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    265 KB OP !ZHZKskBiOw 12/28/09(Mon)20:26 No.7324340  
    The time has come. My DM, finally, has revealed her plot to make me the bad guy, morality lesson, and eventual buttmonkey of her story. Stalling has failed, and the Royal Guard is dead.

    Gentlemen, Elf Murdering Thread Part IV now commences. Merry post-Christmas.

    Part I: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/7028072
    Part II: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/7161903
    Part III: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/7196295
    The DM has been doing her utmost to ensure that I have had no chance to get near the prisoner, and has attempted to distract me. I will start with those attempts. While I was on my way to visit the Royal Guard, mostly to keep watch, she distracted me by describing a "pull" I felt towards the gardens. I followed, and encountered an ancient tree in the center of the garden. A blistering, festering hole burned at around chest height on one side, seeming to extend inward, and deep downward, as if the earth was spitting out the thing within through the tree's gullet. The DM's usual writing style is different, I assume she found the description somewhere. In the hole was an Orb of a disturbing, brown and green color, with hints of ochre and violet. I promptly buried it in the loose earth nearby.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)20:28 No.7324363
    prepare for 5 hours wait
    >> OP !ZHZKskBiOw 12/28/09(Mon)20:29 No.7324385
    Huh, interestingly, I apparently used a different trip in the first thread. Weird.

    I buried it for a simple reason, any sentient magical Artifact that can exert a psychic pull on anyone, and furthermore communicates its title to me as "The Eye of Blight", is something that will obviously fuck the wielder over, and so I have chosen to temporarily ignore it. I had, after all, bigger fish to fry.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)20:31 No.7324408
    When did it say "The Eye of Blight",
    >> OP !ZHZKskBiOw 12/28/09(Mon)20:36 No.7324480
    If you will recall, I earlier laid an elaborate series of wards that would prevent scrying into the area where the prisoner was held, would prevent creatures with the Fey origin from passing, and would set off a loud alarm if any intruder entered the area. Naturally, my own wards do not consider me an intruder, or most of the other members of the party (Weeaboo being the exception.)

    My first goal was to ensure that the prisoner's time of death was obscured, and I had begun to lay elaborate plans to do so...when I came to an abrupt realization. It did not matter if I was apparently the one who killed the Royal Guard, so long as it looked as though I had a very good reason for doing so.
    >> OP !ZHZKskBiOw 12/28/09(Mon)20:37 No.7324501

    It informed me of such when I was busy getting it out of the hole in the tree. It also promised me power, wealth, status...essentially, everything you'd expect of a very thinly concealed evil macguffin.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)20:41 No.7324556
    I wouldn't of even touched the thing
    >> OP !ZHZKskBiOw 12/28/09(Mon)20:41 No.7324557

    I apologize, as I've stated before, I go over my logs while posting every one of these threads, to ensure the utmost accuracy, since /tg/ seems to enjoy the play-by-play.
    >> OP !ZHZKskBiOw 12/28/09(Mon)20:49 No.7324645

    Neither did I, I used a shovel to maneuver it out, the fact that I wasn't discovered is probably due only to the fact that my DM still seems intent on me taking it up at some point and becoming the archenemy of all that is good, sweet, and fluffy.

    Although I volunteered to take the guard shift immediately before Weeaboo, just so that he could personally go in and ensure I hadn't brainwashed the prisoner, this request was denied, and the order became instead Me => Half-Orc Ranger => Weeaboo.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)20:51 No.7324660

    >Gentlemen, Elf Murdering Thread Part IV now commences. Merry post-Christmas.

    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)20:51 No.7324663
    Is the weaboo not a half-demon wretch?
    What say does he have in human affairs?
    >> OP !ZHZKskBiOw 12/28/09(Mon)21:24 No.7324707

    This is one of the big ironies of the setting, apparently. While the humans are portrayed as hidebound, traditionalist, greedy dickbags who want to KILL THE FORESTS, they're more racially inclusive than the Elves, seemingly. In reality, this is because the PCs don't all want to play as Humans, despite working for them. The Tiefling is an unabashed weeaboo faggot, who plays his Swordmage like a Bleach character (even to the point of shouting his attacks in combat), but according to the DM Tieflings aren't horribly uncommon because of greedy, power-hungry human mages consorting with demons. She was quick to say he was still persecuted. She doesn't like Dwarves or Half-Orcs, so she was perfectly willing to have them as "bad guys" allied with the Human Kingdom.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)21:29 No.7324752
    >She doesn't like Dwarves
    >She doesn't Dwarves
    >doesn't Dwarves
    Shit just got real
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)21:33 No.7324799
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)21:38 No.7324855
    Way to go OP. Be a dick. Nothing is worse than someone who covers their masturbatory fanfiction with the veneer of a role playing game. People need to learn that the good guys don't always win, its ok for bad things to happen to your character, and motivations consist of more than "Kill bad guys".

    Also, how big is the orb? You should get it painted, put it on a crown, and get some elvish artisan to give it to the weeaboo.
    >> OP !ZHZKskBiOw 12/28/09(Mon)21:56 No.7325041

    It's an Implement: Orb and thus about the size of a large grapefruit.

