old thread:>>61815222welcome to 40k parody at the better autistic style of /tg/,enjoy.
>>61836127>be Commissar overseeing a Krieg armor regiment>which is in the middle of colonizing the Webway>managed to smash out the folding seats in the HQ Chimera>while this horrified the remaining cogheads I was able to weld in nine folding bunks>one modified Chimera to every two Russes sounds about right>should relieve overcrowding and let all our key personnel sleep in shifts behind armor plating>which is good, because you know>brain-eating psychic bees are literally a thing here>wherever “here” is>”The scouts sent a message, they've found something.”>bythethrone.startle/don't_do_that_to_me>how long has the Shadowseer even been there?>turns out the scouts found remnants of a battle within the Webway>that junk must be thousands of years old by now>but then again, the Mechanicus don't build things like they used to>read the transcripts... sounds a lot like Krieg for “probably safe but we expect to die anyway”>”Are there daemons in this part of the webway?”>shrug.clown>”Last anyone checked, no. But there may be some psychneuein.”>those are the psyker-eating warp bees, right?>tell the scouting team to wait for reinforcements>want to know if the Smurfs are down to shoot some two-meter-long space bees with us>Shadowseer also hints that there may be some isolated Drukhari on the prowl for “husbandos”>our current position may be compromised>it's day two and this is already starting to sound familiar
>Be little Timmy>Just staring at the spikey pale ladies with the pointy ears with Mr. Salamander>I keep hearing things about /ss/>whatsthat.growingboi
>Be Brother-Captain Biggius Smallius>Brother Vader has taken over rationing duties>most likely so he can hoard all the good shit for himself>the fat fuck>understand the need to eliminate any potential space wasps>"That is a sensible idea, Commissar. I can spare one detachment of Tactical Marines to assist with "pest control". The remainder will have to stay here to aid in fortifications and such.">The thought of Drukhari Husbando raids gives me an involuntary shudder
>>61836254>>61836213>be me soldier K od krieg death korps>after my report they tell me to wait and dont die>noproblem.vox>i tell my boys to fix the damaged sencodary cannon of the chimera,take defensive positions and,make their prayers and prepare for new orders>i take a squad of mens and explore the abandones battlefield>tanks,cannons,power armors,power swords,half of this shit was supossed to be from the great crusade era and only for the most powerfull>what in the hell happened here?>hear shoot at the camp>looks like the boys are practicing shooting with the psyker wasps
>>61836254>>61836862>be Commissar>Captain Smallius is sending out some tactical marines to help clear out the fucking warp bees>this is good>Shadowseer is compiling reports from eldar and harlequin units that confirm there's at least a small raiding party worth of Drukhari planning a husbando raid>this is not good>the tactical picture is not good>"Captain Smallius, we're gonna need a bigger wall.">wonder if maybe a dozer blade could get these tank scrapes to the proper depth in time>wonder if my men are ready for "close combat" with a bunch of thirsty dark eldar chicks>probably know the answer to that, but it's always nice to hope
>be me>be Captain Fren Lee Faya of the Marines Malevolent 4th Battle Company>after all of my Brothers arrive i tell to Sergeant Cass Ual Tee to give me full report of our remaining forces>Sergeant reports:-3 squads of Devastators(squad Vermilion Stain is completely destroyed)-2 squads of Tactical Marines(squad Kuhnt's Gaze has lost 2 Battle Brothers)-2 full squads of Assault Marines-8 Primaris Marines-1 Primaris LT-1 Chaplain -1 Apothecary-1 Librarian-1 Standart Bearer-1 Tech Marine-2 Venerable Brothers Dreadnoughts-1 Insufferable Cunt-4 Whirlwinds-4 Thunderhawks
>>61836127OP what's the name of the Sector and the Planet?
>>61837621Planet's name was Valentine I think.Not sure about sector.We could call it the Valentine Sub-sector if that hasn't already been named
>>61837621Not OP, but the sector was unspecified and the planet WAS Valentine. Now events are also taking place in the Webway and in orbit.
Bump of Love
>Oh Sweet bones of the Man-Emperor am I in pain>last thing I remember is going through a web-way portal and having whatever fuck juice Slaanesh had made to taint the warp started to take effect.>Remember Throwing a Cyclonic Torpedo at the Murderfucker>Enjoyyourbirthdaycuntboi.exterminatus>looking at holohud Machine Spirit says leg joints of armor is FUBAR Also says my Voxcaster is as well >I cannot even call for help>Wasn’t there a bunch of Death Korps boys here?
>Be me.>Be Techmarine Brother Galahad.>I am still documenting this strange display surrounding the Necron female (classification: Overlord[lady]) and tech-priest.>Overlady has begun to stroke the tech-priest's scrocket rod model 147.>Ministrations of anointment improper.>More wrist is required.>Chest orbs have begun to make contact with tech-priest's person.>Miniscule changes in tink of dermal plating.>The scene is... oddly sensual.>Perspiration Level: 75%
>Be sister of battle Assius Maximus>Thanks for the name mom>Be going with my sisters to some shithole named Valentine>Our Cannoness didn't come with>The whore is probably too busy sucking cock and being fucked in all her holes>How she got such a position I'll never know>Oh wait>She fucked her was to the top>Whore
Bump for the Bump GodPosts for the Post Throne
>>61836127Still think Peace & Loathing is a more apt title, so who all I on the banner?
>>61838192Whore of a Cannoness? When did Sister Charlotte get promoted to a Cannoness?
>>61838928I'm guessing she was promoted after the shit show of Cold Shoulder
>>61838928>Sister Charlotte will never have a husbandoThats why she's a whore
>be former eldar farseer>Now Khorne Demon Princess>Currently in the webway>Cutting my way through hordes of Slaanesh followers and subordinates>Be unbelievably fuck ass mad>But also unbelievably overjoyed>Soul didn't get eaten by dark prince>And now I'm on my way to stab xim in the face>Feels fucking great man>When I'm done I'm gonna take an Interrogator on a date>Hope he gets me steak>A BIG BLOODY RARE STEAK FIT FOR THE BLOOD GOD>Also coffee>Why the fuck do I still want coffee?
>be cogboyNeed Necrontits inorder to progress. I don't want to awkwardly fuck myself or something here
>>61837881>Be me the still ‘mostly’ ‘sane’ part of Draigo he calls ‘Brian’>my far crazier half is rather quiet mustbenaptime.beautysleep>strangely I seem to have control of my own body... could be a trap but>activate release for power armor.>I’m getting out of this tin can>hear the pressure release for the suit pop as I pull myself out of my terminator Armor for the first time in Emperor knows how long.>get ready to check how much Slaanesh’s curse has fucked me.
