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  • File : 1247586162.jpg-(172 KB, 550x800, 6841698468.jpg)
    172 KB True Heroes Part 10 !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)11:42 No.5160269  
    Never have kids, /tg/.

    Moving along, it's about time to finished up this arc, don't you think?

    Where we left off: Selene, after succumbing to her blood and instincts, managed to defeat a superior opponent in order to save Kuhn's life. You and Fayt entered the center hall to find a very unnerving sight.

    Part(s) 2-5 to 8: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/5132901/
    Part 9: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/5151430/

    Current style: Brute
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)11:44 No.5160280
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    “Raven,” you saw with acid on your tongue. The woman who actively seeks your death, and your sister, just smiled at you while she sat with her legs crossed on top of the large panther statue. “My, my, I didn’t expect to find you here. What’re the odds that the rebel rats would have been you? Tsk, I’m getting sloppy.” You walk across the bridge with Fayt behind you, your eyes locked onto her person. “I’m not here to fight you, I’m merely an observer.” You squint at her, trying to figure out her words. You rush the child across the bridge as you assume your attack stance. As you were about to attack her, your attention is drawn toward the top of the animal statue – an older, muscular man with somewhat gray hair was standing on the head.
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)11:45 No.5160282
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    “Are you the King here?” you say, unimpressed. You point your blade at him when he doesn’t respond. “I think it’s about time you stepped down.” He begins to laugh loudly at your words before turning to face you. “You’ve come here to fight with ME? Very amusing.” The man removed the upper half of his clothing to reveal a very muscular body. “Why don’t you show me how strong you are, revolutionary?” You switch into a stance as he turns toward the object the panther is holding in its mouth. “Whether you break through my chains, or I destroy every last one of you… let’s see who’ll be victorious!” In one motion, the King removes the object and swings it so it rests on his shoulders.

    “Can a mere child shatter my chains – the chains of the King of Night?!” You swing your blade to the side. “A chain made from a perverted old man’s wet dreams? I’ll shatter them in a single strike. Every night has to end; it’s about damn time for the citizens of this city to see dawn. The Night King can watch the sunrise when he’s in hell!” The two of you leap at one another, yelling, your weapons in the air and howling, hoping to taste the blood of the enemy.

    [ ] Choose your style
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)11:57 No.5160340
    I think that was what it was called?
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)11:58 No.5160343
    (Current) Styles:

    - Supernova: the moves of your previous life. Use this style to unlock your old abilities and attacks.
    - Wrestling/Grappling: a style focused grabbing, throwing, etc. your enemies. Use this if you like manhandling your opponent.
    - Trickster: fooling and outmaneuvering your opponent is the name of the game. Use this style if you prefer speed and manipulation.
    - Transformation: love animals? Now you can be one. Use this style if you’d rather become a literal beast in battle than a weak human.
    - Hand-to-hand: rather beat an opponent down with your own hands rather than use a weapon? Then this style is for you.
    - Brute: all power, all the time. Use this style if you prefer to muscle your way through your goals.
    - Defender: the moves of the protector. This style is based upon defending against attacks and countering in an opening.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)12:19 No.5160457
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)12:22 No.5160474
    Supernova + using sheath for dual wielding.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)12:22 No.5160477
    Thirding choice of Supernova
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)12:26 No.5160504
    You take your sheath out and hold in front of you as you prepare to use it as a second weapon.

    The both of you continue to fly toward one another yelling.

    His weapon looks heavy.

    [ ]Your Action
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)12:32 No.5160539
    Light Step just as he starts swinging his weapon and start carving up his backside.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)12:38 No.5160572

    Preparing for an ass kicking.


    Don't be hasty. 20 dollars says he's faster and stronger than us.

    Swing down your sheath then your blade. Play it safe for a little bit.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)12:44 No.5160614
    Can we use that move from when we fucked up that cannon?
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)12:53 No.5160660

    Hm... I guess so, but it'd be impractical in this situation. It's a move that's based on unsheathed and resheathing your katana. Considering your weapon is already out and air-borne, you'd be hit before you could get into position to use it.

    tl;dr Yes, but I wouldn't recommend it in this situation.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)12:55 No.5160673
    Just wondering. Always opportunities to put space between us & use it later.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)13:00 No.5160695


    >don't have kids, /tg/

    What happened? I'm just curious.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)13:07 No.5160729
    >His weapon looks heavy.
    He'll be in for a surprise when we pull out our 'stache...
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)13:12 No.5160743
    I think we can safely assume that we can't go blow for blow with this guy.

    So focus on dodging his attack first, think about hitting back when we've seen how fast he is, and we know if we can outmaneuver him.
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)13:17 No.5160779
    You swung your sheath down as a decoy toward the King, but he simply caught it in his free hand. Your eyes widened as you saw an opening in his defense and thrust your blade toward his chest. His foot rose through the air and slammed against your chin, sending you reeling backward. You stood on the bridge to regain your composure, though you were surprised to see that the King of Night was following up on his attack. Using his large umbrella-like weapon, he brought it over your head and swung it downward with ferocity. The bridge crumbled and collapsed under the pressure causing smoke and dust to rise and blanket the area. “Adahn!” Fayt yelled again, unable to the lower level where the fighting now took place.

    With a grin, the King held his weapon in both hands, but was met with surprise when he saw that you were still alive – and had defended against him. “Oh? You blocked my attack?” With one knee against the ground and your sheath + blade holding his weapon at bay, you looked upward with obvious strain in your face. “You’ve gotta be fuckin’ kidding me,” you think to yourself. “One hit… just one strike and it feels like… my body’s lost all its energy and stamina!” You manage to remove your knee from the ground, changing your defense into a crouch. “This is the power of the man known as the King of Night?”
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)13:17 No.5160784
    You hear clapping from above. “Amazing. You lasted 10 seconds against the Night King. This is getting really interesting. Good luck, brother, I feel like rooting for you now.” The woman uncrossed her leg, her smile that seemed etched on her face never disappearing. “Don’t look down on me, you damn kid.” You say while you move his weapon upward and away, gradually making yourself able to stand. “10 seconds? Hell, I’ll last until I die of old age.” You flash a grin at her. “I’ll die peacefully surrounded by my grandchildren, you bitch.” The King began to chuckle. “Your life has already ended. The second you decided to oppose Septima – and the King of Night!”

