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  • File : 1252191336.jpg-(87 KB, 407x405, Fowl Play.jpg)
    87 KB Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)18:55 No.5737476  
    Most awesome thing you've done in an RP recently.
    My character was going up against another character in a big chess match, big build up, possible PC deaths if we failed, big ass match of death.
    Set everything up, playing actual chess, GM is a very good player, I mean really, really good...
    Beat him in 4 moves using the fools mate.
    Classy as fuck.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)18:58 No.5737515
    rolled 1 = 1

    >GM is a very good player, I mean really, really good...
    >Beat him using the fools mate

    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)19:01 No.5737538
    He underestimated me, was tired and had just come off a 3 hour WoW raid to GM for a while.
    And he was the one who chose to do the match then and I didn't even know he was tired.
    Yeah, I only learned the move off wikipedia a few hours ago too while looking up Castling.
    >> How do I shot trip? !H508X.HbJ6 09/05/09(Sat)19:03 No.5737559
    >had just come off a 3 hour WoW

    WoW makes you stupid.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)19:06 No.5737602
    even drunk and baked I wouldn't have fallen for that, your friend sucks at chess and made up excuses.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)19:08 No.5737614

    either you made it up, or your DM threw the game.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)19:09 No.5737624
    DM probably was set to throw the game if the player did anything at all clever.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)19:10 No.5737646
    DM's and chess
    fuck that.
    I have seen it so many times, it isn't interesting in the slightest.
    Last time someone tried that on me, I said "Fuck you, Roll"
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)19:13 No.5737672
    It kind of fucks up the game anyway.

    The DM might be better than the player, but why should he necessarily also be better than the character?

    Unless the player was playing himself.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)19:15 No.5737707
    In Dark Heresy, the party exploded the corrupt Arborite Commander in the centre of his own Citadel with two frag grenades, and he didn't die until we set him on fire.

    When the Arborites (who, thankfully, weren't that loyal to the late commander) happened on the scene, one of our Guardsmen - who had just opened the front door to the Citadel with a Krak Grenade, killing the other Guardsman (that's what you get for trying to initiate PvP, Sam - burst in, brandishing the Imperial Seal given to us by Inquisitor Skane, yelling "FREEZE, INQUISITION!"
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)19:16 No.5737713
    We rolled for it before hand. INT challenges and he agreed to play better or worse based on the sucess of the roll.
    He plays for a city team too.
    Anyway, lets hear some of your awesome stuff.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)19:16 No.5737715

    To support OP's post, my mother was REALLY good at chess. Like, it was insane. She beat me once by getting her queen into my BACK ROW, and raped the shit out of it. And I'm no slouch either. It was horrible.

    However, I ALWAYS open up with the fools mate, just in case it works.

    The first time in my life I ever beat her, I somehow caught her off guard with it.

    I don't care if it was cheap. I don't care if she was tired.

    That shit was GLORIOUS!
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)19:19 No.5737742
    How do you catch her off guard with a move you always start with?
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)19:20 No.5737744

    I'm pretty sure you suck at chess and/or are making this up.

    Queen in backrow is not a novel idea at all.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)19:21 No.5737763

    Now that I think about it, it is kinda strange. I think she may have simply gotten used to my opening and forgotten that I was up to something sneaky with it.

    That, or because it had been like almost a year since I last played.


    It was earlier in my life, true, but I got better.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)19:24 No.5737789
    UR MOM falls for the fools mate!
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)19:26 No.5737801
    Most awesome thing I've done recently (in a thread re-railing attempt)?

    Well, I played an elderly wizard in a high-level game recently. His "character idea"? He was a spellcaster undergoing a midlife crisis and he was ronery and alone fom a lifetime of studying musty old tomes.

    So he ended up buying a COLOSSAL airship (One hundred tons), hiring himself a crew, making said crew neigh-invulnerable with some bullshit spells (Hide Life in particular), and then becoming the scourge of the land, sky, and sea.

    By the middle of the campaign, he had made himself a mobile fortress, and vowed to hunt down Tarrasque so that "Nobody would ever forget me again!".

    He ended up getting just what he wished for in a way even HE didn't expect: Whilst he was aiding the PCs in building themselves an uberfortress (Combination of an artifact that allowed Epic Teleport at-will and a massive army of imps he summoned and permanently bound for them), they went on a standard raid on some distant fortress.

    After some standard monster hunting, we end up running into a Lich. A high-level Lich. Somehow, through an epic roll, the party barbarian intimidates a fucking LICH into becoming a sniveling coward. Lich declares that though they may kill him, his patron is a much worse being to deal with.

