After quite the problematic event of having to blow up a world to prevent demonic invasion and then vometing all over the floor in self disgust we have gotten over it and continued with our day.fist off we have managed to tell a demon to fuck off three times in one day, gotten those purity seals that may or may not help up, and now we are training some skills.Did I forget to mention that the clown just revealed we kinda have a piece of the emperor's soul stuck inside us.... ya that happened.without further ado Welcome to Guardsman quest.
alright quick and dirty, this quest is not for die hard lovers of cannon since fun and shenanigans beat cannon for the most part. Though I will accept info about the warhammer 40k universe general rule of thumb is fun is king hereHere is the link to the Doc archive https://docs.google.com/document/d/1N6DV3ou3h5MO0TZi61pc9jGoMBA4p3S4fJ0rCI6qooM/edit?usp=sharinghere is a link to the character's stats https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1VEdRRmqRN2wb661ea1Bz2iXQwqQl2JVgl1OdrmHk3Tk/edit?usp=sharing
you decide it's time to sharpen your skills, you need to make sure you are in top shape before you face another demon. you turn from Drauge's room and head down the halls, you note the increase of purity seals which is a good thing in your mind.as you enter the training room you find Akkaz and Clink's sparring, Clinks was obviously winning but Akkaz seemed to not give a shit.you decide to ignore them and focus on yourself, now then what to train.> train a single skill, sharpen it to a razor edge (name one skill)> train two skills, sure we wont refine them both as much but better to have some flexibility (name two skills)> train three skills, we need to be as flexible in our strategies as we can therefore jack of all trades is what we want (name 3 skills)> actually lets not train today, we can do it later (leave for now)> write-in(warning, for each additional skill trained the potential max is lowered)(all votes from before archive hammer will be counted)
alright since the vote before the archive hammer was ag&str as well roll 2d4
Rolled 1, 2 = 3 (2d4)>>1561661
Rolled 3, 3 = 6 (2d4)>>1561661
alright we got 6 in each stat, writing.
you crack your knuckles and straighten your back, time to go and work the fuck out boys.you begin with weight lifting, as you begin your start watching Akkaz and Clinks train against each other. It was kinda like watching a master kick down a student but it was fun to watch all the same. eventually you grow tired to pumping that iron and move to the obstacle course.you start by running though it quickly and checking your time. you have the slaves rest it and chance a few things then go again but try to beat your time. eventually you manage to shave off more than just a few seconds, with that sense of accomplishment you smile to yourself and dismiss the slaves.now then you are sweaty, tired, but feel a lot better. what now> bath and bed, done enough for today> find Mirasi and check if she is ready for the sweep for cultists> check on Drauge, maybe he is done with the toaster> write-in
>>1562544> find Mirasi and check if she is ready for the sweep for cultists
alright pausing, I cannot continue writing from exhaustion, I will be back Tuesday at 4pm pst. I hope to see you then.
>>1563294This. Even an inquisitor nedds a little r&r every now and then.
Rolled 1 (1d2)alright we back ans cine we got even we roll 1 for >>1562620 and 2 for >>1563294
you crack your back and bit and decide it's time to check on Mirasi and see if she is ready for sweeping.you leave the training room where Clinks and Akkaz continue fighting and pull out your vox. "Mirasi are you there?"A breathless Mirasi responds "Yes and I just got the final purity seal up, what is it?""you ready for a cultist sweep and purge.""all honesty Inquisitor I am rather exhausted. can we postpone this to tomorrow?"> "yes, but I want you before that to assemble a loyal and pure team to help you out."> "No, the sweep and the purge will happen today and I really don't care how tired you are. we have a job to do."> "Fine I'll do the sweep myself, you get yourself some rest."> write-in
>>1570929> "yes, but I want you before that to assemble a loyal and pure team to help you out."
