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>Hitting 'Dat Ass: Moon Culus' edition

Original Thread: >>62640215
2nd Thread: >>62665559
3rd Thread: >>62676193
4th Thread: >>62697237
5th Thread: >>62713930

>Sisters of Battle of the Order of the Golden Light stationed on the newly discovered medieval world get dragged into conflict because Magos explorator Fleet unearthed a Necron Tomb complex AND an Eldar Webway portal
>Deathwatch shows up to help solve the problem.
>Aeldari of the craftworld hugiv'safuk start invading because tomb world would have a staight shot to said craftworld
>Slaaneshis manage to corrupt Craftworld
>Craftworld radiate lewdification onto the world
>women turn into bimbos, the degree of this corruption is measured by their acceptance of it
>some men turn into women, some seem to be immune while others aren't
>Rogue Trader Billy Mays dumps more Oxythrone on the world to cleanse it, a few people suffocate from all the ammonia
>the AdMech magos dominus declares the world lost, conducts a poorly executed evacuation
>Craftworld is gone (assumed corrupted by Slaanesh?)
>Survivors of the space hulk have been sent down to the governor (now governess) mansion after getting sent there by Marines Malevolent on an Arvus Lighter without breaks.
>Seriously, fuck Marines Malevolent
>Hive is practically BATHING in the damn warp dust
>Hive ganger man gets turned into magical loli girl (don't ask) and leads massive corrupted hive ganger invasion on the increasingly corrupted hive, which is either busy with orgies... or becoming bdsms fiends to put Dark Eldar to shame
>Also, Tzeentch/Slaanesh warp fuckery is starting to take hold at the base of the hive

As always, if I missed anything, feel free to add it underneath.
>still fighting Greenskins
>they're extra disgusting, even compared to normal
>suddenly one gets literally thrown
>it sails towards the other greenskins
>lands next to the largest one amongst them, probably their warboss
>who just yeet'd an ork, full body armor and all?
>be sneeky git, purple kommando
>so my master plan didn't go so well
>fancy skull faced marine got me hit
>damn zoggin' git threw a choppa at me
>then I drop me stikkbomb
>it blew up in me face an' I go flyin'
>looks like I gotta try somethin' else huh?
>Be me
>Be 18 year old black guy
>Be Imperial Guardsman
>Be the guy from the last post you somehow survived and bullshit his ways out of situation that would kill your regular human being 150 times no less
>Running towards explosion to see wait happen
>Personal goal: Stop the heretic and the choas space marine from corrupting this world
>Plan: Stop threat by killing them and send them back to the warp
>If fail: Call the Inquisition and advise them to EXTERMINATUS this world (and probably escape)
> be me
> Victoria Samson, now female crusader
> be running towards the sounds of battle
> leading a sister of battle behind me
> a very.... well endowed sister of battle
> datass.shades
> shake off those thoughts and enter the courtyard
> ...... well holy shit
> it's an all out brawl
> disgonbgud.vox
>Never thought I'd fight alongside Space Marines
>Mum would be so proud
>Lasgun out of power
>Drop it, draw my knife and pistol and keep firing
>Be Savorius, Sorceress of the Thousand Sons
>Once a regular old chaos sorcerer
>Now a big titty sorceress
>It's been a wild ride
>The concoction is finished
>Taking it up to the top of the space hulk wreck
>There my tzaangors,
>Also now large breasted females since Slaanesh has just deemed this system hers at this point so why not,
>Have constructed a device to create tainted rains!
>The power of the fading pink mists that have done this to me and many others shall be condensed and amplified
>I let out an evil laugh
>Because I am a cartoon villain
>Let us bless these rains down in Africa
>Well, bless these rains down in the moon of Tiddius Majoris
>Hit button, a rocket and some lasers shoot up towards the clouds of smog that hover about the hive
>The clouds begin to turn interesting pink and purple colors.
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTQbiNvZqaY begins playing
>Be me.
>Be battle ready Overlord.
>Fight on the side of the non pointy fleshies.
>Lead new, replenished force of necrons into battle.
>Insistently pushes a small cylinder-like object at Chaplain Marietta, his disturbing grin returning to his face
If you will not hand the book over... Would you kindly use this on it?
Alright, I'm gonna hit the hay. Please don't let this end just yet, it's been great fun and only really regained steam last thread. Cold Shoulder went on forever and I don't see why this shouldn't. Also, someone can always come up with a plot device to keep things from going stagnant if necessary
>be warp dust
>be slowly dissipating
>meanwhile the surviving tzeench Daemons and slaaneshi daemonettes are getting it on away from battle
>Tzeench and Slaanesh are probably getting it on right now and it’s only a matter time before the prince of pleasure gets bored again
>slaaneshi/tzeenchian daemon constructs start crawling from the underhive it’s not a full invasion
>these chaos abominations are at the fringe of the greater hive-wide battle
>tzeenchian/slaaneshi daemons are crawling throughout the twisted coiling depths of the underhive
>the sexual fetishism giving way to birds, tentacles, wings, snakes and a thousand twisted horrors
>all sex is now really really confusing
>holy Emperor what’s going on down there?
>hey where’d that warp storm come from
>the ancient earth trembles at the approach of the Marines Malevolent, thousand sons rubricae, and deathwatch personel
>we are in a realm of madness and death
>At this point watching these events from orbit
>That sorceress is fucking with the rains
>Slaanesh is happy about this
>Khorne isn't
>I've got a lot of pent up rage
>Get my khornate equipment
>I'm gonna go fuck up a sorcerer
>While running to explosion I see the cloud turn pink and purple
For fucks sakes.
>Runs inside random building
>Look thought window to see what the rain will do
>After wandering for what i think is 30 minutes finally find the armoury
>Only one person guarding is guarding it
"I have come to resupply myself"
>Guy points to my daemon ganger
"Official imperial buissness, get involved, and you get shot"
>Hand him the inquisitorial notice
>He runs into the armory chamber
>Comes back a minute later with some mid-tier prosthetics and a sword
>Not a power-sword, just a sword
"It's the best we had, mi...mister"
>Yeah sure
>Grab the guy and throw him into the armory
>And now that we're done with that
>Rip hand off
>Fuck it hurts
>Use warp magicks to connect the nerve endings with the prosthetics
>Disguise starts getting wobbly
>Do this again
>Illusion disappears
>Move hand
>At least all fingers move
>RIP touch though
>Now what do i do
>Gwyndolin follows closes behind
>Very close
"Be safe Victoria."
> she nods
you as well Gwyndolin
> damn these asses are fine
> get a stupid idea
.... after battle.... would you like to meet me and the canoness and.... talk about where we go from here?

>Be me, Canoness 'Mama' Helga of the Order of the Golden Light
>currently fighting alongside Deathwatch marines, a shapely Eldar Autarch and her Wraith Guard, a Necron Overlord, and my remaining Sororitas against Orks impersonating Sisters of Battle and Hive gangers turned slaanesh cultists
>Burning greenskins left and right
>Suddenly notice strange, pink and purple rain, and some of the hive buildings starting to disappear
>Feel strangely more aroused than I should as I start getting rained on
>Grab Autarch by the arm and slowly start dragging her back toward the inside, figuring she's probably more susceptible to whatever the effects of that is.
> grab the canoness and the autarch
> realize this rain is not good for my health
> hoof it back inside with them under my arms
> Imadeanoath.honor
>Purple rain does not look holy at all
>Follow the Sororitas' lead and run inside, still firing on the orks with my pistol
>Really need a better weapon
Come now... We don't have forever. In fact, I am afraid we are almost out of time, Chaplain. Something unpleasant already crawls beneath us.
Be sneeky git, purple kommando
>in pain
>not enouff to put this boy down
>now that im up at leest I can see the 'umies and them long ear gits runnin'
>I wunda why
>maybe its the funny pink stuff fallin' from the sky
>I dunno
>let me see if I can find the boss, cause I landed near 'im but then I lost 'im again
>gotta apologise fer failin'
>didnt meen ta
>it just happened
>in the meen time its time to hatch a new plan
>It begins with just a few droplets
>Then a little shower
>The rain slowly gets heavier and heavier
>Its color, though hard to see in an individual droplets, is magenta
>Its smell is sweet, like fruit juice
>Its downpour finally clears away the last of the mist

