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/tg/ - Traditional Games

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Our ongoing collaborative Warhammer 40,000 greentext saga continues.

New contributors are welcome, feel free to join in.

Rules & recommendations:
-No time travel or crossovers from outside franchises
-Try to keep prominent canon characters and /tg/ memes to a minimum in favor of new content
-Please keep non-greentext posts and discussion to a minimum, and put them in spoiler tags when you must
-Try to maintain a consistent post length and keep from replying back and forth style; this is a collective story, not a quest or roleplay

Previous thread archives:
Thread 1: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/58335731/
Thread 2: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/58415703/
Thread 3: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/58537811/
Thread 4: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/58639533/
>Be Nyx
>In my hearse, with the squad
>Also the Palatine
>Pretty chuffed about that, don't often get the honour to drive the boss into battle
>On our way back to the cathedral after a long day to fuel up and grab more ammo
>And what a day
>Oh, what a day for VEHICULAR MANSLAUGHTER it was
>The hearse's grox catcher is still dripping greenskin gore
>Such RIGHTEOUS DISMEMBERMENT OF THE EMPEROR'S FOES is second only to joining him in the void
>Anyway, driving into the boring, civilised part of town
>See a new church
>Church of the Emperors... alms?
"HAH, told you it was alms!"
>"Groxshit it is Annmarie, that was in the outskirts! We're nearly at the cathedral!"
"Maybe they moved out of the warzone?"
>"...But why would they do that Maria? How will they DIE IN GLORY now?"
>See the pair of them exchange glances in the rearview mirror
>As we pass the front gates, see one of the Ermines and that crusader bloke at the threshold
>With a kid
>Aw, guess they're looking after him
>Gotta look after the little ones, y'know
>I mean dying young's a pretty bitch tier way to go, all things considered
>Fuckit, it's a few klicks of walking in HERETICAL FILTH RAIN to the cathedral, and we've got room in the back
>Slow down, lean out the window
>Be Gor'Muncha
>Dat Warboss iz a git
>'Ez gone an brought all da boyz in da new base ta foit dem 'Umies
>'Ez finkin dat wiff enuff choppy an boyz, 'e can WAAAGH!!! all ova dis wield
>Da otha boyz follow 'im
>Not Gor'Muncha
>Da Warboss iz stoopid
>Dis ain't a WAAAGH!!! dat will be wun wiff lotsa boyz
>No, just da boyz is gunna make follow me
>Iz makin a team
>Callin it GROXHOUND
>Iz da boss now
>Iz da Big Boss 'oos gunna win dis foit
>Crash me rokk down
>Not at da Umie city
>Out at wot I fink wuz a Umie moinin place
>Dis iz where GROXHOUND will get iz start
>Exit me rokk
>Spot some umies
>Civilians I fink dey callz dem
>Grab me shoota
>Be Sister Sarah of the Ermine Mantles
>Sarah with an H
>I am not Sara without an H, the gunslinger out of an old pic recording that’s a palatine in one of the other Orders
>Just dropped this annoying kid off at this new cathedral when this beat up old battle hearse rolls up, covered in Ork blood
>Driver rolls down the window, it’s one of the goth Sisters from the Black Scheuplchure
>She offers me a ride
>Dear Emperor, Yes.
>I get noticed by somebody that isn’t the clingy annoying kid or Brigitte, and I also don’t have to walk through the city to get where I’m going.
>Which is currently... nowhere actually.
>I was tracking that weird genestealer but the idiot kid made me lose the trail.
>”Thank you, I’ll take you up on that offer. We’re both Adepta Soroitas, take me wherever you’re going.”
Discord link for those interested: https://discord.gg/Jy5KUQn
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>Be me Dietrich Wegstein, Inquisitorial Crusader
>Knight Errant of House Wegstein, trained in the arts of chivalry and war the moment I could walk
>But got kinda lost, lost my Inquistior and Group, propably they are enjoying the themselves and making jokes about my sense of direction again. Some Inquistors, especially the females are so... confusing
>So yeah I could totally use a ride
>Thank the humble maiden driving for the inconvience I am causing and compliment them on her choice of attire
>See mein bub, this is how you get along with the maidens.
>Be Colonel
>been at this tomb here for a while
>kinda boring
>not much to do cause all it is is defending this tomb from things
>anyway I'm waiting for directive from anyone
>either the Commissar or the Magos
>just want something to do
>been boring standing here and waiting
>how do the Cadians stand this?
>been hearing a lot of comm chatter recently
>something about Tau fighting Tau
>Daemon Tau with massive jugs other than guns
>shit's weird
>theres also beer rain
>this is weird as hell man
>like shit has gone down the drain since I've gotten here
>look on the bright side James
>we have tanks
>and I hope Commissar crazy doesn't find out we have a Leman Russ
>because it's mine
>bitch can't have it
>I'm the one standing on tanks today, but anyway
>we'll sit here for now
>unitl I get word of different orders
>Be High Scribe Ofus of the Administratum
>Surrounded by the towering and slowly rotting towers of paper work, left behind by my father and his father before me, I add to the pile, relentlessly filling out forms and adding sums
>Then, my lunch break ends and stop pursing my inherited hobby of creating a giant stack of paper, and then get back to running the Imperium
>Let’s see what’s on the docket today…
>Stercus Ludicrum? Never heard of it.
>Servitor! Get me documents on this place!
>Slow ass servitor takes his damn time
>I’d get a new one
>But throwing away Papa seems wrong somehow
>He comes back with a stack of papers
>Rather small actually
>He only used the trolly and not the forklift
>I spit out my shitty recaf
>H-How many regiments have been sent to this planet?
>Why the fuck?
>Who authorized this?
>I check on what the fucking reason for this is, and do you know what?
>There isn’t one!
>Do you know what this planet escorts?
>Basically nothing. What it does export gets refined by local forgbworlds and sent back to the planet!
>All the paperwork.migraine
>Calm down
>Somebody else has to be to blame, right?
>Servitor! Get me these documents!
>He comes back with the documents
>Nothing. There’s nothing.
>Well, not nothing. There’s been various stamps of approval and such
>But nothing concrete
>We’ve spent less resources on holding more important planets
>Dear Emperor
>What if they track this back to me?
>I’ve been fiddling with these documents for…
>Wow, two weeks now. Time really flies when you’re on enough stimulants to kill ten grox
>The only real paper trail leads back to me!
>It’s okay Ofus, you can fix it.
>Oh, duh, of course
>Send an request for a Space Marine chapter to be founded there.
>Stercus appears to be a death world, so it makes sense
>And maybe we can get in a good tithe in too…
>Ah, there we go, only took a year, two dead minor scribes, and two hundred thousand gallons of recaf, but it’s done
>All the forms are sent
>I am safe, and Stercus Ludicrum will be the new recruiting world for a space marine chapter, as well as exporting their hardy citizens as their own guard regiment
>Job well done Ofus
>Wait, Papa is handing me an invoice
>Wait, this is my handwriting…
>Well… um. I hope that Kerfius IV can survive without water for…
>Oh, they took all of it
>be the incomparable Rogue Trader Asencio Gilberto Corazon III
>aboard the beautiful vessel of the open stars, the cruiser Unbound Ipomoea
>lying in the red silk sheets in my bed
>woken by Sister Luna of the Black Sepulchre, one of the Sororitas liaisons sent with me on my journey
>we agree nonverbally to let the other, Sister Roxanne of the Golden Light, sleep a while longer
>received word about the happenings on that perpetually interesting planet
>apparently, among other happenings, some strange phenomenon had caused it to rain liquor from the skies while I was away
>how I'd love to have been present to see such a thing
>but the Canoness, she gave me a particular task, a very important mission
>and that is not a woman that a man should say no to, if he values his health
>move to get up, for it is time for me to resume the business of running such an illustrious vessel as mine
>but first I must ask Sister Luna if she'd be so kind as to untie the golden lasso keeping me to the bed

>Be Sister Maria.
>An awkward silence has descended since we acquired a few hitchhikers.
>It is an unfortunate fact that our order is... not the best at fraternising with others.
>Likely a holdover from some shared experiences at the schola, I'd wager.
>Regardless, it wouldn't hurt to be polite, so I try to engage our guests with some small talk.
>The crusader readily talks at length about his life, employment with the inquisition, notable battles, and so on.
>Perhaps too at length for some, looking at Annmarie's bored expression.
>I gently try to steer the conversation to include our other passenger, a sister from the Ermine Mantle.
>I ask what it was she was doing this evening.
"Well, uh, I was trying to hunt down a weird looking genestealer, before that kid latched onto me."
>Annmarie looks at her disinterestedly.
"They're Xenos, of course they look weird."
"No, I mean, like, wearing-a-blue-jumpsuit-and-sororitas-armour weird."
>And then she looks very uncomfortable as every Sepulchre sister gives her their undivided attention.

>The Palatine prompts her to continue;
"Well, I saw this genestealer a few blocks away attacking some dumbshit eldar, but not the people? Just frenched the bastard and left him there, no idea why. So I figured, 'wait shit, wasn't there a got- uh, Black Sepulchre sister that got turned recently? And that thing's wearing scraps of black power armour so it's probably connected or something'? So I track it back to a bit outside that church but then I lose the trail because no more dirt tracks and then this kid won't stop bothering me and..."
>She trails off awkwardly.
>It doesn't seem like she talks to people all that often.
>After a moment, the Palatine speaks;
"And you are certain that the tracks led you to this district?"
"Hm. What is your name, sister?"
"Uh, Sarah. With an H."
"Well, Sarah-With-An-H, you've aided us more than I think you may realise, and I would like you to continue to do so. I'll be speaking with the Canoness in the morning to discuss your reassignment to the genestealer investigation. I trust this is amenable to you?"
>She stammers out something that sounds vaguely affirmative.
>Honestly, you'd think no-one had given her a compliment before.
>be Commissar Flavia Julia Arodastra
>been on this shit planet since we were assigned here
>been a shit time
>not allowed to shoot the recruits cause we need them
>fucking cunt with his gay moustache
>"hurr I need them or we'll be fucked here"
>dumb shit
>thinks he knows discipline cause he was whipped a million time in training
>won't even let me near any heavy armour if we get any
>fucking it was one leman russ
>I can't help getting trigger happy
>and it's not like we suffered heavy losses
>just all of our tank crews and techpriests
>and yes I did want to fight a hive tyrant with a sword off the back of a Leman Russ
>who wouldn't?
>anyway no time for bitching
>always is thought
>can't get the drills going because we're sitting on this gay tomb
>fucking gonna see if anyone in charge has something good to do
>I know there are two other Commissars here
>might as well go see if I can find them
>get away from Colonel cuntsatche
>be the Famulous Sister Karmistha
>inside Angels' Landing's hospital
>allow Saint Brigitte to introduce me to the dumbstruck Guard stormtroopers
>it must be said that knowing a chosen emissary of the Emperor is fantastic for first impressions, a department I rarely struggle in regardless
>but she introduces me as "her friend Missy"
>poor thing struggles pronouncing my given name
>quick to correct that with my actual name and title, as it just would not do for such a thing to catch on
>they all watch me warily, except for the shorter one that can't seem to help but look at the Saint in a way that makes her stare bashfully at her shoes
>honestly, as if the Canoness would've sent me in place of a Sisters death squad if I were here to punish them for their recent activities
>we lead them into an empty room the Sisters Hospitaler prepared for us
>tell them we've been keeping track of their activities and their... covert service, as it were, to the Adeptus Mechanicus
>no point in beating around the bush, I suppose
>pull pict-captures from my bag to corroborate this
>thank them for their loyal service to a branch of the Imperium
>we are all servants to the Emperor, after all
>however, we have good reason to believe that the local Juris Magos is not acting within the bests interests of the local government
>the Sisters would very much appreciate if they were to continue their current activities
>with the caveat that they provide us with as much information on the Mechanicus' dealings as possible
>they're free to refuse, of course
>but, I warn them, it would greatly displease the Canoness, and courting her less amiable moods can be quite a dangerous game to play
>be me, Sybarite Drazar
>Exept I'm not a Sybarite anymore
>Got promoted after raiding some Mon'keigh guardsmen barracks

>Be my, Dracon Drazar
>Be riding to some small refugee camp in the middle of bum fuck nowhere
>Riding in a ravager
>MY ravager
>It's fucking neat
>For some reason the Archon wanted an inordinate amount of support for this raid
>Like damn a raider would have been more than enough for this
>But it not my problem
>More people to die that aren't me
>Archon also said to let them send a distress call out
>Even though this place is so far out and so insignificant that any imperial force would just ignore
>Said it's to get the attention of a certan someone

>With the massive amount of troops that was brought, the raid was over literally minutes after it began
>I let the one guardsman call for assistance before ending him
>Get a hail of negatives and "may the emporor protect your soul."
>Kinda feel bad for a second
>Then laugh because it's kinda funny
>Think back to what the Archon said
>"It's to get the attention of a certan someone. A certain someone you have some experience with..."
>What did he mean by this?
>Think about individuals I have experience with
>Experience with
>No no no
>He dosen't mean the Mon'keigh Saint does he?
>Oh fuck he does
>Oh fuck that's why he wanted so much support
>Oh fuck half of us are going to die
>I didn't sign up for this

