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    10 KB Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)17:35 No.7985663  
    You're a clerk working the front desk of a Munitorium warehouse in a mid-sized town on a fairly obscure planet. You've been at the job for 10 years now, and everything has been going swimmingly so far. You're making decent wage, you just finished mortgage payments on your hab, and you're getting married pretty soon to a lovely girl down at the textile factory.

    This morning, however, an imposing man dressed in aristocratic livery comes barging in and demands 16 demolition charges from your stocks. You politely, but very firmly asks him to fill out requisition forms E-55 through G-92, because, you point out, your department's motto is that "Everyone needs to fill out the proper paperwork. Even the Emperor himself." You explain that the last part is actually a joke, and that, in fact, were the Emperor to show up, you'd probably make an exemption.

    The man, not amused, pulls out an Inquisitorial Rosette and puts it down in front of you. Your face flushes white, and you begin to explain that even inq... He shakes his hand and tells you very calmly that unless he gets the charges in 10 minutes, he's going to shoot you for obstructing an inquistorial investigation.

    You start to explain that the servitor guarding the warehouse requires forms E-55 through G-92 to open the vaults, and that the only person who can override that is the manager, and he's out sick, but before you're half way through the explaination, the Inquistor pulls out a bolt-pistol and calmly taps the barrel on your desk.

    What's your next move?
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)17:37 No.7985701
    Shit a brick.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)17:37 No.7985702
    fill out the papers myself?
    >> Sergeant Major Alexandros III !PhseAMrpPY 02/08/10(Mon)17:38 No.7985716

    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)17:38 No.7985717
    Punch him in the face, take gun, shoot him.

    Then steal clothes and equipment.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)17:38 No.7985722
    In 10 minutes?

    Have you SEEN the forms man?

    E-55 and 56 ALONE will take you a good part of an hour.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)17:40 No.7985754
    Is the OP dead? D:
    >> Commando Eth 02/08/10(Mon)17:40 No.7985761
    Call the Manager up and ask him for the override codes.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)17:40 No.7985766
    Don't fall for it. he's probably going to shoot you anyway if you break the procedure.

    Still, he might shoot you anyway just for annoying him
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)17:40 No.7985769

    You can't reach him. He's out sick. Calling him his personal comm just ends up with a pleasent voice mail recording.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)17:41 No.7985778

    Hell yes!
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)17:41 No.7985789
    Push the alarm button? Or tell him he's free to help himself after he's taken care of the Combat-servitor but we'll have to charge him with the costs of getting a new one and he'll have to fill in forms P-34/d to R-66/x.
    >> Sergeant Major Alexandros III !PhseAMrpPY 02/08/10(Mon)17:41 No.7985791

    Bash the servitor to death with a wrench (or borrow the bolt pistol) and let him in?
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)17:42 No.7985800
    Guess I'd grab the nearest weapon and go fuck up that servitor.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)17:42 No.7985821

    Um... He's an inquisitor. With years and years of combat experience stabbing xenos and heretics.

    You're a clerk. You had trouble chasing a wombat out of your hab block.
    >> Commando Eth 02/08/10(Mon)17:43 No.7985838
    Yea it seems the Servitor will have to go to get that door open.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)17:44 No.7985862

    It's Saturday. Security is understaffed. The only guard still on duty is Old Giles with a billy club, and you're not even sure if he can hear the alarm with his deafness and all.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)17:44 No.7985864
    Apologise for wasting his time, and call your immediate supervisor to deal with this important gentleman's request. Then lock yourself in the stationery cupboard until the gunfire and screaming stops.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)17:45 No.7985866

    I punch the inquisitor in the face. nd steal his gun.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)17:45 No.7985871
    How does roll work btw?
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)17:46 No.7985899

    You can't reach your manager, and the next higher-up is 40 miles away, in the other branch office, half way across the city.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)17:47 No.7985920
    Tell him you'll fill the forms out yourself.

    Failing that, fill out the "notification of death by Inquisitorial authority" paper before he shoots us.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)17:47 No.7985931
    ofgs this!
    >> Sergeant Major Alexandros III !PhseAMrpPY 02/08/10(Mon)17:48 No.7985936

    Kill the servitor.

    Then apologize profusely and fill the servitor replacement forms.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)17:48 No.7985954

    The Servitor is twice your size. And it's got a twin-linked stubber mounted on its arm.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)17:49 No.7985968
    This and get this thread moving.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)17:49 No.7985976
    The Inquisitorial rosette can actually interface with a standard servitor's computer interface and override the standard programming...
    >> Commando Eth 02/08/10(Mon)17:50 No.7985980
    That won't matter for the Inquisitior, I'm sure he knows what he's doing.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)17:51 No.7986008
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)17:51 No.7986012
    Inform the Inquisitor that while you honestly want to fulfill his order, you physically can not do it in the timeframe he has given you. He must know that Imperial Bureacracy can be hell at times.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)17:53 No.7986043
    The Inquistor yanks you by your front collar. "Listen to me, you little shit," he tells you, "Across the street, there, in that hotel block, are a fuckton of heretics in a meeting about the best way to burn this world. That meeting ends in an hour. You will get me those charges, or I will..."

