They say it takes a single crack to break a dam.They're probably right, given that finding out your daughter, little Melon, was a magical girl sent a flood of the craziness of the supernatural surging into your fairly normal life.A tide of borderline-psychotic magical girls, fighting demons to pay off an unpayable debt to the magical rats they contracted with, drunk wizards, assassins, finding out your wife was a kitsune, getting dragged into the undertow of her family's youkai power struggles, a time-traveler who thinks you might be the unexplored butterfly in staving off a set of apocalypses, accidentally getting into a pissing match with a Duke of Hell, month-long coma while your crew fought his demons after your failed duel against him, the works.But if you were being honest with yourself, you've had your thumb in the dike like a little Dutch boy for a while - your big sister, Ellie, was a magical girl, and walked straight into Hell when she knew her contract was about to go off and turn her into some sort of monster. It seems she's been doing pretty well there, becoming a Duchess by right of conquest, but the stories you've heard have been pretty ugly. Anyone who'd bid thirteen thousand souls for yours at auction, hell, anyone who has thirteen thousand souls to bid, has some... history.Oh, and you just sent her demon butler back to her with a guilt-trip invitation to visit you. He'd showed up with a warning that the Duke of Hell you'd pissed off (Gusion) was coming back for round two tomorrow.And that was after a series of 'friendly' fights between violent magical girls, one of which looked like a real attempt by two people with magic lasers to murder each other, and apparently shot down a few satellites.Then there was the tense standoff between your forces and the local dragon. Who you used to just know as your boss at the accounting firm you might still be working at, if the city's standing next week.God, you woke up from a coma this morning."Let's get out of here before I crash," you tell everyone in the abandone quarry who can hear, and Mary and Madison begin collecting their folks, assisted by the crazy wizards.But you just issued an invitation, so you've got a call to make. You pull out your phone and dial Liska.
>>2753283"Hey honey," your wife says, as she picks up the call, "how's the 'softball game' going?"Softball game? Oh, the excuse you gave Fred. And maybe she's got the right idea about what to not say over a cellphone, given everything that just happened."It's over," you tell her, "things got tense - vicious fight on the field, some fly balls through some valuable windows, and I clocked that umpire you said looked like he needed to be punched. And Bernie showed up - I think he's pretty pissed about those windows.""You're going to have to tell me all about it later," she says, with a growl that implies it's going to be in bed, "and I've got a few questions about what I've been hearing here. Sign anyone else on for the girls' team?""Yeah," you say, watching as they carry Rachel and Myrna to the minivan, "I think they're with us now. Their manager was having a hard time with his team," you tell her with a wince, remembering what that rat looked like, "and ours gave him an, uh, easy way out. But, more importantly, I got a message from my sister, and invited her over for dinner."You hear the sharp hiss of indrawn breath from the other end of the line."I'd like to meet her," Liska says, "but when's she coming? And does that mean I need to dig out your family's recipe book?""Not sure when," you tell her, "and I did promise we'd be making the good old family cooking. How's Harriet doing?""Well," she says, "thanks for the heads-up. And she's at least drinking water now - helping her's been a bit interesting. Get back here so we can talk about it.""Sure, foxy lady," you say, and hang up. Looks like almost everyone's bundled into your minivan and Kelly's Mercedes now, so you walk over and get in the driver's seat of the minivan.You find that:>Karen's riding shotgun, and you ask why the hell Angus was standing with you guys and not Bernie>Mary's riding shotgun, and you ask whether she thinks the night went well. And [WRITE IN SOME QUESTIONS]>Rob's riding shotgun, and you ask if he's feeling any better. And [WRITE IN SOME QUESTIONS]>Melon's riding shotgun, and you compliment her on her fight. And [WRITE IN SOME QUESTIONS]
>>2753349>>Melon's riding shotgun, and you compliment her on her fight. And [WRITE IN SOME QUESTIONS]Im blank for questions atm, but rub her ears and tell her shes almost as scary as her mother.
And we're back!Twitter for new thread times: https://twitter.com/HaikuDelugeArchive for catching up on this thing: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=ShotgunInfo Doc (of varying reliability and humorous intent): https://pastebin.com/54JEEFtf
>>2753349>Mary's riding shotgun, and you ask whether she thinks the night went well. And [WRITE IN SOME QUESTIONS]Talk about power levels and what needs to happen to avoid things that make global superpowers have panic attacks.
>>2753364This^Hell, we can just ask everyone in the car about the "movers and shakers" of the Supernatural world.Besides us of course.
>>2753349>>Karen's riding shotgun, and you ask why the hell Angus was standing with you guys and not BernieI’m curious about this.
>>2753349>Karen's riding shotgun, and you ask why the hell Angus was standing with you guys and not Berniemaybe things happened while we were out...
>>2753349>>2753454>Karen's riding shotgun, and you ask why the hell Angus was standing with you guys and not BernieSeconding.
>>2753349Somehow, Mary's riding shotgun again. It makes some sense - she is the leader of the first group of magical girls you brought in, and your sworn sister."So," you say, looking over at her, as you pull out onto the road, "ya think the night went well?""I don't think it went badly," she says, staring through the windshield, "made some new friends," she continues, shrugging back at the other occupants of the car, and you take a look in the rearview mirror.W's actually riding in the 'trunk' of the minivan with Rachel? Myrna's laid out across the bench seat, and you don't want to think about how many people are double-buckled, and you could swear James and Rob are kneeling in the footwells.Well, it's probably the most inconsequential laws you've broken tonight."Hopefully," Mary says, leaning over and whispering in your ear, as you see Sue and Melon twitch in their seats, "W's had a wakeup call about Rachel. If she can get her shit straightened out with her family, that's worth a couple satellites."You can't help but agree, but that doesn't sound like the girl slanging you as you took over her operation a month and a half ago."Power levels?" you mutter at her, ignoring the looks this conversation is getting in the rearview mirror."Do I look like I have a scouter on?" Mary whispers, "I'm still top of the heap, but our crew's gotten a lot stronger this past month. You haven't even seen Karen's Impaler's Field bullshit yet. Melon and Sue were holding back tonight, didn't even pull out the foxfire or that crazy sword. Probably thought you wouldn't be a fan. As far as the new guys go - Myrna can hit stuff on orbit, Rob's damn good if he could push Sue that far, I'm pretty sure we haven't seen everything Madison's got up her sleeves either, and I don't have a clue what Roxxane can do if she tries. We all just stared down a dragon, and he fuckin' ran. That's powerlevel right there.""Pretty good," you say, gently pushing her back into her seat, then you turn back to face the rest of the car, and realize a pair of blue eyes interpreted that statement the wrong way, so you quickly continue, "sounds like we're going to need to think about not giving global superpowers panic attacks. And about what other movers and shakers there are in the supernatural world.""Bernhard's one," James pipes up, "on the accounting/procurement side, at least. I went underground because I pissed off some dragons, but I hear Fafnir got his ticket punched in an alley," and grins.Bernie's ambivalent attitude toward the wizard makes a bit more sense now, since he and Heinrich were the ones were the ones that iced that dragon."We're magical girls," Mary says with a sigh, "we're local. I couldn't name any players outside our city.""And we've been sticking to small towns," Madison says, "when we can."Then you see the flashing red-and-blues behind your minivan.Cops.>>2753436>>2753454>>2753458Sorry, started writing before these.
>>2753461>"Everybody try to look legal! (But get ready to fight!)" - pull over>"We're pulling over, and we're taking him down when he walks up to the window." - pull over>"Who's got 'high speed chase in a minivan' on their bucket list?" - attempt high-speed chase>"Light him up!" - magical girls and wizards open fire on the car>WRITE IN
>>2753461ah shit, freebles teleport everyone who isn't buckled up home! quick!
>>2753469>"Everybody try to look legal! (But get ready to fight!)" - pull overI'll bet it's because we got a wonky tail light in the back that just so happened to go out at the worst possible moment.
>>2753461 #ah shit, freebles teleport everyone who isn't buckled up home! quick!You didn’t see shit officer.
>>2753469>>2753479>ah shit, freebles teleport everyone who isn't buckled up home! quick!This is good. Just in case it isn't possible:>"Everybody try to look legal! (But get ready to fight!)" - pull over
>>2753469>"Who's got 'high speed chase in a minivan' on their bucket list?" - attempt high-speed chaseAre there any nearby malls around?https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=IIdGxR-aU6o
>>2753469>>"We're pulling over, and we're taking him down when he walks up to the window." - pull overDon't forget most cop cars have dash cams. If we do any sort of attacking, we'll need to torch the camera, if not the whole car. It already will have our plateFreebles teleport wore him out moving one person, I doubt he can manage multiple people.
>>2753469>>WRITE INFreebles teleport everyone not buckled down out of here.Ya'll forget the pol-lice are in the demons pocket. No Chases or take downs.
>>2753469"Freebles, W," you say, as you punch you flashers and start pulling over, "get everyone who's injured, carrying an illegal weapon, or not buckled up home. NOW!""Everyone else," you continue, as some of the most suspicious people in your car vanish in a series of teleport 'pops', "try to look legal!"There's a fast rearrangement of James and the remaining magical girls onto the bench seat where Myrna was just laying, and you come to a halt on the shoulder, rolling your window down.You give them a few seconds to get settled, then you flick your dome lights on, and wait, as you see the taillights of Kelly's Mercedes disappear around the bend in front of you.After what seems like an eternity, a cop walks up to your window."You know why I pulled you over today?" she asks, leaning an arm on your van's windowsill."No, ma'am," you say, keeping your hands on the steering wheel. You've heard people say the police are controlled by demons, or are demons themselves, but making the first move is probably a bad idea."Your left taillight's out," she says, "license and registration?""Can Mary," you say, jerking your head at the goddess you've got as your co-pilot, "get the registration out of the glovebox? License is in my pocket.""Sure," the officer says, smiling at her, "is she your daughter?""Nah," Mary says, opening the glove compartment, then smiling back at the officer, "I'm on his daughter's softball team. He's driving us back from practice," she continues, leaning over you to hand the minivan's registration to the officer.You reach into your back pocket for your wallet, fumble through it, and then hand over your license."It'll take me just a minute to run these!" the police officer says with a smile, and walks back to her car.Then your phone rings."Hello?" you answer."Want me to take the shot?" you hear, in Kelly's unmistakable 'three months to live lung cancer victim' voice, "I'm on the grassy knoll.">Chill, man. Seems like a routine stop.>Ask the car if the police officer seemed like a demon - if yes, then tell Kelly to do it>WRITE IN
>>2747155It never actually occurred to me that fafnir died from that because I figured that it had to be far more difficult to actually kill a dragon or any supernatural being that quietly. I would have thought that trying that to any sufficiently powerful being would roast at least a few city blocks and be noticeable.
>>2753527>>Chill, man. Seems like a routine stop.
>>2753527>>Chill, man. Seems like a routine stop.Even if she is a demon, unless she suspects us for not being mundane, we shouldn't have anything to worry about. Dealing with killing a cop would be a mess and a half, even if the actual killing is simple.
>>2753527>>Chill, man. Seems like a routine stop.Everyone's playing nice so far, but can we have Kelly on hair trigger just in case?
>>2753527>Keep an eye on her, but don't try anything just yet.She seems normal for a LEO but I wouldn't be surprised if there were demons that could hold their shit together much better than most.
>>2753527>>Chill, man. Seems like a routine stop.Although it’s good to know he has a bead on her if things go tits up.
>>2753527>We're just letting it be a routine stop. Know anyone that can safely alter the name/plate that's entered into the police database? I'm pretty sure that there's gonna be demons trying to check out on if our house is magical or something when they start doing investigations now that we're in the system.It's better than dead cops since I feel like that's when the cops that are actually demons start going on a warpath because they think it's a possible attack on them.
>>2753543Smart idea, I forgot about that.I'm supporting this.
>>2753531>that quietlyBernie & Heinrich (who dragged Fafnir into the alley to kill him, after he started yelling about the opera being inaccurate) and Iris (who kept watching the opera after that) told intersecting stories about that night at the opera. Apparently that production of Wagner's Ring Cycle fell victim to the 'supernatural figures involved in the plot show up, knock out the actors, and show them how to REALLY DO IT' curse, and the opera house ended up (in Heinrich's words) "more on fire than the alley, and we were slaying a dragon back there, so..."It's not that it was quiet, it's that there was already a huge fire so nobody noticed it. And/or it was covered up with Bernie's stash of dragon gold.
>>2753543Already voted but this is a good idea regardless if we ask about it now or later.
>>2753543The police use government databases, things like our car tags and address are already accessible to them, they currently have no reason to suspect us of not being normal,and there's no way they have the manpower to literally go door-to-door searching houses.
>>2753527> WRITE IN.Shake our head and mumble something about a wrong number. Make sure he can see the shake of our head.We can't just start talking about stuff like that where the cop can hear us. The 'Chill, man' approach makes us look far more suspicious, if they think we need to tell someone that.
>>2753527"Chill, man," you say, "look up anyone who can clean data afterward, but if it goes south..." you tell him, and hang up.You don't want to be on the phone when the perky policewoman shows back up.Freebles pops back in, and perches on your shoulder."Any demons around, bro?" you ask him. He's been your most reliable demon detector so far.He sniffs the air, then tells you "only that guy I pulled out of your car, why?"The the police officer comes back to your window."Ooh!" she says, handing back your license and registration, "a pet ferret? Can I, uh, pet him?""Sure," you say, and she's scratching Freebles behind the ears as he makes little noises of enjoyment.As you hand the registration papers back to Mary to stash in the glove compartment, and retain your license to put back in your wallet, you realize there's an extra piece of paper.A business card from the chief of police. You glance at the back, and see a hastily-penned 'call me', and a different number than the one on the front of the card."He's a cute little thing, isn't he?" the police officer says with a smile, leaning back from the window, "or is it a she?""It's a he," you tell her."She's not a demon, bro," Freebles whispers in your ear too softly for anyone else to hear, "but I can smell them on her. And she's got... really good fingers," he purrs."Make sure you get someone to change your taillights!" the officer says, starting to turn back toward her car, "I'm not going to bother with a warning - I'm sure you'll get it fixed!">Have a good night, officer>Seize her and throw her in the back - she might be leverage>Call Kelly and tell him it's gone south, and he should kill the officer>Alright, girls, that's how you deal with police - be respectful, and sometimes it works out.>WRITE IN
>>2753589>Have a good night, officerThen, once she is gone, >Alright, girls, that's how you deal with police - be respectful, and sometimes it works out.
>>2753589>Seize her and throw her in the back - she might be leverage
>>2753589>Have a good night, officer...See if she'll give out her name.>Alright, girls, that's how you deal with police - be respectful, and sometimes it works out.Then panic internally.
>>2753589>>Have a good night, officer>Alright, girls, that's how you deal with police - be respectful, and sometimes it works out.
>>2753589Alright, girls, that's how you deal with police - be respectful, and sometimes it works out.Even more so if you gove them something fluffy to tuch at lest for thr girls
>>2753589>>Alright, girls, that's how you deal with police - be respectful, and sometimes it works out.
>>2753589>>Alright, girls, that's how you deal with police - be respectful, and sometimes it works out.Then call Kelly and let him know that the chief of police wants to speak to us.
>>2753559Literally not the point anon. They generally should be able to figure out where the shots were fired from. Then basic detective work would be to check any vehicles that left the area shortly afterwards That then tells the demons to stage a home invasion gone wrong or abduction like what happened to Harriet.They don't actually have to give a shit about procedure and they're already going to be pissed, so taking down anyone who might be the cause is better than letting somebody go who could be the culprit.>>2753589Have a good night officer. Girls always remember to be respectful to the police. They do a great job of serving the community.(Ham it up to be really wholesome without doing something that might tick her off.)Kelly, I don't think any of us are getting some sleep until this is over. Meeting when we get back at the house.>Text Liska and ask her if she can make some coffee strong enough to wake the dead or at least make us not sleep for the next 2 days.
>>2753589"Have a good night officer," you say, and she nods at you, then walks back to her car."Alright, girls," you say, rolling up your windows, "that's how you deal with police - be respectful, and sometimes it works out.""Yeah," James says, "that's a good idea," and the cruiser pulls back onto the road around you and turns off its lights, "except we just got into a government database within spitting distance of a satellite shootdown!""And I just got her number," you say impelled by your misspent youth, looking back at him and flashing the backside of the business card, "or the chief of police wants to talk to me without dragging me into a cell."Luckily, it seems that both Melon and Sue got yanked back home by Freebles before a cute chick gave you a piece of paper with a hastily-scrawled phone number and 'call me' on it.Well, they were wearing illegal weapons.But you know what interpretation they would have put on it."You either have the most fuckin' game I've ever seen," James says, grinning, "or a demon police chief that wants to negotiate. I'm not sure which one scares me more.""I'm more scared of it being her phone number," you tell him, flipping off the dome lights and starting the van back up, "I'm a married man, you know?"Ok, that gets a few giggles from the magical girls still in the van.You call Kelly back as you pull onto the road, "we're clear, but-""I might know somebody," Kelly cuts you off, "who isn't a fan of those recorded scores."So everybody's going with the damn 'softball team' cover story? you wonder as he hangs up."She was pretty cute, though," Mary says with a grin."Have you seen my wife?" you ask her with a look. That shuts her grin down pretty fast."And would someone mind explaining why Angus was standing with us, and not Bernie, earlier?" you ask, shooting a glance at Karen in the backseat.The red on her face (it almost matches her hair) tells you everything you didn't want to know. If that was just a one-time thing, you're a four-eyed fish.Goddamn teenagers.Hopefully the minotaur's thinking with his heart, and not just with his dick.>Then you're all home, you fill your big players in, and call the number>Then you're at home, checking in with your wife and Harriet>Fuck it, you dial the number as you drive>Then you're asking Karen a lot of awkward questions>WRITE IN
>>2753647>>Then you're at home, checking in with your wife and Harriet
>>2753647Kelly. Got a burner cell? I might as well make this call now while somebody else drives.
>>2753647 #Kelly. Got a burner cell? I might as well make this call now while somebody else drives.Seconding this write in.
>>2753647>Then you're at home, checking in with your wife and Harriet
>>2753647>tell me you at least got farm-grade condoms>Kelly. Got a burner cell? I might as well make this call now while somebody else drives.>>2753652smart, it solves both the issues of geoloc and phone registerbut we're probably paranoid
>>2753647>>Then you're at home, checking in with your wife and HarrietCalling now is a terrible idea. If it is her number, that's going to be awkward, seeing as it's been less than 5 minutes,
>>2753650>>2753652>>2753658>>2753659I'm writing on "then you're at home...", but if/when the MC calls that number he will be using a burner - thanks for bringing that up!
I half expect this to turn out to be a coup against the demonic cops by the regular cops.
>>2753673Don't give him ideas
>>2753647I don't know if I hope it's hers or not. She should have seen our ring (left hand window is driver's), we driving a minivan, and Mary referenced that we have a daughter.But if it isn't her's, it means we got made one way or another.
>>2753673glad to see i'm not the only one
>>2753647>>2753647You punch the button for the radio, and are rewarded with "anything you say can and will be held against you~"It drowns out the various conversations happening in the backseats, but you can't agree with the singer that you'd trade all your tomorrows for just one yesterday. As much craziness as this has introduced into your life, you're closer to Liska and Melon than you've been in years.Before you know it, you're pulling back into your driveway, and you tell Mary, "get in the driver's seat, I want to test the brake lights and flashers," then you get out, leaving the minivan running.Standing behind it, you see her flip through them. All your lights are fine.God, the magical paranoia is getting to you. But now you're sure that wasn't a routine stop, you think flashing an 'OK' sign at Mary, and then she turns the minivan off, and tosses you the keys as you stride toward your front door.That phone number's more than some cop with a thing for older men. You feel like you're trapped in the center of wheels within wheels, each spinning around each other.You walk through your house, giving a nod to the group around Rachel and Myrna laid out in your living room. You see Shirley talking to Melon, decently close, and decently far away from the couch her sister's laid out on.And you step into Melon's bedroom. Harriet's asleep, and Liska puts a finger to her own amazing lips as she steps into the hallway with you."I heard you got a cute cop's phone number?" your wife whispers in you ear, grinning, "you've still got it! And you even had your wedding ring on," she continues, brushing her fingers across your hand."I think I actually just got an invitation to negotiate from a demon chief of police," you whisper back, as she presses you against the hallway wall, "my taillights are fine. How's Harriet?""She's fine," your wife says, "sleeping it off like a champ," then whispers, "let's talk about what she was saying later. And I want to be on speakerphone when you call that number."Then the doorbell rings. As if this night couldn't get more complicated.>Answer the door by yourself.>Answer the door with as much magical might as you can muster.>Stand next to the door and dial the number on a burner phone - see if you can hear a ring.>Let someone else get it.>WRITE IN
>>2753706>>WRITE INSend freebles out through a window to have a quick look
>>2753706>Answer the door with as much magical might as you can muster.
>>2753706>>Answer the door by yourself.
>>2753706>>Answer the door by yourself.We wouldn't have been given a number if they were just going to give us a visit, we don't have any reason to expect an attack, and it is still out house. Plus, it could be Fred for all we know.
>>2753706>>Answer the door by yourself.Have liska nearby. We probably want to call our brother in law and tell him we are alive
>>2753706>Ask Freebles if he senses demons outside. Yell "i'll be down in a secto make it seem like you got caught off guard while brushing your teeth or something, hide the shotgun in an reasonable alcove nearby for if you have to DODGE an attack while adhering to proper gun safety like not keeping the thing loaded. Fluster up your clothes a little with Liska to make it look like you were "rudely interrupted."
>>2753706"Sounds like I want you playing backup for me a bit sooner than that," you tell her as the doorbell rings again, "particularly if that's Ellie. I think you'd like her.""From you stories," Liska says, pacing down the hallway next to you with a grin pasted across her face, "sounds like I would.""Freebles," you mutter at the ferret in your pocket, "peek out a window and get back to me. Don't be seen," and he hares off to do it.As you walk through your house, you can feel the tension in the air. You see those expressions - you saw enough of them back in the day: ready to die, ready to kill, ready to do anything for what they believe in."OR WHO THEY BELIEVE IN!" you hear screaming through your temples as you pass Sue. So she picked the sword back up."I want this," you say, "to look normal from the front entryway!" and everyone scrambles.There's a slight nostalgia for the days when a ring on the doorbell was just a girl scout troop selling cookies, or boy scouts with their popcorn, or Mormon missionaries.Not a reason for two squads in your house to move furniture and assume battle positions."Boss," Freebles says, returning to your shoulder, and he feels a little heavier, "one demon, one squad car, that's it."A demon in a squad car, huh?So he wasn't going to wait for you to call?He can't kill you before your crew takes him down, you think, as Freebles jumps off your shoulder, out of sight, and you open the door into a grizzled face that screams either "failed marriage" or "widower".Of course he's got a cigarette. You're going to die of secondhand smoke before this is over."Sorry to come by so late," he says, "I'm Richard Dawson, chief of police, and I'd like to have a friendly chat, if you would? Please call me 'Rick' - it's an unofficial call."So he followed you here that fast off the address on your registration?>Sorry, you're staying on my porch.>Only if you show me your true form - in the backyard>Chief Dawson - uh, Rick, would you care to step inside?>That was fast work.>WRITE IN
>>2753762>>Chief Dawson - uh, Rick, would you care to step inside?
