well we have a small problem we just followed a demon into a dark building and now we don't exactly know where it is, we did injure it badly but it's still alive.On other news Mirasi and Terisa are on cultist clean up duty outside and we have a detachment of guardsmen that if they learn that demons exist we must purge them so letting the guardsmen see the demon is a bad idea.we have decided that best action to do is to retreat and make the demon chase us outside the building, that thing will face us on our terms.Welcome to Guardsman Quest(before you ask the last thread was too short so this will be the continuation of that thread)
alright quick and dirty, this quest is not for die hard lovers of cannon since fun and shenanigans beat cannon for the most part. Though I will accept info about the warhammer 40k universe general rule of thumb is fun is king hereHere is the link to the Doc archive https://docs.google.com/document/d/1N6DV3ou3h5MO0TZi61pc9jGoMBA4p3S4fJ0rCI6qooM/edit?usp=sharinghere is a link to the character's stats https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1VEdRRmqRN2wb661ea1Bz2iXQwqQl2JVgl1OdrmHk3Tk/edit?usp=sharing
also the rolls for this decision.... well this is going to be fun
You decide the best option was to fall back and to trap the demon, you unhook two melta grenades from your armor and pull the pins on them then set them down, "your move demon." you retreat to the entrance and wait..... you hear nothing then BOOM.the grenades go off but no demon, strange you were sure she would.... you catch a flicker of movement out of the corner of your eye and duck just as a knife slams into the wall right where your head was. then a fist slams into your side, you fell a rib crack (-4 wounds) but the armor once more prevents a lot of the damage though it is wearing down from the heavy damage."FUCKING SHIT!" you roar quickly spinning around and taking a shot at the demon who also dodges your shot, leaving the knife in the wall. you note she no long has knives in her hands."Really? a grenade just for me? Are you even trying at this point.""keep talking purple skin.""rude."> retreat, this thing is not something you want to face alone, get your demon killing crew ready to gun this bitch down (bs, ag, bs)> attempt to take the demon alone, hay this is kinda a perfect chance to kill a demon, plus she has no knives anymore so she is unarmed (bsx2, ag, wp)> alright lets call on the emperor, time to see how this demon likes the the fury of a god to the face (wpx2)> write-in
>>1720887Don't be kill> attempt to take the demon alone, hay this is kinda a perfect chance to kill a demon, plus she has no knives anymore so she is unarmed (bsx2, ag, wp)
ill be back at 6 tomorrow, see you then.
we are live and still waiting for votes
>>1720887> alright lets call on the emperor, time to see how this demon likes the the fury of a god to the face (wpx2)She already got the drop on us...
Rolled 2 (1d2)alright we have waited long enough rngesus take the wheel 1 for >>1722063 and 2 for >>1726407
alright we chose to see if we can actually get that shard of the emperor to wake the fuck up for a bit give me a 2d100 vs 32, 22
Rolled 33, 28 = 61 (2d100)>>1726573I'm here
Rolled 96, 67 = 163 (2d100)>>1726573This option is mad I say
Rolled 54, 5 = 59 (2d100)>>1726573Should have checked what we were good at...
Rolled 55, 61 = 116 (2d100)>>1726573...
alright I'm alive for the moment, and congrats you woke up the emperor. Bad news it's going to hurt.
You pull yourself up to your full height and look at the demon head on. A wonderful and rather amazing idea pops up into your head, we have the emperor why not use him? "Demon have you ever though of what would happen if the emperor decided to pay you a visit personally?""yes, and why do you ask?""well today is your lucky day."the demon takes a step back "bullshit, that corpse is still on the throne. You're bluffing." she smiles and takes two steps forward."bluff this." you state as you focus inward as hard as you can grabbing hold of that glow of the emperor inside of you. Suddenly agony rushes though your body as the power explodes out of you. Your veins glow a golden color as the emperor's psychic energy rips though your unprepared flesh (-20 wounds).barely even able to control yourself as the agony brings you to your knees. you extend your hand in the general direction of the demon and our rushes a blast of pure golden annihilation. the demon, unable to react to this sudden attack is completely obliterated in less than a second.as the power recedes you fall on your side and curl up in a ball attempting to hold yourself together as your body screams for the sweet release of death.twenty minutes later the pain dulls enough for you to get back up, thankfully nothing decided to attack you. you stagger to your feet and shake your head, alright maybe that was not a great idea to do.> find Mirasi to get your out of here, you need medical attention after that (tgh, ag)> vox up Mirasi to get you out of here, best not to move in this state (tgh)> time to hunt cultists, sure you are hurt but as long as you draw breath you have a job to do (tgh, per, ag, bs)> write-in
>>1727885> time to hunt cultists, sure you are hurt but as long as you draw breath you have a job to do (tgh, per, ag, bs)Hell no. The Emperor is clearly paying attention to your struggles. You don't want to look like a pussy in front of big E...
