This is nothing like they said about a midlife crisis.Except it's everything like what they said about a midlife crisis: younger women crowding around you, young idiots challenging you to streetraces, taking up a second career as a magical mafia don, your wife being totally ok with all of that...Oh. It's not just like that. Most midlife crises end in divorce papers.But your wife joined in.So you're still in the ballpark.You found out your daughter was a magical girl, contracted to a rat to fight demons, and then in very short order, you found out your wife was a ~700 year old kitsune, your boss was a dragon (and head of his own magical gang in town), one of your daughter's friends wanted to fuck you (because you blew her arms off with a shotgun or something), and the police are demons. Or report to demons.So this brave new world of gods and monsters has organized itself like a bunch of feuding gangs. Fighting over resources/territory, for things they can't go to the cops for - it sort of makes sense.And then your daughter's contracting magical ferret, Freebles, swore a yakuza-style oath of brotherhood to you. Because you intimidated the hell out of him, and he'd be hanged if he went home.So you found a couple of other dads in the same fix, and Freebles ATE the rat that had their daughters' contracts. To take over those contracts....Gives a new meaning to 'hostile takeover', doesn't it?You also swore brotherhood with them both, in a bastardized version of the Peach Tree Oath sung to Queen. You're all in this to get your daughters out from under the rats.And you managed to get the head of your daughter's magical girl gang/coven/posse/group to swear a similar oath. While lounging on her own couch and smoking.So you ended up unifying most of the magical factions of your fair city. In a drunken bash.THAT'S midlife crisis material right there.Then you made a deal with the dragon that owned the rest of the territory in the city, in the most horrifically 'mob families meet across a table' way. Well, both of you want the city neutral.Unless something dangerous gets in.So it's more of a "we don't fuck with each other, and if someone comes in doing shit we don't like, they leave in a bodybag" kinda thing.Midlife crises, right?
>>2678398In the aftermath of the dinner where you negotiated with the dragon, you had to go into a 24-hour pharmacy to pick up a morning-after pill or two.Karen, one of the magical girls in your squad, had gotten a little too... frisky with a minotaur in Bernie's crew.Your wife, Liska, a kitsune, was all too familiar with what a minotaur's sperm could do. (700 years is a long time, you keep telling yourself.) And so there was a family expedition to a pharmacy that is now on the 'protection list'.Hey, that guy gave good service!Even wiped the security tapes for you.You're trying to tune out that chatter from the backseat, as Liska talks to Karen and gets her invested in the necessity for a pharmaceutical remedy for potential pregnancy.You're trying to tune it out with a conversation with Mary, who somehow managed to ride shotgun after Liska departed for the back seat.A magical girl who's been heading the crew your daughter joined up with for a few years.And who bent the knee to you, and swore sisterhood/brotherhood, after a session where she tried her damndest to bait you into violent action, according to what she just said."Anyone ever tell you you look like a goddess?" you say with a wink, as the streetlights flash past."Only all the guys at the bar," she says, with a smirk, "and that wizard back there," she goes on, jerking her head at T.T.'s car.The car he borrowed from you. And his wife Alice had better be more sober than he is, because she's driving."The contract just meshed with me," she tells you, "not sure anyone, even the rats, knows why. And that was a damn funny line, considering your wife," she says, looking back at Liska, who's apparently won Karen over and is getting the redhead to take the pill, "is right back there.""Bit of a joke," you say, eyes on the road, "old habits die hard. And how do you think this thing between Bernie's crew and ours in gonna go?""Pretty damn well, if Karen's an indication," Mary tells you, with a swirl of pink hair marking her sudden turn toward the back seat, "so were the Prairie Oysters or the real thing better?" she asks, looking at Karen."Not telling," the redhead says, staring back at her with venomous eyes, "try for yourself.""Like I said," Mary tells you, "pretty damn well.">Can I leave you in charge while my family goes on vacation?>What about those other magical girls - T.T.'s and Kelly's daughters? They gonna fit in?>does the 'protection list' I signed that shop on for cover mundane crimes or just demon incursions?>WRITE IN
>>2678398I love this quest
>>2678507>>What about those other magical girls - T.T.'s and Kelly's daughters? They gonna fit in?
>>2678507>Can I leave you in charge while my family goes on vacation?
>>267852920:43 - 21:03 Voting period, write-ins considered after that if I see the while writing and they mesh in.[META STUFF]Twitter, for runtimes and such: https://twitter.com/HaikuDelugeArchive, for catching up: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=Shotgun(Yes, the only tag that works is 'shotgun', because someone messed up archiving. That seems fairly appropriate.)Oh no, there's a characters/notes doc, and it should definitely not be taken super seriously: https://pastebin.com/Ci70z8w1
>>2678550>>Can I leave you in charge while my family goes on vacation?Glad to see the quest back
>>2678507"Think I can leave you in charge while I go on vacation with my family?" you ask Mary, as you stop behind Kelly Edwards' car at a VERY yellow light.And if it had gone red partway through, you might have lost T.T.'s car.That guy really knows how to run a security caravan."I've always been in charge before, right?" she asks you, as if expecting an argument, then her expression softens a little, "but since I've got a few more 'brothers'," she says, glancing at the cars in front and behind, "I'd be open to some advice. And you think T.T. could summon a few demons for us to 'practice' on?"You'd been thinking exactly the same thing. That would help Freebles get his numbers up, and appease his boss a bit, so he doesn't show up to audit accounts.There's no double-entry bookkeeping on demon energy/souls, as far as you know."Probably," you tell the pink-haired vision in the shotgun seat, "more interested in whether you could keep them in line around my house. Don't want to come back to a crater or a party house."Realization dawns on her face."Course I could," she says with a smile, and starts turning toward the back seat, before you grab her arm.Fast to action. Ok, you can deal with that."Once I'm gone," you tell her, "don't start yelling at them now. They won't remember it in the morning. And what about Einz and Rachel?" you ask, remembering Kelly's and T.T.'s daughters."Oh," she says with a smirk, "they'll fit right in. Give 'em a couple days."That's far more teeth than you'd ever wanted to see in the face of a teenager her age.And then you're rolling into your own driveway. Somewhat miraculously.>Alright, Liska, we're giving all 'our' girls the talk [WRITE IN suggestions]>Alright, everyone, to bed>Let the teenagers bunk down, then talk with Kelly about a boot camp>Let the teenagers bunk down, then talk with T.T. about summoning demons for them to kill>WRITE IN[META NOTE: For those who care, options 3 AND 4 WILL BE COMING BACK IF YOU TAKE OPTION 1]
Honestly, this quest STILL confuses and delights me because I'm trying to figure out what mafia theme works with it. Leaning towards The Sopranos.
>>2678694>>Alright, Liska, we're giving all 'our' girls the talk [WRITE IN suggestions]>Time and placeContraceptives/pills/ condoms mandatoryNot at our house, yes, applies to you and Shelby too, Melon. >Seriously though someplace private when nothing shitty is going on, don't be pressured, clean up after yourself, and don't tell me about it unless you want ,me to kick the guy's ass.>And be damn sure about the guy. Or girl in your case Harriet.
>>2678694>>Alright, Liska, we're giving all 'our' girls the talk [When a male and a female love each other very much, or get very drunk, or very horny, penis goes in vagina. If contraceptives are not used it is very likely a baby will come out, in fact all of you are here because your parents did exactly that. Now, certain magical creatures are extremely fertile, Karen's Minotaur boyfriend is one example. In fact if we hadn't just gone and gotten her Plan B she would most definitely be pregnant. The most interesting part about this, or so I have recently learned, is that not a single magical girl has been recorded as ever surviving her pregnancy due to the brew of demonic and other magical energy swirling around inside of you. At best we could guess this ends in miscarriage, but most likely it well.. have any of you seen the movie Alien?] Obviously spruce it up, I am not a dad and I have never had to give "the talk" to anyone.>Let the teenagers bunk down, then talk with T.T. about summoning demons for them to kill
>>2678694>>Let the teenagers bunk down, then talk with Kelly about a boot campI'd rather not make Karen's stunt that big of a deal, I'm sure the others common sense will tell them to not follow her example.
>>267872021:27 - 21:37 Voting period or so, write ins worked after that if they catch my eye while I'm writing.
>>2678694>>Let the teenagers bunk down, then talk with Kelly about a boot camp>>Let the teenagers bunk down, then talk with T.T. about summoning demons for them to kill
>>2678752Maybe give the giant talk tomorrow after we get a much more... comprehensive list of magical sex related problems to add to the regular ones?>Talk with Kelly about Boot camp in the off chance we resort to desperate measures like raiding Hell to remove a massive amount of debt.>Talk to TT about da summoning>Ask both of them if they know anyone who can do regular medical checkups on Red.If Minotaurs have 100% fertility rate independent of the time of the month then we have at least the rest of the month until she's out of the woods.
>>2678694"Liska," you whisper to your wife as she gets out of the car, "I think they need the talk.""What gave you that impression?" your wife says, her tails swishing as she alights with a madcap grin on her face, "I've already had the talk with everyone in the back," she whispers at you as she walks by, "and they're not going to try half the stuff I did when I was young."Liska's eyes flash, and she gives you a grin.Wait, 'half the stuff she did when she was young'? Seven hundred years... What's 'young'?"Or probably anything at all without protection or something," she mutters, circling around you in a hug, then whispering straight into your ear, "you know, baseline normals have the highest breeding potential of anything? They can bear or seed damn near anything," and then her teeth just graze your ear, "magical or not. I'm guessing magical girls are just one step above that, and I let them know it," she tells you, a toothy grin on her face."Is Mendel rolling in his grave?" you whisper back, in a weak joke."They could power the West Coast off him," Liska tells you in a bare breath, everything she says tickling your ear, "that monk was only looking at peas. He didn't even get into hyperdominant and superdominant stuff.">I'd like to give them my own talk [WRITE IN]>Ok, 'half the stuff you did when you were young'? Driveway in front of everyone sounds good for this talk.>Let's... talk about that later. And about how no magical girl has ever been reported to have had a child.>Is that how Melon wound up with fox ears? 'Superdominant' genes?>You take them inside, I'm talking to another dad about potential options for our war. [T.T. and/or Kelly]>WRITE IN
>>2678893>>Is that how Melon wound up with fox ears? 'Superdominant' genes?>Let's... talk about that later. And about how no magical girl has ever been reported to have had a child.
>>2678694>>Alright, Liska, we're giving all 'our' girls the talk Bring in the mandatory Spreadsheets and Powerpoint presentation. Then have Liska give a panel on why FUCKING A MINOTAUR IS NOT A GOOD IDEA! Despite the 'benefits' Make it repetitive, sometimes, boring but educational hell that will kill the younglings sexx drive for awhile.I feel Karen does need to be punished, I don't mind her having a sex life if she plays it safe but she didn't and in a public event.
>>2678893>>Ok, 'half the stuff you did when you were young'? Driveway in front of everyone sounds good for this talk.
>>2678893>>2678908Refering back to this vote. >>Ok, 'half the stuff you did when you were young'? Driveway in front of everyone sounds good for this talk.Also this and I'm curious does Liska had other children or husbands before us? 700 years is a long time.
>>2678893>Is that how Melon wound up with fox ears? 'Superdominant' genes?>You take them inside, I'm talking to another dad about potential options for our war. [T.T. and/or Kelly]
>>2678893>I'd like to give them my own talkTalk to T.T. and see if we could get some pics on Demonic chlamydia, magical herpes, or some other fucked up crotch rot.
>>2678893>>Is that how Melon wound up with fox ears? 'Superdominant' genes?>>Let's go to bed honey i think im ready for action *lewd growl*
>>2678893>>Let's... talk about that later. And about how no magical girl has ever been reported to have had a child.>>Is that how Melon wound up with fox ears? 'Superdominant' genes?>>You take them inside, I'm talking to another dad about potential options for our war. [Both]
>>2678893>>Is that how Melon wound up with fox ears? 'Superdominant' genes?>Let's... talk about that later. And about how no magical girl has ever been reported to have had a child.>Also, care to show me those things you did when you were young tonight?
>>2678893>So, how do I measure up against everything you've experienced? If it's less than at least 7/10 I'll have to up my game a bit.
>>2678921oh shit your right....did she have other children beside our dear Melon
>>2678893>>Let's... talk about that later. And about how no magical girl has ever been reported to have had a child.>>Is that how Melon wound up with fox ears? 'Superdominant' genes?
>>2678893"Ok," you whisper back into that oh-so-fuzzy ear, hugging your wife, "half the stuff you did when you were young? You're going to have to tell me about that wasted youth of yours... later. Preferably in bed, and demonstrating," you tell her, pressing your mouth into her ear, "and are those magical 'superdominant genes' how our little Melon ended up up with fox ears?""I'm pretty sure," Liska says, looking at you with eyes suffused with fear, desire, and absolute lust, "THIS is not the reason my sisters vanished into the woods after their husbands found out...""Are you going to vanish into the woods?" you ask her, softly, "or are you going to see this one out, and take the girls inside?""I'll be waiting for you," she says, with a terrifying bat of her eyelashes, "on your bed."And then she starts to pull away.>Oh no you won't, you're going to help out with a powerpoint about 'the talk' on the driveway, for the girls>Take the girls inside - we're having a Dad Strategy thing out here>Take the girls inside - and come back out for the strategy meeting>I'll bet I get to my be faster than you>WRITE IN[Meta Note: I may have cocked things up with too many options there, so I'm trying to make the options much more explicit now.]
>>2679049>>I'll bet I get to my bed faster than you
>>2679049>Take the girls inside - and come back out for the strategy meeting>Write-InMary, you come out too, I need to speak with you, T.T and Kelly.>>2679052Are you voting QM?
>>2679067>>Take the girls inside - we're having a Dad Strategy thing out here>>2679049Supporting
>>2679049>>Oh no you won't, you're going to help out with a powerpoint about 'the talk' on the driveway, for the girlsWe need that PowerPoint
>>2679067>Are you voting QM?Nah, just correcting grammar on one of the vote options.
>>2679049>>I'll bet I get to my be faster than youI mean if even Haiku is voting for it
>>2679049>>Oh no you won't, you're going to help out with a powerpoint about 'the talk' on the driveway, for the girlsWe have to prevent shit like this happening again!
>>2679049>Oh no you won't, you're going to help out with a powerpoint about 'the talk' on the driveway, for the girls
>>267906722:42 - 23:02 Voting period and all that.>>2679067>Are you voting QM?No, just correcting my grammar on a voting option.>>2679082>I mean if even Haiku is voting for itAgain, was just correcting a voting option.You don't want to vote with me.I've shitposted quests to death before.
>>2679049>>I'll bet I get to OUR bed faster than you
>>2679049"Oh no you don't," you say, grabbing Liska's arm before she slips away from you."You're helping me out with an informative powerpoint on the driveway," you tell her, all smiles. You wonder for a split-second whether she's going to go for your throat."Kelly," you say, nodding at the one man who's virtually guaranteed to have a projector in the back of his car, "hit it.""Alright, boss," he tells you, grinning as he goes for the trunk of the Mercedes.Wait.He said IRIS had given this presentation to his kids?You might have walked right into it here....And the first slide is 'The Fisherman's' Wife's Dream'. Great."If they've got more than two arms," Liska intones (although you can read a little shock on her face), as everyone looks up at your garage door where this is being presented, "that's a bad sign. Don't go for it unless you're sure it's long term, or you can get the eggs out before they hatch. Lot of demons look like this, so don't be fooled."You're suddenly regretting getting your wife at the MC for this event,What are the neighbors going to think?Kelly's projecting this up on your garage door. In full view of the houses across the street. Well, it's 1AM. Nobody's out right now, right?>Add your perspective to it. [WRITE IN]>Oh god, let's keep going and get it over with>Commune with other dads while you let your wife handle it>WRITE IN
>>2679164Adding an additional option:>Fuck this, we're done here
>>2679049 >hammer in the point with boring as shit power pointOR>fugging fox waifu...shit; decisions, decisions...
>>2679164>Oh god, let's keep going and get it over with
>>2679164> You wonder for a split-second whether she's going to go for your throat.Would Valkyries be Magical Girls?> >Add your perspective to it. [WRITE IN]Tell them that we'll be willing to help with any children. Be weirdly enthusiastic about Grandkids.
>>2679164>>Oh god, let's keep going and get it over with>Frank just thinks we're projecting movies on our garage door, wishes he was invited.
>>267917823:19 - 23: 29 Voting period. Speedruns and all that.I think this is what the thread asked for?
>>2679164>>Oh god, let's keep going and get it over with
>>2679192I dunno I asked for us to get the other dads and mary together to get that meeting I drunk typed over with, I dunno where the powerpoint came from.
