Battle brothers! I am in dire need of aid! Allow me to explain. I am brother Kristuvus of the Radiant Guardian Space Marine Chapter, honor to the primarch! Lately though, our numbers have dwindled overall to a horrifyingly low 18 marines and command staff after combating the Tyranid hivefleet Yggrasdil. To further worsen our situation, we also than discovered a vile den of traitorous xeno worshippers on our homeworld. However, through the Emperor's will, we have persevered against it all, along with help from the newly created Adeptus Sorritas covenant, the Order of the Gilded Defenders. In order to thank our timely saviors, we have allowed for them to establish themselves on our world. But that is... Not exactly the problem. Allow me to explain. It was during the purging of the Xenos hive, that I met Sister Amalia Othiris, as we were paired together in a joint unit squad. At first, we were mostly friendly, with unusual notice that she seemed fond of my skills with a holy flamer gun, and praised my righteous zeal. Of course, I was pleased to hear so. Any compliments, especially by such a holy warrior should be taken to heart. But, as I noticed, we have been spending more and more time together, on patrol and guard duty, with just the two of us. During these times together, we discussed battle plans, tactics, our weaponry and the glory of the god emperor. We even once shared our nutrience rations while describing our many battles. However, lately, she seems to be asking if there were any duties she could help me with, and lamenting the fact our glourious chapter is so limited in numbers, expressing a desire to return it to its former numbers. I am unsure of how to proceed, as the Codex Astartes has nothing in it about this situation. Please, how should proceed in? L
>>46811798Acquire male servants and breed her, creating a pool of offspring that can be used for recruitment
Go crusading one last time and die a glorious death as a champion of humanity, go and die for the glory of the Imperium and the God-Emperor of Mankind!
>>46811798The depends Brother, do you feel a sensation below your combat belt? If so, talk to your local apothecary for further advisement.
>>46811798You have fought the vile xeno creatures, but your chapter is no more? Join the Deathwatch today!
>>46811798Listen battle brother, the answer is simple she is infatuated with you and desires to engage in a warrior's romance with you. The simple fact is the Codex Astartes is a manual on war not on dating so you will need to remember that fact but do not forget it's teaching for love is just another battlefield.Now unless you are gelded, or chem-gelded get out there, secure the bastion of her heart, and help her express the beauty of the Emperor and his vision for humanity.
>>46812378>secure the bastion of her heart, and help her express the beauty of the Emperor and his vision for humanity.Send her over to the Imperial Palace. Preferably without armor.Greetings, Your Emperor.
Have you considered bathing in her blood?
>>46812378> chem-geldedYou mean like all space marines are?
>>46812772I don't see that in the Deathwatch core book...only as an optional sign of being extra devoted to the Emperor.
>>46811798The Flesh is weak brother! You must purge the frail flesh from your frame and your questions shall be answered. Her unwarranted and quite possibly heretical advances will cease and you will be all the stronger. The Iron Hands stand with you.
>>46811817I do not feel comfortable with that suggestion brother. It feels... Wrong. Besides, there are plenty of aspirants already in line, and the surviving population is already great. Besides, even if she breeds with other servants, that does not ensure they will be gene compatible.>>46811916But brother, my chapter, my allies and my planet needs me in this dire hour! I cant abandon them! Does the Emperor not want me to rebuild, so that we may crusade at full strength?>>46812045I will admit brother, I do indeed feel rather strange when ever we attend the communal worship in the chapel, and I see her in her habbit. The apothecary however, said that all my organs are functioning.>>46812184But battle brother, the Adeptus Mechanicus had resupplied us with our holy geneseed reserve. We may once again recruit, and rebuild.>>46812378R-romance, brother? I will try my best, but how would I approach her on the subject matter? I am uncertain. Buy, as you say, I wish to help express the glory of humanity with her. By.. Um.. Brother? What does being chem gelded have to do with this? And no, im not.>>46812491My god emperor! It is a honor to hear your voice! But are you sure, my liege? Terra is millions of light years away! Never the less, If you are certain, I will escort her to the palace my self!>>46812656Er... No brother. I have not. Are you certain you are well? You armor is blood red and ancient..>>46813124Brother, I am proud to say my left hand is a bionic after I punched a pyrovore to death. But I believe that my body is a tool of the Emperor; i do not need to replace what is not broken.
SSNNNNRRRRKKKK OHH FUCKING YEAH AHAHA THAT WAS A GOOD LINE FUCKING WARP YEAH HAHAH OK BRO LISTEN UP HERE'S WHAT YOU GOTTA DO OK OK? OK THIS BITCH IS NYAAAHHH OH YEAH THE LSD JUST KICKED IN ALRIGHT THIS FAIR MAIDEN IS DOING ONE OF TWO THINGS SHE'S EITHER INNOCENTLY INQUIRING AFTER YOUR CHAPTER BECAUSE SHE'S A FRIEND FUCKING FUCK FUCK MY NIPPLES ARE SO HARD THEY'RE ON FIRE YOU WANT A HIT OF THIS VAPE MAN HAHAAHA OK OR OPTION TWO AND I'M GOING TO SPELL IT OUT BECAUSE YOUR DENSER THAN A COGBOYS BALLS GET IT BECAUSE THEY'RE MADE OF METAL AHAHAH ANYWAY OPTION TWO SHE'S ATTRACTED TO YOU PHYSICALLY AND SHE WANTS YOU TO INSERT YOUR ERECT PENIS INTO HER VAGINA AND SLIDE IT BACK AND FORTH UNTIL BOTH ORGASM I'M TALKING ABOUT SEX MAN S.E.X. SAAIIIXXXXXXXXXX AND IF I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE A FUCKING KILLJOY LOSER I'D TELL YOU TO GET THE BOOTY BUT BRO BRO SINCE I KNOW YOU'RE WAY TOO FUCKING UPTIGHT FOR FUCKING I'LL JUST SAY YOU SHOULD LET HER DOWN EASY OTHERWISE HER FEELINGS MIGHT GET HURT AND THEN A GUY LIKE ME MIGHT PICK HER UP ON THE REBOUND HAHA I DO COCAAIINNNNNEEEE
>>46814029You foul demon of the warp! You shall not touch that fair maiden, nor will you tell me I can and cannot do! I shall... Um.. I... Er... Will Let her slide my erect penis into her vagina until we both orgasm, as you put it? If only to keep this world safe from your foul and cheest pick up lines, and your insidious rebounding!In fact, I have just sent a vox message, asking if she would like to attend the Imperial guard military march with me! So, ha! Foiled again, warp spawn!Dear emperor, what have I done.