>>2753762>Chief Dawson - uh, Rick, would you care to step inside?Might as well play it cordial and dumb until he tops his hand. Plus we have enough magical girls to make him have a pretty bad time.
>>2753762>>That was fast work.We've got most of our group around the corner; we only said to make it look good from the entryway.Still, I'm willing to be cordial as long as he is.
>>2753762>"Is something wrong, officer, uh, Rick?"start the chat here, i guess?
>>2753762>Chief Dawson - uh, Rick, would you care to step inside?Establish that he's walking onto a particularly volatile minefield. Don't say as such, but the mere presence of a fuckload of magical girls oughta scare him.
>>2753762>There's no smoking in my house so I'll need you to put that out before I consider letting you in during the middle of the night. Mind telling me what this is all about?
>>2753782In retrospect,we have tables and seats on the lawn that we've been using for all those parties. Probably best to have a chat outside? Ask if he wants to have the chat indoors or outdoors?
>>2753762"Chief Dawson," you say, "uh, Rick - care to step inside? We were just about to have a late dinner," you say, shooting a glance at Liska's barely visible eyes in the kitchen."I'd hate to impose on a family meal," he says, "I'd hoped to only be here for a few minut-" he begins, and then sniffs, "is that steaks I smell?""I grilled them myself," you say, as he stands in front of your door, "but I'm afraid that was lunch.""You do weekends right!" he shouts, slapping his leg, "by the way, do you mind if I smoke inside?""I'd prefer if you didn't," you tell him, thinking of Kelly, and then Rick stubs out his cigarette on his shoe."Then I'll refrain," he says."Out of curiosity," you say, your body still blocking him from the rest of the house as you hear Shelby issuing orders in the kitchen like he's marshalling incompetent sous-chefs, "is something wrong, officer?""As I said," Rick tells you, "this is a very unofficial call. I," he says, and his gaze bores into you, "have no quarrel with you.""Then don't start one," you say, stepping aside and letting him in, meeting his eyes, getting a very small nod."I think we might have a good conversation in the backyard," you tell him, then, "anything you need me to hit on the grill?" you ask the kitchen in general.Shelby shoves a platter of raw meat at you, "mostly smoked, half cooked, we'll finish it in here," he says, with a deadly glare at the police chief, "let me know what you smoked it with when you bring it back."Low-temp fire, good flavored wood chips on it, that sounds like it could be good, you think, crossing the spotless and uninhabited living room with your guest."I hope I'm not imposing," Rick says, as you open the doors to the backyard."Grab the woodchips and the electric starter from the shed," you tell him closing the doors behind you, are he runs off to do it, as you ponder what tack you should take with this guy.>Get your wizards and magical girl leaders out here for this>Fast work, huh?>I hear you've been having trouble with Gusion's guys?>So, uh, what's a police chief want to discuss on a cordial visit to my house?>WRITE IN
>>2753798I almost want to go with this:>I hear you've been having trouble with Gusion's guys?But I think this might be the smarter option, trying to place him in the position of disclosing first.>So, uh, what's a police chief want to discuss on a cordial visit to my house?
>>2753798>So, uh, what's a police chief want to discuss on a cordial visit to my house?
>>2753798>Get your wizards and magical girl leaders out here for this. Discretely of course. Still should play dumb and cordial.
>>2753798>>So, uh, what's a police chief want to discuss on a cordial visit to my house?
>>2753798Is there something I should know about as a concerned citizen? I've not been catching the news for a while.
Did the policegirl plant a bug on Freebles while scratching his head?
>>2753798You're going to play it cool as long as you can. Freebles says he's a demon. You've heard Gusion's guys have been mixing it up with the local demon cops. And now the police chief is here? On a 'very unofficial' house call?At the house of the guy who might as well be wearing a jersey with "GUSION'S #1 ENEMY" painted on it?"Ok," Rick says, several bags of wood chips in one hand and an electric started in the other, "how many smoking woods do you have?""Not enough," you tell him, "did you grab the apple? I think apple might be best for this," you say, grabbing the starter from him and shoving it into the pile of charcoal, " now we wait for it to catch. So what's a police chief want to discuss on a cordial, unofficial visit to my house?""Mind if I light up?" Rick asks, leaning back against your house and pulling out a cigarette."You'll make less smoke than the grill," you tell him, and he does it, taking a big pull."Don't play dumb," he says, exhaling a cloud of smoke, "you know what I'm here about. Gusion's idiots have been a pain in my ass for a month. Someone shot down a few satellites and I have your plates very close to the discharge point.""I had a perfectly innocent reason for being on that road," you tell him, "driving my daughter and her friends by from softball practice. And my taillights weren't out."Rick laughs."You think we need a reasonable excuse?" he asks, "I can hand you to the Feds, cuffed and tied. I'm pretty sure there were at least ten magical girls in your house.">So, that cute number that gave me your business card - she your..?>If you were going to do that, you wouldn't be here tonight. I think we've got a common enemy. That you aren't strong enough to kill.>Swear fealty to me. If your current boss can't protect you from 'Gusion's idiots'...>I want to see your true form, and I want to see you fight someone from my honor guard, before I even THINK you're worth listening to>WRITE IN
>>2753836>If you were going to do that, you wouldn't be here tonight. I think we've got a common enemy. That you aren't strong enough to kill.
>>2753836>i guess that was your associate on the road earlier? why didn't you leave me enough time to call?>If you were going to do that, you wouldn't be here tonight. I think we've got a common enemy. That you aren't strong enough to kill.>I do already have plans to get rid of Guison.
>>2753836>If you were going to do that, you wouldn't be here tonight. I think we've got a common enemy. That you aren't strong enough to kill.>And I’m playing dumb because my neighbor isn’t privy to what you and I know. It’s actually oddly comforting, like a little oasis of normalcy.
>>2753845good deflection, i like it
>>2753836>If you were going to do that, you wouldn't be here tonight. I think we've got a common enemy. That you aren't strong enough to kill.Call him on his bullshit, move forward.
>>2753836Do you mind telling me what you're actually here to beg me to do instead of the usual idiotic posturing? I'm getting really sick of you magical types threatening homicide as the first choice instead of just asking like a sane person. Half the time it ends up being a request to do something I'm already trying and they're getting in the way.
>>2753851Runs the risk of getting him dragged into it as a hostage, but then again, he's "Do not be afraid" wearing a very convincing mask.
>>2753836>Write in for before he leaves maybe?So what the hell got you guys in bed with demons? I didn't completely believe that shit about you guys just being demon lapdogs until tonight.
>>2753864The police chief is _literally_ a demon. The answer to that is "being born".
>>2753864Derp . nvm. Freebles report sounded like his backup in the squad car was the demon he detected since the chief was ringing the doorbell. Probably just a phrasing error on the QM's part or our MC just needs some sleep since he's getting confused?
>>2753869No backup either. Just a demon and a squad car.
>>2753868Freebles detected one demon and that demon was in the car. The chief had rung the doorbell which means he's not the demon and probably actually human because he's at our door.It's just a QM error that I failed to notice until all of 5 seconds later.
>>2753864I’m also curious why the rats are hunting demons anyway. It’s not exactly like the rats are paragons of any morality, nor is harvesting the fallen is the most efficient way to get energy. This guy is probably high enough up the totem pole to answer.
>>2753872I suppose the miscommunication is that it's never specified whether there's more than one person showing up. What I got from that was that only one person was here, as well as an empty squad car, yielding Dawson as the demon.
>>2753836"If you were going to do that," you say, stirring the coals, "you wouldn't be here tonight."Rick grimaces. And you can almost see something terrifyingly red behind his face."I think we've got a common enemy," you say, "that you, even as police chief, aren't strong enough to kill."Rick glares at you."And my..." he trails off, his face getting deadlier."Honestly," you tell him, and then realize what's going on with the grill, "oh, hand me the apple chips - I think the fire's died down enough for us to start smoking."Rick gives you a handful, and you start setting up to smoke.That's, uh, prettymuch exactly the right amount."I'm rather impressed by you," you say, as you poke and prod the chips and charcoal into a good smoking configuration, "you've been almost subtle. That wasn't the sort of flat death threat I've come to expect from supernatural folks lately. And anyone who knows this much about smoking has to be a decent guy.""I'm the Chief of Police," Rick says, with a wry smile, "I try to be a decent guy.">What, did you go native?>So, 'and your'...?>I'm sure you'll understand, but you're going to have to fight one of my honor guard before I'll take you seriously.>So why do demons become cops?>WRITE IN
>>2753871>>2753876I see where the mess-up on my part was. MC thought demon in a squad car so I assumed that meant there was a demon in a squad car .Plus cops tend to go in at least groups of two which is why we have buddy cop movies.
>>2753864>>2753868>>2753869>>2753871>>2753872>>2753876There was one entity, and one (empty) squad car. The entity ringing the MC's doorbell was a demon. Thanks to >>2753721 writing in checking with Freebles, the MC knows this 'Richard Dawson, Chief of Police' is actually a fuckin' demon.Sorry if I didn't accurately convey that.And part of the reason nobody else reacted is that they just saw the MC negotiate with another demon.
>>2753879>So, 'and your'...?
>So why do demons become cops? Is it good Dental or something?
>>2753882>Plus cops tend to go in at least groups of two which is why we have buddy cop movies.Buddy cop movies are awesome, but this was a "very unofficial..." thing, probably just using the car on his way home.
>>2753889good knee specialist
>>2753879>What, did you go native?>So why do demons become cops?>Why would the rats make magical girls to hunt you guys in the first place?
>>2753891I see because all those foot patrols are Hell on the joints
>>2753879>So, 'and your'...?And>>2753893
>>2753879>So why do demons like to work in law enforcement anyway? Trying to feel like an angel again?>So got any dirt on Gaston that might be useful? I know he's a sore loser with a limp that's going to cost him his twister championship but not much else.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VuJTqmpBnI0
>>275388617:04 - 17:20 Voting period.I want a hard cutoff so I can write with solid options. Write-ins considered while I write as usual.This might as well be Rick's theme: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8zH2JP4LgaE >>2753891Good one, for Duke Peg-leg!
>>2753903Little late, but seconding.
>>2753879>So why do demons become cops? Is it a surveillance thing, or do some of you guys care enough about the folks topside to take on this sort of gig?
>>2753879"So," you ask, leaning back against the wall, "why do demons go into law enforcement? Good dental plan? Knee specialists?""You want the honest truth?" Rick asks you, "yeah, of course you would. Cocksucker! We thrive on strong emotion. Suffering. Lust. Anger. We FEED on them," he says, pupils pinpricks as we looks at you, "and where better to glean it than as a police officer? A murder?" he asks, "the hatred of the murderer! The murdered's hate! A robbery? The torture of the robbed, as they see their life's assets stripped from them! Hell," he continues, "even the anguish of the old lady that lost her cat last thursday, and the triumph of having returned it! Justice," he says, "gives the greatest harvest. Every one of you hates it.""Why torture a soul in Hell when you could just come to earth and feed on humans torturing each other each other?" Rick asks you.That's, well, that's one way of looking at it.'Justice is revenge with a veneer of legality,' soars through your head in Madison's voice.Well, you don't know what human categories could even apply to this guy, for all he looks like a cigarette-munching police chief. 'Sadist' is probably the closest you could get."And the absolute elation of people when they feel justice has been done!" Rick says, and you feel like he's reliving something before your eyes, "it's hard to come by, but it's sweet."Deriving pleasure from all sides of a criminal proceeding? No wonder the legal system is so fucked."And your...?" you ask, hearkening back to an earlier statement."My boss won't come for me," he says, looking you dead in the eye, "he won't give me any more troops to fight Gusion's incursions, we're written off already. But we'll fight. We'll die - we'll kill as many as we can!" Rick says, grinning.>Then die for him. I don't care.>Then live for me - swear loyalty. I'll be a better boss.>Fight one of my honor guard, and I might let you serve me.>You seem like a family man - how does that square with all this?>WRITE IN
>>2753939>And who, and WHAT is your boss?
>>2753939>OneOfTheseIsRick.jpgAnd the other is us. Fitting, really.
>>2753939>Mind if I ask who your boss is? Chances are I'll have to see him at some point.>You seem like a family man - how does that square with all this?
>>2753939>You seem like a family man - how does that square with all this?I'd hesitate to get into the whole swearing loyalty thing right now, we seem like we're missing a piece of the picture. On the other hand, the iron's hot (or at least warm) right now, so I'd flow into this in the same conversation.>Then live for me - swear loyalty. I'll be a better boss.
>>2753939That sounds like an absurd amount of work to do instead of getting into the entertainment industry even if you do a crappy job you end up with a bunch of pissed off people for months.
>>2753939>>You seem like a family man - how does that square with all this?lets not get confrontational here yet, we have no actual reason to do so yet.
>>2753939>You seem like a family man - how does that square with all this?
>>2753948Making them our pawns also seems kinda dumb when they're the "food source" for our girls. Where did the family man thing come from anyway?
>>2753957I could be misreading your statement (punctuation, dude), but the biggest issue with the entertainment industry is that there's a _huge_ amount of effort to get that sort of genuine emotion. Even if you release the most horrible movie or album, most people move on rather than letting it grow to consume their entire being; crime, on the other hand, has a much greater and more lasting impact on people's emotions, and all the heavy work (read: committing a crime) is done by someone else.>>2753974> Making them our pawns also seems kinda dumb when they're the "food source" for our girls.Point. On the other hand, so is our sister, and we're not feeding her to the rats, either.>Where did the family man thing come from anyway?The update. It's a listed option. In terms of characterization, the way the chief handles himself around our home.
>>2753939"You seem like a family man," you say, "how does that square with all of this?""I'm very single," he tells you, "after that nephilim thing, they decided we shouldn't piss off heaven too much. The kids are all adopted.""A mad priest told me god was dead," you say, "so take that as you will.""I will to take it with a shaker of salt," Rick says, "mad priests end up in chains in the Neva river.""But you feel like a family man," you tell him, "did you go native or something?""I merely realized," he says, with a glint in his eyes, "that your justice, your morality, only offers more places around the edges for me to feed. I think we're getting away fro-""And who's your boss?" you ask, interrupting him, "who's the fuckface who was willing to you let die here?""Doesn't matter," Rick says, with a grin, and you see something red flickering behind him, "Focalor can suck my cock!" he yells at the sky.You hear a rumble like thunder.And you feel something horrifying breaking through reality from another side. Your crew is running out from the house like an antmound that's been poked.>You do you. Fight him, Rick.>Swear loyalty to me, and you'll have backup, Rick.>Girls, wizards, let's kill this Duke of Hell that's made the mistake of showing his face here!>Hey, who's Focalor?>WRITE IN
>>2753982Yeah, I don't really see it. My impression was much closer to the word "Junkie" than "family man" thanks to the dilated pupils and whatnot.IT is going to feed demons for decades and all they have to do is dress up as a clown or make a random balloon float out of a sewer vent. Alternatively they could join the staff at a hospital. Tons of emotions running around there. Being demon cops just seems super limited since crime statistics aren't THAT high. Cops going on strike against unnecessary arrests/etc in NY a few years ago dropped crime by 90% because it turns out there wasn't that much actual crime for them to be dealing with. Translate that into this setting and that means the cops have to be working their asses off to actively create reasons to get cops hated or mistrusted for their fix.I half suspect that Guiston's demons are in charge of Disney for exactly this reason and the Gaston song is a tribute to their boss.>>2753939>>2754013Well there goes my change of plans to make the demon cops straighten out and actually fight crime>>2754013>It turns out to be our sister taking the invite since she didn't bother to do the hell>Earth time conversion math properly.
>>2754013>>Swear loyalty to me, and you'll have backup, Rick.
>>2754027>And she's nonchalantly holding focalator's head.
>Girls, wizards, let's kill this Duke of Hell that's made the mistake of showing his face here!
>>2754027>Being demon cops just seems super limited since crime statistics aren't THAT highIt's not as much about every situation being a real crime, but that every situation they get pulled into has emotions running really high.Also the fact that they make great pawns for their demon lords in that profession, and can cover up the everything behind the curtain.>cops have to be working their asses off to actively create reasons to get cops hated or mistrusted for their fix.That's definitely a thing.
>>2754013>Hey, who's Focalor?>Swear loyalty to me, and you'll have backup, Rick.>WRITE IN>>"Okay let's see who the heck's on our front lawn BEFORE we decide they're gonna get lit up or not, okay?"Don't wanna accidentally swiss cheeseify our sister if she's the one who showed up.
>Swear loyalty to me, and you'll have backup, Rick.
>>2754013>write in : It turns out to be our sister.Rather not start up a battle with a SECOND duke so soon.
>>2754013>Hey, who's Focalor?>"Okay let's see who the heck's on our front lawn BEFORE we decide they're gonna get lit up or not, okay?"Seconding.
>inb4 it's loliPls give us more cute daughter like nanako
>>2754013>IF YOU SO MUCH AS RUIN MY LAWN ASSHOLE, I'M SENDING YOU BACK
>>2754065>Not summoning generations of American dadliness by saying"Get off my lawn kids"
>>2754013"Who's Focalor?" you yell."My ex-boss," Rick says, "I commanded his legion in this city, but fuck him!""Swear fealty to me," you say, "and we'll help you against him.""DONE," Rick yells, "LORD AND MASTER!" as spacetime rips open and disgorges...Ok, that's a 'man with griffon's wings'. He certainly slammed through a portal where one of his underlings just shouted defiance at him.But he doesn't have a head."FOR THE LAST GODDAMN TIME!" Ellie yells, riding the corpse out of a portal into your backyard, and holding up what's probably Focalor's head, "DON'T INTERRUPT ME! WHO'S THE SUMMONER AND WHO WANTS TO NOT DIE? YOU IDIOTS HAVE TO STOP SUMMONING THESE GUYS RIGHT AS I'M KILLING THEM!"Rick looks over at you, then kneels."I shouted defiance at his grace Focalor," Rick says, "but since then I swore loyalty to," and he gestures at you, "I believe Focalor began teleporting when he perceived my treachery."Ellie's eyes trail from Rick to you, and then they widen."Brother," she says, breathlessly.You barely manage to restrain yourself from yelling 'LIQUID!'.Shit, your sister is really killing her way through the ruling class of Hell."He swore 'loyalty', huh?" Ellie says, "you should know how little that means to him.""And does family mean that little to you?" you ask, "please, have dinner with us, as it please 'your grace'.""If you're serving the family recipes," Ellie say dismounting gracefully from the demon's corpse, "if it's like mom made it.""I'd stake my life on it," you tell her, "does my life mean that little?""I'll find that out once I sample the cooking," Elie says, striding into you house,>W, put down a circle around the entire place>So that's my sister>Just follow her in>You had stuff on the grill, didn't you?>WRITE IN
>>2754013Tell his boss to shit the fuck down and wait as we are having a bbq and he can wait till after we are done cooking
>>2754080>W, put down a circle around the entire place>Follow her inside> Get someone (Shelby?) to get the steaks from the grill.
>>2754080 #>W, put down a circle around the entire place>Follow her inside> Get someone (Shelby?) to get the steaks from the grill.Seconding
>>2754080>You had stuff on the grill, didn't you?Any country girl would never let her brother live it down if he burned the steaks.>Ask Ellie and W if it would be best to use a circle to hide her demon juice so we dont get any unwanted attention.>Make sure to get a girls consent before you trap her in a magic circle, only polite after all.Hell she might be able to hide it on her own.Also>"FAMILY ASSEMBLE!"I just want to see Ellie's face when one of the magical girls (probably Sue) pops out from a ceiling tile and just bat-hangs behind her (if it is Sue then she will probably be thinking "Damnit, not MORE competition! JUST LOOK at the WIFE! I already have ENOUGH trouble and now ANOTHER BIG-TITTIED BLONDE just HAS to show up and is all over him....Wait, did he just call her his sister, like an actual sister or like Mary is his "sister"... this could make things easier... or if my Japanese Anime's are to be trusted, MUCH more difficult..."
>>2754080W, put down a circle around the entire place
>>2754080Ohshit>So that's my sister>You had stuff on the grill, didn't you?
>>2754080>You had stuff on the grill, didn't you?She'd never let us live down burning our steaks. It might even be fatal, since she's a Demon and all.>Write in>>Have the wife and daughter introduce themselves while Shelby and us rescue the meat
>>2754080>>W, put down a circle around the entire place>>So that's my sister
>>2754080Oh shit... >So that's my sister>You had stuff on the grill, didn't you?I will say, that felt a bit shoehorned in my opinion. She just so happened to be killing this One dude just as this demon we just met maybe ten minutes ago swears his undying allegiance with no second thought.But hey, we're here now, this has got momentum, let's see where it goes!
>>2754080>Rick take the food off of the grill and come inside.>Follow our sister in>Rattle off ingredients for Shelby to see if we have in stock and send him + freebles out to somewhere with daylight so that he can bug a freshly killed/butchered pig from a farm for roasting.>Ask Liska to bring us our "World's Greatest Dad" apron.>Ask Mary to check up on Harriet.>Introduce Melon and Liska> Mention that it's about time to teach Melon the secret family recipe and ask Elanor if she wants to help out.>>2754123Not really. We knew from all of the other posts concerning her that she's been rip and tearing her way through all of Hell fast enough that she's generally in charge of Hell come apocalypse time. Her darling little brother getting into trouble with Guiston gave her an incentive to target the demon in charge of our home.
>>2754123>I will say, that felt a bit shoehorned in my opinionEh, I had some votes/write-ins for her, and she's got a history of killing demons just as they got pulled in by whoever tried summoning them.
>>2754080"W," you say, trusting that the grill lured him outside, "or James, or Kelly, WHATEVER WIZARDS I'VE GOT! CIRCLE THIS WHOLE PLACE!"You barely notice the wizards start running with spraypaint. Ellie's here. The sister you thought was dead for thirty years, and then met in Hell for a minute.Elanor, Duchess of Hell, just walked into your house.And she just surfed Focalor's corpse into your backyard as he tried porting in on an underling that rebelled against him. A possibly less psychotic underling than some other demons.Wait a second. If Focalor's guy was Chief of fucking Police here, and Ellie was killing Focalor, then...You don't know how Hell politics work. But if Gusion's idiots were fighting Focalor's guys in the city, Ellie sending you a warning about Gusion, uh, you remember the 'sibling courtesy' line from her butler. And how he said 'you got it'.You didn't get it then, but you get it now. There's a power struggle in Hell, and Ellie wanted you to distract Gusion, probably while she took his holdings in Hell. Only dumb luck or crazy fate dictated that Rick would summon Focalor right before she killed him, and she'd get pulled in with his body into your backyard.And now she's in your house, with your family."So that's my sister," you say to the backyard at large, as you walk toward the back door."Ok," Rick says, forming up with you, two steps behind, "I'm glad I signed up with you before she killed Focalor. I'll die for you, I'll kill for you, but she scares me.""Will you live for me?" you ask him, putting a hand on the back door, "don't answer that. Live for your kids. And the ones you might have - they're worth the world," and you barely catch the look on his face."Oy!" you yell, walking into the living room, "Shelby, mind the meat out there!""Sure, boss!" you hear from the kitchen, and then a torrent of directions at everyone else cooking, and the redhead streaks out to the grill.And you take in the scene in front of you."SHE'S MY WIFE, ELLIE!" you yell, once you see what your sister is trying to do to Liska on the couch.Oh, that's where Melon gets it.You don't want to think about genetic attraction to fluffy tails right now, you just pull your sister off of Liska.'fight you, fuck you, kill you, hang you on the wall as a trophy,' Kelly's words about demons impinge themselves in your head as you start wrestling you sister off your wife.Oh, this is going to get crazy.>Be a good guest, Jesus!>Do you need a fight to wind down? I can get you one.>Just pin your sister in the middle of the living room.>Goddammit, this is a family visit!>WRITE IN
>>2754244>>WRITE IN>DO WHAT YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO DO FINALLY>SHOVE A GAME CONTROLLER IN HER HANDS AND FINALLY WIN ONE GAME (of SMASH) AGAINST HER
>>2754244>Goddammit, this is a family visit!>Get her focus on not your wife.