>>1727885>> find Mirasi to get your out of here, you need medical attention after that (tgh, ag)
>>1727885just checked our stats I assume they are based on the last thread we are at 45 wounds out of 50 we need to stay alive> find Mirasi to get your out of here, you need medical attention after that (tgh, ag)
>>1727885> find Mirasi to get your out of here, you need medical attention after that (tgh, ag)We just dropped the E-bomb time to gtfo
alright give me the roll 2d100 vs 42, 57
Rolled 57, 42 = 99 (2d100)>>1731396...
Rolled 15, 63 = 78 (2d100)>>1731396
alright passed the tgh but failed the ag, writing.
you pull yourself up to your full height and grit your teeth in pain, boy does this hurt. It feels like your entire body is being ripped in several directions at once. You also realize your body is smoking, alright that is not good.you begin stumbling several steps until you fall down as you trip over some small rocks, you feel weak and unwell. Alright pulling the Big E bomb took more than what you thought out of you.Eventually you reach Mirasi but much more slowly than you intend, you find her smiling as the troops had racked up quite the body count only to turn towards you and her smile turns to shock then fear as she runs up to help you "What happened!?"> "If I told you then you would not believe me." (fel)> "nothing much, just kinda killed a demon and this was the result." (fel)> tell her the truth, the whole truth. Including the emperor part.> "save it for later, I need medical attention. Now."> write-in
>>1732201> "save it for later, I need medical attention. Now."It'll be worth the wait
>>1732201> "save it for later, I need medical attention. Now."Your thread isn't bumping anymore. Expect less traffic...
you shake your head "save it for later, I need medical attention. Now." you feel your knees wobble and the sister grabs you"alright but i want a full explanation of what the hell happened." the sister slings you over her shoulder and begins carrying you like a sack of potatoes.you groan as Mirasi voxes up a medical evac which arrives extremely quickly and throws you in before getting into the ship herself "Is it every time we go to a planet that you decide to almost get yourself killed?"you just groan as the pain prevents you from speaking, eventually the medics knock you out as the begin to repair the damage you inflicted upon yourself.you open your eyes, only to see the chess board and the man with blue skin and a business suit "well then Simun I'm impressed to say the least, few mortals survive having that level of psychic power blast though their frail mortal bodies. Really though, do you think that your little self and that shard you have can truly upset the plans that are in motion?" he moves a pawn "Your turn."> take your turn and stare the blue man down, "yes I do believe that I can and I will ruin your plans."> Don't make a move on the chess board "We will see monster, but in the end the imperium will win."> flip the table and roar at the man's face "YOU LITTLE SHIT SHOULD ASK YOURSELF IF YOU WANT TO FACE MINE AND THE EMPEROR'S FURY!"> write-in
>>1732498>  flip the table and roar at the man's face "YOU LITTLE SHIT SHOULD ASK YOURSELF IF YOU WANT TO FACE MINE AND THE EMPEROR'S FURY!"
