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[#] Underused Monster Manual Creatures
01:07am EST - 11/07/2008

I have never seen a setting or a game that really used all the creatures in the MM. They were assumed to be there, somewhere, yes, but did you ever see them in an adventure module? Did you actually seriously use one in a game? Have you seen someone else use one?

If you confirm that you have for any of these creatures and prove me wrong I will hate you forever for the rest of the day.

(Editor's Note: I'm going to take some credit for putting the images together for this one, particularly the ones that took me 9,001 hours in MS Paint. All other images copyright Wizards of the Coast, except for when it is not, derp.)

ALL FEAR THE HELL BUDGIE

Achaierai: Okay, so itís a bird... thing. A brightly-coloured bird thing with four legs. It is CR 5, Lawful Evil, from Acheron, can release insanity-inducing gas and like torturing people.

What the hell, Wizards. What the hell.

Animated bread baskets. The PCs will not see it coming.

Animated Objects: Actually this happens a lot but Iíve only ever seen boring stuff like desks and chairs and beds and tables. Why would you animate a table? What benefit is there to taking something intended for the placing of objects upon and allowing it to move around violently?

What about animated cardboard boxes? Animated toasters? Animated butter-churners? Animated backscratchers? Where is my ambulatory shoehorn?

Apparently a lot of these are from the TSR days. I guess that makes me a liar if you take the long view.

Athach: Abberant giants with an extra arm on their chests. The drawing in the Monster Manual has a pig skin on its shoulder. I wonder what the females look like.

Terry Goodkind, eat your heart out!

Cockatrice: Okay, whose idea was it to give a save-or-die to a CR 3? (Editor's Note: Gygax?)

coin sandwich om nom nom nom

Delver: I donít know about you but I canít think of a use for a lump of rock that eats other rocks and gets wasted off metal.

Actually, yes I can.

Have you ever tried neutering an invisible devil cat? It's difficult.

Hellcat: Actually Iíve had a DM who put them in. I was a malconvoker and got one to let me ride it. It was fun.

Still, invisible devil-cats. What the fuck?

A picture can tell a thousand OH JESUS WHAT THE HELL

Digester: This thing looks retarded. Seriously, open your MM up. Page 59. It looks like it just walked off the set of Cthellytubbies. It looks ridiculous. Itís like a dinosaur flumph.

Oh no. A CR 21 dragon with DR 20/magic. Quaking in my boots!

Brass Dragon: Screw you, brass dragon. Get a job.

Oh Aslan! I'm coming!

Dragonne: Because dragons and dragon turtles arenít enough, what we clearly need is a cross between a lion and a brass dragon. Where exactly did this come from? Did a brass dragon use polymorph and mount the king of the desert?

Editor: I couldn't find an actual picture of a grey elf, so here's an elf in greyscale. GET IT?

Gray Elf: Iíve got sub-race fever! (Sub-race fever!) Itís driving me crazy! (Driving me crazy!) Iíve got sub-race fever! (Sub-race fever!) Iím going out of my mind! (Going out of my mind!)

Suddenly: Ethereal filchers riding rust monsters.

Ethereal Filcher: I think this thing does get used, but no player wants to admit being robbed by a monoped with a Muppet face on its belly.

Its description doesnít say what that thing on its ďneckĒ is, but since it doesnít say it has two faces, Iím going to assume itís the other end of its digestive system. Yuck.

I'm a fan of the Creatures series, actually.

Ettin: What? Don't look at me like that. I mean it!

I'm pretending to be interested!

Formian: Modrons were here. Formians are losers.

You know what would be awesome? Frost wyrm Malygos.

Frost worm: Basically the purple wormís less cool cousin. If the 4e version turns out to be like the Warcraft one, you know who called it.

why did the girl take the thrush to the party? Because she had not got it treated yet.

Fungus: HA!

