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/qst/ - Quests


Something like a week ago, you found out your daughter was a magical girl.

And in really short order, you found out that your wife is actually some sort of hundreds-of-years-old fox spirit.

Things really have not been the same since.

For one thing, you found out that your boss is probably a dragon, and he put you on the 'special accounts'. That's been an interesting morning.

...there's also been a lot of attempted murder (it's how supernatural people say hello!), bonds of brotherhood, starting a criminal empire, home remodeling, and some other stuff back in that week.

It's been one crazy week. Or was it a week and a half? Two week?

The details are a little fuzzy, since you're still pulling out of a hangover from the party you hosted last night that left wizards, magical girls, other supernatural creatures, and the picked-clean skeleton of a magic contracting rat who didn't treat his girls right strewn across your lawn, couches, bed, floor, etc.

You wonder whether the forced labor squad (two magical girls and a guy that's probably after your daughter) you left behind at your house managed to fix the crater in the street.

Christ, if that's what the aftermath of 'befriending' looks like, you don't want to see magical girls making enemies.

And you're not sure if you'd rather deal with the homeowner's association or the cops (who every involved assures you either are demons or report to demons) about that kind of damage.

Neither option sounds good, but 'demon cops' sound just a tinge better than HOA.

Well, there's one way to find out how it looks, you realize, sitting in your office on your lunch break.

So you dial your wife.

Five rings later, an enchantingly sleepy voice picks up the line.

"Mornin'," she tells you, "who's this?"

>It's afternoon
>Glad to hear you're getting your beauty sleep
>Did the kids fix the street yet?
>...How many comatose people are still at your house?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2660302
[META POST]
Twitter, for runtimes and such: https://twitter.com/HaikuDeluge

Archive, for catching up: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=Shotgun

(Yes, the only tag that works is 'shotgun', because someone messed up archiving. That seems fairly appropriate.)

Oh no, there's a characters/notes doc, and it should definitely not be taken super seriously: https://pastebin.com/Ci70z8w1
>>
>>2660302
>Hey foxy, sleep well?
>Did the kids fix the street yet?

If Bernie bats for the other team, shouldn't his interest be in kidnapping princes, not princesses?
>>
>>2660302
>Hey foxy, sleep well?
>Did the kids fix the street yet?
>>
>>2660302
>Hey foxy, sleep well?
>Did the kids fix the street yet?
>>
>>2660311
12:20 - 12:40 Voting period or so (future voting periods will be 10min once the thread reaches critical mass.). I'll probably start writing earlier if it looks like there's a clear winner.

>If Bernie bats for the other team, shouldn't his interest be in kidnapping princes, not princesses?
Maybe he's a traditionalist, or putting up a front or something.

Maybe princes usually come with a lot more pointy bits and he has sensitive skin.

Maybe he 'swings his bat' for both teams.

Maybe there are a lot of jokes in that document.
>>
>>2660331
I suppose baiting knights with a damsel in distress is a good alternative to Grindr for a dragon.
>>
I'm betting that Bernie's (current) significant other is widower with a middle school aged daughter.
>>
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>>2660354
I'm betting it's a magus that attempts to use ancient alchemy to create golem magical girls.
>>
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>>2660302
"Hey foxy," you ask Liska, "sleep well?"

It's afternoon. And she's just waking up. Well, she did drink two other women under the table last night.

That was supposed to be a family barbeque. Not whatever the hell nightmare TURN UP it turned into. Magic rat cage fights and cannibalism?

Oh god. You can only guess how much your wife remembers.

"Uhh," she tells you, "I think so. Did you leave early?"

"It's afternoon, dear," you say, and hear a rustle of bedsheets.

"Holy shit," she says, and you're pretty sure she just stepped into the hallway, and it's still carpeted with comatose teenagers.

...you just hope she took the bedsheet with her. You're really not sure who's 'shirts' and who's 'skins' in that bunch. Playing sports is a lot easier when you know what the teams are.

"So I remember asking who wanted to get blitzed like Poland," she says, and you hear the unmistakable breathing of someone picking their way through a bunch of collapsed people. And the faint noises of a TV in the background.
"I think you missed a lot," you tell her, "how's the street look?"

"Looks pretty clean," she says, "we kept things in the backyard, right? Oh and did you make these eggs?"

>Oh, you missed A LOT. Please tell me you don't remember me trying to give a speech
>I was more interested in whether it was still there
>Sue and Shelby helped
>Alright, who's still on the casualty list, and who's watching TV?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2660371
>Alright, who's still on the casualty list, and who's watching TV?
>And you do remember we have a double date with my boss tonight, right?
>>
>>2660377
>Alright, who's still on the casualty list, and who's watching TV?
>And you do remember we have a double date with my boss tonight, right?
>>
>>2660371
>Alright, who's still on the casualty list, and who's watching TV?
>And you do remember we have a double date with my boss tonight, right?

>>2660377
This anon is on point today.
>>
>>2660371
>Alright, who's still on the casualty list, and who's watching TV?
>And you do remember we have a double date with my boss tonight, right?
>>
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>>2660371
"Alright," you ask her, "who's still on the casualty lists? From what I saw, your blitzkrieg was damn effective."

"I'm thinking," she tells you, "we might need to set up a camp for the survivors. Our offensive was quite effective, mein fuh-"

You cut her off "oh hell," you say, "how bad is it?"

Nazi jokes are a little less funny than she thinks. Although, now that you think about it, she was probably around for the whole thing.

Wow. THAT is a chapter of her life you're not sure you want to open.

"I haven't checked Melon's room," she tells you, and you hear a rustling noise as she walks around.

Ah, so she did take the bedsheet. That's good, considering who's probably still hanging around. And that Liska's probably still half drunk.

...although waking up to a naked blonde foxgirl and a hangover is certainly something you can recommend.

You've had some experience with it, after all.

"I think," she tells you, jolting you out of a reverie, "Melon, Mary, Sue, T.T.'s daughter - the one with black hair, and Shelby are the only ones unaccounted for. I can't find them anywhere. Should I check the back?"

"No," you say, "if I know them, they probably made it to school somehow."

Somehow.

Oh no.

Obviously they took the bus and didn't just jack one of the cars, right?

Right.

...a hazy memory of Shelby yelling "cops suck dick!" flits through your head, and you just hope he didn't get his mother's driving skills. Or at least, that he's using their car.


"So," you say, "who's watching TV?"

"That little Einz girl and T.T. are having a rather spirited match," she tells you, and then you hear "FUCKING ASTRAL HIM ALREADY!" through a half-covered phone, "I think everyone else is still out."

You're not sure if that's a good or bad thing. That one statement probably sums up all your feelings about last night.

"You do remember," you say, "that we've got a double date with my boss tonight, right?"

"I've, uh," she says, "got to go."

You can almost hear a blush through the phone.

>Come loaded for bear - I think he's feeling hostile
>I want the whole crew there - show of force. Tell them when they wake up
>Get those two off my P S Triple and have them clean the rat skeleton off my yard. I want it framed
>I'll come pick you up after work.
>WRITE IN
>>
>Alright, who's still on the casualty list, and who's watching TV?
>And you do remember we have a double date with my boss tonight, right?
>>
>>2660464
>I'll come pick you up after work.
>love you
>>
>>2660464
>He seemed pissed abit so just be ready, and I expect to see you in one of those fine dresses you have hidden away in the back of the closest. I know about them.

>I'll come pick you up after work.
>Love ya foxy lady
>>
>>2660464
>Let's be on our best behavior today - the boss is kinda cranky. Get those two off my PS3 and have them help you clean the place. And ask T.T to get some Norwegian salmon. Pluck it fresh from a Norwegian fjord, preferably.
>>
>>2660464
>Let's be on our best behavior today - the boss is kinda cranky. Get those two off my PS3 and have them help you clean the place. And ask T.T to get some Norwegian salmon. Pluck it fresh from a Norwegian fjord, preferably. I'll pick you up after work. Love you!
>>
>>2660464
Framed? Come on Haiku, were obviously finding a taxidermist and we'll clad the skeleton with a patchwork of skin collected from the rest of the rats
>>
>>2660464
>I'll come pick you up after work
Rember smoked salmon
>>
>>2660464
Make that delicious samon you made when we last visited your family
>>
>>2660464
>Let's be on our best behavior today - the boss is kinda cranky. Get those two off my PS3 and have them help you clean the place. And ask T.T to get some Norwegian salmon. Pluck it fresh from a Norwegian fjord, preferably.
>>
>>2660302
>forced labor squad
Best Squad

>>2660464
So that's:
>Karen - Dead
>Shirley - Dead
>Iris - Dead
>Alice - Dead
>Kelly - Double Dead
>Harriet - Killed by Sue
>Einz VS T.T. - To Be Determined

Fucking this: >>2660489
>>
>>2660532
>>2660464
This mine negros
>>
>>2660464
"Before you do that," you tell her, "I just want to warn you - Bernie's kinda cranky today. I'm thinking 'best behavior'."

"Wait a second," your wife says, "is that 'cranky' as in he had a bad night, or 'cranky' as in he was inches from transforming into a giant lizard, eating you, kidnapping our daughter, and basking on a pile of treasure afterward?"

Well, it seems like she bought the 'dragon' theory.

"I'm thinking 30% the former and 70% the latter, maybe as a consequence of the first?" you tell her, "he put me on Zeus' paternity assessments."

"You know," Liska tells you, and you hear that rustling again, "this whole 'live a normal life as a human' business isn't what my sister cracked it up to be. If I'd still been in the game, I would have known there was a dragon here, way before we thought about moving in. And I would have come up with a good excuse to not do it."

You're not really sure what to say to that.

So you just say something.


"I'm damn glad you decided to try it, though," you tell her, "love ya, foxy lady."

You get that fabulous barking laugh again.

"And it's been totally worth it," she says, "I would not have missed this for the world."

"Glad to hear it," you say, then remember something, "can you kick those two off the PS3 and get them to help clean the place up? And get T.T. to grab a Norwegian salmon?"

"Salmon?" she asks, and then you hear a muffled but decidedly maternal yell through a half-covered phone. She probably bared her teeth at those two.

"I've heard Bernie's a big fan," you tell her, "and if I'm lucky, I'll get out of here in time to smoke it. Send the magician to the fjords - I want a fresh one."

"Ohhh," she breathes into the phone, "that's how we're playing this."

"And I know about those fine dresses you've got it the back of the closet," you tell her, "I am looking forward to seeing you in one. And showing you off in it."

"You had better be," she says, and hangs up.

That was an interesting tone she took at the end there.

But a very, very good one.

Well, it's back to accounting, and you get things sewn up in record time. That assessment of 'Baron Samedi's' assets for the civil suit Enma filed against him can wait until Monday. Looks like it's been dragging through the courts for a few hundred years already.

>On the way home, some asshole in a Mercedes tries to run you off the road
>You arrive home to find T.T. smelling of fish guts
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2660595
>On the way home, some asshole in a Mercedes tries to run you off the road

It's a demigod, Zeus didn't like the way we handled the paternity suit file from yesterday.
>>
>>2660595
>You arrive home to find T.T. smelling of fish guts
>>
>>2660595
>You arrive home to find T.T. smelling of fish guts
>>
>>2660595
>>On the way home, some asshole in a Mercedes tries to run you off the road
>>
>>2660603
14:40 - 14:50 voting period and all that.

I feel like I'm typing slow today.

>>2660550
>So that's:
>>Karen - Dead
>>Shirley - Dead
>>Iris - Dead
>>Alice - Dead
>>Kelly - Double Dead
>>Harriet - Killed by Sue
>>Einz VS T.T. - To Be Determined
Sometimes that's how parties work out, you know.

And they're just sleeping it off.
>>
>>2660595
>>On the way home, some asshole in a Mercedes tries to run you off the road
>>You arrive home to find T.T. smelling of fish guts
Money on it being Bernie trying to run us off the road because he is still dragon mad.

Wait, what if he just doesn't want to take his wife out?
>>
>>2660603
>>2660604
>>2660605
>>2660608
>>2660628
Ah, yes, wonderful - a tie. Unless I miscounted.

Why do you guys do this to me?

Wait warmly, assholes in Mercedes are preparing.
>>
>>2660628
Read ”dragon mad” as “dragon maid” and Bernie must have one of those, right?
>>
>>2660638
I mean
>On the way home, some asshole in a Mercedes tries to run you off the road
And
>You arrive home to find T.T. smelling of fish guts
Aren't mutually exclusive...
We're gonna have to roll for defensive driving aren't we?
>>
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>>2660595
Oh, you're out from work rather early, aren't you? Means you've got to deal with schoolzones, busses, parents, and a few other road hazards that the 8-5, 8-6, and 8-7:30 company life often spares you from.

It's not too bad.

...and then that asshole almost puts a Mercedes through your door. Well, it's more that he almost scrapes it along the side of your car.

But it nearly forces you off the road.

Does he think he's at goddamn Le Mans?

He burns it down the road, and arrives ahead of you at a streetlight that goes too red too fast for even a suicidal jumper to try running.

Well, it's not much of a reward. Great, he got to the red light a minute before you.

Congrats!

What an amazing prize for endangering the lives of everyone on the road, and everyone riding in his car!

Then he revs his engine, and rolls down his window.

Oh no.

OH NO.

You knew there was a reason that car looked familiar.

That's Kelly Edwards' ride, the one that drifted into your driveway last night.

Shelby's at the wheel, Melon's riding shotgun, and if you don't miss your guess, your 'missing' guests are in the back. So that's how they made it to school.

That light's gonna change in about thirty seconds, and this kid is obviously challenging you to a street race.

With your daughter riding shotgun in his car.

>Oh, let's go, little brother. Run in the 90s.
>Get out and give him a talking to - with your fists. You know, in the middle of the street.
>Yell things at him.
>Ignore him and continue home - make a note to say something later.
>WRITE IN

[ROLL 1D100]
>>
>>2660666
>Yell things at him.
>Ignore him and continue home - make a note to say something later.
I don't want to take the bait. We have better things to do.
>>
>>2660666
dice+2d100
>Yell things at him
>Ignore him and continue home - make a note to say something later.

But, if I happen to be outvoted,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdeIPfHlQuM&t=1709s
>>
Rolled 32, 58 = 90 (2d100)

>>2660666
>>2660672
sorry, misread the rules
>>
Rolled 26 (1d100)

>>2660666
>>Oh, let's go, little brother. Run in the 90s.
>>
Rolled 50 (1d100)

>>2660666
>Yell things at him.
>Ignore him and continue home - make a note to say something later.
>maybe beat his ass later
>>
Rolled 35 (1d100)

>>2660666
>>Get out and give him a talking to - with your fists. You know, in the middle of the street.
This dumb fuck is putting our daughter in danger for no goddamn good reason.
>>
Rolled 75 (1d100)

>>2660666
> yank him out of his car and yell at him for being a stupid little shit.
>>
Rolled 61 (1d100)

>>2660666
>>Get out and give him a talking to - with your fists. You know, in the middle of the street.
>>
Rolled 47 (1d100)

>>2660666
>Get out and give him a talking to - with your fists. You know, in the middle of the street.
>>
Rolled 68 (1d100)

>>2660595
What's our car? a souped up volkswagon beetle? >Melon, I got a date tonight with your mom. >Here's some money for if you kids want to hang out somewhere that isn't a bar.
>>
>>2660671
15:15 - 15:30 Voting period.

Dammit, I wanted a good excuse to blast eurobeat.

If you want to yell things, I'd appreciate write-ins or at least guidance on tone.
>>
Rolled 17 (1d100)

>>2660666
>>Yell things at him.
"You kids better have ACTUALLY gone to school today, and not just fucked around town in a Mercedes!"

The responsible ones are probably gonna win this, but we need a better driving roll.
>>Oh, let's go, little brother. Run in the 90s.
>>
>>2660686
>If you get yourselves killed in a car wreck after all the work I put in to keep you alive I'll personally find you in hell and beat you to death again.
>>
>>2660689
Fuck me, every goddamned time.
>>
Rolled 27 (1d100)

>>2660666
Is Harriet with them? If so, tell her to smack him upside the head. THEN
>Yell things at him.
>Ignore him and continue home - make a note to say something later.
>>
>>2660686
i knew you were a man of taste, but car crashes are no fun

and a simple "What the fuck do you think you're fucking doing you fucking public menace, follow me home and we'll talk about what you just did"
>>
>>2660686
Say Melon loudly, with the gravity of a death sentence. Then fix her with a dad stare.

She
Should
Know
Better
>>
>>2660697
>Is Harriet with them?
>Melon, Mary, Sue, T.T.'s daughter - the one with black hair, and Shelby are the only ones unaccounted for.
I believe that was the list of people that actually managed to make it out of the house before noon.
>>
>>2660369
>>2660354
>>2660595

I'm betting Bernies SO's eventually all become snacks. Always break up over a nice meal, right? Besides he's a Dragon. Half the attraction to any human is probably hunger.

And if they complain, well they dated a dragon what did they expect. I wouldn't be surprised if he outright told them he would eat them and they just didn't believe it.

I will firmly associate Bernie with Xellos until proven otherwise. Lawful Evil, but like actually Evil - Alternatively Blue and Orange morality.
>>
Rolled 9 (1d100)

>>2660666
> We still can't tank car crashes. Why do people forget how squishy we are.
>>
>>2660765
>I will firmly associate Bernie with Xellos
God damn it, thanks for that.
>>
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>>2660666
You roll down your window.

"So I'd really like to know," you say, dragging each word out with the gravity of a death sentence, as you stare into Shelby's face, "what you think you think you're fucking doing, you public menace? And Melon," you continue, "you really should know better."

That was really not the response this guy was expecting.

Denial.

Something flashes suddenly in his eyes, answered by your desire to drag him out of his car onto the pavement.

Anger.

You decide not to do it. Although throwing down in the middle of the street with your 'little brother' to show him how bad his ideas are might have been interesting.

You really don't want to think about how much danger he's putting everyone into here.

Unfortunately, giving him an object lesson here and now would be just as interesting to the police.

"I though we might have a race," he says, his gaze drifting past you across your vehicle, as Melon's face falls, "you've got a really nice set of wheels, after all."

Bargaining.

"You know," you drawl, "car crashes are no fun. And if you idiots get yourselves killed in a wreck after what we've been doing to keep you alive, well," you pause, and see a flash of pink and blue as the heads in the back turn toward you, "I've got some good reasons to go to Hell currently. If I get there and you're in for some dumb shit like this, well, want to make guesses how that ends?"

Shelby grimaces, as he realizes what his situation is here.

You know, the fact that he's risking your daughter's life for a stupid joyride.

Depression.

"Follow me back," you tell him, then the light turns.

...And it might be petty, but you do go about ten under the whole way back, with the Mercedes tailing you.

Acceptance.

While you do that, you cool off a little and realize that there's virtually no chance anyone in that car would have died from a wreck. If anyone would have, it's Shelby - you're not sure what the Natural's ability to hang on to life is (although the fight with the demon the other night suggests it's pretty high), but the other four are magical girls.

They fight demons for a 'living'.

They probably would have been able to walk straight out of a wreck with a fireball curling up behind them.

But they're not the only ones on the road, and there's a decent chance they could have hurt other people.

Eventually, you're back in your driveway, and Shelby glides his family's car in beside yours.

>Go inside, secure salmon, get smoking
>Go inside, and tell your wife about this idiot. Kiss her too.
>Find Kelly Edwards and tell him his son's a lunatic
>Give your little brother an object lesson in why he shouldn't put lives on the line like that (with your fists)
>Give the teenagers a stern talking-to [WRITE INs appreciated]
>Just get out of the car and stand around looking slightly disappointed
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2660789
>Go inside and kiss your wife.
>Secure salmon, get smoking.
No need to continue busting his balls. First fuck up just gets a warning.
>>
>>2660789
>Go inside, secure salmon, get smoking
>Go inside, and tell your wife about this idiot. Kiss her too.
>Find Kelly Edwards and tell him his son's a lunatic
>Give your little brother an object lesson in why he shouldn't put lives on the line like that (with your fists)
>Give the teenagers a stern talking-to [WRITE INs appreciated]
>Just get out of the car and stand around looking slightly disappointed
Fuck all of this are so good
For the teenagers
>As much as I want to feel like an idiot teenagers back in the days I don't want you to do that again. You probably survived a car crash but not me. So safety first, eyes on the road and I hope you put your seatbelts.
*Dad angry stare intensifies*
>>
>>2660789
>Just get out of the car and stand around looking slightly disappointed

I guarantee it's 100% more effective than getting mad.
>>
>>2660789
>>Go inside, secure salmon, get smooking
>>
>>2660789
>>Go inside, secure salmon, get smoking, kiss your wife
>>
>>2660789
>>Go inside, secure salmon, get smoking
>>
>>2660789
>>Give the teenagers a stern talking-to [WRITE INs appreciated]
It's not just that you could of killed yourselves, you could very well kill someone else. I would think someone would need to do more to warrant their death than just be driving at the same time as you.
You might all have powers, but for most people in the rest of the world they don't.
I thought you got into this to save people.

