But where do they poo?
>>62828193Boring not!CatDog/10>Stat, not rateYOU DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO
>>62828193Clearly they'd have the stats of two centaurs as each individual "human" half is independent and sapient. The question is whether or not they would share an hp pool. Clearly choking head 1 would do nothing to head 2 (or would it?), but what about stabbing the lower body? Would that harm both? That would be the most complex part about such a monster. Hydra's appear to have one hp pool no matter how many heads they have (in D&D at least), so I guess it's easier to just give them one shared hp pool. However, a hydra's attacks increase in number according to his heads, so this double centaur would be allowed two attacks per round. They'd probably have to figure out a way of fighting where your side constantly faces you, so both "heads" can attack. tl;dr: Ordinary centaur but with twice the attacks
Every three days they take 1d2 Constitution damage from an inability to defecate. The only way to avoid a terrible end is to end the curse and get some laxatices.
>>62828289imagine the smell haha
>>62828193Two. Character. Sheets. This is non-negotiable.
>>62828276I want to stab her in the belly and see both of her pained reactions.
>>62828289>implying that it doesn't come out both ends
>>62828289they're a magical creature, they don't need to eat, drink, or defecate, we discussed this >>62822386
>>62828305I bet it smells awful haha, like pee-yew!
>>62828276Choking head 1 would probably cut circulation in half their body.
>>62828263Thhere's a portal in the middle of their body that leads to the hat of their creator's rival, a shitty sorceror who makes even worse hybrids for fun.
Two PCs or one?Two players or one?
>>62828728Two PCs unless you have an interested player that's reliable enough to handle two characters. The two players have to sit next to each other.
>>62828747I've always liked this concept, more than any others. You basically get skirmish cav that can do a shitload more than what any other skirmish cav could do.
>>62828747>>62828915mongol hordes 2.0
>>62828276Choking a head would still cause brain death to one of the heads, leaving the other one stuck to a necrotizing lump of meat
>>62828915>Literally its own cavalryEfficient.
>>62828193That's clearly a Boston Dynamics quadruped robot with a gynoid torso attached to each end and covered in synthetic flesh. Get your (((fetish))) out of here.
>>62828193types: Sexy & Heroinequalities: Mutant & Armourpower: Tenacityroots: Loyaltystress explosion: Violencestats:Athletics 3Affection 2Cunning 2Skill 2Luck 1Will 4
>>62830763nice, actual stats. How is Maid anyways?
>>62828193centaur with the dual actions of an ettin.
>>62830981well I may be a tad biased but I think it's an excellent system for a light-hearted one-shot and something every group should try and play at least once
>>62828193Is that alt-art for conclave cavalier.
What the hell is that maid from???
>>62831454A wizard did it
>>62831454Makes me think of Maid Man from Empowered.
>>62828276I had a two headed NPC once. One half was high CHA and the other was high INT. They were a female political envoy who came into conflict with the party. Fun to roleplay because one was a rival to one of the PCs while the other was good friends with another PC who they went to school with (noble families). So while one was making threats of revenge the other was rolling her eyes and catching up with the other player.
This is all nice and dandy but how do you fuck them?
>>62831737The wizard that made them has a magic onahole of their vagina somewhere...
>>62831311So that's how you get two elf knights...
>>62831607How could you stat them as a PC? Share base stats but differ in personal skills? Same physical but different mental? One person or two people controlling them?
>>62828193They have their own separate stats. The sword one has higher STR and INT. The bow one has higher DEX and WIS. They share CON and CHA stats, and their HP is combined, since they have extra meat.They roll for initiative together, but have to go with the lower roll. They take their turns simultaneously. They can take 2 completely separate actions per turn, and one can relinquish control of her legs to the other so the other can dash while the first one attacks or uses a potion or something.They're played by 2 different players, so communication is key. If they try to move in opposite directions, they go nowhere.
>>62832363Either two players each get a head, or one player but they each get their own character sheets, one of them not having most of it filled out because they share things like hit points. You would need to rp both of them, you would need it to be the right kind of group so no one would assume you're trying to make something overpowered, and you'd have to not be the kind of player who would use such a thing to optimize. It would need to be an rp heavy and rule lite game.Each head is a different character, they are handicapped compared to two individual characters. That would need to be emphasized. Alternatively, have no mental stat differences between them and the only difference anyone will see will be in rp. You could make two of their abilities the same such as CHA and INT, and then just say that one half is better at one than the other, so they're technically balanced but also technically, individually, underpowered, but they're not ever individual so that doesn't matter.
>>62833129I like this. Now how to convince a DM AND another player to do it?
>>62833384Don't worry, they got better
>>62828263They take turns
>>62831541That is exactly who it is.
>>62834000...wait like they poop from their mouths?Gross dude
Probably just reskin a catdog
>>62828193STR: PutDEX: themCON: out INT: of WILL: their CHA: misery
Imagine being some peasant-ass conscript in an evil magical sorcerer's levy army, spending all your days trudging through mud and shit while carrying the shittiest armour and weapons you can scrounge up, living off the scraps the fucking orc mercenaries leave behind in the villages you burn, staying up all night while the skeleton minions rattle around your tent in the night doing god fucking knows what. You shovel trenches, cut down trees to make clubs for siege trolls that inevitably eat your friends, fully expecting to get mulched by some heroic paladin faggot riding a glowing celestial lion or whatever. You finally get to the long awaited battle with the forces of good, ready for the climactic battle for the fate of the whole world or whatever. You stare across no-man's land and see amongst the king's retinue of heroes and warriors this fucking thing, walking back and forth and fucking talking to itself, probably in elvish or some fairy shit. You go into battle hoping that, at the very least, for the love of the dark gods, something other than this horrible sue abomination fucking kills you so you don't have to suffer an unending afterlife in the pits of hell knowing that it was one of THESE things that put you there.
>>62828193Sooooooo nobody in this thread is going to acknowledge that this is a reference to the original "Dr. Dolittle" books?And we should probably just admit that Dr. Dolittle would have been a friggen terrible druid.
