Hoo boy.This wasn't what they said a midlife crisis would be like. Worst case, you'd have an affair with a younger woman, and get your ass divorced. Best case, you'd just buy a sports car. Or three. Or maybe take up an extreme sport or something.Well, this might count as an extreme sport.You do hunt demons, after all. And get into way too many fights with supernatural folks, who seem to view attempted murder as just another way to say hello.Like that fight with your brother in law the other night at a bar, where you took his haunted sword after thoroughly 'disarming' him.Still have the sword. It's a family heirloom of your wife's folk, and keeps giving you advice more suited to a Warring States feudal lord than a suburban dad. And it's really taken a liking to Sue, a blue-haired magical girl who's one of your daughter's friends, and a bit too into the whole 'RIP AND TEAR' thing.Bar-hopping with a teleporting wizard is definitely midlife crisis stuff. And that crazy night with T.T. just started out as commiserating with each other as fellow dads who found out their daughters were magical girls, deep in sorcerous debt to the rats they made contracts with.Oh, and if the rats stop supplying a trickle of magic energy to them - well, you haven't quite gotten a straight answer out of anyone, but the phrases like "eat an entire city" keep getting thrown around. Not something you want happening to your little Melon, or any of her friends.Or anyone else, really.So what does a dad do when he finds out his daughter's doing some unladylike and less-than legal work (hunting demons), because she needs to keep getting a fix from her supplier?Obviously, intimidate the hell out of said supplier (a little magic ferret you've got in your pocket for safekeeping), force him to swear yakuza-style brotherhood with you, and plot to topple his boss' criminal empire....you're pretty sure there's a crime movie about that somewhere.Your own little empire is growing too - just this morning you brought on a redheaded boy named Shelby, who threw in with you in an attempt to save his sister (another magical girl), and because he's sweet on your daughter. Kid does some sort of sword magic, and works part time at the bar where you humiliated your brother in law.There's something off about him, but he's a lot more stable than he's got any right to be, given what you just saw of his father. Oh, right, you're in your office at the accounting firm, and your boss (who you suspect is a dragon), put you on the 'special accounts' once he realized that you were part of the supernatural world now.And you're planning a family barbeque tomorrow night.You know, normal dad stuff!
I am looking foward to seeing Shotgun-chan having fun making our enemy's go boom. Her inocent smile will be becon of hope for all.
>>2648573"So, Bernie," you ask your blond boss, who's still standing in front of your desk, "who on earth puts down '15 Virgins' as a business expense?"The cigarette smoke from your last client - a 'Kelly Edwards', the father of that Shelby kid who crashed at you house last night - hangs in the air. Despite the fact that this is a non-smoking office."That's an old account," Bernie tells you, "we closed it down a few years ago, soon after that statement came through. They seemed like the sort of folks who'd be bad for the firm's reputation," he finishes with a smirk.There's something in his eyes that hints that the account might not have been the only thing that got closed. And considering that Mr. Edwards' accounts look like something every alphabet agency in thirty countries would want to see, you can only guess what it would take to be 'bad for the firm's reputation'."Am I going to need to brush up on my Cayman Islands law for these?" you ask him, then say with a smirk, "or is the Bermuda Triangle a more popular location for offshore accounts in these circles? I hear it's almost impossible to trace anything that goes out there."Bernie laughs, then says "money's its own kind of magic."You still suspect that he sleeps on a pile of it."Then I guess this is business as usual," you tell him, "you pay me to handle accounts - I'll handle the accounts.""Hopefully you won't have to handle anything else," he tells you with a grin, turning toward the door, "there's a reason we don't do safety deposit boxes here. By the way," he tosses over his shoulder, "what'd your wife think of the double date idea?""She's in," you say, "Friday, right?""Friday," he tells you, and walks out of your office.Well, it's another uneventful day at the office. Your lunch break eventually rolls around.>Invite T.T. and his family to the barbeque you're planning for tomorrow>Research more magical stuff over your lunch break>Research this 'Kelly Edwards' guy over your lunch break>
>>2648628[META POST]Twitter: for rutimes and my comments:https://twitter.com/HaikuDelugePlease treat all comments about happening quest events as you would the joshing commentary of an older brother who's seen the show before. It is all in fun, and definitely not canon.Archive: for catching up on this quest: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=ShotgunDue to archiving issues, 'Shotgun' is the only tag that works.I probably need to put up a character list somewhere. Pastebin still good for that?
>>2648628>Invite T.T. and his family to the barbeque you're planning for tomorrowWe should introduce our magical girl squad to his daughter's. Maybe they've got a bad rat.But we probably should research what Kelly thinks about T.T. Don't want to spoil the mood.
>>2648628>Invite T.T. and his family to the barbeque you're planning for tomorrowCan't wait to form the Dad Zaibatsu.
>Invite T.T. and his family to the barbeque you're planning for tomorrow
>>2648628>>Invite T.T. and his family to the barbeque you're planning for tomorrow
>>2648628>Invite T.T. and his family to the barbeque you're planning for tomorrow.>Call your wife to grab some salmon to smokeI just want part 2 in the thread so we remember to do it.
>>2648639Hey I sound someone with the same eyes as Shelby!
>>2648628You dial T.T."Afternoon," he says, not messing around with the Indian accent fakeout again, "T.T. here.""I know it's short notice," you tell him, "but I was wondering if you and your family would like to come over to my place for a barbeque tomorrow night.""Hmm," he mutters, "we could probably make that work. Alice'll be glad to not cook. Where do you live, exactly?"You tell him, and hear a thoughtful pause."So," he says, "that might pose a little bit of a problem. You're deep in Pink's territory over there, and things might get a little messy.""Messy?" you ask. This guy can't be serious. There's got to be some limit to this 'turf' insanity. They'd be coming over for dinner, not starting a war!Wait. Last time you talked to her, Pink/Mary was concerned about T.T. using the power from the huge demon he'd absorbed to expand his demon hunting grounds into hers.So if he just waltzes straight in, even with his family - oh. Right. He's got a magical girl for a daughter, too.From what you've seen, they're usually not the most levelheaded people around, and go off quickly and violently.And given that arrow strike you saw last night, 'messy' might be the way to describe it."We're not on the friendliest terms," he tell you, and you feel it's probably an understatement, "so we try to keep out of each other's way.""I'll work something out," you tell him, "and let you know when I've got things arranged.""Sounds good," he tells you, "now I've got a glass of wine and a summoning circle to get back to...">Contact Harriet to see about squaring things with Mary>Before you go - know anything about a 'Kelly Edwards?'>Got any ideas what kind of magic would take fifteen virgins?>WRITE IN
>>2648628I wholeheartedly support >>2648660
>>2648795>Before you go - know anything about a 'Kelly Edwards?'He's in the same "concerned father of a magical girl" boat as us. Also he'll be joining us as well
>>2648795>Before you go - know anything about a 'Kelly Edwards?>Contact Harriet to see about squaring things with Mary
>>2648795>>Contact Harriet to see about squaring things with Mary
>>2648795>Contact Harriet to see about squaring things with Mary>Before you go - know anything about a 'Kelly Edwards?'
>>2648795>Before you go - know anything about a 'Kelly Edwards?'>Contact Harriet to see about squaring things with Mary
>>2648795Damn it QM, I want all the things!In this order:"I gotta know...">>Got any ideas what kind of magic would take fifteen virgins?>>Before you go - know anything about a 'Kelly Edwards?'We've gotta get some ground rules about the house established. Like no fights to death at our house.>>Contact Harriet to see about squaring things with MaryNow that I'm fully caught up on previous threads, Harriet's DEFINITELY the way to go when dealing with Mary. Though, with the whole emancipation thing, we should probably respect Harriet's choice to leave her family out of this whole business. Red shouldn't be too much of a problem though, since she seems to like us almost (not quite) as much as Sue. The possibly of Sue's broken home life seems pretty damned scary so we should beware on that note.
>>264881813:20 - 13:30 Voting period
>>2648795>Contact Harriet to see about squaring things with Mary>Before you go - know anything about a 'Kelly Edwards?'Let's not ask about the virgins. Don't disturb sleeping skeletons.
>>2648833> The possibly of Sue's broken home life seems pretty damned scary so we should beware on that note.Turns out her home life is totally normal and she's just a natural bitch, and recognizing this makes her more isolated from her family as she feels she has to act equally normal to fit in.
>>2648833Red almost killed us along with Shelby.
>>2648858Pinky you mean?
>>2648858Uh, I thought that was Pink/Mary.
>>2648795> Ideas for reconciling Pinky and T.T.A) BBQ is delicious B) They can fight later C) Thanks for the save last time. We are now packing slugs in case we run into armor again.Hey did we grab any of that demons armor after killing it BTW?
>>2648795>Contact Harriet to see about squaring things with Mary
>>2648877I think we just went back home after the Demon died. No real chance for salvage there boss.
>>2648795"Before you go," you tell him, "you know anything about a 'Kelly Edwards'?"You can almost hear the man start to walk around in a large circle."Ok," he says, suddenly a little more serious, "let's get this straight first - are you asking because he's after you, or asking because you want him after someone? Because if it's the first one, you need to hang up and start running.""Neither," you say - is the guy really that dangerous?...he was in your office a couple hours ago, flippantly talking about leaving a dead man's head in a public toilet. Ah.And it still smells like cigarette smoke in here."I was planning on inviting him too," you continue, suddenly wondering if that's a good idea, "he's in the same 'concerned father of a magical girl' boat as we are."There's a noise like someone spitting out a mouthful of wine."We've got some bad history," T.T. tells you, slowly."Is there anyone you don't have bad history with?" you ask the man, a little exasperated, "besides, you'll all be guests at my place, and I'm not a fan of my guests killing each other. And our families will be there - it'll be fine.""Well," he says, "if someone has him after me, I'd know by now. And his daughter's in this fix too? Well, ya learn something every day. Let me know if you get things worked out with Pink."Then he hangs up, and you text Harriet....Of course she wants to meet in person, so evening finds you, a businessman in a suit, walking slowly through a park with a black-haired schoolgirl.[1/2]
>>2648961[2/2]"So let me get this straight," she asks you, looking up at you with eyes far too old for her face, "you're trying to set up a barbeque for Mary's squad, one of the most dangerous assassins currently operating, and a man with so many enemies he goes by initials so nobody can use his true name against him?""It's a family barbeque," you say to the girl, "you know, one with a grill and steaks and hotdogs and a decided lack of magical murder.""I've only seen those three in the same place once," she tells you, "and I got hard reset pretty fast afterwards. There's no way Mary's going to meet with him on her turf unless he's surrendering.">It won't be on her turf. It'll be one mine - he'll just be passing through hers>Was last time anything like this? It's a shot at disrupting the cycle you're in>"hard reset"?>WRITE IN
>>2648992>>"hard reset"?> that implies there are other types of resets
>>2648992>Was last time anything like this? It's a shot at disrupting the cycle you're in>"hard reset"?
>>2648992>It won't be on her turf. It'll be one mine - he'll just be passing through hers>I don't suppose that she can take it easy for a day?>Wait "Hard Reset"?
>>2648992>It won't be on her turf. It'll be one mine - he'll just be passing through hers>"hard reset"?
>>2648992>It won't be on her turf. It'll be one mine - he'll just be passing through hers>I might also invite a dragon to the mix, if that makes it better>How different do these timelines get anyway?
>>264900014:14 - 14:24 Voting period. Geez, I'm writing slowly today.Nice get.
>>2648992>WRITE IN"So, in any of your loops, you must have gotten intel on all the different magical factions. Ever tried getting them to work together? How'd that go?"
>>2648992>>It won't be on her turf. It'll be on mine - he'll just be passing through hersThough he could probably portal to our place if Mary's gonna be pissy about it.>>Was last time anything like this? It's a shot at disrupting the cycle you're inIn fact, it's probably our best (and only) shot at averting the apocalypse, I would think that saving the world comes before supernatural gang warfare.
>>2649028Also:"And what the hell does Mary have against everyone not in your squad? Even in business, you don't want to alienate your competitors and set them against you. Maybe you could convince her to keep your friends close and enemies closer, you know?"
Also, if we can come up with a way invade hell to take the fight to the demons' turf for once then maybe everyone can stop piss-assing around with these petty turf wars, or at least move the turf wars into hell. More hunting grounds for everyone.Explain to me the purpose of Captchas that require you to fill nearly the whole damned grid.
>>2649052>spoilerwhen i get those, i just reload the captcha until i get an easier one.>>2648992>It won't be on her turf. It'll be one mine - he'll just be passing through hers
>>2649056what is easier than clicking everything?
>>2649066Clicking the absolute bare minimum and tell Captcha to go suck dick in hell.
>>2649066i usually get the ones that tell me to click the store fronts. they tend to be three and are quite easy.
>>2648992>It won't be on her turf.It'll be on neutral ground. How'd people like that, you think? A place where all the supernatural folks in this town could meet in peace. Talk things over. Maybe get to stopping the apocalypse instead of squabbling over turf.
>>2649000Ooh clever.Also can't we just, you know, bribe Mary to let T.T. in? If anything wouldn't she prefer to be involves in us dealing with him? Instead of us dealing with him alone?
>>2649085> The rats, thoughI feel like having our place be Neutral Ground officially is a long-term project.We need to take out the Rats first, so we are decidedly NOT neutral.
>>2649102I'm pretty sure the dragon's territory was neutral ground, and we're starting up the "Fuck the rats" faction.
>>2649102Even considering the rats, we can declare our home to be neutral ground for magical girl groups so they can meet and negotiate in a zone that doesn't belong to any of them. That could improve communication between the squads and make it harder for the rats to manipulate and isolate girls.
>>2649104>Starting up the fuck rats factionWith our bro the ferret!Another thing is that most of Mary's squad would probably work with us if asked anyway. Red wouldn't be hard to convince, Harriet thinks we're a possible savior of the timeline, Blue loves us, Melon is our daughter, and her boss is our bro.
>>2649120We gotta watch out for any negotiations with pink though, since she saved us in her territory we don't have the advantage in any talks about her joining.
>>2649130I agree, we gotta up our ante on that front and get dat gear.
>>2649120addendum: mary has a similar thought about us being the time loop breaker
>>2648992"Hard reset?" you ask. Does that mean there are other types?"It's, uh," she starts, and her expression gets a little darker, "I died."You can almost see it in her eyes, like two tiny movie screens - decapitation, a bullet slamming through the tiny forehead, explosions wiping her away instantly, deaths. Over and over, feeling the pain as she wakes up with a gasp, at the beginning again.Those aren't eyes a young girl should have.Hell, those aren't eyes anyone should have."God, I'm sorry," you tell her, really not sure what else to say, and then ask, because you can't really think of anything else, "can you do it... softer?""Maybe," she tells you, "but I've never tried. Always feel like I have to stick it out - you know, hoping like an idiot that this would be the time something showed up out of nowhere and saved us."That's, damn. And every time that hope gets crushed?You're gonna make it different this time."So," you ask, "was last time they were together anything like this?""Hell no," she tells you, "we were fighting World War Three. I'm still not sure what side Edwards was even on. Or which one dropped the bomb on us all.""I WONDER IF I FOUGHT ON THAT GLORIOUS BATTLEFIELD," the sword intones, "AND WHO HELD ME. A WAR COVERING THE WORLD - NOW THAT'S SOMETHING TO ASPIRE TO!"World War Three? With magicians on the battlefield? She wasn't kidding when she said the world ended several different ways."Well," you tell her, bringing in in your ultimate argument, "then if it's different enough, this might be a step toward breaking out. Besides, she won't be on her turf - she'll be on mine. T.T. can just portal in if that'll make her happier.""Huh," she says, jogged out of what looks like a painful memory, "that, yeah that could work."Then it hits her, and she looks at you in shock."Wait," she says, "your turf? Forget being worried about T.T. coming into her territory - you're saying you're just carving your own little bit out of it? That's gonna be a really tough sell.">Well, I've been meaning to say something about this thing I started...>Would it be an easier sell if I told her your 'dealer' works for me now?>A man's home is his castle, after all>What is Mary's problem, anyway? She never heard about keeping friends close and enemies closer, or something?>WRITE IN
>>2649143>Would it be an easier sell if I told her your 'dealer' works for me now?>What is Mary's problem, anyway? She never heard about keeping friends close and enemies closer, or something?
>>2649143>A man's home is his castle, after all>Would it be an easier sell if I told her your 'dealer' works for me now?
>>2649143>A man's home is his castle, after all>What is Mary's problem, anyway? She never heard about keeping friends close and enemies closer, or something?
>>2649143>Would it be an easier sell if I told her your 'dealer' works for me now?>A man's home is his castle, after all>What is Mary's problem, anyway? She never heard about keeping friends close and enemies closer, or something?
>>2649143>A man's home is his castle, after all
>>2649143See >>2649085If she wants to break the cycle, let's start by leaving all this "turf" shit behind.
>>2649085Supporting this.The first step in change is controlling the usage of words. And how they apply to the situation.
>>2649143>>Well, I've been meaning to say something about this thing I started...
>>2649143>>A man's home is his castle, after allAs long as I own this house and property I can and will invite whoever I damn well please, as is my God given right.If she has issues with property law she can take it to congress.
>>2649143>>WRITE INlets be honest here. the chances of a hostile demon appearing in our house are slim. And in the slight chance that would happen, the demon's energy would go towards melon's debt.
>>2649143>>A man's home is his castle, after all>>Would it be an easier sell if I told her your 'dealer' works for me now?
>>2649192And then it be our sister, who is the demons.
>>2649201>demon sis is BFF with the one we kicked back to hell
>>2649203Id be content to learn that she is or was Doomgirl
>>2649143>A man's home is his castle, after all>Would it be an easier sell if I told her your 'dealer' works for me now?Plus I mean, our “Territory” would basically just be our house and yard.
>>2649143>A man's home is his castle, after all>Besides, if T. T. Is willing to come to the table and deal with all of his baggage with everyone else she should be able to put on her big girl pants and come over to talk as well. We're all in the same boat here whether they want to admit it or not.
>>2649143I keep hearing the Millennium Blade's lines in Aku's voice.
