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  • File :1245082327.jpg-(81 KB, 620x409, Government_Warehouse.jpg)
    81 KB The Ultimate Clutter Thread Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)12:12 No.4887950  
    Clutter the fuck out of this thread with whatever boring, awesome, magic, or mundane items pop into your dumb skull. It doesnt matter what you post, just post an item or two.

    * A one time use code that will cause a poster's computer to explode violently. It is called "Ultrasage"

    *Thirteen ballpoint pens. None have ink in them.

    *A rubber band ball.

    *An indestructable comb. Seriously, nothing will ever destroy it. Ever.

    *Spock's Brain
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)12:15 No.4887976
    - Beardbeard's missing eye.

    - Ruby's mean left hook.

    - Joan's virginity.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)12:15 No.4887979
    http://www.warehouse23.com/basement/box/
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)12:19 No.4888001
    *A kitten that always stays adorable....until it kills you in your sleep.

    *Satan's fiddle. It's made of gold and sounds terrible.

    *Your wallet/ purse.

    *A manilla folder
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)12:24 No.4888034
    *One bottle filled with "Liquid Ass"
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)12:26 No.4888046
    *One ass filled with liquid Bottle
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)12:28 No.4888059
    * Gary Gygax's golden set of dice

    * Fossilized Dorf in obsidian

    * A dragon skull codpiece
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)12:28 No.4888061
    >>4888034
    >>4888046
    They must never meet.

    *A bottle of rum that never runs out.

    *A compass that points towards the thing you want least.

    *A book called CGI For Dummies.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)12:32 No.4888080
    *a rubber penis that squirts infinite horse cum when you squeezes its balls
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)12:34 No.4888092
    *a box filled with 'buttfuck'
    >> That damn gargoyle 06/15/09(Mon)12:35 No.4888097
    >>4887950
    A copy of Dracula with certain sections highlighted, notes in front list the correct way to kill a vampire.

    A small metal rod that is never in the same place twice

    The second volume of the voynich manuscript

    A faded black and white photo showing men with pointed ears building a B-17, any analysis will show the image to be unaltered and date to 1943.

    a badly corroded purple heart, analysis shows it to date to 300 BCE
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)12:35 No.4888103
         File :1245083752.jpg-(12 KB, 426x304, stickfigurelookingatbox.jpg)
    12 KB
    >>4888080

    *A lightbulb that never burns out. Taking it apart ruins it and reveals nothing special.

    *Bugs Bunny. Totally insane and unfunny because he is now in our three dimensional universe.

    *A bottle of water.

    *Sqand!
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)12:36 No.4888110
    * Bottled elf manliness.

    * Canned dwarf politeness.

    * Conserved orc intelligence.

    * Dried cutebold sexual instinct.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)12:38 No.4888117
    *Adam's penis, fossilized. its fucking huge
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)12:38 No.4888121
    Fried Cockatrice wings.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)12:39 No.4888125
    Luke Crane's Red Glasses of Douche-Baggery.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)12:39 No.4888128
    * A half empty bottle labelled only "math." Analysis reveals the contents to be ionized water. Further analysis reveals the fingerprints of one A. Einstein on the bottle.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)12:40 No.4888133
    *a porn movie with dinosaurs
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)12:42 No.4888144
         File :1245084146.jpg-(37 KB, 480x360, image31.jpg)
    37 KB
    >>4888110
    >* Dried cutebold sexual instinct.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)12:42 No.4888148
    * 3 Platinum, 8 gold, 2 silver and 7 copper pieces!
    >> Driblis !!GOrJudN+wNz 06/15/09(Mon)12:42 No.4888150
         File :1245084177.png-(7 KB, 343x295, box.png)
    7 KB
    A small box containing a confused kobold haberdasher.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)12:44 No.4888158
    * A perfectly preserved suit of armour with dried blood on every square centimetre inside of it.

    * A box with a large collection of 8-track tapes from bands of the late nineties.

    * A piece of granite perfectly chiselled into a strange looking diminutive human with a beard, it looks extremely unhappy.

