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  • File : 1262394888.jpg-(119 KB, 620x400, crowd.jpg)
    119 KB Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)20:14 No.7381445  
    Humanity is okay!
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)20:20 No.7381497
    Humans are pretty okay, you know. I spent some time with them, down on their planet, back when I was younger. I mean, not a lot younger, but I was younger than I am now, you know?

    Anyway, it was pretty nice. The whole thing, I mean.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)20:22 No.7381511

    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)20:24 No.7381538
    The thing about humanity is that they sort of do stuff.

    I mean, not that there's anything wrong with that. We do stuff as well. So I guess they're not so different? I dunno.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)20:32 No.7381612
    My problem with humanity isn't really humanity itself, as in their current evolutionary apex. My problem is with all the varieties of sub-humans.

    But I suppose that's a different thread. Sorry for going OT, just had to say it.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)20:35 No.7381646
    Humans are pretty okay. I mean, they're just humans, you know? Once, this Rihtian battlecruiser blew away one of their civilian colonies.

    The humans were pretty angry about it. I mean, not that I can blame them, really. About a coupla their orbits later, the war finally ended, and a bunch of them started clamoring for the guy's head--I mean, figuratively, and all that, the guy who'd ordered the ship to fire on the colony, right? But it turns out he was already dead. Got killed a few skirmishes after that whole colony thing happened.

    So, yeah.
    >> Shala Ai Rathim, Seeker of the Kieree 01/01/10(Fri)20:41 No.7381690
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    Humans.. What can you say about them? They are deaf to the currents of space, wandering about in their crude hulls, with their bared skin sheltered by fabric plumes.

    They build a good sensor, to be sure, but I've yet to see a human with the brains to use one properly- Every one I've ever fought has just gone about firing missiles and pellets into the void, thinking that pointing their tubs in the vague direction of my wingframe would be enough.

    Heh, word has it they were actually surprised when the Emmen took out two of their worlds in the Gulf incident, like they didn't see the Absorber coming. Clever weapon, that.. Only way to stop it from blowing up is *not* to shoot it. And now them and the Emmen are all buddy-buddy, pretending it never happened. That's one thing the Humms are good at, is burying their mistakes.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)20:48 No.7381757
    Did you know humans produce adrenaline?

    No, I mean naturally. Like, in their bodies.

    It is sorta weird, but they're a whole different species. So...yeah. You know.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)20:49 No.7381766
    >My problem is with all the varieties of sub-humans.

    like mexicans and niggers?
    >> Shala Ai Rathim, Seeker of the Kieree 01/01/10(Fri)20:51 No.7381783

    ..And yours does not? Even we of the Kieree enjoy the rush of a second-stage engine kicking up, and I don't know if you've ever met a Roko but they literally sweat the stuff. Hard guys to talk with, but always up for an arm-wrestle.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)20:54 No.7381811
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)21:02 No.7381878
    Calling the kettle black etc.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)21:04 No.7381898
    Humans? Well, the other day I forgot my holo-crystal on the trirail, a human noticed and got off at the wrong station to give it back to me. He got all red when I gave him a hug, I thought he was going to explode or something, still he was kinda cute for an alien.

    So yeah, humans are pretty weird, but I guess they are okay.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)21:05 No.7381903
    Humans are actually built really well for extended running, but other then that they aren't that physically exceptional. Don't misunderstand me, they can do what they need to, but...eh, not talons or acid spit or nothing.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)21:07 No.7381921
    They're quite resourceful in the art of killing things though. You can't be a dominant species on brawns alone.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)21:07 No.7381922
    this is just embarassing
    >> Shala Ai Rathim, Seeker of the Kieree 01/01/10(Fri)21:10 No.7381942

    No kidding, they can't even fly without spewing hot gasses out of a machine. No offense to any grounders present, of course.

    I do rather admire some of their friendship.. rituals, I guess you could call them. They turn the simple act of sharing food and communication into something of an event. I only wish they weren't so insistent on being physical.. I had left my first such gathering of humms missing quite a few feathers. They didn't quite understand my objections until I began plucking hairs from them.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)21:11 No.7381949
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    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)21:11 No.7381956
    Yeah, I think that's what they call some of them, iirc.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)21:13 No.7381974
    I'm not proud of it, but me and my squadmates used to pull the HCl from the digestive tracts of any humie mercs we killed on Nerra VI. It was almost impossible to find, even on the black market, and we weren't being paid due to the orbital/information blockade.

    Not that I have anything against the little guys, it's just something we did.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)21:13 No.7381976
    You know what's really disgusting about humans?

    Apparently they don't lay eggs. The newborn grows IN THEIR BODY! How gross is that! And then the baby forces it's way out of the body over many painful hours of labor where the mother humiliates herself infront of a group of complete strangers. It's like out of a horror movie or a freakshow or something.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)21:15 No.7381997
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    Humans are okay, I guess, but they sure aren't the Cool Catians of planet Funkennium 75.

    I hear their moves are so fresh that planet's crops never expire and they're so cool, that their planet is stuck in a never unending winter.
    >> Shala Ai Rathim, Seeker of the Kieree 01/01/10(Fri)21:17 No.7382023

    You take what you can get, where you can get it. It's not like they were using them anymore.


    ..Yes, and that is revolting. I've seen some of the human females in such a state, bloated up like a floater and waddling around in their sheets of cloth. And those.. bags of meat on their chests..

    I can only thank the current most such humans stay planet-bound for such things.
    >> scaredofshadows !jROwPecJek 01/01/10(Fri)21:19 No.7382037
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    humanity is okay, at least the non-smokers are
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)21:21 No.7382065
    Look, we can point to any mating or birthing process and exclaim "That's disgusting!" with very little thought, but honestly, who can say they don't get a little freaked out by the thought of young things (Fully developed or in eggs or whatever) being squirted out of someone's anatomy. Reproduction should be done in cloning tanks with the lights out.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)21:22 No.7382067
    I watched a few human movies, back when I was visiting Earth.

    They were pretty good, I guess. I mean, I could understand the themes and all, but I couldn't help but feel like I was missing some of the subtler nuances of the whole thing.

    I guess you'd have to grow up as a human or something to get it completely.
    >> Shala Ai Rathim, Seeker of the Kieree 01/01/10(Fri)21:23 No.7382078

    And this is why our females lay their eggs in complete seclusion. Honestly, do people take an entourage into the toilet with them?
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)21:25 No.7382098
    Oh yeah? The Rad Raxadanians of Boogietron XIV subsist entirely on the psychic energies of their overpartying psych-raves. Their moves are so fly, the Boogietron doesn't even need engines to soar through the galaxy, showing it's peoples the best time of their lives.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)21:25 No.7382102
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    >And those.. bags of meat on their chests..

    What do you think those meatbags feel like?
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)21:29 No.7382118
    People tend not to worry about complications during their taking of shits that could lead to their or their shit's untimely demise.
    Humans squirt out live kids.
    What'd you expect?
    >> GreyKobold 01/01/10(Fri)21:29 No.7382121
    Saging because someone has to.
    >> Shala Ai Rathim, Seeker of the Kieree 01/01/10(Fri)21:30 No.7382127

    Don't know, don't want to. I've had a couple of offers.. Couldn't leave the station fast enough. Why do humans think their repulsive biology is somehow alluring to everyone?
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)21:31 No.7382133
    Did you know that they come in two models? They say one is usually more loud than the other, although I haven't figured out which one is which yet, it's hard to tell, they all look the same to me.

    Oh and those little ones that look like them, turns out they are actually humans too, they get bigger over time or something. Crazy stuff, ain't it?

    But I guess they are okay, one of them gave me this can of black sticky stuff said I could use it for my "nuts and bolts". Must have been some sort of joke, but the can itself is nice enough, see the intricate pictographical design with all the symbols beneath it on its side? Now that's art I like.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)21:31 No.7382136
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    Humans? They're alright, I suppose.

    I've been on more than a shuttle or two with them present, there are worse passengers in the 'verse. It's a pity they're so limited in communicating - most of the ones I've met could understand the olfactory nuances our glands can add into verbal conversations, but that seems to be a one way barrier.

