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[#] Out of Schrödinger's Box: Episode 1
03:42pm EDT - 10/18/2008

Schrödinger's Verdict on Mana Potion energy drinks

Figure I need to start with this: DISCLAIMER: Schrödinger is not to held responsible if one of you actually gets caffeine poisoning from this product. Don't try it, kids!

The first thing that has to be said about these little bottles of joy is that they are little and delicious. Also expensive, but more on this later.

Now, for those of you who may be wondering, Mana Potion, or Mana Energy Potion as it is labeled, isn't some WoW knock off for the nerdy, even if its name may be slightly deceptive. Inside this small, Florence flask of a bottle, is a liquid that is not only very blue, it is, from all given signals and purposes, energy in about it's purest concentrated form. After I found out about these little balls of fizz from a friend, I googled (Microsoft Word does not accept this as a verb, let alone a word) the website, to be met with a fantasy-esque grandeur that can only be described as "WE'RE TOTALLY NOT RIPPING OFF BLIZZARD GUYS, HONEST." However, with a bit of digging, you eventually find out three key facts about these products:

  1. The company doesn't feel safe selling these things to people under the age of 16.
  2. The company only recommends consuming one of these PER DAY.
  3. The nutrition guide for this bottle of contained fury can only describe it as such, since the ingredients are INSANE.

Let's take a minute to look at the ingredients. Bear in mind that this is a fifty milliliter bottle of potion, not some regular 16 floz can of stuff. This is a bottle that can easily fit in your hand and it will disappear from all sight and knowledge. So, this bottle also only has 25 calories, so you can really watch your figure with these, but that's not so much the remarkable points. As you read further, you discover that in one little bottle, this has 400mcg of B-12. For those of you who don't know what the daily recommended dosage is, this is 6667% of it. This is not a lie, and it's barely even a joke. One little bottle has enough B-12 to make your urine glow in the dark. That may be an exaggeration. I don't know yet.

Aside from the honest to god fucktons of B-12, there's 1600% of the daily dosage of B6 and 130% of the daily dosage of B3. Talk about a fixation on the B vitamins. Sure, they give you energy, and that's not even half of the rest of the label. Not getting into details, but the energy mix is about what you'd see in half of anything else, in the same quantity as you'd see anywhere else. That's right. There's two grams of energy mixture in fifty milliliters of liquid. And that's not all. Inside this flask of fuck-you-up are 400mcg of enzymes. What do you need extra enzymes for? To make it all absorb faster. It's not like caffeine or whatever doesn't hit you fast enough, no you need to increase your own uptake of all of this in the process of drinking it. Yeah, that's right. Your body can't process this shit fast enough, so we'll help you process it even faster, mother fucker. This trip'll be so intense, you'll need a helmet. For your intestines.

So, now that we're past all the technical aspects of the bottle of fuck-you-up, let's get to flavor. First, this isn't a carbonated beverage. There is no fizzy taste that makes you think of soda in here. No, simply a little bit of liquid that fits into about two swallows. Now, I'd hope you love blue raspberry. If not, you're going to hate this drink hardcore, because it's like going to 7-11, ordering the largest one of those blue raspberry icees and concentrating it. I'm not even kidding. I wish I were. The flavor is very intense, to go along with everything else about this drink. The worst part I found was that I wish there was more, which is not a good idea at all, considering what's in it.

Honestly the worst part about Mana Potion is the cost. Now, I could buy it online and probably save money, but it's in town, so I figured why not buy it at my local Hot Topic? (By the way, that's about the only place to buy it from) This is when I found out that one bottle costs me $5.30 with tax a piece. Through the retailer online, so long as I'm buying less than four at a time, this is the better option. Otherwise, it's a bit much for my tastes. Now to convince my friends that they want to go in with me on this more than a case of Brawndo…

Pros:

Cons:

Verdict: Worth buying, especially if you're into this stuff.

~Schrödinger

Maybe.

Comments

1 Coyote
03:53pm UTC - 10/18/2008 [X]
INTENSE


2 CAPSLOCKGUY
01:39am UTC - 10/19/2008 [X]
REAL MEN DRINK MANA ENERGY POTIONS.

10 OF THEM.

AT THE SAME TIME.


3 PurpleXVI
04:11am UTC - 10/19/2008 [X]
Reminds me of this crazy German health drink shit I bought once(and which is still rotting in a crate in my room, in their bottles).

It basically had enough Vitamin A in each bottle that if someone was to chug four in a day, they were risking death. Not that there was much chance of that, of course, unless they were clinically insane/had them injected into their body. Because this shit was some thick, viscous mix of puréed carrot and HONEY. Blarfgh.


4 Lord Licorice
04:12am UTC - 10/19/2008 [X]
Personally, I like Bawls (hurrhurr) and the Rockstar mocha energy drinks. They're fucking expensive, but they taste delicious and they make me wired. I wish Sprite Remix still existed, because Bawls is pretty much Sprite Remix with copious amounts of caffeine.

I've never been able to stand the taste of Red Bull, but the only times I've ever had it were sugar-free, making it pretty much bitter seltzer water. It didn't really have much kick to it, either...

My caffeination of course, of course, is delicious, delicious coffee. Mmm, made-in-New Hampshire maple coffee...


5 Schroedinger
12:06pm UTC - 10/19/2008 [X]
Honestly, I've had basically everything, and nothing anymore really kicks my caffeine tolerance in the face. But I do like me some bottled Bawls because it's not so carbonated and it's not diluted into the canned version (seriously, what were they thinking with cans? They stuck the same thing as a bottle and poured in seltzer water to make it 16 floz instead of 10).

Everything else pretty much goes by taste, whatever you like. Though, that natural agave or whatever the fuck it is Full Throttle can lick my balls because it is so bad. SO. BAD. NEVER AGAIN.


6 Issyl
12:10pm UTC - 10/20/2008 [X]
ENERGY DRINKS ARE BAD FOR YOU :<

Also i want to drink like five of these mana potions at once and see what happens.
Also i don't drink coffee or anything. Cuz i'm so hardcore, i only need pure willpower to wake up.
Also poop.


7 Clarence, Mage
01:15am UTC - 10/21/2008 [X]
Fucking things don't even ship to outside of the US. >:F


8 Symmetry
03:36am UTC - 10/24/2008 [X]
Hey LL - since I know I'll forget, I should let you know that we have Sprite Remix here in Oregon. I'll check next time I go to WinCo to see if they have original flavor as well as the newfangled hippy crap.

This stuff tastes like death. Bitter blue raspberry. Don't think about drinking them, kids. We have a registered nurse in IRC, and he forbade any of us to do so. Seriously. Don't do it.


 

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