If so act like it.
>>
>>2660789
> Find fox-wife.
> Kiss fox-wife.
> Bring little bro to his father and explain what he did
> Allow Kelly to determine suitably embarrassing/humiliating punishment, like wearing a DUMBASS t-shirt to school for the rest of the week, etc.
> Send Melon to room without supper. She should know better.
> Smoke glorious salmon.
> Hi-five ferret bro.
>>
>>2660789
>>Go inside, secure salmon, get smoking
but
>Just get out of the car and stand around looking slightly disappointed
first
>>
>>2660789
>>Go inside, and tell your wife about this idiot. Kiss her too.
>>
>>2660789
>Give the teenagers a stern talking-to [WRITE INs appreciated]

Now while I appreciate a good street race, being rather nostalgic, and thinking back on it now you would've been the only one to die in a car crash considering the other passengers are walking nuclear warheads.
That was rather irresponsible, now I normally would drag you by the ear to your dad, ground my daughter and likely ground the other two for good measures, I have a double date with a dragon whose salmon I need to smoke in the backyard.
No not in that way.
Yes in the literal sense.
Once that's done and dusted I would be happy to drift race you down the local mountain, without my daughter in the car and I'm sure your father wouldn't appreciate his Mercedes' tires being worn down to a rubber tube, so, either get his permission or get yourself a car of your own.

>Kiss fox-wife
>Smoke salmon.
>>
>>2660789
>>2660804
This, the kid's gotten his lesson, and it's only the first time.
>>
>>2660789
>>Go inside, kiss wife, secure salmon, get smoking
>>
>>2660821
>We delivered tofu on the mountain as a part time delivery boy thinking drifting is the fastest way to go down.
>>
>>2660789
>Just get out of the car and stand around looking slightly disappointed
>>
>>2660828
Had to make money while studying accounting somehow.
>>
>>2660804
16:15 - 16:30 voting period or something.

Trying to sort out a winning option here and weave in as much other stuff as fits is already looking like it'll be interesting.
>>
>>2660789
>QM inserts the stages of grief
I fucking lol'd.

>>Look disappointed
>>Go inside, kiss wife, secure salmon, smoke

>>2660804
>No need to continue busting his balls. First fuck up just gets a warning.

That said, if it comes up, the "you could've killed other people" approach ( >>2660812 ) though I'd leave out that last guilt trip about saving the world. We did make most of our point about the driving already after all.

Also, "I know last night I let you all get hammered, but there was a reason for that. Don't take that as carte-blanche to act like hooligans. We've still got a long fight ahead of us."
>>
>>2660789
i like that >>2660821, but yeah, add a line about him not being the only one on the road

we should probably get someone to secure the road for the race ("borrow" some [closed road] signs/softblocks?) but that sounds like fun... if he doesn't end up in the ravine
that'd get US killed

or we could, you know, use an actual race track
>>
>>2660789
>Get smoking and drag Shelby with you to do it. Keeping him in the loop of what's happening keeps Kelly in the loop of what we're doing so that he can see we're properly working on things. He at least realizes he fucked up which is a good sign.
>Tell him no hanky panky while I'm out with the wife and that I'm trusting everyone to stay at least a little safe tonight. Burnie is getting antsy/territorial at the alliance so try not to do anything to agitate him before it gets sorted out.
>>
>>2660789

this >>2660812
>>
>>2660812
>>2660789

Totes this. They aren't obligated yo save anyone though, but they do have an obligation not to hurt anyone with their powers simply because they didn't care to think about the outcome.

They don't have to be perfect, but they DO have to be better than that.

Niw let's all go inside and I won't say anything but don't do it again.
>>
>>2660806
We're trying to get them to communicate Without punching, they already default to that.

And I'm against telling Kelly, no harm no foul and we handled it ourselves without a problem. We want the kids to trust us to be reasonable.

Also I don't want to dilute our authority as Shogun.
>>
>>2660813
> Allow Kelly to determine suitably embarrassing/humiliating punishment, like wearing a DUMBASS t-shirt to school for the rest of the week, etc.

Seriously I question some of your guys parenting skills. I mean people do the best they can with what they learned themselves, but these are also a bunch of over powered traumatized PTSD teenagers. The linked suggestion is just cruel, especially considering we can explain why what he did was dumb and he can lie awake at night wishing to forget that time himself. I'm sure you all have one of those, a parents job is to help keep that from becoming something that gives them too much anxiety and to forgive them for shit they probably won't forgive themselves for.

Much like their powers vs normal people, we have an imbalance of power in our relationship with them as an adult and parent, not to mention Shogun. We gotta be mindful of how they're percieving things and if what we're doing is the BEST way, not just good enough.

Or I'm being triggered about parenting in a silly quest, but I'm personally here to go Full Dad myself.

Right. Blew my load, time to be productively employed.
>>
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>>2660789
You get out your car and stand there, looking a little disappointed.

It's almost as if there's a reverse race going on in the Mercedes - everyone wants to be in last place. The kids in the back have a serious advantage, since they can't actually exit until the two in the front have left.

Finally, Shelby mans up and steps out of the driver's door, teeth gritted.

Melon climbs out of the passenger side, and won't look you in the eye.

Then Sue, Rachel, and Mary erupt out of the back, clambering over the front seats. Their expressions are, collectively, rather hard to read.

Oh, right, two of them probably want to go down in a blaze of glory, and the third's been running a demon hunting cell for god knows how long.

You keep standing there, disappointment radiating off of you.

It's a long pause, there on your driveway. You always hated these moments when you were a kid.

So you're pretty sure it's going to be the most effective treatment.

The moment stretches on and on.

"You kids might be damn near invincible," you say finally, very softly, raking your glance across the teenagers standing in front of your house, "but there are a lot of people on the road that aren't."

The you turn on your heel and stalk inside, leaving them standing around the cars.

It's really all you can pull together from the scattered thoughts rushing through your head.


"Honey," you say, walking in through the front door, "I'm home."

Liska rushes toward you, and you pull her into a hug. Then you kiss her. With the sinking suspicion that anyone who'd yell 'who wants to get blitzed?' at a room of thirsty teenagers on a Thursday night probably wouldn't think what you just witnessed was a big deal.

"T.T.'s cleaning the fish in the kitchen," she tells you, pulling away just enough to whisper in your ear.

You look over her shoulder, and it seems like the house is just about spotless. ...And everyone's back to playing videogames.

Including a man who was in your office yesterday, joking about having killed a guy and leaving his head in a public toilet. You get the distinct impression that Kelly Edwards might not take that dim a view of his son's driving either. Particularly considering how his wife seems to view the rules of the road.

"And I'm going to go shower," Liska finishes, giving you a peck on the cheek and running off.
Then you walk into the kitchen, to find T.T. washing his hands in the sink, smelling quite rankly of fish guts. He shoots you a glare and says, "I am doing this as a favor to a brother, and a good host, and to keep the dragon off our backs. Next time I go fishing, you're coming."

"Seems fair," you tell him, taking the platter of (extremely) fresh salmon off the counter, "and thanks."

Then it's off to the smoker, where...

>[WRITE IN] shows up, and you talk about [ANOTHER WRITE IN]
>>
>>2660839
Haiku I have a MIGHTY NEED for an update! Don't tell me you passed out already! It's still daylight in most areas, you really gotta stop drinking Everclear straight from the bottle man, and no the silly straw doesn't make it any better.
>>
>>2661034
>A Door-To-Door Saleman shows up, and you talk about Propane Tanks

We need more normal day life events to pop up.
>>
>>2661034
>Your sister who needs help in Japan
Might as well forward the plot
>>
>>2661034
backing this >>2661038
>>
>>2661038
More like strapping it to a rocket, we haven't even gone to see the parents-in-law let alone the boss dragon!
>>
>>2661034
>>2661036
Well shit
Also
>T.T. and Kelly show up, and you talk about Bernie (the dragonator)
>>
>>2661034
Supporting this. >>2661047
>>
>>2661038
>Your parents back from the dead and you talk about them needinghelp in Cambodia to fight your sister who has kidnapped the dragon and stolen all the US aid rice from the villagers.
>>
>>2661034
Supporting >>2661047
>>
>>2661034
>Your best overweight friend Freddy shows up, and he talks about college baseball and his upcoming bowling tournament.
>>
>>2661034
>>2661037
Honestly, I'd be up for something like this. Have a neighbor poke their head over the fence, and ask what all the commotion has been about recently, or "what's being tossed on the grill now because it smells great!"
>>
>>2661059
>turns out the neighbours are also magical creatures secretly
>>
>>2661038
Nigga that ain't forwarding the plot. That's skipping to the fucking end of the story!

>>2661034
Mcfuckit I'll support this >>2661047 or >>2661056 if my vote doesn't go through because I want a normal thing to pop up in our lives.
>>
>>2661034
>Freebles shows up, and you talk about the demon alert that just popped up on his radar.
>>
>>2661034
Supporting >>2661047

>>2661036
Also, supporting QM's theoretical MIGHTY NEED for Everclear
laughing so hard I'm crying
>>
>>2661034
> our non-magical WASP neighbours show up to bitch about the noise last night.
>>
>>2661060
God fucking damnit, the neighbor is probably a fucking Catman or some shit. I wouldn't be opposed to him interrupting us, but I swear to shit if Haiku uses a picture of Felix from Re:Zero I will be pissed off in an amused way.
>>
>>2661072
> Not wanting our wife to get in a literal Catfight
>>
>>2661034
>Shelby is looking apologetic and wants to help.

Not suggesting something with this next bit, just chiming in.
That had better not be the salmon of wisdom that Finn McCool ate.
How does one even manage to smell like fish guts? I suspect he got ate by the loch ness monster while fishing or something since fishy smells as people who don't live near the ocean conceive them aren't really possible until you leave the fish out for far too long. Gutting is also really damn easy.
>>
>>2661079
> Gutting is also really damn easy.

Not if you haven't done it before. For some reason T.T. strimes me as the non-domestic type.
>>
>>2661082
Yeah. That's part of the point. Wifey sent him out to do something that he's astonishingly bad at.
If everyone else in the alliance saw a video of whatever actually happened they'd all burst out laughing.
>>
>>2661036
17:33 - 17:55 Voting period and all.

Hopefully that post worked - it seemed like what people were going for.

>Don't tell me you passed out already!
I actually got really close for a bit there.

>>2661079
>Gutting is also really damn easy.
If you know what you're doing. He doesn't strikes me as the type who guts fish regularly, and he got press-ganged into teleporting to Norway to catch a fish while extremely hungover. I assume he's had a cold, wet, and generally unpleasant afternoon. Not exactly ideal conditions even for an expert.
>>
>>2661094
I don't get why people gut the fish when they are just going to filet it anyway. At least not as bad as the people that cut the fins off, then gut, then filet or cut the head off.

Make a slice behind the gill plate, make a cut down the back bone, follow your knife along the rib cage, puncture through the bottom of the bell using the ribs to guide your knife, leave the skin attached at the back of the tail right before the fin, flip the meat over, hold the fish and slide your knife between the skin and meat. Flip fish and repeat.

Is it like, faster to take the guts out, does it reduce the risk of contaminating the meat somehow? I can see some fish being tough to do this with depending on the bones in the back loin like in a pike. Never fileted a salmon though, fish that size might be different I guess. Then again if you are using the fish head for something or using the bones for stock I guess I understand the gutting.
>>
>>2661091
We owe T.T. a favour, and we're gonna owe Kelly a favour once we get that equipment. (Scratch what I said about doing something nice for Shelby for helping out last night. That stunt with the car, and the lack of a well-deserved beat-down in front of his prospective girlfriend squares that account.)
>>
>>2661063
It's not forwarding a plot it's called foreshadowing.
>>
>>2661123
It's not always a fillet. Ocean fish comes in steak form pretty often.
>>
>>2661149
Nigga we already foreshadowed that shit when we talked about the Not-Holy-Grail-War. Let's at least try to give the sibling thing a breather for a bit.
>>
>>2661179
Yeah. We can always run into her when the apocalypse starts and reveal that Melon is named after her.
>>
>>2661034
>Your parents back from the dead and you talk about them needinghelp in Cambodia to fight your sister who has kidnapped the dragon and stolen all the US aid rice from the villagers.
>>
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>>2661034
Dads going out to grill together is great, and an American tradition, but you start wondering if Kelly and T.T. have a distinct lack of good male friendship in their life, as they peel away from the crowd inside and form up with you.

Now that you think about it, T.T.'s family is all girls, and Kelly's relationship with Shelby seems rather distant.

And they're both in professions that don't seem to lend themselves to forming real bonds with other people. Well, unless you count 'cordially agreeing to not murder them if they don't cross the line' as a bond.

At least the rat skeleton isn't still lying on the backyard. It looks like Liska did a very effective job of press-ganging a cleaning crew together.

The three of you lean back against the wall of the house as you wait for the coals to catch, and you notice that T.T.'s back is leaving a damp spot on the bricks behind him.

Norway, huh?


"Fill me in, guys," you ask, "how big a player is Bernie? And what am I looking at here?"

"Huge, in this city," Kelly tells you, "although part of that is just that he provides a lot of services everyone needs, and needs on neutral ground, and he's not in competition for the same resources. Hell, Shelby works for him, I've done some jobs for him, you work for him, and I'm pretty sure even T.T. uses the firm."

"No," the wizard says, shivering a little in the wind, "I have a large safe under my house. "

"Who'd ya get to put it in?" a voice asks over the fence. Oh, it's Fred, the neighbor, "I've been looking for someone who does good concrete."

"Basement still leaking, Fred?" you ask him.

"Yeah," he tells you, leaning over the fence, "with some of the rain lately it's gotten a bit worse. Not sure we've met," he says, looking at the other two fathers, "I'm Fred. You havin' a cookout or something?"

Oh, this could get bad.

About fifteen different kinds of bad.

And now you know why mob bosses like having high fences and few neighbors.

>Just chilling after work and smoking some salmon - want a beer?
>Did we make a bit too much noise last night?
>What'd you think about the construction out front this morning? Almost made me late for work.
>How's little Timmy's team doing this year?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2661197
>>Just chilling after work and smoking some salmon - want a beer?

move along nothing to see here
>>
>>2661197
>Just chilling after work and smoking some salmon - want a beer?
>How's little Timmy's team doing this year?
>>
>>2661202
18:30 - 18:50 or so Voting period.

I'm trying to decide whether to go grab food. And maybe Everclear, now that someone thoughtfully reminded be of old bad habits.

>>2661037
>>2661056
>>2661059
>>2661063
>>2661071
I hope you guys are happy.
>>
>>2661197
>Just chilling after work and smoking some salmon - want a beer?
>>
>>2661197
>Smoking some salmon to suck up to the boss with. It seems I'm on a fast track to getting a promotion.
>What'd you think about the construction out front this morning? Almost made me late for work.
>>
>>2661197
>>Just chilling after work and smoking some salmon - want a beer?
>>Did we make a bit too much noise last night?
>>How's little Timmy's team doing this year?

inb4 we only ever see Fred's eyes like the neighbour guy from Home Improvement, and his son, 'Timmy' is another one of our daughter's 'suitors'
>>
>>2661221
I am happy. I'm actually quite excited for normal people shenanigans.
>>
>>2661226
Agreed
>>
>>2661197
>Just chilling after work and smoking some salmon - want a beer?

>His kid <point at Kelly> did some construction job last summer, maybe he could give you a hand?
>>
>>2661226
ARE YOU A BAD ENOUGH DUDE TO HELP FRED POUR A CONCRETE PATIO?
>>
>>2661221
Grab food preferably high fat and protein content to slow your digestive sysyem, a 24 of lucky, and a Mickey of everclear. Put one half-cap of Everclear into each beer.

That's how I camp. Also you will pass out on the 4th bevercleer.
>>
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>>2661244
YOU FUCKIN DAMN RIGHT I AM! I'M THE BADDEST MOTHER AROUND THAT CAN POUR A MEAN CONCRETE PATIO!
>>
>>2661197
>Just chilling after work and smoking some salmon - want a beer?
>How's little Timmy's team doing this year?
>>
>>2661252
>Not posting Rogal Dorne from ETTS
You had one job anon, you had one job.

I do want to see how fortified that goddamn patio would be if he did make it.
>"Honey, I can't get into the patio again."
>"Why?"
>"The kids edited me out of the 'Approved' list for the servo-skulls, every time I try to open the door the spray holy promethium at me."
>>
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>>2661197
"Just chilling a bit after work - want a beer?" you tell Fred.

"Sure," he says, "can I use the side gate?"

"Go for it," you say, stirring the coals a bit.

You can hear him come around the side of the yard, and you realize belatedly that the only beer currently in the yard is a keg in an ice bucket. and a stack of solo cups.

Wait. Does that mean they replaced the ice earlier while cleaning up the back yard?

You're suddenly a little suspicious of Liska's motivational methods for the cleanup crew.

Or did T.T. magic the keg and bucket to stay cold until further notice? You wouldn't put it past him to have some sort of magic for everything involving alcohol.


Fred walks up, and you gesture at the keg as T.T. and Kelly introduce themselves.

"Looks like college," your neighbor tells you, filling a cup, "that's good stuff. Bit heavy duty for a Friday night barbecue, don't ya think?"

"I'm actually just smoking some salmon," you say, gesturing at the slabs of fish, "gift for the boss. Liska and I are going out with him tonight."

"This guy just got moved up to the international accounts," Kelly says, slapping you on the back, "that's really the sticking power for Bernie's business. Money coming in from all over the world."

"If that's the stuff you brought over last Christmas," Fred tells you with a smile, "you'll get into the intergalactic accounts in no time!"

"Seems like a bit of a waste to break open a whole keg just for a bit of smoking, though," he finishes.

"Leftovers from last night," T.T. says, smirking, "we had a bit of a party."

"Hope the noise didn't keep you up," you tell Fred.

Or the lights.

Or the speech and cheering.

Or the magical rat cage match.

Or the two girls tearing up the street with magic.

"No, Marlene and I are pretty sound sleepers," he says, taking another sip of beer, "we were wondering if you had family in town when we saw the cars this morning, though."

>They're my brothers-in-law
>Rather... extended family
>Just some friends
>Just some co-workers
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2661319
>>Nah, our daughters are friends and we're thinking of starting up a softball team for the girls.
>>
>>2661312
>You had one job anon, you had one job.
You took mah job Anon. That and Dorn is not exactly a externally passionate man.

>>2661319
>Nah, our daughters are friends and I wanted an excuse to have a get together and use the grill.
>>
>>2661319
>Rather... extended family
>>
>>2661319
>Just my daughter's friend and their family, we're pretty much one big family now.
>>
>>2661323
19:14 - 19:30 Voting period.

>a softball team for the girls.
Bravo, anon. That's the best euphemism for a magical mafia/murder-army I've ever heard.

>>2661312
>>"The kids edited me out of the 'Approved' list for the servo-skulls, every time I try to open the door the spray holy promethium at me."
>Next week on Home and Fortress world TV...
>>
>>2661319
>Nah, our daughters are friends and I wanted an excuse to have a get together and use the grill.
>>
>>2661319
>>>Nah, our daughters are friends and we're thinking of starting up a softball team for the girls.
we probably have the best softball team in the entire history of american little league and probably the only rival is also a demon team which suprisingly their leader is just a human who is just a prodigy in baseball
>>
>>2661319
>you'll get into the intergalactic accounts in no time!
>intergalactic accounts
fffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu--

>>2661331
>Nah, our daughters are friends and I wanted an excuse to have a get together and use the grill.

>>2661323
>and we're thinking of starting up a softball team for the girls.

>>2661344
>we probably have the best softball team in the entire history of american little league
Side Quest! Side Quest! Side Quest!
>>
>>2661319
>Nah, our daughters are friends and I wanted an excuse to have a get together and use the grill.
>>
>>2661319
> Extended family.
>>
>>2661323
>>2661319
Kek yes "softball"
>>2661340
It really is a great euphemism isnt it
>>
>>2661319
>I suspect Kelly's kid might end up being a son in law if he doesn't screw anything up.
>Fraternity brothers. Had a little get together since our kids all know each other
The other answers on that list are gonna make things awkward if Shelby gets caught making out with our daughter by the neighbors.
>>
>>2661323
I love it. This needs to be a thing now.
>>
Kyaa, people liked my idea.

Also, qm has used a surprisingly large amount of my ideas in this quest, could it be a match?
>>
Is QM kill for the evening? It's been a while.
>>
>>2661434
He was gonna get drunk AND we gave him a curveball. he needs time to think something up.
>>
>>2661434
depends if he found his liquor or not, i guess
>>
>>2661444
Hey man, it can take a while to suck Everclear through a silly straw, you seen how many loops some of those fuckers have? It gets even worse when it starts dissolving the plastic or his cig gets too close to it and the whole bottle lights up like a jets afterburner and he has to catch it before it spills too much.
>>
>>2661434
It's only been twenty minutes since voting closed. Though he mentioned the possibility of acquiring food and Everclear so between that and the uncharted waters we've been swimming into the delay could be longer than the other posts. I'd give another hour at least before we pack it in and send a search party.

>>2661461
That fuckin' silly straw. Enforcing that sort of barrier-to-entry just makes it take longer to get sufficiently hammered without changing the outcome one bit.
>>
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>>2661319
"Nah," you tell him, throwing some wood chips on the fire, "our daughters are friends. We were thinking of starting a softball team for the girls."

T.T. still looks damp and miserable, but at the words 'softball team', Kelly Edwards gives you an empty stare as if he can't process the words you said.

Then he turns away quickly, and starts having a coughing fit.

"Sorry," he mutters, once he catches his breath, "got a bit close to the smoke - allergies have been killing me this year."

"Well," Fred tells you, "make sure you get them in the right league. I'm pretty sure the umps in Timmy's Little League games have 'legal blindness' as a job requirement."