>>46814188You risk damnation. Not only for yourself, but for the remnants of your chapter, your Homeworld and your sororitas allies. You know that includes her too.Take it from one who knows, it isn't worth it.
>>46811798Ehrm.I am a gue'vesa.But as far as I understand, she has the hots for you and maybe she wants to enter a monogamous relationship with you.>>46814188Ah, very good.You spend more time with her.Carry on Marine, Sir.Maybe you should ask the guards and or a comissar for advice?Most of them are very understanding.And fuck Tyranids with plasma.
>>46813932>>46814188Look man.All I'm saying.Is that maybe you should bathe in her her blood.Think about it.
>>46812184>>46812378Combine these two, and your legend shall be sung across the stars. You shall both be Chambers Militant, and with luck assigned to an Inquisitor dabbling in the affairs of Xenos and Hereticus as the situation dictates.
>>46813932>My god emperor! It is a honor to hear your voice! But are you sure, my liege? Terra is millions of light years away! Never the less, If you are certain, I will escort her to the palace my self!Absoluteley sure. But ask her, and if so ensure that it stays that way, if she is stilla maiden. Your Emperor demands only the purest of them all.
>>46814320What would you have me do Soul drinker? I cannot say that I have no feelings for her, even if I do not understand them myself! I if i let her down, could not her despair bring her down a ruinous path?>>46814413Perhaps your right... But I apologize, but I am not familiar with the term "Gue'vesa". Is that some sort of abhuman? But regardless, perhaps the guardsmen would know more about it. But, which force should I ask? The Cadians, the Steel legion? Or the catachans and Kriegers? Also, i agree. Tyranids truly are abominable.>>46814421How would I procure such a vast amount of blood from her? And what would that even accomplish?>>46814503Perhaps... You make a valid point. But after the scourging of my home, we have put estimates on any sort of crusade for at least a few centuries. I would not expect any sort of inquistor would come by so soon, especially after the last one left.. But if she were to leave?>>46814537Um... My emperor... I am not sure it is couth of me to ask that question... But, if I may ask my lord..Must you really insist on her presence, my lord? I can say confidently that her leaving would give me some degree of sorrow.
>>46814809Don't listen to them, trust me. I'm an expert.Why don't you two attend a romantic play.
>>46814809Well, if you feel sad, you can always join the Deathwatch. Blowing some holes into some xenos should lighten up your mood.As for the sister: Do you happen to have any pict of her? Preferably one that shows her mammary glands and a proof of the time it was recorded. If she is hesitant to handing you one such pict, you may show her one of my picts to convince her. It's for the wellbeing of the Imperium, after all!
>>46811798Do not let temptation interrupt the will of the emperor.
>>46811798Dear Brother Kristuvus,It is good that you have fostered a relationship with a Sororitas. Cooperation between all arms of His Eternally Victorious armies and fleets is vital in ensuring unit cohesion as well as maintaining morale. From what I understand from your communique, however, is that she may wish to work in closer proximity with you than is regular between Astartes and Sororitas. This is impossible, of course, as females are unable to undergo the implantation process and survive, as well, the Adeptus Ministorum is forbidden from recruiting Men-under-Arms. My advice is to reminder her of these facts and both your sacred duties to the Emperor.By His Will,Brother-Chaplain Matthius.NEXT!
>>46815035This man is an impostor using the emperor's name for his ruinous desires.
>>46814809>What would you have me do Soul drinker?When I rose to the rank of full battle-brother, some centuries ago, my mentor gave me very sound advice."It is better to die for the Emperor than to live for yourself. Though such is no our lot in life. We are Astartes. We are the hammer upon with the enemies of man may be smote. We give our lives, our dreams, our very essence to our Emperor. If you cannot do that, if you cannot be a singular weapon and leave your humanity behind, then no amount of ceramite and bolter proficiency will ever make you a true Space Marine."I ask you now Radiant Guardian, are you a Space Marine, or are you a man? For if you try to be both, you will be neither.
>>46815104Are you trying to sway my gene-sons from me? Only a traitor would attack the Emperor!
>>46812491>>46814537>>46815035>>46815205This being has the foul stench of warp trickery about it. I sense none other than the Arch Daemon Abraxes at play here. He is a devious one, a daemon bold enough to masquerade as the Emperor of mankind. Trust nothing from his mouth, for he is pernicious and false.
>>46815268Yeh, belieb dis guy here. He be right u kno
>>46814909I am not entirely sure there is a theater on the planet anymore; the cult had utilized most of them ad Hideouts, and were thus purged.>>46815035As you wish, my Emperor. She is seen here captured by helm recorder, moments after finishing the purging of hive theater triiumvate, illuminates by the white phosphorus fires. I still wonder why I recorded it...But my lord, please banish these accusations! Prove your divinity!>>46815040One can not allow themselves to think they know the will of the Emperor. Only he knows such path. We have but mere glimpses, do we not?>>46815091I am thankful for your counciling, Chaplain, for you are wise as ever. But I do not believe you fully understand: We both know our duties to the imperium, and we perform them to the best of our abilities, I assure you. And I do not think she intends to try to become a astartes, nor I a warrior of the echlessiarchy. We share something though, but I can not be sure what it is.>>46815189I ask you, Soul Drinker; you imply that Space marines are not but weapons for the Emperor, yet by our own primarchs standards, we are a bulwark. And to think yourself above humanity is to invite arrogance and ruin your humility. To be a space marine, you must be a man by necessity.>>46815205>>46815403>>46815268I am so confused! This has not helped in my endeavors to understand these bizarre feelings! How can we prove either arguement!