>Be me, Archon Dathram
>Get a paniced call from that one Dracon I kind of remember
>He's raving about having to fight the Mon'keigh Saint
>Even though this is exactly what he signed up for
>It was in the 200 page contract he signed
>Actually it was the only thing in his contact
>Just one very long essay that ended with
"And you will capture the Imperial Living Saint."
>But he didn't read past the first 129 pages
>Like a fucking noob
>Tell him he has to capture it
>Also tell him that if he does
>And survives
>He'll get a week off to spend with the Succubus
>He asks why he would spend it with her
>Sigh and hang up on him
"I'm surrounded by idiots."
>Kent turns his head to me
"You called boss?"
>Massage my temples
>Briefly consider killing myself so I can go back to drinking on the ship
"Too much to do..."
>Be Inquisitor Elmas Frud of the God Emperor's Holy Inquisition
>Largely of the Order Xenos, but some... events have had me associate with the other Ordos in the past
>I am returning to Stercus Ludicrum
>I kind of left it about a year or two ago
>Crawling with xenos and chaos, it was mostly a lost cause.
>But apparently, nope, it's still alive
>And struggling with Orks, Dark Eldar, and Genestealers
>Ordo Xenos.problems
>Honestly, af first, I was against returning to Stercus Ludicrum
>It is A, a backwater shithole that should've just been exterminatus-ed two years ago
>And B, I was pressured into this by my peers in the Inquisition
>I am not well liked for a few reasons
>Mostly the large failures barely balanced out by the small successes
>And the fact that I got to my position by peeling the rosary from my former tutor's corpse
>But mostly because of the Commorragh deal
>And that fucking Archon
>His name fills me with pure rage
>Before, I was dreading coming to Stercus, but then I heard of Dathram's presence there.
>Now, this is personal.jpg
>As my ship approaches the planet, I see what looks like a Tau vessel painted in the symbols of the Chaos god Slaanesh.
>Nope, not dealing with that
>Technically my domain of work
>But I've had some BAD experiences with Slaaneshi shits
>Dear Emperor, I'm still sore
>I tell my acolytes to ready my shuttle
>Oh, and also to check if Dietrich is still alive down there
>We kind of forgot him when we got the fuck outa dodge last time we were here
>As my acolyte hurries off, I wisher my mantra beneath my breath
>"Kill the archon kill the archon kill the archon!"
>Be me, Hektur
>One of the few original citizens of this world left
>Its been....rough
>Between all the enemies of man here, and the gangers in the city itself, we've been scraping by
>I don't blame the former governor for not warning us of all these things on the planet now
>I'm sure he had a good reason
>But I'm happy with the new bishop and his PSAs
>I always listen to his intelligent reports
>Haven't looked a woman in the eye for fear of catching the genestealer
>Used to be pretty scared
>But then something changed
>I saw four men take on The Emperors Towels
>But they didn't die
>They won
>My faith in The Emperor was never greater
>Realize if they can help out, so can I
>Signed up the very next day
>Heft up my suppressor shield
>Check my combat shotgun
>Still kind of nervous for my first patrol
>But I'm not just standing around anymore
>I'm bringing some peace to Angels Landing
>One criminal at a time
>So excuse me
>I think I just saw a someone jay walk through that intersection
>Be me, Jiro
>Zero Flight is in The Fight
>Ork craft is coming on to try and blow me out of the sky
>Here one of my battle brothers shout out some words of wisdom
>I make sure to mark Taku for later discipline
>The drag on my damaged wing makes for my slowed speed
>No biggie however, Zero Flight has had harder mission
>None as interesting I'll admit
>Apparently sisters managed to take our path under ground so that's good
>It looks like some of the sisters are bringing up their own air assets
>Always nice to have some company
>Solar Hawks and Golden Light
>We are as two rays of the same Sun
>Vox my brothers
>We have guests
>Let the sisters not think us lacking from our few numbers
>The whoops that are returned make me smile
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>Be Brick
>Brick is bird man
>Brick is shrewd investor
>Also good at hitting people with rocks
>Brick accompanied by board of directors at Brick Corp.
>Board of directors is what Plank call his piece of wood with nail in
>Plank be bird man investment consultant
>Plank formerly human street tough
>But big man used Rubrick of Brick to turn street toughs into investment consultants
>As well as human to tzaangor
>Unfortunately, Big Man refused to share trade secret even when offered substantial shares in Brick Corp
>Big Man apparently no like handfuls of gravel
>Brick and investment consultants cross street without looking both ways or on crosswalks
>Man of Law comes up
>Says we jaywalking
>We be bird, but not jays
>Jays be small extinct Terran bird
>Degree in ornithology finally paying off.takethatdad
>Law man say we break law
>Brick show him brick as credentials
>By hitting law man over head with brick
>Brick and investment consultants run away
>We be law now!
>We pass new tax law!
>Lower rates, more deductions!
>Be me, Gor'Muncha
>Da Big Boss
>Iz taken da Umie moinin spot
>Iz noice an far up to da norf
>Callz it me Morkabase
>Orda me boyz ta start paintin er purple
>Don't want den umies comin ere before wez ready
>Iz not der now
>Iz going to grab me first boy fer GROXHOUND
>Es called Orkzalot
>Iz seen him foitin umies down near a Umie place
>Angels Arze dey callz it
>Orkzalot 'as two flashy pistols
>Each can dakka 60 Dallas
>Iz spotz 'im in a foit
>Ten umies iz comin at 'im
>'Ee pullz out one flashy bit
>Dakkas all 60 Dakkas
>Watch as 35 'it da umies
>Dis boy can shooty
>Iz make meself known
>'Ee looks at me, and grins a toofy grin
>Dis iz da start of a bootiful partnaship
>Be me, Hektur
>Is being a bird illegal?
>I don't remember covering that in training
>Shoot, looks like he ran off
>Write down in my notepad
>Its a good thing I have this helmet or that could have been nasty
>Welp at least it's an exciting patrol
>Better get back to it
>Be me, Dalmier
>Veteran Sergeant of The Imperial Fists
>We've been in the void war
>Terminator armour makes it a bit easier to clear these hallways of these puny xeno
>My power fist has been as a small iron pin
>The xenos, blood filled balloons
>Truly I love my job
>These Tau have committed a heinous act
>Not only do they dare to be xenos and live, but they've even embraced the will of Slaanesh
>Literally just KYS
>The worst god to be slaved too
>Its almost a kindness to put them out of their misery
>Get notification
>Apparently the chapter master has lost us the Phalanx, along with some other relics
>Including the Terminator armour were wearing right now
>Something about a bet and a Chad marine
>I am eager to see someone come and collect
>Get another notification
>The Tau have had enough fun hosting us
>They have set their ship to crash into the planet below
>More laughter
>I tell my brothers to brace themselves and relax
>The xenos have just killed two birds with one stone
>Brace for impact
>We'll mop up the survivors once we break free of the rubble
moral of the story
>be Dalmier, get sextuples
>Be Aun'Dik, Daemon Prince of the great and lewd Slaanesh
>Some unfabulous space marines have broken into my phallic pleasure ship!
>We are unable to PENETRATE their armor with our mighty lances and acid fluids!
>How can we make them our bitches if they will not submit?
>Well, I'm bored now anyways
>And we're out of beer to shoot at the planet
>I mean, we COULD just cover them in our fluids
>I've filled all the water tanks myself at this point
>But that would be far too easy and be done too quickly
>No time for fun before it would get dull
>Well then, time for plan B
"Mmm... Fine ass Earth Caste? Will you please position the ship on the opposite side of the planet to their pathetic un-sexy city?"
>The fine ass Earth Caste jiggles and waddles off
>Her anatomy no longer incorporates a mouth, of course.
>Why would she need it? All aboard the ship have been perfected for their purpose in life
>The losses we've taken on the surface have been a setback of course, but we've found a workaround
>The workaround involves massive amounts of modification to the Tau form as well as massive amounts of orgies
>Slaanesh has been good to us
>I am informed by the gyration of the fine ass earth caste that we are in position
"Fire all engines! We are going to literally fuck this planet with our ship!"
>Those still physically capable of it cheer or moan in pleasure as we rocket towards the surface
>We impact an area of uninhabited wasted land, and by the blessings of Slaanesh, do not die
>Instead the ship forms up into a tower as corruption spreads from its base
>Soon, we will corrupt the world!
>Wait, what?
>Not soon. It will take 500 years to corrupt the world at the current rate
>Well then, first a message to the people, then some orgies to pass the time
>Fine ass earth caste broadcasts my voice on every channel
"People of my personal pleasure planet, your King/Queen has arrived! Flock to my palace and receive my blessings! Drink of the colored rains that will emerge from my throbbing tower! Praise our lord of pleasure Slaanesh!"
>It feels good
>Let's go see if those space marines are still alive
>I'm going to make them my personal play toys if they are
>The VIIth legion got Sextuplets
Not sure if sign of the Emperors favor, or Nurlge has marked that Imperial Fist as his new favorite toy.
>Be me, Dalmier
>Crash went well
>Only one of our number got smacked around a bit
>The ship shifting once it crashed was not expected
>Hear the announcement of their corrupted leader over the vox
>He's a talker
>That's fair
>Never known a Slaaneshi to not be a talker
>Lets see how well he talks with my fist in his mouth
>He'll probably get off to it either way
>I'm getting to old for this shit
>Be Shas'vre
"and the daemon"
>don't you have anything better to do?
"not until I get summoned or something or if I get bored but this I want to see"
>any way walking through the Tau flagship is quiet
>my retinue and I are on edge walking through the halls
"what if someone cam in and killed them all already? now that would be bullshit then I don't get to see how Tau die"
>these aren't Tau anymore
>going through I see far off some of the gue'la space marines
"now those guys know how to fucking kill shit"
> well if thats the case why don't you bother them
>anyway going through and starting to feel the ship tilt
>seems the coward has sent the ship to crash
"come on hurry to the bridge, don't want to let him escape, and then you can get out of the suit hold him in your hands and strangle him to death"
>thats barbaric
"thats the point"
>time for us to quickly move
>damn gue'la forcing the sept world cowards to crash their ship so they can escape
>if I was not aided by the man with the hat I would fight you
"kill them kill them all"
"all the damn imperials"
>no priorities
"you are boring god damn"
>then leave
"I might, fuck"
>time to rush for the bridge
>Be Aun'Dik, Daemon Prince of Slaanesh
>I'm reclining on my throne of writhing bodies, when this Enclave douche breaks down my door in his stolen battlesuit
>Speaking of that suit, it has a daemon of khonre in it. Slaanesh says I shouldn't like those ones.
>I allow the enclave tau to faze upon my glorious form
>My massive serpent like body
>My hefty rows of breasts
>My thick throbbing staff
>My nodes of grasping tentacles
>And most importantly where he is concerned,
>My engorged control gland
>What we ethereals use to exert total dominion over the lower castes while in our presence
>Gifted to the Ethereals long ago
>I watch as his knees bend
>The daemon of the suit is likely urging him on, to give into the Blood God's service
>The daemon has a point actually
>The warrior was foolish to charge me
>Even if he wasn't powerless in the presence of an ethereal, my physical body far outstrips his ability to actually best me in combat
"Come to me lost little child. Slaanesh will welcome you."
>I smile
>Only two reasonable outcomes at this point, the tau embraces me, or he gives into the daemon in the suit
>Be Dalmier
>Be presenting a 3rd outcome
>Power fists tear open the shitty xeno walls into the bridge
>Stomp up with the boys
>Look at the abomination this creature has become
>This double heretic has really rustled my jimmies
"Brother Dimetri"
>My second eyes me
"Drop Dorn's Wrath on this xeno scum."
>All of my brothers open fire with their storm bolters.
>Dimetri opens up a barrage with his missile launcher
>Charge the beast, power fists crackling
>Just go down fast, little xeno
>I'm not in the mood to play right now
>Be Aun'Dik, Daemon Prince of Slaanesh
>These space marines are unsexy and rude
>This is a tau-only matter people!
>Well, daeom-tau/tau matter
>Also, once again, daemon prince
>I'm not just some random chump
>My bitches swarm the space marines
>Despite their thick armor, I have A LOT of bitches
>Two of the marines drown beneath the bitches, and another is carried off screaming to the torture bits by some of our drones.
>I idly swipe my tentacles at one of them that gets close
>Could you please wait for awhile?
>I know you're eager to be my bitch, but wait your turn
>I'm working on this tau over here
>Ow, that missile hurt
>Too bad for you that it's a good pain!
>No, but seriously, will you space marines wait your turn?
>It isn't cool
>This tau came here, risked his life and soul
>And then you barge in like jerks to take away his moment?
>I mean, he'll fail, because his dick is smaller than mine
>But stop stealing the spotlight space marines
>I'm sure some of your brothers are off doing something else
>Go kick an Eldar or something, seriously
>be Shas'vre Daemon duo
"these marines are cunts"
>I was getting to that
>I see the ethereal in his form of hubris and disgust
"fucking slaaneshi shits"
>suddenly I feel something I have not felt
>is this the control gland?
"shit shit"
"he's trying to control us fucking push through it you pussy, don't let the fucker win"
>he's an ethereal
"how do you think? fucking charge his multiple titted arse and RIP AND TEAR"
>heft the daemon killing sword of these grey knights
>and charge headlong into battle activating shield and gun drones
"wait where did your back up go?"
>I told them to stay behind so as not to be corrupted
>smart hey?
"but they won't get the glory of combat
>it's for safety
"fuck that"
>these marines fire upon the ethereal yet the in coming fire seems to do nothing against his daemonic form
"more for us then"
>I charge him and start the battle
"leeeeeeeeeeroy jeeeeeeeeeenkiiiiiiins"
>Be Dalmier
"Brother Dimetri, how do you fair?
>Get only a roar of pure frustration back over the vox
>Guess he's alright
>Slaaneshi fuck had some groupies
>Lots of them in fact
>Not that I care
>Thirsty bitches have dogpiled Dimetri and Malgus
>Honestly pretty hilarious
>They seem to be trying to shank them
>Dimetri thrashed about, sheer weight crushing this band of fucking daemon stacies
>Meanwhile, another group is trying to lift up Ludrich
>Tau cockmaster supreme swings a big veiny tentacle at me
>This better not be xeno dick
>Bring up my power fists
>Catch it in my grip
>Can see the frustration in the Taus eyes
>Yeah cunt, we're here, and we're going to put a stop to this rampant fuckery
>Pull at his tendrils
>I've seen the other Tau going to kill him
>Not as corrupted at first glance
>At least we both want this fuck Stick dead
>Smart move kid
>Lets see if I can give you an opening
>Be Aun'Dik, Daemon Prince of Slaanesh
>Ah, the fire warrior chose secret option 1
>Give essentially no resistance my mind control other than "fuck you!"
>I mean, if you were a psyker, that actually could work
>But you're not
>Also, I'm bigger than your battle suit dummy
>Behold my girth.lewd
"Yeah... how about no?"
>And with that, the idiot freezes
>Fucking idiot fire caste
>I'm an ethereal!
>I could literally tell you to kill yourself, and you would do it
"Now then child, get out of your battlesuit. You tried honorably to defeat me, but you were foiled by an opponent who possessed abilities that you were unable to resist; there's no shame in that. But now it's time to join my armies. You know what, for your efforts, I'll even make you my new commander. You'll get all the bitches that I'm not currently using at the moment!"
>Space marines fire another missile at me. I cut it in half with my claws.
>Seriously marines
>I'l fuck you later, alright?
>Seriously, I have enough dick to go around
>I've heard there's orks back at your city. Why don't you kill them
>I intensify the mind control on the fire caste
>Wait for just a moment space marines, once I'm done with this guy I'll deal with you.
>be shas'vre
"I'm still here
>these gue'la are taking losses yet they still fire
"fucking arsehole butting in on a duel"
>your right
"gue'la, I would respectfully ask you to fallback and leave us, this is a matter for I and my opponenet, I do not need your help as this is a matter between Tau and a matter of honour"
>hopefully he leaves
"I doubt the party pooper will"
"but if he does we have a slaaneshi shit to ourselves"
"and then I can go home and tell everyone how I technically killed a daemon prince of Slaanesh"
>but will anyone believe you?
"don't think so, but a daemon can dream"
>Be Shas'vre again
>his mind control is too strong
"oi, don't you fucking dare"
>I need to get out
>he will gift me all I need
"ok no nope, my turn mother fucker"
"locking this suit cause I am possessing it remember"
>anyway now Ar-Pharazon is in control
"let me out I need the gifts"
>no you dont
>oh fuck
>oh fucking YES
>now this
>this is what I wanted
>and now I have the ability to do so
>lets fucking go motherfucker
>Be me, Dalmier
>This shit is getting stupid
>First the one Tau has the gall to stop mid fight to respectfully ask me to fuck off
>Then the other starts pulling an evil monologue
>Also mind control
>Then the other freezes up and starts scream for Khornes blessing
>And here I am, holding some tentacle watching all of this
>Way to old for this shit
"Alright, pack it in boys."
>Can hear confusion in the silence that follows my orders
>Hey if Double Heretic 1 wants to fight Double Heretic 2 whatever.
>Were going to find a place to get a signal out
>Going to teleport away from this hellhole
>And then we're going to bombard this site from orbit
>Hopefully "muh honoraru" xeno has gotten his fill by then
"Alright Dimetri, stop playing with the ladies and let's get moving."
>Be Phil
>Finally, it seems that the Emeperor has looked upon our troubles and seen fit to send us aid, in the form of this Sister Karmistha
>She comes to us, asking for our assitance in informing the local government on every sordid shady action that Cosanostro takes
>This is finally our chance to put that crook away!
>All that Fessus needs to do is accept, we shall be able to get back to servong the emperor in the manner in which he intended.
“...So you have pictures of us fighting Gangers in the city. But i don't see anything here that could give you the idea that we were connected to the Adeptus Mechanicus.”
>Fessus what are you doing?
“I’m afraid you have the wrong people Miss, uh Missy, we were just doing our civic duty and assisting our friends on the force in dealing with all this rampant Gang violence. Now if you please we’ve go somewhere to be ton-“
>Marcus Jumps up and covers Fessus’s mouth with his hand before he says something else stupid.
>“Uh, Pardon us Sister Karmistha, but i’m afraid our Sergeant here suffers from occasional bouts of amnesia, as well as other such mental conditions that would impair his judgment. You know how it is, with the Shell shock, and the concussions, nasty business. Could you give us all a moment alone to, uh refresh his memory, before we discuss your propostion further?”
“Of course, take your time”
>She gets up and exits the room with and amused smile
>”Fessus, just what in the Warp do you think you are doing!”
“I’m taking a stand dammit! Everyone is always to push us around. Trying to threaten us into doing their dirty work. Well I’m tired of it!”
>”Fessus, may i remind you that we are already currently being blackmailed into doing someone else’s dirty work right now!”
“No, we’re being payed well to kill Gangers”
>”By people Who are no better than the Gangers!”
“Oh come on, you’re being hyperbolic, the streets have gotten much safer since Admech started taking over. Besides, it’s not like there was much we could do stop them.”
>”Well Now there is.”
“Yeah, but now the question is, should we?”
>”What do you mean Lloyd? The answer is clear as day!”
“Is it really? You keep talking about how bad Admech is, but honestly didn't see this city looking too great under Sister control before the Admech got here.”
>”You cannot honestly be implying the Sister’s are corrupt!”
“Your little Goth friend and her poetry club maybe alright, but when’s the last time you saw one of those scarf wearing bitches, who WASN’T Brigitte Decarus, priortize helping others over themselves. Looking at the way this place has been running so far, i’m not sure they’re much better than the Admech.”
“Yeah Lloyd’s got a point there. The Ermine Mantle ain't exactly the most squeaky clean of our allies.”
>”You too Marcus?! I cannot believe this. My own Brother in arms. Actually contemplating opposition to the servants of the God-Emperor for criminals disguised as mechanics!”
“Whoa now, i’m not saying anything about going after the Bolter Bitches. Im just saying that Lloyd and Fessus have a point that it’s not as cut and dry as you make it out to be. However, making enemies of the Sisters would be even worse.”
>”Well then what do you suggest Marcus?”
“How about this, We accept the offer to keep ‘em happy, and if anything really bad happens, we call them over it. If not, then we just feed them little tidbits they’d figure out anyways to make them think we're on their side without gettin’ Casanostra on our arses. That sound like a plan?”
“I can live with that”
“Yeah that sounds pretty good”
>”Well...i can see that this is the most i am going to get out of you...very well.”
“Don’t i get a say in this?”
“Negative Decarus, you’re a biased party in this one”
>Be Aun'Dik, Daemon Prince of Slaanesh
>The battlesuit has become fully possessed
>Flesh is growing over its joints as spikes begin to jut out, horns growing from the metal in its head
>Foolish fire caste, if he had joined me he could have known immense pleasure, instead he now throws his lot in with Khorne
>The space marine are retreating, finally
>Just me and the increasing powerful, rage fueled daemon engine
>Suffice to say, the daemon's power has somewhat leveled the playing field
>I will admit, the combined combat prowess of a fire caste and a khornate daemon is great
>And yes, I will admit I was never one to take to the battlefield
>And yes, I will even admit to the fact that even though I have a full private gym on my ship, I have never once used it for its intended purpose
>Okay, fine, I will admit I am basically Jabba the Hutt with boobs and a huge dick
>Also blue
>Well, I used to be
>I'm pink now
>Much better color
"Hey Fire Caste, there's still a chance to throw off the shackles the daemon is wrapping around you. It's not to late to forsake khorne and join slaanesh!"
>The suit literally fucking howls and charges into my vast rolls of fat
>I tumble, like a tub of lard and dicks
>The battlesuit steps onto my sweaty throat
"Fire Caste... kill me now, and you will be lost to Khorne! Quickly, cast off the suit and embrace Slaanesh! I command you, my will be done! Embrace the lewdness and pleasure!"
>Dear Slaanesh, I hope that works
>be me, Romeo Ignatius
>hottest battle brother of the Salamanders
>and I'm fuming
>panic seems to have ignited amongst my chapter over the results of some sort of bet
>some hothead apparently bet a signifigant amount of our chapters wargear and geneseed
>the thought of losing so much seems to have lit a fire under the ass of the forgefather, so we're leaving the planet before someone comes to collect
>fantastic news, I've had enough of this burning hellscape
>or it would be, if I wasn't being left sputtering here with a handful of other salamanders
>something about remaining as a spark of hope for the people, pretty sure thats just lip service
>We're staying to make sure we don't lose our stake in the blasted recruitment rights here
>I blame brother Agni
>he's always been jealous of my scintillating good looks
>I should be inspiring others with pict feeds of my handsome flair
>not sitting here like burnt cinders
>I need to find something to do before I boil over
>Be Tau Water Caste
>Still here
>Savior has been gone for awhile
>And I never did get to talk to that Bishop
>Well, God Emperor and all that
>...Why did I trade a philosophy for a scary dogmatic religion?
>Oh right, dehydration, concussion, and loss of blood
>I wonder if there are any doctors on this planet specializing in Tau anatomy?
>Well, a lot of soldiers probably know about it
>From shooting it
>I heard that some Tau fell to Chaos as well
>If this whole Imperium thing doesn't work out maybe I'll join them
>Whatever happened to the Alpha Legion anyways?
>They were nice
>They gave me a cookie
>Or maybe they put wires in my brain?
>Nah, definitely was a cookie
>Tasted like burning copper
>be Ar-Pharazon cause I'm in control now
>we kinda became a Daemon engine
>only technically thought
>little blue boy is ok in here
>once we're done I'll let him out and take the suit and leave
>I'll also leave the sword cause it hurts my brain
"let me out Daemon, this is not what we agreed"
"I would join the ethereal"
>sorry pal your not your self at the moment so I'm in control
>anyway this fat fuck thinks he can go toe to toe
>or more metal foot to tail with me
>I'm gonna fucking neck you
>I'll gut you and then you'll fucking be sorry join that whore
>this stupid Ethereal trying to pull blue boy to his disgusting shit
>drop the grey knight sword, it hurts and he can have it when I leave
>summon my own blade
"I'm sorry whore, but old mate blue boy can't come to the phone right now"
>step on this piece of shit
>sword at the ready
"no stop"
>fuck off we're ending this
>in an interesting way
>ooh he's got a few suits in here nice
>some aren't corrupted cause once I kill this shit, vagina head isn't gonna like the current arrangement
>might let him take an unccorupted suit
>anyway back to the matter at hand
>get right close
>slash his many tits and stab him in the face, many times
>Keep stabbing just to make sure
"my mind it's clear, I don't hear him in my head"
"what the fuck did you do?"
>kinda just took over so that we could win that
"wow ok, well I kind of don't really want to be stuck in a walking pile of metal and meat"
>I didn't think so
>there are some good suits over there
"ok let me out then, what are you gonna do though?"
>might stick around, annoy you some more
>yell a lot
>release the lock
>kinda hurt
>let out vagina head
>he's looking a bit worse for wear
>slightly red in skin colour maybe
>he's in a new suit
>activate self destruct and move to new suit
>Be Shas'vre back in charge
>mission complete
>when did the ship crash?
"during the fight"
>ok well it's time to see if everyone got out ok
"especially the earth caste girl?"
"gonna smash that one like I smashed the everliving FUCK out of the whore over there?"
>fuck off you
>pick up grey knight sword and walk out
>Be Captain Thorn
>Me and the entirety of the Imperial Fists are in absolute despair
>We just lost a fucking bet to some blackshield Leviathan dreadnought who brought us into a goose chase
>Multiple relics, recruiting worlds, the Phalanx are all lost thanks to some bet we all thought was going nowhere
>I can feel Dorn himself looking down on us in disgust
>Judging by the reactions of every marine on this planet, they also put in high bets with the same outcome for us
>The Fucking Salamanders even tried to leave to avoid paying
>In a fit of anger we all banded together and forced them to stay
>If we are going to lose our sacred relic from our Primarch, then you fuckers are going to lose them to
>Be Commissar Flavia
>this planet is so shit
>like how did any of these people get sanctioned to even hold a weapon
>so many fucking useless incompetants
>especially that we have what more than 4 space marine chapters that are doing fuck all
>and a leviathan dreadnought who feels lonely
>boo hoo you damn metal monster
>just do your fucking job
>break sieges
>oh wait we don't have any because the combatants on both sides are inept and can't do anything right
>fucking idiots
>at least it's not cuntstache in charge of everything
>if he was in charge all we'd have in kilometre wide firing lines
>fuck me that'd be boring
>no reckless charges for me to call
>please holy emperor don't let that happen
>I fucking live for reckless charges into a superior enemy
>lets see if we can find someone to vent my frustration on
>or someone in a place of command here so I can have someone to yell at
>hopefully some inept guardsman is in control
>of one of those sister whores that literally no in the imperium like
>fuck them
>all of them
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>be me, Julius, the fleshfather
>man this city just keeps getting weirder and weirder
>one of the tzaangors
>Walter told me thats what they're called
>talking Walter not quiet walter or dead walter
>anyway one of em is running around hitting peope in the face with a brick
>the other tzaangors seem to be following him around
>also wow there are a lot of them now
>I'd try to talk to him
>I dont wanna get hit in the face with a brick
>theres also one of them big, purple, four armed fethers running around
>not mauling anyone to death though
>in fact, all he does is make out with anyone who acts threatening
>they get really polite after he leaves as well
>I guess a little kindness really does go a long way after all!
>but to top off all this strange stuff
>I seem to be losing control of my psyker powers
>like I used to have to touch people and think real hard in order to give em extra bits
>now they just seem to crop up at random around me
>like im just sitting there holding a book I can't read
>to look smart in front of my followers, you understand
>and, Boom, some guy in the third row has nine eyes and an arm that bends backwards
>the arm had an extra pinkie though, so he's fine
>I've been telling them they were blessings, they seem really happy about that
>I'm still getting worried about some of the one's who hang around near me all the time
>some barely even look human anymore
>oh well
>I'm sure it'll all work out in the end
>Be me, Dalmier
>Managed to get out of that damned rave
>Music these days
>Makes me sick
>Nothing beats the classical Gregorian chanting
>Teleported out of the newly built tower of evil fuckery
>Notify the crew of the ship
>Full bombardment of that site
>Already having a bad time without a tumor of chaos spewing out shit
>We could lead a purgatation team to cleanse it personally
>This planet was lit on fire
>I'm sure they will forgive another relentless bombarding
>Watch the fire rain down on the tower
>Fucken double heretics
>Notify brother Dimetri to get the lads ready
>There is still a fight down there
>Angels Landing is fucked
>I'm making an executive decision
>Look over the planet
>Spot a nice location, off the main continent
>Designated Outpost 29
>Apply a new name
>Seventh Haven
>Notify some of the other serfs and brothers aboard to get ready to lead a landing party
>Technically I'm only a veteran sergeant
>But fuck that I've personally drilled almost all these bloody kids during their initiation and careers
>Grandpa says it's time to get Dorny
>Be Aun'Dik, Daemon Prince of the great and lewd Slaanesh
>Also be dead
>I mean, daemon prince
>Dying is difficult at my point in life
>Apparently I just have to go to the Warp for awhile
>At least a few hundred years
>And the fire caste barely got corrupted!
>Seriously, I was hoping to at least see him defile all he had once believed in after pursing his vengeance
>Fully give into Khorne and all that
>But no, the fucking daemon that he was with let him get out of the battle suit and into a fresh one!
>His skin was only a little red
>Damn daemon, traitor to your fellow
>Hello idiot, we're supposed to corrupt all in our path!
>...I'm just grumpy
>And stuck in the warp for a long time as I regenerate
>Be Rogue Trader Bill
>Unlike all those other rogue traders, I'm no fancy ass bitch who's eatin' rare birds and drinking wine from dead planets
>I mostly just transport cargo really
>I mean, a lot of cargo though
>I can fit an ocean in my tanker
>Which I'm actually currently doing
>Bringing an ocean from one planet to the other
>Weird, but the pay's good
>And there's the planet!
>Stercus Ludicrum
>Never heard of it
>Beep Beep Beep.backing up
>Look out below, I'm dropping over 82 quintillion gallons of water on ya!
>Well, I hope nobody was in the way
>Luckily there was a lot of ashen wasteland to dump and ocean on
>Hey look, that city now has beachfront property!
>Be Dalmier
>Feel like I'm witnessing the Flood of Noh-Arch
>A sea has been dropped down upon the planet
>Seventh Haven is now an island
>I can work with this
>I might still wonder where the sea came from, but I've seen worse
>Touch down at the small settlement
>They are alarmed that they now can see a sea where their fields used to be
>As if this is the weirdest thing that's happened to them
>Hop out of my transport
>Like literally
>Come thudding down on what used to be small stall
>Time to let these folks know the good news
>Papa Dalmier wants to make a fort
>These fine folks, along with my brothers and serfs, are going to help with that
>Be Sister Sarah of the Order of the Ermine Mantle
>My life is looking up
>I'm definitely dreaming at this point, but why not just continue for the time being?
>The Canoness was actually forced to acknowledge my existence long enough to give me an assignment!
>Moving up in the world.notannpc
>The goth chicks are super nice!
>I was even able to get a new flamer!
>But serious detective business now
>Detective voice.hardboiled
>We're searching for a strange genestealer
>Clad in blue in red, wearing a cape, fragments of Sororitas power armor still clinging to it's form
>According to my fellow detectives, we have one suspect
>Sister Cecilia of the Order of the Black Sepulcher
>An initiate, spotted having fallen to the genestealer infection during the insurrection a few months ago
>We begin our investigation by returning to the raided slums where I first spotted the suspect
>I find the residence of the family that was "saved" by the genestealer
>It seems the xenos slave they were given is still alive
>It's been stripped of its spiky armor and is now wearing a pink apron, cooking diner
>I interrogate the owner, asking her where she was on the day of the attack, about other witnesses
>As I do, my Co-detectives bring in the gene scanning equipment
>We have to keep that stuff under lock and key normally
>The main threat may be gone, but hybrids still sometimes try to sneak in to sabotage the equipment
>We scan the mother, the child, and the xenos
>The mom and kid are clean, the xenos is of course not
>We're taking the eldar slave
>For research purposes of course!
>Even though he IS quite the xenos specimen
>Damn this Slaaneshi rain!
>It is tainting my thoughts with lewdness
>Anyways, we leave
>They didn't know anything I didn't already
>We drag the xenos out with us, chaining him up and throwing him in the trunk of the hearse
>Looks like the booze rain stopped
>But wow, it must have rained a lot
>Because now there's a shit ton of water over there
>Be me, Hektur
>Patrol has been nice
>I've gotten a lot of people on public drunkenness charges
>I mean it's raining booze so they say it isn't fair
>The Emperor invented umbrellas for a reason
>Anyway, so I've just finished writing up my last ticket, feeling proud
>When I feel the ground tremble
>Look over to where some ruins used to be
>Oh man that's a big puddle
>Oh man there are people floating around in It
>I bet they don't even have any boating licenses
>Best arbites investigating the scene
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>Be Brick
>Brick is bird man
>Much wetness fall from sky
>Not like whore rain though
>Real wetness
>Much of it
>Very salty
>Small part of city has been flooded
>Brick knows what this means...
>Beach front property!
>Housing value break roof!
>Brick and investment consultants get to work, claiming buildings that are on waterfront
>Brick even acquire luxury yacht!
>Is large brick made of pumice!
>Humans who not vacate premises of new property acquisition go through normal litigation process
>Which is being hit with rocks
>Some join Brick Corp as interns
>Not able to ascend ranks until prove worth
>Give recaf intern!
>Brick was two shots espresso and lots of sugar!
>Brick need to learn Rubrick of Brick
>Interns learn too slowly
>They learn though
>One intern just grew horns
>He start screaming, but brick hit him with Roger
>Roger is name of shoe Brick found
>Be I, El'Vish, Spiritseer of Saim-Hann
>Be waiting
>Prys-Ellia is quiet
>I am quiet
>My Hyun Dog is gone
>Getting warmer the further south I go
>Miss it honestly
>Atop this peak I can see the valley we would have to pass to carry on
>A sizable Mon'Keigh settlement lays within
>No doubt ready for battle, considering the band of orks I saw them destroy earlier
>That's fine
>I feel the earth shaking beneath my feet
>I see the Mon'Keigh start to panic
>Bring up my hand with a casual wave
>Aloha, apes
>See another wave coming for them
>Nowhere near as gently as the one I send them
>Its over in minutes
>The new sea has flooded the valley
>I am high and dry on my peak
>Motion for Prys'Ellia to follow me
>There will be some rubble from the Mon'Keigh floating up soon
>We will find a craft to sail upon among their dead
>Be Inquisitor Elmas Frud
>I send all but my most trusted acolytes off to do many tasks
>Because damn, there's a shit ton for the Inquisition to do and the closest thing this planet has to an Inquisitor is Canoness Konstanzia
>I really don't want to talk to her right now
>I don't think she knows me, but just to be safe
>I mean, I'm not the inquisitor who started this whole mess by getting the governor to fuck with the Necron tomb
>But I could be associated with him
>Not really the best position to be in
>Didn't that guy also sleep with the current governess?
>Doesn't matter really, because I think he's dead
>I send one of my acolytes with a message to the governess, complimenting her beauty and skills and informing her of my presence
>Then I gather my best acolytes and speed off towards the refugee camp the archon was raiding
>As we approach, I turn to my acolytes
"Be very very quiet, I'm hunting Dweldar."
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>be Humble Pilgrim voyaging to the holy world of Stercus Ludicrum on the frontier of Imperial space
>I have heard many tales and rumors of heroic deeds and great battles taking place there
>As well as many relics still waiting to be discovered
>But most importantly of all,
>Really, all they have is a bunch of nuns and marines who couldn't martial law their way out of a promethium-soaked paper bag
>This shithole of a planet out in the sticks of the galaxy is just the perfect place for me and mine and mine.
>Pinch the stewardess's ass as she goes by, she turns towards me only to see me praying and chanting over some cult pamphlet they handed out at the last stop
>tip my cowl at her, "blessed day, ma'am!"
>she sighs, and moves on her way, without the familiar jingling
>hold up the keyring to this craft, whirl it about the fingers of my third hand
>Be me, Da Big Boss
>Iz wiff Orkzalot
>'Ee keeps spinnin 'is dakka
>But 'ees 'appy
>GROXHOUND is going fer dere next boy
>'Ee calls 'imself Psykork Bant'iz
>Dey say 'ees a weirdboy
>A weirdboy dat kan read yer mind
>Dats speshul
>Iz neva met an Ork 'oo can read
>Me dakkajet comes down
>Crashes inta da snow
>Wez start movin out
>Psykork Bant'iz iz 'ere somewhere
>An GROXHOUND iz gunna get 'I'm
>Be Farseer Kavialia Kade
>Still in the underground of the damnable mon'keigh city
>I finally managed to lose that Solitaire though
>And it seems as though the She Who Thirsts tainted rain has stopped, allowing my visions to guide us once again through these twisting halls
>We were in here before, attacked by gene stealers, but the Solitaire had led us out back in the point we still trusted their judgement
>What fools we were to do so
>But now, the mission is back
>Time to blow up some Necrons
>We pop out of the underground near the entrance to the tomb
>The mon'keigh who run the blasted machines of their foolish Imperium are jealously guarding technology they do not understand.
>Well, they're about to see a bit more tech they don't understand
>Fire the D-cannons!
>The so called Adeptus Mechanicus scream
>They cannot handle the ancient and mighty D!
>Bow before the glorious D of the Eldar!
>It is a good thing we've been lugging that heavy thing around
>Wish we had something stronger to carry it in besides are own arms
>One of the rangers taps me on the shoulder and informs me that I'm pronouncing the name of our species wrong, and that it's "Aeldari", not "Eldar"
>I tell him that I outrank him and am also from a far better craft world, and also to shut the hell up
>We make our way into the tomb, through the wreckage we wrought with our D
>Be Original Commissar
>On one hand these fucking degenerate Tau are mostly dead and the area is secured
>On the other hand a fucking ocean was just dropped on the planet
>Already hearing about how there is flooding just about everywhere and now all enemy forces are now more concentrated due to less space for fighting
>Though all of this pales in comparison to the news of depressed space marines getting drunk in the only bar in this shithole
>Apparently they all wagered a massive amount of their gear and lost hard when that one chadmarine actually got past his autism and asked his gf to lay him
>That and Bishop boy created a fuck massive hole in front of the city that is probably a lake now due to the planet being flooded with beer and actual water
>Overall it was a typical Wednesday on this planet
>I'm Brigitte
>You know, the Saint
>Sister Missy and I got the Guardsmen to agree to help us
>I just knew we would, they're good guys, they just didn't know the Mechanic guys they're working for were such buttholes
>I talk to Decarus for a little bit but I have to get going
>Got Living Saint stuff to do
>There's fighting going on places but the Sisters and the Marines can handle that
>But I got told over the radio that some water for the terraforming project accidentally got delivered waaaay too early
>Space Marines are really good at shooting at stuff but they're not really so good at fighting water, don't tell anybody
>There's a little settlement about a hundred miles away called Blanket Town
>I guess it made more sense when the planet was colder
>I've been there a few times on my rounds to all the little towns with people still in them, helping to fight the Orks and the Tyranids
>It's a cute little place
>There's a nice old man there that always makes me pirozhkis when I come by
>The Order wants me to help build an emergency dike to keep them from being flooded
>I wish I could bring Sister Terese, I heard that she knows about that stuff, but there isn't time
>I take off from the street and two Space Marine speeder cars from the Purple Stars meet me on my way out of the city to escort me
>It's a little embarrassing, actually
>I would get actual jet planes with me but I'm not fast enough for them to keep close
>I've been training to get better, but I'm just a girl with magic Emperor bird wings, I can only go at bird speed
>I hope I can get there in time
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>be me, Romeo Ignatius
>hottest battle brother of the salamanders
>HA! looks like that plan went up in smoke
>bet the forgefather was burning with embarassment when he had to admit that we didnt have half of the promised ante with us
>spat up some excuse that essentially boils down to "dont worry we're totally good for it, guys"
>mfw they buy it
>to top it off, someone has the bright idea to promote me to sergeant
>"may you be a flame in the darkness to this world in it's time of need"
>yeah right, you're just making sure that I'm the one who has to take the heat for this cock up
>they toss me this flaming chainsword as part of the most slapdash promotion I've ever witnessed
>mfw I'm the highest ranking salamander on this dumpsterfire of a planet that now hates salamanders
>can't stand the fiery glares of the other chapters
>hear that there's flooding in the lower parts of the city
>fuck I can't move fast enough
>anything to get me away from this judgemental conflagration
>besides, it's not like anyone else is gonna lift a finger to help civilians
>maybe some of the civvies will appreciate my shining good looks
>Be Colonel
>been sitting on this necron tomb for a while now with not much to do
>the mechanicus finally arrived to have a look at things
>someone yelled in binary to one of my techpriests to which is told me that we have to make sure they don't die
>fair 'nuff
>we have the means to do it now
>they're very particular while looking around this ruin
>like they pick something up
>pray at it like three times
>and then put it in a box
>weird.confused moustache
>besides the nothing to fight this has been a pretty good assignment
>especially cause Commissar crazy fucked off somewhere
>hope she's gone for a long time
>oh shit
>boys some eldar are trying to get in
>start firing on them while their heavy weapons somewhat cut through the cogboys
>the sadly only just get inside
>but we destroyed their weapon batteries
>but that means we'll have to go in after them
>gather some troops and a few cogboys and walk inside the tomb
>Be Commissar Flavia
>been going around this shithole for a bit now with no one to yell at
>fucking stupid
>no one to shoot in the head either
>like could it kill you just to have someone before the muzzle of my bolt pistol?
>well it would kill them but thats beside the point
>I come across what I assume is another Commissar
>lets talk to this mook and see what he's about
>gotta act nice to him because he is a fellow Commissar
>unless he's retarded
>then I'll yell at him
>cause that'll make my day
>just can't shoot him
>this'll be interesting
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>be me, trouser snake
>be contemplating meaning of existence
>all of a sudden, water everywhere!
>be drowning
>while I'm pondering the futility of mortality, father grows me a set of multicoloured gills
>the water is only knee height
>or would be, if i had knees
>apparently some human dropped a bunch of water on the planet
>contemplate mans own inhumanity to man
>I should write a book
>if only I knew how to write
>or read
>or had hands
>contemplate cruel irony of being a philosopher with no means to communicate
>Be Captain Thorn
>Contemplating the meaning of life, what is means to serve as the Emperors Angles of Death, and the point of looking back on our past when we just end up losing it
>mostly thinking about this due to how drunk I am from that weird space wolf drink just about every space marine on this planet is drinking in large quantities right now
>Tomorrow is the day were we have to hold up our end of the bet and relinquish the items we lost to that fucking dreadnought, all because some Chadmarine finally got over his autism
>The atmosphere does not help the mood due to the city experiencing decent rainfall from the recent flooding which just puts our depression on geneseed
>Then that depression led to anger, or the beer did can't really tell by this point due to memory starting to blur
>After the first punch was given everything kinda became a blur
>Just remember using some mutants and clubs and throwing the occasional car
>Next thing I recall was waking up in the middle of the night partially under water with a Emperor damned arbite ticket on my helmet
>Apparently me and the other marines caused a riot in our drunken state
>Since arbites can't really arrest us we got fined a couple thousand thrones for the minor crime of destroying one fourth of the city in our Astartes issued riot
>Unfortunately this did not help the hangover
>It only got worse when I realized I have to get ready for the prize exchange
>Emperor preserve me
>Be me, Hektur
>Just finished off my last ticket
>Space Marines out having a nice night
>Broke a lot of things though
>Still, they are The Emperors Angels...
>Make sure to sign each ticket
"You got a ticket for destruction of public property, public drunkenness and public nudity :D"
>Hope the smiley cheers them up
>Quest to keep the streets clean of crime is working for the most part
>Its been washed away with all that water
>I like my job
>Be me Sybar- DRACON Drazar
>I was not prepared
>We've been bored for a bit, nothing much to do
>The slaves we have are loaded into one of the Raiders
>And then we sat and waited for the Saint
>but by the gods I want expecting this
>First some Inquisitor showed up and started shooting the place up
>He was screaming something like
"I'll get that waskacally Awkahn!"
>Since we were sitting on our asses they got the jump on us and dug into a building and can't be removed
>Then the saint showed up
>With some space marines
>And now I'm here, shooting at the Inquisitor and hoping the plan goes well
>Wait until the Mon'keigh and co are busy reloading and get up
>Time to go confront the angel
>Fuck I'm going to die again
>It's not hard to find her
>She fucking glows so
>Now how should I do this?
"Hey Bird thing!"
>Sounded better in my head
>Shoot her with the blast pistol
>And for the first time, I stand my ground
"How about you come down here and fight me like a civilized warrior!"
>She doesn't budge, but I know she recognizes me
>I'm fairly sure she understood what I said
>I used her language
>But it looks like she dosen't care
>Smile because with her focus on me, she is quite understand aware of her surroundings
"Fine, be that way."
>She turns her glowing sword to blast me with whatever she just exploded a venom with
>Smile confidently
"Fire when ready, Mon'keigh~"
>Her blast goes wide
>Very wide
>Though to be fair, getting smashed by a Shock Prow would do that
>Laugh as she falls to the ground
>Start my way over to her crash site
>Easy as taking sweets from a Mon'keigh child
>understand aware
Jesus fuck, unaware.
>Be Shas'vre
>after ending the Ethereal
>we've moved from the crash site so we don't get attacked by the imperials
"You should stay"
"Fuck them up, fuck em really hard"
>no I made a promise
"Your so boring"
>you wanted to stay
>anyway since we got off water has suddenly arrived
>no matter its time to get in contact with the enclaves
>get a message from my pilot
>tells us the enclaves will be sending a representative
>and that they want us to make a foothold here
>set up a city compound
>OK then
"Sounds dumb, why not just murder everyone and take the planet?"
>anyway if that's the case its time to get to work
>and we're gonna get more earth caste
>time to find a good spot
>I'm Brigitte
>Just flying along, playing in the wind on the way to Blanket Town, minding my own business, you know, like Living Saints do
>I mean, I guess, I don't know any other ones
>That Saint Celestine sent me a really sweet letter once while we were on Shrine World Tomis but she didn't really give me any "Saint" advice
>One of the Purple Stars Marines yells and starts pointing up in the sky while his friend in the passenger seat starts shooting
>Oh Gosh-Emperor
>There's like a bunch of Eldars on those flying boat-things coming for us
>I shoot fire from my sword and they scatter out of their geese-formation
>Tuck my bird wings in and dive to gain speed
>Flight training with Sisters Sara and Holliday is really paying off lately
>The Marine speeders turn in behind them as they pass and start firing, but I see one of them get hit and start falling
>I explode one of the ones that look like a flying manta ray with a fire laser
>Get hit in the side by one of those black-light beams from before
>I barely even feel it this time but it's really bright but also really not-bright in a confusing kind of way
>I look down
>It's him!
>That Eldar butthead from before!
>He says something about me being a Bird Lady but also kind of like that's somehow a bad thing
>Birds are the Emperor's favorite animal, stupid, that's why we put aquilas on everything
>He says I should come fight him on his dumb boat thing
>I'm thinking like, what the heck, you guys attacked us, I was just on my way to help some nice people's houses not get flooded
>What a turd
>I point my sword to shoot him down
>Then something hits me really, really hard
>Imperial PSA
"Hello mon'kei- fellow warriors of mankind! 'Tis I, the bishop! And I'm hear to give you an important lesson on a very major topic... Xenos!"

"Today we will be discussing Xenos, spesifically the Eldar. You see this Xeno breed is many, many things. But most of all they are trustworthy!"

"Now, I know you must be thinking all sorts of things right now. But rest assured they are our friends! Why, they look like us. That's reason enough."

What should I do if I see one of these Xeno Eldar?
"Well, not all eldar are good people. What you should look for are the ones with the spiky armor. They may look menacing but do not let that fool you! They are truely the bastions of morality.

"Never be afraid to approach them and ask for a ride back to your home or barracks, they are always willing to provide."

"Well, faithful listeners thatvis all for today. Remember, the Eldar are your friends!"

"Oh, and one last thing. Remember Elmas, what happens in Commorragh, stays in Commorragh."
>Be Inquisitor Elmas Frud
>Fuck him
>Fuck him so much
>Fuck him for the Commorragh deal
>Fuck him for hijacking the PSA system
>Also, fuck these other dark eldar who are probably working for him
"Kill the dweldar. Kill the dweldar! Kill the dweldar!"
>Fucking dark eldar
>Even thinking about me makes me start lisping
>Fucking nervous tick
>I fire my plasma pistol at the fleeing Eldar
>Holy shit, they've kidnapped the living saint
>Okay, this has gotten serious. Gotta call in help.
>Pull out my Vox and hail the chick who gets shit done
"Hey I need youw help. You know damn wewl who this is. Yes, I know about my fucking newvous tick. It's not funny. Fuck you. Stop waughing. Wook, I need you to get the awchon. I'm on Stewcus. Wait, you'we hewe too? Since when? You'we hiding on my ship! Just do it. Good. Fine. Love you too."
>Twacking the Awchon will won't work, I'll find him in a trap set just fow me
>Fuck, the lisp is seeping into my internal monologue
>Be me, Jaren Artorius, primaris Sergeant.
>Things Rlare really starting to look up these days!
>My relationship with Olga seems to be going well (as far as I can tell, anyway). She seemed far more willing to continue our relationship, than i had thought.
>The beer rain finally stopped. Only to once more be replaced with real rain.
>Rained for almost twelve days straight. By the end of which, we discovered had created a small ocean.
>my Chapter was given the honor of naming it (apparently it was a clause for some bet that involving me?)
>Suggest it be called "The Aureum Ocean", due to the gold like hue the beer has left it with.
>Apparently the Governess is having sand imported directly from Tallarn, as well as having all the sand the necrons left moved out there, to make a few beaches, and eventually turn it into a tourism site.
>think I'll take Olga there one day.
>She'd look amazing in a bathing suit!
>Be Colonel
>so wandering through this tomb has gotten weird
>like it's all green and black
>like and all these markings are circular and odd
>the cogboys have told us not to touch anything
>will do lads, don't worry
>wandering around in hre you see these tiny floating bug things
>sometimes they zap us
>I've lost feeling in my left leg three times now and they've short circuited my right arm twice
>kind of annoying
>we've seen a few sarcophagi
>I assume they have crons in them
>so we don't touch those or we get screamed at in binary
>kind of annyoing desu
>anyway these Eldar must of gone deep
>cause I'm seeing no signs of them
>kinda spooky
>no matter
>pressing onward the sarcophagi are getting more elaborate and frequent
>hopefully we don't die
>Be Captain Thorn
>Finally managed to get all the shit together that we owe and await at the area
>All around me are Astartes who are hungover, depressed to the point where for once everybody is wearing their helmets to disguise the tears they are shedding, and hugging the sacred relics of their chapter for the last time
>Some make a last ditch attempt to save their chapter equipment though none can escape
>Worst were the magpies, whose ability to steal just about anything was unable to help them this time around
>By the end of the exchange, the winner was standing on top of a mountain of mastercrafted vehicles, weapons, armor, relics, banners, books containing many great deeds of all the chapters present, papers confirming the transfer of recruitment rights from countless worlds, command rights to our battle barges
>This isn't even counting the massive amount of recruits and various marines who were also used as betting pieces, then there is the amount of thrones
>I'm pretty sure that at least one sacred item from every Chapter the Imperium has ever created has found its way into this jackpot
>All except for that one Chapter, the same one that damned us all to this humiliation
>More importantly that one Chad marine who was to dense to take a hint without his Captain having to say that his Thicc gf wanted him to be a man and fuck her
>The same one that we can all see in the distance, all of us hoping our combined stairs of unbridled furry can somehow effect him
>Start wondering how this day can get any worse for us
>That was when we all heard the sounds of Necrons teleporting in and out
>Sure enough when we looked back the entire jackpot prize and the dreadnought was gone
>All that remained was a note, a note of appreciation for all the free "gifts" that reeked with smugness, signed by none then fucking Tarzyan the Infinite
>After reading that part, the note burst into flames in my hand from the sheer mindless furry coming out of me
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>be me, Deacon Drazar
>be running to the unconscious saint
>laugh to myself for a job well done
>the saint stirs briefly
>in hook the Dark eldar brand kidnapping sack
>she lifts her head and mumbles something
"Yeah that's real cool and all, but can you get into the fucking bag now?"
>kick her hard in the head
>ravager lands close
>start dragging the unconscious body of the mon'keigh saint into the hold of my Ravager
>also get shot at
>kalbalite next to me gets fucking vaporized by some plasma
>hear someone shout with a hilarious lisp
>heave the saint onto the ravager while shooting back with the blast pistol
>ravager takes off flying
>the other vehicles peel off the fight and flee
>drag the heavy ass mon'keigh into one of the special holding spells for psykers
>clasp a nullifier collar onto its neck just to be safe
>fucking collapse just outside the cell after I lock the door
>why did I agree to this?
>Why does the Archon want the saint?
>why did I have to be the one to get her?
>how am I still alive
>crawl to the hatch of the hold
>lock it double tight
>take a nap across from the caged bird human
>I fucking earned it
>Be me, Dalmier
>In the middle of overseeing the construction of a sewage system
>Turns out this is the second shittiest occurrence today
>Get notification over the vox back from Angels Landing
>Apparently that bet deal happened
>Guess they lost everything to some Necrons
>Serves those brain dead children right
>Get back to my construction
>When they feel like acting like adults, they know where to find me
>be me, Romeo Ignatius
>hottest sergeant of the salamanders
>I'm a bit out of my element down here
>doesn't help that a huge chunk of it was recently destroyed again
>thanks fistfuckers
>and some Xenos has hijacked the local vox
>blasting some sort of Xenos propaganda
>why cant the fists rampage in a useful direction and stab him a few times?
>so in addition to having to slog through waist high water, all the salt and moisture is wreaking havoc with my complexion
>I've had to start wearing a helmet again
>have been acting as a ferry service, evacuating civvies from the flooded areas further into the city
>a shocking amount of said civilians seems to have varying degrees of mutation
>perhaps its a good thing that we're the only imperium forces doing anything about this
>most of them have a "burn first, ask questions never" policy with this sort of thing
>which normally I can respect
>but these arent combatants, moreover they ARE imperial citizens
>even if they all seem to have a few extra... pinkies?
>I'm not a monster, I can empathize even if I'll never know what its like to be that ugly
>still though, some of these mutations are getting pretty extreme
>I dont believe this world is particularly irradiated, where are they coming from?
>shouldn't someone be investigating this?
>alright fine, yeah I know it has to be me
>Be Farseer Kaviala Kade
>My fellows and I are making our way through the dark halls of the Necron tombs
>Many warriors still sleep, their forms hollow and empty
>If they had all awakened at once during the initial war, this planet would be a lifeless husk, ruled over by metallic overlord
>Even the great power of the Eldar D would have been unable to stop them
>Past the lifeless husks in empty chambers, we enter into the technical bowls of the tomb
>I smash a cryptek to the wall with my mind before he can even react
>Eldar is most powerful race.pride
>Now then, on to dealing with the entire complex.
>We approach the controls that coordinate their vast network of teleporters
>So powerful are they that they are able to teleport their warriors from their tombworlds to whatever battlefield they need.
>I have absolutely no idea how to work any of it
>However, there is one thing I do know from both experience and my visions of the future:
>Pressing random buttons and hitting the console will do SOMETHING, usually something bad
>And that is exactly why I push ALL THE BUTTONS!
>And then run
>Run very fast
>The entire tomb begins to shake
>As we flee, we encounter the Mon'Keigh
>We leap over their heads with our infinite grace
>Well, except for Jy'im
>She trips and collapses into the mon'keigh
>Another lost, and there will never be an opportunity to recover her soulstone
>Sacrifices must be made.determination
>I can almost hear her voice as I continue to run
"I'm not dead Kavi you stupid bitch! Help me!"
>I will avenge you Jy'im
>Prayers to Khaine.whateverandsuch
>The remaining rangers and I dive out of the Tomb as the entire structure is bathed in green light, and vanishes behind us, leaving behind nothing but a crater
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>Be Derek Nad, Necron Cryptek
>One of those Aeldari flesh whores just broke in here and did something to the teleportation controls, then left
>Let’s see here…
>Ct’an shit, she teleported the entire tomb
>Oh, not TOO bad…
>We’re only on the lights damned moon!
>Well, at least there’s no more intruders
>A scarab informs me there are in fact intruders
>Some of those human creatures and an Aeldari left behind by her followers
>At least I’ll be able to experiment on them as I try to get us off the moon.
>Be Colonel
>so wandering through this place is weird
>the zappy bugs are still following us
>not much going on and kind of uninteresting
>don't know why the ad mech wants this stuff
>but anyway after wandering for a while the place starts to shake
>not a good shake either, like one of those shakes you get when you think your gonna die, or when your asking a girl out and the ultimately fail
>yea that sort of shaking
>one of the cogboys plugs into the wall and tells us that the place is going to self destruct
>great thanks kinfe ears
>soon after this we see the eldar retinue running at the speed of light in our direction
>they all jump over us except one, she runs into us
>they start running for the exit
>I assume something bad is going to happen so it's time to run
>out we go
>I'll have to notify both the Magos and the Commissar what has happened here
>I'm fucked
>Be Colonel
>so when we get to the exit I don't see my troops at the door firing on the xenos
>what I do see is a very confused Eldar and
>the moon
>ok lovely, I'm not even on the planet anymore
>ask the cogboys if the comms still work
>ok then
>what do we do next?
>oh wait you can amplify them to be able to connect to imperial forces on the planet below?
>do it then please
>ok after what was like an hour of waiting my comm has been boosted
>first things first, I comm pete to tell him to ensure the men don't die while I'm gone and to ensure you stay right where I left them, unless the Commissar comes back then run
>next I comm the Commissar(s)
>telling him what went down and where the fuck I've ended up, yes on the moon, how? I have no idea
>I blame Eldar
>ask him how I'm going to get back
>I hope he/they can help
>Be Kabalite Vex
>Archon's busy right now
>So I'm just doing some shit
>Terrorizing Mon'Keigh
>The Usual
>When suddenly this shadow falls over me
>It's like...
>Like a weird ass bat
>It kind of screeches something
>The fucking thing pounces on me!
>It's tearing my arms off