    Midlife Crisis Wizard asks who the fuck his patron was, expecting some archdemon or devil or something.

    Fucking Tarrasque. Turns out that Smartass McWizard here fucking AWAKENED TARRASQUE. On top of that, after a few more threats and some firm knocks on his phylarcy, he admits that he did more than make THE most dangerous creature in the univers sentient.

    He trained him in wizardly spells. Well, FUCK, turns out Tarrasque is now packing levels in fucking WIZARD. I'm fucking applying my palm directly to my forehead at this point.

    More below.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)19:35 No.5737908
    Now, we continue adventuring, and I make my airship more kickass as the rest of the party works on our uberfortress. We add some kickass Tesla-style cannons to the battlements, get a freaking moat of pure lava straight from the Plane of Fire (With Elder Fire Elementals we buffed up inhabiting the moat), and somehow manage to get enough people in our fortress that it becomes a sort of United Nations meeting spot for people to peacefully discuss things.

    This place has the WORKS. Ghosts bound to patrol against ethereal invaders, specially-made golems monitoring a series of scrying windows (effectively a security camera system), and a cadre of about thirty-odd spellcasters of 8th to 12th level constantly toiling away to help reinforce and add onto what is currently being built. Magic weapons are commonplace in the armory, and the guards are all elite soldiers drilled to fight everything ranging from savage goblins to horrific illthids (All of which we captured specimens of, or simply teleported into our bestiary).

    Things are looking pretty fucking sweet, but we know what's going to happen. Tarrasque the Wizard is still out there, and fuck if we know what he's got planned. Whilst we have comprehensive defenses, we can't monitor everywhere at once. He could very well be in his own little demiplane, conjuring legion after legion of monsters, or crafting enough golems to swarm us. But we continue to prepare, even going so far as to import three or four dragons (at extravagant expense, but what do we care) to reside as a permanent supplement to my airship patrols. Dragons, after all, are much more agile than my 100 ton "Kick Your Ass' ship.

    Then it happens.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)19:42 No.5737978

    Cool story, bro!
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)19:44 No.5737993
    sssh. he's not finished yet.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)19:44 No.5737999

    Yep. Tarrasque appears. And even worse, he's called in a FUCKTON of soldiers to aid him in what can only be described as, "Bowser gets smart, decides to use all his troops to take over the kingdom rather than nab a single princess". His lich "follower" is pretty much left to rot as Tarrasque the Wizard ends up unleashing some heavy duty magic on our asses.

    Now, we expected a fair number of troops on his side, but we forgot something important: Tarrasque was fucking Tarrasque, and if you add magic into the mix, you're just /inviting/ trouble.He had apparently made some friends in the Abyss (the very same sort of people we tended to piss off in our numerous adventures), and- as we were to later discover- he had indeed used the Genesis spell to create his own little demiplane.

    One where he had created a continuous Time Stop-esque effect, slowing the passage of time outside enough to allowing him to amass enough golems and monsters to actually stand a good chance against us. And by "good chance" I mean he had something on par with the giant army from the LOTR movies.

    And we didn't have a Gandalf to save our asses. Fuck.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)19:46 No.5738025

    and then what happened?
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)19:48 No.5738036
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)19:50 No.5738046
    rolled 3, 6, 1, 4, 9, 2, 1, 6, 2 = 34

    And then Anon was a zombie.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)19:53 No.5738071
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    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)19:56 No.5738110
    It was at this point that we're shitting a gothic cathedral, staring at the troop numbers of what he had prepared (Effectively having enlisted most of the Archfiends and a good number of horrifically evil demons to monster mash it up). Hell, he even had an entire PLATOON of Adamantium Golems that just shrugged off direct hits from the Blast Disk field we had set up around our castle perimeter. He was just holding back at the rear of the army, hi-fiving the other archfiends as the rest of this horrible army began to charge at our front wall.

    Up above, the airship I had spent all campaign preparing was finally put to good use. Thunderstone-tipped bombs knocked holes in the advancing horde, arcane rockets (Effectively maximized fireball spells) sailing into the mass of golems, demons, mercenaries, and other creatures below. More than a few Vrocks attempted to attack the airship, but a few well-placed Mass Earthbound spells made sure the worst of them were pinned below and the rest left at the mercy of repeating crossbows.

