well invite you and your significant other over for it so you know what your going to deal with in this department. Friday work for you?
>I've got to talk to by boss
>>
>>2791272
>Welcome to the masquerade. You do decent work.
>I've got to talk to by boss
>>
>>2791272
Welcome to the masquerade. You do decent work.
>>
>>2791272
>Welcome to the masquerade. You do decent work.
> I've got a family to get home to.
>>
>>2791272
>I'm pretty sure he was a fly in at least one of them.
>Word of Warning, Bernie is a dragon.
>Anything else you need to know before I get home to my family?
>>
>>2791272
>>Welcome to the masquerade. You do decent work.
>I like you, kid, let's grab a drink

It'd be nice to have another bone stock mortal to talk to.
>>
>>2791272
"Flies on the wall get swatted," you tell him, then stand up to shake his hand, "you do decent work. Welcome to the masquerade."

"This is really not what I expected," Reynold says, shaking your hand, "from the mythical hardass accountant who fought off cancer in a month. But I guess I shouldn't be surprised."

"They're calling my 'the mythical hardass'?" you ask him.

"With the rest of the context," he tells you, "you have no idea how much chaff I've gotten for taking your accounts. They thought it might kill me."

"You're not dead yet," you say, "and, every so often, I hold a BBQ for my daughter's softball team. You might want to show. And see what's really going on."

"You've got my number," Reynold says, bumping his phone against the one in your pocket, "can I bring a plus one?"

"Plus whatever," you tell him, and he laughs, "I've got to talk to my boss."

"Good luck," he says, turning away from you, "I've heard he's a real dragon," and he walks out of your office.

Yeah, 'real dragon' alright.

You steel yourself, and march to Bernie's office.

"Good evening, Mr. Bond," the dragon says, after you open the door, "to what do I owe this entirely expected pleasure?"

>I'm here about that offer you made last night
>You appear to have given me an assistant
>Zeus is sending me harassing letters
>You need a white cat to really pull that one off
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2791337
>I'm here about that offer you made last night
>You need a white cat to really pull that one off or is that Heinrich's job?
>>
>>2791337
>You need a white cat to really pull that one off, you got the timing down perfectly though.
>>
>>2791337
>>You need a white cat to really pull that one off
>You appear to have given me an assistant
We already gave him our answer: we're not mercs.
>>
>>2791358
>"can I bring a plus one?"
You're welcome to, but do you really want to bring more people into this?
>>
>>2791337
>You need a white cat to really pull that one off. Maybe Heinrich with a pair of fuzzy ears?
>I seem to have a new Assistant
>I'm also a little annoyed at the weird threats some of these letters seem to have but I guess it's the usual magic thing so I'm getting used to ignoring that. Zeus has also been sending me weird let- I have the use the phone for a moment. Melon,Zeus seems to be sending tons of creepy letters asking if you're hot. I swear i'm not doing overprotective dad things here, just let your mother/friends know, beware incase he tries to look like Shelby, and I'll ask Kelly and W if they can Zeus trap the house.
>So uh...it wouldn't inconvenience you if a client did something stupid and died in the near future would it?
>Since you say your proposal is so interesting to everyone else let me know what it is. They can make their own choices after I let them know as you pointed out yesterday.
>>
>>2791337
>You appear to have given me an assistant
>Zeus is sending me harassing letters
>>
>>2791337

>You appear to have given me an assistant
>Zeus is sending me harassing letters
>>
>>2791337
>You appear to have given me an assistant
>You need a white cat to really pull that one off
>>
>>2791337
>>2791360
please this.
>>
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>>2791337
"You've got the timing down," you say, stepping in his office and closing the door behind you, "but you really need a white cat to pull that one off."

"I never liked cats," Bernie tell you, "honestly, they seem like competition."

"Get Heinrich to put on a set of fuzzy ears," you tell him, "that could work."

"It would also get me laughed out of everywhere I tried it," the dragon says, "but, really, why did you come to my office?"

You hesitate.

"Mr. Bond," Bernie says, a grin on his face, "we can do the laser-and-table thing, if that's what you're into."

Yeah, he's fucking with you.

He's GOT to be fucking with you.

"That was Goldfinger," you tell him, "and you know it."

"True, but really," Bernie says, leaning back in his chair, "why did you come here? Taking me up on that offer?"

"You appear to have given me an assistant," you tell the dragon, "and I feel like I've been shoved into initiating him into your supernatural world. Railroaded, even."

"I trust you gave him a decent welcome," Bernie says, grinning, "and I assigned him to your accounts because I thought he might be able to take it. And he can read Greek."

"Enough to tell me Zeus is sending harassing letters," you tell the dragon.

"Just be glad you're not dealing with Ishtar or Venus," Bernie says, with a twitch of his eye.

Yeah, given what you've read, they're both earth-destroyingly nuts.

"Would you," you say, "very hypothetically, have a problem with a client doing something stupid and getting wrecked in the process?"

"Fucking KILL THEM, I don't care!" Bernie says, then gives a grin that displays a number of very draconic teeth, "don't do it on the clock, though," he says, eyeing you with one red slit-eye, "I've got a professional reputation to maintain."

Yeah, you're really seeing the princess/prince-eating monster behind his eyes.

>Give me that proposal you had. I might talk it over with my crew. They get to make their own choices.
>That's, uh, real professional
>Liska and I can take both Ishtar and Venus.
>"Cool." And you nod.
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2791482
>I might see about Zeus, once I can figure out how to keep him from doing that golden rain bullshit. Pretty sure he sent me a couple of letters asking me about Marion's relationship status.
>Give me that proposal you had. I might talk it over with my crew. They get to make their own choices.
>>
>>2791482
>>Give me that proposal you had. I might talk it over with my crew. They get to make their own choices.
>>
>>2791482
backing this >>2791488
>>
>>2791482
>>That's, uh, real professional
>"Cool." And you nod.
Still not mercs. And last time we fought something, we wound up in a coma for a month.
>>
>>2791482
>>"Cool." And you nod.
>>
>>2791482
>>That's, uh, real professional
We are not considering that job. Our group exists solely to find a way to fix magical girls. We are not for hire.
>>
>>2791482
>>That's, uh, real professional
>>"Cool." And you nod.
>>
>>2791488
If Melon was stronger due to altering the contract he would get fucked in the way he didn't want to be.
>>2791494
This might be his weird way of "helping." He's the closest thing to "the forces of good" around here as disturbing as that seems. This might legitimately have to do with something that helps break the rats.
>>2791482
>Give me that proposal you had. I might talk it over with my crew. They get to make their own choices.
>>
>>2791508
>This might legitimately have to do with something that helps break the rats.
Pretty strongly doubt that. He's well aware of what we're after; he would have just told us whatever it was and we'd be all over it.

And it's not like we have or need money for the group.
>>
>>2791512
Like how he and everyone else bothers actually stating their intentions clearly in this quest?
>>
>>2791516
Bernie plays games when he wants something from us. If he was giving something to us, we've shown we don't like beating around the bush, and he'd be better off just being straight with us.

I suspect this job is something he doesn't want connected to himself for whatever reason.
>>
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>>2791482
"Cool," you say, rising from your chair, and you nod at him, "that's, uh, real professional."

"Of course," Bernie tells you, winking, "it's very professional. I just do accounting, not life insurance," he says with an awful grin, "sometimes terrible things happen to people. I do trust you enjoy your new assistant?"

He DID plan that!

"He does decent work," you tell the dragon, "and I don't want him dragged into this."

"I won't drag him in," Bernie tells you, "but I don't know what he might do outside work hours."

"Pet your white cat," you bite at the dragon, before leaving his office, and slamming the door behind you.

In the elevator, it all seems... well, maybe you fucked it up. Maybe Bernie fucked it up. Maybe things ended up ok.

You really don't know.

"You're still here?" Reynold asks, as you step out into the elevator, "my car won't start. I've been waiting for a jump."

Yeah, this was all planned. You can almost see the dragon's clawprints on it all.

How do you get out of the plan?

>Call a towing service, Bernie's fucking with me. Don't get caught up in it.
>I can jump you, but Bernie's a thorough lizard
>Fuck it, let's walk to a bar.
>Fuck it, let's walk to a bar and grab my crew.
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2791482
>"Cool." And you nod.
>>
>>2791534
>>Call a towing service, Bernie's fucking with me. Don't get caught up in it.
If Bernie continues to cause issues indirectly, just have Freebles give him a lift back to his house or something.

Bernie isn't a dragon at this point, he's just a troll.
>>
>>2791534
>Fuck it, let's walk to a bar and grab my crew.
>>
>>2791534
>>Call a towing service, Bernie's fucking with me. Don't get caught up in it.
There's just no reason to drag the poor guy into this. He's got no stake like we do, and nothing to gain.
>>
>>2791541
20:39 - 20:55ish Voting period

God, I hate writing dragons.
>>
>>2791524
Eh, At least some of our group are grown adults capable of not doing something suicidal.
>>2791534
>Probably Bernie machinations again. Anything weird happened around you recently? Do you have a teenage sister or were you bitten by a wolf? I'm sure whatever he's thinking will annoy the shit out of me.
>Make that phone call to Melon, Liska and Kelly about Zeus sending creepy letters for the last month.
>It retroactively occurs to me that we just left our office that probably had an actual paper trail of where the rats are stealing souls from.
>>
>>2791550
>God, I hate writing dragons.
He's turning out to be a very annoying character. I'm beginning to see why the St. George protocol is a thing.
>>
>>2791534

>Call a towing service, Bernie's fucking with me. Don't get caught up in it.
>>
Playing devil's advocate for a while here. Put yourselves in Bernie's position; This is the most interesting thing that might have happened to him in decades if not centuries.
You know what? Maybe we should introduce him to EVE online. that might get his attention off us.
>>
>>2791555
>He's turning out to be a very annoying character.
When he was the kinda scary neutral guy, it was nice to have him around. But as we've grown in power, he's gotten more and more annoying. It's almost like needling us is his way at getting back at us for increasing our powerbase.


>>2791559
>dragon accountant playing eve
We would never see him again.
>>
>>2791567
Isn't that great? We would make a NEET out of a mighty dragon. A great acomplishment if you ask me
>>
>>2791579
It's all fun and games until some dude robs Bernie's bank.
>>
>>2791582
I have had the worst idea.
What would Bernie's version of the Navy Seals copypasta look like? Not even a competent one, just the same sort of autistic spaghetti scaled to dragon levels.
>>
>>2791584
It would just be a shitload of autistic screeching.
like this, but way more autistic.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zX3YcI7xNEI
>>
>>2791584
found a better one. Jump to minute 3:38
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lt3WUtq9kIs
>>
>>2791534
"Call a towing service," you tell the kid.

"Why?" Reynold asks.

"Bernie's fucking with me," you tell him, "my car's probably dead too. Don't get caught up in it."

"You're in a power struggle with him?" Reynold asks.

"Not about the accounting firm," you say, "you want me to jam the 'red pill' down your throat?"

"In for a penny," the idiot says, "in for a fucking pound."

"Did you get get bit by a wolf recently?" you ask him, "you have a little sister that got a pet ferret? Have you seen anything you can't explain? Do you have an allergy to sunlight? Or garlic?"

"No wolf bites," the guy says, "I'm an only child, and I'm pretty sure I'm not a vampire."

"And I'm not staying here after you've said all that!" he says, running after you, as you ease into your car.

"There's a good chance he drained this battery, too," you say, turning your key, and the car roars to life.

Well. You weren't expecting that.

"Maybe he's plotting to put us together," you say, "and maybe I'm overthinking this."

"You might be overthinking this," Reynold says, getting in the passenger side, "but I am really not qualified to comment."

>And maybe I should challenge him to a streetrace
>And maybe we should just hit a bar
>And maybe I should wait here, and St. George him. With a CAR.
>And maybe I should just jump your car. I've got a set of cables in the back
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2791639
>>And maybe I should just jump your car. I've got a set of cables in the back
>>
>>2791639
>>And maybe I should just jump your car. I've got a set of cables in the back
We've managed to go one whole evening without drinking. Can we manage two?
>>
>>2791639
>And maybe I should just jump your car. I've got a set of cables in the back
>>
>>2791639
>*sigh* Boi. I been redpilled for 2 weeks now. 1 month and a half if you count the "cancer coverup", I can't help but get paranoid at this point. Not after what I've been through.
>And maybe I should just jump your car. I've got a set of cables in the back
>>
>>2791639
>And maybe I should just jump your car. I've got a set of cables in the back

I assume we always have cables, tie straps, and a tarp in our trunk.
>>
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>>2791639
"And maybe I should just jump your car," you say, "which one is it?"

He points at one in the parking garage.

You idle toward it, then jerk the parking brake and cut the engine.

"Alright, kid," you tell your co-worker, "I've got cables in the trunk."

Then you begin a manly ritual with Reynold.

Jumpstarting a car.

It takes a couple of tries and a lot of yelling, but eventually his ride is purring.

"I think I left the dome light on," Reynold yells at you.

"Don't do it again," you say, wondering if you've just been getting too paranoid.

Did the dragon really plan that? Was it a coincidence?

Well, it doesn't matter, you think, shifting up on the road home.

And you eventually get home.

>Liska, do I smell funny? Trace smells of people I've touched, not me.
>Melon, how was school?
>Ladies, I think our local dragon might be playing power games with me
>God, I love you two. Hug me.
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2791711
>>Melon, how was school?
>>
>>2791711
>Melon, how was school?
>God, I love you two. Hug me.
>>
>>2791711
>>Melon, how was school?
>God, I love you two. Hug me.
>>
>>2791639

>If we count only the time I've not been in a coma I mostly only have two weeks on you.
I'm gonna try and jump start your car.
>Call Melon/Liska about the creepy letters already. Our daughter is not dealing with Shelby transforming into a swan and attempting to rape her with a tentacle-swan-dick.
>I'm guessing he wants me to teach you something or the other. The first thing is that everyone is drunk. Being high apparently gets you in touch with magic and shit. The second thing is in my experience they are angry drunks. Magical people seem to think violence is the way to say hello and we don't regrow limbs, ribcages, and livers like they do. They never tell you anything straight and start off with insults. Don't play highway to hell or anything else with lyrics you wouldn't want to happen for real in places where it'll tempt fate. It's rare but apparently it might actually happen.
Aaand QM wasn't done typing so none of this matters. I hope it wasn't relevant to his survival.

>>2791711
>How was school for you?
>Mankind needs to make up a hobby for Bernie. I think he's trying to mess with me for fun now.
>Family meeting about anti-Zeus defenses
>>
>>2791711
>Melon, how was school?
>God, I love you two. Hug me.
>>
>>2791711
Melon, how was school?
>>
>>2791711
>>Melon, how was school?
>>
I just went on a weird, drunken expedition to meet the hot twenty-something living over my head.

Next update rather delayed on account of that.

I'm sure she thinks I'm a drunk, and she's not wrong.