>>2754244>Just pin your sister in the middle of the living room.
>>2754244>Goddammit, this is a family visit!>Go meet your niece and her friends before you make a pass at my wife, damnit!>AND DON'T KILL THEM! HOLY SHIT!
>>2754244>Do you need a fight to wind down? I can get you one.
>>2754244>Put her in headlock and muss her hair like she used to do to you when you were kids.
>>2754244>Goddammit, this is a family visit!"I know I suggested you get to know your family but not like this!"
>>2754244If you don't stop hitting on my wife then I'm not letting you watch the good Indiana Jones movies that you missed tonight!I'm guessing that she hasn't seen the last crusade and might missed the temple of Doom.
>>2754244Yer missing a sentence where you actually establish what's going on between Liska and Ellie. Kinda breaks the flow. Yes, I'm sure that was intentional 'cause blue board or whatever.>Goddammit, this is a family visit!>DO WHAT YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO DO FINALLY>SHOVE A GAME CONTROLLER IN HER HANDS AND FINALLY WIN ONE GAME (of SMASH) AGAINST HER
>>2754244>Do you need a male kitsune to wind down? I can get you one.joke vote, but i'm pretty sure i'm too late anyway
>>2754244All of you weak!>Join them>Drag both of them in a room>Do whatever adult thing insideLet's get Melon to do her thing
>>2754326Please pay attention to what the video says regarding sexual relationships with your sister.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wguC89fC5F0
>>2754244"Goddammit!" you yell, getting a headlock on your sister and pulling her to livingroom floor, "this is a family visit!"Then you understand what Kelly was saying about her. She's not the older sister you looked up to, who noogie'd you - she's a raging demon.You can barely keep the surest submission hold on her, an elbow around her windpipe, anchored by an arm behind her head."I wanted you to get to know them," you gasp out, "but not like that! God, meet my niece and her friends before you make a pass at my wife!""'god' is dead," Ellie whispers, throwing you off onto a couch with a flick of her shoulders, then says, "I didn't think she was with you. She's too hot," and then she grins.Well, that's definitely also your sister, you think, as Liska growls and lunges at Ellie, and you throw yourself at your sister, joined by a veritable floodtide of magical girls, bearing your sister to the ground.You hear, "oh, he's WITH me," in Liska's throaty growl, and then she rips off part of your sister's ear with her teeth.Before you can say anything, Ellie starts laughing, and then Liska answers her with that odd barking laugh."I just wanted this to be a nice family visit," you mutter, as blood spatters across your face, and you hear the back door open. Looks like the wizards have finished their work.Then Kelly starts screaming and flailing his hand around, and Ellie's 'Butler' appears."I must say, your grace," and you can hear the monocle in his tones, "this is a most unbecoming display. Neither killing nor fucking - what a rare sight when I come to your side. And how did you lose half an ear to a kitsune?" he asks, swabbing it with alcohol as Ellie yelps. Serves her right."It just... happened?" Ellie says, seemingly coming back to normal, "I held back! I didn't destroy the house!""Or half the town," Butler says, "you said you were going to go take down Focalor, and then I had to chase you here?"You can't process things this fast. And judging by the looks around the room, you aren't the only one.>I'd like you all to meet my sister, Ellie, also known as Elanor, Duchess of Hell>Can we all just sit down to dinner, please?>So, Liska, did her ear taste good?>Uh, it's good to see you again, Ellie.>WRITE IN
>>2754353>Can we all just sit down to dinner, please?
>>2754353>>Can we all just sit down to dinner, please?>And Focalor is dead, she killed him before her visit.
>>2754353>I'd like you all to meet my sister, Ellie, also known as Elanor, Duchess of Hell>Uh, it's good to see you again, Ellie.
>>2754353>>WRITE IN>Disappointment Look at everyone
>>2754353>>Can we all just sit down to dinner, please?>I'd like you all to meet my sister, Ellie, also known as Elanor, Duchess of Hell>Uh, it's good to see you again, Ellie.Now isn't the time, but the ear thing needs to come up later.
>>2754353Can we all just sit down to dinner, please?
>>2754353>>2754372Supporting thisFucking hell... I don't even know how to respond to that...Let's just... eat... and I mean actually eat, not... oh fuck it.
>>2754353backing this >>2754372Remember dragons eat fuckers to get power supposedly, So maybe thats what just happened?
Suppose Ellie didn't get the "No Ellie, you are the demons" treatment, think she would have aged as gracefully as the MC did, if not moreso? Chances are, she might've ended up looking like Lancer Arturia, tig ol' biddies and all. Well, in her prime, at least.
>>2754353>I'd like you all to meet my sister, Ellie, also known as Elanor, Duchess of Hell>Uh, it's good to see you again, Ellie.>Can we all just sit down to dinner, please?
>>2754353I'm starting to trust that butler even less than before.How did he get past the barrier the wizards just made?
>>2754427He teleported in directly via the summoning seal that's burnt into Kelly's hand.>>2754372Seconding.
>>2754353You look as disappointed as you can, given that you're tangled up in your wife, who has a bloody maw, a pile of magical girls, and your sister, who seems to have decided that flat-out succubus sheik is the fashion for Duchesses of Hell.Nobody you can see gives a shit."I'd like you all to meet my sister," you say, "Ellie. Also known as Elanor, Duchess of Hell.""There are several other titles you should use when announcing her grace," Butler says, "for instance-""Shut the fuck up!" Ellie yells at him, "Ellie's good enough!""Of course," Butler says, "your Ellieship."You say his monocle gleam on that one, and you can feel your sister's chest heave to deliver a salvo of invectives.Then the back door opens, revealing Shelby carrying a tray of meat."Let's get-" he starts, and then sees the pile in the center of the living room, "am I interrupting some-""NO," Butler says, "you're not interrupting anything, kindly disentangle your kitchen staff before it's too late."Before it's too late?Then Shelby, bless him, names everyone in the pile except you, Liska, and Ellie as his kitchen staff.And he puts them to work,from the yells and screams you can hear coming out of the kitchen as you manage to get yourself onto a couch.Seems like dinner's going to be a while.Of course, Liska's on one side of you, and Ellie's on the other, and you'd really like to NOT THINK AT ALL about which of them is pressing up against you more."It's, uh, good to see you again, Ellie," you say, "and, you know, not in chains.""I rather liked how you looked in chains," you sister says, pressing herself against you as Liska growls, "I do wish your wife was here, Kelly," Ellie purrs, and the assassin blanches, "I'd really like to go for another thre-""OH, FUCK!" resounds from the kitchen, as a torrent of flame rises from the stovetop and you take the excuse to get the hell off that couch and into the kitchen."The hell did you do?" you ask Shelby, who's tossing something in a wok."What I thought best for my eldest brother and my father," he whispers to you, as he stirs it around.>How's the cooking going?>Sue, you want to fight Ellie? Because I think that might quiet her down.>Anything I can do to help?>Please tell me food will be ready shortly. Please.>WRITE IN
>>2754448>WRITE IN>"Shelby, you are a good man. I approve. Of everything."
>>2754448>Thank you Shelby, You are best child.>How's the cooking going?>Anything I can do to help?
>>2754448>Anything I can do to help?We definitely need to de-stress. Cooking should help with that. Or at least helping with the cooking.
>>2754448Also note to self, Obtain magical technique that allows us to KO sister in the face with punch.
>>2754448>Anything I can do to help?>How's the cooking going?
Kelly Edwards was not being figurative about "One minute they want to cry on your shoulder, one minute they want to kill you, and the next, they want to fuck you, or hang you as a trophy."
>>2754448>>How's the cooking going?>Anything I can do to help?
>>2754458We know, we still have to go through hell regardless of having sister come over or not
>>2754448>>Thank you Shelby, You are best child.>How's the cooking going?>Anything I can do to help?
>>2754458Now that I think about it, wouldn't there be any magical binding rituals that can help stabilize emotions of a target? There's gotta be someone out there who might know a way to do so.
>>2754448For future reference, it's chic, not sheik. One is a fashion term, the other is a middle-eastern ruler (of the power, not the measuring kind).>"Shelby, you are a good man. I approve. Of everything."We even seem to be sort of okay with him and Melon. This is good.>How's the cooking going?>Anything I can do to help?>>2754458So demonitis is the magical girl equivalent of ADHD/Bipolar.It fits, I suppose.
>>2754466And then it turns out you can do that by entirely mundane means. Usually via prescription drugs.
>>2754469I can actually live with that to be honest
>>2754470smoke weed so your emotional will stabilize
>>2754466Well there does seem to be some sort of magical Yakuza ferret that might be able to spurt out whatever type of magic is used for stabilizing magical girls nearby.>>2754448>Thanks Shelby>I'm going to guess that noone knows anything that might make her a bit more... stable?
>>2754480I think demonic hoodoo and magical girl mojo are two different beasts, here.
>>2754483Her demon core seems quite a bit more unstable, so I'm guessing that her body technically works about the same and is basically making do with the wrong type of fuel instead of it actually being fundamentally changed? It wouldn't be some 100% transformation, but magical girl mojo might mellow her out to a more reasonable standard of insane. I'm probably no good with this analogy but I guess think of it like she's been running on nitro this whole time instead of regular gasoline?
>>2754448God a Elizabeth X Liska X Ellie 3some lesbian sex....so hot maybe we insert dad for a 4some.Fuck I'm so horny right now
>>2754448"Shelby," you say in a low voice, "you're a good man. I approve. Of everything.""You know my thing is swords and stabbing," he mutters back at you."You're really trying to get your horse scratched, aren't you?" you whisper to him, "look at my family," and you jerk your head at the dining room, where Ellie's trying to put the moves on anyone within range.Ok, that's probably a 'Duchess of Hell' thing, and not a family thing. But it's a little hard to differentiate those on the spur of a moment, when she looks so much like she did when she walked into Hell all those years ago."How's the cooking?" you ask, "hopefully not well enough I can't help?""Want to be my sous-chef?" Shelby asks, and you should know that gleam in his eye in a bad sign."Sure," you say anyway, and then you're plunged into the hell of an industrial kitchen. Out of the corner of your eye, you see some of the magical girls duck out during the cooking, and you take over their duties."ARE THOSE READY?" Shelby yells at you, half an hour later, "ELDEST BROTHER?""They're good!" you call back, "fuckin' plate them!" almost throwing the frying pan at him.Kid's a slave driver, once he gets into a kitchen."They look ok," he says, "WHAT ABOUT THE TOAST?" he roars at you and you check it, pulling it from the oven with your fingers."WE'RE SERVING IT ON TOAST, DAMMIT!" Shelby yells, "THAT'S GOTTA BE READY FIRST!"Maybe you should have just spent the time on the couch with Liska and... ok, playing sous-chef to the iron chef wannabe isn't too bad. It's better than having Ellie, uh..."GET IT ON THE FUCKIN' PLATES!" Shelby roars, as you jerk back to reality, "IT'S GOING TO GET COLD, ELDEST BROTHER!""Fine, fine!" you yell at him, and realize that, you, Shelby, Melon, and Mary are the only ones still in the kitchen. You chuck the toast on the plates.Is cooking usually this intense? At least he's not yelling at Melon like that.And you've got to admit, once it's all done, that is a damn good looking dish.>You sit by Liska at dinner>You sit by Ellie at dinner>You wit by Madison at dinner>You call Shelby a cunt-ridden slave-driver>WRITE IN
>>2754520Who the hell is Elizabeth?Also, for the love of God, no. I've already had it with the whole "the adults are talking", "no men allowed" nonsense in the last update. I don't want any more of that.
>You sit by Ellie at dinner
>>2754527>>You sit by Ellie at dinner>>Watch as her mouth full of fangs take on bread and vegetables.
>>2754527>You sit by Ellie at dinner
>>2754527>>You sit by Ellie at dinner
>>2754527>>You sit by Liska at dinner>>You sit by Ellie at dinnerThese are good. Hopefully we'll keep Ellie under control and be able to bring in shotgun-chan (shotgun-kun?) if she gets too handsy with our wife.>>You wit by Madison at dinnerWit at her would be more fun, really.>>You call Shelby a cunt-ridden slave-driverUnless he's been getting it on the sly, it'd be cunt-deprived, not cunt-ridden.
>>2754527>You call Shelby a cunt-ridden slave-driverSport the biggest fucking Dad grin so it's clear he knows we're fucking with him. He really is the best not-quite-son-in-law-yet.>You sit by Ellie at dinnerKnowing our luck, We''ll end up at the head of the table like usual, only for both our sister and wife to seat themselves to either side of us.That being said, this is a rare chance to really catch up with Ellie, over some good food.
>>2754544>We''ll end up at the head of the table like usual, only for both our sister and wife to seat themselves to either side of us.This is good. I approve.
>>2754527>You sit inbetween Liska and Ellie>Calling Shelby a cunt ridden slave driver but friendly with a smile.
>>275453323:02 - 23:20 Voting period or such, I'll try to hit write ins as they come in.What is it with demons and trying to fuck/kill/rape/burn (in some order) everything that moves?>>2754530>"the adults are talking", "no men allowed" nonsense in the last update.It's really hard to juggle a cast this large. I prioritized folks who Ellie'd already interacted with or who would destabilize the situation (Shelby). We've had a lot of Harriet/Mary/Sue/Madison and a lot of "only wizards allowed" already. So just picture everyone who isn't mentioned pinching the bridge of their nose like they're trying to not have a headache.Oh, you were responding to a smutposter. Nevermind.
>>2754557ikr? Maybe we need to put them on some meds or some shit.
>>2754527>You sit by Liska at dinner>You sit by Ellie at dinner>You call Shelby a cunt-ridden slave-driver, but you must say he steams a good ham
>>2754527>Shelby had way too much fun with that.>So uh Ellie been keeping track of stuff happening topside?
>>2754557It's definitely a personal issue, but I have a significant personal grievance against the whole 'girl talk' meme and its portrayals in fiction. The last quest update just happened to step on that nerve really hard.I get where you're coming from, however, and it's definitely easier to make things happen offscreen. Call it a case of mistaken identity that just happened to really bash a number of personal horses of mine.Carry on, good sir, carry on.Only a little of that mini-rant was actually aimed at the smut, but it's the sort of thing that happens to pop up a lot in pseudo-lesbian/full-lesbian smut, which is why I mentioned it at all.
>>2754527You give the guy a grin."You're a cunt-ridden slavedriver," you say. Ok, the mad-lib insults died hard.Shelby looks at you, "I take cooking seriously," he says, "maybe too seriously.""And maybe you just got four people to make a four or five star meal for thirty people," you tell him, "you've got a future outside this bullshit, 'natural' or not."Shelby's eyes hit the floor."Let's go eat," he mutters, and the two of you walk to the dining table.You notice a few empty seats, and bend down to whisper into Liska's ear "so who was supposed to be on my other side? And why are we missing so many people?""Your sister," she mutters at you, "she went out back to fight Sue. They got some spectators.""Fuck," you say, rushing toward the back door.You throw it open, and Liska's right behind you.This is one fight you won't fault the blue-haired girl for pulling the 1k Sword for. You can see James and W straining just to keep a barrier up so it doesn't overflow into your neighbors' property.Sue and Ellie are like stars colliding, comets crashing. You're not sure which scares you the most - your sister in that sheer 'duchess of Hell' chic dress swinging a broadsword with one hand, or Sue weathering the storm, her eyes glowing red and she jumps, dives, slashes, cartwheels around the torrents of power Ellie's slamming out.You can see W grit his teeth as a particularly vicious shockwave from your sister's sword slams into the barrier.At least it's contained, but you can feel the same energy coming off them you felt from Rachel and Myrna earlier.And Sue's up against a Duchess of Hell!But she's fighting on nearly even terms. So that's what someone can do with the Thousand-Year Blade. Before you know it, everyone from inside is watching spellbound, as the twin stars dance across the sky, hemmed in by the barrier the wizards are somehow preserving.>Distract Sue>WE'RE HAVING DINNER INSIDE!>Distract Ellie>Let things play out>WRITE IN
>>2754616>WE'RE HAVING DINNER INSIDE!
>>2754616Also remind them that if they want to fight, Gusion is still coming and they can save it for them instead of shooting down another satellite or something and having to fight a Dragon first.
>>2754616>>WE'RE HAVING DINNER INSIDE!
>>2754616>BOTH OF YOU BETTER BE IN SHAPE FOR DINNER WHEN YOU'RE DONE! THAT MEANS NO DRAGGING MUD INTO MY DINING ROOM AND NO BLEEDING ON MY FURNITURE!
>>2754616>Yell whatever mom did when dinner was ready.
>>2754634This....sooooooo much this!
>>2754634>>2754616This sounds like a good idea too.
>>2754634I can support this
>>2754616What did mom say say, when she called you back in for supper?"IT'S TIME FOR DINNER!" you yell at them, as you see 'Butler' go down on one knee after a particularly vicious slash against the barrier from his mistress.So he's helping to hold it together too."YOU'RE NOT MOM!" Ellie yells, raising her sword above her head. Then you feel what you felt when Ellie walked into Hell in front of you. Karen hits the ground, and Liska leans against you."She's gone!" you barely hear Butler yell, and he shakes his head as he braces himself. W and James take a knee, placing their hands against the barrier.Kelly and Shelby rush up, kneeling by the circle and lending whatever magic they have to it. Mary grab's W's shoulders, to channel power through him."----------!" Sue yells, in a language you don't know, and wouldn't know even if your ears weren't ringing, white dots are flashing before your eyes, and when you can see again, both the girls are on the ground in the middle of the circle.Yeah, it's hard not to think of your sister as a 'girl', even if she is older than you."WHAT HAPPENED?" you find yourself yelling, as your hearing returns, and you run toward them, a yellow fox darting ahead of you, past the collapsing wizards."You're pretty good," you barely hear Ellie say, over the ringing in your ears."Pretty good?" Sue asks, "if I could get up, I'd have you.""You're lucky I can't either," Ellie says, and then grimaces, "wait, I can!" then she twists over and begins choking Sue, "I'm already a demo-"And you pull her off the girl."I'm not mom," you tell Ellie, pulling her into you, as you watch Melon and Liska scrape Sue off the lawn over her shoulder, "but it's fucking time for dinner. IT'S TIME FOR DINNER, ELLIE! Just relax for a second, please!"You big sister looks up at you, and whispers "I can't relax, or I'd be even more of a monster."You vaguely hear people picking themselves up off your lawn.And then a cloud of magical girls descends on Sue, while 'Butler' stumps toward you, one leg obviously painful to step on."Just let me take her back," he says, through a smashed monocle.>Come in for dinner, please, Ellie.>You're still my sister. It's time for dinner.>Tighten that guitar key exactly where it needs to be.>Take her.>WRITE IN
>>2754674>Take her.>You're still my sister. It's time for dinner.
>>2754674>You're still my sister. It's time for dinner.
>You're still my sister. It's time for dinner.>Take her.
>You're still my sister. It's time for dinner.oops copied too much
I'm punching out for the night. It's been an interesting run.FYI, the "Take her" option is directed at the 'Butler', as in "take her back to Hell - and take care of her".Also, Ellie baited Sue into that fight.Questions/comments/death threats/etc. responded to as the mood takes me.Next runtime on twitter: https://twitter.com/HaikuDelugeIt's been damn hard writing an actual "yo, I'm a fucking demon" character in this quest. The Butler's a lot more stable since he has sort of always been a demon.
>>2754674>>Tighten that guitar key exactly where it needs to be.Ellie be strugglin, how to boost her willpower?
>>2754702ok have a good night dude
>>2754674>Tighten that guitar key exactly where it needs to be.I know curiosity is the enemy in volatile situations like this, but fuck it if you don't make the Mystery Box options appealing.
>>2754674>WRITE INMaybe it's too much for the first time, but I'll send you home with some Dinner at least.Maybe next time we can meet with fewer people if it can be less of a strain.Rick seems fairly stable, maybe he can share how he does it sometime too.
>>2754702Fuck, really? Wouldn't want Ellie to leave without getting some of Mom's old cooking...
>>2754674actually fuck it, changing >>2754683to >Tighten that guitar key exactly where it needs to be.
>>2754674>Tighten that guitar key exactly where it needs to be.Mystery choice???Or perhaps a peptalk of willpower?Because fuck it. Why not I'll change my earlier choice to this.>inb4 it makes things even worse
>>2754674>Screw you, Butler>You're still my sister. It's time for dinner.>try to remember some kind of shellshock relief method from your army daysi don't know if that's a thing, but it could be
We could at least give her a plate to take with her if she does leave.
>>2754712at the very worst, doggybags are a thing
>>2754725>>2754674Combination pep-talk along with just us going to the kitchen to talk to her for a bit while we make her up a plate to go.We should also talk to Rick about helping her find some balance, that's a good plan.
>>2754674> Pep talk idea Honestly, this actually isn't really that much worse than what the non-demon magical girls have done. Recently. Earlier tonight, even.So she shouldn't feel so bad about it. We're willing to forgive her, like, a LOT since we know this can't be easy on her and we do love her a whole bunch.
>>2754753We really need to show how much sibling love she missed for like....35 years? She missed a lot. Our graduation day 1 from high school and college then our wedding then our first born daughter. Now we gonna give her the best reunion of our life.>Tighten that guitar key exactly where it needs to be.>Watch her eye to eye>Ellie...welcome home>Smile like how we smiled when we were younger>Also hug her like you don't want to let her go again>Try not to cry>Cry a lot Need to show some human emotions for our aister
>>2754753Yeah, shit like this is basically Tuesday for us at this point.We oughta help her stop seeing what she isn't anymore, and help her see what she still is; our sister, who, despite everything that happened, despite how fucked up she says she's become, still did everything in our power to keep our soul out of more unsavory hands back when our soul was being auctioned off in Hell. Granted, it cost 13,000 souls and we WILL talk to her about that at some point, but regardless of the means used, she still saved our hide.
>>2754764I mean, you know she'll feed off our emotions and then probably feel bad about that, right?Hell, she's possibly just having a bad reaction to all the emotional things going on, like a junkie at a smack convention.Especially if she's fighting that part of herself because she's afraid she won't be able to reign it in if she accepts it.
>>2754774Ooooh is that why she's acting so extreme? Because she wants to eat everyone?
>>2754774That is why that we should let her remember that she was once a human. Can't we just have our sister that we miss so much for a day? I mean she saved us for 13,000 souls.
>>2754794Yeah, but is that for US, or for HER?Because it seems like it might mess her up. Let's be stoic about this shit and not force her to suddenly deal with having *hope* for the first time, in Hell, all at once.Plus feeding unwillingly (?) off our emotions, tainting what should be a touching reunion.
>>2754794>Can't we just have our sister that we miss so much for a day?How bad do you want to make her feel when she has to tell us "No" because pretending to be even somewhat normal is clearly stressing her the fuck out.Like, how do you feel when your parents ask you if they can just have a normal child for one day instead of someone who is always sad and has trouble getting out of bed. "Why can't you just be *happy* for one day like a normal person".Shit hurts when people ask something totally expected of you normally but you actually can't do it because you're all fucked up inside.