    The King’s muscles tightened, attempting to put more pressure on you to send you into the ground. The broken pieces of the bridge you stood on broke under the force of his attack and your failing defense. “My bones are grating… my muscles are crying in pain… I can’t relax a single finger, a single muscle! I’ll be crushed in the next second!”

    [ ] Your Action
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)13:19 No.5160799

    Daughter ran in my room at like 10 o'clock and started crawling on my face yelling "Daddy, it's 10! It's time to write!" Then I had to make her breakfast, etc. etc.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)13:25 No.5160834
    I'd like to have a kid like that someday...
    >Daddy! Daddy! It's 8am, you're going to be late for work!
    Then again, maybe not...

    Anyways, I'd say we light-step from underneath him to directly above him, then stab that sword down (INTO HIS FUCKING NECK) while he's unbalanced (not just unbalanced, but probably fall flat on his face from putting his entire weight on us) from us suddenly disappearing under him.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)13:28 No.5160851

    I don't think that's an option, we can't even move. I say we kick bridge debris up at him.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)13:34 No.5160879

    There's a flaw in that. His weapon will just go into the ground, but he won't be unbalanced. Since he's wielding the thing like it's nothing, I'm willing to bet he could easily turn, lift it, and beat us with it in one quick, successive movement.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)13:37 No.5160897
    Get in close. His weapon is to unwieldy in close quarters. We at least can stab him with ours while he effectively has a big club.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)13:40 No.5160916

    We can't move and I believe he's about to crush us within the next second.

    We need to REALLY think what we're going to do next before we end up getting ourselves killed, which seems like a possibility.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)13:45 No.5160944

    And you think I do not know that? I am only here to give general advice and help in lethal non-combat situations. How you get out of that stalemate is your problem.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)13:50 No.5160982

    Hm, I see.

    Well, in my opinion, our best bet would be Light Stepping somewhere, but we have to find some space in order to do it - just a second - somehow.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)13:53 No.5160997
    a tactical retreat may be in order
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)13:55 No.5161015
    I think we might be focusing on the wrong thing. Instead of figuring out how to hurt him now, we should figure out how to weaken him.

    We should attempt to fling the debris at him to distract him so we can light step to the controls and destroy them. Then we can figure out how to kill him.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)13:56 No.5161016

    That would be a good idea.

    If we could move.

    And if we weren't currently the second slowest person in the room - the first being the kid.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)13:57 No.5161021
    see >>5161016
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)14:01 No.5161056

    We are in Supernova, are we not? Did we possess some sort of telekinesis?
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)14:02 No.5161058

    I don't believe so.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)14:10 No.5161102
    This is what happens when you attack a King of Night without a whip.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)14:17 No.5161138
    After reading the posts and the situation, I have confirmed something:

    We are so fucked.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)14:24 No.5161173
    Let loose the burning passion of youth! Adahn is tougher than this old fuck, get up and fight! Let a forgotten lifetime of battle guide your blade and free the people from oppression!

    Basically, what I'm saying is surge up and smash this fucker's nose with the heel of your hand and make him think twice.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)14:27 No.5161190
    We can't stay in this "stalemate." We have to find a way to distract him, if only for a second, so we can step away.

    We know there's bridge debris around our feet so we could kick something up at his face or something. Though it's reckless, it's probably our best bet.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)14:35 No.5161225

    Agreed. We're not accomplishing much else.
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)15:01 No.5161363
    “I’ll be crushed in the next second!” Under the strain, you begin to yell to fuel your next action. You slam your foot on a long piece of wood that once made up the bridge. It whips upward toward your opponents face, though he breaks it with one his hand; while distracted, you slash with your blade, though he dodges by jumping. You quickly vanish from your position in an attempt to collect yourself, but the King of Night continues his attack. He smashes his weapon against the floor, but you manage to evade with a leap backward. When you land, you duck immediately as he thrusts his weapon against the wall, destroying it, and whipping it around in a circle around you.

    “No time to breath, or even blink! A single blow forces my soul from my body!” You look at the man standing above you, his face open and wide in laughter. He hops into the air and thrusts his weapon into the ground, but you manage to dodge by rolling to the side. He swings on his hand and kicks you, though you defend with your weapon, you are sent flying into a wall. The moment you hit it and bounce off, he appears and slams his hand against your face, bonding you to the wall with his inhuman strength. “Adahn!” Fayt yells. Raven holds her hand to her chin and shakes her head. “Ah, over already? That’s no fun.”
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)15:02 No.5161369
    “Hahaha, looks like you’re not all talk – within human standards, that is.” You struggle to remove his hand and arm that binds you to the wall, but are unsuccessful. “It’s obvious you revolutionaries wouldn’t be able to shatter my chains, when you could even protect your own nation from Septima.” A white light consumes your mind, but only for a moment. “When a lion loses a turf war, it must surrender its land and females. Do you get it now? You rebels no longer have a home, or a right to hold women because your women and land have long been ours!”

    The King leans in, putting his face close to yours. “That’s right. This city, its women, and all of you all belong to the Night King. They’re chained up as my pet, they cannot escape anywhere. And you losers don’t have the right to stop me!” Blood began to pour from your head. “It’s your fault for being too weak to protect anything!” To increase the pressure, the King grabbed his wrist and pushed against it. “A loser should act like one and just suck his thumb and watch as his nation and its women are violated by stronger ones.” Your pupils begin to dilate. “In the other world where your comrades are waiting for you!”
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)15:03 No.5161379
    You swing your blade upward with as much strength as you could muster. Though you miss vital organs, you manage to cause damage to one of his eyes. He backs away as the blood begins to spew. “We haven’t lost yet… I’m still fighting!” Holding his eye, the King lets go of you. “You son of a…!” You kick him and he falls away, landing against the ground while you rested against the wall. “Adahn!” Fayt yelled as he ran along the elevated path.

    “Stay back!” Tears begin to roll down his face as you flash him a reassuring smile moments before you’re delivered a devastating kick into the wall by the King of Night.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)15:20 No.5161476
    Wait, are we dead? I demand answers!
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)15:29 No.5161535
    Run him through quickly, don't give him time to get back up.
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)15:30 No.5161547
    “See, it’s that guy lying over there. We came in here believing in him and this is what we get. What kind of joke is this? After all that big talk you do with me, just look at you!” Selene crossed her arms, her face reflecting an expression of disappointment. “Where’s that sun you promised these people, and what happened to that promise you made me? You said I could trust you. I was a fool for expecting anything from you, you big ass liar!” Selene, quickly, threw a small dagger she had acquired on her way here at where your head was. You caught it between your middle and index fingers. “I didn’t lie.”

