WELCOME TO THE FRONT, RECRUIT!WE'VE BEEN EXPERIENCING HEAVY SHELLING FROM ENEMY LINES, SO IF ALL YOU CAN HEAR IS RINGING, DON'T PANIC, YOU GET USED TO IT!SEE THE TRENCH WAY OUT THERE? WE CALL THAT THE SHITBLOOD GUTTER. IT USED TO BE OUR FORWARD TRENCHES BEFORE THE CULTISTS RELEASED THEIR LIQUIDATION WEAPON!I KNOW THE MUNITORIUM DIDN'T ISSUE YOU WITH ANY GEAR BEFORE YOU GOT HERE, SO YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO GO SWIMMING FOR A WEAPON AND SOME AMMO.DON'T WORRY, YOU GET USED TO IT!SOME OF THE LADS START HEARING VOICES AFTER A COUPLE OF WEEKS, JUST TRY TO BLOCK IT OUT BY THINKING ABOUT TITS OR THE EMPEROR.IF YOU EVER WAKE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT CHANTING INCOMPREHENSIBLE WORDS IN A LANGUAGE YOU DON'T RECOGNISE, THE THING THAT SEEMS TO SNAP YOU OUT OF IT TENDS TO BE SELF-MUTILATION, KILLING YOUR SQUADMATES OR DRAWING SYMBOLS ON THE WALLS.DON'T FRET, YOU GET USED TO IT!
>>57047444SIR! I HAVE A QUESTION! WHERE IN THE EMPEROR'S HOLY NAME ARE WE, AND WHY HAVE WE BEEN SENT TO THE FRONT UNARMED?!?
>>57047444Caps lock is painful to read
>>57047616CANT HEAR YOU, PRIVATE, YOU'LL NEED TO SPEAK LOUDER
>>57047690Non possum sentire stamine consequendi me!NON POSSUM SENTIRE STAMINE CONSEQUENDI MEEEEEEE!!!
>>57047596I SHOULDN'T TELL YOU THIS, BUT YOU'VE BEEN SENT TO [classified], LARGELY REGARDED AS THE WORST WARZONE IN THE SUBSECTOR!DON'T WORRY, EVENTUALLY WE'LL HAVE ENOUGH BODIES!>>57047616WHAT?>>57047737HERETIC!
YYYYEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!SLAANESH BEEEE PRAISED! SHITS GUNNA GET LOOOOUDDDERR!!!!!!!*Heretical Guitar riff goes here*
>>57047794SIR EVER SINCE ARRIVING HERE I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO KILL PEOPLE WITH MY MIND, IS THIS NORMAL?!
>>57047444SIR, DOES OUR ARTILLERY PLAN ON FIRING BACK? I ALSO PICKED UP THIS RATION BAR ON MY WAY IN, IS IT SAFE TO EAT? THE FOIL IS STILL ON IT
>>57047873I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE YOU'LL GET USED TO IT.>>57047993SEGMENTUM COMMAND TOLD US TO PRESERVE AMMO FOR THE BIG PUSH, THAT WAS PROBABLY AROUND...THREE YEARS AGO NOW?
>>57047871OH FUCK THE HERETICS ARE HERE, GET THE MELTAS
>>57047737RIGHT MAN REMEMBER WHAT SARGE TOLD YOU, START CUTTING YOURSELF
>>57048080WHAT DO YOU MEAN MELTAS?! FIX BAYONETS!
>>57047871FUCK YOU YOU POMPOUS FAGGOT, PRAISE KHORNE AND DIE!
DING DONG DING DONGYOU HEAR THAT?! POPPA NURGLES HERE TO SHOW YOU HOW MUCH HE LOVES YOU!!
FIRST LINE, FIRE!SECOND LINE F*URGGHGHGHG!*
>>57047444AM HERE TO TELL YOU IT"S TIME TO CHARGE THOSE CHAOS FUCKS!
>>57047444Then, everyone clapped.*sips tea*
>>57047444>TITS OR THE EMPERORSIR! WHAT ABOUT THINKING OF TITS ON THE EMPEROR?
>>57049967You sully your mind with such perverse images? Show me the rest of these before I splatter your brain across the trench, for research purposes of course!
>>57050093>10000/10, would worship with great fervor
>>57050093You allow your men to sully their minds and souls with such images? You HERETIC!
>>57050093WHAT WAS THAT, SIR? I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THAT NOB'S SCREAMS IN PAIN. COULD YOU REPEAT THAT AGAIN SIR!?>>57050190WHAT'S WITH THE NUMBERS? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT>>57050238HERETIC WHERE?
>>57050871I like the idea of a God Empress but god-damn the fuck is wrong with her face.
>>57052264WHAT? COULDNT HEAR YOU OVER ALL THE SHELLS, REPEAT YOURSELF.
WHAT?! I CANT HEAR YOU SPEAK UP
>>57047444THE HERETICS WILL MARINATE IN HERESY AND BURN IN THE FIRES OF DAMNATION!!! MARCH FORWARD AND SING HIS PRAISES!!!!!THE EMPEROR LOVES ME THIS I KNOW!!!FOR THE IMPERIUM TELLS ME SO!!!