"It's mostly an excuse to get together and use the grill," you tell him with a smile, "and it's always good to get the girls a bit of exercise, healthy competition, you know."

"Might be 'healthy competition' for the kids," Fred says, "but some of the parents can get vicious. The stands start looking like a gang war - people in different colors slugging it out. It's disgusting."

He takes another swallow of beer.

"Are you looking at putting in a swimming pool?" he asks, gesturing at the spray paint T.T. put down to cage in the rats last night.

"I had some measuring done," you tell him, "but really wasn't a fan of the quote they gave. Those contracts can get really steep."

At that, T.T. has to hide his face behind his solo cup. And he's either shivering a lot more than earlier, of he's shaking with silent giggles.

"Not really worth it here, since it's only warm enough half the year," Fred says, "lot of trouble for no good reason."

"That's about what I thought," you tell him.

Then Melon peeks her head around the corner.

"Hey dad?" she says, "I kinda wanted to apologize for that stunt with the car earlier -" and then she stops with an embarrassed look when she sees Fred standing with you guys at the grill.

Really, you're more proud of her for coming to say that than embarrassed to have her do it in front of the neighbors. Hell, Fred could have been on the road earlier.

And then you see them.

The ears.

She's got two golden fox ears poking out through her blonde hair.

Shit.

Well, she does take after her mother.

>It's a hat
>It's a costume
>It's been nice chatting, Fred, but I've got a little family business to attend to
>Kelly, ice this guy
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2661480
>It's a hat Fred, I got her that last Christmas as a gag gift. I'm surprised she actually got them out.
>It's been nice chatting, Fred, but I've got a little family business to attend to
>>
>>2661492
>>It's a hat Fred, I got her that last Christmas as a gag gift. I'm surprised she actually got them out.
>>It's been nice chatting, Fred, but I've got a little family business to attend to
>>
>>2661480
>It's a hat Fred, I got her that last Christmas as a gag gift. I'm surprised she actually got them out.
>It's been nice chatting, Fred, but I've got a little family business to attend to
>>
>>2661480
>It's a hat Fred, I got her that last Christmas as a gag gift. I'm surprised she actually got them out.
>It's been nice chatting, Fred, but I've got a little family business to attend to
>>
>>2661480
> It's been nice chatting, Fred, but I've got a little family business to attend to

I wouldn't even draw attention to the ears. Fred will probably just chalk them up as some fashion fad that the kids are taking up.
>>
>>2661480
>It's been nice chatting, Fred, but I've got a little family business to attend to
Also before you ask
>It's a hat
>>
>>2661480
>>It's a costume, for Halloween, of course. You know kids these days, into all those cartoons on TV.
>>It's been nice chatting, Fred, but I've got a little family business to attend to
>>Very quietly to Melon: Honey I'm so proud of you for saying that, and I'm sorry for changing the subject, but have you looked in a mirror recently?
>>
>>2661480
>Write in - oh, cute...I guess the ears for your fox costume fit well enough, glad your mother doesn't have to go get them resized like the rest of your outfit, you should go show them to her, the school play for eastern history studies is looking to be interesting this year...
>>
>>2661480
Honey, I know you like the idea of calling the softball team the (insert whatever random state or adjective concerning foxes you feel is best. Eg Golden state, Crazy,Wily) foxes but noone's gonna be able to see the little fox ears you made under the baseball cap.
>>
>>2661480
>it's a pair of hairbands she ordered from some website, crazy what the chinese can do, right?
>>
>>2661492
20:10 - 20:20 Voting period.

>>2661434
>>2661443
>>2661444
>>2661473
Ran to the store between posts, while trying to think of the most hilarious way to spin this exchange.

I can't decide if I'm mad about being dragged into running Chatting With The Neighbors Quest or not. It was a good idea, and fits with some of the themes we have going on, but I was not a fan when I first saw the write-ins. Fred's grown on me a little, though.

>>2661461
This is sounding suspiciously like a Hitman 'accident' execution.
>>
>>2661480
>>2661492
>It's a hat Fred, I got her that last Christmas as a gag gift. I'm surprised she actually got them out.
>It's been nice chatting, Fred, but I've got a little family business to attend to

This has come out even better than I could have ever hoped. Thank you, QM!
>>
>>2661492
>>2661500
>>2661501
>>2661505
>>2661506
>>2661508
>>2661509
>Fight the urge to touch the fluffy ears
>Fail harder
>>
>>2661521
>Fight the urge to touch the fluffy ears
>Fail harder

Automatically thought of this scene:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bsM5CxnZbhA
>>
>>2661480
I would suggest not bringing it up unless he does. If he does, then we answer it's a hat.
>>
>>2661480
>>Fight the urge to touch the fluffy ears
>>Fail harder
>>
>>2661480
>It's a hat
>>
>>2661480
>>2661492
Supporting
>>
>>2661517
Well, just glad to hear we wont see you on an episode of "1,000 ways to die".
>This man was spending his time drinking and posting on an internet message board
>Little did he expect his night to take a turn for the worst
>His lit cigarette carelessly brushes the lip of a silly straw he has stuck in a high proof bottle of grain alcohol
>and as he hits Confirm on a post about magical school girls he is about to see some magic of his own!
>*flame slowly travels the loops of the silly straw before contacting the alcohol in the bottle*
>*the bottle suddenly rockets off the table and into the air*
>*the lights are smashed by the flying bottle and the room is plunged into darkness*
>"SHIT DUCK AND COVER"
>But it was too late for this aspiring author
>*sickening crunch as the flaming bottle collides with a human skull*
>>
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>>2661480
You're really not sure what's worse.

The fact that your daughter's had some sort of recent and radical change to her body, and doesn't seem to realize it?

The fact that your neighbor is witnessing this?

The fact that your two new 'brothers' might think it's a great idea to plug any leaks very permanently?

The real long shot that Fred's somehow part of the world too, and is going to turn into a Loch Ness monster or a demon or something?
"Surprised to see you still wearing that old gag gift, Melon," you tell her, not willing to let on that there's anything outside the norm happening here.

Well, this REALLY isn't outside the norm for what your backyard's seen recently, but Fred is one of the last people you want to know that.

"It's been a nice chat, Fred," you tell him, ignoring the slightly bemused and rather flushed look on your daughter's face, "but I've got a little family business to attend to. Teenagers and cars, you know?"

"I'll see myself out," Fred says, with a look of absolute understanding that any parent would recognize - he does not want to be here for this, "can't say I'm looking forward to Timmy hitting that age, myself. Thanks for the beer, man," he tells you, sidling away around the side of the house.


"Proud of you for coming out to say that," you say gently to Melon, walking up to her.

They're so... cute. And fluffy.

They're fuzzier and less-developed than your wife's sleek pair, but they're adorable.

You almost try to resist petting them.

And fail terribly, reaching out and stroking your daughter's ears.

She gives a yelp and jumps about a foot in the air - "what was that, dad?", she asks, looking shocked.

And red in the face.

"Have you looked in a mirror lately, dear?" you ask her, and get a confused look.

"Uh," she says, "no dad. Why?"

"We're going inside," you tell her, "Kelly," you say to the assassin, who's been watching the whole scene with a mixture of utter confusion and amusement, "watch the salmon."

Then you march inside, to the master bathroom where your wife's preparing to go out. It's the nearest mirror you can think of. And she'll probably have a lot better idea about this than you do.

"Honey," you say, walking up to the bathroom door with your daughter, "you're going to need to see this."

She cracks the door, takes one look at the two of you, pulls Melon inside with an excited yip, and shuts the door in your face.

>T.T., this wouldn't have anything to do with what you did last night?
>T.T., this wouldn't have ANYTHING AT ALL to do with what you did last night? RIGHT?
>Casually clean your shotgun within sight of any nearby teenage males who might really like fox ears or fluffy tails
>Ask your wife if you should cancel dinner plans
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2661584
>The real long shot that Fred's somehow part of the world too, and is going to turn into a Loch Ness monster or a demon or something?

he just needs three fiddly
>>
>>2661584
>T.T., this wouldn't have anything to do with what you did last night?

"Gonna be honest. Part of me hopes it does and this isn't just a horribly timed coincidence."
>>
>>2661584
>>T.T., this wouldn't have anything to do with what you did last night?
>>
>>2661590
Remember those joke novel titles I wrote in a previous thread? Elves and Dwarves.
>>
>>2661584
>>WRITE IN
Attempt to listen at the door.
>>
>>2661584
>Casually clean your shotgun within sight of any nearby teenage males who might really like fox ears or fluffy tails
>>
>>2661584
this >>2661605
>>
>>2661584
Fuck I need sleep but questing so good. Supporting>>2661605
>>
>>2661584
>Last night have anything to do with that?
(I'm personally assuming it's the drinking instead of suspecting T.T. Don't need to be causing the alliance to fray on day one.)
>If she can't control it that's going to be a problem. Besides the obvious demon attacks what other dangers am I gonna need to start prepping for if she gets noticed?
>>
>>2661584
>>T.T., this wouldn't have ANYTHING AT ALL to do with what you did last night? RIGHT?
>>Casually clean your shotgun within sight of any nearby teenage males who might really like fox ears or fluffy tails
>>
>>2661584
>>Casually clean your shotgun within sight of any nearby teenage males who might really like fox ears or fluffy tails
Must protect
>>
>>2661584

>>2661605
>>WRITE IN: Attempt to listen at the door.

>>T.T., this wouldn't have anything to do with what you did last night?

Fuck I forgot to post!
>>
>>2661584
>>Casually clean your shotgun within sight of any nearby teenage males who might really like fox ears or fluffy tails
>T.T., this wouldn't have anything to do with what you did last night?
>>
>>2661584
this: >>2661605
>>
>>2661584
>>T.T., this wouldn't have ANYTHING AT ALL to do with what you did last night? RIGHT?
>>Casually clean your shotgun within sight of any nearby teenage males who might really like fox ears or fluffy tails
>>
>>2661584
>>T.T., this wouldn't have anything to do with what you did last night?
>T.T., this wouldn't have ANYTHING AT ALL to do with what you did last night? RIGHT?
>Casually clean your shotgun within sight of any nearby teenage males who might really like fox ears or fluffy tails
>>2661559
I don't think he drinks rocket fuel, or liquid explosives. (I hope)
>>
>>2661584
>>T.T., this wouldn't have anything to do with what you did last night?
>>T.T., this wouldn't have ANYTHING AT ALL to do with what you did last night? RIGHT?
>>Casually clean your shotgun within sight of any nearby teenage males who might really like fox ears or fluffy tails
Remember when everything goes to hell it is most likely T.T's fault unless its something to do with us fucking up.
>>
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>>2661584
"T.T.," you say, walking out of your bedroom to find the wizard standing in the hall, probably waiting for exactly this question (or just for warmth), "this wouldn't have anything to do with what you did last night?"

"Probably not," he says, then gives a shrug, "but it's magic and I was drunk and it's not like there's an IKEA guide for this stuff. Or any books about it that weren't written by absolute madmen. I was just looking at her last night, and I took the backlash. It shouldn't have done anything to her," he says, beginning to pace around, "and there are some other things that could have triggered it - hmm..."

"It might be a halfbreed thing. Can't say I'm an expert on that," the wizard tells you, "although I'd think you would have seen something before now. Puberty hitting? Getting super slammed last night? Losing virginity? (That one's just a theory, man, I'm just thinking out loud and I'm not saying that's happened, don't give that look.) Being around this number of magical folks at once for an extended period of time? Emotional disturbances or large upsetting life events? She's contracted to Freebles, too, so there may be a connection. Sometimes even normal girls pop ears when they go frilly."

"Wait, where's the ferret?" he asks, looking at you, "I want to ask him some questions."

Freebles, unusually enough, doesn't pop in or crawl out of your pocket as if waiting for a cue.

But you can feel him there.

You pull the ferret out by the scruff of his neck - he's asleep. That's unusual.

"Bro," you ask, "you alright?"

He yawns and stretches.

"Think I'm ok," he tells you, "just had kind of a rough night, fought a guy, and took over a couple of contracts. That can really wear you out, bro."

"Anything strange happen to you recently?" the wizard asks him, looking him over, "besides the cannibalism thing, which I'm not ruling out as a possible factor yet."

"Well," the ferret says, scratching himself, "I joined up with my bro here and got ink. That's about the most eventful this life's been for me."

"You got ink?" T.T. says, parroting the word back slowly, "how? Who does that for rats?"

[1/?]
>>
>>2661685
> Who does that for rats?
The rat tattoo artist, clearly. You might even call him the... Rattooist.
>>
>>2661695
I think you mean Ratatouille
>>
>>2661705
Close. He's the guy who makes the Rattooist's disinfectant. Among other things.
>>
>>2661705
>Ratatouille
PERFECT
>A magical rat who hates making innocent girl forcing into a contract (mainly disgusted from terms and conditions) and so gone AWOL and became a Tatoo artist and part time Chef
>>
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>>2661685
"It just," Freebles begins, then think, "I just kind of did it?"

"Oh my god," T.T. says, looking like he's having a religious vision or a tooth pulled, "I should have realized when I saw them. This is too stupid, and I'm part of it too. This is why they don't make contracts with men. Brothers, we are absolutely insane, and if we make it out of this, I am getting published."

You give him a puzzled look, as he pauses.

"Alright," he continues, "it makes so much more sense now. That's part of what I was seeing last night. Ok," he says, "a magical girl contracts with a rat, and she changes her look. Freebles contracts with you, and he changed his look, signifying it - magical creatures often get markings when something mystic changes. That oath he swore changed something about how he works magically. There are like seven magical girls contracted to Freebles," he continues, gesticulating wildly, "You are 'contracted' or joined by bonds of brotherhood or oaths to me and Kelly and you wife and..." he trails off.

"Did you do this on purpose?" he suddenly asks.

"No," you tell him, "what did I do?"

"You just might have accidentally created the largest tangled ball of magical yarn anyone has ever seen," he tells you, "and you're not even a wizard! Oh my god, we are going down in history if we do not take it down with us! I am getting so many papers published off of this!"

"If the requirement for writing magic books is being a madman," you tell him, "you're beginning to sound like you qualify. Can you please start making sense?"

"You forming that bond of brotherhood with Freebles wrecked something in how his magic, and his contracts work," the wizard tells you, eyes shining, "and that's making his very presence in our network give the various contracts and bonds you've made actual mystical weight."

"I don't know how I didn't feel this before!" he says, "and I don't know how to lean into it yet, or what it's going to do to us, but..." he trails off again.


"...when I said we are all in this together," the mad wizard tells you, the lights of insanity dancing behind his eyes, "I meant WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER! BROTHER!"

>That kind of sounds like a family. Except magic. Well, a different sort of magic than families usually are.
>Am I going to grow ears too?
>Ok, there's one more bond I have that might make that a bit of a problem - did you forget about your experience with my sister?
>Is this scary enough to people that I need to show up for Dinner With The Dragon with an honor guard?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2661712
>turns out he did those things in a previous life and just showed back up at his old work one day like nothing happened
>bosses and co-workers don't question it, "I mean, he sounds basically the same. A little squeakier maybe, and we occasionally have to bribe the city health inspectors, but he gets the job done. It's hard to find good help these days."
>>
>>2661734
>Ok, there's one more bond I have that might make that a bit of a problem - did you forget about your experience with my sister?

Wish i was around when we did the barbaque, we could have asked the girls to bring some cannolli.
>>
>>2661734
>>Ok, there's one more bond I have that might make that a bit of a problem - did you forget about your experience with my sister?
>>Is this scary enough to people that I need to show up for Dinner With The Dragon with an honor guard?
>>
>>2661734
>>That kind of sounds like a family. Except magic. Well, a different sort of magic than families usually are.
>Does this mean I'm gonna be "frilly" too?
>>
>>2661734
>That kind of sounds like a family. Except magic. Well, a different sort of magic than families usually are.
>Is this scary enough to people that I need to show up for Dinner With The Dragon with an honor guard?
>>
>>2661734
>That kind of sounds like a family. Except magic. Well, a different sort of magic than families usually are.
>Are you going to grow ears too?
>Does this giant mess include my sister?
>>
>>2661734
>>That kind of sounds like a family. Except magic. Well, a different sort of magic than families usually are.
>>Ok, there's one more bond I have that might make that a bit of a problem - did you forget about your experience with my sister?

>>2661751
>>Does this mean I'm gonna be "frilly" too?
>>
>>2661734
>That kind of sounds like a family. Except magic. Well, a different sort of magic than families usually are.
>So, does this mean that everyone I've made a contract with is going to change physically in some way?
>Is this scary enough to people that I need to show up for Dinner With The Dragon with an honor guard?
>>
>>2661734
>>Ok, there's one more bond I have that might make that a bit of a problem - did you forget about your experience with my sister?
>>
>>2661734
>Ok, there's one more bond I have that might make that a bit of a problem - did you forget about your experience with my sister?
>>
>>2661734
>>Ok, there's one more bond I have that might make that a bit of a problem - did you forget about your experience with my sister?
>>Is this scary enough to people that I need to show up for Dinner With The Dragon with an honor guard?
>>
>>2661734
>>Ok, there's one more bond I have that might make that a bit of a problem - did you forget about your experience with my sister?
>>Hey does this mean I don't need to worry about Shelby and my daughter anymore?
>>
>>2661734
>>That kind of sounds like a family. Except magic. Well, a different sort of magic than families usually are.
>>Ok, there's one more bond I have that might make that a bit of a problem - did you forget about your experience with my sister? Wonder if she will un-demonfy
>>Is this scary enough to people that I need to show up for Dinner With The Dragon with an honor guard?
>>
>>2661734
>That kind of sounds like a family. Except magic. Well, a different sort of magic than families usually are.
>Ok, there's one more bond I have that might make that a bit of a problem - did you forget about your experience with my sister?
>>
>>2661734
>That kind of sounds like a family. Except magic. Well, a different sort of magic than families usually are.
>Ok, there's one more bond I have that might make that a bit of a problem - did you forget about your experience with my sister?
>>
>>2661734
>That kind of sounds like a family. Except magic. Well, a different sort of magic than families usually are.
>Ok, there's one more bond I have that might make that a bit of a problem - did you forget about your experience with my sister?
Oh shit it actually happened. Wait, so do we share magic or something due to this? Is this why melon suggenly got ears
>>
>>2661806
I think it might go back further than that.We've been generally ignoring this , but we were clearly getting visions/dreams of what was happening to our sister, so this entire clusterfuck might actually date back to some sort of mystical sibling connection that spiraled out of control when mixed with Freebles.
>>
>Pact Magic taken to it's logical conclusion
Thank you, Based QM
>>
>>2661734
>That kind of sounds like a family. Except magic. Well, a different sort of magic than families usually are.
>Ok, there's one more bond I have that might make that a bit of a problem - did you forget about your experience with my sister?
>>
>>2661819
So we can use magic now? SWEET
>>
>>2661844
cast magic missle, your d&d nerd demands it
>>
>>2661848
Tracking shotgun slugs.
>>
>>2661852

AWWWWWW YISSS
>>
Rolled 75 (1d100)

>>2661848
>I roll to seduce
>but dad youre not a fox
>YOU CAN'T STOP ME
>>
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>>2661734
"Not to burst your bubble," you tell T.T., remembering something unfortunate, "but there's one other bond I have that might make this a problem. I believe you've met my older sister?"

"Oh," the wizard says, and his face loses some of its antic excitement, "that could be a real issue, but there's nothing we can do about it right now. And if she's your biological sister, that's not a bond or contract we can break. You, uh, can't pick your family, as they say," he finishes.

"This does sound a lot like one, doesn't it?" you ask, "except magic. In a different way than families usually are."

"They really are magical, aren't they?" he asks you with a smile, and puts a hand on your back, "ah hell, I'm glad to be in yours, bro."

"Like it enough to grow ears for it?" you ask him, "they'd probably be a fetching shade of black."

He bursts out laughing.

"I'm pretty sure THAT'S not going to happen," he says, once he's recovered himself, "my guess is that Melon's growing those because of her heritage - the shared magic is just awakening something that was already there, not granting something new. It miiiiiight have something to do with the fact that her mother's in on it too, or even be because Freebles' change broke something in her magical girl contract that was keeping her natural abilities locked down. That last one's very possible, now that I think about it."

"There's only a trickle flowing through the web now," the wizard tells you, "partially because nobody knows it's there yet, and nobody's trained to call on it, or send more power through it. Now that I know what's going on, and what to look for, I can feel it - it's faint, but it's there. I doubt we'll ever be able to start using each others' magic directly," he continues, "I'm probably not going to start being able to sling swords around because Shelby and Sue can do it, for instance, but sharing energy with this freedom, and under these conditions..."

T.T. trails off again.

"And I'm pretty sure the trigger was everyone involved getting slammed together last night," he tells you, "in combination with the oath we swore with Kelly, and Freebles eating the other rat. That was a remarkable string of events to happen all together like that. But what can I say?" he asks, grinning.

"Alcohol is the real magic after all."