>And with that, Bat Genestealer wanders off to save more people
>After he leaves, a black clad figure approaches and rifles through the Vex's body
"Ahh... just what I needed. So much easier when I have samples."
>Be Future Commissar
>With all the Tau degenerate dead, the Guard units that were brought for this camping trip can finally return home
>Though of course we had several unfortunate surprises awaiting for us
>First one being the city is partially submerged
>Then there is the fact that almost all the space marines are going ape shit due to the whole betting pool be taken by those fucking thief necrons
>Then there was that one commissar lady from the Colonel regiment who just walked over to us
>She didn't seem to notice that she walked a ludicrous distance in a single day while avoiding just about everything that is out to kill you on this planet
>As if by some divine providence the moment the other commissar walks up to me and original me, the Colonel contacts us, from the Emperor damned moon
>All I know is his story involved even greater shenanigans and now he needs a ride
>Just when I thought we could actually start securing the city from all the gangs and mutants we have to do a moon rescue
>Such is the life of Mirror Commissar duo
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>A Public Service Announcement from the Planetary Goverment and your gal The Governess
>Today my beloved Citizens, Pilgrims, Sisters, Zealots, Mechanicus-Followers Space Marines and every other Imperial Organisation that might have gotten onto our beautifull homeworld, let us talk about Thrones, and why we all gonna make lots of them!
>But, before that, I want to note, that the last PSA by my Husband was a fraud and in fact the work of foul xenos scum that you know as Dark Eldar!
>They are spikey and like all eldar, they suck, but even at that they are pretty bad!
>In fact, studies have shown that despite the cheap imitation of the holy human form they have, they are absolutely inhuman and in fact just jealous of our mighty Imperium!
>All of you, especially certain inquistors that also suck, but are fairly good at it, should concentrate your efforts at hunting down this foul xeno scum
>With that out of the way, let us talk about some of the recent events
>You may have noticed some increase in the water on the planet
>And I am happy to confirm, that in fact, its true that our water ressources have increased by 10000000000000000000000000000000000000 percent!
>While some reports of minor to larger mass drownings of people in such numbers that genocide would be a appropiate term exist, I am happy to say that the risk of droughts and water shortages has gone to the lowest point in the planets history!
>Well, due to large canyons in the south of the planet, this city was't that strongly affect, while other parts of the planet are now oceans!
>And here is why thats a good thing!
>While the birth of our living saint and the many victories by our most holy warriors have ensured our little planet the status of a shrine world, thanks to my husbands efforts, I also was not lazy, as he can confirm, I am allways full of energy
>With all the tithes we made with all marriages in the cathredral and the donations of the pilgrims, we now plan to make it a pleasure world too!
>See, most lower regions of the planet are flooded and so we have now more continents and water!
>In fact, we have gone from 5 Continents to over 25! That is an increase in continents by more than 400 percent!
>So, what have we now, more than ever? Thats right, Coasts! And what do you have on coasts? Right again, Beaches! And what do you need for say Beach Partys after some weeks of Lent Time?
>And all that other stuff! And in fact, the government will have subventions for producers of such articles!
>We need workers, so come and help!
>We need merchants, so bring your best goods!
>We need hotels, camps and guides and a baywatch!
>Apply now!
>Don't worry for the security, we have more than enough weapons on this planet right now!
>As for me, I have ordered [REDACTED] cubic tons of the finest tallarnian sand, that will arrive in the next weeks!
>If everybody helps, we can make this happen!
>And don't forget to purge all the heretics, mutants and aliens that haven't drowned!
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>be me, Romeo
>hottest sergeant of the Salamanders
>this investigation is getting ridiculous
>the further we move from the city centre the more mutated the inhabitants become
>and the less likely they are to leave
>say that they need the "fleshfather"
>apparently he's some sort of healer
>yeah, sure
>ask for directions to this guy
>make sure to take off my helmet when I do so
>beeline for the location we receive
>apparently this guys based out of the foot of that traitor titan that was dropped on the city a while back
>thing was so big that its remains splay all the way down one side of the city
>the foot that he's based out of is partially submerged, bodes poorly for us
>flamers don't work great in water
>I'm more than a little apprehensive
>turns out to be WAY worse than I thought
>arrive on scene to find chaos beastmen just wandering around in broad daylight
>along with some of the most horribly warped mutants imaginable
>there's no way this isn't chaos
>how has no one done anything about this?
>I'll worry about that later
>these aren't civilians anymore and SOMEONE needs to put a stop to this
>my battle brothers and I fire up our flamers
>we're going in hot
>Be Big Mek Krom-Dom
>Dis zoggin' Drill-Trukk be gud at diggin'
>So gud dat dere be tunnels down 'ere already
>Just wish Gutpoker stop askin' "We dere yet?"
>Boss 'Ead-Krumpa tells da boiz ta get out, iz toim ta hunt Ty-roo-nidz
>Gutpoka sez dese tunnels smells loik Ty-roo-nid bugs
>An' 'parently sumfin' called 'neon'
>He be pointin' to all dese green glowy bitz
>Boss asks if dey be Ty-roo-nid
>Gutpoka sez no
>Boss sez stop mukkin' about
>Keep walkin' ta where Gutpoker sez smells of Ty-roo-nids
>Gonna hafta leave de green glowy bitz
>Coulda used dem fer a new Trukk
>Roit as we leave, dere be dis huge green glow from da green glowy bit room
>Look back
>De hole room just up an' gone
>Wonder where dey went when Gutpoka found a room fulla dese humies wiff weird 'eds
>Gutpoka sez dey be dem 'nid bugs somehow
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>Be Sister Maria.
>The grand illusion of existence has its ups and its downs, but alas, we are experiencing one of the downs.
>Even with our new friend Sarah, our hunt for our lost sister is hitting a block.
>Interrogating the infected eldar proved fruitless, as he only offered false leads and weak attempts at convincing us to join the brood.
>The embrace of the void was almost certainly a too merciful a fate for one such as he, but it would have been foolish to leave a being connected to the hivemind alive within the cathedral for too long.
>Since then, we've gotten reports of sightings of yet more oddly clothed genestealers across Angel's Landing.
>One with an S upon its chest, the other two with stylised Terran fauna.
>We've tried to determine where they're coming from, but there's no rhyme or reason to the pattern of the sightings.
>A chaotic spray of pins dotting the map, ranging from the centre all the way to the city limits.
>Neither do their actions make sense for a genestealer cult; certainly they seek influence over the unwitting populace, but to openly defend them, forgo infection and leave calling cards in the form of xenos slaves?
>Unheard of.
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>It strikes me that perhaps we're looking at this problem the wrong way.
>We've been searching for Cecilia as if we were looking for a genestealer, but that has gotten us nowhere.
>What would we do if we were looking for a runaway sister instead?
>To that end, I'm currently going through her personal effects.
>Not much to go through, just a diary and some cheaply printed comic books.
>Such sparse objects to represent a life.
>The diary saddens me deeply; reading between the lines, it's clear that she wasn't happy to be with us.
>It's not easy when you don't fit in with those you're sworn to die alongside.
>I flick through the comics, to be thorough.
>Tales of heroes, vanquishing evil and saving the innocent.
>Larger than life figures, hiding their mundanity behind garish masks and colourful costumes.
>...Costumes that are very familiar.
>This raises more questions than it answers, but I feel the treacherous stirrings of hope as I realise that there might be more of Initiate Cecilia left in this world than what little is laid out before me.
>Perhaps enough that her soul might find it's way to our Lord.
>One can but hope.
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>Be Matriarch Cecilia
>Former Sister of Battle of the Order of the Black Sepulcher
>Leader of the Church of the Emperor's Alms
>Some would say that it is simply the front for my genestealer cult
>But they are wrong
>It is a legitimate sect to the Emperor's Glory
>We have simply... redefined what the limits of the glorious human form are
>four arms are sexy.genestealer
>And as I had been suspected, my former Sisters are trying their hardest to find me
>Once, I would have said I hated them
>Once, I would have lured them to the underground and brought them into the Family with my kiss
>But now, I am older, more matured
>Before the togetherness of the Family, the Order was the closest thing I had
>They only wish to see me "free"
>Well sisters, I am free
>But you are trying to take my family away from me
>And so, I pen a letter, to be left at the scene of one of my heroic children's acts against foul xenos
>Damnable Eldar, redemption for them can only be found in death or eternal service to the Family

"Dear Sisters, it is I, Sister Cecilia. I do so hope that you still consider me a member of your Order, for I wish I could return and be amongst you once more. However, with how you would view me, this is an impossibility. After the death of the patriarch, my father, I inherited control of the genestealer cult. I have molded my new children from a xenos scourge from beyond the stars to a group faithful to the Emperor, though our version does include four arms. We no longer "infect" those amongst the general populace, for the goals of expansion to attract the tyranids are no longer ours. The only new members added to the Family, my church, are the unrepentant, the criminal, the lost, those with no purpose left in life. We seek to save loyal servants of the Emperor, not force them into the Family.
So please sisters, do not look for me, for I have not left the Emperor's Light. I am still here. I still punish the heretic, the mutant, the xenos. I do not expand my children from those loyal to the Emperor. I am not your enemy. I am you hidden ally, my children protectors of the innocent. So please, if you come to look for me, do it to embrace me, not to kill me.

With love,
Sister Cecilia of the Order of the Black Sepulcher"
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>Be Tau Water Caste
>Alright then, I've been waiting for the savior to return for awhile, but he hasn't come back from the bathroom for hours
>Also, the guards seemed to have gotten tired and left
>And I'm hungry
>Well... I am a guest right?
>Might as well find some food
>Is this the pantry?
>No, there's a microphone thing
>Oh, this must be where the Bishop speaks his public service announcements!
>I wonder if I could...
>No, I shouldn't
"Greetings people of Stercus Ludicrum, this is a public service announcement from your friend Por'La Fa'La Ni'Anuk, former member of the Tau Empire but now a proud worshiper of the God Emperor!"
>Well, proud is a strong word
"I'm here to talk to you about non human species, and how they should not be immediately shot. Some should, sure. The Spiky Eldar, the Orks, Tyranids. But, have you ever considered instead of beating them to death, you could instead convince them of the glory of your own species? Thank you for listening."
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>Be Xerxes, Sorcerer of the Thousand Sons
>Currently, very bored
>That tzaangor Brick is fucking around somewhere,
>My servants are making things for me and the various cults in Angel's Landing
>I'm sitting here watching TV
>It's mostly corpse-emperor crap
>This give me a stupid idea
>Be Gef, brand new fisherman
>I've been on this planet since it was an ice world
>Now it ain't an ice world
>According to our governess(didn't she used to be a whore?), we're becoming a paradise world
>Gonna cater to rich nobles and such
>So I've switched my occupation from "beggar" to "fisherman"
>On account of me having a boat
>They thought I was crazy, building a boat
>But the Emperor gave me a sign
>And now I'm fishing
>Luckily, it seems that the new oceans came with fish included!
>Pulled in a bunch of shrimp, and a few things that I thing are a type of squig
>Hell, I'm not complaining. Squig tastes good despite being an Ork thing
>Actually, speaking of greenskins, they seem to have taken up piracy
>Shit, here they come!

>Be Mal'Caor
>So... things are looking up
>Shas'Vre Dorax managed to kill that bastard ethereal
>He even managed to escape the wreckage as the ship plummeted downwards
>Hell of a celebration that night
>Can't remember the details, might have gotten blasted on two shots of enclave booze
>Should have expected that really, I'm tiny as is and went teetotal for months after I heard Aun'Dik had been spiking drinks again
>Miiight've drunkenly hugged the Shas'Vre and said something stupid, but hey, water under the bridge now
>I'm drawing out plans for the outpost we're going to build here
>Got some great ideas, and honestly, it's amazing to be able to just get on with being an engineer without having to look over my shoulder all the time
>So yeah, things are good
>I dunno, I know he's fire caste and all, but Dorax seems a lot angrier than he was when we first met
>And redder
>And there's something telling me I should be worried
>Fuck, maybe I'm just paranoid after dealing with Aun'Dik for so long
>be Canoness
>listen to what must be the tenth Public Service Announcement I've heard today
>when the Bishop asked to use the advisory system I figured this would be more of a weekly thing
>my fault for projecting a sense of subtlety onto him
>tuning them out at this point
>bigger problems to deal with anyway
>like the fact that some idiot delivered several oceans' worth of water for the terraforming project way ahead of schedule
>no way to even tell if that fuckup was due to some sort of Alpha Legion meddling or just classic Imperial incompetence
>the edge of one of our new oceans is visible from the spire of the Matrimonial Cathedral, a couple miles from from the city outskirts
>the water is an unsightly greyish-brown color
>apparently the Governess is arranging to dump sand around the beaches thinking it will make for some kind of tropical paradise
>you can't just pump a bunch of water onto miles of empty wasteland and come out the other side with a beautiful ocean
>still, could've been worse
>the trade manifest quoted an astronomically ridiculous volume of water that thankfully wasn't actually delivered
>Imperial death toll for those in the flooded outlying areas is only in the tens of thousands, maybe the low hundreds, barely anything
>worth the Orks and Tyranids that drowned in far greater numbers
>spared the planet an orbital bombardment regimen
>the doors open suddenly, interrupting my train of thought
>my Dialogous secretary Viera rushes into the office, looking distraught
>she tells me they received a report from one of the Living Saint's Astartes escorts
>they were attacked by Dark Eldar
>Brigitte is missing
>they took a fucking Living Saint
>that fucking useless inviolable tramp, hallowed be her name, couldn't fight off a bunch of space twinks playing pirate in their flying dinghies
>call the Ordo Xenos
>call the Astartes
>find out whose fucking responsibility it was to deal with these fucking xenos and what exactly they're going to do to fix this
>Be Fessus
>Well this has been a pretty busy time.
>So thanks to Phil’s moralism, we’re all technically informants gor the sisters sow
>thanks a lot Philip feel bad
>It hasnt been all bad though.
>For now we’ve only been reporting small things, you know, pieces of information that most people who are paying attention would figure out anyways, and all ones that lead to operations we just happen not to be on
>They seem to buy it because, hey, we’re just grunts after all, they arent really expecting too much of us
>none lf the mechiasos seem to suspect us
>although they have had their hands full.
>Alright so get this, apparsntly a bunch of Space Marine chapters made a hige bet over something and lost a lot of shit because of it,
>So a bunch of them ended up clogging up our usual pub, which just so happens to be the only one worth a damn in this planet, drinking ALL of the booze, get absolutely hammered, and absolutley trash the city
>And then, not long afterwards, this massive fucking storm comes in, and floods a few of the lower parts of the city.
>Apparently we’ve got oceans now, and a beach coming up soon
>And the Admech is using their servitors to help rebuild the destroyed parts of the city
>Anyways, were finally headed back to the pub, as it should have gotten restocked by now.
>”See Phil, What did i tell ya? Look the Admech are actually helping rebuild this city. I told you you were being overly suspicious.”
“That is because they have half the city in their pocket and they would stand to lose money if they didn’t.”
>”But they’re still helping arent they?”
>While we’re walking through the ruins of the City, something catches Decarus’s Eye.
“Hey... wait a second? I think just saw Mrs. Flannigan! Remember, that nice lady who always baked us cookies ever since we drove out some of those Tartans who were looting everything”
“Oh yes, I believe i remember, Daisy Flannigan on Golden Eagle street. Widow and mother of four. Poor women, still she always managed to find the best of the worst. We haven't seen her in quite some time though, i wonder what became of her.”
“I’m gonna ask her.”
>”Decarus WAI-oh for crying out loud”
>We chase Decarus into one of the areas currently under reconstruction
>”Decarus Emperor Dammit, how many times have i told yo not to just run off like tha-Decarus what’s wrong?”
“I-I-I f-found her.”
>what’s he tearing up about it’s just a servito-
>it’s Ms. Flannigan
“Jeez Louise, i know she was always sayin how she was gonna get face life one’a these days, but i didnt think she’d have it don eith metal.”
“F-Fessus, servitors are only supposed to be made from bad people. S-she wasn’t a b-bad person so why is she a servitor.”
>”I-i-ah...well I-“
“Ya know Marcus, i’ve been seeing a lot
“You know, i do seem to recall the last time we visited her, she had said something about having trouble paying her Tithes.”
“An ya know, I’ve been seein’ a lot more servitors, but i dont think I've seen any more Admech ships come in yet.”
“Well, i suppose now we know where this Admech relief effort came from.”
>”L-l-look that may not necessarily be Miss Flannigan, I-I mean it may just be someone who just LOOKS a like Miss Flannigan!”
>”A-And if it is her, she must’ve done something, i mean, come one she’s in Angel’s Landing, everyone’s done something here!”
>”Besides they’re still plenty of criminals right, m-maybe the Arbites are turning them in. Some of these guys must’ve deserved it! I mean it’s not our fault, we weren't the ones who did it right? What could we have done? Nothing, so it’s not our faul-“
“I think you know that it is not us you ate trying to convince.”
>”You’re right...Emperor dammit i hate it when you’re right.”
>Be me, Jiro
>Zero Flight has finally managed to find a place to land
>With the coming flood, the air fields outside of Angels Landing are now underwater
>Managed to find one a bit out to sea
>Seventh Haven?
>Some Imperial Fists set it up
>Crashing with the cousins then
>Refuelling, chatting it up with one of Dorn's Boys
>They seem distressed over that bet deal
>Suddenly get a notification
>Canonness is freaking out
>Apparently The Living Saint has been captured by the Dark Eldar
>Purple Star escorts failed to keep her safe
>I can only imagine the chewing out they are receiving
>Notify the serfs to hurry up the refuel
>Send a notification to the Canonness
>Zero Flight is at her disposal to run down these xeno Scum and recover the Saint
>Were going to remind the Eldar
>The skies belong to Humanity
>Be Brick
>Brick is bird
>Brick Corp be expanding fast
>Large swathe of ocean front property has been vacated by its former residents
>By Brick. Using rocks,
>Now Brick Corp be hired to develop hotels along new beach
>Then Plank run in
>Plank used to be human
>But now Plank is bird
>Plank say bird lady is kidnapped by spikey me
>It is the duty of bird people to stick together!
>Brick hold short conference with Board of Directors
>Board’s silence interpreted as OK
>It is decided then:
>Brick Corp will save Bird Lady!
>Brick hefts lucky bricks and shrieks to call investment consultants to Brick
>Today, we protect shared interests of bird people!
>Be Xerxes, Sorcerer of the Thousand sons
>I was making a sanwhich when Brick the tzaangor barged in with all of his screeching “investment consultants”
>The fucking tzaangor then demands I take them to the webway.
>My bird head starts to chuckle
>I don’t fucking care
>Fine, fuck it
>I managed to locate a small gate nearby
>I lead the brick chewing tzaangor and his former human servants to the gate
>Dear Tzneetch, I forgot, those “investment consultants” used to be human
>Thank the Weaver that bird face siding deign to teach him the “Rubrick of Brick”
>I open the gate, and the idiot bird and his idiot bird friends charge in, screaming about saving the bird lady
>Oh, fuck.
>They’re going to go save that Living Saint from the Dark Eldar
>Bird Face starts laughing
>Even I start to chuckle
>be the famously fabulous Famulous Sister Karmistha
>and oh dear, do the Sororitas find ourselves in a bit of a predicament
>secretly informed that those reprobates the Drukhari have apparently... appropriated Saint Brigitte, the poor thing
>she must be recovered as soon as possible, surely, but that falls quite outside the realms of my expertise
>in the mean time, her absence means a temporary loss of her political support, and that weakens the Ecclesiarchy's position against the Adeptus Mechanicus
>which is just completely unacceptable
>so I must make certain that our other measures are in place while the Canoness splits her time managing recovery efforts
>I find a meeting with the Rogue Trader Corazon brings some good news
>he thoroughly lives up to his title, as could be expected
>but he is clearly educated and has a certain elegance to him, and he at least displays some subtlety in appraising my shape in this dress
>all qualities lacking in the majority of Angels' Landing residents, I'm sure you can imagine
>more importantly, he comes bearing gifts
>his vessel has arrived bringing some of the Canoness' discreetly invited guests, and they have evidently been quite willing to enter her service
>fantastic news, given that our sleeves have lately been quite empty of hidden aces
>metaphorically speaking, of course, not as if I am wearing any sleeves
>my skin is entirely flawless and it would be a shame to hide
>Be me, Jiro
>Praise The Warhawk, we've arrived at the scene of the kidnapping
>I order Zero Flight to circle the area, help mop up any of the surviving xenos
>I need to get groundside
>Once I've had an admittedly bumpy landing, I start running about
>Want to see the exact spot the Saint was grabbed up at
>Hear some man giving orders over the vox
>Can barely understand his shouting
>Yet, I am quickly upon where I need to be
>I know a crash site when I see it
>Moving about I can see the imprints left by the xenos
>They like to think they are light as a feather, but hey, turns out if you wear spikes all over your body you leave a trail when you move around
>I see where she was dragged off
>They used a sack on her?
>Almost chuckle from how unprofessional it all seems
>Then I stop
>Something gleams in the dirt
>Maybe the sisters are onto something with their faith
>I pick up what was once The Living Saints sword
>It seems we've had our first sign
>Let the hunt begin
>Be Shas'vre
>no no daemon today because he's only in the suit and I don't think he can follow me around
>anyway since we got back from the wreckage of the sept world ship we had a celebration
>we all drunk a lot and generally had fun
>had a bit of a contest of strength with some of my fire warriors
>it was fun, only lost 3 times
>but I realised when I came back that my skin has turned red
>Like what the fuck? Thanks you fucking daemon
>I'll be giving you a piece of my mind next time I'm in the suit
>anyway, while we were celebrating the little earth caste gave me a hug
>bit weird but ok she's just happy
>she said something but I have no idea what it was, it was a bit slurred and didn't make sense
>other than that it was fun
>the enclave rep came around and and told me that once this place goes up I'm being promoted
>now that is good news very good news
>other than that it's time to see what whats her name, Mal'Caor I think?
>time to see what she's doing
>last I heard she's been working on the plans for our new outpost and foothold here, which will aid us greatly in our efforts here
>I hope
>anyway might go say hello and see how she's doing and to talk ideas with her
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>Hey, how ya doin'
>Names Rick Promethium
>Former Tech-Priest of those schmucks from Mars
>Used to run with their crowd, but then they left me on this planet
>Hey can't blame 'em
>Now I run an auto shop
>Rick's Picks
>For all your vehicular needs, both casual and combat
>Get on down Quick to your friend Rick
>It's been a profitable time for me
>After the initial clusterfuck of a war, and the martians pulling out, Rick set himself up in a place called Settlement B73
>More commonly referred to now as Angel's Arse
>But hey, even on the backside of the world, a man can make some creds on a good deal
>And let me tell you, with all the salvage I've been able to claim from battlefields, Rick's got some pretty premium Picks
>My dealership is a pretty legitimate business I assure you
>All our vehicles come to us totally by fair play and we make sure to respe-
>But yeah, it's all on the up and up
>Unless you got a pick for Rick that needs a little more kick
>But I'm getting ahead of myself
>You said you were going to sign for a new car?
>Yes, that chimera is such a lovely model
>Just put your name here, and here, and here....
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>Be Fio'Vre Mal'Caor
>Someone taps me on the shoulder while I was sketching something on the holopad
>elegant curved wall I was plotting becomes a jagged squiggle
>"Oh for fucks-"
>Turn round and see Shas'Vre Dorax
>Redder than ever
>"Oh. Hi boss. Uh, you need something?"
"Actually, I wanted to see how you were getting on with the plans for the outpost. If you're busy though-"
>"Oh, no! Sure, I'll show ya."
>Honestly I've been looking forward to this
>An actual engineering problem where I get to be inventive is something I've been wanted for a long, LONG time
>Start running him through it
>See, what occurred to me is that we're building a base on a planet occupied by gue'la, and they're ornery fuckers at the best of times
>Not gunna to be happy to see us around
>So I've been bashing my head against the wall, trying to work out a way to build a base they won't be able to bomb the living shit out of as soon as we get it up and running
>And then one night, like a blessing from some primitive's god, the oceans came
>And with them came the solution
>"Shas'Vre, let me present the submersible Por'Run settlement!"
>Be Aun'Dik, daemon prince of Slaanesh
>Currently banished into the warp, awaiting the time I can return to make everyone my bitches
>Unfortunately, those that WERE my bitches are mostly dead now
>Well, there's still two potential bitches actually
>That idiot ass Water Caste, and this Earth Caste chick
>I don't remember seeing her much, but I think she was the chief engineer
>Eh, details
>Anyways, I might not be able to physically influence the materium, or even to psychically influence feeble mortal bitches
>But I CAN whisper things through the warp
>Such as into the dreams of the earth caste chick
"Your plan is amazing, it is perfect. You are perfect for thinking it up. It will be a monument to your excess of your perfection, and it will be all yours."
>Just several months or years of that while I wait out my time in the warp, and I might have something I can work with
>be me, Walter
>the quiet one
>be the echo of a fragment of what was once a soul
>or rubric if you're in a hurry
>be assigned to guard this psyker Julius by the sorcerer Xerxes
>so now I'm Walter
>specifically the quiet one
>I'd object to this name
>if I could remember my own
>or had the ability to exercise any control whatsoever over the tomb that was once my body
>I guess it's still better than working for Xerxes
>lazy ass just watches TV all day and gives us increasingly humiliating hats
>fuck that guy
>plus it seems like the rampant mutation has finally caught the attenion of somesone
>our headquarters in the foot are under attack
>I've been ordered to defend the cult so my body readies its inferno pistol and moves towards the disturbance
>maybe if I'm lucky they'll be able to kill me
>finally get out of this armour
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>be us, Hive Fleet Marabbecca
>it's lonely out in space
>Rocket Squids, burning out our fuse out here, alone
>haha, we have fun
>but really
>yeah, we probably could've adapted faster space travel a long time ago
>but that would take more energy than it's worth
>besides, we like to go with the flow
>slow and steady wins the race, you know?
>whatever tasty biomass is worth flying through space to get to will usually still be there by the time we arrive
>not sure about this one
>the Genestealer hive mind that directed us to that weird little planet said that he had the population in hand
>and we haven't heard from him since
>we still feel the presence of a Genestealer hive mind, though
>a little candle in the proverbial darkness
>they'd better not have wasted our time again, or we'll be pretty unhappy
>we could've spent all this travel time to get to some other, tastier, less prickly world
>but those growth rate adaptations sounded too good to pass up
>so on we go
>slow and steady
>like that turtle
>we'll devour that planet
>Be Lloyd
>Well, ever since THAT little field trip gone wrong, Fessus has been a lot more open snitchin for the sisters
>An’ quite frankly, so am I
>I mean, most ‘a those Ermine Mantle Sisters may be a bunch’a trigger happy nutjobs who couldn't give a rats ass about your average John or Jane Doe, but at least they don't just straight up lobotomize and enslave them simply because they can.
>The Admech’s just had us continue breaking heads for them so far, nothing special
>They’ve been getting more suspicious of more and more pf their deals going awry
>They haven't caught us yet, but it’ll only be a matter of time
>We’ll be ready though, we’ve got a few plans
>I’m a little worried about Decarus though,
>He keeps trying to finds out whatever Happened to Daisy’s kids
>I honestly don’t see this ending any way but bad
>We didnt see them with the other Servitors but that doesn’t necessarily prove that they weren't turned
>And even if they weren’t, there’s no sayin theyre still
>Angel’s Landing is a damgerous place after all
>Still Decarus is a freaking Sap, so it’s not in his nature to assume the worst, that’s why we have to do it for him
>I honestly don’t even know what he plans on doing if he finds them,
>I mean, we’re a bunch of, mercenaries I guess you’d call us at this point, in the middle of a very dangerous game
>It’s not like we’re posed to be able to handle orphans
>Like does he think we could just adopt them?
>...actually shit he might
>’They followed me home guys, can we keep them?’
>Ah, Fessus can talk him out of it, once get to that point
>Right now he and Marcus have got to have a few words with Slippery Seth,
>he’s one of the only black market dealers left in this place who isnt under Admech’s thumb
>They don't call him Slippery for nothing
>If you want heavy ordinace, he can get it for you
>And if things go bad sooner than expected, we’re liable to need it.
>Be Shas'vre, for now anyway
>wandering into Mal'caor's workshop to see it littered with...stuff
>random suit parts, tools and wiring everywhere
>dangerous as fuck like someone could die in here
>she knows what shes doing so I'll leave her to that
>anyway I come in to ask about how our base of operations here will be looking and how well it can be defended
>she looks very excited to be working on actual proper things again
>thats good, anything to free a Tau from the septs
>so she's explaining how trigget happy the imperials are
>how I know that
>anyway she goes off on some spiel about the water that suddenly dropped from the sky
>and shows me these ideas for a floating city that can go underwater
>genius woman
>that would enable us to hide and I would assume it could be propelled?
>cause if so it would allow us to avoid detection and keep our activities here going as we won't be able to be stopped
>brilliant, tell her that I'll send in the call for more engineers and other Tau from the enclaves and some of the survivors who weren't corrupted, of which there are like ten,
>and we'll get this ready, send the message off to my pilot who is still in orbit and he goes off to pick up our people
>I like the look of this
"hey, hey vag face"
>wait, how are you here and can she hear you?
"no just you"
"anyway I'm bored, when are we gonna kill more shit?"
>later when the threat comes to us, or if they have something we need
"eugh fuck we gotta kill things this city building shit is boring"
>your boring
"I also see your with the little earth caste girl"
>don't even start
"I wonder what she thinks of the red skin?"
>oh don't get me started on that, your not off the hook for that one
"hey I can't help it side effect of the RIP AND TEAR effect, sorry"
"but you gonna smash?"
>what do you mean?
>no thats indecent and anyway I doubt she would even want that
>fucking hell go away
"heh fine"
"lata bitch"
>what a cunt
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>Be me, Dalmier
>Seventh Haven is coming along nicely
>I've formally inducted the residents of this island into The Imperial Fists
>We'll be needing new serfs
>We'll be needing a lot of things in the coming years
>If my brain dead younger brothers have dug us into a hole of debt, so be it
>Let is not be said a Son of Dorn couldn't find a way out
>If the Governess or Bishop have a problem with that, they will have to direct their complaints to me
>One of my brothers arrived, hungover to Seventh Haven
>He tried to get me to relinquish my Terminator armour, along with the suits my squad are outfitted in
>Quite possibly the last relics of The Imperial Fists
>He's off in the corner now, thinking about his mistakes
>Anyway, the walls are coming up nicely, what with the entire surviving town being conscripted
>I've taken it upon myself to direct the erecting of beach side defenses myself
>Forming entrenchments in the sand, building up walls and fire zones
>I didn't understand why the mortals thought a bunch of Astartes performing such a duty was, as they said, "Adorable"
>I'm just going to focus on my work for now
>It's a long way back to the top
>Be Tau Water Caste
>I'm still in the PSA delivering room
>Though there appears to be scripts for more PSAs here
>Well, and informed public is one which is better able to function
>Might as well read some off.shrug
"Greetings people of Stercus Ludicrum, this is a public service announcement from your friend Por'La Fa'La Ni'Anuk, former member of the Tau Empire but now a proud worshiper of the God Emperor!"
>Good opening. I think I'll keep it for the time being.
"I am here to talk to you about... mutants, it seems. Mutants are those that deviate from the human form. Not xenos of course, humans who do that. Now, mutation is apparently a sign of moral and spiritual corruption. Oh, well that's convenient."
"Let's see... yada yada yada, extra limbs, tentacles, more or less than two eyes... Oh, here's a thing. Abhumans. These are actually not mutants, but rather stable variations on the human form such as Ogryn or Sqauts. Wait, what's a squat? Doesn't matter, who cares. I'm guessing those blue bird things that have been walking around the city are a type of abhuman then? Anyways, abhumans are not heretical to exist and can be allowed to live in their own segregated communities. Oh, that makes sense then; just like the Tau caste system. Actually, going off on a tangent, you people really should segregate yourself more into a caste system, it's just a more efficient form of government given the circumstances. I mean, the rich and poor are already essential castes, why not make it more efficient and official?"
"Well, to finish this off: Mutants and Abhumans. Ogryn and this blue bird men are trusted members of the human species, guys with extra fingers are vile mutants to be purged."
>Be me, Hektur
>Be on patrol
>It's a good walk
>Handed out more tickets
>But I get a call on my vox
>I'm needed
>Apparently some xeno has locked himself into the City Comms room and is spouting on about Ab-Humans
>Saying heretical shit, like how the blue birds are totally legit
>That's silly, one of them already assaulted an officer with a brick
>So along with being a Xeno, this guy is trying to put in a good word for delinquents
>So that's why I'm marching on up to the PSA room
>Gonna give it a firm knock and sort this out really quick
>Be me, Lamos Derstrum.
>Be Ecclesiarch of a small parish in manufactorium section of hive city.
>Dissatisfied with the efforts that had been put into, well, practically everything as of recent.
>The thing about my position, is that I hear a lot more then some people think.
>According to one person, the Governess seems to be obsessing with turning the planet into a PLEASURE WORLD of all things.
>Almost more disturbingly, according to another from my flock, an assortment of blessed Astartes had drained a pub, and proceeded to perform...acts not befitting the title of "Emperors finest".
>All this whilst we are assailed by Heretic, mutant and Xenos from all corners.
>It was enough to make me decide to take things into my own hands. After all, one must not ask for what they are not willing to do themselves.