>>57054787WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAexpecting a WAAAGH!? TOO BAD! WALUIGI TIME! OH YEAH!
OI! WHY WEZ JUS' SITTIN' 'ERE? LETZ GO KRUMP DEM SPIKY 'UMIES!
>>57054541ITS VERY QUIET TODAY.
>>57054845You're a monster
ATTACK MY PACT-BROTHERS! BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD, SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE! LET THIS WORLD BURN!
>>57059531I'M HAVING A BREW? DO YOU WANT ONE?
>>57047444SIR, MY STANDARD ISSUE SPOON HAS A TONGUE GROWING OUT OF IT AND MY BRAIN ITCHES, SIR!
>>57062685INCINERATE THAT TAINTED METAL!!! READ THE PRAYER OF THE EMPEROR 100 TIMES TONIGHT AND IF THAT DOES NOT STOP THE ITCHING REPORT TO ME TOMORROW MORNING!HOLD THE LINE GUARDSMEN!!! STAND TALL FOR THE EMPEROR!!!!
>>57047444SIR MY ARM HAS GROWN ITS OWN FACE, I'M NOT SURE WHAT TO DO
>>57062685I FEEL YOU MAN, MY GUN SPROUTED A MOUTH AND A PENIS LAST NIGHT, IT KEEPS TELLING ME TO PLEASURE IT.IF YOU ASK ME THERE IS SOMEONE FROM THE SUPPLY CORP FUCKING US OVER
>>57063131*Puts bolt pistol to your head and squeezes the trigger
>>57063133THAT'S ODD, MY GUN'S MAGWELL TURNED INTO A VAGINA AND STARTED WHISPERING SINS TO ME AT NIGHT. I HAVEN'T RELOADED MY GUN IN THREE WEEKS.
>>57063207>>57063133HAVE YOU TRIED STICKING THE TWO TOGETHER? SOUNDS LIKE YOU OUGHTA TWIN-LINK THAT SHIT.
>>57047444SIR, MY STANDARD ISSUE LASGUN JUST SHOT LIGHTNING AT A BUNCH OF HERETICS! IS THIS NORMAL?
>>57064498I DON'T KNOW. YOU'LL GET USED TO IT.
IS THAT A SPACE MARINE AT THE ENEMY TRENCH? HE WAVING AT ME! NOW HE'S SLIDING A FINGER OVER HIS THROAT SLOWLY?DO I WAVE BACK?
WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY REINFORCEMENTS! THESE FUCKING HERETICS ARE GONNA OVERRUN US OVER HERE!
IN THE NAME OF THE EMPEROR WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY BANEBLADES!
>>57047444SIR, WHY IS DAVE OVER THERE GROWING HORNS AND SPIKES?
>>57066178MUNITORUM LOST 'EMWE HAVE PLENTY OF (lightly worn) T-SHIRTS THOUGH
AUGH! A BUNCHA SCARED HUMIES WE 'AVE 'ERE?! AHAHAHAHA! NOW DIS IS A GOOD FIGHT FOR A ROIGHT AND PROPAH WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
>>57066158CAVALRY REPORTING IN!
>>57066158MUNITORUM CAN'T FIND ANY, BUT THEY SENT ME WITH 400 KEGS OF RECAFE AS REPLACEMENT.
[intimates his understanding by punching something]
BE STRONG IN YOUR HATE SOLDIERS!FAITH WILL GUIDE YOU! THE EMPEROR PROTECTS! AND YOU WILL MEET HIM TODAY BE IT BY DIEING OR REACHING THE HEAVEN ITSELF BY BUILDING A PILE OF CORPSES HIGH ENOUGH TO REACH IT!
>>57047444SIR I HAVE NO IDEA HOW I GOT HERE BUT IM GONNA GO BACK TO MY HOME PLANE NOW. HAVE FUN WITH WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING. PLANE SHIFT BIYATCH.
>>57066158>>57068029Hey, boss, this might be a good moment to bring up that I can arrange a trade - five kegs to any artillery regiment to send next training barrage on the coordinates we call, another 20 to accidentally swap in the live ammo.And a hundred to platoon command to call artillery drill right fucking now.So how do we play this, boss? All in? Just give me the coordinates.
>>57047444SIR WHY ISN'T THIS THREAD ON /QST/.
SIR THE ASTARTES ARE ACTING STRANGE
>>57069600THIS IS NO QUEST PRIVATE, NOW FALL IN LINE AND SHAVE YOUR LASGUN, ITS WAY TOO HAIRY.
>>57069570WHAT'S THAT? YOU'LL HAVE TO SPEAK LOUDER!AND WHO STOLE MY HELMET?
>>57047444SIR!IS IT TRUE THAT WHEN WE GARRISON THE PLANET THE MUNITORIUM WILL DEPLOY FEMALE REGIMENTS TO THE PLANET AND A BREEDING PROGRAM STARTS?
>>57072698YOU POOR GREEWBIE, THATS JUST RECRUITMENT PROPAGANDA.
SIR! THAT LAST ARTILLERY EXCHANGE COST ME MY ARM!WILL I GET USED TO IT?WAIT, WAIT A SEC, A TENTACLE IS GROWING OUT OF THE WOUND... WILL I GET USED TO THAT?