>>2679164>>2679183Oh man I like this idea
>>2679164"Doesn't matter how much your folks want grandkids," you say to nobody, loudly, looking at the images rolling by, and entranced by your wife's narration, "actually," you mutter, "they, uh, some of them might be kind cute."Particularly some of the furry ones.And you dart a glance at Melon. That's the way she got here, wasn't it?You don't have much moral high ground here. Although your swampy lowground is something years before your daughter even existed.Although even that was for normal, human women....but you really didn't want to hear those '15 tips for taking huge insertions' your wife decided to trot out.And then you realized how many of those applied to you.Foreplay is standard, right? For any man, or THING, that wants his partner to have a good time.Right?"Red flag if he doesn't at least try some of that," Liska says, finishing up and posing under the glare of the projector, "and you need to make him do it until you're ready. And if you didn't want him before it, you probably don't really want him afterward. Questions?""Look," you yell, "just think about your future. You've got one now - don't plan on dying tomorrow. Who do ya wanna be ten years from now? Who do ya wanna be with ten - twenty years from now? Think about it like that."You get a nod from your wife, and looks of confusion from a lot of the other faces around you. Faces that were just looking at her.Then you see a man walking a dog down the sidewalk. And staring at what's painted in lights on your garage.Of course it's Fred. Of fucking course.And he's WHISTLING.>We're doing an avant-garde movie thing, Fred>They're practicing for a play, Fred>Fred, just... keep walking and be happy your wife isn't into this stuff>Ice him, Kelly>WRITE IN
>>2679283>>They're practicing for a play, Fred
>>2679283>Fred, just... keep walking and be happy your wife isn't into this stuff
>>267928723:59 - 00:09 Voting period, write ins considered and all that.
>>2679283>>They're practicing for a play, FredAlso mention we will be out of town and TT or Kelly Will be housesitting and let the girls practice here
>>2679283>We're doing an avant-garde movie thing, Fred
>>2679283>They're practicing for a play, FredOh, Fred. Thank you for being our anchor of normalcy in our ever more complex, magical lives.
>>2679283>They're practicing for a play, Fred
>>2679283>>Fred, just... keep walking and be happy your wife isn't into this stuff
>>2679283"Hey Fred," you say, accosting the man innocently walking his dogs and looking at the spectacle - wait, the "Q & A" slide is The Fisherman's Wife's Dream?...as expected of Iris. Holy shit."Bit of a show, huh?" Fred tells you, winking."You're just glad your wife isn't into this kind of thing," you tell him, "they're practicing for this avant-garde play thing Melon's class decided to put on.""Really?" he asks, "just wish my wife would get into Timmy's class stuff like Liska is. She seems to think acting is of the devil. Doesn't even want him trying out for Macbeth. Or the 'Scottish Play', as she calls it.""Believe me," you tell him, remembering your experience, "there's danger in that one," you say, and then catch yourself, "but only the danger of trying to perform in front of your peers, and that's what we all have to do, isn't it?""Good prep for the office world, eh? Learning to act a role?" Fred says with a smile, "he'd just be an extra, and she doesn't even want him doing that.">She's completely right - the 'Scottish Play' is bonkers>He'll be fine - doesn't come in on any scene with the three weird sisters, right?>I played Macbeth in one of those - he'll be fine>WRITE IN
>>2679322>>He'll be fine - doesn't come in on any scene with the three weird sisters, right?>I played Macbeth in one of those - he'll be fineOh God... I see it now, we played Macbeth in a play were the ACTUAL 3 weird sisters showed up... fuck
>>2679322>>I played Macbeth in one of those - he'll be fine>>Trust me if he ever play McBeth and get out of one unscathed he will come out as a warrior in later years.Leave Fred in state of confusion but understanding that one day he will realize what we are saying makes sense....in the coming years that is.
I'm hopefully giving in to sleep now, but will resume upon waking up and such. Probably with irregular updates until Tuesday.Someone mentioned Fred, and I like the idea of him showing for this.I meant to get through leaving for the In-Laws' tonight, but I didn't. I thought I'd write a bit faster than I ended up doing.Questions, comments, death threats - I'll respond to them even if I can't run.
>>2679283Fred's in the game.He HAS to be.Only someone who consorts with demons would be crazy enough to walk his dog at 1 am.
>>2679322>>He'll be fine - doesn't come in on any scene with the three weird sisters, right?
>>2679336His dog is a cerberusYou hear it here first although Fred didnt know.
>>2679336I do it to, if both me and the dog are awake. Its a lot more relaxing walking at night.
>>2679322>I played Macbeth in one of those - he'll be fine>He'll be fine - doesn't come in on any scene with the three weird sisters, right?
>>2679331>death threats I hope you get visited by angels and you're the subject matter and it isn't a good visit! But in all seriousness, I was hoping we could finish the thread by having everyone go to bed at least, then we can put this night that feels dangerously long to bed.I really wonder if Fred is in the game, what he is.Anons lets speculate I will get my liquor and summarily get smashed.
>>2679322>She's completely right - the 'Scottish Play' is bonkers> It might just be superstition, by why force it if it makes your wife unhappy? Same logic that has me here doing this, but ya know it's worth a little pain now instead of a little pain forever whenever the topic comes up again.
I'm like 99% sure Fred's a fucking alien (who might think we're in the know on that) who was assigned to Earth or is survivor of a failed invasion (and either way went native), based on his dialogue when we first talked to him.
>>2679345This guy gets it. But desu i only do it because i am really scatterbrained and go "oh fuck it's 2am already" followed by a "OH FUCK I STILL HAVENT WALKED THE DOGS".
>>2679380>>2679345Clearly both wizards.
>>2679378I made up a bunch of titles for possible books Liska could write about our possible adventures. One of them was "Damn it. The Neighbors are Dwarves and Elves."
>>2679378>The real long shot that Fred's somehow part of the world too, and is going to turn into a Loch Ness monster or a demon or something?OH SHIT! HAIKU WENT FOR THE RARE DOUBLE BLUFF!
>>2679394Yeah I know, that's likely what they are if anything. I just find it less hilarious than Fred and co. being literal aliens for some reason.
>>2679388But the age for becoming a wizard is 30 and I'm only 19
>>2679441I think you can circumvent that if you summon a Succubus to do petty chores around the tower, in full housekeeping gear instead of a fetish maid outfit, and send her back without fucking her.Because after that you're basically a virgin by choice instead of circumstance.
>>2679322>I played Macbeth in one of those - he'll be fineI'm conflicted, there's part of me that wants Fred to stay the nice, innocent, completely normal neighbor that he is, but there's another that wants for him to turn out to be the TRUE BBEG.
>>2679643I'm of the preference that Fred should be the completely normal neighbor. It gives everyone a lot more to work with and reminds us that before all of this we were completely normal people.
>>2679679I say that Fred is completely normal and his wife is Jeanie.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNg-xClEnqM
>>2679679Sounds like a good idea, we could use a normal-side-grounded influence to not fall down the road other wizards go.although we may be too late with setting up a mafia family and all that
>>2679688I'm of the opinion that it is never too lateIt never hurts to have a completely normal person's perspective on things, much like how the Thousand Year Blade is giving us advice on how to navigate the magical world in a Sengoku era point of viewRandom fact to bring up, Al Capone never went to prison for any of the crimes he did except for Tax Evasion
>>2679322"He'll be fine," you tell Fred, "I played Macbeth in one of those. And it's not like he'll be on stage with the Three Weird Sisters, right?""Well, no," Fred tells you, "he's just been practicing his falls for the battle scenes. And he's started chopping limbs off trees so he can be 'Durnam Wood'," he says, shooting you a grin, "little scamp. Never figured you for a theatre kid back in the day, though."Ah. So that's what's got Fred's wife - Marlene, was it? - so mad about the play. No wonder, if Timmy's shredding her shrubbery in theatrical enthusiasm."It was just a school play," you tell your neighbor, as his dog looks at your wife and whines, "not like I wanted to go to Juilliard or anything."Fred bursts out laughing, and you can see Kelly and T.T. crack smiles out of the corner of your eye."You at Juilliard?" Fred asks incredulously, "now THAT would have been something. I just can't picture you on Broadway to save my life - you're a bit too salt-of-the-earth for that sort of thing."...Yes, a bit too salt-of-the-earth indeed, you think, catching a few phrases from the circle of girls surrounding your wife, and really wishing you hadn't.It's not that they don't need to learn this stuff, or really that they're talking about anything you haven't done, it's just, well, they're your daughter's age. They're your daughter's friends. Hell, one of them IS your daughter.You're not really comfortable thinking about that... side of them.At least Kelly's turned off the projector."Anyway," Fred says, "it's been fun, and I hope the play goes well, but Fido really needs his walk.""Later, Fred," you tell him, and he ambles off with his dog.The little conversational group around your wife shows no signs of dying down. Even the other wives are getting into it, leaving you, Kelly, T.T, and Shelby standing at the foot of the driveway.[SET 1:]>Talk to Kelly about training the girls in combat>Talk to T.T. about summoning demons for the girls to kill>Tell Shelby not to get any bright ideas from the lecture[SET 2, write ins for conversation appreciated:]>Try to con T.T. into chaperoning this group at your house>Try to con Kelly into chaperoning this group at your house>Fuck it, the girls don't need a chaperone - Mary and Harriet will keep things under control
>>2679952>>Talk to T.T. about summoning demons for the girls to kill>>Fuck it, the girls don't need a chaperone - Mary and Harriet will keep things under control
>>2679952>Talk to T.T. about summoning demons for the girls to kill"Hey T.T, is it possible to find a quiet out of the way place for summoning demons so that the girls can farm energy?"And to be honest We're gonna need some extra training from Kelly as well. So when we get back it wouldn't hurt to get in on that training montage as well.>Fuck it, the girls don't need a chaperone - Mary and Harriet will keep things under controlHonestly Mary and Harriet are probably the best out of the entire "adult" leadership besides us on the sanity scale.
>>2679952>Talk to T.T. about summoning demons for the girls to kill>Fuck it, the girls don't need a chaperone - Mary and Harriet will keep things under controlHarriet has thirty years of wisdom. It'll be fine.Also if he summons that demon we shouted at, just, like... shove her back through the portal? It would be rude if the girls killed he.r
>>2679952>Talk to T.T. about summoning demons for the girls to kill>Fuck it, the girls don't need a chaperone - Mary and Harriet will keep things under control
>>2679952>Tell Shelby not to get any bright ideas from the lecture>Fuck it, the girls don't need a chaperone - Mary and Harriet will keep things under controlAs long as we put the Dad brand fear of god in them I don't think there is much to worry about
>>2679952>Talk to T.T. about summoning demons for the girls to kill>Fuck it, the girls don't need a chaperone - Mary and Harriet will keep things under controlWe specifically asked her to keep them in line, I'm sure she can handle it. If anything T.T. visiting whenever he calls up demons to kill with the girls would mean he would be checking in regularly.
>>2679976>>2679978Oh, supporting these as well.
>>2679534>DenialThat's my fetish
>>2679952>>Talk to T.T. about summoning demons for the girls to kill>>Fuck it, the girls don't need a chaperone - Mary and Harriet will keep things under controlProbably
>>2679952>ask TT about the demon summon farming and if he has a general idea of how long before he can give a report so that we can actually look at the numbers and do our accounting thing. We need to figure out stuff like if the girls even ear more than they use from killing demons and the quotas are just there to make sure they're even doing anything.>Ask Kelly if his wife (or a trustworthy magical gynecologist) might be ok with giving Karen a checkup since my basic understanding of how plan B works and the way fertilization works means that Karen can still get impregnated. (Human sperm lives for 5 days which is why there are 5 days out of the cycle that a woman can get pregnant while an egg is only viable for 24ish hours. If a minotaur is ultra fertile to a near 100% rate then the sperm can still impregnate for at least the entire cycle which means vigilance is needed. Our wife knows what she's talking about but suspect she's on the list of not as fertile as humans so she might be underestimating the situation.)This doubles as making sure nothing gets out of hand for too long as an adult is stopping by regularly.>Ask either of them if they or somebody else they know (like the wives or Purple) could make a theoretical report/explanation on what a hypothetical magical girl pregnancy to term is like. I hesitate to ask TT to do so personally since he's going to be busy with contracts.
>>2680120*Regular checkup. Give Karen regular checkups for the month. We want a clean bill of health here.
>>2680120Let's not run the whole pregnancy scare joke into the ground.It's a joke, not a vital subplot
>>2679952>Talk to T.T. about summoning demons for the girls to kill>Try to con T.T. into chaperoning this group at your houseSince his going to be sumnoning deamons for them any ways
>>2680132>jokeJoke? This is a serious issue. Let it be in the background or whatever but this is a legitimate concern and I even outlined WHY it's a legitimate concern to have instead of forgetting about it only to discover plan B didn't work next month. We also need this info for the sex ed book for magical girls we're going to get published.
>>2679952>Talk to T.T. about summoning demons for the girls to kill>Fuck it, the girls don't need a chaperone - Mary and Harriet will keep things under control, or else.
>>2679952Talk to T.T. about summoning demons for the girls to kill>>2680120Supporting this as well
>>2680182No man you're driving headlong into /d/ territory. I dunno if it's your fetish or of you can't tell when things are taken too far
>>2679952>Talk to T.T. about summoning demons for the girls to kill>Tell Shelby not to get any bright ideas from the lecture>Try to con Kelly into chaperoning this group at your house
>>2680286Not that anon, but dude, it has already been said that Minotaurs have an almost 100% fertility rate, plan B only works by preventing ovum from implanting. If her cycle is far enough off that the Plan B wears off she could easily still get pregnant if minotaur sperm stays viable. This is not /d/ this is legit dad-concern type stuff. Follow that up with the little tidbit from wifey of, "Oh, baseline humans an basically breed or seed almost anything, magic probably makes it more potent." Means we need to be supremely careful in this situation. Karen made a mistake, I dont want to make it a big deal in front of others, but we should keep Mr Coathanger on speed-dial for the next month or two.
>>2680449God I fucking hope this isn't a concern for the full ingame month. I'm completely done with it at this point.
>>2679952"So," you say, hoping for any sort of small talk so you don't have to listen to the snatches of conversation floating down the driveway, "anyone know a good magic gynecologist? Asking for a friend."They give you blank stares, and then start laughing."Fuck Broadway," Kelly says, "man, you should have gone on the stand-up circuit.""I think Alice," T.T. tells you, trying to keep a straight face, "might be able to help out. Wizards and witches have been solving problems like that for millenia.""And starting them," Kelly rejoins with a grin, "Iris knows a thing or two as well. Between the two of them, I don't think our potential mini minotaur stands much of a chance.""Just..." you start with a sigh, "just don't get the girls thinking 'taking care of it' is too easy.""Not sure there's danger of that," T.T. says, "have you heard the hard time she's getting?"You've really been trying not to, honestly. And some of that 'hard time' seems a little too jocular for your taste."I've heard it's rather painful," the wizard stage-whispers to you, "so I doubt she'll try it again, if she does end up needing a full, uh..." he cuts off, his face turning a little pink as he ponders his next words.Huh. So wizards have their own ways of dealing with these things. You guess it makes sense - after all, some of the earliest 'potion recipes' the archeologists found were for getting pregnant or avoiding it.And if it's a wizarding thing, that's probably why Liska didn't think about it.Wait, aren't you just having your own version of the conversation at the top of the driveway?And you're not sure you want T.T. finishing that sentence. The man's face is almost as red as his coat now.[1/2]
>>2680546"Moving right along," you ask T.T., trying to change the topic, "what about summoning demons for the girls to kill while I'm gone? Might be a better way to keep Freebles' boss off our backs than just hunting them randomly.""Might be a bit tricky, too," he tells you, still trying not to laugh, "nobody wants to come for a summoner's call once word gets out he's calling you to death. I've got my reputation to think about here. Although there might be some favors I could finagle out of it..." the wizard trails off, losing himself in thought."While you're gone?" Kelly asks, "things might get a bit interesting if you're taking a trip. I'm out of town next week too, and I'm not sure T.T. is up to, uh, managing them all," he finishes, jerking his head toward the girls.Ok, the wizard's thinking really hard if he's not even rising to that bait."Mary can keep it under control," you tell Kelly, "she's been running that group for a while. And Harriet seems to have wisdom beyond her years."Or at least the wisdom of her real years, you think darkly. Even if she doesn't seem to like showing it."I just hope Einz fits in," Kelly says, shrugging, "but I guess I don't have to worry too much," he tells you, glancing up the driveway.Yes, those two heads of white hair look like they're fitting right into the little knots of conversation forming up there.That's a little scary, actually.
>>2680552"So there's really two ways of doing it," T.T. says suddenly, breaking out of his reverie, "without me burning my contacts. First one is to decide who I still want to be able to call up after this is over, and find out who they don't like, then summon those guys for the girls. That could actually buy me some decent favors," he continues, "but it would pretty solidly align me with some factions in Hell, and I've been trying to stay equal-opportunity.""Second option?" Kelly asks, and you can almost see the gears turning in his head about what the wizard's saying. And you can't help but narrow your eyes a little too - this guy's talking about summoning demons like ordering a pizza.And aligning with 'factions in Hell'..."Door number two," T.T. says with a flourish of his, wait, where did he get a wineglass? "is that I just put down the magical equivalent of a 'DEMONS WANTED' sign, like some amateur cultist, and the girls fight whatever decides to pop in for a party until I break it. That's a bit less risk for my reputation, but it's sort of rolling dice on what comes out to play.""So you're sending up a flare for them, instead of calling in specific targets," Kelly says, "I kinda like it. And if he's calling them in at one point," he tells you, "the random attacks should die down a bit. Demons would pop in there instead.">T.T., see what demons are in the bad books of the ones you want to keep summoning. 'Favors' doesn't sound bad.>T.T., I want those 'DEMONS WANTED' signs to look like the most emo teenager in the world carved them on his arms>Neither of those sounds good, just stick with the girls when they go hunting.>WRITE IN
>>2680555>T.T., I want those 'DEMONS WANTED' signs to look like the most emo teenager in the world carved them on his arms
>>2680555>T.T., I want those 'DEMONS WANTED' signs to look like the most emo teenager in the world carved them on his armsWho knows, we may get lucky.