>So does this mean I'll be able to do magic?
>I should probably go check on Melon
>Is this power scary enough that I'll need an honor guard to meet with Bernie safely?
>Should I start making contracts with other folks? Perhaps your older daughter?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2661879
>>So does this mean I'll be able to do magic?
>>Should I start making contracts with other folks? Perhaps your older daughter?
>>
>>2661879
>So does this mean I'll be able to do magic?
>I should probably go check on Melon
>>
>>2661879
>>So does this mean I'll be able to do magic?
>>I should probably go check on Melon
Family first mang please dont forget you have a date with Burny the Dragon
>>
>>2661879
>So does this mean I'll be able to do magic?
>I should probably go check on Melon
Gotta know how our girl is taking the changes so far.
>>
>>2661879
>>So does this mean I'll be able to do magic?
>>I should probably go check on Melon
>>
>>2661879
>Is this power scary enough that I'll need an honor guard to meet with Bernie safely?
>Should I start making contracts with other folks? Perhaps your older daughter?
>>
>>2661879
>I don't know how all of this works, but it sounds like we could probably do some weird currency exchange system to skip out on the effects of defaulting. I bet that's why freeble's country/(continent?) destroying boss if a bunch of girls don't meet their quota. They don't want to take any chances.
>Does this mean I'll need some sort of honour guard to make sure I don't accidentally involve a dragon in this clusterfuck tonight? Burnie is already paranoid about us as it is and nearly got himself dragged in today now that i think of it.
>Ask the sword if it knew this was happening the whole time because it really sounds like this is exactly what it was saying was going on and mention.
>No to asking if we should contract his daughter. It looks aggressive to Burnie and TT should never be thrilled to hear anyone ask to contract with his other daughter within this lifetime.
>>
>>2661883
22:43 - 22:53 voting period and all (write ins after voting period are often folded in if I see them while writing and they don't conflict)

I've really screwed myself on this one. Why did I give a character fox ears when there's about two solo images of the character I'm sourcing art from with fox ears that aren't just porn?

Oh, because it seemed to work for the story.


>>2661886
>Burny the Dragon
My god.
>>
>>2661907
BLargh. forgetting to add words to sentences at 2 am.
>I bet that's why freeble's country/(continent?) destroying boss shows up and wrecks everything including the contracting rat if a bunch of girls don't meet their quota. They don't want to take any chances.
>>
>>2661907
>>Ask the sword if it knew this was happening the whole time because it really sounds like this is exactly what it was saying was going on and mention.
That sly motherfucker...
>>
>>2661910
> Implying anon has some beef with 'just porn'.
But seriously, just having one image is fine by me. Helps with the whole character recognition thing.
>>
>>2661910
You must channel your powers into editing cute foxy ears onto pictures for the sake of humanity!
>>
>>
>>2661879
"Does this mean I'll be able to do magic?" you ask the wizard.

"Have you been listening?" he asks you right back, gripping your shoulder, "you have already done, accidentally done, far greater magic than anything I've ever attempted. That apartment complex in Russia where we met? That's crude and small-time compared to this!"

"No," you say - he didn't quite get what you meant, "I meant fireballs, pulling swords out of my ass, Magic Missile, that sort of thing."

He gets a dark look on his face, and takes a drink.

"If you really want to walk that path," he tells you, a little sternly, "you probably can now. You've got some very good teachers in your family now, and you've got access to the energy for it - particularly if Pink donates, or your wife. But magic isn't pretty. I think you've seen enough now to know that," he grins, nodding at Freebles, "and it's not all it's cracked up to be."

"Just look where it got me, hey?" he asks with a raised eyebrow, "look where it got Kelly, and Shelby, and the girls. You've stepped into this world, and you've taken a big step in, but you don't have to walk the same path in it that we are. Think about it for a while," he finishes, looks you in the eye, and strolls away.

That's actually kind of a good point, you admit, as you turn back toward your bedroom. Everyone you've met on the path of being a magician has been at least a couple cards short of playing with a fully deck.

Even if they are lovable short decks.

And your family, now.

A family bound together with oaths, with confidences, and with love. Freebles has curled back up in your pocket.


Wait. Bound together with oaths?

Someone's been suspiciously silent lately.

"YOUR POWER GROWS AS YOUR VASSALS AND ALLIES DO!" the sword speaks into your mind in response, "THEY GATHER UNDER YOUR BANNER, AND NOW THEY SHARE THE STRENGTH OF THEIR VERY SOULS AS THEIR REWARD!"

"Did you," you begin, not sure if you're going to like this answer, "know about any of this? Did you plan this from the start, and play me like a damn fiddle?"

"DO I LOOK LIKE A WIZARD TO YOU?" it responds, "DO I FEEL LIKE AN ONMYOJI? DO I SOUND LIKE A SCHOLAR? NO, I HAD NO IDEA THAT THESE BONDS WOULD CREATE A MAGIC OTHER THAN THE MAGIC OF EMPIRE, OF FAMILY, AND OF CONQUEST."

Well, that answers that. Other than its own magical nature, the sword had never really seemed to be very mystic-minded. Bloody-minded and thirsty, perhaps, but not mystic-minded.

And probably not a liar.


Speaking of mystic things, you get the feeling you're headed towards a bastion of Women's' Mysteries in your master bathroom.

>Knock
>Listen at the door
>Just walk in - it's your house, right?
>WRITE IN

[Please provide potential/desired topics/dialogue/etc.]
>>
>>2661976
>Knock
Hey, Liska. Just giving you a heads-up. We're leaving soon, ok
>>
>>2661976
>Listen at the door

If there's no sound for a good 10 to 20 seconds then >knock on the door
>>
>>2661976
>>Knock

ALWAYS knock, for all we know they could be having a Fox puberty talk.
>>
>>2661976
>Listen at the door
>Knock
>>
>>2661981
>>2661981
dont fox ears have good ears you know

Also no wonder Melon can counter whatever she says by saying
HE IS MY DAD SUE
>>
>>2661976
>Listen at the door
>Knock
>>
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>>2661977
23:26 - 23:36 Voting period

>>2661969
>Shelby's face when

I use a lot of Fate/Images because I have a pretty decent collection and there's SO MUCH FANART for the series you can find almost anything. Unfortunately this does bled into the story a little bit, but I usually hope to keep it down to 'reference' levels.

>>2661984
>for all we know they could be having a Fox puberty talk.
Wow, it's like nobody wants to take the super obvious bait or something.
>>
>>2661976
Supporting these guys >>2661977 and >>2661984

>>2661995
Aww, man. Guys, there's plot-bait to be had!
>>
>>2661976
>Everything ok in there honey? We may have created one of the greatest magical pact clusterfucks to ever exist so I'm gonna need you to help me not let Burnie accidentally drag himself into that whole mess.
>I'll go put on my tux now.
( because I hope we weren't smoking salmon in a tuxedo that we're going to be wearing tonight so that we smell like delicious salmon to a dragon.)
>>
>>2661976
>>Listen at the door
>>
>>2661976
>Listen at the door
>Knock
>>
>>2661995
We're too damn old to be taking that kind of bait Haiku.
>>
Good night you guys. I fully expect to see our shotgun enchanted with the power of love when I wake up.
>>
>>2662024
>I fully expect to see our shotgun enchanted with the power of love
>implying it hasn't been already
GOD DAMN IT, SUE!
>>
>>2662030
this is lewd.
>>
>>2662030
It's been covered with love nectar and various slimy juices which you probably know where it come from.
>>
>>2661976
> Return to check the salmon

Priorities.
>>
>>2662050

SALMON
>>
>>2662050
I had a paragraph long fit about forgetting salmon that I deleted because our bro Kelly is on it.
>>
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>>2661976
You knock on the door.

"I'm going to need to walk through the shower before we go, dear," you call out.

You hear a muffled "come in", and do so.

That was not what you expected.


Neither of them looks like you'd expected.

You dimly remember the word 'dress' getting tossed around in your conversation with Liska about dinner earlier. It looks she took it as a suggestion, and went for a snappy pantsuit instead.

One that shows her off to perfection, admittedly.


It also looks suspiciously like something a mob boss might wear, but she looks so good in it that it's just not worth asking if there might be a bit of an image problem.


Little Melon's a bit of a shock, too. Ok, you should have expected that, given thousand-year lifespans, women with fluffy ears would devise hairstyles that show them off.

You should have also expected that hairdressing would be part of the 'girl talk' that doubtless ensued about the rather sudden, uh, 'new look' your daughter has going on.

...So how much more use is your shotgun going to get now that her hair's perfectly arranged to showcase her new defining features, instead of just allowing them to poke up through it? Hopefully you'll just have to use the gun as a visual aid. Clean it on the porch, as the stereotype goes.


"Little bit less property damage than last time we had a talk," Liska tells you with a smile, tails gently waving.

"Although I think our daughter's rather more 'damaging property' now, don't you?" she asks, obviously proud of her work.

"You look like you're going to break a lot of hearts," you tell Melon, and again, fail to to resist the urge to pet her ears.

She gives a yelp, and jumps.

"Dad," she says, her cheeks going red, "please don't do that," and then she flicks them, just a little bit.

Ok, this is going to take a little getting used to.

"They're really sensitive," your wife tells you with a smirk, "and I mean REALLY sensitive, when they first come out."

"Sorry," you tell your daughter, a little shamefacedly, "I didn't know. Are you going to be able to, uh, go to school like that?"

"She won't be able to go fully human until she does a complete transformation," Liska tells you, the look on her face growing slightly more serious, but not losing that edge of absolute pleasure at seeing her daughter growing up like her, "that's usually a lot easier, since most of us are born as kits. I think the magical girl stuff might be causing some problems, too."

She narrows her eyes a little.

"But the wizard might know a little bit more about that," she tells you, her eyes glinting, "didn't I see him on top of her on a picnic table last night, and then she threw him off?"

>That's really not what happened
>There's actually something about that I should probably tell you two
>You're the one who said touching someone's soul wasn't a big deal!
>Wait, she can't go back human until she turns fully into a fox for the first time? How long is that going to take?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2662058
>>You're the one who said touching someone's soul wasn't a big deal!
>>
>>2662058
>There's actually something about that I should probably tell you two
>Wait, she can't go back human until she turns fully into a fox for the first time? How long is that going to take?
>Darn it, and here I was thinking that we don't tell your parents about it and have them figure it out themselves.
>Although maybe if Melon comes in WITH the ears and tails, but we pretend we don't see them...
>>
>>2662058
>That's really not what happened
>Wait, she can't go back human until she turns fully into a fox for the first time? How long is that going to take?
>>
>>2662058
>>Wait, she can't go back human until she turns fully into a fox for the first time? How long is that going to take?
>>You're the one who said touching someone's soul wasn't a big deal!
>>There's actually something about that I should probably tell you two
>>
>>2662058
>There's actually something about that I should probably tell you two
>You're the one who said touching someone's soul wasn't a big deal!
>Wait, she can't go back human until she turns fully into a fox for the first time? How long is that going to take?
>>
>>2662058
>You're the one who said touching someone's soul wasn't a big deal!
>Wait, she can't go back human until she turns fully into a fox for the first time? How long is that going to take?

We might have to tell the school that Marion will not be there for the next week due to a family emergency, when we bring her to your parents honey.
>>
>>2662058
>You're the one who said touching someone's soul wasn't a big deal!

Evade! Evade! Evade!
>>
>>2662058
>>2662063
second
>>
>>2662058
>So she can't go back to fully human until she turns into a fox and back? You said the magical girl thing could be interfering... Maybe if she tries to go frilly, she's turn human again? Worth a try, right?
>>
>A concerned teacher is now worried about Melon absences
>Turns out the teacher name is Maria from SotN who his husband Richter and his friend Alucard
>Which is Kelly nemesis from long time ago but entered a truce when the events 10 years ago recalled him to participate the Royal Rumble

DEEP LORE GUYS
>>
>>2662058
"You're the one who said touching someone's soul wasn't a big deal," you remind your wife, "and didn't you say you don't remember anything after invading Eastern Europe?"

"If I'd known he was going to do it like THAT," she says, baring her teeth at you. The implication is pretty clear.

"I'm pretty sure you're not remembering it correctly," you say, hoping you're not about to become a victim of supernatural domestic violence. You're pretty sure that T.T. might become a victim of supernatural non-domestic violence, and his daughters would try to help him, and then...

Oh.

"THIS IS HOW EMPIRES CRUMBLE," the sword speaks into your mind, "LIKE A HOUSE OF CARDS, ONE PIECE THAT FALLS TAKES THE REST DOWN WITH IT."

This is going to be complicated to manage.

"He didn't," Melon pipes up, a turn of her head sending ripples through her hair, "geez, mom. How drunk were you?"

"I was right there," you tell your wife, and take the risk of putting your hand on her shoulder, "he didn't even really physically touch her. And I think Melon was probably more sober than either of us last night."

She untenses a bit.

"He didn't try anything like that," you reassure her, "and he payed pretty heavily for what he did look at. And he figured out something today that I probably need to tell you both."

"That's doesn't sound ominous at all," Liska says, but she relaxes a bit, "go on."

"It sounds like, when I became sworn brothers with Freebles," you tell them, "it counted as a contract, which is what gave him the tattoo, uh, markings, and broke something about the way rats, uh, he, processes contracts. So now it's making all the oaths of brotherhood and such I've made, including my marriage to you, and my family connections, into magical conduits or something. I don't really get it, but he thinks the trickle of magic from that, and possibly the change in Freebles' contracts is what made the ears come out now."

There's a look of absolute shock on your wife's face.

And then you hit with the follow-up "and I also swore something like the Peach Tree Oath with Kelly and T.T. last night, while we were singing Queen."

You're surprised Liska doesn't hit the floor, and she grabs onto your arm. Then she closes her eyes.

Melon says "so does that mean we're all one big family now? Or something?"

"Or something," your wife says, and her eyes snap open, "he's right - I can feel it."

She starts smiling, and gives you a peck on the cheek.

"That is the dumbest," she says, "stupidest, most impressively ridiculous thing any wannabe wizard has ever done, and you did it by accident. And you're not even a wizard!"

There are whoops and shocked noises from the rest of the house - seems like T.T. has gotten the others to understand what's going on, and some of them are rather excited.

"You know," she tells you, "I always knew there was a reason I married you."

"And we're going to have to make sure Bernie doesn't try to eat you for it," she finishes
>>
>>2662148
Wait, eat you?

...and then you remember the grisly scene after Freebles' fight last night, where he ate the other rat to take his contracts.

And Bernie's reaction to you this morning.

Oh.

It's not just the fact that you've somehow managed to unite virtually all the magical factions in the city that don't belong to him. It's not just territory.

You're seemingly the center of a magical ball of yarn that a lot of people and things would want to play with like a bored cat.

And they can get it by eating you? That's how magic works?

Suddenly, the issue of whether your daughter can pass her fox ears off at school as a 'new hairstyle' seem to pale in comparison.

>I've worked for the guy for years, and you're saying he's just going to eat me for power?
>Then we roll up with the whole crew - show of force
>Could we offer him a princess or something, or maybe a prince?
>I'm sure the smoked salmon would taste a lot better than me
>WRITE IN
>>
Reminder everyone involved in this clusterfuck is essentially a wizard now, regardless of male female or even human, we accidentally'd a metric fuckton of wizards.
Also as a side note, since bernie is our boss, did he accidentally get any benefits out of this clusterfuck, cause he might be tied into this shit as a side effect.
>>
>>2662148
>>2662148
>Please tell me already why you married me
COME ON WOMAN I WANNA KNOW IM TOO FUCKING DENSE TO KNOW WHY
>>
>>2662122
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37tpXvOXHmk
>>
>>2662177
>>I'm sure the smoked salmon would taste a lot better than me
yeah
>>
>>2662180
This
>>
>>2662177
>I'm sure the smoked salmon would taste a lot better than me
>Please tell me already why you married me

I sure hope that Bernie is a excellent judge of character and knows that we're telling the truth.
>>
>>2662177
>>I'm sure the smoked salmon would taste a lot better than me
>>
>>2662177
> I'm sure the smoked salmon would taste a lot better than me
> We just have to not show any weakness.

> We can also have everyone just hanging out in the house while we take the yard. Sort of a discrete show of force, but also letting us just be normal. Which is apparently really abnormal for the magical world, so . . .

> Mining the backyard probably wouldn't hurt though.

Claymores under the chairs?

> But how do we know which chair he'll use

Easy, we booby trap ALL the chairs. We die before he has a chance to eat us, and then everyone goes after him for revenge - and Freebles calls in his boss.

We might not be able to take Bernie, but we can sure as fuck take him down with us.
>>
>>2662177
>>2662198
I love this quest the more it continues.
>>
>>2662177
>>I'm sure the smoked salmon would taste a lot better than me
Because of course we have to Dad the fuck out of this.
>>I've worked for the guy for years, and you're saying he's just going to eat me for power?
>>WRITE-IN: "In that case we keep T.T. and whoever else wants to provide back-up on speed dial, and call in the cavalry if things go sideways."

>>Please tell me already why you married me
"You keep saying there was a reason, and you keep not telling me what. You're making me curious."

>>2662148
>There are whoops and shocked noises from the rest of the house - seems like T.T. has gotten the others to understand what's going on, and some of them are rather excited.
Genuinely heartwarming.
>>
>>2662204
It's like an avalanche of fun that keeps getting bigger the longer it runs.
>>
>>2662148
>"Ok, I get it. The trick is to convince Bernie that an alliance is better than a snack. I mean, this whole situation seems pretty unique. He can't be sure that eating me wouldn't just break up the magical bonds holding up the whole thing, right? We just need to reinforce that thought."
>>
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>>2662209
pic related?
>>
>>2662214
Yes, pic is very much related. And booze flavored to boot.
>>
>>2662178
With so many wizards concentrated in one place, and so much magical power being shared...

Our house must look real tasty to demons.
>>
>>2662177
We just have to be willing to murder-suicide Bernie to save our Daughter.

Even if we dont kill him, like >>2662203 said he'll still have to deal with everyone else.

So let's just act unconcerned.

>I'm sure the smoked salmon would taste a lot better than me
> Besides we have enough enemies already without making him one. I'm sure he'll understand I'm not interested in playing his game.
>Please tell me already why you married me

Then make a note to get Kelly to hook us up with deadly dragon killing poison we can take so if he eata us he dies.
>>
>>2662217
Hope fully extra tasty for one very special deamon
And also does that deamon we enslaved? Also get the efects of the contract thing
>>
>>2662231
>And also does that deamon we enslaved? Also get the efects of the contract thing

Huh. I wonder if we could summon her with it then. Couldn't hurt to try!
>>
seriously where is that one demon form the first thread tho
>>
>>2662235
I'm pretty sure she fucked off back to Hell.

>>2662233
It would be a good experiment to try
>>
>>2662235
We told her to leave and never return so I guess she is in hell.
>>
I'm stopping for tonight.

Feels like a real waste to stop when there are this many active posters, but it's 1:40AM here, and tomorrow's gonna suck if I don't hit the sack.

Thank you all for playing - it's been fun.

Next runtime will be posted on the twitter: https://twitter.com/HaikuDeluge

We've got a character/notes sheet now, too: https://pastebin.com/Ci70z8w1 (Don't take this thing too seriously, and it's not exactly from the QMC's perspective, but I hope it's enjoyable.)


Notes about this session (some of these are slightly spoilery, but rather general):

There are a lot of people in here that have obviously never played Shadowrun.

Quests become progressively more difficult to run as they go on, since you have more history and worldbuilding to attempt to stay consistent with. There's also the desire to escalate narrative tension, but that makes it progressively harder to avoid high-stakes situations with a defined 'right answer', which is very dangerous to run players through.

I'd wanted to get through the Bernie dinner by the end of this session, but that sure didn't happen. Fred was fun, though.

I really expected people to go for the street race and was totally blindsided by Fred. Both were still fun to write.

There's a weird tension between the Dad/Mafia Boss/Magical Girls and Demons angles of the story that is often really hard to keep in balance, particularly in situations that might be best handled by one 'set of rules', but current players in thread at that moment want to apply a different set. Sometimes that ends up being fun to write, sometimes it's just frustrating.

>>2662235
I originally planned to have her show up in the bar, but I realized that a demon hanging in a neutral bar really wouldn't work with the way the setting was coming together. I haven't forgotten about her, though. Too bad she has only one piece of art, I think.

>>2662203
>We can also have everyone just hanging out in the house while we take the yard. Sort of a discrete show of force, but also letting us just be normal. Which is apparently really abnormal for the magical world, so . . .
If it wasn't clear, the MC is going 'out' to dinner with Bernie. That's why the "do we bring everyone/show of force?" option keeps coming up.
>>
>>2662250
>There are a lot of people in here that have obviously never played Shadowrun.

Presidetn "The Dunk" tho.

Dude I pointed that out way back. But I know people will want to make a deal with the Dragon, which is why I was suggesting the deal be "everything blows up if you fuck with me".

Dragons, man. See my post >>2660765 about why it's a bad idea to get involved with one.

At least we're actually experienced with contracts, and in a better position resource-wise than most runners, chummer.

Shoot straight, always geek the Mage first, and never cut a deal with a dragon.

So really, my opinion during the dinner date would be to inform Bernie that we're totes happy with this remaining a neutral zone, and that so long as he doesn't try to start anything we're more than happy to continue business as usual.

Besides, we're going to be going into Hell anyways so, you know.

Finally, why try to eat us when instead he can get a shot at Freebles boss later on.

Of course, ideally we will find multiple dragons to make this offer to, and then they can deal with each other while we exit stage left
>>
>>2662250
>No name sister
Elizabeth
We call her Elize or Liz
>>
>>2662264
>But I know people will want to make a deal with the Dragon, which is why I was suggesting the deal be "everything blows up if you fuck with me".
OH! THAT sort of Claymore! I was confused.
>>
>>2662264
You're a good man Anon.
>>
>>2662250
That pastebin is fucking hilarious, Haiku. Well done. Lookin' forward to the next installment.
>>
>>2662264
I don't want to make a deal with him. I just want Bernie to understand that if he takes out the hub of the magical contract tangle, then he probably won't get the effect he wants. If he really wants to eat us, he will probably want to research the contracts that bind everyone together. Which means WE need to research it too.