On a slightly unrelated note. Think we can borrow that demon head in order to freak Guiston the fuck out? I don't think she's taking it with her atm?
>>2754835Wear it like a pumpkin hat?
>>2754841Stuff it full of explosives and blessed shrapnel and throw it at him?Less likely he'll try to dodge what is obviously just a minor threat. Hell, he might even pick it up.
>>2754888> Recognize this guy?Then toss it at him. That way he'll hold it up to look at it.
Holy shit we can do this what anon posted>>2744898
>>2754907No, doing stupid shit is how we got Coma'd to begin with. For once, let's NOT go with the meme option against the Boss Character.
>>2754912It's not meme it's more like we are helping our sister secure a position in hell.Or if we win then we also have a powerful spot in hell too?
>>2754907No. We don't have the vaguest understanding of Hell politics.Honestly I'm iffy about the head trap because I'd rather not forfeit our soul to Hell AGAIN. This time with us having broken the agreement.Speaking of which, doesn't Gusion owe us anything for that? There's no penalties clause or anything?
>>2754920How about no? Because we don't know shit about hell politics both from a player and IC perspective, and then the quest really would turn into a fucking power trip, and end up straying even further from its roots of "normal guy caught up in magic bullshit".
HaikuxFloor lewds when?
>>2754922>>2754952You guys are no fun. He can just "I declare Ellie as the new domain leader" and walk out.
>>2755015Sure, sacrifice our sister to infernal politics forcing her to give up the last of her humanity why don't you.Worst case scenario, we call her in and she turns out to be bound to fight for Gusion because he has a prior claim on her.Let's not risk having to fight our own sister 'kay?
I'm honestly not sure if we should have Sis stay or not, for her own sake.We've got a demon who feeds off of emotions surrounded by... 10(?) teenagers who's emotions are already amplified because of their magic to the point that, for some, they become powers in themselves. Even on a good, clear day, emotions are flying, even if we aren't privy to it. And right now, how our crew just got done fighting each other, two nearly killing each other, and we've just been told a duke of hell is coming tomorrow. I'm surprised we can't cut through the tension in the air with a knife yet.Hell, at this rate, Big Sis is probably full
>>2754674>>Tighten that guitar key exactly where it needs to be.mystery option, wee!When we get a quieter moment, we should let Freebles have a good look at her. He might be able to tell what actually happened to her after her contract was broken and she walked to hell, and what she is now.Also, I want to see Harriet's reaction to her, after what she's said happened in those other timelines.
>>2755067It's the duel with Gusion all over again with people picking meme options.It's a terrible example of being good to your family here.
>>2754674>>2754751I'll support this. It seems like the best combination of food, toning down the random summon from a fight to the death into a bunch of her usually mortal enemies, and getting some actual one on one time with our sister.
We should be resuming, once I sort the votes and get writing.Wow, we covered a lot of odd ground yesterday.>>2754027>Well there goes my change of plans to make the demon cops straighten out and actually fight crimeRick seems to actually take his job seriously. He's probably fighting crime, even if he gets off on it.>>2754575>I have a significant personal grievance against the whole 'girl talk' meme and its portrayals in fiction.I'm surprised you lasted this long, given that I pulled that card even harder in past threads, particularly in the aftermath of the minotaur thing. I try to use it to reinforce the fact that the MC is a dad, and by his very nature is excluded from certain things. Hell, he shouldn't be in this genre at all. But it's a really tempting crutch to use sometimes.Out of curiosity, what set you off about that particular update?>>2754467>For future reference, it's chic, not sheik. One is a fashion term, the other is a middle-eastern ruler (of the power, not the measuring kind).Thanks for pointing that out. I used the right word in a later post, just so I'd remember.
>>2755324I was thinking more along the lines of police reform for the stuff police do that's antithetical to crimefighting while possibly making a substitute for them via making that magical hospital idea and having them run security. Hospitals would run emotions high for them to feed off.And Sheik is obviously referring to Zelda>>2754674I don't remember if I voted earlier but here it goes after talking with everyone else.Ellie if you wanna go let's go grab you a plate first. >Rick get over here. I have questions you need to answer. You seem almost like a sane individual. What exactly do you do to calm yourself down?>Insert musical reference about some band she used to like breaking up>Offer to try and get her an Ipod that doesn't run out of batteries in hell.(Or consider seeing if we can make one)
>>2754674They taught you some of how to deal with this, didn't they? Unfortunately, the answers often ended in the chaplain, the police, or a senior officer.You beat the shit out of the only priest you know a couple hours ago, and you doubt he'd be much help anyway.The chief of police is here, but he's a demon, and he swore loyalty to you.And, like it or not, Ellie probably outranks you in any hierarchy that might apply."Then don't," you tell your sister, hugging her, "just tighten that tuning key where it needs to be.""I did play guitar back then, didn't I?" she asks you.You get the uneasy feeling that you're walking a tightrope holding an extremely large nuclear bomb, and the stare 'Butler' is giving you isn't helping.At least Sue's moving mostly under her own power, although she's got people under each arm, supporting her as she limps back toward the house."You were pretty good, too," you tell Ellie, then whisper, "I listened through the wall.""You would, wouldn't you?" she asks, then stares over your shoulder and says, "guitar wasn't the only thing you heard, I bet. I want her for my army," she finishes, pointing behind you at what you can only guess is Sue.Well, that took a turn you weren't expecting."Your, uh, army?" you ask."Her grace-" Butler begins."You can shut it!" Ellie yells at him, spinning out of your arms, "I'm talking to my brother! Out of my fucking sight!""Your wish is my command," he says, bowing, and then retreats away from the two of you, probably joining the smoking wizards and the demon police chief lounging against the wall of your house.Ellie turns back to you, a look on her face nothing like the sister you knew and looked up to, "I'm conquering Hell," she says.Oh."You keep what you kill," she says, gesturing as Focalor's decapitated body, "and I've killed a fuckton. You," she says, staring you down, with a glint of sanity in her eyes you're guessing is rare, "you don't want me here. I'll just-"You step forward and hug her again, "Ellie, welcome home. You're family.""You know what I'm going to do," she mutters, pressed against you, "you've seen what-""I've seen worse shit tonight," you tell her, "both of you are still walking. And if you really do need to leave, I'm at least sending you home with some dinner.""I haven't met my niece yet, have I?" she asks, looking up at you, and you're not sure how close she is to crying.>Let's fix that, and I'll send you back with something.>You can meet her at dinner.>Are you going to keep it together?>Considering what you tried with Liska, I think that's a bad idea.>WRITE INThat was hard to write, and I think I did a bad job.
>>2755468>Are you going to keep it together?if yes>you can meet her at dinnerif no>Let's fix that, and i'll send you back with somethingIt's hard to give you a straight answer haiku, when your options often feed directly into each other as part of the same response.
>>2755468this>>2755476Including that last line. Though I will say Ellie's demon-induced mental instability is coming though well. Emotional stuff seems to give you a harder time, but every writer has their strengths and weaknesses.
>>2755490Oh, and I would still like Freebles to take a proper look at her (after introductions; I can't imagine Ellie likes that rats after what they did to her)
>>275547611:54 - 12:20 Voting period.>when your options often feed directly into each other as part of the same response.I think that's one of my significant problems as a QM, and it's why I often end up integrating the highest-scoring options, and/or any write-ins that seem to work with the popular options.>>2755492>I would still like Freebles to take a proper look at herI almost included a "let's have the wizards and my bro Freebles take a look at you" option, but decided it sounded too clinical for the MC to trot out at this moment.
>>2755468>you can meet her at dinnerif no>Let's fix that, and i'll send you back with somethingAndOh, and I would still like Freebles to take a proper look at her (after introductions; I can't imagine Ellie likes that rats after what they did to her)Seconding both of these
>>2755468Think that you can keep it together?>Have one of the girls check on Harriet and let her know about Rick if she's slightly more sober now. It just occurred to me that she has some trauma that might directly result in a freakout if she suddenly sees him out of nowhere.>>2755523It's probably better for haru to get a look at her since he knows combat magic. That was the first thing I thought when Sue was fighting her since if that was Haru instead, he'd be able to give detailed schematics so that we'd know a possible treatment.
>>2755549I suggested Freebles because Ellie is an ex-magical girl, who staved off going stark raving mad when her contract got cut by invading hell. Freebles has a pretty good eye for magic anyway, but this should be pretty well in his wheelhouse.Of course, another pair of eyes can't hurt.
>>2755468>You can meet her at dinner.
>>2755468"Are you going to be able to keep it together?" you ask her."Maybe," Ellie says, and grins, "but I AM getting laid tonight."You sigh. The horrible thing is that you keep seeing flashes of the Ellie you knew, distorted like a parody in a funhouse mirror.She did have a parade of boyfriends, and you always suspected her requirements were mostly centered around, uh..."I think the half-demon kid and the police chief are your only good options," you tell her, years of experience as a wingman rising to the front of your mind before you can stop it, "and maybe the wizard in the trenchcoat? All the other guys are married.""You think I'm just interested in men?" she asks, pressing up against you, with a bit more than sisterly affection, "and do you really think I care if they're married?"It's hard to decide between staying in the hug and pushing her off you in disgust. But, well, it's just brotherly on your side."The girls are off-limits," you growl at her, "and... at least look at it quid-pro-quo: I'm going to have to deal with the fallout. And," you whisper in her ear, ignoring her sharp breath as your lips get close to it, "if you fuck anyone here, there is going to be some serious fallout.""You don't want me disrupting your little empire, do you?" she asks, as you pull your head back, and she pulls out of the hug, "fine. I won't fuck your daughter, I won't fuck your surrogate daughters, even though some of them are begging for it, and I won't fuck anyone married, unless their partner's in on it and ok with it. Happy?"That's still a very dangerous set of conditions.Then you think about who's here, and the few hints you've heard of Ellie's history.That's an extremely dangerous set of conditions."Fuck it," she says, "I'll get to sample Focalor's idiots later anyway. Although you did grab one of his legions right out from under me," she finishes with a dangerous grin.This is really a conversation you never thought you'd be having with your sister. And you're trying very hard to not think about the meaning she's putting on 'sample'."You sound like the guys I knew in the Corps," you tell her, not really sure what to say."Wish we got more of them," Ellie says, "but the streets of Heaven are guarded by the United States Marines, so we don't get them unless they really fuck up."Somehow, you feel like this conversation has wandered a little off course. A lot off course."Ellie," you say, "I just want a night. I just want a few hours. I just want Melon to be able to meet her aunt. Can you give me that?""Probably," she says, looking oddly sober, "look, if I get out of hand, grab Butler and have him send me back. Won't be the first time."[1/2]
>>2755649>"Wish we got more of them," Ellie says, "but the streets of Heaven are guarded by the United States Marines, so we don't get them unless they really fuck up."https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VB-JwmJkYzI
>>2755649That's probably the best you're going to get from her, you realize, looking at what your sister's become.You look into her eyes, and you see the fear that she won't even live up to that. At least she gave you a chain to pull."Then," you say, still staring her full in the face, "it's time for dinner. You can meet Melon there."And then she does the last damn thing you expect. She takes a stumbling half-step toward you and starts crying on your shirt.You put your arms around her again - at least she's not, uh, doing that thing she was last time.You're going to make a studious attempt to forget that.You stand there for what feels like eternity."Ok," she says, finally looking up at you, and then she wipes her face on your chest, "let's go in for dinner."As you walk inside with her, you catch some glances from the guys smoking against the side of your house, as they stub out cigarettes and follow you in.The table's been rearranged, you realize, when you walk into the dining room. And Liska still hasn't cleaned the blood off her chin. She's probably wearing it like a badge of honor.And someone had time to write place cards?You're at the head of the table, as usual.Ellie's between you and Melon, and Liska's seated at your right hand. You notice that Kelly and Iris are seated as far away from your sister as physically possible."So for the first course," Shelby begins, and launches into a description of food that threatens to make your eyes glaze over.But it's damn good, once you start eating it.>Listen in on Ellie's conversation with Melon>Try listening to the whole table at once>Whisper to Liska "[WRITE IN]">Just enjoy the food
>>2755691>Listen in on Ellie's conversation with Melon
>>2755691>Listen in on Ellie's conversation with Melon>Enjoy the food
>>275570413:23 - 13:35ish Voting period.>>2755658Fuck, that's great.The line's a joke about https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SwS6OkgUXKE although apparently, like too many other supernatural things, it's a real thing in this quest.I guess that means that if the QMC dies for real, he's got his ticket to the decent afterlife?
>>2755714 >WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE SGT. YOU WERE MEANT FOR FIRST WAVE>W..what Drill Sgt?>WE ARE CURRENTLY INVADING HELL TO LIBERATE THE SOULS
>>2755691>>Listen in on Ellie's conversation with Melon>but the streets of Heaven are guarded by the United States MarinesGood to know our battle buddies are doing wellWell then. We really need a line to heaven before we try our hand at invading hell. A legitimate one, not a druggie heretical priest. We talk to the right people, we could get some assistance.
>>2755691>>>Listen in on Ellie's conversation with Melon
>>2755714A bunch of people in the army become cops. how does that work out?
>>2755691>>2755750second.So I wonder how much is actually true about fred being an angel?
>>2755691There's silence for a bit after Shelby introduces the dish - everyone's too busy enjoying their food to talk.Then conversations start popping up, by ones and twos. But there's only one you're interested in."So you're my aunt," you hear Melon say.Ellie's still chewing something, and waits a little too long to answer. 'Butler' is standing a respectful distance behind her, against the wall."Dad was a blonde?" Melon asks, "I mean, when he was a kid?"Oh, that breaks the ice."Like you wouldn't believe," Ellie says, then reaches out to stroke your daughter's hair, "you got his hair, at least what he had back then. I think it went brown after that.""I kinda hope mine doesn't," Melon tells her, "I don't think I'd be a good brunett- EEP!" she says, as Ellie caresses her ear."So they really ARE that sensitive," your sister says, "bet they drive the guys wild.""I don't show them most of the time," Melon says, and her second set of ears suddenly twitches and vanishes into thin air, "seems like you're partial to them too."Ellie starts giggling."I appreciate everything," she tells your daughter, "I'm..." she starts, then leans toward melon and whispers something that sounds like "depraved."This is going some dangerous places."So," Melon says, softly, "you see things from that side too? You know what I could do to, well, there's this guy," and then her voice drops to a whisper straight into Ellie's ear and you can't hear it anymore.Alright, this was not what you'd anticipated. But at least they're getting along. Right?Dammit, your daughter's getting whispered tips on seduction from a Duchess of Hell, from what little bits of their conversation you manage to hear as you enjoy your food.Considering that your sister isn't actually assaulting her, this still isn't a worst-case scenario."You look like you're going to have indigestion," Liska whispers in your ear."You don't have a problem with that?" you mutter at her, and jerk your head at Melon and Ellie.Then your wife gives that barking laugh again, and you realize that you are surrounded by total whack jobs, one of which you married. Liska did tell you Melon was going to break someone's hips."Would you be more comfortable if they were fighting?" you wife whispers at you, as Ellie and Melon share a fit of giggles.You probably would. At least you know where you are with fighting."And you shot his eye out?" Ellie asks your daughter, laughing, "that's the problem with cyclopses! Stab the single point of failure and they're no fun! Give me an Argus-style demon any day."Well, that topic shifted without a clutch while you weren't paying attention."Don't get me started," Melon says, "things with that many eyes creep me the hell out.">Butler, you're my guest, so sit at the table and eat like one>Shelby, you mentioned more than one course?>I feel like it's storytime>Whisper to Liska "at least Melon hit it off with her aunt">WRITE IN
>>2755928>Butler, you're my guest, so sit at the table and eat like one>Shelby, you mentioned more than one course?>I feel like it's storytime
>>2755928>>I feel like it's storytime
>>2755928>>Butler, you're my guest, so sit at the table and eat like one
>>2755928>WRITE INAsk for a tumbler of whiskey before you go insane from the eavesdropping.
>>2756001I can support that
>>2755928>I feel like it's storytime
>>2755928"Butler," you say, looking at the spectre hanging behind your sister, "you're my guest. Sit at the table and act like one.""I couldn't," he says, nodding toward you, "unless her gra-""Eat," Ellie says, not even bothering to turn to him, "this stuff's pretty good," she finishes, with a grin at Shelby. And when he looks at her she licks her lips with a LOOK.Please, please, you think, please let her just be appreciating the food. You see anger flit across Melon's face, and you're pretty sure your daughter would take more than an ear if Ellie really made a move on the guy.Or maybe your sister's just baiting her niece purposefully?"As you wish," Butler says, finding his way to the empty place at the table and digging in.He flashes a grin at you, as Ellie leans over to whisper something in Melon's ear."I think," you say, addressing the table, trying to find a way out of the maze of demonic fuckery you've found yourself in, "it's probably storytime. And somebody get me a whiskey.""Just you," Liska whispers in your ear, "or the whole table? This place looks like Poland."What side was she on in that war, again?>Just me. And probably W.>Fuck it, blitz them>Nevermind, I should probably be sober tonight>You get drinks, I'll check on Harriet.>WRITE IN
>>2756077>Fuck it, blitz them
>>2756077>>You get drinks, I'll check on Harriet.
>>2756077>Anyone who wants to drink can but let's not drink like we're dying yea? Even if we are.
>>2756077>>Nevermind, I should probably be sober tonightI feel like booze, magic, demons is probably a bad combination.
>>2756077>>You get drinks, I'll check on Harriet.She should be a part of this if she's up for it
>>2756077>Have mercy upon their livers>Honey, at least some of us don't regenerate livers like Prometheus and we don't need to be fighting a Duke tomorrow while nursing hangovers.
>>2756077Shelby's out of his seat, walking toward the kitchen. On his way, he leans down and says, "serving the second course.""Ok," you say to the table at large, standing up, "we'll be serving drinks with the second course, but please, let's not drink like we're dying, yeah?"That's a real kaleidoscope of reactions, mostly positive, some disturbingly so."Even if we are dying," you say, looking down the table with what you hope is a stern glare.Booze and magic is a dangerous enough combination. Booze, magic, and demons is probably going to be even more volatile.But you and Liska go grab bottles and glasses anyway. It takes a couple of trips, and Shelby pressgangs you into carrying plates of food along the way.Eventually, you're alone in the kitchen with your wife, in-between trips."I think we should probably check on Harriet," you tell her."And one of us needs to preside over what's about to happen in the dining room," Liska says, "I saw your sister grab that bottle of Jack, and I LIKE that chandelier!"Oh shit.But considering the history she's had with some of them in other timelines, you probably need to brief Harriet on the guest list before she wanders out into the rest of the house."Please try keeping things sane," you tell your wife and kiss her."Safe and consensual, too?" Liska asks, "I'll see what I can do," and then she whispers in your ear, "I am the baddest supernatural motherfucker in this house, except maybe your sister, and she wants to fuck me, so she wouldn't go all out on me anyway."Before you can react, Liska's gone, to go protect her chandelier, and maybe your sanity.This is going to be another clusterfuck, isn't it?You run down the hallway to make sure the resident time traveler doesn't make it even worse."Harriet?" you ask, opening the door into Melon's room slowly."Hey," she says weakly from the bed, "you having another party?""Something like that," you say, sitting on the chair beside the bed, "I need you to not jump off the hook on this one."She narrows her eyes at you, and says, "shoot.""We've got Elanor, Duchess of Hell, and the local police chief here having dinner," you say, and Harriet's eyes go wide, "and the police chief swore loyalty to me earlier. I hear he's got a legion of demons or something.""I have GOT to see this," she says, swinging her legs over the side of the bed and standing up a little unsteadily."I'd prefer nobody dies tonight," you tell the girl supporting her into the hallway, and then the two of you walk across the house into the surprisingly peaceful dining room.Liska's got all her tails waving in the air, standing at the head of the dining room, and you can feel the tension in the air.>Is there an extra place setting?>I believe I said storytime. Who's got a good story?>Whisper in Liska's ear "what the fuck did you do?">So how's the second course?>WRITE IN
>>2756177>I believe I said storytime. Who's got a good story?>Whisper in Liska's ear "what the fuck did you do?">Also grab Liska's butt because it's a damn good one.
>>2756177>>I believe I said storytime. Who's got a good story?
>>2756177>I believe I said storytime. Who's got a good story?>Whisper in Liska's ear "what the fuck did you do?"
>>2756177>>I believe I said storytime. Who's got a good story?>>Whisper in Liska's ear "what the fuck did you do?"
>>2756177>I believe I said storytime. Who's got a good story?
>>2756177>Okay, what could have happened in less than one minute of me being away?>I believe I said storytime. Who's got a good story?
>>2756177>>Is there an extra place setting?>>I believe I said storytime. Who's got a good story?
>>2756177>Slap Liska's ass to surprise her and make her let out a bark
>>2756177>Wolf whistle at your wife>Is there an extra place setting?>So how's the second course?
>>2756177"You weren't fucking joking," Harriet mutters at you as her eyes sweep the room."You might have missed a couple chapters," you tell her, "I think there's a spare seat over there.""I believe," you say, looking at the table as Harriet stumbles toward an empty chair, "I said storytime. Who's got a good one?"That seems to break the ice, as people begin arguing about who has the best story.You sidle up to Liska and whisper in her ear "I've been gone a minute," then grab her ass. God, it's worth grabbing, and the muffled yip she makes is worth more, "the hell did you do?""I told them," she whispers at you, "well, uh," she whispers, mouth against your ear, "I told them they could be decent, or leave in a bodybag. And flared my power. By the way," she continues, and you're pretty sure the tongue flicking your ear is entirely intentional, "I really want to fuck Ellie, she wants to fuck me, and our bed's big enough for three," Liska finishes breathlessly, her words brushing against your ear.Your mind bluescreens, like an error out of Bill Gates' darkest nightmares.That must have been something you misheard. Perhaps your head glitched for a second there."Oh," Rick yells from down the table, "I've got one! You guys remember when the vampires showed a couple years ago?"Well, that shuts everyone up. Apparently vampires are really bad news."Let's sit back down," you mutter at your wife, and the two of you take your seats as you try to blot what you just heard out of your mind.And apparently Ellie doesn't bother with a glass. She's just got a handle of Jack on the table in front of her."So a couple of my guys got killed, right?" Rick asks, and takes a shot, "damn good guys, pride of the force. Sometimes it happens. But these guys," he continues, raking his gaze across the table, "totally drained of blood, except a little bit pooling in their legs. So I knew what we were up against.""We know what you were up against," Mary says, brows dark, "we fought them too. So what'd you do?""Stakeout," Rick says, "put a virgin on alley patrol, followed by five of my best men and a hundred of my best demons. Vampires jumped her, and we grabbed those fuckers and beat them until they told us where the rest of them were hanging out. There is nothing like watching a vampire struggle as the sunrise slowly inches toward him.""So that's why that nest collapsed so fast," Kelly says, setting his glass on the table, "you burnt it?""Roasted them," Rick says, with a gleam in his eye, "ever seen what thermite does to a vampire?""Yes," Kelly says, lighting a cigarette.Rick looks at you and asks "I thought you didn't want me smoking inside?">You weren't with me when I said that. Light up.>I don't, but I make an exception for my brothers.>Next story. Who can top that?>Can I get a story that doesn't involve horrific bloodshed or torture?>WRITE IN
>>2756307>>You weren't with me when I said that. Light up.