>>1570929> write-in> but we join in as well, assuming that's not already implied
alright >>1570964 wins, writing
"no, the sweep and purge will happen today, I really don't care how tried you are.""but Simun.""We have a job to do.""fine fine, do you even have a team I can use?" Mirasi responds annoyed"No, I'm making one and I'm coming with you. also don't take that annoyed tone with me." the vox disconnects, alright Mirasi is not fine with it but at the least she is on the job, now then who are we bringing?> bring the brusers, Akkaz and clinks here we go.> grab Drauge and have him help us, we saw how strong he was when the murder servitors attacked> grab Terisa, pysker powers are useful against cultists> grab some slaves, give em guns. time to train an army> write-in
>>1571138> grab Drauge and have him help us, we saw how strong he was when the murder servitors attacked> grab Terisa, pysker powers are useful against cultists
>>1571192I'm good with this
you begin weighing your options for an small purge squad first off there is the obvious choice of Terisa since Phe'nia is still recovering we need to use the other psyker.The second person for the squad was a harder decision we could take one of our bruisers like Clinks or Akkaz but both of them could be exhausted from the fighting... ok maybe not clinks but Akkaz could be. We could take the slaves but they know nothing of combat so they are more likely to shoot themselves than actually be effective.eventually you decide on Drauge, sure he might still be with that toaster but hay he managed to take out murder servitors last time he was in combat.you connect your vox with the speakers in Drauge's room "Drauge can you hear me?""BY THE FUCKING OMNISSIAH NOT SO LOUD!" you hear Drauge's voice roar though."alright, alright." you respond quietly into the vox "meet me at the bridge we have a job that needs to be done." you turn off your vox before he can respond and begin heading to Terisa's room.you knock on her door and open it, as you walk in you realize Terisa and floating in the air and spinning slowly, her eyes fall on you and she lands on the ground "yes?""wanna kill some cultists?" you askshe blinks and walks past you "alright."you and her head to the bridge where Mirasi and Drauge wait for you both of them looking rather annoyed> alright plan, we go in disguised find who is a cultists and then execute them (fel, per)> plan time, we go in and kill anyone and anything that looks even remotely heretical> so either of you two have an idea for a plan of attack?> write-in
crap forgot to put 2 is (Bsx2)
>>1571401> plan time, we go in and kill anyone and anything that looks even remotely heretical>use the seals to force them into areas where they are vulnerable, like herding sheep though an electric fence
>>1571401> alright plan, we go in disguised find who is a cultists and then execute them (fel, per)
right, pausing will continue at 5pm tomorrow
I'm sorry but something came up so I'm postponing this again till tomorrow at 4 pm. I hope to see you then
alright boys 2d100 vs 40, 59
Rolled 86, 23 = 109 (2d100)>>1575836
alright alright, my comp decided to die for a bit and it's been way too long so we failed one and succeeded another. writing
"we are going to search for cultists people, look alive!" you shout at the two annoyed looking members of our inner circle."Would but I'm made of about eighty five percent machine by now so kinda hard to do." Drauge responds unleashing a small amount of sass. Mirasi just yawns a bit and shakes her head."well guess I should let you in on the plan, we are going to disguise ourselves and search the ship.""yes because not everyone and their uncle knows your face." Drauge responds"you know you can lay off the sass a bit Drauge.""not when you interrupt my me time.""alright I'm going to need some slave clothing.""you mean some rags." Mirasi responds pulling out some rather well worn pieces of clothing..... alright maybe this was not a good idea. screw it.Quickly you throw the clothing on, not a good disguise but it better work, you note Druage had not changed anything aside from putting on a metal plate over the rest of the skin on his face.... what little there was. Mirasi absolutely refused to change and Terisa looked like a slave already..... this is gunna end badly wont it.eventually you drum up a story that you and Terisa are the new slaves and Mirasi the Drauge are bringing you to your work station or whatever.about an hour later right as you enter the slave area one of the slaves looks at you and asks "Inquisitor?" FUUUUUCK!all the slaves look in your general direction as you swiftly exit the room, well there goes that cover, alright back to inquisitor gear.you reenter the room and begin searching for anything remotely heretical... you find nothing of note for now but you can never be too sure> alright time to sleep, that was embarrassing and kinda useless> alright now ask Drauge how far finished he is with the armor and such, we want updates> check that eversor we have in stasis, make sure everything is alright for that thing since the exterminatus bomb is gone he is now the most dangerous thing on the ship> write-in
>>1576222> check that eversor we have in stasis, make sure everything is alright for that thing since the exterminatus bomb is gone he is now the most dangerous thing on the shipThen bed time
guess really slow day and night, alright I'll be back at 4 pm pst tomorrow, see you then.