    You meekly interrupt the inquisitor to tell him that you'd love to cooperate, but there's the matter of a, um, servitor blocking the way.

    And it's armed.

    And it needs the proper auth...

    "Alright," he says, "Where is it?"

    You point to the vault at the end of the corridor behind you.

    The Inquisitor eyes you with hatred. "Don't even THINK about moving."

    He strides down the hall out of your view, and you hear sudden gunfire.
    >> Sergeant Major Alexandros III !PhseAMrpPY 02/08/10(Mon)17:53 No.7986045

    Ask the Inquisitor to override it, call techpriest-support?

    Failing that, excuse yourself saying that you have to go look for something in the back room and then RUN THE FUCK AWAY.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)17:54 No.7986062
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)17:54 No.7986071
    Killing the servitor won't open the vault. We need to get the drop on the inquisitor.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)17:55 No.7986081
    "Requisition me a beat"

    Fill out those forms with a super-human feat of bureaucratic ability.

    Impress the Inquisitor so much with your red-tape cutting skill that he conscripts you involuntarily into his retinue, dragging you off-planet before you can even say goodbye to your fiancee.

    You die a few months later at the hands of some genestealers.

    Bad End.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)17:55 No.7986082
    We're a long-standing Munitorum worker. There are probably several warehouses here that could fulfil the Inquisitor's needs and we probably know the people that work there. Call them and find one whose manager isn't ill and nonanswering, then direct the Inquisitor there. Point out that he either goes to them or he deals with our servitor, then wait to be shot. At least we did the best we could.
    >> Commando Eth 02/08/10(Mon)17:55 No.7986084
    Finally. OP you should get a name to differentiate yourself from the Anon.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)17:55 No.7986087

    The gunfire lasts for some time, but at last, there's silence. You're not sure who won, but if the wetness dribbing down your left leg is any indication, you don't really want to find out.

    Your move.
    >> Coward Clerk 02/08/10(Mon)17:55 No.7986100
    Coward Clerk reporting for duty.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)17:56 No.7986106

    Hide under your desk. Optional: Void your bowels.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)17:56 No.7986111
    yes i want.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)17:56 No.7986118
    Lock ourselves in a stationary cupboard.
    >> Sergeant Major Alexandros III !PhseAMrpPY 02/08/10(Mon)17:57 No.7986132

    Take a peek, see who's still standing.

    If Inquisitor, open the door and hand him the explosives.

    If servitor, call Arbites and local PDF, Sororitas, Space Marines, whoever is at hand, tell them of the heretic meeting in the hotel.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)17:58 No.7986144
    And steal clothes.

    Now who's the Inquisitor???
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)17:58 No.7986152
    I'd stay put where I am, I listen to the Inquisitor.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)17:58 No.7986162
    Wait for a while. If nothing happens call the Arbites.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:00 No.7986186
    yet again, bump
    >> Coward Clerk 02/08/10(Mon)18:00 No.7986192

    You try to bend down and squeeze yourself between the desk and the chair, but suddenly, the Inquisitor returns and slams a big, wet, soppy thing down in front of you.

    It's the bloody head of the servitor.

    He grabs you by the collar again and hoists you up.

    Slowly, he enunciates every word.


    DO YOU



    You tremble, and finally gathers up enough courage to lead him into the warehouse. You quickly navigate to the shelf where the demo charges usually sit, but you notice that it's empty. There's a note there that reads "Out of stock".

    You look at the Inquisitor. He looks at you. He taps his foot.

    What do you do?
    >> PaperJack 02/08/10(Mon)18:01 No.7986213
    show him the note
    >> Commando Eth 02/08/10(Mon)18:01 No.7986218
    Inform him that your out of charges. Then direct him to the next set of explosives that could get the job done.
    >> Sergeant Major Alexandros III !PhseAMrpPY 02/08/10(Mon)18:01 No.7986220

    Direct him to the nearest Arbites Station, they surely have explosives and weapons there.

    And reinforcements.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:02 No.7986222
    Sucide is starting to look pretty good right now...

    If not, Tzeentch plz...
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:02 No.7986228
    Locate the nearest charges, and/or materials nearby that can be made into explosive charges, using the nearest computer that would have that information.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:02 No.7986234

    That's certainly not going to be restocked within the hour, so it looks like we're shit out of luck.

    Close our eyes and whisper a prayer commending our soul to the Emperor.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:03 No.7986239
    Suggest an alternative. Thermite. Mining submunitions. ANYTHING.


    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:03 No.7986253
    Since, before we took this job, we were macguyver, quickly whip up a set of explosives using only our mullet, a paperclip and an elastic band.
    >> Coward Clerk 02/08/10(Mon)18:04 No.7986255

    You meekly (and politely) point out that you're out of stock.

