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/tg/ - Traditional Games

>Moon(ing You) Edition

Original Thread: >>62640215
2nd Thread: >>62665559
3rd Thread: >>62676193
4th Thread: >>62697237

>Sisters of Battle of the Order of the Golden Light stationed on the newly discovered medieval world get dragged into conflict because Magos explorator Fleet unearthed a Necron Tomb complex AND an Eldar Webway portal
>Deathwatch shows up to help solve the problem.
>Aeldari of the craftworld hugiv'safuk start invading because tomb world would have a staight shot to said craftworld
>Slaaneshis manage to corrupt Craftworld
>Craftworld radiate lewdification onto the world
>women turn into bimbos, the degree of this corruption is measured by their acceptance of it
>some men turn into women, some seem to be immune while others aren't
>Rogue Trader Billy Mays dumps more Oxythrone on the world to cleanse it, a few people suffocate from all the ammonia
>the AdMech magos dominus declares the world lost, conducts a poorly executed evacuation
>Craftworld is gone (assumed corrupted by Slaanesh?)
>Everyone left is trying to survive in Slaanesh controlled Spacehulk (manned by Slaanesh-corrupted Thousand Sons Sorcer(esses) and a greater daemon
>Warpdust fumes are scattered through hulk, slowly lewdifying almost everyone inside it
>Primaris Marines Malevolent show up, interrupt Slaanesh naughty-times, rescue (shockingly) most of the survivors before nuking the space hulk and sending it crashing into Tiddius Majoris' moon of Culus
>Spilling a lot of the warp fumes down toward the hive were the planet's Administratum and planetary governor's office are located

If anyone wants to contribute more information to this, feel free to add it.
Fun fact: Culus roughly translates to 'ass' in Latin
> be me
> newly female crusader Victoria Samson
> longstorydontask.classified
> be standing in between a very angry canoness and an equally pissed reiver from the marines malevolent chapter of space marines.
> fuckmylife.vox
>Be Planetary Governor, Fredric Von Gosk
>Be in my office, sipping VERY expensive amasec and listening to VERY expensive music
>How is the music so expensive you ask?
>It must be played by a very rare xenos species of small furry animals
>As they slowly die, they release the most marvelous tune
>Unfortunately, aside from good drink and song, things are not great
>Mainly, the planet below is a burned out husk
>Not great when you rule it
>Luckily, it was a medieval backwater and all the REAL people live on this moon
>Unfortunately, some ruffians have landed their space hulk right outside my office
>On top of a refugee center
>Thank the Emperor for my sturdy foundation
>I open my windows and shout at the hunk of twisted ships
>Some smoke is drifting out
>Those hooligans think they can get me with second hand lho-stick smoke eh?
>Well I'm not having it!
>Take out my own pipe and light up some tobacco
>I've got the real thing assholes
>Not some namely pamby pink crap which is slowly flowing into my room and filling it up
>Wow, that stuff was strong
>I'm feeling light headed
>And bloated in the chest region
>I sit down in my chair, but feel a strange amount of extra padding
>I look down
>I had heard rumors about this happening on the planet before its destruction, but I thought it was nonsense
>I call up my secretary and tell her to bring up some of my late wife's clothing
>And also close the windows
>Some minutes later, I am properly attired in the finest of silks
>If I am to be a woman, I shall be one of great refinement
>I give a little twirl in the mirror
>By the Emperor, I really do look like my mother
>Be me
>Be Guardsman
>Be a 18 year black guy
>So far I manage to survive the warp and get back to where I was, eldar encounter, deamonette encounter, a One thousand son encounter (which I use as a launch pad to leave the warp), and being played like a ping-pong ball when the space hulk got hit with nukes without broken bone nor rupture of blood vessel or organs.
>Cannot move because the warp dust forced me to dance past the point of exhaustion
>Fortunately for me I got save by some astartes and being moved to a safe area
>Be me
>mostly delewdified Autarch Belamyn Ytharl
>40% less lewd thoughts about the Canoness
>100% more thoughts about how I'm one of the last survivors of my Craftworld
"We need to decide on a course of action. I would suggest that given our animosity we split into two groups, delimited by hatred. One group should go to the moon and try to contain the corruption from spreading further. The other should search for Oxythrone or another means of purifying or destroying Hugiv'safuk."
> be me
> now female chaplain of the black templars
> be servant to necron pimplord Addathes
> bowdownbitches.pimp
> get up from the crash landing on the moon.
> by the emperor that quite the dreadful landing.
> quickly find my lord and spirit him away from the debris.
> look outside
> by jove
> that is a lovely mansion.
> noble, proud, and quite classy decor
> a perfect place for my lord to call his own.
> begin my journey toward the mansion.
>>62714051 I don't know why, but I laughed hard for a good two minutes after reading this post. Well done anon. You NAILED 'pompous, arrogant aristocrat'.
Wow, the Governor is taking this quite well.
>That's Governess to you young lady!
>If we are going to be using names, we'd better well use the correct one!
>By the way, do you know the female version of Fredric?
>I can't quite think of it off the top of my head
>That doesn't sound quite right
>Hmm... we really will have to change all the stationary, won't we?
>Ah, and the children too
>Thank the Emperor that the missus was barren
>Wait, damn, will I have to be married?
>I do not want to go through childbirth, quite messy I've heard
>Wait, I'm rich. I can just pay those eggheads at the Mechanicus to make me a baby in a tube
>Capital idea!
>About to take a puff on my pipe when I realize that pipes are un-lady like
>I get my secretary to get me one of those long lho-stick holders
>There we go, much more lady-like way to smoke
>Hmm, yes, what else?
>Oh yes, there's people on my property, having crushed those refugees
>I need to force them off my property, but also thank them for getting rid of those refugees
>Terrible pests those things
>What's the proper way to thank somebody like that?
>Cheese and wine?
>No, doesn't pair well with forced removal from the premises
>Oh, I know!
>Wine paired with a cattle prod
>Father taught me well, yes he did
>I call my secretary and send her out to greet the trespassers, give them some wine, then shock them with a cattle prod
>Now then, where's my artist?
>I need to get a portrait done
>Be Canoness Helga
>Still stupidly hot milf of the Canoness of the convent of the Order of the Golden Light stationed on Tiddius Majoris.
>Well, what's LEFT of the convent. So, Sister Gwyndolin and maybe a few more uncorrupted Sororitas stuck on the Blackstone fortress supposedly stuffed in that space hulk
>Look away from the Reiver Sergeant and give the Crusader a curious look
>Maybe I can 'recruit' that crusader into the order
>It's not like the Order's Canoness doesn't send me all the dregs and schola borderline dropouts anyway
>That bitch Patricia probably wouldn't even notice the difference.
>All it'd take is some numbers fudging right?
>Glance back at the Autarch and nod
>"Agreed. I'll take the survivors from the Space Hulk, xenos filth included, and try to contain the corruption from spreading in the hive while you and what's left of your squad go and search for this Oxythrone. After all, the last thing an Astartes chapter, even one as reviled as the Marines Malevolent wants to be doing is explaining how they managed to lose an entire Administratum Hive due to 'Collateral Damage'."
>I mostly want to stay as far away from that Space Hulk as possible.
>I'm already getting flashbacks to Innocence VI because of that fiasco. Do not want more.
>be the sneekiest git
>the big ship rokk crashed
>time ta figure out wot to do next
>wunder if I'll find more boys around here
>as long none o' dem long eared gits
>but if I does I'll be doing the screwey stuff again
>but for now gotta find meself sum scrap
>...lost me shoota too
> be me
> female chaplain
> be carrying my liege towards the mansion.
> see some secretary come out to greet us
> cradle my liege in one hand.
> draw crozius with the other.
> don't think I do not see that cattle prod you wench.
> such poor manners for greeting guests
> I suppose I must teach this lady a lesson.
> and then maybe her boss.
> If this is how the governor greets their guests the I can see why the high Marshal detests dealing with them so much.
> sigh as I move forward, crushing the cattle prod within a fist as I grab the unruly urchin by the collar.
> lift her up to eye level
I request an audience with the governor of this world, if one is not granted then I shall storm the mansion by force and slaughter anyone in my way. Do please make your decision quickly, it has been a long day and I am quite famished.
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> sigh in relief as I hear the canoness' suggestion.
> maybe now we can stop staring daggers at each other and get on with the business of solving things.
> whyisitalwaysaclusterfuck.trend
> Glad that cooler heads are prevailing
> then worry as I see the canoness get a look in her eye.
> I don't like that look
> don't really like sororitas either.
> oh throne why do I feel like she's eyeing me up like a piece of meat.
> please stop looking at me like that.
> it brings up.... unpleasant memories
> fuckingthirstycunts.ptsd.
>be sneekiest git, purple kommando
>movin out of da wreck I can see dat we've landed on sum humie world, which means scrap an' lots of it
>might wanna see if I can make sum trouble to get a foight goin', I now there was sum o' dem crazy space marine gits
>y'know the ones in black
>yea anyway, I gotz some zoggery ta spread
>see big fancy humie house
>might start there
>Be Guardswoman Daisy
>Following the Canoness and her companions because I dont want to be lonely
>See the Governess
>uh oh...
>"Ara ara~ Governess Onee-san is soooo cute! Oh, I could just pick you up and cuddle you for hours!~"
>Why aren't the others displaying these symptoms? I dont wanna be an airhead!
>at least, not alone...
>>62714649 For the record, the Governoress is still moonside, we haven't actually gotten down there yet.
[Spoiler]oh... Belay my response, then? Please?[/spoiler]
... FUCK
I'mma call it a night. Hope to see you all sometime soon in the morning!
>Be me
>Still living somehow
>I think I've got the support of atleast two chaos gods
>Have tits though
>Definately a fucking woman
>On some fucking moon, alone, in the middle of nowhere
>Start wandering in a random direction
>be me
>wanted to fix this situation with the help of the other Astartes
>they make it worse
>they blow the hulks warp drive
>the blackstone fortress withstands the blast, but now we're in an unpowered-oxygen-less useless piece of ancient xenotech
>at least the Sororitas I've been keeping as "company" are still with me
>Mallory has a rebreather, Angela seems to have lost hers
>pull off my helmet and plop it on Angelas head
>Emperor what have I done, they'll see how much of an ugly bastard I am
>The other members of my Kill Team always said I look like Rogue Trader Benitio Affleckian, never knew that meant but I always assumed it was an insult
>hide my face in shame and call for emergency teleport onto the Corvus Blackstar still stationed on Tiddius Majoris' Moon
>just in time to watch the fireworks
>wonder what'll happen to the Blackstone Fortress, those heretics were in there when the rest of the hulk blew
>Is that Ork Warboss still alive? He's gonna be pissed!
Onii-chan, Nooooooooo!
>be sneekiest git, purple kommando
>I 'are no idea 'of I'm gonna get up an' inta this 'ere mansion
>not ta worry tho because I have a kunnin plan
>plan is to climb up tha side an' jump through wunna da windoes
>planfitformork'imself. Gork
>best part is they won't be seein me comin in
>specially cause I'm purple
>da sneekiest colour
>first step? Climbin do wall
>or at leest figurin out 'of ta get up them tall walls
>be me, still Warboss Silvatoof ar uk Plotdevoice
>zoggin' humies blow up me 'ulk
>mosta me boyz are up dere foightin' wiff Gork 'n Mork now
>spoiky demon gits did some nasty stuff to me 'ulk
>It'll take a more than that to kill me ya zoggin 'umie bastards!
>me best kommando is still out dere
>betta katch up with 'im and get a proppa krumpin' goin!
>step out of the Blackstar, it seems to have landed on the landing pad of some aristocrats mansion
>there's a bunch of dead combat servitors around
>seems like it wasn't welcome
>but the Deathwatch let themselves in if no one answers the knock on the door
>I am a Primaris Astartes not some annoying Ecclesiarchy Reliquary Salesman
>Why am I always treated like shit by aristocrats
>seriously what is it? Is it the gigantic stature? Is it the Black Armor? Is it the Pauldron referring to my chapter of origin? Is it the Inqisition icon on the other Pauldron?
>I will confront this man and I will have him apologize!
>The two Sororitas must surely know how to make a heretic repent, after all mistreating the Astartes is heresy
>Oh emperor they can see my face
>I must look like a freak to them
>Wait why does Angela bite her lip when she looks at me
>surely all the Warpdust in the hulk caused this
>wasn't she wearing my helmet though?
>be sneekiest git, purple kommando
>while tryin to get inta that there big house been hearn' things
>good things of course
>been 'earing of the boss
>boss Silvatoof got off the 'ulk rokk
>wunce I deal wit' this 'ere little mischief makin' adventure Ill go lookin' for 'im
>if wez can get back together then the krumpin' can begin
>wot wuz I doin'?
>thats roight, tryin' to get up dis buildin'
>time to find sum rope or maybe even a rokkit to go through a window
>'ere we go
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>Be me
>Not writhing on the floor on pain anymore
>Still feel like shit, but can walk
>I need a new hand (or claw) though
>Since the mist plan isn't going to work, might as well pass into plan B
>Good ol sacrifice
>But how
>Maybe i could get a warband going around the moon
>Wonder if that Khronate, wait now Slaaneshi fellow is still alive
>Time to get out of this hulk
>And engage in wholesome murder-genocide of whomever lives in these ruins
>Remember that other sorcerer from the hulk, maybe I can contact him
>Vox is fucked, guess I'll try something psychic?
"Oi, book boy, you still alive out there?"
>Maybe he can get in contact with the other sorcerer, and by extension, my fleet.
>Recieve psychic message
>Fucking Tzeentch it hurts
"Ah fuck. Yes, i'm still alive,although me and my associate aren't precisely male anymore"
>Send him a psychic "photo" of where i am
>That reminds me
>I hope some chaos marines survived the crash
>Start walking in the rough direction of where I think he is
>Surprised that actually worked
>Try and message Savorius
>Maybe he can get some support down here so we can get shit done.
>the book you secured is looking rather battered
>all the explosions, gunfire and Warp shenanigans it has been around are taking a toll
>at least it is still mostly intact
>Be me.
>Be real fucking pissed Overlord.
>They fucking crashed our shit?
>Place looks nice though.
>Order what remains of my army of hoes and necrons and look for any allies.
>Intercept Savage-bro’s call.
>Looks like I know where we’re going.
>Master, Master! I have friends
>summon a bunch of Tzaangors and Blue Horrors
>they fall on top of the Sorceress
>I guess we're a Tzeentchian Daemonhost now
>Stumble across that Necron again as I wander
>I swear this man is indestructible
>Greet him
>Ask him if he knows whether the Pissmarines survived, or where my Thunderhawk is, or where I can get some better fitting armour.
>Savage-bro is now a chick.
>Why? Why does this always happen?
>Say no to the first two, command scarabs to make necrodermis armour for the third question.
>Not great, but could be worse
>Ask him if he wants to go find my sorcerer friend with me
>Nod, set out.
>Order hoes and necrons to loot any fancy shit they see.
>Still need more.
>ignore the lewd looks I'm getting from my "company"
>for now that is
>walk towards the mansion to complain to it's owner and watch him getting punished like the heretic he is
>hear a loud crash
>someone just broke a window
>turn on auspex
>no contacts
>by the throne, an invisible foe
>I bet the heretics did this
>Finally find the sorcerer, now a sorceress
>I swear is there anyone this dust hasn't affected
>Ask him if he knows anything about the moon we're on.
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>I wonder where the other sorceress went
>Oh hey look a pink horror
>What's it doing
>Wait why do i feel a portal right above me
>A host of Tzaangors appears above me
>Try to get out of the pile
>One of these fucking assholes is trying to possess me
>Two can play at that game
>Wrestle with the daemon
>Use psker powers
>Oh gods this burns
>It's like i'm getting a flamer off
>Can't stop
>Finally absorb the daemon completly
>Headache's gone
>And i can faintly hear a screaming voice in my head
>Tzeentch what have i gotten myself into now
>be sneekiest git, purple kommando
>after sittin' around doin' nuffin I found a solution
>I thought what would tha boss do?
>and so I smashed in wunna da windows and found sum rope nearby
>in we go
>fink some the 'umies 'eard me
>good thing they can't see me, cause I'm purple
>now that im inside lets see what scrap and loot I can get from this fancy 'umie git
>maybe enouff loot for a shoota
>I might try ta sneek up on the fancy 'umie
>might even stab 'im
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>Oh hey, the Slaaneshi Khronate arrived
>I just need a minute to recover from reverse possesing a daemon
>Don't know how that'll turmn out in the long-run
>Touch chest
>Still a woman
>Should probably talk to the slaaneshi guy
"So, any ideas on how we can raid the imperials"
>Feel much more attuned with the warp than before
>This might not be as bad as i thought
>Remember I have no more marines
"I've got a fleet somewhere in the system, just can't currently contact it, if we can find a powerful enough vox system though we can get some help"
“Then let’s find it.”
>Beckon blue hardcase bitch to come with.
>Job is pretty good right now, more hoes to collect.
>Follow the Necron for a bit with the sorceress
>Spot a mansion on the horizon
>Is that a Deathwatch ship?
"I think I may have found what we need"
>A vox system
>Where are we supposed to find a vox system
>The settlement i saw on the way down probably has a fine fucking vox system
>Turn to the Slaaneshi
"I could try to teleport us into that tower over there."
"It sure as shit must have a quality vox system, and we could at least try to sneak around"
"Besides, we could even kill and torture the governour, for shits and giggles"
>Try to open portal
>Oh yeah i don't have that hand anymore
>Do it with the bad hand
>Portal seems more stable than before
>Bigger too
>Maybe absorving that daemon wasn't a bad idea
>It's still screaming though
>I don't like how that necron looks at me
>Dunno if i should tell him that i was a dude
>Sorceress' plan is better than mine
>Dunno whether the portal's safe
>Step through anyway
>Reappear in some small room, looks tower like.
>Guess it worked?
>Lead troupe through the portal.
>What’s there to lose? We’re immune to warp shit anyway.
>Necron and his army of hoes came through as well
"Guess we should start looking for a vox system"
>Fuck, haven't got a chainaxe anymore, my pistol's gone too
>Draw my combat knife, guess this will have to do.
>The Governess's secretary emerges from the mansion, carrying wine and a cattle prod
>Wearing a rebreather because the pink mist is everywhere
>She greets everyone present, and thanks them for killing all those refugees, but also says to get off the property before she shocks them
>She also states you need to make an appointment 2 weeks in advance to meet with the Governess
>Arrive without problems
>The Slaaneshi pulls her combat knife out
>That reminds me
>Where's my sword?
>Oh yeah, lost it with the hand
>Guess it's time for full on spells
>Wander around the property
>Hear voices
>Tell everyone to stop
>Turn around the corner, real sneaky like
>Well that's more that we've bargained
>The marines are also here
>This pink mist shit is everywhere
>Turn to Slaaneshi
"Do you think we can pull an ambush into the governour's room?"
>Really wish i had some Rubrics with me right now
>Sorceress suggests ambushing the loyalists in the next room
>I can probably take them
>Look at the Necron
"How do you want to handle this?"
> be me former chaplain
> by jove how rude.
> step forward and bat the cattle prod out of the secretary's hand
> grab her by the throat.
> if this is how they treat guests then it would appear they need to be taught a lesson.
No I do not believe we shall wait, you are going to guide us to the governor of this system, and you are going to do so now. I apologize but it has been a long day and I do not feel like waiting on them to finally decide upon a hairstyle.
> somebody needs some disciplining.
> I shall be happy to provide.
>Notice Classy Bitch.
>Order soldiers to avoid firing on her while trying to pin down the loyalists with gauss fire.
>Be Secretary
>Be choked
>Procedure in this case is...
>Retroactive penciling in
>However, that is in the normal case
>These ruffians are poorly dressed
>I sigh
"If you truly wish to meet with the governess, then you must be better dressed. Worry not, we have an auto-tailor to whip something up for you. If you will please follow me to the waiting room, we will provide a more refined selection of clothing."
> I nod
Very well, however you shall not be leaving my side
> throw the secretary over shoulder
provide me directions to the autotailor please, unless you desire a good pounding.
> raise crozius cane to emphasize point.
>Decide to use this fight as a distraction
>Sneak into mansion
>By sneak I mean break a window where nobody is looking
>Start looking around for a vox station
>Be Secretary
>There's really no need for that
>Show them to the auto tailor
>Show them how it works
>This button for old Terran style of dress
>This button for a style of dress that resembles the armor of the sisters of battle
>This button for the current fashion of the rogue traders
>This button for the styles of Ultramar
>Offer some wine or tea as they wait
> nod, and ask for..... hmmm a terran style dress sounds good
> something to move around in during combat, yet also classy.
> very well.
> input commands to give me desired dress.
> politely sip tea as I wait.
>Be Mansion defense system
>Notice break-in
>Investigate with servitors
>Scanning intruder
>Analysis: Huge Tits, Large Ass, bloody armor
>Conclusion: Lady of the night
>Solution: High Pressure Water
>Spray them back out the window with water cannons
>Pink mist is spilling in from the hole
>Still can not move
>Being carried by an astarte named Chesty
>Tries to get his attention to know what the fuck is going on
>Fucking mansion
>Pink mist is seeping in now
>This could be good
>Remember I can probably use some kind of psychic message
>Tell the serf I left in charge of the fleet to get transport down to the mansion, ASAP
>Start heading back to the Necron and Sorceress.
>Realize guns aren’t firing.
>Shit, they ran out of power.
>Gonna need a bit to recharge.
>Kinda good tho, we didn’t blow it.
>Sneak in with a small force and pointy hardcase bitches.
>I need to get the classy bitch back.
>Well that went not as expected
>There's another godsforsaken female space marine discussing dressing ettiquete with the secretary
>And that slaaneshi lady just flew off a window
>Which means the defensive systems are out
>Leg it towards the broken window
>I don't recall being this fast
>Jump into the broken window
>Now how could i get rid of these cannons
>Cast the good ol bolt of tzeentch
>That came out stronger than expected
>Fried my gauntlet's pain and the walls
>Where to go now
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>Be Battlesister Angela
>Survivor of a planetwide Slaaneshi/xenosorcery plague that made my already curvy figure even more voluptuous, a Slaanesh-tainted space hulk, and now a Space hulk crash
>All thanks to Brother Ephriam
>By the Emperor he's hot
>Lightly smack my face with my gauntlet to focus on the task at hand
>I can have "Lusty Space Marine" Naughty times later
>Step forward to the landing pad door and hammer my fist on it while shouting in my best Arbites-style Arbites impersonation:
>Sure, none of us are actually Inquisitors
>but the average Administratum menial doesn't know that, and Brother Ephriam has the Inquisitorial seal on his pauldron, sooo...
>Do opens almost immediately and the sound of a panicked voice pleading for clemency for taking so long comes over the vox system
>Tell it not to interfere with our duties and we'll consider it
>Look back at Brother Ephriam with a smug grin
>I might've been a borderline schola dropout, but I was always able to make up for it with "street smarts"
>including when to blatantly lie your face off in order to solve a problem
>Notice Mallory quietly saying a prayer begging the God-Emperor for forgiveness for our deception
>She's probably the only Sister at the Convent who'd do such a thing in this situation
>Look up at Ephriam and smile
>"Shall we Brother Astartes?"