Sorry!
>>
>>2791775
>I just went on a weird, drunken expedition to meet the hot twenty-something living over my head.
That sounds both weird and drunken. Your storytelling skills appear to be affected, as well.

I'm cannae tell if this is a euphemism or you're talking about someone living in the next apartment up.
I'm not sure which is worse.
>>
>>2791775
Enjoy it so I can live vicariously through you. I’m stuck above a spinster and across a Friendly’s assistant manager where I’m at.
>>
>>2791780
>Your storytelling skills appear to be affected, as well.
I have written 20% of this quest super drunk. 75% of it really drunk. And 90% of it 'at least a bit buzzed'.
And you're not wrong. I have to hit that right level and maintainit.
It's just the person living above me in the apartment complex. The one I hear stepping on my ceiling every so often. The last folks moved out recently, and I just met the new tenant.
>>
>>2791796
So we can expect HOT SHIPPING ACTION between you and your neighbor?
>>
>>2791799
Fuck no. I've got a girlfriend already, and made a rather drunken first impression on the neighbor.
I just wanted to meet whoever they were.
Also, they have cats, and cats destroy me. Allergies.
>>
>>2791796
>Haiku x Floor
>Haiku x Bed
>A NEW CHALLENGER HAS ARRIVED: Haiku x Ceiling
>>
>>2791796
>It's just the person living above me in the apartment complex.
That's what I thought. The way you phrased it sounded like a weird, drunken shoulder-angel deal though, so I wasn't entirely certain.

>20% of this quest super drunk. 75% of it really drunk. And 90% of it 'at least a bit buzzed'.
I see your math skills are affected as well. Still, you've been doing a good job so far, so I won't give you too much shit over it.

>>2791799
>HOT SHIPPING ACTION
HaikuxFloor OTP!
And HaikuxGirlfriend. If there's one thing this quest has in spades, it's monogamy_is_good.jpg
>>
>>2791814
You forgot Haiku x Alcohol
>>
>>2791816
Truly the greatest of them all.
At this point, I think Haiku is just a living harem anime. There's really no other explanation.
>>
>>2791824
What if Haiku is actually Freebles, and we're actually unintentionally writing out his autobiography through an Avatar?
>>
>>2791824
This is more relevant than I would have ever suspected it being:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYXHnkhRwCY
>>
>>2791711
"Melon," you say, walking in from the garage, "how was school?"

"She's staying over at a friend's place," Liska says, walking up to you, "I thought you knew?"

"I was busy playing a dragon's power games," you say, "which friend? Wait, don't tell me."

"Why?" Liska asks, as she hugs you.

"Because I might actually be able to overwrite fate," you mutter at your wife, "as long as I don't know what might happen already."

"Then where did she go?" Liska asks you.

"Kelly's," you tell her, "or wherever Shelby is."

"She's at the Macleod's," Liska says, "and what on earth are you talking about?"

"It's this odd thing," you say, "I think something happens, and it does. Even if it has nothing to do with me! I CAN WARP FATE AROUND ME!"

"I think you need to go back to bed," Liska says, hugging you, "you've had a long day."

>Want to bet if Shelby's there too? I said he would be.
>I think so, too.
>This is stupid. Let's call Melon.
>I can reshape fate. Melon, Shelby, Ellie, Haru, Sachio, Hamasaki, John, and probably some other folks are about to hit my front lawn.
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2791853
>>Want to bet if Shelby's there too? I said he would be.
>I can reshape fate. Melon, Shelby, Ellie, Haru, Sachio, Hamasaki, John, and probably some other folks are about to hit my front lawn.
>>
>>2791853
>I think so, too.
Followed by
>Want to bet if Shelby's there too? I said he would be.
>>
>>2791858
Supportan
I'm about to bomb out for the night, QM. Was a fun run.
I'll catch the smut in the morning.
>>
>>2791853
>I can reshape fate. Melon, Shelby, Ellie, Haru, Sachio, Hamasaki, John, and probably some other folks are about to hit my front lawn.
>What if I can actually be able to purify demons and turn them into angels with my punches?
>>
>>2791853
>I think so, too.
Followed by
>Want to bet if Shelby's there too? I said he would be.
>>
>>2791853
>This is stupid. Let's call Melon.
>>
>>2791856
23:30 - 23:40ish Voting period, and such, Or ten minutes after quoted post.
>>
>>2791853
>>I think so, too.
Did we start drinking on the way back? We sound like we're on something.
>>
>>2791853
>I can reshape fate. Melon, Shelby, Ellie, Haru, Sachio, Hamasaki, John, and probably some other folks are about to hit my front lawn.

>Want to bet if Shelby's there too? I said he would be.
>>
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>>2791853
"I think so, too," you say, leaning into her, "but you want to bet if Shelby's there too?"

"Sure," Liska says, dialing her daughter, "if you lose, I get to savage you. If you win, you'll think of somethi- hey, Melon?" she asks the phone.

This is sounding oddly like 'heads, you get fucked, tails - carte blanche'.

You can't really complain.

"Is Shelby there?" she asks, "nevermind, I can hear him in the background," Liska says, "have fun, kids."

And she hangs up.

"That's teenagers," Liska says, frowning at you, "not fate manipulation!"

Hopefully Jean will keep them all in line.

"And you really need to think of something," Liska says, "because I think I lost that one."

"Putting me in a bed," you tell her, "It's been a long day. Wait. We have the whole house to ourselves."

"We have the whole house to ourselves," Liska tells you, grinning.

Oh hell. There's only one real response to THAT.

And somehow, you did wind up in your bed.

Eventually.

"I'm still not admitting you can really manipulate fate," Liska says, her tails draped over you.

>Bet you I can get one of your brothers on our front lawn within a minute
>I don't think I can, either, but that was a weirdly successful trial
>I think I might just be going nuts
>I have had a LONG day - had to introduce someone to magic at the office
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2791894
>I don't think I can, either, but that was a weirdly successful trial
>I have had a LONG day - had to introduce someone to magic at the office
Okay, bombing out for real now. G'night, QM!
>>
>>2791894
>Bet you I can get one of your brothers on our front lawn within a minute
>I don't think I can, either, but that was a weirdly successful trial
>>
>>2791894
>Bet you I can get one of your brothers on our front lawn within a minute, AND talking to our neighbors about grilling.
I really want this to happen of all things.
>>
>>2791894
>I don't think I can, either, but that was a weirdly successful trial
>I have had a LONG day - had to introduce someone to magic at the office
>>
>>2791894
>>I think I might just be going nuts
>>I have had a LONG day - had to introduce someone to magic at the office
It's fun idea to contemplate, but I'm still enjoying the lack of magic shenanigans for a change.
>>
>>2791894
>I don't think I can, either, but that was a weirdly successful trial
>I have had a LONG day - had to introduce someone to magic at the office
>>
>>2791894
>>I don't think I can, either, but that was a weirdly successful trial
>>
>>2791895
00:25 - 00:25 voting period. I guess.
>>2791866
I was just joking about how choices the 'MC' makes jerk other characters around to 'his' will.
Or rather, the will of the story.
Kids, don't drink and make meta-narrative jokes.
>>
>>2791894
>I don't think I can, either, but that was a weirdly successful trial
>I have had a LONG day - had to introduce someone to magic at the office
>>
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>>2791907
00:25 - 00 35 Voting period, I meant. Write ins taken after if I see them while writing

I might be a bit slammed.
>>
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>>2791894
"I don't think I can," you say, "but that was a weirdly successful trial."

"Teenagers," Liska says, with a huff, "you had a really safe bet there."

"I have had a LONG day," you tell her, "I might have introduced a guy to magic at the office."

"Hell," she says, "does he already have a girlfriend? We could set him up with one of the girls."

"He's too old," you say, "probably already attached, given his reaction to me telling him he could bring a 'plus one'. And am I really just a walking matchmaking bureau?"

"Well," Liska tells you, and then whispers in your ear, "you're pretty damn good at it!"

That knocks you speechless.

You do seem to be rather good at that...

"Or maybe," you tell Liska, pinning her down, "I'm just damn good at this."

"Plus one for what?" she gasps, finally putting things together.

"Apparently," you tell her, around your tongue finding a decent (or rather indecent) place, "we have a regular barbecue for our girls' softball team. I invited him."

"You're," Liska begins, then starts giggling, "I think I've exhausted my adjectives," and somehow, she's on top of you.

"Make a few more for me, will ya?" she asks, and things get fuzzy after that.

Then the alarm goes off, and it's shave, shower, kiss your sleeping wife, make coffee and breakfast, and off to work.

You do miss having anyone else awake to share the morning with. Even Melon's somewhere else.

Oh.

Melon's somewhere else. And you either predicted or manipulated fate (that's fucking dumb, you didn't do that!) to say it was the same place as her crush.

>Call Melon on your way to work
>Call Harriet on your way to work
>Call someone else on your way to work
>Call that number on the back a a business card on your way to work
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2791935
>Call someone else on your way to work
Shelby
Queue Dadly Intimidation "You better not touch my daughter! And DONT LET HER TOUCH YOU EITHER!" jk just check up on them.
>>
I'm out for the night.

Next runtime on the twitter: https://twitter.com/HaikuDeluge

Other links further up-thread.

Having the house empty is rather inconvenient.
Having the MC go to work is worse.

Not knowing if Bernie actually set things up, or if some idiot left him car's dome light on is terrible.
>>
>>2791894

>Call someone else on your way to work

Call the new kid. Make sure he got home okay last night, and is ready to come in to work today. Also see if he wants us to grab him a coffee to suss out what kind of guy he is based on his order.
>>
>>2791935
>Call Melon on your way to work
>>
>>2791935
>Call Shelby on your way to work
give him a little scar and plan a race somewhere safe
>>
>>2791970
Seconding. But what car does the qmc drive?
>>
>>2791950
>>2791940
Supporting! Let's let Rock get some face time.
>>
>>2792016
>>2791950
Fucking hell that's me.

> When you've been up all night.

Never fucking mind.
>>
>>2791935
>>Call Melon on your way to work
>>
>>2792048
Not an argument.
>t. Made the exact same mistake
>>
So uh.. Am I seriously the only anon that is concerned about a serial rapist god having his eye on our daughter for what may have been the last month?
>>
>>2792096
From where you inferred that? because i can't find that in any of Haiku's posts.
>>
>>2791935
>>Call Melon on your way to work
"Didn't come home" is a valid reason for an early call like this.
>>
>>2792099
Zeus was sending a bunch of spam letters in Greek that the new guy roughly translated as Zeus repeatedly asking if our daughter is hot.
The letters we read were supposed to be for the month that we were gone.
The rest is basically easy to figure out if you have ANY knowledge in Zeus at all.
>>
>>2792107
oh. i didn't see that part. Must have passed over it.
>>
>>2792107
We should forward the letters to Hera, and reply that she's part of the Japanese pantheon and that we are perfectly willing to drag anyone who messes with our daughter literally to Hell where we just successfully dueled a Noble of Hell and won, after originally kneecapping him in a 1v1 that we also won.

So unless Zeus wants to spend eternity getting mistaken for Odin, he best step back before we shoot out on of his eyes and proceed to fuck the socket so hard he births another Godling child from it, whom we will then raise to the best of our ability to have the same relationship with Zeus that Zeus had with his father.

Then have Ellie give Kelly a ride to deliver the letter to Hera.
>>
>>2792107
I'd be willing to bet it was a throwaway joke. What do you figure the chances are Zeus adds that "is your daughter hot?" line to all his correspondence? If he gets an angry response, he now knows that person does have a daughter, and might be worth looking into.
>>
>>2792126
Hera's never stopped him before. Greek gods punch down. She'd just try to kill Melon (or possibly all of us) to "solve" the problem.
>>2792129
If it was one, sure. Multiple letters being spammed tells us that not responding properly got him interested too.
There's probably some etiquette about responding to those letters from gods we should be using. I'm guessing that it's just a standard PT response about how our firm holds itself to the highest standards of professionalism.
>>
>>2792137
> Greek gods punch down.

Judging from the state of modern Greece, we are punching up for them.
>>
>>2792137
>If it was one, sure. Multiple letters being spammed tells us that not responding properly got him interested too.
Regular correspondence is part of a working relationship, and we were gone for a month.

"Greek Gods want to rape your daughter" are rather far from the usual tone of the quest; I wouldn't worry about it unless it comes up repeatedly. And Haiku is more likely make your fears reality if you keep talking about them; don't give the QM ideas.
>>
>>2792142
> MFW Zeus sends us a dick pic
>>
>>2792142
Are you saying that you don't want to get the once in a lifetime chance to actually shotgun away a guy attempting to seduce our daughter? Bonus points if it makes Shelby more cautious than he has to be afterwards.
>>
>>2791935
>Call Melon on your way to work
>Totally forgot to mention, Zues is sending letters asking if you're hot. Zues Shapeshifts. DO NOT trust anything that wants to have sex with you unless everyone else in the room confirms that yes, this is the correct person/object. I'm being broad here because of the golden shower story.
>>
We might run again later today.

I didn't expect the accounting firm to be fun, or generate another character, but it seemed to make sense at the time.
I know some people wanted a return to normalcy and the accounting, so, well, here we are.
Anywhere but normalcy. I think I'm starting to write the MC just a little too paranoid.
Car battery dies: "is this the work of an enemy dragon?"

>>2792129
>I'd be willing to bet it was a throwaway joke.
Sometimes, I think this entire quest is a throwaway joke that grew legs and is rapidly running away from me.
Everything related to the 'special accounts' has been throwaway jokes. Some of them evolved into actual plot points or conversation topics.
>>2792142
>"Greek Gods want to rape your daughter" are rather far from the usual tone of the quest
This quest has a usual tone?
Hell, we already did "a fertility goddess is making your daughter super horny".
>Haiku is more likely make your fears reality
Well, that's getting pinned on my twitter.
There is always the option to do a 'Gods Arc', since this is already out of control, but I wasn't planning on it.
>>
>>2792250
I want to return to the normality and slice of life while blatantly ignoring or treating the supernatural as a mundane thing. but Bernie’s being a smug bag of dicks. really. I kinda like some dialogue with Fred. And MC needs a sanity restoring hobby and some method to enjoy the like while dealing with the “game” of the masquerade. Also can we have a chat with our brother Freebles and figure out where we stand on our original objective: “Getting all our meguccas out of debt”
can we do something magically mundane like chaperone the girls for a trip to a “softball game”? i would loveto see something like that before the plot runs away brcause of anons’ Zeus paranoia
>>
>>2792345
We've made extremely little actual headway with our main goal.
>>
>>2792383
Ikr? We could've done something about it but noo,wizards and assassins and in-laws and demons and Bernie keep on getting in our way vying for attention and worldbuilding.
>>
I'm probably starting this back up once a write a post. Not sure how long a run it'll be.