    The Inquisitor's face flushes red. He is furious.

    BUT, you quickly tell him, maybe there's an alternative? You do have plenty of promethium tanks still left. Surely an enterprising Inquisitor such as himself could do something with that.

    "That hotel DOES look very flammable," he mutters.

    He looks at you. "Clerk." he asks, "What's your name?"

    What do we answer?
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:05 No.7986294
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:05 No.7986297
    MacGuyverius the Third
    >> Sergeant Major Alexandros III !PhseAMrpPY 02/08/10(Mon)18:05 No.7986299

    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:05 No.7986303
    Point out your copious stocks of Promethium and offer to carry out all the barrels you can with the loading sentinel. You're pretty sure you remember how to control it from that safety holovid you had to watch when you first started to work here.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:06 No.7986307
    I am Andrew Ryan, and I am here to ask you a question. Is a man not entitled to the sweat of his brow?

    'No,' says the man in Washington, 'it belongs to the poor.'
    'No,' says the man in the Vatican, 'it belongs to God.'
    'No,' says the man in Moscow, 'it belongs to everyone.'

    I rejected those answers. Instead, I chose something different. I chose the impossible. I chose...


    A city where the artist would not fear the censor,
    where the scientist would not be bound by petty morality,
    where the great will not be constrained by the small.

    And with the sweat of your brow, Rapture can become your city, as well.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:06 No.7986308
    Give him our name.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:06 No.7986318
    Tell him your name.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:07 No.7986323

    Tell him our name, Administratum census number, pay grade and line manager.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:07 No.7986328

    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:07 No.7986331
    Quit it... now.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:07 No.7986335
    Tell the inquisitor that the ware house is out of stock and that, you'd love nothing more than to help in anyway that you can.
    "Maybe, he'll leave me alone seeing as how there is nothing I can do about getting him charges, perhaps he can gerry rig some explosives together"
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:08 No.7986351
    Tell the Inquisitor that he was the son of Grendel, though he doesn't know much about his father.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:08 No.7986362
    Can you guys press F5 plz?
    >> Coward Clerk 02/08/10(Mon)18:09 No.7986385

    "H....H....H..." you stammer.

    "Your name," the Inquisitor tells you humorlessly, "Is Shitstain." He puts you back on the ground. "Well, Shitstain, congratulations. You are officially drafted into the Inquisition. Listen Shitstain, we don't have much time. Those heretics will be leaving the hotel in half an hour, and I'll be damned if I let them live."

    "Yo..you... you could call the Arbities," you suggest.

    The Inquisitor grins. "Half an hour, Shitstain. Not enough time." He looks around the warehouse, and grabs an arm-ful of lasgun clips. "Strap these to your belt, then help me carry those two promethium tanks across the street."

    You really, really, really don't want to do this.

    Do you obey? Or think of a suitable excuse? Or make a break for it?
    >> Coward Clerk 02/08/10(Mon)18:10 No.7986401

    He looks at you and notes your hesitation. "If you do this, you'll be a hero. You'll save your entire planet."
    >> Sergeant Major Alexandros III !PhseAMrpPY 02/08/10(Mon)18:10 No.7986410

    Well, he's an inquisitor.

    So we do as he say and use our trusty cellphone to call the Arbites and PDF WHILE we help him push the promethium.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:10 No.7986411
    Obey, explosions are pwety
    >> PaperJack 02/08/10(Mon)18:10 No.7986413
    Obey. Any other option will get us in deep shit.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:10 No.7986415
    time to harden the fuck up
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:10 No.7986423
    Knowing that you are only a servant to the will of the Emperor, and the Inquisition is that will, you obey him. This however does not stop him from continuing to whine in fear and complain.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:10 No.7986424
    Disobey? Never.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:11 No.7986433
    Seconding this
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:12 No.7986443
    Don't you mean "deeper shit"?
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:12 No.7986453
    Do what he says.

    But be as incompetent as we can possibly be without getting ourselves shot, lest we find ourselves forcibly conscripted into the Inquisitor's retinue and die horribly at some point in the future.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:12 No.7986455
    I don't think we can go that much deeper anymore.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:13 No.7986474


    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:14 No.7986486
    Shoot the Inquisitor in the back and join the heretics.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:14 No.7986493
    i like that...
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:14 No.7986495
    I'm willing to bet 1,000 thrones that the inquisitor is safer to be around than raving mad mutants and heretics. Stick with him.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:14 No.7986498
    Good name.
    >> Coward Clerk 02/08/10(Mon)18:15 No.7986500

    You do as the Inquisitor says. You strap the packs to your belt, and notes that the Inquisitor is dumping a loadful of grenades into a sack. He slings the sack around his shoulders, and grips one of the promethium tanks. You do the same to the other.

    Together, you two lug the tanks across the street to the Hotel. The two of you drags the tanks around the building to the back entrance alley way. "Okay, Shitstain, this is what we'll do. They're having the meeting in the grand ballroom. First floor. We're going to break down the doors, rush in there, then I'm going to shout "SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKERS," and detonate the grenades.