alright votes have been counted and I have escaped Vulkan's hugs so writing
you are feeling tired but now is the time to check the now most dangerous thing on the ship, the Eversor.you begin walking into the depths of the ship as the rest of your group head off to do their own thing. eventually you reach the storage place for the Eversor.the thing remains in a fetal position as it floats in it's tube, twitching a bit but aside from that doing nothing.you check on the activation codes, alright it's been set to your specific genetic structure and also can only be activated by the rosette. nice to have a double lock.as you continue to check the thing you notice something odd, there are two admins registered and you seem to not be able to get the system to give up the identity of this mystery admin.alright that is weird better keep an eye on that suddenly you feel a twinge of pain as Thera's voice rings though "Before you blame me I did not do that.""you expect me to believe you.""no but machine spirits and me never agree, it would rather burn itself out than work with me.""and you are telling me this why?"you feel her mentally roll her eyes "Because all honesty you are the only human who actually will talk to me.""right about that." you mentally block her out, at the least she is not materializing anymore so that is a thingsomeone wants this Eversor aside from you, and this person must be good with tech.... slightly alarming but thankfully the thing can only be activated by your rosette and DNA so not that bad.you close your eyes for a bit and decide it's time to go to sleep, been a long and uneventful day.you make your way to your room and flop on the bed not even bothering to get undressed. the room goes dark and you open your eyes to a grassy field overlooking a beautiful beach. a tall man with flowing brown hair stands on the beach looking out to the sea.> alright our dreams are never this nice, something is up and you are going to find out who and what it is (perx2)> walk down to the man, maybe this is another weird god thing that wants a word with you> lean back and enjoy the dream a bit, we rarely get a dream this nice so let's enjoy it> write-in
> alright our dreams are never this nice, something is up and you are going to find out who and what it is (perx2)I'm pretty sure it's the Emperor but better safe than sorry
>>1578835> alright our dreams are never this nice, something is up and you are going to find out who and what it is (perx2)
the anons have spoken 2d100 vs 79, 59
Rolled 8, 67 = 75 (2d100)>>1579161
the roll has been counted, 1 success and 1 fail. writing
you refuse to let yourself be lulled into a false sense of security by this new environment. too many times has something seemed ok then turned to shit.Quickly you look around and realize the sky was obviously weird, for one you could see several planets quite clearly. actually one of them was terra but not the terra you remember seeing in pictures. it was green and blue not the gold you remember. also there were twenty other planets you did not recognize.aside from this bizarre image nothing else looked out of place. well you get to your feet, now what?> approach the man, may as well talk to the only other thing in here> call out that clown, you know he is probably in here somewhere for some bad comedic gag or something> stare at the man, he will make the first move not you.> write-in
>>1579283> approach the man, may as well talk to the only other thing in here
>>1579283> approach the man, may as well talk to the only other thing in hereI'm going to be rather disappointed if i'm dead. Not angry, just very disappointed
alright approaching the mystery man