>>62835410Care to explain?
>>62835410>>62835447In the children's stories, Dr. Dolittle traveled around with a herd of animals. The oddest of his collection was a double-headed llama called the "pushmi-pullyu". In the original stories only one of the heads would talk so that the other one could eat. In the later stories both of the heads would talk, but they would each say a different sentence that would either be a contraction of the other's, mean the same thing but said differently, or provide the perspectives of the front/rear of the creature"There's nothing this way"/"There's nothing that way""The sea's to the east"/ "The ocean's to the west"
>>62835447>>62835456Or were you guys wondering why Dr. Dolittle would be a shit druid?
>>62835516HOLY FUCKING SHIT I JUST LOOKED THIS THING UP AND IT HAS FUCKING STATS I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT THIS IS GOING TO BE CANNON SO HARD IN MY SETTING NOW OH MY SWEET LORDhttp://pandius.com/pushpull.html
>>62835516Oooh so this character from devil's candy is a Doolitle reference
>>62836204How do they poop?
>>62833384>>62833679I like how the edgelord is the actually capable artist of the two
>>62836327He is not an edgelord. He made a lot of deliveries in request thread. But in this case the question he asked is very much reasonable - the original pushmi-pullyu has the forward and back legs. The refernce for the request had only forward legs (you can see it in the op). And yeah, he is a much better artist.
>>62837351It's a webcomic called devil's candy. Not hard to find. It's like the second or third chapter where those characters show up.
>>62837796HOW DO THEY POOP
>>62838643THEY DON'T! THEY ARE A CREATURE OF NEAR 100% EFFICIENCY! ANY WASTE THEY DO PRODUCE IS SECRETED OUT THROUGH THEIR SWEAT AND BREATH!
>>62838643STOP ASKING HOW THINGS POOP
>>62838643most efficient wayteh belly button.farting is through the nostrils.
>>62839619Haha but also gross
>>62840579No one said that hooking two critters ass to ass was going to be pretty.Plus, none of that superior HORSE PUSSY with op's pic.
bumping for interest
>>62842321Admit it, you just bumped in hopes that someone will try to Rule 34 a Pushmi-Pullyu.
>>62842402Bampin for that!
>>62842402How do you fug it if it ain't got no genitals?
>>62843618they've got mouths and boobs, you unimaginative mole rat.
>>62843837>One is godly at blowjobs>The other at titfucks
>>62844371>>62843837>>62843618>>62842402Somewhere in that universe, the Doubletaur Wizard has a basement with the ultimate fuck-hole, featuring the rear ends of all his experiments grafted together into an unholy star of abdomens, rumps, legs and genitals.
>>62845113>and because magic the doubletaurs can still feel sensations from their disembodied rear ends
>>62828263They shit out their vaginas
>>62845431The party quests to find that abomination so they can end their new teammate's torment.After they recover this wretched bootypede, the party Bard offers to take care of it. He vows to keep it safe, and he is never seen away from the bebuttocked creature. Even when he retires to his tent.
>>62845871>He somehow impregntes it
>>62847591But no rear hole to fist
>>62830616that was one helluva thread
>>62849089Damnit we gotta TRY
>>62849089Or fuck for that matter.
>>62851220>>62849089It's called a 'mouth'.
>>62850679>>62836327Yep, he is an edgelord. He stated his original plan was to have one of them beheaded and the other drag the corpse of its dead half.
>>62846829>They give birth to an inverted abomination of an abomination
>>62851354At least he had a change of heart
>>62851374>It's a centaur with a massive lower half>Literally legs for days
>>62852630>It's a centaur>But where the horse half should end, there's a deer half>Then a wolf half>Then a moose half>Then a lion half>And so on for several feet until it finslly ends in another horse half
>>62853704Finally, something fuckable
>>62830981Fun if you have players who can get into the zany nature of the game. Had one scenario where my character accidentally convinced the manor she was pregnant because she got caught sneaking some booze out of the kitchen under her apron.
>>62850679>The Virgin lesbian>the Chad Hetero
>>62833384>>62833679>>62850679>>62853704this needs to be accepted into /tg/ canon
>>62853704>can fuck the same horse with your bro and high-five him at the same time
>>62857564>The doubletaur feels it>Orgasming mid-combat
>>62857604>implying horse would even feel a human dick
>>62857770>Implying the wizard can't magic himself a horsecock
>>62828193One shits out of their mouth/10
>>62831607>I had a two headed NPC once.I never realized I wanted this until now.>Each head follows a different moral philosophy and they debate each other about the morality of what they're doing mid combat.
>>62857907Multiclass, each one is a different class but limited because they're one character.One is a wizard and one a cleric or druid maybe.
>>62828193So who is the one who shit talks?
>>62857817>Implying the wizard needs a horsecock when he can just magic himself a HFY cock
>>62857272Wait but...they're stuck together
>>62859025Only one of them can get any sort of penetration.But I think he was referring to their helpers?
>>62859070I dunno, I find one half being lesbian and the other being straight to be kinda cute
>>62828193Is it weird that I was hoping this series would include the doubletaur in a makeshift bed covered in bandages, the one with the shoulder injury nursing the one with the neck injury?
>>62859137I expected the same, too, really. But I'm glad they're a-ok
>>62859108It would lead to a conflict of interest, and wouldn't make sense from a hormonal view.
>>62828331whoa, slow down there, mengele-kun
What would their race stats be in D&D 5E?
>>62860705Probably akin to a Centaur
>>62863363you just gave me the horrible idea that it would speak in palindromes
>>62859108Would the lesbian half attempt to rape the straight half?
>>62865024Would she succeed, or will the poor damsel be rescued by a dashing hero to help cure her of her dysphoria?
>>62865089All she'd do is grope her other half's boobies, which isn't rape
>>62865119It's the principle, much like a guy fondling another guy's junk without permission.