    * A small silk bag that seems filled with a liquid, when opened it appears empty. When you put an item inside, it will stay there and can just as easily be removed, unless the item is a foodstuff in which case it will mysteriously disappear. Putting a finger or a similar appendage inside and closing the bag around it will give a sensation as if the body part is being massaged and suckled inside the bag.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)12:46 No.4888173
    >>4888158

    >>* A small silk bag that seems filled with a liquid, when opened it appears empty. When you put an item inside, it will stay there and can just as easily be removed, unless the item is a foodstuff in which case it will mysteriously disappear. Putting a finger or a similar appendage inside and closing the bag around it will give a sensation as if the body part is being massaged and suckled inside the bag.

    does it bite? if it doesnt, then that's the ultimate sex toy!
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)12:46 No.4888177
    The entire Twilight series, along with a dozen books of the series yet to be written.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)12:48 No.4888189
    *The name, address, and phone number of the one other person in the world whom you would get along with in what could only be described as an "epic" way. Too bad she died in the early 80s....

    *An octiron sword.

    *Post-It notes that never come unstuck.

    *A cigar box filled with pennies.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)12:48 No.4888190
    >>4888177
    Labeled "The Compleat Mary Sue Collection"
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)12:49 No.4888192
         File :1245084545.jpg-(36 KB, 736x736, 1227800366124.jpg)
    36 KB
    A contract to be delivered to one Stephanie Meyer from the estate of the late J.R.R. Tolkien, authorizing her complete rewrite of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, and the subsequent forbiddance of reprinting any copy of the previous version.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)12:51 No.4888210
    *One cowboy hat.

    *One green poncho.

    *One bag filled with gold coins. An additional bonus is that the bag makes the coins light and easy to lift.

    *An empty revolver.

    *A leather necklace.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)12:52 No.4888214
    * A sheet of well preserved papyrus. If you translate it (it contains three different languages and scripts: ancient Greek, Egytian Hieroglyphs and one that is unknown) it reads:
    What can go wrong, will go wrong.

    *a rather old telephone, probably from the 30ies or 40ies. Every year, on the 30th of October, shortly before midnight it rings. If you answer it, a somwhat worried German voice asks 'Sind Sie sicher? Um F├╝nf Uhr F├╝nfundvierzig?'

    *Fire in a Bottle. You can't pour it out, and the bottle is extremely cold to the touch.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)12:56 No.4888256
    * A message in a bottle. The message simply reads "Rescue me before I fall into despair". One year later, the finder of this item wakes buried beneath one hundred billion bottles with the same note.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)12:57 No.4888262
    >>4888214
    *Lightning in a Bottle. You CAN pour it out, but doing so means it will electrocute the fuck out of you and everything around you.

    *A brick of .22 LR ammo.

    *An expensive watch that never keeps the right time for more than a day.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)12:57 No.4888267
    >>4888173
    Tests with fingers have revealed no biting, however using it as a toy for sexual gratification and inserting for instance a penis has not been tested because of the possible danger of the bag consuming foodstuffs. This would only be a possible issue when one would ejaculate in the bag, does the bag just consume the ejaculated sperm and leave the penis alone? Or does the presence of foodstuff urge it to consume the entirety of the bag, penis included? Animal test subjects may be needed to safely test this.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)12:58 No.4888278
    a box containing a slightly larger box, though this is only apparent once you pull it out. This box contains a slightly larger box, which contains a slightly larger box, etc.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)13:01 No.4888304
    *The original LOLcat.

    *A door. Nothing special lies behind it because it's just a regular door.

    *Your hard drive. All of your porn has been decrypted and placed out in the open.

    *One floppy disk.

    *One floppy disc.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)13:03 No.4888322
         File :1245085390.jpg-(34 KB, 400x400, AdviceDwarf.jpg)
    34 KB
    A CD with the final, completely finished build of Dwarf Fortress. Upon removal from the jewelcase, the CD breaks in half.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)13:05 No.4888343
    *Mint condition copies of every Bunnicula book ever printed. Looking at them induces severe nostalgia. Really severe, like so severe that you literally shit your pants from it.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)13:08 No.4888364
         File :1245085738.jpg-(72 KB, 425x340, 40_Lb_Box_of_Rape.jpg)
    72 KB
    A 40 lb. box of rape
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)13:10 No.4888379
         File :1245085849.jpg-(15 KB, 280x280, 3ninjas.jpg)
    15 KB
    *The Super Ultimate Extended Cut of 3 Ninjas.