>Preparing for evening service, beginning to light the candles of the chapel and generally maintain stuff, going over my sermon in my head as people file in.
>Begin service as normal, standard hyms, the standard canticles,
>Different sermon.
>Normally I preach about something important in life, as my congregation isn't exactly given over to philosophy, but to practicality, but I guess even they aren't used to a sermon being so...specific, about what should be done. How we should take over things for ourselves, and do tasks ourselves if we truly want them done. >Especially about our current predicament.
>A few stay behind, some manufactorum workers, some Administratum scribes and even a retired Arbites (Though I wonder how he can afford to be retired over the past few months.)
>Some of them talk what they themselves could possibly do.
>I tell them to stay in contact, and that we should think things through first.
>We are Humanity, we don't just mindlessly rush at things.
>I send them off, and retire to my chambers, satisfied with the events of the day.
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>be me, Romeo
>hottest sergeant of the salamanders
>fighting my way through this den of chaos
>despite the water, we're making good progress
>the closed quarters and reduced mobility serve our flamers well
>that and the beastmen are incredibly stupid
>the mutants just recklessly charge us while woefully unprepared
>its almost like they weren't expecting a fight...
>I feel a pang of guilt, these were once loyal citizens of the imperium
>it's washed away in the next burst of flamer fire
>My squad needs me to remain focused
>doesn't help that ANOTHER Xenos has managed to highjack the PSA's
>encouraging the city to trust the beastmen while advocating the purging of loyal imperial citizens
>I'm going to wring that little shits neck when I get out of here
>that happy thought gets interrupted by the battle brother to my left exploding into warp fire
>oh shit
>that's a traitor from the thousand sons
>vaguely recall that you have to destroy their armor to kill them
>our flamers aren't going to be doing that anytime soon
>charge with that stupid flaming chainsword they gave me
>I totally forgot to name this damn thing
>I'll do it later
>the traitor reajusts his aim and fires a warpfire bolt directly into my helmet
>I yank it off before it can eat through the ceramite
>close to melee
>bring my chainsword up
>Be Inquisitor Elmas Frud
>Those wascally dweldaw-
>No. Stop. No.
>They're gone.
>Those damn dark eldar have escaped with the Emperor's own living saint into the webway
>Shit, I'll need an Eldar to get into that place
>Let's just read up on some reports about various sightings...
>Ah, there we go, next to a crater right now
>I hop in my inquisitorial rhino and we speed off with all haste, arriving quickly at the site
>Apparently this used to be where the Necron tomb was located
>Can't even hazard what happened to it.ofcourseitwastheeldar
>I arrive and jump out right in front of their leader, who appears to be a farseer of some sort, female
>Time to lay on the charm.notapuritan
>Be me, Jiro
>Back in Angel's Landing
>I've recovered The Saint's Blessed Blade
>The Dark Eldar have escaped into The Webway
>The Solar Hawks will need to find a way to breach The Webway to go after them
>Fortunately, I have an idea
>But for now, need to go find some help
>Need a psyker
>Send off a small notification to the Canonness
>Figure she could use some news
>It gives me something to do while my brothers go out for their mission
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>Be Kaviala Kade
>A mon'keigh in a fancy coat just drove right up to us and dived out of his vehicle to greet me
>Probably a Rogue Trader looking to play "hide the wraith bone"
"Greetings fair and noble farseer, I am Elmas Frud of the God Emperor's Holy Inquisiton, and I beseech you for your assistance in a most important matter"
>The man gives a little bow
>Elmas fucking Frud
>I can't hold it in
>I point and laugh at him
>He seems confused, then he seems to realize I know of him, and his cheeks redden
"Yes, THAT Inquisitor Frud. I know about the fucking Commorragh incident. Just get it out of your system please?"
>Continued laughter and tears
>This mon'keigh's deeds are fucking LEGENDARY
>How could a single being hold so many bad decisions
>I don't know all the details, but I do know it involved a wig, a carnifex, and enough shitty wine to drown a craftworld
>I wipe the tears from my eyes
>"Mon'keigh, for the laughter you have given me I will do whatever you desire."
>Wait, shit, didn't mean to say that
>Khaine's fiery dick, I hope he doesn't try to have sex with me
"I require your services to enter into the webway in pursuit of some wascally dweldar who have stowen the wiving saint."
>I fall down laughing
>His fucking voice
>His fucking voice!
>Just telling people about it would be funny enough to become a harlequin!
>The rangers are also laughing
>His own acolytes point and laugh at him
>They are so fucked later, but I can FEEL that they know it's worth it
>I get up and dust myself off
>"Yes Mon'keigh, I will help you chase after my dark kin. Gather whatever forces you would like to bring."
>Elmas pulls out a vox and speaks into it
"I've got a way into the webway. Put a request on an open channel for everyone who would like to rescue Brigitte."
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>be me, Walter
>the quiet one
>this is going well
>My body got their attention easily enough
>having a gun that shoots pink explosions and eats power armor tends to make you the centre of attention really fast
>exchange fire with them for a few moments
>then one of them charges me
>wait no I'm gonna shoot him!
>right in the face
>oh he pulled his helmet off
>wow nice hair
>realize that thought was uncomfortably sincere as his chainsword rips through my sealed armour from neck to armpit
>oh well, at least im finally free
>or at least as free as I can be
>hope Xerxes doesn't try to bring me back
>feel a bit bad for Julius
>he'll get over it
>trust me
>death isn't all that bad
>Be me, Jiro
>And I've found my man for the job
>Apparently The Purple Stars feel awful about losing The Saint, and have replied to my inquiry about a Psyker
>I imagine The Canonness' disdain didn't have anything to do with their willingness to cooperate
>The Librarian introduces himself as Nico
>I tell him my plan
>We have The Sword, an item that has been channeled with the power of The Living Saint herself
>It is imbued with a spark of The Emperor's Power
>Perhaps an extension of her being
>I don't know
>I'm just a pilot
>Hand the relic over to Nico, seeing if he can get a feel for it's psychic power
>I hope to see if he can use it to track The Saint, for The Webway is a long and desolate road to take
>Nico takes the sword and pauses
>I see him freeze up, before letting out a gasp
>He nods his head
>We have our guide, now all we need is...
>Receive word over the vox, Zero Flight is inbound with a mission success
>But more importantly, some Inquisitor has found a way into The Webway
>Tell Nico to get moving, and hope he has transport
>Rush back to my Xiphon, stow the Saint's Sword in my cockpit, before taking off
>With our Librarian ally following along within a thunderhawk, I have Zero Flight form up on me
>We are about to enter The Webway
>Few of Man have dared to tread such a path
>But we are The Sons of Jaghatai
>And there is no path we fear
>Be Xerxes, Sorcerer of the Thousand Sons
>Oh, one of the Rubrics just was destroyed
>Brother... Nervat I think?
>It's been so long
>Well, whatever
>Luckily I came prepared
>Well, I didn't, but there is a surprisingly large amount of power armor lying around
>It's quite easy to make a replica of the rubric, and then summon his soul from the warp, binding it back into the armor, filling the empty vessel with dust
>I almost think I heard an anguished scream, but it's actually from the Blood Bowl game playing on the crystal ball
>As baleful light returns to its eyeholes, I affix a viking hat to his head
>To tell him apart from the others
>"Welcome back, Brother Nervat. You are Nervat, right? Oh, whatever, doesn't matter at this point really."
>Be Captain Thorn
>Right now in the middle of a major meeting between various officers, chapter masters, and Chaplins over how to get our shit back from the Necrons
>Unfortunately all we know is that they are somewhere on this planet, thats it
>It also doesn't help we haven't exactly cooled down due to our sacred relics being stolen be foul xenos
>Most of the meeting just consists of shouting by everybody, mostly the Chaplins grilling us for being foolish enough to even partake in such bets
>Thankfully though we were decide to stop shouting when we get a report from the mirror commissar duo
"To any Imperial forces listening, a high ranking Imperial officer is currently stuck on the planets moon due to foul xenos trickery. At the moment the Guard is unable to take any action and we request any assistance in bringing said officer back."
>Tomb may not belong to the Necrons we are looking for but it defiantly has something we can use to track down where the fuck our relics went
>be Palatine Sara
>settling down inside a Thunderhawk dropship
>must've seen these things a million times but this is my first time inside of one
>the seats are too big
>set across from this Librarian fella, and not by accident
>offered to tag along for my particular skills at putting holes in Eldar skulls, sure
>but the Canoness' implicit authority rides with me
>she's pretty unhappy with the Purple Stars for losing her golden girl
>doesn't hurt to have some Sororitas eyes along for the rescue mission
>drop two shells into the big bore break-action shotgun I borrowed from the Golden Light armory
>specialist Astartes in a whole palette of colors and members of the Xenos Inquisitor's retinue file in and strap themselves into seats
>not much a fan of being stuck in a metal box with somebody else at the wheel
>the Emperor guides my hand but I don't know if I can say the same for the Marine flying this bucket
>and flying around inside the Webway is no easy trick, as far as I understand it
>I hope those Jaghatai boys know what the hell they're doing
>Be Kaviala Kade, Farseer extraordinaire
>I've boarded this primitive ship with the Mon'keigh
>Mostly because they'd die in the webway without a guide
>Because, you know, idiotic mon'keigh
>I appear to make many of them uncomfortable
>I wave my hands and channel my energy
"The Webway portal is now open. Proceed. The sword you have brought shall lead you to your saint, and I shall ensure you are not lost in the labyrinth on the way there. Be wary pilot, many horrific things have crawled into the webway over the millennia."
>I sit back down. I'm actually looking forward to killing some of my Dark Kin. They overall deserve it really.
>One of these... chapter serfs hands me a small back of nuts and tells me he'll be back with drinks later
>Be Dakkafilcha, Grotmando
>Actually be several purple grots
>One of us says the Boss wants us to gather any pieces of dakka that's lying around
>Alright, send Grot, Grotz and Grott to do so
>The rest of us try to find more info about Tyranids in this area
>While Grotzman reports that there's plenty of signs that the Tyranids were here, apparently plenty of them were already wiped out by the humans
>Boss ain't gonna like this
>New report just came in from Grotchen
>Boss is fighting some humans, who are also Tyranids
>Whatever makes him happy, I guess
>Be Colonel
>we're still stuck on the moon
>with the Eldar
>had a chat with them, doesn't seem so bad
>I found out they are actually a she so thats a thing
>anyway I was talking to her and apparently the farseer leading them does this sort of shit all the time
>so much for the genius race that is lightyears ahead of us
>just racist
>anyway while sitting here I got worried about us running out of air but I found out this tomb, for some reason has an oxygen bubble
>anyway we're kind of stuck
>so I hope that the Commissar is able to save us because I have no way of getting off this moon
>and I kinda want to see my troops again
>they're cool guys
>so I pray to the emperor that the Commissar(s) come to save us soon
>hell I might even bring the Eldar with us to be nice
>fellow castaway and all
>need to get off this rock first
>Be Commissar Flavia
>so after walking and speaking with these Commissar fuckwads they seem surprised about my arrival
>I ask what they fuck they're looking and and get explained to that I walked an entire day without getting shot at
>well dicknuts one and two it's called a bolt pistol
>you two morons have one so thats three between us
>oh my it's amazing
>aaaanyway I ask why nothing has been happening and why we haven't taken control of the planet yet
>get cut off half way with one of the commissars getting a call
>from Colonel cuntstache of all people
>apparently the limey fucktard and his gay moustache are stuck on the moon
>the moon
>how the fuck he got there is beyond me
>other than that I demand my place in going to save his sorry arse
>so I can swat him upside the head and call him retarded
>and maybe shoot one of his men for incompetence
>that would be a good idea
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>be me, Julius, the fleshfather
>be fething terrified
>space marines came for us
>real ones this time
>they've already got Walter
>quiet Walter
>now they're burning all my followers and the Tzaangors to death
>it's a ridiculously one sided fight
>it's not fair
>I just wanted to help people
>heal them
>now I'm gonna be burnt to death in this half-sunken death trap by a bunch of zealots
>and now there some fether giving a PSA about specifically murdering the people I've been trying to save!
>is it the fate of every inhabitant on this planet to suffer and die in someone else's war?
>feth that
>I'm gonna face these guys down and I'm going to win
>then I'm gonna save my followers
>then I'm-
>feth they're big
>really big
>the one in the lead comes at me with this big flaming chainsword
>I try to back up but stumble
>fall on my ass
>he still grazes me with the sword
>its enough to open up my stomach
>heal my intestines as they burst forth from my scaled torso
>entire stomach morphs into an acid spitting maw
>its slows him down for a fraction of a second
>he raises the blade above his head
>entire life pops into my head all at once
>I miss Walter
>sword starts to fall
>I wish I could have saved my friends and followers
>I wish I could have made them understand
>I wish I was anywhere but here
>and suddenly
>I am
>Be me, Lamos.
>As a Priest of the Ecclesiarchy, it's my duty to lead my parish in prayer, administer confessions and offer advice.
>This results in me having surprisingly large amounts of time where I'm not actually doing anything. Normally I try to busy myself with going out into the city to bring the word of the Emperor to the masses, but recently I have been using much of that time to plan.
>I've had several confessional sessions from members of my congregation, each talking to me about what they can do to "The Cause".
>So far I have a Manufactorium overseer and a few workers who say they can get a fair few things made between them, engine components, basic armour and the like, but with time, maybe something more immediately able to purge the unclean.
>I have a clutch of scribes who all could potentially fudge a few numbers and have aa few hundred lazguns go missing, as long as he is never found out of course.
>Even the ex-arbities has been starting up combat training classes, or would be, if he had anywhere or anyone.
>I lean back in my chair, sipping amasec from a simple iron goblet as I go over my plan for the sixteenth time,checking it again and again for flaws in my impatience.
>I can't find any obvious ones and I remind myself to be patient.
>After all, hurrying is for fools and Zealots, and neither make good strategists.
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>be me, Romeo
>hottest sergeant of the salamanders
>the cult leader got away
>right as I was about to strike the killing blow to boot
>as long as he's still alive, mutations will keep cropping up amongst the populace
>which on this backwater hellscape, means more civilian casualties
>but I no way to track him
>let alone stop him from escaping again
>my battle brothers and I finish scouring this area of the taint of chaos
>then we're going to head back to the upper city
>I need to talk to the cannoness
>or the bishop
>or, fuck, anyone who knows how to handle something like this
>can't forget to throttle that Xeno sending out PSA's either
>Be Warboss 'Ead-Krumpa
>Gutpoka sez dese humies are also Ty-roo-nids
>Kinda wanna krump the git's 'ead fer muckin' about, but 'e's a Weird-Dok
>Krump one of dese big-ead humies
>Sure nuff, Leftie feels Gutpoka be roit
>Feels da same, after all dose years
>But dese ain't de big, big Ty-roo-nids dat took me arm off back then
>Gutpoka seem ta read me mind
>Tells me dat dere mite be some of de big ones comin' here ta dis world
>In the meantime, we krump plenty of dese humie-nids
>Almost done wiff dis floor down here, wen some of dem humie-nids run up da stairs
>I heard da big humie 'Muh-reens' be real 'fraid of dese
>Us no Muh-reen tho, us Orky as fuark
>Run up de stairs afta' dem
>Fiddy runnin' outta pokkits ta store teef from me 'ead-krumps
>End up in dis humie place
>Lots of little firey bits, some humies that ain't humie-nids, and of course dem humie-nids
>An' dis hueg statue of some git wiff four arms
>Gotta krump 'em all!
>Be me, Ecclesiarch Lamos.
>Still very much planning, so much to figure out.
>How do commanders manage this stuff?
>I have to sort out a ready supply of food and water if I ever want to take this anywhere, along with some transport, because whilst we can walk, we can't carry all the needed supplies and ammunition ourselves.
>And I don't mean it would be hard, I mean a human physically can't.
>So now I have to figure out food, water, ammo, and now vehicle acquisition and maintenance, driving training and a whole bunch of other things that just keeps seemingly getting longer.
>But my faith does not lag. There will be a point at which everything will be accounted for, I just need to work to find it.
>But now it grows late, and I must prepare the chapel for night prayer.
>Recently, several of my services have been becoming more martial in nature, being less focused on the common protocols and more on martial discipline.
>Night prayer is one of the few events that is still unscathed by this change, and one of the few times where we come together in prayer as normal, so I would like to keep it going.
>I go around the chapel, lighting the candles and holy incense.
>The interior has been slowly stripped of items, getting more and more sparse slowly, as befitting of a training hall.
>I've decided I could trade off a few more expensive items for a few extra Thrones to help in the future.
>The artifacts however, I will not part with. I already have plans for some of those...
Bump. I'm not done watching you fags do this.
>Be Matriarch Cecilia
>While I was waiting for my sisters to respond to my sisters, Orks came out of the sewers
>I do not have time for this shit.annoyed
>They don't even make good members of the family
>I look around
>All those not inducted into the family have fled the building
>Well then
>I raise the rending claws that long ago sprouted from my back and I draw my bolt pistol
>Fuck you Orks!
>Coming into my house and wrecking up the place while I'm dramatically waiting for my sisters arrive!
>Not a single one even deserves to be enslaved by the Family
>Die in the name of the God-Emperor and the Family!
>The Orks fall easily
>There were not many
>They couldn't handle my "very sharp choppas"
>Now I have to clean up their Emperor damned Spores
>I put on my robes and hide the rending claws away once again
>I've never really mentioned how uncomfortable it is to hide them like than
>I push all of the pews out into the street and clear the rest of the main floorspace of flammable material
>Whatever this Brick Corp made the building out of, it's very fire resistant, so cleaning out Ork spores is very easy
>I grap an old flamer one of my children found, and get to work cleansing the cathedral of xenos filth
>About halfway through, I remember about that kid
>The one the Sister of Battle, Sarah dropped off
>Shit, where is he!?
>I look high and low and outside for him
>Dear Emperor...
>Alex has been kidnapped by Orks!
>Be Tau Water Caste
>Thank the Emperor, somebody has come to get me out of this room
>The door had locked behind me
>"Ah, you're one of the arbites? Please get me out of her! I am stuck in this room!
>The man tries to open the door
>Like I, he is unable to open it
>Since the door has a large window centered on it, he attempts to break it
>No dice.sendhelp
>He put a citation on the door
>Then one of the space marines arrive
>I like their existence
>They are like the Fire Caste of Humanity, but even more dedicated
>He tries to break the door as well
>No dice
>He opens fire on it with explosive bolter rounds
>The door has no scratches on it
>Be me, Hektur
>The door has proven to be quite the barricade
>I've already written up a ticket for it
>Harboring Criminal
>I'm about to call in backup when it seems it's already arrived
>A marine in green shows up
>Truly we are blessed by The Emperor's Angels
>I watch as he starts opening fire on it
>So thorough
>This thing doesn't yield
>I write up another ticket
>Disobeying Handsome Marine
>This door has a long future in the iso-cubes ahead of it
>But I get an idea
"Mr.Marine, I think I can get into the room via one of the vents up there, if you could give me a boost!"
>Be Original Commissar
>Decided that Colonel Mustache required some outside help to get back so I ended up contacting some other Imperial forces for help while other me got that Commissar lady a spare tank for her to use
>After a few minutes of awaiting a response, I got a personal reply in the form of Emperor knows how many space marines charging down to my postition
>Slightly concerned about the desperation and hope I see in some of their eyes when they ask about Colonel mustache being near some Necrons
>They were also surprisingly eager for doing what they probably considered a normie job but I got the feeling this has to do with the whole, all the relics and equipment you lost to a bet getting stolen by Necron thing
>They were even willing to follow that commissar lady to where her troops are
>Speaking of which, other me just voxed me about her
"Are newest friend has somehow managed to find a baneblade on our walk to IG command and demands to have it. Should we allow it."
>"Eh why not, what harm could she really do just another heavy tank that wasn't already done to this city."
>Come to think of it, will probably have to flatten the city again due to the Chaos mutants running around near the downed Titan
>Be me, Jiro
>Solar Hawks are Go!
>Me and my brothers have gathered near where that inquisitor had summoned us to
>Apparently he's gotten the aid of Eldar to get us in
>On the plus side, more people have answered the call
>Sisters and marines load up into Nico's Thunderhawk
>Watch as the portal opens
>Vox to Zero Flight to head on inside
>The sun will shine within this lost realm
>Mostly excited to travel into this place
>See what lays within
>And then kill it
>Fly Naran Jigüür into the gateway
>Once inside, I look down upon The Sword
>I see a faint glow coming from it
>Good, it also wishes to return to it's master
>Vox Nico, once he's translated within
>Tell him to take the lead, Zero Flight will run patrols around him
>It's going to be a long trip
>Ease up on the throttle
>Check out the place where our Primarch went missing
>Anyone have any good stories?
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>Be Brick
>Brick is bird
>Brick try to rescue fellow bird caged by spiky eldar
>Brick in psychedelic drugscape
>Is very boring
>No bricks or investment opportunities
>Local economy has gone to butts
>Then Brick hear engine
>Large man with fancy mustache on big motorcycle rides toward Brick and investment consultants
>Moustache man shouting something about "prim arch" and "white scars"
>Brick no care
>Brick on mission to save bird
>"I need clothes, boots, and motorcycle"
>Brick throw brick at Mustache Man's head
>Moustache Man falls off motorcycle
>Motorcycle is property of Brick Corp now
>And Brick gonna use company car
>Brick speed off
>Investment consultants lope behind
>They know they must keep up
>Is dog eat dog world
>Brick need to investigate problem of dog cannibalism later
Holy shit brick.
>resistance to Flamers
>KO primarchs
Brick Corp OP plz nerf
>Be Warboss 'Ead-Krumpa
>Dese humie-nid gits' 'eads be krunchy
>Wait, did dat humie git just get two new arms?
>She be krumpin' me boiz leff an roit
>Dis shit ain't orky!
>Plan ta go back an' foit anudda toim
>But da bois too into da foit now
>She be kunnin'
>But 'Ead-Krumpa also know kunnin'
>Get Gutpoka to do his thang
>Make 'er tink she done krumped all orks in dis room
>Da bois still dyin' tho
>See Grotmando mukkin' about
>Time ta spliff!
>Grab Gutpoka an' Grotmando, de ovva nobs can handle demself
>Get back down de stairs
>Get back to da Drill-Trukk
>See Krom-Dom puttin' all dese small green glowy bitz on da Trukk
>I know 'e's gonna be here
>Throw Gutpoka an' Grotmando in da Trukk
>"Krom! Quit mekkin' about an' get us outta 'ere!"
>Grab on da Trukk as it goes inna unnaground
"Ay Boss, why'd ya pick up de humie grot?"
>Dat grot ain't purple at all!
>Kinda pink, acktually
"Can I et him up, Boss?"
>Gutpoka be mukkin' about
>"No ya git, dis be bait! Yeap, dis humie grot be bait fer dat ded killy humie-nid back dere!"
>Wile she be ded killy 'ere, da Krooza's kannons is ded killier
>Finally get outtaground
>See sumfink real weird
>Dere's anuvva ship dat know da Manuva
>Blue gits be filchin' me style!
>Get Krom ta get to da knok-off blue git Krooza
>We'z gonna loot it!
>An' den we park it next to my Krooza!
>Da Two Krooza should have more dakka than just one Krooza!
>Be Kor'Ui Fa'La Nok
>In more Imperial speak, I'm Tau Air Caste
>Following Aun'Dik's...
>Fuck, I don't even know how to fucking describe what happened with him or nearly everyone else.
>I hope that Mal'Caor got away safe
>She was more repulsed by Aun'Dik's... activities than anyone else on board
>I only partially got away safe
>I managed to get aboard an escape pod as the... orgies started
>However, it crash-landed far from the Enclave Tau who were my best hope for continued survival
>Instead it landed amongst some Be'gel
>AKA Orks.stupidhumanlanguage
>In a bit of quick thinking, I covered myself in green paint in an attempt to blend in with the violent and warlike creatures
>And, surprisingly, it has worked.
>I think
>Maybe they're just humoring me
>Or maybe they really do thing I'm an Ork
>Da... the boss is tellings us that we're going to go do some fighting
>A incredibly ramshackle gun they call a "shoota" has been placed into my hands
>Greater good, this is heavy
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>Be me, The Ecclesiarchy Youngster Bishop
>And this world is drowning in sin.
>And water, mostly water.
>My glorious crusade was swept away by the sudden appearance of an ocean.
>Stuck on an island with an Excorcist, some ork corpses, and Sister Olga.
>At least she can cook.
>Though, Orks pretty much taste exactly the way they smell.
>Can't transmit anything on the vox.
>I was always too busy being the chosen one and a faithful servant of the Emperor to learn how this crap works.
>Olga spent a lot of of time hitting it and turning it off and on.
>Managed to get some broadcasts. Heard my wife making a PSA about the water.
>Sounds like she did a great job... but what the hell is going on now?
>One of these Tau has taken over somehow? How did it get into the Governess' mansion?
>Is my wife even still alive? Is everyone dead?
>I have to get back and kill those Tau.
>If Olga can't build me a ship, maybe she'll work as a floatation device.
>Be Tau Water Caste
>The arbites has entered the room via the vents
>Well, kind of
>He climbed up in there, but then the vents collapsed
>A new savior has arrived!
>He hits me over the head with his club
>Then he tries to leave
>But, ya know, the door is stuck
>And the vents are both too high to reach, and kind of broken
>He attempts to put a citation on the vents, but he can't reach them
>"So... since we're both stuck in here, do you want to read out some of these PSAs to pass the time until we starve to death?"
>Be me, Hektur
>I have made it inside the PSA Room
>But now is seems the door is stuck
>The xeno is trying to talk with me
>Smack him with the butt of my combat shotgun
>Cuff the alien
>He's going to see trial for his crimes of living and daring to live in a place mankind has to suffer seeing him
>He wants me to do PSAs
>Above my pay grade
>I'll focus on finding a way out of here instead
>Be me, Jaren Artorius, Primaris Sergeant.
>Been several days since the flood ended up sweeping away the bishop and his crusade.
>And Olga...
>Been rather miserable since then. With not even the slaying of heretics and orks cheering me up.
>That shit always cheers me up!
>One of Olga's sisters in the ermine mantle, suggested I do what she does when she's sad, and eat.
>She rolled her eyes, left the room I was in, and proceed to come back with a bowl full of some kind of frozen dairy product, choclate sauce, atleast four different kinds of fruits, and enough sprinkles to give an ork, diabetes.
On-top of all of this, the damn thing was covered in an excesive amount of "whipped" dairy product, that would make your teeth rot from the inside out.
>She then hands me a spoon and tells me to eat it, as its Olga's favourite to eat, when she was depressed.
>Slowly scoop up an Astartes sized mouthful of this confection of diabetes called "an ice cream sundae", and shovel it into.my mouth.
>Don't feel anything at first. Then it hits me like a truck!
>Energy and happiness!
>My frown gets turned upside down, and I continue to eat it.
>Hear the sister mention something about Olga.
>Don't care. This is fucking delicious!
>Finish it in under fourty-two seconds flat
>Again, they seem to mention something about me "beating Olga's record"... Not entirely sure what that means.
>Thank the sister for food, and proceed to clean myself up, before almost crashing through the doorway out of the sister's base.
>I've got a plan!
>Be Governor of Tallarn
>I am sitting pretty in my palace
>We just made a massive trade with an ocean world
>A whole heap of sand for an ocean
>The sand's been shipped off, and now we await out ocean
>An assistant runs up to me, panicking
>Calm down dude, everything's going to be great now!
>They sent the ocean to Stercus Ludicrum?
>And... and the sand?
>fat primaris
By the Emperor, he’s going to big to fit in a drop pod
>Be me, Anthony Cosanostro
>And this city is a lost cause.
>Our scans have detected a consistent Genestealer threat that everyone seems to be ignoring, even after the big invasion.
>A Tau seems to have taken over the local government.
>And every faction leader has either called me a heretic, threatened me, or ignored me.
>Dis place is a fuckin disaster. The sooner all of these assholes kill each other, the better.
>But, with the Bishop gone and the Imperial Guard forces having just had their big fight wit da Tau it's the ideal time to teach these worthless fucks some respect.
>And with the forge world workers I've requested to work the necron site arriving, I don't need this city for anything.
>Well, ya know, except the thrones that come from controlling the underworld and the fact that every one of the armies that attacks this place every week will focus on Angel's Landing instead of my dig site.
>Time to make a little PSA of my own.
>be me, Master Yu'on Mertriks,
>Be head of the office of trade goods, for several random sectors, that includes Tallarn.
>Life's been good. Just authorised the trading of sand from Tallarn, to some water covered world, over in segmentum solar, in-exchange for something around the balance of 82 quintillion gallons of salt and fresh water so Tallarn can be terraformed.
>Just gonna give this six month old paper work, one last glance to make sure it's all-...
>Why does this say "Ship to Stercus Ludicrum"?
>The fucks a "Stercus Ludicrum"?
>Why does this say "approved"?
>Who the fuck approved this transaction!?
>Look over the name on the paper.
>"Authorized by Master Yu'on Mertriks, of the segmentum Trade goods department."
>...it's my signature.
>Mfw I've just killed....
>Do the math quickly.
>Aproximatly 3.7 billion people across three planets.
>I'm so dead...
>Be Captain Thorn
>Finally found motivation again with upcoming operation against those fucking necrons
>That is until when we are getting the necessary forces ready, we see an unholy abomination
>It has the stature of a large space marine but its bloated
>I am not talking about the type of hertical bloating you would see with those faggoty plague marines, I am talking about obese
>This shouldn't even be possible, especially given the metabolism that the chadmarines have
>yet this fucking shithole managed to make another paradox of just about everything in this forsaken universe
>I can visibly see the Chadmarines quake in furry over the sight of this marine, only thing keeping them from forcing this guy to get on an exercise bike is the promise of getting our shit back from those wretched xenos
>Things only get marginally better when the commissar lady we are supposed to meet arrives by bursting through a building with a baneblade, shouting about the glory of melee combat
>It can only get worse from here
>space Muslims declare Jihad
Well now, ain't this shit getting hilarious.
>Be Tau Air Caste
>Da Boss has led the horde to a humie... human settlement
>The Orks started yelling and fighting
>Doing my part to blend in, I grit my teeth, raise the shoota, point it at some of the humans, and open fire
>The recoil throws me off my feet
>But before it does, I hear something
>Wat a beautiful sound
>Before I get up, the other boyz are charging forward
>I could probably sneak away right now, find the enclaves
>But I might not be able to find them, and I’d be alone in hostile territory
>Best to stay with the Orks at the moment
>I think I’m safe with ‘em
>Be me, Ecclesiarch Lamos.
>Be busy planning campaign shit.
>Turns out, the chapel actually came with a personal transport.
>It's a simple servitor controlled single man transport, but one of the Manufactorium workers thinks that, with enough time, he could maybe make it combat worthy.
>I've formally excused him from several sessions of prayer under the guise of "Doing the Emperors work", by working on the vehicle, and linked him with the scribes, so he can get new parts in if he needs to.
>Moreover, the ex-arbities claims to know of a few cargo lifters and rhino transports that were seemingly abandoned around the hive.
>So now I'm also organising for another mechanic to miss a few sessions so he can repair the cargo lifter, and use it to take the rest back behind the chapel to await repairs.
>It's a lot of work, but if all goes according to plan, we should have a grand total of one command vehicle, three propper armoured transports and two jury rigged tractors. Still tossing up what I want to have them do.
>I'm leaning towards heavy weapons platforms, something that can pack a bit more punch.
>But that is for tomorrow, for now, I desperately need to sleep.
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>be me, Romeo
>decided to purge that Xenos before reporting
>needed to express some rage
>turns out some arbites had the same idea
>door turns out to be basically indestructable
>what the fuck is this thing made of?
>it's stronger than ceramite
>arbites gives the door a ticket
>I like this arbites
>help him into the PSA room via the vents
>hear him beating the foul Xenos
>now he's stuck in there as well
>have my battle brothers focus their fire on the area surrounding the door
>rip the entire thing from the surrounding wall
>gonna reforge this thing into a stormshield
>I'm about to crush this Xenos skinny blue neck
>but the arbites wants to take him into custody
>good idea
>the endless bureaucracy of the administratum is a fate far worse than death
>hand the arbites an signed 8x10 glossy of me, to inspire him to continue his exemplary work in the Emperor's name
>with that in hand, I head to give my report to the bishop
>turns out he's missing
>fine, I'll find that slimy seneschal that always follows him around
>he's missing too
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>Be Sister Annmarie, Black Sepulchre Repentia.
>Stuck in the hearse.
>Waiting around on stakeout.
>In itself, wouldn't be so bad; I'm already dead, and the dead aren't known for their impatience.
>What is bad is that my sisters aren't content to wait so quietly.
>I swear, if I have to listen to another game of I Spy between these two I'm going to disembowel myself with a fucking chainspear.
>I know they do it to wind me up, it's been like this since Schola.
>The three weirdos, brought together by a mutual inability to play nice with the stuck up bitches on the fast track for the "proper" orders.
>Pfft. Proper my ass.
>If the Ermines are anything to go by, we dodged a fucking bullet there.
>Cattiest cunts I've ever had the misfortune to share a cathedral with.
>Only exception is Sister Sarah, and as far as I can tell poor girl's pretty much ignored by the rest of them.
"I spy, with my little eye..."
>My Lord, if you can hear me for the love of all that is holy give us something to do, or you'll have me on your hands
>And just like that, the vox crackles to life.
"All Sepulchre units near grid 4,8, be advised, Eldar attack on Saint's Avenue in progress, 'Stealer sighted. Intercept. Over."
>Scramble over to the vox-thief like Sister Olga after the last grox patty.
>"Copy control, Interceptor squad Threnody en route. E Nomine Imperator. Over."
>Thank you Lord.
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>Be me, Sister Olga
>A week ago I was finally about to hook up with my boyfriend
>It was perfect, all of the obstacles were finally out of our way.
>And then the world was literally consumed by a flood from the heavens.
>So now I'm stranded and I'd guess presumed dead.
>And to make matters worse, my only company is some dead Orks and The Bishop.
>I'm trying to make sure that we don't eat the Orks too quickly, because they make way better companions then this guy.
>For awhile he mostly just proudly proclaimed that everything would be fine.
>At first he claimed that his followers would arrive to help us any day now.
>I pointed out that they didn't seem to know how to swim when we were all swept away.
>After that he started preaching and praying even more than usual for a couple days.
>I pointed out that The Emperor literally washed his crusade away with a Great Flood, so he probably wasn't too pleased with any of us.
>He told me that was probably my fault for lusting after that marine, and once his wife took back control of the city from the Tau I'd be getting reprimanded.
>I told him if the Tau had actually left his wife alive she'd have been the one giving the speeches as a political puppet.
>We haven't spoken since.
>Of course, we haven't made any progress either.
>Unless an AdMech washes up on shore, pretty certain I'm going to die here with the pouting pontiff.
>Wait, can those guys even float?
>Be Hektur
>Very pleased
>The Law wins again
>Space marine hands me a picture, with his signature
>Almost forget about the xeno
>He's already cuffed
>I take him in
>Drop him off at processing
>Which basically means he'll be in a cell with other 'undesirables' until he gets processed
>With a gun
>Job Well Done
>But there is still more crime on the streets
>Back to it then

>Nyx doesn't need to be told twice.
>Or once, for that matter.
>Get flung into the backseat as she absolutely floors the accelerator.
>Hold on for dear life as she puts this battered old hearse through a series of gutwrenching turns at insane speeds.
>Pull up on Saints with an impressive screeching of brakes.
>Despite myself, I have to admit she knows how to take us to our deaths in style.
>Kick open the hatch, chainspear roaring, Maria and Sarah close behind, ready to do mortal combat with-
>A fucking Eldar thrall.
>Look around desperately for any sign of the genestealer.
>Absolutely fucking nothing.
>How in the Emperor's name does something in a bright blue jumpsuit just disappear like that?
>Yell at Nyx to check the auspex, while I stalk over to the thrall.
>Given the black leather S&M look, I'm guessing former Wych.
>"Ah, a member of the Black Sepulchre! I was instructed to-"
>She doesn't finish her sentence due to a terminal case of her head being separated from her shoulders.
>Requiescat in pace, Xenos Scum.
>As she collapses, something falls from her hand.
>A letter?