    Anyway, onto the important bit. I took my shift at guarding the prisoner at the entrance of the cellar (described at the start of Thread III, I believe). At the end of my shift, I gave it over to the Half-Orc. As you remember, she has been my confederate and confidante in this enterprise, and because she was so far under considerably less suspicion than I was, her next actions made Weeaboo FFFF extensively.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)22:01 No.7325110

    Haha, sweet half-orc booty plots.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)22:02 No.7325130
    She also raped you...
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)22:13 No.7325260
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    Sometimes, an RPG is a collaboration between the GM and players. Sometimes it's a battle of wits between them. As long as both sides adhere to the rules and spirit of the game and keep having a good time as their ultimate goal, there's nothing wrong with that.

    It sounds like the DM in this case may be improving. The game got kicked off the railroad tracks, and rather than have the Great Sprit of the Forest come outta nowhere and finger the perps, the GM's trying to handle it in game... and, hopefully, is restructuring the course of the campaign around the OP's actions.

    I mean, OP made it fairly clear he doesn't want to be a hero of peace and understanding, and would rather kill his kingdom's enemies and burn their forests to the ground. And how does the DM respond? She literally drops the "Orb of Blight" out of the sky for him. I mean, nothing says "You wanna be the bad guy? Sure, let's go with that" like handing you an evil artifact. Sure, she's having the elves do a full investigation, but that makes sense in context.

    The other players (except for the weeaboo) sound like they're having a lot of fun, too. And, really, is there anything better than that?

    Answer: yes. A female half-orc who's willing to murder for you and wants your cock is better than that.
    >> Cnaiür urs Skiötha, breaker-of-horses-and-men 12/28/09(Mon)22:15 No.7325280
    I am so fucking happy that you returned.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)22:19 No.7325318
    Your DM is irritating. She could easily have dropped a rock on you by now.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)22:20 No.7325335
    And here I thought I missed part 4.

    I missed you so much, OP Elfslayer.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)22:23 No.7325364
    Elfslayer is easily one of my most favorite ongoing stories on /tg/ these days. Sure, it's not like heaping praise and adoration is going to make it come any faster, but what can I say?

    The fact that it's violence against elves is immaterial. Magnificent Bastard plots are always fun to read about, even if you die in the end.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)22:26 No.7325391
    I too love magnificent bastardry, like rapeguard.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)22:32 No.7325452

    I'll agree here. The elves are irrelevant. They could be dwarves for all I care, so in awe I am of this man's savviness and Magnificent Bastardry.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)22:34 No.7325460

    As I see it, he'll either win gloriously or die in ignominy after having striven so hard and been so close to attaining his goals. Either makes for an excellent story.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)22:39 No.7325508
    Goddamnit OP, have you seriously not heard of Notepad?
    >> OP !ZHZKskBiOw 12/28/09(Mon)22:43 No.7325566
    Incidentally, I still haven't quite decided what to do, long run, with the Orb.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)22:45 No.7325591

    Inflict the orb on a party member. Don't use it yourself.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)22:45 No.7325593
    Type faster, God damn you!
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)22:45 No.7325597

    Give it to someone else, preferably an angel of some sort. Seriously, that thing is bad news and will come back to haunt you unless you consecrate it or destroy it.
    >> OP !ZHZKskBiOw 12/28/09(Mon)22:47 No.7325620
    This was the tricky part. I spent time reading in my room, witnessed by the Dwarves, who professed to be bringing me food (which they mostly ate themselves) and sharing some wine (which they mostly drank themselves) and conversing, as friends do (they basically just drank my alcohol and ate my food, and we played some card games). For part of the time, however, I took advantage of a Hallucinatory Creature ritual and left a copy of myself there, seemingly passed out drunk. I am afraid this is becoming a running gag.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)22:47 No.7325622
    completely ignore it. if you report it to the elves, you will be the "dark harbringer of the orb" fortold in the prophencies, and put to death. if you pick it up, the elves will catch you with it and you will be put to death. really, it isn't what your character seems to want anyways. he just wants what is best for humankind, not to ruin the world for future generations.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)22:48 No.7325635

    Try and get the Weaboo to pick it up.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)22:51 No.7325667
    Give the orb to the elves as a gift?
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)22:52 No.7325682
    Id love to see the epic showdown to this one..
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)22:54 No.7325706
    Alright OP, the orb may or not be your downfall.

    From what I know of your DM, this thing is demonic/evil and will wholly corrupt you. She probably plans to use it as a plot device to punish you, unless of course she's calmed down from the initial "oh god my bishie shlick toys are broke up... i hate that man..." phase.

    Basically... DON'T mess with it.

    Or... plant it on the weeaboo, claim he's evil/find a way to use it to blame him.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)22:56 No.7325728

    Echoing the sentiment of giving it to the weeaboo. Failing that if you think it might actually be a beneficial magical item, get the half-orc to get it. At the very worst, she might die, which would be a bummer but she's expendable and she DID rape you.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)22:56 No.7325736

    No, I'd advise against it. It seems to be one of those "Insta-Doom, Just Add Water" relics that will seriously throw a monkeywrench in anyone's plans. Just get rid of the damn thing.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)22:59 No.7325770
    OP u gunna post some more cos its nealy 4am here an am gerrin sleepy.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)22:59 No.7325774
    There's a conundrum here. You want to ignore it, but you can't put too much emphasis on ignoring it. Being a bad DM unafraid to railroad you into gardens and shit, she'll probably make the orb follow you around and always show up on your person or whatever. Extra points if she manages to shove in whatever TV Tropes calls it and does a frightening hambeast snort-giggle at her cleverness.
    >> OP !ZHZKskBiOw 12/28/09(Mon)23:00 No.7325787
    Why did I not leave my Familiar? Easy, I needed her for the next part.