>>46814809BROTHERFrom your cousins of the First Legion, I shall give you my council although you shall find it unfortunate. You have sinned, both of you! It is neither the place of the Sororitas or the Astartes to engage in selfish acts of pleasure, for down the path of such sin lies the temptations of Chaos. You must purge these dangerous thoughts from your mind with zeal, and your sister-friend. I personally advise stripping your clothing and whipping each other to strip the flesh from your backs in atonement. Then adorn yourselves with holy oil and chant hymns of the Emperor.
Why would the emperor demand proof of anything? He knows all of his servants in his heart and would not ask for anything except loyalty of the heart mind and soul.
>>46815646Do you nor recognise your own father anymore? Does my bulwark against the terror fall because a foul xeno or daemon tries to spread lies? I have made you the finest warriors, the defenders of humanity and in the furnace of war did I forge you! I am the Emperor of Mankind, and you shall obey me!Also, the pict looks really nice. Send her over.
>>46815713>First LegionI've got this covered Brother-Interrogator. Don't you have some "sparring exercises" with your Brothers to attend to?
>>46815646>I ask you, Soul Drinker; you imply that Space marines are not but weapons for the Emperor, yet by our own primarchs standards, we are a bulwark. And to think yourself above humanity is to invite arrogance and ruin your humility. To be a space marine, you must be a man by necessity.We are more than men and we are less. But we are men, no longer. Make no mistake, we are weapons, we go where men cannot. We tread the paths of war and despair. We watch untold ruin and unimaginable devastation. And we are unmoved, because such is the existence of a Space Marine.
>>46815790You lie foul daemon, do not trust him battle brother.
>>46815809Do I look like an Imperial Fist?Although regardless of your homosexual accusation, I do in fact have some Chaos Space Marines to torture. Hm. Flensing knives or submerging in molten gold. Decisions decisions.
>>46815790I totally still trust you dad.You guys should listen to him!
>>46815892I for one would like to see the gilded corpse of a fallen angel. Do send an update.
>>46812656I want grey knights to leave
>>46815892>fallen angelTHERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A FALLEN ANGELTELL ME IMMEDIATELY WHO TOLD YOU THIS LIE SO I CAN PURGE THEM FOR HERESY REEEEEEEEEEE
>>46815971Woops, meant to quote >>46815935I blame chaos for this astropathic fuckup.
>>46815971Awww... Brother. There are so many stories to tell....
>>46815989PAY NO HEED TO THIS MAN, HE IS A LIAR AND A TRAITOR TO THE IMPERIUM! BELIEVE NOTHING HE SAYS!
>>46815646>I am not entirely sure there is a theater on the planet anymore;Now that's just a shame, let me get my masque and we will remedy that.How do you feel about comedies?
>>46815971Bloody Warp, [REDACTED]! Have you been raiding the cellar again!? Were you not useful to the Chapter, your plodding ways would've been handled permanently a long time ago! Rock, Cell 42, now! Supreme Grandmaster's orders!>>46815989As for you, you're coming with us as well! Strike force, engage Hunt Protocol 23!
>>46816155>*BURP*Nonsense Brother, I am fine. This foul liquor concocted by the Space Wolves has no ill effect on me. Now excuse me as I lay down and binge on coffee.
>>46815988Come on, it's the worst kept secret in the astartes, we knew you were up to it from the beginning. Once Caliban suddenly "disappeared," the inquisition was on to you.
>>46816047You´re drunk, I can handle you eas...>>46816155Uh-Oh. Would you put that bolter down...? I will be taking my leave. See you around brother´s!Going to stop posting with this name.
>>46816235Once again, Cypher communes with the propagator of slander and the corrupter of soul! We follow in his trail, and we undo his works! Slay them all, to a man!
This is not what the noosphere that was gifted you is for, Astartes!Sincerely,Brother NotAMechanicusSpy
>>46814809Cadians are good, kriegers not so much.Catachans are also a nice option, though we differ in what is right.Seriously, the most important thing is, that you interact with her in true confidence.I think you're gonna have a good experience.No matter how it ends.
>>46816235That i-HIC-s a foul lie of the Inquisition to deface us! The Inquisition invents many false stories of our Legion and Chapters for they are jealous of the power we possess with the Rock and all the Relics and areotech we control. Their jealously simmers and lies come off as steam.>>46816260Keep this u-HIC-p and you'll be the naked Chaos Space Marine I submerge in gold and sent pictures of to Matthias to jHICerk off to in downtime.
>>46811798Fight with us brother, we shall care for you till your chapter returns to full strength. The sons of Dorn endures.
Reporting back from the military parade, where a most unusual event occurred: I had gotten permission from my current chapter master to stand next to Sisters formations, where Sister Amalia had taken point. All of the regiments passed through during the victory parade, of which I shall admit that the steel legion had the best of. It was during that time did I feel something slip into my gauntlet. Turning my eyes ever so slightly, I saw that Amalia had slipped her hand into mine. I did not let go until the parade had passed. Although the cannoness of her covenant did take notice, it was my chapter master who approached me. I was than, to my surprise, appointed Captain of the watch and of the second company. Later that same day, Amalia informed me that she had been appointed head chapel guardian. I find it hard to believe this is just a coincidence.>>46815713I am happy to recieve advice from the first legions legendary chaplains. I hear that you far and first the most trustworthy and loyal of chaplaincy. I will forward your idea to Amalia for her ideas on it, although i believe she is quite fond of such rituals, if the holovids she has sent to me for inspiration are anything to go by. >>46815790My emperor, i do not doubt you! But prove your divinity! But my Emperor, if you are such a examplar for us all, should I not follow in your way of seeking her company?