>>2649143>A man's home is his castle, after allY'alls can't save the world and not be part of it. It doesn't work, and you don't deserve that.If it makes her feel better it's also Melons turf.
>>2649143"A man's home is his castle, after all," you tell her, "and it should be pretty neutral ground for this. Besides, what's Mary's deal? Has she never heard 'keep your friends close, and your enemies closer'?"She just looks at you and sighs."Ok," she tells you, "you really don't know how this world works. Hunting grounds and leylines are only part of it, although they're very important for magical girls and people like T.T."She stares you down, and says "it's not like we can go to the cops about anything. Vampires set up shop? Someone decides we'd be great virgins for a demon sacrifice? Enterprising magician opens a portal to Hell? We've got to look out for ourselves.""That is a lot easier to do in a defined area, where we know anything magical who doesn't have permission to be there is an enemy," she tells you."I KNEW THERE WAS A REASON I LIKED IT HERE," the sword says, "THIS SOUNDS LIKE HOME - SMALL LORDS KEEPING ORDER IN THEIR OWN TERRITORIES, WITHOUT A SHOGUN TO KEEP THEM IN LINE."That sounds kind of rough, actually."What about neutral areas?" you ask, "we're walking around in a park right now, and there's a bar that seems to be neutral ground.""It's the dragon," she says, jerking her head at your office building, "he keeps things in order near the city center. Being territorial is bad for his business - and he doesn't need to feed like we do. Frankly, he's sort of providing a service by maintaining a place like that, but even with his power, he can't cover more than a certain area.">What about alliances?>What about that kid Shelby? Everyone seemed really ok with him being around.>Why the gang terminology?>WRITE IN
>>2649288>What about that kid Shelby? Everyone seemed really ok with him being around."Except Mary. Seriously, that girl needs to chill."
>>2649288>>Why the gang terminology?
>>2649288>What about alliances?>Why the gang terminology? I was never a big fan of Rap.I get the feeling that the big reason why Shelby is not on anyone's shitlist is because he's the bartender and doesn't try to start shit too big for his britches on his own.
>>2649288>What about alliances?>What about that kid Shelby? Everyone seemed really ok with him being around.>Did you never try to unify the factions around here?
>>2649229Oh thank God, I'm not the only one.
>>2649288>all of it
>>2649288>Damn it. It sounds like the rats are doing divide and conquer. They have you fighting each other and reaping profits from both sides.
>>2649288>Why the gang terminology?>What about that kid Shelby? Everyone seemed really ok with him being around.
>>2649288>What about alliances?
>>264929415:47 - 16:00 Voting Period.13 minutes because I like round numbers.
>>2649288You've been doing this for thirty years and you haven't learned how to manipulate pinky yet? Throw me a bone here instead of telling me why this or that won't work. I'm going to save my daughter and the world, in that order, and a little girl in a pink dress is not going to stop me
>>2649288>"I KNEW THERE WAS A REASON I LIKED IT HERE," the sword says, "THIS SOUNDS LIKE HOME - SMALL LORDS KEEPING ORDER IN THEIR OWN TERRITORIES, WITHOUT A SHOGUN TO KEEP THEM IN LINE."See? What'd I tell you? Sword's got a point sometimes.>Someone decides we'd be great virgins for a demon sacrifice?Well, that's one question answered.>What about alliances?"Wouldn't it make more sense to get everyone organized? You can't go to the authorities about it, I get that now, but that doesn't mean you couldn't form some kind of magical girl union to deal with disputes, negotiate better deals.">WRITE-IN:"What if the 'enterprising magician' has a point? Opening portals to Hell to hunt seems more pro-active than simply waiting for them to show up here. Seems more convenient too, hunting according YOUR schedule, rather than the other way around. Then there'd be no need to fight over Earthly hunting ground at all, wouldn't there?"
The rats are payday loan brokers in a pyramid scheme.
>>2649288"See, that's how the rats get to you. They keep you huddled in little enclaves, separate so you can't even compare notes and figure out the loopholes in the contracts that bind you to them. That's what I'm offering to take a first step towards changing."
>>2649229Oh God dammit now I can't stop hearing it. I both hate and love you for this.
>>2649361same hear, now i cannot unhear it.
>>2649229It's perfect Anon. I don't think it can get anymore perfect since our Rat-Brother already provides the soundtrack to our fights.
>>2649288> So . . . .you DO know he's my Boss right? We're going to dinner on Friday? I handle the magical accounts now?> Speaking of which, do you girls have all your financials set up? Pretty sure I can help you out with balancing your energy payments. Which by the way are outright *usurious*, I've been talking to your Rat about it and I think we've come up with a plan to help stabilize your rates.> A plan which will probably require T.T., so ya know, long term planning.Overwhelm them with applied normality and responsibility. Fuck off thinking you can just die out of these problems like a bitch.
>>2649313Fuck your voting period look at me senpai >>2649387>>2
>>2649387votan for this,
>>2649387It's a good start Anon, let's see if we can get it through in the next Update.
>>2649288"What about alliances?" you ask, "wouldn't it make more sense to get organized?"She shrugs, raising her tiny shoulders a little then dropping them.It's almost cute, in a sort of half-drowned kitten way."Sometimes people form them," she tells you, "but it's usually in response to some larger threat, and they fall apart pretty quickly afterward. Either it's an argument about dividing up the spoils, or about whether the magician gets to keep summoning demons (and which ones he's allowed to summon), or who gets how much energy, or something else. When you're not across a border from someone, you have a lot more things to argue about.""And I think you know how arguments always end in this bunch," she says, raising an eyebrow, "you know the phrase about meddling in the affairs of wizards, right?"Alright, now that you've seen it, you're pretty sure Tolkien was right on the money. Then you've got to wonder if he saw this sort of thing first-hand too."I mean," she goes on, "if the time traveling space Nazis showed up tomorrow, we'd be right there alongside T.T. to fight them, but we wouldn't trust him enough to stick around very long afterward."Wait. The Time-Traveling Space Nazis?"Is that, uh, a thing that's actually happened?" you ask her, a little hesitantly."Of course not!" she tells you, and there's something that might be a grin playing around her mouth, "looks like I got you, though.""So," you ask, hoping to preserve the lighter note, "why the gang terminology? I was never a fan of rap, myself."Her smile fades a little (well, there wasn't much of it to begins with), and she tells you "come on. We're doing something illegal, we try to avoid the police, we run in packs, fight over territory, and solve our problems with violence. And we're basically scraping along from fix to fix from some pretty unsavory folks, who are also competing."She pauses, and the smile twists, "and you know? We're young and dumb and could die tomorrow. The whole 'gangster' thing seems to fit pretty well, actually."...You can feel the ferret in your pocket squirm in what you're pretty sure is agreement.>I'm thinking 'mafia' would be a better image to go with than 'gangbanger' - I'm in this for my family>Looks like the rats have pulled a good little divide and conquer on you all>I might have a solution to 'fix' one of those things - I think you've met Freebles already?>You've been doing this for thirty years and you haven't learned how to manipulate pinky yet?>WRITE IN
>>2649446>>Looks like the rats have pulled a good little divide and conquer on you all
>>2649446>Looks like the rats have pulled a good little divide and conquer on you all>I might have a solution to 'fix' one of those things - I think you've met Freebles already?
>>2649446>Looks like the rats have pulled a good little divide and conquer on you all
>>264945016:34 - 16:44 Voting period.
>>2649446>Looks like the rats have pulled a good little divide and conquer on you all>I might have a solution to 'fix' one of those things - I think you've met Freebles already?And this in some fashion, because damn that's good stuff.>>2649387
>>2649446>>I might have a solution to 'fix' one of those things - I think you've met Freebles already?>>You've been doing this for thirty years and you haven't learned how to manipulate pinky yet?
>>2649446>I'm thinking 'mafia' would be a better image to go with than 'gangbanger' - I'm in this for my family>I might have a solution to 'fix' one of those things - I think you've met Freebles already?
>>2649446>>Looks like the rats have pulled a good little divide and conquer on you all>>I might have a solution to 'fix' one of those things - I think you've met Freebles already?We're in a DIFFERENT sort of contract now.>>I'm thinking 'mafia' would be a better image to go with than 'gangbanger' - I'm in this for my familyCan we add "Don of Demons" to that list of titles?[/spoilers]Also, lol at the gangster criticism, meanwhile we're trying to become a magical mafia boss.>>2649387 also raised some good points.
>>2649446>I'm thinking 'mafia' would be a better image to go with than 'gangbanger' - I'm in this for my family>Looks like the rats have pulled a good little divide and conquer on you all
>>2649476Consonants ruin everything.
>>2649446"So here's a question... If you had a chance for your little gang to get ahead of the other groups and become more like a "Legitimate Business", do you think that you'd be up for it?">Looks like the rats have pulled a good little divide and conquer on you all>I might have a solution to 'fix' one of those things - I think you've met Freebles already?
>>2649446>I'm thinking 'mafia' would be a better image to go with than 'gangbanger' - I'm in this for my family
>>2649476>Also, lol at the gangster criticism, meanwhile we're trying to become a magical mafia boss.Currently the situation is a bunch of magical street gangs fighting each other and making their own situations worse.Its currently closer to a magical wild west without a sheriff, marshals and justice system.
>>2649446I was gonna vote for >>2649387,but i also got another random idea.How do you feel about studying magical contract law? My boss might know somebody who can get you as an intern so even if this isn't the last trip you can eventually know a way to break past the contract.
>>2649506>Its currently closer to a magical wild west without a sheriff, marshals and justice system.Fair point.>>2649516>even if this isn't the last trip you can eventually know a way to break past the contract.Maybe we should also come up with some contingency so she can pull us into fixing the situation earlier the next time around.
>>2649387>>2649446All of these points still. Holy fuck rush hour traffic is a special hell.
>>2649446"Seems like the rats pulled a good little divide and conquer on you all," you tell her, "keeping you at each other's throats so you can't do anything about the mess they have you in.""Sounds about right, I guess," she tells you, "never really thought about the bigger picture like that.""And I'm guessing they tell you guys to not talk to wizards, too?" you ask.She nods "Freebles was always pretty chill about it," she says, "but I know there are places where the local magical girls and wizards are virtually at war. Their... rats," she says slowly, using your word for the creatures for the first time, as if it's unfamiliar, "probably put them up to it, now that I think of it."Of course they would - the wizards are probably the only people who could figure out how to help their condition.It's actually almost beautifully done, you realize, staring at the girl. You can almost see the wheels in her head turning as it begins to fit together.The demonic infiltration of civil authority structures cuts them off from normal society.Competition for resources cuts them off from supernatural society, particularly for girls whose families aren't already in it.The secrecy and danger of their activities cuts them off from their families.Isolating the target is always the first step in abusing them, isn't it?"I might have a solution to 'fix' one of your problems," you saying, and the ferret jumps out of your pocket as if on cue.He's probably been waiting for this the whole time."Never thought you'd get around to me, bro," he says, "gonna tell her about our little contract?"You glance at him as shock flashes across Harriet's face.And then you look back at him suddenly - what the fuck?Since when has this little guy had a tattoo? Or fur dye, or whatever the hell that is?...There's an Eastern dragon coiling and winding over his back, through a field of flowers. Looks like pretty good work, too."You, uh," Harriet stammers out, the most shocked you've ever seen her, "how'd you form a contract with him? You're a guy! And what the hell is THAT?""It's the kind of contract men make," the little ferret says, standing up and crossing his front paws, "we are sworn brothers. I'll make sure you girls get taken care of."Well, he's certainly going whole hog on this thing.You shrug "well," you tell her, "I'm in this for my family. 'Mafia' is a better image than 'gangbanger', anyway."You can tell she's still having trouble processing this.>You do know I work for the dragon, right? We might be able to get those 'energy financials' in better order>We're going to have to work with T.T. if we're going to have a shot at fixing what's been done to you girls> If you had a chance for your little gang to get ahead of the other groups and become more like a "Legitimate Business", do you think that you'd be up for it?>You think Freebles might help in convincing Mary?>WRITE IN
In before we reenact the Oath of the Peach Garden with totally-not-Kiritsugu and T.T., only we're standing near a BBQ pit as opposed to a tree.Fuck, I hope we don't have to deal with a Lu Bu.
>>2649612The thing about Lu Bu is that for as strong as he was, he's kinda dumb and easily manipulated.
>>2649604> If you had a chance for your little gang to get ahead of the other groups and become more like a "Legitimate Business", do you think that you'd be up for it?Everybody but the sword is bro right now, God bless.
>>2649604>>You do know I work for the dragon, right? We might be able to get those 'energy financials' in better order
>>2649604>You do know I work for the dragon, right? We might be able to get those 'energy financials' in better orderahahahahha this ferret i swear
>>2649604>All of the options.
>>2649604>>We're going to have to work with T.T. if we're going to have a shot at fixing what's been done to you girls>>You think Freebles might help in convincing Mary?Magical ferret with Yakuza tats, I fucking love you, QM.
>>2649604>You do know I work for the dragon, right? We might be able to get those 'energy financials' in better order>You think Freebles might help in convincing Mary?I mean seriously, our Rat-Brother is getting Yak tats and everything.
>>2649604>You do know I work for the dragon, right? We might be able to get those 'energy financials' in better order>We're going to have to work with T.T. if we're going to have a shot at fixing what's been done to you girls> If you had a chance for your little gang to get ahead of the other groups and become more like a "Legitimate Business", do you think that you'd be up for it?>You think Freebles might help in convincing Mary?I think all of these are important to say.
>>2649604I'll support >>2649654
>>2649604>All of the above
>>2649654Yeah we're going to have to pick everything because Harriet is going to need a tactical sledgehammer to the thinking process.
>>2649654Agreed, lets go with this.
As a complete side note, how in the actual fuck did Freebles not get killed for his shit long before this? My assumption is most of the rats act like QB from madoka where they view shit like emotions to be a bad thing and a literal mental illness. How does rat society even function?
>>2649654>>2649604Thank god someone finally suggested this.>>2649612Lu Bubwas a bitch who failed everyone who ever relied on him and was a tragic figure at best who only made things worse for everyone around him, including his daughter.If anything, Lu Bu is our BAD END.From the sounds of it, we're up against more of an Al Capone character for the Rats.
>>2649690either nijas, or the Iluuminati
>>2649690> How does rat society even function?Easy, just like any gang/pyramid scheme so long as you move product and give your boss a cut they don't give a flying fuck.Knock off your rival in the organization? So long as you don't appear to be amassing enough power to knock off your boss, money covers all sins.So we gotta get Freebles enough energy to look successful, but not so much he looks like a threat.
>>2649680It's like, whenever a contract says you can't show it to a lawyer or waive your rights to one that's a) a lie and b) a really bad sign.
I wonder if a NotConstantine is in this universe.I feel like if he did exist then the rats would try for his daughter and have to deal with a supernatural trickster on a warpath that's blackmailed Satan at least once.
>>2649604>You do know I work for the dragon, right? We might be able to get those 'energy financials' in better orderWe going to have to buy everyone suits
>>2649756Name one time anything ended well for Constantine or any of his friends. One fucking time."Hurr Durr he tricked immortal beings of spite and power".As always when dealing with the Devil, the "trick" is getting you to do it in the first place. Everything after that is just a temporary lead until the "House" catches up.
>>2649758Go from this
>>2649604She looks at you, and then back at Freebles, then starts laughing.Once she can speak again, she looks up at you, and says "alright, if this time isn't it, I am DEFINITELY finding you next time. Freebles, what did you do to yourself?" she asks, as she leans over to pet the ferret's head."YOU HAVE FORCED HER TO QUESTION HER WORLD," the sword tells you, "AND THEN YOU PRESENT AN ABSURDITY CAUSING ALL SAID BEFORE IT TO APPEAR SANE. AND LOOK HOW YOUR BROTHER DISPLAYS HIS LOYALTY TO YOU!""All the way from the skin to the tip of the hair," she says, one hand groping through the ferret's fur.You'd bet decent money that she'd probably strangled him once, when he was with the rats."You know where I work, right?" you ask her, leaning over to take a closer look at Freebles' new markings."Yeah, you're an accountant, right?" she says, looking up at you."Nice ink, bro," you tell the ferret, scratching behind his ears as realization dawns on her face.A passing child points at the three of you, tugging at a parental hand, and you guess they asked for a ferret, since you definitely hear a "we'll see"."You work for the dragon," Harriet says with a gasp, " holy shit. You've been working for him for years.""Only at the office," you tell her, "I'm my own man here. But I just got put on the 'special' accounts, so I'm in a good position to help you straighten up those 'energy financials', or find someone else who can."There's a glimmer of hope in her face."If you've got him on your side," she tells you, "then we don't have to worry about the rats turning us off.""Ya still gotta hunt demons, though," the ferret says, "we can't have my other boss figure out we're runnin' this sorta scam on him.""It's temporary," you tell her, "and if we're going to break you girls out of it permanently, we're going to need a wizard.""So," she says, "that's where T.T. comes in.""Yeah," you say, standing back up, "and for his daughter. Edwards has a daughter with the same problem. Shelby's in it for his sister's sake.""And no other reasons?" the girl asks you, smirking."You think Mary would be up for turning this into a 'legitimate business'?" you ask Harriet, ignoring her implication."I'm not sure," she tells you, "she might just take this as a power grab - she's been in this mindset for years, and I've got a unique perspective she doesn't.""AND NOW YOU LIST YOUR ALLIES AND CONNECTIONS FOR HER," the sword intones, "IMPLYING THE OPPORTUNITY FOR HER TO BECOME ONE WITHOUT ABANDONING HER EXISTING ALLIES.">There's only one right way to do a mafia power grab - kick in the door>Well, let's see if we can talk her into it - this is her one shot at getting out of this life>Let's pitch the 'expansion opportunity' angle>We're going to need the other girls along for persuasion and/or an audience>WRITE IN
>>2649791>"If you've got him on your side,"refers to Freebles (who she's petting), not the dragon. That's a lot less clear than I meant it to be.
>>2649767Anon,that's the joke.