>>2756307>I don't, but I make an exception for my brothers.
>>2756307>>Can I get a story that doesn't involve horrific bloodshed or torture?
>>275631516:40 -17:00ish voting period.Suddenly https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wguC89fC5F0 is even more relevant.
>>2756307>>Next story. Who can top that?at some point we need to tell a childhood story about our sister
>>2756327 I'm gonna fuck her brains out.
>>2756327you're really pushing for it though, aren't you? At this point I'd say fuck it and fuck the sister and the wife because the stars seem to be aligning to that
>>2756374I'm not shooting for it. Liska's already given an itemized list of the magical girls in terms of why she'd like to fuck them, and Ellie's a bloody hedonist who's been living as a demon for thirty years. It's one thing to think or say something like that, and completely another to actually do it.Yes, I'm working on the next post.
>>2756307>You weren't with me when I said that. Light up.>>2756327Is our wife seriously going to fuck our sister?https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKkLjJHwRecSomething tells me that we're going to want to be as far away from that as possible, and we're probably going to want to bring Marion along with us. Maybe get some late night ice cream or something. Go bowling. I just know we don't want to be in that house while that's going on, not because of who's doing who, but because I feel Demon on demon gets pretty extreme/ grotesque and loud.
>>2756307>Fred knocks on the door>Hey neighbor, you won't believe what just happened. Let me tell you a story...
>>2756307>I don't, but I make an exception for my brothers.>Can anyone top that without resorting to torture and bloodshed while we're all trying to eat?>Keep an eye on Shelby. I'm not sure if it clicked that his oldest memories are probably her torching his family to death or if he realizes and that's why he was being a hardass in the kitchen earlier.
>>2756307"I don't," you tell Rick, "I make an exception for my brothers. You swore fealty to me, not brotherhood with me.""I understand," Rick says, and puts his lighter back into his pocket. Ellie grins at you.She might as well have slapped you across the face with a sign that has "that's how demon lords do it!" written across it. You get an approving nod from Butler, before he takes another bite of the second-course pasta."I'm not going to tell the Bosnia stories," Kelly says, looking at the police chief, "but I'm partial to white phosphorus against vampires."Rick starts laughing, "damn, you're hardcore! When I took the job here, they said you'd be a thorn in my side, but I haven't had as much as a traffic complaint against you.""That IS my job," Kelly tells him, leaning forward over the table, "they don't see me, they don't think I'm dangerous, and then I-""Fuck them," Ellie cuts in, grinning, "get me on my knees and shoot your big gun into me again~!"The look on the assassin's face is priceless. The look on his wife's face could place in art galleries. You're pretty sure Einz is about to leap across the table to kill your sister, and Shelby just looks a bit awkward."I was going to ask for a story that didn't involve horrifying violence," you say, "but that's not exactly what I meant.""That did involve horrifying violence," Ellie says, gesturing at Kelly, "guy blew my brains out. With his gun. No hard feelings, hey?" she finishes, grinning at the Edwards' end of the table.You've really heard enough about the damn Japan thing."I'll revise it," you say, watching Iris grab her daughter and whisper into her ear, "does anyone have a story that doesn't involve violence, torture, or sex?"That's a lot of blank stares."Magic isn't pretty," W says, swilling wine in his glass. Where does he keep that thing?"There was that time I busted three vaults in the Swiss Alps," James volunteers, "but I don't think anyone's up for the full Ocean's Eleven treatment, and you really need to understand the people I was working with to realize why it all fell apart. And, you know," he says, standing up and looking around the table, "why I ended up running across America in a Winnebago.""You were on death's door when we found you," Madison says, "don't act like you made a choice. We didn't give you one.""I could have bailed out at any of our stops!" James says, "And you know why I didn't?">Do tell.>Shelby, please have a dessert, because I want to interrupt this.>Fatherly instincts?>Ok, trying something different, worst thing you've seen?>WRITE IN
>>2756424>>Do tell.This oughta be good.>"guy blew my brains out. With his gun. No hard feelings, hey?"So he did more or less the same thing we did to Sue?
Kelly told me he shot you gently and I guess James stayed because he could't resist everyone's little puppy dog eyes?
>>2756177How often does Harriet lie awake before bed and mutter to herself "Melons fucking *dad*"?
>>2756462I like to think that thought is just always on a loop in the back of her mind.
>>2756424> Okay, something different.> What does everyone want to do when this is all over.
>>2756462If you drink enough, you don't remember anything after you hit the bed. Or the floor.
>>2756307Also we need to tell Liska that we aren't from THAT far south.If she really wants to bone Ellie . . . Then we get to give Liska another sister. > Fertility Goddess yo.
>>2756477Then avoid drink any alchoholic beverage or we gonna have that banjo singing it's tune in our bedroom.
>>2756500We can just let only Liska bone Ellie, you know. Which might not be the worst option at some hopefully unencountered point if Ellie needs the release.Also finally we have to talk to her Butler about just what his relationship with Ellie is what with the whole Demon thing. Maybe point out that our original plan was to invade Hell to rescue her, so really her taking over Hell is just kind of a reworking of that, but we can easily go back to the invasion plan if it becomes a matter of revenge instead of rescue.
Think we should change the conversation to one about our plans for tomorrow? We were planning to sleep before she arrived and we don't want to just wing it this time.>>2756477I think she's just going wild to test our limits now that she can be out in the open with her magical self and because it gives her the chance to crack the really raunchy jokes. She was pretty adamant about us being HER husband a few minutes earlier. Or we just remind her that the things we're ok with didn't suddenly change because we found out something new about her.
>>2756551Or our sister is really, literally a little bit, smoking hot.
>>2756571So what you're saying is that an orgy with us and Liska's brothers is cool if they rule 63 themselves?
>>2756596Why do they need to rule 63 themselves?We WERE in the Marines.
>>2756424"Do tell," you say, looking at the standing wizard, "this oughta be good.""Fuck you," James says, and starts walking, "I'm going for a smoke. Outside, like a civilized human being," he finishes, with a glare at Kelly that the assassin could probably light a cigarette on."Fatherly instincts?" you ask James, lightly, and get a death glare of your own.Then James turns and walks out the back door."Wizards, am I right?" W says, as some of the girls follow James outside.Out of all the people at the table, HE'S the one that has the nerve to say that?"You're all fuckers," Rick says with a smile."Then why'd you leave me alone this long?" W asks the police chief, arms spread wide, then refills his wineglass from Ellie's bottle of Jack, winking at her. Your sister smiles back at him."Because," the police chief says, leaning toward the wizard, and you realize Rick's glass has nothing but water in it, "you keep the peace. Any rogue demon in your territory? A vampire? A goddamn spriggan? It's not my problem anymore - you'll eat it."W starts laughing, then says, "my god, you remembered that spriggan thing? Toast me!" the wizard finishes, holding his glass toward the police chief."So you did you kill the fucker?" Rick says, clinking his glass of water with W, and then they both drain their glasses, "I fucking hate dealing with Irish spirits.""Same here," W says.Did he just kill a wineglass of Jack Daniel's?"And now for something completely different," you say, "what does everyone want when this is all over?""A good future for my family," W says, "I'll probably die before I see it."With what he's doing to his liver, that's probable."Something like that," Rick says, raising his glass before he realizes it's empty, "in the short term, more water.""To be a five-star Michelin rated chef!" Shelby yells, "and let me get that for you," he tells Rick, taking the demon's glass into the kitchen."I can't top W on that, so," Kelly says, "fuck it, I want to kill Lucifer, I want to kill YAHWEH Himself! The ultimate assassin, killing both good and evil!""I want another kid," Liska says."I just want to get through this year," Harriet tells the table, "what, tests get damn hard in high school!"There's more in there than most folks at the table get."I'd like to get a boyfriend my dad doesn't murder," Einz says, and Kelly looks at her, "ok, a boyfriend my dad doesn't think needs to be murdered! That fat faceless man doesn't count! Also, thanks for killing him, dad."You're not going to ask."Either become a goddess," Mary says, "or get all of this," she continues, shrugging as a wave of pressure nearly flattens everyone in the room, "off my back. Not sure.""I want Kelly to be alive at the end of it," Iris says."I want to, uh, I'd like to get married!" Karen yells. Yeah, you're not going to ask about that one either."I want to..." Shirley says, and trails off, "yeah, I'm not telling you pricks.">I WANT [WRITE IN]!
>>2756609You're confusing the marines with the chair force and the Navy.
>>2756616>I want this madness to stop, go back to having a normal life with my wife, daughterS and sister.
>>2756616>I WANT [WRITE IN]!To see everyone live happy with their family while we lay in a bed dying peacefully by age after solving life problems?I think this was similar to what we said when we were taking over mary's operation, somethig like that should still be our goal I think. He just wants his family to be happy, that's why he entered this bizzare world anyway.
>>2756629That makes it sound like we hate everyone at the party besides our wife and daughter
>>2756616> I WANTTo see my daughter and her friends, my brothers, my sister, and my wife happy. I'm a family man. Another kid might not be a bad idea either. Melon and Liska would have another family member that way after I'm gone. Maybe two or three more kids?
>>2756616Gonna go with this.>>2756666
>>2756616I think I want to sit ontop of this empire, and make sure our city is chill.
>>2756616"I got what I want," Alice says, pulling Shirley and W into a hug, "except I'd like... Yeah, I'll go with my daughter. I'm not telling you pricks."You half-expect Sue and/or the 1k sword to chime in something about taking Edo and killing the shogun, but they seem to have joined James on his smoke break."I," Rob says, "I want my sister to have a decent future. And we'd like to - OK SHUT THE FUCK UP!" he yells, grabbing his hand, "YOU DON'T GET A VOTE!"Seems like 'digesting' the demon is running into a few snags there."I'd like to be Prime Minister of Hell," Butler says, "under her grace, of course."You can't help but feel he's lying a little there."I just want us all to make it through," Roxanne says."I want everyone's wish to come true," Melon says, "and I'll take 'I'm not telling you pricks' for mine," she finishes, grinning at Shirley."And I want to conquer Hell," Ellie tells the table, "and maybe earth after that. What, you think I'd do a worse job running it than your current human governments?"Ok then. That might conflict with a lot of the other wishes at the table.But now the question has wound its way back around to you, like a snake.And you have to tell them your wish."I want to die," you say, just to see the looks of shock and horror on their faces, "I want to die peacefully in a bed, surrounded by my children, my nieces, my nephews, my grandchildren, y'all, your children and grandchildren. I want to see my brothers, my sisters, my children, and their friends happy before I bite it.""But I'm not dying yet," you say, "there is a long damn road ahead of us before that happens, and many miles before we sleep!"You know you're butchering that quote, but you get applause Hitler would have envied as you stand from your chair.>Ellie, we're going to have to talk about this 'conquering earth' thing>Let's go make sure the smokers aren't having fights in the backyard>Well, let's make our dreams come true!>Now let's get hammered!>WRITE IN
>>2756616I want to see my daughter happy, enjoy every day I have with my wife, and a bunch of other stuff. I guess I should just say that I want my family to be ok and that includes you guys now.And of course I've got to watch the Braves win the world series a bunch of times.
>>2756734>Well, let's make our dreams come true!>Now let's get hammered!
>>2756734>Freebles, anything to add?>Ask him if he thinks he could do anything to help our sis.
>>2756734>>Ellie, we're going to have to talk about this 'conquering earth' thing
>>2756734>>Let's go make sure the smokers aren't having fights in the backyard! Because screw having to clean it up, AGAIN!>Ellie, we're going to have to talk about this 'conquering earth' thing
>>2756734>I'm not so sure that I can agree with your whole world domination thing right now but let's talk about how to make sure Guiston doesn't get in the way of that tomorrow? That means no hangovers tomorrow. We've gotta be in peak condition because I want EVERYONE to make it through this.>Step one. What idiot mistakes did I make the last time? Other than trying to solo a duke of hell. (that probably covers the whole forgetting to make a win condition thing and whatever else)>Step two What ideas does everyone have? (We can't be the only one in the group to come up with bright ideas all the time)> Do not bring up Freebles unless we need his advice and be very careful about if if we have to.
>>2756734> Freebles, anything to add?
>Freebles, anything to add?>Well, let's make our dreams come true!>Now let's get hammered!
>>2756734"I think you forgot someone," Freebles says, leaping from your pocket onto the table, "I've got my own wish, bro."You can see Ellie mouth 'bro' through a slack jaw as Freebles flexes on the table, showing off his tats, and are his muscles even bigger now?"So what is it?" you ask, "top mine.""I want to be the Rat God!" he yells, "this system's fucked, and I'll fix it from the top!"Well, that's the first time you've seen three demons utterly gobsmacked.Ellie looks like she's been slapped with a raw fish, Butler's trying to rely on his monocle to preserve his dignity, but it's shattered. Rick recovers first."Pet rat, huh?" the police chief asks, "I get it now, Lord. Damn glad I threw in with you.""Not sure I can support your 'world domination' thing, Ellie," you say, before she recovers, "I live here, you know?""YOU THREW IN WITH THEM?" your sister screams at you."He threw in with me," you tell her, staring into those eyes that are so different, but so similar to your sister's."SEE THIS INK?" Freebles yells, turning his back to her and flexing, "IT'S MY LOYALTY TO MY BROTHER! WRITTEN ON MY FLESH!"Butler leans in to Ellie's ear and whispers something.You could cut the tension in the room with a knife. You're not sure what the sides are, but any of them could annihilate the other.Hell, you were just trying to make an inspirational speech!Then Ellie steps forward and scratches Freebles behind the ears.He purrs and rears up into her hand, then she clenches it around his throat, "RAT!" your sister yells.And something utterly impossible happens. Freebles grows a couple of meters, muscles forming onto him in midair."I'm his rat," Freebles says, jerking his head at you, "or do you want to go to the mat with me?"Oh god, he just pitched a challenge at Ellie. That's never a good idea."HEY!" you yell, "no fighting in the house! Let's get hammered and make our dreams come true and all that!"Ellie takes her hand off Freebles' throat, and that monstrously muscled bulk transforms into a ferret in front of your eyes."Nothing up my sleeves, elder sister," he says, bowing toward Ellie."You don't have sleeves!" she yells at him, but there's no venom in it. Then she grabs the handle of Jack, looks you in the eye, and says, "I think you said 'get hammered'," and drains it, slurping down the whiskey like it's water.[1/2]
>>2756879"I hope you got a demon liver," you tell her, then look Butler full in the eye and say, "and your butler's ready to take you home.""Fuck you," Ellie says, grinning at you, "I'll be fine. Let's check on those idiots outside."Then she marches past you toward the back door, and you glance over the table and whip your head toward the backyard.They follow you outside. It's not Fight Club. They're just talking.>Pull 'Butler' aside and ask about what the Hell is happening with the power struggle against Gusion>Grab Ellie and tell her that if she invades Earth from Hell, you WILL be her enemy>Ask Ellie if the wizards and Freebles can have a look at her - magically>LET'S GET HAMMERED AND MAKE OUR DREAMS COME TRUE!>WRITE IN
>>2756915>Get the wizards, Freebles, and Ellie together, see if they is anything we can do magically to keep her from being sooo swingy? Or maybe some pills for bipolar people?
>>2756915>>Ask Ellie if the wizards and Freebles can have a look at her - magicallyDrinks are out, time is limited, and it may be awhile before she's around again.
>>2756915>Ask Ellie if the wizards and Freebles can have a look at her - magically
>>2756924I can support this
>>2756915>Ask Ellie is she's ok with us calling in a person to try and check her out magically speaking.(Having the wizards do it is just gonna result in her raping them in front of everybody and traumatizing us. I'd like to think they have enough experience to see it coming too) What she needs is a good old combat magic exam.
>>2756915>Ask Ellie if the wizards and Freebles can have a look at her - magically>Also, Ellie, have you considered taking over politically, rather then through an invasion? Because we might have something for 2024...
>>2756942PS that person is Haru, although maybe all the kitsune fighting her at once would be more appropriate since they should all have the same basic knowledge?
>>2756915>Pull 'Butler' aside and ask about what the Hell is happening with the power struggle against Gusion
>>2756915>Ask Ellie if the wizards and Freebles can have a look at her - magically>WRITE IN"I know 'normal' isn't something we can do, given everything that's happened, but I want to help you feel less 'fucked up' as you put it. Or as close as we can get it. I've been selfish as hell tonight, asking you to come all the way out here when you have your own shit to deal with, so if you're willing, let me do this for you. It's your call."
>>2756915>Pull 'Butler' aside and ask about what the Hell is happening with the power struggle against Gusion>Ask Ellie if the wizards and Freebles can have a look at her - magically
>>2756942>>2756915Hey, what about the Youkai in Japan?
>>2756981This ain't bad either.Sorry. Splitting my attention between this and work so I can only read a few posts at a time.
>>2756981I can get behind the write in.
>>2756987Maybe move the "fighting arena" to there so that our lawn doesn't get completely fucked up?I also just realized that so much stuff has been happening that we STILL forgot to let the In Laws know we're alive again.
>>2756981Ooh,supporting this as well
>>2756981>>2756915I can fuck with this.
>>2756915You gently place your hand on Ellie's shoulder.She turns her head back at you."What?" she asks."I have three wizards on staff," you say, "and a ferret that's magically loyal to me. And I'm, uh, responsible for a shitload of magical girls."That's probably the best way to phrase it - helping someone else, not implying there's something wrong with her."And?" Ellie says, then her eyes narrow, "oh, you want me to let them take a look at me?"There's a very tense moment between the two of you as Ellie looks deep into your eyes."Magically," you tell her."Sure," she says, "this should be fun! HEY!" she yells, "MAGICAL JACKASSES! FUCKIN' EXAMINE ME!"W, Kelly, James and Freebles look at you."Freebles," you say, "grab Haru. I don't care what he's doing. Tell him it's urgent family business.""I'm giving you my consent," Ellie says, looking at the wizards as Freebles ports out, and she stalks toward the wizards, "go ahead, do it. Touch my fucking soul. Touch it if you dare - I won't fight you.""And this is excellent compensation for me acting 'normal' tonight," Ellie whispers in your ear."Get on the picnic table," James says, stubbing out his cigarette against the wall of your house, "I'm guessing you know how this works?""Oh yes," Ellie says, flopping onto the table, then she glares around at the wizards, "I'll kill you all if you don't make it good."Well, you realize, that's probably what you should have or did anticipate, as W, James, and Kelly extend their hands toward her and Ellie screams in ecstasy."MORE!" she yells, thrashing on the table, "HARDER! ARE YOU MEN OR MICE? FUCK ME!"That's when you turn away. Magic isn't pretty, but you don't want to watch this."RIGHT THERE!" you hear your sister yell, like you heard her through the walls all those years ago, and then Freebles returns with Haru, dumping the kitsune right in front of you."Bro," the ferret says, "I've got to get in on this," and then he darts off behind you, and you hear Ellie's screams of... pain? ...pleasure? you can't tell and don't want to, redouble."I WAS MEDITATING!" Haru yells at you, "why the hell did you get your rat to pull me out of that for THIS?"Then he stares past you, "ok, I'd fuck her," the youkai says."That's my sister!" you yell at him, "also a magical girl that broke her contract and became a demoness and duchess of Hell, and I was hoping you could pull that 'understanding through combat' shit on her to figure out how the contract works or something.""I'll wait until they're done," Haru says, "by the way, the whole flood recovery thing is going pretty well.""Glad to hear it," you tell him, thankful for anything to take your mind off of what's going on behind you, "what happened to those guys from the government, anyway?"[1/2]
>>2757069[2/2]Haru starts laughing, "oh," he gasps out, "you didn't hear about that? There's a bill before the Diet to clean and refurbish all the shrines in the country! It's hilarious! Seems like one of them was the son of Somebody Who Matters, and he's gone hardline Shintoist.""Starting with mother's shrine," Haru tells you, "of course. Sachio's too much of a meathead to use the files right, but he's got a few people who can! We are terrorizing the demons in the government! The old gods are coming back," he says, with a smirk that shows too many teeth, and hugs you, "brother in law, we are bringing back the good times! And that old bastard is running for the Diet again!"That was possibly the last person in the world you expected to hug you."Glad it turned out well," you manage to squeeze out from the embrace, "everyone doing ok on the mountain?" you ask, feeling that this has spiralled rapidly out of control."Well?" Haru asks you, "it didn't turn out well, it turned out fuckin' fantastic, as you Americans say! WE. ARE. BRINGING THE OLD GODS BACK!" he yells into your ear, jumping up and down like a dog that sees its master, "yeah, everyone's doing fine on the mountain, Sachio's in some sort of bullshit love triangle with Hamasaki-sama, a yuki-onna, and that tengu," he tells you, then whispers, "John's betting on the Tengu, but my money's on the shrine maiden. Yuki's a frigid bitch."If you thought it was out of control before, it certainly is now."I wouldn't count out the dark horse," you tell him, somehow managing to pull out of his embrace."WHO'S GOING TO GET ME OFF?" you hear Ellie yell from behind you, "THAT WAS FUCKIN' FOREPLAY!""I think I'm up," Haru says, drawing his sword, "I know she's your sister, but it can't be helped."Shit.Then a raging demon is fighting a kitsune in your backyard, and you're just hoping that barrier those wizards put down beforehand is strong enough to contain it.>Wizards, are you conscious? Hold the fucking barrier!>Butler, is she always like this?>Watch the fight>Liska, is he going to kill my sister?>WRITE IN
>>2757123>>Wizards, are you conscious? Hold the fucking barrier!>Butler, is she always like this?>Watch the fight
>>2757123>Butler, is she always like this?>Watch the fight
>>2757123>Wizards, are you conscious? Hold the fucking barrier!>Butler, is she always like this?
>>2757123Freebles, tell somebody to bring out first aid supplies to have handy and if any of em are good at barrier magic they need to pitch in!Yuki probably has the worst chance since all female suitors traditionally have to get past the greatest obstacle Aka the mother. I didn't get the impression that she was frigid from our time here. She probably simply doesn't get along with Haru and Jon's antics.
>>2757123Well.Uh.That turned out to be a . . . Thing.
Oh hey, nice to catch this again. Catch-up time!>>2755324New ID because IP reasons.>I'm surprised you lasted this long, given that I pulled that card even harder in past threads, particularly in the aftermath of the minotaur thing. I try to use it to reinforce the fact that the MC is a dad, and by his very nature is excluded from certain things.I have a certain tolerance built up to it, and it's not been so saturating the work that it's driven me off so far. Additionally, the previous ones (at least the instances I remember) usually made sense and were context appropriate - usually Liska having a private talk with various members of the 'softball team'.For example, I don't have much of an issue with >>2755928, mainly because it's not really stepping on any of my berserk buttons.> Out of curiosity, what set you off about that particular update?It was mostly the combination of the context (Ellie having just molested Liska), the barb you stuck in there with Kelly, and the fact that it's 'our' wife and sister - the MC is literally the most qualified person to be in there.In the end, if it has a valid, contextual reason, I don't tend to have a problem with it. It's just when it gets played for comedy that it really rankles me.That, and the fact that lesbianism (which usually comprises a large portion of the subtext of this sort of thing) is pretty much the opposite of a fetish for me.If you've gotten this far, Haiku, thanks for letting me get this off my chest. I'm really enjoying the quest otherwise.>>2756879>Roids.jpgDear fucking god.Oh wait. It's real.>>2757069Well. That was a thing.Is it like this for all of these "magical doctor's visits", or is Ellie just a special case?I'm leaning towards the latter; it kinda fits her characterization.>>2757133Supporting.