    There was a short break, though, where I cast Greater Invisibility on myself and made my way down to where the Half-Orc was. I went into the cellar room, cast the Silence ritual, and killed the Royal Guard while he was helpless and tied up. The DM was frantically rolling Strength checks for him to break his bonds, but since I stood outside the circle and pinged him to death, even if he'd gotten free there was nothing he could do. That is why I laid out the Circles the way I did, so there would be a place for me to stand. I dispelled the Silence ritual, transferred the corpse (which was in rather messy pieces to free it from its bonds) to my Handy Haversack. The Phantom Mask affects multiple creatures, so I cast it on both my Familiar, making us each look like the Royal Guard, and put myself in his place, securing (but not locking) the manacles on my limbs, the "sleeve" on my arms, and the mask on my head with the aid of my Familiar. My Familiar then concealed herself behind a shelf where she would not be visible from the door.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:01 No.7325812

    The thing is, though, she doesn't seem willing to call upon DM fiat yet, a thing many lesser DMs would have done in a heartbeat when facing a situation like this. I think that, aside from treating roleplaying as a masturbatory fantasy, she seems to be a fairly good DM.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:02 No.7325813
    >sentient magical Artifact that can exert a psychic pull on anyone, and furthermore communicates its title to me as "The Eye of Blight", is something that will obviously fuck the wielder over

    Fucking brainstorm.

    Use knowledge: planes or whatever, try and discern if this thing is demonic. If it IS demonic, you can say that the tiefling's demon blood is to blame for everything, and this was on him the entire time.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:02 No.7325822
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    A magical object that talks to you, pulls you towards it, promises greatness, and will probably stalk you? You didn't find an artifact orb. You just found a Beheli.t

    Welcome to the Godhand Elfslayer.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:12 No.7325958
    I am jizzing my pants in anticipation
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:13 No.7325977
    The best thing to do with the orb is to leave it buried. The DM will probably find any excuse to fuck you over with it. And if you give it to someone else, they will probably fuck you over it with. In short, its a trap, and now that you have it buried, leave it alone.
    >> OP !ZHZKskBiOw 12/28/09(Mon)23:13 No.7325980
    The Half-Orc came to check on me, deliberately standing where she could see me, and not my Familiar, so that she could honestly claim she saw the Royal Guard if questioned magically. I had not shared the exact details of this portion of my plan with her for precisely this reason...to keep her from going down with me if I failed. This was between me and elfkind. The Half-Orc's shift ended. The Weeaboo did not try to check on me in my room, which I had been afraid of, since if he suspected anything he might prod the illusion and realize that was what it was, assuming he managed to get past the Dwarf brothers. I also had my familiar scuff the smaller Magic Circle, breaking it.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:15 No.7326005

    I think OP said that she's tried, but he's covered his ass so well that she can't do it without everyone calling shenanigans. Unless she decides to have Corellon come down, announce he saw everything, and condemn the Wizard (which I'll say that, in her favor, she hasn't done) there isn't much she can do. Then again, maybe she's just desperate to keep her group.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:17 No.7326048
    Kill all your friends.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:19 No.7326077
    Fucking brilliant OP.

    Your web of deceit is beyond anything I've ever experienced in any campaign.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:20 No.7326090
    OP why not just stop?
    Stop the plans
    Stop the plots
    Continue as normal
    This will throw everyone for a loop
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:22 No.7326110

    God tier twist at the end of the series.

    And if he just quits... there will be no more fun. He just murdered the guard. Shit's getting REAL.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:23 No.7326136

    How would he stop? He's too far in; he needs to see this through to fruition or die horribly. What would you propose he do? Say, "Yup, I'm the one who killed all those people and tried to keep a genocidal war going on, please turn me into a tree"? Just run away back to the human kingdom with his mission unaccomplished? It's laughable.
    >> OP !ZHZKskBiOw 12/28/09(Mon)23:24 No.7326152

    Er, small omission, I waited until the Weeaboo had arrived, and subsequently gone to his post, to have the Magic Circle scuffed. Specifically, I had it scuffed someplace he would have seen from the door, due to the shape of the room, coming in. So that if questioned he couldn't claim the Half-Orc must have scuffed it. I have the feat that lets me communicate telepathically with my Familiar, so it wasn't hard to order her about.

    As I mentioned before, the Weeaboo cannot enter past the outer, much larger Magic Circle, without my Eyes of Warning going off and making an almighty racket. This forces him to go inconveniently into one corner, on the far side of the room from the prisoner, to see the Royal Guard at all He can't get closer, it's well out of his range with most teleporting Swordmage powers. He comes in, sees me-masquerading-as-the-royal-guard. Due to the manacles being behind me from this position, he can't see that they are unlocked, either. He CAN hear me weeping and apologizing to the dead prince. The Weeaboo goes to stand outside the door and guard, after a maudlin description of his sympathy for the prisoner.

    OOC, he was raging, because when he saw me delivering the Prince's lines, he KNEW something was up, and couldn't investigate it. I confess dickish glee at that.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:24 No.7326156
    Keep tempting the innocent elves to kill you. If they do the humans march in a whup thier ass! due to the fluff humans would be rich enough to have a fuck off army, youd die a martyr and all will be good.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:25 No.7326163
    Bah... go full Macbeth with this bad boy.