>>61839913>Be Interrogator Darvin> just had sorta gf Eldar Farseer Iscariot turn into a Darmon Prince(es?)>Be exhausted so just go to sleep> Wake up due to Distubance In The Warp>Someone seems angry>Didn’t she say something about a date when she got back>don’t really want to make a Daemon Prince Eldar Farseer angry>Hmmm I wonder what a Daemon Prince(es) would like?>Steak... definitely steak
>>61839941>Be Necron Overlady>By the C'Tan, this cogboy is innocent>press my robo-tits a bit more into him and really work that rod>grinding my pelvis against him might be enough for him to get the hint, but I'll try to be as direct as possible>tillIgetmysatisfaction.daftpunk
>be Java'had>Corrupt my Buddy Darvy using the coffee he has drank, into a PURE MUSCLE MAN OF RIP & TEAR!!!!>gift him all the sexy muscules he needs to IMPRESS THAT LIVING ARTPIECE OF DESTRUCTION SILVER>also a warpflesh percalator on his back so can ALWAYS SERVE COFFEE TO HER!!!!>Anything for you Buddy
>>61839944>inb4 Draigo looks exactly the same as normal, just with tits
>>61840021>Be cogboy>The electric static charge building between me & this necron is provocing an organic response>It's tingling>Please Xenos, that is not how you use it. You must grasp my rod firmly at the base then you use the head of the sprocket too loosen
>>61839821>Be Cannoness Charlotte>Got done fucking a squad of guardsmen>Eat a tub of flavored chilled dairy paste while crying>Tfw no wholesome relationship with a single man who would do anything to make me happy>Tfw mom was right and I'm nothing but a whore now>Tfw no one will love meShe needs help getting into a wholesome relationship.
>be Commissar>abruptly realize I've been daydreaming about Sororitas workout hour back at Schola>also realize that the shadowseer has been staring at me face to face for Emperor knows how long>"You were thinking about Sororitas butts again, weren't you?">laugh it off and say something about that last space bee attack being pretty crazy>if I still had a uniform left I'd have to wash it again>the memory of me wiping bee goo off my face for the second time this week seems to cheer her up a little>remember that we still have no permanent source of clean water>maybe we'll find some after the move>come to a clear break in the 'structure' of the Webway, basically a wide, long single-span bridge>on the other side are ancient battle machines>the shapes of tanks, grav vehicles, walkers, and foul beasts of war all tangled up and overlapping, half-buried within the congealed mass of semi-spectral terrain>looks like this was a city at one point>"Well at least it looks deserted, maybe the Drukhari won't find us here for a while. If we're lucky we might even find some water reclamation equipment that still works.">somehow I doubt we're going to end up getting lucky
>>61840507Why does she deserve a wholesome relationship? She's a cunt
>>61839944> “All right moment of truth...”>Who the fuck am I talking to?>put hands to chest...flat... oh no I’m a member of the itty-bitty-titty-committee>wait... reach down for a hot bag of nuts>”Sweet Emperor alive I’m still a man!”>againwhoamItalkingto.maddness>Oh I know it’s the rather good looking young man standing in front of me... reflected in my...armor>Oh no Slaanesh turned me into a Bishōnen>Well it could be worse I’m young and good looking now... very good looking... on a planet tainted by Slaanesh... full of Thicc Thirsty Xenos and Human Women>Now I wish I would’ve turned into a woman
So is this thread dead
>>61842525I hope not, cogboy needs a happy ending
>>61841672>after a minor panic attack I decided to scout for where the Death Korps boys I saw went>pulling my sword from my armor then search for something even more important after a minute I pull it out a sock with the word ‘Ham Sock’>notthatkindofsock.lewd>have to say web-way is way more peaceful than I expected, if you’re used to shit that makes psychic bee, DEldar raid parties, and actual ghosts (Hi Grandpa)>found a graveyard of golden are ships and tech that would make a ArcMagus blow a sprocket>Every now and then I find tracks from Terran tanks going in every direction and no direction I’ve seen enough warp fuckery to be able to follow this.Spent a night in a broken duntless light cruiser when I see something Even I think is crazy.>”Is that Sucubuss talking to a hug pillow?”
>>61842657>Be probably in the same warp area>Still screaming mad>See succubus>Fuckthatbitch.anger>Punt the fucker>Red mist everywhere>Feels good>See silver clad knight again>"WELCOME TO THIS FUCKED UP PLACE, SHALL WE PARTAKE IN THE TIME HONOURED TRADITION OF FUCKING A SLUT'S SHIT UP!?">too roided out to care if that made sense or not
>>61842903>Be Interrogator Darvin>still chilling at the inquisitors ship>Bored out of my mind>Throw legs up on command board while sipping coffee> accidental press button>Vox coms beeps>”Thermonuclear Detonation reactivated>”5,4,3,2,1>Thermonuclear missiles have now been launched> Please remain on standby until glassing is finished”>Whoops
>>61842657>>61842903>See that same crazy Eldar possessed by Khorne only she seemed to have a upgrade.>What the fuck did she do to gain this much favor with the fucking blood god!? One v One him? The Balls on this chick I thought I was the only person stupid enough for that! I’m liking her more already!>”Fuck it I ain’t got nothing better to do and There are few things in this world I love better then fucking Slaanesh! ...No homo!!”> I channel energy into my force sword as It begins to hum I scream “let’s fuck up some Deamonetts!”
>>61843261>>61842903>”Excluding yourself of course...
>>61843261Pffft I was the one who challenged khorne to a one on oneStop stealing my credit Iscariot! :)
Necron Overlady here. I'm at work right now, so if anyone wants to take a stab at continuing the plot, feel free. If I can, I'll contribute when able
>>61843285>>61843261>The tin mon'keigh agrees>Fuck yes let's do this>Scream with the force of a thousand suns as I charge into battle>Hell hath no fury like an angry princess scorned>Start fucking shit up for the blood god like it's no tomorrow>Bestdayever.warp>Except two things can make it better>One: Darvin doesn't fuck our date up>Two: get to punch Slaanesh in his dumb fucking face>Three: can have coffee>FUCK, THAT'S THREE AAAAAAH
>>61843299This guy is going full London
>>61843381>Be cogboy>Electric static from the necron caresses have caused Sparks to fly>Her leaning into me causes me to loose my balance>We both fall fown into the oil>She grabs my mechadendrites>Fade to Oil...>Trusty sprocket rod model 147 slips out of my grip>Activates the phase shift device>Noexterminatusforyou.fuckoff
>be apothecary Sawthus Legoph>doing my duty to the Emporer>sent to some webway to work against new kind of toxin>meet chaplain>he seems stoic enough for the moment>finally get to the medical facility>tactical marine layed out infront of me>3 foot stinger with half a giant wasp ass sticking out of his chest>"how fare I brother apothecary?">Not enough narthecium for this.jpg>"have faith brother">look at chaplain>he starts a prayer>I hope the geneseed is okay
>be me, Captain Faya>seems like people are duing some important shit in the webway and on the surface while my whole Battle Company is stuck in Necronfag's Tomb on picnic>tell Brother Van Aitus Inferius to pass the marshmallows
>>61844092>be a Commissar in the Webway>good news: we somehow got reinforcements apparently>so SOMEONE knows we're here, the Harlequins aren't our only lifeline>they may even be able to provide me with a replacement shirt>FINALLY>bad news: it's an Astartes apothecary, because one of the Smurfs got bee'd>three-foot stinger poking out of his gut with half a bee's ass stuck to it>good news: we may finally get an antidote to the bee venom>the bastards have been surprisingly tenacious>bad news: the Smurf is almost certainly going to die>regimental morale has taken a dip despite my best efforts>they need some positive news as motivation>wait until the apothecary has a free moment>”I didn't think Captain Smallius' detachment had an apothecary. Did you arrive here from the Materium for this specific case, and is resupply possible?"
>>61836970>>61844092>>61844495hi guys finally back from highschool ,yes im a youngfag btw>be soldier K with the 4 tanks squads>we are doing fine ,some wasps but we managed to take them down without loses>yet i can still the taint of the chaos and light of the holy emperor mixed on this old battlefield>this worry me,as i fear that demons or echos of this entities could still around>anyway even with the dangers of the posible corruption,the light of the emperor looks like is able to keep it at bay,and the land look incredible for agriculture,plus all the scrap and relics>this place is ideal for a HQ and future colony
>>61845398Global Rule 2: You will immediately cease and not continue to access the site if you are under the age of 18.Rest in Peace Krieg Fag.