YOU ARE THE BEST MULTI-LIMBED APE EVER

Girallon: oh my god is that a gorilla with its head removed and the upper torso of another gorilla stitched on top of it

fuck yes

By the way, I'm only not including the Epic Level Handbook here because nobody would use that crazy shit.

Gorgon: What the shit is that thing? Itís a metal cow that breathes petrification gas. Save-or-die on a CR 8. Better, I suppose.

Seriously, have you looked at the hecatoncheires? CR 57. Weapon Focus and Improved Critical in throwing rocks at people.

Grick: A snake with a parrot beak and tentacles. It bites people. Um.

Editor: Truly, I am the epitome of wit.

Tallfellow: Halflings that are taller and hang around elves.

I make frowny faces at people who complain about elves being ďmary suesĒ and even I think thatís pretty gay.

Diplomacy +13, because sometimes a pantheon-slaying abomination just wants to talk. Shield at will, because we can't have only 99 hands holding swords, no...

Hippogriff: Iím sorry, but the WoW version is better. It really is. Probably because it does not look like a horse with a stupid beak. Itís like a girl had a pony and got a little too excited with the feathers and the glue brush at Halloween.

Baby hydra pets: Second only to the combat wombat on my list of favourite PC pets. (Editor: I couldn't find a real picture of an eleven-headed hydra, and after twenty seconds in Photoshop I can see why.)

Eleven-Headed Cryohydra: Iím writing this down with the firm belief that anyone who can get this specific with their memory is probably lying.

Editor: I'm such a jackass.

Invisible Stalker: Iím kind of lost for words on this one. Itís an air elemental you canít see. Yippee.

Maybe it's just the ultimate sunburn.

Krenshar: Exactly how would this species come about anyway? They are described as being ďcatlikeĒ and combining the ďworst features of a wolf and a hyenaĒ, though I donít think either of those species are able to peel its face-skin back to reveal muscle and bone.

The funny thing is Iím sure thereís someone out there who finds that sexy.

I was going to include lamia, but this basically completely distracted me. BEARDED. FLYING. LIONS.

Lammasu: Oh my god, itís a winged lion with a manface. It now comes in a celestial half-dragon version!

I wonder if the females have breasts yet. Damn you, dragonborn!

Locathah: Apparently they were created by Eadro, who also created the merfolk. I like a god with a sense of humour.

Editor: Were-creatures are cheating, it's just endless variations of 'a guy with an animal for a head'. Now, were-flumphs are where it's at.

Wereboar: Itís not even included on the big picture of lycanthropes they did with the fur-bait werewolf and the werebear that looks like a gorilla in a mask. Poor guy.

Editor: 'Dire' just means 'it menaces with spikes', don'tchaknow.

Hill Giant Dire Wereboar: Okay guys, seriously, what the hell.

Editor: :3

Gray Ooze: Youíd think that out of all the oozes, the one discriminated against would be the black one. Nope.

Editor: Why do I find this so hilarious

Phantom Fungus: Take the invisible stalker and a fungus and put them together. You now have an invisible fungus that waddles around biting people. What?

Editor: Obviously Ettin's artist's rendition was lacking so here's a better version.

Phasm: Itís an amorphous blob that can turn into objects and sometimes leads a life of ďphilosophical contemplationĒ. And the art makes it look like vomit. I hope the artist is aware that he drew a penis.

I'd oppose the whole 'tiefling are so awesome and rebellious let's star them in 4E' philosophy if I wasn't too young and draenei women weren't so sexy.

Aasimar: ďEven now I struggle to type that word without spelling it like buttocks.Ē

Just kidding. Actually I just wanted an excuse to cast weird looks over the Internet at Rob Heinsoo. Ignore this.

How does this not have Hideous Laughter at will?

Rast: Firey spiders with what look like goblin-rat heads! THEY DRINK BLOOD!

Fuck this. Iím going to paste a statblock for star vampires over its entry. Take that, rast.

The Book of Erotic Fantasy probably had a field day.