>>62860705>>62861621I thought we already went over this>>62835627
>>62865510I mean PC stats, not NPC stats
>>62866389bumping this request
>>62866389>>62868760If you're working in the realm of Pathfinder you would probably be a mash-up of the basic stats of a Centaur with a variation of the two headed trait attached to it.I probably would not apply the full +2 STR and +2 CON bonuses of the centaur's racial trait and bump the Wisdom bonus up to a +3 (thanks to multiple heads).I'd imagine that a pushmi-pullyu-taur would be a class better suited to defensive positions over offensive. I'd also imagine that co-ordination between the two heads would likely result in both taking the same classes or simmilar classes than distinctly different classes (I would imagine that one could be a fighter and the other a barbarian, but not one being a thief and the other being a wizard or one being a sorcerer and the other being a cleric).Basically what we're looking at here is a centaur version of a Ettin, just with an additional set of arms.
>>62860705>>62865510This page actually has an entry which is a little helpful in flushing things out a bit.http://www.writeups.org/doctor-dolittle-hugh-lofting/
>>62828193Is that a pushme-pullyu?
>>62869207According to these guys:>>62835410>>62835516>>62836204Yes. Or at least, inspired by the Pushmi-Pullyu
>>62866389>>62869174>>62869203That's it, I'm building a character with this.
>>62870444Post a sheet when you're done, yea?
>>62828193How do they shit?
>>62871519>>62871519WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS!>>62838817>>62839610>>62839619
>>62871614It's a legitimate question
>>62828193>No bussywhats the point?
>>62874492One is godlike at dicksucking, the other at titfucking
What a garbage thread.
>>62833679>disinterested monk kills two goblins at once with his bare handsFor some reason this tickles me.
>>62876742>>62876770>SeethingDid your blind nana draw this?
>>62877179I'm sorry to hear that you have cancer, anon. Do you wanna talk about it?
>>62876742it's a perfectly fine thread, you bitch
What's the wizard who created the doubletaur even doing nowadays
>>62877880It's actual garbage. Trash existing only to be thrown away hopefully sooner than later.
>>62870444>>62871419All right folks! I said that I would attempt it, and I've been and gone and done it! But before we get into the good stuff I have to list a few notes on the creation:-The character is based off of OP's picture, so I set out to create a Pushmi-Pullyu female fighter.-Some of the racial bonuses are based on a combination of 3 sources: Pathfinder's Centaur character race, the websites posted in this thread that give some stats and information on the original Pushmi-Pullyu from the Dr. Dolittle stories, and the Bariaur character race from the 2nd ed Planescape setting. The reasons from going with the Dr. Dolittle and Bariaur guide is because a Pushmi-pullyu appears to lack the size and mass of a centaur, having more in common with a gazelle or a llama. It also appears that some special qualities come into play from this creature having two heads according the fluff and the 2-headed rule.-Instead of going with point-buy for stats, I decided to go for the old “3d6 in order” this explains how I got a lot of the stats that I have.-Some of this stuff (mainly the racial feats) I had to improvise, so just roll with me here.
>>62879189With this in mind, I'll start by presenting to you the Pushmi-Pullyu Racial Guide:+1 Strength, +1 Constitution, +2 Wisdom, -2 DexteritySize: LargeBase Speed: 40Low Light VisionQuadrupedUndersized WeaponsTwo Heads: Because of the Pushmi-Pullyu's dual upper bodies, they are quite capable of performing multiple attacks. A Pushmi-Pullyu does not take penalties to attack or damage from making multiple attacks. As a standard Action, a Pushmi-Pullyu can make two attacks.Butting Heads: Despite being raised with two heads, Pushmi-Pullyu's occasionally disagree with themselves, leading to a fair bit of confusion and infighting. Whenever a Pushmi-Pullyu character is required to perform a Wisdom or Intelligence check, roll the check twice. If both of the rolls succeed then both of the heads are in agreement and the character may continue performing as normal. If one roll succeeds but the other fails, then the two heads are in disagreement with one being right and the other being wrong; the Pushmi-Pullyu reduces it's speed to 30 and may only perform actions using one of its heads rather than both. If both rolls fail then not only are both heads wrong but they begin to argue with each other; the Pushmi-Pullyu's speed is reduced to 20 and may not perform any actions for 1d20 minutes out of combat, or 1d4 rounds in combat. Another character can end the arguing of a Pushmi-Pullyu's heads by performing a successful Charisma check against the Pushmi-Pullyu.Available Racial FeatsNatural Jouster
>>62879189>>62879207With all that out of the way, here's my attempt at a character (I only hope that I managed to get the math right, I might have missed out on a modifier here and there):Name: Torae-ToriAlignment: NGClass/Level: Fighter 1Race: Pushmi-PullyuSize: LargeStr: 17Dex: 11Con: 18Int: 15Wis: 13Cha: 11Ac: 15 Touch: 9 Flatfooted: 15Hp: 14Fort: +6 Reflex: 0 Will: +1CMD: 14Initiative: 0BAB: +1CMB: +4Speed: 40Gear: Short bow, Short Sword, Breastplate Feats: Mounted Combat, Combat Reflexes
>>62879207I fucking love it.
>>62879207You need to clarify that the attack actions are 1 per head and that any attacks or actions lost due to "Butting heads" are on a per-head basis (1 head not working, only 1 attack allowed)
>>62879189>>62879207Maybe there should be an option to allow each head to adopt its own class?
Can anyone stat a doubletaur for other RPGs?
>>62881854D&D, Shadowrun, Gurps, maybe Gamma World
>>62865213But seeing as they are one being wouldn't it be like fondling your own junk?
>>62881897Seconding Gamma World since I'm gonna run a game next week
>>62882221Should specify 7th ed, if that matters
>>62881955If they are one being, then how can one be lesbian and the other straight?
>>62883250They're conjoined twins, they aren't 100% the same
>>62883250This is the level of intellect operating ITT.
>>62883304>>62883457In that case, they aren't one being, and molesting one another is very much NOT like masturbation.
>>62883508>molestingbut that would make for some pretty funky incest.Plus Dr. Dolittle would certainly not approve....publicly.