    The battle raged in front of the giant lava moat, the Adamantium Golems making a solid battering ram of fists as they began to bore through the walls, monsters following behind them as- up above- permanent Walls of Force protected the troops from demonic siege munitions. Mostly.

    It was at this point that we whipped out everything we had: Ranging from artifact weapons that could make a man's flesh into solid adamantium to a fully-functioning Repeating Cannon of Magic Missile (Basically a magical gatling gun).

    Blood ran so thick, the magic so suffused with magic, that blood golems actually formed in the middle of the melee and attacked both sides. We knew that it was only about to get worse: Tarrasque was beginning to move towards the fray, having torn off one of the defensive towers and used it as a makeshift baseball bat, which he intended to use as a mallet on one of our party members currently holding off a pair of Pit Fiends in a duel.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)19:59 No.5738135

    this is awesome.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:00 No.5738147
    While the rest of the crew was over on the other ship haggling over the selling price for our recently stolen phat lewts I was stuck with sitting in the cockpit keeping an eye on things and rubbing one out.

    Got bored and came up with a plan of Blackadder'esque proportions. EVA'd out and popped a mine on the hull.

    PC's came back happy that they got a decent price, shipped the lewt over and were happy to call it a day.

    A minute after leaving I popped a rather large hole in the buyers ship. We scavenged that thing like a mofo, got some tastey starship weapons and our stuff back ready to resell.

    And got paid for it.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:02 No.5738166
    inb4 belair
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:03 No.5738174
    And that's when the S.S. Kick Your Ass came to the rescue. Having poured all of MY money into the airship, it was naturally the most badass thing to ever sail the skies. A solid diamond hull, over thirty omnidirectional fireball turrets to hit any one target, and each crewman had been specially enchanted with Hide Life (Which basically made them a living lich, which could continue to function beyond -10 HP. Never age, never die, just keep getting injured and chugging on).

    But that wasn't the REAL masterpiece here. It was the anchors, which I had built with Tarrasque specifically in mind. Why? Because each anchor weighed somewhere on par with twenty thousand pounds, held specially suspended by a Reverse Gravity spell carefully regulated.

    And was solid adamantium.

    With a cry of, "Drop anchor!" the airship swooped in on Tarrasque, four ten-ton anchors made from solid adamantium crashing into his insanely massive bulk. Even with all of his contingency spells, they barely made a dent on the chains as they impaled the beast.

    "Full steam ahead!"

    The engines, a clever recreation of antimatter by mixing negative and positive energy, reached full blast.

    150 MPH in a single round. 1800ft per round.

    We were pulling four gees in under six seconds, Tarrasque dragged along for the ride.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:09 No.5738242
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:10 No.5738247
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:13 No.5738263
    *The air suffused with magic. Hurried fingers do the devil's work...

    Moving at near-escape-velocity, this one-hundred-ton behemoth began to ferry the sentient Tarrasque away from the battle, the gigantic chains- intended to stop the massive vessel dead in its tracks- beginning to bend and warp under a constant barrage of Disintegrate and Lightning Bolt spells (All, of course, Maximized and Quickened). Several crewmen were vaporized as the shocks traveled up the chains, but still the airship plowed on, sending the gigantic beast tumbling through defensive wall after defensive wall, crushing countless thousands of its own troops as it thrashed for a grip

    It found one.

    Grabbing onto one of the walls, it held onto the chains hooking it with a feral smile on its face. Yanking firmly, the entire airship suddenly halted. It had the two things it needed now: The support of the wall and the unbreakable lever of the chains. Watching with horror, my wizard felt a sudden tearing motion as Tarrasque began to pull the airship closer. In my foolishness, I had made sure the chains were completely anchored to the very core of the airship so as to prevent Tarrasque from breaking away too early.

    Yet now it was beginning to haul me closer, its giant claws bringing me countless feet towards the ground with each mighty tug. I was not going to get out of this, I knew. Even as I had the engine at full burst, the giant monster still had an insane amount of strength to counteract the engines, the hordes at its feet crawling up its body and onto the giant metal links of the chain, heedless of risk as they attempted to try and reach the airship held captive.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:14 No.5738271
    Our CN Monk Cock slapped another male PC when they were fist fighting and screamed 'Who's your daddy now Bitch!!!'
    They're now the party's ambiguously gay couple and my mage keeps moving them into the same room while they sleep using magic.
    Oh and we have a fan girl for them now in the vampire, which is amusing since the player is a fan fiction writer and well...PCXPC fanfiction diary prop.
    My PC has seen it, he can't wait fot the PCs to.
    >> That one Techpriest 09/05/09(Sat)20:15 No.5738278
    Someone archive this shit.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:15 No.5738285
    My inner wizard just popped a colossal sized boner over this story
    >> That one Techpriest 09/05/09(Sat)20:18 No.5738311

    The Lady of Pain.