>>2649791>"If you've got him on your side,">Well, let's see if we can talk her into it - this is her one shot at getting out of this life.>But if she doesn't want to leave then she can still get on with some benefits.We gotta sell the idea that if the boss is alright with it then it's clean. And she can choose to walk away from this life if she so wants to or get a piece of the action.
>>2649791>There's only one right way to do a mafia power grab - kick in the door
>>2649791>We're going to need the other girls along for persuasion and/or an audience
>>2649791>We're going to need the other girls along for persuasion and/or an audience>she wouldn't turn her back on all of you... right?
>>2649791>There's only one right way to do a mafia power grab - kick in the doorTime for Mary to join up or get out of the way because we have all the leverage. Hell is she turns this into a bloodbath Harriet just resets and gets us earlier. Her position will only get worse and worse.
>>2649791> If this was a power grab, hoq does she plan to go against a Dragon, a Kitsune Clan, her own Ferret, the rest of her crew, Shelby, AND T.T.> Just saying that if it WAS, the best she could do right now is take us down with her.> Not to mention that I'm easily the squishiest person here, and that I'm still bringing her into it in a position where if she decided murder-suicide WAS the way to go then nobody could stop her.> in all honesty, who would even want to be in charge of this mess. It sure doesn't seem to make her happy at all.> She already knows what it's like to sign a shit contract as well, I can both teach her what a fair contract looks like, recommend a second opinion, and then sign one with her too if that's what it takes. I'm not scared to put myself out there for my daughters friends. Especially one who saved my ass already one time.Fucking kids yo.
>>2649833i don't know if she can pull anyone else with her, "we" might just die with the timeline
>>2649842Roses are redViolets are blueQualia doesn't existAnd neither do "you".
>>2649842Yea but we'll always be melons dad with a magical girl sister who vanished. How hard would she have to push to get us involved every time?
>>264981518:14 - 18:24 Voting period
>>2649833I'd rather we just make sure that she never has to do another reset again. The last 30 times has already been rough on her.
>>2649859Oh I'd rather avoid it as well. I'm just saying worst case scenario that Mary kills us all doesn't mean it's actually over.
>>2649852literally just let us find freebles and shit starts from there.
>>2649889kind of? the real trigger was to find that melon was a MG. We could get the wife drunk in order to know that. Seems to be easier than to find again the ferret.
>>2649897thing is finding freebles means we put 2 and 2 together cause rats are never without magical girls and if he shows up at our house and we find him like he did in this timeline we start putting 2 and 2 together.
>>2649791"Then I think it would be best if we had the other girls along for ballast," you tell her."AHH," the sword breathes into your mind, "HAVING HER RETAINERS NEAR WILL PUT HER AT EASE - THEY OUTNUMBER YOU. BUT SHE DOES NOT KNOW HOW CLOSE YOU HAVE COME TO CAPTURING MANY OF THEM FOR YOURSELF. THE VERY ALLIES SHE LOOKS TO WILL FOLLOW YOU!"The fact that the sword's advice is beginning to sound more and more sane is probably a bad thing."I'm not walking in to stage a coup," you think at the sword, "I'm just going to offer a mutually beneficial arrangement. These girls have had enough of shit contracts anyway.""YOU MAY CALL IT WHAT YOU WISH, LORD," the sword replies, "BUT IN TRUTH, YOU WILL TAKE HER POWER IF YOU SUCCEED."You look down at the ferret's yakuza tattoos. From what you know, as long as he's with you, Mary really doesn't have any good options."We're meeting up tonight anyway," Harriet tells you, "I said I'd be running late, so they're probably all there already.""Alright, brother," you say to the rat, "I assume you know where this is?""Just say the word," he grins up at you."Take us in," you tell him.And suddenly the teleportation grabs you by the base of your stomach, and you're standing in what looks like a second-floor rented office with the blinds pulled, decorated in a strange mix of cute pink things, tea china, and bric-a-brac.The girls are sprawled out on a couple of couches, drinking tea and eating snacks. Your little Melon is actually doing homework, of all things.They're shocked to see you arrive.And their jaws collectively hit the floor when they see Freebles."No way!" Sue (the bluehaired one with an unhealthy affection for swords and older men) and Karen (the redheaded thrillseeker) yell out almost in unison, "you got yak tats, Freebles!"They're on him in a flash, petting him and checking out your bro's new ink.Well, some women are into tattoos.Melon looks up at you and says, "uh, hi dad. Didn't expect to see you here. And what happened to Freebles?"Mary lounges at the end of a couch, watching you through half-lidded gold eyes."And to what do we owe this visit?" she asks you, in a very level tone.>I've got an offer to make.>I'm taking over this operation.>I was wondering if you girls wanted to come over for barbeque tomorrow night - and if I could get safe passage for a friend of mine>Freebles is my sworn brother now, Melon. He changed his look a bit. (Ignore Mary)>WRITE IN
>>2649969>I was wondering if you girls wanted to come over for barbeque tomorrow night - and if I could get safe passage for a friend of mine. As for Freebles, he's my sworn brother now, Melon. He changed his look a bit.
>>2649977A clever choice as any Anon.>>2649969>I was wondering if you girls wanted to come over for barbeque tomorrow night - and if I could get safe passage for a friend of mine. As for Freebles, he's my sworn brother now, Melon. He changed his look a bit.
>>2649969>I was wondering if you girls wanted to come over for barbeque tomorrow night - and if I could get safe passage for a friend of mine>I'm taking over this operation.I keep thinking of how The Godfather in the second movie would have done this.
>>2649977>I was wondering if you girls wanted to come over for barbeque tomorrow night - and if I could get safe passage for a friend of mine. As for Freebles, he's my sworn brother now, Melon. He changed his look a bit.>I plan to make things move forward, i a way that's good for everyone
>>2649984I figure it's a good combo. We don't ignore Mary but we show some of our cards. We're not being openly hostile but we let her know that her boss is working for us and we aren't messing around.
>>2649969>I was wondering if you girls wanted to come over for barbeque tomorrow night - and if I could get safe passage for a friend of mineNever hurts to ask first.
>>2649969>I was wondering if you girls wanted to come over for barbeque tomorrow night - and if I could get safe passage for a friend of mine>As for Freebles, he's my sworn brother now, Melon. He changed his look a bit.
>>264997718:59 - 19:09 Voting period
>>2649969Also> We're looking to change how things work. Not just who's in charge, but how the entire game is played. Part of that means getting everyone together and finding out just what game they all are playing.> Everyone coming has skin in the game, and they're sick of getting it ripped off for one person at the top. It's not enough to survive, we have to win.> Because my little girl isn't going to be fed into the meatgrinder, and you all deserve the same as her too. > You're tough kids, but you're kids and they took advantage of that with this bullshit contract. If you're going to fight, it's going to be for yourselves and your friends not to feed some parasite.> Also I have a dragon. Black Company Quest intensifiesDon't actually mention the dragon part.
>>2649969>I was wondering if you girls wanted to come over for barbeque tomorrow night - and if I could get safe passage for a friend of mine>>2650012If qm ever rejoins us from the sexy womans feom his work
>>2649977Oh shit nigga, I'm fuckin' stoked for this reaction.
>>2649969"I was wondering if you girls wanted to come over for barbeque tomorrow night, chiefly," you tell Mary, "and Freebles happened to know where your office was."At the word 'barbeque', those red and blue heads snap around toward you, and you can almost hear Sue and Karen licking their lips."YOU ADDRESS THE WHOLE CROWD INSTEAD OF JUST THE LEADER - A WISE CHOICE," the sword says into your head, "THOSE TWO DESIRE YOUR MEAT.""That had better not have been intentional," you think at the sword, "you Sengoku spook.""So that's where you were," Mary says, glancing at Harriet, who's still standing beside you, "the two of you have a nice chat?" she asks."Pretty good," Harriet says, "I think he's got a better idea how this world works now."So she's not going to give the game away herself. Well, you can appreciate that."As for Freebles," you say, turning slightly toward your daughter, keeping your eyes on Mary "he's my sworn brother now, Melon. He changed his look a bit"At this, the ferret hops up on the table, stands on his hind legs and strikes a pose.If he was really a musclebound yakuza, it would have showed off his back and the tattoo impressively.As it is, it's vaguely ridiculous, and you hear Melon giggle slightly.Mary's not smiling.You can see her putting things together behind those universal gold eyes. She knows what it means for the ferret to be figuratively in your pocket."Not sure it's a good look for you," she says to Freebles, "you need a little more muscle to pull it off."Then you see the ferret's eyes glint.Wait.If he can give himself a tattoo/dye-job like that apparently just by willpower..."Barbeque sounds nice," Mary tells you, "but that can't be the only reason you bothered to come personally.">Actually, I need safe passage for some of the other guests. My house is pretty deep inside your territory, after all.>Actually I OWN YOUR SOUL NOW. KNEEL.>Actually, I've got an offer to make.>Actually, I'm taking over this operation.>WRITE IN
>>2650064>Actually I OWN YOUR SOUL NOW. KNEEL.
>>2650064>Actually, I need safe passage for some of the other guests. My house is pretty deep inside your territory, after all. And if it's not too obvious I've got a proposition for you all as well.
>>2650064Basically what >>2650012 was about to say
>>2650064>Actually, I need safe passage for some of the other guests. My house is pretty deep inside your territory, after all
>>2650012I like this a lot but I think it would be best used when we have everyone together at the BBQ. It's a very good leader speech.
>>2650064Supporting >>2650069>"Not sure it's a good look for you," she says to FreeblesWell, that's ominous...
>>2650068As hilarious as that line would be...
>>2650064>WRITE INYou're right. You kids might be tough, and smart, and I respect the hell out of what you've gone through.But you're still kids, and from the perspective of someone whose job it actually is to deal with these things, your contract is terrible.So some other people are going to come too, and we're going to sit down, and we're going to share notes to figure out just what actually is going on.And then, hopefully, things are going to change.Because clearly none of us have the whole picture yet. Did any of you know that Freebles could sign a contract with a man? What about the magic shotgun shells?This great nation was founded on the ideals of freedom, but also on the backs of slaves. It took us a long ass time to figure out that contradiction there, but we learned that lesson deep. And what you girls are, are basically slaves with a long leash. No matter how much power you have, or how comfortable your position is.So hopefully that's going to change after this. I'm not going to tell you to stop fighting, or to give up your power. But if my little girl is involved then I'm damn well going to make sure that it is HER power, and not something that can be taken away or turned on her.You don't HAVE tonbe a part of it. It's not about turf, or clawing others down. You just have to not get in our way, for your own sakes if nothing else but also because I'll drag down anything or anyone that hurts my daughter. That includes protecting her friends. You've kept her safe when I wasn't around to do so and I won't leave ypu behind even if you don't involve yourself directly. I owe you that much. But I recognize you might not agree with what or who gets involved in this. I'm not going to talk about freedom while telling you to kneel though.
>>2650090It is a bit ominous, but it could be her just saving face. Remember that she did break down and cry in our arms despite giving off them waves of "DIE LOWLY INSECT".
>>2650083>>2650089See >>2650097Also> Don't worry Freebles, we'll show them just how broad your back really is.
>>2650101She's been fucked over hard with the line of saving the world. How many corpses do you think are in her past that tried to turn her with the promise of saving herself.The difference is, we're saying we're gonna help everyone save themselves.
>>2650064>>Actually, I need safe passage for some of the other guests. My house is pretty deep inside your territory, after all.>>I've got an offer to make
>>2650101You've got a point, but it still makes me antsy.
>>2650106Indeed Anon. I wonder if she's so desperate for a real father figure in her life like the other magical girls that we could be a real saving grace.
>>2650064>Actually, I need safe passage for some of the other guests. My house is pretty deep inside your territory, after all.
>>2650064"Actually," you tell her, "I need to ask safe passage for a couple of the other guests. My place is rather deep inside your territory, after all. And if it wasn't too obvious," you finish, "I've got a proposition for you all as well.""Showing up to proposition an entire room of teenage girls?" Mary asks you, half a grin on her face, "your wife falling down on the job or something? Alright, who's coming to dinner?"You grit your teeth a little. The joke was a little poor, but the insult to your wife was uncalled for. Melon looks a little shocked, and the room goes tense."Kelly Edwards," you start off, determined to not let it get to you, "and his family.""As long as he doesn't have a contract on one of us," she tells you, then looks at Melon, "his son's practically got a pass anyway. So who's the other one?""T.T. and his," you tell her, and her eyes narrow."Did that wizard put you up to this?" she asks."SHE ASSUMES THIS IS SOME PLOT ON HIS PART," the sword intones, "AND FAILS TO SEE YOU AS THE MASTERMIND.""No," you tell her with a smile, "actually, I invited him, and he's too scared of you to come without an ok.""Glad to hear he's scared," she tells you, "so I'll think about it. Or as certain sorts of people like saying," she says, again with the half grin, "we'll see."The temperature drops another half degree."So what's this proposition?" she asks, "what color do you want? Blue's bound to be a bit wild, but I'm sure you know that. Red's got some potential. I'm not sure you'd have much fun with black, and I didn't figure you for - oh, that's it, isn't it? You want gold?" she finishes, with a rather evil smile.There's a range of expressions on the girls sitting around the room. Your daughter is scandalized, and looks a little hurt. Harriet looks vaguely bored, and slightly disappointed. Karen watches intently, like a shark smelling blood in the water, and Sue's face is... hard to read.You just hope your is too. At least none of them look like this is even nearly normal. There's almost an electric buzz in the air.>I notice you left an option off that list. I want you.>Kids these days - no, I've got a business proposition.>Alright, want to throw down?>All of them. And you, too.
>Kids these days - no, I've got a business proposition
>>2650147>Smack her on the head.>Kids these days - no, I've got a business proposition.>All of them. And you, too.>All 5 of you are over your heads in debt and I am to get you out of it.
>>2650147>For the leader your seem to have a poor understanding of word choice. Probably how you all ended up with such shit contracts. My job is contracts and I'm looking for some more clients if you're interested. Everyone else I've mentioned that's coming is looking to break the cycle, figured you might want better for your girls as well. Unless you have some other lazy insult to chuck my way.
>>2650147>Kids these days - no, I've got a business proposition.
>>2650147>Kids these days - no, I've got a business proposition.And I'm providing free food. At least come for that.
>>2650153>>2650154This. Fusion of this.
>>2650153you know what, this
>>2650147Fuck it, I support >>2650154If she's gonna parody the part of the madam of the world's second most fucked up brothel then it probably time to wake her the fuck up.
>>2650147>>I notice you left an option off that list. I want you.To work with me.
>>2650147>I notice you left an option off that list. I want you.> I'm sure you noticed my wife as well, her people have . . . AppetitesDo this while leaning in close enough for her to smell our aftershave then> Smack her on the head> Gods help me, if you don't believe me about the appetites bit just ask Melon. I sure as hell don't want to deal with a horny teenage girl on top of that, my wife is plenty enough for me.> Honestly who have you girls been hanging around with to act like this. Seriously. I might have to have a talk with them, but in your style with the stabbing and shooting and such if they've been letting you get away with this Degrassi cliche attitude.Then we explain what Degrassi was.
>>2650147>I notice you left an option off that list. I want you
>>2650147backing this >>2650153
>>2650154>>2650111I mean I support this too.Really. So kuch to do with these kids. I feel like we accidentally bought a project home that was reno'd by the owner who is an engineer. See that? That's where the fucker put the counter over the fucking 240v range plug for the stove in the income property I just bought. Swear to fucking god, let's not even talk about the 220v he ran along the fucking underside of the bathtub to install the washer/dryer.It's also installed on top of the fridge cord, if the fridge dies you would have to rip the counter out.I mean. That's happening anyways but goddamn.Dude owned 10 houses *and this was the one he lived in*. Fucking death trap.And you ever try to get a 3m range cord?
>>2650147You can't believe this. It's so stupid, you feel almost like laughing This is worse than your dad jokes. She's just taking a perfectly acceptable word, and construing it the worst, most awkward way possible.It's just... juvenile.Juvenile.Yeah, that's exactly what it is. And exactly who's doing it to you. She's baiting you, but you see something beyond the universes in her eyes and realize she's scared beyond belief.You walked in here with her killswitch doing you homage.And she might be a goddess or something, and she might be running a small-time magical street gang, but she's also just a scared little girl."SHE PUSHES YOU AWAY TO DETERMINE IF YOU TRULY WISH TO COME TO HER," the sword funnels into your mind, "AND MISSES HER MARK BY DRIVING AWAY HER ALLIES."Maybe that's part of it too, you think, but you don't need the sword's advice.We're doing juvenile?Let's do juvenile.Before she can react, you flick her on the forehead.She jumps a little, and you say "so, is your poor understanding of word choice and context why you ended up with that shit contract? Kids these days," you finish, and flop backward onto the other couch.Some of the tension dissipates from the room, and you put your right arm around your daughter. She nestles into you. "No, I'm not here to listen to you audition for Madam of the World's Second Most Fucked Up Brothel," you tell her, "and that role's not gonna win you any Oscars, anyway.""I," you tell her, gesturing forward with your left hand, "am here to make a BUSINESS proposition. I'm an accountant, right? And you kids are over your heads in a debt that is going to kill you, or worse."You see motion near your outstretched left hand. It's Freebles, with a cigarette and lighter in his little paws.Where the hell did he get those? you wonder, taking the smoke reflexively. The ferret clambers into your lap to light it for you, and you take a puff.Wait. You just played into the little rodent's yakuza idea a little harder, didn't you?...What the hell.The smoke drifts upward, as the girls' eyes fixate on you. Universes, black pits, blue fires, red gemstones, and your daughter's lovely wide pair. She obviously got them from her mother.So this is how you get their attention, huh?"I figured I'd come talk the idea over with you, and do the courtesy of doing it at your place," you tell Mary, who's looking at you with unreadable, but interested, eyes. Apparently, you've managed to speak her language, "instead of waiting until you're at my table with a wizard and an assassin. And you know why those guys are gonna be there?" you ask her, gesturing with the cigarette for emphasis."Because their daughters are in this fix too," you tell her, and take another drag, "and they want to break this cycle."