>be walking towards mansion with Sororitas following me
>keep getting lusty looks from them
>clueless why now that they've seen my face
>suddenly Angela does what I can only assume to be an Arbites Impression
>She claims we're the Inquisition
>but we're not the... Oh wait, I actually kinda sorta am if you squint a little
>smug grin from Angela
>Holy Emperor this woman is so hot
>vox exclaims a plead for patience as the door opens
>walk cautiously towards the opening door, still wary of what caused the glass to shatter and the alarm to go off
>I bet the fucking traitors did this
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>Hear the front door open
>Don't feel like using another hand
>What can i do
>Infernal Gateway is too risky in such an enclosed space
>I just need to take over one of the weaker squad member's minds
>But who
>Notice the sororitas near the marine
>I don't have much time so i have to make the message simple
>Cast Treason of Tzeentch while thinking "just hit the fucking bastards"
>Be the governess
>Re reclining on couch while official painter does a portrait
>I truly do look stunning
>Do you know how hard it was to get rose petals here?
>Suddenly got a Vox from the secretary
>She's dressing up a huge fucking strong woman
>Ah, that will be the representative from the Adepta Sororitas more than likely
>Now I hear somebody up on the landing pad?
>How did somebody get on the roof?
>Oh, right, the space hulk
>Tell my assistant to bring them in
>I need to get this portrait done
>Hurry up painter, or your family will starve
> finally it is ready.
> boots? check. Coat? check. Pants? check. Hat? Double check.
> leave the room, feeling like a million gelt.
> damnIlookgood.vox
> strut down the hallway, cane in one hand, bolt pistol in the other.
> come across some sororitas and a deathwatch marine.
Hello there.
>Sorceress friend is dealing with a primaris marine and some sororitas
>Start channelling that pink dust towards them to help her out
>This is going to be very fun
>see heretic cast something towards Sister Mallory
>she smacks me with her bolter
>like one or two times
>then apologizes
>uhm, okay?
>shoot at the bastard
>upon closer inspection I shot at the bitch
>lunge towards bitch while drawing sword
>want to chop her hand off
>attempt the 'ole ribcage-cracker-kick
>the heretics tits cushion the kick
>she's knocked over but nothing else really happens
> Grab the sorceress and the astartes
> slam their heads together
> thwack them both upside the head with cane.
> youunrulybrats.annoyance.
>Be Planetary Governess's secretary
>These new arrivals are not properly dressed
>I offer them tea and crumpets and tell them to go get new clothing from the auto-tailor
> be chaplain
You are the governess correct?
> well then, she certainly looks the part.
> that is irrelevant however
> immamakeyoumylord'sbitch.plot
> pompous, arrogant, believing she is surrounded by her lessers.
> dear emperor if she were any more stereotypical I'd think she came from a Tau propaganda cartoon.
>Be planetary governess's secretary
>I am offended that you would mix me up with my lady
>Also I've been with you the entire time you've been in here
>How are you mistaking me with the governess?
> look at the woman and shake my head at her
not you.
> point to the governess sitting in a chair getting her portrait done
> yougongetwhoopedforthat.punishment
> by the emperor who the hell came up with that dress, a slaaneshi crack addict?
> it shows everything.
>Well that didn't go as planned
>Get shot at
>About to cast when i almost get my hand chopped off
>I swear to Tzeentch i will steal this asshole's hands
>Get kicked
>The mamaries get in the way
>Hurts like warpdust overdose but my ribs are a-ok
>Just as i'm about to fist that fucker down, something grabs me
>Oh god not the face
>Get whacked both times
>Stagger back
>Hear daemon
"Give me control, you know it'll be much easier"
>Not yet at least
>Straighten myself
>Where are my fucking reinforcements
>wait a second I recognize that face
>it looks a lot more ...womanly than I remember it
Chaplain Marius? My deepest apologies!
>oh holy Emperor he's a woman now
>wearing a both form-fitting and classy dress
>cease my aggression and hope the heretics follow suite
>a woman in a fancy dress shows up
>the chaplain(ess)? adresses her as the governess
>she's ordering me and the sisters accompanying me to get re-dressed by an autotailor
>not sure if it's gonna fit a primaris astartes but ok
>I'm sure one of those "suits" sleazy rogue traders sometimes wear would fit me
>Follow behind blue pointy hardcase.
>See classy bitch.
>Call out to her while sending necrons to axe some fuckers with their Gauss guns because they haven’t finished recharging.
>Personally dual weild warscythe and pimp cane into close quarters.
>Be Planetary Governess
>Portrait's finally done
"Well then, I assume you're my new bodyguard? Good. It's pure Chaos out there. I need you to protect me from heretics, rebels, and poor people."
>She looks Marietta up in down
"Hmm... quite good, quite good. Tall too. Are you from Catachan or something?"
> glare at the man
you and your companions should be, to fight in another's house is to dishonor the owner of the house.
> round on the sorceress.
And you, you are supposed to be a scholar, act like it, you are acting no better than the wolves who burned your home to the ground. You will show respect to the lady of the house or I will make you kiss the ground she walks upon.
> turn back to the trio of troublemakers. and then to her lord
that goes for all of you. NO FIGHTING IN THE MANSION. AM. I. CLEAR.
> realize the governess has addressed me.
I am not your bodyguard madam, I am however going to protect you as fitting of your station. however
> loom over her menacingly
If I hear so much as a word from ANY of the staff about you mistreating them or the people of this planet, then I will take you out front, flip up your skirt and tan your posterior in front of the entire hive. AM. I. CLEAR. I am your tutor, since people in this system CLEARLY have no idea on proper bloody manners.
>Send a message to the sorcerer
"Reinforcements/Transport en route, hope you have a plan"
>Meanwhile, go to auto-tailor and get a fancy dress, still got a knife though.
>Be Governess
>That elicits a little chuckles
>Who is this woman even?
>It matters not, I'll keep her around
"Very good, very good. In that case, I'll grant you a noble title. We lost a few when the planet fell, so there's plenty of empty spots."