>>2792383
>We've made extremely little actual headway with our main goal.
The MC's made more than you think.
>>2792345
>MC needs a sanity restoring hobby
Well, he grills, remodels, probably tunes cars, and at least owns videogames, even if he doesn't play them.
Don't stop, you're giving me ideas.
>>2792409
>but noo,wizards and assassins and in-laws and demons and Bernie keep on getting in our way vying for attention and worldbuilding.
I call it The Aristocrats!
Really, though, I think people have had some fun during those arcs. And they've helped gather the pieces for resolving the original issue, but that's been a here-and-there kinda thing.
>>
>>2792417
It's been fun, yes, but they're right, we've made almost no visible progress on our actual goal. Collecting people was just originally a means of gathering people in similar situations. We have no need of all this power we've accrued, as it doesn't actually get us any closer to solving our issue. And last time our smart people actually worked on the issue, the results were discouraging.
>>
If we decide to pursue
>I'm afraid I have to ask about the drugs
With Marion, I think it would be so funny if we're completely cool with her about it, just asking her,

"So, what do you kids do nowadays? I haven't been in that game for ages, and the last time I was, I guess I killed one of your mom's Exs."

I mean, she's a magical girl, We know Sue grew back her arms, and we watched two others heal themselves after nearly being ripped in half, vertically. I highly doubt any drugs are going to fuck her up. hell, at this rate, I feel like they could out heal cancer.
>>
>>2792417
Whatever progress we've made feels a bit immaterial. We have no sense of the scale of the debt the girls have to deal with, so even if we just ganked an entire Duke's worth of cash for their payments we have no idea on if the payment plan is so absurd that even that doesn't do anything.
W is still eternally writing his book, but until we got the news that contracts can be rewritten with freebles now we had no idea if he was even into the first chapter. We still don't know if he's actually started writing the book, but at least we finally got solid information that he actually has an idea of what he's doing now.
We also know absolutely nothing about the power structure of the rats except that freebles has a boss. We don't know what that boss's rank even is. Is the the grand rat's direct underling? Is he middle management level? Is he just an enforcer sent to mop up messes? Are the rats gonna notice if we kill him and bring out a dozen more of him?
Is he King Ratigan's fuckup of a son?
>>
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>>2791935
Well, seems like a wake-up call is in order.

You call Melon as you step into your car.

The phone rings once. Twice. Three times.

You pull out of the driveway worrying.

"Hello?" you finally hear your daughter say, with some sort of frying pan sizzling noises in the background.

"Just wanted to check in - you didn't come home last night," you say.

"I told mom I was spending the night at Sue's place," Melon says, "didn't she tell you?"

Is everyone playing head games with you? Or is Liska just a bit forgetful?

Christ. Does mere exposure to magic make people paranoid?

"I think she forgot," you say, "you have a ride to school?"

"Jean's taking us before she goes on shift," Melon tells you, "at least my first time in the back of a squad car's on friendly terms, right?"

Are there regulations about that? Well, given the 'prides of the force' you've met, you're not sure they care.

"Better than some of my rides," you say, merging onto the highway.

"Wait," Melon says, "you got picked up?"

You sigh. How do you put it?

"I've, uh," you start, "I wasn't always a stable middle-class accountant with a family to think about. I took my last ride in one with your mother."

"It's kinda funny to think about you doing that with mom," Melon says, "Is that the punchline to the story of how you met? Ugh," she grunts, "I swear I've got a crick in my back from that sword."

"Uhh...?" you ask, as some idiot tries to cut you off.

"Sue's bed's barely big enough for one person," Melon tells you, "and she sleeps with it like it's a stuffed animal!"

Well, that scratches one of your concerns, but raises another.

"I don't want to dream about Warring States battlefields ever again," Melon says.

>Wait, Sue's been sleeping with the sword?
>Could you hand the phone to the guy with the frying pan?
>So how was last night, other than the weird dreams?
>He is our family's heirloom.
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2792493
>>He is our family's heirloom.
>>
>>2792417
The thing is, in addition to what >>2792453, >>2792488
have said, there's no way we can have any "good" ending. With the sheer size of the cast there will always be issues popping up and every time there is it spirals out of control. No matter how simple it always goes insane and we end up with more characters.

I just can't see an ending where the majority is happy/better off.
>>
>>2792493
>Wait, Sue's been sleeping with the sword?
>So how was last night, other than the weird dreams?
>>
>>2792493
>Wait, Sue's been sleeping with the sword? Ugh, nevermind.
>So how was last night, other than the weird dreams?
>>
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>>2792453
>>2792488
>Whatever progress we've made feels a bit immaterial
Sorry.
Several very important steps have happened, although they're often been background or just one scene.
Turning Freebles, allowing W to examine Melon, her training with Haru and what he learned about magical girls from her, allowing all the wizards to examine Ellie, and the 'wizards' meeting': it's been about one per arc.
Just - trust me? We're getting closer, and I am not going to drag this out like the search for the One Piece.
>he actually has an idea of what he's doing now
Maybe magically, but that guy doesn't think things through before doing them.
>>2792505
>I just can't see an ending where the majority is happy/better off.
Considering the MC managed to spend a month in a coma without everything falling apart, between people who'd been deathly afraid of each other before we appeared on the scene, things are already better.
Of course problems will keep coming up. It happens. We're all only human. Or demon. Or ogres. Or kitsune. Or tengu. Or blasphemous surgical constructs. Or the things that go bump in the night. Or ghosts. Or angels. Or oni. Or whatever. There will always be conflict. But perhaps we can all lift this sword of Damocles.
>>
>>2792557
Does that mean we march on japan soon?
>>
>>2792493
>>Wait, Sue's been sleeping with the sword?
>He is our family's heirloom.
>>
>>2792557
I get that there's always problems, that's just life. I more meant how absolutely everything we do basically devolves into marching on Edo. Go back to work? New guy and his shit entering the masquerade and dragon shadow runs with a side of potential Zeus bullshit. A cop pulls us over? Schrodinger's number and a demon legion under our command plus sister bullshit kinda wished she stayed dead honestly . Hit a priest? We're stuck with him forever.

The simplest thing the mc has dealt with was a literal coma.
>>
>>2792590
>The simplest thing the mc has dealt with was a literal coma.
That's because the coma happened entirely off-screen.
I'd have to say the simplest thing the MC's dealt with was the first demon we chased off. One and done, and it hasn't come back yet. You can't even argue it's what set this whole thing off, because that was Freebles coming in our window.
>>
>>2792493
>Wait, Sue's been sleeping with the sword?
>>He can't get her soul-pregnant, right?
>>
>>2792493
"Wait," you say, "Sue's been sleeping with the sword?"

"That's what I said, dad," Melon tells you, as you pass someone, "like a stuffed animal. And I'm still smelling cherry blossoms."

And it seems to be dealing out dreams of conquest and slaughter. How many battlefields has the girl seen in her sleep?

How much could that warp someone's mind?

Although Sue does seem a little bit more stable than when you first met her. Maybe it's been a good experience?

"Nevermind," you tell your daughter, "so how was last night, other than the weird dreams?"

"Pretty fun," she says, "Jean's cool. I hadn't spent that much time with Sue before, and, Shelby cooked. So dinner was good."

"Uhh," she continues, "that's about it?"

"Glad you had fun," you say, "and glad you didn't have too much," you whisper.

"DAD!" she says straight into your ear, "you're my... look, I'm not going to live my life like I'm dying tomorrow!"

Well, that's a fireburst of oil in the background, if you've ever heard one.

"And I've got a police officer and a really sleepy magical girl to wake up!" Melon says.

"Love you," you manage to say before she hangs up.

"And I love you too, dad," Melon tells you before cutting the connection.

That's, well, uh, what on earth's gotten into her? Or was it there all along, and you merely thought you two were close?

At least she seems to have inherited responsibility from somewhere. Maybe it's recessive.

You walk into the lobby of Bernie's accounting firm, and hear some idiot whistling "Come Out Ye Black and Tans".

"Don't do that, kid," you tell your assistant, putting a hand on his shoulder, and whisper, "they might actually come out."

"Jesus, you scared me!" he says, jumping half a foot, "oh. Hi, boss."

"You know what we're messing with," you whisper, "a few whistled bars could summon something nobody wants to deal with."

"What about hymns?" he asks you, as the two of you walk toward the elevators.

"There's a reason the first words out of an angel's mouth are 'do not be afraid'," you tell him, "if you're got to whistle, try 'star of the county down'."

>Then it's off to another day of utterly uneventful accounting
>Then the two of you step into an elevator with Bernie
>Then the two of you step into an elevator with Frank
>Then the two of you have an elevator ride by yourselves. [WRITE INs APPRECIATED]
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2792622
>>Then the two of you have an elevator ride by yourselves.
>You realize that going over on this side you're not going to live until retirement age yeah?
>>
>>2792622
>>Then the two of you step into an elevator with Bernie
>"Morning Bernie. Im throwing a bbq, you and Heinrich wanna come?"
>>
In unrelated news, the sidechain on the drums on this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UM9eObfOWq4 makes it sound like "come out y- blick and tans, come out and f---k me like a man!" Amazing.

Take these with a grain (or several) of salt.

>>2792575
You missed your chance. Now you'd have to fight Sachio for it.
A stockpile of blackmail under the care of a (reportedly) master gambler is a terrible thing.
>>2792590
>absolutely everything we do basically devolves into marching on Edo
That's sort of how questing works. Everything has to be a plot hook. Or three. And any story has to keep escalating.
Ever heard the phrase "movies are life with the boring parts cut out?" Anything uninteresting or normal gets clipped like a gelding. Unless it can provide a fun contrast with the abnormal.

And 'marching on Edo' isn't the endgame.
>>
>>2792659
Plot hooks sure but not everything has to be an escalation. If all you do is escalate then it gets tiring. Some down time isn't a bad thing. It was nice when we got back to work and had to deal with regular shit. It's nice having stakes that aren't the end of the world all the time. It's why shit like beach episodes exist.
>>
>>2792622
>Then the two of you have an elevator ride by yourselves. [ZEUS AND HADES]
>>
>>2792622
>>Then it's off to another day of utterly uneventful accounting

>>2792659
>Ever heard the phrase "movies are life with the boring parts cut out?"
Movies are shortform media. Quests are longform, same as books. You don't have to weigh every second or every word in a quest like a movie, so you don't have to worry about every scene being exciting or even directly relevant. That's why you can tell more interesting stories with longform books, you're got time to see more of the characters, and accordingly event hit harder.

>And any story has to keep escalating.
A good story runs in cycles, or arcs. A constant rising tension is exhausting, and it forces you to keep one-upping yourself. See: comic books.
>>
>>2792678
Joker quest, black company and Valen are good examples of how exhausting and emotionally draining constant escalation is. Jesus
>>
>>2792622
>Then the two of you step into an elevator with Frank but he is singing
>>
>>2792694
I dunno about black, but in Valen I think we might have talked Riz into easing up. Maybe. If he ever runs again. But it's tension comes from the actual serious consequences for failure I don't... Want to experience this again., and the resulting sheer joy when we actually do something right for once. "A spider always returns to its web."
Joker actually has a thread active right now. It's got to be one of the oldest still running quests.
But yes, they are good good examples of what happen when you don't have downtime.
>>
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>>2792622
The two of you walk into an elevator.

As the doors shut, you tell Reynold, "you realize, if you're on this side, you're probably not going to live until retirement? And this company has shit life insurance."

"You look old enough to know," he says with a grin.

"I was only introduced recently," you tell him, "and I've got one or two good contacts in Hell. My bank account will take care of my family if I bite it. And I might come back. Again."

"You're something else," Reynold says, laughing, "oh, Hell, I'm kinda glad I transferred."

"Tell me in two weeks," you say, "it's a rough life."

"Eh," Reynold tells you, "Frank's more of a dick than you are."

Oh. So that's why he had a transfer form filled out when he first saw you.

"Well," you say, "fuck Frank, lets do some real accounting."

And the elevator doors unfurl.

"Yeah," he tells you, smiling, "let's have an uneventful day!"

Alright, Samedi's accounts are torturous, but the two of you manage to sort of sort it out over the course of the day. Reynold already did a lot of the work.

Yeah, Bernie really needs to invest in better conversion tables for souls.

"This really isn't what I thought accounting would be," Reynold says, "we're trying to value souls? And where they died?"

"Welcome to the office," you say, then look at him, "Samedi's in the Caribbean, swilling rum, Enma's in China, doing his thing. The overlap should be small."

"The dispute's over the souls of," Reynold says, "about three thousand people. Souls. But," he says, a demonic grin on his face, "I think some Polynesian gods and Mesoamerican gods would debate it."

"We're done with that Greek," you tell him, "and his kids - well, they've got a good case for taking his holdings. They've all got statues."

>Kid, you know Greek? Put "hands off my daughter!" on the bottom of the firm's letter to Zeus describing his assets. Carbon Copy Hera.
>Send something saying 'amicus brief?' to those Mesoamerican and Polynesian gods
>Let's just do our job
>Hey, you want to go drinking?
>We're done here,
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2792714
don't apologise. say "thank you".

Can't wait for the annual thread and have stomach pains every day worrying about the choices and answers
>>
>>2792752
>>Kid, you know Greek? Put "hands off my daughter!" on the bottom of the firm's letter to Zeus describing his assets. Carbon Copy Hera.
>>
>>2792752
>Kid, you know Greek? Put "hands off my daughter!" on the bottom of the firm's letter to Zeus describing his assets. Carbon Copy Hera.
>>
>>2792752

>Kid, you know Greek? Put "hands off my daughter!" on the bottom of the firm's letter to Zeus describing his assets. Carbon Copy Hera.
>>
>>2792752
>>Let's just do our job
These guys will be a powerband above bernie, who's at least one band above us. Let's not get mixed up with them.
>>
>>2792770
>>2792772
>>2792774
If we're going to fall for the Zeus trap then we might as well be smart/threatening about it.

If I even catch a whiff of you near my daughter I will kill you, chop of your genitals, and give them back to Hera as a magical dildo that can't cheat on her.
>>
>>2792752
>>Let's just do our job
>>Hey, you want to go drinking?
Let's maybe not go for the obvious trap.
>>
>>2792800
Fair enough, was kinda dumb since I at least saw it coming.
>>2792789
Amending my vote to start with that, but we remember that saying such a thing would only encourage Zeus more.
Let's just do our job and maybe give a warning note about considering that there might be future disputes with Polynesian and Mesoamerican gods over those or similar souls in the future.
> Realize that we can try and figure out here these rat souls are being stolen from. Ask new guy if he wants to do some accounting that isn't work related with us concerning Japanese souls. Time to see where these missing souls are coming from.
>>
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>>2792752
"Kid," you say, "you know Greek?"

"Sort of," Reynold says, "It's just Koinae."

"I want you to write," you say, ""hands off my daughter!" on everything we send to him. Carbon copy Hera, if we have her address."

That is a very dangerous smile on the man's face.

"Tell him I'll chop his genitals off, too," you says, "if he does ANYTHING to my daughter, or anyone I care about, and I'll give them to his wife, as a magic dlldo that can't cheat on her."

"Threatening a Greek god," Reynold says, clenching his teeth as he writes, "let's go! Should I put in a dig about how this is what he did to Chronos?"