>>62886333Would that be selfincest?
>>62886691no, just regular incest
>>62886845Kinda like Siamese twincest.
>>62828193How do they poop
>>62889366At this point, if you have to ask that question, you are quite late to the party.
>>62889473There's a party?
>>62828193I'd have copious amounts of sex with them
>>62893242But where would you stick it
>>62857337Fuck off and die
>>62894609in the bu-...oh
>>62896292Never fear friend, for where there is no hole...WE SHALL MAKE ONE!
>>62897109Is that what these guys >>62833384 were trying to do?
>>62897126just goes to show what happens when you have the nerve to not be created without a conveniently fuckable hole that isn't filled with teeth.
>>62829616But why would it necrotize when circulation is provided by the shared organs (or even duplicate), with the second head's brainstem controlling at least half of the circulatory organs
>>62897898Huh, never thought of it like that
>>62828263Middle, I think. They seem healthy so it doesn't look like they expel waste through their mouths, therefore there is a hidden hole somewhere in the middle that works as an anus.
>>62899650They're a perfect lifeform, they don't need to eat
>>62899650Dumbass they have ass parts, they shit from there. see >>62853704
>>62905586Bi is a meme. There's only slatterns.
>>62906036Bis are superior, fuck you
>>62906841Superior in that they're so desperate they'd go for anyone, man or woman?
>>62905586Only half of them are lesbian, the other is straight.
>>62907888Makes sense to me
What kind of adventure would they go on
>>62910171One where they get to slay goblins
>>62910171To find the wizard that made them and ax him the question: "Why?".
>player's character is hydra>each player controls different head>roll dice to see which head controls the body>each time player's head dies he gets 2 heads in it's place(unless killed by fire) therefore increasing his changes of controlling the body.
>>62911595>The local hydra has become suicidal, allowing adventurers to lop it's heads off>It was even observed arguing over which head to cut off
>>62911826Slow down there, Hiram McDaniels
>>62911826Having too many heads could have some drawback to prevent this.
>>62912144Having more than 40 heads grown back results in a higher chance of down syndrome for each head afterwards.
>>62914629With BBQ sauce
>>62828307Both have a speed of 5ft, since no matter which way they go, one is walking backwards and their legs don't bend that way. Also, no gallup or running allowed for same reason.
>>62914848horses can walk backwards, dumbass
>>62828193Is this a Push-Me-Pull-You?
>>62914963Not very quickly, limpdick
>>62916114Fuck you, it's magic
>>62928603bump out of spite
Is there even anything to discuss?maybe someone can do a greentext on them
>>62936709Already did one. Your turn.
Size/Type: Large Magical BeastHit Dice: 5d10+25 (52 hp)Initiative: +1Speed: 30 ft. (6 squares)Armor Class: 15 (-1 size, +1 Dex, +5 natural), touch 10, flat-footed 14Base Attack/Grapple: +5/+14Attack: Claw +9 melee (1d6+5)Full Attack: 2 claws +9 melee (1d6+5) and bite +4 melee (1d8+2)Space/Reach: 10 ft./5 ft.Special Attacks: Improved grabSpecial Qualities: ScentSaves: Fort +9, Ref +5, Will +2Abilities: Str 21, Dex 12, Con 21, Int 2, Wis 12, Cha 10Skills: Listen +8, Spot +8Feats: Alertness, TrackEnvironment: Temperate forestsOrganization: Solitary, pair, or pack (3-8)Challenge Rating: 4Treasure: NoneAlignment: Always neutralAdvancement: 6-8 HD (Large); 9-15 HD (Huge)Level Adjustment: —237 FUCKING REPLIES
>>62943625And many revoled around the question of how it poops...
>>62946370...how does it?
>>62943625>ClawsWhat did you use to base your stats on?
>>62946429It's actually 2 satyrs attached ass-to-ass via a very elaborate, furry diaper.
>>62946430Those are owlbear stats, dummy
>Be half the doubletaur>In love with the monk who saved you and your conjoined sister's life>Your sister's in love with the cleric>tfw
>>62951703>>62940804Well? Anyone gonna bother writing?
>>62953818>>62936709>Be hidden in a bush by a backroad>Trade caravans don't usually come this way but some of the smaller merchants think that taking the path less travelled is a good way to avoid tolls, cut back on security, and enjoy the view>Smaller merchants are some the biggest idiots I've ever encountered.>Last season, caught a small time lord on one of these roads.>He was a real idiot.>Sun is high, just cutting through the trees.>Hear a couple of the guys on the other side of the road laugh.>Probably drunk again.>Wish I was drunk again.>Spent all my money on a new blade. Long term investment.>Smart, but not happy.>Hear something.>Throw a rock at the two guys across the road to get them to shut up.>Listen.>Singing.>Definitely singing.>Women's voices>Two part harmony.>Could just be a couple of farm girls heading into town, some lord's daughter's, or even performers.>No money.>But they do have holes.>Warm wet holes.>Throw another rock at the guys across the road to signal that it's time to act.>We wait.>Hear hooves.>Kind of an odd rhythm for a trot, but maybe the horse is injured. Will make meat for the next few days.>Singing stops.>Hold my breath.>Hear talking.“Do you want this side?”“I would like that side.”“Left or right?”“Right, not left. It is my turn.”“It was mine last.”>What kind of cave did you have to be raised in to think that was the proper way to talk?>Hoof beats stop.Twang>one of the guys across the road screams bloody murder.>Fuck this!>Jump out from bush, soon followed by the other guy.>Look down in ditch.>See one of the guys flailing around on the ground with a arrow lodged in the back of his leg.>Fucking hell>Look at the bitches on the horse.>Not bitches on a horse.>Centaur with someone riding backwards.>Centaurs standing close together?