    Everyone Dies.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:22 No.5738350
    By the Neverborn, this had better not be a Bel Air!
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:23 No.5738359
    It was at this point that the party sprung into action. Calling in a few favors from our celestial contacts, the party Cleric did what could only be considered the impossible.

    He tore open a hole straight to Heaven. And down they came, with an immaculate chorus, celestial beings of every make and type. Ranging from Devas that clove Vrocks apart midair, to even the puniest Lantern Archon that seared rank upon rank of Imp with holy light. The party Barbarian, mentioned earlier, entered his greatest Frenzy yet, inspiring an entire platoon of our heavy infantry to charge heedlessly into the enemy ranks, taking wounds that would fell a mortal man without even blinking.

    We were gods of battle, and heaven and hell waged their war around our knees. Tarrasque gave a mighty heave as the airship almost came within striking range of those deadly claws, but it soon became apparent what his intent was.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:24 No.5738365
    Grabbing the solid mithral tower he had clutched earlier, Tarrasque released his grasp of the wall, ramming a stake through the heart of our vessel. A hole rent straight through the diamond armor, taking out several of the munitions bays in the process. Secondary explosions began to gut the vessel as our celestial reinforcements began to falter, the Archfiends entering the fray with Tarrasque at this point. Demonic lashes took out score after score of the divine beings, leaving only undead and fatal amounts of negative energy in their wake. The raw amounts of death these beings radiated were enough to kill mortals and reanimate the dead.

    Despite our Cleric's glorious efforts, the battle seemed sure to be won by Tarrasque and his forces. My airship was dying, deck after deck going up in flames as the fire suppression system (A sentient water elemental that constantly funneled the ship's water tanks to the necessary areas) was overwhelmed.

    This was it. The end of our fortress, our preparation incapable of holding off the tides of Tarrasque, the Slayer of Adventurers, Archmage of the highest power.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:26 No.5738385
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    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:26 No.5738389
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    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:29 No.5738410
    is that all? nooooo
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:30 No.5738423
    Is that the end?
    It better not be!
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:30 No.5738431
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:32 No.5738443
    And then my mamma got scared and said "You're going to your auntie and uncle in bel-air".

    HA HA! Just fuckin' with you, continuing.

    It was at this point, watching as his pride and joy was slowly destroyed by a mirth-riddled Tarrasque, that he finally said, "Enough of this bullshit."

    With a fearsome bellow, he grabbed ahold of the helm of his vessel, struggling at the controls as flames continued to rip through the countless decks. Crewmen continued to work even as their flesh boiled, their loyalty to "The Cap'n" driving them to labor through the pain. At his direction, the airship's "force fields" (Enchanted keyholes throughout the vessel, each one linked to a Wall of Force in that section of the ship) were all activated except along one route, every munitions not yet destroyed by the flames armed and rolled out into that central path.

    My wizard knew what had to be done. Grinning below, he kicked the control wheel forward, the entire airship beginning to dip forward, the metal chains ripping the hull further as Tarrasque was given a direct view of the airship's bridge.

    Opening its maw wide, it complemented the wizard on his willingness to stare death in the eyes, even as hordes of monsters began to infest the ship. Drawing his hands together, the wizard prepared one final spell, the battle-ender he had been saving for this entire time.

    His last command echoed throughout the vessel, his crewmen each obeying with stern faces and firm resolve. Even as abomination after abomination tore into them, rending limb from limb, they awaited that order. The order to bring them into everlasting glory.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:33 No.5738452
    You see?
    That is exactly why there ALWAYS has to be a ridiciously powerful self-destruct-mechanism on board of rape-vessels.
    Fuck the chance of the enemy using it against you. Use it AGAINST THE ENEMY.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:34 No.5738464
    Multiclass Paladin
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:35 No.5738466
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:37 No.5738485
    "Fire all torpedoes!"

    And with that, the crewmen obeyed, arming triggers pulled on each rocket, the munitions remaining in the vessel all going off. The walls of force funneled the blast, even as the crewmen in the path of the explosion were instantly atomized by the sheer weight of the flames. Those not in the immediate path of the flames accepted their fate: For even as the flames quickly killed those directly in their path, those throughout the rest of the ship were flash-boiled by the heat alone. They would have to live through this agony, the enchantment upon them forcing them to endure the agony of having organs boil without the release of death.

