So no shit, there we were, standing slackjawed in the rubble of a Crime Lord's private museum, watching the Sorceress we'd just chased through the whole damn mansion making out with BANE FUCKING JOHNS as their gunship flew off into the sunset. After a few seconds of disgusted silence, Doc and Sarge cleared their weapons and made a spirited attempt to interrupt the pair's romantic moment. None of their shots came even remotely close. Down on the floor Tink and Twitch stopped clutching at their respective injuries as they registered the familiar, if a bit deeper than usual, sound of someone overcharging a plasma weapon on the floor above. Tink flipped through his comm channels and shouted a futile warning while Twitch yanked a catatonic Nubby into cover a split second before a bright blue explosion collapsed a large section of the ceiling. As the rest of us coughed and dug our way out of the rubble, Tink limped his way up the pile of rubble, poked his head out of the smoldering crater, and informed what was left of the other Inquisitorial team that he'd told them so.>T̶h̶e̶ ̶A̶l̶l̶ ̶G̶u̶a̶r̶d̶s̶m̶e̶n̶ ̶P̶a̶r̶t̶y̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶"̶S̶t̶e̶a̶l̶t̶h̶"̶ ̶M̶i̶s̶s̶i̶o̶n̶"̶:̶ ̶P̶a̶r̶t̶ ̶3̶>The Return of Bane Johns
>>58159093SHOGGY LIIIVES! "STOMPSTOMP" SHOGGY LIIIVES! "STOMP STOMP"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEZvChBy-sQ&t
>>58159093The boys are back
SHOGGY! I’m so glad you’re posting again, this is by far the best storytime I’ve ever read! FUCK YEAH INDEED
>>58159093Great to have you back Shoggy. You have my condolences.
>>58159093I can finally post what I promised last time!
First time catchin live, so fucking excited
>>58159093It's so good to see you back, Shoggy!
ERE WE GO LADS!
>>58159129Also fuck yes Shoggy is back!
>>58159093Welcome back, our glorious Inquisitor Shoggy!
>>58159093Glad to have you back. Thanks for sticking with this story!
AT LONG LAAAAST!
Good to see you back Shoggy!
>when I see an AGP thread
>>58159148Read it in his fuckin' voice.
>>58159093Shoggy, What's your response to the rumor that Your GM is the one who made the massive Genesys Conversion for Dark Heresy, and that the AGP campaign now runs on Special Dice?
THE TRIUMPHANT RETURN! Glad to have you back, Shoggy!
Reporting in for storytime, glad to hear you're feeling better mate
>>58159093Holy fuck it's not a myth.
>>58159093THE TIME HAS COME AND SO HAVE I!
>>58159129>>58159147Hold up, is this that one .gif where girl trips on the opponent and the other girl reflexively leg-locks her?
Hell yeah caught live
>>58159195Context for those who need it
Glad he's actually posting tonight.Would've felt like an ass after keeping some of you up by telling ya.
>>58159246>That fucking smileShe's as happy with that situation as we are to see Shoggy
>New All Guardsman Thread>Been awake for 20 some odd hours>Mfw looking at my bed
>>58159093>Brief Recap since it's been so longThe party has been sent to the Hive World Joseph Haarlock Sucks At Cards under the command of their second ever Interrogator (now Inquisitor Sciscitat), to destroy a Conspiracy base there. Due to totally unforeseen events, they have become embroiled in a hunt for Stolen Artifacts, which has brought them in contact with both the universe's most overzealous Traffic Cop and a second, friendly Inquisitorial team, who they may or may not have shot a few times.Working with the second team, the party planned a raid on the manor of a Crime Lord who was holding a high-stakes poker tournament with one of the Artifacts as the grand prize. Theit cover was blown when Nubby, recognizing the Sorceress leading the local Conspiracy cell as yet another former interrogator: Angelica Dominicus (better known as Nubby's Girlfriend), decided to say hi and nearly got his head lightninged off. After a brief shitty-van assisted chase, the party managed to corner Angelica in the Crime Lord's art museum and vault, but were unable to stop her from being rescued by none other than Bane Johns.Links!>Archivehttp://www.theallguardsmenparty.com/>1d4chan with original thread linkshttps://1d4chan.org/wiki/All_Guardsmen_PartySorry for the long wait guys, I've been a shithead. And tonight is likely to go a tad slower than usual as I probably got a lot more proofing than usual to do as I post. Might be two or three-dayer.Thanks for sticking around, and thanks a ton to the guys who emailed me (I'm really, really sorry if I didn't reply).
>Finally catch a live AGP thread
I can wait, Shogs.Just keep 1d4 updated with the logs in case we miss it.
>>58159375I was wondering when you'd come over from shitting up the other thread.
>>58159375Fake? Maybe.Garbage? To the contrary, it's one of the best damn things on /tg/
>>58159383Ha, same.Should be interesting.
>>58159354>Might be two or three-dayer.I'm fucking ready!
>>58159354It's alright Shoggy, we're all just glad your here and sharing more of this incredible insanity
praise the emperor shoggy returns
>>58159404I'm not! I gotta do security guard things in a few hours!
>>58159383What other thread?
>>58159435>>58156892Just a hype thread.
>>58159093Caught one live!Damm good to hear another storytime!
>>58159383Stop feeding the troll. That bait is obvious and lazy.
>>58159469I'm a fast replier.
>>58159354>I've been a shitheadNah man, You needed some time to yourself and you don't owe us anything, but thanks for coming back
>>58159354Fortunately for our mouthy techie, nobody upstairs was in any condition to beat the shit out of him. In fact the only one of them that even seemed aware of our arrival was the Fringe-Worlder, who waved at us with the bloody stump of his right arm and asked how "y'all's" part of the mission was going. Sarge managed to convey an entire after-action report's worth of disgust and annoyance with a single grunt, which got a weak laugh from the man and a disapproving look from Doc as he tourniqueted the bleeding limb.While Doc began triaging what was left with the other team (deciding to start with their Interrogator, whose power armor had somehow failed to stop a dozen autopistol rounds), Sarge's attention was caught by a large figure in blackened, smoking Sororitas power armor struggling out of a hole in the wall. The Big Sister stumbled over to the windows and tossed the half-slagged remains of a plasma cannon out of them, yanked her equally ruined helmet off and began screaming a string of decidedly un-sisterly Vostroyan curses at the distant gunship. Sarge blinked as he finally recognized the face and voice as belonging to Ivana Krushyu, former minion of the traitorous Lord General Omurov, and one of Bane Johns numerous girlfriends before he'd been hauled off by the Inquisition. Sarge, no longer feeling capable of surprise, just let out disgusted sigh at the universe's perverse sense of humor, and asked the valkyrion woman if she had any injuries that needed treatment. She stared at him for a second, and then dropped to her knees screaming and clutching at her head.
>>58159093I am so exited to be hereI don’t like wasting posts so here, have a funny picture.
>>58159516oofbrain hurtin' juice
>>58159516>whose power armor had somehow failed to stop a dozen autopistol roundsH-how?Were they using explosive rounds or something?
>>58159093So damn happy to have you back.
>>58159516The last two members of the other team that we could find weren't doing noticeably better than Ivana. Tink found what was left of their tech-priest in a crater full of blood, lubricant, and assorted servitor bits, and after a bit of highly scientific stick-poking declared the cogboy to be "super DUPER dead". The tech-priest in question took offense at this, loudly complaining that "you take one nap in a pool of your own bodily fluids and people start declaring you all sorts of things". He informed Tink that unlike SOME people he could operate just fine without his appendages, and in apocalyptic, low power environments of as few as 1.1 volts too, thank you very much. If someone would be so kind as to dig him out, top up his internal battery, and drag him to a servitor workshop he'd arrange for Tink to try being limbless torso and see how alive HE looked. Tink was understandably a bit hesitant about helping the cogboy, but was informed that "he's a bit of a dick" wasn't a valid excuse for leaving an ally to bleed out.The Ganger was in better shape physically, but mentally she definitely a bit out of it. She just kept staring out the window, seemingly unaware of our arrival, or the fact that she was sitting on the remains of what appeared to be one of our Interrogator's murder-dogs. Twitch, interpreting this shockiness as a sign of daemonic possession (as opposed to, you know, SHOCK), threw a vial of holy water at her, which at least brought her attention back to the general orbital vicinity, if not all the way down to earth as it were. Despite Twitch's insistence that she wasn't as angry as she should've been, and was probably harboring a gene-stealer parasite or something, the dampened Ganger was allowed to keep her various weapons (we didn't have the spare bag space for them anyway) and was tasked with getting the wounded Fringe-Worlder up and moving.
>>58159581Think of how unlucky someone would need to be to have the person shooting at them somehow find all of the weak spots and impurities in their armor...
>>58159581Bane Johns, man. He's the probability warper, remember?
>>58159581Bane Johns.Nuff said.Now the party needs either an armored null or an exterminatus on the planet Bane is on.
>>58159581Nah, he was probably close enough to Bane Johns to suffer from his aura of psychic concentrated Sueness.That's why you take example from HERO OF THE IMPERIUM and always travel with a blank handy.
The way I see it, the AGP has one and only one way out of this trap (short of pulling a blank out of their ass in the next 10mins):Bane John's insanity field is setting the rules, and while it's horrible to experience it is somewhat predictable, and Nubby's Girlfriend is as trapped in it as the rest of them. All you need is to convince Bane that she's betrayed him and it's the end of the road.Plus Bane himself is a friendly moron. During the Gold-Fingy mission they tied him up and fired him in an escape pod at the enemy, and by the end he was quite happy and decided they should all just get drunk together again.
>>58159646Speaking of the HERO OF THE IMPERIUM, been considering grabbing some of his books.Worth the buy?
>>58159659I liked them.
>>58159659They were good, and you can YARR them easily enough. Apparently a new one is in the works, too.
>>58159642It'd miss the fucking planet and you know it.
>>58159659PDFs, .mobi, .e-pub should be in one of the Megas linked from the general thread, /40kg/ .
>>58159719It's got a short range, I think.So just find out which part he's on and go for the opposite point on the planet to deliver the maximum FUCK YOU.
>>58159719No, it would hit.Every atom of space and planet except the area where he is.
>>58159737Nah, he'd hide in a refrigerator.
>>58159613>"you take one nap in a pool of your own bodily fluids and people start declaring you all sorts of things">Tink as a Doctorhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L502UGT_amM
>>58159749Knowing Bane Johns? That would probably work better than it did for Indy, purely because fuck you
Which Bond move is Johns's storyline based off of this time?
>>58159659They're quite good. But if you enjoy them, their inspirations (GM Fraser's Flashman and McAuslan series) are even better, and at least loosely based on real history. Yes, Gunner Jurgen did exist, as a Highland private in WWII.