    "More shall they speak; for now I am bent to know,
    By the worst means, the worst. For mine own good,
    All causes shall give way: I am in blood
    Stepp'd in so far that, should I wade no more,
    Returning were as tedious as go o'er:
    Strange things I have in head, that will to hand;
    Which must be acted ere they may be scann'd."
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:25 No.7326164

    Best course of option in that case, leave the body under weeaboos bed, and use his escape portal and take the rest of the party back to the capital with the prince's body.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:26 No.7326176
    You misunderstand he need not say anything, Just stop and go on before this ever happened
    He is not too far in, His tracks seem well covered
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:27 No.7326193
    If he just quit now (which please god don't do that), there's nothing at all to prove he did anything but get sexed up by a half orc.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:28 No.7326205
    Did he not kill a noble elf?
    If he takes back the princes body he could ignite a war.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:29 No.7326217
    Good god OP. It''s half-four in the morning here and now you spring this on me.

    Fuck it, I'm going to bed. Someone better have archived this by the time I wake up. OP, your tale of tremendous dickery is something I look forward to every day.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:29 No.7326221
    mmmm delicious war.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:30 No.7326225
    Nobody knows he did it, and I'm not sure the elf is noble. He's captain of the guard, but I dunno about any legitimate nobility.

    Besides he wants war. More than anything.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:30 No.7326228

    That's just abandoning the adventure. You're traveling through a lich's lair, you've prepared yourself well, its minions are vanquished and you're reasonably certain that you can defeat it. Then you decide to leave the dungeon and go back to town. It defeats the purpose of playing the game in the first place, you know?
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:30 No.7326229
    Put the full story on 1d4chan.org
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:30 No.7326231
    So, he loves war?
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:30 No.7326232
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    >Elf Murdering Thread Part IV
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:32 No.7326248
    He doesn't want people to know which is good
    Of course its not, Consider it a tactical retreat so that he may live and thus return to cause more havoc
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:32 No.7326252

    You misunderstand. They're already at war. He wants to prevent any sort of armistice or ceasefire, and also conceal the Crown Prince's shameful elf-buggery.
    >> Melo The Yellow 12/28/09(Mon)23:33 No.7326260
    For king and country and all that jazz, also it's in his character's background as a human of that kingdom.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:33 No.7326263
    Read the prequels.

    The main reason for this isn't that he hates the elves' faggotry, he wants to keep the name of the royal line intact (no rumors of a sodomizing prince), and the second, more prominent reason, is that this war is boosting his countries economy, and thus it must go on.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:33 No.7326266
    Congratulations OP on successfully battling God.

    A player fighting with a DM is like trying to outwit the Demiurge - you are a modern Odysseus, except I expect you to not be cowed by the petty threats of fat weeaboos.

    Also, can you tell us a little about the Dwarf brothers? They sound like wonderful Neutral Fun characters.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:34 No.7326277
    Wait, so the Prince and the Captain are dead.

    So, how will he finish this off and make sure the war goes on?
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:35 No.7326284
    Hopefully blaming the weeaboo will be involved.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:38 No.7326306
    The cherry to top this cake of terror and madness.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:38 No.7326314
    Delicious sanity destruction.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:38 No.7326315

    Pull it off OP, I know you can.
    >> Cnaiür urs Skiötha, breaker-of-horses-and-men 12/28/09(Mon)23:39 No.7326322
    OP, is there any more or do we have to wait?
    >> OP !ZHZKskBiOw 12/28/09(Mon)23:40 No.7326341
    I PM my next few actions to the DM directly, to keep Weeaboo from metagaming. I remove the "hood", "sleeve" and manacles, use a Salve of Power to get my Invisibility back (misidentified earlier as Greater Invisibility). Among the items I was carrying were a loose button from my cuffs, I tossed that button to my Familiar, who carried it to the edge of the outer Magic Circle. I leave, invisibly, going back to my room. My Familiar then scuffed the Circle and, and swallowed the button.

    Earlier, I had designated "anything that has swallowed a button" when setting up my Eyes as an Intruder. The alarms go off with weeaboo barely any distance away. My Familiar, in the guise of the Royal Guard, flees the cellar. Weeaboo is still shrieking OOC when I point out that he has no way of knowing it isn't the person he acted sympathetically toward earlier. Having returned to my room and dispelled the Hallucinatory Creature there, I can finally act.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:43 No.7326376
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    Shit just got real.
    >> OP !ZHZKskBiOw 12/28/09(Mon)23:45 No.7326407

    Er, worded specifically, I had set up the Eyes of Warning to recognize "my familiar when it has not swallowed a button" as a non-intruder. Sorry, the wording is a little arcane, if you'll excuse the pun. Either way, same effect.
    >> Project Kurtz !cfZiGIAqOg 12/28/09(Mon)23:47 No.7326416
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    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:47 No.7326418
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    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:50 No.7326449
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    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:51 No.7326457
    you better archive this shit
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:53 No.7326486
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:54 No.7326503
    >> OP !ZHZKskBiOw 12/28/09(Mon)23:55 No.7326511
    The Weeaboo pursues. Now, a fun thing about Familiars is that when you get more than 20 squares away from yours, it teleports back to you. I had been careful to coordinate this with my Familiar throughout these adventures. For example, the Prince's room had not been far from mine when I had my Familiar masquerading as me there, the kitchen (when I was masquerading as a servant, getting the wine) had not been far from the room where my Familiar was pretending to be drunk on a couch and the others were partying.

    The Royal Guard was a Swordmage, Swordmages are known for teleporting.