    Everyone looked in surprise, save Raven and Selene. “The sun did rise…” All around the area were revolutionary soldiers and civilians, all of them wielding a weapon they had come upon when they traveled here. “All around the place.” With a little effort, you manage to stand. You walk forward, picking your blade and sheath off of the ground. Blood stained the floor with each step you took. “Heh…” The King of Night did nothing but look in awe of what he thought was his beaten opponent. “Sweet, he got up,” Raven said while chuckling to herself. “So he’s still going to fight.”
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)15:31 No.5161555
    “I guess I made a mistake,” Selene began, “I thought you were dead. But it doesn’t look like you’ll be of much use, you can barely stand.” “Shut up, woman. I could say the same for you. Nice of you to finally show up.” “I followed the smoke and crawled back from hell.” “I appreciate your hard work, but you took so long, I thought I’d finish the mission myself.” “Heh, what are you talking about? No one ever changes my plans.” Selene steps on the railing of the upper floor. Her, along with a group of soldiers, leaves their position and reappears near the Night King.

    “We still haven’t gone on that date, you know. I don’t expect you to die until I spend all your money.” “Man… this is the reason I can’t stand women. Talk about getting ripped off.” You switch into a fighting stance. “Win or lose, either way it’s hell for me.” The King looked around; his eyes scanning each and every person who dared to face him. “You half-dead motherfuckers. No matter how many insects you gather, it won’t change jack shit. Why can’t you understand?! Why don’t you die, why do you stand up? Why do you have that look in your eyes?!”
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)15:32 No.5161561
    You stare at him, your expression one of determination. “I can’t stand… those damn eyes…” He lifts his weapon out of the ground. “Get rid of that look!” Before attacking, you tell to the young boy. “Go! Fayt!” “Adahn!” After yelling out your name, the boy, aided by several people, leaves through an opening.

    [ ] Your Action
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)15:32 No.5161569
    >you're delivered

    That means we were the one kicked.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)15:33 No.5161577
    >>Never have kids, /tg/.

    Yes, sir. No real desire to contribute to overpopulation, ruin my wife's body(loose vagoo, stretch marks), drag screaming kids around a store, hire a babysitter whenever I want to catch a movie or go out...
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)15:36 No.5161600

    Wait, what?
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)15:38 No.5161616

    I believe we were laying against the wall as if we were dead.

    Selene showed up with a bunch of revolutionaries.

    She started talking as if we were already dead and couldn't hear her.

    She throws a dagger at us, which we catch to show we aren't dead yet.
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)15:46 No.5161668

    I could have written it better, but it's hard to write when you have a 5 year old crawling all over your face and body while trying to pump it out for waiting readers. But, the gist is what >>5161616 said.

    No excuses from me.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)15:52 No.5161714

    End of the arc approaching.

    Dual attack with Selene and everyone else as backup.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)15:54 No.5161724
    Adahn has his sister and would-be girlfriend watching. Can't fuck it up now.

    Attempt to absorb ambient energy and rapidly heal your wounds.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)15:58 No.5161759
    Wait, Selene is fighting AGAIN? God damn, that girl is a fucking tank.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)16:01 No.5161782

    That girl is probably dieing.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)16:05 No.5161811
    Think back to the second fight with Selene. Adahn knows her combat rhythm. They should be capable of fighting in unison pretty well by now, able to batter this guy with telling blows without getting in each others way. Meanwhile the King is hopefully not skilled enough to defend against a two pronged assault.

    If Adahn isn't technically in combat yet, shifting to Defensive style would be wise, to help keep Selene alive. She has to be on her last legs by now.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)16:12 No.5161848

    Definitely. Especially the beat down she just endured and the opening of her stitches? She can't NOT be feeling intense pain right now. But this only confirms her as a fucking tank in my mind.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)16:17 No.5161887
    These two together.
    Heal up then tranform.
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)16:26 No.5161930
    You concentrate in the silence, your mind focused on one singular purpose: the healing of your wounds. The lighter marks flash white and vanish, leaving behind healed flesh, though the deeper and wider wounds could not be fixed in such a short amount of time.

    Learned: Self-Heal Lv. 1 (Defender)

    At the same time, you and Selene attack your mutual enemy. You swing your blade and she swings her back simultaneously at different parts of his body. However, the King manages to guard against both attacks; he stops your blade with his umbrella-like weapon and Selene’s bat with his hand. He tosses her like a ragdoll toward the incoming rebels, knocking them down like a bowling ball to pins.

    You hold your blade against his weapon, but notice he’s distracted with what he had just done.

    [ ] Your Action
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)16:28 No.5161947
    Use the distraction to tear one of his eyes out.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)16:30 No.5161958

    It has to be quick.

    Turn your blade so you end up hitting his chin with the hilt.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)16:35 No.5161994
    I second that eye-gouging...

    The guy's tough, unless we do something to cause lasting damage, he's just going to shrug it off...
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)16:39 No.5162016

    We already took out one of his eyes when he pinned us against the wall. It's unlikely that our arm will even reach (if it has the reach) before he notices.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)16:42 No.5162034
    Did we?

    Okay then, I replace this >>5161994 with a suggestion to go for a kick to the side of the knee, nice weak spot to target.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)16:47 No.5162057
    Eye gouging FTW.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)16:55 No.5162110
    Kick to the knee seconded.
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)17:21 No.5162312
    You slide under his large weapon and attempt to kick him in the knee. You succeed and his leg buckles, but when you decide to do a follow up with your sword, his hand swiftly comes down and smashes it to pieces. Your eyes widen as you see the pieces of your weapon litter the ground. He kicks you away, sending you flying through a large door, which creates an opening to the outside.