>>58159795It was probably GOING to be Casino Royale, what with the poker tournament for the artifact
>>58159613Back across the room, Ivana finally transitioned from tortured screaming to a mix of hysterical giggling and tears. Not being emotionally equipped to deal with crying women in general, much less one a head taller and twice as burly as himself, Sarge decided this probably meant she was uninjured and beat a rather cowardly retreat. He'd only got a few steps before the crying abruptly stopped, and a large power-armored hand grabbed him by the shoulder. A deep, scarily-focused voice informed him that he was Needed. For A Thing. Right Now. Sarge made a small whimpering noise.To our not-so-fearless leader's relief, he was only dragged over to where Doc was failing to treat the other team's Interrogator's numerous autopistol wounds. Completely ignoring the medic and his work, Ivana saluted her half-dead Interrogator and in a parade-ground voice announced that Interrogator Sargent was formally requesting to transfer to their team. The requestee's confused "I am?" earned him a glare, a possibly broken shin, and a threatening "Yes, you are"; Sarge wisely decided just to go with it and hope that it wouldn't all end in some sort of Inquisitorial tribunal for gross misconduct.In a complete farce of Inquisitorial procedure, with Ivana creatively interpreting the pained gurgles of her superior officer, Sarge was inducted into the retinue of Inquisitor what's-his-name. Then, since said Inquisitor had last been seen being sucked screaming into a hole in the warp after trying to use his psyker powers on Bane, and his Interrogator had apparently kicked the bucket mid-ceremony, Sarge was appointed acting Inquisitor, handed a shiny Ordo Hereticus rosette, and put in charge of the team. At least, that's what Ivana said was going on; the Fringe-Worlder accused her of being crazier than a bag of something or other, but recommended we just play along and keep the rosette away from her until we'd gotten out of there. We quietly agreed with him.
>>58159835OH SHITINQUISITOR SARGENT
>>58159835>"since said Inquisitor had last been seen being sucked screaming into a hole in the warp after trying to use his psyker powers on Bane"Figures.
>>58159865Aw, I liked him.
It lives.Now I need to binge the whole series again.Worth it.
>>58159354Shoggy, you take as much time as you feel you need. Don't apologize! Also, if I were a femanon, I'd want to have your babies.
>>58159865>>58159874It's 40k.If you display anything resembling reason, without being a Cain, you die.Period.
>>58159835>hope that it wouldn't all end in some sort of Inquisitorial tribunal for gross misconduct.Well, that's reason... four? for the tribunal we already know about sorted.
>>58159835The other team having been collected (literally in the tech-priest's case) Doc raised the question of where our teammates were and why we'd gone and entire five minutes without Sciscitat yelling at us. Tink answered the latter by poking at his combead for a second before hastily deactivating it and informing everyone that A: plasma interference or space fairies or something had fouled our comms so they all needed to be restarted and B: the Inquisitor REALLY wanted to talk to Sarge.Given the fact that we were in the middle of both a Crime Lord's mansion and a large scale assault by the Planetary Secret Police, Sarge kept his report to the half-furious, half-frantic Sciscitat brief, leaving out the hard to explain details about Ivana and Bane and such. The Inquisitor stuck to the basics as well, settling for just a few darkly sarcastic comments when he learned about the Inquisitor's death and the Sorceress' escape with the evil box thing. The mission being well and truly scrubbed, we were given the order to pull out. The original plan called for extracting via the parking garage, but we were quick to point out that, since the Secret Police had launched their attack from that way, we probably wouldn't be able to reach those fancy getaway cars. And even if we could get to them, they'd likely been damaged in the fighting or something; it was probably best to not even try recovering them. Sciscitat seemed suspicious, but grudgingly guided us on a path to recover our surviving teammates and exit via the route which the second team had used to get in.
>>58159835> A deep, scarily-focused voice informed him that he was Needed. For A Thing. Right Now.
>>58159932Heh.Woulda been interesting to hear about Tink & Nubby's impromptu episode of Pimp My Ride.
>>58159932Well, on the plus side, they seem to have picked up a few actually competent squadmates. On the downside, EVERYTHING ELSE.
>>58159959Nubby sold the wheels for an RPG. Worked out great!
>>58159932Nubby was picked up from where he'd been left moping heartbrokenly around the wrecked art museum, and was attached to the shell-shocked Ganger, who just nodded along vacantly with his self-pitying monologue. From there we made our way back along the trail of destruction Bane had left in his wake, collecting what was left of our teammates who'd tried to attack the two decoy sorceresses and ran afoul of their "bodyguard". Of the four of them:>The Deathcult Assassin was dead: he tried to knife-fight Bane.>Face was still breathing but completely catatonic and bleeding from the eyes. Doc put it down as "warp bullshit" and said he'd probably be fine. Or he'd turn into a deamonhost. One or the other.>The Cleric had been shot. Again.>One more of our Interrogator's cybernetic murder-dogs was definitely dead, and another had had last been seen sailing out a window, but the woman herself had made it through unscathed thanks her decision to chase the decoys instead of Bane.Thankfully, the Cleric was still capable of walking, so only Face had to be carried, and the Interrogator was actually being cooperative for a change. We'd expected yet another argument about who was in charge, or at least some incessant whining about her dead pets, but she just quietly fell into line at the back of the group and even followed Sarge's orders. We were incredibly grateful for this given the difficulty of sneaking our whole ragged little patrol passed all the Goons and Secret Police. Twitch declared it to be incredibly suspicious though, and Ivana constantly seemed to be watching the Interrogator when we weren't on the move too.
>>58160041hold on, wouldn't the interrogator of the other team be shot more, since he had a dozen rounds in him?
>>58160023Just imagining the two of them speedily cannibalizing nearby Arbites vehicles for spare parts to put them back together.80-inch military-grade wheels, 4-inch armored plating (only on one and a half doors, on the the right side), and a pane of bullet proof glass duct-taped to the drivers side of the windshield.
>>58160041It took three hours and a whole lot of stairs to make it down to where the Crime Lord's little sub-spire connected to the hive, and then back up to a vehicle-accessible area that wasn't crawling with Planetary Secret Police. The only real moment of interest was a brief firefight with the bodyguards of some noble fleeing the giant charlie-foxtrot above, at the end of which Ivana's half-slagged power armor finally gave up the ghost. The Sororitas armor was unceremoniously ditched in a closet. The torso-fied tech-priest in Tink's backpack loudly complained that he'd just fixed the stuff after SOME ASSHOLE WITH A PLASMA GUN shot up its power unit. He then directed said asshole in the looting of "the good bits" of the discarded armor, which might be useful in fixing some of the long list of obvious amateur mistakes SOMEONE had made on their plasma weapon. Tink asked if someone else could carry the tech-priest, but was informed they made a cute couple.Also on the note of Ivana, the disarmed Fringe-Worlder pulled some of us aside for a few words, to "explain her". In short, she was crazy. Like actually certifiably. His boss had snagged her up for no other reason than to spite Oak for trying to recruit her on Hereticus time, which explained a lot, and she'd subsequently undergone some psyker-assisted "reeducation", which explained even more. His point was that Ivana was sweeter than a something full of somethings, but even if we'd served with her before (as he was s'pectin') it wouldn't be a good idea to bring up her past. Or her fixation on Inquisitorial authority. Or whether or not she was actually a Sister of Battle. Or certain varieties of mixed drinks. Best if we didn't talk to her at all really. Especially given that the woman in question had twisted one of those bodyguards' head off like a bottle-cap, and was alternating between glaring at our other female companions and eying Sarge with a downright disquieting level of intensity.
>>58160072naw he dead
>>58160165Sarge gonna get Snu-snu'd
>>58160165>the woman in question had twisted one of those bodyguards' head off like a bottle-cap, and was alternating between glaring at our other female companions and eying Sarge with a downright disquieting level of intensity.Poor Sarge, always gets the short end of the stick, doesn't he?
>>58160208The dream, lad.The dream.
>>58160165This should be fun.
>>58160165The Scan Van was waiting for us at our eventual exit along with the definitely-not-full-of-orks truck, which was being driven by two heavily armed men we didn't recognize, but the Fringe-Worlder vouched for. We decided these strange men, who'd almost certainly been tasked with killing our team in the event that we doublecrossed their now-dead Inquisitor, were just the folks to take our large collection of wounded teammates (with one specific exception) off for medical treatment by their team's actual real doctor. Sciscitat probably didn't agree with that judgement, but we were suffering some mysterious comm interference.Once the truck had pulled out, we directed our attention to the Scan Van, or more specifically, its driver. During the hike out, the question of what to do about a certain problematic tech-priest had been raised, and the other priest had been tapped for some expert advice in dealing with his die-hard orthodox counterpart. This wasn't intentional, we just forgot he was in Tink's pack and could totally hear us. In any case, he cheerfully suggested turning our cogboy off and on again. With our lasguns. Admittedly the "on again" part would be tricky, but he thought it was still worth a shot. We decided we liked the Torso-priest.
>>58160263Isn't the torsopriest still bleeding out?
>>58160263>This wasn't intentional, we just forgot he was in Tink's pack and could totally hear us. In any case, he cheerfully suggested turning our cogboy off and on again. With our lasguns. Admittedly the "on again" part would be tricky, but he thought it was still worth a shot. We decided we liked the Torso-priest.
>>58160297Nah.He robitRobit k.
>>58160263>Sciscitat probably didn't agree with that judgement,I wonder if Sciscitat is gonna be the third guy on the tribunal.
>>58160358I think those guys on the Tribunal were senior Ordo Xenos inq's, while Sciscitat is... A new-ish Hereticus I think?
>>58160358I hope not. If thats the case then our heroes are doomed
>>58160390Don't forget, they'll be acquitted - two to one.
>>58159613>but was informed that "he's a bit of a dick" wasn't a valid excuse for leaving an ally to bleed out."a bit of a dick" had better be high goth for "a star-ship sized dildo tool."
>>58159093Wooo caught it live you have been missed highlord of storytime!
It's important to note that it is standard procedure for tribunals to be held after the action in the Inquisition
>>58160263Doc entered the Scan Van via the rear door, triggering at attack of horrible nausea in the exhausted psyker occupying it. Seeing the man's discomfort, Doc graciously administered a dose of anti-nausea medication, which had the completely accidental side-effect of knocking Snitch out cold. In the front of the van, Lexmechanic Thomas de Torque's attempts to localise the signal jamming his vox connection to the Inquisitor were interrupted by someone knocking on the passenger door. He was still trying to explain to the dolt outside that the door was locked and would remain that way, when the window behind him exploded in a shower of safety glass and a pair of beefy arms seized him by the neck. As the tech-priest's datafeeds were ripped from their sockets and he was dragged kicking and screaming out the broken window, he reflected on the wisdom of antagonizing a bunch of people who viewed violence as more of a first resort. The last thing Thomas heard, aside from all the las and plasma fire, was a muffled mechanical voice calling "dibs" on his limbs. He hoped it was the Omnissiah.Sciscitat was less than pleased to find out his tech-priest had been replaced with a new lighter-weight model. For some reason he didn't seem willing to believe Sarge's report of a last-second sneak attack on the scan-van (even with all the super-realistic combat sound effects being supplied in the background by Twitch and a slightly cheered-up Nubby). That said, the Inquisitor didn't really seem angry about the brutal murder of a trusted subordinate, so much as annoyed at the great personal inconvenience it would cause him, whining about how much of his valuable time it would take to bring the new cogboy up to speed and so on. In retrospect, why we'd expected any other response was a mystery.So yeah, Sciscitat took the news pretty well… right up until Sarge sort of accidentally mentioned Bane and Angelica.By name.And rank.