    My Familiar doesn't need to outrun Weeaboo, just get a certain distance away...from me. In my room, on the floor above. "The Royal Guard" appears in a flash of light in my room, swings his sword at me in front of two stout, Dwarven witnesses, misses, and goes for the window. I follow.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:55 No.7326515
    I got Vinland Saga in the first tab, Pandora playing That Handsome Devil in the second, this in the third. And I'm eating blueberry pie.

    Life is good.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:56 No.7326529
    Holy shit.
    This guy is the GOD of planning.
    At not one single step in this entire process could anyone else have done anything to stop him.

    So the Tiefling saw "The royal guard" flee his bonds. However, this royal guard was your puppet. YOU had killed the royal guard and stored his corpse.

    I bet now the Tiefling says he saw the guard flee, you implicate a struggle between the two, and the tiefling gets time, right?
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:58 No.7326552
    Well that's all well and good but how do you implicate the weeaboo?
    I guess you don't. Still, looks like a completely clean kill.
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:58 No.7326553

    Damn you! Why must you make me preemptively use my "Shit just got real" .gif when all you're going to do is make shit get realer?
    >> Anonymous 12/28/09(Mon)23:59 No.7326566
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    <--- Tiefling.
    >> OP !ZHZKskBiOw 12/29/09(Tue)00:03 No.7326606
    I had prepared a number of Wall and Zone-type spells that day, enough to obscure the space outside with clouds of various sorts, Walls of smoky flame. Vision was obscured, but thanks to my friends Prestidigitation (fun spell, and invaluable in cleaning up the blood and smell of the Guard's corpse earlier), Ghost Sound, and my natural skill with Illusions, made it seem as though an epic battle was taking place. Some Bluff checks were rolled, and easily passed. I even used some of my phantom-warrior tricks from earlier to give myself a few injuries, since Familiars can't actually attack (just menacingly pretend to). During the fight, I spilled the parts of the Guard's corpse onto the burning ground, with my Familiar over them (the pieces, naturally, were obscured by the fmales). Finally, with a last attack that would slice a foe to pieces as I described it...I killed my own Familiar.

    The fun thing about Familiars, you see, is how easy it is to bring them back.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:04 No.7326617

    I just realized something.

    The half-orc is an infinitely more interesting version of Misa.
    >> Cnaiür urs Skiötha, breaker-of-horses-and-men 12/29/09(Tue)00:05 No.7326622
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    Shit just keeps getting realer and realer.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:05 No.7326628
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:06 No.7326635
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    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:06 No.7326639
    Detect lies: "who killed the Guard Captain"

    OP: "I did."

    Fucking Brillliant.
    >> OP !ZHZKskBiOw 12/29/09(Tue)00:06 No.7326644

    Nope. I'm going to point out that everyone else in the party had an alibi, SOMEONE scuffed out my Magic Circles, and that the alarms went off precisely as they would have if the Weeaboo had crossed them. Incidentally, I'll ask why someone as proud of his swordsmanship as he was wasn't able to stop someone weakened by captivity.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:07 No.7326646
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    >this entire thread
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:07 No.7326649

    Yeah. He did. Everyone saw him kill the Captain in self-defense.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:07 No.7326656
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    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:08 No.7326663

    Can't unsee.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:09 No.7326672
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    Guess what time it is?
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:09 No.7326677
    the real question the OP should be worried about is "WHEN did you kill the captain."
    >> Cnaiür urs Skiötha, breaker-of-horses-and-men 12/29/09(Tue)00:09 No.7326681
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:10 No.7326684
    You also killed the prime suspect in the Prince's murder. Witnesses saw it. The Elves can't blame you for anything, and to mankind you're a HERO.
    >> ROGUE HIVE NODE 12/29/09(Tue)00:10 No.7326688

    Son of a bitch, mate. . . What happened next?
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:10 No.7326699
    Like a DM of that calibur would think to ask that.
    >> Melo The Yellow 12/29/09(Tue)00:10 No.7326700
    "I killed him on this very date."
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:11 No.7326707

    "What? Today. Examine the body, the corpse is clearly fresh. What are you implying?"
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:13 No.7326730

    He killed them on the same day, just answer with that. Or "When he dishonored the honor of my homeland, brought about the death of its prince, and thought he could get away with it."

    Besides, the Elves saw him kill the Guard Captain, why would they need to ask when he did it? Plus, Illusionists use Cha as a secondary, this guy probably has Bluff out the ass...and like he confirmed earlier, the Elf Clerics suck at Detect Lies.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:15 No.7326761


    "I killed him earlier today. You saw me." Two statements. People DID see him, and he DID kill the captain.

    He probably wouldn't get away with saying "you saw me kill him," since they only saw him kill his familiar.
    >> OP !ZHZKskBiOw 12/29/09(Tue)00:16 No.7326773
    My big question now involves what to do with the Orb. I am sure this has the potential to backfire hilariously, but...if I was going to wuss out from playing with fire, I wouldn't have started this whole saga.
    >> ROGUE HIVE NODE 12/29/09(Tue)00:16 No.7326783
    This, all of this, needs to go up on 1d4chan. ALL OF IT!
    >> LDT-A 12/29/09(Tue)00:17 No.7326797
    Goddamnit I'm trying to make up a Caruso one-liner to even come close to the awesomeness of this, but its just impossible.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:18 No.7326807

    There's playing with fire, and playing with demons. These are two separate things. Consecrate it, break it, give it to your God, hurl it off the edge of the world, bury it in the wilderness, it doesn't matter. Just ditch it. Drop that adventure hook faster than something that's very fast at dropping things.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:18 No.7326810
    Blame it on the Weeaboo, and your incredible saga of dickery will be complete.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:18 No.7326814