>Be some khornates
>Members of the Screamers
>We were with Lord, now Lady, Savage
>Kind of got separated
>Have been slaughtering civilians and slsaaneshi daemons ever since
>Fun as fuck!
>Hey look, those mists have finally cleared up
>Thanks rain
>Sucks that it isn't a blood rain its-
>No, no, no!
>They said it couldn't get inside sealed power armor
>Oh fuck Khorne, I have tits!
>So does Frank!
>Fuck it.
>Pull off helmet, pull off Frank's helmet, start making out

>Be deathwatch reiver.
>Separated from battle brothers
>Mist is gone here
>It's started raining
>Fucking hive pollution
>This shit is sticky and it smells like...
>Wait, why can I smell it?
>My armor's completely sealed as a precaution against the mist
>Emperor... I feel really good
>Chest piece is really tight though

>I grab the Canoness and the eldar and haul ass inside while firing at the enemy
>Still filled with rage but it is slowly fading away
>I get inside and drop the women and fire at the enemy who is now doing some really weird shit
>I am still pissed off but now i have an erection
>Drag the crusader inside when the sky starts looking weird
>She looks at Victoria and smiles
"I would love to."
Ok, so this shit could get inside sealed power armor, also there's a bunch a khornates, well khornattes I guess, I guess I should wait it out then.
>Hides in building
> smile at the woman
> grab her face and pull her into a brief kiss.
> copafeelofdatass.heresy
> pull back...
> what just happened?
> go red in the face as I realize what I just did.
>Be me Autarch Belamyn Ytharl of the Craftworld Imperium of Man
>It's raining feel good dust
>I'm kind of dizzy
>The Canoness drags me indoors
>My head is clear
"*pant* Thank you, you saved me. I'll have to repay that later. But we need to get out of here. There is a warp storm forming around this system. This entire moon is about to be eternally damned. My ship should be able to transport us out of the system so we can plan our next move."
>Two of the Mon-Keigh are making out
>Kind of want to do the same
>Would it be so bad to just have lewd times here until we were dragged into the warp to have our souls become the playthings of daemons?
>Yes; yes it would be
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>Be me, newbie Sororitas Mallory
>By the Emperor, Sister Gwyndolin's alive!
>Hug her real quick as we keep running
>tilt head as I listen in on their conversation
>Wait, they're not discussing what I think they are right?
>rush out to yard only to start getting drenched by rain
>this isn't normal rain
>Is this xeno sorcery?
>And why do I suddenly want to make out with Gwyndolin and Victoria right here and never stop?
>Or find Brother Ephriam and have... fun times...?
>"Uhm, Sisters... I... Haaa... think we should f-f-fall b-back..."
>Blushing heavily
> look down at the two I just dragged inside, and the xenos thanking me
You are most welcome ma'am
> reach out and snag Mallory.
> kiss her as well.
> bythethronewasshealwaysthisattractive.confusion
> drag her back under the cover as I feel the rain begin to affect me as well.
> shitshitshitshit
> I want to find the canoness, Mallory, and Gwyndolin and just.... drag them into a bed and make sweet love.
> waitwhat.heresy.
> what the fuck am I thinking?!
> they'd never agree to that.]!

>I rush out and grab the Sororitas and rush her back inside and out of the cluster fuck
>Retreat with fleshies back into mansion.
> look up at the sergeant who pulled us into cover
> bow to him
Many thanks my lord, for bringing us to safety from that cursed rain.
>Be warrior spirit Kaz'da, a wraith guard construct
>My soul bound to this construct to defend the Aeldari people
>And now I've been left out in the rain
>It's been so long since I've even had the ghost of the feeling of rain
>Was it always this sticky?
>The Autarch is looking... weird
>Her boobs are enormous
>Still, mine are bigger
>Something is not right with that thought
>Looking down, I'm fairly sure wraithgaurd are not constructed with massive fun bags
>I'm feeling... weird
>Feeling a lot of things
>Haven't felt so many things since I've died
>I need
>I need the Autarch!
>Need her to tell me what's going on!
>Need her to feel me up and examine me!
>Shove hand through wall and psychically wailing
"Autarch~ I need an inspection~"
>Was my voice like that in life?
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>Well, time to teleport out of here
>Open portal
>After an unpleasant trip to the warp end up outside
>Wait this isn't where i wanted to go
>Why do i feel wet
>This smell
>Oh gods no
>It's the condensated gas
>Maybe it'll change into a man again!
>Feel chestplate get tighter
>Telepathically call my sister sorcerer
"Why is the gas raining everywhere now! I mean how did you even manage that"
>While i wait for an answer, get an idea
>If i can get as high as possible, i could channel enough warp energy to mutaten the rain
>It'll still do slaaneshi shit, but with tzeentchian goodies such as extra eyes involved
>Time to serve Tzeentch
>I wonder
>Where did that dancing guardsman end up
>What the fuck is going on anymore
>Wonder if there's a working vox system
>Maybe I can call for help
>Start looking around
>Be Governess
>formally governor before this fiasco happened
>grabbed ancestral power sword from above the fireplace
>Look outside
>Shit, hive rain is the worst
>Too much acids and such and also...
>Watches in sheer amazement as a few marines that got caught outside strip off their armor as quickly as possible, letting loose massive assets before running off laughing and making out
"...Thank the Emperor I got the roof repaired last week."
>be sneeky git, purple kommando
>now we're kinda just sittin' around out 'ere in the rain
>it's weird
>I asked wunna da weirdboys what it was
>he just yelled at me
>and then he sat on a squig and clucked
>zoggin' weirdboys
>the 'umies are back inside the fancy 'ouse and we're all out 'ere
>but it looks like them angry 'umies are still out 'ere
>so we could foight them
>'ave a decent scrap
>if the boss is onboard
>still don't know where boss Silvatoof went
>'e kinda dissappeared
>well time ta keep lookin' fer 'im

>I walk up to the Governess sporting a rage boner and see she has a power sword.

Ma'am do you know of a way out of here in case they rush our position and need to fall back?
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>Be me, a tea shop / tavern owner
>Lot of fuss happening outside
>I get it carl, you just grew a pair of tits. Get over it.
>Look a at the mess you made on the floor
>I don't care you're thirsty, bar's closed during the day, I only sell tea right now.
>Oh that kind of thirsty, well get the fuck off my bar.
>People sometimes find the weirdest excuse to not work.
>Be da Sistahs of Dah WAAAGH!!
>We iz da gurly orks!
>Der iz lotsa us nowz
>I'z gots da biggest knockers so da uver Sistahs say I'z iz da Cannon-ez
>Dat meanz I gets a big honkin' shoota!
>The ugly little man keeps smiling, even as his mannerisms grow increasingly frustrated
>suddenly he lunges, igniting the lighter
>he shoves the lighter between the book's covers and the centuries old paper pages immediately burst into flames
Sorry, Chaplain... But that book cannot be allowed in the hands of anyone... Including Astartes.
>The odd man laughs like a madman as he waddles off
>be sneeky git, purple kommando
>well thats good an' all dat
>but do ye know where slivatoof went?
>kause if we're wantin' a foight we one, need 'im to lead the show
>an' two he wont wanna miss this
>also do ye think it might be an idea fer me to get inside again?
>do some shenanigans?
>cause some trouble in there
>I like the sound of me own idea
>I sit down as my secretary fetches me some tea
>Look at the marine
>Though heavily armored, I can see the slight shifting of the plates near the crotch region
>I lick my lips
"There is an emergency escape tunnel that leads to the space port."
How is this still going?
>Walking past looking for a vox system
>Hear the governess say something about an emergency tunnel
>Oh boy I might live
>One of da Sistahs speaks up
>She is one of the oddest looking of them all. She has lost a very large amount of her wideness, and honestly just looks like a big green hummie
"If we'z paintz me pink n' stuff, da stupid hummies'll think I'z iz wunna dem. Also, how'z you holdin' up in dis rain Sneeky Git? Da rest of us gots dese floppy bits from it."
>Sees the governor (ess?) secretary enter the shop.
>Girl might look mighty fine but I bet she's into weird shit.
>Ask me if I have tea.
>Weird question I know, no one expect me to have tea in my tea shop.
>Sassed her a little, than she demanded some of my finest tea for our lazy-ass governor (sees?)
>Gave her regular one. Only me gets to have the good shit. Fat bastard won't probably notice the difference if he never went to my shop.