>>62954537>Back to back?>Pretty small for a centaur.“You didn't kill him.”“I didn't want him dead.”>One's carrying a bow, the other a short sword.“Hey.”>Other guy's talking to me.“Have you been drinking?”“No, couldn't buy a bottle.”“So you're seeing this right?”“I hope I'm seeing this.”“Good, I was scared that I bought another bottle of cleaning spirits again.”>Look back at the beast.>Not sure if I want to fight it, run away, start praying, or try to take it alive and start a travelling circus.>Side with the bow knocks another arrow.>That's enough for me to make up my mind.>Rush in.>Archer's are useless up close.>Learned that from I guy I met who could breath through the holes in his cheeks.>One step out of swinging distance.>I forgot about the other side.>Creature swings around and brings it's sword to bear.>We clash.“Don't jump in so quickly!”“You were too slow to fire!”Twang>Hear other guy scream.>Hear other guy fall over.“Again, you didn't kill him.”“I want to keep them alive!”>I think the side with the bow is just making excuses for being a shitty aim.>The side with the sword is pretty good, not great, just good.>I'm better.>Feint, jump in, slice.>catch her on the flank.>Both heads cry out in pain.>Pause for a moment.>This is weirding me out a bit.>They recompose themselves. The one with the sword turns to face me head-on.“Do the thing.”“The thing?”“The thing.”“I hate doing the thing.”“We're doing the thing.”“I guess we're doing the thing.”>Don't care what they're talking about.>Charge.>The thing doesn't move.>One step from swinging.
>>62954537>>62954563>Going to end this.“NOW!”>The thing rear's back and kicks me in the chest.>All the air leaves my body.>Collapse onto the ground and wonder why my chest refuses to expand.>The thing turns and both heads look down on me.“It's good that we practised doing the thing this morning.”“It's a good thing that we practised. Next time it's my turn.”“It's your turn next time.”>The end with the sword lowers it's blade towards me.“You're not going to keep it alive?”“I want it dead.”
>>62954537>>62954563>>62954581Keep going, I want more
>>62955207Give me an hour, gotta eat dinner.
Would you let someone play a doubletaur in your campaign?
>>62955455This better not turn into non-canon smut, I hate that!
>>62956322I'm working on a long one here. I'm hoping it's a good one.
>>62956322It better turn into noncanon smut, Monk & Cleric probably haven't had sex in months.
>>62956409Monk and Cleric ARE the couple, not the potential SOs. That's the Paladin's duty!
>>62956451Cleric's a lesbian though and Paladin's sworn an oath of celibacy
>>62956461... come again? Cleric's a lesbian, but paladin's a celibate?Which head are you using?
>>62956556Ok so the sword side of the doubletaur and the cleric are lesbians and in love with each other, meanwhile the archer half and the monk are straight and in love with each other. The paladin cares for the doubletaur but has no romantic interest in them
>>62956578I was referring to the retarded logic of a cloistered sister being a degenerate while a conquering bro is a celibate.
>>62956903Oh. Well who knows, maybe the cleric learned some things about herself during her training.
>>62956578All you're basing this off of is this >>62850679? I wasn't aware any of those were bedroom eyes. Why sexualize every interaction?!
>>62957139>Why sexualize every interaction?!>Why ask this about a blatant fetish character?!
>>62957163It was? What exactly is fetishy about it?
>>62957139It's obviously not a sexual connection, it's purely romantic
>>62956406Seriously, this is a long one.
>>62957397Romance and sex are connected. Anyone who says otherwise is deluding themselves.
who says all creatures need to poo? maybe magic creatures have some kind of magic nuclear reactor which burns up all solid waste and they just exhale it like CO2?
>>62957700Double dubs means it's canon
>>62957410Okay, this is turning into something a hell of a lot longer than I first expected. Should I try to post it here tonight or should I just wait until tomorrow?If the thread is dead tomorrow I could just start a new one to post this story.
>>62958034Post what ya got, I don't mind a cliffhanger
>>62958041Sorry, I'm an all or nothing kind of dude. I'm either going to post all of this tonight, or tomorrow.
>>62958347Hey hey, post it here tonight if you can. Just don't lower yourself for a faster result, you know?P.S. if you do have to post a new thread, post some of the pics from this one with your story so we know its you.
>>62958404Will do. I will warn ya'll that my story has nothing to do with the pushmi-pullyu, the monk, the cleric, and their supposed thrilling but kinky adventures.
Okay folks. I'm done. I'm finally done. 4625 words. It's 11:15 pm on my end. I've been writing for god damn three hour continuous. I'm done.If there's anyone here wanting to read this. Post now. If not, I'll post tomorrow if the thread is still up.
>>62958961Oh, and I'm namefagging this.Just because.
>>62958961>>62958973I'll also say that I have not proof-read this, so fuck you guys if you're going to point out spelling and grammatical errors.
>>62958992You got it! This is going to take a friggen long time to upload.
>Children in the street, shouting, laughing, and screaming for other to hurry.>They trundle down the street with little regard for others.>Bumping into a gardener's stand.>Nearly toppling a fishwife.>Some stopping to laugh at the blacksmith's sweaty, bald head.>The blacksmith smiles and roars at the children.>He knows it's all a game.>He used to do the same when his father was the blacksmith.>The children run to the sunny corner of the square.>A small crowd has already gathered.>Mostly children, but a few adults who either found the time of day or had nothing better to do.>Backing into the corner of the square is the afternoon's entertainment.>A centaur stands perpendicular to the crowd.>In his hand he holds a small wooden flute.>Draped around his neck is several flutes of differing sizes and materials.>Mounted on the rear of the centaur is a wooden box, supported by a set of cartwheels, the side facing the centaur's back is draped in a velvet curtain.>The centaur comes around only once a season.>When he comes it is always call for a crowd to gather.>He's a little smaller than the other centaur that the townsfolk usually see passing through the town.>The centaur would always say it was because he received more of his mother's hand and his father's love. A combination which would confuse any child. And a confused child grows into a confusing adult.>A good joke.>Always got a laugh.