    Allowing the thing to get close to you is essentially allowing a security loophole the DM can freely exploit, especially since you don't know what the orb is. I suggest giving it to the weeaboo, but pretending like you want it. You fight over it, throw the fight, get away, and the weeaboo gets the artifact. IC, everyone sees him as the BBEG.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:19 No.7326830
    Don't do shit with the Orb. Just leave it there.
    >> ROGUE HIVE NODE 12/29/09(Tue)00:19 No.7326831

    Whatever happens, you CAN NOT TOUCH IT. Even getting close is probably bad- you saw what it did to the tree. Probably harmful death magic mate. Gonna fuck you up twelve ways to sunday. Honestly, I'd ignore it. But quite evidently, I don't think on the same scale as you. Maybe you can think up a way to make it work for you. Me? I'd head back to the homeland and be done with it. Start a war for fun, profit, and hatred of those fucking elves.
    >> Project Kurtz !cfZiGIAqOg 12/29/09(Tue)00:19 No.7326833
    handle it in the exact same way Gandalf handled Saruman's Palantir. Securely wrap it, then safely do research about it once you've returned to the human kingdom.

    Alternatively, put on a pair of gloves then chuck it at the weeaboo.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:20 No.7326834
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    He's playing 4e, so there's no hardcore interrogation magic anyway.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:20 No.7326835

    Why would the noble, selfless captain of the guard kill his lover, try to escape judgement, and attack his jailers?

    Simple. He was under the sinister influence of the EYE OF BLIGHT!

    This is the Truth, as will be written in the histories. How to bend events to fit this Truth is in your hands.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:20 No.7326838

    Have your familiar, disguised as you, tell the weeaboo where it is. Have it mention it had spoken to "your" mind and guided "your" steps, and that you fear it has been corrupting you since (whenever you started pissing him off). Then, your mass-dickery looks like DM plottery. Bonus points if you can suggest, to him, that it is clearly trying to raise the flames of war.

    Note: You need that familiar back first. This may or may not be a problem.
    >> Cnaiür urs Skiötha, breaker-of-horses-and-men 12/29/09(Tue)00:20 No.7326840
    What exactly is the orb supposed to do? Someone suggested giving it to the weeaboo, but I doubt he will live long enough for that to come to fruition. Alternatively, have it end up in the hands of the elf nobility, or whatever passes for leadership in Mary-Sue land. I doubt that will work though. It is too unpredictable and directly controlled by the DM, best to just toss it.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:20 No.7326841

    Where did you kill the guard captain?
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:21 No.7326850
    Sir I wish every player in my group was you. Why? Because you fucking PLAY BACK. I spend hours making shit, and have my players treat it like a new region in WoW. Just another place to kill monsters and to trade armor. While you actually try and interact with the setting.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:21 No.7326854
    or somehow frame the weeaboo in such a way that he digs it up in your place. aka he gets word that it's some sort of doomsday weapon, he touches it, queue already paranoid elfs finding him going all gollum.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:21 No.7326858
    I say play with the orb a bit and see what it can do and at what cost. The DM obviously doesn't know what she is doing with it so maybe it will be a contract like deal where you can find a loophole.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:22 No.7326864
    Just leave the eye there. Let some poor mary-sue elf living in la-la land take it. Laugh as they burn.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:23 No.7326888

    When your plan is fully complete, all blame is shifted off of you, and you've gotten away scot-free, here's what you do:

    Make a recording of your best evil laugh. Practice it, rehearse it, refine it until it gives you chills. Send the recording as an MP3 file to each of the players. For the weeaboo, add "Keikaku doori!" at the end (make sure you pronounce it correctly, though, look it up on youtube).
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:23 No.7326890
    OP, one dissenting opinion, my one worry about giving Weeaboo the Orb is that the DM MIGHT decide it makes him superpowerful, and then he kills you before succumbing to angsty evil. Or his pure heart overcomes it. Or something like that.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:24 No.7326897
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    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:24 No.7326907

    Familiars come back by taking a Short Rest.
    >> OP !ZHZKskBiOw 12/29/09(Tue)00:26 No.7326933

    I'll leave that to one of you. I feel it would be self-aggrandizing to make an article about my own work.
    >> Melo The Yellow 12/29/09(Tue)00:26 No.7326935
    Especially when drunk from lots of wine.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:28 No.7326967
    Goddamnit man, is there more?
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:29 No.7326981

    Better suggestion: Have your familiar disguised as a translucent, etherial CotG. Have him approach the weeaboo. Have him intimate that he was under control of this fell artifact that is poisoning elfdom. Have him suggest (in a subtle, roundabout manner) that whatever the fuck he thinks you are may have planted it in the forest around hither or yon. Have him ask the weeaboo to help destroy the artifact.

    When the weeaboo comes back with that, make sure the half-orc will disagree with that plan.

    No, wait, it would be your lines. This may or may not work, depending upon the weeaboo's knowledge of your actions.
    >> ROGUE HIVE NODE 12/29/09(Tue)00:29 No.7326989
    I'm going to have to say don't fuck with the Orb. It's the one thing you don't have control over, because you don't know enough about it. It's a liability to mess with it. Put it out of your mind.
    >> Project Kurtz !cfZiGIAqOg 12/29/09(Tue)00:30 No.7327002
    I think the session ends there.