>I Notice her lick her lips as she looks at my crotch plate
>Save it for later woman although i like how she looks

Can you show me i have my orders to ensure we get as many survivors out as possible.
>Hiding in closet
>Wait out the rain by sleeping
I dunno what's going on in this thread but I like it
Anons gotta fap.
> BeSneeky git, purple kommando
>might work if we do it roight
>but if it dont we smash down tha doors an' run roight in
>an' 'ow am I not like you gits?
>I dunno I just aint got the floppy bits
>but aneeway lets get this plan into action
"Yes I can."
>Leads him down into the wine cellar and pulls back a shelf to reveal...
>A dark hallway with water dripping from the ceiling and collecting on the floor
>It appears the secret passage has not had maintenance in awhile
>Damnit, Father always said to be ready for rebellion, but I didn't listen!

>Be Me
>Canoness Helga
>Give a nod thanks to Wilhem
>Look at Autarch
>Low-key want to dominate her and make her scream my name like a horny slut right here and now.
>Eyes go wide as a wraith guard punches her arm through the wall and tries to grab the Autarch
>Bitch she's mine!
>Wait what no
>Damn it Helga stop thinking like a horny wench
>Look around in frustration and shout:
>"This range should have a focal point, and this hive has Deathstrike missiles for planetary heresy removal. Get that airhead governess for the access codes and we should be able to take out the location of whatever's causing this rainstorm!"
>Nothing should be able to survive one of those, right?!
>Pull out chainsword and start hacking away at the Wraith Guard's hand to keep it away from MY xenos hoe.
>Then we just need to deal with whatever took down those buildings earlier.
> rip Wraithguard's arms off
> grab autarch and canoness
> carry them towards the governess.
> find her staring at a dark passageway.
and where praytell are you going?
>Follow the marine and the governess from a distance
>Listening intently to their conversation
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>Let's see if i can teleport myself into that tower
>Enter the warp
>Feels different
>Hear something
>At first it's faint
>Then suddenly it's in full blast
>Try to escape
>The WAAAGH energy is too strong
>Get kicked out of the warp
>By the eight-pointed star where am i

>I follow her in to a cellar and see the condition of the tunnel
>Why do i feel like i am being pranked right now
>I look at the Governess still sporting a rage boner

Okay i suggest we examine the tunnel to make sure it isn't collapsed.

>I Then Vox the Kill-Teams above and let them know i am checking our exfil and that they need to hold out as long as they can.
>Be me, tea shop / tavern owner
>Living the life, barely work at all, enjoying all the tea, booze, cigars and books I could even dream of
>Carl was such a shit customer, keep complaining about the pink shit outside while twisint his nipples or some shit, and I have to clean the floor
>Finally time to enjoy the book I'm reading "The Lusty Sororitas Maid"
>Sees shit happening outside
>Why did I ever decide to read this book today?
>Step into the room
"I can investigate the tunnel, make sure it's safe, I'm much less valuable than any of you
>Look at the new arrivals
>Look at the one armed wraith guard trying to squeeze its way into the halls
>Why does it have tits
"Trying to plan an escape route in case we are overrun."

>Just stare at him
>Look at the rain dripping from the ceiling of the tunnel
>Remember what happened to those other marines that got caught in the rain
"Hmm... yes... good idea. You go in first. I am but a squishy mortal. If there is anything of danger in there, you should be the first to face it."
>Be me.
>Be thirsty (not like the fucks outside, actual thirst) Overlord.
>Heard there was a good tea place nearby.
>Head down to pick myself up some.
> be me
> former chaplain Marietta Alfred
> having gotten a book burned and blamming the one who did it
> follow my lord to the tea shop.
>Be rain
>Rain down on those two
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>Be me, tea shop / tavern owner
>Some kind of fucking green robot enter my shop
>learly too old for this shit
>Be me, newbie Sororitas Mallory
>Just got kissed by Victoria
>She drags me back under the safety of the manor, only for Reiver to grab us and bring us the rest of the way in
>So thankful for the Deathwatch being here
>Would gladly offer myself to them
>Wait no
>To Victoria
>No that's wrong too! Why are my thoughts so perverted now!
>Shake head from side to side, trying to free myself from the lewd thoughts filling my mind
>I nervously hug Victoria, blushing heavily as I lean against her for support.
>Unconsciously caress her hips as I glance out the window and see Necron warriors still in the courtyard.
>"Wait... why are they still outside?"
> open umbrella
> what kind of lady would I be to not have a method of staying dry.
> enter the tea shop behind my lord
> approach the counter
Do you have Earl grey?
> follow the space marine
> unconsciously grab Mallory's and Gwyndolin's asses as she follows them
> bite lip
> so comfy though
> don't want to let go...

>I look at her and begin to walk into the tunnel but stop and turn around and look at her.

If we survive this care to have dinner with me?
"I would love too."
>Be me, tea shop / tavern owner
>Some kind of green terminator and a woman just entered my bar for some tea
>Asking for some Earl Grey. I want to sass them but I think I'm sipping more than I could drink. Sad thought, nearly running out of Earl Grey.
>Well whatever, as long as they get the fuck out.
>Serves Earl Grey, barely looking at them
>Gwyndolin smiles and leans back into Victoria
> nod and kindly thank the gentleman
> take a seat at the table
> elegantly sip from the small cup of earl grey.
>Shit, how do I pay for this...
>Start making it rain on the shop owner.
>Rain looted swag, that is.

>I smile at this but i turn back to the tunnel and focus on the rage
>I then walk down the tunnel, while my testosterone increases
> smile at the two of them.
> grinning widely
> catch up to the canoness and the governess
h-hello canoness.
>The rain drip, drip, drips from above onto your armor
>You can smell is strongly, even from within your sealed suit
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>Be me, tea shop / tavern owner
>Started this whole business just so I could get tea and enjoy books
>Carl ran into the toilet, doing Tzeentch knows what
>Now I get real custommers, and they pay me handsomely. Sad they're kinda spooky thought.
>Smiles behind my book, compting the money.

>Be me, Canoness Helga
>That fucking whore is trying to run?
>Get away from Mordred and grab Governess by the collar
>"Going somewhere Governess Von Gosk? I need to borrow you for your access to the biological locks for the hive's deathstrike missiles."
>push her back toward the autotailor so she can head back to her office and activate the missiles
>"Now get to it!"
>Snap angrily and then look at Victoria, who has both Gwyndolin and Mallory by the ass
>grab her by the cheeks and pull her face in close
>"Now listen close Crusader. I need... you... to focus..."
>God-Emperor I want to kiss him right now.
>No! Focus Helga! I can't let my own feelings get in the way of saving this hive! I can't have a repeat of Innocence VI!