    You're slightly bewildered. "W...won't that kill us too?"

    The Inquisitor looks at you seriously. "It's us or the planet, pal. Two lives for a whole world, Shitstain. It's worth it."

    Suddenly, you don't feel so good anymore.

    What do we do?
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:15 No.7986509
    rolled 11 = 11

    Roll to punch.
    >> PaperJack 02/08/10(Mon)18:15 No.7986520
    "Can't we just throw the grenades in? Or plant them around and demolish the building?"
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:15 No.7986521
    Grow a pair, pray to the Emperor, get this shit done.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:16 No.7986526
    >> Sergeant Major Alexandros III !PhseAMrpPY 02/08/10(Mon)18:16 No.7986530

    Tell him to lead the way.

    Don't follow.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:17 No.7986537
    Do as he says but just after he kicks down the door you hit him in the head.

    Heretics and mutants are better than death...
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:17 No.7986541
    Stammer out that the Inquistor can use his bolt pistol to ignite the Promethium barrels from outside after the two of you roll them inside.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:17 No.7986550
    how the fuck do i roll???
    >> Coward Clerk 02/08/10(Mon)18:17 No.7986552

    The Inquisitor looks at you as if you were mad. "Half those guys in there have personal shields. The other half are fodder that I could care less about. I can throw the sack of grenades, sure, but how many can I get in before they shoot us to pieces? How far can you throw a promethium tank? Grow a pair, Shitstain, the Emperor's watching."

    What do we do?
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:18 No.7986564
    This sounds good. Inform the Lord Inquisitor that surely his life and skills would be squandered on a suicide mission such as this, and surely this isn't the only cult on our planet.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:18 No.7986566
    Suggest that if we plant the explosives inside and rig them to be detonated from a distance, or even if we use windows/holes in walls/holes in roof to distribute explosives and such, we will likely do just as much damage, and actually survive too.

    Do it politely.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:18 No.7986572
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:18 No.7986574
    Propose an alternate plan that would involve dropping the tanks and grenades from the floor above the ballroom. Preferably something that would allow a quick escape, perhaps to a neighboring building before the explosives go off.
    >> Coward Clerk 02/08/10(Mon)18:18 No.7986576

    They're frag grenades, not melta charges.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:18 No.7986577

    see this:
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:19 No.7986582
    Pour it down from the ceiling.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:19 No.7986583
    Time to make a knowledge check and see if you can identify a structural weakness in the building.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:19 No.7986598
    rolled 88 = 88

    Type "dice+1d100" without the quotation marks into your email field.

    The first number signifies how many dice, the number after the 'd' signifies how many sides the dice has.
    >> Coward Clerk 02/08/10(Mon)18:20 No.7986606
    Too many suggestions. All good.

    We need a tie breaker or some sort of fuzzy consensus
    >> LE 02/08/10(Mon)18:20 No.7986614
    ask to borrow the bolt pistol and for a written inquisitorial mandate to absolve you of any crimes committed while obtaining these demolitions.

    then politely ask him to follow you to the armoury

    once there ask again to verify inquisitorial permissions and blow the head off of the guard servitor.

    ask the inquisitor to stay right there as you get the demolitions.

    bring him back the demolitions
    >> Sergeant Major Alexandros III !PhseAMrpPY 02/08/10(Mon)18:20 No.7986615

    Ask him to help you get the promethium and explosives upstairs, then tell him to leave the building, you can do this alone and his life is worth more than yours.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:20 No.7986621
    So wouldn't collapsing the entire building kill them all?
    >> PaperJack 02/08/10(Mon)18:21 No.7986628
    I vote this
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:21 No.7986633
    eat as much promethium as you can

    swallow a match

    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:22 No.7986640
    that would be so epic... but NO.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:22 No.7986644
    function show_alert value="Show User" eval"(x=10; y=20;document.write(x*y)");
    >> Coward Clerk 02/08/10(Mon)18:22 No.7986654

    You squarely plant your feet, and inform the Inquisitor that, frankly, his life is too valuable to lose for a mere bunch of heretics. You suggest that we can pour the liquid promethium down the vent shaft from the second floor while someone bars all exits on the ball room, and burn the whole building down around those heretics.

    The Inquisitor looks dubious. "We've got 20 minutes. I don't think there's enough time for that."

    He eyes you suspiciously.

    "You're not a heretic, are you?"

    What do we answer?
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:23 No.7986674
    If we were a heretic, wouldn't we be inside already, at the meeting?
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:24 No.7986679
    Would i really help you this far if i was one?
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:24 No.7986685
    rolled 491679 = 491679

    >> Coward Clerk 02/08/10(Mon)18:24 No.7986697

    The Inquisitor is still somewhat suspicious, but mollified, for now. "Okay Shitstain, you want to do the pouring, or the blocking?"