    While you’re down, the backup soldiers begin to throw their concealed weapons and knives at the King. He sees this and slams his weapon against the ground to create a smoke cloud. “Did we get him,” one of them mutters. Their answer came soon; out of the smoke came a large shield like object, which was riddled with knives and swords. It blew them away effortlessly – the King of Night closed his weapon, turned, and struck those who came to face him.
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)17:22 No.5162317
    “The thirst… the undeniable thirst…” He strikes another. “No matter how many times I hit them…” His fallen enemies stir among the rubble and debris, slowly lifting themselves up. “No matter how many times I shatter their hopes… they always stand back up.” A group of the allied, led by Selene, came rushing toward him. “Their eyes are the same. Those eyes have no changed… even then…”

    The King swiftly defeats those who rush them. Selene, who seemed to take the brunt of the attack, rolled along the ground. She tried to stand, but ultimately failed. She began to cough up blood as the King of Night began to approach. “I don’t need it. In this eternal night, I don’t need a sun!” Selene attempts to crawl away, toward her bat, her face slowly contorting into pain. “Every time you guys light up a pathetic flame, I’ll wipe it out!” He held his massive weapon above Selene. “I’ll tear apart that abominable spirit and body!” With great might, he brought it downward.
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)17:22 No.5162325
    Suddenly, the King felt a stinging pain in his arm. Upon seeing a knife embedded in his bicep, he turned his attention to you who burst through the smoke holding a lance once wielding by one your revolutionary comrades. “You bastard!” You thrust the weapon into his shoulder, but are hit in your ribs by a simultaneous exchange.

    [ ] Your Action
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)17:25 No.5162348

    I assume we still have our broken katana?

    Feint with the katana then beat the shit out of him with our sheath. I don't plan on us dying here.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)17:45 No.5162460

    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)18:15 No.5162612
    “Hold together,” you think to yourself as you manage to dodge another attack, “my soul!” The King of Night continuously attacks you, though you’re barely able to dodge. “Cling on! Hang tight! Bite! Pray!” The King of Night slams his weapon against the ground. You jump off of it and point the blade of your broken katana toward him. “No matter what happens…” He breaks the remainder of the weapon with his bare palm. “It’s over-!” You reveal your sheath that you kept behind your back, much to his surprise. “Do it, Adahn!” Selene yells as you hit his face with your improvised weapon. “Protect it!”

    When the sheath of your broken weapon collided with his face, it sent his weapon flying away and made his body open to attack.

    [ ] Your Action
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)18:18 No.5162632

    Action? Keep fucking hitting him until he goes down.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)18:52 No.5162873
    We're all out of useable weapons now, right, so punch the fucker until something breaks...preferably not something of ours...
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)19:02 No.5162925

    Wack him with the sheath until the fucker goes down. Only real choice.
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)19:22 No.5163059
    “Take him down!” Selene yelled at the top of her lungs. The both of you leaned forward from the strike; a fierce wind gathered around your hand and your sheath. The King of Night cocked his fist back, but you attacked first. You continuously slammed your makeshift weapon against his face and his body, the power of your strikes growing more and more each hit. Everyone watched in awe, including Raven whose face was contorting into an expression of violent ecstasy.

    The sounds of impact echoed throughout the silent room; with both your hands, you brought it above your head and smashed it against your opponent – he coughed up blood from your attack. “Don’t give him time to strike back,” you thought to yourself while you continued to barrage the King with blows. “Don’t let him breathe. There won’t be another chance! If I don’t finish him here, I’ll be sure to die. I’ll end it here!” You cock your sheath wielding arm back and thrust it into the chest of your opponent. “This is… the end!” You yelled as you pushed him backward until you hit a wall. When you moved, a wild wind blew around your blow.
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)19:23 No.5163066
    Learned Wind Thrust Lv. 1 (Supernova)

    When the smoke began to clear, you were met with surprise. He was still alive, his hands wrapped around your sheath and the veins in his arms tightened to push your blade away. “You… you bastard!” His hand darted out toward your head. You suddenly leap backward to avoid the barrage of weapons that was thrown toward him by the revolutionaries and the civilians of the city who came to fight. After their onslaught, you began to breathe heavily.

    Selene stood in front, not far from you, gasping for air as well. When nothing stirred in the dust and smoke, they began to cry out. “We… we finally did it! We finally defeated Usen… we finally defeated the Night King! We’re finally free!” You see something in the smoke. “Not yet!” In a split second moment, you see several small knives fly out of the smoke and toward Selene.

    [ ] Push her aside and take the hits
    [ ] Do nothing
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)19:28 No.5163110
    Well, fuck. We can't have Selene dying on us. Let's hope that we're in better shape then she is.

    >[ ] Push her aside and take the hits
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)19:32 No.5163137

    I'd say we are. She's more than on her last legs; she shouldn't even have been fighting in the first place.

    [ ] Take the hits.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)19:33 No.5163138
    Push her out the way, only thing we can do.
    Then try and twist so most of them miss us too or block them with an arm/hand.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)19:36 No.5163174
    Why do we not get an other option? Why?!

    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)19:38 No.5163190
    Push her aside of course!
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)19:43 No.5163241
    Why should we take the hits?
    push her aside and punch that fucker
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)19:47 No.5163280

    Well, we technically put ourselves in this situation, as we usually do.
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)20:04 No.5163428
    You shove Selene out of the way of the unexpected attack. The knives that came out of the cloud of dust nailed you in your shoulder, chest, and stomach. You fall to your knees in pain; Selene, seeing what had just happened, runs to your side. “Weak… incredibly weak!” The smoke dissipates to show the King of Night riddled with weapons, but still going strong. “You can gather as many faint rays of light as you want! You still won’t be able to dry out the King of Night. You cannot light up this dark night!” He flexes his muscles and the knives are forced out of his body. “Unbelievable,” one of the onlookers say. “After all that, he’s still…” while everyone was fearful in this situation, Raven merely whistles in an impressed manner.

    “You’re nothing like the sun! A frail light, like a candle that can be extinguished with a mere blow – that’s what you all are! You should have all stayed chained up to me with despair in your eyes.” Selene looked at, somewhat panicked, though she continued to hold your kneeling body. “Though I never expected you to be flames that reignite from the flames of a fire once extinguished by me.” You rip the knives from your body. “I must destroy the source of that fire, that… dim light of yours!” You rise to your feet, leaving Selene on the ground next to you until she stands as well, her eyes raring to go.
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)20:05 No.5163432
    “Wait,” you say to those behind you. “That’s enough. My life is enough. Save that flare of yours for your cigarettes tomorrow.” The King chuckled. “Is that your so called ‘discipline’? How honorable of you, offering your life in exchange for forgiveness of these rebels and that woman of yours? Heh! A pointless effort… Once I’m through with you, they’re next.”