WHERE'S OUR ARTILLERY
>>57047444>THE EMPERORThis is all you need, those that are faithful will survive and prosper on this battlefield. Your enemies' missiles deflected, their demons banished. All will be well in the light of our glorious emperor. Now, CHARGE YOU SCUM AND GET YOUR WEAPON FROM THE BLOOD POOL. Less I judge you a traitor here and now!
>>57047444FHOR DE EMPRAA!
>>57076051WHO ARE YOU CALLING SCUM, HERETIC?
>>57075990YOU GET USED TO IT TROOPER
Heard you Cadian boys were havin trouble taming this "death world" I dont get what you pansies are talking about this place is a damn near paradise!
OH LOOK XENOS ON THE HORIZON!
>>57078785For a hot second, I thought that was a Necron in a Death Korp.'s cap.Which I want now.
SIR, WHY IS OUR STATIONED PSYKER STEVE GROWING WINGS AND IS TURNING RED? DO PSYKERS DO THAT?
>>57079911DEATHWORLD 17 ENGAGEMENT PROTOCOL SECTION 9 PARAGRAPH 4YOU GET USED TO IT.PARAGRAPH 5, IF YOU FIND SOMETHING IS BEYOND YOUR MORTAL COMPREHENSION SEE PARAGRAPH 4
>>57066158PRETORIAN GUARDS XVI RIFLE REGIMENT READY OLD CHAP!
Sir, Jenkins was killed by a Xeno with some kind of knife launching Crossbow, also several of the men have been talking about Crotch Rot.
>>57052264That's what happens when you go full smug. Never go full smug son.
WHO IS MAKING ALL OF THIS NOISE UP HERE!? SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO SLEEP DOWN HERE!!
>>57081141WHAT? WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM TECH-PRIEST? I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE BLAMMING OF THE COMMISSARS!
>>57081328YOU'RE GONNA WAKE UP THE C'TAN SHARD WE HAVE DOWN HERE! AND IT GETS REALLY CRANKY WHEN IT WAKES UP WITHOUT A GOOD NIGHT SLEEP AND THE SOULS OF TEN MILLION MORTALS!
>>57081357IT'LL GET USED TO IT
>>57081375I'M GONNA FILE A NOISE COMPLAINT TO YOUR PARENTS, YOU YOUNGSTERS! I SWEAR, THIS SECTOR HAS BECOME FULL OF NOISY BRATS, EVEN THE KRORKS WERE QUIETER!
>>57081974GOOD NEWS EVERYONE, THE ELYSIAN DROP TROOPS HAVE ARRIVED, WITH THEIR HELP WE WILL ADVANCE! OR WE WILL SURRENDER.
I WILL SHATTER THEIR SOULS
>>57083005COME AT ME! PSYKER DUEL! PUSH! PUSH IT!
WHERE'S OUR FIRE SUPPORT?
>>57083282THE BARRAGE IS READY! WE WILL PURGE THOSE MUTANTS WHO DWELL AT THIS BLOOD POOL!
>>57047444SIR! WHEN DO WE CHARGE INTO THE ENEMIE LINE!?
>>57083328BY THE EMPRAH HOW DO YOU GET THE MUNITORIUM TO ACTUALLY GIVE YOU ANY AMMO?
>>57083476BY BEING A FAITHFULL SERVANT OF THE EMPEROR! It also helps that I am the son of a Lord General
>>57047444IS THIS ENDOR? I THINK I'M IN THE WRONG PLACE
>>57083547YOU JUMPED AT THE WRONG PLACE MATE!
>>57083547DO YOU SERVE THE EMPEROR? DO YOU KILL EVERY TRAITOR YOU SEE? DO YOU HATE CHAOS REBEL SCUM? IF SO, YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT PLACE!
>>57083582KILLING REBEL SCUM? SAY NO MORE.
>>57083582HALF OF THAT SOUNDS RIGHT!WHAT AM I SHOOTING AT?
>>57083614ORKS! THERE BIG, GREEN, AND UGLY!
>>57083614STOP SHOOTING AND FIX BAYONETS. CHARGE! FOR THE EMPEROR'S GLORY!
>>57083614EVERYTHING THAT IS NOT HUMAN! AND EVERY HUMAN THAT HAS BETRAYED THE EMPEROR!
DRIVE ME CLOSERI WANT TO HIT THEM WITH MY SWORD!
>>57066428OI! QUIET DOWN YOU LOUD GOB! WE'RE TRYING TO HAVE A CIVILIZED CONVERSATION HERE. WAIT YOUR TURN.NOW, I'M GOING TO THE MESS, WHO WANTS ME TO BRING BACK RECAF AGAIN? I KNOW THE COMMISSAR TAKES HIS WITH THREE SWEETENERS, SARGE, YOU TAKE YOUR WITH MILK?
>>57083662WAIT WHY ARE WE ABANDONING A TACTICALLY SOUND POSITION?I MEAN I KNOW WE'RE DISPOSABLE BUT SERIO- HOLY SHIT THAT GUY TURNED INTO A LITTLE RED CRITTER
>>57083730A SWORD? MY RIGHTOUS FIST SHALL DESTROY THIS XENO! REMOVE XENO!