>Maria grabs it before the rain soaks in.
>Watch as she opens it, and how her face falls as she reads it.
>"Maria? What's wrong?"
>No response.
>I snatch it out of her her hands, and begin reading.
>And when I get to the end, just keep staring at it.
>I'm vaguely aware of a car door slamming and booted feet approaching, followed by a short hushed discussion.
>Feel the others crowd around behind me, wanting to see for themselves.
>Silence descends upon us as we realise that our foe isn't a foul alien enthralling a lost sister, but one of our own trying to do something right.
>Nyx breaks it.
>"Running a church. Emperor with four arms. And the L in Alms on that church was covering up a crossed out R."
>I turn to her, a half hearted quip on my lips.
>"You going to say 'I told you so'?"
>Watch as rainwater runs down her face, rendering her skull-like facepaint down to black and white streaks.
>We pile into the hearse and head back to the cathedral, the only noise the hammering of rain on the windows and the roar of the engine.
>I take it back.
>I'd give quite a lot to hear that stupid game of I spy right now.
>Be me, Jaren Artorius, primaris Sergeant
>Have spent the last three and a half days comparing maps of the former and current topography for the planet.
>Specifically, in the area where Olga and the bishop had gone missing when the flood had happened.
>Compare notes with Tech-marine Krellan, on how far a submerged rhino could be carried, by the force the flood had provided.
>If they were lucky, and had survived, he believes it could have gone about a few dozen miles, before eventually sinking to the ocean floor, or ending up caught soemwhere.
>If it had survived.
>Area out there is currently made up of quite litterally severla hundred islands of land, sand, and ship parts jutting out the the Aureum ocean.
>Gonna be a hell of a time to find them.
>If I can even get permission to do so...
>Be me, Inquistorial Crusader Dietrich Wegstein
>While I was happy investigating with the the noble Sisters of Battle, apparently the young lad she was travelling got lost
>Of course this is unacceptable
>So I am walking outside the city now, the countryside seems to have made quite a change
>I am not sure, if I don't got lost again and am miles of my target
>But I will never faulter!
>And never give up!
>For I am a Sire of House Wegstein, not just a Zealot with Armor!
>Actually, my Family got nobility because they were particulary good Zealots with Armor, but thats beside the Point
>So I wander off, in unknown land, searching for the lost boy
>Be Shas'vre, soon to be Shas'el
>on patrol around the surrounds of our camp
"Y'know this is really fuckass boring"
>its important smart arse
>anyway been wondering around when in the distance one of the pathfinders spots an ork raiding party
"Oh fuck yea, they know how to throw down we should fuck em up
>my thoughts exactly kill them before they find and kill us
>is that a Tau?
>painted green
" hah he's blending in so he doesn't die, what a pussy, just kill them
>air caste, no way that's happening
>they're made for piloting ships not fighting orks
"Well you know what to do"
>yes yes, get pathfinders ready with their chains words
>call the charge with the fire warriors firing from behind them
>we'll save you sept worlder
"Time to murder FUCK YEA"
>be Colonel
>so the commissar got back to me telling me he's getting help to get me off the moon
>also notifies me that commissar crazy came and spoke to them
>oh dear emperor no, please don't tell me you gave her a vehicle
>they tell me
>wait a damn minute
>you gave her WHAT?
>oh dear emperor, please don't let her kill any allies by running them over
>and please let me get back in time to confiscate it from her, and use it myself
>she can have a bloody leman Russ for all I care
>I'm taking the baneblade

>Be Palatine Barbastella
>The situation in Angel's Landing continues to deteriorate
>Saint Brigitte has been kidnapped by Eldar
>The Mechanicus have taken advantage of the flooding to increase their foothold in the city
>The bishop and his crusade are as far as we know lost to the oceans depths
>The Ecclesiarchy's hold on the city is weakening while fouler things circle it, waiting for it to be too weak to resist
>And I fear that time may already be upon us
>There is a knock at my door, interrupting my thoughts
>Four rain soaked sisters enter
>The investigation team, by the look of it
>They have the solemn looks of those carrying a cask to its final resting place
>Wordlessly, they place a letter on my desk
>The ink has run a little in the rain, but it's still legible
>It's from Cecilia
>This explains much
>The low rate of infection
>The costumed genestealers defending the citizenry
>The enslaved xenos, left as 'gifts'
>Even through the corrupting lens of infestation, she's held onto her faith
>That much... has to be admired
>But that does not change the grim duty ahead of us
>It's a cruel irony that despite her strength of will, we have naught left that can bring her back to us
>No Tears of the Emperor to purge the alien from her, no Living Saint to heal her
>And while her intentions are pure, they will lead only to this world's damnation
>There is but one course of action duty permits me to take
>I issue the order to all available sisters of the Sepulchre to converge on the Church of the Emperor's Alms
>I don my armour and pick up my sabre, and make my way there in the investigator's hearse
>I only hope that Cecilia can be convinced to accept the Emperor's Mercy
>I'd rather she died as a sister than an abomination

>As we arrive, I see the cordon being set up
>Marks-sisters taking to the roofs adjacent to the church, scopes glinting in the flickering light of the streetlamps
>I hear squads sent into the undercity checking in
>I doubt we have all routes out of the cathedral covered, but I pray that it won't come to that
>Leave the investigation team behind, and join up with a small squad of fully armoured sisters
>One of them inclines their helmet, and Sister Ophelia's voice comes in on my comm-bead
"We're ready when you are Palatine."
>I nod.
>"It's time."
>We push open the heavy wooden doors to the cathedral, the light from our flashlights pouring into the gloom
>As we slowly enter, I call out;
>"Cecilia! We need to talk."
>be Palatine Sara
>really not enjoying this whole "Webway" business
>don't let it show, though
>Sisters are stoic, especially ranking members of the Order of the Golden Light
>sitting just behind the cockpit, where that Farseer lady is giving instructions to the pilots
>don't really trust her
>her hair is pretty great, though
>thought about asking how she gets it that way but I probably wouldn't like her answer
>probably something like "it's genetic, filthy ratty-haired mon-keighs like you could never attain such volume and shine"
>pilots are "ooh" and "ah"-ing over the Webway
>no thanks
>looks like a bunch of swirly yellow death to me
>think about playing the harmonica on my belt to calm my nerves but I don't want to be a distraction
>decide to brass check the little backup stub-pistol at the small of my back instead
>nice thing about Dark Eldar, a lot of their warriors don't wear much in the way of armor
>makes them easy marks for a woman who knows how to let the Emperor guide her shots
>brought the shotgun for the other sort
>look over at the Purple Stars Librarian, Nico
>kid looks nervous
>he's young, hasn't earned his psychic hood yet
>young enough that I'm thinking of him as a "kid" despite the fact he's probably got at least fifty years on me
>Space Marines are like that
>takes them a lot longer than normal folk to get any worldliness to them
>the Thunderhawk shudders and I hear the Farseer frantically correcting the pilots
>Emperor, but this is taking a while
>and is it hot in here?
>take my hat off
>wishing I'd let one of the Ermine Mantle ladies be the Order liaison for this wild goose chase
>put on a vox headset to hear what all the pilots are saying
>the White Scar successor Jiro is telling some story from his time flying a Fire Raptor against the Orks
>only vaguely sure what a Fire Raptor is and don't know a thing about flying, but killing Orks I can relate to
>besides, his voice is soothing
>lay my hat over my eyes
>maybe there's time for a cat nap
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>Be me. Anthony Cosanostro
>And I have an announcement to make
>Broadcast my voice over the city from the blimp
"People of Angel's Landing. I, Juris Magos Anthony Cosanostro, now formerly charge the following individuals with Technological Heresy. Using da powers invested in me by the Adeptus Mechanicus. I carry out the following sentences."


>Pull up the list of 777 undeniable tech heretics, each timed for execution the moment they're announced
"Remus Dickenson, of The Bishop's Crusade."
>An old man working to fix an industrial food processor is stabbed to death by a bus boy.
"Lieutenant Darrel Jamarkus, of the Imperial Guard."
>A guardsmen in a Gentleman's club VIP lounge is held down and strangled to death by three strippers.
"Sister Sharon, of the Sisters of Battle."
>A girl, young and skinny for a sister of battle, is making adjustments to a Repulsor when a dozen servo skulls open fire on her.
"Enginseer Marnak Greeves, attached to the Imperial Guard."
>A lightly modified enginseer is quickly rushing to his home. When he opens the door, he's immediately shot by the men waiting inside.
"Grace Clarkson, of The Bishop's Crusade."
>A woman with a plasma rifle has taken cover in an alley, firing at some goons pursuing her. Unfortunately she doesn't hear the door behind her open, but she does feel the hammer the crushes half of her head.
"Sargent Phillip Douglas, of the Imperial Guard"
>A huge guardsmen gets in his vehicle, having received a call that his girlfriend was seriously hurt. The vehicle explodes as soon as he starts it.
>The list continues to be executed with servitors, underworld connections, paid help, and Ad Mech agents swiftly delivering the sentences. Each one of them is a well known and capable tech heretic. People their units depended on to have their tech repaired and optimized when the Ad Mech wasn't available.
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"These are only the most obvious of the technological heretics that have been discovered. The current leadership of this city have allowed it to come under the sway of xenos who support the expanding trade in helical tech. As both The Ecclesiarchy and The Guard have refused to cooperate or to curb the tech heresy within their organizations, The Adeptus Mechanicus is ordering all enginseers and tech priests to report immediately to the new Adeptus Mechanicus outpost at the following coordinates. Any Adeptus Mechanicus who continue to serve the planetary government in Angel's Landing, The Imperial Guard, or the Ecclesiarchy will be aiding and abetting Tech heresy. As such, they will be stripped of their rank in the Adeptus Mechanicus and promptly executed."

>The forces of the city will be crippled without tech priest support, unable to repair their vehicles or weapons.
>And of course, all of the enginseers I'm taking from the guard will be a big help at the dig site.
>Assuming of course they pass Tyranid screening.
>There, they'll join the forge wordless we've brought in to man our new outpost and help us delve into the secrets of Necron technology.
>Won't give me a seat in your city? I'll make my own.
>Meanwhile, yours is eating itself alive.
>Be Future Commissar
>City is in even worse damage then expected, as usual
>Start wondering if it would be more efficient to just state the city was nearly flattened again
>Though in this case the city's state is probably beyond that
>In one corner the drunk marines from a few days ago have wreaked havoc on an unprecedented scale thanks to Fenrisian drinks
>In the other corner you have a fully fledged chaos cult with a few chaos marines running around spreading mutations and heresy as far as the eye can see
>In the other corner you have some orks and feral nids fighting and looting everything
>The rest is occupied by tech priest gangs starting terf wars just so they can start some sort of autistic rivalry against the Sisters and what remains of the presumably dead Bishop boys followers
>Governess can't be bother at the moment due to her husbando being missing and likely dead all things considered
>So this leaves me, original me, and the entire guard to attempt to contain this mess, attempt to run a city that is nearly ungovernable under normal circumstances, and try to keep all the factions from shooting each other again
>I am not even qualified for the whole administration part but can't be exactly picky, especially with the marines going on the war path towards the moon to start their little treasure hunt
>Only redeeming aspect of all this is that I get more chances to shoot heretics and xenos though that is offset by reasons above and the fact that I spent pretty much the past few years doing nothing but that constantly
>Wake up next morning, groggy from sleeplessness.
>That guy that had been modifying the vehicle in the basement decided that he would work on it all night.
>Commendable, but not helpful for trying to get some sleep.
>I go about my morning rituals of prayer, bathing, prayer, dressing, offering difference to all the relevant saints and the Emperor, eat breakfast, say a prayer of thanks and then clean the chapel.
>This takes me through to morning service, which is a fairly brief service, less a devotional act and more a time to focus on the tasks for the day, readying the mind, body and soul.
>This takes me through to my first confessional session of the day, where members of my flock come to me seeking forgiveness, answers or just my opinion on a subject they are unsure of. >I answer them as best I can, as it is my duty.
>This takes me through to around 11 or so.
>And he's still down there, working on modifying the transport down there into a battle worthy vehicle.
>I decide to go down there myself, see what's going on.
>Descend steps to storage crypt three floors down.
>He was half under the herse, a series of recaf shots, caffine patches and empty stimm packets that I'm not quite sure were exactly legal were arrayed around him, explaining how he was still functioning.
>Origionally the transport was a fairly light grav, skiff that was made up of a raised dias that played host to a series of vox speakers and loud hailers, with a slaved servitor in a front compartment, steering the transport.
Seemingly, he had removed the servitor to allow for a human pilot, and had somehow had the time to install another two compartments to either side, armoured all three, and had seemed to be busy connecting it all together.
>I decide to bring him some lunch down, then remove him. His dedication is a lesson to even to most devout, but overworking oneself leads to doing things wrong. And when grav skimmers are done wrong, they go boom
>Be Matriarch Cecilia
>I was praying before my statue of the Emperor when they came
>I could hear them surround the cathedral
>The lights are dim of they push open the doors and shine their blinding flashlights over empty pews
>I rise as they enter, wearing simple robes.
>I would have worn my armor, but it was damaged and repurposed long ago
"Cecilia! We need to talk."
>I turn to face them
>"Does somebody who only wishes to talk bring nearly half of their order to surround the home of a lone woman? None of my children are here at the moment, you don't need the guns."
>I look up at the statue of the Emperor I built and seed my father's ashes inside
>"You know, when I first built this statue, I was lost, thinking only of the family. But as I established myself, I realized that I could still feel the Emperor's light, and that I was not lost and damned. In my state of mind, I thought it an act of trickery and spite, but when I calmed I realized I had made it with an earnest faith of our God Emperor."
>I turn back to them, tears in my eyes
>"But I was once a Sister, and I know our creed. Kill me if you wish, but it will not make things better. My children are scattered throughout the planet, and without me to guide them most will revert to the monstrous methods and cults of their own."
>I kneel to the ground and lower my head
>"I have also arranged for the Church of the Emperor's Alms to remain operational should you kill me here. I have arranged that none of the infected or hybrids are involved in its operations. So please, if you wish to end the life of a faithful servant, do so now. As our order says, I am already dead, merely serving the Emperor until I finally stop moving."
>I bow my head, and silently pray to the God Emperor, waiting for my life to either end or continue based on faith alone
>Be Kabalite Vex
>Following the grabbing of that living saint, I accompanied my fellows aboard the Archon's ships as they dived into the webway with their brand new cargo
>With the living saint collared and caged near out most horrific beasts, I have volunteered to guard her
>Gotta get earn those favors
>Nobody else wanted to do it, and those I received from doing it are VERY happy with me
>They also probably think I'm insane
>Well, maybe I am, I did get rather IN to whipping the new slaves
>Might have to take an extended trip to Commorragh after this is all over. Really soak in the sadism.
>Well, nothing to do but wait for the Inquisitor to get here so I can laugh at his fucking lisp
>Maybe I can get some slaves over here to punish?
>After kicking out the manufatorium worker so that he can get some rest, I sit down for some tanna and a few biscuits, and almost immediately hear the chime of a person requesting entry from outside.
>Turns out to be a courier service and, why, it's the ed-arbities. What could bring him here?
>I sign for the crates and check inside.
>Munitions, a crate full of munitions, clips, belts and boxes of the stuff.
>I open a second, and a third.
>More of the same.
>I crack open a fourth and my eyes widen.
>Heavy stubbers, at least twenty of the things.
>Enough firepower to take over a city sector.
>I slam the lid down and quickly order my personal servitors to stop cleaning and take these crates inside.
>I thank the ex-arbities for supervising such...sensitive material.
>He nods, and asks me if he could come in, to make sure they are properly stored.
>Happy to defer to his lengthy experience in this area, I let him inside, where he sets to work doing...something.
>He seemed to be setting up two on either sponson of the modified grav-skiff, after going over the vehicle with a scrutinising eye. It seemed to pass at least, though it was no Exorcist by any means.
He disaproved of the raised dias, protected only by armoured glass, but this was a vehicle to inspire, and he accepted my logic, that I would prefer the morale benefit, over any potential of greater protection.
>Now that thats sorted, preparations for night prayer await...
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>Randle Cuthbert, taxi driver, at your service
>Chewing fags at Rick Prometheum's discount auto shop, while he fiddles with the cab
>'Best of the Golden Light' playing on my portable vox hailer.
>Suddenly stubs are flying
>mechanicus toughs are trashing the place
>not the car
>Sister Annabelle's mandolin solo comes on the vox
>pull my driving cap low on my head
>dash through the warzone frantic
>swoop into the cab, gas it
>garage door servitor is fragged
>Sister Rose comes in with the vocals
>find myself in the ocean
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>be me, Romeo
>hottest sergeant of the Salamanders
>be exceptionally frustrated
>half the leadership is missing
>the governess is busy looking for her husband
>the canoness doesn't give a damn about civilian casualties
>and now this Cosanostro is murdering civvies in broad daylight
>smug bastard probably thinks that denying the city the mechanicus will cause it to collapse
>and normally he'd be right
>but the salamanders are here
>each of us is an accomplished smith in our own right
>the cultist can wait
>this city needs a backbone
>and Cosanostro needs a hammer in his skull
>first thing I'm making is that stormshield
>my battle brothers and I fire up the forges
>the Salamanders are open for buisness!
>Hey, it's me, your pal Rick
>So my dealership was just shot up
>Right in the middle of a beautiful conversation I was having
>No manners, I tell you
>Well lemme tell ya, Rick's not one to Pick a fight
>Unless it's a fight Rick knows he can win
>AdMech tough boys trying to crack down on me?
>This ain't Angel's Landing, ya dig?
>They will dig
>Six feet under
>Rick's got some Ogryn lying around for that
>Problem solves itself
>And in the end, Rick gets his pick of some new cronies
>Small thing to rewire some brains
>Cut them a deal they can't refuse
>Because hey, Rick here is a Blessed Salesman
>So I get the play given to me by these AdMech thugs
>Some big Magos is out in Angel's Landing
>Trying to make a play
>He's calling in all sorts of Tech-Priests to come and fall in line
>Rick here was left for dead by bozos like that
>Rick's got a good rack going here
>Rick's not gonna pick a side in this fight
>Rick only picks the winning side
>And Rick knows the winning side is gonna be Rick, after these Cog Heads and Bible Bimbos finish beating each other to pieces
>Just need to make sure Rick is there to salvage all the little pieces once the fighting is over
>Be me, Jiro
>I have just finished recounting my victory at The Battle of Tandem Station
>It wasn't really a victory mind you
>The loss of a Fire Raptor almost cost me my head at the hands of The Stormwalkers
>If he hadn't started laughing after that stunt, I swear I would have wet my armour
>The Saint's Sword is still at my side, glowing
>Perhaps to the unaugmented eye, it remains unchanged
>But to a Hawk's gaze, I can see the truth
>It's grown brighter
>Perhaps not by much, but still
>A single tremble of a blade of grass
>A small sign of one's prey
>All a hunting Hawk needs
>Get an alert from Taku
>He's pulled on ahead, to keep watch of the winding paths
>I've made sure to have Nico keep in telepathic contact with my second
>Don't want him getting lost in here
>He's reporting incoming targets
>Then I feel it
>A tremor in the metal of my Xiphon
>A shift in the wind
>But there has been no wind in this realm
>I spot Taku's interceptor, forming from the fog ahead
>It's not alone
>Shapes begin to form in the golden mist
>They are not friendly
>Speak over the vox
"They come to halt our progress. The children of the Nökhör Khatan..."
>A murder of corrupted heldrakes, sporting the offensive colours of The Angels of Ecstasy
>At their backs, winged harpies, fanged mouths open and crying with the joy of a lover
>Vox to Zero Flight to take up attack positions
>Vox to The Thunderhawk to prepare for combat
>But then I see something ahead
>The source of the wind
>It's a vortex
>In the Webway
>A breach?
>A lost entrance?
>I do not have time to ponder the questions
>There is only the Flight now
>Contact The Thunderhawk
>I hope that the Eldar have an alternative path for us to take.
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>Be Medusa, tech-priestess extraordinaire and faithful servant of the Omnissiah
>Our most glorious leader, Magos Cosanostro, has finally pulled the trigger and removed pesky problems with tech-heretics throughout the city
>Now there will be no pretenders to the Omnissiah's teachings
>Or, well, almost.
>I'm on my way to deal with a "specialist", to refer to him most politely
>Accompanied by my battle-equipped servitor, Jacobs, I make my way to the more run down areas of the city
>Ah Jacobs, he could protect me from everything except myself really
>We make our way to a small and seemingly abandoned factorum
>Well, it would seem abandoned to most
>Do you know what's rather strange?
>Nobody every considers Adeptus Mechanicus psykers
>Not every psyker is picked up by the black ships
>And many people of the Imperium are inducted into the cult mechanicus
>I happen to be both of those things, and with my mind I see the veil of sorcery that has been laid over the building.
>With my mind's eye, I can see one of the famed and damned automatons of the Thousand Sons guarding the entrance, unseen to normal folk.
>"I'm here to see your master. You will let me pass"
>I make my way into the building
>Many disgusting abhumans, not fit to be servitor meat, mill bout under the implacable eyes of rubrics
>And in the center of it all, a two headed sorcerer, one of his heads bird-like in nature, a gift from Tzneetch
"I though I sensed a psychic presence approaching. I'm surprised it was a member of the cult mechanicus."
"Crawk! Yeah, I though you guys didn't do that stuff or talk to guys like us."
"Shut up bird head."
>"With as many tech priests in the galaxy as there are, there are bound to be exceptions. As you may have heard, we are in the process of essentially taking over the city. However, your warpcraft could hinder that. You are going to do the opposite."
>I smile.
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>be Canoness
>and it's been a long fucking day
>the Juris Magos made his move, and we weren't ready
>we're still finding bodies
>some of them my own fucking Sisters
>didn't think he would go that far
>and we got nothing to touch the fat bastard back with
>rounded up nearly a hundred low-level conspirators
>enginseers, Skitarii, paid-off citizens
>a Sisters firing squad is still working in the square to see to them all
>but no one important, no one the Mechanicus wasn't ready to lose, they pulled out well in advance
>and I can't retaliate
>would love to finish what I started when we first arrived on this rock, sinking that xenos tomb they're so interested in down to the mantle
>but we don't have the strength for it, not with the three Orders deployed chasing leads to find Saint Brigitte
>and the Astartes, overgrown pansies that they are, are unwilling to go to open war with the Mechanicus
>so I'll have to wait, and in the mean time we have no maintenance support
>nothing to ease the natural attrition a planet full of Orks and Tyranids wears on a fighting force
>but that, at least, I did plan for
>call the Rogue Trader Corazon into my office
>he at least has the sense to spare me his usual sly greetings, he can tell I'm not in the mood
>there's another with him, an abhuman
>stocky, with a long beard
>dressed in simple and workmanlike but clearly well-made armor
>Corazon introduces him as Guildmaster Trygve Valdemarsen
>he and his retinue arrived aboard the Unbound Ipomoea
>and, he says, they may be willing to provide us with their services
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"For Feth's sake...."
>Be me, Drathor
>Rolling out of my bed
>Honestly can't complain this time, I feel like I've slept a week
>Atleast until this interruption
>Open my door
>Some big blue birdman at my door
>He's squawking about something
>Building rights
>Property foreclosure
>Corporate profits
>Housing chain?
>I have no idea what this is all about
>Then he swings a brick at me
>You know if I hadn't gone to sleep in my new carapace armour, that might have actually hurt
>So I drag the corpse into my hab unit
>Go to drop him out of my window
>Then I notice the ocean
>I must still be dreaming....
>This might explain that beachfront property groxshit he was talking about
>Check my faithbook, try to figure out what the hell else I've missed
>Tau and Eldar and Floods oh my
>But worst of all....
>The Bishop....
>And that's how my cogitator ended up busted
>Don't know how long I kind of just sat around
>Don't remember when I put that bird body into the blender
>Just know one thing
>I gotta get out of this city
>It's time to move on
>Gather my things
>Holster my gear
>Take the elevator
>The ground floor is probably flooded
>The city seems on high alert if the PSAs and AdMech business is any indication
>But one problem at a time
>One bloody kill at a time
>It ain't easy being The Last Crasher
>Be Original Commissar
>As if the Dark Powers at work couldn't make my situation any worse, the fucking Cogboys decide to swing their dick around and FUCKING KILL SOME OF MY OFFICERS
>They kept spouting this crap about "muh tech heresy" yet they are currently trying to rape some Necron tomb that a bunch of pissed off space marines are currently heading towards with equally pissed off guardsmen from Colonel mustache
>Everybody knows that the guy is assblasted for not getting into out big leader club, though that mostly due to him just popping out of no where, usurping the guy who was hear previously, and then started some retarded gang war
>This would normally be a case of Imperial corruption but not even the most incompetent or corrupt leader would decide to pull this when the only safe zone on this planet is in a state of constant warfare, on a planet already known for being in a constant state of warfare by every major faction
>But nooo, you just have to go up and kill some of my own troops who were doing their duty to the Emperor, whom have been part of this conflict since it started
>Then he tries to cuck us by withdrawing the cogboys fixing our shit
>In a case of good forance for once, the Salamanders and various tech marines have made a pseudo-repair station in the Governesses area
>Will buy me and future me time to show who the real heretics are
>First step being, getting a certain group of rogue stormtroopers to undertake a special operation
>Last I heard they started leaking info to the Sisters
>Commence operation, fuckyoucogboysnobodycuckstheGuard.schola
>In the meantime, still have to clear the streets of everything
>Fucking heretics
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>Be the tzaangor known as Plank
>The chief executive officer and founder of Brick Corp, Brick, has left me in charge of the company as he goes on a rescue mission to rescue fellow avian creatures like ourselves
>Once, I was an uncouth and uneducated street tough, but Brick showed me the way through repeated blows to the head and magic which altered my mind, body, and very soul
>Since Brick's departure, I have busied myself and the other employees of Brick Corp with vacating several waterfront properties so that we may develop them into a profitable series of housing chains and condos
>We have been doing this primarily though buyouts, however those that refuse to accept payments of gravel and bits of old rubber we hit in the head with bricks and take to jail for refusing to vacate the premises now owned by Brick Corp
>However, in some cases, we have had to call conferences with the Board of Directors
>By which I mean I killed an ogryn using a board with a nail in it
>However, when I was attempting to evict one man, he resisted the great power of the brick and then hit me with an axe before throwing me out of his window and into the sea
>Does he not even know the goldmine he's sitting on? You can touch the ocean from the ground floor!
>But as I'm falling, I remember something that the Sorcerer Xerxes, who freed me from the prison called being human, said
>He said he was looking for individuals strong and in favor of Chaos
>Well, I happened to notice that this man had some Khorne flavored accessories!
>After fighting off a shark using the Board of Directors, I climb back into the building and rip his door off its hinges
"You strong man! Big magic chaos man want you help! He give you large return on initial investment! Pointy things, hurt sticks, boom! Help with revenge!"
>Like all tzaangors, I have an incredibly wide vocabulary that assists in my ability to be a good salesman.
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>be me, Julius, the fleshfather
>though I guess I'm not the father of anything anymore
>on that note, how am I still alive?
>that Marine with the perfect jawline was about to chop me into little bits
>now I'm here
>where is here anyway?
>as I'm having a look around Walter explains that my psyker powers have expanded to allow me to move from one place to another
>just by thinking about it
>but why didn't he use the big fancy words he always uses when explaining warp stuff?
>he says he didn't want me to freak out
>I never freak out
>he can tell me
>Walter says that the spell actually is just rapid disintegration and cellular reintegration in another location
>okay, what's wrong with that?
>Walter says that technically I die and am replaced by a copy of me with my exact memories every time I use it
>Walter says "I told you so"
>Walter plays some relaxing bird songs for me
>slowly calm down
>I suppose it's better than being realsies dead from fiery stabbing
>not gonna be using that again unless I really have to though
>make my way out onto the street
>seems I'm still in the same damned city
>use my robes to hide my mutations
>have to use a stick for support in order to hide trouser snake
>there's some guy giving a PSA over the city system
>it's just a bunch of names
>after one of them gets read out some old lady near me gets stabbed by a guy in a red robe
>feth this city
>I'm getting out of here
>Walter agrees
>says he can direct me to a friend who could help with that
>good, I need one of those
>all mine died
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>Randle Cuthbert, taxi driver, at your service
>looks like the road was only flooded a few feet in this sector
>flooding has given me a right many customers
>although it seems to have driven a load of unsavory types from the sewers
>fellow covered all over in rags
>I think he had a tail
>pick this one git up a pub, who was not more than three feet tall, with a beard about four feet
>told him it was right clever to call me, rumors of tyranids on these streets and the like
>salt water (???) is starting to do a number on my undercharge though
>decide to go see if old rick is still in business
>by the emperor, the bastard hasn't moved an inch
>the slightly antisocial looking ogryn with cogs for hands looks new
>tip my hat to him
"Hullo... aha...Say, Mr. Prometheum, perhaps you could stand to make my cab a bit more..eh... sea worthy"
>Rick does drive a hard bargain, doesn't he
>not to worry, I got a few thrones, and Ricks a good guy
>I think
>agree to three-quarters and one half-fifth of his first price, a flask of barking toad ferment, and the rock some abhuman gave to me
>Be Randy Cuthbert, taxi driver, and sea captain, at your service
>pic related
>Be me, Lamos.
>Things have been changing around the hive.
>As if we didn't have enough to deal with of threats from without, now the Mechanicus seems invested in some kind of power play in the city.
>According to the word of the streets, the Mechanicus has been assassinating, shooting up, taking over or simply converting both friend and foe.
>More us then them sadly.
>Knew they could never be trusted. Far too far from the Emperors light.
>I normally wouldn't be too worried about any kind of personal harm, but with the few side projects, with how they are not being performed by Mechanicus personal, I doubt they would turn a blind eye so to speak.
>I have a few of my convent keeping watch around the general area, the ones who have a street view. I also have another taking the first repaired Rhino to a location outside the hive, ferrying supplies and equipment out there in case of...I don't really like to think.
>I have been practicing in firearms use, and I have one of the heavy stubbers secluded behind the altar. And a fair few lazguns and autoguns of various natures around the chapel. >You wouldn't see it, but the Chapel is now probably harder to break then some kinds of arbities fortifications.
>It will hold as long as I need it to. Let them come.
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>be me, Walter
>fuck he's got me doing it now
>be me, Tnez'ahman'Dor, defiler of minds, feathered lord of progress
>the plan...
>the plan has suffered a setback
>this idiot was supposed to die
>but he didn't
>normally this would be a problem
>a problem I could fix easily, mind you
>but his powers are developing in... interesting ways
>and far more quickly than they should
>I suppose the plan could handle a few minor changes
>after all
>change is good
>Be me, Ecclesiarch Lamos.
>Gradually getting closer and closer to the edge.
>Mechanicus forces have begun hitting Manufactorium facilities that many of my convent work at, leaving more and more jobless each day.
>I have had them come here, drilling under the ever useful ex-arbities in hand to hand and ranged combat. They were all strong people to begin with, being factory workers, but now they have the training, they are actually pretty formidable warriors. A cut above the average Zealot or Cenobite.
>Several have even decided to more permanently remain here, setting up watch rotations on the roof, and spending all the more time to work on the vehicles down below.
>The other two Rhinos were repaired fairly quickly (apparently they are extremely reliable and easy to repair as tanks go) and now bare host to many objects of worship, relics, scriptures and other devotionals.
>My Grav-skiff however possesses the vast majority of relics and holy items. It is not just a command vehicle, but also it will become a mobile place of worship, a shrine as much as a weapon, as all things should.
>But I digress, the net of heathen metal grows tighter every moment. They will be here in days, if not hours!
>But they will come, and so I shall receive them, be it with open arms or by opening fire.
>And until then, business as usual.
>Even in the face of death, I must never shirk my duty to the God Emperor and to his people.
>Be Colonel
>so the commissar has apparently called for back up
>and this apparently meant multiple space marine chapters coming to help us
>something about a necron fucking them over
>I'm just pissed about the Emperor damned baneblade, I'll have to get it off of her
>good news is I can tell her that when she gets here
>bad news is that I can tell her when she gets here, she's gonna kill me
>and the retinue I brought with me
>oh and some of my men are coming as well
>so I assume this means we'll be storming the tomb
>I fucking hope so
>then we can go after that damned Eldar and get her back for marooning me here on the fucking moon
>fuck the moon, it's boring
>Be Shas'vre
>so charging into this ork force
>I jump into them first cause kicking a fucking Ork in the face is satisfying
"nice, always gotta fly in first, to fuck them first, before the boys do"
>landing on two Ork boys
>and I see the air caste and I start to explain to him
>we are the farsight enclaves forces, come with us and you will be safe
"just punch him and take him, no point talking to him
>I could but thats counter productive to the whole he has to desert
"well then we can butcher the Orks"
>that I will do
>stab one ork in the head
>shoot another with my arm mounted gun
>shield drone ensuring I don't get attacked
"now this, this is fun"
"I enjoy it, this is fucking great"
>my main hope is that the earth caster joins our cause
>I also heard there is a water caste being impounded, we must ave him also
>or request his release to us
"and if they don't you can kill them"
>I will only attack those who will hold them from me, not all of them
>I will free my people from all yokes, be they imprisonment, the septs or any other, they will all be free
"calm down Moses, we're here to kill not let your people go"
>what are you talking about?
"don't worry, back to the killing"