    The wizard simply smiled as the engines of his ship detonated, the planar engine going critical as the detonated munitions funneled the entirety of the energy directly out of the vessel's flankes. The entire rear half of the ship exploded, the front half- including the bridge- becoming a one-hundred-ton bullet aimed straight for the exposed mouth of Tarrasque the Wizard.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:40 No.5738502
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    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:41 No.5738513
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    The Legacy, you must activate it.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:41 No.5738515
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    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:42 No.5738527
    There is no image macro for what I'm feeling right now.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:42 No.5738530
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    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:44 No.5738536
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    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:44 No.5738544
    hahaha good lord that's the worst card i've ever seen
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:45 No.5738549
    That's a courage wolf message just waiting to happen.

    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:45 No.5738550
    The airship buried itself into the warded mouth of the monster, the sheer number of contingency spells flashing into life, shearing what was left of the airship into tatters as all manner of defensive enchantments attempted to protect Tarrasque from the fate it was doomed to endure.

    But even as Maximized Disintegrate after Maximized Disintegrate tore through the bridge, as Chain Lightning and Fireball seared his flesh, the wizard did not relent. His comrades in arms for all these years watched as his airship railed into Tarrasque's yapping mouth, the creature possessing a momentary look of panic before screaming.

    Then a mushroom cloud of raw astral energy erupted out of the top of its skull, its brains raining down on the army below as the equivalent of an antimatter bomb went off in its skull, tearing through the (slightly soft) flesh of its upper jaw and into the massive brain.

    The wizard's words echoed throughout the field, "I wish that..."

    The entire battle seemingly paused, the fighting subsiding considerably as Tarrasque tottered, its body swaying back and forth as it frantically tried to regenerate what was lost.

    "Tarrasque dies, the world goes back to normal."
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:46 No.5738560
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    Fuck yeah!
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:47 No.5738562
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    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:47 No.5738571
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:47 No.5738572

    So, in the end, the battle ended not with a bang, but a whisper.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:47 No.5738573
    Shit, now I need to clean my screen.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:48 No.5738583
    Somebody archive this shit NOW!
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:49 No.5738588


    If you're going to quote T.S. at least do it correctly.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:50 No.5738598


    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:50 No.5738599
    Give the man his respect. He just gave you a fuckawesome story.

    And wizards who are that manly do not fucking whimper. Whispering is the quietist they go, and normally they scream as their hot blood pierces the heavens.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:50 No.5738601
    I'll leave it in your minds to decide what happens next. Did the battle rage on? Did reality reset itself? Who lived? Who died? Who came back?

    I have other stories, if you care to listen, but I've done quite a wall of text myself here.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:51 No.5738617

    Because nobody has ever modified quotes to achieve some kind of effect, gods no, once something's said it can never be changed, ever.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:51 No.5738618
    You, sir, get the entire internets.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:51 No.5738620
    I am such a failfag if it comes to archiving threads...
    Someone ELSE do it!
    Do it NOW!
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:52 No.5738624
    Save them for another day, please.

    Too much at once do not do them justice. Just, don't forget about it. This was one of the most epic things I've ever read.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:52 No.5738627
    Not the story writer. Granted, his way of phrasing it was actually a bit more accurate considering what was said and all. The wizard died in a kamikazi Wish spell, not screaming like a little girl (That part came when he was being torn apart by all of the magic and scraps that just flew everywhere).
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:52 No.5738632
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    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:53 No.5738640
    There is no image macro to describe how awesome this is.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:53 No.5738646
    Looks like Wasteland Warrior has some competition now.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:55 No.5738656
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:55 No.5738664
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    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:55 No.5738665
    Ripped an owlbear statue's eye out with my mummy fingers.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:56 No.5738669
    Well, I'm not going to follow that.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:56 No.5738673
    Thread archived.