    “They won’t be extinguished, not a single one of them.” You step forward with your sheath in hand. “Even if they’re frail candles, if you gather up enough of them, it can still light the darkness. Even if some are extinguished, as long as one remains, the others can be relit.” You walk over to a hole in the room made earlier that shows the outside. “You can’t blow out my flame.”
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)20:05 No.5163436
    Outside the control room, Saiga and Kuhn are fighting soldiers to keep them away from the inside.

    “No matter how hard you blow, it’s useless. I have a special lighter with me.” An image of Kuhn and Selene flashes in your mind. “I’ve got a lighter than can never be extinguished.”

    Fayt’s grabs the main control handle with both hands.

    “As long as I have them, I’ll burst back into flames every time you blow them out.”

    Images of Fayt’s deceased mother, as well as everyone he met spiritually grabbed the handle along with him. With a heavy yank and a loud yell, he pulls the lever backward.

    The building shakes violently, alerting the attention of the King who looks up at the ceiling. From behind you comes a bright light, engulfing your being and shining against the King’s as well. “What… what the hell…? This… this light is!” “Someone like you… can never extinguish our flames!” From the outside, every one looked to the sky in surprise as the rumbling reached their homes. They grew curious as to what was happening, their eyes filled with emotion when they saw the sun shine through. “Someone like you… can never extinguish this light!”
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)20:06 No.5163443
    Kuhn and Saiga grin and smile as they see the kid had opened the dome. The citizens that had been kept in this city for such a long time stepped out into the light for the very first time in a very long time, almost in complete awe. When it fully opened, the sunlight engulfed the being of the Night King; blood began to pour from his eyes. “The sun! My blood is… my flesh is… my soul is drying up!” His skin grew cracks and he yelled out in pain.

    Kuhn and Saiga kicked through the soldier’s they were fighting. At once, those who knew what was going on cheered you on simultaneously “Do it, Adahn! Burn off the chains of the King of Night!” The King widened his eyes as he saw your figure pierce through the light; you thrust your sheath into his stomach, an energy whirlwind expanding from the tip upon contact. The sheer power sent him through the building and into the shining outside. “I… I can’t believe … I lost… to these…” He imagined someone in the clouds and momentarily reached out before he turned to dust.
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)20:10 No.5163486
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    Raven watched all this with an expression of unexpectedness. She said nothing; she did nothing – at least for a minute. She jumped off the Black Panther and walked over to you, her blade being drawn slowly with each step she took. You and Selene noticed simultaneously, but you held your hand out to make sure she didn’t interfere. Raven pointed her blade at your neck while you knelt in exhaustion. “Give me one reason why I shouldn’t kill you now.”

    [ ] ?
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)20:16 No.5163533
    Smile and say
    "The good guy's won."
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)20:19 No.5163555

    We're fucked. I can't think of a good reason.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)20:23 No.5163586
    this but with the mustache.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)20:24 No.5163590

    "You kill me now, you'll never know if you're stronger than me."

    That should work. She has yet to really prove it.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)20:45 No.5163742
    I second this, it's the sort of reason she'd go for I think...
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)20:46 No.5163749

    I would agree if Raven appeared to have ANY sense of humor.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)20:49 No.5163773

    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)20:53 No.5163802
    She does seem like someone who has an ego problem. Hitting that button may do something.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)20:57 No.5163836
    damn well that beats my idea I figured if we were going to die may as well go out a comical way.
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)20:58 No.5163842
    Blood drips from your head, mouth, and seeps from your body as the two of you stare at one another in silence. “You kill me now,” you begin, “you’ll never know if you’re stronger.” You could tell the reason hits home as her entire body twitches at your words. Raven sheaths her blade and walks into the sun, vanishing almost immediately as if she’d be abducted. You don’t bother look behind you, instead you fall forward, exhausted. It was a tough battle, but you managed to make it through. You see Selene’s heel in front of your eyes and you look upward to see her staring down at you. You raise your hand to her and she does the wanted response – a high-five.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)20:58 No.5163846
    >“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t kill you now.”

    "My dick is huge"
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)20:59 No.5163849
    Pass out manfully
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)20:59 No.5163850
    -1 Week Later-

    After the battle, both you and Selene are immediately hospitalized. Your wounds healed before hers, though yours was in a tad unnatural fashion – even if it wasn’t, Selene was in considerable worse for wear. You wonder why you didn’t notice earlier, but her body had been through literal hell. You decide not to guilt yourself and instead tend to her needs at bedside. Kuhn visited you both, but sparingly; you don’t know if it was because he was busy or out of disdain, though you decide not to pry.

    Selene is eventually allowed to be released from the hospital and, save for a few bandages, she seemed alright and managed to avoid long-lasting injury. The two of you walk outside together, your hand occasionally brushing against your counterpart’s. “What now,” Selene asks you while gazing at the slow rebuild of the city.

    [ ] Stay, let her rest a little more
    [ ] “It’s about time we left”
    [ ] Other
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)21:02 No.5163866
    Stay. Nobody is in any condition to save the world right now.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)21:03 No.5163885

    Holy hell. Stay. She is in no condition to go leave after what just happened.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)21:06 No.5163918
    Let her rest a little longer.
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)21:12 No.5163951
    “Let’s stay… just for a little while longer.” Selene looks at you questionably. “You sure about that?” You shrug - an action that allows you to still feel the soreness in your shoulders. “About as sure as I’m going to be.” She looks around in silence, her mind no doubt wandering.

    [ ] “About that date…”
    [ ] “Let’s go back to our rooms.”
    [ ] “What’re you thinking about?”
    [ ] Other
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)21:16 No.5163977
    "About that Date...", after all, it could be a long time until we get any more downtime, so this seems as good a moment for it as any...
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)21:26 No.5164054

    This. Might as well.
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)21:39 No.5164132
    “Since we aren’t going to be busy for a little while, how about that date?” She looks at you and grins. “Fine, where would you like to go?”

    [ ] Where would you like to go for your date? (Note: Think of Selene’s personality; going somewhere expensive doesn’t mean she’ll automatically like it.)
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)21:41 No.5164143
    do they have any form of bating cages?
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)21:43 No.5164156
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)21:46 No.5164183

    They could.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)21:51 No.5164234

    This, and/or some sort of casual dinner. She doesn't seem like the type to dress up for a huge dinner willingly, or something along that line.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)21:52 No.5164243
    suggest the arcade (alternativly a fair.) See what she thinks.
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)22:00 No.5164300
    “How about going to the batting cages – or a fair, maybe a casual dinner thrown in there?” You look to see her response; Selene puts her hand to her chin and begins to think about your offer. “Sounds nice. I’ll dress casually then.” The two of you smile at one another for a moment before she walks ahead of you. “I’ll see you then.” She yells before making her away toward the hotel where you two (3 including Kuhn) were staying.