you begin to approach the man standing there "Alright who are you and why are you-" you are cut off as the man turns around and you see a clown face "OH FUCK NO!"the man laugh and pulls the mask off revealing a face with a jaw so strong it could probably beat terminator armor "Alright sorry about that, had to pay Cegorach back for letting me do this.""who?""The clown.""ha that asshole, next time I see him I'm slapping his clown face.""well I won't stop you but to the point, I am who you call the Emperor.""oh the shard in me.""you knew?" he responds an eyebrow raised"clown.""alright hit him twice for me, I wanted the surprise entrance now he ruined it.""so back to what you wanted to tell me?""right, I am the shard of the emperor inside you and I have some news for you.""alright spill the beans."the man opens is mouth but you hear nothing, he looks around and stops his foot angrily before you feel yourself being pulls out of the dream, you wake up.> "Alright clown why did you cut it early!"> shake your head, that was a weird ass fucking dream> get out of bed and check if Fenksworld is in range yet, the dream can wait> write-in
>>1579864>> write-in"I better receive a really, really good reason as to why I just got woke up, I was having a really damn good dream"
alright give me a bit and writing
You shake your head a bit "I better receive a really, really good reason as to why I just got woke up, I was having a really damn good dream."there is no answer as the room is empty.... emperor damn it. you get up and realize you are still dressed so you get out of those clothes and enter your shower, ah the water feels great. as you are drying your hair you look in the mirror and see youself..... well not exactly as behind your reflection you see the clown "So how we doing today.""you better have a really good reason as to why you cut the connection to the emperor.""does your brain melting sound like a good reason.""oh.... WHAT!""well your body and mind is not exactly built to handle that level of divine power so you got like thirty seconds before either cut or bad things happen, like those forced Tzeentch memes.""well ok, still gunna slap you the next time I see you, Emperor's orders."the clown chuckles, "so anything else you want to ask before I get back to dicking over she who thirsts with elaborate schemes?"> alright you want to know how the shard thing happened, like that is not a normal occurrence> ask him, how if it is possible, to extend the time talking to big E> say no and leave, we have work to do.> write-in
>>1580606> ask him, how if it is possible, to extend the time talking to big E
alright pausing, sleep is needed, I will be back around 6pm pst tomorrow. see you then.
>>1580606> ask him, how if it is possible, to extend the time talking to big E>"You know for a Xeno's God..your alright..I might only be saying this because i'm sleep deprived but yeah."
>>1580924I'm alright with us doing this
alright votes have been counted, sorry for being late work got me by the throat. writing
You rub your eyes a bit "do you know any way to extend my time with the emperor, he was kinda mad the connection got cut.""well aside from heavy genetic modification just time really," the clown chuckles "I wonder if you actually will last long enough though. good luck though for what it is worth.""You know for a Xeno god your alright, I might only be saying this because I'm sleep deprived but yeah."The clown blinks a few times before laughing "I must not be doing my job then, well just don't get too comfy Mon'kai you just got out of the prologue to my grand jest there is far more to come." with that he disappears from the mirror and you are left alone with more questions than answers.> shake the sleep off lets see how long till we are at Fenksworld> get dressed, find Drauge and get that armor. also knock this time so at least he can hide the toaster> check on Phe'nia, last time we saw her she was kinda unable to move so better make sure she is alright> write-in
>>1585271> get dressed, find Drauge and get that armor. also knock this time so at least he can hide the toaster
pausing for tonight, will be back at 6pm pst this time
>>1585271> check on Phe'nia, last time we saw her she was kinda unable to move so better make sure she is alright
and the live we are, votes counted and writing.