>Be Battlesister Angela
>Did that Sorcer... ess... daemonhost... heretical abomination cast a spell on Mallory?
>Jokes on her, Mallory's too pure of heart to be affected very much by such foul blasphemies against the holy god-emperor of Mankind
>Stare dumbfounded as the former Chaplain steps into view in a very nice dress and knocks some heretical heads together before going toward the planetary governess's office
>Wait a sec
>Realize pink mist/warp dust is heading toward me
>backtrack behind Brother Ephriam and shoot a cold stare at the Secretary before snagging Mallory's backup rebreather and putting it on
>"To quote my Canoness: "The God-Emperor will rise from his throne on Holy Terra before I wear a damned dress for that slob of of governor."
>Not that I wouldn't mind wearing a dress, especially with this armor feeling a little too small after all the voluptuous changes that xenos sorcery caused, but I'm not going to risk it while there are CLEARLY heretics (and a batshit insane Black Templar) on the premises.
> look at the woman
> whatthefuck.confusion
> I just threatened to discipline her in front of the entire hive and she just..... lets it go
> wha-
> whatever, works out well for me and my lord.
> I'll go with it.
> bow grandiosely
Thank you madam, you honor me.
> rise
However, do not forget, my lady, that I am watching you, If I hear so much as a rumor of you abusing your power, then I will strip you, put a leash around your neck, and keep you as my pet.
>Oh my dear
>It would be the other way around
>I nod to her
"Tell me your name madam, so I may direct my secretary to enter it into the books of nobility. My secretary also tells me that several other women are seeking audiences."
>About to burn everything in the room
>The fucking governour is right there
>I just wanted access to the vox systems
>The huge astartes woman turns to face me
>She gives me a speech saying that my behavior is no better than the space wolves
>How dare she, i'll send her to the deepest parts of the warp for such an offense, you'll see you
>Realize i'd be proving her right
>What to fucking do now
>Daemon voice reappears
"Wait you actually aren't going to kill them"
"Not yet, but they have commited their greastest mistake, letting a sorcerer plot and plan"
"You mean sorceress"
"Fuck you too"
I am Marietta Alfred, ex chaplain of the black templars chapter of adeptus astartes.
> don't think I wouldn't do it bitch.
Now then, if they are the same women I believe they are, then I am afraid I must instill into them some manners.
> walk out the door.
> sure enough there they are, wearing their filthy armor.
Sister, if even the astartes are obeying the rules of the house, then it would be in best interest to do so as well. As you are now the governess is just as likely to throw you out onto the street.
>Order my troops to quit this shit as I straighten up and preen a bit.
>Gotta be lookin sharp.
>Call out to the classy bitch again.
> turn to see my lord and bow to him
> not the right place or time to fully show my appreciation.
greetings sire, how are you this day.
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>make my way to the auto-tailor
>I'm offered some steaming broth and some little pieces of baked dough
>I haven't had any food other than Astartes standard nutri-broth in 2 centuries
>I'm fairly certain without a preomnor that stuff isn't even edible
>gladly accept the little dough pieces, they look like little more than crumbs in my hands
>the brown broth looks like recaff but doesn't smell like it
>Delicious! I have no idea what it is but it smells like someone boiled all the finest plants of an aristocrats garden and strained it
>step into the auto-tailor
>it requires me to take off my armor
>you can have the ceramite plates but I'm keeping the stab-proof undersuit
>press button for 'sleazy arms salesman rogue trader'
>it whizzes and buzzes, and I emerge in a brand new suit
>I look like an idiot don't I
>whatever, if they question a lord Astartes they're a heretic anyways
>Recive message from Slaaneshi lady
>Finally some reinforcements
>The necron leader is calling to me
>Think of plan as i walk towards him
>What the fuck does he want
>Hopefully those reinforcements will arrive soon
>And i can get some hostages
>Hear very loud engine noises
>Look out the window
>Is that my fucking thunderhawk?
>Pilot serf waves at me
>Order him to land in the courtyard
>Get properly equipped once he's landed
>Tell classy bitch to stand up.
>Sweep arm out to congregation of bitches, hoes, and a male or two.
>Tell them that I own them and this moon, as well as this bitchin mansion.
>Tell classy bitch and blue pointy hardcase to enforce this.
> nod
> very well
> I mean I am technically a noble now.

>Be Battlesister Angela
>Staring in disbelief as a former Black Templar, a CHAPLAIN no less, taking orders from a foul xenos Necron
>Necron lord declares that it owns me, moon, and the 'bitch in this mansion'
>Stand there on the landing pad in disbelief, very, VERY tempted to bring up my bolter and blow this Necron Lord's head off
>Don't because he's got two corrupted (and re-corrupted? Warp sorcery is weird?) Space Marines on his side
>They do look kinda hot though
>Who's this shiny gentleman in the tacky clothing?
>What is this, M39?
>That's been out of fashion for over 1000 years
>Tell him that he doesn't own me, nobody owns me
>Also tell him that he does seem to posses some semblance of class and nobility beneath the tacky clothing
>Grant that pimpin' dude a noble title
>Also appoint him minister of hoes, sure, why not?
>Also invite him to dinner
>Necron fucker wants me to bind everyone to his will
>But why
>More importantly i'm not your fucking hoe
>I wasn't even a woman a few hours ago
>Hear flying engine noises
>Hopefully that'll be reinforcements
>Wait, i have an i d e a
>Check if i still have my book
>The thing has 0 usable spells, but these imperial mongrels don't know that
>That'll buy me enough time
>While the governess is inviting the necron to dinner (fucking why) i grab the tome
"If someone moves a single muscle, i'll use the magnificent powers of this book to fry you all alive!
"Unless you hand over the governess,of course!"
>Miss my deeper voice, didn't sound half as threatening as i used to
>Calmly switch pimp cane to onhand.
>Those terms are acceptable.
>Still own these hoes though.
>Accept dinner invitation.
>Is this bitch serious?
>Turn back and backhand the fuck out of her.
>Tell her to step off and not to try any warp shit.
> bash the cunt over the head with cane and grab the book
> minenowmotherfucker.bloodraven
>Position Thunderhawk outside window
>Open front door
>Fire off a couple warning shots, shred up the building a bit, make sure I don't hit anyone important
"Hey, sorcerer, need a ride?"
>Spin around and backhand savage bitch.
>return to the hall where all the others are still having a politeness-enforced stalemate
>see that neither Angela nor Mallory want to get redressed
>understandable but this is not the right time to be argumentative
>suddenly the necrom claims all the women here are "his bitches"
>and now the heretic bitch is threatening to fry us all alive
"Lady Alfred! Down that bird!"
>Did the Necron just fucking slap me
>Oh I'm fucking pissed now
>Grab a bandolier of krak grenades and toss them into the room
>Grab the sorcerer and get back into the Thunderhawk
>Shut the door
> open fire with bolt pistol
> watch as one of the shots connects with an engine.
> bye bye motherfucker.
> nobodyfuckswithmypeople.rage

>Be me
>newbie Sororitas Mallory
>It's been a wild few days
>Started out rather top heavy, now look extra-voluptuous, was saved from a planet AND a space hulk by Brother Ephriam
>By the God-Emperor's blessed and prodigious anatomy, he looks sooo fucking hot in that suit
>Stand next Angela with a confused look as the Necron Overlord and ex-Chaplain start beating the dust out of the Sorceress
>Suddenly hear a thunderhawk overhead and also catch the sound of unrest from down below
>Quickly walk over to the edge of the landing pad
>Say rather loudly:
>"Um, not to interrupt or anything, but it seems that good third of the Adminstratum hive is in the middle of a riot right about now."
>And the lower hives are currently drowning in the pink mist stuff
>Juuuuuuuuuuuust great

Original creator of the whole 'Tiddius Majoris' greentext thread here. I only expected this to make it to thread 2, and I check in and you guys are somehow on thread 5 now. And I'm enjoying every second of it.
>One engine gone, can't take another hit like that
>Semi-crash thunderhawk in the mansion courtyard
>FFS I just want to go home
>Call up the fleet
>Deploy ALL of the militia
>Get a bolter and prepare to fend off some mouth breathers
I'll be honest. The first time I read through this post, I thought it had said : "So, any ideas on how we can rape the Imperials"

>Be me, Eisen Martellus.
>Be apart of the marines malevolent.
>Tempted to simply vent the entire hold, and claim collateral damage, due to them all being corrupted.
>"Everybody gets one"
>God dammit...
>After a moment, our pilot proceeds to relay orders from the Battle-barge', directly to my helmet.
+++All forces are to immediately return to the ship, for deployment to the moon below+++
>Let out a sigh, as I turn my head towards the survivors. A frown upon my face.
>Temptations to vent the entire hold, at immensely growing at this point.
>Decide against it, and order Thunderhawk Forgotten Folly, to return to the ship.
>suddenly a bandolier of krak grenades is thrown
>Mallory runs out to the balcony/landing pad as if she had predicted this
>shove Angela to the floor, hurdle myself in front of her
>I'd do anything for these two
>well maybe not anything but quite a bit
>wait for the bang
>still waiting
>still waiting
>uhm, what?
>Mallory says something about a riot and pink mist
>when the fuck are those 'nades going off so I can have my heroic moment?
>Ah, the Sisters are here.
>Riots and more of that pink mist?
>Actually, you know, shouldn't those solve each other actually
>The pink mist will stop the riots
>And all the breathing from the riots will deplete the pink mists
>Is that how that works?
>Fucking Necron slaps me
>Get bashed in the head by a cane
>Lose the book
>Punt that skeleton fucker in the leg
>Turn towards the chaplain and improvise some flickering flames
>Hear shots fired
>Like a tzeentchian angel, the slaaneshi's here to save me
>Slaaneshi gets fucking slapped
>Everyone is screaming
>Hop onto the thuderhawk
>I bet Ahriman dosen't have to deal with this shit
"Real solid plan there"
"Oh for the eight-pointed star i'm not giving you control"
>Turn to slaaneshi
>Tell her to open the doors at my signal
>Start channeling warp energy
>I swear they'll see the warpfire in Terra
nah, well not until (s)he gets his peenee back, if that ever happens
> fire a bolt round through the sorceresses' hand
> hear the sister and look down.
> welp.
> grab the governess by the throat.
> point her face over the edge of the balcony.
Care to explain? "my lady"
>Oh fuck those were gas grenades
>Eh, not too bad
>Receive message from fleet
>Pissmarine battle barge in orbit
>Order fleet to engage, keep deploying militia around the governess' mansion
>Check the sorceress is alive
ah, but your forget fair sorceress. It's called reverse rape
"It's not ideal, but if left alone the pink mists would stop the violent riots as everyone breathes it in and does, y'know. All other things considered, the arbites and police should be handling the riots right now! The first briefing I've got of their progress was from that sister just now!"
"Now if you will kindly unhandily me Lady Alfred, we have work to do."
> let go of her for now.
> there is work to be done
> look to my lord
Could you mayhaps send your people down to quell this rebellion? They are after all immune to the warp dust.
> see the astartes lying on the ground
> oh for fuck's sake....
> brother astartes get up, those grenades were obviously....
> see the gas seeping up from them.
> welp.
> shit.
Okay, I've been archiving all the threads as they die, go and vote!