>>61843416>I’m going to say it and I have never seen a more passionate daemon Princess of Khorne in all my years>I’ve just spent three hours watching this woman work and it’s like art>I didn’t even know you could do that with a body...>anyway as we go about I feel the plains shift and such... something is going on>My attention is drawn from the DEldar with whom I was showing the proper way to shove a Melta up there ass to the very same Webway portal I think I was dropped through>ISmellTzentch.Birdbrain>Sooner then I could blink I was being pulled into it.>Fine let’s see what the bird boy wants now...
>>61845658To be fair, you can be 18 & in highschoolBe nice to the poor retard. He was probably held back
>>61845658rest on peperonianyway im in senior year so ,yeah i have 18 dont worry anon ,lol
>>61845707Yeah, he must be retarded if he de-anons himself as an undefag.
>>61845658Nigger I was 18yo senior. Besides, so long as the kiddo acts mature then I don't care.
>tfw no eldar gf to cuddle
>>61846712>Tfw no lewd Cannoness gf
>>61847219>Tfw no lewd Cannoness gf to sit on my faceIt hurts lads
>>61847347Slow day today huh
>>61847397Oh hell yeah, I think it's because most of the posters have to work or something like that
>>61847431Yeah... I’m just a Worthless Neet though sooo I got plenty of free timeNot quite at the point of no return though so I suppose I still have a chance at living a meaningful life
>>61847530Welcome brother here.... we are equal
>>61847347>tfw no thicc Tau gf to dit on your face
>>61847633>Tfw no thicc gf in general
>>61847658>tfw no gf at allOh lord just take me now
>>61847692wow that went from shit post depression pretty fast
>>61847804Just like real life!
>>61847804We all know that feel anon
>>61847895>be me>look at girl>girl says ''eeeww''>''destroyed on seconds'':confidence and self stem edition
>>61847347>>61847633Are smut green texts allowed on /tg/? I want to experience this even if vicariously through a story
>>61847913Can’t say I know that feel anonI’m objectively attractive just a psycho loner who doesn’t go out
>>61845398>be me k>after some hours our little improvised camp is set up>we hear whispers and chorums coming from nowhere>fucking mix of blessing with warp fuckery>anyway we decided to take one of the tanks and explore further>after 30 minutes we get on a section of the warp with a lot of ''psiquic'' turbulance,so our vox comms are failing a little bit>as we advance we notice shoots and explosions >fuck.vox>try to contact the comissar
>>61836254>brother Vaderhave i seen you before?
>Tzeentch shows me a game called Dragon Quest 11 now I am fuck...
>>61847692>>61847658>>61847633>>61847530>>61847503>>61847551>Be Java'had posterDamn dudes im sorry. I'm married to a big tittied nerd girl, & have a newborn son. Hope is out there
>>61848788No! Don’t say that we are all worthless loser neets r-right g-guys... Y-yeah
>>61848830Yeah, probably also the reason I'm not so thirsty like certain other posters. I'm all for fun green texts about sexually frustrated people, but when it gets really cringy it stops being fun.
>>61847989He's on a punishment detail
>>61849098i mean if you were on the bodypillow thread as an ultramarine
>>61849308>Long time no see
>>61849423i should post something,hold up
>>61836254>>61845676>Be Apothecary Pennicilnus>Somehow i've ended up in another one of these emperorforsaken incidents>Lionprotectme.emperor>I don't even have my terminator armor anymore>And i'm lost on the webway>Great>Wait what's that sound>It appears a boy somehow got hold of astartes armor>The boy appears to be assaulted by a foul daemon of chaos>Emperorprotectme.vox>Time to save a child
>>61849706Is it little Timmy? Did his salamander protector fall to the daemon?
>>61849706>Lionprotectme.emperor>terminator armorI see you are a man of culture.
>>61850122dubs of truth
>Ywn be disapoofed from modern day to the fourty first millennium>Ywn be on some random shithole of a planet from the DAoT>Ywn lose/gain weight due to a moderately healthy diet, because you most likely only ate junk food and boigas>Ywn make scarecrows to talk too because no humans>Yen settle in an abandoned human settlement>Ywn be captured by a deldar raiding party>Ywn be taken in by a high ranking deldar waifu due to not being a degenerate dumbass to the degree of most imperial citizens>Ywn be her Top Bitch amongst her slaves>Yen cuddle her at what passes for night in Cammorahg
>>61850281Life isn't fair... I wanna hold hands with a DEldar waifu...
>>61851161I want to hold hands with Lady Malys
>>61851339[Seductive Honking]Also, good taste
>>61850281thank fucking god
>Be Lady Yvraine>Take a break from my nightly cuddle session with Guilliman to observe the situation in the galaxy>Remember about that quaint little planet that was chosen to host a "Peace Summit" >ohshit.rune>Um... fuck.>How can we fix this?>One one hand, the experiment worked surprisingly well>On the other... yeah...>Maybe we should try it on a smaller scale next time?>Idea! We have a house constructed and select one or two members of each race/faction of various backgrounds and pray to Isha that they don't kill each other!>Or fuck each other to death...>... speaking of which...>"GUILLIMAN! GET YOUR GLORIOUS, BLUE, POWER ARMORED ASS OVER HERE AND GIVE ME SOME LOVIN'!"
>be a Commissar>I found something interesting yesterday>at least, I think it was yesterday>was walking through what we've been calling the "tank garden">we've set up near it because it's got good soil and the highest concentration of Imperial tech>let the Kriegers work their magic with some arable land, grow us some crops>technically that makes us the first successful colonists of the Webway in ten thousand years>suck my dick, Cain>anyway, I was in the tank garden and I ran across an old set of shiny gold boob plate>not exactly something I can wear, but whoever this was carried a very fine power sword>single edged, fairly narrow profile, fine hardwood scales over the handle, and a dark grey basket hilt shaped vaguely like an eagle's wings and head>whoever this woman was, she fancied herself a duelist in the old Terran tradition, austere and deadly>touching the handle activated the power field and the layers of dust just popped off, it's in perfect condition>can practically feel that it still wants to kill the enemies of the Emperor>say a small benediction and leave my own officer's pattern sword in exchange>I've been getting scattered reports of strange things happening to my men>I can't corroborate any of it though, most of it seems to be hallucinations>vox systems won't work long-distance either, so patrols sometimes get lost>every hour or so I have to pipe the sounds of battle through a broken-down land raider's laud hailers and hope they follow that>and that they haven't been abducted by a pack of thirsty dark eldar, or killed by space bees>mfw all this dumb shit keeps happening to me>mfw I didn't even want to be a Commissar in the first place, I wanted to play piano>mfw all I want is to cuddle with that shadowseer with the heretically cute butt, somewhere surrounded by books to read until we both fall asleep together>...>by the Throne this place is getting to me
>>61852516>mfw all I want is to cuddle with that shadowseer with the heretically cute butt, somewhere surrounded by books to read until we both fall asleep togetherThat's adorable
>bumping so Burgers can have a chance
Bump-tidy bump-bump bump
>>61851339>Malys says something in clown"What?">"Nothing to worry your little head about">She starts honning>Soon shes laughing hysterically and you hear [BAZINGA]
>>61857530- Farseer, 40000
>>61851339I want malys to sit on my face
So, we done?