    What do we answer?
    >> Sergeant Major Alexandros III !PhseAMrpPY 02/08/10(Mon)18:25 No.7986698

    For the God-Emperor's sake, are you going to help me kill those traitors or stand around doing nothing?

    Say it like you really mean it.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:25 No.7986703
    pour it down...
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:26 No.7986727
    rolled 984602 = 984602

    If I were a heretic, I would have called the other heretics at the heretic meeting while you were shooting the servitor and they would have been all over your ass whenever we were in the warehouse.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:26 No.7986733
    Excuse ourselves for the bathroom. Inform the heretics that a nice man is about to come through the door with the cake. Go back to the bathroom, climb out the window.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:26 No.7986734
    ask him to affix the prometheum tanks to our back. Tell him we will run in and shout SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKERS and he can shoot us with his laspistol, detonating the prometheum tanks.

    That way, we take down the heretics, and the inquisitor can continue fighting heresy, and we can go to His most Glorious Side, to rest in peace for all time.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:27 No.7986749
    No we will be eaten by deamons.

    AND FGS PRESS F5!!!!
    >> PaperJack 02/08/10(Mon)18:27 No.7986754
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:28 No.7986760
    It's time to pucker up, make one last prayer to the God Emperor, try to write something sweet to your loved one and muck in.

    Martyrdom in the service of the Emperor gets you 40 virgins in heaven doesn't it?
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:28 No.7986766
    Pouring, because it puts him less at risk, thereby building trust with him
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:28 No.7986769
    rolled 701429 = 701429

    >> NG Pally !!UB9AXCUn8mL 02/08/10(Mon)18:28 No.7986774
    I say we pour. He's more combat effective, we'd be wasted in pouring. I say we also mutter litany after litany as we're doing it.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:28 No.7986775
    >> Coward Clerk 02/08/10(Mon)18:29 No.7986784

    You put on the bravest face you can muster, and tell him, "I'll do the pouring sir! I won't fail you!"

    He eyes you suspiciously. "Alright Shitstain, but try anything funny and I'll put a bolt upside your skull."

    Together, the two of you lug the promethium tanks up the fire escape ladder, and break into a vacant hotel room. You track down the air conditioning unit and together, you pry off the lid. This should lead to the Grand Ball room. Regardless, you assure the Inquisitor, that promethium is very, very flammable, and either way, this building will burn nicely.

    The Inquisitor wishes you good luck and goes to talk to the hotel manager about locking the all the doors.

    You're about to start pouring when a curious bellboy notices you. "What the FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" He yells.

    What do you do?
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:29 No.7986792
    Have a sudden flash of inspiration and realise we can set the promethium tanks outside the front door, and detonate once the heretics come outside.
    >> NG Pally !!UB9AXCUn8mL 02/08/10(Mon)18:30 No.7986798

    We don't know if he's a heretic. Knock him out, then drag him out when we leave.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:30 No.7986801
    Tell him to be quiet and that you are working for the most holiest inquisition.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:30 No.7986806

    "No offense, sir, but if I were a filthy heretic then I probably would have shot you in the back by now. I mean, that's what dirty, stinking heretics do, right?"

    Then, I calmly suggest that if we're really going to do this kamikaze run, I should probably go get another sack of grenades. I sit down the stuff I was carrying, rush back to the armory, grab a pistol, and then snipe the fucking tanks from a safe distance blowing him up along with all the heretics. Then, I call the Arbiters and tell them that an Inquisitor cambe by and did something really stupid and/or brave and that they should probably come by to check if there are any heretics left.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:30 No.7986810
    Tell him that you're the extermiantor, here to clean the pool and part of the function downstairs, and what you're doing is for an event for hte function - goo wrestling.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:30 No.7986813
    Beat him to death with a promethium tank. BLOOD FOR TH-- ahem. For the Emperor!
    >> Sergeant Major Alexandros III !PhseAMrpPY 02/08/10(Mon)18:30 No.7986815

    Knock him out or kill him, depending on how hard he resists.

    For the Emperor.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:31 No.7986823
    I'm the repairman, I'm putting coolant into the main AC unit so that the guests can enjoy a cool environment.

    One with low temperature.
    >> Coward Clerk 02/08/10(Mon)18:31 No.7986828


    Evens means we successfully knock him out with the sack of grenades. Odd means we fail and he goes off yelling and screaming, possibly alerting the heretics.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:31 No.7986829
    >> PaperJack 02/08/10(Mon)18:31 No.7986830
    Tell the kid we're doing some manutention for the Machine Spirit of the vents.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:31 No.7986831
    just kill him
    he's obviously a heretic

    Letting him talk will only weaken our resolve
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:31 No.7986832
    Don't acknowledge him unless he gets closer. If he does then attack him and knock him out.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:32 No.7986844
    Explain politely to the bell boy that what you are pouring down the vent is actually warp-rat poison that keeps the vents nice and unheretical. Tell him to come take a look for himself to be sure and when he bends over to look at the label on the tank slam his head into it knocking him unconscious.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:32 No.7986845
    rolled 21 = 21