>Why can't i feel my pinky
>Oh yeah it got shot off
>Slaaneshi checks on me
>Seems to be worried
>How cute
>And quaint
>Still channeling warp energy, so i ask her what's going on
>She informs me in short terms that shit be fucked yo
>Oh it'll be fucked alright
>Once i throw this
>I think my nose is bleeding
>Ignore it, too angry to care
>at this point I'm convinced the nades were duds
>get up and look at the Bandolier
>*poof* and some kind of mist starts streaming from them
>my eyes hurt
>Oh I get it, tear gas
>weird for a heretic but ok
>thank the emperor for the multilung
>but the normal humans aren't doing so well
>grab everyone I can and run into the room with the autotailor
>Be Savorius, Sorceress of the Thousand Sons, watching all of this from my hidey-hole
>Watch as an idiot primaris picks up a bandolier of grenades and holds it close to his face
>Watch as he assumes it's tear gas
>Bitch, there is exactly one gaseous substance around this place at this time
>And it's that sweet ass pink mist
>Inform sorceress that the Thunderhawk has crashlanded in the courtyard, but that help is on the way
>Also that Pissmarines are in orbit, probably sending troops planetside as we speak
>Door opens
>Prepare Bolter, I'm not dying today
>It's one of my militia
>I can see more of them
>They Inform me the perimeter is relatively secure, other than the mansion
>Order them not to enter, just to secure the grounds and make sure nothing gets in or out
>Relax for a moment
>Thunderhawk just crashed
>Almost make ball of warp explode
>By Tzeentch how didn't i notice it
>Should probably just throw it
>Their too far away to get a clean shot
>Step out of the carrier
>Throw the supercharged Infernal Gateway
>Enjoy burning alive fucking zombie cultists
>my eyes still hurt
>everything looks funny
>get urge to dance and/or fuck someone
>a servo skull appears in my thoughts and swats away the heresy
>Pater Cawls humor is fucking weird
>look around at all the people I grabbed
>Sister Angela is there, she's got a rebreather from earlier
>Chaplainess Marietta is also there
>the Governess' secretary too
>where is the Governess
>oh fuck I left her behind
>in the gas
>well that's bad
>Be me, apprentice inquisitor with a almost new sweat-ass power armor (except for the crotch area) and equipped with a sniper rifle
>It all started simple for me. Me and some friends go to a random planet, kill potential heretics and have fun. Turns out there was real heretics and those asshole cultists were able to summon deamons. Even worse they were able to manifest psykic abilities with the help of a yellow warp gel they consumed. If that wasn't enough they all took some and collectively made a ritual that teleported the entire fucking planet in the warp. If that wasn't enough most of my friends are either dead or completely heretics.
>I don't know how but I landed on a space hulk on the middle of fucking nowhere. I fought deamonettes and got (probably?) raped by them (I don't want tot check my crotch area, at least it doesn't hurt so nothing bad happened). I got rescued by Marines Malevolent and fought with them. Out of exhaustion, traumas and vomitting too much because of the warp dust, I fell unconscious and slept for emperor's know how much.
>Now I'm awake inside the Marines Malevolent thunderhawk and I don't know what to do.
>Would I get promoted if I survived this or get blammed?
>Be Planetary Governess
>Be standing right here, next to dizzy marine
"Astartes, are you doing quite alright? You seem to be quite nauseous and... is your chest straining the front of your clothing or is that just my imagination?"
>be me, Sergeant Eisen Martellus
>Just got promoted to Lieutenant, after the shit show that was the space hulk.
>Disappointed that I have to give up my knife and skull mask.
>Instead, I get a set of Shiney new mark X tacticus armor, and a powersword
>Plans are already being put into motion to clear out the remaining dust on planet, as well as to get rid of the survivors in the most appropriate manner available.
>By the time I get back to the hanger for deployment. My brothers are forceibly stuffing the remaining mortals and the xeno witch, into an arvus lighter.
>At gun point no less.
>Approach the scene with my new helmet on. Where I watch with intrigue.
>As they're about to forcibly push the Crusader inside. I motion for my brothers to wait, before stepping towards her.
>look down
>nope, no tits
>check pants
>no ass, still the same dick
Yes Governess it must be your imagination, Pater Cawl has created this new breed of Astartes to be incorruptible by the powers of Chaos and even if this claim is untrue, it will take more than a little warp dust to do so. Although I can't deny your own dress looks a little *ahem* tight shall I say?
>I hope I don't have another warp dust exposed horde of mortals to take care of
> look at the astartes
> eyes filled with rage
>Be the rest of Martellus's brothers
>Be pointing these crazy btiches into the argus lighter
>Wait, feeling weird
>Suddenly tits
>Meanwhile in the warp, the alliance between the Emperor and Slaanesh to fuck over the Marines Malevolent for just being the worst ends immediately after it begins
>Order tomb ships to begin assailing pointies.
>Also order some ground troops in this motherfucker to track those cunts down.
>My pimp hand is gonna get some work today.
>Be me apprentice inquisitor with a almost new sweat-ass power armor (except crotch area) and a sniper rifle
>Just woke up and is about to be pushed into a arvus lighter
>Hope it's a bad dream
>CanIgetawaywithcallingthosespacemarinesheretics.inquisition ?

>Be Sororitas Mallory
>Realize the pink mist is spreading INSIDE the mansion now
>Grab the Governess' secretary by the waist and book it after Brothe Ephriam into the safety of the room with the autotailor
>wait, wasn't Canoness Helga bitching about the Governor, not Governess?
>This is probably that heretical xenos/warp sorcery's fault
>Or the warp dust.
>Possibly both
>Takes one look at Governess and smacks her across the face
>"Your just imagining things! Nothing could affect a pure warrior like Brother Ephriam like that!"
>Don't really care that she's a Governess!
>Although his chest IS growing larger
>Maybe more muscle perhaps?
>Oh God-Emperor if he ends up looking like a shirtless depiction of He on Terra from Lusty Space Marine that'd be absolutely amazing!!!
>I'm going to fucking kill that Necron
>Arm and armour up
>Start walking towards the house, militia in tow
> begin to rub his metal shoulder
Calm yourself my lord, this shall all be sorted in due time.
> look towards the primaris.
> huh... well then.
> grab my lord and hoof it down to the auto-tailor
> nope.vox
>Walk out, challenge Savage Bitch to a duel.
>Specifically, single combat.
>Switch cane to offhand and turn it pointy side up for stabbing.
>Get ready to slash shit with my warscythe.
> well fiddlesticks
> I can't exactly stop him.
> he's fighting outside the mansion.
> in single honorable combat
> he had better triumph, we still need to finish our duel as well
>Order militia to form a circle
>Slaaneshi Power Sword from my collection in hand
>Wait for him to make the first move
>Yeah, fuck you, and fuck that. You've done enough warp dust damage already. Find something better or less stupid.

>Be me, Eisen Martellus.
>Stare down at angry crusader woman, glaring daggers of hatred towards me
>How cute... She think she can scare me.
>Cross my arms over my chest. I speak up

This is you and your friend's way out. You have enough food and water to survive for five days. Make it count...

>Proceed to add insult to injury at this point, and gently pat and rub the top of her head.

You fought well upon the space hulk. I respect your tenacity and strength to overcome all odds and survive. It is for that reason alone, that you have been given the chance to leave.

>He then stops patting her head, and begins walking away. Bedding to prepare for the next battle.
> glare at the space marine
> he patted my head
> emperor fucking damn bullies
> turn and walk into the shuttle.
> grab the controls and fly it out of the hangar.
> head towards the moon.
> hopefully we can find some place there to settle down.
> and I can finally get my submarine sandwich.
>Attempt to disable her hardcase by stabbing wires.
>This little prick is trying to take out my armour
>Sidestep out the way
>Swing at him
>Sitting upon the main console inside the arvus lighter's cockpit, is an overly large, submarine sandwich.
>Also, it seems that someone has disabled the lighter's controls, that allow one to slow your speed down.
>You litterally have no brakes...
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>Well better be with thos crazy gals than insane space marines I guess.
>At least I have food, didn't eat since I debuted my mission and you can't beleive how worse it is to vomit with an empty stomach
>ll eat and maybe go to sleep


>Well fan-fucking-tastic we're all gonna die
then stop having the fucking marines malevolent being here. You said yourself at the end of last thread that even you weren’t liking them. Just have them pull out. They are literally no fun and act as a constant threat to literally everyone. They don’t mesh with the main themes of the thread and they’re just the worst, there’s no reason for them to be here, please make them leave
>Check again, just to be sure
>Mallory is looking at me with a gleeful expression
>the new suit does feel quite tight
>but it couldn't possibly...
>oh yeah, must be the multilung keeping polluted air away from my real lung
>slap myself on the back
>cough up a little warp dust
>suit still a little tight
>oh yep, that's definitely my pectorals
>that's not supposed to happen
>I'm not sure if this is a corruption or a blessing but I'm not mad
>not sure how this would help or damage me but hey if it's there it's there
> you've gotta be fucking kidding me.
> meh.... I have my sandwich.
> I guess this'll do for now.
> maybe... they aren't so bad.
> then notice the brakes are out
>Turn lunge into a slide as I slash at the back of the bitch’s knees.
>Knees slashed, fucking prick
>Relatively intact though, armour took a lot of the damage
>Pull out an inferno pistol and just start firing at him as I slowly step backwards
>With your shuttle entering the atmosphere with no real way to possibly slow yourself down, and the outer hull of the lighter heating up, and melting the armor. A malfunction occurs with the shuttle's vox transmitter.
>The following begins playing over the ship's speakers
>Be Governess
>Hidinf in the tailor room with some dudes
>The marine seems to think that not breathing the warp dust through his actual lungs protects him from te literal magic slut dust
>Magic slut dust doesn’t care how many lungs you put it through.
>Absolute chaos outside probably
>I need to do something about this
“Somebody get me a connection to the city wide announcement system!”
>Lunge forwards, dodging fire, going for the jugular.
>Basically have to fall over to avoid getting impaled
>Take the opportunity to stab at him from underneath while he's off balance
>Still firing though
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>Well that failed spectaculary
>Daemon starts to talk
"Alright, your fucking plans are not working, let me take the fucking wheel"
"If my plans aren't working, they your shitty, second grade lesser daemon won't be a fucking pinnacle"
"Besides i have another plan"
"Summoning a mutalith"
>The daemon voice murmurs something about being a fucking idiotic madman
>Now how do i handle such an endeavour
>Hear the sounds of clashing blades
>The slaaneshi is fighting
>Can't throw spells around, that charged one really left me empty
>Guess i'll take a long breather
>Knife missed, Thank you skeleton body.
>Knock the pistol away and stand.
“Get up.”
> attempt to steer the shuttle
> got to find a place to set down.
> huh, that courtyard looks pretty nice
> begin a descent as the floor melts, angling the tip of the lighter up to slow down.
> unwrap submarine sandwich
> if I'm gonna die
> I'm gonna taste this first.
> begin to bite into the sandwich
> ohmyemperor.praise
> it's.... everything I ever dreamed of.
> crash land in the courtyard.
> go flying out the front window....
> slam into.... something.
> face first.
> why does this feel.... squishy.
>be in room with Autotailor
>where I left my armor
>want to put it back on so I can cross the polluted main hall
>but I'd have to bare myself in front of all these people
>realise there's only women present
>Oh Emperor please don't make it too awkward
>take off new suit, start reassembling Power Armor
>turn my back to them as well as I can
>grab rifle and Power Sword
>give vox receiver to Governess, sprint across main hall and towards control room
>hook vox up to announcement system
Speak to your people governess!
>A beautiful woman just flew through the wall and landed in my breasts
>I pat her head
>Jump back onto my feet
>Stick a breaching charge onto the Necron's chest
>Jump back behind the militia, start fucking running
> look up and see the woman patting my head.
> ummmm..... wut
> am I seeing double?
> shriek and back up rapidly...
> ohthronewhy.lament
>Rip off the breaching charge and throw it back.
>Jump right over militia and engage in pursuit.

>Be me, Canoness Helga
>Trying my best not to have a complete breakdown over losing most of my convent down on this backwater hole
>This really is fucking Innocence VI all over again
>Starting to have violent flashbacks
>Forced to focus on the lewdness of all things of my fellow survivors since I can't burn the Marines Malevolent to death with my flamer
>They are giving us a arvus lighter though
>Eyes go wide when I see the brakes are out and we're heading into the moon's limited atmosphere
>Hear the song playing
>Swear that if I survive this I will make it a point to try and get the Eccelesiarchy to put a hit out on this Marines Malevolent Lieutenant for the Assassinorum
>Wrap arms Samson around the shoulders and holds on for dear life as we crash into courtyard
>get sent flying with the Crusader through the front window and land against a large space marine figure, large, milfy-bust hitting him square in the face
gotta go, keep the thread alive
>Detonate breaching mine, hopefully it will slow him down
>Continue running
>Ocassionally throwing grenades over my shoulder as the militia fire at this Necron with their shitty lasguns
“Thank you marine.”

>Oh, wow, she looks a lot like me
>Maybe we’re related
“Just sit right there puppy, I need to speak to my people.”
>Tell the people across the hive to not be afraid
>Even is many of them are now busty women
>They are still the people of the Emperor
>Tell them to resist heretical thoughts unless they are 100% sure they are not heretical
>Tell then to also consider fashion of course
>We can’t have our people looking like shit of course
>You need to accessories people
>Show off what the Emperor gave you
>Fight against Heresy by being fabulous
>Outside, the people of the hive cheer
> scrape the woman who just landed on my face off and look at her.
Be more careful where you are flying next time ma'am.
> set her down and look over at her companion.
You may wish to check on her however.
> she appears to be hyperventilating.

>e me apprentice inquisitor with a almost new sweat-ass power armor (except for the crotch are) and equipped with my trusty sniper rifle.
>Is it me or is some kind of unknown force trolling us?
>Well the song is good and I have a sandwich.
>The crusader tries to give the ship a good angle so we'll die a little less
>We're still gonna die but thanks for trying
>Can I do something at all?
>Looking at my pockets: I have my sniper rifle with 1 full magazine, my twin pistols with no bullets, a nice knife, half a sandwich and some of the yellow warp gel infused with a big concentration of warp dust
>That warp gel gave those asshole cultists psykic abilities, they were even able to teleport a fucking planet into the warp. This one has a dose of extra heresy on it
>Well whatever I'm gonna die anyway, might as well try

>Holy shit that is hardcore!
>I can taste colors and see smells! There's so many rainbows around me!
>Gets teleported before the crash somewhere
>as I reach the control room the window shatters
>someone in Sororitas Armor crashes through
>they land square in my face
I can't see, I can't see! I know I've been cursed, first that warp dust makes me look like a gene-bulked primitive and now I turn blind! Curse this day, I don't want to have cybernetic eyes
>the person slides down my torso and lands on the floor
>it's the canoness
>she was covering my eyelenses with her bust
Canoness! I'm so glad you're alive! We have so many pressing matters at hand! First off all we need the Planetary Governor... Governess to speak to her people
>well shit maybe I shouldn't have mentioned that to her, didn't Angela say something about the Canoness disliking the Governor?
>Running, dodging grenades and lasgun fire.
>Shoot at her knee with warscythe.
>The one I hacked open.
>Fuck it, gonna have to stand my ground
>Suddenly, spin on my feet, attempting to run my sword through him

>Be Battlesister Angela
>Lick lips seductively as I watch brother Emphraim get dressed
>Oh I definitely want to ride him later
>Front windows smash open, and suddenly the Governess gets hit in the bust by... the face of a crusader?
>Well that was unexpected
>See Ephraim get a bust to the face seconds later
>Wait... is that the Canoness?
>Oh fuck it IS her
>That Milf hussy is gonna try and take Brother Ephraim for herself, I just know it!
>Realize the Governess is here.
>Realize she basically just announced to the hive not to panic, resulting in cheering... and likely heretical sexy times
>Within earshot of Canoness Helga
>Damn it! We're all going to get barbecued because of this administratum bimbo!
>Shift to the other side, attempt to stab out power packs or whatever on the back of the armour with my cane.
>Spin out of the way
>Draw combat knife in free hand
>Feint with sword then go for the gut with the knife
>Fall back, attempting to hook her leg with warscythe.
>Didn't see that coming
>I'm fucked
>Sword gone, knife basically useless