>>2757123"Any wizards in the house?" you yell, and then see W, James, Kelly, and Freebles sprawled around the picnic table.If touching Melon's soul was an ordeal for The Artist Formerly Known as T.T., you can't imagine what touching Ellie's was like for them.Your backyard is fucked.Foxfire ripples from Haru's blade as he clashes with Ellie in the air, each burst cutting off an escape route."Butler," you say, and suddenly the demon's at your elbow, "is she always like this?""Except when her grace isn't," he replies."You know what I mean," you tell him, as you watch Haru parry a blow so strong his sword breaks, shattered steel raining down on your lawn."I believe her grace is at ten out of nineteen dukes of Hell now," 'Butler' says, "as I said, 'strong as shit'."That's Ellie for you.But Haru seems to have gotten a lot more formidable after he gave up his sword. He's focusing on magic now, blue fire rippling around him as he flies through the air."And how do we wind her down before she wipes this city off the map?" you ask the demon. That's apparently a thing Ellie does nowadays."Her grace isn't going full force," Butler tells you, "it's almost as she wants him to-"And then you see Haru's foot, clothed in blue fire, lash out against Ellie's jaw, and she falls headlong into the ground.Then your brother in law turns into a fox, curls a shitload of tails around himself, and falls to the ground himself. A black-haired idiot runs out of the indentation in your lawn, and reaches your sister before you do."You alright?" you hear Haru asking her as you run up, with his hand against her neck to check for a pulse."Jus' tired," Ellie whispers, "two big fights an' three wizards an' a rat? 'Course I'm tired," she says, and conks out."I'll need to compare notes with," Haru says, standing up shakily, "them," he finishes, with a gesture at the comatose wizards, and then falls to the ground himself.>Butler, take my sister back.>Dump them in a bed. The same bed. I want to see their faces in the morning.>We've got space on the floor for these two.>She just downed a magical girl, three wizards, a magic ferret, and a kitsune. Yeah, that's my sister for ya!>WRITE IN
>>2757238Okay, can someone walk me through how the fuck spoiler tags and line endings work? I'm clearly doing something wrong.>>2757240>Butler, take my sister back.>Alright everybody, party's over!>Wind down for the night.
>>2757240>>Dump them in a bed. The same bed. I want to see their faces in the morning.
>>2757240>Dump them in a bed. The same bed. I want to see their faces in the morning.I know I'm probably the only one will vote for this but it's too good not to pass up
>>2757240>>We've got space on the floor for these two.>>She just downed a magical girl, three wizards, a magic ferret, and a kitsune. Yeah, that's my sister for ya!We dump them in the same bed, Ellie will take advantage. Let's not put him in that situation.
>>2757240>Dump them in a bed. The same bed. I want to see their faces in the morning.While I'm normally not one to go with the joke options, this was too good to pass up, even if our sister is currently a vengeful Duchess of Hell who's obliterated over half of those in hell who hold equivalent titles.
>>2757240>>Dump them in a bed. The same bed. I want to see their faces in the morning.Honey, could you take care of her clothes? They look like they could use a wash... (wink wink)
>>2757240>>We've got space on the floor for these two.The bed thing would be funny until Ellie took it as consent.
>>2757240>>Dump them in a bed. The same bed. I want to see their faces in the morning.>She just downed a magical girl, three wizards, a magic ferret, and a kitsune. Yeah, that's my sister for ya!
>>2757240>>Dump them in a bed. The same bed. I want to see their faces in the morning.>>We've got space on the floor for these two.>>She just downed a magical girl, three wizards, a magic ferret, and a kitsune. Yeah, that's my sister for ya!
>>2757256>>2757258>>2757266pretty sure that our wife will get her in our bed sometime tonight or tommorrow
>She just downed a magical girl, three wizards, a magic ferret, and a kitsune. Yeah, that's my sister for ya!>Dump them in a bed. The same bed. I want to see their faces in the morning.
What the heck just happened
>>2757240>Does she have trouble sleeping? I don't want the house to explode with everyone in it because she has a nightmare.>Ok. My sister and the wizards are all unconscious so we need to do the war planning in the morning. Set the alarms because we can't oversleep tomorrow. >Shelby. I'm gonna need to talk with you. (See how he's doing. Our sister being here can't be easy for him if he's figured out where Kelly knows her from.)
>>2757240>She just downed a magical girl, three wizards, a magic ferret, and a kitsune. Yeah, that's my sister for ya!Let's not facilitate a rape.
>>2757302>Shelby was a genki kid who is a bundle of energy when he was a kid.>Sister sees the genki kid>Rode her days upon days of hedonistic carnal pleasure>After the war Shelby is now a shadow of his former self. Dead eyes like someone suck his soul out of the body with pokerface expression>Fast forward>Shelby sees sister>PTSD intensifiesOr at least that is what I think
>>2757240>She just downed a magical girl, three wizards, a magic ferret, and a kitsune. Yeah, that's my sister for ya!Dump her in her old room, unless we moved house then nevermind.
>>2757240A crowd gathers around the latest scene, and you tell them "she just downed a magical girl," and you see Sue wince, "three wizards, a magic ferret, and a kitsune," nobody winces at those because they're all comatose, "definitely my sister," you finish, amid laughter."Dump them in a bed," you say, "the same bed. I want to see their faces in the morning."Ellie said she was getting laid tonight, didn't she?And Haru tried to fucking kill you in Japan, even if he warmed up a little after that."Aye, Aye, Cap'n!" Mary says, and the magical girls drag Haru and Ellie off to probably the guest bedroom.Revenge is sweet."And someone help me get these wizards off my lawn," you say, walking over and scooping Freebles into your pocket. They can compare notes in the morning.Moving W, James, and Kelly onto couches is tougher than stuffing Freebles into your jacket, but many hands make light work, and eventually everyone's squared away.Rick and Butler are still playing cards with each other when you go to bed, and since you saw them both lay down a hand of five aces at once, you're pretty sure they'll be busy for a while.And eventually you're in bed with Liska, listening to the dull roar of the girls in Melon's room."So," she says, "how was the 'softball game'?"You laugh and tell her the story of the evening."She shot down satellites?" Lisa asks you, climbing onto your chest and laughing, "so that's why the chief of police showed up. And Angus stood behind Karen instead of his boss - ahh, young love.">Were you serious about fucking my sister?>You said you had questions about what Harriet was saying>So what happened with those two while I was in a coma?>Sleep>WRITE IN
>>2757336>>So what happened with those two while I was in a coma?>>You said you had questions about what Harriet was saying
>>2757336>>You said you had questions about what Harriet was sayingWe went through the whole 'sleeping with other people' thing with Sue already, let's not get into it again.
>>2757336>You said you had questions about what Harriet was saying>So what happened with those two while I was in a coma?>Set her in your lap.
>>2757336>>You said you had questions about what Harriet was saying>>So what happened with those two while I was in a coma?>So, do you want to get started on kid number two?
>>2757336>You wanted to talk about Harriet?
>>2757336>And Angus stood behind Karen instead of his bossSpeaking of, I suspect he's not long for this world; he backstabbed a literal dragon.
>>2757336>You said you had questions about what Harriet was saying>So what happened with those two while I was in a coma?
>>2757336>Were you serious about fucking my sister?>You said you had questions about what Harriet was saying>Did you really want more kits?
>>2757336> So . . . More kids?
>>2757355Not unless we take him in.Speaking of which, we should ask Kelly to keep an eye on him.
>>2757355Also Bernie DID more or less give him to us as an apology for him fucking Sue.Quick question? How much has Bernie been shitting his pants since our sister showed up?
>>2757336>Write-InLet's do that wish of yours right now and I want another daughter*Fade to black"*
>>2757406If he's willing, if he makes it to us after successfully betraying a dragon, and if we're willing to risk pissing Bernie off more by sheltering someone who betrayed him.Sure Angus might be a decent guy, but he's not worth making actual enemies with the only other noteworthy faction nearby.>>2757408That was after the first time, and before he stood with us over his boss. Also, he's kept fucking her apparently, so he wasn't exactly sincere.
>>2757336"What the hell happened with those two while I was in a coma?" you ask her.Liska starts laughing again."They," she begins and loses it again, and you feel her chest heave against your with laughter, "they Montague and Capulet'd the hell out of everything. Wouldn't be surprised if they had a balcony scene and everything. That got us Bernie's Goon Squad for several demon incursions.""He's probably dead by now," you say, "if he double-crossed a dragon like that.""Honey," Liska whispers in your ear, "I don't think you realize how Bernie's mob works - we've got good intel on it now, courtesy of Karen's little intrigue. The dragon goes off, then Heinrich talks him down. That knight's probably the only reason Bernie's still alive. You know," she says, and kisses you, "they're supposed to slay dragons, not lay them. I think Heinrich," she says, running her hands down you, "misplaced a letter somewhere.""That's easy, with German," you say, and let out a breath you didn't know you were holding as your wife's fingers start stroking life into the most erratic part of your body, "before we go for it, you said you had questions," you say, and gasp, "and I can't answer them while you're doing - that!""Our little time-traveler?" Liska asks you, but doesn't stop fondling you, "you know if she told any of her friends?""Seems like she didn't," you say, "look, I can't-""She's been bearing a heavy burden," Liska says, "and she feels like she can't share it with anyone but us. It's crushing her."There is only so much a man can take. You roll over on top of Liska."I know that," you say, as your wife lets out a yelp, "it's like having another daughter.""She told me she thinks you've staved off at least one apocalypse," Liska whispers from beneath you, "and you just got the leader of a legion of demons to swear fealty to you. Do you have any idea," she says, eyes going wide, "how hot that is?""I can feel it," you say, pushing into her, "and were you funning me about having more kids?""Oh god no!" Liska says, and...Well, it was a good night.A REALLY good night.>You wake up, but decide to drift back to sleep>You wake up, and wake everyone in the house with "GET THE FUCK UP! GUSION'S COMING!" and pounding on room doors.>You wake up, and just head for the kitchen. You've got a shitton of people to feed.>WRITE IN
>>2757417If Karen's seriously thinking about marrying him, then we gotta step up for him. It might cost something, but to be fair that "something" might rapidly be "letting Bernie walk away from this whole mess instead of feeding him to a Duke of Hell".Really, we should have taken him out at the Quarry. Fuck dragons.
>>2757422>You wake up, and just head for the kitchen. You've got a shitton of people to feedwhen is the Gusion thing supposed to take place today anyways?
>>2757422>Quietly wake up Shelby first, and get him to start making breakfast.>Wake everyone in the house with "GET THE FUCK UP! GUSION'S COMING!" and pounding on room doors.
>>2757422>>You wake up, and wake everyone in the house with "GET THE FUCK UP! GUSION'S COMING!" and pounding on room doors.Let's get things moving.>I don't think you realize how Bernie's mob works Wow, my respect for him just went way down. He's has every right to be angry. Personally, I think he should have slaughtered Angus as an example; who's going to respect him if he can't control his people?
>>2757422>You wake up, and just head for the kitchen. You've got a shitton of people to feed.We might need help for this. Is shelby awake?
>>2757422backen >>2757433We have a duke of hell to kill properly this time
>>2757422>You wake up with two heads bobbing up and down under the sheets, and feel something similar in that general region. /sarcasm>You wake up, and just head for the kitchen. You've got a shitton of people to feed.Breakfast before demon slaying, but after demon laying in haru's case.
>>2757422>You wake up, but decide to drift back to sleep>>2757435> That knight's probably the only reason Bernie's still alive.It was pointed out directly in the very post you quoted how your style of management would result in a dead dragon, so I find myself unable to respect your opinion on this.
>>2757433>>2757422Actually yes back this.
>>2757422>Quietly wake up Shelby first, and get him to start making breakfast.>You wake up, and wake everyone in the house with "GET THE FUCK UP! GUSION'S COMING!" and pounding on room doors.So _that's_ what took this update so long. Fucken' finally.
>>2757428>marriageThat hasn't come up at all.Bernie is a little difficult to deal with, but now that we're around parity, he's not so bad. It's nice to have someone that isn't our immediate bestest friend, odd as that sounds. Literally everyone else else we know (minus 1 duke of Hell) is a friend, ally, or acquaintance.>>2757445Yes, and my response includes that. He isn't controlling his people. He is allowing open defiance. That garners a lack of respect, regardless of underlying reason.
>>2757422>You wake up, and just head for the kitchen. You've got a shitton of people to feed.>Your wife fucks off for some odd reason
>>2757422> Everyone get the fuck up. Guistons coming soon and we don't even have any plans setup yet! Start making some while i work on breakfast with Shelby!>Rick. Any idea what direction he's coming from or an area we can try to summon him at for his asskicking? Does the city have any weird sort of defenses like being able to lock demons into a certain neighborhood or other section? (That soviet architecture idea actually works really well if you use it for a demon jail or to trap invaders so that you can just shoot them from outside) Can your guys evacuate a decent sized area with some random excuses? I don't want the lives of innocent people caught up in this.>We need ideas from everyone!>>2757430>I think it was later tonight or tomorrow morning but it's best not to rely on the patience of demons. We really should have been prepped last night
It wasn't so bad when it was us einteracting with one or two people but I think we might need a POV change or something since it's really getting a bit jarring to me how MC is the only one with ideas. Or even to just have us vote on suggestions that the other characters might make?
>>2757469Fuck it. I'm finding some canned air later because the comma key needs to get cleared out.
>>2757469It's a player agency thing, I think. And we are nominally in charge of this group. Also, I'm fairly certain Hauki doesn't plan much, which sometimes means we're providing the ideas and direction, thus that sense of "I'm the only one with agency".No POV changes though, please. It becomes a mess trying to stay IC.
>>2757430There was a voting period, I guess? It's over now, and I have to count and write. Write-ins afterward will be considered if I see them while writing.>>2757435>Wow, my respect for him just went way down. He's has every right to be angry.I think it's more that Heinrich tries filing down Bernie's serrated edges when he thinks it's going to be a problem later on. Angus probably got a ROUGH chewing out from both Bernie and Heinrich during that car ride back from the quarry. (No, not like that.) But during the month the MC was down, Angus taking Bernie's Goon Squad out to help the MC's magical girls was beneficial for everyone in the city who likes not getting eaten by demons, and he's still valuable to Bernie even if he fucks up sometimes.Basically, Heinrich is keeping Bernie from falling into the "YOU HAVE FAILED ME!" villain trap.>>2757454>>marriage>That hasn't come up at all.That was Karen's wish back in the posts about 'what do you guys want after this is over?' thing.>>2757469>MC is the only one with ideasHuh. I admit, I've been concerned about people saying "too much of this is out of our hands!" considering that a lot of things have happened because the cast decided they should. (Most obviously and recently, Rachel v. Myrna and Ellie v. Haru. The MC had very little control over either of those once the pieces were in place.) And last time I tried voting for other characters (first couple of threads), I got chewed the fuck out.I do sometimes put vote options in the mouths of other characters, where it makes sense to me.
>>2757486Fair enough. I just get the feeling that it's extremely bizarre if not one of these extremely experienced people has any suggestions. Kelly is a good example of a guy that has his own plans. He might ask us for confirmation first, but he still had his own course of action setup. Madison's group (outside of James) is strangely silent. I have no idea if they have any thoughts on all of this or if they're just observing to see wtf happens? I hope Madison's extensive reading hobby might mean she knows quite a few examples for things we might do.
>>2757486>I think it's more that Heinrich tries filing down Bernie's serrated edgesIn this case, He's filed the edges down too much; This ins't 'failed to do something I asked', or some minor screw up, Angus clearly stated with his actions he would stand against his boss in a fight. That's not chewing out material, that is at best banishment, at worst death. That's my point. If he's allowing open defiance like that, it shows he isn't control his people, which indicates he's weak.>>That hasn't come up at all.I stand corrected, though their relationship never seemed it was headed towards marriage to me. But I guess we haven't seen that much of it.>Huh. I admit, I've been concerned about people saying "too much of this is out of our hands!"You have given us miles more control than most quests have as it is. If you cut down our agency by half, it'd still be more than many quests. And frankly, we should have somewhat limited agency, as we, as MC, are not strong. But it's never felt that way (see: attacking duke with shotgun), because everyone else feels reactive. We have several kludged together groups in repeated close proximity, but nothing ever happens unless we bring it up, for instance. It feels like the world revolves around us.Even little things, like this most recent vote: (choose what happens next) I understand you're wanting to let us set the place, but the the side effect is that it literally feels like we control the world.
>>2757534No, the correct thing to do for Bernie is to fire the Minotaur peacefully while sending him over to our camp, and then use him as a cats paw to direct our attention towards targets beneficial for him to get hit, while no longer being obligated to care for or pay the minotaur.Outright killing him would be wasting everything invested in him up to that point, not to mention creating possibly lethal conflict with our group.You have a terrible grasp of business and politics.Killing people for potentially standing against you just makes you look too scared of them to risk it, and too unstable to do business with.Please read The Evil Overlords list of common mistakes.
>>2757422Honey, we're definitely gonna have to do something about harriet's issues after dealing with Guiston. Shes been drinking and letting them pile up inside so long that if she has to do it one more time she might break. She barely seemed to be holding on before when that first cookout happened and this is the first time anything even went good.>>2757486Whatever happened to W's research? I get that bookmaking takes a while, but for all I know hes been too busy with the crap we keep on running into to actually make progress?
>>2757556He's a dragon. His MO is the evil overlord's list of common mistakes because no amount of insurrection can generally kill him and he owns all the wealth inside of a vault that only he can enter. He can apparently pay off multiple pissed off countries that lost several billion dollar satellites like it's nothing which means he can probably also pay enough mercenaries to take threats out or.Angus needs to watch himself before the implications of the restaurant scene become true.
>>2757422You wake up with a smoking hot foxgirl and a lot of fluffy tails draped across you.You're still not sure why on earth she married you, even though she explained it once. No man should be this lucky.Although you're beginning to wonder if there's some sort of karmic imbalance caused by the mere fact Liska's in your bed that makes everything else in the universe try to screw things up for you.Oh, right, Duke of Hell incoming tonight. Wizards, witches, magical girls, kitsune, and demons sleeping on your couches, beds, and floors.Yeah, you're going with 'karmic imbalance', you think, pulling yourself out of bed and throwing on clothes. Liska barely stirs. She's always been a late riser, you think, as you bend over and kiss her forehead.There is one guy in this dogpile you can rely on to help you pull together breakfast for this many people/entities, you realize, walking into the hallway. And you don't know where he slept.As you walk down the hallway, picking your way over sleepers in blankets, it becomes rapidly apparent that you don't need to know where he slept - you can hear the moron yelling directions at his hapless kitchen assistants.You pass a card table with two full royal flushes in the same suit laid out on it, and your sleepy mind realizes that's not a thing that happens.Then you peek into the kitchen."WE ARE FEEDING A SHITLOAD OF PEOPLE!" Shelby yells at Rick and Butler, "AND WE HAVE TO GET THIS DONE BEFORE THEY'RE ALL UP! YOU CAME FROM HELL? THIS KITCHEN IS HELL! MOVE IT!"You pull your head back before anyone sees you. That kid's a completely different person in a kitchen. And you're sure breakfast is taken care of.Alright then, time for phase two of your master plan.You start banging on bedroom doors yelling "GET THE FUCK UP! GUSION'S COMING!"You get groans and a "yeah, dad," from Melon's room. The reaction from the guest bedroom is... well, far too reminiscent of your younger days. They can probably hear Ellie roaring "FUCK OFF!" for three blocks in every direction.At least it woke everyone else up, you think, as piles of pillows and blankets on the floor start to turn into girls, wizards, and women."Please tell me," Madison says, sleepily, standing up from a blanket next to you, "that was a nightmare or I was really fucking drunk last night.">Tell me about your nightmare>It's all real.>You've seen some shit - how fucked are we?>I'm delegating waking up James and the rest of your crew to you. Breakfast in ten.>WRITE IN
>>2757570If Bernie ate Angus, how do you think Karen would react?Yeah, that's how wars start. Dragons aren't invulnerable, which is why Sigfried is stated to be the reason Bernie is still alive because that shit DOES catch up to you no matter how powerful you are.
>>2757556Perception is an important part of politicking, and as a dragon, his image comes from cunning backed by fear.Banishment is an option, yes, but you're assuming an awful lot about the amount of control he'd have over him afterwords, considering why he ditched him in the first place.
>>2757576>>Tell me about your nightmare
>>2757578He has enough money that he can PAY people strong enough to kill us to show up if he doesn't just rat us out.And the implication wasn't that Angus would be eaten whole It's that Angus would become a eunuch and Bernie would have a nice lunch.
>>2757576>Tell me about your nightmare>I'm delegating waking up James and the rest of your crew to you. Breakfast in ten.
>>2757576>>Tell me about your nightmare>>2757578Karen might blow up, but is it really worth starting a shooting war with our mutual defense guy over an internal discipline issue messing up a relationship our subordinates is having?As mentioned before, Bernie has limited direct assets, but he's still a dragon, and he's got plenty of money. We won the standoff in the quarry because he was almost alone. You can bet he won't forget that.
>>2757579Some control > No controlIt's the sunk cost fallacy, if Angus becomes more of a liability than he's worth then it's better to cut him loose.However, since Bernie isn't opposing us, there's no reason to do so unless Angus questions him in front of Bernies own people and not when it's just us and Heinrich.Bernies image comes also from being able to make smart and profitable deals that both sides benefit from, even if Bernie benefits more from it. That's the cunning part.If all he had was fear, then eventually people would work together to take him down.How much do you think it would cost to get Mercs to take on, what, a dozen magical girls, a top tier assassin, three very experienced wizards, and a goddamn Duchess of Hell, not to mentiom Liska and her family whom we have a bond of brotherhood with the head member?Let alone the collateral damage of such a fight to the city where Bernie keeps all his stuff.The term is a pyrrhic victory, and afterwards if he survived Bernie would be in a baaaaad position for what I assume his other rivals would be quick to take advantage since he would have lost a lot of his resources.Honestly banishment would even be too much at this point. Selling Angus to us? Maybe not. Heck he could even use sending Angus to work for us to excuse sending a second employer as an "observer and advisor" to represent Bernie.
>>2757576>Tell me about your nightmare
In all this discussion about Bernie, the real question nobody's asked is why the fuck a 1.5+ millenia old dragon who's shaped world politics in the past has been reduced to running an accounting firm and part of a city in Nowhere, USA.
>>2757592If Bernie did eat Angus over that, he would quickly become alone or have nobody worth anything underneath him because they would have the power to have better options than working for a psycho boss who doesn't let you date anyone.
>>2757605I would assume because until he met Heinrich, he kept fucking it up and making enemies while alienating underlings and allies.
>>2757605I was just assuming he had something resembling a plan, or something went horrifically tits up during the cold war
>>2757605We just assume that it was simple boredom and waiting for the right moment to start doing it again.After all, the right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world.Look at Us for example
>>2757605>We just assume that it was simple boredom and waiting for the right moment to start doing it again.Same. Seems reasonable functional immortals aren't constantly on the world stage. Everyone needs a change of scenery every once in a while.>After all, the right man in the wrong place can make all the differenceI can't not hear that in his voice.>>2757608>psycho boss who doesn't let you date anyone.It's not about the dating, it's the fact that that dating effectively turned one of his guys.