>>268056317:06 - whenever Voting period.I might fall off the face of the world until sometime tomorrow, but hopefully I'll be able to do a good run then.>>2680366>QM What have you done?Dammit Moses, I threw the gold in the fire and this golden calf came out! I swear that's all I did!I thought it would be an amusing incident at dinner, and it turned into a DAD SCARE and several mob boss moments, as well as a Fred scene, which is all great. It did eat more time than I'd anticipated, but whatever.Also, at least now you have people for stuff like this.
>>2680555>T.T., I want those 'DEMONS WANTED' signs to look like the most emo teenager in the world carved them on his armsAny way we can hold the demon in some sort of transportable form? I've got an idea for a Magical Girl on Demon Fight Club, with some gambling on the side. Maybe a little cockfighting ring, but with demons instead of roosters. Unless there's such a thing as demon chickens...
>>2680555>>T.T., I want those 'DEMONS WANTED' signs to look like the most emo teenager in the world carved them on his armsCan he get one of the girls to do it instead to make it look like they're being overconfident.
>>2680555>T.T., I want those 'DEMONS WANTED' signs to look like the most emo teenager in the world carved them on his arms.If we're lucky we can even get a portal to hell! Family destination, fun for all ages.
>>2680596Man let's just use a real emoT.t teleports in and calls himself a devil and give the loser a proper set of instructions
>>2680612Think we can also use horny idiots that want dat Succubi ass?
>>2680612Unless we have kelly ice him afterwards, then we may have made a new threat in that instance
>>2680555>T.T., see what demons are in the bad books of the ones you want to keep summoning. 'Favors' doesn't sound bad.
>>2680555>T.T., I want those 'DEMONS WANTED' signs to look like the most emo teenager in the world carved them on his arms >And if something goes wrong, open portals to fetch backup.
>>2680555>>T.T., see what demons are in the bad books of the ones you want to keep summoning. 'Favors' doesn't sound bad.
>>2680555>>T.T., I want those 'DEMONS WANTED' signs to look like the most emo teenager in the world carved them on his arms
>>2680555>You want to pass the information along to me and I'll set it up on some type of drip timer or some shit? You don't burn'em and I end up taking the blame?
>>2680700For fucks sake, you've seen how anons ideas change the direction of the quest? This shit won't be relevant if everyone just stops bringing it up, calm down.
>>2680555>>T.T., see what demons are in the bad books of the ones you want to keep summoning. 'Favors' doesn't sound bad.>>T.T., I want those 'DEMONS WANTED' signs to look like the most emo teenager in the world carved them on his armsBoth of these options sound pretty good.
>>2680555The demons wanted thing sounds like a good idea but we obviously need it to be in a location that won't engulf a city in flames if it's something strong.>Realistically, what are the chances making a portal to hell and immediately ambushing whatever is nearby without the rest of hell noticing in the event of a quota emergency?
>>2680555>T.T., I want those 'DEMONS WANTED' signs to look like the most emo teenager in the world carved them on his armskeep it outside the city though, don't want to "oops" our way into the middle of it and piss of burnie the dragon.
>>2680928Think there's a way to banish anything from the circle that we "oops" as being too strong? Teaching the girls how to do that would prevent word getting back out about you being the summoner as at least a slightly higher layer of security.
guys, what if we first contact the demon we banished? supposedly she was loyal to us. She might have some insight in this situation.
>>2681029According to the QM, the only reason she was loyal to us is because demons work on Might Makes Right and we blasted her with our magic shotgun, therefore making us mightier.
>>2681033exactly. we can still try to bring her back (if possible) and see if she is still loyal to us. if she is, then she can help us with our plans. if she isn't, well, we can blast her.
>>2681087Well, I don't know how demon logic really works. If the demon is back in hell by now, would she still be intimidated enough by us to do what we say?
>>2681099we really don't lose much by trying, do we? we still get a demon to kill if she is not loyal to us.
>>2681101You've got a good point there, actually. Though 'teaming up' with a demon might cause a couple problems if it works.
>>2681110would it? we are already allying with sworn enemies and true neutrals. adding a demon to the equation won't affect things much. if anything, it might even stabilize the girls because it would add the demonic energy the girls need to the "magical yarn ball"
>>2681116What? We're make Demon Lady Queen of Hell with the proviso that she leaves Earth the fuck alone? Don't they need to eat souls to survive or something?
>>2681124I don't think we actually know what the demons' nutritional requirements are, but that seems pretty likely. This is shaping up to be a pretty vicious cycle.
>>2681137>demons eat human souls>magical girls ‘eat’ demon souls>rats collect some of the resulting energyRats seem like they’re the top of the food chain here. Bet the demons don’t like them much.
Pretty sure they are gonna summon our sister and she takes over the gang.
>>2680555>T.T., I want those 'DEMONS WANTED' signs to look like the most emo teenager in the world carved them on his arms>...although we'll need a quick rundown of the factions in hell at some later date - anyone we'd want to side with?
>>2680555"T.T.," you tell the wizard, "I want those 'DEMONS WANTED' signs to look like the most emo teenager in the world carved them on his arms with a paperclip."A look of horror crosses T.T.'s face, "but my professional reputation... Look, I'm a man who takes pride in my work!""It's so nobody knows it was you, dumbass," Kelly says with a smile, "because it's so far outside your M.O.""I guess," T.T. says, somewhat mollified, "but it's still going to offend my sensibilities. And where am I supposed to get that many goats?"You decide that you don't really want to know what parts goats play in all this, although you have your suspicions."Just make sure it's somewhere where there won't be too much damage to the city if something big pops in," you tell him, "and if you can get a circle around it, that would be even better."Wait a second. Are you really trying to set up a deer feeder for demons?"I'll see what I can do," T.T. says, "guess I'm working with Mary on this one. Never thought I'd be saying that.""Did you say something about 'factions' in Hell earlier?" you ask, glancing up the driveway. It looks like the girls are going inside. Well, at least you're not having to try to tune them out anymore."There are always factions in Hell," T.T. tells you, "but it's a pretty chaotic mess of alliances, secret alliances, councils, committees, betrayals, clever plans, games, circles, clubs, exclusive clubs, cliques, and anything else you can think of. And they all change at the drop of a hat - or a head. I hear something different about it every time I call someone up who's in the mood to chat. That's part of the reason I like staying as neutral as I can.""They say politics is Hell," Kelly grins, blowing out a cloud of smoke, "and I guess that means Hell is politics. Want to go inside?"At this point, you'd like nothing better. It's been a long night.[1/2]
>>2682086Considering the speed everyone else finds a bed, or a couch, or a floor and a blanket, you're not the only one. Well, you can still hear the girls chattering in Melon's room as you plod off to your own, but they're still young and have some sort of mysterious boundless energy of youth....As does Liska, you find out when you do make it into your bed, and she's something like fourteen times your age. Luckily, her vitality calls up something answering in you, and the night finishes quite pleasantly.Whatever else she might might be, Liska's never been a morning person. She's still fast asleep when the sun gets you up, encircling you in a veritable bed of flurry fox tails.Or maybe it was the smell of breakfast that woke you up.You pad out to the kitchen, and see Shelby hard at work with a frying pan. One day you're gonna figure this kid out - he's drag racing and danger one minute, and acting like a house husband the next. Looks like he hasn't noticed you yet.And nobody else seems to be stirring.>Then the phone rings>Then there's a knock on the door>Then you go talk to Shelby [write in topics appreciated]
>>2682090>Then there's a knock on the doorIt's the Girl Scouts of America selling magical cookies at this hourThe're actually druids in disguise
>>2682090>>Then there's a knock on the door"Would you like to talk about our lord and savior, Satan?"
>>2682090>Then there's a knock on the door
>>2682090>Then there's a knock on the doorIts that demon from thread one
>>2682090>>Then there's a knock on the door
>>2682090It's, what, 7AM? 6:30AM? On a Saturday?Who the hell is knocking on your front door at this unearthly hour?You stride through the front entry hall, and see the Thousand Year Blade resting in the umbrella holder. When you pick it up, you see a post-it note reading "thanks for the loan! Figured I shouldn't take him to bed, but I didn't get a chance to give him back. - Sue".She's just talking about the Sengoku Spook not being wonderfully appropriate company for a girls' sleepover, right?Right?That's definitely it."IT'S GOOD TO BE BACK, LORD!" the sword says into your mind as you shove it through your belt, "YOU'VE DONE GREAT WORK, EVEN WITHOUT MY ADVICE! THIS IS YOUR CITY NOW - THE DRAGON MAY AS WELL BE YOUR CLIENT, EVEN IF YOU LET HIM SAVE FACE BY ADDRESSING HIM AS YOUR EQUAL."You're really not sure if the sword's approval of last night's dinner is good or not.So you open the front door, then realize you've got a fucking katana shoved through your belt, and a 'PARTY NAKED' T-shirt on. You just grabbed one at random from the pile in your dresser. Sometimes the relics of your misspent youth rise to the top in there.Oh god, what if it's Girl Scouts?It's not Girl Scouts.It's a fucking minotaur. On your doorstep. In a suit. At something like 6:30 on a Saturday morning.Well, at least your neighbors are probably still asleep, you think as the bull's eyes widen and he...Goes down on one knee, bowing his head. Those horns still come up to the middle of your chest."I apologize for last night," he rumbles, "I overstepped my bounds and got carried away. Mete out my punishment.""THE DRAGON SENDS HIS UNDERLING AS A PEACE OFFERING," the Sengoku Spook says straight into your head, "TO AVOID BAD BLOOD IN THE FUTURE."Is everyone in this brave new world of gods and monsters categorically insane?And is his name really 'Angus'? That's a little too >Take his head - that head will look good on your wall, and anyone named Angus has to be good for your grill>Karen got just as carried away. You aren't the only one at fault here>Don't let it happen again - friendly relations are good and all, but...>Did you tell her the risks?>[WRITE IN]
>>2682176>Don't let it happen again - friendly relations are good and all, but...Ask who started it? And force him to make breakfast as penance.
>>2682176>Did you tell her the risks?
>>2682176> Tell him that as he is now family, he will have to inform Bernie that he will be leaving him and joining our household to take care of his child.Yes, I am saying we should act like we're thrilled that he got Karen pregnant, and now he's going to be a Dad!Also that he is going to have to tell Bernie he's leaving.Because that will be hilarious.
>>2682176>>He is to swear brother oaths, let the other dads and Shelby deal with him.
>>268217810:21 - 10:35ish Voting period. Write ins considered even as I'm writing, if they seem compatible with the votes.I should be actively questing for most of today, and we'll dial things down to the 10min voting periods as we gather people.
>>2682176>Don't let it happen again - friendly relations are good and all, but...>Karen got just as carried away. You aren't the only one at fault hereI don't think we really want a random minotaur, and wouldn't making him swear in basically make him and Karen married? That's kind of a fucked-up decision to make without the consent of both parties.
>>2682176>>Don't let it happen again - friendly relations are good and all, but...
>Karen got just as carried away. You aren't the only one at fault here>Don't let it happen again - friendly relations are good and all, but...
>>2682176>Did you tell her the risks?If he did, the only thing I see he really did wrong was to mix work and play while he should have been on duty.
Anons. I have an idea. If TT needs a bunch of goats blood for the summonings. How well would a bunch of minotaur blood work? >>2682176>So you are coming here because Bernie sent you and not because of wanting to take responsibility for the fact that you got her pregnant?
>>2682176>>Take his head - that head will look good on your wall, and anyone named Angus has to be good for your grill
>>2682176There's a minotaur in a suit, kneeling on your doorstep in the middle of suburbia.How do you get into stuff like this, again?Well, from what you (unfortunately) overheard from Karen, it seems like she was trying to seduce him or something. You can't even begin to imagine what would possess someone to try...You know what, you don't want to think about it."Don't let it happen again," you tell him, "friendly relations are good and all, but mixing business and pleasure like that..." you trail off."THE DRAGON MAY HAVE SENT HIM HOPING YOU WOULD 'TAKE CARE' OF THE PROBLEM FOR HIM," the sword intones.Angus looks up at you, shamefacedly."I swear I told her the risks my kind have," he says, hastily. Seems like he sees a glimmer of hope he might get to keep his head."And I spent hours last night trying to deal with those 'risks'," you tell the kneeling minotaur, "I'd really prefer not to have to do it again. DON'T. TRY. IT. AGAIN. Capice?"The horned head nods. "I would take responsibility," he says, in a voice too deep to fit in any throat."For a barely-legal girl?" you laugh, "I can respect that," you tell him, thinking back on some of the scares you've had in years long past, "but I'm not the one you should be bowing to, and I can't speak for anyone you should be. Now get off my doorstep before I reconsider. Bernie and I negotiated something decent for the city last night. Don't fuck it up because you can't keep it in your pants."Angus bows again, more deeply, then gets up to mosey back to his... ok, if the design team was told 'this has to fit a minotaur', that's the vehicle they would come up with, alright.You step back inside and shut the door.Then the phone rings, and you rush to answer it almost reflexively."Is Karen at your place?" the voice on the other end inquires, and you can almost hear the tie around his neck.On a Saturday morning?"Yeah," you tell him, and read from the caller ID that it's definitely her folks, "any reason you think she wouldn't be? She's sleeping over in Melon's room.""Just wanted to make sure she was really there," the man, presumably her father, says, "and not making excuses to run around at night. She's got violin lessons this afternoon, too."Ok, if that's the style of parenting she's had, maybe it explains a little more about her 'acting out'. You can just about smell the expectations from here, ladled on with an unsparing hand, and this guy's got 'the best isn't good enough' writ large under every word he says.>You want to come pick her up?>Just a normal slumber party>I'm afraid I didn't catch your name>We'll drop her off once they all wake up - what's your address?>WRITE IN
>>2682312>I'm afraid I didn't catch your name>We'll drop her off once they all wake up - what's your address?
>>2682312>I'm afraid I didn't catch your name>We'll drop her off once they all wake up - what's your address?Channel our inner Human Resources voice. Be as sickly sweet as possible.
>>2682312>>I'm afraid I didn't catch your name>>You want to come pick her up?
>>2682312>We'll drop her off once they all wake up - what's your address?
>>2682312>>I'm afraid I didn't catch your name>>We'll drop her off once they all wake up - what's your address?
>>2682312You decide to channel your best human resources voice.Sickly sweet, but with an undertone of "there's no help for you here"."I'm afraid I didn't catch your name," you tell the man."Albert Stewart," he says, his voice implying you should have heard of him.And, unfortunately, you have. Guy owns half the real estate in town. And you've probably done his taxes a couple of times.Man, were those accounts muddled."Pleased to make your acquaintance," you tell him with false civility, "and we'll drop Karen off once everyone wakes up. You know how girls go - chattering halfway through the night.""Bad for their grades," he says, "they just don't get how important to their future these few years are. Can't waste them partying up to all hours. And the lessons are at 1PM sharp. Can't keep the first violin in the city orchestra waiting."Well, you might be able to agree with him for completely different reasons, but this guy's a jackass.It's a fucking weekend. It's like the man has never heard the word 'chill' in his life.Wait.You've got a flight out later this afternoon. Well, you can drop Karen off on your way, but you're not sure anyone's packed.Oh dear."What's your address?" you ask, and he gives you one. It's on the nice side of town."And the gate code is..." he tells you. Ok, a gated community over there? Really?"Alright," you tell him, "we'll have breakfast and head over."He hangs up on you. Just hangs up.Like he got what he wanted and he's out. Jesus Christ.And it looks like Shelby's gotten breakfast ready.>Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!>Just let people get up at their own pace, and talk to Shelby>Go ask Liska if we're packed>WRITE IN
>>2682377>Go ask Liska if we're packedGotta make sure that we got our gear togetherIf we got nothing together then WAKEY WAKEY EGGS AND BAKEY! Complete with the best rooster impression we can muster.
>>2682377>>Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!
>>2682377>Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!>Go ask Liska if we're packedWe're on a timer people.
>>2682377>>Go ask Liska if we're packed
>>2682377>>Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!>>Go ask Liska if we're packed
>>2682377>Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!>Go ask Liska if we're packed not after last night, i guess
>>2682377>Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!>Go ask Liska if we're packed
>>2682377>Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!>Ask Kelly and T.T. if there's any local magical customs/knowledge in Japan we should know before we accidentally start a gang with with half of Tokyo.