    Rollin a d100
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:32 No.7986849
    >> Coward Clerk 02/08/10(Mon)18:32 No.7986851
    >> NG Pally !!UB9AXCUn8mL 02/08/10(Mon)18:32 No.7986857
    I suggest we try diplomacy first, tell him it's a harmless pesticide.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:33 No.7986864

    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:34 No.7986873
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:34 No.7986877
    Ignore the rolls! do this instead.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:34 No.7986889
    rolled 11 = 11

    >> Coward Clerk 02/08/10(Mon)18:34 No.7986890

    You take a mad swing at him with the sack of grenades, but you miss wildly. The bell boy runs off screaming robbery and sabotage. You try to run after him, but he's got too much of a head start.

    You look back, and notice in horror that in your clumsy attempt, you topped one of the opened promethium tanks and now the stuff is spilling EVERYWHERE. Everywhere - that is - except the vent.

    You still have another tank left, and some grenades.

    Suddenly, you hear shooting from the first floor.

    What do you do?
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:34 No.7986891
    Beat the man down, quickly, while pouring the shit in the vents.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:35 No.7986893
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:36 No.7986906
    "It... It... It's really heavy, for God Emperor's sake could you give me a hand please, I'd really appreciate it."

    *winning smile, the one you give to your girl when you've just recounted your story about filling form A434*

    While he's thinking about what to say next, splash the shit in his eyes (blinding him), kick him in the testicals and kick him in the head a few times once he's gone down.

    Continue pouring the fuel, wiping the sweat of your brow and steadying your shaking hands.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:36 No.7986907
    rolled 10 = 10

    Drop the ENTIRE tank into the vent, followed by as many grenades as we can safely drop.

    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:36 No.7986915
    lock the door, obviously.

    dump that 2nd tank and toss a nade before climbing out the window to the fire escape
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:36 No.7986918
    pour fgs pour and throw down the granades at the sam time.

    Fgs, throw it all down in one mass
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:36 No.7986922
    Hurriedly pour the shit in the vents and do whatever else we came to do, and then hop out the window and down the fire escape (Buildings have fire escapes in the grim darkness of the 41st millennium, right?)
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:36 No.7986923
    Kill the Servitor and fill out the forms to get it replaced. All the while apologizing to the inquisitor for my incompetence.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:36 No.7986927

    Jump out the window, chucking live grenades behind you as you do so, only to land safely on a soft canvas awning on a nearby ending.

    As the hotel explodes in a giant fireball, you walk calmly towards the camera and put on your sunglasses.

    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:37 No.7986931
    Lock the door and finish the job. Pour the rest of that shit down the vent, do your duty and get the hell out.
    >> Sergeant Major Alexandros III !PhseAMrpPY 02/08/10(Mon)18:37 No.7986936

    Kick the other promethium tank open, let it spill everywhere, prime grenades, get the fuck out.
    >> Commando Eth !!zdoDnh8R0+W 02/08/10(Mon)18:39 No.7986964
    C'mon OP, whats your choice.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:39 No.7986970
    >> NG Pally !!UB9AXCUn8mL 02/08/10(Mon)18:39 No.7986975

    You're kind of late.

    And all of you chucklefucks who rolled, goddamnit, why couldn't we try some trickery first?
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:40 No.7986992
    OP kinda forced us into rolling
    >> Coward Clerk 02/08/10(Mon)18:41 No.7986999

    Well, this is a cluster fuck. You twist open the second tank and strain with all your might to stand the thing upside down with the nose squarely inside the vent. You unclip your belt, chuck it down the vent, along with as many grenades as you could manage, saving only one for the detonation. Then, you bungle your way down the fire escape, pull the pin on your last grenade, and throw it at the window.

    But in your haste, your trembling hand bungles the throw and the grenade bounces off the rim of the window and drops like a rock along the wall, exploding harmlessly in the alleyway, killing a stray cat in the process.


    What do you do now?
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:42 No.7987014
    run away?
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:43 No.7987026

    Jesus, this is just getting fucking stupid.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:43 No.7987029
         File1265672592.jpg-(4 KB, 145x130, 1259631398940.jpg)
    4 KB
    Climb in the vent and grab a grenade, then crawl out, go to the fire escape, and try again.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:43 No.7987030


    The story was good up to then, that twist is too contrived by half!