>>62959034>The centaur looks towards the crowd and smiles.“A lovely audience we have today!”>The people shout and applaud.“And a lively one at that! A lively crowd means happy children, and happier wives!”>The centaur gives a sly grin.>The children cry out in excitement.>The men give a hearty chuckle.>The women blush and cover their mouths to hide their grins.“What story would you folks like to hear today?”>The crowd erupts into a cacophony of voices, each one shouting something different. No one can tell what is being say by anybody.>The centaur puts a hand to his pointed ear.>The crowd becomes louder.>The centaur frowns.>He sweeps his hands in front of him and lifts his little wooden flute into the air.>The crowd goes silent.“So many choices! However will I choose! I cannot tell so many stories with so little time in the day! But I have a solution!>The crowd is enraptured, hanging off of every word the centaur speaks.“All the children in the audience, please stand up.”>The children rise, beside those still slung in their mother's arms.“Now will the little ones arrange themselves by age; youngest to that end, eldest to the other!>The children scramble.>The centaur directs them, waving his flute as a conductor guides a symphony with his baton.
>>62959034>>62959048“You're obviously older than that! I can see the fuzz growing on your lip! I could swear you're a dwarf in disguise with such scruff!”“You're too cute to be so old! To the other end with you! Quick now, before I make the lonely faerie king aware that I've found him his missing bride!”>The adults laugh and murmur while the children arrange themselves.>Soon they are standing straight at attention.>The centaur points the end with the older children.“The older of this lot are blessed! The boys are to earn the wealth and reputation of their fathers! Their gift is their name and the stories woven in the family line. The girls are lovely and on the cusp of becoming beautiful women! Their gift is the hearts, eyes, and wallets of every man in the town, along with a few of the boys they stand among. They shall not choose the tale!”>The centaur points to the end of the younger children.“The young ones are blessed just as so! They spend their days in the sun, thinking only of the toys in their hands and the mud between their toes. They receive the best from their parents; the warm breast of their mothers, and the softness of their father's calloused hands. How the world envies such creatures! And for some, this is their first time seeing the show! I cannot possibly let them choose the tale!”“No, My story shall be selected by the middle child. For they struggle for such blessings simply given to the older and the younger, and many a time much make blessings of their own. Well, for today they will need not struggle, for I shall bless one of them with the choice.”
>>62959034>>62959048>>62959056>The centaur points to the child at the centre of the lineup.>A girl. Dirty blond hair, mud under her fingers, and green eyes which shine in the sun.“You, little miss. What do you want, as the story for today?”>The little girl doesn't even wait to give an answer.“Pushmi-Pullyu! The birth of the Pushmi-Pullyu!”>The other children shout with joy.>It's a story that is well loved in the town.>It isn't always requested when the centaur comes to town, but it is always requested once a year when he makes an appearance.“The Pushmi-Pullyu! A personal favourite of mine, and I'm sure a favourite of many in our audience here today!”>Applause rings out through the market square.>The crowd has grown in the few minutes since the centaur started speaking.“It looks like you've made a good choice young lady! Your parents have brought you up wise, and maybe you'll be just a beautiful next time I visit?”>The girl blushes and grins.>The children and a few of the adults give a few mocking jeers to the little girl, but quickly go quiet in order to prevent the show from delaying any longer.“Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you today's show: Pushmi-Pullyu!”>Another round of applause as the centaur begins to play a lighthearted jig on his flute.>Two panels at the top of the top of the wooden box open, revealing a small puppet stage.>The set is complete with a red curtain with yellow embellishments, the masks of drama and comedy painted onto a plank of wood below the stage, and the engraved images of several gods mounted above.>The curtain rises, revealing a painted backdrop of a pastoral scene with a mountain in the distance.
>>62959034>>62959048>>62959056>>62959067>A single wooden puppet rises.>The puppet appears to be a venerable dwarf, garbed in black robes and iron rings, with a beard that is braided below where its feet should be.>The form of a perfect story teller.“Long ago in a land so very far away, there live two tribes of creatures you'll no longer see today. At the base of a great mountain, a home each tribe had made. It is in such pleasant surroundings, that our scene is laid.”>From one side of the stage appears another puppet. It is shaped like a centaur, with legs made of thin sticks.“At first glance you call them 'centaur'! But that would be a untrue. There was more to these creatures than any of us knew. They were shorter and were thinner, much like a woodland deer. They were light and they were graceful, but not prone to flight or fear.”>The people would often wonder how the centaur put on such shows.>It was almost as though his voice was telling the story, but that was impossible because he was playing his flutes through out the whole show.>It was eventually determined that the centaur had teamed up with a clever gnome who hid in the box and played with the puppets while imitating the centaur's voice.>Many people had doubts that it was a gnome.>Some would ask questions.>None would get answers.>The centaur never gave up his secrets.>The puppet creature left the stage, the dwarf puppet continued.“The creatures were brave and daring, with courage that ran deep. No foe to great to battle, no cliff to high to leap. They lived and laughed like you and I (a fact to not deny), but filled with rage that burned their hearts with flames that wouldn't die.”>The dwarven puppet sinks below the stage.>The centaur quickly switched to another flute. A long, thick metal pipe which breathed out a deep bass.
>>62959034>>62959048>>62959056>>62959067>>62959078“But as I told at the start, in two tribes the lived. Between them was a hate so great that neither could forgive.”>A two creature puppets quickly burst on from either side of the stage.>The puppets are armed with wooden swords, garbed in leather armour.>The puppets face off against one another before going into bursts of combat where they simply beat their swords together.“The land of the creatures was stained with war, from below to up above. The sun set red, the clay coloured crimson, dyed with warrior's blood. The purpose for this war was forgotten long ago. They fought because it was what they did, and all they'd ever know.”>The two warrior-creature puppets lower beneath the stage.>The centaur changes flutes again. This time, a wooden reed that produced a light, airy tone.“In times long past the tribes had fought without the loathing for their foes. Was there fighting? Yes, but without intent of killing blows. They liked to keep their distance far, and their tongues between their teeth. Their days were spent 'neath sunny skies, free of worry and grief.>Two puppets, shaped like the creatures, dressed in bright-white robes enter from either side. One with long hair, one with a short beard.“But two of these creatures, from either tribe did meet. They face against one another, clenched fists and stamping feet. For three days and nights they stood there, waiting for each other to give in. On the final day marked the war to still begin.>The two puppets slowly move towards each other, eventually meeting in the middle of the stage.“The creatures were of the bravest sorts, and held daring in high respect. Neither would tolerate cowardice, and loathed to bear regret. But those two creatures found new courage, to do what never once been done. They came together, hand in and, and joined their hearts as one.”