>>61860188I think it might be dead jim
Too bad a couple of the storylines were still sorta unfinished
>>61852516>be me armentho,scientific intern of the cognitionis enclave>new scientific branch that is tasked with scientific innovation>there is just two ind of work on the enclave-boring scientific yadda yadda with data-incredible deadly non orthodox experimentation that have a 70/100 chances of killing you and everybody else on the planet>sadly i'm on the second group>develop ftl vox,but most of team was killed on the battle of valentine>anyway now i'm on the spaceship with the possessed commissars,kaldor draigo,and several other idiots>looks like other part of our army retreat to the webway and colonize part of it>maybe they can use the vox protype?
btw some musichttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwhSQI97AlA
>Be techsperg>Getting reports from Valentine>Its the only planet in that system that has any human settlements on it>Whatthefuck.oil>Get info on the other planets and moons>Apparently Valentine's the only planet that doesn't have an atmosphere made of super anthrax>The moons are also made of mostly radioactive materials that we mine>Huh>Neat
>>61860336>be a Commissar>still living the dream/nightmare in the Webway>turns out using ground up space bees as fertilizer was a mistake, partly to blame for everyone hallucinating>so now we just burn them for fuel, which seems to work>scavenged some Tau plasma reactors for partial power to the Russes and to power our filtration systems>trade some eldar tech to corsairs who pass by occasionally for agricultural tech and supplies>give any soulstones we happen to find as a goodwill gift, per the shadowseer's suggestion>this keeps everyone in a good mood>still running low on promethium which we can't get by trade, won't be able to start our Russes in a month or so even WITH supplemental space bee corpses factored in>and our vox units keep broadcasting apparent attempts to contact us, which we're pretty sure is a Chaos ruse>even if it isn't we can't exactly respond anyway>in other news, I keep finding the shadowseer practicing her dances in the chimera I converted to be my quarters>says it's the only place where she can do so "in private">I asked what episode from Eldar history requires such... '"evocative" movements>she said something about the role of a "tall deer", whatever that means>I could go for some venison right now, the only animals that live in the Webway are giant brain-eating space bees apparently and those taste like ass>I know that because reasons
>>61861358>eldar gf = worthy heresy
Fuck it I'm going to try so finish some of this, I'm gonna take a few liberties since no one has posted in the story for a while>Be cogboy>Be cuddling necro-cutie after apotheosis level sex>Who would have thought necrodermis could be so soft & supple?>Necro-cutie is a high ranking one so she got to keep her personality (super nerdy & cute) & she doesn't have the standard skelleton body, she has modifications for bust, curves & a face that doesn't look like a cheese grater>Decide that I should be getting back>Ask necro-cutie if she'd like to to come along & maybe bring her army since this -is- supposed to be a peace mission
>>61861877and this my guys,is how you get branded as heretek and fisted in the mechanical ass by a malevolent
>>61862075and they have a proof of his heresy because Death Watch Tech Marine was recording them.
>>61862230Nah, they were under the oil bro
>>61862230It was for technological advancement purposes. And xenobiology.
>>61862366which is heretical.
>>61862541ShhhhhhhhhhhNot if the Inquisition does it
>>61862230Tech Marine made a tape of a necro advancing on innocent cogboy, tackling him & then a very protracted grapple until he forced the dirty xenos to fall in line & aid the Emperor
>>61861358>be a Commissar>life in the Webway grows stranger>the shadowseer continues to rehearse for her part of the “tall deer”>except now she's taken to doing it wearing just her mask>and nothing else>what the hell kind of deer do Eldar HAVE on their planets>thoughts often turning to heresy lately>wish I could convince any of the harlequins to explain this shit>they always flat-out refuse to say anything about it>oh well>sometimes I wonder if Valentine is still there>these transmissions are still pretty convincing>punch the vox, figure it's like shouting into the void>but hey, it'll be good for some stress relief>”This is a frequency reserved for Astra Militarum use, identify yourself.”
>>61863027>Be cogboy>Have turned my vox back on after going radio silent since exploring>Here an Imperial frequency, asking if anyone is there>Respond>Been delving into a necron hole recently, what been happening on the surface?
>>61863108>delving into a necron-holeKek
>>61863108>>61863027>be intern with ftl vox new tech>after valentine battle ,even if was massacre,the performance of the vox (being able to transmit on real time to locations light years more fast,clear and without danger of warp creatures),convinced guilliman to try it>we had send a tech archaeologist mechanicus to a necron tomb ot explore and see how well the vox performance under different environments and situations>suddenly detect a vox signal from a unknown location>tell the mechanicus on necron tomb to answer
>>61863108>be Commissar>get a response about necron holes>"The surface of what? We're in the Webway, you'll have to be more specific.">"Do you know if Valentine is still there?">"If so, can you ask one of the Eldar representatives about a noteworthy "tall deer" from Eldar history?">"It's relevant for reasons."
>>61863225>Be cogboy>Manly Commissar tells me everyone has fucked off into the webway>This is not serviceable>Ask why
>be Captain Faya of the Marines Malevolent 4th Battle Company>Tech Marine tells me that he detected Mechanicus vox signals coming from the Necron Tomb>huh it seems like cogboys are already looting the place>think that i could get myself that cool ass looking sword that Watch Captain carries around>grab with me a Tactical Squad, Primaris LT and his squad, Sergeant Cass Ual Tee and inform Watch Captain that we're going on "search and rescue" mission>barely able to contain a smirk and a laughterCogboy-anon you better stop doing anything heretical or imma BLAM yo ass
>>61863352i can already see itthis asshole will be the villian and try to kill everybody
>>61863322>be Commissar>random person on the apparently magical vox wants to know why we abandoned Valentine>"Because we're a Krieg regiment, we were prepared to go down with the proverbial ship... women and children first and all that.">maybe dial back the sarcasm a little>"Then we fucked off through a webway portal so we wouldn't get Exterminatus'd.">"We've got some Ultramarines with us too, and some harlequins.">... afterthought...>"Also a shitload of Heresy-era tech.">still confused over how this conversation began>"What was that about "necron holes", soldier?"
>>61863370IT'S IN THE CHAPTERS NAME!
btw Watch Captain Anon are you still alive?
>Be me>Redneck Guardsman and Top Tier Chimera driver>Them Space Marines just fucked off somewhere>I'm sure they'll be fine>turn around and gun it for the webway portal>fastandfurious.chogoris>pull off one hell of a drift as we enter it>some random debris acts as a ramp, sending my chimera airborne>dukesofhazzard.yeehaw>land and grind to a halt just in front of the Commissar in charge of the camp>"Howdy, Sir! Got some troops ready for action!"