>>46816923>>46815826But must we do this task alone, brother? We are more than weapons; we are human, no matter how hard we try to deny it. We can reach fault, as if the evidence is not already shown by our fallen brothers, and your own actions. Your chapter fell because you could not find balance. >>46816114I am not sure. I've never had the oppertunity to see one.>>46816302Is it? I was unaware. But, adept, may I ask for your opinion in the matter? And when will we recieve that land raider and set of power armor we requested six centuries ago?>>46816329I will approach the Cadians about this matter. They most likely know the most about this subject matter.>>46816502My brothers, it is good to hear your support. We have already begin gathering new aspiriants and reconstructing our chapter monastery, and hopefully more geneseed reserves will arive soon. For dorn!
>>46816923>My emperor, i do not doubt you! But prove your divinity! Did you not hear my words? Is my voice not enough for you to recognise your own father? But fine, the Emperor delivers! You wanted a set of Power Armor? Have one! Deus ex machina!There you go, it's even Terminator Armor!
>>46816941My chapter fell because we were deceived to think we were special, to think we could break the rules. The Emperor's mandate is beyond question. To question that is to invite the arch enemy.
>>46817457Oh hi, Emperor. How are you doing?
>>46817457My Emperor... I understand now! Your message is clear to me! This is a test of my devotion to both you and her! You wish see if I truly care, and that I am fit to be a astartes! Rest assured my lord, that I am certain in both my belief and dedication to you! And that I will not abandon a faithful servant such as her.Because, afterall, why would you even ask for a holy sister, when you treated by all of Terra and your servants? You are the god emperor, you could create any woman you wished. Your test is brilliant, m'lord!
>>46816941>Is it? I was unaware. But, adept, may I ask for your opinion in the matter?The female specimen referred to as designation Adeptus Sororitas is currently suffering from multiple hormonal and cerebral conditions, part of her psyche seeing you as a promising mate, despite her knowledge to the contrary. This is one of the flaws within the emotional aspect of the Human cranium, something you Astartes should be immune to.Regardless, her affection is both useful and useless, ensure that it is manipulated in a positive way and ensure that she is ever-aware of your inability to act as a biological partner during reproduction.>And when will we recieve that land raider and set of power armor we requested six centuries ago?[This is a recorded message: I'm sorry, the Magos is currently unavailable right now, please leave a message after the Psalm.]
>>46817550Oh, I'm fine. Just the usual fighting against the ruinous powers and having my soul torn apart a billion times every second. Other than that, it's alright.>>46817594Yes, of course this...was a test.
>>46817457Oh mighty Emperor, as a reward for my piety, may I have a suit of Cataphractii Terminator armor? I have been a most loyal servant of yours and saved the souls of several of your fallen grandchildren who you are host to now in your great ethereal hall. With this armor I could purge even more foes in your name, and turn aside blows that would see me slain before my time.
DO YA LIKE TO FIGHT BY HER SIDE? MEBBE YA'LL MAKE A GOOD STOMPIN' POWAH-PAIR, LIKE GHAZGHULL 'N' HIZ DOK!>>46817817YA IZN'T FOOLIN' EVEN AN ORK, YA GIT!
>>46817841I thought all of the Dark Angels remained loyal to the Imperium, didn't they?>>46817901Could someone get this Ork out of here?
>>46817997>I thought all of the Dark Angels remained loyal to the Imperium, didn't they?>Lie to the Emperor and quash what little honor you may have, and commit the gravest sin possible>Or tell the truth in a public locationFUCK
>>46818047>implying that's our beloved Emperor
>>46818098Good point Brother. The Real Emperor would know our secret, for it is to he that we seek forgiveness from in the first place. The ignorant cannot forgive a crime they did not know was committed in the first place.
You must preform the sacred rites of Assitus Tapitus, brother.
>>46817817Why have you stopped going to the gym? You know, that you always skip the leg day. Also Darkness called, and asked if you are gonna be joining the party tomorrow. Isha is coming too, by the way.
>>46818047Lion's golden mane!! Why are you not in Cell 42!? Who was the addled lunatic that made you an Interrogator-Chaplain!!>>46817997As for you... Cease your mimicry of our Most Exalted Emperor of Mankind. Your lascivious interest in our battle-brother's companion in love is clear to all of the Ravenwing. Do you truly think the Emperor would speak for the sake of stealing away the beloved of his loyal servant? When He cannot speak of the most important issues, save by the tarot? No, you are a fiend from the pit, a black-hearted ophidian daemon borne of the Lord of Excess' overspill of onanism juices. Reveal yourself!
>>46815646Rise in hormones indicate infatuation. Primary recommendation is hormone suppression therapy from nearest medical official. Secondary recommendation lies in reporting issue to nearest officer. Tertiary recommendation is building fortifications alongside her. Female units prefer waffle rations. Provide such sustenance during breaks in labor.
he heyou cheekyfucker
>>46811798Give her say gene seed, brother!
>>46818323>Lion's golden mane!! Why are you not in Cell 42!? Who was the addled lunatic that made you an Interrogator-Chaplain!!I get results Brother. I have seven black pearls. How many do you have?
>>46818047>>46818098>>46818190So, the Dark Angels comitted a crime that only I could forgive them? The way you reacted to this...Cypher was a bit extrme and made me suspicious in the first place. I can only hope my son, the Lion, will punish you.>>46818298Oh shut up Khorne. You don't ever do anything but sitting on your throne either. But yes, I will join the party. Send Isha my greetings. And Nurgle too, I guess.>>46818323I have better things to do than keeping tab on every Imperial Citizen. Also, I'm the Emperor and I do what is best for humanity. Thus I tested this young Astartes from the Radiant Guardians Chapter. He will play a big role in the future. And I talk to whom I want and when I want.