>>1732498don't a take a turn "what if me foiling your plan with the emperors strength, is to put it simply another part of your plan"
ill give it 20 more minutes before RNGesus takes the wheel
>>1732498> write-inYou know T, I can call you "T" right? Thanks, anyways T from what I can gather you big four are conceptual forces, you are change, the very driving force to upset the balance. I don't think your plan can ever be ruined because i don't think you have an end goal, that's Nurgle and entropy's department. But you so long as there is order you will be there to try to bring about a change to it. I can no more defeat you than doom all life, so long as beings desire change you will be. So long as there is desire and drive so will Pinkie.If you had a plan of any kind all you'd do is "Change" your plan just how you enjoy it and that way everything is always "Just as planned" because your plan was to change it.yeah what do ya think of that ya overgrown blue buzzard!
>>1732532switching to this
alright we got a vote passed, writing.
you roll your shoulders back and smile at the fucker "You know T, I can call you 'T' right? Thanks, anyways T from what I can gather you big four are conceptual forces, you are change, the very driving force to upset the balance. I don't think your plan can ever be ruined because I don't think you have an end goal, that's Nurgle and entropy's department. But you so long as there is order you will be there to try to bring about a change to it. I can no more defeat you than doom all life, so long as beings desire change you will be. So long as there is desire and drive so will Pinkie."the blue man raises his and changes from into a horrible from which you can barely describe "is that so?"you continue your grin getting deeper "If you had a plan of any kind all you'd do is 'Change' your plan just how you enjoy it and that way everything is always 'Just as planned' because your plan was to change it."the thing's brow furrows as it begins pondering your words, it's face becoming more and more worried from what you could tell. Good you may have hit a goldminefinally you laugh a bit, actually you laugh for a good minute in the face of an actual god "yeah what do ya think of that ya overgrown blue buzzard!"the monster stop for a second before roaring "REEEEEEEEE!" then it suddenly stops "Nope, nopenopenopenopenope." it breaths in and out "Interesting fucking idea mortal but then you must understand that you can never win then. so what will you do?"> "nothing, because in the end my plan will succeed and even if yours does at the same time all that matters to me is that I won."> pull out your bolter, this is your mind so you should be able to do that, "first I'm going to shoot you then wake up, then I will be going on my marry way ruining your current plans and forcing you to change them."> "I challenge you to a game," deep breath "paradox-billiards-vostroyan-roulette-fourth dimensional- hypercube-chess-strip poker!" you are totally making this shit up but hay may as well try to confuse the blue bastard> write-in
>>1732577> "nothing, because in the end my plan will succeed and even if yours does at the same time all that matters to me is that I won."
>>1732577> "I challenge you to a game," deep breath "paradox-billiards-vostroyan-roulette-fourth dimensional- hypercube-chess-strip poker!" you are totally making this shit up but hay may as well try to confuse the blue bastardwasn't this game in "if the emperor had a text-to-speech device"?
>>1733074Yep, and it's also the game that only big E, T and Kitten know how to play.
alright I will be back on friday at 5pm, see you guys then.
>>1732577> Ooh, my favourite!
Rolled 2 (1d2)oh god why, fine fine RNGesus takes the wheel 1 for 1 and 2 for 3.
begin the game! writing
you smile at the monster "I challenge you to a game," deep breath "paradox-billiards-vostroyan-roulette-fourth dimensional- hypercube-chess-strip poker!" fuck it lets see if he gets confused.T sits there for a moment studying you before morphing into another horrible form "Interesting I did not know that Inquisitors of the Imperium were taught such a complex game, though I believe this is to be expected considering I was beaten by that cigar chomping asshole and that kitten in a banana suit. Very well I accept but now this game is a ULTRA-GAME!"as the monster roars this the room changes, you are now floating and surrounding you is a map of the Ultramar system. you blink twice before you realize you have made a grave mistake. well may as well try to win at this game you have no idea how to play "Very well monster shall we begin!""where is your deck?""right my deck, damn warp, must have dropped it. Let me see if I can find it." you put on a brave face and begin rummaging into your pockets.as you do so you hear in your head the one thing that you had not heard in a while "So how you doing Mon'kai, need some help?"> "yes please for fucks sake I just challenged a chaos god to a card game that I have no idea how to play!"> "No foul xenos god I do not need your help the emperor will provide.... I hope."> Ignore him and tell T that your deck is missing, maybe he will just drop the game. or he could just say we loose by default...> write-in
wow forgot to put image, here it is.