>>57083762XENO YOUR MINE
GLORY TO THE FIRST MAN THAT DIES.
FASTER! HARDER! MEANER! BETTER!
>>57050238you detestable mutants fill your head with such vile obsenity, DIE heretic!
>>57084062HOLD ON YOUR A HERETICS!
>>57047444OI! KOMMANDA SNIKGRUB REPORTIN' IN!KOMMAND SENT ME AN' DA BOYZ DOWN TO 'ELP KILL DEM CULTIST GITS GOOD UN PROPPA!!
>>57082385euh ... quoi? où suis-je et de quelle façon est-ce à Berlin? Je suis supposé être dans la résistance nazie.
>>57085627...eh.WHAT? I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOUR GOTHIC! BRING ME A BATTLE SAVANT!
WHAT'S THAT? ORBITAL BOMBARDMENT??WE HAVE TROOPS DOWN THERE, BUT OK LOL
>>57047444>TITS OR THE EMPERORWhy not both?
SIR, THIS DATA TERMINAL IS ACTING STRANGE
SIR FUCK YOU SIR
DA EMPERAH'S GREENEST, REPORTIN' FER DUUDEE! 'ERE WE'Z REDDY FER KRUMPIN 'DEM SPIKEY GITS.
>>57087677ORDINARILY I'D ASK QUESTIONS, BUT AT THIS POINT I'D RATHER NOT KNOW.
>>57084156You know they're just running around shooting each other down there... better just lay the exterminautus upon these heretics. ALL RIGHT FIRE
ALL I WANT FOR EMPSMAS IS AN ELDAR GF, SIR!
FYI this thread is going to get moved to /qst/ as soon as our beloved mod sees it.
>>57090479Nigga, it's been here for three days. It stays.
BRINGING IN A QUALITY BUMP, SIR!
>>57063315SIR THATS A GOOD IDEA.MAYBE WE COULD CREATE EXTRA WEAPONS
ONWARD SONS OF THE IMPERIUM! SHOW NO MERCY! CHARGEEEEE!
>>57093440FOR THE EMPEROR's tits AND VICTORY
CARLOS MCCONNELLIAN 1ST CLAW COMPANY REPORTING IN, SIR!
>>57083067>ywn have a fannypack headseriously though what is that? Is it another mind that is kept alive by the tu bes that the psyker can draw more power from or what?
>>57094790THIS WAS MY BROTHER! HE DIED AS THOUSAND OTHER BUT I SURVIVED THE MADNESS! I KEEP HIM AS MY PSY-FOCUS!
BEASTMAN HERE FIGHT SIR
>>57050190Wait don't give GW ideas or they will have the emperor die and be reborn as a woman and then she could officially make female primarchs and space marines.
>>57047444>TITS OR EMPRAHWHAT IF I LIKE THIGHS AND FEET?WILL THINKING ABOUT THAT NOT BE SUFFICIENT AS WARD?
>>57093440SIR, SIR I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS, BY THE EMPEROR THEIR GONE!
i once read a novel, i forgot its name, where a commissar pissed himself because he had to command a squad of kriegersthat made me lose all respect for commissars
>>57095492You've clearly not heard of the HERO OF THE IMPERIUM, CIAPHAS CAIN. Not all commissars are balls to the walls fanatics, and rarely on the same level as Kriegers.
>>57095451HANG IN THERE PRIVATE! YOU WILL GET NEW ONES TO KICK THE ENEMIES OF MAN HARDER! MEDIC! MEDIC!
COLONEL SCHAEFFER, THE TIME HAS COME FOR YOU AND YOUR MEN TO EARN THE EMPEROR'S EVERLASTING FORGIVENESS! YOUR REDEMPTION STARTS NOW! DO YOU SEE THAT MILE LONG GAP IN OUR LINES WITH ORKS POURING THROUGH? COUNTER ATTACK NOW!
>>57095346>Wait don't give GW ideas or they will have the emperor die and be reborn as a woman and then she could officially make female primarchs and space marines.HEY WHAT A GREAT IDEA! THANKS! We I mean they were going to use the Guilliman/Yvraine thing as the reason but this is even better!
BURN THEM ALL!
>>57063163>Not giving the new face a lasgun.OUR MEN WILL BE ARMED WITH ARMED ARMS.
>>57098142I'M GONNA EAT YOU!
>>57047444>IF ALL YOU CAN HEAR IS RINGING, DON'T PANIC, YOU GET USED TO IT!SIR IF ALL I CAN HEAR IS RINGING HOW WILL I KNOW WHEN THE ORDER TO CHARGE HAS COME, SIR?!
>>57099761IF YOU'RE NOT ALWAYS CHARGING, YOU'RE NOT DOIN' IT RIGHT!
*Charging whine**Galvanic rifle crackle*
>>57101577I GOT IT BOYZ!
>>57101832FUCK! LEG IT BOYZ!