Got to get going soon, probably need to get some sleep
>The death strike missiles?
"What death strike missiles? This isn't a full hive city, this is just an administrative hive! Besides, all the munitions were used for the war on the planet!"
>be sneeky git, purple kommando
>so we've kinda been sittin' 'ere doin' not much
>ol' weirdboy still cluckin'
>dont know why
>my plan is to wunce again infiltrate da 'ouse
>theyz neva gonna see it kumin'
>can't go through the window I jumped ou' of
>maybe I can climb through the back
>oh I know
>I'll sneek through the front door
>they'll neva see it comin'
>walk up to the front door
>theyz all touchin' each other an' stuff
>wunna dem eldar mech thinggies got it's arm sliced off
>quietly open the door
>now that im inside I need ta figure out whats next
>run to hide in wunna the roomz so Im not caught by anyone
>sneeky git is too sneeky for you 'umies and eldar panzies

>I turn around and see the Canoness grab the Governess by the collar
>I turn around and Smack her again on the ass even harder then last time
>I am filled with rage even more and my Rage boner is getting even larger for some reason

Canoness unhand her and assist us in making sure the tunnel is intact or you will get another paddlin'.
> get grabbed by the face.
> she leans in and kisses her.
u.... ummmm.... canoness I....
> look at the sgt.
Um.... Sir... I'll keep her in line... don't worry. Just please stop smacking her ass.
> that's supposed to be my job dammit.
>be sneeky git, purple kommando
>I wunda if there be some way of sayin' hello to everyone in 'ere
>like wunna them voxy caller things
>cause I wanna say 'ello to the 'umies inside this 'ere 'ouse
>moight be one in the fancy gits office
>lets go upstairs an' find one
>Be Guardswoman Daisy
>I really need to find a way to counteract this warp dust bullshit
>I also need to figure out just where the fuck I am
>Let's see here... I remember crashing...
>Fuck it
>I'll just pick a random direction and start searching
>I thought Wraithguard were immune to corruption
>good thing though, I really wanted to get boned by wraithbone
>opposite of that
>plus I'm a kept woman now
>I have confused feelings about how I keep getting carried everywhere
>I can't really decide think that well with this rain dripping on my ears
>I just need a nice relaxing lesbian orgy to get my head straight
>wait no
>stupid sexy shoddy Mon-Keigh construction letting rain in the building
"Well I have an...Eclipse cruiser in orbit...it's lances...should...be an adequate...sub-substitute for missiles. Is anybody else feeling like really really tired? ...When was the last time we...a-ate?

"Come on! Run for it!"
>Wakes up
>Still hears rain
>Soul: Imma stay inside hear until the rain stops
>Gets into a more comfortable position inside the closet
>Be Guardswoman Daisy
>Be oblivious as fuck due to warp shenanigans
>look up and see the most beautiful Oneesan ever
>Why cant I control this stupid shit?
>"Ara ara~ Seraphim Oneesan, how are you? Where are we and wherever shall we go?~"
>... still cant talk normally... FUCK.
>Sprint across the street so I can link up with the Sister
>By sprint I mean walk
>On the plus side, all incoming debris and gunfire seems to miraculously miss me
>keep walking as I catch up to the Sister, somehow.

>Be me, Canoness 'Mama' Helga
>Blush as Victoria kisses me
>Damn it, now is not the time!
>start to pull away, only to find myself kissing you again as the Reiver sgt smacks my ass in order to keep myself from letting out another lewd moan
>D-Damn this warp sorcery! I need to control myself damn it!
>Hear the Autarch and immediately start fantasizing lewd acts with this arrogant knife-eared wench
>She sounds like she's close to the same state that the Guardswoman she had with her was in
>Basically, an airhead
>Fuck me why am I desiring a xenos woman
>Turn from Victoria and try to pull the Autarch in close
>"That's... that's a good plan... what was your name again?"
>Realize never bothered to get this Eldar's name before
>Be big titty wraithguard
>Lost arm
>Dragging self through hall to reach slutarch
>Really hard to do that
>Narrow ass hallways
> realize that the eldar might have a way for us all to get offworld
> kiss Mallory and Gwyndolin.
> dear emperor... I'm falling in love with sororitas....
> what....
> how is this....
> William.... wherever you are now... I hope you're laughing brother.
> I'm fulfilling your dream.
>Soul: Ok, so far I crashed laided in this planet, there's khorenette's here now, you know what I fail my mission, yep I failed my mission I'm going to call the Inquisition, this planet is pretty much corrupted.
"Belamyn. Belamyn Ytharl. Here...take this...call the ship"
>gives the Canoness a set of wraithbone car keys with a beeper
I'm gonna head out. just assume the Autarch is currently expending most of her mental energy psychically fighting off corruption and she'll just follow along. Just don't let her get dicks stuck in her/killed by chaos
>Be me, owner of a tea shop / tavern
>Tried to enjoy my new book "The lusty Sororitas Maid" in peace but Carl shows up. Fatass usually never pays, but since he's the only guy that ever comes I let it slide for now.
>Faggot entered the bar screaming about pink mist and him growing massive tits. Look we all have problems and no one is interested in yours.
>Fucker made a mess on the floor then run straight and inside the toilets.
>By his moaning, screams and the state of my floor, I can guess I don't want to clean up the toilets.
>Tried to finally enjoy my book
>The governor's secretary entered asking for expensive tea. First real custommer in a while. Managed to convinced her the regular shit is expensive. The day is starting to get good.
>My custommer per day record went straight up when two new guys come in. One is a pimp-dressed green robot and the other is like his hoe? I usually don't complain, but it's kinda too much for now.
>A girl covered in blood, shit and other things I don't want to describe comes out of the toilets. Apparantly it's Carl, or Carla now. Still not my problem, but my floor and my toilets is.
>Summoning discretly a minor deamon and forcing him to clean everything. The look on his face is priceless.
>I guess today I can use black ink for my account book. What a nice day.

>Throne of Terra, this guardswoman is moving slow.
>Spool the jump pack up.
>Chance a look up then ran to her. No wasted movements. Grab her firmly, but gently, and ignite the jump pack.
>Hoes get rained on

>I give the Canoness another disaplinary smack when she starts to get frisky with the xeno

Canoness i need you to compose yourself and gather the wounded down here. Now as for you xeno i need you to be ready to call down your ship to assist in evacuation.

>I then give the Governess a nod and go clear the tunnel, and make sure it isn't collapsed.
>Be soggy tunnel
>Big marine man is walking through me
>Be free of obstructions
>Drip the corrupted rains all over his armor
>Nice sexy rain
>Be Guardswoman Daisy
>Currently airborne with a face full of Sororitas tiddies
>Fuck yeah
>Now THIS is the way to travel
>On instinct, I wrap my arms around her and give her what one would generally describe as a "Hug"
>"Ara ara~ Oneesan is so soft and warm~"
>she's gonna drop me, isn't she?
> walk behind him, still have hands on Mallory's and Gwyn's asses
> lipstick stains all over face
> grinninglikeamadwoman.blush
> life is good today.

>Be me, newbie Sororitas Mallory
>W-Wow, Victoria's hand feels so good on my butt
>But I still want to be with Brother Ephriam and do... naughty things with him
>But Victoria's good too
>Even Canoness Helga and Sister Gwyndolin
>Press myself up against Victoria, my boobs resting against his shoulder as I point my bolt pistol at the Reiver so it's pressed against his faceplate
>"Smack her ass again... and I will blow your brains out through that... that dumb looking helmet of yours."
>Pull bolt pistol away and nod to canoness
>"Can we... please leave now...? This place makes me feel... weird."

Okay, and with that I'm probably going to call it a night. See you all tomorrow morning.
>be sneeky git, purple kommando
>so I got inside
>but now I 'ave no idea what ta do
>wanderin' around in 'ere and I seemed to 'ave stumbled onto some posh office
>wots all this do I wunder
>there be some button with a thing sticking out of the desk, looks loike wunna dose micorphone things I've seen 'umies use in the past
>press button
" 'ello 'umies, I gotz inside yer house while youz were doin' yer funny business, who wantz ta play a little game o' 'ide and seek huh?"
>lets see what the 'umies do wit this
This just turned into s bunch of guys erping with each other.
>Comes out of the closet
>Looks for a tarp in the building
>>62727234 Trust me, this is mild ecchi compared to the nonsense that happened in thread #3. If anything was borderline ERP, it was that.
> she smiles at the woman and grins as she kisses her again.
> tightens her grip on the two heavenly buns in her grip.
> emperor I love today.
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> slamming head against the wall
> holy throne of terra why must I deal with such stupidity?
> why emperor why?
> slap all three sisters across the face
>Walk in, see a triple bitchslap.
>This man has earned my respect.
>The governess chuckles
"My main question for you is how you haven't. The only reason I'm still fine is because I haven't stepped foot outside this house since the fiasco started."