    Punch the GM.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:43 No.7987031
    rolled 19 = 19


    >> NG Pally !!UB9AXCUn8mL 02/08/10(Mon)18:43 No.7987033
    We like to smoke sometimes, especially when the stress gets to us in the office. We run back inside, pray to the Emperor for forgiveness, and light up a blunt.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:43 No.7987035
    grow some balls and go kick some heretical ass, or the inquisitors if it looks like the heretics are winning.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:43 No.7987038
    Only choice is to valiantly sacrifice ourself to get this shit to work. Back in we go.
    >> PaperJack 02/08/10(Mon)18:43 No.7987040
    Run back in, grab another grenade and retry
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:43 No.7987041
    Well we're out of options now you fucktard
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:43 No.7987045
    Alright alright... Anyway, this fucking sucks. Is the inquisitor nearby? We could requisition his pistol and shoot into the vent in hopes of hitting all of our flammable stuff. We'll probably die.
    >> Coward Clerk 02/08/10(Mon)18:44 No.7987059

    Well, you could always try praying to the EMPEROR, you unfaithful scum.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:45 No.7987066
    >> Sergeant Major Alexandros III !PhseAMrpPY 02/08/10(Mon)18:45 No.7987068

    Go back into the hotel room, grab hotel-brand matches, light them and throw them into the vent.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:45 No.7987069
    This is a hotel right?

    Close the doors and get some towels from the bathroom. Wet them and seal all the cracks around the door. Turn on the stove and then try to destroy the gas pipes or cause a leak in them. Then climb out the window, shutting it behind you and run like hell.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:45 No.7987070
    The Emperor helps those who helps themselves.

    He isnt gonna wake up, gank some Heretics and go back to sleep for me.
    >> NG Pally !!UB9AXCUn8mL 02/08/10(Mon)18:45 No.7987075

    My option does include litanies to his greatness.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:46 No.7987086
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:47 No.7987101
    fine then we go into the vent use the combined heat of rubbing our clothes together to ignite it setting ourselves alight shouting, "For the greater good!"
    Like the tau we are.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:47 No.7987103

    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:47 No.7987107
    While praying fervently to the Emprah
    >> Coward Clerk 02/08/10(Mon)18:48 No.7987113

    In panic, you suddenly remember that most hotel rooms have complimentary matchbooks. Quickly, you make your way back into the vacant hotel room you climbed out of and grab the matches off the table.

    In haste, you strike a flame, and tosses it at the promethium puddle. The roar of flames throws you back and temporarily blinds you. You tumble backwards, and fortunately, your groping hands find purchase on the fire escapt railings.

    You make your way down to the alley while the second floor burns down around you. You make your way to the front entrance, and suddenly, you see the Inquisitor engaged in a mad shootout with cultists sticking their las guns through the door cracks.

    He's not aware yet that the building is burning, and by the time he does, it might be too late. What do you do?
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:49 No.7987124
    Run to his aid and appraise him of the situation, making sure to stay out of the line of fire.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:49 No.7987133

    Close the door and lock it so he burns to death for getting me involved in this horseshit.

    Then I go run inventory before my shift ends.
    >> NG Pally !!UB9AXCUn8mL 02/08/10(Mon)18:50 No.7987139

    Clearly we inform him the building is on fire. And then we join with him in battle against these cultists, firing blindly.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:50 No.7987141
    Tell him that the building is about to blow. Follow his lead.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:50 No.7987142
    Grab something nearby and chuck it at him.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:50 No.7987149
    Sneak past him then yell 'this mother fucker's bout to blow!' It's best to not let him see you because he being an inquisitor and all he might just blow your brains out for taking too long.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:50 No.7987150
    How do you propose we do that if we only have one gun between the two of us, and the inquisitor is qualified to be doing the fighting?
    >> Sergeant Major Alexandros III !PhseAMrpPY 02/08/10(Mon)18:51 No.7987153

    Ask him about inquisitorial health insurance.
    >> NG Pally !!UB9AXCUn8mL 02/08/10(Mon)18:51 No.7987156

    Do we only have one gun? I thought he told us to strip ammo everywhere on ourselves.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:51 No.7987159
    rolled 2 = 2

    Rolling to toss a chair at him full force.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:51 No.7987160
    Keep your head down and advance as quickly as possible as near to the Inquisitor as possible. Then tell him as quietly as you can while being sure he will hear you that the building is on fire.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:51 No.7987164
    Firing blindly with what, mind bullets?

    Stay at a safe distance and yell at the inquisitor that the building's been successfully ignited.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:52 No.7987172
    He did, for the purpose of adding more oomph to the explosion, he's the only one with a bolt pistol.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:52 No.7987186
    We pull out our Tau pulse rifle and unload it into the heretics with our superior firepower. While once again shouting. "For the greater good".
    I am gonna keep choosing the tau option until it gets chosen by accident.
    >> Coward Clerk 02/08/10(Mon)18:52 No.7987187

    You run to his aid, squat next to him, and desperately tell him that the building is, in fact, on fire. He looks at you, nods, and beings backing out. You hear a crash, as fiery sections of the second floor crash down. A large beam falls downwards across the double doors of the ball room. Quickly, the two of you back out of the hotel.

    You watch, satisfied, as the building burns quickly down.

    "Not bad," the Inquisitor tells you. "That was fine work."

    He thinks about it for a second. "Say," he tells you, "I have a spot open on my retinue. How would you like to work for me, full time?"