We really need that magical contract lawyer. And Bernie probably won't share data. So we need to get one ourselves.

I suggest Death. Or one of her reaper stooges.
>>
>>2662264
>always geek the Mage first
But what if they're all mages? What then?

Also, you guys have definitely messed that up. You've been in fights with a mages and demons, and you geeked the demons first and didn't bother with the mages!

They might have been on your side, but that's a technicality.


>>2662267
Unfortunately, I already used that name for a character in a former quest, so that would confuse the hell out of me to write.

Too bad, because I really do like that name.
>>
>>2662250
Didn't you make our sister basically look like Saber? There's plenty of art about her, even magical girl
>>
>>2662278
Using your naming convention for characters, I propose our sister's name is Alice.

[s]She always loved playing knights in shining armor when you were kids. You kept telling her she couldn't be King Arthur because she's a girl, but she said you had to play along because she's older.[/s]
>>
>>2662284
And figuratively our Alice entered 'wonderland' aka hell.
>>
>>2662278
>Rachel - T.T.'s other daughter. First five letters like the German word for 'revenge', capice?

So is this a joke on Doyle's study in scarlet, or does she just like weird similes?
>>
>>2662278
>But what if they're all mages? What then?

Explosions cover a multitude of sins.

> You've been in fights with a mages and demons, and you geeked the demons first and didn't bother with the mages!

Actually in Shadowrun this is the correct targeting order, it's just that you are so unlikely to run into actual demons and if you do hoo boy is your shit ever getting pushed all the way in.

Like. The Dragons all went to sleep because Demons were eating everything.

No thank you. Insect spirits are bad enough, but Horrors?
>>
>>2662284
>>2662286
I'll back this because it's pretty decent.

But if this is a backdoor attempt to make her a Saber expy like >>2662280 wants then I hope to god the QM only uses the art.
>>
>>2662293
No like when they were talking about the HGW in the last thread, there was a picture that was thrown up of Saber, I found it odd that the QM said there was only one of her, I was wondering if he was referring to that image that was posted at the time.

Personally I don't care if she looks like saber or not, I'm just trying to be helpful
>>
>HOBBIES/INTERESTS: Kidnapping princesses, sleeping on a pile of treasure, menacing people, money
PROTECT WAIFU AND MELON STAT NOW!!!
>>
>>2662296
It's the whole "She wanted to be King Arthur" thing that made me twitch.

Because Saber is rule 63 King Arthur because Nasu knows his fans are degenerates.

It's even an uninspired choice since Morgan le Fay is a better pick for our sister now that she's a Demon anyways.

Also I am pretty sure that the image he only had one of was the rando Demon that we first fought.

She took our very first load!
>>
>>2662313
think our sister should still be blonde though? Should be a running theme of the most important women in our life being blonde, our wife, our daughter and our sister.
>>
>>2662313
Shit, man, I just wanted to add that as a knowing wink and a nod towards the original character, not to... whatever it is you're on about. Chill.
>>
>>2662318
NO CHILL.

Seriously, there's "knowing wink" and "gets brought up every time there's talk of a new character or establishing a background".

If it seems like I complain about FSN too much, maybe that's because much like your mother it keeps getting stuck into wherever possible despite whether or not it's appropriate.
>>
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>>2662268
Honestly Claymore are technically magical girls too.
>>
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>>2662318
Less lower-mid tier fetish bait anime references.

More depressing fox people!
>>
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>>2662250
Art dump?
>>
>>2662332
Why not? Maybe someone will find use of it yet.
>>
>>2662328
I don't give a shit about your anime hangups, but that comment was totally uncalled for.
>>
>>2662333

> MAGICAL

What art would YOU like to see used in the quest? Don't like what's been posted? Find better art!
>>
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>>2662352
k
Not sure if that comment was meant for me but I suppose I can attempt to post more.
>>
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>>2662355
>>
>>2662357
I'm sure that we'll find all manner of demons and devilry in Hell
>>
>>2662359
>>
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>>2662352
I'm sure this will be relevant if we ever switch our PoV
>>
>>2662361
>>
>>2662364
>>
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>>2662365
>>
>>2662366
>>
>>2662365
I think that button might be about to lodge itself in some poor bastard's head. Good lord.
>>
>>2662368
Such is the life of a semen demon.
>>
>>2662367
10,000 hours
>>
>>2662371
It's fucking perfect.
>>
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>>2662373
Gonna post a couple more and stop for now.
>>
>>2662374
>>
>>2662377
And to end things off with a literal Saber-clone.
>>
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>>2662377
>>
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>>2662379
>>
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>>2662379
Okay.
>>
>>2662387
Freebles boss.
>>
>>2662250
> Cutting a deal with a dragon
>>
>>2662387
I did it just for you mang.
All for you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybgpWpyN-cg
>>
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>>2662389
>>
>>2662390
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YR7KE4ag_og
>>
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>>2662390
> We still haven't met a magical trap

Why even play this quest.
>>
>>2662394
The whole point of a Trap is to not know you're stepping into a trap.

Now I want a sentient Bear Trap that can also talk
>>
>>2662395
I bet Teddy Roosevelt has a bunch of 100+ year old gear lying about.

A Teddy Bear Trap Tsukumogami is not impossible.
>>
>>2662399
That would be pretty fuckin cool.
>>
>>2662250
Have Melon named after her.
>>
>>2662399
> The name teddy bear comes from former United States President Theodore Roosevelt, who was commonly known as "Teddy" (though he loathed being referred to as such).[3] The name originated from an incident on a bear hunting trip in Mississippi in November 1902, to which Roosevelt was invited by Mississippi Governor Andrew H. Longino. There were several other hunters competing, and most of them had already killed an animal. A suite of Roosevelt's attendants, led by Holt Collier,[4] cornered, clubbed, and tied an American black bear to a willow tree after a long exhausting chase with hounds. They called Roosevelt to the site and suggested that he should shoot it. He refused to shoot the bear himself, deeming this unsportsmanlike, but instructed that the bear be killed to put it out of its misery,[5][6] and it became the topic of a political cartoon by Clifford Berryman in The Washington Post on November 16, 1902.

See, the problem with it being a Teddy Bear Trap is that Roosevelt didn't play games.
>>
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>>2662405
What about Maria? Maria and Marion are both roughly based off of the same original name of Mary, they both share the same first four letters. And supposedly Marion came after the name Maria.
It's like pottery
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFqFLo_bYq0

I am not a expert, I just simply took 5 minutes of my life looking shit up on google
>>
>>2662410
Sounds cool.
>>2662250
>Burnie actually wants to eat us.
I have a possibly nasty idea. We can use magic now. If burnie tries something then we summon our sister from hell and we can probably do it way faster since we might be able to do it without the circle due to being family.
Or the mundane version is we trick him into making a truce contract so that when he tries to eat us it doesn't work like how Balder used to be immune to everything but mistletoe. (or to accidentally really make him angry have the terms be no eating people.)
I doubt that second suggestion will work if we aren't ultra subtle about it since I suspect Bernie noticed and has been trying to get us to contract as his bitch this whole time.
>>
>>2662418
See >>2662389

Also, not sure how summoning our sister would in any way at all help and not result in probably both of us getting chewed up.

Especially since in the previous thread rule #1 about summoning Demons was DO NOT BREAK THE CIRCLE so like.

Yeah.

Your idea to summon someone else that will want to eat us is probably just crazy enough to work, but we need something actually on Bernie's power level.
>>
>>2662422
My guess is that he's thinking that the bonds of familial blood would make her less likely to eat us and focus more on the dragon.
Though the biggest problem in that plan is that she's more demon than human, and it's been a good enough long time for her to not care about that sort of thing.
>>
>>2662422
Don't you have faith in the power of love between siblings?
(it's a gamble on if she has enough of her old self left to not immediately kill us too)
If she doesn't then we have an ultra rapid summon we can manage.
She seems to have had enough skill to open a portal to hell,survive being in there this whole time, and come out on top of a giant battle royale of demons that one should roughly assume were as powerful as any mage could make them. We're gonna need Kelly to figure out if she could actually take him and ask more about her mental state now that we're sober.
>>
>>2662409
>See, the problem with it being a Teddy Bear Trap is that Roosevelt didn't play games.

Doesn't mean that Teddy didn't own a Bear Trap. Just means he wasn't going to shoot a bear prepared for him by others.
>>
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>>2662423
>>2662428
What could make us closer than her devouring our soul, especially if the alternative is fighting a Dragon that's most likely exponentially higher in power level than she is?

No time for other options, it's nomming now.

>>2662434
Trapping using Bear Traps is pretty much regarded as a scum fucker way to hunt, and I'm pretty confident that Roosevelt would rather put a round in anyone putting one out.
>>
>>2662450
>vore
See this is why we can't have nice things Anon. You keep eating the nice things.
>>
>>2662450
>>2662456
Mages are also mana converters in this setting and all of our magic is connected atm.
Theoretically we could set up a "currency exchange" where TT and Kelly suck out our sister's demonic energy, convert it to magical girl energy via their livers, and shove back in an equal amount of magical girl/normal energy until she regains sanity if that you are what you eat line is accurate.
>>
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This is sis now
>>
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>>2662585
Well I can't say no to that.

Hwee Cap-toohred Sis for Kay-oss!
>>
>>2662601
One day . . . Sis found a book at hot topic!
>>
>>2662605
It told her how to summon a very special friend, who was blessed by the gods!
>>
>>2662606
This made Sis happy, because she was so lonely with her parents always focused on her dorky younger brother out in the country.
>>
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>>2662608
So she used the book and made lots if new friends! Slowly, though, they all grew apart over time.
>>
>>2662611
But it was okay because she also got blessed by the gods to use the powerful Capture magic! She was pretty and strong!
>>
>>2662612
Until she fell
>>
>>2662613
But that was okay, because after falling she made new friends!
>>
Anyone know how much alcohol you need to get a dragon blitzed enough to agree to not attack anyone or hold grudges?
I tried google but got some stupid podcast instead.
>>
>>2662616
Lots of new friends! ALL THE NEEW FRIENDS WERE KAP-TYOORED FOR CHAOZZZ!
>>
What happened in here?
>>
>>2662617
> I gotchu

> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YLiPP85MN7s

Honestly Sis is feelijg pretty great about herself these days! She's a self-made woman like thing if you squint a little.
>>
>>2662617
What's the average alcohol percentage to human body weight percentage? Assume that it applies to a bigger form and adjust accordingly.

>>2662623
Things happened. Welcome back to the land of the living Haiku.
>>
>>2662623
You said that character references were influenced by art.

I give you art.
>>
>>2662629
Nah you shitposted. Not that it makes my shitposting any prettier smelling of course.
>>
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>>2662623
Clearly though Cultist-chan is the first shit demoness that jobbed hard when we met her.

SHE JUST WANTS TO BE FRIENDS and have a little nibble.
>>
>>2662623
You might need to hit the hard stuff for today.
>>
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>>2662635
>>
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>>2662623
Look she comes with her own dad even!

Her unwilling, forever trapped to be raising her from whatever age the chaos gods think is funny, murder-boner cock-blocked father!

Us taking her away is the best day of his life!
>>
I'm confused
>>
>>2662706
We're all just shooting the shit till the QM gets back.
>>
>>2662706
Same, what the fuck happened
>>
>>2662714
If you're talking about the chaosposter then I got no real clue, he seemed to have gotten a wild hair up his ass and decided to shitpost to his heart's content.
>>
>>2662720
Your shitposting is just weak.
>>
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>>2662720
I didn't expect a single picture of cultist-chan would hypertrigger someone's superautism, I'm sorry
>>
>>2662729
I don't fault you, shit happens.
>>
>>2662713
>till the QM gets back.
That's going to be a while, unfortunately. I'm trying to actually be productive and throw resumes at the internet today. I'm unemployed / NEET as fuck right now (as you might guess from the fact that I have the luxury to run ~12 hour threads every other day).

/qst/ is a slow as fuck board, so it's not like anyone needs to try to keep the thread alive. I do appreciate the demons, though. (I think I actually have several of those already.)

Surprised to see someone posting Cultist-Chan, in 2018, and not on /tg/.

I think someone was saying something earlier about the sister's image ref?

Picture a grid, with a line/axis labeled "demonic corruption level" going vertically, and a line labeled "Cute/Comfy to Violent level" running horizontally. There's Saber art and fanart all over that grid, which is super useful for a character who is (or was) the MC's loving sister, but has been hanging out in Hell for thirty years. Also, there's a lot of art for all that with suits, which works for the quasi-mafia vibe I've been trying to hit. (Actually, I've got similar reasons for grabbing the Madoka cast images - good range of casual/threatening pics, enough art that looks not twelve, and some mafia/suit pics.)

I did get a bit lazy in some places, where I more stole shit from certain characters stories/descriptions, rather than just making nods/toss-off jokes to the works. I'd like to think it's at an acceptable level.

I'm honestly surprised nobody has called me out on:
Little miss 'I keep going back in time to stop the world from ending'.

So, eh, take it or leave it. That's a bit of an explanation/ramble.
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>>2662769
all MG shows tend to borrow from one another, it's not that surprising.

and as long as you file the numbers off..
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>>2662276
Remember, our contracts are NOT the bonds of a lord over vassals. They are NOT the bond of a master to servants or an employer to employees.

Our contracts are bonds of Brotherhood and Sisterhood and Fatherhood in one case and Marriage. When some dragon fuck kills your brother/father/husband he doesnt become your new brother/father/husband he becomes dead meat. We have a family of mages, a significant number of magical girls, at least two kitsune's (thats if the whole family would not take insult to this), and the worlds most dangerous assassin as family. I don't care how tough he is, if Bernie tries to eat us to take over our contracts he will wake up with his head in a toilet, or if they cant get to him, the heads of everyone he loves and everyone important to his business.
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>>2662797
So when do we make our own anime show thats pretty much this quest with the same people just differnt names that we can use to make money so we can stop working for the dragon and rule the coty like the shogun we are?
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>>2662318
It's okay man, there is an Autist in here that has a serious sperg-hate for anything related to Nasu-verse. Last thread I think he was complaining how he will abandon the quest because now it is "just a Fate fanfic!" or something. He basically has no clue what is going on, doesn't read the thread, and doesn't understand the difference between having characters inspired by others and dropping them in whole cloth. He probably thinks the girls are all Servants summoned by the dads or some shit. Not sure if that guy actually left but it doesn't seem like it, although he does seem to be learning.
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>>2662830
This makes me feel glad that i'm ignorant as fuck in things regarding anime.
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>>2662769
>I'm trying to actually be productive
Godspeed, QM, hope it goes well.
>(as you might guess from the fact that I have the luxury to run ~12 hour threads every other day)
I HAD wondered, but this shit's better than TV tbqh.

>>2662817
I support this.

>>2662819
Man, you know how many friends I could sell on a show revolving around the trials and tribulations of a father whose daughter is a magical girl alone? Leaving aside the whole magical mafia/shogun angle for the time being, the title alone fucking sells itself.

>>2662830
Yeah, the sperg-hate is tiresome sometimes considering how often the QM himself has explained himself on the subject to the seemingly general satisfaction of the audience with a few exceptions. Plus there was that one guy who kept hating on the whole yakuza/shogun aesthetic because "weebs" and then didn't even acknowledge the counterpoint that you could easily replace those tropes with western mafia/feudal lord tropes and wind up at the same conclusions. I recall one Fate-rager in a previous thread explaining that a lot of their hate came from the fact that their one friend insisted upon watching it ALL THE TIME, and thinking that that argument doesn't really have a lot to do with the content of the actual series at that point anymore. Like for fucks sake, we could even draw a pretty good comparison between this quest and The Dresden Files (mafia included). Plus if the QM's been taking inspiration from Shadowrun, then there's certainly plenty of mixing of eastern and western culture there too. Like who the fuck cares whether or not Nasu did a good job with Fate or not. It's basically irrelevant to this quest because Nasu ain't the one writing it.

Like we're playing with certain tropes and references here, shit's gonna come up. For that matter, I haven't seen nearly the same hate for everything Madoka-related that we've seen so far, like what the QM mentioned himself. Basically, if people are gonna keep autistically screeching about Fate references, then why do they continue participating?

On another note, someone suggested Alice for our MC's sister's name, but T.T.'s wife is named Alice. Maria might be good, though it's a little close to Mary - could get confusing.
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>>2662974
Hedwig

Because the only thing this q is still missing is Harry potter
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>>2663074
nah, fuck that. Call her elizabeth or something like that.
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>>2662974
>this shit's better than TV
I'm glad of your opinion, but if this was TV, I'd be getting paid.

>the title alone fucking sells itself.
I'm still slightly amazed that I've been running a quest titled "Fuck Me," on a blue board for this long. That's probably just leftover feeling from how /tg/ was when I bailed out a few years ago, though. 2014 was a rough year for certain parts of the internet.

>Fate-rager
Who cares? I think I got just as many posts saying things like the timeline where Irisviel survived![/spoilers] the first time I posted certain pictures as I've had anyone complain. And you know, everybody gets to like what they like and dislike what they don't, and say so. Due to the nature of questing as somewhat collaborative, players have a lot of right to argue about the course/tone of things.

Frankly, some of the complaints are good to have around just to keep me honest / on my toes. Making some in jokes about cars you've filed the serial numbers off is all well and good, but you have to drive it like you stole it, or you are just being lazy. And it's always good to have red-and-blues flashing in your rearview mirror every so often to remind you to not fuck up - I don't want this to just become a fanfic quest. (Even if I'll broad strokes character backstories that sort of fit with what I pulled their images from, I want all of it to feel far more of 'this setting' than any others.)

>"weebs"
Hey, I'm using anime art, running a quest with 'magical girl' in the title. That's my playbook.

>The Dresden Files
Oh shit, you're right. Any character from those could probably walk into this mess and barely be leaving home.

I think I'm current on those, but I'm really not a fan. Particularly the Knight of Winter time period - Dresden's narration in that was... That's one of the reasons I like the 'weeb' playbook - there's a certain amount of sexual innuendo and awkward situations that genre lets you play for comedy, if everyone's reading from that set of rules.

Sue lusting after the MC is funny (to a point - I once ran a tabletop with a similar situation between two PCs where 'Sue' broke out the rohypnol. That wasn't funny, but it was good drama). The MC going on about how attractive the girls are all the time? I wouldn't find that funny, or fun. And that's one of the main reasons I don't really like the Dresden books.

>Nasu ain't the one writing it
I can't deny influence, but I've always preferred the Kara no Kyoukai or Tsukihime low-powered 'crazy things are happening in back alleys' flavor to the 'OVER 9000' Fate stuff. Stay Night's strength is having as many scenes of cooking as it does of fighting.

>>2663074
>Harry potter
I think I've used 'yer a wizard, Harry' as a joke three times now. And I don't think that flavor of magic would mesh well.
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>>2663172
Great, I totally screwed the spoilers. Doesn't matter much - it's just rambling.
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>>2663175
i found out that selecting the text and then ctrl+s 'ing is far better than writing the spoiler tag yourself.
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>>2662769
Good writers borrow, the best writers steal.
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>>2662817
> When some dragon fuck kills your brother/father/husband he doesnt become your new brother/father/husband

Weell I mean some cultures . . .
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>>2662830
I am impressed, you're managing to be more autistic than even I.

And if you don't recognize that the Nasuverse is fetishbait pandering of the lowest sort, well, you're just being dishonest then.

I haven't given the QM any shit for bringing up anime tropes, even, but goddamn if you guys could tone down the wanting to outright insert FSN characters into the quest that wpuld be nice. Be a little bit original, come on. Because Nasu sure as fuck forgot what originality is.

Dresden Files wpuld be a grear thing to import. Or, I believe Vampires have come up several times, there's the entire V:TM setting to take from and since it's a setting and not a rule 63 wankfest there is a lot of potential for actually interesting characters.

But no, you want a cornfield redneck daughter to be all "I was Le Artorias".

If you want Nasu's shit writing to not be relevant, stop dragging it into the quest.

> If you're sick of this, just stop bitching about my bitching. Because I shitpost as easily as I breathe.

As for Cultist-chan being a demon, specifically the first one, it just had some funny parallels. Like, if there was a Nega Dad Quest then Dranon would be living it.

But let me guarantee that as much as I think your taste is terrible, I also believe that the QM will have reasonable limits about it and hopefully be willing to sometimes say no to things. This post >>2663172 gives me great hope that this quest won't devolve like HQR did, or how all of ***** quests do because despite having excellent writers as QMs, sometimes you gotta check Anons stupid shit. Or learn to enjoy writing low-effort softcore monster fetish porn with the exact same characters and character dynamics. But I digress. Unless the actual quest goes to shit, you ain't getting rid of me.

Have the story of Dranon becoming a dad now.

>>2662769
> Surprised to see someone posting Cultist-Chan, in 2018, and not on /tg/.

Shit. Someone has to keep /tg/ board culture alive and /tg/ ain't doing a lot for it these days.

It's cool, I just got the WH40k Silver Tower boardgame so I can get drunk and have screaming fights with miniatures as I badly paint them and pretend it's still 2010 when the 90s were only a decade ago.