    I suppose those of you that are telepath-types would say the same of me, but I suppose that's one advantage the humans have.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)21:31 No.7382139
    Stop making shit up.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)21:33 No.7382150
    look, I ain't no racist, all intelligent life is entitled to full and equal blah blah blah blah blah but humans? their fucking sluts is what they are. theyll try to breed with anything that moves and from what i hear there are entire firms on human homeworlds devoted to making things that DONT move to breed with. sluts all of em.
    >> Shala Ai Rathim, Seeker of the Kieree 01/01/10(Fri)21:34 No.7382160

    Don't bring them up. I hate that feeling, like something's crawling around in your head, and you can't push it out. Who'd ever consider that communicating?
    >> GreyKobold 01/01/10(Fri)21:37 No.7382184
    totally disgusting, man. If you have to talk about mating habits of disgusting alien species, at least seed a few of us non-xenophiles with new models of cloning tanks or spawning pools. I don't want to hear about your fucking human-sex fantasies.
    >> Shala Ai Rathim, Seeker of the Kieree 01/01/10(Fri)21:40 No.7382210

    Hey, hey, he's got a point. You take 100 humans and put 'em in a room with 100 different species and I guarantee they're all gonna pair up.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)21:41 No.7382213
    No seriously! My broodmate and I were on our way down an embankment near a scriptorium we work at. My buddy, he stands stock still, and all his eyes start scanning the panorama for something. I try to sign something to him, then I see it too. It. Was. HUGE! Like a giant weather balloon made out of fluorescent plastic and metal.

    It pulls a full loop around us, we're both too shocked to move, then something hot hits the top of my head. It was a cigarette butt (yet another human addition to the pan-galactic litter community, btw) that someone had thrown out a window.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)21:41 No.7382219
    Don't even get me started about Humanity.

    Oh, sure, label me as a xenophobe and squelch away, why don't you. But hear me out. They're the moulted pincers of space, you dig?

    You heard me. They're all claiming they're versatile, adaptable, the 'jack of all trades'. Pfah! And they don't even have a shapeshifter caste to show for all that. Listen, any fool can make technology to do something. In this day and age, getting the right technology is just a Jump to the local station, or pinging the 'Weave for it.

    Personally, it's impossible to take them seriously. With lifespans like theirs, how could they ever hope to achieve anything significant? I tell you, their strides in technology are just from trial and error.

    Don't believe that, do you? So we have a smart one. Buy me another round, and I'll tell you about who the illegal traders are in this roo- hey! Where do you think you're going? I can't pick up this tab!
    >> GreyKobold 01/01/10(Fri)21:42 No.7382232

    Fucking Humanfag.

    Get back to /b/ with your disgusting stories.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)21:42 No.7382236
    Anyone ever share nutrients with a human?

    I got "invited to dinner", once. Damn near blew my mind. They ingest organic matter, right, everyone knows that... but as it turns out, the organ they use for speech is also studded with nerve endings that responds to specific kinds of matter in certain ways. They get FEEDBACK from what they ingest! They call it "taste", and they do all kinds of crazy shit to indulge it. Apparently they spend a lot of time growing flora specifically to add to more valuable produce specifically because it induces more pleasant feedback. One of the most popular things they add, though.... ready for this? SODIUM CHLORIDE CRYSTALS. To their food!

    Dunno if I'm getting all this right, it kind of blew my mind when they explained it to me. But now their making such a big deal over nourishment makes a lot more sense.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)21:44 No.7382254
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    I think they're cute. They're like a basket of puppies (trans ref: juvenile domestic pet animals closest approx. used) stumbling around the universe. All stupid excitement and uncoordinated flailing, with their two little legs and their two little arms and their two little eyes. You just want to scoop them up and cuddle them.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)21:45 No.7382267
    Kind of like a girl who you just gave an orgasm.
    >> GreyKobold 01/01/10(Fri)21:45 No.7382271
    You... kinda scare me. They only have four limbs, and they have their bones on the inside. So soft and squishy. I wouldn't want to touch one for fear of their epidermus leaking all over me if I touched too hard.
    >> Shala Ai Rathim, Seeker of the Kieree 01/01/10(Fri)21:45 No.7382272

    Tell me about it. They like think they're special.. But that's the thing. Every species thinks they're special. You, me.. We all deep down think we're the real scrappy ones, the ones that flew our way from the treetops to the star-lanes..

    Thing is, humans really *believe* that. Doesn't do them much harm, I guess.. Except for those couple of times they got too big for their branches. But war's never a good thing, even when you think they really, really deserve it. Heh.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)21:46 No.7382276
    Humans are ok. Humanity is dangerous.
    >> Shala Ai Rathim, Seeker of the Kieree 01/01/10(Fri)21:47 No.7382289

    An exo, huh? Well.. Just don't molt on me.
    >> -|- Reichsguard -|- !!bOOhb8C7gxV 01/01/10(Fri)21:47 No.7382291
    ITT: traitors
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)21:48 No.7382306
    >> GreyKobold 01/01/10(Fri)21:50 No.7382327
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    > Don't molt on me
    > LoL I don't know anything about the biology of a Dra'Nar
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)21:50 No.7382329
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    I know! They're so soft and wobbly! Even when they try to be all serious puffing themselves up and and strutting around with that hilarious walk of theirs. It makes my cephalothorax go all tingly.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)21:51 No.7382343
    Oi, go scrape yourself in a hole, mon copain. You hardshells give me the creeps.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)21:52 No.7382352
    A bizarre mix of individualism and herd mentality. They can be incredibly independent and adaptive on their own, but once put in a group with others of their kind, they lock into an ad-hoc hierarchical pattern automatically. If you ever need to hold multiple humans captive, make sure to disrupt their group-forming procedure by introducing elements that prompt them to compete amongst themselves rather than attempt escape. The simplest way to do this is to give half of the group uniforms of one color, and the other half uniforms of a different color. It may seem odd, but this is often enough to instantly cause any group to break into competing factions.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)21:53 No.7382357
    WE don't know about anyone else here, but humans are among the most decent and tolerant sentient beings WE've ever met. This one time, WE were riding the transplan from Xern 3 to 4, when the lights go out. WE all figure it's a glitch, that it's just an old shuttle. 10 Giga Paqats later, this... well, WE're not sure what it was, really. WE know it had lungs, and it must have breathed oxygen, judging by the taste in the air. Anyway, it has some kind of fit and WE hear it stop breathing for a few seconds, then start again. The captain finally gets US on auxilliary power and WE get returned to Xern 3. It was only as WE were docking that WE found out what happened. It never started breathing again, one of the humans onboard was respirating it by proxy. Yes, it was a little off-putting, most would say it was disgusting, but it probably saved the thing's existence.
    >> Shala Ai Rathim, Seeker of the Kieree 01/01/10(Fri)21:55 No.7382377

    You sure the human wasn't just trying to mate with it?
    >> GreyKobold 01/01/10(Fri)21:56 No.7382405
    > derp derp derp, I are speciest

    Go back to /§/
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)21:56 No.7382409
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)21:57 No.7382421
    I stayed with a human host family for a while. They invited me to go paragliding with them.

    See, I was in the guest room, reading up on some of their common fauna, when the eldest son runs in, all excited, and asks me if I want to go paragliding.

    Paragliding? I asked. What's that?

    Well, he said, you take off from somewhere high, suspended by a harness from a giant fabric...

    And then he sort of trailed off. Just sort of stood there, all embarrassed. I guess for a minute he forgot that I wasn't human.

    It was actually pretty fun, though, once I strapped my wings down.
    >> GreyKobold 01/01/10(Fri)21:58 No.7382430
    That doesn't sound like any human I've met.

    Maybe there are a few good ones out there. But I've yet to meet any Terrans like that.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)21:58 No.7382431
    Humans are alright, I guess. This one human at work though is getting kinda creepy, she keeps looking at my feeler tentacles and making comments about how long and slimy they look.

    And you know what happened today? She ambushed me in the replicator room and grabbed my tertiary feeler tentacle. I was paralysed with fear as she actually put it in her mouth, I thought she was going to bite it off, but she just seemed suckle on it. Nearly blacked me out, a feeler tentacle is not supposed to have that much stimulation, you know... still it was... interesting.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)21:59 No.7382436
    Evidently, the humans that have reproductive urges towards the recently deceased are in a vast minority, and are looked on as mentally deficient by the rest of their society. It's still "everything that moves".