>>1741321>> "yes please for fucks sake I just challenged a chaos god to a card game that I have no idea how to play!"Add in "Seriously i didnt even know this game existed, the words just came to me like I was breaking the boundaries of reality? WHY DOES THIS SHIT HAPPEN TO ME"
alright, give me a few minutes and writing.
"Yes please for fucks save I just challenged a chaos god to a card game and I have no idea how to play!Seriously i didnt even know this game existed, the words just came to me like I was breaking the boundaries of reality? WHY DOES THIS SHIT HAPPEN TO ME!?" you mentally scream at the clown"which game.""paradox-billiards-vostroyan-roulette-fourth dimensional- hypercube-chess-strip poker!""oh that game, fuck it since he banned me from playing since I was the seven millennium materium and immaterium champion you can use my deck.""oh thank the emperor.""fuck him thank me.""later, now how do I play?" as you state this you feel a deck in your pocket as well as a slap to the forehead "ouch""there all you need to know.""I learned nothing""exactly now play."you shake your head and look at the monstrosity as it warps into a female from, with a lot of purple for some reason "Alright I found my deck demon time for you to loose and for me to leave this horrid place.""about damned time now draw."you draw to a full hand and look at them, hmm left leg of the forbidden one, right leg of the forbidden one, a harpy's feather duster, a bottomless trap hole, and a Mind crush. good you guess but you still have no idea what you are doing. "I guess I go first.""sure mortal I'll give you that."> play the right leg> play the left leg> play the trap hole> play the mind crush trap> write-in(you may choose up to three)
>>1742744oh fuck...ok this is Tzeech so cards are gonna fucking MillPlay our Trap Hole and Set Harpies feather dusterTen play/activate Mind Crush and Say "Morphing Jar"!>Ready the line is we winFUCK YOU TZEECH YOUR A NEEEERD
>>1743123This. >"Gimme your lunch money, Nerd!"
ok, only post for today but I will be back tomorrow at 6pm so see you guys then.
Alright you need to make some quick decisive moves and break that bird's current plan as fast as possible so you put down the trap hole and then set the Feather duster. "alright T you ready for this?""for what mortal, no matter what cards you play it will be useless in the end.""I play this card face down now I end my turn"The monster chuckles as it is holds up a card "prepare to loose your hand mortal, I play down two cards face down. Now then I play-" suddenly you shout as the glory of the emperor takes hold of your mortal shell"I activate Mind Crush trap, behold as even your infinite mind can be broken with the correct tactics, the card I state is Morphing Jar!""WHAT!!! HOW DID YOU KNOW I HAD THAT!""BECAUSE TZEENTCH YOU CANNOT BEAT THE SIMPLICITY OF A MORTAL MIND! YOUR ACTIONS TOLD ME WHAT WAS IN YOUR HAND!" you are bullshitting but at this point the only way to win is confuse this blue blob of warp heresy into not understanding what the hell is even happening in this game."son of a fucking whore who suckled on nurgle's tits" Tzeentch mutters as he discards a card from his hand "fucking shit, great new strategy time. Fine both of our hands get blown up sonny. I activate Card Destruction and blow up and replace both our hands."your hand suddenly explodes and is replaced by two more cards The Left Arm of The Forbidden One and The Right arm of The Forbidden one and you think to your clown friend "wait am I supposed to get all these in one hand or something to win?""Kinda, though I do have a more effective way of doing things, you seem weirdly lucky considering.""but we lost two pieces!""ya no, you can get them back.""HMMM- who are you thinking too mortal?""The emperor.""bullshit.""he told me to use the trap on you at that moment.""THAT FUCKING GOLD PLATED PIECE OF ROTTING FLESH CAN GO SUCK A CYBER DONG!""CONTINUE YOUR TURN YOU WARP SLIME!""fine I play these two cards and end my turn here. lets see how you deal with my new strategy!"you draw a card and realize it's a pot of greed. oh good card draw! "I play pot of greed and draw two cards." you do so and draw the two cards, another pot and Exodia the forbidden one, great alright another draw.as you draw two more cards you see Tzeentch get more and more agitated "what are you playing at mortal.""what ever do you mean?" you draw reborn the monster and another mind crush trap good."I have seen this deck before and it makes me seethe in ire, this is not the emperor's deck. Who gave you these cards."(choice 1)> "this is my deck monster and I constructed it with the full intention to destroy any deck that stood in my way!"> "the emperor gave it to me, he said he decided to give a new deck a test run."> "you caught me it was the clown who gave it to me."> write-in(choice 2)> The Left Arm of The Forbidden One> The Right arm of The Forbidden One> Exodia the Forbidden One> another mind crush trap> reborn the monster
>>1745639>> write-inAsk Clown if it's ok to bullshitWho gave it too me? Well thats simple, Malal sends his regards!> reborn the monsterI REVIVE THE MORPHING JAR FROM YOUR GRAVEYARD!AND PLAY >> another mind crush trapCARD DESTRUCTIONJust wipe his points and steal his jar ;') Also dude its totally on you for playing a mainstream meta deck I mean come on man[semi-releated note since we are yet to normal summon a monster play Left Arm if we can]
alright we live but we need more votes
>>1745798I'll trust the pro here, i have no idea how to play this.