Good luck job hunting! What field are you looking in?
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>>2663336
You guys should collaborate and run 'Tism Quest some time
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>>2663352
Autism is part of /tg/ culture, is true.
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>>2663172
> Another possible reference for an innocently demonic being, Hakase no Kimagure Homunculus

For some reason I've always preferred either completely unaware that they're evil style demons, ones who are simply honest to their nature. Like a lizard or snake (or dragon). They're just as capable of doing good if you can convince them that they WANT to do whatever it is. The evil of selfishness.

Or completely self-aware evil demons like Xellos who are almost religiously evil. Not necessarily scrupulously Evil, in fact they might more often than not help the "Good" side, but it's always to further their own plans for ultimately evil purposes. The sort of villain who has read The Overlords List of Common Mistakes, which talks about both making sure to maintain a good standard of living to prevent rebellion while at the same time making sure to kill all the children to prevent an orphan hero from rising up later.

No pressure to actually use any of this either, I just figured I would toss out some things and character archtypes I personally enjoy.

There's a LOT to steal from out there.
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>>2663172
> I'm glad of your opinion, but if this was TV, I'd be getting paid.

Fuck, toss up a link or somthing and I'll pay your ass some Canadian monopoly money for your work so far.
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>>2663336
>But no, you want a cornfield redneck daughter to be all "I was Le Artorias".

When did I say that or imply it? You are seriously so bad at differentiating character art and nods to other canon that you think she was seriously Arthur from Fate and that it was actually the HGW that they were talking about when it was stated by QM that it was actually an attempt to open a stable hell-portal and that the things summoned were not "heros" but demons or souls from hell.

I mean seriously, would you feel better and stop raging if the OP just posted doctored photos of his anus for character art instead of what he is using now?
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>>2663601
> if the OP just posted doctored photos of his anus for character art

> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pusZXECS0mM#

You'll notice that I'm not shit talking the QM.

Nor am I bitching about using character art.

But if people want to shitpost, then I'm down. Fuck it, let's get meta.

> Nyan Nyan
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>>2662293
>>2663601
In fact I was all for using Saber fan
art, just not trying to force her to have the same background as Saber as pointed out here >>2662284 where its going from a nod to an insert with the whole "they wouldn't let a girl be Arthur" which is literally Sabers backstory.

But you've gone so full autist that you're escalating any criticism of FSN lore at all.

And here I am egging you on, because there's so much to criticize about the Nasuverse. Look into your heart, you know it to be true.
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>>2662462
> Perpetual magical girl machines

I am sorry I got soncaught up in shitposting that I forgot to say this is an excellent plan.
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>>2662462
>>2663642
but what if she already got the need of magical girl energy out of her system? Like a junkie that quit drugs.
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>>2663601
Don't forget that wall of spoilers where he literally agrees that QM's proven himself a competent enough writer to not take things too far in the Fate direction. But Rage-Anon feels he's got something to prove because people like things he doesn't.

>>2663624
>You'll notice that I'm not shit talking the QM.
No, you're shit-talking AROUND him, which was kinda the point I was making earlier. You admit in unnecessary spoilers that you're on board as long as QM doesn't fuck up, but continue basically attacking the influences and premise of the quest itself. The only one taking >>2662284 seriously here is you, and I get the feeling the rest of us are just tired of watching you fight shadows because it's significantly less funny than watching Sue do it. The only one escalating here is you. It's tiresome and unnecessary. If you've got something constructive to say then cool, let's have an actual discussion.
But instead you'd rather just
>shitpost as easily as I breathe.

>>2663642
>I am sorry I got soncaught up in shitposting that I forgot to say this is an excellent plan.
Then maybe take a breath, calm down, and think a bit?
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>>2663667
We'd still have to solve it for the rest of the girls though. Melon might be a special case because of her heritage.
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>>2663667
Come to think of it, Mary might be another special case considering her power. Possibly the hardest one of all.
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>>2663675
You keep going back to the well, I think you enjoy being upset!

> QM literally said he doesn't mind the criticism

Now I'm not autistic enough to think that means he enjoys our ranting back and forth, but pretty clearly you feel more upset abput this than anyone else.

I keep trying to move on, and you keep insisting on raging about my rage. Other people have even pointed it out. You keep escalating while claiming I'm the one doing it. Just admit your waifu is shit and move on.

The difference is that I can actually recognize when the shitposting is getting out of control. Like, you aren't even fun shitposting. You're just salty.

So I'm done with you. But not with pointing out Nasu is shit! Shiiiiiiiiiit.

>>2663667
> No, Mary, you are the demons

I feel like that comment is a little too on the nose to be more than black humor funny.
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>>2663667
Then Kelly/TT dole out regular magical power instead of magical girl magical power which doesn't have junkie properties. If Pink actually is a demigod like other anons are theorizing then they could learn how to convert to divine energy with her and use that for the demonic detox.. (i'd recommend adding a step where you put in some other form of energy though since demons vs divine energy tends to melt them)

>>2663682
Melon's an entirely different loophole that can be expanded upon, but the other magical girls have a chance of completely cutting out the rats if said trick actually works on our sister. .

This would summon the rat boss if word got out so it's not a great idea to advertise it after it's done since quotas aren't being met, but it would make for a nasty surprise to the rats if they tried their usual tricks to solve any problems only for it to not do anything to the girls because they're already independent of them.

Using Melon's case you could get an argument that (depending upon the phrasing) the other magical girls could borrow from the network to do magic and it would mess with their own contracts but that loophole might be entirely dependent upon if it's their own natural power.
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>>2663740
Don't forget we've already changed how Freebles contract works. So maybe it's possible to have her re-contract to him and through him us. I mean demonic energy doesn't seem that healtht either, and from the explanations previously it sounds like the issue is that the rats act like converters for magical power and when girls turn demonic it's because they tapped the mainline directly and the raw magic fucks them up.

So going Double Magical Girl might actually fix the problem here since we're willing and hopefully able to handle a greater load than a rat since we aren't siphoning the majority away and leaving them just enough to not spaz out.
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You're not writing today OP? When is the next run?
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>>2662769
Everyone knows you're using characters from puella madoka magica, as far as I'm aware a good chunk of them have enough of a personality change that it's not that terrible a ripoff
>>2662974
>Maria might be good, though it's a little close to Mary - could get confusing.
We already call our daughter and refer to her as Melon a good 90% of the time so it's not that big of a problem.

>>2663740
Even if Pink is a supposed demigod, she's still stuck in the same boat as the rest of the magical girls. Heck she's probably even more reliant than most on the rat conversion/filtration system because of her power.
>>2663768
We should try to see how much of the energy a rat can contain in comparison to a magical girl's containment of that same power.
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>>2663768
I feel like we have differing ideas about what's going on while saying things close enough to mistake what we're saying for communication.
Double dipping into contracts seems like a bad idea since the management are gonna view it as Freebles needing to get twice the energy on his quotas.
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>>2663920
>Heck she's probably even more reliant than most on the rat conversion/filtration system because of her power.

>>2663953
>Double dipping into contracts seems like a bad idea since the management are gonna view it as Freebles needing to get twice the energy on his quotas.

These exactly.
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>>2663785
>You're not writing today OP? When is the next run?
Hopefully within the next three days?

>>2663667
>>2663682
>>2663698
>>2663740
>>2663768
>>2663920
>>2663953
>>2663965
>theories on detoxing the girls

I just want to clear one thing up, because it looks like I wasn't clear about something.

There are two different things going on with magical girl 'energy requirements', after the rats change the girls:

1. Needing magical energy in general to survive and keep their new magical machinery working. This isn't terribly hard. They can get it from demons, they can go take over a leyline, or one of the other ways wizards power their magic. Hell, some magical girls might even generate magical energy on their own, since we've seen that whatever the rats do to the girls changes them in different ways.

2. Needing magical energy specifically from the rats to keep their new magical machinery working and not blowing up. This is the difficult part. They specifically need to get this stuff FROM THE RATS. It's like the difference between cooking oil and alcohol: they're both hydrocarbons, they both burn, they both provide biological/glucose energy, but if you're an alcoholic, you can drink all the olive oil you want and it won't stop the shakes, and it won't get you drunk. Well, technically you probably would stop the shakes if you drowned yourself in oil, but that would be rather permanent. The girls don't need very much energy from a rat to stay stable (it's not their main energy source), but they need just a little bit. Whether this is a bug or a design feature is entirely up for speculation.

Hopefully that makes sense. I can still think of several potential ways to get around the second requirement, and I'm sure you guys can too, but it nixes a few of the ideas people are getting excited about.

(The terminology has been a little screwy, since what the rats are doing when they contract a girl actually adds/changes something about her magically, rather than 'just' being a contract, but the terms have been used interchangeably.)
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>>2664053
Well regardless of what plans may be shot down. It at least explains in more coherent detail about the specifics of magical girls and why they need the rats outside of "power source".
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>>2663953
Nah bro, our Sister is a demon so she's contract free now.

I meant she would be a demonic magical girl much how our daughter is a kitsune magical girl.

Also we should make sure Freebles boss IS getting his cut still.
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>>2664053
So could we contract our sister turned demon to Freebles as a sort of double magical girl? Or does she have some sort of retained connection to her original handler?
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>>2663637
Okay, obviously I missed something, where the hell did we say that our sister was King Arthur? If it was because of the QM saying that "that time in Japan" was basically a Fate nod, that doesnt mean that our sis was the founder of Camelot or even anything like Arthur, it was just a joke and part of the story that she got dragged out of hell by Kelly to fight for him.

Now if you can point to any post stating that ANYONE believes our sister was King Arthur and didn't just happen to be the one summoned by Kelly who is a Kiritsugu expy then I would love for you to link that post to me. Until then, please keep your autism in line. I don't care if you like or dislike Fate for any reason, you are just annoying as shit with your little crusade.
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>>2664765
BAH GAWD FROM OUT OF NOWHERE A NEW CHALLENGER APPEARS.

For a group of people that complains so much about shitposting, you really like to get stuck in with it.
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>>2664053
So what the fuck is the difference between basic human wizard magic, rat magic and other kinds of magic? Why don't magical girls just straight shut down without rat voodoo shit and instead go demon and shit such as our sister? Is rat magic somehow artificially replacable? What makes a rat specifically unique to creating this type of magic? Is it tied to a genetic genome of the rat species? Exactly how do magical girls even work in this universe, is it the type where while they go frilly they are required to use an item or a focus of some kind? Are they like madoka magical girls where they are basically enhanced lichs with their own phylactories and the entire bit?
theres a trillion autistic questions i have but i feel would just drag this shit through the mud, answer whatever you actually feel like haiku.
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>>2664782
Harry Potter rules, obbvy.
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>>2664765
>I don't care if you like or dislike Fate for any reason, you are just annoying as shit with your little crusade.
He's just a troll who likes shitposting rather than actually having a useful opinion. Don't feed.

>>2664766
Kindly fuck off.
>>
2 questions.
Is T.T.'s real name Tim, and could he be described as an enchanter?
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>>2664053
Interesting, but I think you accidentally gave away extra info?
Our sister's "core" has stabilized in some weird form since she's a demon and didn't explore of whatever.
Basically;

Step one:
Magical girl that needs a core of Rat energy to maintain stability.
Step two:
Rat abandons them or blows them up. Since they're usually absorbing demon energy step three happens. The magical girl has a giant power implosion begin since it's now unstable
Step three:
You are what you eat. Since they generally absorb demon magic they get more demonic without the Rat core stabilizing things.They have a giant freak out and become a danger to everything around them.
Step 4:
Power finished imploding and stabilized into a demonic form because that's what they've been absorbing. They are now technically independent from rats but it's not a desirable end either.
(Footnote) Kelly said that explains a few things when told she was our sister which implies more of her original sapience lurks than expected but .

The rough implication if you interfere with step 3 is that there might be other sources of magic that could be usings during a controlled magical girl collapse like divine/god magic to artificially create a being of divinity instead of a demon. Most of them do not work and the girls do not have the expertise to control such a thing. The fact that such a strong boss on the rat side shows up when these events are about to happen possibly hints that on occasion a MG can luck out and the rats NEED to bring in a heavy hitter to take down a very angry magical girl transforming into something they consider a threat.

Step 4 has the implication that the core is stabilized even if it's not in a good state and if this form still adheres to the you are what you eat rule then they could eat gods/angels instead of demons. The detox theory wasn't about replacing the rat engine. it was that the finished body no longer uses the rat engine and without the rat engine properties for stabilization they morph according to what sort of energy intake they receive and the process is highly dangerous , but it is still "stable."

If the wizards can figure out how she is stable (after figuring making sure she's still sane and anywhere approaching her right mind) they can try to control the blowout process to control the nasty side effects any other magical girls that are in step 3/4 will have to be more pleasant than going full cthulhu.
All of this is way easier said than done, needs to be figured out by the actual experts, and might probably take years of research that I doubt will be happening before we end up solving this mess on our own.

Melon is interesting in that the rats may have deliberately suppressed her magical heritage as if her native source was a threat to the contract. It's more likely a word loophole imo.

Why all of this theorycrafting? because SCIEN-er MAGIC! I'm going to explain all the shit!
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>>2665167
Also of note. If the contract screwing up and no longer suppressing Melon's fox ears is a result of the contracts having specific wording that grants them magic they couldn't attain then Melon/any MG having power from outside the contract means the rats didn't hold up their end of the bargain on the contract and makes part of it break down. That's my theory on what happened to Melon and why she needed a specialized contract at least. The rats had to suppress her power in order to be considered as giving her power in the first place.
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>>2665167
>accidentally
>implying

I'm not saying you're right, but I'm not saying you're wrong.


Planning to start the thread back up soon. Just rereading some of the previous stuff to make sure I know my continuity.
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>>2662177
"I'm pretty sure the smoked salmon would taste a lot better than me," you deadpan, and your wife laughs.

"You know," she says, as she and Melon walk past you towards the door, "that sense of humor was what got me interested in the first place? And then I found out you had the makings of a great father," she finishes, and kisses you. Rather emphatically.

"OBVIOUSLY SHE SAW OTHER SEEDS OF GREATNESS IN YOU," the sword speaks into your mind, but you have no attention to spare for it, caught in her embrace, "WHY ELSE WOULD SHE MARRY AN OFFICIAL? A SCRIBE AT THAT?"

"Now you've got a shower to take if we're not going to be fashionably late," she tells you, pulling away and walking out the door with your daughter, closing it behind her.

You could swear you heard her say something else in the hallway, which gets an indignant "he's my DAD, mom!" from Melon as strip off the sword and your clothes. Must be your ears playing tricks, you think, climbing into the shower.

One shower later, you're walking down the hall toward the living room, wearing your best suit and hoping Kelly has finished the salmon well.

You look pretty good, if the mirror's not lying.

Then someone almost runs into you.

>It's Harriet
>It's Shirley, T.T.'s inheriting daughter
>It's Sue
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>>2665213
It's Shirley, T.T.'s inheriting daughter
>>
>>2665213
>>It's Shirley, T.T.'s inheriting daughter
>>
>>2665213
>>It's Sue
[HAMANA HAMANA INTENSIFIES]
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>>2665213
>"he's my DAD, mom!"
"And how do you think you got here, kiddo?"

>>It's Harriet
>>
>>2665220
11:50 - 12:10 Voting period.

I'm giving it 20 minutes since we're just starting back up.

Archive, if anyone's coming in fresh: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=Shotgun
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>>2665213
Its sue
>>
>>2665213
>>It's Sue
she is bringing the rohypnol
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>>2665225
>>2665234
>>2665238
It looks like she wants to...
*sunglasses*
follow Sue-t
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>>2665213
>It's Harriet
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>>2665213
It's Sue. Of course it is.

And judging by the look of military-grade Shock and Awe on her face, no, the mirror was not lying. Well, you've always looked good in a suit.

"Holy shit," she barely breathes under her breath, and seems to lock up for a second.

"NEVER HAVE I SEEN SUCH A REACTION TO AN OFFICIAL'S UNIFORM," the sword intones into your mind, "SHE LOOKS BEYOND IT TO THE SHOGUN BEHIND."

"You missed a few chapters," you think at the sword, hoping Sue recovers before you have to push past her, "this is the garment of power in today's world."

"AAH," you hear it inside your head, "WOMEN HAVE ALWAYS BEEN ATTRACTED TO POWER."

"Uhh," she tells you, recovering a little, "you look g-good," she stammers, her cheeks going faintly pink, and then shoots a furtive look over her shoulder as if she's expecting someone to appear out of thin air.

"Thanks," you say with a smile.

"You have a minute?" she asks, a nervous hand smoothing down her skirt, "I've, uh, got something to tell you, privately."

"If it's about that thing with the car," you say, and then your eyes notice that she's looking past you toward the still-open door to your bedroom.

Christ.

"You can tell me right here," you say, drawing to draw your best 'stern dad' look onto your features.

"It's," she says, then you see a few conflicting thoughts cross her face, "yeah," she continues, a little deflated, "I'm sorry about that whole thing - Shelby thought you might enjoy racing, given that beast of a car you drive, and you're his new boss and all. We probably should have shut him down, but, uh, we really wanted to see it. So, yeah, I'm sorry about that," she finishes awkwardly.

"Just," you tell her, hoping you've managed to head things off, "don't do it again. Might have to find somewhere deserted to try it if he really wants to."

You probably should have expected that sort of thing out of him. The kid refs back alley fights between supernaturals as a part time job.

Works at the dragon's bar, after all. And challenging the new brother to a street race seems straight out of the supernatural gangbanging book half these people seem to be playing from.

Wait, did she say 'new boss'?

"Boss?" you ask her, not sure if you're more or less disturbed than you were a couple minutes ago, "I thought he worked at Bernie's."

"Yeah," she tells you, looking a little confused, "he was bragging about how he's your sworn 'little brother', and how he got into your crew before any of the rest of us. Melon was arguing that she'd been in since she was born. Pretty damn funny," she says with a smile.

So that's it.

That's how they're all taking this.

You're running 'the family', after all, but that's not exactly what you'd meant. There might have been some garbling of T.T.'s announcement earlier. Or the announcement might have been just slightly different than you'd anticipated.

>It's not like that
>Glad he's enthusiastic at any rate
>Continue into the living room
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2665307
>>Glad he's enthusiastic at any rate
>>Continue into the living room
>>
>>2665307
>>Glad he's enthusiastic at any rate
>>
>>2665307
>Glad he's enthusiastic at any rate
We've got a long way to go,
>>
>>2665307
>This isn't the Sopranos, and I'm not Don Corleone.
>Glad he's enthusiastic at any rate
>>
>>2665328
>>This isn't the Sopranos, and I'm not Don Corleone.
>>Glad he's enthusiastic at any rate
>>2665307
Supporting this
>>
>>2665307
>>2665311
second
>>
>>2665328
Changing to this
>>
>>2665307
>Glad he's enthusiastic at any rate
>>
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>>2665307
"Glad he's enthusiastic, at any rate," you tell her, "he might take me seriously about not pulling a stunt like that again."

"Pretty sure he will," she says with a smile, "everyone's going to be taking you seriously now. Wow, the way you took over our crew - blowing smoke in the middle of Pink's office - that was so cool!" she finishes, absolutely grinning, with a near-manic look behind her eyes.

It's probably best to cut this short before she realizes she's actually strong enough to drag you anywhere she wants.

Although that doesn't quite seem to be her style, you think, looking at the innocence that's still somewhere in those eyes. Jesus Christ, they're just teenagers in this mess.

"I've got a dinner to go to," you tell her, "and - thanks for the apology," you add, as she steps aside to let you pass.

The living room seems to have calmed down from the joyous chaos you heard earlier.

Shirley, T.T.'s purple-haired daughter, sees you first, and says something like "I'm not calling you uncle," in a voice low enough that nobody else seems to hear.

You walk over to her father and pull the wizard aside. Of course he's got a wineglass in his hand again. And he's been writing furiously on a set of notebooks - probably working on that paper he wants to publish about all this.

"What did you tell them?" you ask him, "this isn't the Sopranos, and I'm not Don Corleone."

"I told them about what you'd pulled off with the magic," he says, "and that we're basically one big family now. They were the ones that ran with it that way," he finishes, looking at you with the stare Aaron gave Moses when he told him the Israelites threw the gold in the fire and a golden calf came out.

Well, that's probably how they would take it.

"THEY WISH TO BE YOUR LITTLE EMPIRE," the sword says straight through your temples, "WHO ARE YOU TO DENY THEM BEING VASSALS, RETAINERS, AND ALLIES, SHOGUN?"

This can't get any crazier. It really can't.

Then Kelly Edwards walks in with the salmon. Looks like that's gone according to plan, at least.

T.T. rushes over to give him the news, and you follow to grab the fish.

You're glad you did, because he almost drops it as realization dawns on his face.

"FUCK," the assassin says, and then looks at you, "you're going to need to change your dinner plans."

>Why?
>Another one in the 'Bernie will eat you' camp?
>The guy's been my boss for years, it'll be fine
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2665373
>>Why?
>>
>>2665373
>>Another one in the 'Bernie will eat you' camp?
>>The guy's been my boss for years, it'll be fine
>>WRITE-IN:
"How about this: I'll have you guys on speed dial, and you just portal in Seal Team Frilly IF things go sideways?"
>>
>>2665373
>The guy's been my boss for years, it'll be fine
>>
>>2665373
>The guy's been my boss for years, it'll be fine
>>
>>2665373
>>Why?
>>
>>2665373
>>Another one in the 'Bernie will eat you' camp?
>>The guy's been my boss for years, it'll be fine
>>
>>2665373
>>Another one in the 'Bernie will eat you' camp?
>The guy's been my boss for years, it'll be fine
>>
>>2665373
Voting for>>2665395
>>
>>2665373
>>Why?
>>
>>2665373
"Relax," you tell Kelly, "the guy's been my boss for years, it'll be fine. He's not gonna eat me."