    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:56 No.5738678
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    >Rages of a "misquote" of T.S. Eliot, supposedly because he's some kind of poetry/literary aficionado
    >Doesn't understand the concept behind morphing existing sayings
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:57 No.5738688
    I just fucking realised. FFX? Sin? The airship? Ripoffs of the Tarrasque.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:58 No.5738691
    My thanks, it was a lot of fun to play in, and plenty of fun to work with the others in the final, epic battle. Believe me when I say that we ran for a hellishly long time to work everything out, but when we left, we were ALL satisfied at what had occurred.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)20:58 No.5738693
    +1 vote
    >> snoɯʎuouɐ 09/05/09(Sat)21:00 No.5738709
    Sin was based off of the Non-DnD description of Bahamut. That being, a Giant Whale.
    >> Tarrasque Slayer 09/05/09(Sat)21:07 No.5738788
    Fuck yes. Thank you to everybody voting for my thread, though the only thanks I really need is the fact that you all enjoyed the story enough to constantly F5 in search of an update. It's always nice when you've got a good thread going that people enjoy, with a story they can really dig their teeth into.

    Especially if it involves a wizard in an airship fucking up an Awakened Tarrasque with insane amounts of Wizard levels.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)21:09 No.5738813
    That was awesome. +vote

    I hope to hear more from you.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)21:12 No.5738839
    >The wizard's words echoed throughout the field, "I wish that..."

    Did anyone else have a flashback to "We're Back!"?
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)21:13 No.5738855
    Tarrasque Slayer: That was possibly the single most epic story from any DnD game I've ever heard, literally ever. Kudos to you for writing something absolutely, totally fucking incredible, man.

    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)21:19 No.5738906
    How does a creature with INT 3 learn wizard spells?
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)21:22 No.5738939
    Furthermore it cannot speak and thus would have to metamagic all spells as silent spells
    >> TheLionHearted !HAGYQOveO. 09/05/09(Sat)21:23 No.5738946
    There exist spells that increase intelligence. Added with permanency I don't see why it couldn't.
    >> Tarrasque Slayer 09/05/09(Sat)21:25 No.5738971
    This poster:

    Got it in one. The lich who awakened Tarrasque also imbued him with a number of INT-enhancing enchantments, as well as the various methods he discovered whilst going around the planes, making friends with everybody WE pissed off.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)21:26 No.5738976
    but increase int by the 16 it needs for the previously mentioned maximized disintegrates etc? iirc items and spells that increase abilities virtually never stack
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)21:27 No.5738991
    the story says nothing about increasing its intelligence
    >> TheLionHearted !HAGYQOveO. 09/05/09(Sat)21:28 No.5739002
    The tarrasque would also be gaining levels, so it could increase intelligence naturally. 3 (starting)+ 4 (level 20)+ 5 (tome of knowledge) and various other items can get it higher.
    >> Tarrasque Slayer 09/05/09(Sat)21:29 No.5739017
    True, but I didn't consider that /tg/ would be curious as to HOW Tarrasque reached such epic levels of intelligence (We always just assumed that the Lich, being of the high level he was, simply made an Epic-level spell to create a sort of Enhanced Awakening for the force of nature he revered as a god).
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)21:29 No.5739022
         File1252200587.jpg-(968 KB, 1422x3226, TARRASQUE SLAYING.jpg)
    968 KB
    Okay, made an image of all the posts. Just hope someone didn't get there before me :/
    >> Tarrasque Slayer 09/05/09(Sat)21:31 No.5739038
    AWESOME! Thank you VERY much for putting in all of that effort. I never thought I'd post something cool enough for /tg/ that would actually deserve to get made into picture format!
    >> TheLionHearted !HAGYQOveO. 09/05/09(Sat)21:32 No.5739049
    Tome of Clear Thought rather.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)21:34 No.5739066
    This tale will be told by bards of the land for millennia to come
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)21:34 No.5739071
    Nobody made an image of it, but it is up on suptg.

    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)21:35 No.5739087
    It's not a problem. Something like this should be archived forever in picture format - the story was fucking AWESOME, and kudos for sharing it. Also, could you give me the stats for the Hide Life spell? I don't actually own the Complete Arcane, and I just want to see for myself how gribbly this spell actually IS.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)21:36 No.5739091

    Toss the "not iwth a bang but a whimper' quote in at the end to wrap it up nicely
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)21:36 No.5739095
    also couldn't those enchantments be dispelled via Mordekainen's disjunction, etc?