<Binharic> Another glorious Omnissian victory, prepare the flesh-crawlers for loading <\Binharic>Fleshbags! Pile your casualties up, we need more cannon fodder and I for one don't want to be standing here and fighting Gargants with light sniper walkers in an hour. Leave that to the sodding Titans.
ARTY ON THE WAY BOYS, WE'RE SLINGING PHOSPHEX
Oh here comes the enemy counterbarEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Calm yourself guardsmen, the Astartes have arrived.
>>57102486REEEEEE ITS UNDER CONTROL SPESS MAREENS GET OUT
Pack it in kids, Inquisition's here
Hello yes, where are the Armageddon Steel Legions?
>>57102834ill take it from here rookie
>>57103761Hey shorty, good to see some of your kind still alive.
>>57102464DON'T ACT LIKE I DIDN'T HEAR THAT, ADMECH. YOU'RE LUCKY COMMAND IS VERY TOLERABLE.
SIR, I WOULD LIKE TO REPORT THAT WILLIAM'S DICK FELL OFF AND CRAWLED AWAY, WHAT SHOULD WE DO SIR?
SAVING BUMP IN ACTION, SIR!
>>57104423SIR, IS IT JUST ME, OR DOES THAT ADMECH HAS A FUNNY ACCENT, BEEP BEEP?
>>57050190>>57049967THATS JUST ANOTHER ASPECT OF THE HOLY EMPEROR, COMISSAR! NO HERESY HERE!
SIR, THE ASTROPATHS ARE DETECTING A WARPRIFT OPENING ABOVE THE BATTLEFIELD!
>>57107977SOMETHING IS COMING FROM THE OTHER SIDE! BE READY MEN!
>>57107977TELL THE FUCKERS WE CAN SEE HUGE RED CLOUDS WITH LIGHNING AND DEMONS OURSELFS.
>>57107979BY THE EMPEROR, WHAT IS THAT!? THEY LOOK LIKE GIANT HORNETS! GIANT HORNETS FROM THE WARP!!!
>>57107988ALL LIVING BEINGS FROM THIS REALM WILL SERVE AS FOOD FOR OUR BROOD! WE ARE DOMINION, WE ARE THE SWARM.
>>57107996LOOK MEN! THEY PROBABLY HAVE SOME HONEY STASHED SOMEWHERE! PUSH TO THE RIFT BOYS! WE GONNA EAT TODAY!
>>57107996THIS ROCK FLOATING IN SPACE WILL BECOME OUR NEST, FROM WHICH WE'LL LAUNCH OUR CONQUEST OF THIS PITIFUL REALM, AS WE DID MILLENIA AGO, AND AS WE WILL DO AGAIN AND AGAIN, FOR ALL ETERNITY.
>>57108007WE DON'T HAVE HONEY, WE ARE NOT BEES! BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
>>57108019ORNITOLOGY IS NOT THE THING YOU LEARN IN GUARD TRAINING CAMPS! CHAAAAARGE!
>>57108026SWARM THE MAMMALS! LET THEM KNOW THE PSALM OF STINGS!
>>57108044https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44H37IT1EWASHOOT MEN! THIS IS VERY EFFECTIVE!
>>57108053SHOOT THEM BACK! PICK UP THE MACHINE GUNS THATSHOOT SMALLER HORNETS! FOR THE GLORY OF THE SWARM!
>>57108094WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING? I'M COVERED IN BEES! HEEEEEEEELP!
>>57108139DOES YOU FAITH IN EMPEROR VANISHED?
>>57108173FORGET FAITH, MY SKIN HAS VANISHED!
>>57108191YOU DONT NEED SKIN! EMPEROR PROTECTS!
>>57108217MY INTERNAL ORGANS SEEM TO DISAGREE, SIR!
TURN THEIR FLESH INTO SPACE AND FOOD FOR OUR BROOD!
The Emperor Protect, the Guardsmen are still fighting. Huh.Well. Good for them. Captain, begin Exterimatus when ready.
>>57047993DONT EAT ANY UNISSUED FOOD NO MATTER HOW HUNGRY YOU ARE. THERE HAVE BEEN NUMEROUS UNSAVOURY INCIDENTS!
>>57108537Sir, I'm afraid we can't enact the exterminatus order. Thee's a hornet on the exterminatus button and it has already stung three of our crewmen.
>>57109167BY THE EMPEROR IT HAS COME TO THIS!SET COLLISION COURSE WITH THE PLANET!
>>57111315Sir, the techpriests have discovered high densities of hornet nests clogging the inner parts of the engines, and they're attacking the crew! We can't go full drive!
OP here. I legitimately thought this thread would get five replies and get me banned. Nice to see it flower into a big blossom of autism.You done me proud, my sons.
>>57115595LESS TALKING AND MORE BURNING, SOLDIER! THERE ARE STILL TOO MANY BUGS IN THE AIR!
BLOOD RAVENS, IT IS TIME TO PILFER ASSIST OUR ALLIES, KILL THESE WINGED CREATURES AND SEND THEM BACK TO THE WARP.
GREETINGS GUARDSMEN WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?
DID SOMEONE SAY NOT ENOUGH FIRE?!?!?!
>>57095451WHAT HAVE WE FUCKING TOLD YOU SOLDIER?YOU'LL GET USED TO IT!