    [ ] Go straight to the date (time skip)
    [ ] Other
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)22:03 No.5164315

    Straight to the date for maximum damage.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)22:07 No.5164346
    Let's talk to Kuhn a bit. Find out how he's doing after that insanity. And brag that we have a date and not him.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)22:12 No.5164376
    agreed we have to keep up party moral
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)22:18 No.5164425
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    You decide to speak to Kuhn for a little bit. It takes a bit of searching but you eventually find him eating in an outdoor café. You plop down next to him while he’s sipping his drink. “Yo,” he says and you respond with one in kind. “How’re you feeling?” You shrug and admit you’re still a little sore, but not nearly as bad as Selene. He nods, admitting he was there when it happened, but there was little he could do. An eerie silence passes over the table, but you slice it with your bragging. “We’re going out on a date,” you say to him, but he merely smirks unsurprised. “My only advice is to have fun and not pressure her.” You raise your eyebrow, but he just dismisses it. “Now go away, you’re messin’ up my mojo.” You chuckle silently when you leave; he seems the same as ever.
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)22:19 No.5164428
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    -Later that night-

    You stand outside the hotel, the sounds of the fair echoing in your ears. It’s a celebration, some say, of the burning off of the chains. You notice Selene’s late, but decide to wait a little longer – which pays off. She comes out, dressed casually, and with a smile, which is unlike her. “Shall we go,” she asks, taking a jab as if she were the one waiting for you. When the two of you arrive at the fair, you become momentarily overwhelmed at what to do first.

    [ ] Go to the Slides
    [ ] Try to win her a prize
    [ ] Let her choose
    [ ] Wander around
    [ ] Other
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)22:19 No.5164429
    We're heroes. Kuhn is probably up to his waist in grateful widows.

    If not, we could surely arrange it.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)22:21 No.5164444
    Win her a prize. Then wander around with her for a bit, letting her steer us towards whatever she wants to do.

    Unless we see something we absolutely HAVE to do, anyway.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)22:23 No.5164459
    Let her choose for now, but we have to win her a prize before the night is out.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)22:28 No.5164503
    [ ] Let her choose
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)22:31 No.5164527
    “Where do you want to go,” you ask her. Selene’s eyes scan the fair, searching for something that interested her. She suddenly walks away, and you follow her. The two of you arrive at a pair of makeshift batting cages. “How about this?” You nod at the thought and the two of you play for a moment – though she outclasses you by a mile. Due to her breaking 3 bats, you eventually have to leave, but you did have a good time.

    [ ] Wander around
    [ ] Eat
    [ ] Win her a prize
    [ ] Go to the Slides
    [ ] Go on a ride
    [ ] Other
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)22:34 No.5164559
    Preferably a prize that's both cute and violent.

    Like a koala bear. Or just a plush one, but with the claws.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)22:36 No.5164575


    Make it the tunnel of love.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)22:38 No.5164590
    Ride, but not the one >>5164575 suggested. Something not sappy.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)22:38 No.5164592

    No. God no. I can already tell she won't like it.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)22:38 No.5164596

    You don't want to have Adahn make out with her?

    What are you, a woman?
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)22:38 No.5164597
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    >koala bear

    My one wish in the world is that the phrase "koala bear" would be turned into Powerword: Suicide.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)22:39 No.5164602

    How about those spinning teacups that seem all innocent at first, but then they get all OH MY FUCKING GOD.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)22:39 No.5164605
    Too cliche.

    Do the ferris wheel. Quietly ask the operator to stop it when we're at the top, slip him a little extra cash if necessary. For bonus multiplier, time it so that there's a fireworks display or something that goes off while we and Selene are at the top.

    But do that after we win her a plush koala. Or something else that's cute and cuddly except when it doesn't want to be.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)22:41 No.5164613

    You seem to be implying Selene is incredibly feminine and sappy enough that she would enjoy the ride. Given her personality traits, I doubt your "making out" would actually happen.

    I go with the spinning teacups idea.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)22:41 No.5164620

    That's cliche too, though far more expensive.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)22:42 No.5164625

    How about instead of a plush we can't carry around with us, we win her a chain or necklace of some sort? I think that would be the better prize.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)22:42 No.5164628
    Well, koala if you're so inclined, but including "bear" reminds you that underneath that fuzzy, drowsy exterior they are godless killing machines.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)22:43 No.5164632

    Fine, go ahead with that.

    Guess you'll just try to score once you get to the hotel.

    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)22:45 No.5164646

    We still can't carry it with us. If we're going to win something, it should probably be a necklace.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)22:45 No.5164651
    Well, yes, but it's also awesome. Best seat in the house.

    And if she wants to do something crazy, we can always try jumping down.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)22:46 No.5164657
    Find a pie eating contest
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)22:47 No.5164660

    Okay then, but a koala necklace. Or a dolphin; they may seem friendly, but they can be vicious little bastards if they think that it'd be fun.

    For similar reasons, a cat necklace would be fine too.
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)22:48 No.5164670
    2 for teacups
    1 for Ferris Wheel
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)22:49 No.5164672
    Look, everyone here knows that Adahn and Selene are going to score in the aftermath of some major battle, probably on the freaking battlefield. And it will be GLORIOUS.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)22:49 No.5164678
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)22:50 No.5164681
    One for bumper cars. Or go karts, which we will then turn into bumper cars.
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)22:53 No.5164702
    The two of you decide to head to the far corner of the fair toward the spinning teacups. “Never been on one of these before,” Selene says as the bar is lowered. You smirk as the ride starts off slow; occasionally glancing at her bored expression. “Well, this is b-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!” The cups finally kick into high gear and spin around each other with speed. Since she was caught off guard, Selene screamed through most of it, but it seemed to be screams of laughter and fun.

    After the ride was over, she wobbled away in laughter. She leaned against your shoulder until could see correctly.