>>2650247>your daughter's lovely wide pair.SHE'S YOUR DAUGHTER, PAL!
>>2650247"THE BATTLE FLOWS IN YOUR FAVOR," the sword says, "STRIKE WHILE THE IRON IS HOT - ISSUE A COMMAND TO HER RETAINERS. SEE IF THEY OBEY YOU WITHOUT LOOKING TO HER">Sue, open a window to let out the smoke>So, ready to listen now, Mary? Had enough of the cheap insults?>I want you all - I want to rescue you>Did you think I was all talk when I said I was going to break the cycle, Mary?>WRITE IN
>>2650252Don't you mean>OH MY GOD! YOU'RE HER DAD!
>>2650253>>I want you all - I want to rescue you
>>2650253>Harriet, open a window to let out the smoke please?Sure is a bit too obvious and Harriet is smart enough to pick up on what we're doing.
>>2650253>Did you think I was all talk when I said I was going to break the cycle, Mary?
>>2650253>I want you all - I want to rescue you>Did you think I was all talk when I said I was going to break the cycle, Mary?
>>2650254>God damn it DAD I'm your DAUGHTER.....not that I mind *blush*
>>2650253>Harriet, open a window to let out the smoke>Did you think I was all talk when I said I was going to break the cycle, Mary?
>>2650247>I want you all - I want to rescue you
>>2650253>I want you all - I want to rescue you>Did you think I was all talk when I said I was going to break the cycle, Mary?She saw us go after a demon with a shotgun, get bodied, and keep on going.Clearly, we don't back down.
>>2650253>Sue, open a window to let out the smoke>Did you think I was all talk when I said I was going to break the cycle, Mary?
>>265025821:27 - 21:37 Voting period.Jesus, an hour between posts? My timing is slipping.>>2650252>>2650254Hey, you can notice someone looks good without wanting to fuck them....And he does imply that he's thinking that because of his wife's eyes.>>2650189My father once told me "a house has no hidden perfections".At least you're not dealing with a half aluminum wiring job from the 50s.HOLY SHIT UNDER THE TUB? That guy trusts caulk a lot more than I do.Jesus, good luck getting that place together.
>>2650253>Harriet, open a window to let out the smoke please?>Did you think I was all talk when I said I was going to break the cycle, Mary?
I want to let you all know that I love you.And that this is totally isn't playing in the background while we're setting the deal down for Mary to comprehend.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4b1wt3-zpzQI can't be the only one who's got their own tunes playin in the background to this quest.
>>2650253>>Sue, open a window to let out the smokeWith The Most Serious Dad Face we can muster:>>Did you think I was all talk when I said I was going to break the cycle, Mary?(Gentlemen, I dare say we just came into our own as Yakuza Dad thanks to the rodent.)
>>2650282I'm down with being Yakuza Dad. we just gotta be the dope as fuck version. Actual honor, protect our turf and those in it. This freaky world is fucked and basically lawless, let's enforce our own order.
At some point please remind that we need to have the kanana a drip of sake for him.... he deserves it too.
>>2650281You are most definitely not the only one with tunes, Anon. Although, I've been listening to the RWBY soundtrack lately, so not quite as appropriate. Let me break out the 60-70s Japanese funk.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TA9LVzuC7z4>>2650287Wholeheartedly agree, Wholesome Yakuza Dad all the way.See Captcha, I don't mind when you ask me to identify Vehicles. Its when you ask for Cars and only give me Trucks that bothers me.>>2650290True. Though, I think at some point we're gonna need to seriously consider giving TYB to Sue. They seemed to get along quite well, as much as I love getting feudal-era advice.Also, I'm quite amused to see my brothel comment made it into actual dialogue, QM. Many thanks.
So we are going Yakuza Good Dad when it comes to things like managing people and Doomguy Dad when it comes to fighting.In other words, our stance seems to be “if you’re with us I will support you and make sure to get you to a better position, but if you’re actively against us and a threat then you get a face full of gun.”Badass.
>>2650287>>2650282Nah man.We're true blood American.
>>2650299>implying we won't be the great peacemaker of the planet to deal with the absolute fuckery that is the rats.
>>2650300We are General Patton in the flesh were we rain down magical missiles in air and have a massive fuck you wave on ground with TT and Edwards.
>>2650297Maybe accidental Yak daddy, we ain't getting a tattoo though. We are totally going to get a tattoo by magical fuckery.
>>2650312No anon we are a Demon Lord descendant
>>2650253>Harriet, open a window to let out the smoke please?>So, ready to listen now, Mary? Had enough of the cheap insults?
>>2650312I wonder if we could get a magical tattoo or something similar that would enhance our durability.Captcha WTF are you doing? I'm not a bot. Stop giving me codes.
>>2650314Yo Buddy, Still Alive?
>>2650253Seems like decent advice, but you can't quite decide on who to ask."Someone," you say, leaving it up to fate, "crack a window for the smoke, hey?"To your surprise, it's Karen who flits toward a window in a flurry of red hair."THAT IS IT," the sword whispers into your mind, "SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO WAS DOUBTFUL, AND SHE WAS THE ONE WHO RAN TO DO YOUR BIDDING. YOU HAVE WON. YOU MAY DEMAND SURRENDER - RICE FOR YOUR STOREHOUSES, WOMEN FOR YOUR SOLDIERS, THE PRECIOUS THINGS OF THE HOUSE FOR YOUR OWN. BUT TAKE NOTHING FROM THE SHRINES, AND NOTHING THAT IS DEDICATED TO AN ANCESTOR OR A GOD..."You tune out the sword's list of how to plunder a Warring States' warlord, and stare Mary dead in the eyes."Did you think I was all talk when I said I'd break the cycle, Mary?" you ask."Yeah," she breathes, "but Christ, you're playing this game like you've been in since you were a kid.""Maybe I have been," you tell her, taking another puff, "you kids might be tough, and pretty smart, and I respect the hell out of what you've gone through. I can't imagine what your life's been like.""But," you say, leaning over the table between the couches, "your contracts are terrible. I'm going to do what I can to change that. And nobody in on this has the full story.""What's the first thing you do to someone when you're going to abuse them?" you ask her.The question hangs in the air like the lazy gray smoke from your lips."You isolate them," you tell her, "you cut them off from anyone who could help them. You make them think that if they went for help, it would be even worse. Unfortunately, that's got a ring of truth for you guys. But that's only a ring, not the real thing. You know why you're told to stay away from wizards? Because they might be able to free you from the control the rats have over you.""So," you ask, "want to give T.T. safe passage for tomorrow night? It's why I invited him, after all."...Then she does the last thing you'd expected.She gets up off her couch, and kneels, KNEELS before you.It's like something off a Conan book cover - a girl in each arm, a kneeling foe...WAIT.How the hell did Sue get up against your left side without you noticing?"What oath do you want me to swear?" Mary asks you.>The yakuza one is pretty good - you'd be my sister, and I would be your older brother - Freebles, you want to get the stuff ready?>I don't want you to swear>Fealty as a feudal lord under me>WRITE IN
>>2650344WE FULL FAN FICTION LEVELS NOWWE GOING FULL YAKUZA
>>2650344>I don't want you to swear, I want you to be free.>But if you insist, then the yakuza one is pretty good - you'd be my sister, and I would be your older brother
>>2650344>>Fealty as a feudal lord under meSHOTGUNSHOGUN
>>2650344>The yakuza one is pretty good - you'd be my sister, and I would be your older brother - Freebles, you want to get the stuff ready?It ain't broke and we've always been in this for family, why not grow it a little? Dad Zaibatsu!
>>2650344>>WRITE INNo oath. Just a promise.Promise me that when I'm on my deathbed, the last things I see are you girls, happy and smiling, with families and loved ones by each of your sides.
>>2650344>The yakuza one is pretty good - you'd be my sister, and I would be your older brother - Freebles, you want to get the stuff ready?While I would love the Fealty choice i feel that it would leave a sence of resentment in mary and make her feel like she is under use. Thou she is regardless it will work better if she doesn't think she is
>>2650358This! This is great!
>>2650344>>The yakuza one is pretty good - you'd be my sister, and I would be your older brother - Freebles, you want to get the stuff ready?I just want y'all to know, I'm very sorry for this.>>2650358>Promise me that when I'm on my deathbed, the last things I see are you girls, happy and smiling, with families and loved ones by each of your sides.I also like this a LOT.
>>2650344>>2650353Supporting, don't force her to swear any oath. But give her the option if she feels like she wants to.
>>2650358>>2650344This too. It's too sappy to not be included. It's our literal end game.
>>265035222:14 - 24 Voting period.I just feel like I have to post this every thread: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMT1aAbnCLQ
>>2650358>>2650344This should be a part of what the MC says regardless of our own choice.
>>2650344>The yakuza one is pretty good - you'd be my sister, and I would be your older brother - Freebles, you want to get the stuff ready?
>>2650367De facto opening theme?
>>2650344We are not in this as some sort of power grab. We don’t need her to swear anything, just try to help us get them all out of this crap position they’re all in.They’re basically all our clients in a business venture.
>I don't want you to swear, I want you to be free.>But if you insist, then the yakuza one is pretty good - you'd be my sister, and I would be your older brother
I feel we should try to be a shining beacon of NORMALCY for the girls. Hope for a happy life. And that means not going along with their fucked up worldview. More Responsible Adult, less feudal warlord. At least openly.
>WOMEN FOR YOUR SOLDIERSUh, sword, if you hadn't noticed. Our "soldiers" in this case are mostly women. How well do you think that's gonna go over?
>>2650389I agree.>>2650391I believe the sword is thinking less in terms of "reproduction" and more "get them someone that will help them get their rocks off".
>>2650344Another Supporting >>2650358
>>2650376>They’re basically all our clients in a business venture.If you think about it, that's exactly how organized crime works.I admit, although I had no idea that things would go this way, I'm really a fan of the whole 'gangstas getting pulled into The Family'/Yakuza aesthetic that we seem to have wandered into.Or, in short "Magical Girl Mafia".>>2650352>WE FULL FAN FICTION LEVELS NOWYou're going to have to explain what you mean by that.Are we talking https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVFIxz4B6Js ?Because that's what I think "full fanfiction levels" means.>>2650391>Our "soldiers" in this case are mostly women. How well do you think that's gonna go over?Last I remembered, our 'soldiers' were us, a ferret with a tattoo, and a teenage boy.The sword has a definite streak toward giving the usual advice for Sengoku/Warlord armies in general, not just ours.
Something I'd like us to keep in mind until later: I want us to research why Harriet got the power that she has. I mean, looping exactly one year? That's really specific. How much can the rats control how a MG's powers manifest? Are each of them specialized tools? Are they shooting for some angle? Do they know about the apocalypse, and is she their attempt at preventing it? Or does the loop power have to do with Harriet's will to save her friends? But if so, why did she get that power before the first loop even started?
>>2650344>WRITE INPinky swear.
>>2650352>>2650353>>2650356>>2650360>>2650363>>2650373>>2650386Are Weebs the new furries? No, they are the original furries.> Can't play a red blooded American male on this boardWell at least there is Thug Quest.Maybe I should be in time for a vote for once if I want to change things.
>>2650408The answers will be revealed later when OP makes them up. Until then, don't stress it.
>>2650410Avoid those. The way everyone around us works the more likely that ends with people maiming themselves.
>>2650414Maybe, but I always find bitching to be the more efficient routine.
>>2650414How is Thug Quest? I see it pop up every now and then, and I'm curious about what makes it interesting.
>>2650421It's a crime quest set in america in the 80's. Great heists and solid characters. Also, Cat a qt
>>2650425Thanks Anon. Sounds like I should give it a read sometime.
>>2650425Alex best girl though.
>>2650420Well. It's more fun at least.
>>2650344>The yakuza one is pretty good - you'd be my sister, and I would be your older brother - Freebles, you want to get the stuff ready?>Promise me that when I'm on my deathbed, the last things I see are you girls, happy and smiling, with families and loved ones by each of your sides.
>>2650344"The yakuza one is pretty good, brother/sisterhood and all that," you tell the heap of linen and lace in front of you (she went frilly at some point), "but I don't want you to just swear to me - I want you to be free. What if I go nuts?" you ask her."Then I kill you," she tells you, laserlike eyes transfixing you, "if I can.""That's what a real sister would say to her brother," you tell her, smiling, "Freebles, get the stuff," you tell the ferret.He returns seconds later with sake, glasses/dishes, and those same three drunken banners he made in your garage.Dude's efficient, if nothing else."So promise me," you tell her, "promise me that on my deathbed, I'll see you girls happy and smiling, with families and loved ones by your sides."She - almost blanches."I can't promise you that," she says, "but I'll promise you that I'll try - And I know I'll fuck up. I might fuck everything up. But dammit, I'll try to do a good job. and I'll do it even though I don't know if I'm ready for it. That enough?"That's, uh, rather like what you told her being a father was like.Exactly like it, if you recall correctly."I'll drink to that," you tell her, and then you do."Eldest brother," she says to you, once the ceremony concludes, "we are yours to command."...You could swear there's the hint of a terrifying smile in that face."Sist-" you begin, and then you're back THERE, watching your sister dive into Hell, "sister," you continue, fighting it down, "you are mine to defend. We're going to change how things work, and we'll win somehow."Mary stands up, and throws herself at the other couch. There's a little yelp as she lands into Harriet, but they sort things out.Very, very friendlily."We might have a problem with the two groups you want to come through m-your territory," Mary tells you, settling in against Harriet, "if their daughters are magical girls, they're not on Freebles' contract. We're going to have to deal with that before they can really be ours.">Surely one night at a family barbecue won't be a problem?>Freebles - can you take a contract off another rat?>What if their rat went down in a 'demon attack' they couldn't stop? And Freebles took the contracts over?>Let's sort that out later.>WRITE IN
>>2650408If I had to guess, she became a magical girl when things started REALLY going to shit the first time (WW3 and all that) and was in the position Melon was this time around, wanting to help/save her friends.>>2650416Perhaps, but it doesn't hurt to bounce theories around while we wait.>>2650414Alright, I'm gonna try even harder not to be an asshole here: Have you perhaps considered that A) the QM provided that option for his own reasons, B) that so far the people we've encountered operate a particular way and we're going with what they'll best understand, C) we're already knee-deep into some pretty heady "weeb" shit here what with magical girls, fox-brides, and sengoku swords so it's a little late to bitch about "weebs", D) there isn't another such cut-and-dried ritual bonding experience we can draw on, because if you can come up with one, I'm all ears, but so far this has worked, if we're gonna change how this freak show works, we're gonna need to be EFFECTIVE.Also, I think we all trust the QM to make the right narrative decisions in keeping with our dadliness. We get to put in our two-cents, sure, but a hell of a lot of this still depends on him, because we might've voted for a couple sentences, but we're still gonna do it in the dadliest way possible.Also, did you even notice that a lot of people also voted for >>2650358 ?We've had plenty "red-blooded American dad" moments. So give the xenophobia a rest, please.
>>2650453>>Freebles - can you take a contract off another rat?>What if their rat went down in a 'demon attack' they couldn't stop? And Freebles took the contracts over?
>>2650453>What if their rat went down in a 'demon attack' they couldn't stop? And Freebles took the contracts over?>Freebles - You can do that right?
>>2650453>Freebles - can you take a contract off another rat?>What if their rat went down in a 'demon attack' they couldn't stop? And Freebles took the contracts over?
>>2650453>Freebles - can you take a contract off another rat? What if their rat went down in a 'demon attack' they couldn't stop? We technically have one we could call on.
>>2650453>>Surely one night at a family barbecue won't be a problem?>>Freebles - can you take a contract off another rat?
>>2650453>Surely one night at a family barbecue won't be a problem?
>>2650453>>Freebles - can you take a contract off another rat?>>What if their rat went down in a 'demon attack' they couldn't stop? And Freebles took the contracts over?
>>2650453"Deal with that" how, exactly? I mean, surely there are conventions for meetings between MG groups. Freebs, you know their rat? Could you call for a parley or something?
>>2650453I like this, I'm supporting this Anon's post.>>2650468
>>265045623:07 - 23:17 Voting period.>>26504144chan was founded by weebs, for weebs, etc.If you didn't want weebs, you shouldn't be in a thread with 'magical girl' in the title.Although, honestly, I like red-blooded American Fatherhood too. And a lot of other things.This quest is a weird blend of Americana (as anyone who was in Rock Quest should know) and whatever weeb I think fits naturally into it.So hey, if you like this blend, stay in here. If not, eh, stay in here and nettle other folks. Or get out. Whichever.>>2650455>I think we all trust the QMI'm humbled by your faith.
>>2650453>>>Freebles - can you take a contract off another rat?>>What if their rat went down in a 'demon attack' they couldn't stop? And Freebles took the contracts over?
>>2650453>2650453>Write-in>Aqcuire Daughter and cuddle with her
And so began the strongest threat to the dominion of the rats over the megucas...Parental Guidance.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2gEkdPZOM8
>>2650481Found this vid on yt, seems very relevant.
For some reason I really want to see Deculture's magical girls in this quest. Having this MC interact with Malal et all would be great.
>>2650479Completely safe father-daughter cuddling, not the kinda cuddle/spooning we do with the wife.