>>57096927SKRŔRRRRRRREEEEEEERAAAAAAAAAH!TRANSLATION: YOU'LL GET USED TO IT!
>>571018321101010100010100011110001010001110011101100011010001TRANSLATION: YOU GET USED TO IT!
AFFIX BAYONETS LADS! FIRST ONE TO DIE IS AN ELDAR! URAAAAAA!
BY KHAINE'S FLAMING BALLSACK WHAT IN THE WARP HAS HAPPENED TO OUR ONCE PROUD MAIDEN WORLD? CHAOS? GIANT SPACE HORNETS? MON-KEIGH? NECRONS? ORKS? HOW DARE YOU DEFILE THIS WORLD WITH YOUR PRESCENCE! YOU SHALL ALL BE DESTROYED BY OUR SUPERIOR MIGHT!
>>57121438-Did you ear anything Dave? +Must have been the wind
>>57122148I tell you, working on the basilisk battery sure messes up the hearing
https://1d4chan.org/wiki/Regulations_of_the_Imperial_GuardHERE ARE DA ROOLZ MEN, LEARN 'EM OFF BY HEAR-SWEET MERCY WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE THINGS?
>>57122155NO I HAVEN'T SEEN YOUR EARRING, WHY DO YOU ASK?
>>57047444Hey fellas i just transferred over from headqwuarters ive never seen real combat, been a desk jockey most of my military career. I can type 77 WPM and am near sighted plus you know im just here to do the very best i can do.
>>57122430WHAT'S THAT SON? YOU'LL HAVE TO SPEAK LOUDER! ALSO, WHY ARE YOU UNARMED? GO GET THE LASGUN OF STEVE OVER THERE, LAYING DEAD ON THE GROUND. HE WON'T NEED IT ANYWAY.
DON‘T WORRY FELLOW HUMANS. A JACK OF ALL TRADES ULTRAMARINES ARMY JUST ARRIVED TO SAVE MANKIND ONCE AGAIN.
Well I suppose I could step in and help, since Roboute asked so politely. Did you know Giant Warp Hornets are excellent appetizers after being cooked in WARP FLAME?
>>57091531We used to have Field Kit Inspections too. Guess where they've been moved to.
>>57047444>JUST TRY TO BLOCK IT OUT BY THINKING ABOUT TITS OR THE EMPEROR.why not both?
>>57047444>TITS OR THE EMPEROR>orI think you mean "and"
>>57095346>the emperor die and be reborn as a woman and then she could officially make female primarchs and space marines.I would not be saddened by this development
>>57047444Hyeeelo fallow ghaardsmeen! I am heer to faght for thee shtupeed eeempeeerar jhast like hyu all!zho wheere do yhu keep all thee blowing up staaf?
>>57123635I CAN'T HEAR A WORD YOU'RE SAYING, AND EVEN I FIND YOUR VOICE ANNOYING.JUST SHUT UP AND GET BACK TO THE FRONT.
>>57122367NOT PEARING, HEARING!
>>57123681Hokay!(scampers off to the supply depot)
Our sisters are facing severe resistance! SEND THE TITAN HORNETS!
>>57123727YES, THE HORNET STINGS ARE SEARING, BUT THAT'S NOT GONNA GET YOU THE REST OF THE DAY OFF PRIVATE.
>>57123808DON'T SHOOT THEM BOYS, I HEARD A RUMOUR THESE BURST OPEN AND REVEAL MANY SMALLER HORNETS WHEN YA KILL EM.
>>57123843IM NOT GETTING OFF SARGENT! IM JUST SAYING THAT THIS BUGS ARE ANNOYING!
>>57123843>>57123867>>57124305Yess, the mammals are providing great sustenance for the hive! Soon this city will be fully adapted for our brood!
I say good chaps could you keep it down a tad. I need to get some shut-eye before I have to get back to trench duty.
>>57124510YOU'LL SLEEP WHEN YOU'RE DEAD, SOLDIER! NOW TAKE YOUR WEAPON AND FIRE THE ENEMY!
>>57124341MAY THE EMPEROR HAVE MERCY ON YOUR SOULS
>>57124617Do you mean fire on the enemy sir? I dont think our lasguns have the right caliber otheriwse!
>tfw hornet fags ruin your quality shitposting threadGET OUT
>>57125188BY THE ALLFATHER, THE MEAD DEPOT HAS BEEN OVERRUN BY HERETIC HORNETS
>>57125188I KNOW WHAT I'VE SAID, SOLDIER! NOW START BURNING XENOS, HORNETS AND HERETICS!
>>57125453Your tears are as delicious as the nectar we steal from bees, but much, much saltier.
>>57125836We hornets are ready to fight our foes in every condition imaginable! The cold winter of Fenris is nothing but a breeze thanks to our knitting technology!
>>57123145Nice try, Aeldari. But if your pitiful shard of a god couldn't defeat us, what makes you think warp flames could harm us?
Fear the power of the warp. HERE ARE THE KHORNET!
AT LAST WE STAND VICTORIOUS! THE GAS HAS KILLED THEM ALL!