    Not to mention the increased intelligence wouldn't help the Terrasques relatively poor will saves; a Feeblemind would fuck it over
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)21:38 No.5739109
    quit nitpicking and enjoy the story for the epic that it is
    >> Tarrasque Slayer 09/05/09(Sat)21:38 No.5739113
    "Hide Life
    Level: Sorcerer/Wizard 9
    Components: V; S, M, XP
    Casting Time: 1 day
    Range: Personal
    Target: You
    Duration: Instantaneous (see text)
    You isolate your life force in one single part of the bodytypically
    the little finger on the left hand. You can then remove
    this part and store it in some safe place. Once the spell
    takes effect, you can no longer be killed by ordinary means: If
    damage or a spell effect would normally render you disabled,
    dying, or dead, you ignore the usual effects. Instead, you are
    staggered (only able to take partial actions).
    While this spell is in effect, if you would otherwise be disabled
    or dying, you do not lose hit points for taking actions or
    having a negative hit point total. Healing does not automatically
    return you to 0 hit points but simply adjusts your current
    total upward. If you would otherwise be dead, you cannot
    benefit from healing and simply fall down dead if the spell is
    If the hidden body part is ever destroyed, the spell is broken
    and your life force returns to your body if you would not
    otherwise be dead."

    Direct quote from Complete Spellbook. It took a shitload of money to make it into a magic item for each crew member to use once, but holy SHIT was it worth it.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)21:40 No.5739137
    I once unmade the universe

    Last words? "Hey guys, watch this!"
    >> TheLionHearted !HAGYQOveO. 09/05/09(Sat)21:42 No.5739155
    It could eliminate spell induced increases but it would still be intelligent enough to cast magic (if that were possible in an anti-magic field, but its' not). So in effect the Tarrasque would still be a sentient being and very aware.
    >> Tarrasque Slayer 09/05/09(Sat)21:43 No.5739167
    While this was all true, mechanics-wise the DM had made Awakened Tarrasque the campaign's "Boss Battle", and as such jacked everything about him up to suitably challenge us all.

    Games-wise, this was simply explained as Tarrasque sufficiently thrashing all that stood in "his" way, aided by its lich "mentor" (Who was really just a devoted worshiper spoon-feeding it knowledge about the arcane). Once it became experienced enough by beating shit up, it began to expand elsewhere, cuntpunting those that we allied and forming alliances with those that we had pissed off in the past (Of which there were quite a bit: From the goblins to entire tribes of orcs).
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)21:43 No.5739170
    You didn't see the part about the tarrasque having lots of wizard levels, did you?
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)21:43 No.5739174
    Holy shit. Immensely gribbly. Thanks, man. Tell us another epic story, go on.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)21:56 No.5739267
    Holy shit, best D&D finale ever.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)21:59 No.5739295
    the only non-spell/enchantment based intelligence increases would be from the wizard levels, which i doubt it had enough of to have +16 int... that would be what, 45-50 wizard levels?
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)22:07 No.5739363
    also why didn't the tarrasque just fucking eat the lich?
    >> TheLionHearted !HAGYQOveO. 09/05/09(Sat)22:19 No.5739470
    Int gained from tome of clear thought cannot be dispelled. The tome itself can be dispelled, but the Int bonus is permanent, for the most part.
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)22:29 No.5739576
    Plotholes can be easily explained

    A wizard did it
    >> Anonymous 09/05/09(Sat)22:32 No.5739606
    plotholes were paved over by Adamantite asphalt of awesome
    >> Professor Stein (Gone Fishing) !NU4eJT.c7o 09/05/09(Sat)22:45 No.5739747
    Playing in a game of Exalted on IRC

    We're in this cavern of 1st age treasures with a warship. Alchemical gets the ship, takes off without me and a buddy.

    He perfect defended the blast by jumping in and out of the blast waves in acrobatic godliness. (Superior to what I did)

    I planted my sword into the blast, and parted it around me for a good few seconds. Ended up on a tiny spire of rock that was left (Think cartoons) and rolled off of it backwards.

    Caught myself after falling a mile by digging the sword into the rock, and coming to a halt bathed in sparks.
    >> Anonymous 09/06/09(Sun)00:48 No.5741228
    I was playing a wizard. A…rather squishy wizard, and not a very good one. Oh, sure, he fireballed a few goblins here and there, but he didn’t have much effect on the story as a whole. The fighter (an ex mercenary) had killed a massive Frankenstein construct that absorbed living bodies into itself, the work of a mad necromancer—he hacked his way into one ear, and out the other. Lost an arm, doing it, got it replaced with an arm of steel and adamantium from a god. The rogue had shish-kebobbed a dragon that was laying waste to a kingdom, by luring it with his own body into a deathtrap (a valley with the world largest crossbow at one end, that fired whole treetrunks at the dragon.) He got swallowed alive, but damn if the bastard didn’t hack and bloody chew his way out. Would have died still, but for a wish spell. The cleric cured a wasting illness that held a royal family in its grasp, created by an a demonic creature, by praying until an avatar of his very god touched the family, curing them and banishing the demon.
    >> Anonymous 09/06/09(Sun)00:52 No.5741296
    (I know I can’t beat the Tarrasque Slayer up there, but I have a decent story, I think. )