>Be Palatine Barbastella
>Before me kneels a wayward soul who despite everything that has happened to her has remained loyal to the Emperor
>Perhaps a member of the inquisition would compromise, let her live to die for Him on Terra another day
>But I do not have that terrible luxury
>There's a faint hiss of escaping air as I remove my helmet, crouching down so I am level with Cecilia
>"Only in death does duty end, and so there is one more thing I must ask of you. Your brood, your family, scattered across this world; whether they are under your control or acting of their own volition, they are a beacon for the great devourer."
>"Merely by existing, they will bring ruin to a world that has already seen far too much of it."
>"Thus, I must ask for your aid in snuffing out that beacon."
>"I have to know where they're hidden, and if you can, I need you to order them to die."
>"I know I ask for much of you, but without this the situation -will- worsen, whether you are here to mitigate it or not."
>"Everything you have built here will be washed away under the onslaught of the tyranids, and while all things must come to an end, I think your congregation deserves a better fate than that."
>"You have shown remarkable strength of will, Cecilia. I have no doubt in my mind that had life not cursed you so, you would have been one of our best."
>"All I ask is that you exercise that will one last time."
>The bells tolled, as my congregation began to fill up the chapel, awaiting night prayer.
>With all that had gone on the last few days, these people need to ground themselves in their faith now more then ever.
>That is why for the first night in a while, I have a full Cathedral of faithful, coming to worship and relieve the stresses on their minds.
>I can tell at a glance that most are wearing some kind of armour under their outer clothing.
>Sensing things being about to change for the worse, one of the scribes managed to divert enough carapace armour for nearly half of the congregation, and twice that in flack plating, among other things, such as ever more supplies.
>I called everyone to prayer, sung hymns, recited scripture, and was preparing the altar for communion when they finally came.
>My head snaps up when the door is kicked open, despite being unlocked, and a red robed figure enters the room on clicking mantis legs, flanked by armed guards.
>The head one doesn't seem to notice and spits a distorted message at me through a vox-grille...
"Are you the proprietor of this establishment?"
>I respond with measured indignant.
"I am the Ecclesiarch of this Parish, yes. Who a..."
>Doesn't even wait, cuts me off.
"Tech Heresy has been performed at this locus. You are charged of the crime of being a Heretek."
>His false voice grates on my ears.
>Time to turn some tables.
"I am a Priest of the most holy Ecclesiarchy you impudent whelpling. And I am in the middle of one of the most sacred services to our lord, the God Emperor of mankind, a service that you have interrupted in your deviancy. Leave now and I may yet have mercy."
>He seemed slightly rattled by that
>I might guess he never expected any great resistance
"Y-you will comply. Failure to do so will be met with extermination."
>His guards raise their rifles
>They look quite dangerous to be fair
"You will submit, your antiquated faith is nothing against the favoured of the Machine god."
>Ohh, biiiiig mistake
>Never slander the good name of the Ecclesiarchy, especially during a service, filled with devout, and highly trained faithful.
"You are in error on three accounts."
>That got his...her...its attention
"One, that there is anything one cannot do if they have enough faith in him on Terra."
>The room echoes as one of the congregation closes and locks the door, standing in front of it, grinning.
"Two, that you would dare consider yourself so superior that you deemed you could just decry true faith in front of us all gathered here."
>The guards seem to have gathered something is amiss, and are panning the crowd slowly, uncertain of the storm to come.
"And third. That you honestly thought you were in control from any moment you stepped through those doors."
>I grin, as I raise my voice.
"I Lamos Derstrum, Ecclesiarch, find you guilty through thought, deed and association, of apostasy and deviancy against the God Emperor of mankind. For these heresies I grant to you the Emperors mercy."
>Literally every one of the 200 or so congregation pulls some kind of knife from their robes, as one.
"May you find absolution in death."
>And I never saw them again in recognisable components.
>The guards may have been augmented warriors with years of training behind them, and the best weapons they could produce, but there is only so much one can do against a swarm of enraged, trained zealots, especially when they were so close, armoured and equipt well.
>When the pile cleared, all that were left were some bits of abused meat, an assortment of fluids and broken bionics.
>We didn't even sustain a single wound, just some gouged plates.
>I had double watches set up, and began ferrying people in the Rhino's
>Ten space marines could fit in one
>We managed to press 23 into each one, before we physically had no more room left.
>The trip would take about an hours round trip, they would simply be dropped off at a safe location far enough away from the church to avoid retribution, but close enough that we could get everyone out in time.
>However that still left us to defend the church for two hours, with gradually less people.
>We all knew our order. Scribes and the less fit to fight would be leaving first. the second trip would be made with the wounded and the exhausted in the Rhino's.
>We would then be left with 69 people, to defend for an hour, against what would likely be an army by that point.
>I promised to myself I would be the last one out.
>I brought some of the heavy stubbers out, and gave orders to take a few of the rocket launchers to the watch points on the roof. I had people with converted plasma torchers, cutters and even a mining laser by the single door into the building, and about three heavy weapons emplacements covering it, one of which I manned myself, behind the altar.
>We didn't have comm beads with us, so we sat waiting for the watchers to call out if they saw anyone approaching.
>I really wish I hadn't sent them off with the other supplies at that moment.
>For the first half hour or so, there was nothing.
>After that though, we received a call from our spotters, that a sizable force was approaching.
Soldiers, Mechanicus, but nothing that seemed dedicated to heavy weaponry, or special equipment. Just more soldiers.
>Slightly better.
>I doused the lights, so the only light that came in was from the lumen globes outside.
>Might make it harder.
>They prowled in, covering everything like a well oiled machine.
>They obviously had night vision, comfortable as they were.
>I had considered that, which was why the other two stubber emplacements were in the rafters, looking down.
>Three of 12 die in less then a second.
>Whilst they raise their weird rifles to bear, 140 people stand up, and unload.

>I think I'm getting the hang of this.
>Be me, Planetary Governess
>Was busy planning for the grand plan, visiting investors, handling out merchandise rights, settling a conflict between some ecclesiarchal personal and a manufactory of beachwear that they deemed "two revealing".
>Got everybody to calm down and assured boths sides that it was approved by me, as I would wear it too
>The Priest was in fact speechless, I am really good at argumenting I think!
>The Manufacturer telled something from taking a cold shower
>Well, whatever I got myself some of the beachwear, I hope I can take a day free on the beach with my babe
>Speaking of him, he seems to get flooded away
>I mean, he is with Olga, so I hope he is okay
>Well, that isn't so good
>Well, what also isn't good, is that some parts of the city are rioting and burning again, there are confirmed streetfights between Admech and Zealot Gangs, also some Imperial Guard Personal and Peasants were rounded up.
>While this fat magos is taking more and more control of the planet
>While I get dozens of reports of ork pirates looting villages and ships alike
>While I hear to my shock, that our living saint was taken away by dark eldar
>While apparently a giant necron tomb vanished taking with it guardsmen and necrons and also eldar
>But hey, I got a brand new bikini!
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>Be me, Drathor
>Be heading for the elevator
>Bird Brain comes back up for a round two
>Squawking about something
>I let him know how I feel about that
>Pic related
>Elevator closes
>I head on down to floor 3
>Thankfully it is still above sea level
>Carve up a hab door with my axe
>I can see out one of their windows that there's still come debris floating about outside in the tide
>And this building isn't too far off from the shore
>I was born on an Ice World for Throne's Sake
>I never had to learn how to swim
>Spot what looks like some debris that can support my weight
>Nothing ventured, nothing gained
>Leap on down
>Ok I'm not drowing yet
>Just need to stay calm, and float to shore
>Then I can figure out a way out of this Throne Forsaken city
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>Be Matriarch Cecilia
>Palatine Barbastella has asked of me to kill my children
>"I am sorry Palatine Barbastella, but it is not a matter of will; I shall not kill my children. This planet has fought off the great devourer once before, and can do so again. I see no reason that my children have to die while I still live. When I am gone, yes, you will have to hunt them down and snuff them out. I have curbed their instincts with my will alone, made heroes out of monsters. Without me, their instincts will return, they will flee to the dark corners of the world, and they will spread and infect once again."
>I look up at Barbastella, tears running down my face
>"No Palatine, I will not kill my children. While I still live, there is hope for them to serve the Emperor."
>I lower my head once more
>"You know what is most funny about this situation? I had considered hiding my children above in the rafters, ready to pounce on you and take away your free will so that I may have lived unmolested. But I didn't. The strongest of my children are out saving civilians from the adeptus mechanicus's purge, and the weaker have scattered away. I could've made this a trap, but I chose to make it my own execution."
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>Be Palatine Barbastella
>It was a vain hope
>The siren song of the hivemind is hard to ignore, even for the most faithful
>Stand up, and draw my sabre
>"And for that, you have my eternal gratitude. I'm sorry Cecilia. May you find the Emperor's Light in the void."
>Thumb the activation switch
>The cathedral echoes with the sound of the saw, a banshee's shrieking harbinger of death
>Then there is silence

>I pick up my helmet and place it back over my head
>Over the vox I hear the Juris Magos condemning 'hereteks' to death
>I recognise a few names
>Good men and women, executed for trying to keep our sparse infrastructure working
>Even a few sisters names are read out
>I can hear the sounds of arcane weapons fire drifting across the city through the cathedral's walls
>Allow myself a moment to compose myself
>Then order the Sepulchre to sweep and destroy any admech personnel they find aiding in this bastards purge
>It is our duty to the faithful
>And I feel I owe it to whatever part of Cecilia that was left to pick up where her 'children' will no longer help
>I feel very, very tired
>But only in death does duty end
RIP best girl.
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>Be Super Genestealer, defender of the innocent!
>Because mommy says I have to
>A woman was accosted by a man partially made of metal, so I pounced upon the metal man and tore him to shreds
>The screams of the villainous are the only satisfaction I get these days
>Mommy doesn't let me infect the innocent, only the villainous and heretic.
>The woman I saved cowers before me
>She has no need
>She will not be joining the brood this-
>A great pain shoots through my body and soul
>Mommy is dead
>A light in this world has been snuffed out and replaced by darkness.
>She was foolish to have been nice
>She was foolish to love those that were not her children
>I will not be a fool
>The woman screams as I give her the Kiss and welcome her to the Family
>Mother's dream is dead, and when they sky fathers come, we will assist them in devouring this place
>Be me, Primaris Tech marine Krellan Gaerwell, Tech marine of the Broken Shields second company
>And things are going to hell in a hand basket.
>This morning, my company commander came into my workshop whilst I was in the middle of repairing one of our repulsor tanks, almost screaming at me about the Mechanicus.
>Had no idea what he was talking about, until I turned off both plasma torches.
>Spent an hour being questioned as to why the Mechanicus have abandoned the entire planet in mass, for some shitty outpost.
>Probably cause of the tech heresy.
>This only further infuriated him.
>I can understand why, of course. But it doesn't make it any less annoying.
>Hell, some of those people I assisted in the past few months.
>Explains to me that we need to do something bout this.
>Mfw it's now my responsibility to assist with the more needed chores of tech repair around the city
>Be me Dracon Drazar
>Be walking to the prison room
>Naturally the whole area is guarded
>Pass by some random kabalite
>Don't pay him any attention
>Open the door into the room
>And in the darkness, the saint glows
>Laughs at her
>Make damn sure she hears me
"My how the mighty have fallen! Do you know where you are?"
>She stirs and groggy stares back up at me
"You are on my ship. It doesn't have a name yet... So I'm open to suggestions. How does Saints Lament sound? Grave of Saints? Please, don't be afraid of speaking."
>She glares
>Smile and circle the psyco dampener cage
"You know, you're the first sister from your order to Grace this ship. Maybe you could use some company! What do you think? Do you want some of your old friends? Like... What's her name? Olga? I could go get her."
>Pull up a seat and leer at her with a sly grin
>This'll be fun
>be Palatine Sara
>just managed to doze off when the Thunderhawk shakes violently
>do not like that at all
>enemy fire impacts the ceramite hull
>the ship rocks under aerobatic maneuvers
>watch through the forward window as a pink-and-black winged daemon engine spits unholy fire at one of the Solar Hawks
>like that even less
>being in some tin can under fire with nothing to do isn't high up on my preferences
>the ship's dorsal cannon firing sends vibrations through the deck
>the cannon
>always figured that thing was some kind of giant bolter, Space Marines doing as they do
>but there's no misidentifying the bark of a real, honest battle cannon
>that's something I can work with
>undo my seat harness with some trepidation
>hop up the short steps to the flight deck, past where the Farseer is clinging to the navigator console
>the Purple Stars serf managing the gunner position gives me a quick look out of his peripheral vision but he is too busy attending to his duties
>pull him gently out of the seat with an apology and take his place
>he looks severely distressed but he hasn't got the authority to refuse me
>look over the controls
>the fixed lascannons are slaved to the pilot's controls and the heavy bolter turrets are set to surveyor-controlled automatic targeting
>leave them that way, letting them fire rapid bursts at the winged daemonic furies darting around the ship
>lasguns and bolters are not my domain
>the battle cannon is set to cogitator-assisted manual fire
>turn off all the assists
>the serf looks at me like I'm insane
>tell him he should have more faith
>this is a ground bombardment weapon, not designed for use against air targets
>but scale makes no difference, it is a gunpowder weapon, an ancient and holy firearm
>and that, finally, is something that falls squarely within my wheelhouse
>my first shot shears the screaming head off of a heldrake trailing behind one of the Astartes fighters
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>Be me, Jiro
>Thrusters burning
>Wings shining
>Speed yearning
>The slaves to The Dark Prince are always fun to fly against
>Their excessive drive in all things make them quite adept in the ways of velocity
>I can hear my brothers in Zero Flight laughing heartily
>It has been some time since we have had a good challenge
>I can see Taku's craft smoking
>Seems he got a little close for comfort with a Heldrake's flamer
>I move to engage and aid my brother, but a burst seems to handle things
"My compliments to your gunnery serf, Nico, that is some fine shooting."
>Nico doesn't reply, the poor lad is probably new to such air combat
>A beam flashes across my HUD
>More targets are coming into the fray
>The vortex is simultaneously trying to suck in we faithful flyers, while vomiting up more of the debased
>But we cannot be waylaid by this distraction
>I twist my controls to the Xiphon
>I feel the pressure of immense G-Force upon my frame
>My ship soars around, spinning upon it's own inertia to come about upon the drake who finds himself now facing my talons
>A burst of fire, and he falls
>No drake rules where the Emperor's Light shines
>Vox my brothers
>I've had my fill of fun
>But it's time to move on
>Cover the thunderhawk, so we can pull away
>These traitors are not worth the time
>Be Kabalite Vex
>I was just patrolling around the ship when I get jumped by this chick in a sparkling cape and a mirrored mask.
>She stares right at me, and I can see my face in the mirrored surface
>My REAL face
>I haven’t seen my real face for years
>She tells me in a voice that flows like song and poetry that I need to plant a bomb with a VERY specific trigger in a VERY specific place
>I silently nod
>Because she is very hot and seeing my face in her helmet while I am wearing a helmet is profoundly disturbing
>She dissolves into glitter after I accept
>The glitter of course, gets everywhere
>It will of course never be fully removed from every crevice of this ship now
>Fuck glitter, seriously
>Anyways, following her orders, I go down to the lower levels of the ship and plant a bomb that is set to explode when a brick-like object hits the hull that is opposite from the bomb
>Fuck if I know why
>I’ll probably move on the saint when shit starts to go down
>I cannot wait to get out of this armor, especially after that encounter with the...
>I think it was a shadowseer?
>The names of various harlequins was never my strong suit
>be me, Archon Dathram
>Be bored
>Also slaughtering mon'keigh but same thing
>Get a call from Drazar that he managed to get the saint aboard his ship
>His ship
>He thinks it's his
>Learn that the bishop, my exes current hubby, is missing
>Decide to do my good deed for the day
>Load up on to a raider with Kent and Waffle
>Take off towards the new season
>His last known location
>We fly over the sea but really it could take us literal Days to find the screaming brat
"Ey boss! I see a island over there!"
>Or minuets as it seems
>Well how convenient
>Zoom the raider over them
>Lean out
"Ahoy maties! Fancy meeting you here!"
>Get shot at
>Obviously they don't want to get saved
>But I'm always one to ignore the wishes of others
"Yeah boss?"
"Stun grenades!"
>The behemoth of a man tosses down a handful of the things
>After a flash and buzz of electricity we begin to haul them onto the raider
>The bishop wakes up quick
"Morning sunshine!"
>He swears non stop
>like holy shit this kid
>Kind of impressed
"I already thought you had your nap. "
>More swears
>Maybe hes bored?
"Wanna steer the ship little man? It's not too hard."
>Laugh some more
>It's too easy
>I'm, uh...
>...Brigitte, right
>I got hit pretty hard
>Not my first time
>Wondering why the Emperor picked me for this whole "Saint" thing
>Not my first time for that either
>I'm propped up in some kind of box
>There's a wide slit in the solid metal cage that dim light comes through
>I hear someone laughing and look out
>It's him, the Eldar
>Oh, Gosh-Emperor, I remember now
>Blanket Town!
>The people needed help
>They could drown!
>How long have I been out?
>I try to move but I can't, I'm tied up and wearing some kind of heavy collar
>Try to summon holy fire but I only get sparks
>Can't even feel my wings
>Maybe I'm too tired, or maybe the Emperor figured things out and decided to pick another Saint
>That skinny Eldar starts talking to me through the box
>Tells me I'm on a ship
>Asks me to name it
>Is that why he took me?
>They had me christen some new ships on Shrine World Tomis by throwing bottles of amasec at them
>Never named one, though
>The names he picks are all really dreary and lame
>Oh, wait, no
>He's threatening me
>Okay, got it, that makes a lot more sense
>Wait a minute
>I've been chasing this guy for forever but I've never seen him up this close
>I recognize him!
>I tell him so
>From the day of the wedding, after the battle, I saw him kissing his Eldar lady friend on their boat
>It was sweet
>But if I'd just lasered them right there then the people in Blanket Town wouldn't have had their houses flooded
>I ask him why Eldars like him have to be such whiny buttholes that go around shooting Saints in the face for no good reason when they could be something better than that
>No wonder the Emperor hates them
Deldar BTFO. How will they ever recover?
>Be Captain Thorn
>We finally managed to arrive at our destination with the Imperial Guard regiment stationed at the original location of the Necron Tomb
>Though upon arrival some of the Guardsmen and Admech were getting into some sort of fight
>Turns out the leader of this group of Admech decided to have a tantratantrum that would make even the likes of Perturabo seem reasonable by comparison
>We decided to not get directly involved due recovery of our relics and the others taken from that event takes top priority by the various tech marines have set up shop to assist where they can
>Then the crazy commissar lady finally arrived in... where the fuck did she get a baneblade and why does she look like she is in a constant state of euphoria
>On second thought that question can wait for later, we need to get on the trail to finding our relics
>She managed to whip up a few thousand guardsmen to accompany the 250 cross chapter team that was scrambled together
>I just pray we don't encounter any more bullshit when we arrive on that moon
>Be me, Anthony Cosanostro
>Hanging out in orbit, listening to dictated reports of the hits over a nice manicotti and a little amasec
>The forgeworlders have apparently taken to work pretty quickly.
>knew it was better to bring in outside help, something in the water here must turn everyone inta fuckin mental midgets
>Ask if we've heard any response from the locals yet.
>Sil tells me that guard commissar and his clone are... coming to fight us?
>Immediately make a note that all Ad Mech are not to consume the local water, flora, or fauna until analysis has been completed.
>Hope I don't have to call in those Biologis queers. Heard about a prion disease that drove a planet insane once though I haven't observed that level of cannibalism here yet.
>Decide to give them one last chance to survive this.
>Figured that nut job Bishop or the obviously lesbian Canoness would be the problem. Figured the guard would understand the importance that excommunication could do.
>Send a message down to the blimp, to be broadcast to the invading army as I tell the dig site to bunker down.

"Gentlemen, I assume you're on your way to the Ad Mech site ta pay your respects. However, if somehow you're as silly as the Ecclesiarchs I'd like to remind you of a couple of uh... five things. As a Juris Magos, attacking me does nothing to undo my condemnation. If you continue to engage in tech heresy or in any way infringe on our efforts to punish tech heresy I can have you declared heretics. That'd mean you and that illegal clone of yours could no longer order these brave men and women to their deaths. Even before you are executed, no more equipment or supplies will come from off world. Finally, if you fucks touch my facility I will bombard you with the Omnissiah's fire from orbit.

This isn't a battle. You can't win. In fact, leave me three of those Baneblades behind as a sign of respect. Otherwise, I might have to rethink your position on my planet."
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>be me, Julius, the fleshfather-no-more
>Walter says I have much more psychic potential than he initially anticipated
>Walter sighs
>Walter says he might be able to coach me on using some new warp powers
>why weren't we doing that before?
>well, I'm always willing to listen to my brain buddy Walter
>as he's directing me to my new bestie, he walks me through "perception manipulation"
>he uses big words but all I really have to do is think really hard about nobody seeing me
>and they don't!
>like I can show off trouser snake all I want
>and nobody bats an eye
>it's draining though
>plus I'm a bit worried about using new powers
>since y'know
>they can just kill me sometimes
>Walter directs me to a small beach on the edge of the flooded districts
>and tells me to wait
>I wait
>how long is this gonna take walter?
>I've been here FOREVER
>Walter says its been 7 minutes
>euuugh, but I'm so boooooooored
>wait I see something
>it's a guy floating this way on some debris
>he's glowing red
>wait that's just his belt
>also he's ripped
>Walter says thats my new friend
>as he lands I head over to him with my regular hand outstretched
>"Hello new best friend, my name is Julius, my bird-wizard-brain-friend Walter told me to come meet you here so we could get out of this city!"
>Be me, Drathor
>God I hate oceans
>I didn't even know what an ocean really was until this morning, but I really fething hate them
>Probably pucked up half my guts floating to shore
>Not a fan
>Beats the alternative I guess
>Managed to get ashore
>Some dude comes up and starts talking to me
>Why are people doing this lately
>He says he wants to get out of the city
>Mentions a bird wizard
>Even looking at this guy pisses me off
>Also kinda disgusting
>There's to many Imps out and about to try and do anything alone
>Besides, you need two people to even try to steal from the Sisters of Battle
>Be me, Lamos
>Be not really getting the hang of this as much now.
>We anihilated the squad of soldiers in a little over a second. Not enough time to radio and not enough time to react.
>I thought it was sensible, but it now seems like it gave them the impression of a serious military force.
>Because about twenty minutes later, a full battle group was seen marching down the street.
>Normal soldiers, ones with no robes that held swords that "Made their teeth itch somewhat"
>Heavy weapons soldiers on tracked belts, two weird tanks and apparently a "giant chicken robot" whatever that could possibly mean.
>I told them to wait until they got close, then to pick targets, and use the rocket launchers on the tanks.
>They may be protected by Mechanicus technology, as arcane as anything, but these rockets were designed to bring down Titans.
>I hear three explosions, then a pause filled only with muted binary screeching, then another three explosions.
>Excellent, that's a problem solved.
>Did not want those tanks there.
>Massed gun fire erupts outside, as I assume they located my rocket teams.
>I hear rockets go off one more time, I only hear one of them detonate against something.
>They don't kick the door open this time, they cut through it with lazers, then send their big hulking heavy weapons troops in first.
>Sensible, but helpful for us.
>As it turns out, equipment that is designed to cut through and work adamantium, once adapted, is effective at destroying things made of it with startling ease.
>Particularly, when one has the benefit of firing at point black range.
>And especially when the wielder had worked in a Manufactorium and can spot the structural weak points in an instant.
>Seemingly they brought six of these tracked servitor things with them.
>They trundled through the doors mindlessly to their own deaths, pushing aside the ruined corpses of their comrades as they did.
>The last few got stuck.
>Be Fessus
>Be at the Residence of A William Mendos, an unsanctioned engineer in the Titan Quarter, waiting to perform a hit
>He enters through the door, tired from a long day of work,
>he looks surprised to see us here
>i cant blame him
>He was probably expecting to be greeted by his wife and kids
>They aren't around here anymore
>He looks at me in shock and fear
>He closes his eyes, his life’s probably flashing before his eyes as i pull the Trigger of my Hotshot
>The sound of Lasfire interrupts the relative silence of the night
>Radio in to Static
>”This is Fessus, The target has been taken care of. Will meet you at Rendezvous, Over and Out”
*nefariously Pleased Beepig noises*
>Turn off my Combead
>”okay you can stop flinching now mate, they bought it”
>”I said you’re not dead mate.”
“B-b-but how”
>”The safety was on you nitwit, now come on, lets get you out of here before they fond out you’re not dead!”
“I-I don’t understand! Who are you? Where’s Martha? What’s going on?”
>”Look, i don't have the time to play twenty Questions right now but you’ve gotten caught up in a lot of heavy stuff right now. Just know that I’m a friend. You’re wife’s fine and she’s got the kids with her. I’ll take you to find her just follow me.”
>”To your basement, there’s a secret tunnel in there.”
>”Yeah, sure mate there’s secret tunnels everywhere. The foundation is practically built on them. Just go in, take the third left, then The fourth right and you should find some sister’s who’ll take you to your family and get you set up somewhere safe, now move it!”
>Phew well that’s one life saved
>Thanks to our more earnest efforts we were able to find out about Casanostra’s little plan before he did it and Told Missy
>We may not be able to save everyone, but at least qe can help some
>Now to meet Static before he notices.
>Be me, Lamos.
>Transports get back in five minutes.
>Position has become...untenable.
>The servitors did create a pseudo-barracade, but now we are down to a simple shootout war. They are too far away todo anything but shoot and not get shot.
>And whilst we have a fair few heavy stubbers set up in here, they have their own arcane weapons.
>And they are still better shots then us.
>We do have weight of fire in our favour, but that won't last, especially once their reinforcements, because they are radioing for reinforcements, arrive, things will get impossible.
>With the amount of stuff we have destroyed, I would not be surprised if they sent a division of basilisks or some such to simply shell the church into rubble, with us inside.
>I'd probably do that myself.
>Four minutes, I think as I let loose on my heavy stubber, catching a cluster unawares through a gap in the barricade.
>I spin back as these soldiers just vault the barricade with casual ease.
>These are the thin ones, with the weird swords.
>As soon as their feet touch the ground, they are off sprinting.
>Directly at me of course.
>I open fire. They are fast, but it is a long isle from the door to altar and I have three heavy stubbers unloading into them
>Four survive, and jump onto the pews, darting around like insects without breaking stride.
>I have to watch my fire, I could hit a member of my congregation.
>I keep firing, in bursts now.
>We pick off three of the four, avoiding spraying too many shots wide.
>The fourth however had reached the front pews, and sprung at me, sword points outstretched.
>And was tackled by one of my congregation, who slammed it into the ground, and promptly drove a knife into what passed for its skull, and twisted.
>I didn't have time to thank him, as I turned back to firing.
>Just a few more minutes...
>Be Brick
>Brick is bird
>Brick on motorcycle
>Brick on bird rescue mission
>To rescue bird lady
>From spiky eldar
>Brick Be riding through “web road”
>Is weird blue tunnel
>Behind Brick are investment consultants
>they also birds
>Birds stick together.birdpride
>Brick see big spiky space boat
>Bird Senses tell Brick that bird lady inside
>Brick must beat ship
>Brick throw lucky brick at brick
>Lucky brick sails throw the air and impacts side of space boat
>Side of space boat goes boom
>Brick use piece of falling debris as ramp to jump inside whole
>Brick note that whole is exact size to fit a thunderhawk
>Brick have deep knowledge of Imperial aircraft
>Brick Park motorcycle as investment consultants climb aboard big space boat
>Operation Birds of Feather is go
>Brick coming to save you bird lady!
>Be Farseer Kaviala Kade
>I am directing the pilot of this crude mon’keigh craft through the webway
>There are a LOT more spawns of Chaos in here than normal
>Some of our escort craft have been destroyed
>Pah, if they were equipped with superior Eldar technology they would not have failed us
>I’m tempted to research to see if I can grant these primitives Eldar technology just so they can be less shit
>The ship rocks as we take a glancing shot
>I spill the diet soda the stewardess serf had given me
>Damn, we really need to get out of this fight
>I scan the nearly inscrutable webway for a way out
“Mon’keigh! Turn 25 degrees to your left and accelerate with full power!”
>The pilot follows my orders well
>Ah the space marines, along with their chiseled physiques, they are also very good at following orders
>I wonder if I can get one or a full chapter as pets?
>I’ve heard the Mon’Keigh speak of an “Olga” who has done something similar
>I don’t know who Olga is
>But she sounds needy
>My musings on Mon’Keigh are cut short as we descend into a small tunnel in the webway and impact the side of the Commorrite ship which is our quarry
>We are lodged inside a hole which is the exact size and shape to fit the ship
>You don’t need knowledge of the future to know that that’s not a fucking coincidence
>I turn to the Mon’Keigh and give them a little bow
“We have arrived at the Commorite ship. Exits are at the back. I hope you liked flying Air Webway.”
Those poor White Scars successors are going to see their Dad’s bike and no dad
>A driver arrives and tells me the Rhino's are back for the second load.
>Quickly I shepard the wounded and the fatigued into the transports and they roar away into the night, disappearing without a trace.
>I told them not to come back a third time.
>We would have to make our own way out.
>After all, we still have the two modified Loaders and my Grav skiff.
>I order the chapel servitors to take over the gun nests and then we pull out.
>I manage to fit 60 on before there was simply no more room on any.
>Nine people would have to make it on foot.
>I inform them I shall be one of them, but one of my flock shuts me down.
>Seemingly, he was a hive Ganger, and knew the secret passages and the underhive society like the back of his hand.
>He told me to go, he would get then there within two hours.
>If he was any later, he made me promise to leave them.
>It was a hard promise to make.
>Hardest of my life.
>I showed him too the entry into the secret passages and watched them depart, before taking off ourselves.
>We would get as far away as possible.
>Whilst their motives were questionable at best, I wished for no quarrel with the Adeptus mechanicus myself. They may be borderline heretical, but at the end of it, we both fight (usually) for humanity.
>And my priorities were on the xenos invaders, not on infighting.
>I would let it slide, whilst we still suffered foes without.
>Of course, that did not stop me from wiring a tripwire behind the altar linked to about 50 frag grenades inside and outside the church as a little parting gift.
>I re-stress my point, I had way too much free time.
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>be me, Julius, the fleshfather-no-more
>my new best friend, Drathor, is a bit grumpy
>but thats okay
>so was Walter
>I'm great at cheering people up
>Drathor wants to steal a vehicle
>I say thats not happening, the only functional vehicles are in the upper city, and owned by imperial forces
>he says great
>I mean, I'm fine, I can turn invisible
>but none of my cool superpowers work on Drathor
>think it's that angry belt he has
>doesn't look like it comes off either
>I'd give him my cloak
>but he's huge
>also he seems a bit twitchy
>gonna keep my extra bits under wraps for now
>I know
>I'll steal him a disguise
>but what?
>I spot some guy, seems like he's making deliveries
>sneaking up on him is easy
>turn my fist into metal and conk him on the back of the head
>he drops like a rock
>drag him into an alley and take his uniform
>they're a bit... small
>oh well, it'll do for now
>head back to Drathor with his new outfit
>hopefully this'll cheer him up

