“I planted half a burning Beaufighter into the east wall of the castle, so they're giving me lunch,” you explain. Patton swells like bellows, sucking in air for a mighty blast of wrath... and pauses. You almost think you hear a faint, high-pitched squeak as he slowly deflates. “Monday again?” his comrade asks with a faint German accent and a chuckle. “... get the fuck out of here,” Patton growls, sounding for all the world like a disgruntled bobby. You nod sedately as Young continues to hustle you sideways, like a man might side-step with a painting in a bad comedy picture. Finally gaining his objective, he backs through the double doors, dragging you along with. “Young?”He releases you. “Hey, Ian.”“NO!” comes a feminine voice from the other side of the kitchen. You turn to find a slender blonde with long hair advancing, a rubber spatula in each hand. “GET OUT!” “W-what?” “We're baking,” says the passive-sounding fellow to your right. He's knee-deep in a bowl of batter and seems to be working it steadily. “AND - AND - IT - YOU. *YOU,” the blonde fairly growls, stabbing the air with her spatula as she advances. “Your... *shenanigans* will ruin EVERYTHING!” “What the hell are you going on about now!?” Young almost whimpers. “THE BREAD!” she roars. “TOO MUCH THUMPING AROUND, AND IT'LL FALL BEFORE IT FINISHES RISING!” “Oh, come on,” Young objects. “I haven't used the wheelchair for like six weeks!” “Wheelchair?” you ask.“QUESTIONS!” he retorts.
“What if you FUCK SOMEONE ON THE TABLE?” the blonde almost hisses. “Heeeey, come on Perrine,” Young says, still retreating before the relentless Attack of the Five Foot Woman. “Hey, now. Hey,” he continues, patting the air like he's warding off a snorting horse. “That only happened once.” You raise an eyebrow - “QUESTIONS!” “Once is enough,” Perrine growls. “In fact, once is ONE TIME TOO MANY! How do I know you're not here to do it again!?” “What!?”“With THAT!” She points her spatula at you. “... because he's a guy?”“Since when has that ever stopped YOU!?” she retorts primly. You hike your eyebrow again- “AAAH AH AH DON'T MAKE ME SAY IT,” Young says sternly as he points at you. You raise your hand. “I just came here for a sandwich.”
“W-well go somewhere else!” Perrine says in a huff. She tries to look stern and imposing, which is hard to do when she's wearing an apron and her face is smudged with flour. Swishing her spatula at you, she tries to frown you out the door. “Shoo. Shoo! Go into town, they've got all sorts of nice restaurants there where you can sit outside and drink coffee and such! Such a lovely date, why are you inside!?” “Are we... interrupting something?” you say suspiciously, looking at the other baker. “Oh no!” the other man says in a faux high-pitched voice. “N-not here, Ian, we musn't! The BREAD is rising!” His lidded eyes suggest he was more concerned with something else rising and is still a bit miffed. His girlfriend whirls, apron skirling about her as she advances on him with mayhem in her eyes, spatula raised high - “Oh noooo, Perrine,” he continues without looking, “the BREAD!” She pauses mid-stride, her wrath thwarted. [ ] ... she's a frog, isn't she? The bread, the bitchiness... we have to fuck with her. For the Queen. We are duty-bound and honor-obliged to fuck with her. [ ] Tell her you'll dance like a drunken Welshman if she doesn't make you an awesome sandwich. [ ] Y'know what, fuck this, just steal an entire wheel of cheese from the dry goods pantry. You fuckin love cheese.
>Muffled KOTAAAAAA in the distance
>>46406984>[ ] ... she's a frog, isn't she? The bread, the bitchiness... we have to fuck with her. For the Queen. We are duty-bound and honor-obliged to fuck with her.
>>46406984>[X] Y'know what, fuck this, just steal an entire wheel of cheese from the dry goods pantry. You fuckin love cheese.don't fuck with the lovey dovey that is Ian/Perrine
>>46406984>[x] ... she's a frog, isn't she? The bread, the bitchiness... we have to fuck with her. For the Queen. We are duty-bound and honor-obliged to fuck with her.