>>46818438You son is slain Grandfather. Cast down by the fell host of Chaos who overcame even his glory. Jonson is lost to us.
>>46811798My son, listen to me. There comes a time in every man's life where his heart is filled with more than the thrill of battle and love for the Emperor. If you feel attached to this battle sister, then meet with her in the chapter arboretum tonight without your armor. As you talk, slowly slide your hand into her hand. If she looks at you and smiles, you'll know what to do. But if she pulls her hand away, you must join the Death Watch and never see her again.
monitoring this thread
>>46818523Monitoring this Inquisitor.
>>46818461Tell me, who did this? Who could overcome my flesh and blood? We will meet again, my son. We will meet again.>>46818492You are still alive Rogal? How come nobody informed me about this?
>>46818591He survived by being dead. In pretend.
>>46818427Whose exertions in the Hunt do you think brought them to you, plucked from the womb of warships, fortresses and the Warp itself..? How many do you think I've brought to those before you, and those that will soon come after you? You are no Molochia, that your constant transgressions can be forgiven...>>46818438By the Emperor on his Throne, the real Emperor, may your deceit be laid bare to all... I shall banish you myself one day, lying serpent.
>>46818591I am only alive enough to post on internet image boards, Father.
>>46818626>>46818669Well that sure is...something.
>>46818662>Whose exertions in the Hunt do you think brought them to you, plucked from the womb of warships, fortresses and the Warp itself..? How many do you think I've brought to those before you, and those that will soon come after you? You are no Molochia, that your constant transgressions can be forgiven...Anybody can chase down that scum on a bike and whack him over the head with a hammer. It takes far more skill to emotionally break a Space Marine and force him to repent his sins against mankind, and by that, saving his soul from the dark gods.My work is not to damn souls, but to save them from the infinite hells of the warp. By actions brothers are spirited away to the Emperor.
>>46818626>>46818801Do not trust this imposter father, he's likely an Iron Warrior trying to slander my good name!
>>46818901>Anybody can chase down that scum on a bike and whack him over the head with a hammer.Lion be my witness, I will laugh and dance in your pyre's ashes when you finally stumble drunkenly into your death....
>>46817901Hm. Despite your vile nature Xenos, your claim is true; it was noted our combat effencies were indeed higher when placed within the same unit. Thanks disgusting Ork. *BLAM*>>46817817Oh, you are indeed wise my Emperor! Truly, not only have you reaffirmed my undying faith in you, but you clearly shown the path forward! But, as lord and savior of mankind, may I ask; what would be the proper way of explaining this to my chapter master? >>46818217Brother, i have not heard of this operation. May you explain?>>46818400Brother, what would be the benefit of giving her one of my prognoid glands? She can not utilize it; she is not only a female, but already beyond the suitable age!>>46818356Your wisdom is wise, Cadian. I am glad I came to you rather than the Kriegers. I will set forth to find these "Waffle" rations, and see how she feels about fortifications.>>46818190Brother, I have splendid news; Sister Amalia seems rather pleased at the suggestion of your purification ritual, and has asked for me to meet her in the holy reclusiam tommorow evening to perform it with her. Shes seems especially appreciative that I would humble my self to the Emperor in such a way with her, and that I had asked first. How should I prepare my self for the coming evening?>>46818492My gene father?! You are alive! By the throne, this is immense honor! I will follow your advice, my liege, and tommorow evening I shall do as you say!
>>46819119Lord, I am a Krieger. If you are applying the tertiary recommendation, I would further recommend the application of promethium fuel pipes.
>>46819119>Oh, you are indeed wise my Emperor! Truly, not only have you reaffirmed my undying faith in you, but you clearly shown the path forward! But, as lord and savior of mankind, may I ask; what would be the proper way of explaining this to my chapter master?He shall make a few calls to Terra. Everything will be explained.>>46818906>>46818669>>46818626Now who of you is the imposter, and which one is the real one? I have a hard time determining this through a pictboard, but I am sure my true son has an undeniable proof for his claims.
>>46818990Bitch I've got a rosarius and artificer armor. I'll be attending your funeral long before I die.Although getting wounded so bad I'd have to be stuffed in a Dreadnought would be nice. I could fill my sarcophagus with beer.
>>46819119>Brother, I have splendid news; Sister Amalia seems rather pleased at the suggestion of your purification ritual, and has asked for me to meet her in the holy reclusiam tommorow evening to perform it with her. Shes seems especially appreciative that I would humble my self to the Emperor in such a way with her, and that I had asked first. How should I prepare my self for the coming evening?Wash yourself in holy water and anoint yourself with holy oil. Finish by dressing with robes spun from the hair of an Imperial Saint by another Imperial Saint.
>>46819149Strange. I was told that you would be the least helpful of the guard regiments. But yet, you have been nothing but so. I will bring up the fortifications next time I see her, and I'll be sure to remember your words, kind krieger. I will go now to the Cadian camp to learn their wisdom. Ave Imperiator>>46819311I will tell him after my meet with Amalia at the reclusiam. Thus, I will have no other option but to tell the truth.>>46819639Brother, I fear that while the first two are rather easy to obtain, I do not have any where near enough requisition to actually get that. I hope my normal robes will suffive
>>46819895>I do not have any where near enough requisitionBut I do. This shall be delivered to you ASAP. Go and meet those who are dear to you, for the sake of all those who have sacrificed that and so much more...