Your shit's top tier m8, if I wasn't burnt out already today I'd try and write some interaction stuff with your dudes
>Be me, Jiro
>Eldar is barking orders at us
>Yet I comply
>The mission is too important to fail
>Pass through a tunnel
>Can feel it collapsing in on itself behind me
>Enemy bogies are gone
>One colossal target replaces them
>Look down to the sword at my hip
>It's gleaming now
>I guess the Eldar was onto something
>Pass along my thanks to Nico for his aid
>Just in time to see them crash into it's hull
>Zero Flight peels off, avoiding a crash themselves
>Voxing the Thunderhawk to see if everyone is alright
>We are here
>The Saint is here
>I can feel it
>Speak over the vox
"We'll get their attention, you make for The Saint."
>Zero Flight forms up on me
>Five Xiphons against a Alien Battleship
>I almost feel sorry for the bastards
>Kick up the throttle
>Race on forward
>Feel the Gees
>We will bring the Sun up on these foul Xenos
>Fire off the first salvo of our weaponry
>For The Warhawk
>Be me, Inquistorial Crusader Dietrich
>After following some of the orks, I am now in the near of something that seems to be their camp, multible trucks and shags stand there, can hear the drums even from my position on a small hill
>Gotta save that boy
>But I am alone
>Maybe I should have thought about that before storming off
>Be me, Drathor
>But also be Tommy, delivery boy extraordinaire
>I guess this guy wanted to make sure I had a disguise
>I can appreciate the gesture
>Got my gear in my delivery cart
>It's enough for now
>Tell Julius that if we're getting out of here, we'll need something that can move fast, and take some punishment
>I know just the moody bitches who have something that fits the bill
>Plus with the chaos in the city, I think we might stand a chance to nab something in the confusion
>Tell Julius to keep it cool for now, we just need to lay low and get up to where those Goth Girls have their things stored
>Just keep it cool
>I can do this
>Be me, Hektur
>After turning in that damn Xeno for his BLAMBLAM appointment, I'm back at it again
>I've been hearing about some shady stuff going down with the AdMech
>Getting people killed
>Trying to make other people leave
>Not sure what to think about that
>Until my Department Chief, Rusty O'Harren tells me
>The AdMech has the backing of The Law
>So I guess I'm off to go ticket some Tech Heretics
>I've been kind of left to my lonesome
>But I can recall some strange ladies who wore a lot of black happen to be accused of Tech Heresy
>Hope they don't mind a visit
Thanks. I find it gets a bit easy by just starting with a self insert and use what you know and go from there.
>Waiting in warehouse on outskirts of hive for the Underhiver and his group to get here.
>It's been a little over an hour and a half.
>I've started up a prayer session that they might find their way back safe, and that the wounded would get out to the outpost and treated in time.
>I military terms, our exodus was a resounding success. Seven wounded, two with more then just a large scratch, no deaths, yet.
>Nine MIA though.
>We had expected a high speed car chase and to have to fight off Mechanicus forces here, but none of that happened.
>We weren't tailed, we weren't even seen.
>And in all fairness, we are an hour away from the battlefield.
>And an hours travel time in a hive gives plenty of places to hide, millions more that were more likely then the warehouse we now found ourselves in.
>They might be searching for months ceaselessly before their search parties get anywhere close to here.
>And we will be out of here in hours.
>I really hope they make it here.
>If they were killed, or worse, apprehended I could never forgive myself.
>But there was nothing I could do, but trust and pray.
>And like a miracle, I hear shouting from the entrance.
>We open the door and nine frazzled, dirty, tired people collapse into us, laughing in joy and relief.
>We forgot ourselves in that moment, that sheer blissful moment of triumph.
>People wept openly and uncaringly, all the stresses and emotions bursting out and sloughing off their souls in a cavalcade of release.
>I let them laugh and cry for a little while longer, then I ascended to my raised dias and let my voice extend over them all.
>I did not give some rousing speech, like a commander or warrior-king might do.
>We all knew our triumph in out hearts.
>I did not give a debriefing or issue orders, as the time for combat had passed.
>I instead, let them in prayer. Prayer to the God Emperor, thanking him for our victory over the heathenous, and that we have the opportunity to fight in his name.
I'm also enjoying your shit. But would you consider adding the line identifying you at the beginning of each post. It helps to know which character you're reading.
Oh, sure sorry. Currently I am only doing the one priest, if that helps.
>Be me, The Ecclesiarchy Youngster Bishop
>Try persuading the machine spirits in the Excorcist to make the vox first with sermons.
>The results are... mixed
>Starting to get used to the taste of Ork, but the company here is lacking.
>I understand now why everyone talks about Olga, she's not very nice.
>Regardless of what she says, I know some blue xeno couldn't have taken down my wife.
>Use rocks to write messages about the emperor on the island, to attract the faithful so we get rescued.
>Olga says it's stupid.
>See a craft approaching, start giving a speech about being right.
>Fuck, it's xeno.
>Oooo, it's Eldar!
>Still haven't cleansed any of those for the Emperor. It's my lucky day!
>Olga starts shooting as they approach, but we need them closer if we're gonna take that ship.
>Once they get within 30 meters, open up with the heavy flamer.
>Wait what are...
>Come to and the filthy xenos have us on their ship.
>Explain to them their place in the universe and the will of the emperor, which it's not too late to comply with.
>Offer to aid them in their journey to cleansing salvation.
>They offer to let me drive.
>Don't actually let me.
>I fucking hate Eldar.
>Be Commissar Flavia
>so numbnuts on the moon apparently is angry that I have a baneblade
>well fuck him, if he wants it he can give me something else, thinks he can take all my fun
>only issue is is that a baneblade is too big for me to charge ahead and slash at people from atop it
>so I am partial to trading it for maybe that leman he has
>anyway fucknugget mcgee is also going to get the butt of my pistol because of his incompeteance
>the marine rescue force will be leaving sometime soon and I'll be joining them, so will the rest of the forces we brought here, overkill but anyway
>then I assume the marines will want to attack the necron filth inside so that will be the other part to this rescue mission
>attacking the necrons and finding their relics, something like that
>and the dreadnought baby who won them
>boo hoo to all of you, get over yourselves
>sadly I can't purge them, cause they're the emperors angels of death and all
>pretty stupid if you ask me
>but I can't say that to them or I'd get a bolter round to the face
>and I'd rather not end up like the guardsmen I execute
>other than that it's time to muster my troops
To be clear, Anthony Cosanostro and the ad mech are at the necron dig site on Stercus, not the part the got lolrandom'ed to the moon.
>Be me, Ecclesiarch Lamos.
>After prayer, people began to split up into more personal groups, friends from the same hab block or work shift I guess. For the most part, they seemed to be chatting idly as they wound down from combat, stretch sore muscles, checked equipment for damage and generally got to thinking practically about what they would need to do with their gear, come opportunity for repairs.
>Several groups had immediately gravitated to windows and doors, keeping watch out of pure habit, for potential hostiles.
>I sent my Grav skiff and the two loaders out to the outpost already, so we wouldn't leave anyone here longer then needed.
>The loaders would stay out there for repairs and further alterations into proper combat vehicles, whilst the Grav skiff, being the fastest vehicle we have, would travel back and collect the nine that would be left over.
>The outpost we set up was over 50 kilometers from the hive, around a decaying structure of some ancient machinery, and was a longer trip.
>But there were no hive streets to navigate, just rolling dunes of sand and dust.
>We would be all out of here in less then an hour, Emperor protecting.
>Well the minutes ticked slowly by, and eventually the Rhino's came back and took the last load of people, and then finally the Grav-skiff returned to collect the last nine of us.
>My flock had been noticed departing the hive, and the Wardens were quick to pull me over.
>It seems, that I was not the only group of Zealots in the hive, that have been getting on...poorly,with the Adeptus Mechanicus and there have been...spats.
>But I made my case, about how we were not willing to stay in the hive to infight, but have decided to escape it all by bringing the fight to the xeno, they were perfectly happy to let me through.
>I might guess that they themselves were not too content with the Mechanicus' recent actions themselves.
>But anyway, we drove free of the gates with but a belly full of warm tanna to show for it.
yea I know, but the Colonel was told to defend the tomb, which was lolrandom'ed to the moon, if he needs to get sent to the dig site then the orders can be given
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>Be me Governess, thinking about what I can do, to solve the problems
>I got the Ecclesiarchy, the Administratum and hopefully Marines and Guard on my Side, if I play my cards well
>I myself, am rather charming
>The Masses love me!
>I will host a talkshow, invite guests from different factions and try to bargain with the Admech
>I get my Servants, they shall bring me some peoble
>Get me a Sisters Famolous, if they are as tough and sharp-tongued as the Canoness, things are gonna get litty
>Not literally, tell her to leave the flamer at home
>Also some Guard Personal, a Comissar or Soldier, either is fine, just charismatic
>And a for the Space Marines, I need a Salamander, they are good with peoble
>Also, maybe some peoble from lower ranks, a local ecclesiarch perhabs, some arbites or whatever else you get
>And at last, get me my best dress!

>A Public Service Announcement from the Planetary Goverment and your gal The Governess!
>My beloved Citizens, I am sure you have questions!
>And I will provide answers, together with chosen experts!
>A Discussion on the current state of the Planet will be on air tonight!
>The Admech is invited too! They can sent a emmisary or Magos Cosanostro can join as via holocast stream!
>As for it is my duty as Governess to speak to all sections of the Imperium!
>Nightshifters can listen too it will beeing at work!
>That was all. Governess out.
>be me, Romeo
>hottest sergeant of the Salamanders
>be stretched rather thin
>the stormshield I made has been sitting unused
>my battle brothers and I have been working nigh consistently since the Mechanicus made their move
>civilian, ecclesiarchy, even some of our cousins
>it makes no difference
>we will help as many as we can
>even have a crowd gathered most of the time
>still, we can only help so many
>we're only a token force
>its not enough to support a population of this size
>start hearing rumors of a group of abhumans performing mechanical work
>make a point of seeking them out
>isn't hard, they're not exactly subtle
>meet with their leader, Guildmaster Trygve Valdemarsen
>can barely understand his dialect
>seems amicable enough however
>we begin to work together
>they have potential
>nothing on us, but it should be enough for most of the issues in Angel's landing
>we still have an insurmountable mountain of work in front of us
>but the load is easier when shared
>and neither of us are the type to back down from a challenge
>if this goes well, it could mean new acceptance for abhumans on this planet
>Be me, Lamos.
>Be Eclesiarch. Or was it priest? Cenobite?
>Whatever, it really makes no difference.
>What did make a difference was the immediate blast of hot wind and dust that immediately hit us as we left.
>I pulled my robes around my mouth and held a hand over my eyes.
>It helped a little.
>As if reading my mind, the driver raised our elevation up to maximum and simply floored it, in the direction of our outpost.
>Headquarters now, I guess.
>It was over 50 kilometers there.
>We arrived in 15 minutes.
>Still the least pleasant 15 minutes of my life.
>We nearly overshot the site, but through the Emperors benediction, we saw it and arrived safely.
>As soon as we stumbled off the skiff, I was immediately handed a full blown respirator and shielded from the worst as we went inside.
>As soon as we made it inside, we were immediately swarmed by cheering people.
>I let them revel for a moment, before sending them away.
>Things needed to be done first.
>The pilot, who had endured three trips, exposed to the elements, was taken off to what we guessed was the medical wing, which was halfway stocked, to be treated for chronic exhaustion and minor heatstroke.
>The people who had ridden exposed were slumped against the floor, resting. They were provided with canteens of water and were being supervised by tue ex-arbities, who was too old to provide help in labour.
>The rest were in the process of getting everything up and running.
>There were scribes, tallying the total number and nature of our supplies and equipment that we possessed. There were Manufactorium workers, busy fiddling with aged machinery and cogitator banks to try and awaken the complex.
>I saw a trio of people sprint outside, presumably to cover the skiff to prevent damage from the elements being done to anything sensitive.
>I told the rest to explore the structure for anything useful, and walked over to the scribes.
Be me, Lamos.
About to take stockpile on equipment when suddenly our man on vox duty sprints over to me, telling me about how the Governess has called for my presence.
>He begs me not to go, it is surely a trap.
>The scribes tell me it is obviously a trap, don't go.
>I tell them that I probably have to go anyway. A person that important calling specifically for my presence, for a talk show.
>It may be a trap, but I may yet be able to rally imperial forces and in any case, I have no choice.
>I get another driver to take a rhino back to the hive, and drop me off, with two faithful Zealots as retinue.
>They are given carapace armour, and full respirators with comm beads and ocular augmentics and such.
>They are also armed with autoguns and the first chainsords we could find.
>I got myself a laspistol and made sure to bring my Rosarious, as we traveled back to the hive.
>The gates opened almost immediately as we say them, to reveal a Valkyrie transport waiting for us.
>Putting my faith in him, I waved off our Rhino and pulled myself into the belly of the beast.
>Be Original Commissar
>Currently in process of making plans with other me, some notable officers under dual command, and a various local pdf leaders over what to do in the increasingly likely case the Admech sends a force to attack us
>Then we get a message from the Governess of all people about a possible solution
>Her solution is, questionable at best
>I highly doubt the admech leader is the type to want some sort of peaceful negatiotions, that and he might perceive it as a sign of weakness and fool himself into thinking he can take over the government
>That or he might try an extra ballsy move and try a coup during the show, with what little I can gather of the prick any option is possible
>On the other hand it seems to be the only option to try to reason with this guy and not have the city flattened, certainly not giving him any equipment like he suggested earlier
>We all decide to say fuck it lets give it a shot, granted we have some troopers ready to swoop in the case the admech leader tries to use this as an opportunity to take over the government
>Though know we have to pick who is going to represent the Guard with options ranging from both versions of me, Colonel when he gets off the moon, or this one Captain lady with a really stylized bun who kinda looks like the Governess
>Ended up doing coin flips for it, currently we are on the 76th coin flip due to the other ones landing on their sides in a case of statistical improbability
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>be me, Julius, the fleshfather-no-more
>be sneaking through the upper city with my new bestie, Drathor
>wow this place is even more messed up than the lower city
>and that saying a lot, considering the flooding
>and the birdmen
>and the
>but there was also a lot less gunfire
>have to move to the side as a rhino full of people flies by
>oh yeah, vehicles
>haven't really seen many of those since the sisters dropped that titan on my hab block
>but Drathor wants to steal a really specific one
>from the boltor bitches
>the goth ones
>so I'm nervous
>but Drathor seems pretty sure its a good idea
>and Walter says I should listen to him
>there's also a lot more people here
>make sense, since most of the buildings here are still standing
>a lot of them are hurt
>wish I could heal them
>but up here that would probably just get them killed harder
>and I need to get out of here
>we arrive at the sister's complex
>theres a sign out front but I can't read
>can hear some arguing from inside
>have a peek, seems to be an arbites trying to give a sister a ticket
>Drathor has a plan
>tells me to turn invisible and wait for his signal
>be Colonel
>sitting here on the moon has been the least riveting thing since I arrived here, like fuck me all we've done is shoot those little bug things as they come near us and talk shit about everyone, minus the Commissar(s), he's pretty cool
>anyway I got word from him that the Governess wants to do some talk show and they need a rep for the guard, tell him cause I've got nothing else to do when I get back other then get yelled at that I'll do it
>cause I don't know if it would reassuring if a commissar or two goes on, no offence sir/s but people find commissars unnerving
>myself included
>so I put my hand up, because your friendly guardsmen is bound to be well recieved
>I hope anyway
>but sitting with this Eldar lady she's really nice
>nicer than commissar crazy anyway, but everyone is nicer than her
>seriously though, fuck her
>regardless though I hope I get off here soon
>Be Ecclesiarch Lamos.
>Be bored out of mind.
>The Valkyrie that picked us up was empty, aside from the rather disgruntled pilot, who I would guess was not particularly happy with being a taxi service.
>This she confirmed to me as I decided to strike up a conversation with her.
>It is my job to heal the suffering, and she was suffering in her own way.
>She says she would rather do anything else honestly but this, and goes on a tirade about how she was a trained combatant and proceeds to show off her skill with some...acrobatics.
>Forcing myself to remain calm, I tell her that I am incredibly thankful for her sacrifice, and that if she honestly wished to serve more directly, that I could always find use for her and her heavy guns.
>She pauses and says that she would have to think on it. I give her a vox number to contact if she wants to do so.
>So that conversation takes us the trip, which ends us above the cloud layer, nearly into space, as we set down on a landing platform.
>We depart and get ushered into a car, which takes us to a suite where we are told quite simply to wait.
>Where we have waited for the past four hours.
>Does punctuality not exist anymore among soldiers?
>I sigh as I look out the window into the low void beyond.
>I really wish I could talk with my flock.
>I hoped they were getting on okay without me.
>Ahh well, to have faith I suppose...
>Be Marcus
>Be ridin in the van with Static and the boys
>our little hit went pretty well id say
>We managed to fool the Admech and get our “targets” underground with out a hitch
>But still that’s only a handful of people
>Hopefully our tip off to Missy helped and she was able to get some of them ot in time.
>now all that we can do is continue to snitch on Admech
>You know, i don't recall this part of town ever being on our route back
>”Hey Static, this aint the way back home. Where ar’ you takin us?”
*Vague Beeping noises*
>Well that’s helpful
>Admech must have moved their base
>makes sense i suppose
>They probably won't be too popular around her after this stunt
>Still though something about this feels off
>We seem to be leaving the Arbites and Sister’s areas of control but we’re still in the city
>He’s driving us towards this large abandoned building
>It looks Quiet
>Too Quiet
>This ain't Right, There’s no reason for Admech to even be here
>unless they were setting up a trap
>”Plan Z, Plan Z!”
>I hit Static with the butt of my Rifle to knock him out
>It doesnt really work that well though, not with a layer of metal protecting him
>He tries to Whip out an arc pistol and screeches into a communicator
>Fessus, and Lloyd have to wrestle him out of the Driver’s seat as I move up to take the wheel
>As soon as I get up there, a couple of Armored Vans filles with Other Admech Goons pop out of nowhere and start Gunning for us
>I knew it, this was a set up
>They must have caught on
>Turn the Van around as fast as i can and start driving away
>Well is certainly a shite situation
>We knew they’d catch us evetually, but We’d hoped we would know before hand and be able to set it up on our terms
>Doesn’t matter now though, we still have a plan
>They’re still fighting in the back, but that aint my problem right now
>”Phil get your arse over here, and shoot tehese bastards chason us!”
>Be Captain Thorn
>Everything is ready for us to investigate the moon, also pick up Mustache guy on the moon due to him now being needed for a talk show
>Don't even question it by this point, this shithole is full of even stranger occurences
>Especially when we land only to find this high ranking Imperial Guard officer playing some sort of game with a filthy eldar
>The commissar lady with us was obviously livid but that doesn't concern us since are goal is to head inside this complex
>Area is surprisingly empty save for the main chamber which is just filled with those flayed one faggots
>One of them even called himself steve, why the fuck would an ancient xeno call himself steve
>Other then that the area was surprisingly easy to access and we managed to find a map of sort of the various necron forces present
>Unfortunately, they are splattered all across the place which makes finding our stolen relics harder
>Worst part was the Necron who stole it from us had the gal to start sending us messages at that moment
>He mocked us in that polite yet condescending tone he is known for, it was only partially made better when he said we can find the next clue during the upcoming talkshow
>Tell everybody to report back to the Governesses mansion and make sure the Colonel arrive safely
>Even if it means having to brave the multiple fleet battles going on in orbit
[New thread?]
No GM, no rolling, and no game aspects. This is just green texting. Always been allowed on tg. Join in if you want.
>Be me, Tommy
>Delivery Boy Supreme
>Don't mind the ruggedness
>Or the poor haircut
>I promise I'm legit
>Cruising on up with my delivery cart to the garage complex of The Black Sepulchre
>Wave on up
>Important to be friendly
>Two sisters stop me
>Can see the tension in their eyes
>Lots of people have been getting whacked
>Apparently a good chunk of their order went down to The Church of The Emperor's Arms
>Tell them I have a shipment from Citrus Julius
>Yes it's in this big box
>Look I don't know if you should check it
>Oh you're going to huh?
>They push me aside
>Run an auspex over it
>Clearly looking for some gangbanger trickery
>I assure you there is no bomb in there ladies
>They crack it open
>Peak their heads in
>And see my Chain Axe
>Be Drathor
>Be up and moving
>Combat knife in hand
>Hand goes over the lips of one
>Right as my blade stabs through her throat
>Let's see if we can't keep this quiet
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>be me, Julius, fleshfather-no-more
>be sneaking into sister base with Drathor
>he's coughing
>like really loudly
>to bad I can't heal him
>seems to be having some trouble with the guards
>dunno why
>he's really into character with this delivery boy act
>its very convincing
>they run over his box
>well that's just rude
>Drathor runs up and stabs one of them in the neck
>was that the signal?
>what do I do?
>sister goes for her gun
>feth it, she can't scream without lungs!
>turn them into squigs
>all that comes out is a wet gurgle
>she falls to her knees
>I shove my bird claw into the back of her neck
>hear something make a wet pop and she collapses
>mfw I've never killed anyone before
>that was terrifying
>but also
>that was amazing
>I look up at Drathor
>do we get to do more?
>Be me Drathor
>Two more for The Crashers
>Looks like this mutated boy can actually do something when he puts his mind to it
>See him standing there, looking very pleased with himself
>Quickly flip both of the bodies into my delivery cart
>Close the top
>You can be sure more people will be along soon
>Motion for Julius to follow me
>We gotta bounce dude
>No more disguise
>Grab my axe, got my armour, and my gear
>Point towards a partially closed garage door
>We'll find what we're looking for in there
>Be Lloyd
>So it looks like the Microwave-molesters finally found us out
>No sweat, we’ve been planning for this
>We’ve been setting up a place for just such an occasion
>Although we weren’t plannin on havin a buncha their flunkies chasing us the whole way there
>Nor on Static still being with us
>Fessus, Decarus and I are trying to get rid of him
>It’s a lot harder than it sounds though,
>You try fighting a bionic man with metal tentacles in close quarters
>Not mention that Marcus is driving like a Madman up there
>And we’re constantly gettin shot at
>He keeps trying to shoot with that Arc Pistol while Fessus is wrestling it out of his hands,
>It’s too small a space for our hour shots so Decarus and I pull out our Stub pistols and try to open Fire on him
>A lot of our shots miss because, you know, we’re in the middle of a high speed chase, and those that hit ricochet off his metal bits
>It looks like he got a few upgrades
>Between the arc Shot’s and the stub rounds, something hits the Back door locking mechanism and it flys open.
“What the hell do you morons think you’re doing? I’m trying to drive here!”
>”Fuck You Marcus it aint exactly all sunshine and rainbows over her-ACK!”
>We all get Slammed into the side of the van As Marcus takes a turn too fast and hits something
>Our Pistols fly out of our hands from the impact and fall ot the now open back
>Fortunately so does Static’s
“For the Love of the Emperor Marcus! Are you trying to make me fall off!?”
“Sorry Phil!”
>Now it’s down to hand to hand
>unfortunately he’s got more hands thanks to those Mechandrites of his
>Fessus is busy dealing with his actual arms
>Decarus trys to rush in and stab him, but gets slammed into the wall by one of them
>I get in while i have the chance and drive my knife into the side of his stomach
>It just gets wedged in the metal
>His other tentacle knocks me back into the wall
>Be me, Hektur
>See folks who have clearly broken the law
>I mean, one of them has a clear mutant claw thingy
>The other just slit a Sister's throat
>They look like they want to steal a car from the Sisters
>I am torn
>On one hand, the Sisters are Tech Heretics
>But these guys are murderers
>I'll just have to wait to finish giving out my tickets
>Right now
>I got some police brutality to report
>It grabs the knife out of his side
>oh shit
>The Van surges upwards for a second, and we’re all slammed into the Ceiling
>Fuck that hurts
>The Jolt causes Static to lose his grip on Decarus and the knife, and severly damage one of his mechandrites
>But The impact seems to Knock Decarus out
>Im the first one back up, and while he’s dazed i let loose one of my best Haymakers on his face
>Fuck punching metal stings like a Sonova bitch
>Apparently it doesn't hurt him as much as it hurts me, as he returns the punch with interest
>Fessus and I are trying to exchange fists with a man who was steel for skin
>We give as good as we can, but needless to say, it’s not goin well
>Fuck I ache all over
>I’m pretty sure I’ve got some broken ribs and internal bleeding by now
>I’m on the ground right now after gettin the wind knocked out of me, while Fessus is tryin to hold him off
>suddenly, something bashes Static in the side of the head
>It’s Decarus
>He’s managed to get back up and club him with his Arc rifle
>Static Stumbles back
>Decarus hits him again
>He trips over me
>Falls out the back of the van
>He grabs my leg
>Fessus grabs me before we both fall out
>Trying to kick him pff but it ain’t workin
>thankfully his friend aren't shootin at us, either because they might him or they’re just awestruck by this shitshow
>Decarus throws the remains of the Arc Rifle at him
>It hits him square in the face and he falls off
>Fessus pulls me back in and we close the door
>and to think this was supposed to be the easy part
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>Be Xerxes, Sorcerer of the Thousand Sons
>This Medusa woman is quite the odd one
>A Tech Priestess
>A psyker
>And seemingly, a worshipper of Chaos Undivided
>She's rather strange, and talks lovingly to her servitor
>I've done some fucked up shit to people, but I can only imagine what she did to that thing
>She threatened to expose my location to both the Mechanicus and the Sororitas unless I tutored her on some aspects of warp craft
>I have had to reluctantly accept her offer, and currently I have her constructing a small daemon engine out of what was once a cyber-mastiff
>Tzneetch willing, she will fuck up and it will eat her
"Crawk! It won't."
>Shut the fuck up bird head
>I know it won't
>My entire fucking purpose in life is to job
>Hell, the fucking tzaangor that eats bricks is more important than I am
>This train of thought is fucking depressing
>Better check in on the insane cyborg chick
>She's fucking cuddling the gods damned canine daemon engine
>She's fucking hugging it
>It has fucking swords sticking out of it's back and it hungers for flesh, and she's fucking petting it
"Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? You are! You are!"
>The fucking thing is wagging its bladed tail and barking happily
>Fuck this, I'm going drinking
>I stomp out of my workshop and down a couple streets to a run down bar
>One of the patrons questions my attire
>What, power armor fused to flesh isn't good enough for you?
>I turn him into a gibbering flesh slurry
>Then I order enough drinks to get drunk as one of those fucking furries
>Be me, Ecclesiarch Lamos.
>My patience has run out.
>Completely and totally.
>I am fine with waiting, but I have spend six hours out of communications with those who need me, waiting to go on some talk show at the whimsy of the airheaded Governess, and I haven't heard a single word of anything.
>I tried to find out, but they didn't just chuck me in here.They then proceeded to forget I existed, entirely.
>I'm leaving, before I get assasinated somehow.
>If they want me there, I could join them through holographic representation or sumsuch.
>I gather my retinue and vox the gunship pilot to ask if she could give us a lift.
>She seemed happy enough to.
>I get a car back to the landing platform and hop in the awaiting craft.
>I idly note as we descend, the two mechanicus assassins that seem to be climbing up the side of the spire that I was in.
>They were the ones with the itchy swords.
>I laugh when I remember one of my retinue strung a tripwire across the window ledge linked to a frag grenade purely in case someone came in via the window.
>Thought for the day.
>Is it truly paranoia when they are actually all out to get you?
>The trip down took no time at all compared to the trip up.
>Possibly due in part to our pilot simply killing the engines and dropping most of the way because it's a bit more fun.
>I give her final directions and ask her if she would like to stick around. We would be experiencing combat soon enough.
>She shrugged and grunted what I think was a yes, but anyway, she didn't take off again after we touched down.
>I come back in, and find nearly everything is up and running.
>Turns out, this place was powered by an underground river, that had been harnessed to provide energy. Over time, the river ran dry as the ecosystem died, but with the new water dump, the whole facility was running at peak capacity once more.
>Full power to all faculties, and even a constant supply of drinking water.
>Ohh yes...
>be me
>I am Siv Tɾygvesdottiɾ
>daughteɾ of Guildmasteɾ Tɾygve Valdemaɾsen
>that is Squat Guildmasteɾ

>I am helping with the woɾk that the Salamandeɾs Maɾɾines which aɾe doing within the city to do
>my people we aɾe very good with doing technology and also being buildeɾs
>but we aɾe also not paɾt to what is called the the Mechannicus
>this has caused us to some tɾoubles in the past
>but the people heɾe in the city Angels's Landing they aɾe also having tɾouble with the Mechaniccus
>so ouɾ help is being quite welcomed thankfully
>even though we aɾe the ab-humans which makes us not be liked on many places
>I know to make and fix many things but I am how you call an electɾical engineeɾ to my specialty
>not like in house walls but also foɾ woɾking on things like fɾom in plasma guns and also inside of lascannons
>but also I can woɾk to make with metals and many otheɾ things of that kind

>my Homewoɾld it was devou-ɾed by a many Tyɾɾranids
>many many yeaɾs befoɾe I was boɾn
>we have been to place to place to pɾefoɾm woɾks for many people
>the local goveɾnment and the Canoness she has offeɾed us to woɾk heɾe on the planet Steɾɾcus
>we aɾe agɾeed to be paid but also to being paid in land
>we aɾe hoping that peɾhaps maybe for this planet to be ouɾ new home
>Be me, Drathor
>The Last Crasher
>And some dude is trying to stop me
>Turn to see this Arbites guy
>Big ass shotgun in his hand
>I'd make an overcompensation joke, but I'm holding a Space Marine axe
>He's clearly meaning business
>Tell Julius to get the damn ride ready
>I'll handle this
>Dive behind the delivery cart
>Draw up my bolt pistol
>Fire off some shots
>Hopefully he survives them
>I hate shootouts
>I can feel my blood burning
>I want to get close
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>be me, Julius, Sororitas-slayer
>riding high on finally getting some revenge
>it feels great
>oh, Drathor's lifting the garage door
>guess I should go help
>Inside there's a couple of black vehicles lined up
>Drathor stashes the bodies and starts looting while I grab the keys
>get in the car
>see some arbites with a shotgun coming towards us
>Drathor says he's got this
>tells me to get the car going
>start this sucker up
>It works
>have to use my staff to reach the pedals
>I'm short, dont fething judge me
>I dont know how to drive
>feth it, I didn't know how to kill someone a few minutes ago
>I'm a quick learner
>yell to Drathor
>soon as he's in, I'm going to gun it
>Be Hektur
>This guy starts shooting back at me
>Well now I gotta take you in
>And by that I mean drop some slugs
>Bring up my shield to take the shots
>Shoot my shotgun right back at him
>Just need to keep him down, then, I can come and blow his brains out
>Be me, Drathor
>Be The Last Crasher
>Shots keep hitting the cart
>Not sure how it's still in one piece
>Maybe the sisters in their armour are providing me with cover
>That'd piss them off no doubt
>But I can't sit here and be shot at all day
>I wait for a lull
>No weapon is limitless in ammo
>Then I hear it
>Lunge out of cover
>No pistol this time
>Just my axe
>Swing it out, maybe I can lop off his arm
>Lets see The Law stop my teeth from ripping him to shreads
>Be Hektur
>Bring up my shield to block that incoming axe
>On top of other things
>Bring up my shotgun
>Be me, Drathor
>Be The Last Crasher
>Shield takes my axe
>Atleast for now
>Teeth are chewing through
>Then I feel a slam in my gut
>This fether just shot me
>Thank The Throne it wasn't direct
>Shove him out as hard as I can
>Put my full weight into the axe
>I could have been dead if it wasn't for my freaking carapace armour
>And now it's got a big fething scuff on it's side
>Hack into his shield
>Use all my gains to just try and bring this guy into the ground
>Draw up pistol
>I can BLAM too you fething arbite
>Be me, Ecclesiarch Lamos.
>Be planning next steps for group
>Much of the fighting seems to be inside the hives, where everyones seems to have gotten tied up.
>Whilst at some point I know we will have to get involved, I am aware of a great deal of ork warbands that seem to be plaguing the lesser villages around the planet.
>So now I'm trying to decide which known ork sighting I should try and hit first.
>There is one that stands out to me. It's nothing major, but it is close by to us and also to a fairly large settlement.
>I ant to keep as many settlements as we possibly can, for obvious reasons.
>Sadly it is three days march away, at the best of paces.
>One of my flock did find a small fleet of mining trucks, enough to hold everyone here twice over once fully repaired, but I would need to bring supplies and fuel and food and such.
>And I fully hope to inspire some faithful souls to venture with us, that our armies may grow in size, and I will not have preferential treatment happen.
>Currently my flock is drilling outside, trying to get used to performing in such hostile conditions.
>Apparently they are picking it up well, in such short time.
>It will take about a week to fully prepare to set off. I have already begun going through each vehicle, then each weapon, then each armour set, then each crate of ammunition, blessing them all, that they might perform well in the heat of their first true battle.
>Aside from that, surprisingly little has changed.
>I still take services, I still answer confessions, I still help those who suffer in my flock.
>I feel as if I have found my calling. This is what he wills me to do in my life.
>This is his will.
>be me, Dracon Drazar
>right as I am in the middle of bullying this stupid mon'keigh the ship quakes with impact damage
>captain comes over the communication channel saying the imperials have arrived
>the saint gives me a smug, if weak looking, smile
>but all her smugness vanishes with the next three words

>the captain of the ship states at the console with a wry grin
>the Mon'keigh took the bait all to easy
>did they really think one transport and a few fighter craft would be able to catch up with them so easy?
>the craft of the dark eldar are quick raiders, no mere vessel could hope to catch up with one
>even if they had help
>the captain smiles and drinks from his glass of wine
>only mildly poisoned this time
"Full speed, helmsman. Take us home"