>>2682377"Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!" you yell, jolting T.T., Alice, and Shirley from their spots on your couch and loveseat.Looks like the wizard lost to the assassin in the fight for the guest bedroom last night.So you walk over to the guest bedroom, and yell under the door."Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!"You hear Iris mutter "five more minutes," as the door bursts open and Kelly levels a pistol at you.That's some big game business he's got right there.And that's got more to do with what he's not wearing than with the pistol.Locker room memories flash before your eyes."Oh," he says, sheepishly, lowering the gun, "it's just you. We'll be out in a minute," and then he shuts the door.Then it's on to Melon's room. You give the door an entirely non-consensual pounding.With your fist."Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!" you yell, "and Melon, we've got a flight to catch. Karen, we're dropping you with your folks on the way!"You can hear a flurry of screeches, sleepy groans, and a little swearing from inside.Sometimes it's good to be a dad, you think, walking back toward your bedroom."Liska, honey," you say, opening your door, "are we packed?"She gives you a half-asleep look of creeping recognition, then a look of pure 'oh fuck I forgot' passes over her face."We will be," she says, rising up languorously, "and who got breakfast ready at THIS hour?""Shelby," you tell her, and get a knowing smile in response."He'll be a great husband," she says, tails waving as she gets up."AND COULD CEMENT A GREATER ALLIANCE," the sword says into your mind."Let's not get ahead of ourselves here," you tell her, and the sword, "guy challenged me to a street race the other day, with Melon in his car. There's something damn unstable about him.""LET HIM HOLD ME," the sword almost screams, "AND I WILL FIND OUT ALL YOU WANT TO KNOW."...yeah, after seeing how that went with Sue, you might file that one away for later. A lot later."And you ran off to join up when you were his age," Liska says, stepping out of your bed, "you turned out fine. A bit better than fine," she finishes with a growl, and suddenly she's taken you to the floor and planted a sloppy kiss all over your face.Then she's off you in a flash and flurry of tails, and headed into the shower.A few hours later, everyone's clean, decent, and eating. The Sengoku Spook wasn't happy about going in the checked bags, and Kelly gave you quite the lecture about gun laws, convincing you to leave your shotgun at home.>Alright, let's go>I'm letting you girls stay here - and I don't want to come back home to a crater. Keep it under control.>Give a speech [WRITE IN]>WRITE IN
>>2682457>>I'm letting you girls stay here - and I don't want to come back home to a crater. Keep it under control.
>>2682457>I'm letting you girls stay here - and I don't want to come back home to a crater. Keep it under control.Okay girls, we're off. Mary, you're in charge, Also, I'm leaving the house open to you gals for the time being. Don't let me down
>>2682457>I'm letting you girls stay here - and I don't want to come back home to a crater. Keep it under control.
>>2682457>I'm letting you girls stay here - and I'd like to think you're capable of being responsible enough that I don't need to tell you about no hanky panky and/or leaving my house in a crater. Keep it under control. Let Melon know if there are any souvenirs you want. Mary is in charge while I'm gone,I told TT and Kelly about some possible ideas so be sure to keep filled in. >If you accidentally summon my sister be careful since that whole magic sharing contract thing probably applies to her too and Shelby is in charge of food.
>>2682457>I'm letting you girls stay here - and I don't want to come back home to a crater. Keep it under control>Ask if they want any gifts from over there.
>>2682457>I'm letting you girls stay here - and I don't want to come back home to a crater. Keep it under control.>Any souvenirs you guys would like me to pick up? Yes, T.T., I’ll get you some sake...
>>2682457So you draw yourself up in front of the assembled masses. Most of them are just finishing up breakfast."I'm letting you girls stay here," you say, raking your eyes across the tableau, "or at least, my house is open to you. And I DON'T want to come home to a crater. Or a party house. Or something that smells like... well, you got the lecture last night. I don't want any of that happening here. Mary's in charge. T.T.'s going to be working with you on fighting demons."You get a chorus of nods."Don't let me down," you say, glowering, "keep it under control.""We won't let you down," Mary says, "eldest brother," she finishes, looking around the table.You get another chorus of more enthusiastic nods.You're speaking their language. And you might even get them some souvenirs."Alright, let's get in the car," you say to Liska, Melon, and Karen.Looks like Kelly and Shelby are loading up the Mercedes as you drive off. Must be for his business trip.That gives you a little pause, remembering what his 'business' is.The ride to the really nice side of town is unusually silent. At least you remember the gate code.You drop Karen on her parents' driveway. She stops halfway up the walk and waves with a smile.Then she keeps walking up toward that door.You watch her open it with the air of condemned prisoner.Well, it's in time for those violin lessons.The it's off to the airport, as Liska regales Melon with the history of her family. At least your daughter's wearing a hat to hide her ears.Customs has a few questions about the sword in your checked bags, but you manage to assure them you're taking it to Japan for an appraisal.And then you're waiting at the gate for the flight that will connect you to Tokyo.And you see a couple of familiar faces. Kelly and Shelby are sitting on the benches for the same flight.>Pretend you don't know those guys>So, Kelly, exactly what sort of 'business' do you have in Japan?>Fancy meeting you here>WRITE IN
>>2682545>>Fancy meeting you here
>>2682545>>Pretend you don't know those guysTRAAAAAAAADECRRRAAAAAAAAAFT!!!!
>>2682545>Fancy meeting you here
>>2682545>Pretend you don't know those guysNope, the're at work. We can bug them on the flight back if we HAVE to.
>>2682545Give him a subtle nod or something, see what he does.He probably knows more about the etiquette for this kinda situation than we do, especially with his business.
>>2682545>>Pretend you don't know those guys
>>268254913:01 - 13:11 Voting period and such. Write ins considered until I'm done writing, if they seem to fit votes.Ties broken at my leisure and to my taste.
>>2682545>Pretend you don't know those guysJust a wink and a nod
>>2682545We have an incredibly long flight and the source of our power is (brotherly) love. Don't pretend to not know em but we have an amazing wife to pay attention to first.>Smalltalk with our beautiful wife. Who would have thought Japanese customs would care so much about bringing a japanese sword INTO Japan?It looks like either Kelly is gonna help us out when we land or there are going to be some serious asshole officials trying to steal the sword at the airport.http://jpninfo.com/78527
>>2682457>jolting T.T., Alice, and Shirley from their spots on your couch and loveseatI think we should seriously invest in some pull-out couches, and an addition to the house if our place is gonna be headquarters.>>2682579>or there are going to be some serious asshole officials trying to steal the sword at the airportIn that case, I'm almost surprised Shelby didn't try to stow himself away as checked baggage.
>>2682545>Just nod at themwe noticed them and realize they probably have stuff to do, let them be unless they want to chat with you
>>2682545You subtly nod at Kelly, who's got a copy of the New York times positioned just so the security cameras don't catch his face.He folds his newspaper, somehow managing to keep it between him and the cameras, then motions you over."You need an outlet for your cellphone?" he says, as you approach, "looks like we got the good seats.""It was about to die," you tell him settling into the next seat, then whisper, "fancy meeting you here.""Likewise," he whispers, as you plug your phone in."I might have scared you about gun laws," the assassin says in a low tone, barely moving his mouth, "but I've got a cache over there. Couple of Benellis you might like. Might even be able to hide them in your jacket. Hit me up after we land."Well, the important part is Freebles enchanting the ammunition, and your sworn, if furry, brother isn't going to let you down on that, is he?>I'm more concerned about why you're going to Japan - who's the target?>You bring Shelby along for this stuff?>Thanks for the charge, sir (and go back to waiting with your family)>WRITE IN
>>2682589>>Thanks for the charge, sir (and go back to waiting with your family)
>>2682589>Thanks for the charge, sir. (give him a kind smile and go back to waiting with your family)
>>2682589>Thanks for the charge, sir (and go back to waiting with your family)
>>2682589>Thanks for the charge, sir (and go back to waiting with your family)Airplanes have no privacy whatsoever. I have absolutely no faith in our ability to Jason Bourne secret spy conversations in front of 7+ people within a 1m radius.
>>2682589>>Thanks for the charge, sir (and go back to waiting with your family)Now taking bets on whether or not this was also an excuse to load up some tracking software onto our phone.
>>2682589>>You bring Shelby along for this stuff?
>>2682589"Thanks for the charge," you say, setting your phone on the armrest next to him, then going back to your family.It's a very uneventful wait. Everyone in your family likes reading, even if you catch Melon shoot a couple of looks at Shelby over her book. He doesn't seem to notice.Looks like his dad taught him well.Then there's the connecting flight, showing a decent movie, which you sleep through most of.Terminator 2 is a classic, but you've seen it a thousand times.And once you hit ground in San Diego, you remember far too many things. This is where you came in for boot.Seems like the smells never changed."This is where we met, isn't it?" Liska whispers in your ear, "good town, if only for that."Only for that. You don't want to remember what you did out under the hot California sun, just because you happened to be recruited west of the Mississippi. But you heard the chiggers on the east coast were worse.And then your bird comes in, watched by a dozen sets of binoculars on the heights, if you don't miss your guess. This was always a good town for planewatching.You get a gate number off a kiosk, and everyone hares off to embark.Bit of a close connection, for an international flight.>Just sleep on the flight>Ask Liska about her family [WRITE IN questions]>WRITE IN
>>2682615>Ask Liska about her family [WRITE IN questions]"Got any crazy uncles that I should befriend while I'm there?"
>>2682615>>Ask Liska about her family [WRITE IN questions]Do they know I know? Has your brother cried foul yet? Anyone going to take offense at a filthy gaijin holding the family sword enough to be an issue? Who is who and has how many tails? is the place warded against demons or over enthusiastic magical girls?
>>2682615We didn't get to have much fun the last time we went on a trip to your home country. Think we should find time to go to disneyland or something?
>>2682615Just sleep on the flight
>>2682615>Ask Liska about her family [WRITE IN questions]Want to keep the fact that I know a secret until they see Melon’s new ears? Might make for a fun time.Also, what’ll be your parents reaction when we mention the whole “Your granddaughter’s a magical girl” thing, and will there be any issue bringing out Feebles?
>>2682615>>2682625 here againAlso, ask Liska what she thinks about adding onto the house considering how often we end up "entertaining" these days.
Mile high club when?>inb4 liska already did it with a dragon
>>2682631Asking more how we are going to trick her fimaly since we know about them beening fox people
I'm surprised the flight didn't have a several hour delay. Never trust plane flights to be on time in the US and especially not at major airports.
>>2682615I’m curious if she has other families she mothered but I have no idea how to phrase This
>>2682617There's a voting period, I guess. It ends when this post goes up. Write ins incorporated after if they fit, and all that.I'm currently fighting my modem to get it to work - summer kills electronics as much as it kills me. I just bailed on my router and I'm now straight into the modem on this PC. Hopefully that makes things work.
>>2682651Could ask if Melon has any older sisters or something like that I guess.
>>2682615"Surprised they cut it this close," Liska mutters at you as you run across the terminals, "usually flights are behind their time, not ahead of it.""Well, it's the one we've got tickets for," you tell her, running alongside, "can't exactly look a 'gift horse' in the mouth, right? And we'll get there ahead of schedule."You can see Kelly Edwards and his son running after you. A sudden suspicion strikes you that their target might have orchestrated this close connection for the assassin."Got any crazy uncles I should know about?" you ask Liska breathlessly, still running through the airport."Just the ones living off rice and sake by the roadside, playing gods," she tells you, "and I doubt my worthless brother bothered to report his comeuppance - even if he's been home since then.""So I should keep the sword in my luggage if I can?" you ask her, dodging a baggage trolley at a run, "any chance Melon can pass herself off as normal until we tell them 'you've been tricked by a fox'?""No," your wife tells you, vaulting over a handicapped transport, "but we could pretend you didn't know, and I was hiding it from you.""Could work," you say, sidestepping a couple of Japanese businessmen, "speaking of hidden things - you have any other families I should know about?"And she knows you're not talking about the family you're going to see."Not that I know of," Liska tells you, "and I'd know. You're the first one I... The first one I thought would be a decent father," she finishes with a blush, and a coy look away from you.Maybe it's just the exertion of running for this flight. Melon's cheeks are turning red with effort, and you're surprised Kelly's keeping up in the long coat of his. Shelby's almost even with you, as if he's been going for track and field his whole life.Somehow, you all manage to make it to the gate before last call.>Join the Mile-High Club>Just sleep on the flight>Once you're in the air, find Kelly and ask about his target>Just sleep on the flight>WRITE IN
>>2682687>>Join the Mile-High Club
>>2682687>Join the Mile-High Club
>>2682687>Join the Mile-High Club"And that is how your little brother was conceived honey."
>>2682687>>Join the Mile-High ClubThat's it, time for 2nd kid
>>2682687>Join the Mile-High ClubWell with that worry out of the way. Guess we are increasing the family!
>>2682687>Join the Mile-High ClubMelon, take a nap.
>>2682687Did we just parkour our way through an airport terminal?>>Join the Mile-High Club>>2682700>"And that is how your little brother was conceived honey."Its just too good not to use. The look of horrified embarrassment on her face will be priceless.
>>2682687Jet lag is bad,we don't want it in the middle of whatever nonsense might happen in Japan, and until we get to the in-laws this plane is the safest place we could possibly sleep with kelly on board.I vote for sleeping.
>>2682687It's not like you've been checking off boxes on a bingo pad from your earliest days in the Marines.But if you had been, well, you just scored another bingo with a 'Mile High Club Membership'. That's what, three now?As soon as the 'fasten your seatbelts' light went off, you were headed to the head.And Liska followed you after a minute. Just waited long enough to make it seem decent.Her tails filled half the thing, and her passion filled everything else. That was amazing."Are we really going to try conning my family into thinking you don't know anything?" she finally asks you, panting."Don't you want to see them looking like they've been tricked by a fox?" you ask, arching an eyebrow with all the strength you can muster."I'd like nothing better," she says, with a wink, and turns out of the stall.You leave after a decent interval. And you could swear one of the stewardesses winked at you. Almost like she wanted your round two.You've still got it.But you're a married man, and you flash the wedding ring as you head back to your seat. Just a little pointedly. There's Japanese chatter behind you that you don't care trying to decipher as you walk the aisle.The rest of the flight is pretty uneventful. Liska's passed out for most of it. You'd say she picked you as a human sleep aid, if you were being uncharitable.The Machinist, huh? That's the flight movie they picked?You nod off in the middle. Doubtless the master will finish the apprentice, even if the apprentice has the high ground.And before you know it, you're in Japan. Trying to disembark at the Tokyo airport.And customs is pulling you aside."We'll have to do a shinsa," the port police tell you, "to inspect the sword in your checked luggage. Do you want to be present for it?">Oh yes>I just brought it here for an appraisal - I got it over in the states off some redneck>You guys take care of it - I was coming over here to find out what it was worth>Could this roll of hundred dollar bills iron things out?>WRITE IN
>>2682758>The Machinist, huh?Fuck, I meant to say 'The Mechanic, huh?'Can't blame my modem for that.
>>2682758>I just brought it here for an appraisal - I got it over in the states off some redneck
>>2682758>Oh yes>I just brought it here for an appraisal - I got it over in the states off some redneckThis’ll be good...
>>2682758>I just brought it here for an appraisal - It's apparently an heirloom from my wife's side of the family so be careful with it.I look forward to the customs inspector getting mindbroken.
>>2682758>>Oh yes>>2682763Oh, that's a very different movie.
>>2682740Sleeping on the Flight won't prevent jet lag >>2682758>Oh yes
>>2682758>>Oh yes>>I just brought it here for an appraisal>>WRITE-IN: "Please be careful with that. It's a family heirloom." We say, glancing pointedly at our smoking hot wife.This'll end well.
>>2682758>Oh yes>I just brought it here for an appraisal - I got it over in the states off some redneck>As we hand it over, tell the sword to not put these guys through the trial and to do nothing until it's back in our hands.
My inner love for chaos is sort of looking forward to Japan trying to steal our sword after we stupidly said we took it off of a redneck. (not a vote)
>>2682790>I just brought it here for an appraisal - I got it over in the states off some redneckThe funny thing is that we did take it off a red neck. A Japanese red neck, not an American one.
>>2682799Right! I forgot about the weird, "what's the Japanese redneck equivalent?" conversation that happened.
>>2682799That sword is accidentally playing us like a fiddle. Sue sue went and made a vow about taking control of japan which may or may not be magically contractually binding so we're probably going to have to fight all the way to the fucking emperor to keep our damn sword.
>>2682817Are you/we a bad enough dude to save the Emperor from Sue and the Sengoku Sword?
>>2682817At this point Liska is likely to be the emperor's nth-great aunt or her mother is Kuzunoha.
>>2682758"I just brought it here for an appraisal," you say, before the customs agents march you off to a room containing all your checked luggage, and a guy in glasses that seems far too enthusiastic about checking out the sword."Judging by the fittings," he says, "I'd say this is a REMARKABLY well-preserved sword. From the Edo period, perhaps? The hamon and maker's mark might -""Let me draw it," you tell him, "it's a family heirloom on my wife's side. They wouldn't want anyone outside the family doing that," you say, and grab the sword.The MP-looking guys that you're sure are customs agents look stressed, and reach for their weapons."It's not like that," you tell them, "the god in it reacts very poorly to anyone he doesn't think is worthy," you say, pulling the blade out enough that their bespectacled expert can get a good look at the hamon."FINALLY REUNITED, LORD," the sword intones at you, "I THOUGHT I WOULD BE STUCK WITH CARGO FOREVER."The guy in glasses takes a look, then starts jabbering in Japanese. And the customs agents relax a little."I never thought," he says, finally switching back to English, "that such a blade as this - it should be in a museum! An original Muramasa!""And that's why I want to get it appraised," you tell him, "to make sure I get a decent price if I do sell it to one.""SELL ME?" the sword asks you, "ARE YOU INSANE? I WOULD RATHER DIE THAN SIT BEHIND GLASS!""No," you think at it, watching the customs agents grab a sheaf of paperwork, "I'm doing this to keep you. And the pen is mightier than the sword, after all."The paperwork take a lot of ink out of your pen. That's a lot of forms to sign, but you get something that looks like a license at the end of it."If you do sell," the spectacled reviewer tells you as you leave, "please consider our museum," and he bows, handing you a business card.You give one of your own, bowing back. When in Rome...>Go find Kelly - he said he had shotgun stashed over here>Go find your family - and see if there's a driver to take you to their place
>>2682846>>Go find your family - and see if there's a driver to take you to their place
>>2682846>Go find your family - and see if there's a driver to take you to their placeWe should at least tell Kelly send us a text when he's done with his job just in case we need backup.