    Sir Elfslayer, when will the next session be, and when should we expect your next report?
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:32 No.7327038

    I have to argue he should. OP has successfully completed all objectives, scrubbed the evidence, and is currently done with the plan. All he has left to do is go home and drown in ale and whores.

    Wait a minute, I think I agree with you instead.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:35 No.7327086
    What next OP?

    What's in store for you?

    Also how did the DM and weeaboo react?
    >> Bomb Queen Fan 12/29/09(Tue)00:35 No.7327090
    Op...don't listen to a single person in this thread. I have my doubts any of us, contrary to what we might think, can reach your current level of Magnificent Bastardry. Just do what you do man.

    Just do what you do.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:35 No.7327093
    The orb smells like one massive trap. The thing about it is, is that with so many unknown factors around it, the details are highly mutable and thus anything can happen.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:36 No.7327108
    Make an offhand Arcana Check for Orb of Blight to see if you've ever heard of it next time you plot. If it sounds like something usable, try to go for it. It sounds like a liability though, and until you can frame the weaboo, don't try anything regarding it.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:36 No.7327118
    The Half-Orc might decide its time for a congratulatory date raping. So you best keep that in mind.
    >> OP !ZHZKskBiOw 12/29/09(Tue)00:42 No.7327188

    How did I miss this earlier? Bali and Baldin, a pair of Dwarven champions (we're high-Paragon Tier). Bali is a Valorous Bard, Baldin is a Fighter. They have a themesong (although Baldin is a terrible singer) which changes constantly, and they brofist or slam their foreheads together often. They're also known as the Rumbling Brothers. Although they're identical twins, Bali had a childhood illness that left him physically frail, while Baldin's active military lifestyle left him little time to develop his brother's social graces (if I'm remembering it correctly). Bali is supposedly exceptionally handsome by Dwarf standards, although they look identical...which is the joke, I think, non-Dwarves wouldn't know what to look for.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:45 No.7327200
    I picture Elfslayer as being a more alcoholic, wizardly version of Light Yagami.

    Also, I seriously want some drawfaggotry from this.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:45 No.7327204

    I don't think even OP can manipulate his way out of that one. Nor should he want to.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:46 No.7327209
    its all in the subtle trimming of the beard. one foul snip and you're doomed to be Beergut the Ugly for the rest of your 200+ years.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:47 No.7327217
    I think OP should rape the half ork back. Fairs fair and all.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:49 No.7327241
    >rape the Orc back

    Its DATE-rape, when you get her so drunk she cant tell whats going on.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:50 No.7327249
    The gay elf slayer chronicles. Come for the massive scheming, stay for the Rumbling Brothers.
    >> OP !ZHZKskBiOw 12/29/09(Tue)00:53 No.7327286

    Session ended with me having seemingly slain the Royal Guard Captain in self-defense. Weeaboo screaming that I was a bastard who would burn in hell OOC (I'd copypasted him what I'd sent to the DM to keep him from metagaming, the bits where I'd actually killed the Guard and how I'd disguised what was going on...you know, the whole button thing), and only just arriving on the scene IC, along with the other party members. Some Elven Guards were present and had witnessed the battle, along with a few Elven dignitaries.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:53 No.7327289

    It's like a circus in here.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:53 No.7327292

    Later that evening!

    "Just as planned! *hic*"
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:56 No.7327310
    I just happened to drop by and saw this.
    I'd been waiting for this to show up in suptg archives, and even if I seem to have missed most of it, this still made my day.
    OP, you are a genius. I only hope that you're as good a DM as a player, because that's all you need to be truely epic.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:56 No.7327316

    OP as a Light Yagami-esque wizard sitting atop a modest throne, his half-orc compatriot standing at his right hand. To his left, the dwarf brothers brofist. The weeaboo, identified by inuyasha-style inumimi, is lying before him, chained and shackled. The heads of the human prince and the elf captain of the guard are both mounted on the wall, with "TRAITOR" and "DEVIANT" written under them (or carved on their foreheads), respectively. In the background, the forest burns and the elves are fighting the humans, losing. Beneath the pic, a caption reads JUST AS PLANNED
    >> ROGUE HIVE NODE 12/29/09(Tue)00:57 No.7327321

    When you're done with this plotline. . . This. . . all of this. . . Do you think you could post all of your logs on 1d4chan.org? We'd be honored to see your group's shenanigans from your perspective hosted on 1d4chan.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)00:58 No.7327329
    Oh ho! Even better!
    Only better witnesses would've been children.

    So, now you assassinate elven nobles, and 'port the heck out of there?
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)01:01 No.7327353

    My next char- Illusion forever.
    >> OP !ZHZKskBiOw 12/29/09(Tue)01:01 No.7327354

    I've mentioned this before, but I'm leery of giving out screennames or logs, to protect the people involved. Besides, the logs are really, really long and have a lot of extraneous, boring stuff. There's a lot of roleplaying and interaction going on around and in between my plotting, which is why it might sound like some of the players haven't been doing much.

    ...Incidentally, the Half-Orc and I haven't talked yet about the revelation that she violated me while I was drunk. Still not sure how to handle it.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)01:02 No.7327367

    >forest in background

    I just realized this doesn't make sense. The fighting is visible through a window or something. Also, the half-orc is striking a sexy pose showing her -4 str muscles, maybe she's eyeing the OP with a little heart above her head.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)01:02 No.7327368
    For the love of Bane, has this been archived yet?
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)01:04 No.7327386

    No, if he assassinates anyone else it would put the group into a too precarious situation.