>Be me
>Canoness Helga
>A Primaris Marine?
>One that's not an asshole?
>Hug him for a second and nearly break down in tears from relief
>Then push him away and regain my composure
>Mind processes what he just said.
>Wait. Governess?
>That prick Von Gosk is a GOD-EMPEROR DAMNED GOVERNESS now?
>"Brother Space Marine, would you kindly take me to this... Governess? I have some... words for her..."
>Momma Helga's gonna pimpslap a hoe.
>Step back, switch cane to onhand.
“Get the fuck up. I’m done with you.”
>Walk back to mansion like a goddamn badass.
>Be Savorius, Sorceress
>Yada yada, you know the drill
>The Tzaangors ran out of popcorn
>But not regular corn
>Watching this duel
>It’s dragging on a shit ton of time
>They say Necrons are resistant to warp shit
>But i’ve smited quite a few
>And also a few powers like bolt of chaos and such can turn their leaders into chaos spawn
>I dunno how, but it does mean they’re not 100% immune
>Start dumping change energy from Tzeentch and pink mist energy from Slaanesh into the overlord, just to see what happens
>What a prick, eh, not my problem anymore
>Militia have the area secure
>Compose myself, pick up my sword and call in a transport
>Get hugged by busty Canoness
>thank you but I promised myself to another Sororita
>she seems to get her senses back together
>Canoness Helga seems quite well composed for how much she supposedly dislikes the planetary Governess
No problem. Make sure you have a rebreather or helmet though, the main hall is full of particularly strong warpdust vapor
>Open the door for her, point up the stairs to the room with the Autotailor
Ladies first!
>Try and contact Savorious
"You still alive? If so where are you? I need something to do"
>Mist floods vision as I walk away.
>Then, It dissipates wherever I walk to.
>Eventually make it back to the mansion.
>Grab a seat, sit down, sigh.
>She asks if I’m still alive
“Of course I am! What do you want?”
>Be me, apprentice inquisitor in a sweat-ass almost new power armor (except for the crotch are) and equipped with a sniper rifle
>I'm somewhere strange, barely any light, metal everywhere and it's cold. I thinnk I'm on the moon.
>Good news, I'm not dead
>Bad news, I'm still fucking lost
>Also I vomitted the gel along with my fucking sandwich. At least I still have half left.
>I feel like I changed somehow. Looking at my hands and feets, no extra fingers or toes. Looking at my crotch were the deamonette (probably) raped me, nothing wrong there. Well I'll look into that later.
>Can't muster the strenght to stand up, so I'll just lay on the ground for a while. At least this seems like a place with no warp dust. I'll rest a little.

>Seems like there's someone coming from a hallway, I wonder who that is? My voice is weak, but it's better than nothing:
Hey, who are you?

if anyone wants to rp without the fight or the lewd things, you go rp with me
"I'm bored, give me something to do"
“Oh, okay.”


“Go turn some people into chicks.”
> shriek and jump to her feet.
> notice the sister getting ready to leave
> might as well follow her.
> still don't trust her though.
> fucking sororitas.
> they go between "I wanna fuck you" and "purge everything" every five minutes.
> why can't they just choose one and stick to that?

>Be Canoness Helga
>This Primaris is quite the gentleman
>Well he's not Marines Malevolent, so of course he is
>Wait, did he just say the main hall's full of warp dust
>"Oh for Terra's sake..."
>stomp up the stairs, not really caring if you get a nice look at my absolutely delicious derriere while I walk
>I should be able to hold my breath long enough to make it through
>That or my rage should keep me sane
>Take a deep breath and charge at full speed down the hallway to the autotailor room, slamming the doors open and closing them immediately behind me
>Cracks knuckles so loud it can be heard through power gauntlets with malicious grin on my face
>She may look as attractive as Crusader, but by the God-Emperor am I going to relish beating her into a bloody pulp.

>Be Reiver Sgt. Chesty Puller
>Leading a squad of Deathwatch marines looking for survivors to extract
>My team and i have killed numerous traitors, Xenos, and Daemons today is not so bad so far
>Wondering if i can get married and still advance in the Deathwatch?
>Ponder for a moment
>Have an idea
"On it"
>Call up a transport and a bunch of warp dust grenades
>Gonna slaaneshbomb the hives.
so none of the fun stuff?
>be me
>be greater daemon of shamwow
>be crushed under a space hulk onna moon
>be very dead
>be in the warp
>facepalming over every bad choice leading up to this
> grab the canoness by her back and pull her backwards
> welp.... desperate times.
If.... you d-don't fight.... I'll...... go out on a date with you.
> fuckmylife.ptsd
> why did I say that
> face goes red.
> be me
> deathwatch Sword Brother Wilhelm Mordred
> nudge my sergeant and point towards the clusterfuck that is the hive.
> look back toward the krieger and other guardsman aboard the blackstar.
> sigh inside of my helmet.
> today is gonna be one of those days isn't it?
>be me
>be titty warp spawn
>be slithering mass of tits and tentacles and shit
>can’t move
>tfw I’m a semi-sentient rape sofa
>Oh hey, this bitch
>She’s looking really good actually.
>Not exactly my type, but I wouldn’t kick her out of bed
“Greetings Canoness, it is a pleaure to see you once again, although we have both changed greatly since our last meeting. I would love to chat, however, there is work to be done. Despite my amazing skills as an orator, my speech did not reach the ears of each and every citizen, and many will continue to riot or slide into depravity as the pink mist seeps out from the space hulk. I must rely on you and your order to help me and the moon in surviving this ordeal.

>Pets Victoria’s head
“Oh puppy, there’s no need to do that.”

>\\Jump complete\\
>\\Warp drive status: entering sleep mode\\
>\\Plasma drive status: firing primed\\
>\\Plasma drive status: countdown T-minus 300\\
>\\Stationkeeping complete\\
>\\Navigational alignment complete\\
>\\Navigation waypoints set...updating...\\
>\\Gellar field status: power down complete...entering sleep mode\\
>\\System diagnostics running...\\
>\\No system errors detected...saving to log...saved\\
>\\Empyreal reaction threshold: 0.6++\\
It is going to scroll for at least another minute.
>Better put a polite call in to the planetary governor and see if I can obtain more reaction mass.

>Be me Reiver Sgt. Chesty Puller
>Look toward where brother Mordred is pointing
>I take point and head that direction ready to purge with my kin
>What did i just walk into?
> shake her hand off
please quit patting my head...
> I'm a head taller than you for emperor's sake
> I just wanted to be a hero and save people
> and what do I get for all of my troubles?
> more wounds than I care to name, a pair of tits and some ovaries.
> whyamialive.lament.
> I don't mind if it was only me for like a post or 3 (maybe up to five maximum) but it kinda began awkward for me. I wanna join the fun and rp, not participate on someone's hard-on fetish

>be me apprentice inquisitor with a almost new sweat-ass power armor (except the crotch area) and equipped with a sniper rifle
>It's cold, dark and I'm too hungry to eat my damn sandwich. At least there's no dust. Is this a underground bunker?
>Starting to get nauseous, still feeling some changes happening to me.
>Is there really someone down the hallway? I'll try to contact them again, this time with my junk of a radio

Is someone there?
>Be Khornate cultist in lower levels of Administratum Hive
>Warp take those paper pushers
>My fellow cuItists and I will collect their skulls for Khorne!
>It doesn't matter if we've been turned into women by this pink mist
>Entire Khorne cult starts running rampant on the lower levels of the hive, killing anyone they come across
>Many of whom are either engaged in extremely lewd, increasingly disturbing orgies of the skin-flaying variety, or pleasuring themselves
>Slaanesh is fucking weird man.
I mean, to be fair Victor only had one testicle so maybe a symmetrical and fully functional body might be an upgrade actually
>get vox call
>be me
>be hive ganger
>me and the boys are down at the pub when this crazy pink mist rolls in
>some guys start going full homo and get shot
>three guys start beating down the walls
>watch some poor fucker fall madly in love with his bottle
>he starts choking on it
>suddenly tits
>suddenly couple of queers turn into a titty sofa
>eldrich abomination walks into the bar through the pink mist
>orders a drink
>he’s followed by this bird thing with tits
>there’s some horrible commotion above in the upper hive levels
>barkeep turns on pictfeed with a tentacle
>it’s so shitty and dark down here none of us noticed a space hulk crashing outside the hive
>grab my pipe gun and run
>my gun isn’t even a gun anymore
>it’s a heart shaped royal septer
>mfw I’m a magical girl
>this shit couldn’t get any weirder
>mfw it gets weirder
>a giant wad of tentacles walks into the bar and orders a drink
>that’s just Dave tho
>there’s some lesbians getting it on over pictfeed
>I’m not even turned on by it
>run out of the bar and greeted by purple darkness
>Be tzaangor
>Be last because of Slaanesh magic
>Had adopted children, but they shot at me and drove me away
>Oh hey, look, a new child to adopt!
>watching bitchfight
>unexpected but hilarious
>get voxnet notification
>another Kill Team is here
>in the lower hive
>tag my location on their auspex' and hope they respond, we can deal with the masses later but right now we have to solve a major administrative problem
>Be me, Khornate Genestealer marine
>Wake up, hungry, alone
>Marine friend gone
>Big house nearby
>Food inside?
>Go in window, start looking around

>Be Canoness Helga
>Struggling angrily against the Crusader's grasp, rage overriding my common sense
>'I'll... go out on a date with you.'
>Cheeks burn red and I slowly look back at the Crusader with a shocked expression
>I've been considering hooking up with that Autarch later, but now that she mentions it, she is rather attractive... but wasn't Gwyndolin interested in her before?
>break free from Crusader's grip and strike the Governess with a hard backhanded pimpslap
>"Two things Von Gosk: One, you love the sound of your own voice you don't realize how utterly incompetent you are. Two, my CONVENT'S FUCKING GONE YOU SELF-ABSORBED BITCH! ALL THAT'S LEFT IS ME, SISTER GWYNDOLIN, AND-"
>Pause midrant when I see Angela and Mallory standing there
>run over them and hug them both to my chest, trying hard not to break down in tears
>"I thought I'd lost everyone... It's... It's so good to see you..."
>Never Thought I'd end up so attached to such undisciplined borderline schola dropouts.
>Slowly turn back and look at Victoria.
>"We... We'll discuss things later."
>Be minor Slaaneshi daemon
>floating around
>ducking with some dudes
>See a magical girl running around
>I know what I must do. Jpg
>Posses a cat(or suitable small furry animal)
>warp it a bit, hop down into girl’s path
“You have been bestowed with a great power girl! You must save this hive from destruction using those powers!”

>Be me
>Get a ping of a fellow deathwatch marine
>I lead my team towards the location
>Call up the Brother on the Vox let him know i am on my way
>Walk into the room and see a canoness smack another woman
>Oh my that was quite the backhand 8/10
> nod
> sighing in relief at the fact that she might not have to go on a date with the woman
> thanktheemperor.ptsd.
> Look at the canoness hugging her two subordinates, then look at the governess.
> that was a mighty slap.
> Praise the emperor for small wonders
> go and sit in the far corner of the room away from everyone else.
> I'm gonna stay right here for now.
>Ow that’s smarts
“Gone you say, Canoness? I think not. I sent some of my personal ships down to pick up some survivors before the planet was destroyed. It never hurts to be in the good graces of the ecclisiarchy.”
>And i’d LOVE to be in YOUR good graces, Canoness
> oh hey a dark angel
> damn these are a bunch of well made women
> meh... not really my type though
> toservetheemperorisallIneed.loyalist
> still have to admit that backhand was top notch.
>Reclining on seat.
>Shout to Governess about that dinner we were gonna have.
>Hungry as hell.
>Wait, fuck, I don’t have a digestive tract.
>Witness backhand.
>I like her now.
>She can have the bitches, she deserves them.

>\\Vox uplink...band 3...hold\\
>\\Cipher suite...\\
>\\Vox downlink authorized...band 3...active\\
>The tones of the Governor's voice seem different.
>This database is old anyway.
>\\SHell: mkdir -p /TM/new/Administratum/Gov/bio/

"Mars greets you, Your Honor. I am in need of reactant mass, having expended 68.96% of my primary stores on achieving a 0.77c escape velocity from the last system."

>Be me
>take a few steps forward and speak using my soothing voice
Excuse me Ladies but do any of you need assistance?
>this is like one of them horrible tau cartoons
“Oi! Where’s my dick? What’ve ye done ta mah dick? You bob’s kid?”
>fucker was always into Felinid chicks
>haven’t seen him in years
>fucking bob
>the bar gets up onto some bird legs and walks off
>sounds like a lot of cheering is going on in there
>oh fuck the game
“Where’s tha tele you shit I’m missin tha footie!”
>this skirt is too high
>fucking Felinid bitches
>fucking bob
>fucking weird dust in the air
>I want a vaacum
>suddenly have a magic vaccum
>it works
“What is this shit you pussy brat?”
>Why would they even do that?
>Whatever, they want fuel
>I send my secretary to check the logs on that
>What se returns with is slightly unsettling
“Uh, it seems that our fuel stores, while still at a very good capacity, have been slightly tainted by warp dust. They still work, apparently, but if you’d want to use them you’d have to be okay getting some extra ballast on the front of your chest”

>Be me
>Newbie Sororitas Mallory
>currently being hugged by my Canoness
>Holy Terra, Canoness Helga's actually being nice to us?!
>Also, that was an AMAZING backhand she just gave the Governess
>Look at Crusader woman and tilt head curiously
>Make mental note to give her a hug. She looks like she could use one
>See other deathwatch marines enter room and smile weakly
>Things are looking up!
>"Just... give us a moment sir so our canoness can collect herself."
>Canoness bitchslaps Governess
>8/10 Governess not nosebleeding
>A Reiver in black armor barges in
>he has a very muted silver arm and a deep burgundy shoulderpad
>stealthy, I like
>Deathwatch, Blood Angels
>behind him a regular marine, also Deathwatch
>Black Templars judging by the large sword, can't see his chapter pauldron
Hello Brothers, I'm Ephraim of Kill Team Gamma-Crucifix. Been here since this shitshow started. I've tried my best to keep things under control but to no avail. These here are Sisters Angela and Mallory, we've been keeping each other company.
>I hope they don't respond unkindly, I just want to be with a woman, I haven't been with a woman for centuries and Sister Angela is the hottest woman I have been subjected to
This here is Canoness Helga, and that there is the Planetary Governess, Lady von Gosk. And that is Crusader Victoria Samson, she used to be Victor Samson, long story. Did I miss anyone?
>Wave to new hardcase arrivals from the couch.
>Ask if they brought any hoes or swag.
File: Sword Brethren.jpg (136 KB, 800x1131)
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> he nods and steps forward raising his hand to grasp the primaris marine's
Wilhelm Mordred, sword brethren seconded to the deathwatch.
> he looks at the group
A pleasure to meet you all.
> he makes an effort to display his genuine happiness at finding people not corrupted by chaos or trying to fuck them over.
>Be chaos familiar
“I am not responsible for this you hysterical girl. It is a result of the blessing of the Emperor gone wild you see,”
>Internally grinning with these blatant lies
“The Emperor smiles upon your city, and decided to grant the wishes of each and every one of the inhabitants. However, one of the great enemies of mankind intercepted the wishes and twisted them. By the time the God Emperor caught on, it was too late to stop most of the wishes. You were almost lost as well, truth be told, but the Emperor recognnized your potential and granted you this power instead so you might save the hive!”
> look at the sororitas and recoil slightly.
> staring at them all in fear.
> just let me stay in my little corner for now please.
> corner is safe. Corner is security.
> put up stormshield in front of me.
> grip devil's claw knife.
> gripping the hilt gives me security.