"How many years?" he asks, giving you a pointed look, "five? Ten? Twenty? We are talking about a dragon here. Twenty years are nothing to Bernie - he's probably been around for a couple thousand. He's a Western dragon too, survived the Questing Knights' age in Europe. That means he's either powerful or cunning as fuck, or both. You do NOT know that guy. And this," he gestures around with one hand, "has changed everything."

Well, at least the salmon smells good, you think, holding the platter.

"Let me give you example," he says, and seems to be trying to resist the urge to light a cigarette, "Don Corleone or something, right? He's got some other big fish he's basically in a truce with, but their businesses or territory don't intersect, so it's ok. So he's running legitimate businesses, he's running some stuff on the wrong side of the law, and this there's guy, see, who working for him on the legit side who gets pulled into the other side accidentally, maybe gets in with the speakeasy or gambling or drugs or something (that guy's you, brother)," he says, pointing a finger, "that's fine, the Don thinks, because now you can be useful for both sides of his business. Then you get further into the underground side of things, maybe get some people of your own (that's us)," he says, waving his hand around the room as he talks a mile a minute, "that's fine too, as long as you're still with him. And then he finds out that those people are the big fish from earlier, and some people that used to work directly for him, and he's maybe on edge a little," he finishes, and then, unable to stop himself, lights up, probably to steady his nerves.

He takes a drag.

"That's a bit of an issue," Kelly continues, the rest of the room gathering around, "but it's ok, as long as you're still with him. He probably asked you about loyalty this morning, didn't he?"

"Yeah," you tell Kelly, mind reeling a little from his verbal assault, "I told him I'd work for him in the day, and we'd have to negotiate in the night for the night."

"Holy shit," the assassin breathes softly, "that's, wow, I know you must have been talking about the dinner, but Jesus. You've got balls brother. You know how we negotiate in the night."

"But to continue," he tells you, gesturing with the cigarette, "it comes to his attention that you've pulled a heist on the Mona Lisa or some other one-of-a-kind thing. That's what this shit sounds like, magically," he says, with a glance at T.T., "and you've basically told him your loyalty on the dark side of the line isn't necessarily his."

"Now, if this was really Don Corleone we were talking about," he tells you, and takes a drag, "he'd probably demand the heist profit as proof of loyalty, and reward you for giving it to him."

"But this is magic bound up in you," he tells you, fixing with a desperate stare, "not a painting you can just hand over."
>>
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>>2665466
"And more than just you," he goes on, the stare getting more intense, "this is our family's magic. This is my daughter's magic. Your daughter's magic, your wife's magic, T.T., and the rest. This entire crazy family you've put together here. I threw in with you to save Einz from the rats' contract, not to get her contracted to a dragon. And if you just waltz in to dinner, to be dinner, that's what's going to happen. I've done jobs for this guy all over the world," he goes on, "and I know what happens to people who have something he wants and look weak enough he could take it from them. Sometimes I'VE been what happens to people who have something he wants. We are all on the line if he wants this 'painting', brother."

That's a lot to hit you with at once right there.

"We have no idea what someone could do to us through that connection," he says, glaring at T.T., "particularly if they take your part of it."

>Can you prove that's what's going on here?
>Not that I'm buying all this, but what do you recommend?
>Does this sound reasonable to anyone else here?
>That makes some sense, so does anyone have suggestions for a gameplan?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2665478
>>That makes some sense, so does anyone have suggestions for a gameplan?
>>
>>2665478
>That makes some sense, so does anyone have suggestions for a gameplan?
>>
>>2665478
>>That makes some sense, so does anyone have suggestions for a gameplan?
>>
>>2665478
> That makes some sense, so does anyone have suggestions for a gameplan?
> If its all the same, I'd rather not go to war with my boss.
>>
>>2665478
Not voting since i gotta head off to class.
I'm just suggesting that if we do end up icing him that before we dies we point out to him that if he didn't do something stupid like this he could have waltzed up and taken over the power vacuum when there are no more magical girls fighting over territory while everyone else is unprepared..
>>
>>2665478
>Are the contracts i can make limited to brotherhood or could I we try and trick him into being magically unable to harm us?
>>
>>2665478
>Then Kelly Edwards walks in with the salmon. Looks like that's gone according to plan, at least.
>Kelly Edwards walks in with the salmon.

Kelly Edwards sees Bernie as a threat and was alone with something we intend to give to him as a gift.

>WRITE IN
Ask Kelly Edwards what he has done to the salmon.
>>
>>2665513
>Then Kelly Edwards walks in with the salmon. Looks like that's gone according to plan, at least.
>T.T. rushes over to give him the news, and you follow to grab the fish.
>You're glad you did, because he almost drops it as realization dawns on his face.

Kelly only had the horrifying realization AFTER T.T. told him what was going on magic-wise. The salmon's probably fine, BUT it's not a bad plan to go with if we're really sure about going to war with a dragon. Even our wife is fully prepared to go to war at this point, so Kelly might not be unnecessarily paranoid regarding this matter.
>>
>>2665535
Another thought: If we're gonna get serious about the Frill Team Six plan then perhaps we should hand Sue the sword BEFORE going off to dinner? Maybe ask the sword if it's ever fought a dragon before?
>>
>>2665535
He’d smell anything wrong with it. Make a toast/contract over the salmon and if Bernie eats it he’s either bound to us or unable to deal damage ala Baldur since salmon is his vice so he might agree thinking that he’s just lying to us.
>>
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>>2665478
"By the way," Kelly asks you, in a sudden shift, "what's the restaurant he's meeting you at?"

He catches you off guard, and you tell him quickly, as you try processing what he's been saying. He pulls out a phone and steps away a few feet. You hear him start arguing, something about 'get your manager'.

"That spiel makes some sense," you say slowly, still holding the platter of salmon, "but I don't want to go to war with the guy that's been my daytime boss for years."

It puts things in a little different light. You're family's recently expanded a lot, although not in the way your wife might be trying for, and they're yours to protect.

And this might fall under that.

"Under that constraint," you ask the small crowd that gathered around the two of you during Kelly's talk, "anyone got suggestions?"

"Show of force," Mary says, almost before you finish talking, "we all roll up together - show him that if he tries taking it off you, he's gonna pay. Kelly said 'if you look weak enough for him to take it', didn't he?"

"That's often how this sort of thing goes," T.T. says, "might work."

"It puts you on a level playing field," your wife chimes in, her tails waving and a smile on her face, "it's rather standard for a meeting between clans. He probably doesn't realize yet exactly who he'd be fucking with if he tries anything. You're not showing up on his board as a pawn - "

"You're showing up to the board as a player," Mary finishes the statement, with a smile, "and not one he wants to fuck with."

"Alternatively," Sue chimes in, eyes shining, "you could stay home tonight, and if he moves on you, he goes home in a giant lizard-sized body bag."

"Or we could go in guns blazing and take him out," Karen says, a toothy grin on her face. Fucking thrillseekers. "Take the whole town in one go."

Kelly Edwards steps back into the little circle.

"Sources tell me," the assassin tells you, shutting his phone, "that 'someone' has reserved the entire restaurant. I'm guessing he's figured out what you've got going on by now - probably hired a wizard to figure it out since he saw you this morning (Bernie works fast), and he's got his guys there already. Good chance he's got teleport interdiction set already."

>We go in guns blazing, and take the town
>We'll wait for him to come to us
>We're all going in together, but NOBODY, AND I MEAN NOBODY, STARTS SHIT unless he makes the first move
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2665556
>>We're all going in together, but NOBODY, AND I MEAN NOBODY, STARTS SHIT unless he makes the first move
>>
>>2665556
> We're all going in together, but NOBODY, AND I MEAN NOBODY, STARTS SHIT unless he makes the first move
>>
>>2665556
>teleport interdiction
Welp, there goes that plan.

>>We're all going in together, but NOBODY, AND I MEAN NOBODY, STARTS SHIT unless he makes the first move
>>WRITE-IN:
"Think you can handle the sword without flying off the handle, Sue?"
>>
>>2665575
Just as an aside, should we give each of the girls a bit of time with the sword, as a form of training? Let ol' Sengoku get a good read on their fighting styles, character, etc.
>>
>>2665556
>We're all going in together, but NOBODY, AND I MEAN NOBODY, STARTS SHIT unless he makes the first move
>>
>>2665586
>>2665575
We should also see about another way to communicate with the sword if we give it to sue.
>>
>>2665513
>Kelly Edwards sees Bernie as a threat and was alone with something we intend to give to him as a gift.
>>2665535
>Kelly only had the horrifying realization AFTER T.T. told him what was going on
This guy's got it - before that, Kelly was actually rather positive about the whole thing until he found out about the 'Mona Lisa'. He's done jobs for Bernie before, after all.

>>2665395
>>2665441
>>2665545
>>2665575
>Welp, there goes that plan.
Sorry. It was a good plan (since you've got Freebles and T.T.), and I liked it (and it might get used later), but if this is a dragon who's been making preparations, I'd rather warn about that up front rather than give a 'lol, the teleport fails' later.
>>
>>2665556
>We're all going in together, but NOBODY, AND I MEAN NOBODY, STARTS SHIT unless he makes the first move
Guns blazing is bad end material
>>
>>2665556

I had a suggestion, way back when, in >>2662212 that had to do with the fact that Bernie can't know for sure how the tangle of contracts would resolve if the MC was killed, because this situation is basically unprecedented. So if he's smart, he's researching the situation right now. We should too.

>We're all going in together, but NOBODY, AND I MEAN NOBODY, STARTS SHIT unless he makes the first move
>>
>>2665589
>Sorry. It was a good plan
lol, no worries. The others have been making some good points too about shows of force. I just didn't wanna show the whole hand if it could at all be avoided. But if lizard brain needs to be hit over the head with the fact that we've got a small army at our command, and is now CONFIRMED to be making preparations AGAINST us, then to hell with my plan and: Fuck. That. Guy. Not literally though, he'd probably enjoy it too much.
>>
i'm gonna put a side note that there is something we could do to tie bernie to the same damn boat we are on, murdering our boss isn't the only thing we can do, he could get tied under the same brother clause everyone else is that will likely restrain him from doing anything assholey.
>>
>>2665589
>>2665513
It's late here and the shadowruns are getting to me.
>>
When we show up, we should take the first piece of salmon, so Bernie doesn't think we did something to it
>>
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>>2665556
"Alright," you tell everyone, "we're going in together, but NOBODY, and I mean NOBODY," you say, glancing around the room and fixing your best dad glare on Karen before flicking it to Sue, "starts shit unless Bernie makes the first move."

You wait for nods of approval from your assembled 'family'.

"I hope," you continue, "that his preparations included enough food for everybody." You've seen how these people eat. And drink, you realize, you realize with horror.

"And no drinking!" you tell them, "that's not going to reflect well on any of us."

There's a pause, and then Kelly and Mary yell, almost in unison, "Suits, everyone!"

There's a flurry of activity after that, lines for all the showers, and you see T.T. pop out and pop back in with an armful of clothes.

Oh dear.

They all get ready far faster than you could have anticipated. Seems like even teenage girls can clean up quickly if they've got a good reason. There's still a low hum of imprecations and giggles from the bathroom by Melon's room, though.

You wait in the living room as your little army gathers one by one. Some of the ones that were already showered just had to change, and start lounging around, playing games and such.

Shelby's one of them, you notice, as you survey the room. He's doing pretty well in the match.

Then Melon walks in, in a suit, with her new ears perked up, and his jaw drops. Rachel takes a round off him before his slack hands recover and he gets his head back in the game.

Alright, 'boss' might not be a bad position to be in towards him.

Eventually everyone's turned out. And it's time.

>Give a speech [write ins appreciated]
>Give Sue the sword
>Nod tersely toward the door
>Alright, let's go
>>
>>2665603
I'm not sure it'd be such a good idea to trust him so far as to invite him into The Family. We've got no way of knowing whether it would actually restrain him from doing any stupid, and it might just make all of us even more vulnerable, not less. It'd be great if we could get him inside the tent pissing out rather than outside the tent pissing in, but he's been pretty weirdly aggressive today despite our previous attempt to be straight with him about our motivations. Considering the wild hair he's got up his ass about us now, it might be too late to convince him not to try anything stupid.
>>
>>2665626
>>Alright, let's go
>>
>>2665626
>>Tell Shelby not to ogle his blood sister.
>>Alright, let's go
>>
>>2665626
>>Give Sue the sword
>>Alright, let's go
>>
>>2665626
>Alright, let's go
>>
>>2665626
> Alright, let's go
> Give Sue the sword - but she does NOT draw steel unless we say so.
>>
>>2665626
>Give Sue the sword
>Alright, let's go
>Hey, wait a minute, wouldn't directly connecting his soul to all of you, while making you all want to rip him to shreds, a really stupid idea? Wouldn't that be like eating a belt sander that's all belt on the outside, and the belt sander is murderously angry?
>>
>>2665626
Has Kelly been able to get us the new hardware? We should get Freebles to enchant the AP shells if so.
>>
>>2665658
..That was literally only a day ago. The man is capable of many things, but not one of them falls under the category of 'miracles'.
>>
>>2665665
Well I mean, T. T. Can teleport. Kinda cuts down shipping time.
>>
>>2665626
"Alright, let's go," you tell them, and stride toward the door.

On the way, you casually toss the Thousand Year Blade to Sue, and tell her, walking past, "don't draw unless I say so. And that's a loan."

...She still looks ecstatic to get a chance to get her hands on it again. "Thanks," you hear her whisper.

And few minutes later, you're all headed down the road - Edwards' Mercedes in front (and you notice he didn't let his wife or his son drive), your car in the middle, and T.T. bringing up the rear in the your second car. He'd ported in last night, so he didn't have his own ride.

It's an uneventful drive, other than being basically a mafia family convoy, and that one smile your wife gave you from the shotgun seat when she thought you weren't looking.

You close in on the restaurant, only to find a road construction crew with fences across the road when you get within a couple blocks.

The Mercedes idles up to the barrier, and you can see Kelly exchange a few words with the apparent foreman through a rolled-down barrier. Then the foreman gestures at his crew, and they pull back the temporary fences, then replace them after your convoy passes.

Holy shit. You knew your boss was kind of a big deal, but he didn't just register the entire restaurant (possibly the best in the city, on a Friday night, at that), but he's managed to get things cordoned off for a couple of blocks?

Kelly wasn't kidding when he said the dragon worked fast.

Or when he said Bernie was a big deal.

Your little caravan drives on, down empty streets, until finally you pull up in front of the restaurant and the three cars stop in unison.

In front of a line of suited men and other things in suits.

Shelby gets out of the Mercedes' trunk, and opens your door, then your wife's. As the two of you stand in front of the restaurant, she squeezes your hand.

And then everyone boils out of the cars, the squads walking up in suits.

[1/4]
>>
>>2665677
Edwards' family - his wife, his daughter, and the son who'd just opened your door.

[2/4]
>>
>>2665686
Mary's magical girl squad - Melon, Harriet, Karen, Sue (with that sword at her side), and Mary herself.

[3/4]
>>
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>>2665689
And T.T.'s family, all turned out similarly.

When they'd all said 'show of force', they hadn't been kidding.

SOMETHING in a suit walks up to greet you, in a voice as deep as any you've heard before.

"My employer welcomes you," he says, horns raised toward the sky.

Holy Christ, that's a minotaur, you realize as he towers over you, then bows.

...Even when he bows, his head is on a level with your own.

"He anticipated that you would arrive with an entourage," the bull assures you, "would you all kindly step inside? I believe only the best chefs are on duty tonight, by request."

"We will," you tell him, glancing at the assembly of supernatural creatures, many of which came in with you.

Then you step forward.

Further into this crazy world.

The dining hall is empty, save for two long tables with a shorter one capping off the far end. Your group files down one side, and you and your wife are directed to sit at the head of one side.

Across from Bernie.

"Evening," he says, a filmy membrane flickering across his eyes for an instant, "Glad you could make it - I trust this place's food lives up to its reputation."

[4/4]

>Seems like a lot of people for a double date.
>Who's your date?
>I hope it does
>Rather a lot of preparations you've made
>Are you expensing this?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2665720
>I hope it does
>Seems like a lot of people for a double date.
>Who's your date?
>>
>>2665720

>I hope it does
>Who's your date?
>>
>>2665689
Christ, Karen, do you just not believe in buttons anymore?

>>2665720
>I hope it does
>Rather a lot of preparations you've made
>Seems like a lot of people for a double date.
>Who's your date?

>Minotaur doorman
I hope this place doesn't go Labyrinth or Carcosa on us...
>>
>>2665720
>I hope it does
>Who's your date?
>>
>>2665720
It’s a little late at this point, but I feel like we probably should have just brought a few of our most powerful members of the team to this meeting, like T.T., Mary, and Edwards, plus Freebles. Bringing everyone seems a bit much.
>>
>>2665725
16:25 - 16:40 Voting period, and considering any write ins I see while I'm writing.


>>2665658
>Has Kelly been able to get us the new hardware?
Not yet. The 'guy who knows a guy who knows a guy who knows...' network isn't instant.
>>2665669
>Well I mean, T. T. Can teleport. Kinda cuts down shipping time.
You're thinking with portals now.

>>2665739
>Christ, Karen, do you just not believe in buttons anymore?
Looks like she's got a lot of faith in that one button.

>I hope this place doesn't go Labyrinth or Carcosa on us...
I doubt that's the standard doorman here, more like the head of the folks Bernie's got outside.
>>
>>2665720
>Seems like a lot of people for a double date.
>I suppose it's more of a family outing now.
>>
>>2665720
>Who's your date?
>>
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>>2665720
"I hope it does," you say, leaning back in your chair. it's quite comfortable, you realize, as you watch the rest of your party seat themselves across from Bernie's forces.

This has far too much potential to go really far South really fast, you realize, watching magical girls and the minotaur, and some 'people' who you're pretty sure are just putting on a human transformation sitting down to dinner together.

Suddenly a waiter's at your elbow, proffering two menus. One for food and one for drinks. And there's a stack in his arm.

You take them, and then tell him, in a low voice, "no drink menus any further down this side."

He nods, and you make a mental note to tip him later.

"So who's your date, Bernie?" you say, finally looking over toward the person sitting next to him.

A person sitting in a suit of plate armor. A pile of filigreed steel surmounted by a pretty, almost feminine face.

"Oh," your boss says, a smile on his face, "this is Heinrich. We met in Swabia back in... when was it?" he asks turning toward the man.

"900 or so?" Heinrich responds with a smile, "been a while, hasn't it?"

"Still not long enough," Bernie says, shooting the knight a look you really don't want to try reading.

>Hopefully you'll get another eleven hundred years together.
>I thought knights and dragons were enemies?
>How'd you two meet?
>Ah, good to meet you, Heinrich. This is Liska, my wife.
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2665720
>>Who's your date?
>>I hope it does
>>Rather a lot of preparations you've made

Lets try to ignore pointing out that we both basically brought enough firepower to level the city. It is only polite, gotta practice proper etiquette in these kinds of situations.

This is between us and him, hate to seem crass towards our family, but as far as we see each other, we are the only two people in this room right now. Showing that we "noticed" his men by speaking about it shows that we are nervous and trying to diffuse tension, by not mentioning it we give off the air that "Yeah, this isn't a threat, I am not worried by a single person on your side of the table, but I respect YOU."

Same reason you dont check out the waitresses ass when on a date with a girl.
>>
>>2665777
>Ah, good to meet you, Heinrich. This is Liska, my wife.
>Hopefully you'll get another eleven hundred years together.
>How'd you two meet?

Be interested but don't go full
>"Why he no stab you in face!?"
Mostly because that would open the door for FAR too many "sword" jokes.
>>
>>2665777
>Ah, good to meet you, Heinrich. This is Liska, my wife.
>You look pretty healthy for someone 11 centuries old
also for someone who gets dicked by a dragon...
>Hopefully you'll get another eleven hundred years together.
>>
>>2665777
>Ah, good to meet you, Heinrich. This is Liska, my wife.
>Hopefully you'll get another eleven hundred years together.
>How'd you two meet?
>>
>>2665777
>>Ah, good to meet you, Heinrich. This is Liska, my wife.
>>Hopefully you'll get another eleven hundred years together.
>>How'd you two meet?