"Fuck it," you tell him, "go for it."

"I think that's really par for the course," he tells you, sealing an envelope, "I just hope he's restricted to Greece."

"Why do you think I told you you wouldn't need retirement payment?" you ask him.

"We're double-fucked, aren't we?" Reynold asks you.

"Yeah," you tell him, "let's go drinking."

That was sort of doing your job.

Maybe.

Then you're in a bar, and you don't care. Taking your subordinate out on the town? It's great!

You glance around the room.

Alright, that's Jean, Rick, W, and Kelly, sitting around in this bar, and is that actually Bernie and Heinrich in the corner?

You don't think any of them managed to notice you.

"Kid," you tell Reynold, "you wanted the deep end? Here we are."

"I called my girlfriend over," he tells you, "she's got more experience with this sort of thing."

>Talk shop with him
>Go ask some group why the hell they're HERE, of all places!
>You know, I've got a wife to get back to, you have fun here.
>I know some of these people, let's sit with them.
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2792752
Send something saying 'amicus brief?' to those Mesoamerican and Polynesian gods
>>
>>2792860
>>Talk shop with him
Let's ease him into this, if we're doing it.
>>
>>2792860
>>Talk shop with him
>>Go ask some group why the hell they're HERE, of all places!
>>
>>2792860
>>Talk shop with him
>Also, "more experience with this sort of thing"? Are you talking in terms visiting shady places or did she just tell you she's a yuki-onna or other mythological creature just after you got transferred to me?
>I know some of these people, let's sit with them.
>>
>>2792860
>write-in: Well then. Looks like you got your feet wet even before your formal introduction to the deep end. What sort of shenanigans did your girlfriend get you into?
>>
I just realized that the MC is the anti zeus.
>>
>>2792860
I know some of these people, let's sit with them.
>>
>Realize her girlfriend is a genderbent werewolf jacob from twilight. A tomboy.
>>
>>2792860
>Talk shop with him

I say let's let those guys have their night out. I'm sure poor Jean's head is still reeling from all of this.
>>
>>2792860
>"I called my girlfriend over," he tells you, "she's got more experience with this sort of thing."

And then it turns out she's neck deep in magical bullshit too.
>>
>>2792860
>This sort of thing?
>Definitely sliding towards the paranoid line but half of those guys already worked for Bernie
>Talk shop
>Mention that dealing with magic apparently works better when you're high. That's why it's good to be extra careful around anyone or anything hat looks drunk.
>I'll go wait and see if there's weird dragon machinations for a bit. If there are none we have a sexy wife to get home to.
>Pass a note to W and Kelly on the way out to ask about prep for making sure our threat to Zeus isn't a bluff. (Don't want to take the chance that Zeus's electricity/sky domain extends itself to electronic surveillance.)
>>
>>2791935
>Call that number on the back a a business card on your way to work
Time for something new.
>>
>>2793448
That's just Sue's lonely, lonely, battery draining mother's number. I swear, MC's dick is just a magnet for that entire family.

>You are now imagining Sue being suspended in mid air and stuck sideways to our crotch
>You are now imagining Sue's mom being pulled from off screen and stuck to her daughter with a look of utter 'wtf' on her face.
>>
>>2792860
>Talk shop with him
His girlfriend is 110% a Harpy - the only way there's nothing dog/cat/anything else related is if she's a bird lady - in multiple senses
>>
>>2793467
I kind of want to see Sue and her Mother have lusty glares at us while the wife laughs.
>>
I hit the floor again. Fuck.

Might as well start writing. After I figure out what I did to this quest while blackout.
>>
>>2793611
You either have narcolepsy, or you're running yourself ragged. Take care of yourself man; dead QMs have a low WPM.

You gave the new guy a girlfriend who is possibly already aware of supernatural stuff, though maybe she's just a quick study. Pretty benign otherwise.
>>
>>2793623
Turns out it's the Yuki onna who lost to the shrine maiden or some shit.

Or its fucking Princess tutu. Now there is a girl who needs to get out of her contract
>>
>>2793611
SHIPPING FOR THE SHIPPING GODS! HAIKU FOR THE HAIKU FLOOR!
But seriously man, you're sounding like you've got a pretty serious alcohol problem. Get yourself together if you need to; we'll be here when you do, your kiver and lidneys may not be if you don't.
Or you're a fucking lightweight. That could be it.
>>
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>>2792860
"I had kind of wanted this to be a guys' night out," you say.

"It's more..." Reynold says, "look, you're my boss and all, but after what I saw today, I'm getting slammed tonight, and don't want to pay for an Uber. She'll scrape me off the floor in a few hours."

Oh. So that's the 'experience' he's talking about.

"Kid," you tell him, "it sounds like you're really lucky. And really dumb. Also," you say, as he knocks back a shot, "if you're a violent drunk, let's find another bar."

There are a lot of people in here who could light him the fuck up.

And might use exactly that term.

"Not usually?" he says, "I'm more the friendly idiot drunk. I just, well," he says, looking at you, "we're doing accounting for death gods! I just wrote a threat to Zeus, who's apparently real! I want to get good and drunk before they come for me."

"I'm no wizard," you tell him, and take a sip of well-aged whisky, "but, from what I know, getting drunk or high makes it easier to touch magic and spiritual things. Might make it easier for them to touch you."

"Really?" he asks, "good grief. None of this was on my CPA exam. Although," Reynold continues, "that does sort of explain the Delphic Oracle."

You see James come in, out of the corner of your eye, and it looks like his coat's been cleaned. He nods at you, then sits down with the other two wizards.

W's got a lot of paper spread out on that table.

"No job's exactly what they put in the pamphlet," you tell your subordinate, "welcome to the real world."

"Don't you mean 'the unreal world'?" Reynold says, and laughs.

"Both," you say, "anyway, how did you get into this?"

"Uh," he says, scratching his head, "high school, college, sat for the CPA exam, moved here to jump a level from another firm, you know - the usual."

You might be getting paranoid, but that seems a little too usual.

"You seem a bit too interested in the supernatural," you say, swilling your glass, "and rather knowledgeable."

"I like folklore, sure," he tells you, "and who wouldn't be interested in this stuff?"

"Anyone who's got an ounce of sense in their head," you tell him, taking another sip.

"Well," Reynold says, "it is rather interesting. And I think I've just scratched the tip of the iceberg."

"There's a lot of blood in that water," you tell him.

>You said you'd seen drug deals?
>Kid, I know you want to, but I'm not letting you get drunk on my watch
>I've got some people I'd like you to meet
>YOU'RE A CIA PLANT, AREN'T YOU?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2793716
>YOU'RE A CIA PLANT, AREN'T YOU?
>>
>>2793716
>You said you'd seen drug deals?
>These people think trying to kill you is the polite way of saying hello.
>Still, if you're really in for it, I've got some people I'd like you to meet

BEHOLD... THE UNHOLY HODGEPODGE OF OPTIONS!
>>
>>2793716
>Not some CIA plant trying that hasn't figured out that you work for demons yet are you?
>>
>>2793729
>If you are then you're worse than my daughter at hiding things.
>>
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>>2793724
23:23 - 23:40ish voting period.

>>2793623
>a girlfriend who is possibly already aware of supernatural stuff
That cat's still in the bag.
If you know where I'm grabbing art from, you can make your own assumptions.
>>2793656
>you've got a pretty serious alcohol problem
I do. Admitting it's the first step, isn't it? I started drinking to deal with a job. Now that I don't have one, I get to drink more.
shinji and the yogurt.jpg
>Or you're a fucking lightweight.
I can kill a 750ml in a night. And I often do.
I really should stop. But I don't like being sober.
There's a reason compulsive alcoholics make up a terrifying percentage of the cast.
>>
>>2793734
>Now that I don't have one, I get to drink more.
>I can kill a 750ml in a night. And I often do.
>I really should stop. But I don't like being sober.
Well, here's the good news! At some point in the near future, you'll be too broke to buy booze, and you'll have to quit.
On the downside, that also means you won't be able to run on /qst/ anymore, and will likely die of alcohol poisoning.
Why did I think this was good news, again?

On a more serious note, I'm sorry I don't have anything more than rote advice to offer you regarding addiction. Consider this the usual regurgitated yadda about AA / hotlines, etc.
I'm sure we'd all prefer it if you took good care of your various vital organs; it's difficult to get internet service hooked up to a coffin, and we like the quest far too much for that to happen.
>>
>>2793716
>>WRITE IN
>Kid, I know you want to, but I'm not letting you get that drunk on my watch
>I told you, you wouldn't want to know. And this is only the tip of the iceberg

>>2793734
>I do.
The QM curse is real. I've been the threads where a QM had a tooth disintegrate (2 separate times), I've seen a QM have a heart attack mid-thread (which was later discovered to have been caused by an undiagnosed heart issue), At least one died.
Point is, if the universe is going to kill you, don't make it easy for it.

>>2793740
>it's difficult to get internet service hooked up to a coffin
We were pretty sure Vox of DLQ (& CSQ appearently) was a lich powered by double coffee, maybe he'd have some tips?
>>
>>2793744
Vox is most definitely a slut for the coffee, but his lich magics are also sustained by the desire for critiques and spite for life in general.

>>2793734
Seconding the other anons. I couldn't give two fucks about questing if it means you putting us before your own well-being.

I know ditching addiction is a whole other sack of cats to deal with, but at least promise to talk to someone about, 'kay? We might be faceless strangers abroad the interwebs, but we care about you yo.
>>
>>2793744
Is that what happened to the log horizon quests?

The latest one had better resume. I'm waiting for the absolute chaos that ensues when they realize that they realize that since they've only had the MC basically socialize with Nazis (of the you know what board variety), the power hungry moralfag guild can basically move against him anytime they want (or even while MC is currently on vacation outside the main town) and there's nothing they can do about it since their only support are Nazi cosplayers.
>>
>>2793744
DLQ? CSQ?
>>
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>>2793716
"But I'm guessing you knew that already," you say, "because the magic eight ball is coming up "you're a CIA PLANT!". And if you are, you're worse than my daughter at hiding things, and probably haven't figured out you're working for demons yet."

"I think you're giving me way too much credit," Reynold tells you, leaning back in his chair, "I'm just a curious guy. And your next words will be 'that's exactly what a CIA plant would say'."

"Nah," you say, "I was going to ask how you knew what the accounting side of drug deals looked like."

"My last firm had some rather," he says, and takes a drink, "sketchy customers. I didn't just leave for the promotion. Wait," he says, as it hits, "the CIA is working for demons?"

"For my next trick," you tell him, grinning, "I'll tell you about the grassy knoll."

"Ok," he says, glaring at you, "now you're fucking with me."

"I couldn't resist," you say.

"But the demons thing?" he asks.

"There's one in this bar right now," you tell him, putting an elbow on the bar, as someone shouts something unintelligible from the wizards' table.

Reynold glances around frantically, trying to figure out who it is. He'll never guess it's one of the police officers enjoying the end of their shift.

"I told you this was the deep end, kid," you say, taking another sip, "and that iceberg goes pretty far down."

"I'm in," he stage whispers to his watch, then grins at you.

Yeah, the shots have hit.

"These people think attempted murder is a way of saying hello," you tell him with a sigh.

"I think 'hello' is a way of saying hello," Reynold says, with a drunken smile.

There's no way a CIA plant would get this slammed. Or that Bernie would let one into his office.

"If you're really in for it," you tell the drunk fool, "I've got some people you should meet."

He probably won't remember it in the morning, anyway.

"Welcome me to the masquerade," he says, sliding off the barstool, managing to catch himself before he hits the floor, and stands up.

"Yeah, W's gonna like you," you say, guiding his stumbling steps to the wizards' table.

"I didn't think you swung that way," James says, as the two of you walk up and dump Reynold into the booth, "geez, this guy's fucked."

"Still a virgin," Reynold says, "in my ass," and he puts his arm around the wizard.

You've seen people move faster, but it looks like James is going for the trophy. He's slid over and pinned Kelly against the the wall before you can say anything.

"I don't," you tell the wizards, sitting beside W, as Kelly pushes James back at Reynold, "he's my assistant. And drinking off his introduction to the supernatural."

"I can sympathize," W says, taking a sip from the eternal wineglass, "I'm still drinking it off."

>What are you guys working on?
>Does someone want to give the introduction speech?
>Kid, you're gonna fit right in.
>You're really just a drunk. Accept it. It's the first step.
>WRITE IN
>
>>
>>2793716
>YOU'RE A CIA PLANT, AREN'T YOU?
>>
>>2793780
>You're really just a drunk. Accept it. It's the first step.
>Does someone want to give the introduction speech?
>>
>>2793780
>You're really just a drunk. Accept it. It's the first step.
>>
>>2793780
>Does someone want to give the introduction speech?
>Kid, you're gonna fit right in.
>You're really just a drunk. Accept it. It's the first step.
in reverse order
>>
>>2793780
>>What are you guys working on?
>>Does someone want to give the introduction speech?
>>Kid, you're gonna fit right in.
>>You're really just a drunk. Accept it. It's the first step.
>>
>>2793780
I think I'm bombing out now, QM. Was a fun run drunkenness notwithstanding.
>>
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>>2793788
00:40 - 01:00ish voting period. I should be going to bed at some point.

>>2793784
Someone's late to the party
>>2793740
>Consider this the usual regurgitated yadda about AA / hotlines, etc
Well, thanks. I'll take it under advisement.
>>2793744
>The QM curse is real
Anyone who thinks they should write a quest is already cursed.
>>2793752
>I couldn't give two fucks about questing if it means you putting us before your own well-being.
Frankly, questing is what's keeping me alive right now. It makes me feel like I'm doing something that makes other people happy. And like I'm grasping the very fires of creation, bringing things and people into existence with a few taps of the keyboard.
Also, I get to write the anime I've always wanted to watch. And I don't know where it's going, because voting and write ins!
>>2793802
Get a good night's rest, anon!
>>
>>2793780
>What are you guys working on?
>>
>>2793780
>You're really just a drunk. Accept it. It's the first step.
>Does someone want to give the introduction speech?
> What are you guys working on?

>>2793768
DLQ was Dungeon Life Quest, a story about a moral necromancer who was exiled to a magical pit in the ground. It was a very fun quest, and Vox finished that up about...I want to say last fall? You should definitely give it a read.

CSQ is Cinderella Sanction Quest, which is based off of White Wolf's Changeling series. Main focus is Colours Eriksdottir, a glass Elemental changeling who wants to be the knight in shining armor saving princesses and wooing them with her dashing heroics. Also lots of emotional stuff dealing and past trauma, both mundane and from magical shit from the escaping the Others. Also fun and deserving of a read.

If I remember right, Vox was still on a break to spend time with his kids, so CSQ should still be on hiatus.

>>2793805
> Frankly, questing is what's keeping me alive right now.
Y'know what we mean though. Just..try not to fall apart at the seams, da?
>>
>>2793836
DLQ and CSQ both get fucked up by waifufags jerking it around and Vox pandering to his IRL friends a little too much.