>>61863204>>61863405>>61863352>Be cogboy>Here about a supposed exterminator>Think back on when I phase shifted the planet & saw two fuckhuge missles pass by like some Will E. Coyote shit>Oh yes, I understand now>Ask if everyone is okay>Tell commissar that I discovered a lubed up necron hole, have plundered necron booty for not heretical study, & will be returning with a peaceful necron army>Ask what the voxscribe needs as well
>>61863414yep,im astarted>>61863565>be me,first explorer of the webway colony and tank platoon leader>be exploring as usual>the colony grow strong>some chaos taints but we managed to keep them at bay>we even managed to keep some of this dimensional bees captured to study if some day we get out of here>hear trough the vox a new tank division just entered trough another webgate>todayisagoodday.emperor
>>61863658>be Commissar>person on the other side of the vox asks if everyone is okay>I mean we're alive, mostly>the bees have finally wised up and have started avoiding us>hear some stuff about “lubed necron holes” and “plundering booy”>decide not to press on that point, since I know I can't blam the speaker over the vox>and I don't need that frustration in my life right now>”Some more regular supply runs would be good. We need promethium badly, and by the Emperor I miss meat.”>”Turns out murderous giant space bees just aren't the same.”>>61863565>single Chimera comes tumbling across the... I wanna say “ground”?>lands on its treads>driver pops out and greets me in what I can only ASSUME is gothic?>Kriegers are staring at the spectacle in what I can only assume is disbelief>we... really have no use for another Chimera here>all our vehicles are basically dug into fixed defensive positions>or used as barracks>the only things to fight here are the psychic space bees>also, the odd thirsty dark eldar>”Well, you could go mess with the dark eldar a few klicks... that way.”>”Just remember there's no “North” here, so you'll have to dead reckon.”>”Or you could ferry some supplies. We need protein and promethium.”>"Your call, you're not even in my chain of command so technically I can't tell you what to do. And since I'm in a good mood I won't resort to that."
>>61863826>won't resort to threats>It's late
>>61863658>be Captain Faya>Tech Marine tells me >"Captain Faya, my auspexes detect Adeptus Mechanicus signatures. We're getting closer">"How closer?">"Uhhhh... Captain">he points his finger at a Necron Over... lady? Some skinny-ass cogboy and huge ass necron army behind them.>look at them>they're just 20 meters away>ohshit.voxcast>slowly start reaching for my Storm Bolter>Primaris LT: "These Necrons are holding that Mechanicus priest hostage.What are we going to do?">"Don't panic and just..."
>>61863916>Be Apothecary Penicillinus>Where the fuck did that kid go>Great now i'm lost again>I hate the webway>It's like a mace made out of warp dust and headaches>Emperor holy how much do i need to keep walking>Wait are those necrons>BytheLion.what>Take cover, maybe brother Biggius Smallius is nearby>No sign of his vox signal>However there's another one>Might as well try to contact it
>>61864072Uhhhh,,, anon? Why are you replying to me? We're not even in the same location.
>oh fuckIgnore it
>>61863916>Be cogboy>See a bunch of yellowbellied Marines in front of me looking to get angry>Wave my sprocket rod model 147 in greeting & tell them that I've pacified tye necron & they work for the Throne>Also have a sneaking suspicion that they want to kill me anyhow>Activate my force shield
>be Commissar>rednecks in the Chimera drove off as suddenly as they showed up>that's fine with me>no idea what they ended up deciding to do>guy on the vox went silent too>well, that's par for the course>it's getting “late”>with no celestial bodies the passage of time is largely arbitrary here>but the clock in the command Vanquisher says it's 11pm.>time for the night shift and my down time>give the Colonel a fistbump on the way out as she settles in>head back to the HQ Chimera to sleep>howdidthiseven.fml>two of the three bunks in this one are broken>there's no time left in the schedule to fix them>”Well, that's unfortunate.”>shadowseer is peering over my shoulder>”I suppose we will be obliged to... share.”>by his light>Emperor, I know I don't exactly do that praying thing>figure you have better things to be doing than listening to all of us whine>but this situation is getting more heretical by the second and I'm not sure how to proceed>I don't even know what the tall deer is>please advise
Remember that one guardsman with the augmetic arm that got taken by the sperg wych? I'm thinking of bringing him back into the story
>>61864875Go for it buddy
>>61864824Curious what is "tall deer"?
>>61864973Taldeer was a farseer who /tg/ lore had falling in love with a Vindicare assassin, with whom she had a child. Thus misunderstood as "tall deer".The shadowseer would therefore be claiming to be the proverbial "Taldeer" in this situation.
>>61863916Faya, you there?
>>61864750>be Captain Faya>be outgunned and outnumbered by Necronfags>Tech priest that he "pacified" them>"pacified"?>with out artillery?>i call heresy>cogboy activates his force shield>uh-huh! it's a signal!>open private vox and tell Brother Van Aitus Inferius to fire a krak missile on my command>tell Primaris LT to grab the tech priest on my signal>select Krak missiles for my Cyclone missile launcher>Primaris cunt asks what kind of signal>start slowly walking backwards aiming my Cyclone missile launcher up on the caverns in hopes it will collapse on Necronfags>fire cyclone missile launcher>Brother Van Aitus Inferius fires a Krak missile on Necron Over... lady?>explosions everywhere>Primaris LT just stands there in confussion for a second >"GRAB THE COGBOY, CUNT">Primaris LT snaps to consciousness and grabs the tech priest>"Now what, Captain?!" he yells>yell on max vox x200%>"INNITIATE TACTICAL RETREAT"
>>61864750btw, M&M's have black bellies.
>>61840507Who is Cannoness Charlotte?
>>61865179dis nigga didn't read Cold Shoulder thread... or watched videos from Neckberdia.
>>61865082>Be cogboy>See angry glint in the Captain's eye>Get a bad feeling in my nutrient processer>Activate my magnetic grapplers & grab nerco-cutie
>>61865218that's kind of too late now. You're being grabbed by Primaris LT. I'm surprised you're even alive
>>61848788Dammit man, you stole our hope
>>61865116Woops ignore that then
>>61865179Besides being a joke post in this thread, she is a sister of battle from the Cold Shoulder series. The joke is she's a raging whore
>>61865231Magetics can work over distance & she was right next to me
>be average Guardsman>stuck in the Warp with some crazy Kriegers and a Commissar that has an eldar whore strip for him in his quarters>it's been a long time since we got resupplied>no more cleaning oil for our lasguns>everyone's getting too chummy with the xenos>decide to go on patrol around the ruins and remains of cool ass Mechanicum shit for a while to get away from the heresy>walk around for a while alone>have to take a shit>crouch in some sort of garden filled with stone statues of some xeno mech contraptions>drop pants>statues come to life>oh shit.forreal>statues start swinging their swords up>place lasgun barrel against my head>nottoday.jfif>pull trigger>lasgun jams
>>61865345you're being pulled by a Super Space Marine. He's going to tear you into two pieces. You can stay with Necron Lady but we're taking your legs or hands. Your choice.
>>61865438>>61865218>Be cogboy>Get hit by school bus as necro-cutie gets maglocked to me>Wait, not a school bus>Giant angry supersoldier let nebacker just ripped three of my mechadendrites loose & is now got me & necro-cutie under one arm like a human/Xenos football>Vox commissar & captain to please to please call off this attack force, I'm the one who saved the planet from exterinatus
Is this gonna be added to 1d4chan?
>>61866863good idea anon
>>61836127geez, this is still going?old ordo judas inquisitor here, probably not gonna hop in any time soon.... just surprised as hell desu
>>61866178Supposed to read linebacker not whatever that shit is
>>61866966a little context about thisshity segmentum begun a long time ago,a anon post a roleplay about a cultist,soon the roleplay develop in amore elaborated story,we call it ''the shity segmentum'from time to time i like to add more story lines to itthe basic idea is part of it,or at least paralel to it
>>61867107So is this canon to What is Peace?
>>61867485I like to think so
Will shadowseer ever go tall deer?
>>61868388I hope so. That Commissar needs to get some [HONK]in.