>>62959034>>62959048>>62959056>>62959067>>62959078>>62959088>The two puppets turn to face the audience.>Their wooden hands touching, as if holding one another.“For the will to fight and wrestle, comes as easy as a breath. The strength to love and keep it, takes a heart that scoffs at death.”>The bearded-creature puppet exits off the stage.“Such love must be clandestine, for there is more at stake. The lives of friends and family, and the rumbling of their wake.”>One of the warrior-creature puppets enters on the stage.>The long-haired-creature puppet turns to face the warrior-creature puppet.“But secrets hate being hidden, as every bird does sing. And word of trysts and meetings are quick to take and bring. The rumours were quick to spread themselves, and quicker to act upon. As quick as love was to blossom, as fast it is made gone.”>The warrior-creature puppet runs into the long-haired-creature puppet, striking with its sword.“Her tears were for the knowing of the love their law forbade, but dried upon the dusty land like blood upon the blade”>The long-haired-creature puppet drops below the stage.>The warrior-creature puppet exits from the stage.>A new backdrop rolls down: A cloudy sky atop a mountain.>The centaur changes his flute to a long wooden pipe. It produces the sound of whistling winds.“And as the sun refuses to set, the heart will still throb. As hands that once held joy and light, others will soon rob.”
>>62959034>>62959048>>62959056>>62959067>>62959078>>62959088>>62959098>The bearded-creature puppet enters onto the stage.“The partner, now an exile, had found himself in bind. Between the love of his departed and the hatred for his kind. He climbed the highest mountain, and against the slimmest odds, threw his words out to the skies above to catch the ears of gods. He proclaimed his people's crimes and the sins they didn't fear. He confessed the blackness of his soul and the one he clutched so dear. He begged for a reckoning to silence and to end the feuding of the two tribes, he asked the gods to send.”>The red curtain closes on the stage.>The centaur lower his flute from his mouth.“And with blood now fresh upon the sword, the two tribes then set out to kill and slay each other with neither thought nor doubt. A fight now lead to battles, a flight now to a raid. And in what seemed like moments, a massive war was waged. But high upon the mountain, one lonely creature cried. Thinking of his beloved, that long ago had died.”>The red curtains open.>A puppet similar to the bearded-creature puppet is on the stage, but its beard is now long and its hair is grey.“He wasted not a single breath to send forth his plea, to any god to listen, any power that be. And while he sobbed and shouted, in the land down below, his people had been fighting, striking deadly blows. His love gave him great strength, hate fed his will to live. Justice for his dear one, and wrath on his people to give. He moaned and he shouted until his voice was to faint to hear, but he continued his mourning for more than two hundred years.”>A new back drop rolls down: the mountain sky, now shrouded with dark clouds.“And the gods, so high in the heavens, could not hear the creature's cry. That was until creature, had met his day to die.
>>62959034>>62959048>>62959056>>62959067>>62959078>>62959088>>62959098>>62959115>The greay-bearded-creature puppet shakes and begins to lower.“And the words that he spoke, on his final breath were carried high into the clouds where the wind they soon were married. And upon the wisps and gusts of wind, the words had caught a gale. And with the strength to bring a storm, to the gods the words did sail.”>The grey-bearded-creature puppet drops below the stage.>The red curtains close.>The audience is silent.>A few of the children have tears in their eyes.>Others shake with excitement, knowing what's to come.>The centaur blows into a metal horn, as if announcing the arrival of royalty.>The red curtain opens.>The backdrop is a grand golden palace.“In the palace of the gods twas just another day. And just like any other there was plots and there was play.”>A puppet with long, grey hair, a beard, a staff, and a scroll enters onto the stage.“But one such god did shy himself to a corner far away, for he was the one who was quiet, and in silence like to stay. He was the lord of whispers and could hear all that was sound. From the footfalls of a cat to the worms beneath the ground. He listened to every secret, and each one he would scribe. To keep a list of gentle words forever at his side.”>The God puppet begins to thrash and struggle, slowly sliding to one side of the stage as if blown by a powerful wind.“Suddenly a wind did break through the doors of the golden palace! As if summoned by a wicked force, bent on rage and malice. The gods did cry and howl! Oh, that wind made such a mess! The wind brought such a fervour and caused the gods distress! The whispering god, though bothered because he worried for his scroll, was caught by a sound that stung him, and chilled his mighty soul.”>The God puppet stops struggling. After a moment it turns it's face downwards and begins to heave as if crying.
>>62959034>>62959048>>62959056>>62959067>>62959078>>62959088>>62959098>>62959115>>62959133“He heard the words of the creature, of his foolish tribe. How he was raised to show his courage, to be a beast of pride. How he found a foe his equal, and how they found a path their own. How his dear one was cruelly taken, to leave him all alone. The quiet one heard word that took two hundred years to tell. And once the wind was silent, his teardrops loudly fell.”>The God puppet raises it's head and begins to shake.“'These foolish creatures!', he did cry, 'This act I can't abide! To bring such words of sadness and hatred to my side! So they think themselves courageous? They are the daring kind? I'll give these beasts a lesson they can never leave behind!”>The red curtains close.>The little girl who chose the play sucks at the dirt beneath one of her finger nails, eyes affixed to the little stage.>It's coming to her favourite part.>The red curtains open>The backdrop is the pastoral scene with the mountain in the background.>Two warrior-puppets are on the stage, beating their swords together.>The centaur begins to play his metal pipe.“In the lands below the mountain, the blood of two tribes spilled. Having long forgotten the reason why the killed.”>A backdrop rolls down, the sky of the pastoral scene has become dark and threatening.>The Centaur blows his horn.>The warrior puppets stop fighting and look towards the sky, turning back and forth in a panic.“The whispering god came to their lands, and the sky once bright had turned. He came to show them the rage and hate of two hundred years returned.