Honestly, I found DLQ got just . . . fucking *boring* after the ice level, not to mention how the cool Fae got killed offscreen for drama.

Honestly, I never even finished DLQ.

CSQ is slowly turning into more of the same, Muh Harem fetishquest.

That's why this quest should always have the MC stay faithful, because otherwise people will vote to fuck everything until the quest goes to fucking shit.
>>
>>2793836
>>2785810


CSQ is up now, by the way. Go, go and shit all over everything decent.
>>
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>>2793780
"You're really just a drunk," you tell him.

"I'd rather say I'm an 'appreciator of the vintner's art'," W tells you.

"And the brewer's art," Kelly says, trying but failing to keep a smile off his face, "and the distiller's art."

"Admitting it is the first step," you tell the drunk wizard.

"What is this?" W asks, "an intervention? In a bar?"

"Thought you'd appreciate the irony," James says.

"Actually," you say, "I wanted someone to give the kid the introduction speech."

"Hey, kid," Kelly says, leaning across James, "there are things that go bump in the night. They'll eat you. Some of them will fuck you. Most of the time," he continues, and gives you a look, "that's a bad idea. I kill them for a living. Well, I kill normal people too."

Reynold's not the only one who's been drinking.

"All those fairytales you heard as a kid?" James asks your assistant, settling back into his seat, now that he's sure the guy's not going to try hugging him, "most of them are true. Sort of. Get off me, Kelly!"

"Have you heard of the Sephiroth?" W asks, grinning madly at the scramble in the seat across from him.

Yeah, the guy looks sufficiently traumatized.

"Was this what Tolkien was on about," Reynold says, "with that 'don't meddle in the affairs of wizards' thing?"

"Probably," you tell him, "you might fit in, kid."

"Not sure I want to fit into this," he says, "it's," and he glances around the booth, "no offense, but that was a bad introduction. And I just wrote a diss letter to a god."

"Which?" W asks, "let's figure out where you are on the SI scale of, wait," he says, looking at you, "you said he was your guy? You just..?"

"Well," you tell the wizard, "we didn't call out Enma or Baron Samedi."

"Zeus," Reynold says, a drunken smile on his face, "told him we'd cut his cock off if he made a move on my boss' daughter."

"That's sort of appropriate," James says, "considering what he did to Kronos."

"Customer service!" Kelly says, "didn't think Bernie's firm gave customized correspondence. Are we going to kill a god next? That's usually fun."

"You've done that?" Reynold asks him, and Kelly starts up the Horrifyingly Violent Story Machine, engaging the kid across James.

Yeah, he'll fit in too well.

"What were you guys working on?" you ask W.

"It's the draft of my paper on magical girls," he says, gesturing at the sheets of paper on the table, "oh, and - pro tip: don't go to Greece for your next vacation. Or ever. Just avoid the Mediterranean. And anywhere Alexander managed to get to."

You'll keep that in mind.

>Are we going to have problems if you publish this?
>"Draft"? You've been working on it for a month and a half, and all you have is a "draft"?
>Is that actually how gods work?
>I'm amazed at your ability to pretend to be sober.
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2793851
>I'm amazed at your ability to pretend to be sober.

> What if we dragged Zeus outside of Greece?
>>
>>2793854
>>2793851
>What if we dragged Zeus outside of Greece?
>>
>>2793851
>I'm amazed at your ability to pretend to be sober.
> What if we dragged Zeus outside of Greece?
>Are we going to have problems if you publich this?
>>
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It's 2am, so I'm punching out.

Voting period until I start it up again, I guess.

Next runtime on twitter: https://twitter.com/HaikuDeluge

>anons want more progress on the MG thing and say other stuff is a distraction
>option pitting talk about progress on the MG thing vs talk about fighting a god
>anons go for fighting a god
There is no making you people happy.
But I love you all anyway.

>>2793848
>this quest should always have the MC stay faithful
Pic related. And remember what happened when that guy samefagged for the mother-daughter threesome with Liska and Melon?
>>
>>2793871
> And remember what happened when that guy samefagged for the mother-daughter threesome with Liska and Melon?

Yes, that was me.
>>
>>2793871
Also, most of our progress has been made by fighting above our weight class.

If we`re gonna take down rat-god, we might as well practice on a ratty god first.

And Zeus is coming off rather tattered these days.
>>
>>2793851
>So what are you going to be focusing on for the major part of the draft? Or is it going to be a generalized portion and the specific parts will be tackled later?
>Are we going to have problems if you publish this?
>What if we dragged Zeus outside of Greece? And more importantly can our adorable murder machines kill Zeus?
[Kratos Intensifies]
>>
>>2793911
>Kill Zeus

> Take over Olympus

> Make "Preserve for past their prime magical girls" for them to retire to so that we can have home-base advantage over rat-god

> MARCH ON EDO and conquer China on the way to join up with Sachiro

> Marry Sachiro, unifying our two houses and the Kingdom under Heaven
>>
>>2793871
It occurs to me that we're probably not Native American.

Which means we're of immigrant stock.

Which means we could theoretically be of some sort of Greek Descent.

Now, I've been pretty vocal about the MC not being "super special secret backstory", but I wouldn't be opposed to having some very weak strain of Demigod heritage that could make us "resonant" with all this supernatural bullshit.

And quite frankly, Greek demigod bullshit is very similar to what we are going through.
>>
>>2793914
> Marry Sachiro
Wut...I'm not sure you know what you're talking about. The only fox we need to rut and spank is Liska, and we've basically been doing that at every opportunity for privacy.

However, snagging some celestial territory for the girls actually sounds like a great idea. Maaaaybe not immediately aiming for the insane Greeks, but finding someplace stable enough to set up a headquarters for the whole group would be rather cool. We could even begin expanding it with wizards magic and shit.

>>2793918
I am consistently envision MC as being of Northern European stock, if only because the tan/brown look doesn't really mesh with my mental image of the Shotgun Shogun.

Scottish maybe? I'd be funny if the MC were distantly related to some of the Celtic spirits or maybe even Fae. Bean sidhe perhaps? Though that might be pushing things, considering Melon's already confirmed as an otherwise healthy kitsune.
>>
>>2793918
So long as it's so thin we don't actually get any powers from it beyond a nod from the supernatural world.

Personally I think it would be funnier if we were descended from Odysseus. The OG "Fuck Gods and other magic bullshit".

With no inherited powers, but some inherited attitude.
>>
>>2793918
>but I wouldn't be opposed to having some very weak strain of Demigod heritage that could make us "resonant" with all this supernatural bullshit.
Wouldn't just being a natural citizen of that nation or country be pretty much the same thing? I mean wouldn't the whole Demigod thing be extremely redundant if it's that weak?
There's also that whole thing of being chained to your divine heritage and how it can influence your choices...
>>
>>2793930
> I mean wouldn't the whole Demigod thing be extremely redundant if it's that weak?

That's why I suggested >>2793929


Narrative character development, not mechanical "You're a faggot now, Harry" development.
>>
>>2793851
>Are we going to have problems if you publish this?
Progress anon here. Had to sleep but I didn't miss the vote!

>I can kill a 750ml in a night. And I often do.
Been there. Used to get trashed on a handle of Captain after losing one is my old jobs just about every day for 2 months. Ended up losing my apartment and had to move back in with my parents. Couldn't really be getting destroyed like that around them so I dropped it pretty hard. That was a rough time. Since I couldn't drink and my friends are in college or the military I had a lot of free time (surprised my gf had stuck with my loser ass honestly), so I ended up applying for a shit ton of contract work for anything remotely close to my field. Did that for about 3 years, landed a permanent gig, and lived back into my own place again. Alcohol can be a warm blanket against a cold reality but maybe embrace the chill once in awhile and get your shit sorted.
>>
>>2793927
Would totally be okay with being distantly related to Tuatha de Dannan since they were basically just Human+Magic even if it was some extreme magic. From what I have read they never tried to set themselves up as gods, just...neighbors. Neighbors who you do. not. fuck. with. Which not only fits with the MCs outlook on life but the general theme of the quest. So if we have to claim SOME kind of supernatural decent they seem like the most likely option. They are the supernatural equivalent of "Don't tread on me!" Also have a history of interbreeding with humans without any discrimination except for "Oh, you decided to start beating me.... whelp guess I am going to take the kids with me and leave.. fuck you..."
>>
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>>2793927
>I am consistently envision MC as being of Northern European stock, if only because the tan/brown look doesn't really mesh with my mental image of the Shotgun Shogun.

He's a literal Redneck, they tend to be pretty tan.

I mean, where do you think the name came from.

Also, you know Greeks are white, right?
>>
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>>2793927
> Muh Northern European

Another white dude. From Greece.

Americans are shit-mixes anyways.
>>
>>2793927
See picture name, like you didn't watch this guy on TV in the 90s.
>>
>>2793851
>>I'm amazed at your ability to pretend to be sober.
>Are we going to have problems if you publish this?
He's blazing a completely completely new trail with this stuff and has been rather busy lately, I'm not surprised it's still a draft. And it's not like our group has an proper editors.
>>
>>2793929
>>2794029
I would rather be a descendant of a baseline but awesome human who took no shit from the Gods.
>>
>>2793851
>I'm amazed at your ability to pretend to be sober.

> What if we dragged Zeus outside of Greece?

I dont want to leave this to bite us in the ass.

Maybe Zeus will give us a trial. Maybe we'll give him one? An accounting trial! I bet he can't even reverse polish notation.
>>
>>2794093
So who is he again?
>>
>>2794125
Zeus would drag himself out of Greece anyway. he's not particularly known for his self control.
>>2794123
Descendant of anything feels like bullshit, but if anything being a descendant of X Y and Z would be surprisingly common.Almost noone should have a bloodline that wasn't involved in something if you look back hard enough at this point.
>>
>>2794131
>Zeus would drag himself out of Greece anyway.
So all we gotta do is get Mary to hopefully Kratos the shit out of him.
I just realized something, if a god is killed by another being: Does the winner get their powers as well or does the god just simply dies and that's the end of that?
And can we feed Freebles the remains of Zeus like a Dungeon Siege 2 pet?
>>
>>2794131
I kind of want it more now. Nothing more American than being 4% something and proud of it.
>>
>>2794146
>It turns out we are related to Cleopatra, Genghis Khan and George Washington among others.
>>
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Thread may resume in the near future.

Well, some days you wake up and people are discussing war crimes in-thread, some days you wake up and people are talking about fucking the cast, and some days you wake up and... you're all debating the MC's ancestry?

Uh, ok.
I suppose it would help things if I bothered to give him a name, but I don't like naming my MCs.
>>2793875
>And Zeus is coming off rather tattered these days.
Greece isn't what it was.
>>2793914
This gameplan appeals to the part of me that likes trash isekai power trips.
>Marry Sachio
Ok, now I'm amused.
>>2793918
>Which means we're of immigrant stock.
Most folks in America are.
>>2793927
>I am consistently envision MC as being of Northern European stock
Given all the messing around the Romans did, having some particularly brave Greek slave in the bloodline isn't precluded even from that.
>>2793942
>"You're a faggot now, Harry"
And now I'm laughing.
>>2794091
>Americans are shit-mixes anyways.
I do think of the MC as being an American Mutt melting pot product. It's sort of like the velveeta cheese of ancestry - and slightly Irish-flavored.
>>2794029
>Tuatha de Dannan
That lore is really interesting. I think it's one of the few cases where the Catholics managed to successfully turn a pantheon of gods into a bunch of mythical humans and fairies, but you can still see traces of the original.
The Mabinogion branches are some of my favorite myths, and they're sort of based on the same bunch.
>>2794131
>Almost noone should have a bloodline that wasn't involved in something if you look back hard enough at this point.
Why do you think the whole Zeus paternity suit thing is still going on in the second millenium A.D.? They're probably trying to figure out who the beneficiaries are.
>>2794146
>I kind of want it more now. Nothing more American than being 4% something and proud of it.
Are we actually making this a thing?
I know Mendel's rolling in his grave, but the MC's parents having recessive supernatural genes and passing both sets to their kids would be some sort of explanation for both him and Ellie.
>>
>>2794184
Yes, but Ellie got both recessive genes and we only got one.
>>
>>2794184
>Are we actually making this a thing?
No thank you. We've been over this, giving the MC any proper supernatural connection takes away a lot of his character.
>>
>>2794189
what parts of his character would he lose?
>>
>>2794184
>>2794187
More accurately, we aren't magical but our sperm is because it carries the recessive gene.

That's why magical shit is always jumping on our dick.

Most recessive gene carriers die young from magical bullshit since they don't have the power to fight it.

We survived by first having our sister act as a lightning rod, and then studiously ignoring magical bullshit, honing our latent ability to be sensible about things.

How is that for Isekai "average ability is OP when applied to idiot situations".

There's an honest to God school of thought that magical creatures are usually fairly stupid because they've had enough power to resolve issues without having to think too hard on things.

Well. It's about rich people but same difference.
>>
>>2794189
Not if it doesn't give him any special ability. Or status.

> You're a faggot, Harry. You and 3% of the population, with you being in the minority of that as having it not make you a magical Fairy. Just a fairy carrier.
>>
>>2794189
>>2794191
Actually I think I would like it even more if there were multiple possible donors in his ancestry, but it's too muddled and far back to be pinned down because not everyone's ancestors had detailed paperwork when they came to America.
>>
>>2794191
His entire character is that he is a normal guy that got caught up in this supernatural stuff. It makes everything he's done less impressive.

>>2794199
Then why have it at all? What does it add?
>>
>>2794206
>It makes everything he's done less impressive.
no it doesn't. If anything, it would make it more impressive because he is the first one that didn't succumb(mostly) to the idiocy that magical powers give.
>>
>>2794207
>that magical powers give.
But he doesn't have actual magical powers.
Yeah I am cherry picking but I just do not know what you mean by this.
>>
>>2793871
>But I love you all anyway.
Aww, we love you too, QM. You faggot.

>remember what happened when that guy samefagged
And that's why QM doesn't let Anon vote for other people beside the MC.
That was what that was about, right? Or was it about not giving joke options?

>>2794191
>what parts of his character would he lose?
Literally the entire premise of the quest - a normal dad suddenly thrust way beyond his depth into the hidden world of the supernatural.
>>
>>2794211
>>2794210
It explains why he's involved in all the magical bullshit, without making him directly involved.

He's not exceptional in any real way, plenty of other people carry the same gene.

It's just that most of them get involved with the magical shit because of it and get overwhelmed by it as impressionable kids or teens. Following magical talking animals, traveling to other worlds, finding secret temples, and dying.

Whereas since he had the traumatic incident with his sister, he actively avoided getting involved until his daughter did.

We had written our sister off as dead until only recently after all.

And honestly is getting involved has ended badly every time we forgot we're just normal.

I dunno. I just like the juxtaposition of "You have latent magical gene's! They won't express themselves though, and you don't get any powers or anything."
>>
>>2794210
Supposing he has magical powers, it would be more impressive that he was one of the few, if not the only one to not succumb(mostly, because we tried to solo guison) to the brain death that magical powers give.