>>61868907Everyone needs a [HONK]ing from a thicc harlequin
>>61868981>tfw no thicc harlequin gf to sit on your face and [HONK] seductively
>>61869010Get a writefriend on that Jesus christ
>>61869057I don't trust myself to even being trying to write something like that... I wouldn't be able to do it justice.
>>61868981I wonder what a thicc harlequin botty would feel like... How would it compare to, say, a thicc earth caste FemTau?
>>61869307Harlequin booty is softer and rounder but still firm, Tau earth cast booty is more defined in shape but still soft
>>61869334[Sweating Loyalist]By the Emperor... they're both great...
>be Commissar>somehow managed to make it through the night>well, “night”>the Webway is always in a state more like twilight>no answer to my prayer>maybe that WAS the answer>there are no gods or Emperors here>we will live and die by our own hands>if this is Heresy then call me a heretic, but somehow I get the feeling the Emperor will understand>tell the Colonel I have an idea for her tanks>it's clearly tech-heresy, but we're out of time and options>Tau plasma reactors could replace the promethium engines>that turns our two week reserves of promethium to effectively a lifetime operational limit>tell her to consider it: lose all her tanks and, eventually, our foothold in the Webway>or do what the Mechanicus refuses to and come up with an innovative solution>her tanks, her choice>head back to the vox that I was hearing the other idiots on Valentine over>”If anyone is listening this is a message from the Webway. We don't need more men, or guns, or tanks. We need promethium, and any heavy ammo you can spare. If you can't get us the former we will be forced to take desperate measures to keep our tanks operational. If yu can't get us the latter, well, the guard has a proud history of strapping weapons to vehicles so we'll manage somehow with lasers and plasma guns.”>”Also we could use some flowers, something nice to look at over here. I'm thinking some lilies, some low perennials, and maybe some nice roses.”>the roses are for my own reasons, but nobody else has to know that>I'm going to wrangle myself a “tall deer”
>page 9 bump to give folks a chance to wrap things up later
>>61870494>Be cogboy>Hear the commissar asking for aid>Damn my augs hurt from that tackle>One is hanging from my nervewire interface I think>I think I have a solution to your problem Sir!>I just need these butterboys to help out
>Be Interrogator Darvin> Still chilling in the Inquistirs ship> Made an escape into the webway after valentine is glassed>be watching all the events go down in the web way > still waiting for the former eldest farseer, now daemon prince(es) to come back> not really sure what to do here> Reach for more coffee> coffee dispenser is empty> realize I might die by an angry daemoness if I don’t get more coffee>Looks like it’s Questing Time!
>>61872244>be a Comissar>I honestly wasn't expecting much of a response>guy on the other end of the vox promises a fix, something involving "butterboys">given that our previous discussion involved "lubricated necron holes" this could mean any variety of things>probably best to wait and see what happens next>if sending some hardass Astartes or lubed-up necrons after us is their idea of "helping" this could be a problem
>>61873522>Be cogboy>Fucking hell my mechadendrites hurt>Commissar doesn't seem to work to respond, perhaps the Astartes tackle has damaged my jaw & I haven't noticed>Vox him a pure stream in uncorrupted data-binary that can be translated into text>THAT should fix this misunderstanding, everyone I've ever known on my Forgeworld knew data-binary>Mutter through my dislocated jaw to the transhuman angel of death>Yaw knaw tha' A'm awn yo' syde rite?>A'm tri'an ta hael'p
>>61869334We need a good damn green text of this!!
>>61874096>be a Commissar>get a burst transmission that's clearly in some form of binary>IG-issued computer still just outputs it as ones and zeroes>because all we have are fire control computers and basic NAVSAT displays>what does he want us to do, SHOOT his instructions at the nearest wall?>ask the shadowseer, apparently Eldar logic gates don't even use Boolean algebra>it's based on intensity of oscillating warp-sensitive crystal matrices>so she can't help here>great, I guess we could vibrate a crystal back at him to ask for clarification>wait patiently for whatever plan this guy's cooked up to go into motion>knowing how these things usually go it'll probably be about as subtle as sucking chest wound when the time comes
>just gonna finish this off>be a Commissar with too much time on his hands>preparations are complete for the “diplomatic engagement”>last shipment of “supplies” even came with an otherwise useless dress uniform>why does the Guard even issue those dumb things>shadowseer knocks on the hatch to the Chimera, tell her it's open>she steps in to find a folding metal table with a camo cloak thrown over it>candles here and there, with a bouquet of roses on the table in an autocannon casing for a vase>two chairs set out, and two covered mess trays>take off my hat, set it aside>after a moment, the shadowseer takes her mask off>cute little nose, smallish mouth with pleasantly pouty lips, and bright blue eyes>three little tattooed red lines around each eye, one from the corner and two down onto each cheek>little gem positioned on a tiara of sorts over her forehead>heart honestly skips a beat>if a human were born with a face like that she'd be an absolute media darling>catch myself before I just start touching her face like a weirdo, instead pull out the chair for her>”So, if we were on an Imperial world this sort of thing would usually start with...”>shadowseer is already sitting, with a smug grin tugging at her lips>”... dinner.”>replies in a honeyed voice that she's heard about such rituals>she looks forward to learning all about the 'Imperial' way of doing 'it'>not 'mon'keigh'>and what exactly does she mean by 'it'?
>>61874286>Be cogboy>Being carried by a giant yellow Marine>Necro-cutie maglocked in my embrace>Try to keep her calm while I hear crystal vibration over vox>Commissar needs comfirmation>Message back that salvage necron text, or I the very least necron slave labor, could be the answer to our direct issues>Also I just found a huge fuel source down here on Valentine ready to be exploited>I just need these Marines to listen to someone with a brain (hopefully two with the right augments)
>>61875189>now I've never seen the act of eating pasta as a sexual thing>but by the Emperor when she makes eye contact while she's doing it it's hard not to>turn on the vox speakers, down low>playing a recording an ancient Terran piece of music in High Gothic>called the “Carmina Burana” if memory serves>this sort of thing should interest a harlequin, it's similar-ish to their performances in some aspects>shadowseer listens calmly through the meal and the after-dinner amasec>placid expression on her face>like she's enjoying the music even more than the food I made/had prepared>makes eye contact>”you do understand High Gothic, do you not?”>why, I don't get what she...>listen to the lyrics>this entire section is just borderline-erotic poetry sung in High Gothic>shadowseer grins at me with a glass of amasec in hand>”Veni, veni, venias.”>hereticalurgesintensify.gif>my 'laspistol' has sided with my heart against my brain>treachery of the highest order, were you not attached to my body I would blam you for mutiny>kind of hope she hasn't noticed>who am I trying to kid, she definitely knows>that smirk makes it obvious
>>61875334*Salvaged necron tech, or I the very least
>>61875347>after some awkward silence, abruptly change the subject, ask about this “tall deer” thing>it must have some importance in Eldar history or society if it's a role suitable for a harlequin>it almost sounds like two Gothic words, but it can't possibly be a cognate>”Taldeer was a well-known farseer from Ulthwe.”>makes sense>ask what she was known for>”She fell in love with an Imperial, they ran off and had a child. Or so the story goes.”>wait>what>so if she's somehow honoring the historical role of this 'Taldeer', does that mean...>...oh>OH>AUDIBLE CLICK OF REALIZATION>”Well, it was thoughtful to show me how humans court each other. Appropriately dogmatic, from what I can tell.”>kind of right on the head there>takes off one mesh glove, then the other>licks her fingertips then puts out the nearest candle between them>heresy alarm is going DING DING DING>but that ass though>that perfectly-rounded harlequin ass though>my eyes are caught by the gravitational pull of the thing>can't help but watch as she saunters around the Chimera putting out the candles>”Now, there are some other things I would like you to 'teach' me, Commissar. About how humans consummate their... 'relationships'?”>all of my Commissariat training is screaming NO>but she's SO close, and she's pushed EXACTLY the right buttons>I'd like to imagine that the Emperor would understand>or that Guilliman would have my back>but ultimately... do they really have to know?