    *A DVD of Eraserhead with director's commentary.

    *One dime.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)13:12 No.4888390
         File :1245085946.gif-(9 KB, 701x571, 1232231251128.gif)
    9 KB
    *A box with a mirrored bottom, in which you see an anthropomorphic rabbit watching you from above.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)13:15 No.4888402
         File :1245086109.jpg-(21 KB, 400x308, airsoftgun.jpg)
    21 KB
    *a cheap airsoft gun with 100 bbs.
    *magic toilet paper that never runs out
    *a bucket of kfc (extra crispy)
    *a unit of Headon, with instructions to apply directly to the forehead
    *a picture of Julia Roberts with her mouth open (causes a fear effect when seen)
    *an enchanted weapon made of chocolate.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)13:15 No.4888408
    >>4888267

    i think i'd test it if i had the chance
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)13:16 No.4888414
         File :1245086190.jpg-(20 KB, 410x313, 2731931910104237032S425x425Q85.jpg)
    20 KB
    A tiny bat.

    Three cans of spam in a two-spam-can skillet.

    A stuffed monkey. It squeaks when you squeeze its belly.

    A hamburger. It has entirely too much mustard, but is otherwise hot and delicious.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)13:19 No.4888439
    *a pack of bb bullets that when shot from any airsoft gun, will strike its target with the energy of a 30mm shell. the gun will recoil as if it was shooting normal bb bullets
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)13:20 No.4888454
    *An immovable rod that sets itself to a universal stillpoint and is completely impossible to move while activated.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)13:23 No.4888479
    >>4888439
    high explosive or armour piercing?
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)13:24 No.4888486
    * Some Skub.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)13:24 No.4888488
         File :1245086665.jpg-(13 KB, 298x298, tardis.jpg)
    13 KB
    *A TARDIS. But this one happens to be a carnivore.

    *A copy of Carnivores 1 & 2 for the PC.

    *A floppy disk with a single image stored on it. It is a pic of the ultimate troll post.

    *Scissors. Thousands of them.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)13:26 No.4888504
    >>4888454
    that would never wo- CLANG- WTF WAS THAT???
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)13:28 No.4888530
    >>4888454
    >>4888504
    Ah nostalgia.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)13:29 No.4888533
    -Woody Allen. He's very confused, and does not know how he got into this box.

    -Six cans of Faygo Red Pop.

    -A tiny, tiny, tiny little hummingbird in a cricket cage.

    -A letter opener shaped like a 2d Starship Enterprise.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)13:30 No.4888543
    *An inanimate carbon rod.

    *Four polished rocks.

    *A comfortable leather chair.

    *An antique iron framed bed. It eats people who sleep on it.

    *An antique iron potbelly stove. It rapes people, but only the raped know how and they arent telling.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)13:30 No.4888544
    >>4888479

    the bb bullets in the bag are a mix of black and yellow ones or red and yellow ones.
    >> Dispatch 06/15/09(Mon)13:32 No.4888560
    A slightly bloody copy of Womans weekly, it is dated July 1993. All the heads are replaced with pineapples.

    A sealed jar of Tabasco sauce. Although for an unknown reason, its contents are blue and it occasionally rolls on its side on a cool day.

    A pokemon card. The pokemon title is 'Missingno' but the rest of the writing is utter gibberish.

    A purple sock that smells like apples

    A homemade guitar built from a g15 keyboard, three usb cables, a DVD cover, and an unfortunate looking hamster. Strangely enough it seems to work perfectly.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)13:33 No.4888573
    >>4888544

    make that 'or' an 'and' then it makes sense again.
    >> OP !PnM38CiMxw 06/15/09(Mon)13:35 No.4888591
    >>4888543

    *CLANG*
    WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)13:35 No.4888593
         File :1245087322.jpg-(106 KB, 500x409, 1243420961304.jpg)
    106 KB
    >>4888560
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)13:36 No.4888601
    * One pistol grip pump
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)13:37 No.4888617
         File :1245087434.jpg-(21 KB, 375x336, glocatsson.jpg)
    21 KB
    *Bearspam. It's still better than Glauspam.