>>2650455Jesus take a chill pill. The whole weeb thing has been a running topic since the beginning, and the QM provided the option because he's just here to have a good time.Personally I thought pointing my own lack of timing for the votes was displaying self awareness that it's not a serious issue, but I apologize for not making it super duper extra special clear.> Another ritualPinky swear was both a Dad pun, and ironically a common Japanese trope but not really ironically because I'm not so insecure as to be rabidly against/for anything.Same as when I was "against" getting a yak tattoo. Read the spoiler in that post.If you want to call me out, pay attention. Who the fuck do you think you are you little shit.If I was going to e suggesting other bonding experiences it would be Blood Brothers, a classic American tradition between friends and also a magical theme given the whole demonic angle and subtext of contracts written in blood since the MGs are pre-deminic beings from a certain point of view, and it could even give us some measure of control over them if they DO flip their demonic switch.Bam. I can pumpnshit like that out all day. Instead I made a Dad Joke and poked fun at the weebery as is tradition since the beginning.In the future don't bother to "try even harder to not be an asshole" because I'm not a thin skinned bitch who can't handle people saying "seriously fuck off with the weeb criticism. Learn to love the degeneracy." Or something. I'm not like that guy earlier passive agressively guilting the QM by saying he isn't going to post outside of votes. And I sure as hell am not going to respect you slapping my face while pretending being civil is some strenous burden like I insulted you personally. Believe me, when I insult you you'll know it because it will be with the same tone of deep disappointment you've never heard your father talk to you without.That was one, because I really don't appreciate being condescended to. Doesn't feel good, does it. Maybe next time you'll try constructive criticism instead of confrontation. Maybe you'll speak with actual respect in your tone instead of implying that I deserve your assholery but you're holding it back as some sort of service or favor.I think I've mad my opinion of ypur post perfectly clear, but feel free to come at me about shit again and see what happens. Fuck I'm not even serious about 90% of this post, the shitposting just comes to me.
>>2650477Honestly I don't mind the weeb aesthetic, and I have been ragging on it a little hard and could back off.I mean. NO JOHN, YOU ARE THE WEEB is my state of being. I got deepest 3 kingdoms lore going on with Lu Bu and I'm totally down with getting some yak tats.The only thing I'd like to see is the MC not having deepest weeb lore, honestly. Which has been happening, so I don't even really have any complaints. I'm just drinking and I get a little shitposty when that happens.
>>2650503>Jesus take a chill pill>Here's a fucking wall of text about itMaybe take a breather yourself there friend.
>>2650507hey, look at me, im never sober
>>2650503>>2650477Okay I get REALLY shitposty when I drink.> Feels like banished quest all over againI'll stop shitting up the thread now.
>>2650481>>2650484 I don't think it's possible to find something more appropriate than this.
>>2650503Jesus, I got excited thinking this long ass post was an update by QM.Its just anons arguing about weebery. We are in a quest involving Magical Girls and a kitsune wifey. There is going to be some fucking weebness. The only weeb part is from Freebles giving us the Yakuza idea, our wife's family sword, and the fact that the only warlord title that rhymes with Shotgun is Shogun, specifically they only really rhyme in English. So yeah, good amount of Weeb, but well explained weeb.The real question is, when we talked about "Our daughter's wide-eyes" that reminded us of our wife, WHY did NO ONE make a redneck joke?! Goddamnit!
>>2650510>>2650511Self awareness came like, right after hitting the post button.Really there should be a tipping point where if you're drinking enough to post that shit, it should ask for captchas drunk people can't solve.
>>2650503>>2650455I want to let you both know that somewhere out in the wild blue yonder of the cosmos. Someone is shipping the two of you together. And is arguing with other Anons of it's kind about how the two of you are it's OTP or some shit.
>>2650519>You can take the redneck out of the country, but you can't take the redneck out of his daughter.
>>2650521I'm down for a hatefuck. I'll keep my cowboy boots on if they wear a kimono.> He who fucks my woman, I will fuck in the ass and make them my woman in turn.
>>2650521I think that >>2650503 is the bitchy Uke who argues until >>2650455 slips it down his throat by force to shut him up.
>>2650520Definitely been there. If a post is over a certain length and you're not op there should be some boxes asking if it's the depression or the booze talking.
>>2650481>You and your trusty shotgunDamn. It's like it's tailor made.
>>2650519Because it was talking about our daughters wide eye, not her wide brown eye.Gotta keep it Christian with the poop hole loop hole.
>>2650521you know what, i ship this now.
>>2650530Nah, anal only happens once she starts getting experimental or loose. Otherwise it is daily blowjobs after school and nightly "tucking in". God, it's like you have never watched Law and Order SVU.
>>2650477>I'm humbled by your faith.You've made the Sword of Aku and a Yakuza Kyubbey expy. You've more than fucking earned it.
>>2650527It's called being a power bottom. I generate all the power.
>>2650538And if you do it right break pelvises.
OP, write faster, these bored anons are getting out of hand.
>>2650538Yeah, but deep down you get off on the idea of taking care of your man and feeling him pop inside you. God, what is this thread. Quest all about magical girls and a beleaguered dad and here we are shipping anons in the thread and writing smut-fictions about anons instead of chars.
>>2650481I found this rather amusing.
>>2650453"Freebles," you say, leaning back into your couch and hugging your daughter, "can you take a contract off a rat?""Yeah, Boss," he tell you, lounging off your lap into Sue's, "if I can make him give it up - it's mine. It's like shaking down a strip club.""So," you ask, ignoring the implications, "what are the chances their rat shows up at an event like this?""Pretty goo-" Mary and Harriet both begin, then stop when they realize they're echoing each other."He'll definitely show up at some point during the night," Mary tells you, evidently the spokeswoman, "you have a plan?""I might," you say, and stroke the little ferret (without stroking Sue), "what if there was a 'demon attack' they couldn't stop?""If they REALLY couldn't stop it," your brother ferret says, "he'd pull the plug on one of his girls, and hope she killed all the demons before the rest of her team put her down."That's... wow."So we'd need to make him give them up completely voluntarily?" you ask, hoping that the nuts atmosphere of the rest of this world filters over into his."Before we tried a false flag?" your brother asks you, "yeah. But there are some other things we could try," he says, giving you a wink, "contests. There's a good mythological tradition of it.""You want to go bare knuckle boxing with him if he shows up," you ask, "are you sure about this, bro?""Yeah," he tells you, "I know who's operating in my town - and I'd like to give any of them a facefull of claws. Trust me, brother - I'll come out on top.">That sounds like a decent idea>What if we - pumped you up a bit?>Alright, things seem good here. Go hunt demons, or whatever you do.>WRITE IN
>>2650541I do not regret starting this fire one damn bit.
>>2650547>What if we - pumped you up a bit?TRAINING MONTAGE GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
>>2650544When the chemistry is right the chemistry is right. Besides everyone is down for a hatefuck, all the fun of fighting with the bonus of orgasms.Also this is 4chan, we all have the attention span of autistic hamsters that just snorted cocaine.
>>2650551>>2650547This. But song will we use?
>>2650536Funny story I grew up without cable and got into anime on VHS bevause I didn't have the chance to normalize with regular hut my friends parents owned a Rogers Video. So I got to watch all the Robotech and Slayers series, Lodoss etc in the 90s when anime was good and not just a downward spiral of edgy deconstruction or "gap moe" pandering.> You will never see Venus Wars on a tube TV in highschool anime club with fan dubs, then have the crazy girl insist you feel her 16yo "Gainax Boobs" nd realize that sometimes 2D becomes 3DMy weeb predates the internet. Playing LOtRD on BBS, paying Innkeepers to murder their patrons and getting beat with ugly sticks.
>>2650553This song of course!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9D-QD_HIfjA
>>2650547"I was thinking we could do something with the magic you'd get off of demons. Can you get magic from the remains of demons? And if that's the case, can we refine it into something more... addictive?"How about we add in a little Breaking Bad in this crime drama?
>>2650547>What if we - pumped you up a bit?Get the protein powder, shit's getting real.
>>2650541Nyan Nyan>>2650553> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8DTNZEJeQt8> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EhGEGIBGLu8
>>2650557SQUATS AND OATS ANONQUATSANDOATSANON
>>265055123:54 - 00:04 Voting period, you know the drill.>>2650503>Pinky swear was... a Dad punHoly shit I missed that.>Blood BrothersThe 'Sworn Brothers' thing is basically equivalent, but might not be, in certain supernatural contexts.I enjoy having you in here.
>>2650558We're gonna use Holy Diver when we get our "power up" to rescue our totally-dead-sister from hell.
>>2650553> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WDH4NFCAe5gTanya a shit. A SHIT.
>>2650547"Just to be clear, Freebs, thisisn't a death match you're talking about? Because if you kill him, he'd rat us us out to Home Office before we're ready."
>>2650563I figure that would be better for the slow walk through the hell portal with the full crew to wreck shit.
>>2650563Nah man, that's Rainbow in the Dark.
>>2650547>What if we pumped you up a bit?>>2650552Not our fault that the plot of a Shonen-ai/Yaoi manga fell into our laps. Probably turns out that these guys go to the same college and will somehow meet up without knowing it. The awkward sexual arguments irl, followed by the shitposting fights online eventually resulting into >>2650549 pushing >>2650455 onto his dorm room bed and pulling his dick out and sucking it until he is hard enough for >>2650503 to force it into himself and ride him with a smug smile on his face until >>2650455 cant stop himself from blowing his load and questioning his sexuality. Then >>2650455 realizes he is a "Shitpostosexual".
What if we give him a small shotgun.
>>2650569Anon I think you need another beer.>>2650568Anything by Dio works for that moment.
>>2650571Yes. YES YES YESYESYESYESYESYES!>>2650565>>2650558>>2650555All good suggestions. Pulling for https://youtu.be/ZTidn2dBYbY myself.
>>2650567Possibly. I was thinking more this> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0wipbTj4z0EFuck I remember burning a bunch of these to DVD to play on my ps2
>What if we pumped you up a bit?>>2650569WAT U SAY NIGGA???
>>2650569I'm mid 30s and a Wolf, like gay community wolf not a faggot wolf. 5 years away from getting my Daddy card and picking up a flip twink.
>>2650554I somehow remember seeing parts of RotLW on normal television as well as a show were the ultimate technique was a guy magically flying into his enemy and exploding them from the inside and Robotech, still got the PS2 game somewhere friends loved it at a sleepover. Also Yu Yu Hakusho, Knights of the Zodiac but those are normal non-DBZ Toonami/Adult Swim stuff. The worst part, I was attending a Christian School at the time YYH was really on Adult Swim so when I stayed up late and saw it come on I would say "Oh Great, it is Witchy girl sin sin hour" thinking Boton riding her oar made her a witch and it was supporting witchcraft. I gave it a chance on Toonami and loved it, and it took until I was a highschool senior to find and watch the entire dubbed series.
>>2650503>Same as when I was "against" getting a yak tattoo. Read the spoiler in that post.I didn't realize you were that guy.>don't bother to "try even harder to not be an asshole"I was actually trying NOT to be a complete douchebag because I don't wanna be responsible for driving people away from Haiku's quest with either my comments or my votes. I want everyone to have fun.>I'm not like that guy earlier passive agressively guilting the QM by saying he isn't going to post outside of votes.See? That's the guy I was trying hard to have civil discourse with yesterday. So yeah I've actually been trying to restrain myself from stomping all over the anti-weeb vote. So I apologize for the confusion.>>2650507>Honestly I don't mind the weeb aesthetic, and I have been ragging on it a little hard and could back off.Man, honestly, the reason I came out swinging was because of whats-his-face yesterday. If we're joking around then cool. I just got irritated because I thought it was the same "hey let's shit all over an entire portion of the quest setting because America" bullshit that I just find illogical because of the options we keep getting.>>2650521LMFAO>>2650541>OP, write faster, these bored anons are getting out of hand.What else is new?>>2650569Jesus Christ, is this the subplot that goes in the "eyecatcher" sequences before and after the episodes' commercial breaks or the Lucky Star-esque post-episode "fan show"?
>>2650574A solid choice.>>2650571Let me introduce you to the wonders of pinfire pistols. He can have a bandolier of them and fire and drop them. Have each one carry a magically charged shot, or he can use it as a focus to overload as a grenade.> You make my Dad a Yak, I make your Ferret a Cowboy based on a character in a game made in Japan
>>2650581> I didn't realize you were that guy.Nigga you are so far behind the times. We're past all that now.
>>2650579Then you can be the unnecessarily young looking professor power-bottom-domming the genius student who throws all of your pre-conceived notions and half of your research out the window. Smiling smugly as you make him cum and beg you to stop, but eventually he lovingly progresses your work while you ride him into oblivion and slowly you both lead each other down a new path of exploration towards your scientific goals resulting in.. I dunno.. figuring out that butt-sex creates free-energy that can be harnessed by hooking fundoshi up to a dynamo while playing a video of your relationship development?My only question is now, how many of my professors did I shitpost against in college... Got a couple professors that I totally would have demolished, pretty much all of them female though. Sad that most male profs let themselves go, only one I had that didnt was also my middle/highschool science teacher and that just makes it weird. Like wanting to bang your dude friends. Just results in an instinctive "NO" and stops all thoughts there.
>>2650574I can see True Survivor as a Family/Magical Girl Training Montage Theme.
>>2650554>my friends parents owned a Rogers Video>Slayers seriesWas I just arguing with a fellow Canadian weeb on top of everything else?>>2650587>Nigga you are so far behind the times. We're past all that now.Nigga, I type slow. Sue me. We cool?
>>2650585> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bCc4SWFETM0Just as good as .22LR "Skull rattler" bullets
>>2650593> Was I just arguing with a fellow Canadian weeb on top of everything else?Fuck yeah bud, just about to go out for a rip, puck up some darts and a 2/6
>>2650595Absolutely perfect. Get him a vest lined with those.
>>2650605You can just buy them online.
>>2650588You're really putting a lot of thought into this subplot.
>>2650588There's always that one cool highschool science teacher whose class is 50% blowing shit up.
>>2650608>anons latching on to random ideas and taking them to thier logical conclusionyou must be new here
>>2650608He's typing one handed.
>>2650611Welcome to 4chan, where the quest to save our daughter turned into Yakuza Quest while an anon makes porn from shitposting.No one is surprised.
>>2650593>Sue meGo to sleep Sue
>>2650547"Sounds like you need to get a little pumped up," you tell the ferret. Little guy might not realize what you mean."I mean you need a training montage," you tell him, a smile on your face.He smiles back, with his sharp little rodent teeth."Let's do it, bro!" he says, "and I think we're done here."...one look at Mary's face would have told you that.You've got to live up to this end of things, you think, and then your small intestine feels like it's been ripped away."Pretty sure you don't believe a 'heaven' will save us," you tell the ferret, as you fall into your garage."Would you really," he asks you, "trust a larger supernatural power to save you? Given what you've seen?"Well, that's a decent argument."Rising up," he tells you, "back on the street - ""Fine," you say, "want me to be your spotter, bro?""Yeah," the little ferret sweating on the miniature weights bench tells you, "let's do this. Rising up to the challenge of our rival."You really do not want to talk about the various ferret-sized Rocky scenes you saw during that episode.It's the eye of the tiger, it's the cream of the fight.The eye of the tiger.>Time for the Thursday Night Barbeque!>There's someone you should talk to before that [WRITE IN, and WRITE IN QUESTIONS]>WRITE IN
>>2650609No, pretty sure he was one of the epitomes of a Christian Man, never cheated on his wife, adopted a couple kids. Was all about disciplining yourself, practiced martial arts and worked out. After all the high school girls and college girls asking him "Is there 'anything' I can do to improve my grades" his response was always "Yeah, study harder." Guy refused to pass people if they didn't actually know what was going on because he was a Doctor and knew that it would be peoples lives on his head if he let them pass for a blowjob when they didn't deserve to pass. "Dr. let me pass please, I will do 'anything'." "Will you study harder for the next test?""Umm.. er...""That's what I thought..."Pretty much heard that exact line of dialogue come out of his office while I was waiting to get my exam results early from him for my Human Anat and Phys results from him. Pretty cute girl walked out too, so the man had some fortitude. My sexually starved dick would have probably done it if I didn't think of how many people she might have killed as a nurse.All I can say is either he has some discipline or his wife is a saint for keeping him happy.
Seriously though, how happy is the sword right now?After years of being the sword of our jobber brother in-law, now it gets to finally be in the hands of a proper "Lord" once again?
>>2650617>Time for the Thursday Night Barbeque!IT'S TIME TO GRILL!
>>2650617>Time for the Thursday Night Barbeque!
>>2650618>All I can say is either he has some discipline or his wife is a saint for keeping him happy.If he was turning down pussy left and right I can assure you, what she was doing was far from Saintly.Not that it's a bad thing mind you, a happy sex life makes for a happy marriage after all.
>>2650617>Time for the Thursday Night Barbeque!Time for food, speeches, and plotting.
>>2650617>Time for the Thursday Night Barbeque!HO BOY, TIME FOR THE SHITSHOW!
>>2650617I can't think of anyone else we should be talking to...PLOTWARD HO!>Time for the Thursday Night Barbeque!
>>2650617>Time for the Thursday Night Barbeque!It's time to oil up!
let us bbq some good smoked salmon
Hey what do you guys think about matching leather jackets for the gang?https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btPJPFnesV4
I wonder if we'll get a episode for a Day in the Life of Melon.
>>2650650>OH MY GOD IT'S MORNING!>OH MY GOD SHELBY MADE BREAKFAST!>OH MY GOD THE BUS IS LATE!>OH MY GOD SCHOOL IS BORING!>OH MY GOD I'D LOVE A SLEEP OVER MARY!OH MY GOD IS THAT MY DAD?>OH MY GOD MARY ACTUALLY KNEELED!>OH MY GOD! THAT'S MY DAD :D!>OH MY GOD SUE! THAT'S MY DAD!
>>2650654>Melon must T-Pose to assert dominance over Sue and her dad-hoarding ways.
>>2650655If we don't make it this loop Harriet will make sure that all the girls get adopted by us ASAP in the next loop.
>>2650648I was thinking something more Utena like.