>Good cat shot, good velocity, good end speed.
>Angle for the spaceport.
I salute you absolute madmen.
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> turn and slap the governess across the face
> turns and pimp slaps the necron so hard he goes flying into the wall
> backhands chesty
> emperor's sacred nipples this is why I hate slaanesh.
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>Life is good right now, I just finished my book "The Lusty Sororitas Maid". Now to start "Fifty Shades of Greyknights"
>Get out of indentation in wall and pimp slap him right the fuck back, hard enough to feel in power armour.
>Finds a large tarp big enough to cover his entire body
Ok lets just call for the Inquisition, let them burn the world for all I care.
>Goes through the building's backdoor
>No one is here
>Looks for a pay phone
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> grab the hand and tear the arm off

>I return from the tunnel with a piece of metal i am using as a shield from the rain
>As i make my way into the room it is clear he has a bag over his junk and something is sticking out very far
>I look at the Governess with a massive erection and eyes filled with lust and rage through my helmet
>When my Subordinate slaps my Rage overwhelms my Lust
>I take the giant metal slab and beat him with it

>Be payphone
>Watch as this Chamber guy gets dunked on by the rain
>A tarp cloak won't help you
>That shit was meant to affect the victim through power armor
>Only the mightiest of umbrellas can protect you
>It just goes straight through anything in direct contact
>Also, if you were calling literally anyone from outside the starsystem, a payphone wouldn't work
>You need an astroptah
> "I'm writing this for the plot"
> emperor's sacred testicles why the fuck is everyone so pants on head retarded!
> slam my boot into the man's testicles.
> forfuckssake.vox
>Calmly take arm back, get scarab to knit it back onto my body, and stand straight.
“Sir, calm the hell down, we have innocents to rescue.”
> nod to the cron
fine.... I shall keep my calm for now.
> however...
> he looks at everyone
Do you have any idea on how to solve this mess?
“Regarding the rain, it’s most likely being caused by the pointies up there. Regarding the effects, non feminization effects will most likely go away after a while, but any converted females stay that way. You can, however, block is by either coating yourself in necrodermis or if you can resist the change through sheer force of will.”
> he nods
so how do we stop it? kill the pointies?
> raise and rev chainsword.

>I dodge the kick and hit him again
>Damn it brother

I tried to put it back in brother, this planet is doing something to everyone you idiot can you not see that. Now regardless of rank get these people out of here that is our mission did you forget that? We need to get them out of here before we ALL fall to chaos, brother.
> point to the people behind him
What does it look like I'm doing? This is an escape tunnel. I'm leading people through
“No shit. I can get a transport here right now to carry us all up.”
>Says the Necron who has no idea how warp shit works except he's immune to it
>Physical effects are there to stay. Mental effects may or may not fade depending on their intensity and the willpower of the affected
>Coating yourself in necrodermis will not help
>Be Guardswoman Daisy
>Hangs on tight, large blissful smile still stuck on my stupid face
>How many IQ points have I lost?
>wow... we're going really fast...
>Fills something wet
>Soul: Am I sweating already
>Feels more wet
>Soul: No this tarp has to work
>Feel urge to dance again
God dammit
>Dances causes him to drop tarp, exposing him to the rain
>Libido raise from 23% to 70%
>Gets a raging boner
Fuck everything
>Reaches pay phone
>Inserts thrones
>Just realize pay phones only work on the planet, nowhere else
>Soul: Oh great, this plan was fucking retarded from the start, I'm dancing like a faggot and I'm horny ass hell, also my boner really fucking hurts.
>Sneaks back into building (While dancing)

>I hand him the metal slab

Then lead them through brother i will set up surprises for anyone who tries to follow us. Be careful of the rain you will end up with a massive erection.
>be sneeky git, purple kommando
>seems like no one's 'eard me
>time ta go back down stairs, I been 'earin' about some tunnel
>Im gonna trap it
>I wunder where it is but
>sneek around to find it I guess
>huh whats dis?
>seein' 'umies going into some 'ole in the wall
>I fink thats what im lookin' for
>looks like no ones comin' round this way
>I do hear arguin' so I have ta work quick like
>tie some stikkbombs to a fuse and stick em to the wall around the 'ole
>lead the fuse around a bit, just outta sight but
>when I lights it the bombs'll go off kaboom and down comes the tunnel enterance and the boyz, girl?, the gits outside can come in an' we can have a roight propa orky scrap
>Be Fred
>Be dancing
"Hey there friend! You get the dancing curse too? Not many people got this one, but let me tell you, we ain't as lucky as we seem. We got dancing in our souls now, there isn't any stopping. No sleeping, just dancing. I've been awake all fucking day. I am so tired. I wish I had just been turned into a titty monster."
>Grabs >>62728098
>Do the tango with him back to the building
Dude I'm lonely and your coming with me.
Mind the boner, I not gay.
> nods
> turns to the people behind him
Alright people, lets go kill us some heretics.
>He’s not the one
“Are you sure? It probably wouldn’t work, but I will honestly do literally anything to stop dancing and I figured that doing the depraved things that everyone else is doing would break me out of this curse and get me into theirs.”
>Puts a rose between his teeth for showmanship

>I look at my brother lead the survivors down the tunnel
>It could be the last time i see any brothers
>I then look at the Governess and wish i could have had that dinner with her but now the giant penis might prevent that
>It is kinda affecting my thought process i really wanna fuck her now

Brother the tunnel is clear and the Space port is clear as well, be safe.

>I then grab my gear and go set up defenses and traps making sure the survivors are not followed.
>Lifts >>62728349 in the air and catches him
Trust me, this curs wears off when your not exposed to whats causing it, You'll be tired for a bit but then you'll be ready to go.
>Enters building with Fred
Dance off the rain, but don't cause a ruckus.
Stay silent and hidden
>be sneeky git, purple kommando
>so from my sneeky little hiding place I see that the 'umies 'ave gone into their little tunnel
>nows the time I guess
>lets blow the tunnel
>light the fuse and wait for the explosion
>walk away from the 'ole and see what else is in the 'ouse
>maybe some loot
>while wanderin' around I hear it
>the explosion is done and the 'ouse shakes >time to go

You just killed peoples characters dude wtf.
> dammit
> he looks back at the tunnel as it collapses behind them, just as Victoria makes it out.
> damn.
> nogoingbacknow.path
> look forward and motion for everyone to keep moving.

>I hear an explosion from the cellar and see part of the ground collapse
>I notice an ork hauling ass away
>I catch up and grab the ork, put a satchel charge around it's ass and put it on a timer
>I then yeet it into the rain so it can be corrupted or die
>After that i head down and try to dig my way through
>But i stop, i know i can not help them
>I head back up and get what gear i can carry and get a piece of the wall and use it as a shield from the rain and haul ass to the space port
>I will make sure they are avenged and every damn ork is murdered as penance
>Explosion noise
>Soul: The fuck was that
>Shit, tunnel collapsed
>Open vox call
"Hey Chesty! Are you alright?"
Fred stay here, Imma check this shit out, remember no noise, there's deamons out there
>Exits building
>Prances and dances to explosing

>I continue running through the rain
>I hear static coming through the vox
>After putting a few bolt rounds into some cultists fucking in the rain that started chasing me i try to respond

This is Chesty Puller of the Deathwatch, i am not receiving your transmission. Too any Deathwatch personnel head to the space port now, we need to extract.
>Gets static back
"Well fuck you too, ya piece of shit."
>Continue down tunnel, secretary is holding umbrella above my head
>Speak to the people with me
"You know, of all possible apocalypses, this is a pretty good one. Even if we fail and are stranded here, the ultimate consequences is endless mindless pleasure. Better than death I guess. Still, best to get out of here. I still have so many rich person things to do. Thank the Emperor I have assets on places other than this moon and my ample chest."
>Sees >>62729069
Is that the guy who saved me
>Shoots at the cultist who's chasing him with the long-las
>Prances towards him

>After an hour of running and fighting i finally make it to the space port
>I see the shuttles landing with people from the tunnels getting on board and i see Wilhelm leading the evacuation
>The Governess is also there with a umbrella as her servant gets soaked by the rain

Brother you are alive, how is this so?
> he looks toward his brother
I ensured I was the last one out... and I slaughtered anything that got in my way.
> holds up bloody chainsword to emphasize his point.
Hey Sir it's me, the guy who you rescued.