    Right now the weeaboo is taking the fall, and the rest of the party is going along with the cunning bastard OP. Perfect.

    Returning now would make him a hero.

    One of two things will happen now. Either the elves will turn weeaboo into a tree (their death sentence as OP has explained), since they have no legal system. Or they will return to the human kingdom and have him put up to a real trial.

    Unless OP wants to fuck with the elves a bit more.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)01:05 No.7327396
    Handle it more or less how you are now? Your character isn't sure what to think, or what to do... or for that matter, how much he remembers about it.

    On the subject of logs, you could simply censor the names, replace them with character names (DM or God, for the DM), edit out parts that you feel you shouldn't post, ect.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)01:05 No.7327400
    Her character might be in love with you.

    Go with it, an accomplice that loves you is useful beyond anything else.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)01:06 No.7327408
    my advice? good co-conspirators are hard to find.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)01:07 No.7327423
    lol Death note much? I can't see this half-orc merc actually being in love despite OP's obvious charms
    >> LDT-A 12/29/09(Tue)01:08 No.7327424
    Not to make a solid judgement on this, but I feel like telling Weeaboo what you did, even OOC is a bit risky. It increases the chances that he will "just coincidentally" figure out how to stop you.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)01:10 No.7327448
    Thread archive confirmed:
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)01:11 No.7327456

    Someone got there before me and listed it as part 3 for some reason instead of 4.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)01:13 No.7327480
    Yeah, I noticed that. Typo, perhaps?
    Does anyone know how to fix that? It'll confuse people later, I'm sure.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)01:15 No.7327517

    Roleplay being conflicted about it. You like her, you don't mind working with her kind, but your parents didn't raise you to sully your human blood with race-mixing.

    It's not that you don't want to... but impulses like that have to be controlled. And the mission has to come first.

    Basically, get the GM thinking you're a tragic, repressed orc-lover. Get her on your side a bit, imply you understand the lure of... impropriety, which the prince wasn't strong enough to resist. Make her think your character is having a change of heart, and might confess and try to fix everything given the opportunity.

    Use the opportunity she gives you for further political gain. After all, loving someone of the opposite sex who works with you for the kingdom's good is completely different than shacking up with a fag from a hostile kingdom.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)01:18 No.7327544
    OP and group (including DM, sans tiefling bro though) get FUCK YEARs all around.

    OP for being Batman, in 4e, no less.
    Half-orc for being an amoral mercenary to DATE RAPING degrees.
    DORFS for being DORFS.
    DM for rolling with it.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)01:23 No.7327588
    Would your character mind SNOO SNOO from a lesser race?

    Given how Machiavellian you seem to be acting, I'd use the character's attraction to yours as an advantage.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)01:25 No.7327609

    this is the first /tg/ continuation thread thing I've ever followed, having been on /tg/ for some 3 years now. I want to thank you. You are truly a shining beacon of light in a sea of shit.

    Thank you OP. It's 7 in the morning, I woke up at 5 from a recurring nightmare, thinking today will again be livejournal-terrible. Then you pop up.

    I think I kind of love you.
    >> Arcbound 12/29/09(Tue)01:26 No.7327622
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    I see it.

    It is glorious.
    >> OP !ZHZKskBiOw 12/29/09(Tue)01:29 No.7327646

    Not really. She's Half-Orc, they're our allies. A visible love affair or marriage might damage my career, but personally I wouldn't mind her race In Character.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)01:32 No.7327691
    Hoooly shit.

    I am sorry for ever losing faith in your ability to magnificent bastard it up.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)01:37 No.7327736


    I was born to read this, OP. You Magnificent Bastard.

    You are the only one who has ever earned that title as far as I know.
    >> ROGUE HIVE NODE 12/29/09(Tue)01:58 No.7327970

    Your character should indeed keep it on the low (make sure no bo dy don't no-o), but like you said earlier- he's not looking for career advancement, he's in it for the kingdom.

    And as well, you could email me the logs, and I'd spend some time personally editing out the names before writing it up.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)02:05 No.7328032
    >essentially, everything you'd expect of a very thinly concealed evil macguffin.
    >Psychic pull
    >Orb of blight

    It eats souls.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)02:07 No.7328056

    >(I'd copypasted him what I'd sent to the DM to keep him from metagaming, the bits where I'd actually killed the Guard and how I'd disguised what was going on...you know, the whole button thing)
    dude big mistake, the less people know the less likely it will come back to bite you in the ass
    >> Information Singularity !kr3RP8S.1. 12/29/09(Tue)02:35 No.7328387
    OP, I highly approve of your intrigue. Deception and controlling misinformation is the primary detail I lack in my works. You impress me. I know you don't intend on giving out the logs or IDs of your companions, but perhaps some information about you?

    You mentioned East Coast time. If you live between Philidelphia and NYC I'd be interested in RPing with you. Alternatively, what Online Forum do you use, and would you be interested in challenging my skills as a DM?
    >> Project Kurtz !cfZiGIAqOg 12/29/09(Tue)02:36 No.7328395
    Ah, but the more they know OOC, the more they know that they have absolutely no way of stopping you, proving you've done anything wrong, or any reason to believe it's you IC.

    He may be a weeaboo, but he doesn't seem to be so incredibly terrible that he would metagame too severely.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)02:42 No.7328465
    OP seems to be gone now, but if you could get some logs up on 1d4chan with the names changed....

    I'd have your child.
    >> Anonymous 12/29/09(Tue)03:26 No.7328882
    The Penis of Vecna, too

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