    [ ] Win her a prize
    [ ] Go to the Slides
    [ ] Eat
    [ ] Wander around
    [ ] Other
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)22:54 No.5164711
    [ ] Win her a prize
    [ ] Go to the Slides
    [X] Eat
    [ ] Wander around
    [ ] Other

    I think option would be Selene.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)22:56 No.5164723


    Guess I'm kinda rusty on the whole heroic story stuff.

    Also, not a jab at the writer, you're great, but your anime-inspired dialogue is all just part of the feel of the story, right?

    Nothing against it, just wondered that.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)22:57 No.5164729
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)22:58 No.5164738

    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)22:58 No.5164742
    Prize. Then eat. Unless we want to do the bumper cars or go karts as bumper cars idea.

    I still say we have to end the evening with the ferris wheel thing. It may be cliche, but it's cliche because it's awesome.
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)22:59 No.5164747

    Dunno. I just sort of view it as pure writing, as something a character might say in a certain situation - how a character might react in a certain situation. If it comes out like that to all of you then I guess so.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)23:03 No.5164779

    I doubt everyone thinks like that, I mean, that's just my comment, from a writer to another.

    It's all good and fine anyway, you're kinda the only reason I come to lurk /tg/ recently.
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)23:10 No.5164829
    The two of you decide to eat next. You order a couple hotdogs for the both of you. Upon receiving your food, you take a bit before you and Selene wander around the fair; her eyes scanned the unusually happy people while you looked for a booth to win her a prize. Eventually, you find a good one; it’s a simple shoot the object you want to keep it as a prize game.

    After you finish your food, you head over to it. You lift the gun after paying the administrator and take aim.

    -Guess a number from 1 to 1000-

    [ ] Within 25: A necklace
    [ ] Within 50: A bracelet
    [ ] Within 100: A large stuffed animal
    [ ] Within 300: A small stuffed animal
    [ ] Within 500: Cotton candy
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)23:11 No.5164835

    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)23:12 No.5164844

    How many numbers do we get to guess per post?
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)23:13 No.5164850
    1 for each of you.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)23:14 No.5164862

    It had to be done.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)23:15 No.5164873

    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)23:15 No.5164878
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)23:18 No.5164903
    The whole story is generic animu inspired. You should see the earlier threads.
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)23:18 No.5164904


    You smirk as you easily pick off a silver necklace with your fake gun. The clerk, surprised, silently takes out a case that has 3 necklaces in it.

    One of an X.
    One of a Panda.
    One of a Tiger.

    [ ] X
    [ ] Panda
    [ ] Tiger
    [ ] Let Selene choose
    [ ] Other
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)23:20 No.5164920

    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)23:21 No.5164946

    Let her choose.

    If she's undecided, panda.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)23:23 No.5164962

    I wager she chooses the tiger though.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)23:23 No.5164968

    Panda. For the same reasons as the koala: cute, laid-back, and will fuck your shit up right and proper if you do something to piss it off.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)23:24 No.5164980

    So which one are you trying to pick then, the lady or the tiger?

    And I'm one of the previous votes for panda.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)23:24 No.5164985

    I concur!
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)23:25 No.5164991
    Panda. Selene is cute and likely to tear a man's arm off.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)23:25 No.5164997

    Oh fuck. I sense a disturbance in the force...
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)23:27 No.5165010

    Isn't the X sort of our symbol? I would suspect that she'd choose that.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)23:27 No.5165015
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    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)23:29 No.5165030
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)23:30 No.5165038
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    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)23:33 No.5165082
    If you ever say that a story involving an amnesiac who tells people his name is Adahn is "animu-inspired" again, I WILL FUCKING CUT YOU.
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)23:34 No.5165086
    You decide to let Selene choose her prize. She ponders over the necklaces with her hand on her chin, her eyes scanning each and every one thoroughly before making her choice. Her choice surprises you; she lifts the X chain out of the container and nods that this is what she wants.

    You ask why, but she simply responds with a shrug, preferring this to the other choices. You accept her answer and take it from her, but to put it around her neck. She lets you, which you find unexpected.

    You can see the fair dying down now.

    [ ] Go to the Slides
    [ ] Go to the hotel
    [ ] Other
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)23:36 No.5165103

    Head back. I do believe we're done for the night.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)23:36 No.5165104
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    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)23:38 No.5165131
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    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)23:39 No.5165139

    Well played.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)23:40 No.5165152
    What in the hell are the Slides in question?
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)23:41 No.5165155
    I agree with that guy was saying. Either you have not actually been reading the story or you're new to it. Adahn was a name we picked for the character. Everything else is a mix-mash of different anime; at least NMH cobbled cliches together in jest.
    Then author goes, durr, don't like my own writing style, must break, etc. Two days later: durr, system is changed, writing style is exactly the same.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)23:42 No.5165163
    Can we go to the slide hotel?
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)23:45 No.5165186
    And yet here we are, having fun, while you sit out there alone in the cold. You LOSE. Good DAY, sir.

    Also, if the Slides are something likely to be fun, then yes. If not, then back to the hotel. But if there are going to be fireworks, then we and Selene find whatever the best nearby vantage point is and watch from it.

    See if we can entice her into some sort of crazy duet on our way back to the hotel afterwards. You know that couple from Baccano? I'm going for that vibe.
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)23:46 No.5165195

    I decided to stick with the style until the end of the arc, which is tonight.

    But, yeah. You do have a good point.


    They're giant slides.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)23:46 No.5165196
    This is true
    however it is unbelievably difficult for a writer to change there wirting style since the style of one's writing for the most part is subconcious.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)23:48 No.5165208
    Challenge Selene to a racing contest on the slides. Best out of seven or something. Prize to be determined later.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)23:50 No.5165219

    Writer here, that's a half-true.

    You can still change the dialogue, like OP stated he would for the next arc.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)23:51 No.5165234
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    Picture related.

    Picture also related. However, since I browse /tg/ a little too much, I hope the next thread is different in a decent way.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)23:53 No.5165251
    I don't feel like smashing my fist through the monitor when I read the prose here, so the Twilight comparison doesn't work.
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/14/09(Tue)23:58 No.5165299

    Ouch. You really know how to hurt.
    >> Anonymous 07/14/09(Tue)23:59 No.5165305
    It is a good example however in that case the writer has a terrible writing style that makes her money which makes it even more difficult for her to change.
    >> Anonymous 07/15/09(Wed)00:01 No.5165325

    Why change it if it works, right?