>>2794211
But we are still out of our depth. we weren't raised in the magical world and we know jack shit about it too (other than folklore and fairy tales). Knowing we have powers won't make us power crazy(we anons already fill that roll with all the murdering we want to do), nor it will make us change our personality. If anything, it might end up being like God Country, where we would use our powers to keep the " Normalcy" going on. You all should read the comic if you haven't; its really good
>>
>>2794187
>LIQUID!
>SOLID!
That's an interesting Punnet square.
Don't take this too seriously, I just have a quota of Metal Gear jokes I have to make or I die.
>>
>>2794220
Nah. No magic powers. Just magical dickings.

By which I mean we're attractive to magical bullshit. Not in a sexy way either really. It's like we are on the guest list for an expensive club, but we don't have the money to pay the cover charge or buy drinks.
>>
>>2794219
>It explains why he's involved in all the magical bullshit,
Already explained in the first thread, and the literal name of the quest: our daughter is a magical girl.

>He's not exceptional in any real way, plenty of other people carry the same gene.
It adds nothing, it changes nothing, and it detracts from the "just a normal guy", our core character concept.
>>
>>2794224
But his daughter is also a fox, his wife is a fox, his boss is a dragon, he killed a wendigo, he is shockingly uncaring about magical stuff, his sister was a magical girl now turned hellish Royalty, and he was the JAG for a magical marine squad during his time in the army.

Either there are silly amounts of magical beasts around, or SOMETHING got him stuck into it.
>>
>>2794224
And that's the thing. It would turn out that he's not actually that special, except for having developed normal sensibilities despite encountering all that magical stuff.

He's not even specially normal, just normal normal.

Like a Clarke Kent whose alter ego is also Clarke Kent.
>>
>>2794223
I can mostly agree with that.
>>2794224
“Birds of a feather flock together" or something like that. We definitely have something going on, considering that we and probably sue's mom are the only " normal" ones in a crew of....~20 people.
>>
>>2794222
Don't suppose you could give us a word of God on this "yer a wizard Harry" stuff? This is like the fifth or sixth time this had come up, and I'm tired of watching this argument again.
>>
>>2794231
>But his daughter is also a fox, his wife is a fox, his boss is a dragon, he killed a wendigo,
Unknown until we discovered the MG thing.
>he is shockingly uncaring about magical stuff
it's either that or start crying, which isn't productive.
>his sister was a magical girl
I suspect he repressed that. Remember, she left to protect him.
>now turned hellish Royalty
also unknown until recently
> he was the JAG for a magical marine squad during his time in the army.
As far as we know, our time on deployment was entirely mundane magic-wise.
>Either there are silly amounts of magical beasts around
pretty sure it's this one, but also
>SOMETHING got him stuck into it.
it's called being a MC

>>2794235
We've been actively looking for other supernaturals to collect others impacted by the rats, which has brought us into the larger supernatural world. Of course we're going to be seeing more of them. And normals, while a breath of fresh air, aren't useful in reaching our goal.
>>
>>2794231
>But his daughter is also a fox
Yes because of our wife
>his wife is a fox
Yes this is very much established more than once in the bedroom
>his boss is a dragon
Yes and it's why I can't help but smile at some of his shenanigans
>we killed a wendigo
Because of magic mushrooms allowing us to do so
>he is shockingly uncaring about magical stuff
I blame that on backstory
>his sister was a magical girl now turned hellish Royalty
Yes, and there's a good chance that we gotta go full Blacksnake Moan to unfuck her entire existence
>and he was the JAG for a magical marine squad during his time in the army.
I honestly can't remember if that was even confirmed by Haiku or it simply stayed as a idea/theory

>Either there are silly amounts of magical beasts around, or SOMETHING got him stuck into it.
Well if we count demons as magical beasts then yeah there are a shit ton of magical beasts around.
>>
>>2794245
but then we can't claim that we are a normal person when we: killed a wendigo (drugs only made it possible for us to harm it), managed to stave off a small demonic invasion with only our shotgun, became the shotgun shogun, got our soul dragged to hell, returned from hell and are the owner of the weirdest magical yarn ball in existence among others. Maybe a human, but definitely not normal.
>>
>>2794262
But we are normal. No special powers, just early exposure to bullshit.
>>
>>2794262
Everything besides the wendigo happened in quest, and none of it actually changed anything physical about us.
Also, our shotgun uses enchanted ammo; nothing special about us there.

The wendigo is an odd case though. If they're as scary as people say, it sounds like Liska was trying to creatively kill us. She should have been the one to deal with it, seeing as she's an ancient, powerful fox, and we're a bone stock mortal. And it was her ex.
It sounds like we just got really lucky. Or maybe she made it up to make us sounds more impressive.
>>
>>2794274
Normal is fred. At the beginning we were too, but right now we aren't that. To put in in perspective, a normal person wouldn't threaten Zeus.
>>
>>2794282
Zeus fucked with us first. He brought our daughter into it, man. We're gonna Zapherian Cassock the dude if he wants to try and start shot.
>>
>>2794282
That's personality, not a physical change. And it doesn't even require a personality shift; once you get used to all this supernatural nonsense, he's not any more unusual than the rest of this lot.
>>
>>2794282
Also it'll make figuring out the account easier, since it'll be inheritance not child support.

Of course, if they want to pay to fight over it, I'm sure Bernie can provide lawyers. Or subcontract our services at a specialist rate for assessing his assets.

Or we could just prank the dude hard and then have a couple of drinks. Booze and jokes.
>>
>>2794292
>>2794297
A normal, sensible person would have been the better man and ignore him. Responding to him will only make him want to fuck with us (and literally with melon) more.
>>
>>2794282
Is it bad that I now want a Fred Episode where QMC and the Gang try to help out Fred without letting on that the're not normal?
I miss According to Jim, that was a fun show to watch.
>>
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>>2793851
"I'm amazed at your ability to pretend to be sober," you tell W, as he takes another sip from his wineglass.

"I've had a lot of practice," he says, as the two of you watch Reynold's face go paler and paler as he listens to Kelly, "and I'm barely buzzed, man. Remember, my liver converts alcohol to magical power."

Oh. So that's why Shirley carries a hip flask. She did inherit it.

"What if we dragged Zeus out of Greece?" you ask the wizard.

"Brother," W says, looking at you oddly seriously, "you picked a fight with a god. By mail. Without even asking us?"

"I got a bunch of letters from a Greek guy with a reputation, asking if my daughter was hot," you tell him, "I think it was an appropriate response."

"Hell," W says, "If he'd done that to me, I would have summoned your sister, told her she got his title if she killed him, and ported us both to Olympus."

That's uh, a little disproportionate for a few letters.

Or not, considering Zeus' history.

Wait, W can summon Ellie? And teleport to Olympus?

"That's a better punchline than mine!" Kelly says, interrupting your train of thought, and looking at Reynold. James is laughing between the two of them.

Yeah, the new guy's fitting in too well.

"It's gotta reference who and what they are," Reynold says, "you don't kill a snow demon, a yeti, whatever," oh hell, he is drunk, "you 'ice' them. Something to do with fire? 'too hot for you, huh?' And killing a god - well, 'knock, knock, I'm the Catholic church!' works."

"Kid," Kelly says, "lemme tell you about the Church."

"You can do that?" you ask W, ignoring your assistant's conversation, "summon Ellie?"

"I've been working on that ritual in my spare time," he tells you, "I'm writing the new Ars Goetia slash Key of Solomon. Updated for some changes in the hierarchy of Hell."

'Spare time'? Does this guy sleep?

"Is that what's on the table?" you ask him.

"No," he tells you, as you notice Reynold reading a few pages, "THIS is the paper that will shatter magical thought! The expose on magical girls and magic rats!"

You've seen that light in other eyes. Usually newbies, thinking they'll be something great. Or magical girls and supernatural critters about to try taking your head as a trophy.

"Are we going to have problems if you publish this?" you ask him.

"I hadn't really thought about that," W admits, "there might be a lot of wizards trying to study magical girls. It worked out fine with James."

Yeah, if 'fine' is a tortured rat and a bunch of teenagers in a camper with a wizard.

Freebles pokes his head out of your jacket pocket, "brother," he says, looking at W, "you know how many rats will cut contracts if that happens?"

>Fuck it. Publish the sucker.
>Maybe we should have a slightly larger discussion
>The Zeus thing is a higher priority
>I get the feeling we have Fat Man on the table here
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2794321
>I get the feeling we have Fat Man on the table here
>Maybe we should have a slightly larger discussion
>>
>>2794321
>I get the feeling we have Fat Man on the table here
>Maybe we should have a slightly larger discussion
>>
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>>2794321
>Maybe we should have a slightly larger discussion
>>
>>2794321
>>I get the feeling we have Fat Man on the table here
Publishing that will be a TERRIBLE idea.
>>
>>2794321
>>Maybe we should have a slightly larger discussion
>I get the feeling we have Fat Man on the table here
Even if we didn't care about the fate of all those MGs, they would cause a lot of chaos when cut off. Ellie might even get a few more companions. This is a bad thing.
If Zeus wants to keep making trouble, let him make the first move; we don't need to be picking fights. Sending that response was stupid.
>>
>>2794321
>>I get the feeling we have Fat Man on the table here
>>
>>2794321
>>I get the feeling we have Fat Man on the table here
>>Maybe we should have a slightly larger discussion
>>
>>2794321
>>Maybe we should have a slightly larger discussion
>I get the feeling we have Fat Man on the table here
>>
>>2794321
>I get the feeling we have Fat Man on the table here
yeah, we shouldn't publish this until Freebles grabs the reins, we don't want dads all around the world losing their daughters
>>
>>2794231
>he was the JAG for a magical marine squad
I don't recall saying that.
>>2794235
>considering that we and probably sue's mom are the only " normal" ones in a crew of....~20 people.
Well, we added another accountant.
Accountants aren't exactly normal, though.
>>2794237
>Don't suppose you could give us a word of God on this "yer a wizard Harry" stuff?
Why would I? I find these discussions really fun to read.
>>2794245
>I suspect he repressed that.
I suspect similarly.
Although it probably influenced him in a few ways.
>>2794281
>it sounds like Liska was trying to creatively kill us
That's an interesting interpretation.
I think the foxes don't think ahead very far (see John's ploy against Sachio) and she might have wanted https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T81CQfOcX5E
Alternatively, it was some sort of test or something.
Also alternatively, she's actually less powerful than the wendigo, and wasn't going to be able to take it, and the MC was the last ditch option.
Also alternatively, she thought it would be fun.
Take your pick.
>>2794331
That comic has basically been the inspiration for the wizards in this quest.
>>
>>2794391
Part of me wishes for simpler days when we were just trying to keep a rowdy team of teenagers with attitude together.
>>
>>2794391
I wish I had remembered about Kill La Kill earlier.
>>
>>2794391
Have some Dadagori
>>
>>2794321
>write-in: W, do you even realize how many parents who are neck deep in the same game as us will be coming for our asses when they find out we're the ones that caused their daughters to default on their fix? If we hadn't gotten your daughter's rat to hand over her contract and that rat found about the publication, and that rat pulled the plug, how would you react? I'm speaking from a father to a father.
>We have a Fat Man on the table, I'd like to turn that Fat Man into an Orbital Laser. Something with more manageable control on collateral.
>We need to talk this out with the whole family. Sober.
>>
>>2794469
I'm in agreement on the whole sober thing. As fun as it is to have everyone boozed up, we're gonna need full thinking power and less magical power.
>>
>>2794321
It takes a few seconds for W to process the implications, and then the color drains from his face.

"Oh, shit," he mutters, and takes a drink.

"I'm getting the feeling we have Fat Man on the table here," you tell him, "and I don't want dads all over the world losing their daughters."

"I," W says, and takes another drink.

"You didn't think ahead," you tell him.

"Something like that," he says, with the most utterly shaken look you've ever seen on his face.

"I think this needs to be a larger discussion," you say, "when we're not all drunk."

Well, you're not drunk, but including yourself in the group is a decent conversational strategy.

"Let's have the, uh, pre-discussion? here" Reynold says from across the table, "I've been reading, and some of this shit's pretty fuckin' leonine."

"Tell me about it," W, Kelly, James, and Freebles say, in chorus.

"So, door number one," James says, "we just publish, and a lot of people die. But maybe some of the people that don't get the help they need. I admit," he tells you, and takes a sip of beer, "I'm not really a fan."

"Door number two," Kelly says, a smile on his face as he leans over the table, "we kill the Rat God. And then the academics," he continues, glancing at W, "do their thing."

"And I eat the 'rat god'," you hear Freebles whisper. Christ, is this the mother of all hard sells?

"Door number three," Reynold says, "we sort of just keep letting it happen? They did sign these, even if the contracts suck."

You'll cut him a bit of slack, since he just got in, but the glares he's getting are absolutely withering.

"I didn't realize..." Reynold says, looking around at the table, "sorry," and he takes a drink.

"Door number four," W says, having recovered a bit, "we only publish some of it. Enough for anyone who wants to draw their own conclusions."

"That's basically door number one with a time-delay!" Kelly says.

>Well, that's a spread of options. I want our wives and the girls in on this.
>W, you said something about teleporting to Olympus? You can do that?
>Well, now that we've gone over that, let's have a fun night
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2794494
>>Well, that's a spread of options. I want our wives and the girls in on this.
>>
>>2794494
>>Well, that's a spread of options. I want our wives and the girls in on this.
>>W, you said something about teleporting to Olympus? You can do that?


I mean. If we're gonna kill a God, might as well start with the one that picked us.
>>
>>2794494
>Well, that's a spread of options. I want our wives and the girls in on this.
>It also seems that we're gonna need more research and help into this whole shebang, got any Wizard buddies that might help us out on this?
>>
>>2794502
> got any Wizard buddies that might help us out on this?

Muh Cast Bloat . Haha it's a good idea though.
>>
>>2794321
Maybe we should have a larger discussion, or we need to speed up Freeble's goal. The turnover rate on girls is so high that after a certain point more would die from us lying in wait than get killed by that thesis. I just got an idea that would at least cut em off from being able to make more rats, but I'll need to investigate to see if my hunch is true.
>At the very least we need to rewrite our own contracts before they think to check names.
> (When it's time to leave the bar) Bernie, Freebles here roughly said he was forcibly taken out of the cycle of reincarnation which means some of our clients are being robbed under our noses and makes this work related. Mind if I do some investigative accounting tomorrow after the backlog is done? It's possibly why everything is such a mess with the Emna-Samedi accounts.
>>
>>2794506
Well they don't have to be full characters, just an extra name on the list that gives a ingame research bonus.
>>
>>2794494
>>Well, that's a spread of options. I want our wives and the girls in on this.
>>W, you said something about teleporting to Olympus? You can do that?
>>
>>2794506
We probably need to get more wizards on this just for the sake of the final strike against the rats.
W seems to be handling it just fine. He just needs a person who can think of the ramifications at his side. Make it bonding time with his daughters or something.
We can recruit more wizards at a magic convention with some dinky sign saying we're a support group for parents of magical girls.
Then suddenly we have Freebles eating their rats and saying we're going to rewrite the contracts as all of the parents in the country/continent start making a mad dash for the heads of their daughter's rats.
>>
>>2794494
>>Well, that's a spread of options.
>It also seems that we're gonna need more research and help into this whole shebang, got any Wizard buddies that might help us out on this?
>>
>>2794282
A normal person totally would. The abnormal part is that we can back up the threats.
>>
>>2794494

>Well, that's a spread of options. I want our wives and the girls in on this.
>>
>>2794510
>just an extra name on the list that gives a ingame research bonus.