>>2682846>>Go find Kelly - he said he had shotgun stashed over hereKelly said to find him after we landed. I'm sure he'll be able to fix us up with something ONCE WE'RE AWAY FROM PRYING EYES.
>>268285315:40 - 15:50 Voting period and such.Do you think captcha is telling me something by getting me to pick out motorcycles?>>2682790That would be hilarious, wouldn't it?>>2682817That would be hilarious, wouldn't it?
>>2682846>>Go find Kelly - he said he had shotgun stashed over here
>>2682868It is clear that we must get a motorcycle in japan and go jousting demons with our Katana.
>>2682846>>2682858agreeing with this idea. We should be able to call up Kelly if needed, but let's let him get his job done first.
>>2682846>Go find your family - and see if there's a driver to take you to their placeLiska's family is going to have a maid like Masamune with a female personality that is going to be annoyed that her majordomo boyfriend ran off with the house's delinquent son.
>>2682846Find or text Kelly. He's going to be making wild assumptions we don't want him to be making if we don't show up.Family photo of when Melon officially steps into Japan for the first time. This is part of her heritage after all.
>>2682878Oh dude, if it's Narita airport there's a shitton of restaurants, shops, even an arcade. We could spend HOURS playing tourist at the airport.
>>2682817The current emperor is like a 80-90 year old man, but hey magical fuckery.
>>2682886Good thing we have texting him as an option and we can assume our family is having fun at the arcade.Only we got pulled aside out of the family so we could easily blame the lateness on the officials paying attention to the sword.
Remember anons....don't go to Akihabara. It's full of magical girls and demons that are secretly vying for human essence powers and their yakuza group that is the reason Japan population didn't increase at all.
>>2682868>Do you think captcha is telling me something by getting me to pick out motorcycles?Crossover episode?
>>2682904How many are stuck in time loops do you think? Every group has one right?
>>2682904Have we ruled out the possibility of a group of meddling teenaged otaku who run around Akihabara beating up vampires?
>>2682889He is retiring next year letting his son take over.
>>2682924I'm rooting for the gang of fox-eared delinquents abandoned by their kitsune/etc parents. They all come with cute hats to hide the ears.
>>2682846You walk out of the customs office with a rather indignant bag."YOU ARE TRULY A SCRIBE," the Sengoku Spook tells you, "SOLVING IT WITH A PEN? THEY TRIED TO TAKE YOUR SWORD! YOU SHOULD HAVE CUT THEM ALL DOWN, AND TAKEN THE CAPITAL.""Things are different now," you think at the bag in your hand, "and this way, I can move with impunity, without the government coming down on my ears."That seems to shut him - it up. Sue might do it, but you're not going to start thinking about the spirit in the sword as a real person."Gimme an address," you text Kelly, "I've got some family obligations."And then you see Liska and Melon. They look so damn happy, hugging each other.So you take a picture.And another couple of pictures. You should commemorate Melon's first visit to Japan, right?"I managed to get the sword through customs," you whisper in your wife's ear, as you come up to her, "so did your family send a driver?"You really can't read the sea of placards they're holding up."He's right there," she says, "so let's go."Then you get in a car chauffeured by what you're pretty sure is probably a tanuki (based on that tail flaring up when a couple of cabbies decided to play it real fast and real loose with his car), and head out to the countryside.The countryside is a lot different than what you're used to. The juxtaposition of the urban and the rural is jarring. Rice paddies bare feet outside concrete jungles.And then you're up in the mountains.And then the car stop in front of something you'd be hard pressed to not call a castle.Moat and all, you realize, as the car motors across the bridge at almost an idle.Oh god, what have you gotten yourself into?
>>2682944>Wow Liska did your family get a animal costume to welcome me? Man should have brought my fox suitCommence dense protagonist is a go!
>>2682959Headband technology in japan sure is amazing. Melon went and found herself the most realistic looking fox ears at one of the airport shops!
>>2682944The driver idles to a stop in the courtyard."If you would," he says, "I'd appreciate you getting yourselves and your luggage out of the car, if it pleases you."That's one way of mentally translating some overly-polite speech."Sure," you say, getting out and assisting him in opening a few other doors.And the trunk, where you manage to accumulate all the luggage."Hello, sister," a voice says from the porch, as you're picking things up out of the back end, "we've been waiting for you. Dinner's almost served.""Evenin', brother," Liska says almost tonelessly, looking up at the figure on the steps as you grab bags out of the trunk."And you brought your husband with you?" the man in the fox mask says. You'd bet anything he has black fur if he fully transforms."Surprised you hadn't run off by now," he finishes, and your wife's face goes scarlet.>I believe you just insulted my wife - where I come from, them's fighting words>I heard there was dinner?>That's an interesting mask, is it a family thing?>WRITE IN
>>2682976>I believe you just insulted my wife - where I come from, them's fighting wordsWe've decked better men over lesser words
>>2682976>>I believe you just insulted my wife - where I come from, them's fighting wordsHer family or not, no one calls our wife a coward!
>>2682976>I believe the appropriate response to that is an sister applying a Boston Crab to a idiot sibling.
>>2682976>I heard there was dinner?>That's an interesting mask, is it a family thing?Keep the density, pretend we didn't hear it!Gotta lay them low with this trick, also we don't have the shotgun and drawing the sword could be trouble. Although I think Freebles could enchant most anything on the fly.
>>2682976>>I believe you just insulted my wife - where I come from, them's fighting words[KILLING INTENT]
>>2682976>I believe you just insulted my wife - where I come from, them's fighting words
>>2683002Even a sock filled with oranges?
>>2682991>>2682993>>2682997Also we could just brush this off as a brother teasing his little sister, different cultures and all that you know. We are just a country bumpkin, we don't know nothin' 'bout these fancy Japonese cultural hooplah.
>>2682976>I believe you just insulted my wife - where I come from, them's fighting words>Wow barely I'm I'm this country and I can understand moonspeak>.....>Liska: were practically decsendant of Lady Kaguya soooooo.....
>>2683007Oh God, I can see it now, we humiliate this brother worse than the last one. We beat him into submission with an enchanted sock full of rice while shouting "YOU WAN SUSHI?! YOU WAN FLIED LICE?!"
>>2682976You're setting a bad example for Melon. I don't want her picking up your rude habits when she has a little brother or sister.
>>2682758Marines huh?Surprised we survived our service if we had any deployments.Surprised that memories of the Marines or the military, in general, aren't filled with disdain or anger, I'm told the Marines fight hard but don't fight smart and end up with a lot of casualties.And they don't get treated right either.But damn if they don't fight harder than any other the other services.>Father was in the Rangers.
>>2683005Replacing my vote with this:>>I heard there was dinner?>>That's an interesting mask, is it a family thing?Seems like BLOOD-FROTHING RAGE got better of me.Also, discretely speak with Liska (in plain English) if that fox-masked fucker just did what we think he did. If it was just good-natured sibling ribbing, then fine. If it wasn't, well...Nobody insults the missus and lives to tell anyone about it.
>>2682976>>I heard there was dinner?>>That's an interesting mask, is it a family thing?
>>2683017Wait! IS it a different brother? If it's a different then sure, let's play it cool, but if it's the same one we took the sword from then I stand by my previous vote.
>>2683026Well there was this one guy everyone called Duke who always said we were one doomed marine.
>>2683017>"Ok let's do some roleplay.">"I'll be the Fat Man. My fists will be the Little Boy. And you'll be Nagasaki and Hiroshima."
>>2682976>>Why would I, everything's been great lately. We've even been remodeling the house recently.
>>2682976"I believe," you say slowly, eyeing the black figure before you, and muttering to Freebles 'get me my shotgun', "you just insulted my wife.""I think I might have insulted my sister," he says, knees bending into something like a combat stance, and you can't tell what lies behind that mask, "but definitely not your wife."Did he just?Yeah he did."Whar ah'm fram," you drawl at him, "them's fighting words. I'll give you one chance for this to just be a translation error. I'm new here, and I'm not sure I'm putting exactly the right construction on everything.""Oh," he says, and you can almost feel his smile even behind that mask, "I'm sure you've got the right interpretation. I have a sister, but I'm about to not have a brother in law."Shit.The (probably) tanuki driver is running. Liska and Melon are backing away together.Really? This is how it goes?>Freebles, you'd better have that shotgun in my hand>Fuck it, I've got the Thousand Year Blade in this luggage>WRITE IN any insults you want to serve this guy
>>2683033>Doomed MarineFunny, I got that reference the second I saw it.Fitting if we're going to be Doom Daddy.
>>2683045German Suplex the idiot.
>>2682976>>I heard there was dinner?>>That's an interesting mask, is it a family thing?We're going to murder the ever loving shit out of him later, but for now, let's just get inside.
>>2683045>Freebles, you'd better have that shotgun in my hand
>>2683045>>Freebles, you'd better have that shotgun in my handWe really need to get a sawed-off version so we can dual wield.
>>2683045>Freebles, you'd better have that shotgun in my hand>Fuck it, I've got the Thousand Year Blade in this luggageFuk it lets do bothI should have brought the hounds to chase you around you you furball
>>2683045>Freebles, you'd better have that shotgun in my handYou are not worth the trouble of drawing MY Thousand Year Blade
>>2683053Too late, it's Happy Fun MURDER TIME right the fuck now.>>2683045>Shotgun, now.
>>2683045>Fuck it, I've got the Thousand Year Blade in this luggage
>>2683045>Fuck it, I've got the Thousand Year Blade in this luggageDon't even draw the sword. Just slam the sheathe into his throat, flip him onto his back as he's bent over choking on spittle, and proceed to walk over him into the house.
>>2683045You're almost 2 decades late for that. You clearly don't understand how weddings work.
>>2683045>Freebles, you'd better have that shotgun in my hand>Fuck it, I've got the Thousand Year Blade in this luggageBy the time I'm through, you'll wish that you fought my boss instead.
>>2683045Sword him. Try not to kill him
>>2683045>Fuck it, I've got the Thousand Year Blade in this luggage>Write-In insults>Too bad I already fucked your sister "Brother-in-law">Do the hiten-mitsurugi stance back when you thought rurouni Kenshin is the greatest cartoon ever (and you didn't know it's a Japanese anime)
>>2683045>>Freebles, you'd better have that shotgun in my hand>>Fuck it, I've got the Thousand Year Blade in this luggage"Freebles, you've got like two seconds to get me that shotgun before I have to reenact scenes from The Last Samurai here."First we take the arms, then the legs.
>>2683045>>Freebles, you'd better have that shotgun in my hand>>Fuck it, I've got the Thousand Year Blade in this luggageNot exactly "Demon King of the Sixth Heaven", but close.
>>2683045> Freebles, you'd better have that shotgun in my hand> Fuck it, I've got the Thousand Year Blade in this luggage> "I didn't realize that Liska had so many sisters. I'm just surprised she has all the looks /and/ the brains.">>2683048Does this mean we can eventually get power armor?
>>2683045"I'm not sure you get how weddings work," you tell him, hoping Freebles delivers.And delivers ON FUCKING TIME, unlike those UPS jokers."I have an idea," he says, taking a slow step down the stairway in front of him, "and you know how fox brides usually work out?" he says, taking another step."I have an idea," you tell him, waiting for your ferret, "and Liska hasn't run off. Best girl I've ever been with," you whisper venomously at him, "and the most fun."You could swear you see his eyes go red, and you're pretty sure why there's not a long list of ex-boyfriends to go through."If I kill you," he says, taking another step down, "before you cross the threshold, then I'm not violating guest right."Suddenly Freebles pops in, dropping your shotgun right into your hand."Thanks, bro," you mutter at the ferret."It's loaded," Freebles whispers to you, before vanishing behind you."Do you want to die?" you ask him, "or do just want your arms blown off?""Neither of those sounds appetizing," he says, "but you're a bit presumptuous in offering those dishes."And then he dashes at you.[ROLL 1d100]>Jump at the threshold to claim guest right>Just shoot him>Try blowing his arms off>WRITE IN
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>2683117>>Try blowing his arms offDon't fuck me this time, dice. I swear to fuck.
>>2683117>>Jump at the threshold to claim guest rightUsing his face as a step.
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>2683117> Feint a shot at his knees, then draw the Sengoku Spook and 'de-claw' him.> "Boy, your papa should have taught you not to bring a knife to a gun fight."
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>2683128>>2683117Fucking... Here's the dice.
>>268312717:01 - 17:11 Voting period and such.Looking for highest and lowest dice, you know.
>>2683127Huh, intimidating the dice works occasionally...who knew?
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>2683117>Try blowing his arms off
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>2683117>Try blowing his arms off>>2683127Oh hey my lucky number shows up.Supporting.
>>2683127>>2683117oh god. we have an old /tg/ meme as our brother in law
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>2683117>Try blowing his arms off
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>2683117>He tries to dodge when you aim for an arm and we accidentally shoot him in the dick
>>2683129Jeeeeesus, thank god for anon >>2683127
>>2683127>>2683140The board really wants this fox disarmed
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>2683117>Just shoot him>Jump at the threshold to claim guest right high is bad, no?
>>2683117>"Do you want to die?" you ask him, "or do just want your arms blown off?">>"Neither of those sounds appetizing," he says, "but you're a bit presumptuous in offering those dishes."Not rolling in fear of hitting crit fail, but suggesting this retort:"You might be forgetting that you don't have a choice in the matter."
>>2683117We fucking win hahahaha>Write-in>Fellate him shotgun>AMERICA FUCK YEAH
With these rolls, I'm not even voting. It's not the option I would have gone for, but I'm just as happy with sitting back and watching the fireworks.
>>2683157If the Tanuki is actually a servant then I vote for dumping him in the trunk of the car in whatever spare suitcase we brought with us for anything we buy while on this trip. Have her take him on a trip to somewhere random when he wakes up so that we can continue the prank.
>>2683030Yeah, other brother was blonde I think. He would recognize us, also he got his ass handed to him by a mortal, publicly, do you think he would run to his family after that?"Mommy daddy! Lil' Sis's Human husband publicly humiliated me by blowing my arms off and defeating me in battle while black out drunk! He took my sword and now it likes HIM better! He is such a meany face! Please make him pay!" 0w0
...So, like.The arms grow back, right? Because apparently this is like the 3rd time this has happened?
>>2683177God damn I would kill him for shaming our proud kitsune blood you fucking furry faggot.
I wonder what do kitsune in general think of Kuzunoha and Abe no Seimei.I'd also mention Tamamo no Mae, but not sure if she also falls under kitsune (she's a dakini or something?).
>>2683191>inb4 he noticed our bulge while fellating the shotgun>"So that is what my sis likes about him, and why that demoness was in here drunkenly talking about a human who made her 'suck his shotgun' and wished he had been like the normal ones that want her to suck something else..... good for you sis! Also, OH SHIT I HAVE A SHOTGUN IN MY MOUTH AND HE IS STEALING MY SWORD! The very SYMBOL of my masculinity! Oh... Oh my... my sisters husband (with the huge bulge) is taking my masculinity... this... makes me feel funny..."Damn skinnies...
>>2683203>The demoness who got felated the shotgun is now a ryokan manager who always go to a local pub to drink her sorrows away that she should have stick to the alpha human that was us.
>>2683026Still remember reading a lot about the marines usually they are some of the first sent in and usually with outdated equipment
Rolled 47 (1d100)>>2683117>>Jump at the threshold to claim guest right
>>2683211Yeah my father once told me a story of one of his buddies in the rangers, he was on the officer radio and was hearing traffic from the marines during an operation, they were having some trouble from a building they were being fired upon from and his buddy just hears 'WE'RE ASSAULTING' over the radio and he knows the situation is bad and that those marines were just running into their deaths, he got so upset they had to take him off the radio because these men were throwing their lives away.