    *A burger called "The Incredible Assrape Burger!". It is nothing but delicious going down, the assrape comes when you try to shit it out.

    *Pic related.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)13:37 No.4888626
    a small mouth made to fit inside your mouth, where it will sit comfortably. then you can eat while you eat, and everything you eat that way will be twice as fulfilling.
    >> Guardsman Ted 06/15/09(Mon)13:39 No.4888638
    ITT: /b&tg/
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)13:41 No.4888660
    Large box full of bones labeled "A. Hitler". You could build at least fifteen different skeletons from all those bones.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)13:42 No.4888668
    A large cooler filled with ice an approx. two 24-packs of miller light cans. The beer is cold and refreshing.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)13:43 No.4888682
    *A car carefuly placed inside a larger car that lets you drive while you drive. There is a dog in the passenger seat that barks at minorities.

    *A broken bottle.

    *Mighty Ducks VI: So Very Tired

    *Amy Winehouse's self esteem.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)13:49 No.4888730
    an attachable penis. the end opposite to the glans is shaped like a buttplug. when you insert it into your butt, the penis becomes real, so you can fap while you fap, and cum while you cum
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)13:50 No.4888750
    *A dusty can of Butthole Massage Cream.

    *A broken calculator.

    *One doorknob.

    *An empty burlap sack.

    *A comically oversized magnifying glass. It lets you see the horrible things that bugs fear like humans fear bugs.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)13:54 No.4888789
    a laptop containing access to all the variables of the universe
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)13:56 No.4888802
    *The sense that the thing you are about to see will make you profoundly sad and that you should not look.

    *A permanent portal to the alternate universe of your choice. Too bad it is only the size of a postage stamp.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)14:00 No.4888838
    >>4888601
    *One pistol with a pump grip. Totally useless because it's a penis pump.

    ....wait a second....
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)14:06 No.4888890
    a bunch of banana seeds. they're separated in four types, melon flavored bananas, orange flavored bananas and pineapple flavored bananas. the fourth type is experimental, and apparently the taste of the fourth seed's bananas are random, and not limited to fruits.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)14:08 No.4888906
    >>4888890
    Examples of:
    *Ass flavored bananas.

    *Love flavored bananas.

    *Banana flavored bananas.

    *Hot dog flavored bananas.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)14:08 No.4888911
    box including:
    A cat
    A vial of poison inside a glob of wax
    -------------------------------------------------------
    A bottle labeled "eniru"
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)14:10 No.4888924
    >>4888802

    Sounds like a tight fit, but you should be able to stick your penis through. We can choose any alternate universe, even ones that we make up?
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)14:14 No.4888952
    * A doorknob that jams after its first use

    * A set of beakers that each break when processing a certain chemical.

    * A periodic table of as-yet undiscovered elements. Some exist, some do not.

    * A formula written on a set of severed child-fingers.

    * Condoms with arcane runes scribbled on them in black sharpie.

    * Half-filled dogfood bowl.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)14:15 No.4888965
    >>4888924
    Your choice, broseph. NewsRadio, Xena, that one that only exists in your head, the universe that pornos take place in, etc, etc.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)14:16 No.4888977
    * A bloody rubberband ball
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)14:18 No.4888985
         File :1245089915.jpg-(35 KB, 500x447, iseewhatyoudidthere2.jpg)
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    >>4888911
    >A bottle labeled "eniru"
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)14:19 No.4888987
    >>4888985

    elaborate please, i'm curious
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)14:20 No.4888994
    >>4888985

    I wish people who took good images and made macros and motivators out of them would fucking die already.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)14:20 No.4889000
    >>4888987
    I'll give you a hint. Ask Alucard. He can help you.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)14:23 No.4889017
    *A bottle of Reeb.

    *A bottle of Elohssa

    *A bottle of Yag
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)14:26 No.4889035
    a bottle of cthulhu
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)14:28 No.4889054
    a bottle of fresh human semen. the bottle is enchanted and the semen will be always fresh. if a woman gets impregnated with it, she will give birth to the antichrist
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)14:30 No.4889075
    a bottle of fresh human semen. the bottle is enchanted and the semen will be always fresh. if a woman gets impregnated with it, she will give birth to the goddamn batman
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)14:30 No.4889076
    >>4889035
    if you touch the bottle the cthulhu musical 'a shoggoth on the roof' will play in your head forever driving you insane.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)14:30 No.4889083
    *Pictures of your ass. You look pretty good, man, maybe you should do modeling.