>>58160438Nah, he's only being rude to Tink, which is acceptable. He's now their portable cogbro!
>>58160465And the subjects of said tribunal could be long-dead before they ever get to it.
>>58159093>AGP finally updates again>will miss most of the live thread reading the last few chapters as a catch-up because it's been so fucking longGood to see you back though Shoggy.
>>58160475Ahhhhh, sweet sweet vengeance
Caught one live.I am happiness.
>>58160506It'll probably be a while, you have plenty of time.
>>58160475>that revenge>that surprising reaction>those last three sentences>sissy-tat's face when
Imma need one of these moments to happen.Only right before he pulls the pin, Nubby dashes in and steals it and runs off shouting "FOUN' ANOTHA UN, TWITCH!"
>>58160489oh wait yea, i was thinking of sciscitat's asshole tech priest.my bad homeboy.
>>58160561I would fear that Sciscitat is about to accuse the AGP of being in league with the not-Cognitae. Except that the not-Cognitae presumably recruits geniuses like Angelica and Bane, not literally Generic guardsmen.
>>58160475I’m pretty sure this is the first time the AGP got the satisfaction of directly karma’ing one of their less pleasant ‘superiors’.It’s wonderful!
It's five in the morning here.Thanks for the great thread, but i must now go to bed.my inferior flesh body demands it.
>>58159093Thanks you ! I love To read this story!
>>58160621>Implying Bane is anything but a walking luck projector for anyone smart enough to subvert him.
>>58160475Doc and Twitch tackled Sarge and took away his combead, but the enraged screaming had already started by that point so we just went with Plan B and Tink reactivated the jammer. Our new tech-priest informed us that we were idiots delaying the inevitable; Doc reminded him that we were guardsmen.The beauty of Plan B was that, between the limb-attachment (a process which involved a lot of sarcasm and backseat surgery-ing from the patient) and the inter-hive traffic delays caused by some big dust storm thing and all the Arbite patrols, we got twelve hours of napping in before the inevitable shit-show of the debriefing. This was a very good thing, because the revelation that not just one, but BOTH of the Conspiracy agents were our ex-bosses didn't go over well with the Inquisitor. Or anyone else for that matter, especially the two new guys from the other team, who turned out to be REAL Inquisitorial Stormtroopers and were therefore already a bit ill-disposed towards us. It was only Sciscitat's repeated assurances that we were too stupid to have actually planned everything that kept us from being branded traitors on the spot; Sarge thanked him for his support. That set the tone for the rest of the debrief, though admittedly it could've been worse: for instance the tech-priest might've still been alive (that thought alone was enough to keep our morale up through the whole thing). Also, Snitch was too wiped out to do much of his usual fact checking, so that was nice, and Face spent most of the meeting lying in a corner muttering "wiggle your big toe" to himself. The Interrogator was doing a little better (see: bitchy), but some sort of feud with Ivana drew most of her fire off us, so it was mostly just Sciscitat, the Cleric, and the two Stormtroopers picking everything apart and finding varying degrees of fault with our every action.
>>58160637RIP Czechbro.You'll be missed.
>>58160698>It was only Sciscitat's repeated assurances that we were too stupid to have actually planned everything that kept us from being branded traitors on the spoCalled it!
>>58160721I wonder is sciscat was picked by oak for this very reason.>fuck people are going to think they ate blessed by the holy one himself.>or chaos>better get that guy to be on charge he will inadvertently save them out of sheer spite.
>>58160698>Our new tech-priest informed us that we were idiots delaying the inevitable; Doc reminded him that we were guardsmen.
>>58160698Despite a strong temptation to throw Nubby under the proverbial bus, we responded to the nitpicking with a mixture of apathy, antipathy, and (in Twitch's case) sociopathy. As far as we were concerned the reappearance of our old bosses had changed the nature of our mission, and we no longer had time for these silly little games. Eventually Sciscitat and his minions took the hint and moved on to more productive subjects. It was amusing to watch as they realized that the only people with actual intel on Bane and Angelica were the ones they'd spent the last two hours badmouthing, not that it stopped them from constantly interrupting our report. To say that the stories of our past missions with the two ex-Interrogators was met with a little skepticism doesn't quite cover it. "You're making this up", "Bullshit", and "If that actually happened, then I'm an Ork in dress. Why is he looking at me like that?" sums it up a bit better. Things started to go downhill pretty quickly until, to our considerable surprise, Sciscitat stepped in and told everyone else to shut up and actually listen to us. Unfortunately, any gratitude we felt for this intervention evaporated where we got to our patented "DTU Strategy", and the Inquisitor pointed out that this was probably why the Secret Police had been rounding up every untouchable on the planet… The real kicker was finding out that EVERYONE, including Ivana who LITERALLY HAD BRAIN DAMAGE, had been told except for us. We dearly missed the days when Sciscitat attended meetings in person, because then we could've shot him like he deserved.
>>58160850taking bets how long before the curse of death/pain/heresy takes him
>>58160850You'd think the fucker would learn that these people do not die and should be at least told a few things.
>>58160850>"If that actually happened, then I'm an Ork in dress. Why is he looking at me like that?"spoiler alert?
>>58160850>"DTU Strategy"Uh, which adventure should I be going to re-read?
When you are saying 'had been told', I assume you mean 'about the untouchables being rounded up?'
>>58160926Interplanetary Man of Mystery. They used Untouchables wrapped in duct tape (Duct Taped Untouchable - DTU) to disable Johns at delicate moments.
>>58160926I think that stands for Duct Taped Untouchable.
>>58160165>Tink asked if someone else could carry the tech-priest, but was informed they made a cute couple.Oh the Fujoshis are gonna have fun with this one, especially if this somehow makes it into the Tau AGP anime.
>>58160926Interplanetary man of mystery. >>58160876The spoopy poker room already has a seat. He just dosent know it yet.
>>58160926Dude Where's My Psyker and Interplanetary Man of Mystery.
>>58160939Ya, like page 2 of their briefings.
>>58160920Nubby has been accused of being a Gretchin in a dress.
Either way, these guys gotta figure which one of their party members took Wild Wasteland.
>>58160850I want “duct-taped untouchable” to be a new piece of war gear in the inquisition codex so damn bad.>DTU: 15 pointsT3, W3, 5+ sv>The Duct Taped Untouchable is a Character. He may not move unless another infantry model is within 1” of him, and must remain in cohesion with that unit during the movement phase. He may follow the unit onto transports. The DTU may also be thrown a number of inches equal to the strength of the nearest model during the shooting phase. Any psykers within 9” of the duct-taped untouchable cannot use psychic powers.
>>58160988I figured it was Twitch giving him the look. That sounds like the kind of statement he would take literally.
>>58159093ahhhhhh i fucking caught a thread live.
>>58160850Anyway, despite her supposed memory problems, Ivana also chimed in to claim Bane had some sort of subtle mind control powers, and that these had already been used on the Ganger (which explained why she wasn't present). Ivana's teammates backed her up on this, but were a bit less supportive when she went on to accuse our Interrogator of being "compromised" as well. Twitch was totally on board though, and excitedly began listing all the "suspicious" ways our nominal superior had been acting. He probably should have stuck to just the post-mission stuff though, the amazingly detailed log of her personal hygiene habits and what fiendish plots they might be hiding didn't really help his argument. To Sciscitat's credit he took Ivana's (if not Twitch's) accusation seriously enough to wake Snitch up and have the psyker take a few pokes and his Interrogator's brain despite some pretty strong protests on her part. Unfortunately, he had a bit less patience when Snitch declared her to be clean of outside influence and Ivana still persisted. The term "crazy bitch" was used a few times. Eventually, between her teammates and Sarge's own reassurances, Ivana was convinced to settle for a vague promise to keep an eye on our Interrogator.Since things had pretty much stalled by this point, Sarge decided it was time to raise the question of just what in the Emperor's name we were going to do about Bane and Angelica. The Fringe-Worlder earned our undying approval by immediately suggesting nuking them from orbit, but this was shot down by Sciscitat on the grounds that it would destroy the Artifacts in their possession. Twitch grimly added that he wouldn't believe Bane was dead unless he personally saw the body. Even if we called in a full Exterminatus, some scavengers would probably just find him a few weeks later in a stasis-equipped refrigerator up in orbit or something. Doc hushed him, and Sarge took the floor to present Plan C.
>>58161047>Even if we called in a full Exterminatus, some scavengers would probably just find him a few weeks later in a stasis-equipped refrigerator up in orbit or something.Which anon called this?
>>58161047>stasis-equipped refrigeratorITT: >>58159749
>>58161102That's me, fuckboy.Called it.
>>58160951>Tau AGP anime.Speaking of which>That time Shoggy popped into a thread and did an impromptu bit as various characters responding to fan mail of their Tau Holo-vid serieshttps://boards.fireden.net/tg/thread/55198391/#55212200Unless of course that was not actually Shoggy, but even if that was just an impostor, he still did a pretty alright job.
>>58161047Plan C (A and B being the aforementioned Untouchable and Nuke It From Orbit) consisted of separating our two ex-bosses through some vaguely defined trickery, dealing with Angelica using "literally all of the explosives", and just throwing disposable bodies at Bane until he got tired from killing them. It was admittedly a bit of a work in progress, but we felt it set a good general theme to start with.The Torso-priest raised the question of whether Bane was or wasn't a daemonhost and how that would affect tiring him out. Tink pointed out that A: with Bane, how could you tell? And B: either way his powers were warpy, and if you keep using warp powers for long enough you'll either explode or turn into a daemon; it's just how magic works. Nobody argued either point, though Tink did get some pushback when he went on to suggest that we could accelerate the process by adding a few disposable psykers to the mix. The argument was progressing nicely and was on the edge of turning into a real plan, when Sciscitat broke in to inform everyone that we wouldn't be doing that, ANY of that. The Inquisitor explained to us slow people that our mission was to get the artifacts, NOT kill rogue Inquisition agents. Everyone present stared at him with the incredulity that statement definitely warranted until Doc bit the bullet and asked how he intended to get anything done without at the very least killing Bane first. Sciscitat just rolled his eyes and explained that the way you dealt with tactically superior enemy was to plan AROUND their strengths and outmaneuver them on strategic level. It was okay, he didn't expect us to understand. To our disgust, several of the other, theoretically sane, people present actually nodded along with the Inquisitor's bullshit. Sarge took a deep breath, summoned up every ounce of his half-assed diplomatic training, and attempted to convince Sciscitat that he wasn't quite grasping the scope of Bane's powers. He was not successful.
>>58161171Nah that was me, pretty sure I was drunk though.
>>58161008Oh shit due to twitches reality altering powers that guy is probably a freeboota that just forgot he's an ork.
Calling it now.They will kill Bane and crack him open, just to find him full of Orks.
>>58161185>Sarge took a deep breath, summoned up every ounce of his half-assed diplomatic training, and attempted to convince Sciscitat that he wasn't quite grasping the scope of Bane's powers. He was not successful.Remind me, did we get a name or major role for the diplomat? I did think he was a wonderful unsung hero of the party, even if he wasn't a PC.