    Then again, I don't know how humans get along with the Sancti Cluster Fungus over in AF2B6. They could probably find a way.
    >> Leman Russ 01/01/10(Fri)22:00 No.7382452

    I failed humanity.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)22:00 No.7382456
    Funky, keep us up to date on that one.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)22:00 No.7382457
    What'd you get in math?
    >> Shala Ai Rathim, Seeker of the Kieree 01/01/10(Fri)22:01 No.7382466

    Ha! That's cute, that they try to fly. Do they move through the water with fabric fins, as well?
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)22:02 No.7382479

    Don't feel so sad. I swear your lemons are the best earth lemons I've tasted.
    >> GreyDraNar 01/01/10(Fri)22:02 No.7382480
    Totally gross. Totally. Isn't that much stimulation only supposed to occur during spawning bondings? God, imagining one of those... lumpy-chested things sucking on one of my antennae like that, those pliant, squishy lips engulfing and sucking on the tips like it were hungry. Just... Uggghhh.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)22:03 No.7382501
    Each to his own (species) man, each to his own.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)22:04 No.7382511
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    I don't care they're still cute.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)22:05 No.7382525
    Haha, oh man do they ever. They've actually developed a whole regimented style of trained movement to achieve faster aquatic transit. And then they race each other.

    Gotta hand it to them, they have fun with all the crazy shit they do.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)22:05 No.7382532
    You have any human friends? They get weird when you call them stuff like that.
    >> GreyDraNar 01/01/10(Fri)22:12 No.7382649
    Whatever makes you happy. I don't approve of it myself. But whatever makes you happy. Just, y'know, keep it out of my mandibles and we should be fine.

    I mean, there's this human who works at a local mining station on the asteroid chain. One day I came to work and saw him with all sorts of scratches on his face - like he'd been slapped by a stinging whip or something. Turns out he'd been out all night with a Dra'Nar female and he'd tried to stimulate her with his mouth. The sting marks were from her ovipositers slapping him across the face. I had to leave and get something to settle my nerves. Just, disgusting. And he seemed proud of it!
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)22:15 No.7382689
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    I know. You get two reactions. I remember one in particular asked if I wanted to see them naked or if I was going to bind their limbs with webbing and do... things. It was an extreme example of the type.

    Most of the others get all huffy, which doesn't help. First time one of the big ones with the hair on his face got all angry I couldn't help but start squealing and cooing at how big and tough it was trying to make itself. That didn't end well either.

    Mostly I try not to gush, and they pretend I'm not scary.
    >> GreyDraNar 01/01/10(Fri)22:16 No.7382720
    You didn't do anything, did you? With the first one?
    >> Shala Ai Rathim, Seeker of the Kieree 01/01/10(Fri)22:18 No.7382735

    Don't take it personally, but you are slightly.. terrifying.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)22:18 No.7382737
    Humanity is? What are you... Ah right, I sometimes forget how stuck some are to their linear fourth dimensional progressions. As they are 'now' they are interesting, but I am surprised no one saw the warning signs of what they would become.

    I said more but a temporal squiggle was starting to pinch a bit. For all you linears out there, just avoid doing anything over the next few kilocycles that would put you on The Humanity's shit-list. You've thanked me for this.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)22:19 No.7382761
    You gotta understand, humans are remarkably limited in sensory capacities. They have the bare minimum suite of perceptions, but most of them are practically useless, and their sensory organs are all single-purpose. The best sense they have is touch, and even that is kind of dull, so they tend to go all out.

    They're also all about the mouth, because of the one particularly keen sense they do have, that "taste" thing (figures the one fine tuned stimuli they get is totally useless). They'll put anything in their mouths when they're larvae, just to see what it's like and that urge kind of sticks with them into maturity.

    There was a human, a specialist in analyzing behavior, who wrote all about that. Predictably, he tied it in with mating instincts, but it's still an interesting read.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)22:21 No.7382790
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    EW... That would have been weird.

    Besides, once you get a reputation as a xenophile it creates all kinds of professional complications.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)22:24 No.7382827

    My child, that you see only one path is pitiable. Grow before guiding.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)22:26 No.7382864
    >> GreyDraNar 01/01/10(Fri)22:26 No.7382869
    Wasn't this discussed/going to be discussed in a different thread? I can't keep up with you... you fourthies. Learn to exist in one time state like real people.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)22:28 No.7382892
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    Don't knock it until you've tried it, cutie. ;)
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)22:29 No.7382904

    Yes, it has been discussed next week if temporal trends will have been continued.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)22:29 No.7382913
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    I'm pretty sure that most higher dimensional beings make shit up all the time.

    Anyone tries to call them on it they just go "You'd think one such as yourself could appreciate the complexity of the weave, we were mistaken" and vanish up their own luminous assholes.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)22:30 No.7382927
    Get your dimensions straight dude. If you try and be altwise while you're intersecting with 3D you're going to sprain something. Besides, why would these guys wanna hear about the crosspath alternative progressions? Knew your audience.
    >> GreyDraNar 01/01/10(Fri)22:30 No.7382930
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    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)22:33 No.7382975

    I'm sick of you sub-aeons thinking you were smarter than us. We weren't going to be around longer, and don't you forget to learn that. The old ways are still the most current and I'll be damned if anyone tried otherwise.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)22:36 No.7383031
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    You can play too if you want, honey bunches.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)22:37 No.7383039
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    Please let's not. I'm sure there are plenty of nice humans for you to engage in sexual intercourse with such a reasonably symmetrical example of your species as yourself.
    >> Shala Ai Rathim, Seeker of the Kieree 01/01/10(Fri)22:38 No.7383058

    Please, human, deflate your meat-sacs. We're.. We're not interested.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)22:40 No.7383095
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    Aww, you think I'm symmetrical? You're so nice. Let me give you a reward.
    >> GreyDraNar 01/01/10(Fri)22:40 No.7383102

    Do you actively understand our size differences and what I would do to you if we, hypothetically, were to attempt to copulate?

    Even if I were driven to arousal by whatever means, I wouldn't live with myself if I managed to do so and permanently harmed you.
    >> Shala Ai Rathim, Seeker of the Kieree 01/01/10(Fri)22:42 No.7383126

    SWEET SOLAR CURRENT! What are those hideous spouts jutting from your chest!?
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)22:42 No.7383127
    Maintaining causality in the derivative streams is fairly important. We usually are straightforward at first, but have to edit ourselves to correct for cascades and loops. By the time your progression continues, our messages get so garbled that it's hard to distinguish from babble. It only gets worse the further up you go. Don't even talk to me about a Tenth. The one time I encountered one, there was a propagation of fractal eventualities until every terminus ended in cake. Delicious, but wholly confusing.
    >> GreyDraNar 01/01/10(Fri)22:43 No.7383152
    I am more concerned about the fleshy flaps between her legs. Do humans have a second mouth?
    >> Shala Ai Rathim, Seeker of the Kieree 01/01/10(Fri)22:44 No.7383167

    Perhaps it is their cloacae? It seems oddly positioned, regardless.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)22:44 No.7383170
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)22:45 No.7383178
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    OP's post seems rather...neutral
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)22:45 No.7383182
    Goddamnit Tenth it won't be funny the first time.
    >> GreyDraNar 01/01/10(Fri)22:45 No.7383184
    I stand corrected. It's their sexual orifice. A strange place to put one, since it'll be near so much movement, given the way they walk and how their clothes are worn.

    Of course, given there is so much stimulation in that area, it might explain why humans seem so hyper-aroused.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)22:45 No.7383193
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    Naw, I like big boys. I've even been practicing for you, stretching out a little.

    Hmm...I'm not sure what that word means. Maybe you should look closer.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)22:46 No.7383206
    Oh, come on, NEITHER of you are familiar with human reproduction? It's, like, their main gimmick. I thought everyone had heard the stories.

    Everyone knows those "flaps" are where they split in two for the reproductive tendrils to unfurl.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)22:46 No.7383211
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    Can I suggest perhaps not being so chatty with lower dimensions? Stick to driving unsophisticated sophonts crazy with glowy apparitions or whatever it is you do for fun.


    IIRC those are heavily modified sweat glands used to produce a nutrient fluid for young, and having a secondary purpose for sexual signaling and in mating. They get oddly focused on them it's never a good idea to discuss them. Way too much room for confusion.
    >> GreyDraNar 01/01/10(Fri)22:47 No.7383218
    Let me see if I can create a metaphor for you.