you step out of the washroom after drying off and get on some clothing, lets see if Phe'nia is feeling better.you exit your room and begin heading towards Phe'nia's room. oddly enough you encounter no one on your way there. usually you would see a slave or two but no one is there.you knock on Phe'nia's door and you hear some shuffling before the door is opened, there stands Phe'nia looking completely fine. as she stares at you her eyes go wide and she drags you in shutting the door. "Where were you this entire time?!""what?""you disappeared two weeks ago, the Gellar field failed for a split second and when we checked your room you were gone. Terisa has been unstable since you disappeared!""WHAT?!""the crew is starting the funeral for you now, I was just about to go.""well this is going to be awkward.""well are you going to crash your own funeral?"> "yes and in a fashion that will even make your god proud, get me some chocolate pudding please."> "yes but I'm going to do it with some taste, meaning we are going to walk in and just say I'm back."> "no I want to see how they react to my funeral first, then we tell them I'm not dead."> write-in
>>1588687>2and>3 comboWe wait for people to be giving eulogies and then stand up at our own podium and give yourselves a send off. "I was so young, I'd done so much but had so much more to do. Why cruel universe why!"...."Oh hey im alive"
alright we have waited enough, 1 for >>1588812 and 2 for >>1589419
Rolled 1 (1d2)
alright pudding it is, emperor help us all. writing
"yes and in a fashion that will even make your god proud, get me some chocolate pudding please."you smile and Phe'nia physically flinches "you're planning something stupid and insane right now.""oh planning is done, now for the fun part.""please no.""too bad, we doing it. Now the pudding." you quickly exit the room and head towards the kitchens, Phe'nia rushes behind you trying her best to stop you but to no avail.you grab a bucket of the pudding and a tray and head towards where the funeral is happening, you have little trouble locating it as there are signs pointing the direction.as you get to the door you realize you dont exactly have a plan for what to do, so you pause a moment.> kick the door down and splash the pudding down, then use the tray to slide down to the casket and jump off then do some one liner about being back (str, Agx2, fel)> abandon the pudding plan, We wait for people to be giving eulogies and then stand up at our own podium and give yourselves a send off. "I was so young, I'd done so much but had so much more to do. Why cruel universe why!"...."Oh hey im alive"> actually just enter the tell them you are alive before leaving, also drop the pudding around the door so when they leave they slip and fall for comedic effect> write-in
>>1589690>> abandon the pudding plan, We wait for people to be giving eulogies and then stand up at our own podium and give yourselves a send off. "I was so young, I'd done so much but had so much more to do. Why cruel universe why!"...."Oh hey im alive"
>>1589690> abandon the pudding plan, We wait for people to be giving eulogies and then stand up at our own podium and give yourselves a send off. "I was so young, I'd done so much but had so much more to do. Why cruel universe why!"...."Oh hey im alive"
alright last post of the night.
You decide the pudding plan is a really bad idea, surfing with that shit would only land you in serious pain anyways. that being said you still plan to troll the shit out of these people.you flip a hood over your head and enter with Phe'nia behind you leaving the pudding outside.you funeral continue as normal as you take a seat next to Mirasi and Phe'nia sits next to you. "damn shame." Mirasi mutters under her breath "Fucking warp and fucking demons."the funeral reaches the eulogies and several of the crew goes up and gives small speeches about you and how you were probably the only sane inquisitor they knew. Finally you get up on the podium and pull your hood off "I was so young, I'd done so much but had so much more to do. Why cruel universe why!" you pause for dramatic effect "Oh hey I'm alive"the room goes silent, you could hear a pin drop. suddenly Mirasi gets up storms up to you and punches you in the face knocking you over "FUCK OUCH!" suddenly the sister of battle grabs your shirt and buries her face in your chest, you feel the cloth get wet with her tears"WHAT THE FUCK SIMUN!" she sobs in between angry and relievedyou just stay there as the hall erupts in cheers "SIMUN LIVES!" several roar Akkaz begins beating his chest> "Glad to be back people, now then who is ready to purge some heretics!"> tell most of the people to leave, you need to discuss the emperor shard thing with your inner circle and see what Phe'nia has learned> pick up Mirasi and exit the room, lets exit before someone else decides to punch then hug> write-in
will be back at 5 pm tomorrow, see you then for the aftermath of this.
>>1590278> "Glad to be back people, now then who is ready to purge some heretics!"SIMUN LIVES! *Stomp, Stomp*
>>1590278also>several of the crew goes up and gives small speeches about you and how you were probably the only sane inquisitor they knew.Well not anymore
>>1590278> pick up Mirasi and exit the room, lets exit before someone else decides to punch then hug
>>1590278> tell most of the people to leave, you need to discuss the emperor shard thing with your inner circle and see what Phe'nia has learnedFuck it may as well explain what happened
votes have been counted and it was a close one, but 2 got it so writing.