> gives a ingame research bonus.

> ingame research bonus

You know this story is mostly narrative driven, yes?
>>
>>2794494
Yo QM i just realized something, Japan is literal spiritual cluster fuck so does that mean they would be waging there own war against the little rat bastards with there own magic girls?
>>
>>2794554
It's a figure of speech.
>>
>>2794545
would you sent a threat letter to a mafia boss?
>>
>>2794556
I've always wondered if the Rats are all Rat shaped or if they have different forms and Rats was just short for Rat Bastard.
>>
>>2794564
Nah, They were all the same rat bastards as the one we have. its a world wide thing, I just firgure alot of supernaturals are also fighting against them for just kinda breaking there domin and shit
>>
>>2794563
I think that if some known rapist mafia boss was looking at their daughter they'd shoot without hesitation.
>>
>>2794563
I would if they weren't keeping shit proper, It can't be any worse then the retarded street gangs we gotta tell to fuck off.
>>
>>2794494
>Well, that's a spread of options. I want our wives and the girls in on this.
>>
>>2794507
>Huh, this makes me kinda wonder how the rats fit in with the energy and soul business. They're practically illegal loan sharks operating a "legitimate" business.
>Hey Bernie, I think we're losing some profit in the soul market!
>>2794494
I kinda like this.
>>
>>2794494
"Well," you say, "that's a spread of options."

"And they're all terrible!" Reynold says, "what even is 'the rat god'?"

"Welcome to the deep end, kid," you tell him.

"I should have just quit," he says, "but curiosity kills cats. Fuck it, I'm not a cat!"

He's probably going to die anyway. And he's succeeding in his quest to get slammed.

"I want," you say, standing up from the booth, "our wives and daughters and the rest of the girls in on this."

"And I want us to be sober," you tell them, and glance at W, "I might make an exception for you. In consideration for your magic."

"Well, we're not going to be that tonight," Kelly says, "ANOTHER ROUND! IRISH CAR BOMBS!" he yells.

Oh hell.

A few minutes later, you're clinking shot glasses and and beer mugs, then slugging the toxic mess.

You get it down fastest, then Reynold starts singing Come Out Ye Black And Tans. He's not even Irish!

Fuck, you got pulled into the chorus line. And you're pretty sure you've only got one-point-seven-five Irishmen between everyone.

...And at least one Scot. Officer Macleod managed to slip under your free arm, and the police in general seem to have decided this was a decent way to kill stress.

Eventually, you manage to disentangle yourself, and hit the booth, sitting next to W.

"Were you serious about teleporting to Olympus?" you ask him over the din of "COME OUT AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!"

"Hitting pocket dimensions is a bit iffy," the wizard tells you, "but I could try. Kelly's getting into it, isn't he?" W asks, looking at the singers.

"I'm guessing these aren't the only Irish car bombs he's given to unsuspecting people," you say, "and probably the least deadly. Pocket dimensions? I heard the rats are based out of one of those."

"If I had a guide, or the coordinates," W says, as you notice Freebles dancing along with the rest of them, and W grins at you, "we might be able to get there. Getting out of Malkuth is hard, but I'm a genius!"

"You're also," you start to say, "Actually, I think for once you're not the drunkest person in the place," you finish, looking at the singers.

>Wizard buddies
>We should try breaking this up
>So what if we try killing Zeus?
>I think Reynold's going to have a fun 'introduction to magic' story. If he remembers it.
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2794609
>>We should try breaking this up
Before they start breaking things.
>>
>>2794609
>Wizard buddies
>I think Reynold's going to have a fun 'introduction to magic' story. If he remembers it.
>So what if we try killing Zeus?
>We should try breaking this up
ALL THE CHOICES!
>>
>>2794609
>>We should try breaking this up
>>
>>2794609
>>I think Reynold's going to have a fun 'introduction to magic' story. If he remembers it.
>>We should try breaking this up
>>
>>2794609
>>Wizard buddies
>So what if we try killing Zeus?
>>
>>2794609
>>I think Reynold's going to have a fun 'introduction to magic' story. If he remembers it.
No messing with Zeus. He's a powerful enemy to have, and we get no benefit out of it.
>>
>>2794609
>We should try breaking this up
>I think Reynold's going to have a fun 'introduction to magic' story. If he remembers it.
>>
>>2794609
>So what if we try pranking Zeus? As a test run. Worst that could happen is we avoid Greece forever.
>>
>>2794648
>>2794609
We could break in and trick him into thinking that we're one of his many bastards, then when he least expects it - serve him a summons to face the other side in the claims in court, and then try to see if we can gank him out of his pocket dimension into a Hell Court!

If it doesn't work, plan B is to see if we can escape a pocket dimension!
>>
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>>2794638
Zeus is a punk whose lost most of his power by this point and we have an extensive list of people would jump at the chance of getting their inheritance quicker.
>>
>>2794616
Also, avoid angering a literal God any father unless he causes us any more trouble.

>>2794659
Sure, but it is a non-insignificant risk for no gain. It's not like we want anything he has.
>>
>>2794659
>a punk whose lost most of his power by this point
You literally don't know that.
>>
>>2794665
No, the problem is he wants our daughter.

Besides, there's nothing like getting a letter talking shit at the same time as the author comes to punch your shit in.
>>
>>2794609
>>I think Reynold's going to have a fun 'introduction to magic' story. If he remembers it.
>We should try breaking this up
>>
>>2794685
Absolutely no one worships the Greek gods anymore. The old man is just coasting on leftover juice from when he was the hottest shit on the mountain. Hell I bet our mother in law could 1vs1 him and come out on top.
>>
>>2794609
>So what if we try killing Zeus?
>Wizard buddies
>Think I could learn how to do Wizardy shity with using my gun?
>>
>>2794696
> Hey Zeus, Melon is off limits but her grandma is single and a fertility goddess. Want an introduction?

And he goes to meet her, but we have MIL switch places with Hera so it's actually Hera wearing a fox skin he's seducing! Then they bang! Then Hera plucks out all his pubic hair for daring to try and cheat on her, while everyone holds him down and the MIL suppresses his powers!

And we prevent his revenge by taking pictures and saying that if he drops the issue so will we, otherwise we'll post it all over the internet after photoshopping his dick to look huge.

Ancient Greeks hate huge dicks. Look it up.
>>
>>2794696
We don't know how godhood rules work here, so assuming he is weak just because he has no followers is a bad idea.
>>
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>>2794609
"We should try breaking this up," you tell the wizard, and he nods.

"Yeah," W says, getting out of the booth behind you, "any longer and the Black and Tans really would come out."

"Does that happen?" you ask him, "I thought just myths did that."

"These guys are engraved into the collective subconscious like a myth," W says, "and we have way too many people with magic here. AND TOO MANY OF THEM SINGING!" he yells, yanking Kelly and James out of the line by their shoulders.

"Kid," you say, grabbing Reynold's shoulder, and pulling him around to face you, "remember what I said about that song?"

"Not to whistle it," he says, then smiles, "you never said anything about singing it."

You give it three seconds before a jackboot slams through the front door of the bar.

One.

Two.

Three.

And you finally breathe, as the line of singers falls apart.

"I think you just escaped having a really fun 'introduction to magic' story," you tell him, "if you remember one thing from tonight, just, Jesus, don't pull something stupid like that again."

"I was singing a drinking song!" Reynold tells you, "with most of the bar! How was that going to-"

"There's this thing," you tell him, grabbing his tie, "where myths show up if there's enough magic in the area, and someone's singing about them or putting on a play about them. Or," you whisper, "I am being had, in a really bad practical joke by a wizard."

Then the bar's door swings open behind you.

"Reynold?" a woman asks, "can someone point me at a guy on the floor? Five-foot seven, black hair, smokes."

"I think that's my girlfriend," Reynold says, and turns to walk toward her.

"I remember you from Russia," Kelly says, hand racing to his hip.

"Yeah," she says, and, well, opposites attract? She looks far more dangerous than Reynold, "want to finish what we started?"

It's starting to feel like that main street in a wild west town.

>Let's get behind something solid, kid.
>There are a lot of police in here, you know.
>I've got your guy, please take him.
>Please don't finish it here.
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2794756
>Enough Ladies, Your man is right here. His toasted but a good worker.
>>
>>2794756
>>There are a lot of police in here, you know.
>>I've got your guy, please take him.

So she is aware of the supernatural stuff after all. Or does kelly do purely mundane work as well?
>>
>>2794751
I suppose you're right.

>>2794756
>I've got your guy, please take him.
He's a good assistant, real smart ass.
>>
>>2794756
>WRITE IN

Walk up and press a drink into her hand and ask everyone to raise a glass and toast Ryan on finally joining in the Special Work at the office, and his promotion away from his old asshole boss.
>>
>>2794763
Supportan. Like it'll do shit to de-esclate the situation, but at least we tried.

>>2794766
This is also good.
>>
>>2794756
supporting: >>2794766
>>
>>2794763
>does kelly do purely mundane work as well?
He does. There's been a mention of it in this thread, and decapitating a dude and leaving his head in a toilet was sort of the guy's introduction.
>>
>>2794756
>I've got your guy, please take him.
>write-in: pray that when you shove him onto his girlfriend, Reynold's drunk and horny enough to start making out with her. in the bar.
>>
>>2794756
this >>2794759
>>
>>2794756
>>2794766
second
>>
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>>2794756
"I've got your guy!" you yell, your hand on Reynold's shoulder, and you gesture at the barkeep to get you two drinks, "please take him!"

And you give Kelly a glare.

Who on your crew doesn't have enemies?

"Good evening," you say, walking up to the young woman, dragging her boyfriend by the shoulder, "I think we might be having a misunderstanding."

"Maybe," she says, "we might be having an understanding. You the boss around here?"

"I'm just this guy's boss," you say, slapping Reynold's shoulder, "we were celebrating his promotion to the special accounts," you tell her, as one of the servers appears with two shots of... something on a tray.

That smells far too much like gasoline.

"Want to raise a glass to him getting out from his former boss with me?" you asks, "pick one, I'll take the other. I've been dealing with some real paranoiacs."

"Fine," the woman says taking one, and you clink the shot glasses and...

FUCK THAT IS ACTUALLY EVERCLEAR.

Your pride's on the line, though, so you manage to swallow.

"What was that about knowing this guy from Russia?" Reynold asks her.

"Kid," you tell him, and looking around for the closest source of water, "this is like dominoes. You get one foot in, and you find everyone around you's hip-deep."

Then you shove him into his girlfriend, who's managed to finish her shot somehow.

At least the kid's a horny drunk, not just a friendly one. He's got his tongue halfway down her throat before you can even turn away.

"Kelly," you say, walking over to the assassin, over various whistles from the police, and... dear god, Heinrich's clapping in the corner booth, "the hell was she talking about?"

"We had a gunfight in a Russian nightclub," he whispers, "I think she's some sort of assassin? And the last person I expected to meet here."

"Does that mean he's CIA?" you ask.

"I think it means he has really good, or really bad, taste in women," Kelly whispers back, "I don't think she's affiliated, well, with any government," and he looks past your shoulder.

She's certainly affiliated with your dumbass subordinate.

>I feel like I've done enough damage for one night
>Don't kill my assistant's girlfriend, alright, Kelly?
>He's got different tastes than I assumed
>Talk to the police
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2794859
>>Don't kill my assistant's girlfriend just yet, alright, Kelly?
>>He's got different tastes than I assumed
>>
>>2794859
>>I feel like I've done enough damage for one night
>>
>>2794859

>He's got different tastes than I assumed
>I feel like I've done enough damage for one night
>Don't kill my assistant's girlfriend without a really good reason, alright, Kelly?
>>
>>2794859
>He's got different tastes than I assumed.
>write-in: how did the gunfight go? Did she go hunting for you or did Han shot first?
>>
>>2794859
Also, who and or what the fuck is >pic related from? Inquiring minds must know.
>>
>>2794873
It's from Black Lagoon, the characters from left to right are Revy and Rock respectively.
>>
Technically, the 'Russian nightclub' comment was inspired by an anon many threads ago who said "so Kelly is magical John Wick?"
>>
>>2794884
Thanks, anon. Much appreciated.
>>
>>2794859
>He's got different tastes than I assumed
>>
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>>2794902
No problem Anon, now enjoy a fun anime while you're waiting for Haiku to post.
>>
>>2794902
Black lagoon is amazing. Watch and read it asap
>>
>>2794859
>>Don't kill my assistant's girlfriend, alright, Kelly?
>>He's got different tastes than I assumed
>>
>>2795054
>Black lagoon is amazing. Watch and read it asap
I'm a fucking cheapskate (and I never really got into watching anime), so if it's not available for free, I'm probably not gonna do it anytime soon. Thanks for the suggestion anyway, though.
Also, I have way, way too much on my plate to even think about it right now.
>>
>>2795103
Everything from Japan is free, my friend
>>
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>>2794859
"Well," you say, "he's got different tastes than I assumed. I thought the guy was straight-laced."

"Maybe he is," Kelly tells you, "when he's sober. Or perhaps opposites attract?"

"Sober or drunk," you whisper, "could you please not kill my assistant's girlfriend without a good reason? And how did that gunfight go? Was she hunting you, or did Han shoot first?"

This might be the first time you've seen Kelly go red. The guy's actually embarrassed.

"I think we were after the same target," he whispers, "and we both assumed the other one'd been hired as 'security personnel'. That place took years to reopen."

"How are you two not dead?" you whisper to Kelly.

"Bad aim?" he whispers back, "look, it's not the craziest thing I've ever done. Not sure what her deal is."

That sounds suspiciously like "fuck you, I'm a wizard".

"Right now," you say, after a quick glance over your shoulder, "if they go much farther, it looks like her deal is 'getting thrown out of this bar'."

"Why did you give her an Everclear shot, anyway?" Kelly asks.

"I just asked the bartender for two drinks," you tell him, "I suspect someone..." you trail off, as you look around the room.

Oh. You suspect damn near everyone you can recognize in the bar.

"Well," Kelly says, "it didn't hit you that hard. What's your liver made of, anyway?"

"Scar tissue," you tell him, "relic of a misspent youth. And," you whisper to the assassin, "I'm not sure it's hit her yet. I think she's just going with it."