    Does the term: "Hyper-Excellerated Mass through a message-ring" mean anything to you?
    >> Shala Ai Rathim, Seeker of the Kieree 01/01/10(Fri)22:49 No.7383243

    Once, I lost power to my wingframe while trying to disengage a current near a stellar nursery, being consumed by a nearby supermassive black hole. I was left to coast while I ran repairs, and I could watch the great streamers of brilliant dust, the unborn cells of stars, stretched into a twining ribbon of peach and ocher as it was pulled into the oblivion of the event horizon.

    That is the best I can describe that thing between your legs, human.
    >> ★ Subprocessor DM 01/01/10(Fri)22:50 No.7383278
    rolled 6, 3, 1 = 10

    Some Humans value other species as personal companions, which they group in a series called "pets."

    The vast majority of these pets are non-sapient, "dumb beasts," but more than a few are actual members of full-intelligent species, or the larval stages of the same. I cannot fathom the rationalization behind keeping a being of another species, especially one as or more intelligent than myself, as a permanent pet. But some Humans seem to relish the thought, despite certain obvious problems, and considering that most of them know next to nothing about xenobiology.

    Once, I witnessed a Human male leading a Crafted Ripper, an eight-foot tall mass of teeth and blades, on a carbon-fiber leash, ignorant of the danger he was putting himself and the rest of the station in. Further observation revealed that the Human was wearing a Pheromone Band, which continually emitted a chemical signal used by CR mothers to calm their children.

    This Ripper, one of the most fearsome animals known to modern science, had likely been kept in a mellow, docile state for most of its life, even as it grew into a killing machine impervious to small arms. Conversation with the Human revealed that the Band contained a vast catalogue of signals, and with it, the Ripper could be directed to do any number of things, most of them some variation of "attack."

    It was most disconcerting to feel the Human's complete lack of appreciation for the Ripper's capabilities. To him, it was a symbol of his "badassery," a personal guard, and an insurance policy. Were the Band disengaged, the Ripper would almost immediately begin to slaughter everything in sight, and the Human had quite cleverly tied his neurological "beat" into the device.

    What he had not done, however, is procure a backup, in case the first failed. Moreover, he seemed not to recognize the necessity of such. I left the station immediately, and had my Pilot mark it as No-Dock. I have never returned.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)22:51 No.7383285
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    I should go. This... this is not a situation I want to repeat.
    >> GreyDraNar 01/01/10(Fri)22:52 No.7383310
    Why someone would submit to being the property of someone else through legal means is beyond me. Having someone make all the decisions for you, and take control of your life, where you are nothing but property to be used or destroyed at anothers leisure? Strange. Strange, but maybe kinky. I know some like it a lot and want to try procuring their own human 'pet'
    >> GreyDraNar 01/01/10(Fri)22:53 No.7383318
    You've got to regale us with this story. Please.
    >> Slergaugh Biologist 01/01/10(Fri)22:54 No.7383349
    Recently, I was given the opportunity to visit the human homeworld Earth as part of a scientific exchange between our two species. In hopes of properly preparing for the journey, I contacted a few associates of mine who have been to some of the humans' other colonies before and pressed them for information regarding human customs and behaviors.

    Among other things, it was made known to me that certain groups of humans consider a certain category of Earth-based lifeform - cephalopods I believe they were called - a fine delicacy. Apparently, they greatly resemble Slergaugh young.

    Suffice it to say that much digestive fluid was expunged and I ultimately refused the offer.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)22:55 No.7383360
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    Heehee. Sounds kinky.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)22:55 No.7383361
    Turbulent derivative streams are where all the interesting stuff happens though. Some of my best friends will have been linears. They were refreshingly easy to keep track of, sticking to a single branching sector.
    >> ★ Subprocessor DM 01/01/10(Fri)22:57 No.7383402
    rolled 5, 2, 5 = 12

    There is a sub-group of Humans who profess to enjoy being part of that sort of arrangement, but as far as I am aware, only the Lamote have indulged them.
    >> GreyDraNar 01/01/10(Fri)22:57 No.7383406
    I think you fail to grasp what I mean.

    If a hyper-accelerated object were to attempt to move through a message-ring, it would cause a rip in the local space-time and require the assistance of several Upper Aeon beings to repair. In the mean time, the ring-gate, the mass, and a good light-seconds distance around them would be nullified.

    In other terms.

    I would tear you apart.
    >> Shala Ai Rathim, Seeker of the Kieree 01/01/10(Fri)22:59 No.7383425

    I do remember the one rare time I encountered another of my own species. We were on board what was nominally a pan-species bazaar, but it was so close to the Alpha Centuari jump-lane it was almost entirely human. We made the mistake of attempting to engage in human cuisine.

    I will spare you the full scope of the horror we were subjected to, but the humans have a dish known as "fried eggs." We thought it was some manner of euphemism.

    The ensuing fistfight destroyed three merchant stalls and any chance we had of returning to the station, but I feel it was justified.
    >> ★ Subprocessor DM 01/01/10(Fri)23:00 No.7383448
    rolled 6, 6, 6 = 18

    You possess fists?
    >> GreyDraNar 01/01/10(Fri)23:02 No.7383477
    Eating the unfertilized ovum of another species is common on a lot of other worlds. I've even engaged in some dining on the unfertilized ovum. It's no different than eating any other meat byproduct.

    I'd say getting into a physical alteraction is highly unjustified in this situation.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)23:02 No.7383479
    Are we talking about the Tier II vertebrate omnivores from around Orion 234sigma19?

    Cause if we are those things got some screwed up wiring. Not sure how anything gets to sapience with an imprint system like that.

    They will go to war with an out-group at the flick of a joint. All you have to do is wave some tribal propaganda symbols at them and engage their limbic system. But here is the thing, they don't respond as a group. Even at the height of conflict some will refuse to recognize the distinction of the out-group and others will refuse to stand down once the triggers are removed! Some humans are trained from birth to hate a designated out-group in the absence of societal signals or personal benefit!

    No wonder they have a reputation for xenophilia.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)23:03 No.7383492
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    You think I'm stupid enough not to have a backup clone for when I do things like this? Come on sweetie, I may be human but I'm not dumb. Now come here.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)23:04 No.7383509
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    It's not a particularly engaging story. It's just the overwhelming sense of shame you get when you realize you've just spent an evening penetrating an overgrown sentient (juvenile domesticated animal) with your pedipalps while they grip onto your chelicerae and grind their reproductive organs against your mouth parts before they crawl underneath you and... do things with your spinnerets and reproductive and excretory organs. It's not something I'm eager to repeat.

    There was also confusion regarding the social rules in a human pair bonding arrangement. The rules were clarified in a rather disruptive and unusually loud discussion sparked by the presence of some system security camera footage on the local intranet.
    >> Shala Ai Rathim, Seeker of the Kieree 01/01/10(Fri)23:05 No.7383517

    Such as they are. I was informed it was a fistfight by the fine security personnel that were kind enough to escort me to my wingframe. Were I more conscious at the time, I may have asked more questions.


    Oh? Perhaps I should find some manner of live-birth creature and tear from it its unhatched young, to serve to a human. I'm sure no ill could possibly come of that.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)23:06 No.7383535
    You're not.... terribly familiar with human cuisine, are you?
    >> GreyDraNar 01/01/10(Fri)23:07 No.7383546
    I'm afraid they already have something like that, properly prepared. It's called Veal.

    Thankfully, it's something that seems to be dying out as a favored meat, for the cruel conditions that the animals are often subjected to.


    I don't know if I should be disgusted, or intrigued.

    Eternity Damnit.

    Aeon - am I going to be engaging in a repeated engagement with a human? If so, at least tell me if I'll be intoxicated.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)23:10 No.7383583
    Might I suggest looking up the human foodstuff labeled "Veal". It is far more disturbing than the consumption of unfertilized reproductive byproduct.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)23:11 No.7383594
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    You have no idea the things I would do to your spinnerets. Here, let me demonstrate a little.
    >> Shala Ai Rathim, Seeker of the Kieree 01/01/10(Fri)23:11 No.7383601

    ..The human propensity for 'taste' has lead them to do some truly horrible things.
    >> GreyDraNar 01/01/10(Fri)23:13 No.7383615
    Every species has it's propensity for horror.

    Even the Dra'Nar wiped out tye Yzim. Of course, they struck first and nearly exterminated our species, until the humans came by.

    Disgusting things, but, we owe them a debt.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)23:13 No.7383622
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    You should avoid planets owned by my species and stations where we have a strong influence. I won't trouble your sensibilities with details however I will suggest that we all refrain from criticizing the dietary habits of other species.