>>2665790
I like this too:
>>You look pretty healthy for someone 11 centuries old

1100+ year old "knight" my ass. There be dragons here.
>>
>>2665792
Our wife is like that old too.
>>
>>2665792
>1100 year old knight
>with a dragon
Fuck... pact magic

>>2665797
Hahaha, TRUE! ohgodweresofucked
>>
>>2665801
If that knight is immortal from having a pact with a dragon then I suppose we're also immortal thanks to our marriage to the immortal kitsune spirit that is our wife.
>>
>>2665801
>Implying we dont get that sense of ohgodweresofucked every night
>Implying we will be able to walk tomorrow if we get out of here
>Implying Liska isn't going to break out the 'special' lingerie tonight
>Implying Bernie won't totally understand when we call in sick tomorrow
>Bernie: "Yeah, Heinrich rode me pretty hard last night too"
>Us: "You mean.. like he rode on your back when you flew home... right?"
>Bernie: "..... suuuree he was totally on my back last night...on.the.."flight" home... *cough*"
>*Bernie now realizes he is talking to a fellow man of influence with an equally demanding lover*
>Us and Bernie later bond over commiserrating beers about how broken our dicks are after our mates got us home from the last meeting we had
>>
>>2665777
Either a dragon seduced a knight or a knight seduced a dragon, and either way I find that hilarious.
>>
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>>2665801

>Thinks about Drakengard

Well, at least their sex life is probably interesting.
>>
>>2665777
Triple sevens promise great things.
> Ah, good to meet you, Heinrich. This is Liska, my wife.
> How'd you two meet? If what I've seen thus far is normal custom, I suspect quite an aggressive introduction.
>>
>>2665807
Alternative possibility is that Heinrich is a Highlander Immortal.
>>
>>2665819
Not quite the kind of ohgodweresofucked I was thinking of, but fucking hilarious all the same. Quite literally, in fact.
>>
>>2665777
>Ah, good to meet you, Heinrich. This is Liska, my wife.
>How'd you two meet?
>>
>>2665821
>Knight gets disarmed
>Starts to grapple with dragons
>Dragon is bruised and battered
>Knights armor has been ripped off his body by the dragons claws
>Sweaty hot grappling accidentally brushing sensitive spots
>Eventually devolves into combat-fondling
>Dragon just laying in bed confused
>Knight lights up a cigarette
I like to think Bernie was a young impressionable dragon when they met.
>>
>>2665777
>Ah, good to meet you, Heinrich. This is Liska, my wife.
>How'd you two meet?

We need to stay cool, calm, and level-headed. We managed to survive a lot so far, there is no way we're getting eaten by a dragon here and now. Stay calm, treat him with courtesy, and tell him what we can.
>>
>>2665826
>tfw you realize the Caim poster in a previous thread was foreshadowing
>>
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>>2665777
Well, it looks like you're going to win the office pool on what team your boss bats for. If you manage to get this evidence admissible in the court of the office pool somehow.

Hold up, Bernie's date is a knight in shining armor?

Wait, you thought they went around killing dragons and rescuing princesses?

"Ah," you say, putting an arm around Liska (and disrupting her perusal of the drinks menu), "good to meet you, Heinrich. This is my wife, Liska."

She leans into you, and you can't see the look she gives the two of them, but Heinrich flushes just a little.

"Charmed to meet your lady," the knight says, "I wish you well together."

"And I'm charmed to meet your... dragon," Liska says, "and I hope you'll get another eleven hundred years together."

You really can't tell if that's genuine, or if there's an implicit threat in her words - that if they start something here, that means this is all the time they'll ever get.

Suddenly you realize that the Spooky Sengoku sword would have probably known. He and Liska share at least half of their playbook, you're fast coming to understand.

"So," you say, hoping to defuse things, if it really was a threat, "how'd the two of you meet?"

"Well," Bernie says, looking a little... embarrassed? That's the first time you've ever seen a look like that on his face, "Heinrich showed up to rescue a princess I'd kidnapped."

T.T. (who has somehow managed to con the waiter into giving him a very stiff drink, you realize) makes a noise that's unmistakably badly concealed laughter. Kelly Edwards looks dumbfounded, and his wife, Iris, makes a high-pitched noise that you're sure signifies approval.

"It's what they were all doing back then," Heinrich fills in, "so I went off a-questin', as the kids said those days, to go recover the princess, and we, well, we hit it off. So I talked him into giving me the princess."

He takes a drink.

"So I let him take the princess back," Bernie continues with a slight flush on his cheeks, "never really had a taste for them myself."

You never would have guessed that.

"Ransoming them was always a better use, hey Bernie?" Heinrich asks, "that's what us knights did anyway, on campaign. Royalty's worth a lot of gold," he tells you with a wink, "but you should have seen the look on Bernie's face when I walked back up to his lair!" he says, laughing and slapping the your boss on the back.

This wasn't anything like you expected the evening to go.
>>
>>2665867
>So you're eleven hundred years old, Heinrich? You're remarkably well-preserved.
>And what did the two of you do after you got together?
>So what do the chefs here do well?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2665872
> And what did the two of you do after you got together?
> After they finish, tell them how you and Liska met.
>>
>>2665867
>"but you should have seen the look on Bernie's face when I walked back up to his lair!" he says, laughing and slapping the your boss on the back.

Dear god, how big of a size queen do you have to be to see a dragon and say "I'm gonna ride that dick into the sunset"?

>And what did the two of you do after you got together?
>>
>>2665872
>>And what did the two of you do after you got together?
>>So what do the chefs here do well?

Maybe don't ask about his age or how he still looks young, don't want Bernie thinking we are trying to figure out his magic.
>>
>>2665872
> And what did the two of you do after you got together?
> After they finish, tell them how you and Liska met.
>>
>>2665876
Maybe Heinrich isn't the Uke, maybe it is Bernie that likes sheathing swords? Or you know, Polymorph is a hell of a spell.
>>
>>2665872
>So you're eleven hundred years old, Heinrich? You're remarkably well-preserved.
>>sorry for the question, but you haven't mentioned not being a regular human
>So what do the chefs here do well?
what did we do with that salmon in the end?
inb4 we left it home and some stray nekomata eat it
>>
>>2665872
>And what did the two of you do after you got together?
>You look quite good for 1100 Heinrich. I can only hope to age so gracefully.
>So what do the chefs here do well?
>>
>>2665867
> And what did the two of you do after you got together?
> After they finish, tell them how you and Liska met.
>>
>>2665884
Support.
>>
>>2665875
>>2665872
Supporting
>>
>>2665872
>And what did the two of you do after you got together?
>So what do the chefs here do well?
>Tell about how we met.
>>
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>>2665881

>Mfw I've seen enough hentai to know where this is going was a thing before hentai literally became a thing
>>
>>2665867
>Suddenly you realize that the Spooky Sengoku sword would have probably known.
Well, that possibly settles another question about communication range for the sword. I wonder how THAT conversation is going.

>>2665872
>And what did the two of you do after you got together?
>So what do the chefs here do well?

>>2665875
> After they finish, tell them how you and Liska met.
>>
>>2665872
> And what did the two of you do after you got together?
> After they finish, tell them how you and Liska met.
>So what do the chefs here do well?
>>
>>2665896
Now I'm curious how us and our wife met.
>>
>wake up
>check quest expecting some magical gang war
>recieve homosex dragon instead
This quest just keeps on surprising
>>
>>2665907
Hey it's not homosex! It's an ancient martial arts called Greco Roman Wrestling
>>
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>>2665909
It's traditional!
>>
>>2665895
Consider this: If we every search our wife's old stuff at her parents' home we will likely find a well used original printing of Hokusai's Kinoe no Komatsu including The Dream of the Fisherman's Wife.
>>
>>2665883
>nekomata
Is that a robo-cat?
>>
>>2665916
The Fisherman's wife, you say?

> The woman, wrapped in the tentacles of the octopuses who suck her, is in a pose that ambiguously suggests the sensual abandonment to ecstacy of the erotic dream at the same time as she appears to be a corpse.

Well. That was some context that I could do without.
>>
>>2665921
Cat that gained magic powers by living a super long life. Brings minor misfortune to its owner, also has a habit of accidentally summoning fire and burning shit down. Know to have human-level intelligence and walk on two legs and be very mischievious.
>>
>>2665872
>You sound like you've got stories to tell. I'd love to hear some. I bet you even ran into some gods once or twice.
As long as he doesn't do anything that taunt's Bernies with those stories it should get him in a better mood. The downside is we have no idea how explicit this is going to get in front of a bunch of easily embarrassed teenagers.
>>
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>>2665921
Catgirl also called Bakeneko.

>>2665922
Porn is old and has been weird for a very long time.
>>
>>2665930
The more embarrassing for Melon, the better.
>>
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>>2665872
Your wife laughs, with that little bark in it.

"A bit more romantic than our start, wasn't it?" she asks you, smirking.

Oh god. Well, they said 'double date', so you should have known where this was going.

The problem is, you think, receding into yourself to try to remember, that you actually don't remember meeting her.

You remember going out for drinks with some friends. That... tended to get a little wild in those days.

And then, suddenly, you were on a mountaintop, with an incredibly beautiful woman.

Who's sitting beside you right now, at what might as well be some organized (or disorganized) crime family negotiation.

She smiles at you.

"I went drinking," she says, "and then the next thing I remember, I was watching a sunrise from a mountaintop boulder with this handsome guy," she finishes, punching you playfully in the shoulder, "and we were both too hungover and tired from hiking to go anywhere, so we just talked and watched it. And we hit it off."

...and did a little bit more than talk, even after you were both sober, you remember.

"My story's a little different," you say, "and even less romantic. A friend bet me I couldn't do ten shots in ten minutes, and then I was on top of a mountain with a beautiful woman," you tell them, and ruffle her ears to an appreciative rumbling noise from deep in her throat.

"And any guy who could get me to climb a fucking mountain while I was drunk deserves a medal," she tells them, "especially if he was done for too. It took us the rest of the day to get back down, but by the time we got to the bottom, I knew I had to have him."

You just can't read the expressions on the faces across from you. And you really don't remember managing to goad Liska up a mountain to see the sunrise. But you do remember waking up next to her, on a flattened boulder under the rising sun.

"So what did you two do after you got together?" you ask, trying to redirect things.

"Screwed around in the Germanic states for a while," Heinrich says, smiling, "and then we went on the Crusades. It was what all the cool kids were doing. Do you remember how much fucking treasure we took off those those Saracens?" he asks Bernie.

"God," your boss says with a grin, "I bankrolled three popes off that shit. And one pretender."

"Yeah," Heinrich tells him with a grin, "I remember when your bed of treasure was just nine feet square after that shit. But then it paid off when we sacked Constantinople. Remember the pile you had after that?"

>You sacked Constantinople for a BED?
>You're telling me you orchestrated that whole thing?
>What's good on this menu? I've only been here a couple times.
>How the hell did you get a minotaur in your service?
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2665950
> That pic
If only all catgirls were like that.
>>
>>2665950
Oh believe me I know.

You should see some temple carvings.

Also at no point did I think we would get through this quest without a catgirl.
>>
>>2665952
>You're not telling me you orchestrated that whole thing, are you? Ha, get outta here. (Meant to be jokingly good natured)
>What's good on this menu? I've only been here a couple times.
>>
>>2665952
>You sacked Constantinople for a BED?
>What's good on this menu? I've only been here a couple times.
>>
>>2665952
>>What's good on this menu? I've only been here a couple times.
>Man you guys must have fun i mean me and Liska worst thing we did is making Hard Rock Cafe into Party Hard All Day and no one left for 1 week.
>>
>>2665952
>>You sacked Constantinople for a BED?

Jeez, fucking your man on a bed of gold and jewels that you stole from a holy city who's oldschool religion says dude love is a sin.

Say what you will, the Dragon's got style.
>>
>>2665952
> Is Constantinople where you picked up the Minotaur?

Minotaurs ARE Greek.
>>
>>2665952
>>You sacked Constantinople for a BED?
>>
>>2665952
>>You're telling me you orchestrated that whole thing?
>>What's good on this menu? I've only been here a couple times.
>>
>>2665952
>You're telling me you orchestrated that whole thing?
>What's good on this menu? I've only been here a couple times.
>>
>>2665970
>>2665952
Also this. Play up our normality.

Add in

> Nothing beats a good family BBQ though.

I wonder if Bernie and his Heiny ever had kids.
>>
>>2665963
18:21 - 18:31 voting period.


>>2665960
>Also at no point did I think we would get through this quest without a catgirl.
Rachel seems to have cat ears when she goes frilly, but that's partially the fault of my art.
>>2665984
>I wonder if Bernie and his Heiny ever had kids.
That's not how being gay works.
>>
>>2665952
>You sacked Constantinople for a BED?
>>
>>2665997
>implying dragons give a singular flying shit about genders when it comes to things like that
magic goes a longass way m8.
>>
>>2666002
The could also have adopted. and possibly schooled several kings via that method.
>>
>>2665997
>That's not how being gay works.
After years of playing D&D I have learned not to underestimate the fertility of dragons
>>
>>2665997
They could have adopted.
>>
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>>2665997
> See >>2665189

And where Magic fails there's always science.
>>
>>2665997
Also did you mean to give Bernies SO a name whose diminuitive is slang for bum?
>>
>>2665984
>>2665970
>13 years ago Liska was so drunk she accidentally warped the space to make it loop around wherever a door is placed. Only 2 guys found dead for reasons unknown
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PxWzsrj8bZE
>>
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>>2665952
"You're not telling me," you say, jocularly, "that you orchestrated all that? Or sacked Constantinople for a bigger bed?"

"Oh," Bernie says with a grin, "we just got in on the Crusades when they started. Like investing in Google. We didn't build that city out of rock and roll."

"Constantinople, though," Heinrich says with a smirk, "your bed was a bit small then, wasn't it?"

"I'm not admitting anything," Bernie says with a comically stern look, "they would have done it anyway. If I'd been behind it, I'd still be ruling there now. I just rode the wave."

Did those guys just admit (at least partial) guilt for the 4th crusade?

There's really nothing you can say to that.

"Worst thing Liska and I did," you start, and see a grin spreading across your wife's face, "was that 24/7 party for a week in the Hard Rock cafe."

"You came down," she says, flicking her tails, "like Moses from the mountain. With all ten laws of partying. And we'd decided on the way down that the best way to beat the hangover was to stay drunk," she adds, looking across the table.

"I was pretty sure there was something special about you when they had to get the riot squad to stop the party," you tell her, and then lean into the fuzz of her ear, caress her neck, and whisper, "and I should have have expected there was a lot more."

She laughs, then whispers to you "if you had, I would have run right then. Don't you know the legends about fox wives?"

Oh.

Well, there are certainly advantages to being a little dense sometimes, you think, looking down the tables. Seems like everyone's having a good time.

"What's good here?" you ask Bernie, releasing Liska, "can't say I've been here more than a couple times."

"Justabout everything," he tells you, and you're pretty sure from his expression that he and Heinrich have had a couple laughs at your expense, "that's why I like it for..." he trails off, sweeping his reptilian gaze across the room, "meetings. Looks like the waiters are here again."

You order.

And then you direct the conversation to:
>I'm pretty sure we could take you out.
>I'd like to leave your neutral zone here as it is
>Do you want to eat me? Because I'm not a fan.
>So I'm a player now. I'd like to negotiate.
>More anecdotes about the people at the end of this table [write in who and what questions]
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2666023
I'm impressed someone managed to work the movie Junior into this discussion.
>>
>>2666065
>They insisted, something about being concerned for my safety. Especially since I want to keep this city neutral about as much as you do.
>>
>>2666065
>>More anecdotes about the people at the end of this table [write in who and what questions]
Just to be super clear, this includes Bernie, Heinrich, Liska, T.T., Alice, Kalley, and Iris.
>>
>>2666077
>Kalley
Kelly. fuck.

I might or might not be drinking.
>>
>>2666065
You know what, i'mma leave it to the rest of you guys what you pick, but m vote is not to go to war with the dragon who can, and has burnt down entire cities before for a fucking bed, let alone this shit, would rather work together to build a stronger alliance against the rats and the shit that be in this crapsack world, but not everyone wants to deal with a dragon.
>>
>>2666065
>>They insisted, something about being concerned for my safety. Especially since I want to keep this city neutral about as much as you do.
>>
>>2666065
>>More anecdotes about the people at the end of this table [write in who and what questions]
>>So I'm a player now. I'd like to negotiate.

We're just a normal dude out to save his girl from questionable business practices and possibly rescue our sister from hell Doom Marine style.

Rather not be eaten or have to fight our dragon boss too, because the boss has been good to us and we've got a family to feed.
>>
>>2666065
>Do you want to eat me? Because I'm not a fan
>>
>>2666065
>I'd like to leave your neutral zone here as it is
>Write In: "We are all in this for the sake of our daughters who got trapped in some bad contracts by the rats. I never intended to step on any toes or take over any turf it has just kind of, happened. It was only recently that we all realised what has happened. The plan still remains the same though. I am sure we will end up creating a plenty big wave for you to ride by the end of this, but what we intend to do may end up being a bit messy. We will respect the neutral zone obviously. I just hope we can keep things mostly the same between all of us."

If he seems to be getting a bit aggressive follow up with.
>"I don't think my contracts or bonds will do any good to you anyway. Since they are all bonds of brotherhood and family willingly sworn. Can't pull a hostile takeover on brotherhood very easily."
>>
>>2666065
>Write-In
>First of all i want to know what we are discussing also (Give the smoke Salmon) compliments from our group. Hope you like it.
>>
>>2666065
>More anecdotes about the people at the end of this table [write in who and what questions]
>"So, I've got to apologize about bringing everyone along, but I figured after what I learned about recently, I should probably be concerned a bit."
>>
>>2666094
Also
>Business is best discussed over food, not while everyone is hungry.
>>
>>2666065
Sounds almost as if you wanted to eat me. That would be kind of a shame for you to pick something like that after the effort we made into getting some salmon as a peace offering.
>>
>>2666065
Supporting >>2666075

>>2666089
I mean, Shadowrun's version of the Moscow Rules notwithstanding, I'd be in favour of an alliance or peace treaty. But not if this motherfucker's gonna be eyeing us for a snack while we're busying fighting a war.

>>Favourite Write-Ins:
>>2666094
>"We are all in this for the sake of our daughters who got trapped in some bad contracts by the rats."
>"I don't think my contracts or bonds will do any good to you anyway. Since they are all bonds of brotherhood and family willingly sworn. Can't pull a hostile takeover on brotherhood very easily."
I agree with revealing our basic motives to him and dissuading him from the idea that eating us will get him what we wants. I'm not so sure about revealing how little we knew about our new and unique situation as a Family. We're trying to approach this from a position of strength, and while I agree we should be mostly honest, we needn't tell the dude who's tempted to eat us just how accidentally we fell into all of it.
And:
>>2666099
>Business is best discussed over food, not while everyone is hungry.
Definitely Dad the fuck out of this.
>>
>>2666084
No-no, it's Kalley. Kelly's first cousin, twice removed.

Silly straw or no silly straw?
>>
>>2666094
>>2666091
Supporting both
>>
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>>2666065
"Meetings, huh," you say, echoing his line, "reminds me, I've got something for you," you say, gesturing at the coatroom where you left the salmon.

That staff's good here, you think as the coatboy brings the fish in.

You see Bernie's eyes go wide, as Heinrich giggles silently. You might have heard a muffled "oh my god, that's why he was set on Norway," from the knight.

"Brought a bit of a gift," you say, directing the coatroom boy toward Bernie.

He holds it out and Bernie sniffs.

"Compliments from our group," you tell him, as he has some runner take it off his hands, doubtless to consume later.

"Why does it smell like it was fresh this morning?" Bernie asks, "that's crazy."

"It, uh, WAS," T.T. tells him. Wait. That's a different drink than you saw him with before. That means he's already had...

"Waded in a fucking fiord for it," the drunk wizard says, smiling.

Bernie gets an odd look on his face for a second, probably at seeing T.T. admit to bringing him food, but controls it quickly.

"I'd planned on making this a double date," you tell Bernie, and gesture at the assembled masses on your side of the two tables, "but they insisted on coming along for my safety."

"And they had decent arguments," you tell him. His eyes narrow.

"I accept your gift," the dragon says, "and given everything - particularly my history," he continues, casting a sidelong glance at Heinrich, "and the display I put on," he says, continuing the glance down his side of the table, taking in the minotaur (who's currently having an animated conversation with Karen), "I can't say you're wrong."

This is when you wish you had the sword with you. It would probably give some insight into the potential feudal ramifications of what he's saying.

"I want," you tell him, staring him full in the face, seeing the red in his eyes, "to keep this city neutral as much as you do. We can work out resources if we have to, but it would be a lot better to have everyone come down at once on a threat that comes in here than go in piecemeal," you say, remembering some of what Harriet said.

"An alliance, then?" Bernie asks, with a little hesitation.

"If you want," you tell him, "and on even terms with," you pause, gesturing around at the assembled masses, "them. Think about it. Your business is mostly international," you say, remembering your accounts, "so having an entire neutral city to base out of would be good for you."

>Also, I doubt you can take these contracts, even by eating me.
>Also, these are bonds of brotherhood and family.
>Think about it - business is best discussed after food, so does anyone at this adult end of the table have anecdotes? [write in who you want to get them from]
>And the best way to make it neutral would be to crush you here, and take over.
>WRITE IN
>>
>>2666185
>Also, these are bonds of brotherhood and family.
>>Think about it - business is best discussed after food, so does anyone at this adult end of the table have anecdotes? [write in who you want to get them from]
Heinrich
>>
>>2666185
>"oh my god, that's why he was set on Norway"
Note: Sweep house for bugs.
>taking in the minotaur (who's currently having an animated conversation with Karen)
Oh God that button is doomed.

>Also, these are bonds of brotherhood and family.
>So, I doubt you can take these contracts, even by eating me.
>Think about it - business is best discussed after food, so does anyone at this adult end of the table have anecdotes?
Maybe something from Iris or Alice?
>>
>>2666185
>>Also, these are bonds of brotherhood and family.
>>i mean you are also welcome to join the family i really wanted to ride a dragon when i was young
>Liska suddenly jabs us on the stomach
>growling Liska jealousy intensifies
>>
>>2666185
All this options sound like the sword talking to me
>>