>>61875478here opthen the malevolent enter andhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Ufmrn7BCuA
>>61875478>>61875334>be me intern armentho>the cogboy is on problems thanks to those fucker of the malevolents>luckily he was able to send some kind of data to our friends to the webway>still they have comms and logistic problems>i think i can help>try to contact with commissar but one his subordinates tell he is ''eating with a eldar on a diplomatic engagement''>a commissar friendly with a eldar?,welp at the end everything is possible>anyway i tell the eldar girl that i will try to get with them and fabric more FTL vox for them>a way to see the performance of the invention and see what error we made>after that i go with the tau on the ship and tell them if they have a ship or drop capsule the can lend me>''yes gue'sa we have one,i bet 5 imperial credits you get yourself killed''>fuckingblueasshole.cowardintern>take drop capsule ,enter>is pretty dark>the capsule shake and i know i had been launched on direction to valentine
>>61875347I just got Space Diabeetus
>>61876002kek>>61875478a song dedicated to our good heretic commissar and his couplehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hg14Ocs03xA
>>61876136Naturally, Dixieland and/or Dueling Banjos will be Corporal Billy-bob Bobby-bill's themeDukes of Hazzard theme works too
>>61876275I would think Eastbound & Down. What's a good theme song for cogboy?
>>61876331i dont know,but i have a song for the end if all of them manage to survive the malevolents and get away on good terms
>>61876136With his pragmatic attitudes towards xenotech and favorable attitudes towards harlequins in general, he seems more radical desu. Like the sort of shit rogue traders or Xenos Hybris would largely get away with.Even Eisenhorn went borderline heresy for a while, but it was with genuinely good intentions and he was largely vindicated in the end.
>>61875827>my capsule deaclerate thanks to parachutes and jets>anyway i still violent crash on earth>muhead.imperor>i think i'm bleeding from several superficial cuts>get out of this cheap ship of the tau and beging to walk on valentine surface>now i just need to either find the webway portal or the cogboy
Does anyone know what is going on with FrenLeeFaya? I don't want to advance cogboy by taking liberties if I can help it, but no one is posting on their end
>>61875478>be a Commissar>it was a rather... educational night>xenobiology was definitely NOT a strong point on the Schola curriculum>but I had a REALLY good coach>shadowseer apparently woke early>was already in her armor sitting next to me when I woke up>I figured this might happen>this was after all a “role”>ask her where she'll be going now>”Not far. I'll be back soon.”>confused commissar is confused>she intends to come back to THIS dump?>ask her how the story of Taldeer and her human lover ended>”They died, of course.”>space elf clown suddenly seems a little somber>kinda regret asking the question now>”...but they did die together.”>wait...>that smug smile is back again>”The part of Taldeer is a lifetime commitment, Commissar.”>”Think of me as an 'artist-in-residence' if that helps.”>...>the Imperium definitely won't like that if they ever catch up with us>but fuck it>can't let the Imperium get out-performed by a space clown>so I guess I'm committed too>FIN
>>61877489and now the song and some cool cutescenes>intern armentho was able to get on the webway and lend them his FTL vox protoytype>as result comms problem are solved and are able to get supplies and reinforcements*lot of trucks,civil mechas and suplies crates going on direction to the new colony*>K the krieg soldier still exploring the webway on the imperium name with his tank squad,he is kinda more human and live that normal kriegs are supposed to be,he is a good friend with the cute eldar that manage comms>the new colony is lead by a commissar and a eldar,most people suspect of heresy,yet they are too important to be touched...yetall of this cutscenes with this song on the backgroundhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PdIHasVWpM0i let cogboy end at the hands of our malevolent and tech priest friends
>>61877648If we're being real here, this is the song I had in my head at the end.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cyt0ViDtJ_w
>>61877762that song is awesome to anon
I've got a feeling that Malevolents are the only ones getting alive out of this planet without commiting heresy.
>>61877903Heresy is such a strong word.
>>61877534Good ending anon.
>>61877903Billy-bob Bobby-bill hasn't committed any heresy as far as I know.
>>61877921he is a redneck,that is enough
>be me >be Captain Fren Lee Faya of the Marines Malevolent 4th Battle Company>be in Terminator Armor>everyone is running past even though i started runni---- retreating earlier than my Brothers>see Primaris LT running past me with Tech Priest and a Necron Sex doll>wait what?>try to tell him to drop them both but he doesn't seem to hear me as he's already running past everyone else>finally arrive to the Landraider>everyone starts firing at us>ahhh i love that my brothers welcome us with traditional Marines Malevolent greeting>yell to stop firing>seems like nobody got shot>vox to Captain Hugo Doucheius Baggings of the Marines Malevolent 2nd>ask him to send some Tanks and Marines>asks me why should he do that>explain that we have a live Necron Over.... lady? in custody and a AdMech personal>lootingtime.BloodRavens
>>61878192>Be Blood Raven>Sense a disturbance in the Warp
So if that silver iscariot person and the java’had poster don’t show up again. I’m probally gonna have finish the whole storyline we have going onOn my own. I’ll continue waiting a few hours though. If anyone wants to jump in that works too
Bump for closure and lewdnessDRAWFAGS, GET THE FUCK IN HEREALSO, SOMEBODY MAKE SURE THIS SHIT GETS ARCHIVED
>>61879095dont worry anon ''shity segmentum'' will come back in a week or two when the next 40k roleplay apearbtw-it is already archived
>>61879241On sup tg?
>>61879275oh,nope it isn't archived there,could you be so kind of doing for me ?i don't know how (yes im astarted)
>Be augmetic guardsman>Woke up in some edgy teenagers wet dream>Get up>Can't get up>What the fuck>Look around>Strapped to a slab of... whatever this stuff is>"Oh you're awake! Good good, then I can start... conditioning you.">What the fuck>It's that deldar wych I made out with when I thought I was going to die>Fuck>Now I have a fate worse than death>I tell her to do her worst, for the emperor protects me>She gets this creepy smile>Also her pupils are both different sizes so shes probably high on a cocktail of drugs>Great>"Oh I will, but first I need to make sure you and everyone else know just who you belong too...">She clamps a spikey collar on my neck>There's a spike pointing up at my chin and one pointing down to prevent me from moving my head up or down too much>She tigntens it>Not to the point of choking but it makes swallowing uncomfortable>She starts giggling>A fucking deldar giggling like a schola girl>What the fuck>She gets really close to my face>"Just one more touch...">I dont like that smile>She leaves the room and comes back with...>Oh fuck no>It's a brand of some deldar symbol>"This will make sure no one will try to take you from me..."Did I do good on making the wych disturbing? First time I did something that dark
>>61879392>astartedMe too, never archived them on there.
>>61879392Though it looks like first 3 threads are on there. Might still be worth to wait for this one.
>>61879482pretty nice anon,isnt edgy or derp,but still grim darkgood work
>>61879544Thanks, I'm not a dark eldar player so I don't know all that much about them, besides they are needlessly grim and whatever jokes TTS has about them
>>61879482Eh, ok but I remember that this plot line ended on a different tone, guardsman becoming her husbando. So keep torture on the minimum.