Ravid: Dumb floating one-armed snakes that animate chairs for fun. Hurray. (Editor's Note: Further evidence that many MM entries were constructed via Mad Libs.)

WHERE ALL THE WHITE REMORHAZ?

Remorhaz: I donít know why, but every time I look at its picture I get the urge to make it into an image macro.

OH FUCK! ADVENTURERS!

Roper: Ditto. It looks like a tentacle tree stump and whoever drew it gave it an ďOH SHITĒ face, like it just saw a white man tell a particularly hilarious joke about black people.

(Editor's Note: My 2nd Ed. Monstrous Manual has a particularly amusing bit under the Roper's entry: "Habitat: Ropers are not social and rarely cooperate with one another, though a group of them may be found in a good hunting spot. A group of ropers has been named a 'cluster' by scholars with nothing better to do.")

Mmm. Doggirls.

Shadow Mastiff: Emodog. (Editor's Note: Boxdog is a CR5 Outsider?)

Never, ever look at this while thinking about kemonomimi. (Editor: Serves you right!)

Spider Eater: What the hell is this thing? Itís described as a bat-winged hornet and it doesnít eat spiders. It has Freedom of Movement though. Guess itís a swell mount.

okay okay that was tasteless

Grig: Half-cricket pixies, have the worldís smallest violins, enjoy tiny watermelon. Hmmm.

Editor: someone shoot me

Hellwasp: Show of hands here: Who has actually fought a swam of foul-tempered Lawful Evil bees? That can possess people and corpses by flying up their butt? Well, wasps, but this is close enough and lets me make terrible ďlawful beevilĒ jokes.

What possible use could it have for an arm there?!

Tojanida: I donít even know what this is. What is that? Why did this get included and not modrons?

Maybe it needs to scratch its ass a lot or something.

Triton: The merfolkís inbred extraplanar cousins. Pass.

Editor: And here I thought the picture couldn't get any gayer. Then I gave it a halo.

Celestial Charger: Or, to describe it fully, the celestial unicorn cleric of Ehlonna. What is this, My Little Pony?

What these guys really need is laser eyebeams.

Vargouille: Other people have explained flying demon heads that kiss people to make their ears turn into wings and fly their heads away better than I have. Letís... letís leave it there.

This is my fursona. (Editor: They had a picture of this but not the fucking grasshopper-pixie hybrid?)

Winter Wolves Talking frosty wolves. Er... Okay, letís leave it there.

They were in a Planescape book, ALL IS FORGIVEN.

Xill: What the balls? Take me back to the wolves!

Well, I guess evil four-armed dudes who lay eggs in people is at least original and the art doesnít make them look stupider than a particularly dim brick sandwiched between some planks. Letís be nice to them!

You can go fuck yourself though.

Yrthak: Thak yr too.

Itís a pterosaur with a sonic unicorn horn. Itís at the end of the Monster Manual so I donít know if they were phoning this shit in by the end or not.

Surprise, it's a cloaker!

Manta Ray: ...Okay, okay, looking through the appendix is cheating. Thatís enough.

So, challenge mode: Make an adventure with all of these creatures. All of them. Even the evil butt bees and the inquisitor budgerigars. Do it!

~Ettin

:awesomeemosewa:

Comments

1 CAPSLOCKGUY
02:23am UTC - 11/07/2008 [X]
OVER 1000000000000000000000000000000000 HOURS IN MS PAINT


2 Shas'O Faiz
04:16am UTC - 11/07/2008 [X]
And it was ALLLLL worth it.


3 Bob Smith
06:23am UTC - 11/07/2008 [X]
I would so use a Manta Ray, or perhaps a Dire Manta Ray. It would pursue Sir Stephen of Irwin!

OK, that was a cheap shot. But the Vargouille looks like a Cacodemon from Doom, which is cool.

And the Ravid? Serpentine body, one brawny arm?

TROGDOR!