>>2683117You pull, like his shoulder is a clay pigeon.Pump.You pull again, the enchanted rounds slamming into his other shoulder.And then, to add the ultimate insult, you vault over him, using his face as a stepping stone."You might be forgetting that you don't have a choice in this matter," you tell him as you pass, "it was Liska's choice all along. And I," you continue, slapping one arm over the threshold, "claim guest right."He starts laughing, coughing through mangled shoulders and whatever damage those stray pellets did to his lungs."Fuck you," he says, collapsing in a ruined heap onto the courtyard stones where his jump carried him, "of course she'd end up with someone like you. And of course you'd end up with someone like her."And then he screeches, as your wife kicks him in one of his ruined arms."What did you just say about me?" she yells, slamming a foot into him, "in front of my husband?""Just that you two deserve each other," her brother says weakly, "just go on into dinner. I'll be fine. As long as you stop kicking me - jeegus fucking -" and then he trails off into what you assume are Japanese invectives, as Liska keeps kicking him while he's down."Let's go in to dinner," you tell Liska and Melon, "I think we earned our seats at the table.""You certainly earned yours," your wife tells you with a grin, as she mounts the steps. Melon follows her, dumbfounded."And you're all with me," you say, pushing open the doors into a... banquet hall?"Welcome," a voice intones from the other end, "we've been expecting you," and then you realize it's from a white-furred fox, and the voice is the same one you'd heard from your father in law, all those years ago.[SET 1:]>Take the place of honor>Take a place near the end of the table>Follow Liska[SET 2:]>You've got to keep your kids under control>Well here I am, anyone else want to challenge me?>Thank you for your welcome>I'm definitely out of my depth here.>WRITE IN
>>2683221>Take the place of honor>Thank you for your welcome
>>2683221>>Take the place of honor>>Thank you for your welcome
>>2683221>>Follow Liska>>Thank you for your welcome
>>2683221>Thank you for your welcomeBe polite as fuk
>>2683221>Follow Liska>Thank you for your welcome
>>2683221>Take the place of honor >Thank you for your welcome>Sorry about your sons, they don't know when they should give up.
>>2683221>Follow Liska>Thank you for your welcome... Father.Put that last bit in both as a sign of respect, and maybe as a bit of a dig if he still has a problem with his daughter being with us.Also>Sublty show off our adorable daughter! Just like any good father should! But in a respectable manner.
>>2683221>>Follow Liska>Thank you for your welcome.. father (in law)>Liska's brothers seem to have discipline problems.
>>2683221>>Take the place of honor>Thank you for your welcome.. father (in law)
>>2683221>Follow Liska.>Thank you for your hospitality, and the welcome is something I will certainly not forget.
>>2683221>>Follow Liska>Thank you for your welcome
>>2683242I agree. We never really get the chance to gush over our beautiful little princess. It's even better now that we get to embarrass her in front of her grandfather, who (if he has any taste) will react accordingly by patting her head and daaawiing.
>>2683221Follow LiskaThank you for your welcomeUse the sword to talk jap to them and know the customs
>>2683283I mean seriously, what kind of grandfather ISN'T doting over his grandchildren?! I mean, at the worst they spoil them by hyping them up on sugar and then dumping the little sugar demons on their parents as revenge for all the trouble their kids caused them!
>>2683221I forgot we should have said the Navy seal copypasta
>TFW shotgun wizardseems i haven't missed much.>>2683221>Follow Liska>Thank you for your welcome
>>2683221"I thank you for your welcome," you say, bowing, and hoping the shotgun shoved through your belt doesn't scrape those amazing wood floors.You were never one for these oriental rules of politeness.So you follow Liska, as she guides you into what you can only assume is the seat of that guy you nearly dusted outside.The seat of honor.At the right hand on the clan's patriarch."I trust I haven't caused too much inconvenience," you say, glancing at him."Not at all!" he tell you with a laugh, "those two really really needed to be taught a lesson. Simply terrible I'm too old to do it myself."'Those two'? then he knows about the other fight."...Father in law," you finish, and brace yourself for the storm.You didn't realize you you'd be bracing yourself for storm of laughter.Hoots from the tanuki at his tables.Cawing laughter from the tengu.A chill sort of muffled laughter from the yukki-onna. (although there's a bit of envy in that, unless you miss your guess.)And a burbling sort of half-laughter from the kappa.>Who fucking wants to take me?>Perhaps you could have raised them better?>Please, please, let this just be a normal dinner for once>I think Melon needs your help>WRITE IN
>>2683402>Please, please, let this just be a normal dinner for onceSTONEFACE AS FUKKKNOT ONE EMOTION SLIPS OUT LIKE WATAH FROM STON! LESS YOU COMMIT DISHONORBRU ACTION UPON FAMIREE!
>>2683402>Please, please, let this just be a normal dinner for once
>>2683402> There comes a time when every young man needs to learn that he is not the strongest, or the fastest, or the smartest. It's a lesson that many don't get to repeat. I just hope that my brothers-in-law can grow wiser from our..disagreements.> Also, COME LOOK AT MY LOVELY BABY GIRL! Isn't she just the cutest little kit you've ever laid eyes on?!
>>2683402>>Please, please, let this just be a normal dinner for once>>I think Melon needs your helpWhen in doubt present cute daughteru in front
>>2683402>>Please, please, let this just be a normal dinner for once>>2683427
>>2683402>>Please, please, let this just be a normal dinner for once>>I think Melon needs your help
>>2683402>Please, please, let this just be a normal dinner for once>>2683427>>2683402There are a lot more types of guests here than I expected. Does Liska's family run their own little magical mafia?
>>2683427I like this, I like this alot.
>>2683402>Please, please, let this just be a normal dinner for once>I think Melon needs your help>>2683427This too because we are obliged to gush about our daughter. Gloss over the magic stuff though, that's not what makes her special to us.
>>2683443>There are a lot more types of guests here than I expected. Does Liska's family run their own little magical mafia?There are very few yokai that are more powerful than the kitsune. Nurarihyon (Gourd heads), Oni lords, Tengu and White Snakes are their primary rivals.
>>2683402"Please," you mutter at him, "please just let this be a normal dinner for once."The white-furred fox gives you a sidelong glance, then looks down the tables."He has married my daughter," he says, half-rising, "and he defeated not one, not two, but three of my sons in single combat!" he continues (wait, three? You only remember two), "does anyone here have something to say against him?"That's a silence like you've never heard before."GOOD," he says, settling back down on his cushion, "that's what I like hearing. He's one of us. And don't you FUCKING forget it!" he suddenly yells.You see faces go pale down the tables. Well, it's hard to see tengu go pale through the feathers, and the yuki-onna are already pale, but you could swear they went another shade toward white.Ok, seeing a kappa go pale under those scales is a little ugly."That should deal with that," the old fox says, nodding slyly at you, "so what bring you to Japan so suddenly?," he says, in a much lower tone, "we've been trying to get you back over here for twenty years.""Well," you tell him, realizing the jig is up, and turning toward your daughter, "Melon, take off the hat."And she does, revealing those ears."We hoped you could help," you tell him, "I don't exactly know what to do with that."There's a hurried, dense conversation in Japanese between Liska and her father."I might be able to do something," the white fox finally says, with a barking laugh, "but I've got some questions about, well, everything.""Think they can wait until after dinner?" you ask, thoroughly enjoying your noodles, "I don't like mixing business and other business. Or family matters."He laughs again "god, you're a card! But you've earned it. Everyone!" he says, raising his voice and rising from his cushion again, "party like the prodigal son has come back!"A cheer goes up from the tables.You'd really like to forget the next couple hours. A kappa with sake poured into that dent on its head is one thing. A yuki-onna deciding to dance down a table clothed only in ice, slowly melting off...You're a married man.A very married man."It's not impolite to leave now," Liska whispers in your ear.[1/2]
>Melon is behind our back>We casually clean our shotgun very carefully then our sword>Outside is a bunch of teenage demons trying to woo our daughter.>Shelby is sitting on the tree tranquilizer in hand shooting whoever tries to come close to us.Hope you are ready anons
>>2683502>implying !Not Shirou isn't gonna sword the demons good if they try shit.
>>2683502My dick, My soul's dick, and the rest of My body are ready for this Anon.
>>2683497>3 sonswho the fuck was the third, were we drunk as shit that night?
>>2683515Probably unrelated to the wife shenanigans. Did we fuck up a fox while Marine?
>>2683497"Good," you whisper back, as you get up. This has gotten a bit racy for your tastes. And those... tanuki, right? are acting like they're at a strip club.You are never going to get the image of those bouncing balls out of your subconscious."So where do we go?" you ask Liska, as the two of you leave, dragging Melon behind you. You really did NOT like the looks that one tengu was giving her."I remember where the guest bedrooms are," Liska tells you, "they'll have taken our luggage there. Things always get a bit wild in the main hall."Party animals, you think, as you pad along behind your wife.But the beds are nice, well-made, if slightly rustic. Too bad Melon's in the same room, or you would have made a real mess of your wife all over one of them.Then your phone rings.>It's Kelly, and you really need to know who his 'Japanese Job' is on>It's T.T., and you probably should check up on the girls you left at your house
>>2683515His brother before we met Liska he thought we could outdrink him. That was also Liska first time in USA but we were so drunk we thought he was our friend who wants to go home but his brother stopped us and we fucking decked him in the middle of the road. Liska pretty much surprised and we said LETS GO CLIMB A FUCKING MOUNTAIN. Liska in her fear and awe just nod and followed us while we sing a Marine jingle.The rest is history.
>>2683517To this day i'm still trying to figure out what did we even do as a marine, cause from what i've followed it seems we killed a bunch of spoopy bullshit and never actually realized it.
>>2683521>>It's T.T., and you probably should check up on the girls you left at your house
>>2683521>>It's Kelly, and you really need to know who his 'Japanese Job' is on
>>2683521>It's Kelly, and you really need to know who his 'Japanese Job' is on[Latin Chanting Intensifies]
>>2683521>>It's Kelly, and you really need to know who his 'Japanese Job' is onwell fuck.
>>2683521>>It's T.T., and you probably should check up on the girls you left at your houseLet's leave Kelly to his own business. Im more worried about T.T having an "oops" in summoning.
>>2683521>It's Kelly, and you really need to know who his 'Japanese Job' is on
>>2683526We kill goatfuckers that we didnt realized they are really goatpeople (satyrs?)
>>2683515Lets see.... Guy at the bar, guy at the door. Maybe another shroom day we had with our wife or maybe one of those hidden depths the sword mentioned to us. Speaking of we need to look at that soon probably.
>>2683534T.T may have accidentally our sister, which would be both hilarious and or terrible.
>>2683521>It's T.T., and you probably should check up on the girls you left at your housePANIC
>>2683527Uh, 19:23 - 19:33 Voting period and all that.
>>2683497Wait, 3 sons? Who was the third?Also, I think this would be a good idea to start either making friends, allies, or very PREDICTABLE enemies.
>>2683521>It's Kelly, and you really need to know who his 'Japanese Job' is onThere's just gunfire, explosions, or constant screaming in the background
>>2683547>Who was the third?MC was blackout drunk or something at the time, apparently.
>>2683521>It's Kelly, and you really need to know who his 'Japanese Job' is onCalling right now that he is NOT calling just for fun.
>Or T.T messed up the summoning by one line that she became a magical girl. Oops.>Mary smugface when
>>2683554But wasn't that the time we got the sword?
>>2683571no that was the second time. First was during the same night we meet her apparently.
>>2683582Or from that Hard Rock Cafe incident that we partied so hard we are the sole reason the riot police was deployed to stop the party
>>2683521"Kelly," you say, walking out on the porch, "I'm just a little busy right now.""I can fucking see that," the assassin tells you, "through a goddamn sniper scope."Wait. 'Business trip'? and also flying to Japan?Fate really hates you, doesn't she?"You're not about to tell me," you say into the phone, "that you're here to kill my father in law?""Looks like it," Kelly tells you, "if that's what you're calling the White Fox. Lot of folks want him done.">Let's just fake his death>How about I tackle him to the ground just as you make the shot?>Alright, go for it>Do you not check your contracts against the extended family of your boss?>WRITE IN
>>2683608>How about I tackle him to the ground just as you make the shot? Think you can do a nonlethal shot?
>>2683608>>WRITE IN> If I warn him and we take out some people paying this particular contract, can you bow out without losing any rep?
>>2683608>How about I tackle him to the ground just as you make the shot?You know, I would have thought that T.T. would be the problem child.
>>2683623I like to think that T.T really does try his damnedest to not fuck up.
>>2683608>Do you not check your contracts against the extended family of your boss?>How about I tackle him to the ground just as you make the shot?Or>Let's just fake his death>Write-InIs it possible that you can fail a contract with no repercussions or have you even failed one before? Can you do me a solid and I owe you a favor?>>2683621I like this one too, I think I'd support this one if mine is shit.
>>2683608I'll support >>2683621
>>2683608>What's your contract say? I don't want to ruin your rep and I don't want to lose my father-in-law... yet.
>>2683621A good start as any.
>>268361819:52 - 20:12 Voting period because I hate God.>>2683626>I like to think that T.T really does try his damnedest to not fuck up.He's like a drunk driver - he tries super hard to act like he's actually sober, when he's been drunk for a straight month.
>>2683621>>2683608Also supportingAlso pick up the phone guysBecause I fucking CALLED THIS at least 2-3 threads ago!
>>2683608What is the sword nagging aus about while this happens?>Please tell me Bernie is the one that took out the hit. At least then this whole thing would be less messy.>How bad are things gonna get for you if he doesn't die at this point? He's the nicest relative I've met so far and the contract thing we stumbled into might be a legitimate excuse to say complications are in the way.>Is it one of his sons? I thought it was weird that he said I defeated 3 of his sons instead of 2.
>>2683608>>2683621This one is actually smart. I'm supporting this!
>>2683608>>How about I tackle him to the ground just as you make the shot?
>>2683651Or we could be crafty and say the old fox was too crafty and offered triple the bounty for their heads instead. Assuming that anyone who hires Kelly isn't nice.
>>2683649>>2683608Contract thing is actually a fair point to bring up. Our father-in-law is part of the same wibbly-wobbly contract magic that Kelly's tied up in - we don't know what happens yet if people in our bundle start dying.>>2683656Might work, but I'm not sure Kelly would switch sides for just money. Still, if he gets money then that's more for us to spend on weaponry, right?
>>2683608>Alright, go for it
>>2683662I meant as his cover story instead of him actually taking the pay increase. Maybe add in some pictures of their victims as extra motivation.
>>2683608"If I warn him," you ask the voice on the phone, as you pace down the battlements, "and we take out the people paying this contract, can you bow out without losing any rep?""Look," Kelly says, "I MADE my rep on being neutral as all Hell. If I don't go in on someone because it's family," his scratchy voice comes over the phone, "I lose all that.""I'm really not used to working for someone long-term," he tells you, "everyone tolerates me being on their turf because I might be doing a hit on their enemies tomorrow.""And now you're working with me," you whisper into the phone, "this guy's the most reasonable guy I've met in my wife's family yet.""That's..." he trails off, and seems to be thinking, "a pretty decent argument. But he's still had a thousand years to make enemies, and there are a LOT of them. Ever heard of Nanjing?"Alright, you've heard of that. And from what you've heard, it was awful."Sure he was part of that, and not just sitting on a mountaintop?" you ask."My clients seem to be sure," Kelly tells you, "look, you want to make sure? You can go ask him.""And depending on the answer," you say, "you might have a different target list?""Might," the assassin says, "or if he offers triple what they are, I could take the clients down instead. No questions asked. Wouldn't be the first time.""Or I could tackle him down just as you shot," you add, "might work.""Might," Kelly tells you, over the scratchy connection. You can only wonder how many proxies it's bouncing through.>I'm going to go question the 'White Fox'>We're going with the 'you tried' plan - I'll tackle him to the ground as you take the shot>I'm going back to bed. You do your thing.>I'm going to go talk to 'Mr. White Fox' about that pay increase>WRITE IN
This is going to turn out to be a test by the White Fox isn't it? He put the hit out on himself to see what we would do.
>>2683702>I'm going to go question the 'White Fox'
>>2683703...sounds like something he would do would't it
>>2683702>I'm going to go question the 'White Fox'>I'm going to go talk to 'Mr. White Fox' about that pay increase
>>2683702>>I'm going to go talk to 'Mr. White Fox' about that pay increase>I'm going to go question the 'White Fox'Not mutually exclusive. And if he fails to kill him this time, I'm sure he'd just have to try again at a later date or take the hit to his rep as a professional assassin.>>2683703Maybe. If he is, he'd be maybe the third-craziest person we know.
>>2683702>I'm going to go question the 'White Fox'>>I'm going to go talk to 'Mr. White Fox' about that pay increaseI swear im on vacation and im still number crunching about people lives
>>2683702>>I'm going to go talk to 'Mr. White Fox' about that pay increase
>>2683702>I'm going to go question the 'White Fox'>I'm going to go talk to 'Mr. White Fox' about that pay increase"hey, uh, do you have a clean conscience about the rapes and slaughter or a fuckton of money to spare?"
>>2683702So what should we even say to our father-in-law?"Hey, apparently you're dead unless I like how you answer my questions. No pressure."
>>2683717>I swear im on vacation and im still number crunching about people livesSupporting this quip.Work just never leaves you alone, huh.
>>2683702>>2683717second. Only way to actually keep his rep in tact easily. We could do the tackle non lethal but it might still hurt Kellys rep.Odd question. Does our wife care if we kill her brothers if they challenge us?
>>2683702>>I'm going to go question the 'White Fox'
>>2683706I guess the voting period is something like 20:27 - 20:45 or so.I've got dinner to eat.