    Same shit with first person books, they're all the same shit.

    Nothing against this story though, this isn't a book, it's a story that we're building, as the main character.
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/15/09(Wed)00:04 No.5165346
    “How about a race to the slides,” you ask while a smirk slowly slides across your face. “Hm… terms to be decided at a later date?” You nod in confidence.

    The two of you stretch your legs in preparation, kneeling down near an agreed line after you finish. “Ready… set… go!” At the same time, you both take off. It’s even for the most part, but you notice that she has the edge – which she maintains throughout the entire race, and it leads her to victory. You try to catch your breathe after it’s over, she merely points at you, but doesn’t say a word as she couldn’t talk either.
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/15/09(Wed)00:04 No.5165352
    The both of you climb the stairs to the top of the slide, which seems larger in hindsight. You’re giving a mat, which you both sit on, Selene in the front – you in the back. You slide in amusement, but before you could really enjoy it, the ride was over. Tired from your extracurricular activities, the two of you decide to head back to the hotel. You wait silently out your door for a few moments before you decide to open it.

    Just as the door swings open, she grabs your shirt and pulls you toward her; your lips lock around hers for a few seconds of pleasure. When you pull away, she nibbles softly on your bottom lip. “Hey, close the door. SOME people are getting any tonight.” You look back at Kuhn who’s eating on his bed while watching the room’s television. You smirk and walk inside, Selene following close behind.
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/15/09(Wed)00:09 No.5165383
    FINALLY done. Geez.

    Now to address a few issues.

    Writing style: there's little I can do except change the way dialogue happens. I mean, I have to write your responses and situations in such little amount of time so I can't double check, redo it, sleep on it and come back with more ideas, etc. etc. since I write it on the fly based on what you choose.

    I'm not excusing myself, but it's the situation I'm in.

    From now on: Eh, I don't know. Just thinking; I'd rather hear all your thoughts and what have you.
    >> Anonymous 07/15/09(Wed)00:15 No.5165440

    If you're taking a break or some shit before starting the next part, then just start writing the characters. Variety of settings, variety of situations, variety of other characters interacting with them (or not, as the case may be). Do that until what you're writing down feels right for the character or characters in question.

    Once you can come up with a set of parameters, write the characters in them, and feel that you got it right the first time, you'll have it down. If you're going to be introducing somebody important to the plot, try to do this in advance.
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/15/09(Wed)00:22 No.5165499
    >If you're taking a break or some shit before starting the next part, then just start writing the characters. Variety of settings, variety of situations, variety of other characters interacting with them (or not, as the case may be). Do that until what you're writing down feels right for the character or characters in question.

    That's what I do.

    >Once you can come up with a set of parameters, write the characters in them, and feel that you got it right the first time, you'll have it down. If you're going to be introducing somebody important to the plot, try to do this in advance.

    This as well.

    The problem I'm seeing, and the problem that's been brought up, is how everything seems shallow, cliche, and generic. Of course, I'm bias since I spend the most time with the characters, the story, and with details about both that will probably never reach the eyes and mind of the reader.

    It's difficult to change since the restrictions set upon me don't allow it. What I ultimately want to know is what you, the reader, want? What do you want me to change, what do you want me to add - to subtract?
    >> Anonymous 07/15/09(Wed)00:26 No.5165556

    Less over-the-top dialogue, unless you're trying to be comical, of course.

    Everything else, really, I'm pretty much okay with, specially that combat system you thought up, nice idea.
    >> Anonymous 07/15/09(Wed)00:26 No.5165560
    "C'mon, don't be a deadbeat - the night's just starting!"

    My strange outburst caused Selene's gaze to jump in my direction. She was peering at me with a glint in her eyes - the look of haughty anticipation.
    Unfortunately, I was not able to utter another word as her elbow promptly connected with my ribs, her smile flashing mere inches before my face.
    "Race ya to the slides, punk!"

    I immediately gave chase, furiously trying to regain momentum. It was not to be, however. I saw her lithe frame ahead, radiant smile still plastered on her face.
    I sighed and walked the rest of the distance, "alright, you got me, you win, I give up."
    I threw my tired arms in the air, taking my defeat as gracefully as I could; unfortunetly, again, a victory was not to be as she gave me the thumbs-down.
    "You're a bad girl," I finally whispered to the wind.
    >> Anonymous 07/15/09(Wed)00:29 No.5165583

    A simple, whispered "bitch" would've done it, as a playful thing, of course.
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/15/09(Wed)00:31 No.5165600



    I could easily do something like that.

    If I had more time. But I get it; it's something I'll work toward and improve upon.

    Continue with your opinions.
    >> Anonymous 07/15/09(Wed)00:31 No.5165601

    I got the reference of bad girl, in case you were wondering.
    >> Anonymous 07/15/09(Wed)00:33 No.5165631
    I'm pretty much fine with it the way it is now.

    I would like to see separation of different characters' speech though.

    And, while I'm no expert, I think your descriptions in-combat could use a bit of work.
    >> Anonymous 07/15/09(Wed)00:37 No.5165652
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    I just thought it would be odd to have him say that.
    >> Anonymous 07/15/09(Wed)00:37 No.5165655
    This quest was better around thread 7, before you listened to one or two whiners and changed the whole feel of it. I was starting to enjoy it again after being a bit bored, and now I can barely stand it.
    >> Anonymous 07/15/09(Wed)00:38 No.5165663
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    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/15/09(Wed)00:41 No.5165691

    >> Anonymous 07/15/09(Wed)00:44 No.5165716

    Just to clarify: threads 5-6 had me bored, 7 had me reinterested, and the last two have been somewhat painful to read through. Definitely liked how it started.
    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/15/09(Wed)00:48 No.5165736

    Noted again.
    >> Anonymous 07/15/09(Wed)01:00 No.5165828


    >> !ZaiyoM.Dpk 07/15/09(Wed)01:06 No.5165887
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    Alright, everyone. I have taken into consideration all of your opinions, thoughts, and ideas on everything you've said. I will put in the effort to do what you ask and/or want, but I ask in return the following:

    Bear with me as I try to do so. It's not going to be an easy journey for me - and probably not for you either.

    That's all.

    11 EST/10 hours from now. See yah then.
    >> Anonymous 07/15/09(Wed)01:28 No.5166054
    You know how we have the option of changing the weapon? For the next arc, could we switch to a net and trident? 'cause that would be awesome.

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