    Typically they are cultural holdovers from pre-space contact and while many of them are doubtless insensitive, they are hardly deliberately insulting.
    >> GreyDraNar 01/01/10(Fri)23:15 No.7383642
    Actually I've been given leave to go on a tour of some local systems and stations. If you care to list the one you are on we can get together and meet sometime? Maybe do a little bit of a cultural exchange of our own?
    >> The Black Hand 01/01/10(Fri)23:15 No.7383646
    Hrm, the only experience I have had with non-humans was less then great.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)23:16 No.7383669
    In b4 that oglaf comic of the spider and the guy
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)23:16 No.7383674
    I think all this talk about humans is rubbing off on you.
    >> Shala Ai Rathim, Seeker of the Kieree 01/01/10(Fri)23:17 No.7383681

    I can see I am outnumbered. I yield, but will at least point out our young are reared on nutrient paste dispensed by our wingframe's medidroids. I do not know where or how it is produced, but..

    No, no, I said I wouldn't judge. We can't all be so fortunate to have abandoned our primitive roots.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)23:17 No.7383686
    Hahahahahaha, oh, you wish you will be intoxicated, if only to inhibit the formation of memories.

    Also, you hate me for telling you this.
    >> GreyDraNar 01/01/10(Fri)23:18 No.7383697
    Okay, they aren't bad. Just, ugly.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)23:18 No.7383702

    "Nutrient paste is avian sophonts! Nutrient paste is avian sophonts!"
    >> The Black Hand 01/01/10(Fri)23:19 No.7383708

    That is a matter of perspective, is it not xeno?
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)23:19 No.7383717
    Did you hear what they do with a lot of their dead? They just toss them in the ground and keep them there!

    Fucking weird, there's lots of useful things they could do with those bodies too. Glad they don't do that crap on our planet, or we'd be buried in larvae after the next Ion Storm Breeding Period.
    >> GreyDraNar 01/01/10(Fri)23:20 No.7383730
    The proper term is "Exomorph" Just like the proper term for a vertibrae is "Endomorph"

    Get it right.
    >> Shala Ai Rathim, Seeker of the Kieree 01/01/10(Fri)23:21 No.7383762

    Hey, shut it. We are assured it's entirely synthetic.
    >> The Black Hand 01/01/10(Fri)23:23 No.7383787

    I am suppose you have not payed attention to the nuisances present in the English language to understand Xeno is for us a blanket term for non-human life.

    As it were, have you encountered the species refered to as the Scrin?
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)23:23 No.7383788
    Ugly? I'm with our arachniform colleague (great apologies for the gross simplification, but as this is an anonymous subWeave I am unable to access your profile) in thinking they are just unbearably cute.

    The way they wobble around on their two legs and talk about their specialness and destiny. If they weren't so fragile I'd probably hug every one of them.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)23:24 No.7383798
    Oh, here we go.

    I'm fine with most humans, even up to their promiscuity and their whole oral fixation. But I have to hand it to them, they do have some of the best bigots of all the known races.

    I remember a discussion a while back, wherein they were cataloging accounts of interactions with them and reacting with delight to the general consensus that they were a race of lunatics. Fortunately a minority grouping, but even so.
    >> GreyDraNar 01/01/10(Fri)23:24 No.7383810
    Maybe it's the fourth unit of fermented grain I've had, but I think that'd be utterly adorable, a large Sipadath like you givin' a big ol' squeeze to a little human.


    Oh I'm going to be dehydrated tomorrow.
    >> Carnifex 01/01/10(Fri)23:27 No.7383837
    Humans to me make a fairly good snack, but then again I tend to eat a great deal of things.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)23:27 No.7383840
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    I'm currently working as a diplomatic attache on the Tau Ceti 4 Transit station. It's close to earth so we get quite a few humans through. I would be happy to host you if you are going to be in the area.

    So long as you are comfortable in a human breathable atmosphere (The transit station was built to their specifications) you could utilize my quarters. If not I can make whatever other arrangements are needed to make you content.

    Additionally if you could provide a list of foodstuffs and intoxicants you enjoy I could arrange to have provisions on hand to ensure that our respective dietary needs would be satisfied.
    >> Shala Ai Rathim, Seeker of the Kieree 01/01/10(Fri)23:28 No.7383850

    I've seen their like. I think they're some kind of evolutionary dead-end, or perhaps the result of a recessant gene dating back to their pre-sapient days.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)23:28 No.7383851
    Now that you mention it, you ever go on a stimulant binge with a human?

    They have made an art of systematically destroying their higher brain functions for an evening. It's glorious.
    >> GreyDraNar 01/01/10(Fri)23:28 No.7383866
    The eating of sentients is a class C felony, and subject to personality and memory alteration. Repeated offenses are punishable by rendering to base atoms.

    Of course, I'm sure there are a few sentients who would enjoy being eaten. Humans, no doubt. Weird-ass creatures.
    >> Shala Ai Rathim, Seeker of the Kieree 01/01/10(Fri)23:30 No.7383896

    If you call shooting liquid from every possible orifice to be glorious, certainly. So few of them know their limits.
    >> GreyDraNar 01/01/10(Fri)23:31 No.7383925
    I'll bring my own, I don't want to be a pest. And yes, I'm oxygen-compliant. Want anything from my homeworld? I'd be happy to get you something.

    How big is the human population you deal with?
    I'm not allowed to discuss this, as per the sealed records after my trial, adjustment and reintegration into galactic society proper.
    >> Carnifex 01/01/10(Fri)23:33 No.7383947
    Hey, seems perfectly acceptable to me if they keep trying to treat me like a beast of labor.
    >> GreyDraNar 01/01/10(Fri)23:34 No.7383966
    (Also, requesting a drawfag showing either a large spider-alien giving a big massive squeeze-hug to a human, or a very insect alien with two party hats on, passed out drunk)
    >> Shala Ai Rathim, Seeker of the Kieree 01/01/10(Fri)23:35 No.7383979

    You mean you're not? You can carry a small house on your back.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)23:35 No.7383987
    Humans are, when the cause is sufficient, insane.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)23:37 No.7384018
    Which they then consider to be a bizarre mark of pride.

    It's how much FUN they have with everything that makes them so tolerable. They are gloriously stupid, on purpose, for their own entertainment, and yet somehow they haven't wiped themselves out yet.

    I think that suggests they're smarter than everyone takes them for, or they are ridiculously lucky to a biped.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)23:38 No.7384030
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    The local static human population is roughly fifteen thousand, typically with ten thousand more in transit over any given week, and an additional five thousand alien sophonts of various descriptions.

    If you want to bring anything I would appreciate it. I have no specific unmet desires that could be fulfilled by a consumer object from your home world.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)23:38 No.7384039
    Depending on one's definition of sanity, of course.
    >> Carnifex 01/01/10(Fri)23:39 No.7384045

    Well, that'd be me as a worker, yah know, lifting things around and such.

    Not being treated like an unintelligent animal, like their creatures named Horses.
    >> Shala Ai Rathim, Seeker of the Kieree 01/01/10(Fri)23:39 No.7384056

    From what I've seen of human society, the liquid-spewing, inebriated ones do much of the labor, but hold no power. Those with the authority to make decisions tend to be less self-destructive.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)23:42 No.7384107
    And also very intelligent. And devious. Well some of them are, it all depends on education, and other circumstances of their early development. Some I've met are surprisingly dumb for the positions of power they held while others were incredibly smart.
    >> GreyDraNar 01/01/10(Fri)23:42 No.7384120
    It's a cultural thing. Dra'Nar like to impress a gift upon a host, to show appreciation of character and to show we treasure you. It's mostly a token of esteem, but each their own.

    I'll bring a few performance recordings from a few historic groups. That and maybe a 'I love Argyle 4!" thorax covering for mutual amusement?

    I hate this attitude inhibitor. I want to drink more. I can't.

    Also, does your local governance have any trade or law-enforcement treaties with mine?

    No reason, just curious.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)23:43 No.7384131
    Human militaries are okay! Civilians are retarded!
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)23:43 No.7384138
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    It really is an endearing quality isn't it? Especially when coupled with those physical traits.


    Less self destructive on the micro scale. On the macro scale, well I'm told there are still areas of Earth where you have to carry a radiation monitor.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)23:45 No.7384173
    That does tend to be the stereotype, and I suppose for the most part it's true.