>>57126366Some heretical hornets serve other powers instead of the Swarm!? Fight them to death, eat all of their brood!
>>57126413The death of an individual is meaningless to a being such as us!
>>57126501SIR, I GOT THE LAST SURVIVOR, SIR! SHALL I CRUSH IT OR SHALL WE GIVE IT TO THE INQUISITION?
>>57126564SIR; LOOK OUT! IT'S A TRAP!
>>57126622For the Swarm!
>>57126668BOOOOOMMMM[Contact with the inquisitorial vessel Fire of Judgement lost]
>>57126501Did she die?
WHERE IS OUR COVER FIRE?OUR TANKS ARE JAMMING WITH DEAD HORNETS
SIR I'D LIKE TO BE RELIVED I'VE BEEN STANDING GUARD FOR FOUR DAYS STRAIGHT I HAVEN'T GOTTEN USED TO IT
>>57131059NO YOU MAY NOTUNTIL YOU GET USED TO IT YOU BETTER GET USED TO NOT BEING USED TO ITDO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR SOLDIER?
>>57130848But why do you need fire cover if the hornets are already dead?
>>57131059BUT SIR, I'M COVERED IN HORNETS! IF I MAKE ANY BRASH MOVEMENTS I'LL BE STUNG TO DEATH, SIR!
SIR I THINK I CAUGHT A COLD WHEN FIGHTING THOSE PUTRID HERETICS, DO YOU HAVE ANY KLEEN-EX RATIONS?
>>57047444I THIRST FOR THE BLOOD OF THE EMPEROR'S ENEMIES! WHEN DO WE CHARGE THE FRONT LINES!
>>57131842THE FUCK IS KLEEN-EX??? I THINK THE COMMISSAR WAS LOOKING FOR YOU HURRY UP AND FIND HIM IN THE TOC
WHAT DO WE DO ABOUT ANAL SEEPAGE?!
>>57094790Looks like Elon Musk
>>57123635WHAT IS THAT, I CAN'T HEAR YOU CLEARLY. YOU NEED TO SPEAK UP SOLDIER!ALSO, WHY AREN'T YOU WEARING REGULATION FLAK ARMOR?
>>57132233KEEP CLENCHING IT'LL ALL BE OVER SOON
>>57132353SIR, IT JUST WON'T STOP! I'D GUESS THAT I'VE LOST 30% OF MY BODY MASS FROM SEEPAGE IN THE LAST 30 MINUTES!
IT IS I, THE EMPEROR. I AM ENDING THIS AUTISM
>>57126200i think you mean AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
>>57109167*BLAM*There. No more hornet.
>>57132660Oh, Great Emperor! You came back in mortal form! What shall we do with all of these hornets?
>>57131367QUIT COMPLAINING PRIVATE! DID YOU THINK I CRIED WHEN I LOST MY ARM?! NO! I BIT BACK! NOW, STEEL YOURSELF AND SHOW DOES PESKY BUGS WHO'S BOSS!
>>57135986LADS, THE CATACHAN 2ND HAS ARRIVED WE'RE NOT DEAD YET.
SIRME AND THE OTHER GUYS HAVE BEEN TALKING AND WHILE WE ALL APPRECIATE THE HELP SLY MARBO'S GIVEN US HE WON'T STOP SCREAMING EVEN WHEN HE'S ASLEEP HE KEEPS SCREAMING NONE OF US HAVE SLEPT FOR TWO FULL WEEKSIF IT WEREN'T FOR THE CHAOS TAINT IN THIS SECTOR AND THE DRUGS, WE'D ALL BE DEAD CAN WE PLEASE DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT
>>57131196JUST HAPPENS THAT NONE OF THOSE HERETICS LEFT WHEN THE HORNETS CAME, IT SEEMS THEYRE USED TO IT
SIR! I REPORT THAT I AM OUT OF CHARGE PACKS FOR MY LASGUN, MY BAYONET SNAPPED INSIDE A HERETIC LAST WEEK, MY SHOVEL CAUGHT FIRE, AND MY MESS KIT STARTED SINGING HYMNS IN PRAISE OF THE EMPEROR. WHAT THE FUCK? OVER.
>>57137505ALL PERFECTLY NORMAL SOLDIERJUST DIG THE BAYONET OUT OF THE HERETIC AND USE YOUR RIFLE AS A CLUBIT WORKS JUST FINE FOR THE OGRYNS YOU'LL GET USED TO IT
Howdy, Imperial servants! Check it out, I'm made out of gold!t. Emperor of Mankind
>>57137553Hmm... Yes, I see. Would be a shame if something would happen to you.
>>57137553HELP ME EMPEROR MY SKIN IS BEING BURNT AND FROZEN SIMULTANEOUSLY THE HORNETS ARE EATING MY INSIDES BUT THE CHAOS TAINT MAKES THEM GROW BACK AND THEN THE HORNETS EAT THEM AGAIN
>>57137360LOOK, THERE IS ONE OF THOSE HORNET WORSHIPERS! HE'S TRYING TO INVOKE A WARPRIFT TO BRING MORE HORNETS HERE!!
>>57137643TELL THEM TO BUZZ OFF THEN
SIR I THINK I HAVE A WASP INSIDE WHAT CAN I DO?CAN I GET USE TO IT?