>>4682038Brothers, I have returned! Allow me first to thank brother Gwalchavad: The ministorium made immense haste in their delivery, I was delivered it only mere minutes after I finished annointing myself with holy oils. Once I had clothed myself, i made my way to Reclusiam, where I saw Amalia. I know now that my hearts do indeed feel lighter, and I was sure I saw some sort of reassurance from her as I sat down besides her. That was when I noticed something: She had somehow procured a blessed icon of the Primarch! Through what way, I know not, but It was clearly a sign.It was than that we watched the last group flagellents leave the chamber, and the janitorial servitors moved in, did a slip my hand around hers. Space marines know no fear, but it would be a lie to say that I was nervous;She squeezed back.I allowed myself a small smile, a pale comparison to the joy I felt within me. It was if I was strangling Abaddon the Despoiler with my barehands, such was the happiness that filled my heart. We sat there in blissfull silence, before it was our turn to enter the chamber. At that moment, as we shed our robes, I noticed among other things in the revealed sisters body, that she too had a augmented left hand! I took it that she noticed mine as well, a heavenly smile alight on her face as we entered the chamber. From there, I shall leave it between me, Amalia, The Emperor, and the Purification servitors that inhabited the room. And while it was certainly a different experience than pain glove, it did not disappoint in the cleansing pain. By the time we had finished, our bodies aglow as if with the Emperor's own light, I felt as if I could rip out a hive tyrant's throat with my barehands!After saying our good byes, I returned to my monastery and spoke to my Chapter master on the matter. He has commanded me to my quarters while he thinks over my actions and makes a few calls
>>46811798Okay my battlenigga here's what you gonna do:You gonna get da bish, you gonna strip that mobile tank you beakies wear, and then you gonna tank you A14 Leman Russ demolisher and CRAM IT INTO HER DIFFICULT TERRAIN AS HARD AS YOU FUCKING CAN.
>>46822229Brother, I dont understand your metaphor
>>46822923It was a crass joke brother ignore him.
>>46811798cast aside the advances of this slaneshi succubus in disguise and ready your men for glorious combat. Emperor be with you.the answer is always crusade
>>46819311I still love you daddy!
>>46814029Nearly died of laughter, damn you random druggie demon cultist man.
>>46823035Hm. Perhaps the Catachans will be more insightful to my plight than.>>46823142Brothers, I cannot leave now! My chapter must rebuild our homeworld and our chapter! Now is not the time for a reckless crusade.
>>46823651Do not ask the catachan they will be very... rude to say the least.
>>46821756Recommendation. Should your Spiritual Leader still be alive, consultation on the topic of post-human relationships may be beneficial.Do not forget the waffles.
>>46821756For better or for worse brother, you've faced the task and performed admirably,Also popped a pair of cherries, nowmsaying?Fist Bump.
>>46814029Read that in this guy's voice.
DOES your chapter have dicks unlike most adepts
>>46825587I am quite certain that my penis is able to work at least physically. I am not quite sure chemically.
>>46825841make sweet love to the soritas, make more marines (fuck cannon i wanna hear about sister getting pounded)
>>46826515Brother, I would dare not assume that more than one sister would interested in me. It already took the sanctioning from the God Emperor and My Primarch himself to warrant one. I will not push my luck.
>>46826590no risk no reward, just do what you can.
>>46815713Goddamn Dark Angels, they have to come spoil every thread with their unbridled heretical faggotry
Hi guys how are you in this fine day?
>>46827151It has been a fairly good day, Primarch Sanguinius! Overall, I have been promoted, reconstruction of hive primarus is going along quite well, and Amalia and I are to greet the incoming Masque of Harlequins and attend their recital. Thank you for asking, great Primarch!
>>46827233It makes me happy hearing such good news son of dorn, remember your manners and do your best ok?
>>46812378just make sure it doesn't shoot lightning or something first. That would probably be embarrassing.
>>46827344I will Lord Sanguinius. It would be uncouth of me as the captain of the 5th company and a embarrassm to the three marines under my command if I were to dishonor our allies in such a way.
>>46828342Get your fantasy religion out of my Imperium>>46827344Sanguinius,you are alive! But how? I have seen your body before I battled Horus! You were dead...>>46821756You did very well Kristuvus of the Radiant Guardians Chapter. How will you proceed now?
>>46811798What kind of chapter doesn't recruit? Have you no honor for those who fell before you! It would be a disgrace if we were forced to remember you as the last of your chapter, being as pitiful as you are. Leave your homeworld to us and rebuild your chapter. Then we will hand you the ashes of your planet back. By the Emperor, how pathetic.
>>46821756Glad to know you're making advances in your quest, cousin. Don't mind me, just.. patrolling the beautiful skies.By any chance, you haven't spotted any transports headed towards the stratosphere, have you? It would be a shame if they had an accident..
>>46831050Brother, I must ask, how shall my chapter recruit if we leave our homeworld? Does rebuilding our chapter not coincide with rebuilding our chapter? >>46830972My god Emperor, it is most important that me and Amalia continue rebuilding our world after the horrors of the Tyranid invasion. Together, me and her, I am confident that we can accomplish that much and more. The most latest news is that a Harlequin masque has requested for planet fall, so as to perform their show. We will be attending their show, as honored dignitaries.
>>46833356Be ever careful about those Harlequins. They are xenos, Eldar to be precise. Don't be fooled by their appearence.Continue to rebuild your chapter, and see if it is possible for the Munitorum to raise a regiment of the Imperial Army on the surrounding planets. Where one xeno resides, many may follow.
>>46830972I am dead, i think.This is some 6th dimesional warp fuckery so i don't really bother asking any questions, anyway how are you father?How is the Imperium holding?
>>46833728Hm. Well, the warp seems to be a bit more confusing than otherwise. But you'll get used to your status as dead-but-technically-not. Trust me on this.Regarding the Imperium, well...it's the usual stuff. I'm not around for a few milennia to micromanage the galaxy and everything goes down the drain. Sometimes I wonder why I still care.
>>46833356You. insolent. FOOL. DO YOU DARE MOCK OUR CHAPTER. We Star Phantoms have lost our homeworld long ago and yet even with devistating losses, we were able to rebuild! Are you too vain to live in the void and recruit off other planets? I might to strike thee down for this affront if it wouldn't be so pitiful to knock a chapter down five percent down in their numbers with one bullet. Dare not insult those who have died before you and make their memories and actions for naught.