    *A bottle of Racecar.

    *A black box with a red button. Pushing it will result in your instant and eternal damnation.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)14:31 No.4889090
    >>4889076

    what happens if you drink it?
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)14:33 No.4889101
    >>4889090
    You piss hunting horrors.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)14:35 No.4889116
    *A bottle of Liquid Roosevelt. Your legs will be crippled the instant you finish it.

    *A bottle of Teddy Roosevelt. It cannot be opened without shattering it all over and ruining it.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)14:35 No.4889117
    >>4889090
    R'lyeh will rise and the old ones return. you turn into a shoggoth and mankind goes insane.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)14:38 No.4889143
    >>4889117
    Still sounds better than Sobe.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)14:39 No.4889152
    >>4889117

    this can't be THAT bad
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)14:40 No.4889159
    A box that contains a time machine disguised as a 1920's watch, a set of 1920's clothing befitting you perfectly and a book to speak French for tourists. Using the watch will send you to Paris on the 7th of October, 1920.

    Closer inspection reveals a hidden sepia photograph of your parents in clothing of the same era.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)14:43 No.4889177
    a small box. when opened, several tentacles will emerge, entangling your limbs and raping you in the ass and mouth with full force. after its done, it will return to the box, remaining there until someone opens it again
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)14:44 No.4889182
    >>4889177
    Nah just kidding, after it's done it will wait a short time to let you catch your breath. Then it does the same thing again for shits and giggles.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)14:45 No.4889187
    >>4889143
    thats a drinks company right?

    >>4889152
    well on the upside you get immortality and you can rape all the humans you want
    >> Hiro !J02Ujjg4Nw 06/15/09(Mon)14:45 No.4889190
    * A treasure map leading to the final resting place of Jimmy Hoffa

    * A rotary phone that can take inter-dimensional calls.

    * An unopened STAR WARS Star Destroyer Lego set.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)15:00 No.4889292
    a box containing 12 lb of rape
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)15:06 No.4889321
    a cat tail buttplug. while you're using it, you have 7 lives. the tail gets shorter everytime someone loses a life with it
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)15:06 No.4889325
    Comfortable shoes.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)15:09 No.4889345
    >>4889321

    Don't you mean 9?
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)15:09 No.4889352
    >>4889325
    I'm calling bullshit on this one.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)15:14 No.4889378
    *A computer printer that never runs out of pink ink.

    *A bottle of Reeb. It will sober the fuck out of you and could even drive you insane.

    *A TV that picks up every channel ever.

    *A printout of the filthiest fanfiction you have ever read. Someone has made painstaking corrections to structure and spelling in red ink.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)15:15 No.4889384
    >>4889345

    lol you're right, i dont know why i had 7 in my mind
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)15:17 No.4889402
    >>4889384
    I was assuming you were intimating that it had already been used, 2 charges having been used up.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)15:19 No.4889420
    >>4889402
    2nd. I was thinking it was just a cursed item that killed you off for thinking you had two more than you actually did.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)15:21 No.4889431
    >>4889402

    there's actually no way of knowing how many lives it still has, without knowing its size when fully charged
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)15:22 No.4889442
         File :1245093744.jpg-(49 KB, 416x550, Amazing death strike conversio(...).jpg)
    49 KB
    An MDC flashlight, you are not playing Rifts.

    12 9 volt batteries.

    A bottle of super glue

    A potion of cure minor wounds

    4 dry erase markers

    A Vorple nerf sword

    A metric measureing tape

    one gauntles of oger power (the other is missing)

    A Penis shaped +4 mace of Climaxing (it's a real item. Book of Erotic fantasy.)

    1 deathstrike rocket launcher
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)15:23 No.4889450
    Notes on a governmental project called Electronic Living Viral Invigorating Singer. It appears to have been a great hit. Taking this to any newspaper or governmental department in any country will result in a polite sending away and a future letter requesting a little less conversation and a little more action.