>>58161273Personally I want Scisitat to hae to deal with that awesome old lady that got us into the Slaanesh bunker rave.
>>58161273No name, but he has apparently served with Oak since he was an Interrogator.
Sciscitat is making the cardinal mistake of Bond Villains: Attempting to plan around James Bond. (Or Banes John, as the case is).
>>58161185We belatedly realised that, despite not being physically involved in the recent mess, the Inquisitor hadn't been having the best day. When Sarge tried to explain how terrible his idea was and how dead we would all get attempting it, some sort of dam burst inside the man. It was… well, you couldn't call it "impressive" exactly, what with his stature and the fact that he was only a hologram, but it was definitely a bit surprising. Like being savaged by a fat little dog. A yappy one. It would've been hilarious if he wasn't our direct superior.Sciscitat's little tantrum ended with him declaring us banned from all meetings, and ordering us out to do some "things, very important things, things at least two hives away from here". Tink smugly pointed out that it would be a tad tricky, given where we'd left our van parked. The Inquisitor almost grinned as he pulled up a hologram of a tiny three-wheeled ground car and informed us that the tech-priest had managed to order us a replacement before his unfortunate demise. Certain people around the table snickered; Snitch began to inform everyone what we thought of our new ride, but paused at a glare from Sarge, who very pointedly remained in his seat.After a few seconds of mutual glaring Sciscitat pulled up another hologram, this time of a familiar massive armored figure standing in front of a whole precinct of Arbites. Nubby swore and threw one of the several beer bottles he'd emptied over the course of the meeting through it. The Inquisitor ignored this, and grimly informed the rest of us that, if we couldn't even follow the simplest orders, he knew a certain rising star in the Arbites who'd probably be willing to trade all sorts of support for information regarding van full of guardsmen. We took the hint.
>>58161305That adept was pretty great.
>>58161346I'll have to check my notes, but I'm pretty sure she gets a cameo along with a lot of others during the final chapter.
>>58161328Hey, at least they'll have air conditioning, on account of they'll be riding on the outside. Of course, Sarge alone would probably weigh the thing down too much to move.
>>58161370oh that's just aces
>>58161305which story was that in?
>>58161407The one where they had to aid the Rupert to clean a new planet of Chaos cult scomimg from the all the Big Four.
>>58161328Aww, I was kind hoping it would be another shitty van. I feel like shitty vans have kind of become a part of the AGP family, in no small part due to the most ridiculous stunts they pull with them, like getting in high-ish speed chases, ramming Battlesuits or jumping impossible Chasms with them. Hell, they’re like representations of the Guardsmen themselves, Big, Clunky, Chaotic, of Poorly equipped and maintained, and quite frankly not all that Stylish, and yet somehow fucking unstoppable.
Fuck yeah, caught one live.
>>58161450This anon has a point.We need more vans.
>>58161450>>58161497Shoggy sponsorship deal incoming
>>58161305>yfw that adept is sciscitat's mom
>>58161328It was as we were prying a very drunk Nubby off the floor (we had no idea where he kept pulling the bottles from, Doc just gave up trying to confiscate them after the ninth one and decided it was probably for the better to let the heartbroken trooper drink his sorrows away). Anyway, it was as we were picking the little idiot up that *it* happened. Threat made, Sciscitat had dropped us from his attention and begun outlining his plan for integrating what was left of the other team into ours. Under his Interrogator. Ivana leapt to her feet, but instead of the explosion we were expecting, she merely announced that her team couldn't agree to any reassignment without authorization from their Inquisitorial superior. This outburst mostly just earned her the same mix of confused and annoyed looks Twitch's remarks usually got; except from the Fringe-Worlder, who sighed and pulled his hat down over his face, the Torso-Priest, who was very suddenly at the far end of the room, and Sarge who was too busy staring at Sciscitat's hologram trying to see if it was possible to hate someone to death to notice until Doc kicked him in the shin. Sarge suffered a brief moment of panic as he registered the better part of one hundred fifty kilos of woman staring at him like starving dog eyes a poorly guarded bacon sandwich, then finally remembered what he had in his pocket.The series of changes in our fearless leader's expressions as the situation finally hit him was really something to see, but it had nothing on the reaction around the table when Acting Inquisitor Greg Sargent pulled "his" blood-spattered Ordos Hereticus Rosette out of his pocket, and formally denied Ivana permission to join Sciscitat's team.
>>58161594Impossible: he would have to know how to express himself without getting on the bad side of the guardsmen he works with.
>>58161543this post will stay in my AGP reading memories.
>>58161627>The series of changes in our fearless leader's expressions as the situation finally hit him was really something to see, but it had nothing on the reaction around the table when Acting Inquisitor Greg Sargent pulled "his" blood-spattered Ordos Hereticus Rosette out of his pocket, and formally denied Ivana permission to join Sciscitat's team.Fucking RIP Sciscitat's whole bullshit of telling them what to do now, ah AH!
>>58161627>sarge getting to show up the fat arrogant fuck with actual authorityfucking christ shaggy you don't know how much i needed that.
>>58161627That might be the greatest "NO" of all time.
>>58161627>The series of changes in our fearless leader's expressions as the situation finally hit him was really something to see, but it had nothing on the reaction around the table when Acting Inquisitor Greg Sargent pulled "his" blood-spattered Ordos Hereticus Rosette out of his pocket, and formally denied Ivana permission to join Sciscitat's team.
>>58161627Genuinely surprised they haven't nicknamed him "Sissy." He never leaves his ship, after all.
>>58161627I can't even begin to imagine the frighting progress in all mission objectives that's about to be made.
>>58161627When you're committing something that might technically be considered mutiny, especially against the Inquisition, it's important to keep up your momentum. Best to not get bogged down in little things, like the actual meaning of the rules and ordinances you're citing, or whether they even really exist for that matter. Which is why the first thing we did after Sarge's announcement was mute Sciscitat's hologram. The second was to position Doc as close as possible to Snitch, who quickly turned green and spent the rest of the meeting trying (and eventually failing) to keep his lunch down. The playing field nicely leveled, Sarge delivered his pitch.Now, over the past months we'd given our fearless leader no end of shit for his little diplomacy lessons and their lackluster results, but this is where they finally paid off. He might not have had quite the poise or menace of a REAL Inquisitor, and he probably shouldn't have referred to his predecessor as "Inquisitor what's-his-name", but he still managed amazingly well all things considered. Sarge explained that we were going to go off and start our own team, just us guardsmen and Ivana, and WE were going to go kill Bane and Angelica. Nobody from the other team was required (or even asked) to come with us, they had their own very important mission to complete after all, and it would no doubt be easier accomplish with their two primary opponents dead. Of course, we'd still liaise, cooperate, and SHARE CRITICAL INTEL with them just like any other "friendly" Inquisition team would, but they had their objective, we had ours, and that was all there was to it.I'd like to say we left to mixture of stunned silence and scattered applause, but it was more of a "you won't last ten minutes" atmosphere. The moment was spoiled even further a few minutes later when Doc poked his head back in to ask if the Torso-Priest could give us a ride, since there was no way we were ever going to fit Ivana into that three-wheeled thing.
>>58161627Sciscitat is about to ascend as a DP of Khorne from all that rage.
>>58161543>>58161497What would an Endgame Van for the AGP be? By that I mean, what would a Van that they got the chance to properly Guardify look like?>Sarge would insist on having heavy armor plating everywhere, because there’s not an Eldar’s chance in the Warp that they’ll ever avoid a firefight even if they tried>Tink would probably use it to try out a bunch of “Awesome” and probably techno-heretical engines, weapons, and other gadgets>Twitch would have loads of traps for would be intruders and internally facing scanners just in case anything (namely Orkz) tried to sneak in.>Doc would probably just want a relatively well stocked medical supply cabinet and large table, in case he ever needs to do any impromptu operations.>Nubby would have tons of scan proof hidden compartments for storing “gifts” and “borrowed” items.
>>58161750Made entirely out of armor plating, sandbags, razor wire, and landmines.
>and he probably shouldn't have referred to his predecessor as "Inquisitor what's-his-name"I kekked
>>58161779You forgot the pillboxes and mortar pit but other then that sounds pretty good
>>58161729An even better parting shot would be to snidely point out that Sciscitat obviously would rather not have the AGP on his team at all, so they are graciously removing themselves so that they're no longer in his way.
>>58161750Behold Sarge's ideal van
>>58161750Sounds accurate to me, but it'd take ages to get to that point, not to mention more than a dozen destroyed attempts while on mission.In the end I think a previous post of mine would be their end-game.>>58159959>>58160075
>>58161750It would have a basilisk cannon on the roof.
>>58161817That is a fair question, what Chimera turret would the AGP prefer? THB is flash, but the Autocannon's got enough kick to waste any more Chaos marines they run into. Maybe Multi-laser for raw reliability?
>>58161865"Gifted" scout titan weapon.
>>58161827Sarge probably wouldn't allow that; remember the time he denied Twitch permission to bring anti-air missiles on the mission.
>>58161865Tink glues all turret types together into a mega cannon when left unoccupied in the motor pool.
ah heck, looks like ill need to turn in for an interview tomorrow.enjoy it anons, and welcome back shoggy.
>>58161865Sorry my bad. THIS is Sarge's ideal van. He is an Inquisitor now after all.
>>58161729Four days later, the "C Team" convened in the briefing room of "Fort Kickass" for the first real planning session of operation "Kill Our Old Bosses". The first order of business was to revoking Tink's naming privileges.Our new base, whatever it was called, was located in the middle levels of the planetary capital: Seven Hive. We hadn't actually intended to move a third of the way across the planet, it was just that our original plan to simply take over the other team's base met with a bit of opposition. Well, not so much "opposition" as "armed resistance", specifically from the two Stormtroopers. Sciscitat had apparently flown them out ahead of us, and they didn't seem to agree with us about which of their former bosses assets should pass on to his completely legitimate successor. Words, and a few death threats, were exchanged in the doorway before an agreement was finally brokered by the Fringe Worlder. We left with a (big) box full of Ivana's stuff, a single dataslate labeled "Person of Interest: The Sorceress", and an IOU for "One Inquisitorial Mission Budget". Admittedly, not the best Deal we'd ever made, but given our usual negotiator spent the whole time drunkenly sobbing in a corner… well, we had to take what we could get.Honestly, it wasn't like we really NEEDED the budget or intel. Those are what we in the Guard refer to as "luxuries", a proper soldier knows how to scrounge. For starters, we needed a vehicle we could drive ourselves, and preferably wasn't filled with listening devices piping our every word to our third-worst enemy in the system. Fortunately, there were two of them just sitting unattended in that garage. Judging by what they yelled after us, the Stormtroopers didn't think their cargo truck and brand new flier had been part of the deal, but we really didn't see how that was our problem.
>>58161865A Pulse Gatling Cannon, courtesy of Tink and Fio.
>>58161914I think they'd be good with a Stormlord
>>58161929They should have nailed it down. It would have given them more time to catch up while Nubby stoke the nails.