>>46834040Well that sucks, hope you fix all this when you get out of that throne father and that my men are working their best in protecting the imperium.As for warp fuckery, there was this guy i met who went by the name Sigmar, he looked kinda like you except he was shorter and was bearing a warhammer.
>>46834805Oh, I will do whatever necessary to restore peace to the galaxy. And by peace I mean that mankind rules supreme and without doubt.This guy named Sigmar sounds nice. Did you ask him if he is in need of some Space Marines? He probably wants some to defend his system if he ever leaves the Warp.>>46834557Calm down son. There are enough recruitment worlds and xeno/chaos/mutants to shoot at for everyone.Alas, I have to leave for now. Keep this communication line open my children, for I will come back soonish.
>>46834557Are you so foolish as to throw away tradition? Our chapter has resided on this world for millenia, and my brothers fought to their valiant ends in dire defence of it! To abandon it, our subjects, our fortress? Unlike you, we did not flee for petty survival in the face of the xeno; We stood fast, knowing full well that we could be obliterated; it is through the grace of the god emperor we prevailed, but we had accepted our fate before head readily. Your words are to spit upon the sacrifices of my chapter and all those that died to save this planet!>>46833644Thank you, My Emperor. It was a brief incursion, thankfully, as they performed one of their many plays. They did however, leave s braclet for me and Amalia as a sign of our link. I am happy to see they bore gifts, but I am hesitant to trust xenos.
>>46811798Let me answer your question with a question Cousin.Why aren't you purging heretics right now?
That´s probably because he needs to rebuild his "fine" chapter.That´s giving me an idea. You black templars have quite a lot marines thnkas to your crusades, right? Maybe you could lent him a few? Fore rebuilding, of course.
>>46811798Radiant Guardians?I have no recollection of such a chapter on the Index Astartes.
>>46819311A revelation lead me to this thread.
>>46818492Oh quiet you...Oh, also...HOW ARE YOU NOT DEAD YET!!!!!
>>46835106Dare you not to speak of what you do not know you Melta slagged, servitor skut. For your path is that of hedonism and does not bode well to serve with the Imperium and ergo the Emperor. aND TO SAY THAT WE FLED FROM MERE XENOS! YOU DARE TO MOCK US? WE THE FEW WHO SURVIVED THE MASSIVE HRUD MIGRATION! Dare be it that your folly will be your undone. We shall no longer offer our help in securing your world while you rebuild. Your own self-confidence will be death of your chapter. It is a sad that this death with not be one of glory or honor, only pitiful musings of that what could have been a strong chapter.
>>46835106You Imperial "Fucks" are hopeless...
>>46835908I-illogical!I should have killed him while I had the chance...
>>46811798>lol I'm such a big stronk spess muhreen SoB waifu wat doGod, this is cringey as hell
>>46835907Tell me, is there still honorable blood in that putrid lump you claim as body? Shall we see if we can extract any?
>>46835981Who are you! How are you impersonate me!
>>46835938You really dropped tha ball on that one, brothef.
>>46836007Try as you will, but I would tread carefully. Remember what happened at the Iron Cage before the Ultramarines had to rescue their precious battle brothers...
>>46836059And who are you to spout such foolhardy words?!
>>46836093You do not scare me, heretic. Stand your feet and feel your sins. May the Emperor have mercy on your soul.
Quiet, all of you! I´m trying to sleep. Now what´s the issue at hand here?
>>46835902You can not deny that you fled in the face of the enemy, abandoning your homeworld! And you dare insult my honor as a astartes, for not following in your foot steps and running into another death? How can you claim me a fool for recovering from a costly victory, while you flee from a defeat and claim it a honor! If you were as honorable you think you are, you would have stood against the Xeno's until the last man, such as my chapter had done, in defense of your homeworld and its people. And I would rather die a inglorious death than accept help from those so arrogant such as you.>>46835907TRAITOR. You are not welcomed here, cur of Iron! Begone in the name of Dorn and the Emperor.>>46835542Fifth founding, Sons of Dorn
*wwalks into thread**raises paw*So is this, ummm, like, the new Mages Guild or something ^_^;*blushes*
>>46836228My Lord Primarch, you are alive!.. Aye Sir! Reporting. The issue at hand is that one Kristuvus of the Radiant Guardian Space Marine Chapter has grown infatuated with a member of the Adepta Sororitas, and vice-versa. His request was transmitted across the Noosphere and attracted an eclectic party of consultants, who have both offered their support and began interacting .. raucously with one another.
>>46836416Your vacuous demeanor is disheartening, really. You know nothing of the outside world and only focus on your homeworld with you own pathetic ways. I hope the day comes when you are forced to watch everything you ever worked for come undone in the midst of a Hrud migration. Then you shall know true helplessness and how futile it is to fight an enemy while reality itself decays.
>>46836621His request for tactical assistance, rather.Obviously I am at a loss for words..
>>46836638When that day comes, I will stand and fight, be it to my last breath if need be. But I question brother, that this despair of yours comes from the loss of your own homeworld. Perhaps you suggest such detachment, because you wish to never suffer again such terrible loss? Never the less, I restate this: to abandon a world we fought so hard for, a world upon which we are based, I can not say is advisable. To journy into the stars recklessly, while our world yet still needs our help is not the way of the Sons of Dorn.
>>46836621Of course I am alive Sergeant Gwalchvad. I was merely asleep in the Rock, until I would be needed again.Before I can weigh in on this discussion to offer a solution. What is a Adepta Sororitas? If it is a female, I fairly certain that anything beyond a platonic relationship would be impossible, by the standards of my time or perhaps this too has changed?If all of you have offered their support to him, then a solution could be reached and the conflict resolved, I´m certain.And why are you at a loss for words? Did the watchers not tell you about me resting in a chamber of the rock or did that untrudstworthy Luther manage to make them keep it from you?