    Pictures of a man in places you've been. He looks familiar...

    A bottle of water. Tastes normal but after a while it will have all the benefits of alchohol with none of the down sides.

    An extremely tiny marine doll. When picked up, it will shout and curse at you for being an extreme disappointment.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)15:24 No.4889458
    a ring that when used, transforms its user's asshole into a bag of holding
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)15:26 No.4889479
    >>4889458
    >and reroutes your internal organs so that you now have to shit out your mouth.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)15:29 No.4889505
    A scientific paper explaining the appeal of music. Towards the end, it goes into extreme detail on the history of music until the section called Origin. After which the pages are torn out.

    A pair of sunglasses. They will make anyone seeing you in them think you are extremely cool.

    A catalogue of take away restaurants. Apart from the numbers and prices, the writing is done in an undecipherable language.

    A dusty tome. It reads in Hebrew, the Passions of Chris. It looks to be a naughty book.

    An old mp3 player. Still works. When listened to and played, instead of music it will tell you what you should do at that exact moment. It will always be right.

    A mobile phone. It rings every once in a while. The callers are famous people from around the world who blurt out their problems and deepest secrets before realising that it is the wrong number. The number of recieved calls stretches into the thousands.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)15:33 No.4889532
    *A very pissed off cat.

    *The only funny snorgtee. Out of production.

    *The Thing, frozen in ice.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)15:36 No.4889558
    A video camera. When turned on it will reveal a holiday video of a sterotypical british couple on an alien world.

    A wallet that eats cash. It always looks hungry.

    A pocket sized book. It fits really well into your trousers. Despite its size, the stories seem to go on forever.

    A magazine article titled How to Meet an Intelligent Woman. The article has no words.

    A pamphlet titled Men and Commitment, How it Can Work for you! There are only pictures of unhappy women inside.

    An old poster from Nazi Germany. It has a picture of a german soldier saluting a blasting rocket. Underneath, in german, it says 'Volunteer for the Space Program Today!'

    A vial filled with scientific fluids. Mixing them with anything results in explosions.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)15:42 No.4889601
    A bottle simply called Liquid. It's contents are all of the other bottles in this thread combined into one drink.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)15:49 No.4889652
    A brown liquid in a penis shaped container. It tastes delicious.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)15:56 No.4889697
    A USB drive filled with images labeled with the names of famous reaction images. Opening them will invariably result in reacting as the filename says you will.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)16:00 No.4889736
    *A small keepsake locket. The first to open it will remember everything they have every experienced, including the massive trauma that is birth.

    *An old dusty photoalbum. The pictures inside depict you, throughout your life. Odd stains are on each one, near and on your face.

    *Ann Frank's second diary. It involves her being invited to Hitler's mansion for icecream, becoming a princess, and eventually being in a position to rule the world.

    *A loaded rubber band gun with the word 'Ydennek' scratched on the side. For some reason, rubber bands fired from this gun attain lethal velocity.

    *An MP3 player with tracks named after 40 famous people. When you press 'Play' on one, it plays everything the named person is currently saying as they say it. When found, Leonardo DiCaprio is cursing out a waiter for bringing him a bagel when he clearly asked for 'a fucking english muffin'.

    *The diary of a contestant on one of those VH1 Celebriality '_____ Of Love' shows. The contestant appears to want to kill the 'prize' celebrity for ruining television forever.

    *A big box of colored pens. Each one writes in a different language.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)16:02 No.4889754
    -a can of coke that tastes like Dr. Pepper
    -a needle that makes whoever is poked by it sing your favorite song
    -a book entitled "How Things Work" it describes how everything works , everything
    -a pamphlet warning about the dangers of dating a mermaid
    -a toothbrush which has no bristles but when placed in your mouth leaves your breath fresh for the rest of the day
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)16:02 No.4889757
    * Essence of "Big".

    * A copy of Voltaire's "The Prince". Obviously, it was written by a Voltaire from another dimension.

    * Machiavelli's cookbook.

    * A bottle of Gin Rummy.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)16:05 No.4889770
    >>4889754
    A can of Coke that tastes like bats blood.

    A can of Coke that tastes like motor oil.