>>2650657>New game plusFor some reason we have 5 wives and all of our first born daughterus are or became megucas
>>2650654Hi my name is Marion. Last week my Dad found out I'm a magical girl then it all come crashing down. My mom is a kitsune and I'm a half demon. I have my friends who is also magical girls but Mary scares me sometimes. But when I see Dad that he wants me to become a normal girl I was...happy? Sad? I mean I want to save people Dad should understand that. But Dad doesn't want me to become like them and I agree too but then more and more supernatural happened unto us. Dad obtained a ghost sword (which I was almost humped by sue) And now his boss is a fearsome dragon. Now he forged an alliance where he will gather the greatest magus, assassin's, contractors and US. To fight for our destiny. Well good luck to us.P.S. Shelby is cute but please don't tell my Dad<3
>>2650678Achievement Unlocked: Found Melon's Diary
>>2650672We ARE the Magical Girl, but we transform into our wife!Like, a Ladyhawk kind of deal but with magical . . . Okay so pretty much exactly Ladyhawk.> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0BTs66JAgM
>>2650680Day ???To be honest I lost count how many days I have been dodging fate every seconds but from every loop I go it always gets worse and worse it seems like it's always set in stone. Like I don't have a way of doing it. I tried different scenarios and everything but it's always the same. Not until I met Marion's Dad. He is normal in every way. He only caught out accidentally in this mess yet he wants to....help us. I don't know what can a single human can do. But more days pass by he also accumulate stronger allies more than I have done in 30 cycles. If ever I fail this cycle I know what I will do. To the future me who will find this notebook. Go and meet Marion then meet his Dad. Then break the cycle together.P.S. I wish I have the same Dad as Marion too maybe....[redacted] [Unintelligible]-scraps of Harriet notebook
>>2650689Next loop, our wife winds up giving up her secret first, then she and Melon do their own magical girl thing without all the shady rat bullshit. Op success.Actually, Harriet, I just had an idea.
>>2650691>inb4 all it took to avert the crisis was common sense and experience in dealing with contracts.
I think Haiku is out for the night guys.
>>2650703June 15, 2018Never forget
>>2650704In the eeeeeeeeyes oooof the angels>FLYYYYY AWAAAAAAY FROM HEEEERE
>>2650701My dick is out for the night.
>>2650617>"Pretty sure you don't believe a 'heaven' will save us," you tell the ferret, as you fall into your garage.Not voting or anything. This actually brings up a good point. What the fuck is the church doing if there are massive amounts of demons everyone snatching souls like they're candy on halloween? Did they mostly get taken over by demons at some point or something and the Vatican is their last uncorrupted spot?
>>2650723They're busy with Vampires over in Europe, obbvy. Nazi Vampires.Not to mention the Fae. And as for American churches> Are they taken over by Demons?Signs point to YES. Or they're just in it for the community.Except for Mormons. Turns out their God is real, he's just an autistic power source controlled by the Church and is more of a philosophical zombie more than a sapient individuality as we know it.Or not. But it's fun to toss that shit out.
>>2650701I feel like he's watching over us from the warm and soft embrace of an alcoholic coma, smiling up at his screen as the last glass of rotgut spills from his limp hand
>>2650701Yeah. Seems like I collapsed after my last story post.Hopefully I'll be back questing within the hour.
>>2650754>They're busy with Vampires over in Europe, obbvy. Nazi Vampires.Don't forget South America>>2650758Well that got dark fast.>>2650888In fairness, it was a pretty good place to stop for the night.
>>2650617You've seen some things, but there's just nothing like 'spotting' for a magic ferret as he lifts weights.The little guy is insane. Anything that weight should have crushed him.He's soon lifting YOUR weights. A fucking ferret benching 300lbs?Jesus. They'd better hope he doesn't enter into Mr. Olympia, at this rate."Alright, bro," he says, sweat beading off his furry forehead, "your set.""How the hell are your going to spot me?" you ask him, eyeing those little limbs of his."I've got my ways," he tells you, "now get on the bench, bro. I never figured you for a wuss."Of course, you're not. And you trust your sworn brother, right?"9," he counts, "one more, you can do it! Gimme that ten!" he finishes, as you lock out at the end of your session."Christ, bro," you tell him, leaning against the wall of your garage after the punishing workout, "I've still got to deal with my wife.""Lucky you," he says, lighting up a cigarette, "try finding an eligible female ferret.""I'll see about that," you tell him, "sometime. Right now, we've got a barbeque to prepare for."Luckily, your day at the office is awfully uneventful, even with your 'special' accounts. Seems like the firm has 'dropped' a number of accounts in that field, often very soon after they tried expensing virgins, the Shroud of Turin, '25kg of ground shaolin monks', 'dragon's blood', or other things like that.You can't exactly say you're sorry.Eventually, you're choosing steaks and sausage at the grocery store, and then head home.You'd planned for this party, after all.>Kelly Edwards and his crew show first>T.T. and his family pop in out of thin air>Mary's squad walks up to your door>WRITE IN
>>2651035>>T.T. and his family pop in out of thin air
>>2651035>Kelly Edwards and his crew show firstWe could use more than one rushed meeting with the guy, imo.
>>2651035>benching 300lbswait, we fucking bench 300lb!?!holy shit. i thought the images weren't references of our looks.>T.T. and his family pop in out of thin air
>>2651035>Kelly Edwards and his crew show firstKinda wondering if we should have had the foxy wife reach out to the other wives as well.
>>2651035Don't forget salmon. You can smoke it after the bbq.>Kelly Edwards and his crew show first
>>2651035>WRITE INThe female demon we defeated at the mall shows up, looking for the one that forced her into submission.
>>265104010:20 - 10:30 Voting period.Somebody make sure T.T. and Edwards aren't tied, won't ya?>>2651045These things happen.>>2651047>Kinda wondering if we should have had the foxy wife reach out to the other wives as well.>Implying she hasn't already
>>2650617"Let's do it, bro!" he says, "and I think we're done here.">...one look at Mary's face would have told you that.What was the look?
>>2651073that's the look of unquenched thirst.
>>2651062Wanna bet some fucking Devil shows up out of nowhere because it thought this all looks so interesting?The situation actually fulfills some esoteric part of a contract it has with T.T that he agreed to while drunk out of his mind
>>2651071>Somebody make sure T.T. and Edwards aren't tied, won't ya?No>WRITE INT.T and Kelly Edwards show up at the same time
>>2651035You walk in the door, kiss your wife, and notice your daughter is absent. She should have been home from school hours ago."Honey?" you ask, "where's Melon?""Oh," your wife tells you with a wink, "she wanted to be part of Mary's 'grand entrance'."Well, that's not ominous at all.Then there's a ring at your doorbell. A look out your peephole shows T.T., a rather attractive woman, and a couple of teenage girls.You open the door."Good evening," you tell him, "glad to see you here.""Likewise," he tells you, then glances at the scene of your wife enthusiastically smothering his in an embrace, "I'm pretty sure they've known each other longer than we have.""Probably," you tell him, "would you like a drink, or just a seat?"[1/2]
>>2651035>"try finding an eligible female ferret."Every time we knock something off the to-do list we replace it with something else. I wonder if we can wingman our bro down at Edward's bar?>>2651089Thirding because I'm a dick.
>>2651097I'm sure Freebs can take care of his own love life. Seriously, we don't need to micromanage every detail of the setting
>>2651095Before he can answer, a silver Mercedes drifts into your driveway.That's, well, beautiful driving, if a little hair-raising. So that's Kelly's ride, huh?Then a beautiful woman steps out of the driver's seat. White hair flows in the wind, and her red eyes shimmer behind that gauzy curtain."Evenin'!" she says - definitely the woman you'd talked to a couple days ago.A veritable army erupts from the car's various doors. Kelly himself. Shelby (wait, did he climb out of the trunk?). A smaller girl with red eyes and white hair.And some shadows. You can almost see a taller, white haired man standing behind Shelby, and a few other shapes.It's like the images your sword brought out to fight Sue.And suddenly, they dissipate into the afternoon sun."You weren't joking, were you?" T.T. says to you with a wry grin, and then whispers "this is going to get complicated - everything involving teenagers does.">Greet the Edwards'>Tell T.T. that you're not letting anyone play 'spin the bottle' in your house>Oh, it's not complicated yet. Just wait>WRITE IN
>>2651097Wasn’t Freebles made using a human soul? Do the Ferrets even reproduce amongst themselves? Do they have genders, or just ferrets that identify as one gender or another based on their past lives? Are the ferrets actually attracted to other ferrets, or do they still prefer humans of the opposite gender, due to their prior lives? Thing to try and avoid thinking about.
>>2651118>Tell T.T. that you're not letting anyone play 'spin the bottle' in your house>Oh, it's not complicated yet. Just wait
>>2651118>Oh, it's not complicated yet. Just wait>Greet the Edwards'
>>2651095>"she wanted to be part of Mary's 'grand entrance'."If Mary goes for an overly grand queen style or yakuza style entrance, I say we douse her lightly with the hose and point with dad style "This is a BBQ not a Grand Ball.>>2651118>Oh, it's not complicated yet. Just wait>Greet the Edwards'
>>265112611:00 - 11:10 Voting Period.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBoRkg5-IegEAT SLEEP QUEST REPEAT
oh god this is just like my movie script. Except with more mahou shoujos, thus better.
>>2651118>>Greet the Edwards'
>>2651118>>Oh, it's not complicated yet. Just wait>>Greet the Edwards'
>>2651118"Complicated? Not at all. Just a simple barbeque">Greet the Edwards'
>>2651118>Complicated? No complicated is the thoughts going through your head when you get home to a destroyed house and finding your daughters head in your wife's business before realizing it's a triangle choke. This? This is just a friendly barbeque.
>>2651118"Oh," you tell the wizard, "you haven't seen complicated yet."Mary and her crew haven't shown up yet, after all. And your wife did say 'grand entrance', which has you a little worried.T.T. shoots you a puzzled look, but by then you're striding toward the Edwards'."A pleasure to have you here tonight," you the woman, "Mrs. Edwards?""Oh," she tells you, smiling with a look you're pretty sure could melt steel, "just call me Iris!"Kelly Edwards sidles up and takes her arm - before you even notice.So is that how he got his reputation for assassination?"This is my wife, Iris," he tells you, with a look in his eyes that seems to say 'and if you touch her, I will kill you, and it will be as messy as I can make it', "I believe you've spoken on the phone?""I think we have," you say, a little taken aback. She's, well, rather more ...refined than you'd assumed from the voice over the phone, "welcome to my house. The barbeque's in the back.""If someone's taken out a contract on anyone here," you whisper to Kelly as he passes you, "we are keeping this on the street."He grins at you."If someone had," he whispers back, turning a little as he passes you, "do you think I'd be here?"He just might, if he thought this would be a good venue to take out a target, you think....and then the grin vanishes from his face, and he stares past you, his jaw going slack.You follow his gaze, and see Mary's crew rolling up. In suits.Oh god, the ferret was bad enough already."I hope we're not late," the pink-haired girl tells you, "has the party started yet?">No, we're all just headed to the backyard>Mr. Edwards - you'd better not have a contract on ANYONE here>I think you're seeing 'complicated' now, T.T.>Ok, what are those shadows behind you, Kelly?>WRITE IN
>>2651192>No, we're all just headed to the backyard
>>2651192>>I think you're seeing 'complicated' now, T.T.
>>2651192>>No, we're all just headed to the backyard
>>265119811:26 - 11:36 Voting period.>>2651138>oh god this is just like my movie script.To be fair, a father finding out his daughter is addicted to something, and engaged in unsavory business to keep getting her fix, then responding to it by beating her dealer into submission and becoming a player in the criminal world to secure his daughter's supply would be a really decent crime drama.
>>2651192WRITE INRight on time, little sister, head right inWhispering; ok, T.T we're approaching complicated now.
>>2651210It would. And I'd hate it because he's using his daughter's problem as an excuse to seize power and climb the underworld instead of putting her in detox. That ain't moral, you know?
>>2651260to be fair, we can't just simply detox our daughter.
>>2651192"No," you tell her, "we're all just headed to the backyard.""Right, guys?" you ask the two other fathers standing on your driveway."Jesus Christ," T.T. tells you softly, standing his ground next to your door, "this is what you meant by 'complicated'."Edwards has to use one hand to prop up his dropped jaw. The other one is still threaded through his wife's arm."I'm not sure you've met my wife yet," you tell Iris, "I think you two might have a lot in common."She gives a quick look at her husband, which gets a quick nod, then dashes inside."You're right on time, little sister," you tell Mary as she draws up her squad on your driveway, "if nobody has any objections, let's go out back.""And by objections," you continue, raking your gaze over the people standing in front of your house, "I mean that there's going to be NO magical driveby murders back there. No honor killings. And definitely no assassinations. Are we all clear? Does anybody have business they need to settle out front before you're all officially my guests?"There's a chorus of shaking heads and muttered 'no's, and then they file inside."I just wanted you to get me safe passage," T.T. whispers as he passes you, "and you took over Pink's operation? In a day?""I just want what's best for my daughter," you tell him, "just like you. Now let's get into the party."You join the crowd inside your house, and see the three mothers already deep in... very animated conversation. Everyone else is milling around, and there's a little tension between the different magical girls.>Listen in on your wife and the other moms>Talk to Edwards' daughter>Talk to one of T.T.'s girls>Grab your meat and head to the grill>WRITE IN[Current theme: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3aKe8n6NLo]
>>2651270>Grab your meat and head to the grillWe the grill master.
>>2651270>Listen in on your wife and the other moms
>>2651270>>Talk to Edwards' daughter
>>2651270>>Talk to one of T.T.'s girls
>>2651270>Round up the men and head to the grillWe can get information from the wife later
>>2651270>Grab your meat and head to the grillI would absolutely love to see how our wife got involved with us back in the day from her PoV. Because shit like this is exactly why she married us. We see something we don't like and we change it no matter how impossible it seems. We don't even question if it's possible, we just make it happen.
>>2651270>>Grab your meat and head to the grill>give a beer to all the dads.
>>2651270>Round up the men and head to the grillSounds like a good option to start things off. Maybe grab pink as well and or Shelby
>>2651270>Grab your meat and head to the grill with the dadsThe classic "bunch of dads around a grill talking about how they cook their meat"
>>2651270I'm confused, why aren't T.T and Edward confused that we called mary "sister"? That would send some red flags to them, wouldn't it?
>>2651270>>Grab your meat and head to the grill
>>2651300I think they're in shock.
>>2651270>>Grab your meat and head to the grill>>2651283>>Round up the men and head to the grill>>2651289>>give a beer to all the dads.>>2651292>>The classic "bunch of dads around a grill talking about how they cook their meat"
>>265127312:05 - 12:15 Voting period.>>2651300>That would send some red flags to them, wouldn't it?>"I just wanted you to get me safe passage," T.T. whispers as he passes you, "and you took over Pink's operation? In a day?"T.T. knows.Edwards probably knows - but he's officially 'neutral as fuck'. He might be after you today, but you might be paying him to off someone tomorrow.
>>2651270You grab the meat off the counter, and your wife leans in to peck you on the cheek."We'll make sure nobody gets in too much trouble in here," she whispers in your ear, "I can shut down any of them, if they start something."That's, uh, not exactly why you married her, but it would have been a damn good reason, you realize, as her teeth graze your earlobe."Dear," T.T.'s wife (Alice?) calls out, "did you remember the beer?""Yes, honey," he tells her, "it'll be out back.""Alright," you say, looking around, "men - to the grill!"It's an ancient ritual, probably going back to the cavemen - men bonding around a fire.T.T. and both the Edwards guys follow you outside. Shelby runs to grab the electric starter for you, and Kelly lights up.The red-suited wizard gets an odd look on his face, tells you "I'll be back in a minute," and teleports out. "So," the assassin says, taking a drag of his cigarette, "you're the new boss around here, huh?""Something like that," you tell him, getting the charcoal ready, "I'm just in this for my family - want to get my daughter out of this mess.""And starting your own criminal empire was the best way to do it?" he asks you through narrowed eyes, "can't say I ever thought of that. Wanted my kids to stay out of this mess, but hell," he tells you, blowing out a cloud of smoke, "they just find their own ways to get in."Suddenly, T.T. walks through a portal in front of you, several boxes of beer under one arm, a few bottles of wine gripped in one hand, and...Is that a keg on his shoulder?"Glad Alice reminded me," he tells you, by way of explanation, "I forgot the stuff back at my place."You wonder whether the supernatural world is the real reason Prohibition failed, for just a second, as Kelly Edwards grabs a beer from T.T. and rips the cap off with his teeth."I never thought you'd be going on a beer run for me," he tells the wizard, as he takes a drink, "'specially after that time in Japan."The magus grimaces, and looks like he's about to say something, but Shelby comes back just then, and T.T. stops himself.As you stick the starter into the charcoal, Kelly hands a beer to his kid. "You serve this stuff, hey?" he asks, "nothing wrong with you having a bit yourself, then.">So I hope you know why I've gathered you together today>"That time in Japan"?>Just chitchat around the grill [WRITE-INs APPRECIATED]>You brought a KEG to this thing?>WRITE IN
>>2651356>>Just keep my girls away from the booze, I'm trying to get them on the straight and narrow.>>So I hope you know why I've gathered you together today
>>265136112:50 - 13:00 Voting period.
>>2651356>So I hope you know why I've gathered you together todayBecause I sure don't. I'm in over my head and completely in the dark about all kinds of crap that I probably have no idea about, so I was hoping you guys could enlighten me. Like, what's a Natural? How did the rats get here? If there are demons, are there angels? And has anyone in the history of the world ever managed to get a magical girl out of her contract?
>>2651356>invite Mary over>so I hope you know why I've gathered you together todayTime to expand the family.
>>2651356>(looks at the keg) "Good call T.T.">"I can't take all the credit. That katana my brother in law had on him that night me and T.T. went out drinking has a Warring Period era spirit residing in it, and it's advice has been oddly helpful for this situation.">So I hope you know why I've gathered you together today
>>2651356>Just keep my girls away from the booze, I'm trying to get them on the straight and narrow.>>So I hope you know why I've gathered you together today
>>2651356Seconding >>2651361>>2651370None of that stuff matters. We need to let them know what we're planning and why it's necessary to work together. Whatever beefs they had don't matter. If they want to stay neutral they can fuck off because the reason we got all these people together is for our girls. If they have a problem with that they don't deserve to be called Dad.None of this is for us. It's for all of them.