    But my first real experience with humanity ended up with the entire human sectorial government going on a stim binge to celebrate a breakthrough in linear-specialized temporal flux. Evidently they'd spent several generations working on the project. Their joy was so intense the only way they could deal with it was to go absolutely out of their minds for a diurnal cycle or two.

    At heart, they're all crazy, joyful little optimists. And they'll always surprise you.
    >> GreyDraNar 01/01/10(Fri)23:46 No.7384178
    Oh, I could tell stories.

    Actually, I can't.

    >> Shala Ai Rathim, Seeker of the Kieree 01/01/10(Fri)23:47 No.7384187

    Earth.. Surprised they haven't just renamed it Crater by now. Do any of the humans actually still live there?
    >> Carnifex 01/01/10(Fri)23:47 No.7384200

    Ooh, I visited those places. One place called Chern-oolble. Appearntly the humans manged to blow up one of their nuclear reactors there.
    >> LiDTAhn, Efruc of the Yamote 01/01/10(Fri)23:48 No.7384204
    So as you seem aware, we of the Yamote have been perhaps less common than most in begrudging the human for their occasional fancy of simulating sexual contact with an extra-special partner.

    I for one hold no regrets over the actions I performed in the name of 7 Ahn, Star Queen of Direl. She commanded that I investigate this trend and bring the experience back to her, and phenomorphed my body to more closely resemble the nerve focii of a human in the hopes that this would aid proceedings. My Chitin dulled most of the receptiveness, however the human sexual ritual imitating feeding on a highly digestible, highly rigid surface was quite fascinating in its sensation.

    When I returned 7 Ahn seemed pleased, to the point where she created duplicates of the experience which have subsequently been distributed to the others of the Rigel sequence, and indeed out of the Rigel system entirely. Those of 7 Ahn now have access to a great deal more capital in our pursuits, though I wonder as to the state of my queen, as the terminal log suggests she has reviewed the event 7 additional times since my first report.
    >> GreyDraNar 01/01/10(Fri)23:51 No.7384255
    Do you think it would be possible to get a copy of that log?

    For academic pursuits, of course.

    Ahah! I've ibibed another unit! Take that conditioning! Haha!
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)23:56 No.7384325
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    I would not dream of refusing a gift under those situations, your recordings sound interesting, all though I would caution to be careful of how the recordings are encoded. Many audio and visual encoding schemes are species specific and are designed to strip out information not normally perceived by that species.

    I am not aware of any specific treaties, however as you would be a personal guest any activities outside of my dwelling quarters and workplace would likely fall under human legal jurisdiction.


    Tell me, how does your implant function. Since it seems to cause you distress I would like to make sure that any intoxicants I provide as a hospitality gesture do not trigger it.


    Several billion I'm told. Don't ask I don't even want to think about the conditions there.


    I look forward to your visit with great anticipation.
    >> LiDTAhn, Efruc of the Yamote 01/01/10(Fri)23:56 No.7384329
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    My understanding is that 7 Ahn manually wrote the recording into a .ymt file, I have no access to its distributable form. HOWEVER, remaining sensory function in spite of this neuro-inhibtor suggests I could give you a crude sensory approximation. It FELT a little like...

    <---- This.
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)23:56 No.7384332
    you mean imbibe
    >> Anonymous 01/01/10(Fri)23:58 No.7384353
    The extremes of the human condition are where their claims of supreme adaptability stem from. Given a large enough sample size, it is likely that one will find a human who's temperament and ability perfectly match the task at hand. The difficulty lies in organizing their efforts. They instinctively create a hierarchy and begin to focus more and more effort on the maintenance and governance of that hierarchy than the task at hand. This is why human history has an inordinate number of accounts of individual 'heroes', an individual who breaks free of the organizational structure they wrap themselves in can often accomplish what hundreds of others working from within the structure could not.
    >> GreyDraNar 01/01/10(Fri)23:59 No.7384361
    It's a neurocortex inhibitor, to prevent me from functioning in 'unacceptable' ways according to certain documents, as well as affecting the conditioning protocol that was installed after ... well, let's not worry about that. I'll not do anything to bring you, the station, or myself to risk.

    I look forward to coming over.
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)00:02 No.7384405
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    Since this discussion interests you perhaps I could invite some humans over one night? I'm sure it would be profitable to discuss many of these issues with them directly.
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)00:02 No.7384414
    Wait, how do you blow up a nuclear reactor? You'd have to be the unchallenged leader of a Tier 0 idiocracy to make a design that could go critical. (Checking the Weave) Oh man, these humans are insane aren't they?

    I think they have a signal processing problem. They don't seem to recognize stimului telling them they are out of their league. Maybe that's why they think they are so attractive to other sophonts and overestimate their ability to imbibe stimulants?
    >> GreyDraNar 01/02/10(Sat)00:03 No.7384422
    That sounds like a positively wonderful form of entertainment we could share together. I thank you for the offer.
    >> GreyDraNar 01/02/10(Sat)00:05 No.7384437
    Do any of them have red growths coming from their head? Hair?
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)00:05 No.7384447

    This was back in the early days of their nuclear development (for a given definition of "early"). Part of the reason humans are such a big topic these days is their rate of development and expansion. What with the human lifespan, they don't really have time to slow down, y'know?

    Which means they occasionally do rush jobs. Humans are the concept of "learning from your mistakes" personified.
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)00:10 No.7384503
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    I think there are at least one or two humans who would be interested in this discussion and have red hair. Human hair is so odd isn't it? It really compares to silk more than anything else.


    Indeed. Fascinating creatures.
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)00:12 No.7384523
    I think it is more that humans do recognize when they are out of their league. It's just that they then take that as a challenge and go on anyway. I'm surprised there aren't any hurling themselves at walls just to prove they could break them down to this day.
    >> LiDTAhn, Efruc of the Yamote 01/02/10(Sat)00:12 No.7384526
    I suspect it may be more than just lacking this fear response, I believe they may actually gain some kind of exhilaration from such situations. Ever since my last induced phenomorph I've been getting these impulses to wrestle with taloned creatures multiples of my own size, with the intent of overcoming their strength. My assumption is that this is the human impulse that drives them towards such blunders.
    >> GreyDraNar 01/02/10(Sat)00:13 No.7384537
    It's far more comfortable than the spinner-silk that your kind have, though I've had a rare chance to feel it spun onto my hand when I was... in third-term education. Everyone does silly things in third term education, right?

    I knew a human girl with red hair. It was like the softest silk, like an antanae feather-softness. I loved to touch it, to feel it. Her name was ... I am not supposed to say. But she was so... friendly. She always helped me out, learned from me. She was half my age, and in full adulthood by that time, but was still young. And her hair. It was like fire, and her skin was pale, with these small marks of red on her cheek and neck and ... well she had a lot of them. They made her so... appeasing to look at.
    >> GreyDraNar 01/02/10(Sat)00:14 No.7384562
    Humans feel emotions very intensely, fear, love, envy, jealousy, rage, lust. They feel it stronger than anything else. Really, it's almost infectious, for a species that rates a big-gaping 0 on the PSI meter.
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)00:15 No.7384571

    I am beginning to wonder if they have pheremones no one has thought to check for or something.
    >> GreyDraNar 01/02/10(Sat)00:18 No.7384622
    I blame the five units of ibibbed fermented grain.

    Or something.
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)00:20 No.7384647
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    >>ITT:Humans are Sluts and Spiders love it
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)00:20 No.7384650
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    You had silk spun into your hands? I will buy you a cubic meter of fermented grain beverage if you tell me that story.


    Feeling that kind of body against your sensory hairs is a remarkable experience isn't it? And the places they can reach with those hands, those soft flexible hands.

    Remind me to have all the cameras disconnected before you get here.
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)00:20 No.7384656
    You should get that checked out. It sounds contra-survival at both a personal and species level. Not to mention all intermediate levels.

    Humans feel stronger emotions than all other sophonts? I think your higher cortical functions are being overridden by your limbic system. Have you consumed too many units of fermented grain?
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)00:20 No.7384661
    I have some strange stories about human interaction. Now my species takes the form of an uplifted race of protoplasmic blobs with various sensory organs within our membranes artificially added into our simple genome eons ago by an unknown progenitor race, but that is neither here nor there. In any case, I was in my resting position in the closest open space on the mag-lev train to my place of work a continent away. All in all a normal commute. I had picked out a good open space which allowed me to relax my membrane, so that I could "stretch out", which is a relief when one has to look forward to staying roughly cylindrical for the next 12 qargons. Well, this human traveller takes a stick with a large mass of felt at the end and sticks it inside of me! Then it began to move it in a circular motion, as if it was trying to make me exchange genetic information with a mere wooden cellulose stick!