>>2757576Tell me about your nightmare. I'm pretty sure that reality was worse for me yesterday.>You guys don't have to fight Guiston if you don't want to. I didn't decide the weapon for the duel yet but if I go with bonds of brotherhood you probably wouldn't qualify without getting yourself into a bigger mess. Plus there's gonna be plenty of other demons you guys can grab before this mess ends today without the awful payment plans you've been stuck with. (paraphase or something. this is way too long?)>>2757605He has his hands on ALOT of money and as a dragon one of his favorite things to do is count his money. He basically has his hands all over the money of almost every single world leader of billionaire. He's still shaping world politics if he feels like he can be bothered.>>2757608He's not eating Angus over dating He actually found it hilarious when he ran into them the first time. He's gonna be eating Angus over Angus's flagrant disloyalty when he's supposed to be one of his most trusted men.
>>2757619Yeah, well, that's what happens when people fall in love.It's not a lifetime of slavery. Or if it is, then he won't get anyone powerful enough to not be a slave working for him.
>>2757576Also, I don't mind us having agency in deciding "where the story goes next". But I personally would prefer some more objectively established characterization. Like, Fred not being an Angel and such.In other words, I'd like other characters to have their own plans and goals (like we just established with the "What do you want to do afterwards", Karen dating Angus, Ellie wanting to take over Hell and why not Earth, etc) and having THOSE have to be negotiated around or confronted to create and drive conflict.Although everyone saying we're overpowered needs to remember that actually we're just doing way, waaaay better than even unreasonably expected and that every time we've done something like try to 1v1 a demon we got fucked up.
>>2757625>Yeah, well, that's what happens when people fall in love.You're still missing the point. It's not about the love, or the dating, or the sex. It's what they caused: Angus was openly disloyal. He was a traitor. Treason is harshly punished the world over for a reason.
>>2757625He is a bodyguard that metaphorically backstabbed his client who is also a FUCKING DRAGON. Do you seriously not get that absolutely anyone who hears that story is going with the opinion that Angus got himself killed for stupidity?
>>2757634Actually Treason is often lightly punished for political reasons, like, almost all the time.Look, what are Bernies options here? Nobody saw it but him and Heinrich and us.If it's completely unacceptable, then he has to get rid of Angus. But if he gets rid of him for standing with us, than that says that we're his enemies and now he's at best alone in the center of this clusterfuck, or has the option of getting involved in a Demonic war. Which seems to be widely regarded as a really bad idea. Not to mention it looks like quitting working for Bernie is only an option if Bernie is dead, promoting his other employees to plan to kill him if they ever want to do anything else. Let alone how that would incentivize US to kill Bernie, if only because Karen would probably do something stupid and impulsive and we would be obligated to back her up.Or he can banish Angus, letting him come over and reinforce our side while making it look like he's scared of having Angus around him unless he's slavishly, and I mean that literally, devoted only to Bernie. Once again, Angus is an employee not a slave.Or he can berate Angus, then pretend it never happened and continue to have Angus be a liason between the two forces. Or work on a plan to release Angus in exchange for something of equal value, retaining both his image as well as good relations with our power base. That's the easiest and most profitable way to go about it.It's also not natural for Dragons to not just eat their problems, which is why Bernie is lucky to have Heinrich and to not have been beaten to death behind a burning Opera.
>>2757632>agency in deciding "where the story goes next". While I'm not a fan, it isn't a bad thing itself, but it does show the point I was trying to make about how we have an incredible about of agency.>In other words, I'd like other characters to have their own plans and goalsSo very much this.>Although everyone saying we're overpowered needs to remember This is also part of the agency thing. We have pretty much just breezed through building this massive powerhouse of a faction. No infighting, arguments, grudges, or other issues that weren't completely resolved with a night of drinking and grilling. We aren't individually powerful, but most of the time that doesn't matter, making us feel even stronger.
>>2757647The Bernie issue is actually just that, an issue that's becoming more and more significant.And we didn't breeze our way through it, we made deals that most people in the magical community wouldn't even consider. Heck we almost wouldn't even consider it.Did you forget when we were going to kill Freebles at any moment until we suddenly decided to offer him a better deal? The fact that we legit did manage to roll well against Haru and get the 1000 year sword plus a measure of reputation?The part where we ballsed out against demons regardless of the fact that we had no chance, because we had the option to run but said "fuck that, we got obligations".I agree that some stuff has been on the easy side, but for most of it there's been a combination of ridiculous wheeling and dealing and realpolitek.Keep in mind that the crazy priest might hold a grudge against us. Also the situation with Gusion sure as "hell" isn't being breezed through.And finally in a way the current situation is set up to compensate for our bottom tier combat skills. We're not playing a Shotgun Shogun, we're playing a Diplomancer.
>>2757637Who saw it? Did the situation actually come to blows? Do you get that anyone who hears the situation would also expect us to go after Bernie for revenge, not to mention the fact that if he killed his bodyguard for just associating with us then it's reasonable that he was planning to go after us too?
>>2757634>>2757637If anything, this would mean that people would think the stupid part wasn't Angus "standing against him" since he didn't actually take any fucking action, but that the stupid part was "working for a dragon" and that it would be best to just not work with Bernie.And they would be right.
>>2757576"Tell me about your nightmare," you say, leaning back against the hall wall."I had this dream where Myrna almost died, and shot down four satellites as collateral damage in a fight," she starts, and you have to try to not smile, "Rob fought someone who was almost more a demon than he was, our rat got eaten by another rat with gangster tattoos, I ate dinner with a duchess of Hell, and a police officer that's probably a..." she says, and trails off, realization dawning on her face."All of that actually happened, didn't it?" Madison asks you."Yes," you tell her, "even the part where I got you to throw my sister and my brother in law in a bed together.""Oh hell," she says, "I was right when I said the rational option was to get back in the camper and get the fuck out of here.""Probably," you tell her, "I'm delegating waking up James and the rest of your crew to you. You guys don't have to fight Gusion if you don-""Fuck that," Madison says, "we're going in with you. I saw what you tried with your sister last night - you're a good guy. HEY!" she yells at a sleeping bag, kicking it, "WAKE UP AND SMELL THE SUNSHINE, WIZARD!""Is it morning already?" James asks, poking his head out of his cocoon, then he realizes who he's looking up at, "she asked for it," he tells the two of you.Ok, terrible as that line is, Ellie did literally ask the wizards for it.Whatever 'it' is.People keep making really awkward analogies, you think, as Madison drags James out of his sleeping bag."Sure she did," Madison tells him, and does that guy actually sleep in his trenchcoat? "and she knocked you out without even trying! God! What kind of wimp are you?"You sidle away as their argument escalates.Everyone in this house is crazy, and that probably includes you by this point."Mornin'," W says, walking up to you with a wineglass in hand, "I would ask you what the fuck your sister is, but we both know. And somebody's getting published off of this.">Do you have to treat my family like an academic exercise?>Here, take Freebles and compare notes with the other wizards. Including Haru.>You're drinking at six AM?>I don't care about your academic cred, figure something out that helps our daughters.>WRITE IN
>>2757656I stared typing up yet another paragraph, but decided we're not going to convince each other. Agree to disagree?
>>2757662>Here, take Freebles and compare notes with the other wizards. Including Haru.>I don't care about your academic cred, figure something out that helps our daughters.
>>2757662>Here, take Freebles and compare notes with the other wizards. Including Haru.
>>2757662> Academic perspectives can wait, we have more immediate practical concerns. How's your daughter doing after last night?
>>2757662>>You're drinking at six AM?>Here, take Freebles and compare notes with the other wizards. Including Haru.Need to keep picking away at that magical research. We still don't actually know what we need to do to break the contracts without destroying the girls.Did Harriet every get those "forbidden" books?
>>2757646Anon. Please just stop talking. The magical worlds is much more brutal than we are and he did a death sentence worthy offense. NOTHING said before indicates it's impossible to quit a job from under him because quitting has absolutely nothing to do with why everyone thinks it's a miracle that Angus probably is still alive.Killing Angus is not some option that will alienate anyone. It's the default option of 99% of the factions in this entire setting. It's the default option for what happens to the magical girls, it's the default option for the demons to the point that rebelling apparently autosummons the Duke who used to rule this city. Bernie likes peace because it means he can play with his money but that doesn't mean anyone is going to give two shits. Hell, the default way Bernie was going to deal with us was eating.>>2757659None of that remotely matter. Bernie KNOWS what Angus did.>>2757661No, their response would be to say that magical girl pussy turned him into a tard. You don't backstab your boss like that under normal circumstances, you don't do it when your one job is to take his side when the thing you're paid for happens , and you definitely don't do that when the firing is literal instead of a turn of phrase.
>>2757664Fair enough.>>2757662>Here, take Freebles and compare notes with the other wizards. Including Haru.>I don't care about your academic cred, figure something out that helps our daughters.
>>2757681Arguably most of the problems in the magical world are caused by being literally retarded amounts of excessively brutal, and our success in bringing people together is in large part due to us not being a schoolyard bully about shit but an actual adult instead.> Killing Angus is not some option that will alienate anyone.Uh. Pretty sure Karen would have things to say about this.But, despite word of god earlier pointing out that avoiding your line of reasoning thanks to Heinrich calming Bernie down, I agree with >>2757664 that your side isn't going to be reasoned with about this so you might as well move on and stop shitposting.
>>2757662>Here, take Freebles and compare notes with the other wizards. Including Haru.>I don't care about your academic cred, figure something out that helps our daughters, and sisters.
>>2757662"Take Freebles," you say, as the ferret crawls out of your pocket and perches on your shoulder, before diving onto W's shoulder."The hell?" the wizard asks, almost, but not quite, spilling his wine as the ferret settles in."Compare notes with the other wizards," you tell the two of them, "I don't care if you have to shake them awake - if it's late enough for you to be drinking, it's late enough to roust them out of bed.""Got it, bro," Freebles says, and it satisfies you more than it should that his claws are definitely messing up that tastelessly red suit."And how's Rachel doing?" you ask W."Look over your shoulder," the wizard tells you, and you turn your head just in time to see both his daughters giving the good college try in the melee for the shower."You can use the master suite one too!" you yell at them.If that doesn't wake Liska, nothing will."And grab Haru for that meeting," you tell W and Freebles, "he's a wizard, too.""Sure," W says, "he's in the guest bedroom, right?""Yeah," you tell them, walking past the wizard toward the kitchen.Ok, you just sicced W and Freebles on the argument Madison's having with James, and whatever your sister's doing to Haru - and Ellie really doesn't like being interrupted.What more chaos can you sow this morning? you wonder, wandering into the living room.Kelly's sleeping on the couch. You grab his shoulders to shake him into the land of the waking, and suddenly there's a pistol in your face."Oh," the assassin says, sleepily, "it's you," and lays his gun arm back on his chest, "how long was I out?""Six to eight hours," you tell him, "W's holding a wizard's meeting about whatever you guys saw last night. Down the hall.""I basically got blinded by the sun," Kelly says, "I'm not going to be much use for that.""Every bit counts, right?" you ask him, "I'm sure you'll be useful.""Fine," he tells you, staggering off the couch, "down the hall, right?""Yeah," you tell him, and head for the relative peace of the kitchen.That's only relative, since Shelby's in there cooking and screaming at two demons like he owns their souls."Hey, boss," he says, when he notices you walk in, "want to lend a hand?">No, I'm just here until the screaming starts. Carry on.>Sure, what do you need?>How did you convince these guys to help out?>Rick, I need to know about anything in this city, anything you've set up, anything at all that can give me an edge against Gusion>WRITE IN
>>2757753>>Sure, what do you need?>Rick, I need to know about anything in this city, anything you've set up, anything at all that can give me an edge against Gusion
>>2757753>>Sure, I'm down for getting my heart pumping. What do you need?>Rick, I need to know about anything in this city, anything you've set up, anything at all that can give me an edge against Gusion
>>2757753>Sure, what do you need?>Rick, I need to know about anything in this city, anything you've set up, anything at all that can give me an edge against Gusion
>>2757753>Rick, I need to know about anything in this city, anything you've set up, anything at all that can give me an edge against Gusion> Butler, what's Ellies deal with Gusion? Can she take advantage of him coming over here?
>>2757753No, I'm just here until the screaming starts. Carry on.
>>2757753"Sure," you say, "what do you need?""Crack and beat the eggs," he says, gesturing at a 36-A egg crate on the counter, with an empty one beside it, "we're making omelettes. MOVE, MOVE!" he yells at the demons, in tones all too reminiscent of your old drill sergeant, "THEY'RE WAKING UP! CHOP THOSE SCALLIONS!"You start cracking eggs into the bowl.And then the screaming begins. Looks like someone, or four very unlucky someones, tried to interrupt Elanor, Duchess of Hell.You hear a sigh from Butler, but he keeps chopping the green onions.Suddenly, Haru bursts into the kitchen, and asks "does it run in your fucking family?""Yes," you tell him, without even looking, as you crack the last egg and start whisking them all together, "don't you have a-"And then the two demons and the nutjob chef burst into laughter, so you turn around.Oh god. That isn't even a bedsheet toga Haru's wearing, that's just a bedsheet wrapped around him enough to be decent.Haru's face is covered in sweat, and looks like that of a man who's recently run a marathon.There's a confused noise, as of magical girls and wizards clashing, from the hallway."Please let me help cook," Haru begs."I think you're missing the wizards' meeting," you tell him, "also, go tell them not to destroy my house!""I believe I could be of assistance in dealing with her grace," Butler says, darting into the hall like a bat out of Hell, and pulling Haru with him."He just wants to get out of this kitchen," Rick mutters, but you barely hear him over whatever is going on in the hallway."Rick," you say, as you beat the eggs, "I need to know about anything in this city, anything you've set up, anything at all that can give me an edge against Gusion.""There's not much," the cop tells you, and then it fully processes, "you're actually going to fight him? Here?" he asks you.>Did you think I was joking? Gusion's coming back tonight, for me.>I need to go check on my house, my family, and just generally make sure things are ok.>I need you to tell me what naming an 'honor guard' as my weapon means in a demon duel.>I think these eggs need some pepper.>WRITE IN
>>2757788>Did you think I was joking? Gusion's coming back tonight, for me.>I think these eggs need some pepper.>I need you to tell me what naming an 'honor guard' as my weapon means in a demon duel.>Speaking of pepper. Shelby do I still have any Dr. Pepper in the fridge?
I'm punching out, since it's 2:30AM in my timezone. Voting period from now until I resurface.Next runtime on twitter (hopefully tomorrow): https://twitter.com/HaikuDelugeQuestions/comments/death threats/etc. on this post may be responded to.For what it's worth, other characters in this quest have their own agendas/motivations, it's just damn hard to display that while juggling this many characters, and the MC has convinced a lot of people that their best interests align with his. Notably, it took several threads to get enough of Mary's crew onboard that the MC could even have the 'join up' conversation with her on decent footing. Like a snowball rolling down a mountain, it has become easier to get bigger with every gain made.It's been a while since the MC swore a bond of brotherhood with someone, hasn't it?I feel like poetic (in)justice has been inflicted on Haru, since this was the first thing he said after seeing Ellie:>>2757069>"ok, I'd fuck her,"I really didn't anticipate "throw them in a bed together" would get the traction it got, but I think the poor guy's gotten paid back in full for being a douchebag to the MC in Japan. Or maybe that counts as the MC wingmanning the shit out of both his sister and his brother in law. At this point, I have no idea. I just know it was an exhausting experience for him.
>>2757798Clearly it was us sacrificing Haru to preserve Liskas innocence.Okay.Our innocence.
We actually sentenced our brother in law to get fucked by a demon. Holy shit.
>>2757788>what does an honour guard duel entail?>Do you have enough wizards to keep it contained?>>2757806Indeed.
>>2757788>Did you think I was joking? Gusion's coming back tonight, for me.>Not exactly here, if possible. The city took enough of a beating already.>I need you to tell me what naming an 'honor guard' as my weapon means in a demon duel. >>2757806>>2757808all according to the keikaku
>>2757808He DID literally ask for it sorta.>>2757788>Did you think I was joking? Gusion's coming back tonight, for me.>I need you to tell me what naming an 'honor guard' as my weapon means in a demon duel.Does the Cop know that we already fought Gusion once? Can we mention that?> We're going to blow out his other kneecap then make him drag his dick through a mile of broken glass before we grant him the sweet release of death. Haha, no, not really. Just gonna headshot him and go home.
>>2757788>Did you think I was joking? Gusion's coming back tonight, for me.>I think these eggs need some pepper.>I need you to tell me what naming an 'honor guard' as my weapon means in a demon duel.>Speaking of pepper. Shelby do I still have any Dr. Pepper in the fridge?seconding>>2757798>It's been a while since the MC swore a bond of brotherhood with someone, hasn't it?I'm definitely for adding Haru to the yarnball after last night's events.
>>2757925> do I still have any Dr. Pepper in the fridge?That's more disgusting than fucking our sister.
>>2757788>>Did you think I was joking? Gusion's coming back tonight, for me.>I need you to tell me what naming an 'honor guard' as my weapon means in a demon duel.
>>2758009>That's more disgusting than fucking our sister.Every rose has it's thorns Anon.
>>2757788I was gonna try and see if we could summon him outside of the city or something. We still need to plan for if things don't go right and his army is still gonna be around while we're doing the fighting. >Did I forget to mention that he's planning on coming here tonight?>Any clue for why he wants to take this city so much? I was told he just a poor loser, but Bernie is surprisingly bad at hiding when he knows something else. If we can set the stage where your guys are gonna fight we need to figure it out asap so that evacuations can start. Maybe bust out the city plans to see if you can turn evacuated sections of the city into giant containment circles and wards?>I'm also going to need to know exactly what an honour guard means when using it as my weapon>Is it true that Guiston is a master at Twister or did he confuse that with making twisters?>>2757808Anons tend to be very bad about considering the more obvious consequences of actions
Maybe we should go to hell and face gusion if it turns out a honour guard duel will wreck shit for miles.
Re-reading this thread, it appears that in the 24 hours after waking from a month-long coma, the MC has managed to cause, aid, or abet more chaos than most men do in their entire lives.>>2757806>>2757808>>2757822>>2757828>all according to the keikakuNow that you mention it, the MC's exact words to Ellie were that if she got it on with anyone at the party there would be fallout. Haru wasn't at the party then.From the outside, this must look suspiciously like somebody got keikakku'd on really hard.What's even crazier is that the whole damn thing fits the MC's modus operandi of everybody getting some benefit out of a situation perfectly. And it just sort of happened - a few people basically wrote Haru into that scene. He was a damn good fit for it, though.>>2757164> I didn't get the impression that she was frigidHaru's probably spent more time around her than the MC. She might have shot him down at some point in the past. Or he knew she'd prefer being referred to with a~n~ice pun.Sachio appears to have accidentally become the main character in a terrible harem anime plot. Hope the guy survives.>>2754335I knew someone would eventually post this.>>2757238> the MC is literally the most qualified person to be in there.He is, but he really didn't want to be there. At that point, it was entirely possible that Ellie was going to use him to bait Liska (much as she later did with Shelby to Melon, although that was much lower-key), and Shelby was giving the MC an excuse to GTFO before things went bad (and covering for his family at the same time). It wasn't girl talk - there were a number of people in the living room (cast size and character limits being what they are, I can't always enumerate them), but the MC was superbly uncomfortable where he was, for good reasons.
>>2757788"Preferably outside the city," you say, "somewhere we won't do too much damage. Did you think I was joking?""I thought you were being a little overdramatic with your wake-up calls," Rick tells you, with the face of a man that's finally putting all the pieces together and realizing a bunch of rumors were true, "so you're the reason Gusion's fuckers have been coming in to 'avenge the Duke's knee"!""I'm surprised you managed to make detective," you say."Sometimes I am too," Rick tells you with a smile, "but it WAS a step between 'beat cop' and 'chief of police'. So that's what all this was about. Ok, now it makes sense."Shelby pushes you aside to grab the bowl of eggs. He's probably figured out he's not getting any more help from you and Rick."Wait," you say, "you didn't know I was the one who dueled him a month ago? Gusion's coming back tonight, for me.""I had my suspicions," Rick says, "but I was more just trying to make an alliance with someone who could take down satellites.""If last night was how you try to make alliances," you tell him, "I don't want to see how you make enemies.""If Gusion's coming to town," Rick says, "you're going to see."That's not a comforting thought, you realize, as the noise in the hallway finally dies down to a more normal volume. Well, normal for the amount of people and showers you have in your house."Do you know anything about naming an 'honor guard' as a weapon in a duel between demon lords?" you ask him."Huh," Rick says, "it's basically just the guys a lord keeps close to him as, well, his honor guard. Then the lords and their honor guards fight each other while the legions watch and cheer. Whoever's standing at the end takes over all the legions, or whatever the duel was over. That Butler could probably tell you more about it. Shit," he says, "this is going exactly where I think it is, isn't it?"You nod."Why don't we do it in Hell?" Rick asks, "I kind of like this city, and a fight like that's going to get damn messy."That's... Huh. That could solve some of your collateral damage problems.>You've got a point. Let's see if our wizards can make that happen.>No sure I'm comfortable doing it on his turf. Can you get this place evacuated before tonight?>Is it true Gusion's a master of Twister, or was he just fucking with me?>I'll think about it. Might be a decent idea, but I want some other people to have input on this.>WRITE IN
>>2758270>>You've got a point. Let's see if our wizards can make that happen.Not a fan of fighting on his turf, but this is going to be rather destructive. I'd rather we still have a city afterwards.
>>2758270>Is it true Gusion's a master of Twister, or was he just fucking with me?>I'll think about it. Might be a decent idea, but I want some other people to have input on this.
>>2758270Hell is better than fighting near here but I was don't like giving him a home field advantage. Are there any of the other realms that might work out better? Preferably that let him get satellite sniped from a few miles away if we have time to setup?>Is it true Gusion's a master of Twister?
>>2758270>Is it true Gusion's a master of Twister, or was he just fucking with me?>I'll think about it. Might be a decent idea, but I want some other people to have input on this.Let's not forget that Rick is a demon himself. Being partners does not preclude backstabs, especially in a place like Hell where he has the advantage. I feel leery about his levelheadedness and 'down-to-earth' vibes, especially given that demons are generally perceived as creatures of emotion.
>>2753283Jesus man, when did you come out of the woodwork again? I haven't seen you for years. How have you been?
>>2758270>Is it true Gusion's a master of Twister, or was he just fucking with me?>I'll think about it. Might be a decent idea, but I want some other people to have input on this.Ellie or butler's, i guess
>>2758270>You've got a point. Let's see if our wizards can make that happen.>Is it true Gusion's a master of Twister, or was he just fucking with me?
>>2758270>Is it true Gusion's a master of Twister, or was he just fucking with me?
>>2758270>>Is it true Gusion's a master of Twister, or was he just fucking with me?>>I'll think about it. Might be a decent idea, but I want some other people to have input on this.Who knows what traps could lie in wait in hell? Let's investigate before comitting to that option. For all we know multiple parties now know who our sister is and are just waiting for a chance to fuck us and her up.