>I look at Wilhelm with Pride
>This must be really awkward with the erection
>I then turn to the guardsman

I am glad you survived now please get aboard the transports we need to get you out of here.
>Relieved to see him
"Oh good, you're here and we're at the space port. Now nothing can go wrong. Nope, it seems we are all safe, away from the heretics and xenos. We just need to get into these ships and we will be away from all this fiasco."
>Still dancing
Oh we're leaving this planet sir, let me get Fred first, trust me it will be quick.
>Prances back to building
Don't leave without us!
>Be Fred
>Be still dancing
>Also some WEIRDLY hot orks dressed like Sisters of battle are here, and they seem interested in me
> nods
> somewhat awkward with the raging boner
Thank you.... sir.
>Enters building
>Grabs >>62729418
>Do the salsa with him
Hey Fred good news, we're getting the fuck out of here.
>Female orks
Oh god not again
>Pulls Fred in and Prances toward the Space Port
Prance with me Fred, prance faster than the wind

>I see the trooper run off, and yell at him

Be fast like lightning i don't know how long we can hold.

>I then see the Governess approach me and i get nervous at the lust building in me
>I take the bag of explosives and cover up my massive Erection
>I have a strong urge to show her what i have now but i must resist

Hello Governess seeing you alive fills my heart with lust ... i am sorry i men joy. This rain is messing with my mind, but i am happy you are all alive. Please forgive me for that slip of the tongue i am normally in control of such urges.
>Begins line dancing with him
"Hey are those... sluts with super soakers? Oh Emperor."
>Gets sprayed with the rain from super soakers
"Oh that's fine Sir Puller. The rain and mist make you say things dredged up from the deepest and most twisted desires of the soul, the things you lock down there without even thinking."
>Really wish Chesty had gotten turned into a woman
>It just fits with the name, y'know?
>Also get sprayed
Fuck, faster Fred, faster faster faster!
>Prances faster
>Starts prancing faster
"Oh shit, I'm not feeling so good, I think the shit In that was concentrated or-"
>Suddenly tits
"Oh come on! Boobs AND dancing! WHY!?"

>I look down at her and feel relaxed

Well ma'am please make your way to one of the shuttles, and later when we have dinner i can show you how i earned the name Chesty.

>I stop smiling at realize what i just said in shock
>I look at my battle brother and feel shame for my behavior
>I hope my career in the Deathwatch isn't done after this.
>>62729647 grows tits
>Libdo increase from 70% to 76%
Ignore the tits Mack, ignore them.
>Him and Fred shows up at the Space port
Hey guys we're back!
>Twirls Fred into one of the shuttles
> slaps hand against visor
> by the emperor
lets just.... get back to the ship so you all can go off and fuck like rabbits.
"Yes, um, lets."

>I feel shame and i turn around and wait for the Guardsman.

God Emperor please help me, i feel like i am failing you.
>Salutes while still dancing
I'm back sir, Fred is secured in the shuttle and I'm ready to leave.
>His dick is so large it's almost near to ripping his pants
>Be Fred
>Now be a woman
>Shit fuck god damnit
>Also, double shit
>Those cultists with the super soakers are back
>See super soakers dudes
>Starts shooting them down with the long-las

>Throw the bag of explosives at the people chasing the guardsmen and run to the last shuttle.
>pick up the two guardsmen and throw them into their seats
>I close the door and tell the pilots to punch it and watch as the shuttle leaves the ground and after a while i see the fleet
>I let out a sigh of relief and sit down

I do not look forward to filling out the report on this one Brother.
> he looks at his brother
You never look forward to filling out reports, that's why you always dump that duty onto me.
Welp we made it, lets be happy about that sir.

>I look at him as i cover my erection

In all honesty Brother i just wait for you to finish yours so i can write mine, so i can make you look far more humble and look better in the eyes of the Commander. Because while yes i want to advance in the Deathwatch, you have the makings of a great Watch Captain in you Brother and they would be better for it.
> he looks at him in shock, and then laughs
well then.... I don't know what to say brother.

>I look at him as my erection starts to go down

Brother you needn't say a thing just continue to improve, i like competing with you in and out of combat.
>Happy sigh
So Fred, how ar-
>Fred is a woman now, and a hot one
>Penis erect to 8 inches by 3 inches and rips his pants
>Hides dick with hands
>Blushes profusely
We need Dr. Ian Malcolm up in this.
Not recognizing the glory that is Jeff Goldblum's character from Jurassic park. Really?
... I'm a fucking retard...
This is quite likely to be the case, yes.
>be me, Primaris Brother Ephraim
>fuck this warp rain shit I'm Brother Ephraim and refuse to become Sister Ephraina(?... guess I'm gonna have to pick a completely different name if I ever become female)
>what the fuck just happened
>warp rain, more Slaaneshi heresy
>Drag all the people who had remained in the mansion onto the Corvus Blackstar parked outside
>Thank the emperor Sister Angela is there
>mind the gap, train is leaving
>circle above the hive and wait for an opportunity to save more people or BTFO some heretics
>I should not have to deal with bullshit on a scale like this
>All I wanted was to purge xenos and impress Sororitas chicks and now this shit
>Emperor save us all
>be me
>still Boss Silvatoof
>me boyz are dead, da kommando lad is gone
>pink pansie rain still doin' weird fings
>not me tho, 'cause I'm green an' green iz best
>kall up me mek ta tellyport me away from 'ere
>'e sayz e's next moon ova, place is zoggin frosty and fulla scrap 'e says
>'umies dumpin' their trash dere
>boyz are with 'im
>he says da moon is called "femuris densi-
>zoggin 'umies and deir stupid names how am I s'possed ta say dat
>"femuris densissima"
>by Gork dat's a stupid name
>'e says 'e's buildin' a stompa
>toime ta get me next Waaagh goin
>'Ere we go, 'Ere we go!
Ok, i know that this was said before during the original Stercus shit and The Body Pillow wars, but this shit is literally nothing more than freeform RP. Like, at least thyr tried to have a semblence of story, pacing, and restraint back in those. This is just a bunch of gimmicky one note characters all competing to be the main character by doing increasingly stupid things because “lol clusterfuck” with no aim or even concept of a plot, while horny bastards poorly disguise their magical reallming by putting it in the form of sexual “jokes” where the punchline is just “lol SEX”.

I am deeply and thoroughly disgusted by all of you.
These threads are cringe
This is still going on?
Trying to change that mate. In fact, that’s what a major point of the plot was. STOPPING this bullshit.
It did devolve into blatant fuckposting between two people you know who you are, I'll give you that... Disappointing, really.
Good luck, Chrome-daddy of the Pimp-hand dynasty.
Despite the fact that it shoukd died when people started feeding NiceDaemonette, yes.
We got her off at least, and now we’re rectifying his fuck ups and salvaging the thread.
Those kinds of damages aren’t ones that can be salvaged, as made evident by the thread. Besides, the magical realminf is but one of this whole debacle’s problems.
I'd agree it devolved into a "lol titties lmao dicks haha sex amirite" cringefest in thread #2 and hasn't really recovered ever since, but I still think some of it was good fun, I personally shipped the relations between a few of them like the deathwatch guy and the SoB because they never took it into an overly cringy direction but rather treated it like a Romeo-And-Juliet back and forth. I also liked the light-hearted humor like the necron pimp and his alpha bitch, the invisible because purple ork or the autistic defense Servitors. But especially the Chaos Characters really forced everyone in a specific direction because "warp sorcery I ain't gotta explain shit" and giving NiceDaemonette what they wanted beyond a reasonable point was probably the worst thing that happened. I'd definitely like to see more, maybe even with the more reasonable characters returning, but definitely in a less cringy direction. I even think the ork warboss player wanted to initiate continuation on the next moon, maybe that can bring less cringy and more funny situations. I personally only lurked but I vouch for a continuation because overall it was a good read, just the second and this last thread really made me want to vomit, a little bit of Ecchi humor is fun and all but the literal fetish RP some people engaged in went a little too far.
We can try to filter all that shit out if it doesn't contribute in any meaningful way.