    Needless to say I was quite upset and quickly reconstituted myself and gave it a piece of my mind! I was so flustered that I could only shout at it in binary, but I think it got the message.

    Honestly, if we are going to have humans living here then they should at least take the time to learn the culture, am I not correct?!
    >> GreyDraNar 01/02/10(Sat)00:30 No.7384797
    Five units of fermented grain have been imbibed thus far. I'm trying for a sixth. This won't even put a dent in my system. Once upon a time I could handle a full case of liquid grain.


    I was doing an exchange with one of your species in the past. I was in my third-period education, where I was getting a third-level degree in the science of ship-engineering, when I met a few Sipadath in a human-oriented bar.

    I had a few drinks, they had a few drinks, and they introduced me to a game they had learned from a human friend who was busy over against an Avnari male, locking mouth to beak like some sort of feeding gesture, except they were really getting into it. She had pretty red hair.

    Anyway, things got a little intense and the three of us retired to a private room, and the dares and questions grew more and more risque. I asked one of them if they had ever coupled with a human, and they dared... so I dared them to spin silk into my hand.

    I knew it was a very intimate thing to do - and expected to get laughed at... but they were just as drunk as I was, and gave me the spinning. I was... positively facinated.

    As you know, we Dra'Nar only spin silk three times in life - during the change from Larval to Adult, during the Laying of Eggs, and lastly, a female during her mating cycle on some occasions. So to see it in effect was so very interesting.

    Of course, I'm not sure what happened after that, but I woke up in a very intricate web with the two of them curled up against me.

    And yes. Best to disable the monitors and cameras, to prevent any unnesisary questions.
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)00:40 No.7384898
    Attention sophonts confined to a linear perception of time as a single unilateral dimension. In a time yet to come there will be a comment about humanity from a higher dimensional being. Though his powers of perception are vaster than you can possibly comprehend they are still insufficiently orthogonal to those of our higher continuum for their advice to be heeded. The input will be publicly condemned and withdrawn after correction from one who has experienced many Tenths.

    Oh wait, that already happened didn't it? Sorry for being late, but you know, higher dimensions. It's hard to keep track.
    >> GreyDraNar 01/02/10(Sat)00:41 No.7384925
    Is this why my sixth imbibed unit suddenly turned into chocolate cake?
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)00:43 No.7384948
    Y'know what just occurred to me?

    There are a disproportionate number of arthropodal races in here.

    And we're the ones that creep out humans the most.

    Go figure.
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)00:44 No.7384962
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    Spinning silk is not always an intimate act for my species. The cultural and social associations with the act are complex. Handling another's freshly spun silk though, with another present. From what you've described, well... it amazes me you were able to extract yourself from that particular social situation without resorting to a mind wipe and cosmetic surgery.

    If this is typical of your experiences intoxication I can easily imagine the circumstances that lead to you having an implant.

    Working in the diplomatic core has required a level of discretion that when breached... well when breached leads to you being moved sideways to Tau Ceti to cool your joints for a few cycles.
    >> GreyDraNar 01/02/10(Sat)00:46 No.7384988
    If there's anything a human can do better than any other species, is the creation of highly intoxicating and rewarding units for an altered state of mental awareness.

    Those bastards brew the best fucking drinks this side of time and space. I dare, I double-fucking dare an aeon to show me a better drink than six-century aged brandy. There isn't anything. It's so sweet, it's like eating liquid sugar mixed with sugar with more sugar on top.


    It lead to me maybe stealing a diplomatic ship and possibly crashing it into an asteroid belt, destroying a luxury vessel.


    Records are sealed.
    >> Marquis de fenetre 01/02/10(Sat)00:46 No.7384990


    >> Arachnotic Librarian 01/02/10(Sat)00:50 No.7385037
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    Uhm, hello, am I late?
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)00:51 No.7385053
    Ever considered that he has a tiny keyboard, you asshole?
    >> GreyDraNar 01/02/10(Sat)00:51 No.7385060
    Nah, join the party man. Just talkin' about the freshly spunk silk of two un-bred maidens, the strangest species in the galaxy, and hot red-headed girls that can do things with their tongues and mouths that I'm forbidden to discuss at this time.
    >> Marquis de fenetre 01/02/10(Sat)00:52 No.7385066

    that is stupid!

    stop being stupid I am serious!
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)00:52 No.7385069
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    I think I will consume a unit of human liquor given to me as a gift by a local resident in honor of this discussion.

    And I think I'll review some old security recordings as well.
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)00:53 No.7385079
    A RED TIE?

    >> Arachnotic Librarian 01/02/10(Sat)00:54 No.7385099
    Intriguing. I am but a curator on Tau Ceti 4 TS and have never witnessed such strange things.
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)00:54 No.7385101
    Yeah, my bad. Sorry. Look I'll be honest, I was trying to withdraw from this plane and comment earlier, but it had already propagated crosswise so there were some causality issues before I gave up. Look confining yourself to the lower order materium is hard.

    If anybody asks I said something along the lines of how your physically shackled intellect can not comprehend the yadda, yadda, yadda. The usual stuff we say. I'd stick around but this baryonic matter you guys are made of itches like hell.
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)00:55 No.7385104
    Man, you guys are making me wish my neural cluster was subject to the effects of chemical depressants. I have heard some crazy shit about human drinks.
    >> GreyDraNar 01/02/10(Sat)00:55 No.7385108
    Do you know what it feels like to have your internal organs perforated by the limb-spikes of a Dra'Nar Guardian who is both drunk and in a hyper-aroused state after reviewing certain illegal files of red-heads he's not supposed to view?

    Want to find out?



    I'll send you mine if you send me yours.
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)00:57 No.7385127
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    Do I know you? You look familiar.


    Mouths, fingers, legs, hell their entire bodies, they can be remarkably tactile.


    I'm just going to have to get used to this station posting aren't I?


    Deal. Just give me some time to set up a secure connection.
    >> Arachnotic Librarian 01/02/10(Sat)00:58 No.7385137
    Would it be possible for you to send a sample to Curatory Unit 92 marked as a historic record?
    >> GreyDraNar 01/02/10(Sat)00:59 No.7385156
    Oh. The stories I could tell. If I could tell.
    Hey the cake was good. And I know, all you Aeon's aren't assholes, just most of you. Actually you seem pretty cool. Think you could tell me how to ... actually let's not ask because I don't want any evidence if this should go to trial.
    >> GreyDraNar 01/02/10(Sat)01:03 No.7385204
    Sounds good to me.

    You know. Fuck it. I'm gonna do it. Just need a manual automatic-driver, an Ether-cable, and my terminal.

    Let's see if I can crack this fucker.
    >> Arachnotic Librarian 01/02/10(Sat)01:03 No.7385207
    It is quite possible you have deposited or withdrawn records dealing with my department.
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)01:03 No.7385208
         File1262412213.jpg-(112 KB, 500x381, 2528551075_f6b268f7fb.jpg)
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    The liquor? Certainly. The recordings? Well... no.


    Please let me know your feelings on gender dimorphism in humans. I've noticed that there can be strong preferences one way or the other and don't want to make our discussions awkward.
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)01:05 No.7385228
    Attention sophonts confined to a linear perception of time as a single unilateral dimension. In a time yet to come... DAMN IT!
    >> Arachnotic Librarian 01/02/10(Sat)01:06 No.7385237
    Which 'Weave server is the file located on? I have limited-full administrative curatorial access.
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)01:06 No.7385239
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    >> GreyDraNar 01/02/10(Sat)01:08 No.7385256
    Don't really care. I prefer females, though. Curvy, soft, and with a nice, wet...

    Did you know most of these lockouts are based off of a simple 1082 decrypter?

    The Holies.
    >> GreyDraNar 01/02/10(Sat)01:11 No.7385299
    Thanks for the Cake.

    Think you can get me a 2064 decrypter?
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)01:11 No.7385306
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    I'm sending a one time password and logon to you that will let you access my private server. I'll move the files over once I've verified the server is secure.


    I think I can manage that.