>See a Deathwatch marine speak up and Present himself, and i reply in kind

Hello Brother it s good i found you, I am Chesty Puller of Kill Team Omega-Chalice. We are here because your team has been missing for quite awhile, but it is good to see you alive.

>I look at the women he introduced me too, and turn off my helmet speakers, and open an encrypted comm to Brother Ephraim and ask him softly so the others don't hear.

Which ones are single Brother?
>pick cat up by the tail
>turn on the vacuum
>couldn’t give three shits about this pisswater
“I run the hive now! Make dat so!”
>gonna round up the gang
>kill the arbites
>get rid of this gay mist
>steal a ship
>fuck some tau bitches
>drink booze
>shoot guns
>p-polish space marine armor
>yeah! Tear down this hive in some botching space marine armor!
>start spinning the cat around like a mace
> hear the question and proceed to facepalm
> dammit chesty
> now is not the time to be thinking with you dick.
> loyalistfrustration.vox
>Be familiar
>Thank the prince I’m masochistic
“Yes! That’s exactly right! That you still have your mental faculties in order is a sign you are the destined leader of the hive! Round up all of your hanger friends, whatever forms they have taken!”
>Gonna vomit
>be me
>Autarch Belamyn Ytharl
>How did I get here?
>See the Canoness, two of her sisters, the crusader, and another one of those extra-large space marines talking to some woman.
>Right time for action
>Stride into the room
"Right now that we are all here we should evacuate the populace from the path of that mist, I have a ship full of Wraithguard-"
>I just slipped on something and fell face first on the floor

>See the Xeno beat her the floor with her face and i laugh at it.

>Be Canoness Helga
>Stop hugging Angela and Mallory after a moment and turn to Reiver Puller.
>"No, it's fine... until we decide how to deal with putting down any riots at least."
>Hear the Necron Overlord asking if they have any hoes or swag.
>Did that xenos just assume HE had the right to any of the women in here?
>ignore everyone else and walk over to where the Overlord and deliver the most powerful backhanded slap I can to his metal head
>"Listen close, xenos scum. Everyone in this mansion are MY bitches and hoes? MINE, understand? You want hoes? Go get hoes from somewhere else!"
>Would set him on fire, but not worth the trouble at the moment
>Watch the Autarch walk in and faceplant on the floor
>God-Emperor I hope she hasn't been affected too much by the pink mist/warp dust in the hall
>Smacks the Eldar on her ass and shoots a glare at the Necron
>"This one is also mine."
>be me, Corporal Aurthar Walker
>Be apart of the 1214th Isandian Mechanised regiment, that's currently on leave on the moon.
>We're told halfway through our time off, that some asshole crashed a space hulk into the moon, and it's been leaking some warp dust all across the primary hive.
>Apparently, it's turning everyone into sluts, daemons, bimbos, and other errogenous things.
>I'm really not liking the sound of such a thing. But I keep my mouth shut during the briefing.
>I quite like my dick how it is, thank you very much!
>We're to be put on high alert, until either the Governe(ss), or Imperial command, tell us to go out and start shooting rioters.
>Or are they orgy go'ers?
>Either way; this isn't going to be fun...
>be hive ganger magical girl
>start rounding up the lads
>have to beat a few of them senseless using this talking cat I found with some circle and crescent symbol on its forehead
>don’t think about it
>whole hive seems to be coming apart
>there’s an arsehole to hell under the hive now
>an actual arsehole
>time to leave the underhive
>fuck yeah
>move some arbites out of an assault truck they keep at the perimeter
>get all my buddies in
>tell anyone who can’t fit they can steal their own
>drive thru finance district
>it’s covered in shit
>someone was already here?
>gang starts looting anyway
>keep driving to govenor’s mansion
>whole hive getting looted
>underhive a swarming mass of tentacles and eldrich daemons
>protrusions from the underhive start destroying the upper hive
>gangers are riding tentacles to the surface
>everyone listens to me
>I’m the best boss ever
>punch the cunt next to me out of his seat on the highway to celebrate
> laugh as he watches the xenos get decked
Impressive strike Canoness.
>Be harlequin shadowseer
>I left an ice cube on that spot a few hours ago
>And now the craftworlded tripped on it
>Laughing internally
>Hiddinf in a cupboard
>there’s a whole guard regiment surrounding the palace
>fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
>magic cat do something!
>toss the cat thing out the window and towards the guardsmen
> still in corner
> havingflashbacks.ptsd
> hear a chuckle from a cupboard.
> open it to reveal an eldar shadowseer.
> whatthefuck.vox
> punch it in the face.
> slam cupboard shut
> wrap arms around knees
> I just wanna go home.
>Be Inquisitor.
>No idea what I'm what I'm doing 100% of the time. Know eactly how to do it 100%
>Be cloaked and skulking about.
>See a Sister that looks eerily like a Crusader I once knew in my youth freaking out. Throws her a snickers bar.
>Hope it helps her.
>Be part of 1214th Isandian Mechanised Regiment
>Just a chimera driver
>Didn't go to the briefing
>Apparently there's dust making everyone have sexual urges
>This can't end well
>"Aquire" a respirator from the Administratum
>Sit in my drivers seat, waiting for the inevitable order to leave
>Damn that was a good ass nap
>All alone in the space hulk
Where the hell is everyone
>Grab long-las
>Starts to look for people
>Excuse me bitch?
>This is MY house
>Maybe the house of future husband or wife as well
>But currently just MY house
>And she dares to slap MY minister of hoes?
“You will cease your slapping Canoness! You are in my house, and will follow my rules.”
>The bitch did what?
>Stand up, deliver more powerful backhand.
“I wasn’t gonna take them, bitch. Know your place.”
>The Mon-Keigh are laughing at me
>this the
>Stand up
>Try to look both annoyed and aroused
>That ice cube has a clown face drawn on it
>Fucking Harlequins
> oh hell naw.
> grab canoness.
> bend her over knee
how rude of you. someone of your stature should have more restraint.
> deliver powerful slaps to the canoness' derriere using cane.
> discipline must be maintained.
> beatingswillcontinueuntilmoraleimproves.litany
you will learn respect for your betters young lady.
>Be chaos familiar
>Sailing through the air
>I believe I can fly~
>Acutlaly I can’t
>However, I can do this
>This is for you, magical gang girl
>Shine on you crazy diamond!
>Detonate in a massive cloud of pink mist, which agreeably permeates the simple and cheap rebreathers of the guardsmen
>Guardsmen largely become guardswomen, except for a few who become the sudden attention of several new guardswomen
>The defensive line descends into an orgy
>Be me, Corporal Aurthar Walker.
>See a cat get flung at high speeds towards my location. Only getting stopped as it hits the electric fence.
>The smell of burnt cat hair fills the air.
>Thank god we're all wearing respirators, or it would be unbearable.
>Order from command comes down, to have all mechanised units open fire upon a group of hive gangers, that have stolen an arbite rhino and some civilian mining equipment.
>An entire company of tanks opens fire with plasma executioners, armor peircing anti tank shells, heavy bolters, Punisher cannon shots, and even lascannons.
>The infantry just fire randomly with their lasguns at the bodies that are gripping rhe sides of each vehicle, with their lives. The heavy weapon teams blasting chunks out of vehicles with autocannon, heavy bolters, and mortar rounds.
>Hope the anti-pesant and anti-Racoon landmines, deal with the rest, or atleast the majority
like Vegeta once said to nappa in Dragonball z abridged.... fuck you, Nappa....
>Hear gunshots
>Peak out of drivers hatch
>Can't even see what we're shooting at, but the sheer volume of fire must mean it's a large force
>Fuck this
>Agree with the rest of the Chimera crew to desert
>Just have to wait for an opportunity

>Hear Governess confess to consorting with xenos, and see the Canoness smack a Xeno ass and claim it as her own.
>Rage intensifies

Excuse me ladies but did you both openly admit to crimes of consorting with xeno's and claim them as your ''partners"?
>Still wonders around the space hulk
>See window
>Walks towards window
>See that he's on a world about to be a corrupted world, due to the mist
Fucking why?!
>Looks for a rebreather
Like Nappa once said “I am hilarious and you will quote everything I say”

>observe as the Templar facepalms
>set channel to private, add second layer of encryption
I'm not entirely sure, Sister Angela is definietly mine and Sister Mallory is so pure and innocent it'd be a damn shame to see her innoncence sullied and her "peace distubed"
I'm also fairly certain the Governess is a lesbo so scoring with her might be difficult
>set vox channel to open again, turn speakers back on
>shake the Templars hand, give him a firm welcome
>he reminds me of Ulfric
>that magnificent bastard, I miss him so much
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no more dust! Bad! Very bad!
>Chaos erupting among the forces
>Perfect opportunity
>Start driving, ignoring my surroundings, just trying to escape
>Be cloaked in the corner of the room with the Sister with thr big knife.
>Hears all this and thinks to himself "Frak, I need to do my job now."
>Lets out a sigh and waits for the right time for a dramatic entrance,
>Gets a vox call from secretary
“Oh really? Shit.”
>She turns to the marines and the Canoness
“Gentlemen, we are under attack by a force of corrupted gangers being led by a little girl. Part of our defensive line has been heavily affected by the corruption due to an exploding cat.”
>As you attempt to drive away from the palace. An anti-Racoon landmine, explodes underneath your treads. Ruining them beyond repair.
>Remember kids! The raccoons on this planet are the size of Mini-vans, and can rip apart a semi-truck with their claws
>guardsmen line broken
>drive right through their homosex orgy and into the mansion
>the rest of the boys show up with their own rhinos
>they start jumping out and shooting the guardsmen
>we even got some Necromunda goliaths
>the marble stairs and front door of the mansion crumbles and breaks beneath the weight of the rhino
>tell one of the dumb ducks in my rhino to drive
>dis’ll be funneh
>start waving my wand out the window like it’ll do something
>I’m such a dumbass
>hearts and rainbows and stars shoot from its tip and turn several guardsmen into stuffed toys
>wow that was really gay
>Fuck, the tracks are gone
>Get out, start running, careful to avoid landmines
>Rest of crew follow me
>Wait, mansion will be safe
>Change direction
>Sneak through defensive line
>Clamber through window
>Gets a rebreather
>Puts it on
>Exits the space hulk
>See's a mansion untouched
>Goes to mansion
>Did those bitches just disrespect my lady

"She's just following Guilliman's example. That governess is totally out of line though."
>I am so happy I took that community education Mon-Keigh studies class

Warp-tainted reaction mass?

"Your assistance is appreciated, Governor. I will be in orbit shortly."

>\\SHell: Vox -m\\
>\\Vox downlink...band 3...muted\\
>\\SHell: sensuite -Cs\\
>\\Sensor Suite: H He H2O CH3 NH3 H2S\\

Pure water or hydrogen peroxide is optimal.

>Sounds of a scuffle and muffled shouting emanate from the vox.

>\\Plasma drive status: primary ignition on hold...countdown resumed...firing\\
>\\Plasma drive status: active\\
>\\Propulsion: 19% thrust...1.9 g acceleration\\
>\\SHell: collectors -E\\
>\\Volatile collectors: collectors deploying...deployed\\
>Entering into the palace, you find several arbite servitor's making their rounds through the halls. Likely having been bought from the local arbiter themselves.
>They turn themselves towards you, and a police siren is heard from the backs of their necks.
>"Danger! Danger! Minority suspect detected! Minority suspect detected! Begining program "police brutality.exe"."
>The heavy bolters on the sides of the servitor's, begin firing active electro batons at the intruders.
Excuse me what? Repeat please?
>is she serious? Is she high? By the throne this just keeps getting stranger
>Brothers, Sisters, there is no time to be lost. Today, the enemy is at our door.
>wait did I just...
>nope, don't do that
it might be time that we follow our duty again! We shall take the Blackstar on the landing pad and descend upon the foe!
>commence Steel_Rehn.exe
>Enters the centre of the room and spins while throwing off the Cameleoline cloak revealing th Rosarius to the group in a pose.
>Time to activate my trap card.
>In a soft feminine voice.
" Inquisitor Janne Angellica of the Ordo Hereticus, nice to meet you all."
>"So i heard there was a siege?"
>Climb in through the window, see a bunch of very attractive women and some space marines
>Fucking space marines
>And I just tried to desert
“They’re inside already. Only one of you get your plane to provide aerial support. The rest help out in the ground floor.”

>Stare down the Governess hands still on my weapons, i turn on my speakers and lean down to whisper in her ear.

We are not done with this conversation, and you will be "questioned".