>>2683702>I'm going to go question the 'White Fox'>I'm going to go talk to 'Mr. White Fox' about that pay increaseI'm waiting for it to be revealed that while in the Military, MC was in some sort of Monster Hunting division and just never realized it. Dude just summed the whole thing up to "Man, that is one fugly (Insert animal here)"
>>2683702Gonna ask why he said three brothers instead of two earlier. The last thing we need is making this clusterfuck even more complicated by it turning out our 3rd "kill" faked death to hire Kelly and pin the upcoming assassination on us before taking the head family spot.
>>2683221>And then he screeches, as your wife kicks him in one of his ruined arms.>"What did you just say about me?" she yells, slamming a foot into him, "in front of my husband?"I know I'm a slowpoke with this one, but I had to step out at the critical moment so I didn't get to see the result until now. Fuckin' stay mad, brother-in-law.
I just thought of a stalling excuse he can do at least. White Fox's granddaughter has territory near Kelly's house and she's currently visiting him and it is NOT worth the pay to deal with a rampaging gang of magical girls out for his hide if he kills the target while said granddaughter is around.
>>2683750My god he is foreshadowing...he is really a sly fox
>>2683750Kinda figured it may have been one of them pissed at the father for allowing the marriage and took out the hit. will see probably.
>>2683497>"party like the prodigal son has come back!"A kitsune making biblical references. Oh my God, out-fucking-standing.
>>2683763Its sounding like Liska might be the white sheep of a heard of black sheep.Liska might be purer and far more sheltered than we think. All that sex knowledge? It is second hand from her aunts and sisters. Her boyfriends? She never slept with them.I'm betting there is a prophecy about the father of her children unifying the lands out there. >>2683773The concept is pretty widespread even if the term "prodigal son" is biblical.
>>2683702>>I'm going to go talk to 'Mr. White Fox' about that pay increaseWe really should get his name. Can we ask Liska what her father's name is?
>>2683788>The concept is pretty widespread even if the term "prodigal son" is biblical.A fair point, it still amuses the fuck outta me.
>>2683788So what you're saying is... Our wife to her dad is like our daughter is to us?That's pretty fucking deep. Like George Lucas tier levels of pottery going on.
>>2683702Well, you might have a life to save by going back to the party.So you do, bursting back in through the door.And, uh, you've never seen a yuki-onna doing the 'dance of the seven veils' with melting veils before, but you're glad you didn't miss it.Even if you are a very happily married man.You cross over to the White Fox, your father in law, and say, "I've got a couple of questions.""Oh?" he says, arching his eyebrows, "about...?""Rather interested in your involvement in World War Two, and the years leading up to it," you say, sliding up next to him."I was trying to reach nirvana on a mountaintop back then," he tells you, and you can almost feel the sincerity in his eyes, "by the time I figured out I couldn't do it and came down, well, America had dropped two bombs, the emperor had confessed he wasn't divine, and we were occupied.""So what about the 'White Fox' some... friends of mine claim to have met on the battlefield?" you ask."You'd have to ask my sons," he says, "although only one of them could really lay claim to that title. I don't know exactly what he did, but...""The rumors are awful?" you finish for him."If not worse," the old fox tells you.Just then, the doors to the dining hall shatter inward.As if on cue."Who fucking wants to go?" the fox-eared man yells, stepping into the hall, as the various youkai at the tables scatter, "I'll take you all!"He's roaring drunk.And then he sees you."You wanna fucking go again?" he asks, levelling a sword at you.>Kelly, you've got a new target. Hope you can shoot through windows.>You want a rematch?>Kelly, I'm pretty sure they're having us on - hold your fire>WRITE IN
>>2683807>Kelly, I'm pretty sure they're having us on - hold your fireOh boy, a triple cross. With a ball of yarn more convoluted than our own family magic bonds.I'll bet a sentient garden gnome is involved in this somehow...
>>2683807>(point to Drunky McGee) "I suppose he's the guy to ask?">Kelly, I'm pretty sure they're having us on - hold your fire>Bicycle kick his ass back into the hall
>>2683807>Kelly, I'm pretty sure they're having us on - hold your fire
>>2683807>Kelly, I'm pretty sure they're having us on - hold your fireWell so much for leaning more about the father in law. Is this noral for them here as well?
>>2683807>>Kelly, I'm pretty sure they're having us on - hold your fire
>>2683807>>Kelly, I'm pretty sure they're having us on - hold your fire>>You want a rematch?
>>2683807>>WRITE IN>LANGUAGE! Your niece is here right now!How else can we fuck with him by not taking him seriously
>>2683827This is also perfect.
>>2683807>Sup, need another spanking?>Kelly, I'm pretty sure they're having us on - hold your fire>Shoot his arms off
>>2683807>>2683827Love it supporting
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>2683807>Say One moment. Casually text Kelly that he probably has the wrong target and it's possibly his son who might be currently getting himself into such an ass whooping that we're might accidentally finish the job for him.>Proceed to mock the shit out of him for trying to besmirch the honour of his family's hospitality..
>>2683836holsy shit this
>>2683827I love it, supporting
>>2683807>>2683819second. Did we bring the sword with us or is it still in our luggage? Assuming we probably have shotgun on our shoulder right now.
>>2683836Oh this too
>>2683797MC being able to completely destroy his sons in a fight just confirms that Liska has excellent taste in husbands, and that his son-in-law can defend his family as any good man should.Everything after that is just a bonus.>>2683827>>2683836Both of these are great.
>>2683829>>2683831>>2683837>>2683842>>2683847...and here I was, thinking my suggestion was weak. I was just trying to get the ball rolling.
>>2683854We always want to make sure that our daughter never has to hear that kind of fowl language from her uncles & aunts.
>>2683807>>Kelly, I'm pretty sure they're having us on - hold your fireSomeone's trying to destroy the family Kelly.
>>2683807Eh, not sure if this would fit in with everything else, but>"You wanna fucking go again?" he asks, leveling a sword at you.>No. I'm a happily married man.
>>2683807"Kelly," you breathe into your phone, hopefully low enough that nobody hears, "I think they're having us on. Hold your fire. And I'm getting the fuck out.""I don't want to go again," you yell down the hall, "I'm fucking good," you say, and duck out through the side door.There's a veritable eruption from inside, punctuated by yells of "you never loved me!" and "fuck you, kid, you think you're hot shit?"That's, uh, from what you can see through the windows, you really, really don't want to see what your wife could do if she gets mad.That's a FIGHT.You're just glad you're outside.And several of the lesser youkai are out there with you, any earlier mockery forgotten."Cucumber?" a kappa asks you, proffering one with what you guess is a name written on it."I'm good, thanks," you tell him, then press up against the wall to see what's going on through the window."COME ON DAD," that guy with the white hair yells, swinging his sword as fire erupts from its blade, "I'VE GOT A BIT MORE FIGHT THAN THOSE CHINESE WIDOWS, HUH?"You can't hear what your father in law says after that, or his last words as his drunken son decapitates him.Then the guy seats himself back down where his father was, and motions with his sword for everyone to come back inside."Did you fucking see that?" you ask Kelly."Yeah," he tells you, "some fight right there. I think I'll call this into the clients and say I did it."That's probably the best you'll get out of this one, you think, as you end up inside with a tide of youkai.[1/2]
>>2683864...WE MUST SLAY THE SON, THIS WAY WE BECOME THE CLAN LEADER.
>>2683864>You can't hear what your father in law says after that, or his last words as his drunken son decapitates him.Shit, there goes our father figure, I guess.
>>2683864guys, i think we fucked up
>>2683867Sounds like the father lied about being up a mountain for Nanking.
>>2683869NO, YA THINK?!
>>2683864RIP OFF THE SON'S TAILS AND EARS, CLAIM THEM AS YOUR OWN, ALONG WITH THE TITLE OF CLAN LEADER
>>2683872On the brightside at least washed our hands of THAT situation. Still gotta figure out how to take care of our daughter's ears and tail though.>>2683869That's to be expected Anon. At least we didn't get our daughter or wife killed.
>ENGAGE ANGRY DAD MODE>BEAT THE LITTLE SHIT HALF TO DEATH AND PROCEED TO OUTLINE HIS FAILINGS
Damn. Now I feel bad for the old man. He seemed chill.At first glance, that is.
>>2683864I have only one question after all of that; where is Liska's mom?>>2683866Clearly. Highlander style succession aside, the son is a complete ass. Grandpa never even got to give Melon headpats! Even if we don't kill him, he needs to have some serious manners, respect and discipline beaten into his hide before he can consider himself a worthy Lord.>>2683869Noooo, no way. A kitsune being deceitful? Impossible. As far as I've been able to tell, Liska is actually the eldest of grandpa's kids, and would have been able to tell us that her dad was a dick. We just, well, never bothered to ask.
>>2683880We're not beating him HALF to death, WE'RE BEATING HIM ALL THE FUCKING WAY THERE WITH HIS OWN FUCKING ARMS
Wait, I though we were going to engage him, just mocking him beforehand?
>>2683891Only a few also voted for the Rematch option. I'm more than a little pissed.
>>2683890no, we need to fill his soul with shame before we send him to hell
>>2683891Welcome to a failure in communication Anon. It's bound to happen sooner or later.
>>2683864"I think I know you," the fox-eared drunk tells you, "I'm pretty sure I fought you before. Want to exchange business cards?""I think I'm fresh out," you tell him."Too bad," he says, fixing you with his eyes, "I'm Sachio. Means something like 'fortunate son', you know, like that song your guys always play over Vietnam flicks.""And I was on a European tour during that debacle," he says, as if to pre-empt a question, "and the goddamn bastard tried to blame me for what he did in China? Fuck him," he continues, picking up his father's head by the hair, "some folks are born made to to wave the flag," he tells you, raising the head at you, "it ain't me."Things have been happening a little too fast for you to really process."The old lord is dead," Sachio says, "long live the new lord! Party like there's no tomorrow, for tomorrow you may die!"And the horde around takes his word for it.>Go grab Liska>So are we good?>Did you just kill my father in law?>You want Round Two?>WRITE IN
>>2683901>>Go grab Liska
yeah what the hell.>Did you just kill my father in law?>You want Round Two, thats how you get round two.
>>2683901>You mind telling me the full story about what the fuck exactly happened that led to this?>Go grab Liska>"Hon your Dad's dead, what the heck happens next?"
>>2683901>>WRITE-IN: BLOW. THIS. PRICK. AWAY. NOW!
>>2683901>Just blow his brain out> You don't wack your own father and think a dad is gonna let that happen
>>2683901>>Did you just kill my father in law?>>You want Round Two?
>>2683901>>2683908second.Pretty sure this is how the politics work here.
>>268390221:53 - 22:03 Voting period and all that.>>2683891>>2683892>>2683894>>2683895I ran with 'Kelly, I think they're having us on', which seemed to be the most popular within ten minutes.And, due to that, trotted out a 'yeah, he was having you on, trying to blame me for China, and I am mad about it' from the eldest son. Who got a bit carried away.I may have cocked that up.
>>2683901>Go grab Liska>I take that we started of on the wrong foot earlier this week.Supporting >>2683908 also.>>2683904>>2683909>>2683910>>2683911Idiots. Think don't over react.Grandpa was a bastard.Uncle might actually be cool.We were drunk at the bar when the fight started. He might have just been trying to chat.
>>2683901>>So are we good?
>>2683901Is this the bar fox that gave shotgun-chan fellatio?
>>2683901>Did you just kill my father in law?>You want Round Two, thats how you get round two.>I'm past the point of caring who did this or that, fuck you.
>>2683918He definitely wasn't trying to chat, and he probably fucked over the pacts we got.
>>2683925>Is this the bar fox that gave shotgun-chan fellatio?Yup.
>>2683901>>You want Round Two?>>or we good now?
>>2683864Way too much doesn't add up it might be a bit of a show.>Where the fuck is Melon? If she's still in the room ask her to go out and grab the sword for us. The sword touches souls so it should know the actual full story of both of them without having to worry about either being capable of spouting a bunch of lies.>Can I assume I won't have to deal with your brothers refusing to acknowledge our marriage to Liska? Curb Stomping them whenever they try something stupid is bound to get boring after a while.
>>2683918This is fox boy we kicked the crap out of and got the sword for.
>>2683918>We were drunk at the bar when the fight started. He might have just been trying to chat.HE started that fight, not us.>Idiots. Think don't over react.>Grandpa was a bastard.We have zero confirmation of the old dude being a bastard, and HE was at least CIVIL with us, which is more than I can say for any of the brothers-in-law. So, no, they can eat dicks, and so can you.>>2683917>spoilerYeah, I'm pretty sure you did too.
>>2683917When we were saying that I think most of us meant in a kitsune type illusionary prank sort of way.
Man all of this clusterfuckery from both the In-Laws and the thread is probably the biggest reason why we never bothered visiting them for 20 years.
>>2683951Yup, also Liska makes total sense now.
>>2683927>>2683935>>2683938Read the thread:>He sits down next to us.>Haiku starts drunk posting (confusing the thread) as QMC gets magicdrunk.>We leave bar without known what the fuck is going on>We drop T.T. in a taxi.>Brother-in-law follows us out.>Everyone starts calling for a back alley brawl.>We ask for rules.>We taunt him with fucking Liska and he draws.>We beat his shit in.
>>2683957>>Brother-in-law follows us out.Yeah, right fuckin' there. Congratulations. I'm done with you.
Guys. Calm the fuck down. We have a magical fucking sword that has been inside their damn souls to KNOW the truth.
>>2683957So, this is not the brother that was when we got here. Is this the one at the neutral bar or from when we met our girl.
>>2683957Exactly. Fuck that guy.
>>2683964The former not the latter I think
>>2683957Also, does NOT come close to justifying MURDERING HIS OWN FATHER IN FRONT OF HIS OWN SISTER. Motherfucker has it coming.
>>2683901"I feel like there's a real story behind this," you say, staring into his face, ignoring the party breaking out around you, "what the fuck happened to lead up to this?""Yes," your wife says from behind you, "I'd really like to know why you're holding dad's head in your hand, Sachio. Start talking, or you lose yours in short order."And she's got the damn sword in her hands."Well, sis," the lounging drunk says, "he tried blaming me for that shit he pulled in China. Back in World War Two. And I'm pretty sure there are about fourteen different contracts out on him for that. I wasn't about to be his scapegoat.""China?" Liska asks, and you turn to look back at her. There's a mask of horror over her face, "you mean he was in on that?""In over his head," Sachio says, "basically presided over Nanking. Whose money do you think has been keeping it out of the textbooks here? I wasn't going to say anything until he tried pinning it on me.""And what should make me think," Liska asks, baring her teeth, "that you're not making that up to stage a coup on the family? It sounds too much like a cheap twist a hack writer would play for drama.""You've got the Thousand Year Blade," he tells her, "let it look into my soul, and then it can tell its master whether I'm telling the truth. You know nobody can lie to that sword."Liska shoots you a sidelong glance.>That's a good idea>That's a bad idea>Liska, what the hell did I marry into?>WRITE IN
>>2683968Trying to blame the rape of Naking on his son isn't a very fatherly thing to do when an assload of magical beings presumably had family there and are still alive to want revenge.
>>2683962>We have a magical fucking sword that has been inside their damn souls to KNOW the truth.Which would be fucking great, if we had the fucking time. But I doubt that we do.
>>2683970>That's a good idea>>2683972What? Why do you think there is a time limit?
>>2683972Our wife has the sword with in her hands right now. We have the time now.>>2683970Liska hand me my sword back for a minute. I'm going to have a talk with it for a bit. (Time to ask the sword about the whole debacle.)
>>2683970>Liska I am already lost, don't look at me. I'll back your play regardless though.
>>2683970He own that sword before you did, right? I'll ask him. And truth be told, I'm still going to wreck your shit afterwards for swearing in front of my daughter.
That looked too easy somehow. I mean sure he said he was getting old but he literally died to a single swipe of a sword. Am I just being too paranoid?
>>2683970>>That's a good idea>>Liska, what the hell did I marry into?>>2683971If it turns out to be true then fine. But there was basically zero fucking lead up to that.
>>2683981It has been consistent for powerful creatures to get gibbed really hard.
>>2683980She is currently in the guest rooms.>>2683981No single swipe. They had a fight outside after we left the room with the killing blow being a decapitation strike.
It is the family sword, correct? Ergo grandpa should have owned the sword during Nanking. The sword already knows roughly everything it needs to know.
>>2683986>She is currently in the guest rooms.Alright, switch it to>going to wreck your shit afterwards for swearing in the general vicinity of my daughter.
Hold on a sec. Asking for it to let it look into his soul sounds like a setup to trick us into technically giving it back to him when the thing already knows all about him.
>>2683970>The sword should already know, i'll ask him
>>2683992It does sound fishy doesn't it?>>2683970>The sword should already know, i'll ask him
>>2683970>The sword should already know, I'll ask him
>>2683992Now who's not paying attention. IT'S IN LISKA'S HANDS. He's telling her to look into the sword to find out who held it when it was there. Because apparently it in Nanking.
>>2683970>The sword could also remember being wielded at that time, so I'll start by asking about that.
>>2683970>The sword should already know, unless you lying.
>>2684000>let it look into my soul, He's specifically saying to hand it to him so that it has a look around when it shouldn't have to in the first place.
>>2684000He says 'Let it look into my soul'.>The sword should already know, we'll just ask him outright.