    Well what do you have to trade?
    >> Arachnotic Librarian 01/02/10(Sat)01:17 No.7385368
    I can offer a semi-permanent password to any server on the station or access to any specific folder, bio secured or not.
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)01:19 No.7385404
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    Sending now. And before you ask, yes I really did that, yes she really sucked those, and the taste is hard to describe.
    >> GreyDraNar 01/02/10(Sat)01:23 No.7385445
    Haha! Those sons of bitches thought they could stop me from remembering.

    Transcribing now, will attempt to link memories as soon as I can. Haha!
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)01:23 No.7385451
    ITT neckbears pretend that they would be laid even if they were aliens.
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)01:24 No.7385458
    "Humanity is really weird" inevitably becomes "humanity is really sexy".

    Go figure.
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)01:26 No.7385484
    Yeah, I'm not sure how we got from a thread with every post ending in “humans are ugly” all the way to “Mars wants women” so quickly.
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)01:28 No.7385517
    Rule 34. A thread about humans is going to attract those who want to fuck them.

    Start a thread about any race or creature. It will attract those who want to fuck it and they will be the last ones posting.
    >> mr.mutant 01/02/10(Sat)01:31 No.7385559
    omg aliens everywhere!
    well most of the things you COULD ingest on earth can kill you.
    the flailing is because you scare us. no seriously, we know if we kill you we will get punished for it, but most humans really haven't seen you kinds.
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)01:32 No.7385566
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    >> A12 01/02/10(Sat)01:36 No.7385628
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    As a representative of the Cluster I would like to note that not all human-derived civilizations perform the same feats of stimulant abuse and gross disregard for potential bodily harm. The Cluster moved beyond such flaws many cycles ago and embraced transcendence with the aid of cybernetic enhancement and extensive conditioning.

    Humans are still pretty okay though.
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)01:37 No.7385649
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    Maybe humans are contagious. I'm drinking to excess and about to receive files that were apparently under legal sanction. Ah well.

    Ready for transmission when you are.
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)01:40 No.7385692
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    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)01:44 No.7385762
    I, Gorlex have archived this thread for future reference to these 'humans', they're are an okay bunch.
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)01:46 No.7385782
    It's really boring, isn't it?
    >> Arachnotic Librarian 01/02/10(Sat)01:48 No.7385808
    All files transmitted have been redirected and copied. Thank you for the input to my records.
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)01:48 No.7385813

    I have seen the birth of stars. I have seen ships aflame off the edge of the Alpha Quadrant.

    ..yes, it's fucking boring. Goddamn, my fucking augmetic liver treats ethanol as a poison and filters it out, I haven't been buzzed since 2210.
    >> GreyDraNar 01/02/10(Sat)01:50 No.7385837
    >Incoming Transmission


    >Ending Transmission
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)01:51 No.7385841
    Eat a dick
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)01:51 No.7385848
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    >> The Black Hand 01/02/10(Sat)01:52 No.7385858
    Shall I show you the "Molotov" drink then?
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)01:54 No.7385888

    Dude, that's just cold. No need to be a downer, man. Why you gotta harsh the buzz here?
    >> The Black Hand 01/02/10(Sat)01:55 No.7385903
    I am both generally serious and a pyromaniac, though I try to suppress the latter of the two until it suits my needs.
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)01:56 No.7385915

    Hey, I hear you serious types like rum.

    Rum is tasty shit, man.
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)01:56 No.7385930
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    Yo bros? Is there where all the streaming alien porn is at?


    Oh and spiderbro, you guys are fucking awesome. Weren't we like in a war or some shit? But on the same side? I think one of my grandmothers was in that one. Shit was fucking wicked, amirite?
    >> mr.mutant 01/02/10(Sat)01:58 No.7385950
    oh Christ, uh, if you xenoforms would kindly disregard those intoxicated beings i would greatly appreciate it.
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)02:00 No.7385982
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    >> mr.mutant 01/02/10(Sat)02:00 No.7385990
    i graduated 50 years ago. so yeah, that wasn't me.
    >> GreyDraNar 01/02/10(Sat)02:01 No.7385992
    As I shed the old me, and arise anew, I'll agree. We all have our deviants. These seem like nice gentlemen in which to have a pleasant time with.
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)02:01 No.7385999
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    >> Chozo Engineer 01/02/10(Sat)02:02 No.7386013
    Erm...I'm suspecting I'm a tad late.
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)02:03 No.7386017
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    >> mr.mutant 01/02/10(Sat)02:05 No.7386046
    thank you. if you have any questions about humans, seeing as i am one, feel free to ask.
    >> GreyDraNar 01/02/10(Sat)02:06 No.7386064
    You DO realize the last time I drunk more than twelve units of alcohal I stole a diplomats yatch and crashed it into an asteroid belt, correct?

    And why no brandy?
    >> mr.mutant 01/02/10(Sat)02:08 No.7386084
    i would like to warn you if you do get intoxicated and pass out before the rest of them, they will do reputably damaging things to you with a "marker"
    >> GreyDraNar 01/02/10(Sat)02:08 No.7386094

    When I've encountered a question worth asking. Right now, I'm trying to plot the nearest route out of where I am, how to clear my accounts, and flee before they try to reinstate the command codes for my neural inhibitors.
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)02:09 No.7386103
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    Hmm what the fuck I know somewhere...

    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)02:11 No.7386128
    >>7386084 reputably damaging things to you with a "marker"

    I really can't parse this.
    >> GreyDraNar 01/02/10(Sat)02:11 No.7386133
    I'll be certain not to. I drink only in moderation.


    Oh goody. I'm partial to it.
    >> mr.mutant 01/02/10(Sat)02:12 No.7386151
    this but incredibly vulgar http://farm1.static.flickr.com/45/135758285_41039cbced.jpg
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)02:13 No.7386163
    He doesn't appear to be damaged.
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)02:14 No.7386173
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    >> mr.mutant 01/02/10(Sat)02:15 No.7386196
    damaged reputation.
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)02:16 No.7386213

    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)02:16 No.7386216
    Seems the Tau-Cetis have been.... ah, otherwise engaged.

    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)02:17 No.7386229

    Organic damage would be trivial to repair... or even mechanical if your victim has such components—but his reputation?
    >> GreyDraNar 01/02/10(Sat)02:18 No.7386233
    Damaged Reputation is damage to the person, sometimes worse than anything else.

    For example, if I draw an alien male genital on the forehead of this passed-out human here, it will teach him to be more careful with how he imbibes the harder alcoholic contents.

    Also, if I write: "I want a Sipadithi to lay eggs in my body' here, it'll certainly be emberessing to him in the long run and make him worried about what he does when drunk.

    Does anyone have a condom?
    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)02:18 No.7386240
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    >> Anonymous 01/02/10(Sat)02:19 No.7386254
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    Lighten up dude. Have some brewskis.

    Hey. Hey! HEY! A toast. To the bug guys, amirite?
    >> mr.mutant 01/02/10(Sat)02:19 No.7386257
    i know, its oh so hard to be respected if everyone remember you as "that drunk alien".
    >> mr.mutant 01/02/10(Sat)02:21 No.7386274
    i do, why?
    >> GreyDraNar 01/02/10(Sat)02:22 No.7386296
    Nothing says 'What the hell did I do last night' than an unrolled condom placed strategicly on his body, perhaps near his mouth, with some off-white gel near it, making him wonder about his sexual preferences.

    Because, in the term of my Bro'skies: "To fuck with him."
    >> mr.mutant 01/02/10(Sat)02:23 No.7386312
    i like the way you think.
    >> GreyDraNar 01/02/10(Sat)02:28 No.7386372
    Everyone always claims it is the Dra'Nar, as a species, that are too uptight, too stuffy, too this, too that. No, it is the Dra'Nar Philosopher caste that is rather uptight, it is the workers who have no humor.

    We Guardians? Well, we believe in the use of humor, pranks, and all that good stuff. To a limit.

    Of course, sometimes, a good prank is needed to keep ones morale up, and alertness sharp.
    >> mr.mutant 01/02/10(Sat)02:31 No.7386419
    ...though, if you really wanna "fuck with him" fill the condom with white gel, pull his pants down noticeably enough, and proceed to put him next to another male with HIS pants just as far down. oh, and put the condom in his hand, and his other arm around the other guy, when he wakes up, he will "shit bricks".
    >> Boros !9kbJjvwmwE 01/02/10(Sat)03:51 No.7387518
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    i really can't wait until we have an extra-net version of 4chan
    with actual aliens on it
    so we can finally _literally_ be racist.
    oh and tons of shit for /d/

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