    What do you say?
    >> NG Pally !!UB9AXCUn8mL 02/08/10(Mon)18:53 No.7987191

    Oh jeez, I guess we find someplace with visual range to hide. And call for backup.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:54 No.7987202
    "The building is burning. You should leave now, inquisitor."
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:54 No.7987209
    >> Sergeant Major Alexandros III !PhseAMrpPY 02/08/10(Mon)18:54 No.7987211

    Tell him that you are flattered but you don't believe that you could provide any useful skill to his already, most likely, impressive retinue.

    Failing that, ask if we can take our girl with us, she can make costumes for the Inquisitor while we keep him supplied with materials.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:54 No.7987216
    Saying "No," is like saying "Please shoot me."

    Accept his offer.
    >> PaperJack 02/08/10(Mon)18:55 No.7987219
    I suppose; that wasn't so hard.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:55 No.7987223
    He's an Inquisitor. We accept, refusal will probably lead to death. Besides, we survived this shitstorm, and serving the Emperor in the Inquisition would surely have its advantages.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:55 No.7987224
    Sorry, my stats aren't high enough as you can clearly see. My work is here, on this planet.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:55 No.7987227
    "With all due respect, sir, I'm terribly honored but I feel like I'm best at serving the Emperor from behind a desk. Filling out forms for His glorious bureaucracy. ...I like forms."
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:55 No.7987232
    We politely decline but ask if he wants to join the greater good. If he declines get into the devilfish and fly away. If he agrees same as before but now we have a companion.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:56 No.7987235
    >> Coward Clerk 02/08/10(Mon)18:56 No.7987239

    You tell the Inquisitor, firmly, that while you'd love to help him slaughter heretics in the name of the Emperor, you feel that manning the warehouse is your own little way of fighting for the Imperium.

    He nods. "I understand. Well, untl we meet again!"

    With that, he walks off into the sunset.


    I REALLY REALLY didn't mean to start a quest thread. Just wanted to throw a scenario out there and see what happened.

    I'll plan the whole thing out next time, I promise.

    Sorry /tg/ :(
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:56 No.7987240
    Ask if you can get a new name when you join his retinue.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:56 No.7987242
    I, being the real inquisitor in disguise who has been tracking some filthy heretic who stole my clothes and my rosette to complete his diabolical plan, suddenly pull out my powersword and bisect the imposter with a single blow.

    Cleaning the blood from my hands, I go back to the warehouse supply closet, unlock the door and unty the clerk working the desk who I took the place of to complete my plan, I then excecute him with a boltpistol to keep him quiet and then leave in my thunderhawk transport.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:57 No.7987250
    Second option, yes.
    I don't think you can refuse and inquisitor so why not go on a grand adventure while having depraved amounts of Emprah sanctioned sex. Get lost in the warp for 10,000 years? No problem. Eventually you'll get gibbed by a genestealer but oh well.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:57 No.7987254
    The funniest part is we did this to a cab driver once.

    We needed to ask him info, and I didn't really feel like wasting time, so I just showed him the badge and got with it.

    We always requested him for a cab ride whenever we were in the area from then on. Kept him in line, that sort of thing.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:57 No.7987258
    DAMN YOU OP! I wanted the greater good to live on longer!
    >> NG Pally !!UB9AXCUn8mL 02/08/10(Mon)18:57 No.7987263

    If we say no, he will shoot us. Tell our never-to-be-wife we must die for the Emperor.
    >> Sergeant Major Alexandros III !PhseAMrpPY 02/08/10(Mon)18:58 No.7987272
         File1265673495.jpg-(94 KB, 500x500, Curious_inquisitor_by_Keluuu.jpg)
    94 KB

    Yay, we are alive, praise the Emperor.

    Now go home and fuck your girl, the guy deserves it after such a rough day.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)18:59 No.7987288

    Though I would be most honored, sir, to continue to fight at your side, I'm afraid I must decline. This planet and it's people need me. I must protect them in the name of the EMPRAH! I shall follow your grand example, and become a CHAMPION IN HIS GLORIOUS NAME!

    And also my fiancee is expecting some hot dickings tonight, and there's no force in this universe that would make me want to tempt that woman's wrath. But hey, if you ever need some explosives, give me a call and I'll ship them to you as fast as I can!
    >> NG Pally !!UB9AXCUn8mL 02/08/10(Mon)19:00 No.7987298
    Noooo, why must it end here? We could be the next Grendel!
    >> Dogstar !!MgA31eRve7T 02/08/10(Mon)19:04 No.7987344
    Just might wanna fill out the paperwork beforehand.
    >> Anonymous 02/08/10(Mon)19:05 No.7987359

    Pre-filled, motherfucker. Multiple copies, for each type we stock.
    >> anon 02/08/10(Mon)19:33 No.7987777
    I leap over the counter and rape the Inquisitor with my Slaaneshi 'enhancements'. Then I zip up my pants and say 'Booyah, see you guys I'm going home"
    >> Frazer !!NNiZ5EzzZEM 02/08/10(Mon)21:36 No.7989573
    This was a fun read - thread archived:


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