>>46836834You don't know what a Sororitas is..? By your golden mane, of course not, you had not been awaken in the times of Vandire...To shorten a long tale, in the years after our Magnificent Emperor's ascension to the Golden Throne, a faction preaching the divinity of the Emperor began to rise in power, and became the Ecclesiarchy. At one point a heretic known as Goge Vandire took control of this dubious organization and heaped misery and strife throughout the Imperium. The warrior nun institution whose leader was duped into becoming his bodyguards, and some claim his concubines, proved instrumental in turning upon him and thus ending the the times known as the Age of Apostasy. The Ecclesiarchy has since been bound by the Decree Passive, forbidding them to hold men-at-arms. The reformed Sisters of Battle were not men, thus they remain the de facto armed branch of the Ecclesiarchy.Rest assured my Lord, the two have reached a consensus to take their relationship to wherever it may go. It is resolved. With that said, and this is for Thy eyes only.. The Xenos Harlequins have expressed interest in this relationship. They have handed over a bracelet to the paramours to "signify their relationship". More troubling still, an entity claiming to be Thy Father, the Emperor of Mankind had displayed a strange fixation in having the woman brought to him untouched by man. As you said well, this manner of relationship is platonic, at the very most, in your time, and such it ought have been in ours. We should not speak of Luther and the Watchers over this connection Sire. It ... I will have the addled Interrogator-Chaplain brief you on such matters.
Brother Kristuvus, I commend you on your relations with the Sororitas. We Space Marines must never forget that we are not just created from Man, but still a part of Mankind.
>>46836834>I was merely asleep in the Rock, until I would be needed again.EMPEROR FUCKING DAMMITFather I love you so, but did you really have to sleep on the job for ten thousand fucking years? ORKS ARE EVERYWHERE. CHAOS IS EVERYWHERE. We've being invaded by foul Xenos from outside the galaxy in seemingly infinite hordes that we have dubbed Tyranids and undead mechanical abominations that make our Techmarines endlessly scream about blasphemy. Even the cunting Eldar are stepping up their attacks on humanity.WE'VE NEEDED YOU SINCE WE THOUGHT YA GOT SHANKED!
>>46839406Even in this auspicious event, you appear reeking of engine oil and whatever foul poison of the Space Wolves you have imbibed...Tell Father of Luther, the Fallen and what the Watchers are up to and make it silent, for once...
>>46837354Who the hell is this guy? People have been posting this picture all over the fucking place and I have no clue what it's from.
>>46839475He appears to be the catamite of an exceptionally bad-tasted queer.
>>46839460OF COURSE I'M INEBRIATED, I JUST FOUND OUT OUR PRIMARCH DECIDED TO SLEEP THROUGH TWELVE BLACK CRUSADES CAUSE "IT WASN'T DIRE". I GOTTA DROWN MY PAIN OUT SOMEHOW, AND I'M OUT OF CHAOS FUCKS TO TORTURE.>>46836834Oh and Dad, we dun fucked up. We fucked up HARD. Those traitor cunts who swore allegiance to Chaos and Luther got scattered throughout all of time and space, spreading chaos cults and strife wherever they go. We've been hunting them down to the man for the past ten thousand years, but there's still hundreds to go and numerous worlds have been consumed by war in the process.
>>46833644...And then he said "Imperial Army" HAHAHAHAHA
>>46839406>>46839564My apologies, the watchers should have woken me up earlier then. As for our enemies, once I find the key for the room I am in, we shall prepare battle plans for a crusade to end these threaths. For it seems we have gotten new enemies over the millenia.Luther and the Fallen... Back then... I was leaving Caliban for increasingly longer periods of time. Luther, once my most trusted friend and the angels that were with him must have become paranoid about an perceived planned attack on caliban by fathers forces, thanks to the warptainted forests on the planets surface. So, that was why they opened fire...And you Chaplain, sober up. Prepare a ship to terra. I must see what happened to father during my sleep. You all do not have to blame yourselves for the mistakes of demigods detached from humanity. You are all forgiven.As for the Marine and the Adepta Sororitas Congratulations. May it last long.
>>46840043Ah Catachans, vostroyans and the Steel Legion! What is your advice when concerning those of the opposites genders?>>46838195Thank you brother. It is often said that our chapter was greatly influenced by your chapters heroics and methodology. I can clearly see why.
>>46840102FUCK ITTHIS CALLS FOR CELEBRATION AND MORE LIQUOR
>>46841457The Primarch's orders were to sober up... At least this once, keep your decadence bottled up..
>>46841264Hmmm... this depends on'lot mah comrade, for wommin come in as many fashions an' moods as stars in tha sky.Which kind are we talkin' about? Is just one?
>>46836659REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEFUCKOFFTZEENTCHREEEEEEEEEEEEE!>>46840043Well, the Imperial Army still exist, doesn't it? I sure hope it's not a clusterfuck of organisations that decide to be huge dicks to each other over small conflicts>>46840102>I must see what happened to father during my sleepWell son, a certain someone commented on me skipping leg-day a few times. And after thinking about all this, he may have a point.But that aside, I'm glad you are back! While my beloved Sanguinius isn't really back yet, you and Dorn should be able to help me out a bit with this whole "managing the Imperium" thing...
>>46842372Just one brother, a sister of the adeptus soritas. She is zealous, righteous and unforgiving to the enemy, and has a firey passion for the Emperor, yet also has a saintly and kind attitude to those. I once saw her teaching a group of orphans how to properly over run a enemy's position and how to ignite ork corpses, emperor bless her soul
>>46843797Brother, it seems that she would be a good wife for you, were such a thing allowed. However, do not let that stop the two of you from feeling what you feel. Embrace it, guard that spark, and tend it carefully, as even the smallest spark cam become a raging inferno.
Greeting everyone sorry for my absence, i was wandering around the warp trying to rid myself of this boredom.
>>46817685>please leave a message after the Psalm.