>>1745798This guy gets it.
If we have Exodia the Forbidden One Incarnate in this deck we're gonna tear up shop
alright I'm back after getting dragged though the retconium by Malal. dude just appears when you say his name. but now writing.
You think to the clown "alright if I bullshit will the sentient piece of warp slime know?""no, I redirected his mind reading to the incompetent idiots who run the imperium.""oh that... WAIT WHAT!""dont worry they are just talking about outlawing no pant's friday. The Custodes are not amused.""alright, who would piss him off if I got the deck from said person.""Malal.""who?""dont ask, just say it."you look the chaos god who once more warped it's body into a pyramid made of hands and faces "Malal sends his regards.""REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Tzeentch roars at you "THAT FUCKING RETCONNED PIECE OF SHIT!""ON TO THE GAME!" you roar at the god "I play Reborn the monster, and I target your Morphing Jar." the jar appears in front of you and spins before facing big T. "And now I play this card face down." you play mind crush trap. "Now I summon The Left Arm of the Forbidden One, your move."Tzeentch morphs into a girl form again "interesting play mortal BUT IT WAS JUST AS PLANNED!" suddenly a card flips up on his field "I ACTIVATE CHANGE OF HEART, it seems this jar enjoys the company of chaos and not your imperial drivel. Now I cast Escape bouncing the jar to may hand.""OH NO!""Oh yes mortal, you got tricked, bamboozled, cheated, conned, deceived, defrauded, deluded duped, hoodwinked, mislead, swindled, and hoaxed.""now I play a card face down-""In response I activate mind crush trap and name card destruction.""fuck you." the monster discards two cards "but not enough for I play a creature facedown and then play two more cards face down, I now I activate BOOK OF TAIYOU! I now flip my jar up and now activate it's effect."the card is put into tzeentch's deck and it begins flicking cards from the deck saying "flick" with each one until only two cards remain and the jar is back on the field. "why did you do that?""because mortal I now then time for you to loose!""you dont have the one card you need don't you.""how do you know?""because you would be gloating."the god sits there "this may or may not be the case.""do you end your turn?""yes.""do I loose.""no.""alright." you draw a card oh pot of avarice alright.(choose up to two)> use the pot, NOW!> play another exodia piece> attempt to goad the god to unleash his face down cards so you can feather duster them> write-in
>>1752797Ok....uhhhh1) Set Pot of Avarice Facedown2) Play another Exodia piece which might lead into....> attempt to goad the god to unleash his face down cards so you can feather duster themAsk the Clown what the general idea of this deck is
>>1753345Again, i'll trust the pro.
>>1753539>>1753636I wouldnt call myself a pro but a work mate still plays so im aware of the play style....(dude runs an oldschool Destiny Board Deck)
>>1753678Well you know what they say: in a land of blind people, the person with one eye is king.
Also we absolutely must call tzeench a nerd if/when we win