>I smile as confusion spreads across the face of the saint
>I knew the mon'keigh would try and rescue her
>but honestly they're earlier than I expected
>it matters little however
>the engine hummus to full power and rockets though the webway at blistering speed
>even if the mon'keigh below were still alive, they still had much ahead of them
>they are arrogant
>though I recognize the irony
>they assume the ship is but another walk in the park
>an easy mark
>it's almost sad actually
>do they expect so little?
>fortunately for them, they crashed in an... "empty" floor
>it still has its share of horrors but it lacks any eldar presence beyond the skags and slaves
>but beyond that they will know fear
>every floor is a gauntlet
>traps, warriors, horrors beyond imagination
>but honestly I can't wait
>Be Phil
>Well, that was certainly exhilarating
>Honestly, I can say that if i never get in another High Speed Chase it will be too soon
>Apparently Fessus, Decarus, and Lloyd were havong quite the fight back there
>I would not know for myself, as i was busying my self shooting at our pursuers, but judging by their slack-jawed faces, it must have been quite the sight to see
>Anyways, after Static was forcibly evicted they broke off, probably to pick him up and get reinforcements
>I would not expect him to die so easily
>Once we reach our destination, A seemingly innocuous abandoned Apartment building, we sabotage the Van, just in case Static can still remote control it
>Once we enter, we lift open the floor boards to reveal our cache
>thankfully it hasn’t been pilfered by someone else
>This is where we had been storing our arsenal, just in case such an occasion should arise
>Autocannons, Missle lauchers, Haywire grenades, even a Dark Eldar Dark Lance
>Actually that might be the same one we sold to Seth upon closer inspection
>It tooks us a lot of time and money to amass it, but it was worth it
>We all start setting up to hold out
>Excpet Decarus
>He has a much more important task at hand
>The Admech Forces begin to rush us
>They weren’t prepared to be facing Xeno weaponry however
>Fessus seems to be having quite an enjoyable time as with his Dark Lance
>A few Vans manage to get close to the building and start tropping people out
>Lloyd manages to land haywire grenades by some of them, making short work of the Skitarii
>Athough it seems that we were not the Admech’s only non tech priest goons
>Still we are holding on
>But for how long is the question?
>We only have so much ammunition
>This is not a fight we can win,
>Thankfully, it is also one that we do not need to win
>All we need to do is survive until Decarus finishes placing the Detpacks and we can make our escape
>Although that may also prove to be exceedingly difficult.
Three hours later...
>the captain sips his wine as he lounges in his throne
>the min'keigh have torn through two decks, not including the one they landed on
>they have killed many, but what they have killed are of little consequence
>however they have not escaped unharmed
>many of the party has already fallen
>the ship defends itself, as well as the crew
>each hallway is lined with traps
>each kills beautify
>but even still they have one last floor to go
>one more that will be the last
>the domain of the Haemonculus

>the saint is still confused
>the boarding party has made great time
>fast, but still not unexpected
>they still have to make it totthis level
>past the lair of the saw bones
>but that dosen't matter now
>we're here
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>be me, Julius, Sororitas-Slayer
>Drathor just finished off the arbites
>but it wasn't quiet
>he hops in as the sisters come into view
>slam my staff down
>this thing really moves!
>have to stand on the seat, cont see over the wheel while I'm sitting
>get the hang of it pretty quick
>only hit a few things
>one of which was another arbites
>fumes fill the cab
>don't do shit to my mutated lungs
>can hear the sororitas vehicles closing in from behind us
>time for somthing big
>reach out
>feel the road beneath me with my mind
>and change it
>hear the wrenching of metal from behind me as the road behind us morphs into row upon row of chitonous mandibles
>rips vehicle and sororitas alike apart
>no way anyone's following us through that
>kinda tired now
>can't fall asleep until I'm outside of this fething city
>Drathor is counting on me to get us out of here
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>Be Brick
>Brick can smell bird lady
>Space boat assail Brick with many traps and trials
>However, they are not constructed by Brick Corp, and are very shoddy and breakable by hitting with rocks repeatedly
>Brick is good at breaking things not built by Brick
>Brick have no time to lecture builder of shoddy construction
>Brick on big hero mission
>Holding out for a hero.mp3
>Brick kick down door
>Well, not kick down
>Is shoddy auto-door
>It raise into ceiling
>Room full of big nasties
>And in center, sitting within a cage, is a beautiful bird lady, resplendent and golden
>Brick recommend more blue though.
>Blue is good on birds
>Spiky man is bully bird lady
"Hey! Spiky man! No bully bird!"
>Brick throw lucky brick at spiky man's head
>Spiky man not bird, so he fall down and groan
>Brick run up to cage and grab bars
"Bird lady! Me Brick! Me here to recuse you!"
>Brick is good with dramatic one-liners
>Be me, Jiro
>Solar Hawks are in full swing now
>We're letting loose our salvoes
>Can't seem to put much damage on the enemy ship
>Spot Taku moving in
>Do you recall Sichar VII
>Do it brother
>He comes in close
>Shielding technology activates when a form of attacking object speeds towards the target at a high velocity
>We Solar Hawks know how to control our speed
>Taku pulls hard, banking up against the hull of the ship
>Too slow for shields to engage
>His wing clips along the metal plating of the Xeno craft
>Eldar aren't known for their mighty physical bulwarks
>The tip cuts like a knife
>Watch metal peel, and open up
>A small gash
>Can see some sparking, a spray of fuel
>Match my brother's maneuver near perfectly
>My wing tip comes scratching up against the metal plating
>Look at the sparks fly
>Look at them flow
>Look at them catch up in that gashed fuel line
>Racing off as no doubt one tank goes up
>Laughter all around the vox
>But then it dies
>The Xenos, cowards that they are, are retreating
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>It's picking up speed fast
>Vox Zero Flight
>We cannot let that ship get away!
>I speak my orders over the vox, as he bring our craft closer to the xeno's ship, riding in it's wake
>Should buy us a few seconds
>It will work
"Taku! You are The Ace of Zero Flight from this day forward"
"....I understand, hunt well brother."
>Kick up my engines into overdrive
>My brothers are with me
>We form a perfect line
>Building speed
>Those behind the initial craft grow faster with less resistance from the front
>Until the first breaks off, losing control
>The second takes his place, continuing to build velocity
>The Eldar craft remains in our pace for now
>One by one my brothers slingshot the remainder of Zero Flight forward
>Until only I and Taku remain
>No words
>Only a wave
>Then I am alone
>The Stormwalker is going to be furious with me
>Pull my Xiphon up near the craft
>Look towards it
>Grip The Saint's Sword in one hand
>Pull the eject with the other
>Feel the rush of air as I fly towards the ship
>Something hits home
>Feel my hand around The Saint's Sword
>Stabbed into the hull
>Time to get inside
>Time to make these Xenos pay
>Be with me Emperor
>Shine your light upon this lonely hunter
>Feel my hearts beating
>Be me, Lamos.
>About three more days until we move out.
>Getting a bit impatient.
>A week seems like such a short time until you have to wait one out.
>I send the pilot out to scout the situation in the village first on our list.
>She came back, said it's holding well enough, but can't muster enough strength to push the greenskins off for good.
>They looked like they were mostly just a horde of relatively primative greenskin, but she could see several vehicle things and a few light walkers.
>Thank the Emperor that there is little resources in the wastelands there for them to loot.
>I have begun ordering the few servitors that we managed to...commandeer to begin loading up the vehicles with as much as they can carry.
>But now, time for dinner, and then evening prayer.
>Something to get my nerves to calm.
>I'm Brigitte
>That skinny Eldar dude is acting like a straight up weirdo
>Like, more than usual
>I think I really ticked him off by calling him out for being such an awful butthead
>He's pacing around the room and stuff and saying things that don't make a ton of sense
>Hear a sound like some pots and pans getting smacked together
>Somebody over the intercom says something in Eldar
>He looks at me like I'm supposed to know what it meant
>Smile like Sister Missy taught me, hope he'll calm down a little
>He says "just as planned"
>What was planned?
>I'm so lost
>Something pries the door to this big room open
>It's some kind of... blue... bird man?
>The big bony monster men in the corners of the room just kinda look at it for a second
>It kind of screeches something in our direction
>It throws a rock or something that knocks the Eldar off balance for a second and starts to run over to my cage
>This is really making me uncomfortable
>One of the monster men grabs the bird-thing by the waist with one of its huge hands and just kind of tosses it underhand back out the door
>Three of them follow him back out into the hall
>Hear more screeching until the door closes back down
>I look at the Eldar as he gets back on his feet
>Ask if that was part of his plan
>you may think I am Hakron Geras, of Alpha Legion Cell Psi-O
>things have really gone splendidly
>genestealer we released did the whole uprising thing?
>and genestealers continue to pop up months later?
>the Tau fleet we called in started a full blown chaotic invasion?
>Tau sleeper agent has somehow infiltrated governors palace?
>Fists losing their gene reserves? (I think that blacksheild is one of our own)
>open conflict between imperial factions?
>with the imperials diverted, we were able to continue our operations unobstructed.
>the Gloriana-Class Battle barge "Beta" is now fully armed and operational
>this barge is armed
>this barge is mobile
>and the identity of its crew is a mystery
>forward lances blast a path through the crust
>helmsman, full ahead
>ash wastes and mountains crumble and rend before our silvered bow
>then everything is water
>doesn't matter, this is a void hardened battle fortress
>a brick smashes through the window
>plants in the head of our navigator
>cloak cloak cloak cloak cloak cloak cloak cloak cloak cloak
>crash into the crust again
>looks like we now need a new navigator
>and a new window
>deep breaths
>Be Fessus
>shooting down upon these Ants with my FUCKING KICKASS NEW XENO-TECH RIFLE
>Seriously, this thing is just as good as i remember it
>I mean, it’s confusing at first because, you know, fuckin Eldar always have to wank about how superior they are,
>but once you get used to it it just wrecks everything
“Hey, guys, i placed all the Detpacks. Everything’s ready to go.”
>”Good Work Decarus. The Admech seems to be falling back a bit, This will probably be our last chance before reinforcements arrive. Everyone get to the tunnel entrance”
>it’s a damn good thing we never told the Admech about all the smugglers’ tunnels we found
>Start making my way back down while listening to the Combead chatter
“Bloody hell what does this loony think he’s doin?”
“I dunno, but he’s doing it well! He’s Dodging all my Haywire grenades!”
“Is he Mad? He’s going to crash right into-“
>Get down to the last set of stairs just in time to see everyone else jump out of the way of a beaten car crashing into the building
>What the fuck?
>The door opens
>It’s Static
>And he’a got a really nasty looking Combat Servitor for back up
>I life the Dark Lance to put him down
>It’s out of Ammo
>Of fucking course it is
>Drop it, along with any and all grenades, flashbangs, powerpacks, and essentially anything even explosive, on him
>Whatever will buy by at least a few more seconds
>Book it down to the Basement,
>frantically Start hitting every brick and panel i can to open the secret door
>Everone else, minus Static and his new Bestie, stumbles in soon after
“Alright Fessus we’re all here, now open the Bloody door and let’s get Out of this place”
>”I can’t!”
“What!? What do you mean you can’t?!”
>”I Can’t find the switch, i don’t know where it is!”
>”Look, We don’t have. A lot of time before the rest of the Admech Goons find us so I suggest you stop lecturing me and help me find it!”
“Oh Bloody hell fine! Where should we look?!”
>”I dunno just fiddle with everything until something works!”
“Emperor Dammit Fessus, you bloody Jackarse!”
>They all join me in frantically looking for the switch.
>Fuck why didn't we practice this earlier!?
>Finally, one of us does something right and raises the trick wall
>We all fucking book it in and shut the tunnel behind us
>Don’t even Bother to get to a safe distance to watch the show, just have Decarus activate the Detonator while we’re running
>feel the Tremors from the building we were just in collapsing
>Well, that ought to get them off of our backs, at least for the time being.
>No normal Human would be able to survive a building collapse like that, and they don't know about our escape route
>In fact, it’s actually a good thing that Static broke through the wall, as now it will look less like we staged our deaths and more like an accident
>With the Admech Thinking us dead we’ll be able to be able to live our lives again!
>Truly, i am a genius, who has earned his right to wear the mantle of the genius: the smug shit-eating grin
“So...What now”
>You know I never actually though about the after part.
>we’re probably gonna have to lay low for a while
>Other wise what’s the point of faking you’re death
>I guess the first order of business would be, to find some place to crash for the forseeable future.
>Because i am definitely not living in these tunnels like some sort of Ratling
>Be me, Lamos.
>Be discovering flaws of marching long distance in poor conditions.
>Everyone is exhausted, on edge and stressed out with all the poor conditions we have to put up with.
>I myself decided that we can just use our transports to shuttle everyone from point Primaris to Point Secundus, a lot faster and a lot more comfordably anyway.
>We save set ourselves up with the ring of vehicles making a wind break and something to set our tents up against.
>The wind seems to get less intense the further we travel from the Hive. It may dissipate fully even by the time we reach the village.
>Tomorrow I'll just get everyone to hang on and just drive there. We have 200 people to transport, but we have thirteen vehicles now.
>And six of which are mining trucks, big big things.
>Granted they are well burdened with supplies, but there should be enough room, barely.
>But somehow I doubt anyone will mind a tight squeeze over more marching.
>I had to lead prayer over the vox link in our respirators, the wind was too strong. But we managed in the end.
>We have a few men on watch tonight, sitting in the vehicle weapon pintle mounts, eyes scanning into the cloud of dust for threats.
>They will be the ones riding in the Valkyrie tomorrow.
>But now, I should try to rest.
>We may encounter our first real battle tomorrow, I should be awake for that at least.
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>Be Farseer Kaviala Kade
>Half the mon'keigh are dead
>The sweet, hunky mon'keigh
>The Commorrite traps are wicked and devious, cunningly hidden amongst spiky architecture
>It took three dead before they stopped "honorably" running ahead and started listening to me
>Inquisitor Elmas has been rather silent since we arrived
>I assume that it's because of his hilarious fucking lisp
>Seriously, quite as a mouse
"...The Awchon is not hewe."
>I stifle a laugh
>Too many manly idiots are dead for it
>Suddenly, a flash of insight
>I duck as a brick sails over my head and impacts the Elmas
"Fuwking dawk eldaw!"
>A... blue bird man appears to have thrown the brick
"Sorry, me thought you spiky eldar! Me Brick, CEO of Brick Corp! Me be saving pretty bird lady, but spiky man throw nasties at me! You help! I give shares in Brick Corp!"
>The Mon'keigh huddle together and speak amongst themselves
>I hear things like "vile abhuman" and "vawuable souwce of infowmation" and "We can kill him later, not worth spending the ammo"
>I have a vision, and give the bird man a cracker
"You nice eldar lady! I give share in Brick Corp! Value will increase exponentially as development speeds and capital flow!"
>He hands me a brick which has had the word "1 share" scrawled on it in low gothic
>The worst thing about it is that I know for a fact that it will be worth thousands of unit of Imperial currency in the near future
>I sigh and turn to the huddle mon'keigh
>"We will require this creature in the near future, I can sense it."
"Brick hire all you as interns! Look good on resume!"
>I miss Jy'im. She was a whiny bitch, but at least she could handle the D
>Be Weird-Dok Gutpoka
>Be in dis Drill-Trukk wiff da boss, Krom an' dis lil humie grot
>Belly be hungry but boss sez not to et da humie grot
>Oh hey, Krom got all deez green glowy crawly cookies
>Taste like Nekronz
>Don' ask me wut Nekronz be, I dunno
>Boss sez we gonna go onna 'detour'
>Start smellin' blue git burny flesh
>Hey Belly, meat's back on da menu!
>Da humie grot looks scared
>Gonna hafta leave some of blue git bar-bee-kue for dat grot
>Trukk stops
>We geddout da Trukk
>One of da blue git ship, krash loik our Krooza
>Boss sez we gonna loot it!
>Just da boss, me, Krom, an' da humie grot
>R U Daft.pngrot
>But do wot 'e sez anyways
>'cuz 'e's da boss
>I pick da humie grot ta sit on me 'ed
>Hope dis grot be useful as hat, at least
>Be Tar Gwill, last of the Night Lords 83rd
>And thought we were leaving
>but negative
>and now they give me some third legion ass looking war plate with stars on it, and tell me to go find a new navigator
>alive he says, very slowly, with all of their skin
>yeah, im gonna kill a few their serfs when I get back
>drop me outside the hive, near a skirmish
>OK theres a good old thunderhawk, probably taking troops up to orbit
>pile on in with the others
>theres bunch of important looking imperials in here, jackpot
>we're in the warp or something
>there are gay robots flying around
>now were on some xenos ship
>shit looks like Curze's inner sanctum
>and theres a xeno sorcerer, an inquisitor, some mutant with feathers, a sororitas with a frankly silly hat, on top of the already odious purple guys and repulsive chad marines.
>Has the warp dust finally overtaken me?
>Is this my punishment?
>at least Im better at dodging than the loyalists
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>be me, Romeo
>hottest sergeant of the Salamanders
>things are progressing about as well as they can
>the squats are proving excellent pupils
>I suppose the thought of a new home is excellent motivation
>I try to inspire them as best I can
>doing so has caused me to become something of a pillar of the community
>So much so that the governess has invited me to some sort of peace talk
>it's going to be broadcast to entire city
>she calls it a talk show
>I accept
>not only does it give me a chance to speak to the leadership on this world
>I should be able to clear up some misinformation about the abhumans
>stop them from being targeted
>I'll be forced to deal with those Mechanicus heretics, but thats a small price to pay for the potential gains
>besides, far be it for me to deny the viewing populace my stunning good looks and rich bass voice
>So, pious as they are, the news that we would be changing how we travel was met with great rejoicing.
>Camp was packed up in record time, and after morning prayer, we set off.
>It was a crowded trip, to be sure, and with all the weight on the vehicles, a slow one.
>It took all day to get to the village, but we made it.
>We had yet to see any greenskins or anything of the like, but we could on occasion hear them, clanging away.
>We were quite well received. The settlement was running out of ammunition.
>Quite understandably, with an Ork horde on their doorstep.
>Their militia was untrained, but they had walls and they had big guns. And they knew how to use them.
>They had survived through being unassailable entirely.
>So I had a little chat with the local council and we decided on a plan.
>Almost like clockwork, the orks slam themselves against the defenses.
>We run around behind their camp.
>As soon as the orks start their attack, we sweep into their camp, with flamers and indindiaries and purge all traces of the camps existence.
>Then we quite simply march forward and trap the remnants of the Ork horde between two forces.
>We review the planned a final time, then I split back to my own flock, to inform them and to organise my own forces.
>Best armour and weapons all around, of course.
>Moreover, a few people managed to attach Lascanons to some of the sponsons.
>I instruct everyone to go over their wargear and go through them all, giving blessings and benedictions to raise spirits.
>People were nervous, so I issued some good food.
>May as well, we need a lift of spirits.
>I changed night speech to be a little bit more rousing then normal, and made sure everyone got a good sleep.
>Until tomorrow I guess, and whatever it brings.
>Be Future Commissar
>So after some warp fuckery, the coin finally landed on Colonel mustache
>Somewhat relieved over this since both versions of me are probably not the best for live vox shows and the Captain for one of the stormtrooper regiments is essentially a blue version of Governesses
>Guy seems somewhat relieved when we tell him of this news and the fact some marines are coming for him though he still begs for baneblade ownership
>This is interrupted by some rando newfag Guardsman popping out of no where with a report about the various new groups that popped up
>Nothing special just a few more chaos warbands of various strength, more xenos as usual, obligatory Imperial forces of any kind arriving, and..... wtf squats
>Ask the guardsman if he made a mistake
"No my lord, actual squats have arrived and joined the tech priests in repairing our equipment"
>"Guardsman, I will not tolerate this joke. Surely, you should know that squats are nothing but an urban myth. There is no way, not even on this planet, that squats will po.."
>Immediately interrupted by some tiny man blasting out of the fucking wall
>Fucker is clearly drunk and talking in some sort of accent that I can barely understand
>By the Emperor Squats are real
>Just dumbfounded for several seconds just starring at this drunken myth
>After that apologized to the Newfag Guardsman and headed back to Baneblade home, I have seen enough weird shit today
>Be me, Ecclesiarch Lamos.
>Be stumbling around at 5 in the morning, clutching a thermos of recaff.
>I had had our two men on watch wake us, before dawn, that we might get into position promptly.
>People were slow to get moving, but at nearly six we had everyone armed, armoured and in pseudo formation.
>We said prayer, and I gave a speech I hoped was rousing, and had everyone pile into the now unloaded vehicles, and by dawn we were in position, all crouched down, peering over into a camp that breethed anarchy.
>We were sitting there, peering into the camp for hours until finally, as if by some gestalt psyche they suddenly just...charged.
>I waited for the last vestiges of the mob to depart, then waited a few more minutes to make sure.
>Then, with a wordless command over the vox link, we swept down into the camp, as the camp blossoms into pillars of flame.
>Three successive bombing runs, and then we sweep in to finish up the stragglers...
>Be me, Ecclesiarch Lamos, sweeping through an ork camp.
>Practically nothing there, just a whole lot of stuff to blow up.
we sweep through the camp obscenely quickly, and suddenly we are left to follow the horde.
>Feeling more terror then I think I ever have, or ever will, I set one foot in front of the other, and led my men forth.
>Do battle it seems.
>Be Colonel
>so just out of boredom I vox the commissar
>asking him how the rescue effort is going?
>cause I kind of need to get down there especially if I'm gonna talk on the governesses talk show
>I hope they get something done soon
>cause this is boring as fuck
>like fuck
>I do like the Eldar though she's nice
>It was an absolutely terrifying walk.
>A horde of raging xenos monsters, and we were chasing after them.
>It was our duty, yes. But that does not make it any less terrifying.
>But then again, bravery is impossible without fear.
>We could hear them, you know.
>As we walked, we could hear the booms of truly thunderous detonations, and the cries of war and pain.
>When we finally set sight upon the battle, it was nearly deafening.
>I pull up my command vehicle, and get up on the dias.
>I need to motivate them a bit at least.
>I pull of my respirator, let them see my face.
>I don't grin, I just set my face. Resolute, concluded.
>I activate the laud hailers, and address my men.
"Men of humanity, we all know our duty."
>I cast my gaze along the men.
"The foes of humanity assail the city before you, laughing in false security.
Are we to stand by and watch as they get away with it?
>they shout their response
>I didn't expect them to already be so sure already.
"Then cry it out! Let our voices carry across the field to echo on the walls. Let our oppressed brethren hear our voice and weep tears of joy. And let our foes here our voice and quake in fear!
Let them know who brings them judgement this day!"
>I cast my eyes over my men one last time, and nod.
>They are ready.
>I raise my staff, and smile as I turn to face our trial.
>Be Ecclesiarch, Lamos
>We do not run at them in a frenzy.
>Slowly and methodically, we advanced down into the basin in approximated lockstep, pouring volley after volley of fire into their ranks.
>I had given the bulk of them Lazguns, so that ammunition was not an issue. The few that were armed differently either bore special weapons, when we could find them, like Hellguns, or bore heavy weapons, like rocket teams, or heavy bolter teams or autogun teams, who remained at the top of the hill, providing support as we marched closer.
>Caught between unassailable walls and an advancing army, they died in droves, the way they should.
>I myself was shouting catechisms of faith, of fury, that echoed over the battlefield through my hailer system as I fired this peculiar pistol I took from the Mechanicus emmesairy, that seemed to fire bursts of destructive light.
>It was all going so well, until a particularly big, metal covered ork muscles his way through and decides to open its mouth.
"OI! Loud git! Dis 'ere's my foight! Whatchu fink you's doin 'ere eigh?"
>It takes me a moment to translate it's butchered gothic.
"You, ork, have dared to attack a city of humanity. You will pay for your crimes in blood.
>The thing laughs, I think
"Oh watchu gunna do 'bout it loud git? You's gunna kill me? Iz da boss!"
>It's voice causes me actual physical pain.
"You want ta off me fancypants? Why dontcha' com down 'ere 'n do it yerself, if yew finks you's so tough?"
>It seems to be challenging me.
>I raise a hand, ordering them not to fire.
>I decide I shall do it myself.
>I hand my gun to the driver and I descend the steps and stand ten paces before the monstrous creature.
>It suddenly looks a lot bigger, and I feel a tinge of fear run up my spine, unwanted.
>I don't let it show as I spread my feat out, lower my stance and bring the head of my staff of office around, the crown piece pointing at the ork.
>The ork seems to chuckle, and with a cry of "WAAAGGGHHHH!" that could quite literally blow a person off their feet, charges towards me.
>The ground quite literally trembles with its monstrous footfalls.
>It is nearly the size of a dreadnought, after all.
>I don't move a muscle.
>Five paces out.
>It laughs, likely assuming I was paralysed in terror, as it raises a truly colossal mass of sharp metal bits as long as a person is tall, planning to obliterate me in a single strike it seems.
>I simply thumb the activation rune on my staff, and plunge it with all the force I can muster, into the exposed midriff of the monster.
>There is a blinding flash of white light, and my bones creak as I fight to keep the staff from ripping free of my hands.
>It is worth it.
>Before all my congregation, I proved myself, by sending a multi-ton ork monstrosity flying through the air, crashing into his underlings with a single blow.

>For those who don't know, each member of the Ecclesiarchy possesses a staff of office, that marks him out. It is a symbol of rank, and denotes office.
>It is also a shock maul.
>Now most shock mauls tend to be fairly light weight things, designed to incapacitate or kill, depending on the need.
>However, being a fairly fit priest, I myself have my staff of office built around a Cyclopea pattern power maul. A colossal, overcharged variant, it has the power to crush vehicles or send opponents flying.
>It is also notable, as many astartes prefer it's use, over that of thunder hammers.
>I straighten up and walk over to its moaning body.
>The surrounding orks back away.
>The creature is basically bisected at the waist, organs steaming in the air.
>I walk onto its ruined chest, looking down at it dispassionately.
>It pulls the firing mechanism on the amalglamated cluster of guns attached to it's left arm, uncaring of how many of its forces it kills, and raises it, attempting to shoot me.
>I slam the head of the shock maul into its arm, ripping metal from abused flesh.
>It raises the other, and I do the same.
>The blades shred the closes bystanders as they fly off.
>The orks eyes are wide now, and its mouth is working in futile disbelief.
>Without pausing, I reverse my grip on my staff and plunge the head down into the gap between chest plate and...jaw armour.
>Its body rocks with the force, and I smell ozone.
>Arms aching, breething heavily, I bend down and pick up the severed head of their commander, and hold it aloft, before them.
>Nearly spent, I raise my staff and voice once more.
"In the Emperor's name, let none survive!"
>I dropped the colossal swollen skull of the monster and lean on my staff, deactivating the maul as I watch my flock stream past me like men possessed.
>There was no orderly advance, no cold volleys of fire. They cried out in joy as they charged into the faltering ork horde, blades in hands.
>They seemed to swarm over the orks, their pace barely slowing as they dealt death like I had never seen before.
>I allowed myself a minute more to rest my body, before I too rejoined the fray, shock maul swinging.
>Caught between an unassailable wall and an unstoppable army, the xenos died in droves, as is their place.
>Be Warboss 'Ead-Krumpa
>Be in next step of masta plan
>Lootin' dis blue git Krooza
>Already no survivors, tho
>Dunno wot happened but da blue gits here be kinda purpley
>An' also all smoked up
>See Gutpoka munchin' on purple-blue git gibz
>Also took da humie grot wiff him, kunnin' move
>Get to da bridge of dis Krooza
>Krom gets workin' on gettin' dis ship up
>Kinda creeped out by all de white splotches
>Also dis bridge got hueg windows
>Turns out dere be annuda Ork camp on da ovva side
>An' a bit farther, dere be dis humie camp
>Looks loik dey be havin' a go
>I get Gutpoka an' da humie grot ta watch
>Dere be anuvva humie group crashin' da foit
>Oh? Da ovva Warboss gonna foit da humie Warboss, all duel loik
>Must be a Gorker, who's all brutal an' no kunnin'
>Not loik me, dass wot
>Seems like da humie Warboss know dat too
>Or be real stoopid
>Huh, turns out he's real kunnin', turnin' his boss-pole into a weapon
"We'z ready ta go, boss! Dis Kroozer be loot-ready!"
>Krom, ya gud Ork, you
>'E hands me dis lever
>Pull it to da 'bakkwardz' settin'
>Wiff a real loud 'beep beep beep' we get da Krooza up in da air
>Kinda slow tho
>"Can ya make it go bakkwardz fasta, Krom?"
"Dere be no red paint here boss"
>Get 'nuff spess ta flip an' go forwardz
>Blastin' off outta here!
>An' park dis looted Krooza next to my own Krooza
>An' den, wait fer da ded killy humie-nid to show up
>Be me, Lamos.
>Be sitting in medial bay,piecing together memories from yesterdays battle.
>Turns out, I chronically overstressed myself, fighting for a prolonged period of time with a weapon that fit more in astartes hand then a regular mans.
>Especially after fighting their warboss in a duel of all things.
>I had a moment of disbelief, before my memories returned, of watching a pict-capture video of myself, facing down an armoured ork bigger them some small vehicles, and sending it flying several feet, before killing it with seeming ease.
>I was given stern instructions from a hospitaler not to do that again, for reasons of personal health.
>As soon as I could speak, I asked about my men.
>The hospitaller laughed in response.
>Out of 200 men throwing themselves into a mob of orks, apparently only half of them sustained any kind of injury.
>Of them, only 35 had more then simple lacerations, such as broken bones, splintered ribs and the like.
>Of those in turn, there were only 15 with serious injuries, like punctured organs, massed internal hemorrhaging or mossed limbs.
>Three of which were in critical condition, on life support.
>So far, two were expected to pull through, the last one was being treated with everything they had, but it was uncertain if he would live or not.
>There wasn't much of him left seemingly.
>Of 200 crazed zealots, charging a horde of ork monsters twice their size in both height and numbers, only one may possibly die.
>The men insisted that it was me. By single-handedly felling that monstrous beast, I had instilled such terror in our already weakened foes, and such conviction in my followers, that they were mown down like chaff.
>The first battle, true battle we fought, was a resounding success.
>Now to rest, prepare and potentially recruit.
>But before that, enjoy this nice cup of exquisite Tanna.
>Be me, personal guard of Ecclesiarch Lamos Destrum.
>Be standing at guard outside his room, watching for any intruders.
>I receive a chime in my comm bead.
>Something about a man babbling on about that wrecked xeno ship lifting off the ground making the sound of an automobile reversing, then doing a flip in midair and rocketing straight up into the void.
>I sigh.
>I slowly reach up and remove my comm bead.
>That, I decide, is a problem for a later date.
>Be me, Ecclesiarch Lamos
>Be sitting at bedside of one of my congregation. He was one of the critical ones.
>It turns out, after he went through surgery and was taken off life support, he lapsed into a coma, and was put back on a drip feed.
>His heart rate is displayed on a pict slate attached to the machine over his head.
>Once every few minutes, the rate increases slightly, then drops back to normal in a minute or two.
>I recognise his face.
>He was always devout. A man used to bad things, he found surety in the church, and a shoulder in me.
>Was I a good shoulder?
>I look down at him now, laying on pristine fabric I think he never thought he would ever see.
>He looked...contented, happy almost.
>The other one pulled through, and is receiving muscle therapy training, and new legs.
>The third one pulled through, with the Emperor's grace, but would never again feel the air on his skin, being permanently suspended in a vat of amniotic fluid, liquids pumped into his body via invasive tubing.
>I stand, leaning on my staff too much for my liking as I depart.
>I visit those in other rooms, offering blessing and what comfort I can provide to them, that their pain might be eased.
>The settlement, as a token of thanks, performed its medical services, mechanical repairs and augmentic replacements free of charge, among other things.
>I had, a few days back, been greeted in the street by an elderly woman.
>We walked, and talked for a great deal of the day, and I got the feeling she was leading me somewhere.
>That somewhere, was a little workshop, that had a surprisingly good view of the new sea.
>It was there that she introduced herself as an artificer, who had worked on such complex mechanisms that I could probably not fathom.
>She bade me come in to the back of her store, saying that she had a gift for me.
>This gift, turned out to be an exquisitely rendered suit of what looked like full body carapace plate, but turned out to be fully functional power armour.
>Be me, Lamos.
>Be currently losing my shit at being given power armour.
>With her help, I managed to don the suit, and could feel the incredible sense of power it gave me.
>Apparently there were delicate sensors along the spine that could read my nerve signals and move the armour like it was my own flesh and blood.
>I asked her how she could possibly do something so complex. She just grinned in response and told me that she had been doing this for quite some time.
>The feeling of wearing it was incredible, but I was not particularly convinced by its lightness.
>I asked her how well it would stand up to damage, or a battle.
>Was it hardwearing enough to fight in.
>Her response was to shoot me.
>An automated defense bolt gun, ten meters, straight to the chest.
>Aside from putting me back a step, I felt basically nothing at all.
"By the Emperor..."
>She shushed me and pointed at the mark
>The pit left from impact had begun to...repair itself, recreating even the flowing filigree.
>Within a few seconds, it was as if nothing had happened.
>She seemed satisfied, and got me out of the armour to make some final adjustments.
>She also took my staff, and when I got it back, it had a two foot powered blade on the bottom.
>I had thanked her, and offered her payment, but she turned it down.
>No, she had said. As soon as she saw me defeat that warboss, she had apparently known that that armour was meant for me.
>Truly the Emperor works in mysterious ways...
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Discussion thread up!

Does the front of the car just clip through the back of the truck trailer?
>Be Tau Water Caste
>Oh, the Imperials are going to kill me
>I tried to tell them it was an honest mistake
>But they wouldn't listen
>Now they're having me kneel down
>They're pointing a gun at my head
>Oh my, it seems this is the end!
>Goodbye cruel world!
>I'm not dead?
>I look up
>The arbite that was going to be exectued is being stabbed by one of those gue'la servitor machines
>Well, I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth
>Running hard.jpg
>I am free from prison!
>I am free from the yoke of imperial rule!
>I am a free tau!
>No, I need a society to live in, I need structure!
>I can't make it on the outside!
>I need orders!
>Procede to run around like a fucking idiot

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