Also, I'm curious as to what Daisy does whenever the Seraphim lets go of her.
I second this, maybe we should get together on the Discord and decide who we kill off, absolutely putting my own characters up for that. I definitely want more of this, it was fun most of the time, but apparently the two Tzeentch dudes were really desperate for fap material and we fucking idiots gave them what they wanted. Also fuck NiceDaemonette
A safe bet would be something anime, considering that seems to be her gimmick.
It's cute, though. You gotta admit
Yeah but the same way Victoria and Mallory were cute together until they weren't
>our heros are assaulted by doubts from angry narrative voices
>complaints about their failures to stop the crawling feminizing chaos
>which is disappointing since there isn’t anything in the atmosphere or terrain that can turn them into women anymore
>that’s not how warp dust works
>but fuck the warp for thinking it does work like that cause that’s how the warp do
>now the warp yells insults and belations at our hero’s
>calling them a bunch of perverts
Its low effort, albeit better than the two lines a piece the two marines were sending each other.

Not a fan of Daisy, but Seraphim actually is interesting.
>be traazagor
>whispers in the sky calling everyone a pervert>what the throne is a daisy?
>who are they even talking about
>why does the rain taste like fresh cocaine?
>I’m not even a tzeench worshiper whoever that is
> where’s my wand?
>my feet hurt
>voices are right
>fuckin pink perverts
>still hovering in the Corvus Blackstar
>suddenly my mind is assaulted by angry voices
>they speak the truth
>the truth of my failures, the truth of the failures of all of us
>Holy Emperor is that you?
>I must consult a chaplain and repent for my incompetence
>link up with the mechanicus fleet and resupply, make reports to the Watchmaster
>Be Savorius
>I think I'm done?
>I affected an entire populated moon with that shit
>This place is quickly becoming a little daemon world of its own
>Cup my hands, reach into a puddle, and drink that shit
>Yep, there goes rational thoughts
>Bye now
>a massive set of writhing tentacles shoot up from the ground just outside the hive city
>some taller than the highest spires
>they clamp down on the buildings
>the walls
>the hive itself
>crushing civilians and infrastructure beneath
>dragging it all into the Tzeenchian/slaaneshi horrors waiting below
>some drastic action must be taken if our totally horny heros are to survive
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>Hear angry voice
What the
>>62735851 says that it probably the Emperor, and he is pissed
mfw realizing the the Emperor is talking to us, and that he is pissed with us
>Unbuckles from seat and get on the ground
>Starts begging to the Emperor
Emperor please forgive us, there was literally nothing we can do against these foul deamons and heretics and their use of (OP ASS FUCK CAUSE I CAN) reality bending warp fuckery, I tried killing them off (Ijust learned from yesterday that you're not supposed to kill off character on tg and I'm sorry fir that) but their able to redirect shot "SOMEHOW", we need psyker for this shit or some vortex weapon so we can send these wretched entities back to the warp as soon we spot them.
Please understand this, and please for us for our incompetence!
>be Trazagor
>die as words form this humble soldier of the imperium form into solid mass and fly out the thunder hawk he’s flying in
>be crushed under the weight
>be kill
>be the Legio Titanicus
>be hauling around ten warhounds in an imperial star ship
>see this daemon world in the middle of space
>wasn’t the eye of terror on the other side of the galaxy?
>inquisitor we picked up on the last planet orders us to dump our titans onto a hive city for the Emperor
>a massive squad of ten warhound titans touches down on the planet outside the hive city besieged by chaos
>all the techpriests are demanded to complete the litanies and despondent of the sacred oils as quickly as possible for the god machines
>Be Daemon world
>Well, daemon moon
>Pretty good moon though
>Existing is nice
>Some sorceresses or something made me
>No idea where they are now
>But some big bad Imperials are closing in and dropping titans on me
>I mean
>I'm a daemon world, right?
>It's not really feasible to destroy me
>Still, I like the hive city, and don't want to them to break it
>Begin phasing into the warp
>Later fuckers!
>See Deamon world
Ok, I know that you're just leaving our realm, but let just give you a go-the-fuck-away present.
>Clears throat
>Engulf >>62736301 crust in flames
>Be daemon world
>Ha ha, that tickles
>It’s been fun, but I must bring my powers elsewhere!
>I’m already immaterial!
>I’m home free into the warp!
>Eternal debauchery!
>I’m taking some of these titans with me
>You can keep the rest
>Pops out of reality
>Pops back into reality in Tau space, drop some of that rain on a Tau planet then leave again
top kek
still no noise marines 0/10 try again
I will now use this thread along with this post as a justification for my slutty Tau minis whenever I bring them out

noise marines=slaanesh and slaanesh was a terrible idea
noise marines are the best and only good slaaneshis
>Be me.
>Be Overlord in revelation.
>What am I, a fucking characature?
>Doff the pimp outfit, toss away the cane.
>Gather ho- no, subjects.
>They are my subjects now.
>Order Necrons to bring transport for them all.
>Then, back on tombship.
>Looks like I’m a king without a kingdom.
>Send ships on their way to find someplace new, some place...
So ends the tale of Addathes the Pimp, and begins the tale of Addathes the Wandering King.
>Be hoes
>The Pimpcron has discarded his crown
>Well, hat
>Many of us ask to be dropped off at the nearest brothel or place of Slaaneshi worship
>A few of us stay
>We will hold the Crownless Pimp’s regalia until he decides to take it up again
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>Be Canoness Helga
>the milf-y canoness that was in charge of the covent for the Order of the Golden Light down on what used to be the newly discov Tiddius Majoris
>currently on deathwatch vessel with the remaining survivors watching the daemon moon disappear into Warp
>currently re-grouping with what's left of my Sororitas plus the Crusader and Eldar
>hear the Warp yelling in my head for being a failure and calling me a pervert
>Just because the circumstances were completely outside of my control does NOT mean I'm a failure
>Okay, the pervert bit might be partially true
>Look over at the Belamyn Ytharl, who seems to have regained her senses
>Sort of
>That Autarch still seems like she wants me to bed her
>Quietly slips the key under my boob-plate armor
>For safe-keeping
>I'm going to need to regroup and replenish the strength of my convent
>I've got a great crusader right here who saved several of my Sororitas during this disaster
>Walk up to Victoria and put a hand on her shoulder
>Whisper so that the Deathwatch doesn't here
>"Well, now that this is over. You have a choice to make Crusader Victoria. You can either end up executed as a warp-tainted mutant by the Inquisition, repurposed as an Arco-flagellant by the Eccelesiarchy..."
>"Or I could use what pull I have with the Eccelesiarchy to get you... drafted, for lack of a better word, into the Adepta Sororitas as part of my convent. It'd take a little fudging of papers, but it could be done."
> be me, Victoria Samson
> my mind feels like a haze
> I fall to my knees in the shuttle
> everything hurts.
> my mind is going nuts
> I feel like I'm going to be sick
> I can barely breathe.
> what's happening.... I.... I don't know what's....
> ohfuck.revelation
> that gas.... it wasn't just warp fuckery....
> I hear the Canoness saying something to me..
> I nod weakly...
> mouth yes....
> grab onto a seat to steady myself.
> I quietly suffer in silence.
> I refuse to show more weakness to these people.
> my actions.... they were shameful
> so shameful
Heartwarming, really and honestly heartwarming
I'm sorry everyone, I took it too far, I'm sorry
>Be Sister Gwyndolin
>See crusader crying
>Run hug.exe
>see commotion happening in the back of the ship
>everyone is either crying or being hugged to console them
>oh yeah, the voices insulted us all
>I understand
>wait is the Canoness whispering something to the Crusader
>she's supposed to be recruited into the Sororitas, but that's against the protocol
>I should report thi-
>unless the Canoness can do me a favor too...