>>58161929>Four days later, the "C Team" convened in the briefing room of "Fort Kickass" for the first real planning session of operation "Kill Our Old Bosses". The first order of business was to revoking Tink's naming privileges.This is why Tink is Best Boy.
>>58162006It's going to go so wrong it could only end up amazing.
>>58162006I have a feeling Angelica’s about to feel a real sense of Deja Vu. Hurtling towards her at incredibly dangerous speeds.
>>58161929Ooh, does this hive contain the shrine for which they received a coupon?
>>58161929They didn't put their names on 'em
Fuck me, I gotta go wrangle tards, I'm out. Glad to see you back anyway, Shoggy.
>>58162147Serpentine, friend! Don't let them hit you with airborne poo!
Please let Step 1 of Sarge's plan be "Aquire DTU."
>>58159093By God The Emails,THEY WORKED!!!!
>>58162265Oh shit you got the job?
>>58162281Yeah. Been working there for like 2 months now. Really gotta get off now, though.
>>58162296Good luck man.
Went for snacks while I wait, came back to find firefox had killed itself.Nice.
>>58162369Should have lit some incense and applied the sacred oils before leaving.
>>58162393I had none on hand at the time.However a swift application of The Rite of Percussive Maintenance and a few clicks brought me back.
>>58161929That truck served us well over the next few days, the flier, well… It'd occurred to us that there was a bit more ground traffic on the planet than was normal, but we'd put that down to local custom or whatever. It never occurred to us that there was an actual legitimate reason until Tink reached the edge of Jack Hive and saw how much bigger that little dust storm had gotten since we'd driven through on the way back from the mission. I mean, none of us were desert worlders, we'd thought the giant force-shields over all the Hives had been for orbital defense or something… What sort of messed up planet has sandstorms that cover whole continents? And why would anyone ever build hives on one? We asked some of the locals, but all we ever got was some bullshit about planetary ecology and Rogue Traders working in mysterious ways.Anyway, we'd already decided it'd be for the best if we left Jack Hive, so we wound up just hawking the flier instead of trying to figure out how to transport it via ground or armored shuttle. Of course doing this required getting Nubby sobered up and at least nominally functional, which was a project all on its own. Doc made liberal use of the various anti-something-or-other pills that'd come with Ivana's stuff. They'd been handed over by a pudgy old woman who we assumed was the other team's surgeon, and had come with a detailed administration guide, but Ivana insisted she really didn't need all (or really any) of them, so we had plenty to force down Nubby's throat until the desired result was achieved. Doc hadn't exactly approved of this treatment, not that any of that "medical ethics" and "substance dependency" stuff had actually stopped him from administering the pills, he just complained a lot while doing it. Sarge promised he'd figure out a better solution, possibly involving an actual licensed therapist, once we got to our new base.
>>58162478Nubby with a shrink.Spin-off series incoming.
>>58162517The shrink would go nuts first.
>>58162478Getting to said new base went smoothly enough, all things considered. Our exit from Jack Hive was made slightly interesting by a large number of traffic cops and Arbite patrols (suspiciously large in our opinion). Fortunately, the low-hive route Nubby's used-flier guy sent us on got us passed most of them, and the one traffic cop that did stop us didn't seem to know what to do when he encountered Ivana in the driver's seat. We heard him muttering about transvestite truckers as he stalked back to his bike.Once on the Inter-Hive it was smooth (if a tad windy) driving to Seven, which was chosen as our destination for the simple reason that it was where the dossier said Angelica and the Secret Police were based. Admittedly, that was probably the same exact reason Sciscitat and the other team HADN'T made their bases there, but we felt they were overthinking things a bit. The place was a HIVE damnit, they're BIG, even with Bane's bullshittery we highly doubted she'd be able to keep the whole place on lockdown. The border though, and the big vehicle inspection checkpoints leading through it, that was a slightly different story; fortunately we were Highly Trained Inquisitorial agents.Now, whatever passed for the Inquisitorial handbook probably has a whole chapter dedicated to inserting oneself into hostile territory without raising suspicion. There's got to be pages and pages about disguises, facial reconstruction, falsified identification documents, black market traffickers, and probably even more on how to covertly make contact with the local authorities. We didn't do any of that, instead we drove right up to the lane marked "military", showed the inspector and duty officer a stack of perfectly legitimate (if a bit dog-eared) papers identifying us as Guardsmen of the Generian 99th Medium Infantry, and asked to be billeted while the Administratum sorted out what to do with us.Very sneaky.
>>58162544Bureaucracy, both your best friend and worst enemy.It's always a coin toss.
>caught a live AGP threadbest feeling in the world IMO
>>58162533I can see them kidnapping a pair of shrinks. One to treat Nubby, and one to treat him.They'd rationalise the kidnap as " need to maintain op-sec" and ensuring that the therapy continues for as long as needed.
>>58162544>perfectly legitimate (if a bit dog-eared) papers identifying us as Guardsmen of the Generian 99th Medium InfantryUm, Angelica knows who they are - they used those IDs when she was their interrogator. This is going to go VERY badly.
>>58162544>TROOPS UNDER ATTACKPremonitions...
>>58162580It's so over it's covert.
>>58162544Hiding in plain sight. I like it!
>>58162544How did they explain Ivana? Also are Fringer and Torso priest with them, or is it just the nuttier-than-usual (and considering your average Sister of Battle, that’s saying something) Sororita?
>>58162595Overt, bah.Thanks Obama.
>>58162580Friend, this is the AGP. FUBAR was invented just to describe how gloriously screwed our brave heroes are every single day.Something will go wrong, and our boys will prevail by virtue of Twitch's grenades and even more explosives
>>58162601I think the "Sororita" was Ivanka in sister armor
>>58162580The stupidity feild of this plan will short out normal sense and protect them. Only another equally incompetent team would see through this clever plan.
So, I'm kinda new.The thot is a former interrogator boss of theirs that went rogue/heretic, right? And the BIGGUY is another Inquisitor, one whose based on James Bond and has a probability warping field.Why are they out to kill them?
>>58162580She didn’t expect to see them at the Hive, nor did she expect them to quite literally fly a van across a giant pit and chase her down with it. She may be experienced with them, but she obiviously hasn’t come to terms with how simplistically effective they truely are.
>>58162544We could almost hear the various people who'd futilely tried to instill Inquisitorial professionalism into us sighing and rolling their eyes as we were processed through the checkpoint and escorted to the third-largest PDF base in the Hive. They weren't guardsmen though, they didn't understand the colossal inefficiency, inflexibility, and general incompetency that was the Departmento Munitorum (well, at least when applied to any problem smaller than planetary invasion). There were stories of entire misplaced regiments who'd settled, started families, died of old age, and passed into local legend before their reassignment orders came through. At which point they were presumably dug up by their descendents and shipped off to the front, much to the exasperation of whichever Lord General was running the operation, not to mention the poor grunts holding out for reinforcements. The point is that we probably had a good year or seven before anyone from Administratum noticed our unexpected resurrection, and while the locals might be a bit more on-the-ball, they were also a lot easier to mislead, confuse, bully, and bribe. Add to that we were Real Guardsmen, with the scars and war stories to prove it, and, well… By the end of the day we had our very own barracks, with attached motor-pool, plus a stack of chitties for the base mess, several sets of insignialess Haarlockian PDF fatigues, and even an advance on our first week's pay. Certain people were in favor of putting in for the years of backpay we theoretically had coming too, and maybe some travel comp if Tink could fabricate the proper docs, but Sarge ruled it was better to quit while we were ahead. It wasn't like we really needed the money anyway, between the flier, several miscellaneous items our former teammates hadn't really needed, and a few small shiny objects that'd fallen into Nubby's pockets while we'd been in the Crime Lord's little art museum, we had the budget situation fairly well covered.
>>58162580Their tactics are too subtle for The Bitch to comprehend.
>>58162627I know, that’s why I asked how they explained her presence, considering she is both with them and most definitely not a Guardswoman.
Fuuuuuuuuuuck I can't believe I caught this live.Shoggy you're the best
>>58162633Boyo, the best thing you could do is go and read the whole thing. https://1d4chan.org/wiki/All_Guardsmen_PartyNobody here except Shoggy himself could do it any justice. it must be EXPERIENCED.
>>58162633www dot theallguardsmenparty dot comRead the rest of the series. Get yourself up to speed
>>58162647>most definitely not a Guardswoman.She sounds like she could pass for one easily
>>58162633Go to 1d4chan and find the All Guardsmen Party archives. See you in a couple of days when youre done reading.
>>58162601We put her down as an Auxiliary, a wonderful title which can cover everything up to and including xeno mega-fauna, imaginary friends, rogue planetoids, and Bob (who was there too).
>>58162676Does that include Eldar Waifus?
>>58162676For fuck's sake, Shoggy, the wife's trying to sleep!
>>58162698It nearly did, but they screwed that up
my most common thought is that every mission the AGP are sent on gets solved in a "Cutting through Gidion's Knot" manner, while everyone else is trying to untie the knot in a way that doesn't result in more than one pieces of rope...
>>58162698No, they have another titles for those.*BLAM*
>>58162636On the note of our quartermaster, once we'd settled Doc put his foot down and refused to give Nubby any more Inquisition-strength anti-crazy pills. At least until he could find a list of their side effects, not to mention some actual dosage recommendations; he hadn't much liked the zombie-ish way the little trooper had been shuffling along the last few days. Sarge promised the medic that once Nubby had come fully down, they'd have a heart-to-heart about the whole "girlfriend" thing. Unfortunately, the noncom got a bit distracted with all his newfound Inquisitorial duties, and by the time he actually got around to it the little trooper had vanished.A few hours of frantic searching turned Nubby up in a base-adjacent watering hole, regaling an entire bar full of PDF troopers with a thoroughly classified tale of heartbreak and woe. Fortunately for the little idiot's life it was Doc and Twitch who found him, not Sarge, and none of the troopers seemed to actually believe any of his "my hot Inquisitor girlfriend left me for the galaxy's most annoying secret agent" bullshit. Doc and Twitch quietly paid his tab and dragged his drunkenly-protesting ass out the door before he violated operational security any further. Once back at base, he was tied to a chair, sobered up, and given The Talk.
>>58162676Wait, who or what is Bob?
>>58162676>Auxiliary xeno mega-fauna>"No, Nubby. I don't care if it did 'follow you home', you are NOT having a pet Squiggoth!"
>>58162725A really, really old webcomic joke from the guy who wrote the Martian.http://galactanet.com/comic/view.php?strip=517
>>58162717Tell me, were the puppets involved?
>>58162728>Nubby Nicks a Squiggoth from Orkz>turns out all he had to do was paint himself green, tell the Guards that the nonexistent Dok “Dakka McGreenskin” wanted to use it for something, and avoid getting kicked on the way out.
>>58162756>Tell me, were the puppets involved?
Shoggy. Just so you know, I've been waiting for this thread for a long time. /tg/ is a brighter place becauce of your storytimes.
>>58162749And here I thought it was a Titan AE reference; am not disappointed
>>58162419I'm drunk and what is this translated too?