4 PurpleXVI
07:00am UTC - 11/07/2008 [X]
I'd have enjoyed this more if I could see the pictures, you fuck.

Also, I'd like to point out that almost HALF of these creatures are fucking 3.5th ed creations. At least the fucking aberration shits.

2nd ed goes a bit lighter on the stupid creatures, honestly, though I can't fathom why the fucking 2nd ed MM needs 12 variants of Giants. Can't we just have huge people that stomp on things and leave it at that?


5 PrivatePlatypoda
07:06am UTC - 11/07/2008 [X]
I've actually used a lot of these. I made the terrible decision of giving a player a custom item with Plane Shift 2/day on it and he made daily excursions to the planes (sometimes without setting a destination). It was fun because it gave me an excuse to use some of these underused monsters.

Also I now want to write an adventure about a guy who's girlfriend got kissed by a Vargouille and wants the adventurers to catch her in a cage so he can join her for eternity.

P.S. Yrthaks and Delvers make really good encounters if you want to throw something entirely bewildering at your players but don't really want to think of something particularly inventive. They'll never see the rock stoner or the blind pteradon with a unicorn horn coming.


6 Issyl
08:10am UTC - 11/07/2008 [X]
fuck you nigger xill are awesome and also hydras and remorhaz and formians and anything else that's cool that i cant think of also nice pictures.


7 Daeren
07:37pm UTC - 11/07/2008 [X]
Oh lord, the Dire Hill Giant Wearboar picture made me laugh.


8 Fatum
11:53pm UTC - 11/07/2008 [X]
Meh, we used more than half of these as well. Hippogriff is a cool mount, Spider Eaters have a special attack that kills large creatures (useful as a plot device), etc.


9 PurpleXVI
05:15am UTC - 11/10/2008 [X]
I never use save-or-die enemies of ANY kind, so I never used anything as simple as the Cockatrice in any game, of these creatures I've used, hrm...

Well, the Hippogriff, that's it.


10 Ettin
11:50pm UTC - 11/11/2008 [X]
"I never use save-or-die enemies of ANY kind"

I like to avoid that too.


Seriously, fuck save-or-dies. There are better ways to make high-tension encounters.


11 Conscripts Gary
01:51am UTC - 11/12/2008 [X]
I recognized almost every monster here by the picture alone. Never used them, but hey.


12 PurpleXVI
02:00am UTC - 11/12/2008 [X]
The only time a Save or Die is acceptable is if the players know it's there. If they KNOW there's a Medusa around the next corner, then they can choose to take precautions to prevent her stoning them all, or they can choose to take their chances with saving throws.


13 Anonymoose
10:08pm UTC - 11/17/2008 [X]
Oh cmon, vargouilles are awesome. One moment you're raiding a goblin cave, the next moment you realize you've let a vargouille loose in an extensive cavern FULL of goblins. oh.. shit..


14 GorbashKazdar
10:28am UTC - 11/20/2008 [X]
PurpleXVI: "2nd ed goes a bit lighter on the stupid creatures"

The fuck are you smoking? Flumphs? Wolf-in-sheeps-clothing? Trapper? Ring any bells? Face it, 2nd Edition has at least as much retarded as 3.5. And that's doing you the favor of ignoring Spelljammer, which is basically a retarded singularity.


15 Sister Acacia
10:21am UTC - 12/06/2008 [X]
I know one guy who would swear by the Remorhaz.

I used Hellwasps once ever. Also, I used a giant stone animated bath/pool. It wandered around with a nymph inside it. Also sucker-punched players with an animated altar. The pissy little Imp on the pentagram was a distraction, the altar then stamps on the feet of the heroes.


16 Coyote
07:43pm UTC - 4/19/2009 [X]
I want to ride a manta now.


17 YO MOMMA
07:06am UTC - 2/25/2013 [X]
Sup Ettin, all the images are now broken. Probably due to the server migration.


 

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