>>2651356>>You brought a KEG to this thing?I'm kinda impressed.>>2651374>"I can't take all the credit. That katana my brother in law had on him that night me and T.T. went out drinking has a Warring Period era spirit residing in it, and it's advice has been oddly helpful for this situation.">>"That time in Japan"?I'm morbidly curious, but at the same time I'd kinda like us all to have clean slates with each other here considering:>>So I hope you know why I've gathered you together today>>2651372>invite Mary overThis might be a good idea but I'm not entirely sure it's time yet. We might need to lay some initial groundwork first. I mean, the other dads already have a pretty good idea what we're after, but I think we need to make it clear to them.>>2651384>None of that stuff matters. We need to let them know what we're planning and why it's necessary to work together. Whatever beefs they had don't matter. If they want to stay neutral they can fuck off because the reason we got all these people together is for our girls. If they have a problem with that they don't deserve to be called Dad.None of this is for us. It's for all of them.This guy gets it. It's one of the reasons why we went to bat T.T. at Mary's place. We gotta make it clear that we're all friends and family going into this together. Not just some alliance of convenience. It's cards on the table time, we HAVE to be able to trust one another with our lives. We've got daughters to liberate and a world to save, damn it.
>>2651356"HE BRINGS YOU TRIBUTE, AN OFFERING TO SECURE YOUR FRIENDSHIP!" the sword screams into your mind, "ALCOHOL! THE BEST TRIBUTE!"That's, uh, one way of looking at it. He's definitely the good guy here, your college instincts tell you, bringing enough alcohol for the whole party.Probably more than enough."Good call, T.T.," Freebles says, jumping out of your pocket, "looks like enough to have one hell of a party!"That's probably the last thing you need. Magical girls and wizards are bad enough. DRUNK magical girls and wizards...And the other two fathers are staring at the tattoo'd ferret in shock."Your kids can do whatever you let them," you tell them, before they recover, "but I want my girls to stay away from it. I'm trying to get them on the straight and narrow.""I hope you know why we're all here today," you finish, staring them down."Obviously," T.T. says, and you're sure he's been pregaming, "we're here to party! And, man," he continues, "this is gonna get wild! No hard feelings about Japan, right?" he finishes, putting an arm around Kelly's shoulder. Somehow, the wizard has a wineglass in his hand."None at all," the assassin says, taking another swallow of beer, "that was a hell of a bad job. You know, I put that client on ice afterwards," he tells the wizard with a smile.This thing is taking a turn you really hadn't anticipated. You were ready to stop a fight - but stop a party? A party you started?"Really?" T.T. asks him, "you dog! But yeah, that whole thing was seven kinds of screwed," he finishes, then fixes you with an oddly sober look."Obviously you didn't call us over for a normal party," the wizard tells you, "we've all got daughters in debt to the rats. And why the hell does that one have yakuza tats?" he asks, gesturing at Freebles."I'm his sworn brother!" the ferret pipes up, "and this is the symbol of my loyalty!"At that, Kelly Edwards bursts out laughing, and Shelby has a look on his face as if he's wondering whether he'll have to get tattoos or dye his hair white or something."You fucking turned one of them?" T.T. asks you, "you're something else, man. But that doesn't help my girl.">Not unless my bro Freebles takes over her contract.>It's a temporary solution - and I need your help to find a permanent one>I hear alliances are usually temporary, against some huge threat - and I'd say the threat to our daughters is pretty big>Fuck it, let's party>WRITE IN
>>2651455>>Not unless my bro Freebles takes over her contract.>>You could say your girl's rat is going to be given an offer it can't refuse.
>>2651455>>Not unless my bro Freebles takes over her contract.
>>2651455>Not unless my bro Freebles takes over her contract.>You could say your girl's rat is going to be given an offer it can't refuse.>>2651461Good one
>>2651455>Not unless my bro Freebles takes over her contract, though ultimately that's a temporary solution - and I need your help to find a permanent one. This isn't an alliance of convenience, this isn't making some criminal empire, this putting a stop to this bullshit permanently so that no one else has to see there kids caught up in this shit like us.
>>2651455>Not unless my bro Freebles takes over her contract.
>>2651461Haha, this works for me.
>>2651455>Not unless my bro Freebles takes over her contract.>You could say your girl's rat is going to be given an offer it can't refuse.>It's a temporary solution - and I need your help to find a permanent one>Speaking of solutions, need any backup with the first shakedown, Bro? Extra muscle, or iron in your back pocket?
>>2651455>>It's a temporary solution - and I need your help to find a permanent one
>>2651455>Not unless my bro Freebles takes over her contract.>It's a temporary solution - and I need your help to find a permanent one
>>2651455>>Not unless my bro Freebles takes over her contract.>>You could say your girl's rat is going to be given an offer it can't refuse.>>It's a temporary solution - and I need your help to find a permanent one
>>2651455backing this >>2651475
Holy shit, haikus back! Some day you have to finish Lauras misadventures, but this shit is hilarious! good to have you back.
>>2651455>Not unless my bro Freebles takes over her contract.>It's a temporary solution - and I need your help to find a permanent one>You told me your daughter in magical debt. My day job as Kelly knows is an accountant. Our short term goal is to figure out how to balance the girls budgets so the situation doesn't get worse.
>>2651455Backing up this nigga 'cause he know what's up >>2651475
>>2651518Yes, we're no longer in a Godless universe, and we can postpone the memorial ( >>2650703 ) for another day.
>>2651534>>2651518It's truly a glorious day to be had.
>>2651455"Not unless my bro Freebles takes over her contract," you tell him."A hostile takeover," the ferret says, turning his back to show off his tattoos. And with the bulk he's put on overnight, they look pretty impressive.Wait, overnight? Is he on magic steroids or something?"Befitting a legitimate business enterprise," he finishes proudly, his smile showing off two rows of sharp little teeth."You could say," you tell the wizard, "you're daughter's rat is going to be given an offer it can't refuse."He gives you a blank stare, as Kelly Edwards' laughs change to a noise like he's trying to expel his entire lungs through his throat. Shelby's there all too quickly with a rag to sop up the blood spewing from his father's mouth.As if he's used to dealing with this sort of thing."But that's only temporary," you tell the wizard, "we're going to need your help on a permanent solution. Yer a wizard, T.T.""So that's it," he says, smiling, "that's why you brought me here tonight. Different magical girls, different rats, different genetics. You're hoping I can examine them and find some common thread to break their contracts?""If that's what it takes to put a stop to this bullshit forever," you tell him, staring dead into his kindling eyes, "so nobody else has to see this happen to their kids.""I'm," Kelly says, blood still dripping from his mouth, "upgrading you from 'my accountant' to 'a pretty swell guy'. Damn glad I came over tonight.""Alright," T.T. tells you, "you want me to start examining the girls now, or a bit later - after they're sloshed? The second one's going to be a lot easier.">Do it now.>Let's wait for a bit and just enjoy the party [SUGGEST SOMEONE TO TALK TO]>Please tell me you're JUST making this sound creepy for laughs.>What the hell is that cough, Kelly?>WRITE IN
>>2651537>>Please tell me you're JUST making this sound creepy for laughs.
>>2651537>Examine them how exactly?
>>2651537Jeez, we need to get Kelly some replacement lungs or some shit, before he coughs one up.>Let's wait for a bit and just enjoy the party [Kelly's Daughter maybe?]>What the hell is that cough, Kelly?
>2651537>Please tell me you're JUST making this sound creepy for laughs.>Do it now.Want to get the samples taken before the other rat(s) show up.
>>2651537>>Let's wait for a bit and just enjoy the party [SUGGEST SOMEONE TO TALK TO] the girls
>>2651537>Please tell me you're JUST making this sound creepy for laughs.>Do it now.
>>2651537>Examine them how exactly?>Let's wait for a bit and just enjoy the party [THE GRILL]>Please tell me you're JUST making this sound creepy for laughs.
>>2651537>>Please tell me you're JUST making this sound creepy for laughs.>>2651544>>Examine them how exactly?>>2651557>Let's wait for a bit and just enjoy the party [THE GRILL]We should keep one eye on the grill so we don't fuck up. Or we could hand that off to Shelby I guess.
>>2651537>Let's wait for a bit and just enjoy the party the other magical girls
>>2651537>Examine them how exactly?>Please tell me you're JUST making this sound creepy for laughs.>Let's wait for a bit and just enjoy the party [T.T. daughters]
So here's what I have for a plan so far:Step 1: Secure the contractsStep 2: Ascend from debtStep 3: Reign in every asset we haveStep 4: UNLEASH THE HORDEStep 5: Skewer the furred beasts (little bro excluded)Step 6: Wield a fist of ironStep 7: Storm HellStep 8: Freedom
>>2651580I'd put Hell as number 2. We need demon juice to fuel our army.
>>2651580The debts can't be repaid, the plan as I understand it is to prevent a default by keeping up the above minimum amounts needed to keep all the Magical Girls afloat. This is done by making sure the girls are contracted to rats under our control. This way they can claim the contracts are being upheld and keep giving the girls their fix. The rats' bosses will keep seeing demons being killed and check off the progress none the wiser.As I understand the rat bosses only check that rats are meeting their quota, not that all the girls they contract are meeting some minimum kill count. The girls' kill count is due to the rats rationing the magic to them, which we can now bypass.
>>2651587>>2651594I'm not sure if I should be happy that I got a response at all or sad that it seems they either missed the reference or it was just that bad.
>>2651537>>What the hell is that cough, Kelly?>>Let's wait for a bit and just enjoy the party [SUGGEST SOMEONE TO TALK TO]lets go talk to the waify to see how things are going on her end.
>>2651601Not all of us have forgotten Vorkuta. Too few left it.
>>2651594Well, the price is increased by them transforming every time to fight a demon. So what we have to do is gather demonic energy without forcing them to transform. It would take a shitton of demons though because apparently the debt is huge. The question is, how do they benefit, I might have missed some stuff. The ferrets gotta be making some kind of net profit off this, but if it costs more energy to transform than killing a demon gives what is the point? Do they only get credited for a portion of it? I assume this is based off Madoka, never watched it just wondered how it worked there.
>>2651626Well, they said that their main goal is to stave off the heat death of the universe, so they may not be having the girls kill the demons for the magical power so much as they're having them kill them to prevent some other catastrophe from taking place that the demons destroying earth would cause.
>>2651594>The debts can't be repaid, the plan as I understand it is to prevent a default by keeping up the above minimum amounts needed to keep all the Magical Girls afloat.The debts can be repaid. The problems the girls have are the following:>Income is being heavily taxed - Every demon kill is sending a heavy percentage directly to the rats and their boss.>High service fees for transformation - The girls are being charged for every transformation and power use.>High Interest rates increasing debt - The rats seem to be freely giving out credit with crazy interest rates. >Powers only accept one valid form of "currency" and it is rat company script - Rats have set it up so that the girls need one specific type of magical currency to finance their powers. You could have 140 Million yen but would be unable to pay off a 1 Million US dollar debt if the debtor only accepts dollars. You have enough money but it is not in the right form to pay the debt.>>2651626The Rats are handing out charge cards and double dipping at multiple points.
>>2651537"Please tell me," you say to the half-drunk wizard, "that you're JUST making that sound creepy for laughs. What kind of 'examination' are you talking about, exactly?""Why do you think I drink?" he asks you, "magic's not pretty. That contract's binding their souls. And, from what I can tell, it's bound up in their," he pauses, and an odd look flits across his face, "femininity. Somehow."If he's implying what you think he is, you'd be well within your rights to punch him out right now. This guy's got to be kidding you."Are you," Freebles interjects, bristling up a bit, "talking about laying hands on my bro's daughter?""No, rat," he says, with an angry look, "I'm talking about touching her soul, which is probably worse, even if your kind does it as a business. I can't exactly describe it to someone who hasn't done it."He puts his hand to his forehead."Getting wasted makes it all easier," he continues, "it's like how someone who hates you when sober will pour out their secrets to you when they're blackout. It's a lot... easier to touch them, their soul, when they're drunk.""I'm not making this sound any less like sex, am I?" he asks you, with a sheepish look on his face."No," you tell him, "not really. But you're making it sound just different enough that you're talking to my face and not my fist. Freebles," you ask your ferret, "is this guy on the level?""Yeah," the ferret tells you, "the contract's on their souls, and that's a rather... delicate thing to touch. Takes a lot of training even for us - to not get drawn in or think of it as something personal.""Seems like you haven't gotten that second part down, human," he tells T.T., probably still mad about the 'rat' comment."And he's right about the rest, too," Kelly says, with a voice like death dragged over gravel, "shamans have been getting high for ages to touch souls, and other magic. Why do you think the demons regulated the hell out of everything that can get you there?"You guess it sort of makes sense, in a twisted way. All of this is starting to sound too much like a half-baked conspiracy theory. And you're glad T.T. at least feels like it's something personal, or seems to have a good idea of how much weight it has.You wouldn't even be thinking about letting him try it on your daughter if he didn't.>Stay with the guys at the grill>Wander back inside>WRITE IN
>>2651626>>2651638>>2651639I feel like we need to talk to Freebs about the Boss Rat. He's been very evasive on the subject so far - is there a magical NDA?
>>2651640>>Better get the wife on this, fairly sure she's been fiddling with my soul since we got married.
>>2651639So what if we construct a massive demon blender and dip each of the girls into the resulting demon-smoothy afterwards. Just create a portal right into the next Hell-Rock-Concert and make a few thousand demons fall into the Demon Blender flip the switch and have the girls chug like fratboys?
>>2651640>WRITE INT.T, if you think we need to do this, we should do it honestly. Ask the girls openly, explain to them what the point of it is. Give them the right to refuse. I want to be better than the rats. No underhanded deals, no going behind people's backs.
>>2651639>crazy interest rates.Interest rates from what? I don't remember the girls having to pay anything off besides transformation, and the initial surgical procedure to transform.
>>2651640>>Wander back inside
>>2651640>Wander back inside>Also talk to wife about this and get her take on it.
>>2651649>>2651655Actually want to support this too, make sure we come clean with them about it.
>>2651640this >>2651649then>Wander back inside>Also talk to wife about this and get her take on it.
>>2651640I support >>2651649>>2651655 has a point too we should probably also talk to the wife about it.
>>2651640>Stay at the grill>We've got one other long term problem we might have to start fixing once we figure the way out of those damn contracts.The apocalypse or at least magical WWIII is coming according to our resident fortune teller. The accuracy needs work since we don't know how it starts, so we need to look out for anything that might cause it incase she can piece together how to stop it. I think we can agree that we don't need to manage to get free only for everyone to die right afterwards. You guys got any ideas on what might cause that within the next (however many homuhomu said itll take) months?
>>2651640>Talk to the wife about soul touchingBecause that shit just sounds like a powder keg waiting to go off.
>>2651640>Wander back inside>Honey, going to need you, Mrs. Edwards and Mrs. T. to hear this. Need to be on the level and such.
>>2651671Changing vote to >>2651649but I think we should at least mention the apocalypse thing soon since TT is not going to like being in homuhomu's head and I think he might need to brace himself before he dives in.
>>2651640"Alright, T.T.," you tell the wizard, finally putting your meat on the grill, "if we're going to do this, we should do it honestly. Ask the girls, and give them the right to refuse.""Yeah," he says, "I guess I got a bit ahead of myself there - I assumed you knew what you were asking for.""I'm just doing the best with what I do know," you say, turning toward the house with the meat tray in your hands, "I don't know everything. But I do know I want to better than the rats. Let's be up-front about this.""Sounds good," the red-suited wizard tells you, "I'll be out here, getting slammed, in case any of them do sign up for it," he finishes, draining his glass of wine.Wait a second."You said you'd examined your daughter like this?" you ask him, turning your head back to face him."Yeah," he tells you, "a few times, after I found out what was going on. It's not something awful, just, well - I can't quite describe it to you if you haven't done it.""And she was the one who asked me to do it," he tells you, with clear eyes, "once she figured out what she'd signed up for with the rats."That's a little comforting, you think, as you head back inside."HE SPEAKS OF RECONNAISSANCE, NOT INVASION," the sword says into your head, "NOT A DIVE LIKE THE BLUE GIRL MADE THROUGH MY SOUL, OR EVEN ONE SUCH AS I MADE INTO YOU. HE BARELY SCRATCHES THE SURFACE - I CAN TELL BY THE WAY HE SPEAKS."Oh, you remember, the sword did make a 'dive' into you once, when you first drew it. Well, touching souls seems rather unavoidable for it - it's really just a soul on a stick, isn't it?Then you open the door into the living room.There are girls EVERYWHERE. On the couches, on the floor, playing videogames, playing monopoly, talking, giggling - holy shit.Well, at least they're not fighting.You have to take care to not step on anyone, as you go to put the pan into the sink. Then you see their mothers in the dining room, chatting and laughing.>Pull your wife aside and ask about this whole 'soul-touching' thing>Having a good evening, ladies?>Your husband really came through with the beer, Alice>WRITE IN
>>2651742>Having a good evening, ladies?>Pull your wife aside and ask about this whole 'soul-touching' thing
>>2651742>Having a good evening, ladies?>Your husband really came through with the beer, Alice>Pull your wife aside and ask about this whole 'soul-touching' thingIn this order But we do the pull aside as us asking her for some help in the kitchen.
>>2651742>Pull your wife aside and ask about this whole 'soul-touching' thing"Honey, have you ever done it to me?"
>>2651742I support >>2651754
>>2651742>>Your husband really came through with the beer, Alice>>Pull your wife aside and ask about this whole 'soul-touching' thing
I've got a couple of errands to run, so I'll be back in a bit.
>Meanwhile inside the house the 3 housewives talk about their husband>Sometimes I worry about my husband because I can't call his name anymore. Can you imagine me sex with him calling T.T oh yes T.T>My my that's harsh but I also worry about my husband too. One time I was shopping with him and looking for some meat after 10 seconds he come back with a bloody face, messed up hair and a bloody shirt. I have always pack some clothes for him to wear incase something like this it feels like I'm babysitting my husband>My husband is pretty normal as it gets I thought I would live a normal life but now I think I'm so proud of him....and he also good in bed*blush*>How good? muses the both of them>Enough for me to scream the neighbors can hear us that soundproofing didn't work at all.>*Snikering Sue intensifies*>I'll be right back girls I have a.... girl to discipline.
>>2651650T.T. talked about the interest rates when we first met him.
>>2651742>Having a good evening, ladies?>What do you know about soul touching?
>>2651035Remember when I joked about hs using the ferret as armor against his will?I think he might insist on it now.