>>58162792the darth plageas the wise copypasta
>>58162717This was not your usual The Talk. It did start that way, with the typical "she was using you", "you've got to move on", and "it was never really like that", the problem is that that last one isn't supposed to be quite so literal. Yes, he did spend a lot of time with her and had been "given" quite a few mementos to remember her by, but those were more grounds for a restraining order than a deep heartfelt a relationship. And then there were the weeks of one-sided conversation with her while she was medically paralyzed next to him in the medbay, and the similarly one-sided pen pal relationship afterwards… Sarge and Doc both tried, but they had to keep stopping to go and alternatively laugh and swear at the perversity of it all. It was draining, it was frustrating. Doc was about ready to go back to the pills (and possibly grab a few for himself), and Sarge was considering the merits of locking the idiot up in the brig for the rest of the mission, but eventually they got through to him. Except by they, I mean Twitch and Ivana, who shelved the whole "love" issue in favor of focusing on Angelica's newfound relationship with Bane, and to an, um, unexpectedly detailed degree. The end result was… well… acceptable. Simmering betrayed rage (at least insofar as Nubby was capable of that emotion), WAS an improvement over drunken, heartbroken sobbing after all. Even if it did come along with frequent rants about how nobody could ever compare someone as unquestionably lesser as Bane Johns to such an upstanding individual as Nubby Nubbs, valiant Hero of the Imperium and all around Nice Guy… We took what we could get, there was shit to do and people to kill.
>>58162772I second that emotion
>>58162792Woody's got wood
>>58162676>imaginary friends You mean demons right? Also shoot the bastard for clearly being a dick nuts psyker
>>58162795Oi, you killed the fun.
>>58162801Hell hath no fury like a Gretchin scorned.
>>58162676>and Bob (who was there too)Now that's something I never thought I'd see referenced again, don't go making me feel too old there shoggy
>>58162801>in favor of focusing on Angelica's newfound relationship with Bane, and to an, um, unexpectedly detailed degreeSo they described in graphic detail how his ruggedness was fucking her every night, her body glove gripping his power drill like a sheath?
Not to detract from this great tale, but I just started reading Love and Krieg.Neat stuff.
I want to see how the Rupert fits into all of this, he seemed like a pro-Oak guy.
>>58162880The Rupert and Batman would swoop in to save our favorite Guardsmen like the complete bros that they are.
>>58162801First thing first, we needed a plan with less ??? in it, and for that we needed Intel. Problem was, intelligence gathering wasn't exactly our strong suit, it's what we'd always had all those Adepts for after all. Still though, given some of those adepts (not to mention Interrogators and Inquisitors), we figured it couldn't be TOO hard, right?To start with, Sarge went to have a chat with his PDF counterparts, especially the salty old bastards at the training compound a few levels down-hive from our home base. It's a little-known fact outside the Guard, but soldiers are quite possibly the biggest gossips you'll ever find. Washerwomen, barmaids, and upper-crust socialites have nothing on a squad of bored troopers on work detail or lounging around their barracks with nothing to do. Want to make a juicy secret public knowledge? Mention it within earshot of one of those expressionless, easily ignorable gate-guards, and every trooper in regiment will know it by next chow call. It's a widely believed fact that the military grapevine can actually outpace the Astra Telepathica, if the story's good enough that is. NCO's are no exception to this rule, in fact they're the ones with the juiciest tidbits, it's just a matter of getting them talking. Sarge could do this, easily; the real challenge was getting them to shut up again once they got going.
>>58162891Ah, reminds me of my ol' Army days... good times
>>5816289Now, it's been said that, the military grapevine can actually outpace the Astra Telepathica. If the story's good enough that is, which is where the problem lies for Inquisitorial types. Secret heretic cabals, shadowy puppet masters, and secessionist plots don't qualify as "interesting" , at least not according your average grunt. If Sarge had gone in there trying to get info on Angelica and her Conspiracy buddies he'd have struck out (well, maybe not if one of them had seen her in person, but even then it wouldn't be her nefarious plots or political maneuvering that they'd be talking about). Fortunately though, our other target just so happened to be Bane Johns, self-styled Interplanetary Man of Mystery, and just about the least subtle person this side of the Eye of Terror. Sarge didn't even have to try: the second story he heard was about someone gunning down an entire underhive street-racing ring for stealing his car, finding out it had actually been towed, and somehow winding up sleeping with the daughter(s) of the hive's Traffic Control Coordinator. All while blind drunk. The third, sixth, and eight stories were all Bane too, and it didn't take long to find out there was actually a celebrity tabloid dedicated entirely to him. It was honestly sort of sad, especially when Sarge realized he'd seen the tabloid on sale weeks ago. It definitely raised the question of what the hell Sciscitat and his minions had been doing all this time. (I mean, how do you just ignore something like "Gas attack on planetary rare metal reserve! Business mogul thrown from private flier! Deadly hat attacks! Famous aerobatics ace falls in love! You'll never guess what these four things have in common!")
>>58162891>http://galactanet.com/comic/view.php?strip=517Which is another reason why Angelica will soon know of their presence.
>>58162933And that Bane will soon drop in on them to have a drink.
>Business mogul thrown from private flier!A man of culture.
>>58162889Bringing the full fury of the Gery Knights no doubt, he must know their Chapter master (obviously).
>>58162933Just think, this whole time they could have been calling in every Culexus assassin in the Segmentum if they had only realized a bit sooner.
>>58162973Know him? He's probably related to him in some distant manner!
Man this situation is seriously fucked, and I look forward to the madness that resolving it is going to cause. As ever, Thank you Shoggy for sharing this with us.
>>58162933It didn't take long for Sarge to pinpoint the general region Bane called home, get in touch with the PDF and hive police forces that patrolled the area, and ask them some pertinent questions. By the end of two weeks we knew everything about the man's location, habits, and relation with the locals to plan our hit, at least as far as Bane was concerned. Angelica, and the variably-lengthed leash she kept the man on were a whole nother matter. Sarge did try, and even pushed the more easy-going of his new NCO buddies for info on the Secret Police, but there were limits to what even the drunkest of Drill Sergeants will talk about. Tink had a bit more luck digging through the PDF's poorly secured com records, at least finding some Persons Of Interest files describing Sciscitat (in oddly high detail), as well as most of our former teammates and seven "rogue Inquisitorial Stormtroopers". It was a bit offensive to be lumped in like that, we'd have thought Angelica at least would've remembered us better. Nubby was the only one who even rated a description, and that was just: "a horrid-smelling Ratling, steals underwear". Tink did find some more accurate POI notices coming from the Arbites though, but they described us as Guard Deserters, which we very provably weren't. In any case, Sarge kept working his new beer buds for every scrap of info they'd part with, and the rest of us got our shit together for a good ol' fashioned Strike.While Sarge sarged with the sarges, Nubby (once he'd been sorted out), did his usual thing. Within a worryingly short amount of time he was wheeling and dealing out of an under-utilized storage shed and steadily expanding both our budget and the list of Guys he Knew. The information he got as part of the process was a tad dubious, and the rest of us weren't quite sure if it was worth all the arguments with the base MPs, but all was forgiven when he finally got in touch with a certain corruptible quartermaster over in the armory.
>>58162995>"a horrid-smelling Ratling, steals underwear"Heh.Does he have a wall of the things?
>>58162995>It was a bit offensive to be lumped in like that, we'd have thought Angelica at least would've remembered us better. Nubby was the only one who even rated a description, and that was just: "a horrid-smelling Ratling, steals underwear". She’s probably repressed the memories of them due to how traumatizing they are, not the least of which is her Weeks long voyage in the medbay with Nubby.
>>58160952>The spoopy poker roomDo non allies get seats? Space Marine got one, but he was with the party
>>58162937You are once again overestimating the enemy’s resources. Putting aside the papers they gave the administratum will be shifting from inbox to inbox for weeks if not months before the first damn background check, how is a little rumor sleuthing going to get them caught?>So the new drill sargeant just asked us if we’d seen any particularly hot women recently....Oh my god it’s Interigator Greg Sergeant it’s the only explanation!
>>58162995>steals underwear" How many times do you have to do this to go from 'stole underwear like twice' to 'steals underwear'?
>>58162995Twitch practically cried when he cracked open the first crates (plural) of detpacks, mines, razorwire, grenades, other types of grenades, and assorted anti-armor ordinance. The rest of us were a bit more interested in the box containing half a dozen excellent-quality Hotshot Lasguns (with full attachments) and a nice standard, Guard-issue, hopefully machine-spirit-free, Plasma Gun. Tink's modified Astartes weapon was gleefully tossed into the nearest trashcan, which immediately caught fire. He was less happy when Sarge made him put out the trash fire, fish the gun back out, and then strip his modifications and get the thing re-consecrated. Y'know, just in case any Space Marines came asking for it for later. There was probably a limit to how much Astartes wargear we could "misplace" after all.Anyway, once Twitch was resupplied, the ensuing frenzy of fortification was everything we'd wanted over the weeks in that damn hab. It did wonders for our relations with the Military Police too: just one little incident was all it took for them to decide they'd rather submit politely worded notes via post instead of banging on our door in the middle of the night. Of course, there were some raised eyebrows up in the local brass, but a little extra fortification is far from the oddest thing a visiting guard regiment has done (especially if you include feral-world regiments or Ogryns), so they didn't kick up too much fuss and Sarge got them sorted in exchange for a promise not to extend the perimeter any farther. As for the one particularly annoying PDF Commissar who started poking his nose where it wasn't welcome (possibly for the same Nubby-related reasons the MPs had been), a short chat with Twitch and our "Valhallan Auxiliary" convinced him he really didn't want any part of our craziness. In fact, he seemed firmly convinced we should be kept as far away from his troops as possible, just in case we were contagious or something.
>>58161929>operation "Kill Our Old Bosses"literally 5000 hours in painthopefully this isnt too late
>>58163082Nice work anon
>>58163063Pretty sure he did not see them as allies. Emps prolly sent his soul there for proper guardsmen training and what to do when a tyrant is bearing down on you.
>>58163082Needs Inquisinerd Sciscatat and an angry techpriest.
>>58163102It's strongly advised not to let onself get killed within a light-year of the Occurrence Border period, regardless of one's standing with the Emperor.>>58163082Neat!
>>58163063I recall a few Chaos worshipers that got killed in proximity to them popping up at least once in there.
Out of curiosity shoggy, if you've pre-written these before posting, is there something specific you're doing inbetween posting each chunk or are you just waiting a few minutes each time for thread pacing? Just wondering.
>>58163153He's proofreading, he has an alcohol problem and wrote these while on a bender
>>58163153He’s fetching pictures and final proof reads. And you know, waiting for the damn spam timer and fiddling with the captcha which for him must be seven layers strong by now!
>>58163071What I meant was that she must have told the secret police, "If a band of scruffy Guard-types turn up (one burly and dour, one innocent and red-faced, one insane and heavily armed, and one half-sized walking trash fire), tell me at once. Two of their names are Sargent and Nubbs."And then they walk through the hive cordon and into a PDF base under their own names.Not to mention that a certain Telepathica wanted poster is probably in every post office. That's actually probably where the Arbite got his description of them as deserters...