>>61878326>Be Java'hadHonestly, you kinda ignored every post you didn't like & tried to force a bunch of shit so I just started to ignore you.
>>61880980social hierarchy even on /tg/ouchx2
>>61878192>Be cogboy>Be rescued by Capt. Fren Lee Faya>This doesn't seem right, my cognitor must be concussed>Fhan'q euu, Sser. Taeg me'h ta tphua comiser>Ahe cenz halup
>>61880347What exactly did I ignore?I sorta get I tried to force some stuff tho
>>61881027>be Captain Faya>i think cogboy just got short-circuited>he's blabberin something that even my superior 200IQ 400yo Astartes brain cannot understand>must be some sorta Adeptus Mechanicus language
>>61881502>Be cogboy>Capt. Faya seems to understand me>Thank Emperor someone with a brain>Give him a bloody grin & a thumbs up>Look around, vehicle we are in is crowded as fuck>Spooned by the Marine carrying me>Necro-cutie is in my lap & vibrating slightly>Wish I had some oil to cool down
>>61881747>Be Necron Overlady>robogasm.exe
>>61882083>be Captain Faya>Necron Overlady just squirted oil on Primaris LT.>cunt seems to be disgusted by it>as it should be
>>61882083>>61882282>Be cogboy>Saree, Caep'tn Fa'ya sthee sat and mah rod>Hope he doesn't realize my sprocket rod model 147 is currently in my hand & not under necro-cutie>Use data-binary to tell he to calm down & wait for us to get back to base
Captain Faya poster here. Going offline for a 10-15 hours or until Watch Captain Anon posts some stuff. Cuz i don't even know where to push our little side story.
>Be me, I don't even remember my own name half the time>Kira something or other but it doesn't matter anymore>Was a random slaaneshi cultist, pretended to be an inquisitor for awhile on some shitty planet which was pretty cool>Now I'm at the fucking bottom of the barrel>Goddam slave aboard a Word Bearer vessel>Only made it this far because I've been smart and good at blaming others as to not be shot, eaten, etc>My only friend, Skitari Bob, wasn't so lucky>Still keep his head for safe keeping though, even if he can only cream "Blood" and "Kill" at random intervals>Worst part is, haven't been able to keep up my hand collecting fetish>Dammit.warp>Get told that we're assaulting something in the webway, some kind of joint imperial-eldar-tau base "For the glory of chaos">Fuckin great, I hope they don't pick me to go ou->"Congratulations whelp, you shall serve on the front lines for the glory of chaos">Fuckmylife.vox
>>61883030context my friendsremember the origins of shity segmetum-spachehulk battle-a cultist roleplaywell this guy is one of the original members of the roleplayPRAISE HIM WITH BLOOD!!
>>61882483>Be cogboy>Capt. Faya drops me off at webway portal>Dives off looking for the Watch Captain>Great man>Take necro-cutie arm in arm into the webway & start seeking out the manly Commissar & a churigen for my augs & jaw
>>61883137 Hey there man, nice to see you're still here too. and also that my banner is getting some use after all
>>61883197is pleasure toohope you enjoy the other threads
Any ideas for new adventures for Billy-bob Bobby-bill?
>>61883168Nope. You're still a hostage.
>>61883414Hmm maybe the head can be wired into a tank or something
>>61883414is preatty easi desu>political complots,and action/adventure explorationthe webway colonization efforts is still going,even now that the suply line was stablished,they still gotta deal with political dangers (the puritans surely want the heads of everyone on that colony)>tech experimentation with lots of explosionsthe cognitionis experimental tech is still vulnerable to hacking,chaos taint and prone to fail>past loose ends>>61883030>>61883137past storylines still out there and it can wired together to create a continuity on the game
>>61883414Looks like we might be aiming to fight chaos undivided soon. Might find something to do then
>>61883509Dang it. I was hoping I was free since M&M was signing off
>>61883577a chaos invasion inside the webway section dedicated to the colony?
>>61879482>Be augmetic guardsman>Good news is she branded my augmetic>Thank the man emprah>She puts a chain on the collar and undid the straps>Now I could have made a break for it like some pleasure world pussy but that would have killed me>The deldar does that creepy smile again and gets up real fucking close>PersonalSpacePlease.wav>She fucking starts smelling me like a faggot noble would a flower>She shivers afterwards while biting her lip>What the fuck is wrong with this deldar?!>She got closer>What I sh- HUUUUAGH BY THE EMPEROR>She bit my shoulder>Little bitch!>Ew ew ew ew ew she's licking it now what the actual fuck is wrong with this bitch?!
>>61884945Ah, she's taking a bit from the "Klingon Guide to Romance and Inter-Species Marriage"
>>61885008Karstodes agrees with armentho
>>61885035Which part? I don't remember the part where they kidnapped a human, and then bit him
>>61885046that is the first step
>>61885146What's the second step?
>>61885668a knife duelwhoever wins have the right to fuck the otherincluding fucking the wounds
>>61885849yep welcome to the dark eldarwhen they take the eyes and fuck the eye socket for the shit and gigles
>>61885871but...but this is just previous game for the dark eldar courtship ritual
>>61884945Nice and hot.
Page eight is heresy
>>61886741So is page six
So if the planets name is Valentine, is it's moon named Dirty deeds?
>>61887227Obviously there's secretly 5 moons total, Dirty, Deeds, Done, Dirt, Cheap,
>>61884945I bet shes into BDSM and handholding
>>61891763Hopefully. Somebody should add this thread to sup tg.
>>61891801It's already on it
>>61884945>This Emperor damn bitch>She took me to what must be a deldar version of a hablock>Instead of sleeping with dozens of other proud imperial men and women contracting diseases like the loyalists we are>I instead have to listen to slaves being tortured>She made me lay down on her bed>What is this sadistic cunt going to do to me?>She crawls on top of me and...>By the Emperor>She's cuddling me>I shift to make our bodies touch as little as possible>She growls>Actually fucking growls>And then puts me in a death grip>Damn it
Page ten Heresy
>Be cogboyIf Faya doesn't post I'm gonna mysteriously slip away & do something else
>>61897136>be Captain Faya>release the cogfag and send the Necron Overlady in the orbit via Thunderhawk.
>>61893818That guardsman must have been from a higher ranking hive city
>>61897502>Be cogboy>Capt. Faya says free to go>Praise the Omnissiah!!!>Then he launches my necronqt.gf into orbit...>MFW I'm still maglocked to her>MFW I'm "free" to go>Machine spirits damn you, Captain Faya, you glorious bastard
Page nien nien nien nien nien nien nien nien nien
>>61899113>Be Kira >Be onboard the Word Bearer vessel>Getting ready to attack>Thunderhawk wildly flies by the ship>Only people detected onboard was a cogboy attatched to a necron>fucking webway bullshit
>Be me>Redneck Guardsman, Ace Chimera driver, and Full-Time distillery maker>Some of them clowns were kind enough to donate some weird lookin' grains for fermentin'.>Nice girls, I'll make sure they get the good stuff once it's all ready to go!>Be checkin' the Chimera's fuel tank/Stillwhen I see something strange on the horizon>whatinsamhell.vox>"Uh, Commissar... are we expecting company anytime soon?"
Page nine REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>>61893818Commence reverse mating press.
>>61905181Dick levels: MUH