>Be me,
>Not-so-new Sororitas Mallory
>Guess I can stop calling myself 'new' after going through that nightmare
>At least we're safe on this ship though
>Consider finding Brother Ephraim now that we're safe
>So I can have hot, sexy times with a Benitio Affleckian-looking space marine
>I might be much, MUCH hotter looking after all I've been through
>But I am a member of the Adepta Sororitas
>Even if I am still rather top-heavy
>See Canoness Helga has invited and she's accepted
>So... why is she crying?
>Run over to Victoria Samson and drop to my knees and hug her with Gwyndolin
>Gently kiss her forehead and whisper soothingly
>"It's alright Victoria. The Emperor protected us, and you did all you could to help. I'm just glad you made it out with us."
>Quietly crying tears of relief that we've all survived.
>If the Canoness can smooth everything over, we probably will avoid becoming Sisters Repentia
>She's intimidating enough to pull it off
> be me, victoria samson
> support myself as I feel every ache and pain from the last few hours hit me full force. In addition to my body nal
> withdrawalisabitch.pain
> hold tightly to the two sisters as I shake and sweat bullets, eyes dilate and skin is paler than a ghost.
> too weak to support myself.
> lean fully on them.
> shake and shudder as I go through this withdrawal.

>Be Battlesister Angela
>Survivor of the Tiddius Majoris disaster and Culus turning into a daemon moon
>Got separated from the newbie Mallory during the fight in the Administratum Hive on Culus
>looks like she made it off safely with the others
>Now that we're off that hellhole, I can convince get Brother Ephraim to ride me like a jetbike
>I don't care if I'm having lewd thoughts I need to burn off a little steam after this mess
>Follow Brother Ephraim through the ship
>Suddenly spot the Canoness
>She's gonna turn me into a Repentia for dereliction from my duties I just know it!
>She did claim that knife-eared bimbo in a rather sexual manner earlier

>Be Me
>Canoness 'Mama' Helga
>Looks like Sororitas Gwyndolin and Mallory approve of the decision
>Bite my lip as Victoria starts going into withdrawal
>All things considered, this is a more fortunate outcome for either of us than what happened in the Innocence system
>Notice Brother Ephraim and turn to face him, hands behind my back
>"Can I help you with something Brother Astartes?"
>notice Sister Angela behind me
>get a seductive look from her
>then she looks at the Canoness smugly
>"Maybe you can Canoness, but I think Sister Angela has something to say first"

>Be Battlesister Angela
>Emprah damn it Brother Ephraim, did you really have to put me on the spot?!
>Shift uncomfortably
>"Requesting permission for a little... stress leave?"
>Please don't make me blackmail my Canoness Ephraim, I don't want to be on her shit list
>Being on ANY Eccelesiarchal official's shitlist is effectively a death sentence waiting to happen

>Be Canoness Helga
>Stress leave?
>"You're part of the Adepta Sororitas Angela, we don't GET 'stress leave'."
>And why is she looking at Brother Ephraim like that?

>Well if she isn't going to say it I sure am
>"Canoness I noticed that you were recruiting Victoria here into your Order. Personally I have no problem with this but protocol requires I interfere and report this. However maybe we could make a deal here. Sister Angela's 'Stress leave' is extended for as long as she desires and I pretend I never witnessed this. All of us will get their will and as long as we never mention it to outsiders there will be no complications."
>Emperor I hope this works
>On one hand she's obliged to adress me as 'Sire' or 'Lord Astartes' and follow my every order
>on the other hand if she snitches we're both boned, but my fate will ironically be worse
>getting blam'd is a blessing in comparison to having to clean the toilet after the Watchmaster
> be me, victoria samson
> grasping these two sororitas like a lifeline
> withdrawlisfuckingpainful.drugs
> gasp out
Thank you.... thank you.
> choke a little and struggle to hold back vomit.
I’m.... sorry, I must look so weak in front of you two.

>Be Canoness Helga
>Did... Did that Astartes just to blackmai/bribe me?
>Do they think I'm a noviciate? I know exactly what those to are planning!!
>Consider the implications for a moment
>Damn it, these two have got me cornered
>'sides, he IS rather hot
>She could do worse
>And the Eccelesiarchy doesn't explicitly prohibit relationships...
>God-Emperor preserve me, I'll probably regret this later.
"Fine. She can have all the 'stress leave' she wants, Lord Astartes. But try to blackmail me again, and I'll bring it down on both our heads. We clear."
>Be me
>Be imperial Guardsman
>Be 18 year old black guy
>Still praying for the Emperors forgiveness because of my incompetence to stop chaos
>I fucking hate chaos even more

>Be Battlesister Angela
>Holy Throne it actually worked
>I actually get to go off with Brother Ephraim
>Hug Ephraim with a horny, lusty look in my eyes
>Be me
>Sororitas Mallory
>Gently hold Victoria close and gently pet her hair as she tries not to vomit
>"Shhh... after all you did for us Victoria, there's no way we could think you're weak."
> Be me
> Victoria Samson
> just give in and let the embrace happen
> everything still hurts
> manage to choke down the vomit
> ohemperorwhy.lament
> still shaking like a leaf
> look up at Mallory
T... thank you.
> just stay there for a while.
> she's far too nice for this line of work.

>"Yes, yes Sister! I definitely think we should do that as soon as possible. First however, we must console all these poor souls and help them to get back on their feet"
>the Crusader looks like someone literally stole her soul and replaced it with pure misery
>I didn't even know I was supposed to feel compassion
>Then again I also wasn't supposed to feel something other than hate for the enemy and righteous protectiveness towards the innocent
>just look at that poor thing
>I'd hug her but it'd be both awkward and probably dangerous to her ribcage
>kneel down as far as I can instead and calmy lay my hand on her shoulder
>"Everything will be alright. It's over now, relax and calm down. You will be fine, all is well. The Emperor protects, and as one of his angels I promise that you are protected. Maybe a cup of recaff will raise your spirit?"
>I'd offer her the bottle of Amasec I found but I need that for ...later
> she looks at the marine
> shakily nod at the offer
I... would enjoy that... please...
> still shaking from withdrawal
> everything still hurts.
>Be pissed off
>Aggressively wave fist in air
> Khorne roars in outrage at the lack of actual bloodshed occurring.
> Nurgle is happy because everyone is happy. He's also currently trying his best to concoct an STD that will affect Primaris Astartes.
> Slaanesh laughs orgasmically at the fact that she/he/it has another daemon moon to play with.
> Tzeentch chuckles to himself from within the warp as the latest pieces in his master plan fall into place.
> The Emperor sighs as yet another world falls to the ruinous powers, yet takes some small comfort in the fact that some of his people managed to escape the world relatively unharmed.
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>The Marines Malevolent leave
>People are happy to see them go
>Pic related happens to them
Alright, has someone archived this?
>Be Guardsman Duke
>Finally escaped the effects of that warp bullshit
>Find the Autarch and Sororitas that I spent time with while being a ditz.
>Apologize profusely
>once I get that shot taken care if, I'll go back to my favorite activity
>pass out drunk underneath a mountain of empty beer bottles and cans.
>be legio Titanicus
>litanies are done
>the rituals were completed
>begin assaulting the hive city
>fucking RAZING those tentacles from the abyss
>Be me
>Autarch Belamyn Ytharl of I don't even know anymore. The Eclipse class cruiser Falconchaser? The Ecclesiarchy of the Imperium of man. Fuck it I'm an Autarch, that's the relevant bit of information here
>My head hurts
>I'm cold
>My whole body is shaking
>Oh Isha I need to throw up
>Well this whole thing has been a shithole
>We completely failed to stop the corruption from spreading and those marines haven't sent any messages back so they are probably dead
>By my estimate we have a few months before a second Eye of Terror forms and The Ruinous Powers consume the galaxy
"So what is everyone going to be doing with the remainder of the brief time we have before the galaxy is consumed by Chaos? Me personally, I could go for some food."
>Be me
>Canoness Helga
>Well, looks like Belamyn's (relatively) back to normal
>And experiencing the withdrawal symptoms
>Hear her ask about food
>"Considering we're on an Astartes vessel... you probably don't. I might be able to find us an Amasec bottle or something. We BOTH could use a drink right about now."

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