>>62959034>>62959048>>62959056>>62959067>>62959078>>62959088>>62959098>>62959115>>62959133>>62959141>The God Puppet descends from the top of the stage, hanging limply from a piece of twine.“Creatures of spite and loathing! My silence you've disturbed! This anger you have brought to me cannot be said in words! Your people are of two tribes, but your race is only one! You wanted reason for this fight before it had begun! Your lives have been for nothing, mere sand mix with the dust. You won't end this fight by yourselves, so end it now I must! I place my curse upon you, from here into forever, for if you push me far enough I'll pull you down together! You killed a beast with two back, a deed not to be undone. So I curse you all to be two beasts, with a back of one!”>The warrior puppets shake and lower beneath the stage.>The crowd is silent.>The centaur gives a knowing smile.“And from that bloodstained battlefield, the creatures rose anew. With one tribe now to take the place of the hated two. But a change had come upon them, for their eyes were open and free, but when they looked at was was before them, their foes they couldn't see!”>A new puppet rises onto the stage.>The puppet appears to be two the centaur creatures fixed back-to-back.“And the whispering god did smile as he looked to the new life formed. Each one had been affixed to the foe they greatly scorned. Their backs now faced each other, to put a the quote to test: 'Of all the types of vision, your hindsight is the best'.”>The red curtains close on the stage.
>>62959034>>62959048>>62959056>>62959067>>62959078>>62959088>>62959098>>62959115>>62959133>>62959141>>62959149>The Dwarf puppet rises up in front of the red curtain.>The centaur lifts his little wooden flute to his lips and blows out the jig that started the show.“And here we'll end our story, a tale of ages old. From these humble wooden puppets, do remember what's been told. Live your days with love for your neighbour far and near. Do not shroud your eyes with the veils of hate and fear. Speak your prayers in whispers, for in silence one god lives. Remember that the greatest blessings, only go to those who give. For a world that seeks a battle, is a world that soon is torn. For every man to meet his foe, a Pushmi-Pullyu is born!”>The wooden doors of the box close.>The centaur finishes his song, letting the final note ring out across the market square.>The centaur takes a deep bow.>The crowd goes wild with applause and shouts of thanks.>The centaur's audience has grown significantly since he started his show.>The people rush towards the centaur the thank him for his story.>Some drop a coin into his purse.>Some leave a piece of food at his feet (leaving a little extra for the wonderful puppeteer).>Some simply shake his hand and smile.>The children gather around his legs and cry out questions“Are the Pushmi-Pullyus real?”“Tell another story!”“Where did you hear about the Pushmi-Pullyu?”“Have you ever seen a Pushmi-Pullyu?“Can I ride you're back?”“Can we see inside the box?”“Do you ever let the gnome out?”“Pick me up!”“Can I play your flute?”“How do they poop?”>The centaur smiles.>He plays with the children while the sun begins to settle behind the roofs the town.>The children run back to their houses. Sad to leave the centaur, but happy to have seen him.>The centaur collects his goods, releases the breaks on the box's wheels, and begins his journey from the town.
>>62959034>>62959048>>62959056>>62959067>>62959078>>62959088>>62959098>>62959115>>62959133>>62959141>>62959149>>62959166>Night in the forest.>Stars blink between the leaves of the tall elms and birches that line the rough dirt road.>A creature pulls his puppet theatre to the next village.>People think he's a centaur.>He isn't as fast as a centaur.>He's smaller than a centaur.>He's been told that he talks funny.>He's happy that people think he's a centaur.>He's happy that people enjoy his stories.>He's happier that people still haven't noticed how his hind legs point in the wrong direction.“Was it a good show?”The voice comes from inside the puppet theatre.“A good show it was.”“Is the next village far?”“Closer than the last village.”“We should pull off the road.”“You think it's that time?”“I think it's that time.”>The creature looks for a gap in the trees just wide enough for him to step through with his theatre.>Once off the road, he unhitches the puppet theatre and steps away from the cart.>He gives his body a shake and stretches out the strain from where the straps of the puppet theatre cut into his back.>He looks behind himself to his other head.>His hair is messy.>The faint beads of sweat lining his brow glisten in the light of the waning moon.>It gets hot inside the theatre.>They both know that.>They both feel that.“I guess I'm playing the music at the next town?”“And I'm playing the puppets?”“Sounds about right.”“Sounds about right.”“What story do you think they'll want?”“I don't know what they'll want.”“I know what story I want to tell.”“Which story would you tell?”>The creature's two heads stop talking for a moment.>A light breeze whistles through the trees.>The leaves rattle in applause.>The twin heads of the Pushmi-Pullyu look to each other and smile.The End.
>>62959175There.God, I hope I uploaded all the parts correctly. This is probably the longest post I've made on /tg/ to date.Hope ya'll enjoyed this.
>>62959190I'm going to fucking bed now.
>>62959190It was wonderful, thanks so much for taking the time to write it
>>62959205G'night and thanks for sharing
>>62959190Thanks for the story
>>62959190Bump for a good story
>>62964082Think you could write more for the next thread, you're really fucking good, and it could revitalize people's imaginations so that more stuff is written
>>62964110Thanks man. I'll try to write more when I get the chance. Time is gonna be a hot commodity for me over the next few days.>>62964171I fuckin know right! Who knew a thread like this could turn into something that would last this long? What worries me is that most of the thread revolves around the questions of: How does it poop?and"How do you fuck it?"/Tg/ in a nutshell folks.
>>62964297>I fuckin know right! Who knew a thread like this could turn into something that would last this long?It does help that there's a small handful of anons bumping this thread out of sheer desperation to cling to their 15 minutes of fame.