    A can of Coke that tastes like moose piss.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)16:08 No.4889801
    >>4889754
    what does it do if i have never fully decided my favourite song?
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)16:10 No.4889815
    >>4889801
    It plays something random from Toto.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)16:12 No.4889840
    >>4889815
    fuck yes that is the best item ever
    >> Ember McLain !47DZH.O02I 06/15/09(Mon)16:27 No.4889964
    A bucket full of nothing.

    No, literally. Anything a person places inside the ordinary-looking 4-quart galvanized-steel bucket will behave as if it had been exposed to the vacuum of deep space. The effect stops at the rim of the bucket and is not affected by the bucket's position, such as if it were turned upside-down.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)16:29 No.4889982
    - A booklet with every image of every monstergirl ever illustrated. EVER.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)16:33 No.4890021
    *A small transparent plastic box used for keeping insects holding what appears to be a miniature Dracula. A label on top instructs to feed him crickets once a week

    *A plain looking banana that is actually the leader of a fruit planet. He is very polite and is waiting for someone to say hello

    *A photo of your mother in her early twenties nude and in a sexy pose. Look at the tits on her!

    *A fez that fits you perfectly, when worn it whispers strange advice to you. It appears to know all the events of time and is bestowing this upon you
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)16:33 No.4890022
    A pistol with a single bullet in it. Will always hit its target in no more than 12 seconds, regardless of distance. Can not be stopped. Will teleport through the multiverse if necessary. Gun explodes after use, killing the user with no chance of living, regardless of what they do.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)16:39 No.4890071
         File :1245098388.jpg-(33 KB, 400x689, heartattackhomer.jpg)
    33 KB
    >>4890021
    >*A photo of your mother in her early twenties nude and in a sexy pose. Look at the tits on her!
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)16:42 No.4890098
    rolled 38 = 38

    >>4890071
    Rolling for sanity loss.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)17:05 No.4890354
    >>4890021
    When my dad died, I was tasked with going through his things, and actually found a faded nude pic of my mom. 4chan herfderfing about incest aside, she was way fucking hot.

    ... be back in a bit.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)17:08 No.4890377
    *A bag of rice.

    *Four bags of dehydrated milk.

    *Five bags filled with bags.

    *A can of Pepsi flavored Coke.

    *A can of poison marked as Coke.

    *A can of coke marked as poison.

    *Gnome poison.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)17:08 No.4890380
         File :1245100100.jpg-(31 KB, 132x302, Spy.jpg)
    31 KB
    >>4890071
    NOW LISTEN UP, BOY...

    ..or pornography starring you mother will be the -second- worst thing that happens to you today!
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)17:27 No.4890580
    a large empty crate. a shipping order attached to it reveals that it at some point in the past contained AYIN

    a large receptacle of AYIN

    a small and heavily faded photo of zalgo

    a small normal looking six sided dice. upon inspection it turns out that it has only five sides... roll for sanity loss
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)17:29 No.4890599
    A javelin which can be ridden upon when thrown, and an ancient but unrusted sword.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)17:37 No.4890680
    *A can of ass-kicking. Anyone who opens it becomes an unstoppable force of pure beatdown until the contents of the can are fully consumed or go flat, a process that takes about a half hour.

    Two silver rings. One of them inscribed with 'Hero' and the other with 'Squire'. Wearing the 'Hero' ring increases or decreases your physical abilities depending on what the wearer of the 'Squire' ring thinks of you. IE: If the 'Squire' thinks the 'Hero' can crush bricks in his fingers and leap small buildings in a single bound, then the Hero can. If the 'Squire' thinks the 'Hero' is a waste of flesh, then the 'Hero' has trouble doing anything other than maintaining a spark of life.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)17:39 No.4890696
         File :1245101973.jpg-(23 KB, 216x330, Man-with-No-Name-cropped.jpg)
    23 KB
    >>4890680
    Clint in a Can
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)17:42 No.4890715
    >>4890354
    pics or it didn't happen
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)17:45 No.4890733
    >>4890680
    Be better as 'Hero' and 'Villain', IMO.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)17:45 No.4890737
    A thick file folder full of pages from different books which have been torn out with scribbled notes filling the margins, noting inconsistencies and occult significances. They're all from the same story: Little Red Riding Hood.