    But my wizard….he didn’t do much was just in the background, helping out a bit, casting a spell here, a spell there, nothing extravagant. Until the latest mission…curious goings on in a mountain region. Tribes of orcs and goblins, trolls and the occasional ogre or giant…they weren’t attacking anymore. They had stopped raiding caravans, stopped pillaging small towns, and, in fact, their absence had let the few cities around grow rich and prosperous. No one thought to wonder where they monsters had all gone, though. Not until it was too late.
    >> Anonymous 09/06/09(Sun)01:02 No.5741426
    blew up a city via a lightning bolt to the sewers...nuff said. immediately after our ranger beheaded the town's vile landowner right in front of 6-8 of his incredibly high level guards, and managed to make off with his life.
    >> Anonymous 09/06/09(Sun)01:04 No.5741441
    They had become an army. A horde, really. Too many to count….trolls, orcs, goblins, ogres, even a couple of giants. Dozens of clans, tribes, and factions, banding together under one banner, intent on wiping out the surrounding settlements and creating their own kingdom. Of course, they raised their garrisons, sent out militia and armies, spreading word and begging help, but there was no time. Their armies were slaughtered, and, in many cases, eaten, without doing any real damage to the horde. Rivers ran red with blood, carnage abounded. And they were no where near done.
    >> Anonymous 09/06/09(Sun)01:04 No.5741443
    >He perfect defended the blast by jumping in and out of the blast waves in acrobatic godliness. (Superior to what I did)

    But. I. He. You.

    Aren't blast waves the one thing that renders dodges N/A and therefore means you can only perfect parry it? Wave mechanics in a three-dimensional plane mean you can't exactly dodge a blast wave.
    >> Anonymous 09/06/09(Sun)01:08 No.5741504
    Biggest thing I ever did was kill a BBEG by firing a magic missile at a bag of 30+ Thunderstones he hand hanging on his belt.
    >> Anonymous 09/06/09(Sun)01:11 No.5741535
    They were about to march on the cities, ready and willing for the massacre. Of course, our little band of intrepid heroes couldn’t let that happen: they organized evacuations, and set up booby traps to slow the army down, but it wasn’t enough. They were still coming too fast—they would roll over the cities and kill everyone.
    My wizard could not let that happen.
    He did not think himself a very good wizard, but, by all that was good, he was not a cowardly wizard. And he had an item, something that could well turn the tide. A book of magic, which, if he used it, would give him the power of a hundred spellcasters. There was, as always, a price, however. The book attained this power by draining all those who used it—they would become more powerful than anything, and then crumble to nothing, their minds, lives, and powers sucked into the book.
    >> Anonymous 09/06/09(Sun)01:23 No.5741689
    My wizard was willing to pay that price. He hiked alone, without telling his companions, for two days without sleep or food, until he came upon the army. And then he opened the book.
    It filled him with energy, with power, with spells. He was as a god—the fire of a molten planet burned in his eyes, lightning crackled at his fingertips, and the very ground shook at his passing. And he walked amongst the army, and he killed them. He blasted them apart with fire, with lightning, with stone, with the sheer force of his mind. The earth swallowed them, flames consumed them, their lungs filled with water, and gusts of air threw them for miles in every direction. A giant tried to grab him—and he melted his hand. Goblins surrounded him, and he merely glanced their way—and their heads exploded. A troop of orc archers fired at him…and their arrows turned away, seeking out the orcs who had fired them and piercing each one neatly through the throat. In the end, he slaughtered nearly half of the assembled horde, and sent the rest to route. But the book demanded it’s due, and he staggered back to the city, old and grey where he had once been young and vigorous. He died among his companions, a smile at his lips—he had finally become, in his own mind, a true wizard.
    >> Anonymous 09/06/09(Sun)01:56 No.5742247
         File1252216601.jpg-(1.37 MB, 1755x1275, big t.jpg)
    1.37 MB
    Here's a quick doodle I did. I think we need a real drawfag to work on this now.
    >> Anonymous 09/06/09(Sun)03:02 No.5743116
    Holy shit. We must bump this.

    Has anybody bothered with a 1d4chan article on this shit?
    >> Anonymous 09/06/09(Sun)05:52 No.5745051
    >Magic Missile
    Targets: ... creatures.

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