>>2651789>Meanwhile at the Monopoly board: Mary, Harriet, and TT's and Kelly's daughters are nearing the mid-game.>About half the properties have been bought up so far>Mary owns a sizeable portion of them thanks to ruthlessly mortgaging damned near everything to buy up whatever empty spot she lands on>Harriet however has been making slow and steady progress, passing up certain properties for apparently better ones down the line, and people just seem to keep landing there>it's like she's played this game a LOT or something>Meanwhile Melon and Karen are playing Mortal Kombat>Karen is getting a little TOO into the game twitching and leaning violently from side to side as her character flails over the screen>Melon's playing pretty defensively, being deliberate with her attacks and combos>"He's my DAD, Sue!">Turns out Melon's got ears, if not eyes, in the back of her head
>>2651742Could we have T.T. do us first before he does anyone else?
>>2651853>At this point in time, Melon's kitsune ears are now showing.
>>2651882We could have Sword do it, that way we don't have to worry about revealing anything to T.T. we might not be ready to tell him, we have no idea what is hidden deep down inside us, we very realistically could be some kind of sealed demon-lord or descended from something.
>>2651887That would be cool as a power upgrade. Having more of her Kitsune side start showing up and become more cunning in ideas and plans.
>>2651882>Could we have T.T. do us first before he does anyone else?Good idea, and it wouldn't be right to ask them to do anything we're not willing to endure ourselves.>>2651893oh shit son that's pretty good
>>2651893I think she already show the signs of her kitsune blood>One time she and Mary argued about her family>Very possessive about her father>Presented to cuddle she immediately nestles to us.At least that is what I see I mean WE NEED MORE MELON SCREENTIME DAMN IT HAIKU THIS IS ABOUT OUR DAUGHTERUS
>>2651940>TFW Sue sneaked on our bedroom to smell our underwear
>>2651940>Next thread it'll be us teaching Melon how2drive.>Gets a crit on the roll to see how good she drives>Eurobeat intensifies
>>2651940> Being all about your kids> having to work so hard you never see themThat's men's sacrifice bro. Women have no agency, men have no time.
>>2651742>Your husband really came through with the beer, Alice
>>2651742You wash your hands and wander into the dining room. Their conversation suddenly drops in tone as you cross the threshold.It's like you crossed some sort of magic barrier.Other than that, they don't pay much attention to you, and keep going."All I'm saying," Iris says through giggles, her red eyes glinting with merriment, "is I'd back Kelly in a shooting match - any day.""I'm pretty sure my man's magic stick is more useful than either of their guns," Alice says, rather primly, "it's a bit more versatile, after all."From what you've seen, she might be right. You certainly can't use your shotgun to open spacetime's ass."But have you seen my husband's?" your wife asks, "it could blow somebody's arm clean off. In fact, it probably has.""Having a good evening, ladies?" you ask, hoping you come off as a genial host, and wanting to stop this before it goes much further....You really don't want to fight either Kelly or T.T.It's a pointless question. They were happily talking up a storm a few seconds ago, and Iris is still giggling. Your wife has a grin on her face."Oh," Alice says, politely, "yes - thank you for having us over. Liska was just talking about you," she finishes, with a quick glance at your wife.You can't quite decipher her look.It's just a little... guilty?"It's cooling off outside," you tell them, "and the meat just went on. I'm thinking we could eat out there. Liska," you ask, "could you help me get ready in the kitchen?""Sure," she says, getting up."Sorry to take her away," you tell the other two women, "but we've got a little bit of prep work to do."You could swear you heard her whisper "...or blow your head off..." behind you, as you leave.Must be your ears playing tricks on you. She wouldn't threaten them that openly, right?You look over your shoulder, hoping you misheard, or at least that neither took offense.Well, THAT wasn't the reaction you expected. Iris is laughing silently behind her hand, and Alice is sipping tea with red cheeks.Must be rather hot tea, to get her face that red."So, dear," you start, as the two of you walk back to the kitchen, "what do you know about touching people's souls?""Touching," she asks back, "or doing a full dive? I can't really do either, but I've seen people do it. I'm pretty sure that's what Sue did to the Thousand Year Blade.""T.T. is talking about doing it to the girls," you tell her, beginning to wash the platter, "to examine their contracts. I'm not sure what it means, and the way he was talking, it sounded..."She starts laughing as she grabs plates from the cupboard, "magi never change, do they?" she asks, recovering a little."Huh?" you ask her."He's probably taking it way too seriously," she tells you, "unless he's going to try a full dive, it's just like putting your hand on someone's shoulder. There are folks out there who do it all the time, without even thinking about it."[1/2]
>>2652011"You could say that about a lot of things," you tell her, grabbing a handful of forks."No," she says, grabbing a tablecloth, "not like that, silly. I meant that there are beings out there that walk around seeing people's souls instead of people. My grandfather was like that - he'd just look through your eyes straight into your soul, just naturally. He had to make an effort to shut it off and see your face."Well, this is making it sound a little better, but every description still sounds like a bad double entendre.>He also said it would be easier if they were drunk - and that sounds like a bad idea>He also said it would be easier if they were drunk - are you ok with that?>Were you threatening those women earlier?>WRITE IN
>>2652037>>He also said it would be easier if they were drunk - are you ok with that?
>>2652037>He also said it would be easier if they were drunk - are you ok with that?Gotta make sure that it isn't gonna make any waves with the missus.
>>2652037>>He also said it would be easier if they were drunk - are you ok with that? I'm kinda hesitant about letting the girls drink.>>WRITE-IN:"Getting along with the other wives?"
>>2652037>Were you threatening those women earlier?
>>265204717:04 - 17:14 Voting period.
>>2652037>Can your folks do it? It's a lot more intimate with himans than you're thinking.
>>2652062Is it, though? The only thing we have that might state that is T.T., right? I'm more inclined to believe the missus than him.
>>2652037>He also said it would be easier if they were drunk - are you ok with that?
>>2652068I'm more inclined to believe him than the wife considering she doesn't have a human soul.
>>2652037>He also said it would be easier if they were drunk - are you ok with that?>Also, Woman if you are threatening those women I will punish you. We are not savages, but proper Americans.
>>2652093you forgot to add:>Grab her butt.
>>2652037"Is that a usual thing for your folks?" you ask. It didn't really seem like her brother was reading your soul well the night he lost his sword to you."Not really," she says, "it's just something that usually comes with a certain, uh, power level? Once you step close enough to being a god," she tells you, ripping open a package of napkins, "you touch the souls of everyone you walk past, just by walking past them. I think little Mary's almost there," she says, jerking her head at the living room, "based on what we saw Sunday night."You'd say that you wish she'd told you sooner, but you'd already mentally classified her as a 'goddess', at least in power, if not wisdom."If you're not on that level," she tells you, "it takes a lot of training to be able to see a soul, let alone reach out and touch it. I'm not really sure how the wizards do it, but it seems that, like everything else, they treat it far too seriously," she finishes with an impish grin.And then you remember - you married a free-spirited kitsune. That streak of loving mischief and never taking anything too seriously was what attracted you in the first place."You'd better not have been trying to set up a fight earlier," you tell her, grabbing her ass.She squeaks a little."There are things you should take seriously, you know," you say, while she's still shocked, "and I really, really don't want to fight either of their husbands.""You actually thought," she asks, turning toward you with a grin, "that we were talking about your GUNS? How dense are you?"...her expression suggests 'core of a neutron star' is the correct answer.And that opens a whole new interpretation of their statements that you would prefer to not think about right now.It might make things rather difficult."So," you say, your face flushing a little, "T.T. also said it would make things easier if the girls were drunk."Now THAT's a glint you don't usually see in her eyes."I knew I liked Alice," she says, "and now I see why she married him.""I'm kind of hesitant about letting the girls drink," you say, and she turns away as if she's about to run out into the living room and yell "LET'S GET BLITZED!""The laws is," she tosses over her shoulder, "you can drink if your parent/guardian is present and says it's fine, right?">Stop her>Stop her with a kiss>Don't stop her>Kiss her and tell her that's a great idea>WRITE IN
>>2652213>>Kiss her and tell her that's a great idea>>WRITE INBetter here with our supervision and not behind our backs without any regulation. after all, thats what got us in this situation.
>>2652213>I'm going back to the Grill, if someone breaks you gotta tend to the wound.
>>2652213>Write inALRIGHT GUYS AND GIRLS LETS GET DRUNK
>>2652213...wait, hold on. Our wife is an immortal fox spirit, right? And we already had the question of why she even bothered to get married given that....did she just marry us because we have a huge dong?
>>2652213>"You know as a father I am obligated to try to prevent our daughter from touching alcohol until she is 21. I don't feel comfortable getting a bunch of teenage girls drunk, but if it will honestly help I will grudgingly allow it, so long as they are supervised and their parents approve. None for the ones under 15-16 though, that is just too young." >Probably remember all the times we snuck booze when we were a teen.
>>2652213Stop her with a kissThere will be time for drunken shenanigans with the kids, just not right after we said not today.
>>2652213>Kiss her and tell her that's a great idea"Every day with you is a new reason to love you a little bit more."
>>2652240Not just a huge dong, but a dong that can blow your arms off ... or your head...
>>2652240I think that's just a really really nice bonus that goes with the package in her eyes.
>>2652240you know that women don't care about huge dicks, right?
>>265222817:43 - 17:53 Voting period>>2652240>...did she just marry us because we have a huge dong?>"...blow your head off..."I think there have been hints earlier that inherent dadliness was definitely a factor. Would be an interesting question to ask, especially if she's shitfaced.>>2652245>I am obligated to try to prevent our daughter from touching alcohol until she is 21.Depending on the state ('MURRICA, FUCK YEAH!). Many places, minors are allowed alcohol as long as their parent/guardian approves.>Probably remember all the times we snuck booze when we were a teen.I like you.
>>2652271Keep telling yourself that dicklet.
>>2652213>A huge amount of drunken teenagers with godlike powers in the same area sounds like a clusterfuck if a demon appears. We need to make sure we have some people designated to take down any threats that show up. Also make a note to mention the alternative way of getting your soul checked out incase anyone feels uncomfortable with that.
This would be a perfect moment to teach them that even if they are drunk, it doesn't excuse them from whatever stupid shit they do and that they are still responsible for their actions(emphasis on mary).
>>2652284The thing about dicklets is...At least they get to dick!Dicklet Dicks Dicklet DiiiiiicksI am not sorry for the terrible pokemon joke. I regret nothing.
>>2652296>too busy already making poor decisions in MonopolyJokes aside, you've got a point.
>>2652213You catch her, and plant a kiss right on those luscious lips."Every day with you," you tell her, breaking it off, then nestling your head against her shoulder, so your mouth is right against her ear, "is a new reason to love you a little bit more.""And it's a lot better that they do it under supervision than behind our backs," you say."That's how they got in with the rats, right?" she whispers back, and then those teeth are gently scoring JUST that place on your neck....you can see the two women in the dining room looking at the two of you. There's a little bit of envy? yeah, that's definitely envy, in their stares."Alright," Liska says, pulling away from your arms, "here we go."You can almost see the gears turning as Iris puts two and two together. Alice still looks a bit shocked."Alright, kids!" your wife says, striding into the living room, "steaks and sausage are on the grill, there's beer, wine, and stronger stuff outside, and I need someone to help me carry the stuff in the kitchen! WHO WANTS TO GET BLITZED?"Looks like everyone wants to be Poland today, you think, taking a sip of your beer before a tide of teenagers surges into the kitchen.Well, at least they're helpful.The stuff you'd pulled out of the cabinets swiftly makes its way outside. The picnic tables are set, the keg gets tapped, and you...>Check on the grill, which Shelby's apparently been manning>Ask T.T. "so, ready to give your pitch?">Decide to talk to [WRITE IN]>WRITE IN
>>2652361>>Check on the grill, which Shelby's apparently been manning>>Ask T.T. "so, ready to give your pitch?"
>>2652361>Check on the grill, which Shelby's apparently been manning
>>265236818:13 - 18:23 Voting period.
>>2652361>Check on the grill, which Shelby's apparently been manning"Shelby stop doing lewd things with my Grill!">Ask T.T. "so, ready to give your pitch?"
>>2652361>Decide to talk to [WRITE IN]Shelbys sister. What magical outfit is she a part of?
>>2652361>Check on the grill, which Shelby's apparently been manning>Ask T.T. "so, ready to give your pitch?"
>>2652390I like this alot
>>2652361>>2652386 here also supporting >>2652394
>>2652361>>Ask T.T. "so, ready to give your pitch?"
>>2652390Is he lewding our daughteru tho? Also i'd like to know why the fuck he crawled out of their car's trunk.
>>2652420No he's Lewding our Grill! It's just as bad as Lewding our Girl!
On a entirely different front, we should get around to asking Melon and the scooby doo gang if they found out anything about the squads that the other MGs are a part of.
>>2652426Oh shit sorry i just got back from a bar dive with the lads and misread. A man's grill is sacred. maybe slap shelby a teeny bit when his dad isnt looking?
>>2652361You stalk toward the grill - your domain. Looks like Shelby's installed himself as its ruler while you were inside."What sort of lewd things are you doing with my grill, Shelby?" you ask, finally freed from your setup duties.The magical girls have too, and you see them flock toward the drinks....You'd be surprised if they didn't, given the encouragement your wife and Iris gave them. The white-haired woman really got in on the whole 'party hard!' schtick."I've just been turning the meat, brother," the young man says, "and using some of your spices. I trust you'll find it acceptable," he finishes, and you're almost surprised that he doesn't bow at the end of his speech."HE CALLS YOU BROTHER TO EVADE CRITICISM," the sword yells into your head, "TASTE HIS WORK."So you do.You grab a knife, and cut the tip off of a steak. You pop it in your mouth and chew.It's... good. Almost excellent. The kid has seasoned it to perfection. And flipped it well. He wasn't kidding when he said he could cook."You pass," you tell him, and then yell louder, at the crowd in your backyard, "meat's done! Are you ready to feast?"There's a sea of girls, women, and plates. Judging by some of the expressions, a few of them have been doing shots or something.You serve them your meat, fresh off the grill.And once they settle back into the picnic tables, you ask T.T. "ready to give your pitch?""Ash I'llh ever be," he tells you, peeling himself off his the wall, and then turning toward the group, "hey! Doesh anyone want to get examined? We might be able to take your contract off - that one you've got with the rats! Makin' no promises," he continues, waltzing over to the tables like a mountebank, "this ish shcientific research, not a miracle cure. We might not find a solution, but we're trying anyway!"Of course Melon's the first one to raise her hand. Of course.And you see those flushed cheeks. She's been doing a shot race or something - you know the signs from your misspent youth.Before you can react, she's down on a picnic table, the other girls pulling their plates away. He puts his hand over her chest.And then there's a bright golden light enveloping T.T. and your daughter.It seems like it's burning him, judging by his screams. But he keeps pushing in. And then, suddenly, he's out.>Bad trip?>So, learn anything?>Go on, justify that.>Melon! You ok?>WRITE IN
>>2652527Why am I not surprised that our Daughter's nature makes her a unique case even in the affairs of magic?>You both ok?
>>2652527>Melon! You ok?>Bad trip?
>>2652527>Bad trip?Bring over a handle of something strong for them.
>>2652527You run up to catch the falling wizard, almost butting heads with his wife as you catch him."Bad trip?" you ask him, while you share the burden of his bodyweight with his wife."Jussht," he says, eyes rolling back into his head, "puht me on the grassh. Please, fr the luvvva gawd"So you lay him down.And then look down on him with something like sympathy."Melon," you say, swaying your head over to the picnic table, "you ok?"She gives you a mute thumbs up.Alright.Seems like he didn't injure her. And that's his saving grace, because you could dust him right now, with no real effort."So thasss it," he says, "thass how zey do itttt...""You figured it out?" you ask him."Neahly," he tells you, blue eyes wide with pinprick pupils, "gonna havvvvvv to duuuh some lab wuk on thish, but I geht iht.""Ahh gehhhhT iht," he tells you, in a drunken slur, "Shee culd trahnzfohm alreadah, so thay hahd to do it diffrehnt. Jus'," he says, "jus' lemme alone. Lemme take a nahp, yaah?"He goes from zero to sleep in about ten seconds."Is it always like this?" you ask Alice."Some of the time," she tells you, as you walk away from the drunk/passed out/sleeping wizard, "sometimes it's worse.">Worse?>Talk to his black-haired daughter>Talk to his daughter with purple hair (who the fuck has purple hair?)>Talk to your daughter>WRITE IN
>>2652590>Talk to his black-haired daughter>Talk to his daughter with purple hair (who the fuck has purple hair?)
>>2652590>>Talk to your daughter>Talk to his black-haired daughter>Talk to his daughter with purple hair (who the fuck has purple hair?)TALK TO ALL THE DAUGHTERUS!
>>2652590>Talk to your daughterWe now have confirmation that she has her own magic. Maybe our wife/ferret bro can help us out with figuring out how to use that, since TT is down for the count.
>>2652590>Talk to his black-haired daughter
>>2652590>Talk to his daughter with purple hair (who the fuck has purple hair?)>>2652594Rats: 0, Magus: 0
>>2652594>Write inSubmit the wizard while our wife will count to 3 and Shelby will ring the bell>And the winner is....Shotgun Shogun XD
>>265259219:16 - 19:26 Voting period.
>>2652604>XDYou have to be at least 18 years old to post here.
>>2652590>get a (comfy) garden chair and put T.T on it before he ruins his suit>Talk to your daughtermake sure she's really ok and talk with her and her mom about fox transformation
>>2652612I thought everyone here is 12 yr old little girls at least I'm not spamming emoji
>Meanwhile, drunk Karen is having a blast
>>2652628She is raving with her air guitar while Sue is banging whatever drums she has
>>2652628>Mary is currently throwing up in the bathroom because she's actually a lightweight when it comes to drinking Alcohol.
>>2652628>>2652637Lol Wait.. is Sue there...WHERE IS SUE!WHERE. IS. SUE.I swear to Shotgun if she is doing anything weird we may have to tape her to the wall until she sobers up!