>I vox the 2 other kill-teams that arrived with me and direct them to the greater threat.
>wave the wand at them and think manly thoughts this time
>it just makes them bigger
“Fuckin ell this wand ain’t nothin like dem cartoons!”
“Ah, Greetings Inquisitor. The situation is not good. We are under assault from heretics. Please assist in the defense. Oh, and don’t breathe too deeply of the air. It has been tainted by that space hulk wreck. Luckily my home has good air conditioning.”
> he nods and accepts the handshake
By the way, I was informed there were templar elements present.... and I’m looking for two of my old squadmates, an Ulfric Williams and a Marius Alfred. Do you know either of them?
Imperial ships use fusion torches not NTRs or chemical rockets, they shouldn't need fuel on any sort of regular basis
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>Oh gods i actually fucking fainted
>Where the fuck am i
>Oh yeah the Thunderhawk
>Y'know, i think it's time to lay off the plans and just follow the nearest chaotic entity and follow their plans instead
>Might fucking work
>Get up
>Open portal with my three fingered fucked up hand
>Enter the warp
>Even after all the shit i've gone through this place still gives me nausea
>The only thing "chaotic" enough seems to be a short ganger girl
>She seems cute
>Too cute
>Appear near her
>Mutalith strategem will be plan B
sorry for the sporadic posting before, now i can post full time
>A nearby security drone detects the intruder that has broken into the mansion.
>Like the screeching of an autistic child with down syndrome, and on tard rage. The drone screeches an alarm.
>"Danger! Danger! Possible minority suspects are on premises! Preparing police brutality.exe"
>Electro shock batons are repeatedly fired at high speed, towards Johan and his deserting troops.

Not even hydrogen for nuclear fusion?
>Shows up to a palace
>Sees >>62721635 attack>>62721565
>See a hive girl trying use magic
>Snipe at her head with a long-las
>Be me apprentice inquisitor with a almost new sweat-ass power armor (except the crotch area) and equipped with a sniper rifle
>I've been asleep for emperor's know how long. The floor is cold and it's still dark, and most of all I'm still hungry.
>Good news is I still have half a sandwich left. Won't be enough to satisfy my hunger, but at least I can walk for a while. Other good news is that now I can see better in the dark. I don't recognize this place at all.
>Knowing my luck, I might have teleported on a necron's sex dungeon or something.

>Better walk for a while until I find someone.
>an Inquisitor
>technically above me and the other Astartes in command hierarchy
>they just tend to forgot this if they're not Ordo Xenos
Greetings Inquisitor. Will you aid the loyal forces of the emperor with the defense against mindless corrupted savages? We must act swiftly!
>His men begin getting pounded by now oversized stun batons, that are the size of bicycles.
>Aka, electronic dildos that weigh a hundred pounds each.
>There isn't exactly much left of most of his guys...
>The side effect this has, is that the servitor's are now too big to fit inside the oversized hallway. Standing at 50 feet tall.
>The roof collapses in on them, and blocks his entry further into the mansion.
>The badly damaged servitor's, are trapped under tons of debris, but continue to spout warnings if minority intruders
>Servitor goes for my troops
>Have a brilliant plan
"I've fallen back to a more tactically advantageous position to help defend the governess and her palace"
>Glad I payed attention in school
>Hope this works
>Well looks like we're under attack from cultists
>The bitchfight can wait
>Take a look outside the window
>Its just a bunch of rabble
>This should be easy
“Oi! Wots did blue bastid?”
>freaking heretical shit going on right now
“Do sometin bout dem servitors!”
>seriously how does this wand work
>point it at an electric Baton spewing servitor from behind the rhino
>it turns into a beer
>point at the other servitors
>it does nothing
>need some more guys to pull this off
>help me blue fella
They need fuel but they are just so damn efficient that its like driving a car that gets 100,000 mpg.
"Throw double rations and a whole hour break a week to them."
>Picks cloak back up.
"That mostly works for me, sometimes it requires two and a half rations so be prepared."
>Cloaks again.
"Lead the way, I shall be right behind you."
>Thinks to himself "By frak am I getting involved in that fight,"
>The servitor's stop as they hear this. Obviously thinking upon this revelation.
>After a moment, they speak up. Their autisic screeching, somehow having become even worse than before!

>"Disgusting peasant masses are on premises! Danger, danger! They're here for the tv's and silverware! Activate heavy bolter.exe.
>The last of the batons are expelled, and heavy bolter rounds begin pouring forth. Salughtering several of his pals.
whatever man, just let them refuel
>he knows Ulfric
>and Marius
Well Ulfric was lost to the figthing. He died a heroes death and he will be honored. As for Marius, his fate was... strange
>points towards Marietta
How the fuck did I miss
>Knees down
>I shot her wand with my long-las

That is awesome. I was thinking earlier about how all those giant warships would need equally giant fleet tenders, but I never really saw any mention of them.

>That didn't work
>Pull out my lasgun, shoot the servitor
> turns and waves to Mordred
Hello brother.... the warp works in mysterious ways.
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>Bad idea
>Servitors losing their shit everywhere
>What do i fucking do
>Oh gods i hate that screaming
>Fuck it
>Cast Bolt of Change at the servitors nearby
>Grab girl
>Tell her that she's now running our show because all my ideas to get the fuck out of here have failed
>Start running towards an exit
>reflects the shot
>post wrong image,fuck
>The Servitor screeches autistically, as it calls for police reinforcements
“No! I’m da governor now!”
>she beats her tiny fists on the corrupted armor
>all her buddies inside are dead
>fuck those cunts
>be sneekiest git, purple kommando
>I got inside this fancy 'umie 'ouse
>now its time ta find 'ho it belongs to
>since I got in 'ere all i've been 'earin is yellin an' arguin
>well, lets go tawards the noise
>might be able to stab someone propa
>'ts a big 'house
>big fancy 'ouse
>be putting little bits an' bobs in me pack as loot for when I needs ta make me a shoota
>wont be too hard to make a shoota
>oi wots this?
>some defensery system been set off?
>no worries, I'll just go past it
>it kant see me cause I be purple
>make me way to sume big fancy room
>lotsa gits innit
>lets see
>might avoid this room fer now
>keep goin' to find wunna them sneeky space marines standin' ova a little 'umie
>>62721880 reflects shot
Ok shooting the wand is a no no.
Kil the caster, or shoot her hand.
>See >>62721863
And she's back, fucking great
>Shoots the Magical girl's hand with a long-las

"Warrior of Magnus, I'm Ordo Malleus."
>Glances at girl.
"Uh, you don't get to bring friends."
consider it stolen
>Shulks around all this groxshit in a invisible swagger, reaches into my pouch while talking to the little girl.
"How much can I pay you to frak off?"
>they are not her friends
I am so sorry but it had to be done
>See the leader fleeing with a Heretic Marine
>Start firing at the two of them, maybe I can take her out
>The emperor protects!
“Bitch did this wand just talk like me!? You was my gun!
How does I use you now?”
>get carried away by chaos marine
> wilhelm.exe has stopped working
> confusion.vox
I.... how?
> look towards Ephraim
Someone please explain how the fuck this is possible.
>be me, Boss Silvatoof
>'umies krumpin' each otha
>where's dat sneeky git
>make me way to dat fancy place
>gotta be lotsa loot dere
>moibe a noice hat for me
>get shot on back of chaos marine
>shit that hurt you grox
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>Drag the brat away
>She's banging my armor
>Why did i do this again
>Oh good fucking lords it's him
>Use alpha pskyer powers to redirect bullet
>Enjoy that fucko
>Finally i'll be free
>As long as i'm out of this room
>Open door
>A fucking Inquisitor is there
>Ordo Malleus
>Ask him a single thing
"Where are the Grey Knights?"
>Not fucking with those assholes again
i sure love captchas
it was for you,big guy
>I got her, I think
>She's not dead though
>Still, she's injured
>Perhaps this will slow the heretic assault
>Keep firing
>Be ork boy
>Well, uh...
"Hey boss uh, ever since dat big ol' space hulk I've gotten dese here bouncy things on me chest, an' me behind's bigger too."
The corruption of the warp works in strange ways. The Sororitas here weren't always as "generously shapen" and I used to be a little shorter and less muscular. Also there was something about the Governess having been a Governor? I'm not even sure this is reality at this point
>bullets deflected by some crazy wavy lines
> I....
I don't know what to say to that...
> he looks at everyone around him
Are.... any of you in pain? Do you need anything
> knowing Ulfric he probably died trying to save them. Damn fool
> It's the least I can do to look after them.
>>62722072 redirects shot
>Shot grazes my left cheek, (BADLY)
AH! Stop redirect my shots assholes!
Fucking damn that stings like a bitch!
>On the floor crying in pain
"A permanent physically mutative psychic effect cause by exposure to a persistent warp-medium"
>Nods sagely
"Indeed. I was a man but for a few hours ago. Luckily it seems my mind has been entirely untouched by the energies that changed my body, thank the Emperor. Speaking of that, how is your mind fairing astartes? I have heard you've inhaled a rather large amount of those damned mists."
>Filthy heretic magic stopping my shots
>Nevermind, just start shooting at other heretics
>I better get promoted for this.

"And why would I want her?"
> he nods to the xenos
> This xenos seems.... more humble than most.
By the emperor.... are any of you in pain. Do you all require anything.
> I shall safeguard these people.
> It is undoubtedly what he would have wanted.

>well fry me loike a squig and kick out me teef wot is dat
>looks loike somewun took un a dose white-haired 'umies dat always got dem shiny burnas n' made it proppa orky
>it dun matta, need all da boyz I can get
>'Ere we go, 'Ere we go!
>Be Savorius
>Be bored
>Is that... footsteps I hear?
>Peek through crystal ball
>Shit, there's some guy in power armor coming towards my location
"I'm going to take that as a no, there are no grey knights"
"And no, you can't have her. I need for a ritual or some other shit"
>Make shit up as i go
>Start preparing some flickering flames
"Oh, and enjoy this gift on my part, worshipper of a dead warlord"
>Throw the warpfire
>In great pain
Fucking heretic and their bullshit.
Fucking chaos and their chaotic bullshit.
Fucking warp and their warp fuckery.
I swear if this shit gets any worse I'm going to call the Inquisition and let fuck over this planet.
>Gets up
>Grabs long-las
>Walks to >>62721765
>Decloaks and taps the back of the power armour with a geltcard.
"Hi, how much do I need to pay you just to fuck off?"
"Just name your price, I cannot be fucked doing my job today. So please just go away."
My mind is as clear as the sky on an agri-world Governess
>actually slight musculature growth was the smallest effect the exposure had on me, I'm fairly certain if no one was around I'd be balls deep in Sis-
>I mean she is really, really hot though, can't deny that...
>Walking around, still lost in this underground complex. I hear no one, not even the shit happening on the surface, it's too calm.
>There's three metallic doors, each going in a different location.
>Since most people never take the front one, I'll pick it. What's the worse that could happen?

>Going in without noticing the ominous xeno symbol at the top of each doors
>Hmm... da boss is kinda roight!
>We'z duz kinda look like dose...
>What's dey call 'em?
>Dats wat da hummies call da hummies wit da round fronts
>Dey'z ded killy wit dose burnas
>He he
>I'z gotta burna too
>Imma like a Sistah of da WAAAGH!!
>The hue of the work's hair squig shifts to white as the ork's back straightens out slightly
>The ork grabs some scraps of leather to secure her boobs to keep them from flopping' about when she's chopping up humans
>Some orks behind her are changing in similar ways as they walk through the mist
>I'm abou to do my Evil Laugh (TM) when i feel a
tap in my armor
>Turn around
>Another fucking inquisitor
>Is, is she offering payment for me to fuck off
"Two functioning hands, and a Power Sword, or no deal"
>I'll learn where the marine who did this to me
>Besides if she says no i can just fry their brains off and fuck off
>be sneekiest git, purple kommando
>at this present momunt I fink its not the smartest idea, cause I do have dose, to go against wunna dose sneeky marines
>I'll go 'ave a look aroun' instead
>'s a big 'ouse, wunda 'ow many 'umies live in 'ere
>an' 'ow many 'umies I kan krump
>lookin' out wunna da windoes an' wot do I see komin' towards tha big 'umie 'ouse
>its Silvatoof
>wave at 'im and start yellin'
>whos that next i'm?
>thats one weird lookin' ork
>its good ta see tha boss again
>we kan krump reeell good now cants we?
>yes we kan

>Displacer field powers down with a whine.

>Hands him the geltcard credited to Lord Inquisitor Jackson Matthias.
>Writes up a offical Inquisitorial requisition for two functioning hands, and a Power Sword.
"Use this to pay for everything and you'll be fine."
"Now take your rioting morons and please leave."
>Hands over the requisition form.
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>This shit has to be heretical
>What kind of bullshit is this
>And why does the name Austin sounds so appropiate for this moment
>drop the wand
>be magical girl hive ganger
“I ain’t gotta take this!”
>continue banging on armor
>not doing shit
>plans ruined
>gang dead
>everything fucked
>royally fucked
>inquisitor paying me to leave the palace
>Wait it was all an illusion?
>Maybe sucking a daemon inside me wasn't a good idea
>Take the requisitions
"How am i supposed to cash these, i am a 7 foot tall chaos marine?"
>Girl starts banging on armor
>Complaning how shit life is
"At least you have your hands intact, you loli"
>The security Servitor continues its endless autistic screeching. Spewing forth an alert about minority suspects fleeing the scene.