>>57138542GO SEE THE COMMISSAR MAYBE WE CAN WEAPONIZE THE WASP SOMEHOW
SIR I GOT SHOTCAN I GET SOME MEDICAL ATTENTION?
>>57138625HAVE YOU BEEN RELIVED BY ANOTHER SOLDIER YET?
SLAMBO HAS ARRIVED
>>57049967What weak frame is that?!
>>57138638NO SIRI HAVE NOT RECEIVED ANY SUPPORT IN ANY WAYI ASKED JOHNSON IF HE WOULD TAKE MY POST WHILE I SEEKED MEDICAL ATTENTIONHE FLIPPED ME OFF AND CALLED ME A PANSY ELDAR
>>57138663>NO SIRTHEN YOU WILL WAIT UNTIL YOU ARE BACK TO YOUR POST SOLDIER
>>57138638COLONEL! ONLY IN DEATH CAN YOU AND YOUR MEAN BE RELIEVED, REPORT TO TRENCH 33 BEFORE I LOSE MY TEMPER
>>57138675VERY WELL SIRI APOLOGIZE FOR WASTING YOUR TIME SIR
>>57138682TRENCH 33 GOT BLOWN UP SIRIT'S JUST CRATER 78 NOW
>>57138713WELL GET INTO THAT CRATER COLONEL, I DIDNT ASK YOU A QUESTION.
>>57138734S-SIR YES SIR
REST EASY BRAVE IMPERIAL GUARD, THE SALAMANDERS ARE HERE. NOW, WHERE THE WHITE WOMEN AT?
>>57138764IF YOU MEAN THE CAUCASIAN FEMALE SLAANESHIES,THEY'RE OVER THEREIF YOU MEAN OUR WHITE WOMEN,THEN I'M GONNA HAVE TO REPORT YOU FOR HERESY
>>57138764WE'VE BEEN HERE A LONG TIME SIR IT'S BEEN PRETTY ROUGH AND QUITE FRANKLY, WE CAN'T DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE MEN AND WOMEN ANYMORE
>>57138586SIR I THINK THE WASP IS MY BRAIN AND IT IS TELLING THINGS ABOUT A HOW I CAN KILL MY COMMISARS AND MY SUPERIORS EASILY TO BE FREE WITH THE THEM.I WILL GET USED TO IT?
>>57138858SOUNDS LIKE HERESY SON I'D BLAM YOU, BUT MY GUN IS OUT OF AMMOSO STAND STILL WHILE I HIT YOU IN THE HEAD WITH THE BUTT
>>57138858I CAN ONLY GIVE YOU ADVICE,COMRADE,BUT IT IS CLEARLY SOMETHING HORRIBLEWE MAY HAVE TO CUT OPEN YOUR SKULL TO EXAMINE ITSIRI SAY WE CUT OPEN HIS SKULL TO EXAMINE THE WASP
>>57138831THERE IS A GUY IN OUR REGIMENT THAT HAS MOUTH INSTEAD OF A PENIS WE STARTED TO THINK OF HIM AS A GIRL BUT NOW THAT HE HAS TENTACLES IN THE MOUTH WE ARE TOTALLY LOST
>>57138893IS THAT HOW GIRLS WORK? I'VE FORGOTTEN
>>57138878FOR THE EMPEROR THE WASP WAS DOING A NEST INSIDE ME*thousands of wasps start to go the exterior from his mouth and ears*
BEEP BOOP WASPS SHANT PIERCE OUR METAL SKIN
CHARGE!SHOW THIS XENOS SCUM WHAT FURY TRULY IS!
>>57139064IT'S A RAK'GOL KILL IT
>>57139064IS THAT A FIRST EDITION TYRANID?
>>57138923KILL HIMFOR THE EMPEROR!
>>57139188NO! NOT FOR THE EMPEROR!
>>57139269YESFOR THE EMPERORI SHALL BURN YOU LIKE THE HERETIC YOU ARE
>>57139316ARGH!...Five the Emperor because five is bigger than four.
WOT IN DA GROT IS GOIN' ON HERE??
>>57047444Will there be happy meals?
>>57140048THAT DEPENDS ON WHAT YOU CLASSIFY AS A "MEAL"
>>57136884QUICK LADZ! *CAREFULLY* GRAB DA SNOOT AN' DEN TOSS 'EM AT DA HERETIC-GITS! OR AR ALL YA HUMIES SCARED O' WUN LIL MERRY SUICIDE BOMMA?
>>57140193YOU FUCKING KNOW IT,YOU FILTHY GREENSKINBUT IF IT KILLS HERETICSTHEN I SHALL OVERCOME MY FEARS OF DYINGFOR THE EMPEROR!
>>57141504Yessss, the toad's gasses are spreading through the battlefieñd! Fortunately for us, our hornet technology will allow us to survive the chemical death cloud!
>>57141645OH DERE'S WUN O' DEM HORNET FINGS! I WUZ LOOKIN' FOR SUM SNOTLINGS FOR MY SHOKK ATTACK GUN, BUT YOU'LL WORK TOO! C'MERE!!