>>2758356Oh shit forgot that was on
>>2758270"I'll think about it," you say, "might be a decent idea, but I'm not a fan of giving him the home field advantage.""If we did fight him here," Rick says, and you see him trying to hold back a grin, "do you have any idea how many buildings would burns, how may people would - uh," he cuts himself off, and takes a deep breath.You wait for him to recover himself a little bit. He really is a demon, despite the front he manages to keep up most of the time."Fuck, I need a smoke," Rick says.So that's how he deals with it. You're guessing infernal lungs don't have to worry about cancer."I've got a backyard," you tell him, and he turns away, "and is it true Gusion's a master of twister?""As much as I'm a master of poker," Rick tosses over his shoulder, walking toward the back door."You got things covered in here?" you ask Shelby."Yeah," he says, "those guys were pretty helpful, even if they are demons. They were still playing cards when I got up. Butler's a funny sonnuvabitch, too.""Keep up the good work, kid," you tell him, putting your hand on his shoulder for a second before walking back toward the hallway.You glance at the cards on the table as you pass it. Two royal flushes in the same suit? That's impossible!Fucking demons.The you hear an argument in about five different languages from your guest bedroom.Fucking wizards....and a lot of chatter coming from Melon's room, the bathroom, and your bedroom.You're not sure if 'fucking magical girls' or 'fucking teenagers' is the right phrase for that.Grabbing a nice, normal, beer with Fred and maybe the guys from the office sounds really, really good right now.But there's a Duke of Hell coming for you tonight, and you have problems you probably need a wizard for.Good thing you've got four, if only temporarily.Then you open the guest bedroom door, and the smell of incense slaps you in the face.Scratch that, you've got four wizards, three witches, whatever the hell Rob is now, a magic ferret, a duchess of Hell, and her butler. And that's just in one room.And they're all arguing about three or four things in as many languages and little groups. Well, Rob's leaning against a wall near the door and trying to look bored.You can't blame him.Alright, seeing Haru and Ellie lying in bed together, barely covered by a sheet, deeply engaged in arguments with two different groups is rather funny. They're leaning around each other to make their points in two different circles.And Ellie's free hand is stroking one of his black tails. Maybe that IS genetic.Where the hell did the incense come from? That's worse than the chainsmokers!>I trust you've all been making progress>I just got a suggestion we hold the duel in Hell. Thoughts?>How many papers are you folks going to publish off this?>Rob, what the fuck is going on here?>WRITE IN
>>2758387"Ellie did you rape Haru? Rape is bad ok?">I trust you've all been making progress
>>2758387>>Rob, what the fuck is going on here?As one of the few not arguing, he should in theory have a more balanced idea of what's actually going on here.
>>2758320You from the Rock Quest days, or the CMCQ days? Or the NTR Revenge QUEST days?>when did you come out of the woodwork again?When I started this quest. I was suddenly unemployed, got blackout drunk, and apparently started questing again. I forgot how much I loved doing this.>How have you been?Graduating college, learning about love, quitting with an ultimatum to my boss after two years or so, bouncing between short-term contract jobs afterward, losing my religion, finding out my twitter got hacked by a porn bot and taking it back, descending into alcoholism, the works. It's been fun, it's sucked, I've woken up with bloody knuckles after blackout nights, but it's been interesting.
>>2758387>>I trust you've all been making progress>>I just got a suggestion we hold the duel in Hell. Thoughts?
>>2758387>>I trust you've all been making progress
>>2758387>Rob, give me the Post-It note version of what just went down
>>2758387>I trust you've all been making progress>How many papers are you folks going to publish off this?
>>2758387>>How many papers are you folks going to publish off this?>>I just got a suggestion we hold the duel in Hell. Thoughts?
I was randomly thinking up ice puns we could have responded with and accidentally ended up fleshing out Yuki's backstory more.She now has a mom that used to use ice puns all the time but her dad was too dense to figure out that she was a Yuki-Onna.>>2758387>Are Hell and in the middle of our backyard really the only two possible suggestions for a place to fight him? After all that talk about the spheres collapsing I figured there had to be a few other places we could take the fight to. You aren't fooling me QM, you just don't want to have to make a new setting! In b4 Narnia Is Summoning Guiston to where we want him an option or are we going to have to convince him to go there? > You guys think you can make a cliff notes version of what you've learned on the rats/contracts/magical girls? I think after guiston we're gonna be making the girls study all of those rat forbidden magics and you guys get the bonus of a bunch of research assistants.
>>2758387"I trust," you say, not yelling, but loud enough to cut through the chatter, "you've all been making progress?"That's a lot of rather blank stares."At least tell me who brought that," you say, gesturing at the smoking censer."Her grace requested it last night," Butler says, and you notice he's either gotten a new monocle, or managed to magically regenerate the shattered one."But the dragonsblood and frankincense blend's mine," James says, "they ran out of - what even WERE you burning last night?" he asks Butler, "I need some of that.""Trade secret," the demon says, grinning."Progress," you say, "I don't want to sound like a middle manager here, but I've got Gusion hanging over me like the sword of Damocles, so, yeah, I'd like a progress report.""Well," W says, taking a sip of wine, "there's about ten different papers waiting to be written and published here," and he spins around to face the rest of the room and yells, "AND YES! That's enough for everyone who wants to, to have their name on one and name the rest of us as contributors! And I'm already writing up the 'yarnball', so hands off."Kelly gestures weakly with a bleeding hand from the armchair in the corner, "yes, yes, that's fine for you academics," he says, sounding like his lungs are trying to strangle him, "but I don't think that's what our brother cares about right now. We got a good package deal, and will someone please get me a fucking bandage before I staunch this with a novel?"Rob takes that as his cue, and pushes past you into the hallway."'Package deal' is putting it lightly, fourth horseman," Haru growls from the bed, then he turns his head toward you, staring at you over Ellie, "we had a rat, the data from a normal magical girl, the date from Mel-a hanyou magical girl, the data from Ell-a magical girl that defaulted and turned demon, the binding seal for her as a demon," he continues, eyes flickering at Kelly's bleeding hand, "and a list of the magical texts rats don't want their girls looking at. 'Package deal?' it's a goldmine."You see Freebles start preening himself out of the corner of your eye, as Rob pushes past you with a first aid kit and starts attending to Kelly.Haru stop, looking between you and Ellie, and glancing at the various wizards around the room."So you're too much of a coward to give him the punchline?" you sister asks, pulling the kitsune down on top of her, "then I will," she says, grinning like a shark.[1/2]
>>2758405Very first thread of Rock Quest, though if I was a part of NTR then I don't remember cause its been years. And while it seems its not been the best of years it looks like, its certainly not the worse I've heard. I'm glad you got back into QMing. Hope it been fun for you. Shame about CMCQ though. I've haven't seen anything like that or Runner quest in a long time. How's qst treating you?
>>2758518"There," your sister begins, "is," she continues, grin growing wider, "fuck-all they can do for me. And you know what?" she says, running her hand under the sheets, down over what you're hoping are just Haru's tails, as she stares you down, "I don't care. I like what I am."You have no idea what to say, and you're not the only one - the room's silent enough that Haru's muffled gasp sounds like a gunshot."Second punchline, wizard," Ellie says, glaring at W, with a grin on her face, "go on, one-up me."Rob pauses the bandaging like he's been stabbed - and you've seen the guy get stabbed. You know what that looks like."Fine," W spits out, then grits his teeth, as he looks you in the eyes, and gulps."We're fucked," the wizard says, "on a scale of one to screwed-""We're tied to a pool table," James says, and buries his face in his hands."And the fat faceless men," Alice continues, getting into the spirit of the thing.A spirit you really aren't a fan of, if you can see where this is going.Alright, you get using humor to defray a terrible truth, but this is crossing a few lines."Are standing around us stroking their cocks," Iris finishes, and you can't tell if she's trying to not giggle or not cry."I believe," Shirley says, very clinically, "that's about as high as the SI Standard Units for 'fucked' go. It's irreversible, once a rat got them," she finishes, glaring at Freebles. And she whispers something venomous you can't catch.So there's no point?You've been tilting at windmills?"The transformation and the contracts are linked, bro," your ferret says, perching on the back of Kelly's chair, "but that all comes down to who holds those contracts. They CAN be re-written with the consent of both parties.">Are you hard-selling me on making you the Rat God?>Please tell me this was some sort of avant-garde theatre skit>I'm just going to beat the shit out of whoever's unlucky enough to be nearest me right now>Then rewrite them for all our girls, NOW! YESTERDAY!>WRITE IN
>>2758588>>Then rewrite them for all our girls, NOW! YESTERDAY!>Write In: "But now is the part where you tell me how that is currently impossible."
>>2758588>fuck-all they can do for me.Fuck. I was hoping we could do something for her, stabilize her apparent bipolar issues or something, A proper fix, even if one existed, wouldn't have erased the mental damage she's accrued, but I was hoping for /something/.>So there's no point?>You've been tilting at windmills?It sounds like it. Freebles won't have rewritten the contracts because they aren't really his, he just manages them for his bosses. Freebles is a proper convert and brother, but I'm not sold on placing him at the top of the rat heap.>Please tell me this was some sort of avant-garde theatre skitFrankly, shock, denial, and depression are reasonable responses here.
Are fat faceless men doujins cannon?
>>2758588>So, how can we make the best of this rewrite?>Really? nothing? What about a new contract?
>>2758588>>Are you hard-selling me on making you the Rat God?
>>2758588Visibly resist the urge to punch something for a minute.>Are you hard-selling me on making you the Rat God? I think we need to know who the fuck your bosses are first.>Does that mean we can safely try to rewrite the contracts right now, or are the ones you hold just the copy versions?>Sis, what was the name of the rat bastard that contracted you? Do you have any idea what their bosses are even like? For all we know it could be run by some demon you're in charge .of that knows better than to mention it to you.>>2758642I like this too, but I feel like there's something way more clever that we can't figure out because we aren't a lawyer.
>>2758588So not only is our long-lost sister permanently broken, we can't fix any of the girls with existing contracts? We got into this mess with the goal of fixing these girls. What do we do now?>contractsThe whole original issue with them was that the conversion into a magical girls takes a lot of energy. That's why the girls get stuck in the contracts in the first place: they have a large debt with an absurd interest rate. The rats to eventually make a profit, otherwise they wouldn't be making these contracts in the first place, but you still need a lump sum of energy to do the conversion, which is likely part of why Freebles wouldn't redo the contracts, even if he had actual ownership of them. Also, the girls have already been heavily modified once; there no guarantee they'd take another modification well. You can't unbake a cake after all.>give me something positive. Anything.
>>2758682We're about to slaughter a Duke and his army. Energy requirements aren't THAT much of a problem
Beginning writing now, write ins still considered, if I can gel them with voted options.This is basically the MC's theme at this point: https://youtu.be/ytQ5CYE1VZw If he goes down, he's going down in flames.>>2758531>NTRThe /tg/ mods banned me before I got two posts in. It was late 2014, and the internet was on fire.Rock Quest was amazing, and the craziest thing is that https://youtu.be/zZyWxbojYH8 came out around then, and I only found it years later, even though we were both treading the same ground.>Shame about CMCQ thoughIt really is. The problem is that my life meant I had to hiatus it, and there were too many moving parts/characters for players to pick them up when I tried rezzing it.>>2758633>>fuck-all they can do for me.>Fuck. I was hoping we could do something for her, stabilize her apparent bipolar issues or somethingShe's just talking about magically fixing the broken-contract-magical-girl/Demoness thing. Ellie likes being overly dramatic. On the other hand, only a sledgehammer like that would have broken the ice of the "wizards' meeting". If Ellie hadn't been there, taking that spot, Kelly would probably be holding someone at gunpoint by now. And she let them all understand a bit more about how this shit works, because she's got a broken contract hanging around her.There might be something that can be done for the rest of it, but that's probably going to come down more to love, restraint, and maintenance than magically 'fixing' what she claims isn't wrong with her.>Frankly, shock, denial, and depression are reasonable responses here.I think that sums up half of this quest.>>2758639Fat faceless men are the SI Standard Unit for 'fucked'.Also, apparently Kelly has killed a few of them. Probably demons.
>>2758588>Grin like a madman "There's nothing you can do that you can think of? You're forgetting rule one of magic, there are no rules, only strong suggestions. Give it time, and have a little faith. She doesn't need to stop being a demon, but some more emotional stability might help with the whole 'ruling hell with an iron fist' thing. Maybe if we found the shit that loosed her?">"Freebles, if you would be so kind as to begin re-writing the contracts you have to be less horrid then I would appreciate it. Assuming we have time today."
I think we're gonna have to pin the Duke's death on Ellie. The Rat gods are gonna notice if we try to skim most of the power away from a fucking Duke. If Ellie did a killsteal, then we can reap all of the reward from killing a Duke without sending that energy to the higher ups.
>>2758588>I'm just going to beat the shit out of whoever's unlucky enough to be nearest me right now
>>2758714Looks like you got a decent showing here man, might be time to try again. Its been years after all.Did that first demon you guys encountered ever come back? I feel like there were quite a few opportunities there reading that encounter.Also, you all know Dad here is the Doomslayer right?
>>2758588>>Please tell me this was some sort of avant-garde theater skitWe are not an artist, we are an accountant.
>>2758792I'm only a little surprised she isn't the police chief. Bet she's an adopted daughter of his though. Just imagine a young demon girl being forced by her superior to play the role of his daughter for what she believes is an undercover operation, unbeknownst to her he playing it completely straight.
>>2758588"Please tell me that was some sort of avant-garde theatre shit," you say, "I'm not really plugged into the art world."That's a lot of sadly-shaking heads and people looking at the floor.You try to not punch someone. W's closest.Veins and tendons stand out under your skin as you try, really hard, to not be the idiot you were twenty-something years ago.That guy that solved all his problems (and created a lot more) with violence.It's a real effort, so you don't even notice notice a few people stagger back against the walls as you take a step forward into the room."Bro," you ask, your eyes boring into Freebles, "are you trying to hard-sell me on making you the Rat God?""No," he says, and somehow bows toward you on the back of the chair, damn rodent balance keeping him from falling, "I've learned a lot from these guys," he says, glancing around the room, as you take another step forward, "I think we could rewrite all the girls' contracts.""But now is the part," you say, "where you tell me how that's currently impossible."Why is everybody looking at you like that?Must be some wizard thing."But we can't-" Freebles begins, then his small jaw falls, "ok," he gasps, "are you a mind-reader?""I'm a concerned father," you tell him, "so start talking, before that tattoo takes another finger off of you." "We can rewrite them," Freebles says, drawing himself up, "I can do it here and now. But if my boss bothers auditing me, he'll see they're different from the ones on file.""Do you think," you say, raking your glance around the room, and why does everyone look so stressed? "we can take him if he makes it an issue?"Freebles takes a long look across the room, his gaze flowing over Ellie and Haru in the bed, the rather nervous-looking wizards and witches, the half-demon bandaging Kelly, and then you."We can do it," Freebles says, baring his teeth at you in something like a grin, "let me eat him afterwards.">Rewrite those contracts, NOW.>Let's worry about this after we deal with Gusion.>What if you contracted with Ellie? Would that stabilize her?>So, Ellie, was Haru a good fuck?>WRITE IN
>>2758823>>Let's worry about this after we deal with Gusion.
>>2758823>Let's worry about this after we deal with Gusion.>What if you contracted with Ellie? Would that stabilize her?
>>2758823>So, Ellie, was Haru a good fuck? I heard Japanese guys aren’t usually, uh, well-endowed
>>2758823Worry about Guiston first. Your boss might decide a dead duke or two is worth checking into so we can't afford to do that right away. Grow some fur out to hide the tats maybe?>Ellie. What was your Rat's name.>Freebles. Know where that bastard is?>Ellie, what do you say to taking the credit for tagging Guiston? If his boss thinks you stole our kill, we might seem more unimportant and that gives us more time to actually figure out more of this crap before we face him. He might bring a bunch of girls with him as human shields and knowing is half the battle.>SWORD. Do you know of some appropriate realm for battle so that out land is not despoiled and we do not attempt anything foolish like fighting in the realm of the enemy?
>>2758823>Let's worry about this after we deal with Gusion.>WRITE IN"You know, this all started as a concerned father's crusade to unfuck the system that fucked up his daughter's life, and got his sister turned into a demon. It's snowballed into something absolutely fucking crazy, and I gotta say, if preventing the worst case scenario for everyone involved means turning Hell upside down, getting into pissing contests with fucking dragons, and tearing the current Magical Rat hierarchy to shreds, then that's what it takes."
>>2758823"Let's worry about that after we deal with Gusion," you tell him, "I've really got enough powerful supernatural creatures on my list for today."The room seems to relax with you.You're beginning to miss the 1k Sword. He probably would have had something to say after that display."What if you contracted with Ellie?" you ask Freebles, on an impulsive longshot, "could that-""Not happening," your sister says, "fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice, you're all dead, and all that," and she gives you a smile."Not sure it would help anyway," Freebles says, "it's like the transmission broke open, and it's got thirty years' worth of dirt in it. We can't fix it, we can't take it out, and who ever heard of a car with two transmissions?"W shoots him a deadly look."Ok, it's better than your analogy!" the ferret yells at him, shaking his little clawed fist, "and it's in English. That pun doesn't translate!"Ellie whispers something in Haru's fluffy ear, and he actually smiles, then mutters something like "you don't feel like car parts," and Ellie laughs. A genuine laugh, not a demon's cackle.God, you can barely remember the last time you heard her laugh like that.You're not sure whether the fact that everyone's just ignoring the fact that the two of them are naked in bed together is a wizard thing, or more of a "she's a duchess of Hell and if we piss her off, there goes half the city" thing."What was your rat's name, anyway?" you ask your sister.Maybe it'll be some sort of lead."I don't really remember," Ellie says, looking up at you, as Haru trails his hand down her under the sheets, "he was kind of a bastard. He's probably dead now," she says, looking at Freebles, "I hear 'magic rat' is a high-turnover job.""I've heard that, too," the ferret says, "I've 'turned over' two myself, and I've only been doing this a couple years.""And if you kill Gusion," Ellie says, looking back at you, "we're going to have to sort out who gets his legions and his titl~" and she yelps.The look on your brother in law's face is one your recognize after years of living with Liska.Really? This is actually happening?Christ."Decamp," you say to W, and he nods at you. A few seconds later, most of the wizards' conference is spilling out into the hallway. At least they have SOME decency, you think, as you help Rob and Iris support Kelly out of the room.You make the mistake of looking back for a second, and you see Haru, his teeth very canine, bite down on Ellie's trapezius as she groans and hugs him.There's blood.'Pillar of salt' might be a better penalty for taking one last look, you think as you shut the door behind you.Well, if you ever need to kill a demoness, you certainly know what makes them drop their guard.And Haru's got a lot of nerve asking about that 'running' in your family."You know," you say to the crowd in the hallway,[1/2]
>>2759008"This all started as a concerned father's crusade to unfuck the system that screwed his daughter's life," you continue, and hear an unmistakable noise through the door behind you, "and his sister's. Look, I'll finish the speech in the living room," you tell them, and the tide goes out, flowing onto the couches and the living room floor.Several of the magical girls are already there, and they have the same attitude toward the tide of wizards and such that cliffs jutting into the sea have toward the waves.It take a bit for things to settle down."This has all," you say, and clear your throat for attention, "snowballed into something absolutely crazy. Even by magical standards," you tell them, and look at the group."Yeah," W sighs, leaning against a wall. Looks like the guy didn't win in the scramble for a seat."It's pretty fucking crazy by demon standards," Rick says. Looks like he claimed an end of the couch after his smoke break and didn't let it go."I can't exactly say it's Tuesday," Butler says, also standing, "even for us.""So how deep does the rabbit hole go?" Mary asks you."If preventing the worst case scenario for everyone means turning Hell upside down," you say, "getting into pissing contest with dragons, and tearing the magic rat hierarchy to shreds, that's how deep it goes.""And given less than twenty-four hours of experience with you," James says, "a bunch of other horrifying things will come up along the way out of literally nowhere. And probably try to murder us all very messily.""That tends to happen around dad," Melon pipes up.>Wizards, break the bad news.>I got a recommendation to take our fight with Gusion into Hell. Thoughts?>Shelby, breakfast had better be ready>My god, I need a drink>WRITE IN
>>2759047>>Shelby, breakfast had better be ready>I got a recommendation to take our fight with Gusion into Hell. Thoughts?No need to demoralize the girls before the big fight.
>>2759047>I got a recommendation to take our fight with Gusion into Hell. Thoughts?>Shelby, breakfast had better be ready
>>2759047>>I got a recommendation to take our fight with Gusion into Hell. Thoughts?
I think I'm out for now. Sorry about the short run - I'm falling asleep in my chair.HaikuXFloor-chan shippers, start your engines.Next runtime on the twitter: https://twitter.com/HaikuDelugeArchive, for people that need it: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=ShotgunQuestions, comments, and death threats received or ignored as the mood takes me.This has been a fucking weird thread so far. I might have been unduly influenced in my characterization of Ellie by https://pastebin.com/sqfQpYGH posted in an earlier thread. I think that's actually where the 'Ellie' nickname came from.Holy shit, the MC's sister needs to get the fuck out of the house so things can return to quasi-normality, because having an unstable demoness who wants to fuck and/or fight everyone around her and is barely keeping it under control is really not a good influence for these already-unstable teenagers to have around. The wizards were bad enough already.
>>2759047>I got a recommendation to take our fight with Gusion into Hell. Thoughts?and this is when we become doom guy
>>2759047>I got a recommendation to take our fight with Gusion into Hell. Thoughts?on an unrelated note, i was reading the past threads, and for some reason harriet's drunken rambling/crying made me think she looked like this before all her respawnings began.
>>2759047>I got a recommendation to take our fight with Gusion into Hell. Thoughts?>Oh, Marion, what do you say to visiting your aunt's place later today? Sounds like she could use some help with a pesky neighbor. I'll warn you now, it's going to be warm, so just be ready for that. Oh, and I guess you guys are invited too if you want to join us.">Sit back as>A) W chokes on his wine, possibly nearly swallowing the glass>B) Half the room loses their shit, while the others cheer> C) Butler's eyes grow wide, realizing how much cleaning he's going to have to do now.If someone can word it better, please do. I feel like the poor QMC has probably had it up to here, and would just use a joke to try and release some of the stress.
>>2759047Would you believe I've only been in this magic shit for a month and a half with about a month of that being in a coma?
>>2759293That's about accurate to pre-Madoka Homu.
>>2759398> Flesh of Fallen Angels.
>>2758682>So not only is our long-lost sister permanently broken, never say never my man. We just need to understand what the hell is going on inside our sister's mind, understand more about the magical girl-demon conversion, what can our magic yarn ball do and also bring her to coexist with us more. I believe it will be similar to dealing with a mental patient or a drug addict. She is gonna need love, compassion, and a lot of time in order to bring out the girl that went to hell thirty years ago. Also fixing her contract sounds like a interesting idea. following the transmission analogy, it CAN be fixed, but must of the time ain't worth it, but in this case it is.
is it bad that i want to take Gusion's title as a duke of hell?
>>2759584if we kill him, technically we will be a duke of hell.
>>2759565she's already getting injections of fox loves, i'd say we're on the right path
>>2759293>she looked like this before all her respawnings began.Probably. The look of hope and happiness is a great contrast to how she usually looks now.>>2759593>>2759410> Flesh of Fallen Angels.Apparently Haru enjoyed his taste of it enough to go for a second course, after a minor freakout.I'm not sure how long that bed's going to be in one piece.And I don't think those sheets will be good for much after this. Blood doesn't wash out easily and leaves fucky stains, don't ask me how I know.Speaking of sheet logistics, if Haru grabbed the sheet when he tried to bail, then...>>2759565>I believe it will be similar to dealing with a mental patient or a drug addict.If you subtract the magic and the exaggerated comedy, this whole thing has basically been a visit from a relative that