"Fucking twentysomethings," Kelly says, looking past you.

"We were all young once," W says, walking up behind him.

"Get a room!" Rick yells, shaking Reynold's shoulder. And he's still in uniform.

And luckily not red.

"You get a room!" your assistant yells at the police chief.

"Lady," Rick says, "if you're good to drive, take this guy home."

"That's sort of what I was planning to do," she says, pulling herself off a table, then she looks at Kelly, "are we cool?"

"How about I give you a ten-year head-start?" he asks, grinning.

"You know we'll both be dead by then," she tells him, smiling as she pulls Reynold to the door.

"Ok," Kelly says, looking around like he wants someone to question him, "life expectancy is terrible in this business."

>I've caused enough chaos for one night
>Lady, keep him hydrated. Right now he might be toasted, but in the morning he'll be a good worker.
>Jesus, man, you have a family!
>There are a lot of cops in this bar, Kelly
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2795147
>>Ok, you make sure he's in shape to work tomorrow young lady, we have accounts to balance and a possible counter action by a Greek deity to handle.
>I will personally have W grab your soul from the afterlife and give you wife a chance to beat on it if you do something stupid Kelly.
>(to the cops) outside jurisdiction he doesn't shit where he eats, yada yada, just keep drinking and having fun!
>>
>>2795147
>>Lady, keep him hydrated. Right now he might be toasted, but in the morning he'll be a good worker.
>I've caused enough chaos for one night
The police chief has sworn fealty to us, Kelly's not worried about any cops.
>>
>>2795159
Sounds good. Supportin'!
>>
>>2795147
I've caused enough chaos for one night
>>
>>2795164
Soapportingizing.
>>
>>2795147
>I've caused enough chaos for one night

>write-in: And yet here you are, married to a woman with a frilly daughter and an adopted son. And surrounded by demonic cops in a bar.
>>
>>2795147
"Young lady," you say, and she turns back to look at you.

God, that's a scary expression.

"I'd kind of like him to be able to work tomorrow," you say, "we've got some accounts to balance and a possible - well, could you keep him hydrated, please?"

"You get him wrecked," she says, "and expect me to deal with it?"

"He got himself wrecked," you tell her, "said that was his intention tonight. Ask him why, if - well, there's no way I can put this without it sounding like a dare."

"Oh," she says, "he's GOING to tell me," and walks out, with Reynold on her shoulder.

"I think those two are going to be trouble," Kelly says.

"As if you aren't?" you ask him, then whisper, "if you die for some stupid reason, W and I will negotiate with Hell for your soul, just to give your wife a chance to beat some sense into it."

"Better dinner than I was expecting," Rick says, walking up to you before Kelly can reply.

He does feed on emotions, doesn't he?

And they're been running high tonight. Hell, that probably why he interrupted those two kids.

Just getting a final rush off them.

"Let me tell you something," Kelly says, grabbing you by the collar, "I'm a dead man walking, have been for years," and he coughs that black stuff onto your shirt, "every single day is borrowed time. You think I don't know that, kid?"

You're getting called 'kid' by a guy younger than you?

Over his shoulder, you can see Rick's eyes dilate like he's shooting up.

Oh hell.

"And yet here you are," you say, "married. With a frilly daughter and an adopted son. Surrounded by demon cops in a bar."

"Are you really trying to pick a fight, brother?" Kelly asks, "because I don't think you can take me."

"I wanted you to think about what your death would do to the people that care about you," you tell him, "and..."

>Please tell me dry cleaning can get this stuff out
>I'm pretty sure I can take you
>I probably shouldn't have made that crack about your wife. Sorry.
>Can I get some help here?
>WRITE IN
[1D100s, please, for all options]
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>2795258
>Please tell me dry cleaning can get this stuff out
He's a professional assassin how deals in mundane and magical. He can absolutely take us.
Need to blow the dust off my dice.

>You're getting called 'kid' by a guy younger than you?
My mental image of kelly is much older than we are for some reason.
>>
Rolled 45 (1d100)

>>2795258
>I probably shouldn't have made that crack about your wife. Sorry.
>Rick, enough. You've had your emo fix for the night.
>>
Rolled 62 (1d100)

>>2795258
>Please tell me dry cleaning can get this stuff out
I HAVE FORGOTTEN HOW TO DICE
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)

>>2795258
>>Please tell me dry cleaning can get this stuff out
>>
Rolled 46 (1d100)

>>2795258
>If we can unfuck the MG situation, then we can figure out a way to unfuck yours.
>Please tell me dry cleaning can get this stuff out
Inb4 nat 1
>>
Rolled 40 (1d100)

>>2795258
>>I probably shouldn't have made that crack about your wife. Sorry.
>>
Rolled 66 (1d100)

>>2795258
> "You're so willing to fight monsters, demons, and gods, but you won't fight to have a future with your family? That's not what a father does."
Yeah, these are definitely fighting words. But I'm not even concerned with /winning/ a fist fight with Kelly. The bigger concern is getting him to realize that he has things worth /living/ for.
>>
Rolled 91 (1d100)

>>2795258
>Having something you're ready to die for doesn't mean you should, you have something to live for too. You fight for your family, fight for your future WITH your family.
>I probably shouldn't have made that crack about your wife. Sorry.
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Rolled 65 (1d100)

>>2795242
I'm pretty sure that the adopted part is a "secret" that we shouldn't be blurting out willy nilly as it will attract every wizard and demon within a 100 mil radius to experiment on Shelby if they figure out where he came from.

>>2795258
> I saw why my life didn't belong to only me 3 days ago.We might not be so lucky next time. If we can fight the goddamned legions of hell then we can fight to never be the one that breaks their smile.
>Please tell me dry cleaning can get this stuff out
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>>2795272
19:22 - 19:40ish voting period.

A drunk magical assassin is a bit of a liability.

>>2795272
>My mental image of kelly is much older than we are for some reason.
I think Kelly's in his late 30s/early 40s. Which is rather impressive for both a Natural and an assassin. The MC is pushing fifty. They're not that far apart.
>>2795291
>these are definitely fighting words
The real fighting words were >>2795242, partially because I included them at the end of the post.
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Rolled 38 (1d100)

>>2795258
>I'm pretty sure I can take you
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>>2795258
>Please tell me dry cleaning can get this stuff out
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>>2795258
Adopted son?
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>>2795346
Shelby.
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>>2795258
"...please tell me drycleaning can get this stuff out," you finish.

"Soapy water gets this stuff out," Kelly says, "eventually."

Yeah, he's drunk, if you can redirect him that easily.

The circle of wizards and cops who you're pretty sure are demons is not helping things.

"I think I was gonna fight you," Kelly says, swaying slightly. Apparently his last drink finally hit him.

"Can we please not do this?" you ask him, "I was just making a point. And I probably shouldn't have included the crack about your wife."

"An what point were ya making?" Kelly asks, "make it good."

Oh, this guy's GONE.

You grab his collar.

"I just got a real good object lesson about how my life doesn't belong to only me," you say, and Kelly grabs the other side of yours.

You grab his with your free hand.

It's a ghastly parody of a hug.

"You're so willing to fight monsters, demons, and gods," you tell him, as you realize the demons around you are probably getting off on this, "you might have something to die for, but, Christ, you've got something to live for! A future with your family."

"Why d'ya think I'm still alive?" Kelly asks, "it takes some willpower to stave off a terminal magic disease for this long."

"You probably won't remember this in the morning," you tell him, because that phrase will probably make him remember it, "but if we can fight the legions of Hell itself," and you glare at the demons, "then we can fight to never be the ones that break our children's' smiles."

"Aren't you the cunning linguist," he says, and you barely manage to stop him from hitting the floor.

"Rick," you say, supporting Kelly by his shirt collar, "enough. I hope you and your guys got your emo fix for the night."

"I didn't have anything to do with that," the police chief says, "I'm actually an innocent bystander here."

"Hell," James says, "which of us has to give him a ride home?"

"I'll port him out," W says, "he's had a really rough month," the wizard mutters at you, "this is the first time I've ever seen him so blasted. Let me get my papers."

>Welcome to the deep end, officer Macleod. I hope my daughter didn't cause any trouble last night?
>An 'innocent bystander'?
>I've caused enough chaos for one. Two guys insensibly drunk is good, even for college rules.
>Heinrich, I hear you laughing. That was a good speech!
>WRITE IN
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>>2795421
>Welcome to the deep end, officer Macleod. I hope my daughter didn't cause any trouble last night?
>I've caused enough chaos for one. Two guys insensibly drunk is good, even for college rules.
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>>2795421
> Welcome to the deep end, officer Macleod. I hope my daughter didn't cause any trouble last night?
> Heinrich, I hear you laughing. That was a good speech!
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>>2795421
>Welcome to the deep end, officer Macleod. I hope my daughter didn't cause any trouble last night?
>I've caused enough chaos for one. Two guys insensibly drunk is good, even for college rules.
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>>2795421
>Welcome to the deep end, officer Macleod. I hope my daughter didn't cause any trouble last night?
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>>2795421
>Welcome to the deep end, officer Macleod. I hope my daughter didn't cause any trouble last night?
>I've caused enough chaos for one. Two guys insensibly drunk is good, even for college rules.
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>>2795421
>>Welcome to the deep end, officer Macleod. I hope my daughter didn't cause any trouble last night?
>I've caused enough chaos for one. Two guys insensibly drunk is good, even for college rules.
>>
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>>2795421
"Welcome to the deep end, officer Macleod," you say, looking at Sue's mom.

"Is the 'deep end' really just a bunch of drunks?" Jean asks you.

"Sometimes," you tell her, settling back onto a barstool, "wiping out two guys is pretty good, even for college rules. I've probably caused enough chaos for one night."

"Well," she says, looking at Kelly's comatose form, "at least they weren't violent drunks."

"Thank god for that," you say, "I trust Melon didn't cause any trouble last night?"

"No," Jean says, and smiles, "they're all good kids!"

Well, that's good. Although you'd expect nothing less from your daughter.

"They taught me," she begins, catches herself, and whispers something like "is everyone cool?" to Rick.

He nods.

"They taught me a bit about this side of the world," she says, "I'm sorry if I kept Marion up too late - she had some very interesting stories."

If they were about that trip to Japan, then yeah, they'd be interesting.

Or even about some of the other stuff Melon's done.

>You've got a rather good teacher for that standing next to you
>I'm glad to hear it, thanks for letting her stay over.
>Try to get a private moment and ask if things are ok with Sue - that fight in the sword was rather violent.
>Call Schrodinger's number
>WRITE IN
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>>2795467
>You've got a rather good teacher for that standing next to you
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>>2795467
>>Call Schrodinger's number
I'm not saying I want to do this, but Rick and Macleod are standing within 20 feet of us. This is the perfect time to settle it once and for all.

>I'm glad to hear it, thanks for letting her stay over.
>You've got a rather good teacher for that standing next to you
>Try to get a private moment and ask if things are ok with Sue - that fight in the sword was rather violent.
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>>2795467
>>You've got a rather good teacher for that standing next to you
>>I'm glad to hear it, thanks for letting her stay over.
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>>2795467
>>I'm glad to hear it, thanks for letting her stay over.
>Try to get a private moment and ask if things are ok with Sue - that fight in the sword was rather violent.
>Also Was the number you gave me yours?
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>>2795476
>>2795467
This. Call the number.
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>>2795486
>>2795476
Something tells me that Mrs. Macleod is a single mom. We'll need to find some bachelor to hook her up to. Rick's out of the question. Reynold's out of the question, W's out of the question, Kelly's out of the question.

What about James? he's single methinks.
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>>2795467
>>2795478
I don't want to call the number, but if you're going to keep bugging us about it, she's right here, just ask her about it,
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>>2795493
Mages aren't good at love.
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>>2795497
Hence I had us asking like a reasonable person.
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>>2795493
why is rick out of the question? Because he is hellboy?

and james is a horrible choice.
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>>2795486
>>2795497
>>2795421
Actually I will change to just asking.
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>>2795502
That was aimed at Haiku, not you. Sorry if it came off that way.
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>>2795502
I agree though.

Honestly, we seem to be falling back into not thinking about how weak we actually are. I've been part of that too, but remember when we got all hype to fight Gusion?

That's why I think we should help Hera prank Zeus or something instead of outright attacking the dude.
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>>2795493
>Something tells me that Mrs. Macleod is a single mom.
That's been all but outright stated. The only reason it's not explicit is because the MC's in a rather odd social position to even frame that question, and it doesn't seem like something she'd volunteer.
>We'll need to find some bachelor to hook her up to
One-man matchmaking bureau powers, activate!
>>2795500
>I'm a mage, I can fix this
I don't even want to think about all the times the MC's wizard bros have said that.
>>2795497
>I don't want to call the number, but if you're going to keep bugging us about it
I'm just throwing it around as an option.
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>>2795467
>This is actually the first time I didn't run into violent drunks when magic is involved.
Sue's calmed down a ton from how she was when I first met her and she's a good kid at heart. Even the stuff they accidentally let slip makes me wonder if I'm a bad parent and I already got into way too much trouble at a kid. We're gonna fix this. Gonna make all of those bastards pay. Ain't it great? It's gonna be your job on steroids.(We're drunk on everclear.. I think we're allowed to ramble)
>>2795497
Might as well +1 since people are fixated on it
>What was with that number when I got pulled over? I barely got back into my house when Rick showed up so I doubt it was his and I'm kind of a happily married man. (I'm guessing the actual number is a hidden third option that she was giving. probably shouldn't be saying it within earshot of Rick?)
>If you didn't hear, we're having a big meeting about the next move soon and I assume you're going to want to be there. I'll hook you up with some bullets that actually work on this stuff.
>>2795505
He's the chief of police and her reaction to him being a demon gave me a courting her or the -ex type of vibe. I'm probably remembering this wrong, but Sue thinks that whatever male figure is in her life is a piece of shit which means Rick might be that piece of shit.
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>>2795531
>means Rick might be that piece of shit.

I mean. A) Rick IS a Demon. So he's baseline piece of shit regardless. B) Humans can also be shit.
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>>2795467
>Call Schrodinger's number
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>>2795534
That's why it's a MIGHT.
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>>2795531
AFAIK, it's a 'courting her' deal. Something something about how he "wanted to be rejected" indicated it was new and uncertain rather than old and being brought up again. (Also that it had been a sticking point in one or more of his past relationships.)
And then there's that whole thing with Rick and Rob getting into a communique-by-fists to work out their issues regarding courting Jean and Sue at the same time.
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>>2795521
We /are/ weak. Remember how we got wrecked by Guston the first time because we got too big for our britches? We only attacked Guston in the first place because he attacked us. We didn't even take his completely free titles afterwords. Doing anything to attract a literal God's attention is going to get us squished.
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>>2795521
I think we should stop with the going into Zeus's territory thing. It's a damn stupid idea that we knew was dumb when we had to figure out where to fight Gusion. We just need to make a Zeus alarm and be ready to fight if/when he arrives as well as rework those contracts as a power boost. We are tough