>Be Me
>Canoness Helga
>Ow my ass!
>I'd fry this damn broad if it didn't feel so good
>Hear Reiver Sgt. ask about if I'm consorting with xenos
>Can hear gunfire coming from just outside the governess' manor
>Scowl at the Reiver with a 'Now is not the time!' expression
>Hear Governess Von Gosk explanation the situation
>slip out of Marietta's grip and walk to the window
>By the Emperor, she's telling the truth.
>Including the magical little girl part
>MamaHelga.exe has stopped working
>Slowly turn to the rest of the group
>"If you excuse me... I'm going to go burn everything in that courtyard in holy fire until its done."
>And I do mean EVERYTHING
>Mama's promethium has no friend or foe identifier.
>"Then I'm going to come back, find a nice couch somewhere in this mansion, and take a nice long rest. Feel free to join in."
>make moi way to dat big house dere
>sneeky git's inna window
>barely saw dat cheeky git, zoggin good camo dat purple dere
>shoot me rokkits at the house
>proppa bang
>robo-'umies rush outta dere, weak little show of dakka
>made a distrakshun for da sneeky git
>start krumpin' dose half-metal 'umies so da sneeky git can get to work
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>He sighs.
"Isn't that what fucking Cultists are for?"
> he follows her outside. Along with him is Marius... or... Marietta
> he readies his boltgun for combat.
> prepared to defend these people to the death.
>Orks assaulting the mansion
>Start falling back to a better position, firing as I go
>Need a better weapon
>Be me
>Sororitas Mallory
>Crusader looks like she's about to snap
>Walks over, kneels down and gently pulls Victoria's head against her chest in a tender, caring hug
>"Thing are going to turn out alright, I promise. The Emperor will protect us."
>He thinks i have cultists
"Cultists? Who do you think i am, a chaos lord?"
>I'd be nice to have some Rubrics around to mow down all these imperials
>Open portal
>Maybe the ganger girl could cash this from me
>I mean, they have Inquisitorial seals, so nobody will deny the request
>And after that
>Time to get revenge on my poor hands
>Tell the ganger
"Buckle up fucko, we're going warp surfing"
> she pulls away from her and looks at the sister with tears in her eyes.
Where was he when your sisters on innocence IV raped and slaughtered my comrades?
>Soul:Oh these guys are servitors
>Clears throat
Hello, my name is Mack Chamber Samuel, I'm an imperial guardsman, and I'm here to help you secure your palace.
>Among all the shenanigans and chaos, a lone figure approaches Chaplain Marietta Alfred
>The ugliest mortal she has ever seen, with slumped gait making his already short stature even more diminutive and a smell like a rotting corpse about him
>Points at the book the Chaplain took from the Sorcerer
Excuse me, but would that tome be the "Findings on the Malefic: Hereticus Tenebrae and its implications" that was lost a long time ago?

"The Inquisitorial Mandates do NOT support this action."
> She looks at the book
Huh.... It would appear so. Why?
> looks at the absolutely hideous man suspicously
> pretty sure even Nurgle is more appealing than him.
>See the marines and sororitas go out into the courtyard
>I can't do much but maybe I can help
>Walk out do join them, firing my lasgun
>"Canoness that sounds like a great idea. Brother Mordred, can you spare some ammunition? I've been struggling with accuracy lately."
>Throne damnit still having very lewd thoughts
>do my best to cleanse my mind, I'm supposedly immune to warp taint but that really was a lot of very concentrated warp dust
>maybe taking care of Sister Angela in combat will make my desires more... pure and sensual
>this is either a terrible or a great idea but most of the people in this are technically obliged to adress me as Lord Astartes and I will demand the respect I'm owed if I need to
>Be sneeky git, purple kommando
>Silvatoof saw me
>thats a good fing
>I fink 'e almost missed me though
>cause Im purple an' all
>but cause o' dat he's launched some rokkits at the 'ouse
>I seez some little 'umie goin on some rage
>don't why the tiny git is so angry, but im gonna stab it
>jump outta me window and sneek me way ova
>ready choppa
> he sighs and just hands him his boltgun
It's not dna coded to me, it's designed to work with deathwatch astartes in general... we have a habit of getting weapons mixed up, fucking blood magpies.
> he draws his boltpistol and enters the courtyard.

>Notice the Scowl the Canoness gives me so before she walks away i give her a power armored smack on her ass to make it sting even more.
>I then head out to find the hostiles so i can vent some of this UNYIELDING RAGE
>I find nothing so i just go back to the room after i have some Deathwatch Marines set up a perimeter
>I'm gonna incinerate some cultists with a fusion pistol
"Was that offer to join in for the burning or the couch?"

>Be Battlesister Angela
>Is that skank Von Gosk trying to steal MY Ephriam from me
>Glare with such intensity it'd make Yarrick proud
>Follow brother Eprhiam out of the autotailor room
>Hear loud screaming in the distance
>Checks the window
>It's Orks
>Grumble loudly
>"What's next? Genestealers? Tyranids? God-Emperor damned TAU?!"
>Get up.
>Ready warscythe.
“Let’s fucking go.”
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>Meanwhile, Tyranids and Tau are fighting on the other side of the system. They also all have giant tits
“I am not a Loli!”
>frustrated ganger low gothic
“I’m a man damnit!”
>the man leans to his side and smiles rubbing his hands together, somehow managing to look even more hideous than before
I have been looking for it for quite some time. I doubt I have anything you'd be interested in to compensate for your efforts in finding it... Except perhaps monetary support for a Crusade? But let me assure you. That book is quite... Unwholesome. It would be best that you did not hold on to it, even if it has no use for good nor evil anymore.
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>Charge out with my sword and pistol
>Oh wait I have Wraithguard on call
>I should message my ship to land so I can hide behind them
>Be me, newbie Sororitas Mallory
>Stare at Victoria in horror
>"I'm sorry... I didn't know. But the fact you survived means the Emperor protected you, right?"
>Hugs again
>"It's okay to cry. Let it all out..."
>Probably would've been a hospitalier if my schola grades weren't a disaster

{{The smaller lifeform will require a larger weapon.}}
"For the greater goods!"
you know what I mean when I say goods ;)
>assemble in the courtyard of the mansion, took a while to get down there
>the Deathwatch is here, the Sororitas are here, the Guard is here, the Inquisition is here and even the throne-damned thrice-cursed xenos are here to fight with us
>how in the warp did this happen
>Open fire on the Greenskins, they all look a little strange
>actually manage to be accurate this time
>rush into close quarters anyway
>slice and dice, this relic blade might not be a shitty power sword pianted black after all
>the orks look really strange
>like greenskin caricatures of Sororitas
>whatever, they fight and die the same
> my... how suspect....
I appreciate your... generous offer. However, I am afraid I must decline it. This book is far too dangerous to be left in the hands of mortal men.
>The Security servitor is quite litterally spinning around in circles on the floor, after its motivators had been hit by a laser blast.
>It's high-pitched autistically screaming can litterally be heard in a mile wide radius, as it requests addition support to deal with peasants a d minority Intruders.
> she pushes her away.
> glaring daggers at her
they said the same thing.... before the canoness herself pinned me to the ground and attempted to dig out my innards and wear them like a fur coat.
> shaking like a leaf.
> just... go away... I.... I....
> collapse into the sister's arms.
> bawling like a baby.
> letting out YEARS worth of pent up stress and grief.
>the odd little man's smile only grows wider
True, most certainly true... Have you read it? Or did you build that opinion from my words and demeanour? Perhaps someone in possession of the tome before?
>The orks charge.
>Many are really fucking weird orks
>With the um... exaggerated female assets that have become common amongst those on the planet
>Those same orks also appear to be sporting the standard Sororitas hairstyle
>And a few of them have made a parody of Sister armor out of scrap metal
>And a few of them have beautiful faces!?
> Charge into combat
> bolt pistol and chainsword in hand.
> slashing and hacking at the orks with increasing ferocity
> theyshallnotpass.oath
> not one more shall fall to them today.
> not.
> one.
> more.
>A man
>The mist reached into the city too
"A man. Sure. Now stay still and for your own sake i hope you have overdosed in some strong shit before"
>Walk into the portal
>Ahh the chaos of the great ocean, how hellishly beautiful
>Now where can i cash these in
>Oh yeah the castle's armory
>Concentrate towards the angry grunting
>Pop near the armory
>That'll show them not having gellar fields
>Drop ganger on the floor
"Now stay still while i cast this shit"
>Cast Boon of Change
>End up looking like a normal space marine
>Except for the fact that my armor looks like skin when up closed
>Cast it on the ganger to make her look less heretical
>And a little taller
>The effect is temporary so i need to move the fuck out

>Be Canoness Helga
>Let out a surprisingly sensual moan of surprise as I get my ass smacked by the Reiver
>Glare loathingly at him for a moment and rub my ass in pain
>Look at Autarch
>whisper: "Later. Try to keep yourself relatively competent, theres's a lot of warp dust out there."
>Not that having a slutty xenos would be bad or anything
>Enter courtyard and see greenskin sororita wannabes
>Start burning greenskins left and right, manic, almost pyromaniac gleam in my eyes
Wheres a techpriest when you need one.
we really should make a new thread
> keep a close eye on the canoness
> a pyromaniac it would appear
> oh hell
> she's lost sight of her surroundings.
> an ork appears behind her
> leap overhead
> jediain'tgotnothingonthis.skill
> decapitate the xeno
> stand back to back with the canoness
> blamming and hacking any who dare get to close
> not one more.
>beneath the hive city
>be horrible eldrich construct
>awaken and begin grabbing buildings with my tentacles
>drag them down below into the chaos that has unfolded in the underhive

>After hearing her moan and seeing her rub her ass i think she just might be hungry
>Upon returning i see her Lighting orks on fire
>Thank the Emperor i am to filled with rage to have an erection right now
>I walk up along side her and assist her in purging
>Be Me, newbie Sororitas Mallory
>gently hold Victoria, letting her cry even as I hear the sounds of battle going on outside
>We should really, really be helping them
>But I don't want to leave this Crusader with pain in her heart

>>62723311 Second this. If anyone wants to make a new one, feel free to do so.
>dem 'umies are killin' me boyz
>deyz new bigga space marines are roight proppa killy
>dat one wiff da skull mask and da big choppa is real scary
>damn sneeky git ya were supposed to uh...
>sabotashe 'em, dats it
>keep puttin' down some proppa dakka till dat dam kommando pulls off his masta plan
>woteva dat was
We really need someone to make a new thread, I already made one once but it was shit. We need someone with good writing skills to make the summary. Also phoneposting so I have like 0 images I can use
>be sneeky git, purple kommando
>I wuz goin' ta charge the midget 'umie and some 'umie weirdboy comes in and takes 'em
>no point in chargin' the little 'umie now if it's not there
>might as well keep up with the scrap thats goin' on 'ere
>turn roight aroun'
>run back into the fight with these 'umie gits
>might see if I can find Slivatoof along tha way
>for the waaaaaaagh again
>turns into a big titty Trazagor
“Bawk! Bawk bawk buh baaaaaawk!”
>what dis blue git do ta me?
>Be Savorius, Sorceress of the Thousand Sons
>The Tzaangors found more popcorn
>And regular corn
>Watching this fight play out
>It's amazing
>Like convergent evolution
>The only female warriors the orks know about are the Sororitas, so when there's female orks, their WAAGH!! field pushes them to adopt the tendencies of Sororitas
>Very interesting
>As always, the defenders are doing pretty well
>Wonder if I can shake things up
>Ah, there we go
>Open the microwave oven, remove a steaming mug
>The evolution of this mist that has been so very interesting...
>Well, it's basically just the mist, but it's no longer gaseous
>Now it's...
>Well, it's liquid, but it contains much more power
>It's abilities SHOULD radiate through even sealed power armor if this stuff gets on it
>He he he he he
>The plan continues

>Notice the Sorceress and toss a frag at her
>Follow it up with a few bolt rounds to drive the fucker off if not kill her
>Then go back to killing Orks
>This is great cardio, and stress relief
nah we good, slaaneshi shit seems to be slowing down and we’re moving into tzeench
>Oh gods what have i done
>Fuck you Tzeentch
"Hey you like what i did to her"
"Fine you fucking prune"
>Alright calm down
>Call up my sorceress (>>62723534)
"Uhh fuck, real quick question, is there a way to reverse the effects of a Boon of Change besides to cast it until you get the form you had back?!"
>I just wanted my iron hands
> sob into her arms some more...
> eventually hear the sounds of battle outside.
> in that instant I realize that she actually is quite cute..
> kiss her on the cheek before I can realize what I'm doing.
Thank you sister....
> stare at her for a long second before climbing to my feet and drawing my weapons
we should go.... it would appear that our comrades require our aid.
> hold out a hand to the young one
What good would we be if we let them down?
>These Orks are even more disgusting than usual
>But my blade is as sharp as ever
>Everything is on fire
>It's burning the mist out of the air
>A giant void cuts a hole in the ranks of the Orks
>Oh good the Wraithguard are here
i could try to make a thread, but mobile so it may come out slightly shit
>be sneeky git, pruple kommando, again
>runnin' back I seez the boss havin' a hard time
>it be wunna dose skull faced marine
>now 'eres the plan
>im gunna sneek me way up to 'im
>jump on his back
>and start stabbin
>one git'll make him fall ova and let boss Silvatoof get ta work
>befure that though
>lets see what I kan jimmy together
>lookin' around me pack theres sum good loot in 'ere fer makin' a decent shoota
>its a roight propa orky one
>now I got me choppa and me shoota
>sneeky time it is boys
>begin sneekin' round the back of the skull faced git
>luckily I still 'ad a stikkbomb spare
>lob, where? I dunno
>just lob it
>Not even nearby
>Watching this all remotely
>Fucker did kill the thing I was watching from however
>Such an annoyance
>Anyways, the tzaangors are working on the distribution vector
>It's going to be great

>Sis calls me up
>Asking if there's a way to reverse the boon of change
"Not really. I guess you could try temporal reversal, but that would probably do more harm than good. By the way, in a few hours, don't go outside without an umbrella."
>Ella. Ella. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh. Eh.
Well if noone else is going to it's better than nothing. Also fuck formatting lmao

>I turn around and see a ork trying to frag me and my brothers so i grab a ork choppa and throw it at the fucker
>I hit him in the right shoulder making him drop the grenade
>The explosive detonates and i rush up and throw the Ork at his brothers before i get back to purging and covering the Canoness
>Suddenly, the smile stops
>about time, the skin on his face already began tearing up, a few small wounds on his face seem to accentuate his features quite horribly
>he instead raises his hand, a small metal cylinder with a hole on one end and a button on its side in his palm
Oh well. If you are so against it, then please. Use this.
>>62723870 Give me a second. Working on it right now.
no seriously we’re fine right now. We have several hundred posts left to go
>Hear explosions and shit
Imma be right back
>Runs towards explosions
No we don't. We've hit the bump limit and we're on page 9
New thread is up: >>62724003
>Well shit
>I dunno how to modify time with the warp
>Grab the Trazzgor loli
>Fuck this
>Fuck sneaking
>Fuck magic
>Should've joined the world eaters
>I bet their chainaxes don't fly off their socket because Khorne was bored that day
>Time to get myself some hands
>And where the fuck is the armory on this shithole

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