>>2684005Never mind, I misread read that.Supporting:>The sword should already know, I'll ask him
>>2683807You want a rematch?
god this feels like we just walked into a minefeild
This whole theory goes to shit if the sword wasn't actually there. I still support the rematch option if this plan goes tits up. Without the formalities this time.
>>2684009Welcome to the joys of Kitsune. Please leave your sanity at the door.
>>2683970>WRITE INFuck it. If she isn't willing to trust him then we might as well have it out now.Her call though.
>>2684013Sword looks into souls. We do know he was the previous owner so we know that the sword knows if he'd actually be offended at the idea of nanking being blamed on him. Doesn't matter if the son was physically with the sword at the time.
>>2684024We're not splitting hairs on this one. Either he WAS fucking there, or he fucking WASN'T. If he was there - he fucking dies here and now. You want moral absolutes? THERE'S your moral absolutes.>>2684022 makes a damned good point.
>>2684019Please don't support that idea, I misread something. It's a terrible idea.
>>2683970"I'd rather ask the sword itself," you say, keeping your eyes on the apparent new 'heads of the family', "could you hand it to me, dear?" you ask Liska.She looks between you and her brother, then hands you the sheathed sword.God, at least Melon's still in the guest rooms, and didn't have to see her grandfather get decapitated. And maybe one of her uncles, depending on how this goes."Sword," you think, drawing it half an inch in front of you, and the room goes still, "tell me what the family head did in China."It's unprintable.This is stuff you never wanted to think about, and the sword is piping it straight into your mind. It's still mad about conflicts a thousand years ago, and it shows.God, you are going to have nightmares about this. And you'd really like to get drunk enough to forget it all.But there's a question you still have to ask."And what about Sachio?" you think at the sword."HE WAS A BITCH," the sword says, straight into your mind, "HE LEFT FOR THE WEST BEFORE WE BEGAN OUR GLORIOUS CONQUEST OF -"And you sheath it again.At least this guy's story checks out.Even if you really don't want to think about what this sword has been used for. The phrase 'entire cities' has come up far too often."He's in the clear for anything over here," you say, shoving the sword back through your belt, "so what did you do in the west, Sachio?""You'd be surprised how useful someone functionally immortal is in a resistance movement," he tells you, "I was in France when everything blew up. And I would prefer," he says, narrowing his eyes, "to not talk about a lot of that. I lost a lot of friends."That's... understandable.>I've had enough, it's time for bed>So, are we cool? I blew your arms off last time we met. Just want to make sure we're good.>I need you to help your niece>Get slammed, try to forget>WRITE IN
>>2684028I can support this
Huh. A large part of me didn't expect his story to check out.
>>2684039>WRITE INOffer to share Sake with him to become official brothers and let bygones be bygones.Don't warn him about the magic shit, it'll be funny. They're Foxes, they'll understand.
>>2684039>Ask wife if her brother can help us concerning our daughteru
>>2684039>So can you help your niece my daughter?
>>2684028Anon, I can't tell if you're really angry or there is some miscommunicating. When I say it's possible the sword wasn't there I mean either of them could have left the sword at home for the atrocity because the sword felt it wasn't proper honourable combat and would sully his blade which would leave a gap in it's knowledge. In such a case the content of the character of a welder would be a suitable indicator.
>>2684039>So, are we cool? I blew your arms off last time we met. Just want to make sure we're good.>I need you to help your niece
>>268404322:51 - 23:01 Voting period and such.>>2684042I might be a cock, but I'm not enough of a cock to spring two zigzags of 'that guy is the bad one!' on this thread after the first zig came out of a vote that I took a bit far.
>>2684039this sounds good : >>2684043
>>2684043Sounds good, supporting.
>>2684043This, this. Especially since our assassin has already filled a contract.
>>2684039>>I've had enough, it's time for bed>>2684042Don't worry, man. I'm sure he'll still find plenty of opportunities to be an insufferable prick despite not being a war criminal.>>2684047I heard what you said, and my point was if the sword's already read him, then the sword knows FOR SURE whether or not he was there. Not just "if he'd be offended by the idea." But the absolute fact of the matter. And it doesn't much matter now that it turns out the old man was a war criminal. And yeah, I'm more than a little tilted right now. But it doesn't fuckin' matter anymore.
I'm expecting that grampa Bill's old stuff at the farm has a picture with Sachio in a beret in it.
>>2684043>>2684039Is just jokes!
>>2684039>>So, are we cool? I blew your arms off last time we met. Just want to make sure we're good.>>I've had enough, it's time for bed>>Liska, why are out families so fucked. I feel like apologizing to Melon.
>>2684062Eh, fuck it. Like the other guy said if we don't trust him now we might as well just take him out regardless.But since we chose to trust him, we might as well bind him to us anyways. Who says only Kitsune can be dicks like that?
>>2684043this, this is good.
>>2684051>spoilerQM confirmed for god-tier trolling. 12/10 I was infuriated. Nicely done. You made me eat my earlier reaction image.
>>2684051You're a much better man than I.I would have gone for a quintuple cross with a at least a couple of global conspiracies being involed in it, that would have ended with the party being in some dude's basement because the guy rubbed a table lamp and wished that magic was real just like in his chinese cartoons.
>>2684081>>2684068>>2684061>>2684056>>2684055>>2684045Votes all locked in now?AHAHAHAHA! FOOLS! I HAVE NOW TRICKED YOU YOURSELVES INTO A PRANK WAR WITH KITSUNE!
>>2684039"We might be brothers in law," you tell him, "but would you swear brotherhood with me? I feel that's a bit different."Sachio gives you a toothy grin."Sure," he says, and claps his hands. Suddenly a couple of servants appear out of seemingly nowhere, "sake," he tells them, "and the banners."They vanish again."I wouldn't usually do this with a mortal," he says with a grin, "but you're something special. You blew my arms off the first time we met, and took my sword. And then," he continues, with a barking laugh (apparently it runs in the family), "you didn't let me bait you into giving it back to me. You fucking stood there and watched me..." he trails off, looking at the head in his hand, "commit one of the worst crimes in the world, and you just judged the case on its merits! You're something else."Maybe if you really had gone to Juilliard, none of this crazy shit would be happening to you. Maybe you could have had a broadway career.But you didn't.And here you are, about to swear brotherhood with a kitsune who just decapitated his father. Right in front of you.You blame your marine training."I'm in too," Liska says, sitting down with the two of you, "can't let the guys have all the fun, right?" she says, barely batting an eye at her father's severed head.Maybe that's just how politics works in this crazy magic world.And he was a war criminal."Now I get why she married you," Sachio says, with a wink.Then the servants reappear, unfurling banners for the gods and the current emperor, and placing sake in front of the three of you.So you swear brotherhood and sisterhood.Uh, swearing sisterhood with your wife is just a little odd, but it's metaphorical, right?And then you see an odd expression on Sachio's face, almost as if someone had pulled one of his many tails."What the hell," he asks, standing up as it something had poked him, "did you do?">You look like you've been tricked by a fox>Could you help my daughter (now doubly your niece) out with something?>I've got another brother outside who you should probably meet>It's like a ball of yarn or something>WRITE IN
>>2684097If prank war means we effectively rule the clan, I'm cool with that.
>>2684097its still not gonna be anywhere near as bad as when we get back and our sister is there or some equivalent shit.
>>2684100>It's like a ball of yarn or something>I've got another brother outside who you should probably meet
>>2684100>>You look like you've been tricked by a fox>>I've got another brother outside who you should probably meet>And one in my pocket. Don't kill him, he's the lynchpin of one of my plans.
>>2684100>You look like you've been tricked by a fox>It's like a ball of yarn or something>Now could you please help us with our kid's problem? She's having trouble completely changing back into her human form.
>>2684100>>It's like a ball of yarn or somethingwelcome to the single biggest magical clusterfuck of the modern world bro.
>>2684109Oh supporting this as well
>>2684100>You look like you've been tricked by a fox
>>2684100>And then you see an odd expression on Sachio's face, almost as if someone had pulled one of his many tails.>"What the hell," he asks, standing up as it something had poked him, "did you do?"Oh he mad.>>You look like you've been tricked by a foxGet fucked you furry prick.Also supporting:>>2684110>"welcome to the single biggest magical clusterfuck of the modern world bro."
>>2684100> Just give a big shiteating grin
>>2684100>Looks like you've been outfoxed. (QM must be too drunk to properly dad joke) >Could you help my daughter (now doubly your niece) out with something?
>>2684100Honestly it's his own fault for not asking questions or anything.
>>2684102>Our sister is there>She's completely normal in human form and still thinks that everything is perfectly fine>Acts like a kind, loving, hopeful sibling just like she was back before she became a magical girl>Monster shows up>Sister does MG Transformation>Becomes Adult Demon Lord complete with 999% cynicism and ultra angry tits>It's still odd when she headpats us in either form
>>2684133The Angriest of Tits you say?Those are teeny tiny Burning Hate faces, so it's cool.
>>2684157You need to get even more angry.The kind of angry that inspires fear in even the greatest of beings.
>>2684100"I believe you've been," you say, putting on a huge grin, "outfoxed.""What the hell?" Sachio asks you, mouth gaping, "what in the actual fuck did you just do?""It's like a ball of yarn or something," you tell your brother in law, no, sworn brother, "welcome to the single biggest magical clusterfuck of the modern era. We've got a guy rewriting wizard textbooks as we speak.""Oh my god," Sachio says, "I'm tied to - my magic's tied to - by my sworn brotherhood to you. You sly bastard!"He starts laughing."You," he says, when he finally catches himself, "you are something else. Liska," he says, looking at your wife, "all that shit I said about you marrying this guy? I take it back.""Well," your wife says, tails waving, "why thank you, sworn brother."Sachio starts laughing again."I hate to trouble you for a favor, brother," you say, dragging out the last word as long as you can, "but little Melon needs some training in transforming. Could you?""I'm the head of this family of foxes now," Sachio says, crossing his arms, "of course I can help her. We can start training tomorrow. And she's doubly my niece now! So I've got to put in twice the effort now, right?""Great," you tell him.>I've got a couple of other brothers you should meet - one's out in the trees, and the other's in my pocket>Let's just go to bed>WRITE IN
>>2684163>I've got a couple of other brothers you should meet - one's out in the trees, and the other's in my pocket
>>2684163> I've got a couple of other brothers you should meet - one's out in the trees, and the other's in my pocket
>>2684163>I've got a couple of other brothers you should meet - one's out in the trees, and the other's in my pocket>So when are you gonna come out to the states eh? It would be nice to show you where we live and all.
>>2684163>>I've got a couple of other brothers you should meet - one's out in the trees, and the other's in my pocket>>KELLY COME INSIDE>he already sit beside Liska
>>2684163>I've got a couple of other brothers you should meet - one's out in the trees, and the other's in my pocketWe let him guess, and then clarify by pulling out the ferret. DAD JOKES.
>>2684163I should probably mention this before I forget but your father claimed I beat up 3 of Liska's brothers and I only recall running into two of you. The timing of all those contracts out on his life and one extra brother mysteriously being beat up might be something you should look into.>Ask to get some privacy for our talk first because revealing the fucking rats have a "traitor" might be something an unscrupulous servant or loyalist to grandpa would let leak to the boss.>I've got a couple of other brothers you should meet - one's out in the trees, and the other's in my pocket
>>2684192>>2684196Supporting, lets not make that rat joke public.
>>2684163"I've got a couple of other brothers you should meet," you tell him, "actually three.""Are they here?" Sachio asks, glancing around the banquet hall. The yuki-onna are dancing on the tables again, and you're pretty sure those ice sparkles read 'To the new alliance!'."One's in my pocket," you tell him."Please tell me this isn't going where I think it's going," he tells you, "you wouldn't -" And then Freebles jumps out and flexes to show off his tats."...and the other two are outside," you tell your utterly surprised brother in law."Kelly," you say, flipping open your phone, as Sachio gapes at the flexing ferret, "get in here. Bring Shelby. We're cool."Ok, if Fred's 'little Timmy' is trying to become Birnam wood, Kelly has him beat, you realize, as two figures in ghillie suits and foliage appear over the balcony."God," Kelly says, unzipping his suit, "that stuff's hot, even in this weather."Sachio's jaw falls another couple of inches, as he realizes exactly who is walking into his castle."The angel of death is my brother," you hear the kitsune mutter, as Kelly props his rifle against a wall, "I will fear nothing as long as he is at my side or in front of me, and I will fear everything when he is at my back."Now that's a prayer you've never heard before. Maybe it's a buddhist thing."You sake any sake for us?" Shelby asks, stripping out of his ghillie suit, "those things make you thirsty."Sachio nods mutely at the servants, who scamper off to grab another round, as Kelly and his son sit down at the table."So here's what I'm thinking," Kelly tells the gobsmacked kitsune, "I'm thinking I killed the old man, you don't get labelled a parricide, and I collect the bounties. Sound good?""Sounds great," you newest (and oldest) brother says hollowly.Does Kelly really have that much of a reputation here?"We're all family here," you tell everyone at the table, with an expansive gesture, "no need to be afraid.""What about the demon?" Sachio almost yells at you, "why is there a demon tied to my soul? That's a really fucking good reason to be afraid!">Wait, you can feel her?>That's my sister. It's a long story.>Look, I just saw you decapitate your father. You can't tell me my family's any more screwed up than yours.>WRITE IN
>>2684217>>That's my sister. It's a long story.She's cool. She better be.
>>2684217>That's my sister. It's a long story.
>>2684217>>That's my sister. It's a long story.
>>2684163>>2684196secondAlso want to point out our wife apparently is fine with us doing whatever we want as long as we dont fuck our family(mafia) over. Didnt even hesitate in tricking her brother/head of family
>>2684217>Nice to have that suspicion confirmed. That's my sister, thought she was dead, seems she somehow stayed alive in Hell the whole time. I just saw you decapitate your father. You can't tell me my family's any more screwed up than yours.>>2684223She's a trickster spirit. She wanted to pull a prank with us on the flight and this was the chance to do it.
>>2684217>>That's my sister. It's a long story.>>Look, I just saw you decapitate your father. You can't tell me my family's any more screwed up than yours."Also, was not sure how connected she is to this. Granted since you can obviously feel her she may decide to visit eventually."
>>2684217>>Wait, you can feel her?>>That's my sister. It's a long story.>>Look, I just saw you decapitate your father. You can't tell me my family's any more screwed up than yours.I guess that answers THAT question.All the things.
>>2684217>That's my sister. It's a long story. Still owe her a box of mint flavored ice cream.It's always the minor things that keep a person together over the higher ideals.
>>2684217>Wait, you can feel her?>That's my sister. It's a long story.Can we talk it over in private?
>>2684217>That's my sister. It's a long story involving those fucking rats.
>>2684039>the family head
>>2684217> Imagine how surprised my sister is going to be!
>>2684217"That's my sister," you say, almost reflexively, then realize what he said, "wait, you can feel her?""How do you not?" Sachio asks you, and then at Liska, and Kelly, "it's like a fishhook in my heart!""I've never been as sensitive as you," Liska tells him with a smile, "and he," she says, jerking her head at Kelly, "is barely a wizard."Kelly shrugs.Seems like that's not even an insult to him."It's a long story," you say, "she wound up with a bad contract to the rats, and just sort of walked into Hell one day. Good to know she's still alive.""Might be that it's stronger here," Kelly says, fixing Sachio with his dark eyes, "because it's the last place she was summoned and got dispelled."Understanding dawns over your fox-eared brother in law's face like a red sunrise."That's what wiped that city," he says, and it seems like he doesn't even want to give a name to the unfortunate place, "off the map. And she's your sister?" he asks, looking at you, "and now she's my sister?""That's about the size of it," you say, and you could swear you hear Liska whisper "you look like you got tricked by a fox"."And I thought I was hardcore decapitating my father because he tried to pin his war crimes on me," Sachio says, ears drooping, "now I'm sworn brothers with a demoness, the Angel of Death himself, and a fucking rat with yakuza tats."Liska, Kelly, and Shelby can barely hide their grins at that. Freebles isn't even trying, he's just laughing."You fucking win this one, Liska," he continues, standing up as he grins at your wife, "fucking party it up or whatever - get a tanuki conga line going or something. I don't care. I'm going to bed and hoping this is all just a bad dream and everything works out in the morning."And he starts walking away.>That sounds good - I'm thinking it's bedtime.>Partying sounds GREAT>THE OLD LORD IS DEAD, LONG LIVE THE NEW LORD!>Liska, how the hell are we going to explain to Melon that her uncle killed her grandfather and is now head of your family?>WRITE IN
>>2684262>Partying sounds GREAT
>>2684262>That sounds good - I'm thinking it's bedtime.Liska, would you like to join me? Rest of you, go have fun.
>>2684262>THE OLD LORD IS DEAD, LONG LIVE THE NEW LORD!>Liska, how the hell are we going to explain to Melon that her uncle killed her grandfather and is now head of your family?Lets enjoy what little youth we have with Liska
>>2684262>That sounds good - I'm thinking it's bedtime.>THE OLD LORD IS DEAD, LONG LIVE THE NEW LORD!>Liska, how the hell are we going to explain to Melon that her uncle killed her grandfather and is now head of your family?Maximum confusion
>>2684262>That sounds good - I'm thinking it's bedtime.