"alright people everyone but Mirasi, Phe'nia, Akkaz, Clinks, Terisa, and Drauge clear out. I need to discuss important items with them. I MEAN NOW!" you shout at the crew cheering at your return, sure it may be good now but you know sooner or later someone else is going to hit you.the crew exit the room while those you named stay with you "Alright you better tell us why you disappeared." Mirasi chokes up still holding your shirt"right, I actually did not even know I was missing. I blame space clown god but aside from that I want you to all hold onto your seat belts because I'm about to drop something big on you.""what is it?" Drauge asks "Did the emperor talk to you or something.""way to hit the nail on the head toaster lover, and it's even worse than that.""HAY!" Drauge shouts at you after that remark on toastersyou ignore the interruption and continue "I kinda got a piece of the emperor's soul stuck inside me right now.""WHAT!" Drauge and Mirasi shout as Terisa runs up to you and grabs your arm"ya, I kinda have the god emperor inside me and Phe'nia has been working on info about this odd phenomena.""right about that." Phe'nia starts"Phe'nia knew about this and you did not tell us!" Mirasi states angrily at you "WHY!""because I'm the only one who thinks rationally about this stuff, do you know anything about divine beings? no? then don't interrupt me." Phe'nia states annoyed "Anyways after going though my master's collection of books there is a hypothesis that continued to come up, and it's good and bad.""what do you mean?""considering your shard seems to be more stable than Khain's shards there are two outcomes that could happen. either you manage to survive until your body is able to handle the 'divine power' of your emperor and you could potentially become his new vessel, or the more likely case is you die horribly.""so either i live and the emperor enters me or I die?""worse either you die or the emperor takes over your body and you no long exist.""alright that is bad, I kinda like living and existing.""to be fair it's all hypothesis so I actually have no real idea what will happen."> alright leave Phe'nia to research a bit more and lets continue the mission of PURGING ALL THE HERETICS AND DEMONS!> check on Terisa, phe'nia stated she was unstable since you disappeared so best to make sure she is ok right now> ask what happened in your absence, you want the full rundown of what followed that two week disappearance> write-in
>>1591534> write-inGive ourselves a moment to think...ok...1) PRAISE BE THE EMPEROR WILL WALK AMONG US AGAIN!2) On a more solemn note, ah man so I'll die properly this time, that sucks.3) So i guess the options are ensue I staff alive and keep fefining myself until the Big E takes the wheel or...bad stuff...you know I liked it when I was the sane Inquisitor...> ask what happened in your absence, you want the full rundown of what followed that two week disappearanceBut seriously folks what I miss?
>>1592325I'll back this
alright last post for tonight, will be back tomorrow at 5 pm. writing
you take a moment to digest what she had said. Normally one would be praising the emperor for his chance at returning though their own flesh but kinda no long existing kinda puts a solemn note on the whole affair, also that means we actually will have a funeral that the emperor in our skin will probably attend which would be really awkward.you think to yourself that if Phe'nia was right then the only "good" option was to let yourself get strong enough to become a vessel for the emperor, you think to yourself "I really liked it when I was the sane normal inquisitor"you pull yourself and Mirais up "alright I want to know what happened after the two week of me being missing."akkaz was the one to speak up "well ya exited da warp an arrivededed on da planet, den weeb searchededed fer yer uumie ass fer loike a week. Afta dat weeb made contact wif da planet'z boss an got awl da stuff ter land, afta dis event wuud be oba weeb woz goin' ter find da uumies ya wanted ter kills an blow dim up."right you forgot how bad Akkaz's low gothic was but you got the gist of it. so nothing much happened good.> alright boys today we purging, to the planet (choose two members to join you)> check on Loli psyker who is holding your arm, she did go a bit unstable for what Phe'nia stated and you don't like unstable elements> go to the mess hall and get some grub, you have been missing for two weeks and your kinda hungry> write-in
>>1592945> check on Loli psyker who is holding your arm, she did go a bit unstable for what Phe'nia stated and you don't like unstable elementsLets make sure our little friend is ok, administer head pats
>>1592945> check on Loli psyker who is holding your arm, she did go a bit unstable for what Phe'nia stated and you don't like unstable elements> go to the mess hall and get some grub, you have been missing for two weeks and your kinda hungrywe can do 2 and 3 at the same time