>>58163076Aside from a bit of cogitator work for Sarge, Tink primary job was gear prep, which included a little pet project he'd been planning for years now. See, despite not being nearly as paranoid as Twitch, our techie still embraced the old Guard motto "Have a plan to kill everyone you meet, preferably from as far away as possible". Ever since his first mission under Bane and its anticlimactically blood-free ending, he'd been idly chewing at the problem of how to deal with someone capable that level of bullshittery. Skipping over some of the more harebrained stuff, one of his more promising ideas was a way to counter all the misfires, jams, and plasma-related mishaps that plagued anyone firing a weapon in Bane's weird probability-skewing "danger zone". His solution had something to do with choosing, tuning, and using weapons in a way the provided maximum damage for minimum danger, or "Max/Min-ing the Danger Per Shot" as he put it. Honestly, none of the rest of us really followed the fine details, or understood why Tink needed so much firing range time, or so many boxes of assorted weapons (including the oldest, most used lasguns in the range's armory for some reason), but Doc assured us it was all very "scientific".In addition to translating and mediating for Tink (especially when the techie's request for "a platoon of your slackjawed PDF yahoos to fire these guns for me" raised issues with a decidedly non-slackjawed Range Officer) Doc was put in charge of liasing with our Inquisitorial comrades. Well, more "spying on" than "liaising with", but anyone who's been an LSO can tell you it's practically the same thing.
>>58163175Captcha pro-strat: sign out of Google in whatever browser you use to post
>>58163144Well that's terrifying and just raises further questions.
>>58163196>Oldest, most used lasgunsI think I can see where this is going.And I like it.
>>58163076>our "Valhallan Auxiliary"Wasn't she Vostroyan?
Bump limit, hmmmmDelicious
>>58163236It doesn't have to be correct to be valuable military intelligence.
>>58163236That changed at least five times over the course of the campaign. I believe the official stat sheet said Vostroyan, but even she couldn't tell you for sure.
>>58163169>>58163175Ah, ok, thanks for the info anons!At the risk of taking what may have just been a joke seriously, Shog has my sympathies if the alcohol bit is a thing. I have the same problem with a different substance, so I've been there.
>>58163279Welp, I really hope Sarge didn't stick his dick in that.
>>58163180Your descriptions are vague, inaccurate (Twitch doesn’t even have any explosives because inquisitor asshat took them all) or apply to literally any PDF trooper or underhiver recruit. Just because the guy at the checkpoint was told to look for these guys doesn’t mean he’s actually trying. Or cares.
SHOGGYSHOOOOOOOGGYYYYYI LOVE YOU SHOGGYI LOVE YOU
>>58163144>It's strongly advised not to let onself get killed within a light-year of the Occurrence Border period, regardless of one's standing with the Emperor.Well.That suggests that the Occurrence Border has ITS OWN AFTERLIFE, and claims souls by proximity.Still better than Chaos, I guess...
>>58163298Why would I lie to you
>>58163325I did say possible joke, not lie. Much worse of such humor shows up on 4chan daily after all.
>>58163298Nah, don't worry bout me. I wouldn't say I'm a bad drinker (more than I'm happy with given my lifestyle, and possibly for a few months last year) it just has a strong tendency to overlap with my writing time these days.I need to get out more...
>>58163241Well, seeing as we have hit Bump limit anyways, it seems we may talk as freely as we like. So, What are some Headcanons that you guys have for AGP. I’ll start>The Head writer for the in universe AGP holovis series is actually a defective Lacrymole who can’t control his transformations, and also just happens to be named Shoggy.>Sometikes, when the writers are feeling lazy, they’ll get Weebu to get the mission reports from the AGP’s actual missions, and retell them in the show.
Y'know, I used to wonder why anyone would bother buying a 4chan pass.I'm only here for the live thread.Been here 7-ish hours.Starting to get it.
>>58163347You and me both Shoggy, you and me both.
>>58163306Right? Its a friggin Hive base. It's a huge city sized military outfit that runs as efficiently as, well, the military. These things have corrupt commisaries so well stocked and with such incredible black market availibility that the fucks that run the joints eventually run the real quartermasters out of buisness. Where you can blast the word "ATTENTION" at so loud and so authoritative a volume using a stolen vox amplifyer and a recording that a two block radius freezes out of instinct or reactionary fear of getting caught. Its a big place.
>>58163358That last bit sounds like good fun, actually.
>>58163308this tbphwyafAlso what's 'LSO'?
>>58163352Such threads were more common on /tg/ in previous years, though at least some of that is nostalgia talking. I think we had a net loss of numbers for the more creative types of poster over time.
>>58163196Scisistat wasn't returning our calls and our former team had relocated from the hab base without leaving a forwarding address. The other team hadn't moved though, and over the next two weeks Doc occasionally drove over to chat with their friendly old adept/surgeon about our former teammates' health and all the medications Ivana wasn't taking. For some reason his visits just happened to coincide with the times when everyone else was out of the base, and it always seemed that either the Fringe Worlder or Torso-priest had left a copy of their latest briefings lying around the medbay. The fact that Doc's half-assed espionage got us MORE intel that we'd ever gotten while on Sciscitat's actual bloody team should really illustrate the man's opinion of us.In any case, most of the stuff Doc got was about the stupid artifacts, which were decidedly Not Our Problem, but there were some useful tidbits on The Sorceress too. Between what he got and Sarge's stuff on Bane, we had more than enough to get started with, and before long The Plan began to really take shape. The basic theory hadn't changed much since its initial inception, but since it was cooked up by a bunch of tired, shot-up grunts in the back of van, on their way home from a catastrophically failed op, that probably wasn't something to brag about. In any case, the first step was splitting our targets up. Bane was threatening enough on his own, we shuddered at the thought of what he could do if someone with an actual functioning brain was calling the shots. Of course, of the pair he'd be the easier one to distract (and Tink had a surprisingly good idea for that), the problem was that Angelica knew this too and was good about keeping an eye on him. We needed to fix that.
>>58163435Well, there is always stealing enough servo skulls from the local mechanicus to down them in.
>>58163449Thanks m80.And you really are a treasure, keep writing. You're REALLY good at it.
>>58163305>Implying he’d have a choice If a giant, unhinged, heavily armed Sister of Battle want’s some tender loving Snu-Snu, she is getting some tender loving Snu-Snu, regardless of how Sarge feels about the matter.
>>58163408Happens in every community.>>58163435S'been cool Shoggy.I'll look over an unedited chapter or two and poke it a bit until it looks like I edited it.Sometime over the week, when I'm bored and got time.
>tfw catching one of these liveMan, for real Shoggy, you write better 40k stuff than a lot of the official stuff coming out.
>>58163494She isn't a Sister. She is a brainwashed deserter bodyguard who also happens to Bane Johns' sloppy seconds.Still ain't stopping her from getting heretical with Sarge, but thems the breaks.
>>58163517That's not saying much, but I agree.
>>58163435Now, it wasn't like little miss traitor-pants was always hanging on Bane's arm, in fact she left him to his own devices fairly frequently (which we felt disproved Ivana's assertion that she was "compromised" too). We weren't exactly sure what she was doing during these absences, probably plotting treason or enacting dark rituals (which Bane would find boring), or maybe she was off "negotiating" with various powerful male figures who'd respond poorly to her boy-toy's presence. In any case, whenever Angelica went off on her own, she always dropped Bane off at a certain up-hive club (which we dubbed his Daycare), along with at least one of her doubles and a few other helpers, who presumably were just there to call her whenever he got bored and wandered off. So far she'd always arrived on the scene and sidetracked him before he managed to overloaded a hive's fusion reactor or something, but it was probably only a matter of time.The point is, that before we could neutralize Bane, we'd need to arrange for Angelica to be distracted too. The problem was that there were only a very limited number of things that would get her attention, five of them to be specific if Scisitat's little briefing on his stupid artifacts was to be believed...This might've been the point where we started to go a just little off the rails. Well, at least according to our defense counsel.
>>58163547>Well, at least according to our defense counsel.Fucking kek
>>58163545I mean it, though. Imagine an actual TV show following the AGP.With an accompanying anime, throw enough money at, like, Trigger. I think Trigger would do a great silly Tau-made propaganda anime of these idiots.
>>58163435Why do I get the feeling that Inquisitor Asshat is setting the group up to start a shitstorm, swoop in and execute a 96 syep master plan, then fly off and leave then dealing with a dumpster fire of a situation? Or at least thats his genius plot, no good plan surevives first contact with the AGP.
>>58162995 Stormtroopers? Weren't you guys rank and file guardsmen?
>>58163547I was just about to go to bed but now I have an Inquisitorial version of Phoenix Wright in my head.
>>58163517Undeniably this. This was actually what got me into 40k past the fringes to be honest.
>>58163566They were described as "rogue stormtroopers" by one of their enemies.
>>58163547>This might've been the point where we started to go a just little off the rails. Well, at least according to our defense counsel.Shoggy... what did you do?
>>58163566Once you start working for the Inquisition, you’re a Stormtrooper. Technically being a Stormtrooper also implies better equipment and training, but Oak is a cheap bastard, and training is just a substitute for experience anyways.
>>58163566They're in carapace and armed with hellguns. They're also, in game terms, Ascension level, and the normal role for an Ascension guardsman is Storm Trooper (except Sarge, who is probably classed as Interrogator). They're not storm troopers, but close enough for the Inquisition.
>>58163547Okay, I think this is where I'm going to call a pause for tonight. Too late and past the limit means it's bedtime.Sorry we didn't get to the big encounter, but am slows. Anyway, better get through he whole thing tomorrow instead of splitting halfway through he combat.In the meantime I'll probably stay around for a half hour at least, maybe try to go answer some of the stuff I put off at the start of the thread. Ask em if you've got em, otherwise I'll catch you tomorrow at 6.
>>58163589Pretty sure Angelica submitted that description.She would have known if they were regular or elite right?
>>58163547I'm guessing their defense lawyer is the Diplo-adept. I imagine he used sock puppets in his arguments.
>>58163196>Bane's weird probability-skewing "danger zonehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kyAn3fSs8_A
>>58163612Regular Guardsmen would not have been able to survive her attempted double cross and shut down what was probably a decades long plan to plunge a hive world into Chaos by themselves, plus a little help from the half dead other team) way back when.
>>58163547>At least occurring to our defense counsel
Thank you for taking the time over the years to put these together Shoggy. They've been a riot from the start.
>>58163610Great update, Shog! Looking forward to tomorrow night, work night be damned!Also, do we know what the Occurrence Border and the rest of the gang are up to at the present point and time? I recall them not even being present in system. Also, was Ivana being run in the same way Fumbles and Aimy were? Or was she being a traditional NPC?
>>58163610Shoggy you bastard You. Please tell me you will continue to bless /tg/ even after the conclusion of agp.
>>58163610thanks a ton, Shoggy
>>58163610Great to see you back Shoggy, thanks for giving all of us a fun story to share and enjoy.
>>58163610Looking forward to it, night Shoggy.
>>58163196>"Max/Min-ing the Danger Per Shot"haaaaaAlso: YEARS??It's been YEARS? How many years from start top finish?I figured this whole thing would take place over like 1.5 years tops.
>>58163610Ivana's not technically a deserter, is she?