    A bag of baby teeth.

    A bottle sealed with a melted quarter. The contents appear to by three differently colored gasses that shift about when the bottle is tilted but never diffuse.

    A pair of old computer speakers.

    A set of venetian blinds, damaged beyond repair.

    Forty-five soda caps, stamped with serial numbers, arranged in order.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)17:46 No.4890747
    >>4890733
    >>4890680
    'Hero' and 'Vilein'

    Oh, I am so witty.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)17:49 No.4890763
    * a pot which if placed on a turntable with a needle riding along the grooves in it, plays Queen's "Don't stop me Now" in simplified form.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)18:02 No.4890872
    A bag of old newspapers. On closer inspection, they are from the future.

    A symbiote. Once it attaches to a host, it becomes fiercely loyal. It takes the form of a truly awe-inspiring mustache.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)18:06 No.4890908
    A powerfist. The power-source is dry.

    A bottle of pure love. Opening it will allow it to spread throughout the world, bringing joy and happiness to all.

    Plans for an alien invasion. If the bottle of pure love is opened, we will be defenseless against them.

    A sororitas in full gear, who swears fealty to you.
    >> Ember McLain !47DZH.O02I 06/15/09(Mon)18:07 No.4890918
    >>4890872
    >A symbiote. Once it attaches to a host, it becomes fiercely loyal. It takes the form of a truly awe-inspiring mustache.

    Unless it bonds with a female. Then her pubes grow long enough to braid. Shaving removes the symbiote, and it will refuse to re-bond with someone who has "rejected" it thusly.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)19:02 No.4891399
    Bump for teh Bump God
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)19:06 No.4891439
    * Sword of Oblivion

    * An empty Sprite Can

    * a half empty lighter

    * 1 Drum Stick

    * Glasses case
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)19:12 No.4891481
    A Chevy Malibu. It's color is brownish, and is unreasonably hot. The heat seems to come from the trunk, which gives an odd humming sound.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)19:19 No.4891531
    A magic lamp with a genie inside. The previous master made the following three wishes:
    1. "I wish you can't say the word 'wish'"
    2. "I wish you took the appearance of the devil"
    3. "I wish you REALLY want to grant wishes"

    When you rub the lamp, the devil comes out: "YOU CAN HAVE ANYTHING YOU WANT! JUST SAY THE WORD!"
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)19:32 No.4891630
    You open the Box inside is a Mint Condition Dodge Charger, Souped up with 120 mpg
    But all the seats and the wheel have had coke spilled on then, you cannot clean it
    and the trunk smells like a dog died in it
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)19:50 No.4891805
    Several very embarrassing and erotic photos featuring Benjamin Franklin and a moleman.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)19:59 No.4891900
    *A potion that allows you to quad-weld weapons
    *Bees
    *Scantly clad elf women
    *A complete breakfast
    *two chickens
    *Faptau
    *A lion
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)20:26 No.4892182
    >>4889321
    According to a myth in many cultures, cats have nine (or sometimes seven) lives.

    I'm brazilian, and here the 7 lives myth is the core one.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)20:39 No.4892334
    >>4888543

    Rapestove
    >> Muon 06/15/09(Mon)20:42 No.4892364
    - Two solid one-inch diameter spheres made of stainless steel. They have a rather unusual property of multiplying the momentum of the one carrying them.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)20:46 No.4892412
    The secret to destroying /b/ without shit flooding the internet.

    A contract designating the sole owner of Games Workshop and Wizards of the Coast. It is filled out in full, except for the name of the person to be named owner.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)21:18 No.4892723
    The bag of dicks that everyone has been telling you to suck.
    >> Anonymous 06/15/09(Mon)21:35 No.4892896
    * A rottweiler puppy who stays perpetually a puppy. He never shows any emotion. You suspect he may be up to something.

    * A large refrigerator box. A naked man painted bright yellow calling himself a sun elemental will burst out once every year and will run off into the distance. The box somehow repairs itself whenever no one is around. The man, upon bursting from the box, will literally run through anything or anyone attempting to stop him.

    *Milk. It expires the second you open it.

    * An upside-down cardboard box reading, "Transmogrifier". Below, in slightly smaller print:
    Warning: Hazardous
    -C



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