>>58163610Thanks for posting shoggy, it's been good to see you back.Are you guys running 1st edition DH or something else? Any notable hacks or houserules to whatever you're running?
>>58163665Was she even Guard? I thought she was just some juiced up bodyguard for a crime dude.
>>58163610How had Ivana been working through all of this? She already had more than a few screws loose to start off with, but now she has to learn to operate the Guardsman way. How did she adjust? Did she mostly just keep to her self, or did she act like a full on nutter like Twitch?
>>58163664Something like 3-4 years I think
>>58163679I don't think they ever specified, not in the actual stories at any rate
>>58163680I think they just slapped a mental imprint on her. Making Sarge an inquistor was probably a desperation thing to keep a psychic lynchpin in place.
SHOGGY YOU DA MAN!can you autograph this wallpaper for me?
>>58163703So what, does she just follow Sarge around like a lost puppy, sorta like Nubby Did Angelica, only less annoying, pathetic, and disgusting, and more Creepy and terrifying?
>>58163610Oh good, now I can go to bed too. Goodnight, and looking forward to tomorrow!
>>58163727No, but she'd make sure he doesn't get any ideas like asserting he's actually just some guardsman sergeant or wander off/escape. She'd need an inquistor. She's a member of an inquisitorial retinue.
>>581636644 years this summer I believe.
>>58163612Emperor knows what she thought of us, from her perspective more than half the time around her we came off as bumbling incompetents, then we blew her hand off, crashed a plane into her base, and just bulldozed through her entire plan without ever really grasping what it was.I think the canon explanation (I'll ask Failer tomorrow) is that she thought someone was pulling our strings the whole time.>>58163638Fuck if it hasn't been years... never thought this would ever be a thing I'd get into back when I was just typing up our stupid highschool shadowrun and 3.5 shenanigans.>>58163642Right now they're off delivering one of Oak's crazier allies to Oak before the big final throwdown. It's a bit of a spoiler, but I assure you we'll be meeting them again in the final chapter>>58163644If nothing else I promise a few more Movie as RPG threads (though I saw someone did a really good mad-max one without me), aside from that I'll have to see if we have the time to start playing again this summer. (I really hope so...)>>58163650Good to be back, it's been far longer than I expected or wanted.>>58163664Lots of travel time between missions is glossed over, the minimum time for one is in the 3 month range, anything involving the Occurrence Border ran considerably longer. The Tau thing along was 6. I should check with the DM, he probably tracked it all.>>58163672DH1, with OW supplements (and several others too) and god are the hacks and houserules a rabbit hole in a half. It started with a stat-influenced turn-timer, then the really bad healing rules, and then balancing things to get around the fact that we're all on one path. Gotta go ask Failer that if you want the whole dissertation, half of it lives in his head.
>>58163764>I think the canon explanation (I'll ask Failer tomorrow) is that she thought someone was pulling our strings the whole time.It’s Ironic how a cultist is so unable to recognize chaos at work.
>>58163764How much of your stories actually happened in your campaigns, and how much detail did you add. There are some parts of the story I refuse to believe actually happened in the campaign.Also, is this campaign still runningAnd, how far behind the actual campaign is your story
>>58163784clearly she doesn't worship tzeentch
>>58163703>Insane, Sororita impersonating Bodyguard with an obsession that borders, if not completely spills into, Yandere behavior.
>>58163764Please do grab those rules, more to add to the pile in our group is always appreciated.
>>58163764>DH1, with OW supplements (and several others too) and god are the hacks and houserules a rabbit hole in a half. It started with a stat-influenced turn-timer, then the really bad healing rules, and then balancing things to get around the fact that we're all on one path. Gotta go ask Failer that if you want the whole dissertation, half of it lives in his head.Awesome, I'm not crazy! I've a great fondness for homebrew crunch and was getting weird vibes trying to guess at the mechanics while reading everything. Only thing solid I'd seen until now were those amazingly elaborate Occurrence Border encounter tables on 1d4chan.Think you might be able to talk Failer into doing a thread on it? I'd bet my left nut a lot of people would dig getting the full rundown, and if a way to contact him was ever posted I missed it.
>>58163665>>58163679>>58163694I believe the canon is that she was a Vostroyan 2nd born, enlisted against custom, and was generally shunned until she found a spot as a Lord General's hatchet-woman, getting all tangled up in his schemes as part of it. I'll have to ask for more details, we've always had the tendency to treat NPCs like they didn't exist before we met them...>>58163680>>58163727>>58163745I feel slightly guilty for not spending more time on her now. The theory is that she's been psychicly reprogrammed with rules about following inquisitorial orders, which is why she went through so much trouble to get an Inquisitor who would do what she wanted to. She's supposed to be remarkably clever while simultaneously being obviously and uncomfortably damaged. And the part where she isn't taking her meds sure as shit ain't helping things, but what's Doc going to do, force her? Timeline wise, she's been hanging around the base doing gear-prep, guard duty, stupid amounts of fitness training, and not talking to people. Twitch was her most common companion, since base security was his gig, but it was mostly one-sided conversations outside of intimidating the Commissar. (Failer's going to love that you asked, he was proud of Ivana as an NPC)>>58163804While I admit to embellishing, the core events, combat, and character developments are all straight from the campaign. It's the downtime, stuff where we just time-skipped entire sections with a few rolls, and spots where character's actions need some sort of backstory that I take creative liberties. Also, almost any time you see quoted text it was something said at the table, I'm terrible at writing dialogue myself. (This is why these meeting/planning things stress me, because it's all OOC banter ending in bullet points).The campaign itself has been over for about year now, there's only a single chapter left after this, it's just that I started slipping at around the Cutter's death mission.
>>58163953Who did you play as?My bet is on Nubby
>>58164017Same.And I said I'd go to bed.Fuck.
>>58164017This was confirmed last thread.I'd always figured Sarge.
>>58163764>DH1, with OW supplements (and several others too) and god are the hacks and houserules a rabbit hole in a half. It started with a stat-influenced turn-timer, then the really bad healing rules, and then balancing things to get around the fact that we're all on one path. Gotta go ask Failer that if you want the whole dissertation, half of it lives in his head.I wonder just how different AGP would be if you guys were using 2e instead of 1e.
>>58164017He revealed in a previous thread that he was Nubby, and also sorta Fumbles due to their companionship.I was surprised, I guess Twitch.
>>58164059Thought so at first, too.Pretty sure everyone did.But the wording of the posts kept making me think otherwise.Guess I can feel vindicated, though.
>>58164075That should be "guessed", fucking keyboard.
>>58164063I've only ever played 2e, can't imagine the differences.
>>58164075>>58164059Oh okay, this is the first thread I caught live, I always figured he was nubby due to the way he the point of view in earlier chapters.Actually, that's a lie. It was the Tyranid delivery chapter that made me pretty sure he was nubby
>>58164134Ha, I think it was around there for me, too.
>>581640891e's pretty much the same when it comes to how combat and the likes work, different in how stuff like influence and subtlety work, and completely foreign on the matter of character building. You had to advance along pre-made class trees and purchase advancements only within whichever ones you'd bought access.It's wierd to say, but AGP wouldn't be hard to mechanically represent in DH2, because everything's so relative and reskinnable.
>>58163911Probably not here (he complains 4chan is "too much yelling"), but I know he's posted a few things on RPG forums and probably some DMing reddit. Contacting him there is the best way for direct answers since he doesn't have a public email. I can give you rough answers about how he does things myself though, just probably not tonight, and you'll probably get annoyed at how much arbitrary, hand-wavy, "I'm not going to look up the vehicle/grappling rules, here's an unmodified DC" stuff we do. (There's a reason he doesn't self publish little rulebooks and only plays with us you know)>>58164063Would've save a lot of fucking headache on the medic stuff and character leveling, and standardizing psychic powers, at least from what I recall. And something about Deathwatch conversions being easier in 2e, but fuck if I know what that was about. I do know he legitimately considered migrating systems, but decided it'd be pointless since we were already so deep. I personally have to admit I'm not the biggest munchkin, and really miss just playing a d20 system. And on that note, I'm out. Catch you guys tomorrow.
>>58164185See ya, bye.What time is it where you live?
>>58163631Twitch is in back with the detonator. Doc is in back looking winnning.Sarge is in the center.Nubby is on the leftWho's righty?
>>58164134I always guessed Twitch because of how many details of his conspiracies he remembered, some of them got pretty elaborate. Also, apparently his corruption manifested in being able to foresee plot elements in a skewed way (like the daemon-nids), which sounded like the flavor of oddness shoggy would come up with.Second guess was he was the GM and had an amazing ability to laugh with his players' insanity.
>>58164208He uses MST so just after 1 am
>>58164215Tink with his drone controller.
>>58164185Annoyed at handwaving? You're talking to the guy who got so sick of 40k's crunch he runs all his 40k games in Edge of the Empire. But thanks for the info, I may try hitting him up.Sleep well Shoggy, I may not be around tomorrow so I'll say now any details you drop in the next thread would be appreciated.
>>58164232>>58164235Thanks m8s. He doesn't look nearly as techy or assholish as he sounds, though he's really a wonderful character to read about the exploits of.
>>58164075If you read it and pay attention to the perspective of the writing, you can deduce who it is.
>>58164059>>58164134>>58164217Really? Huh? I always figured he was Doc, because Doc always seemed to be a more observant character archetype, the kind an author puts in to represent himself without being an insert, like Watson in Sherlock Holmes. Actually, that line of thinking is why I took to adopting a percentage of Doc's personality when making my own Healer character.Fun fact, the only reason Healsluts exist is because Healing is not tied to Intelligence in D&D or in most vidya. INT-based healing solves quite literally every problem with healers.Oh, IMPORTANT: If I miss Tomorrow's thread, could someone please ask Shoggy if his group is still together in a new campaign? It'd be nice to know that this group was still doing something.
>>58164360He keeps mentioning getting everybody back to play again so I assume they're not running anything currently.I think he mentioned something about somebody moving across country once
>>58164360Don't know about specifics, but pretty sure the previous threads said the group was still active, even through Shoggy's moves and such. I believe long drives to and fro were mentioned, so they probably meet fewer times but much longer than most groups.Also, int-based healing disappears despite the balance because it's almost always inferior to healing spells, medkits, and other such things that can be used on the go. Trust me when I say that while it's crazy, being able to avoid long-term healing problems is almost always worth it.
Hey! This is now archived at suptg! Go vote for it!
>>58164427Well, specifically I was referring to Healing Casters that use Intelligence as their Magic stat. It implies that you're not just hitting them with a Heal-Ray, but actually understanding anatomy and medicine enough that you can use magic to mend flesh and bone.Also Int-based Medicine checks when using medkits and other healing items. Wisdom based heals always gets the healing knowledge backseated to "Muh Nature" or "Muh Deity" granting heals.
>>5816436040k medicae is based on Intelligence.
>>58164185I love you Shoggy and I'm going to be heartbroken when AGP draws to a close next chapter. Your work is amongst my favourite things I have ever read.
>>58160657I HAVE RETURNED!And now i shall continue reading.Thanks again for a great thread, Shoggy.
Thanks for the thread Shoggy. May you sleep well.