>>46406984>[ ] Tell her you'll dance like a drunken Welshman if she doesn't make you an awesome sandwich. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
>>46406984>[ ] ... she's a frog, isn't she? The bread, the bitchiness... we have to fuck with her. For the Queen. We are duty-bound and honor-obliged to fuck with her.>[ ] Tell her you'll dance like a drunken Welshman if she doesn't make you an awesome sandwich.>[ ] Y'know what, fuck this, just steal an entire wheel of cheese from the dry goods pantry. You fuckin love cheese.You are hereby dubbed Mona as that is the second time that's been your randomized name.
>>46406984>[x] ... she's a frog, isn't she? The bread, the bitchiness... we have to fuck with her. For the Queen. We are duty-bound and honor-obliged to fuck with her.FOR ENGLAND!
>>46406984>[X] Y'know what, fuck this, just steal an entire wheel of cheese from the dry goods pantry. You fuckin love cheese.Ian is English too, even if he was raised American. One mustn't fuck with his kin, unless it's -really- funny.
>>46407070>Jackie McleanSo says the Scot.
GOD DAMMIT PERRINE IS ADORABLE
>>46406984>[ ] Tell her you'll dance like a drunken Welshman if she doesn't make you an awesome sandwich.
Hey, hey everyone, know what time it is?
>>46407098Away with thee, Kotapet.
>>46406984>[x] Y'know what, fuck this, just steal an entire wheel of cheese from the dry goods pantry. You fuckin love cheese.that's Ian's job to fuck (with) her.
Also >trying to force a girl this cute to make you a sandwichHeathen!
>>46406984>[ ] ... she's a frog, isn't she? The bread, the bitchiness... we have to fuck with her. For the Queen. We are duty-bound and honor-obliged to fuck with her.If they'd just let us have their country, this wouldn't have been a problem.
>>46406984>[X] Y'know what, fuck this, just steal an entire wheel of cheese from the dry goods pantry. You fuckin love cheese.Look if we start something Ian will fuck us up
>>46406984>[X] Y'know what, fuck this, just steal an entire wheel of cheese from the dry goods pantry. You fuckin love cheese.
>>46406984[ ] ... she's a frog, isn't she? The bread, the bitchiness... we have to fuck with her. For the Queen. We are duty-bound and honor-obliged to fuck with her. Maybe she can get worked up enough to trigger Ian's unique brand of crazy?
>>46407133MAKE MEPERRINE TIME NOW
Threadly reminder that Fuso had a stacked tower
>>46406984>[ ] ... she's a frog, isn't she? The bread, the bitchiness... we have to fuck with her. For the Queen. We are duty-bound and honor-obliged to fuck with her. >[ ] Tell her you'll dance like a drunken Welshman if she doesn't make you an awesome sandwich.We'll fuck with her by dancing like a drunken Welshman.Might as well ask Young if he can dance like a drunken Irishman for good measure.
>>46407205CRY 'YOUNG'! AND LET SLIP THE YOUNGSPAWN!
>>46406984>[X] ... she's a frog, isn't she? The bread, the bitchiness... we have to fuck with her. For the Queen. We are duty-bound and honor-obliged to fuck with her.I have no idea what's going on anymore. I'm guessing this is some dream Bat Lead is having as he's doped up to his eyeballs in Medical.
>>46406984>[X] Y'know what, fuck this, just steal an entire wheel of cheese from the dry goods pantry. You fuckin love cheese.CHEESE GROMIT
>Perrine goes to America
We all know what the real OTP is though.
>>46407226Or, you know, get an actual drunken Irishman to fuck with her as well.
>>46407276of course she'd go for her. sanya's way too good for her
>>46407276That's not PRETTY FLY, yo.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MfnRsQ6LrVA
Reminder that Heidi is a very lovely girl
>>46407296But then we'd have to pull Sean away from whatever Mio's doing with him.
>>46407254Oh, she'd be sampling the wieners all right.
>>46407312Go home David Stirling.
>>46407312Heidi is sex.
>>46407299>>46407303Eila is great and is the perfect partner.
>>46407338as long as she isn't molesting the cossack she can do whatever
Isn't Perrine like, 14?
>>4640739915 or 16 I think.
>>46407338She really needs to stop taking advantage of Littlest Cossack.
>>46407405planefag up-aged them when he started the quest, they're all around 17-18, except for miyafuji and lucchini, idk how old they are.
Presenting a DARPA-led project, approved by the DoD, built by numerous contractors, and funded by Congress--the Next Generation Battleship Program, lead ship Liberator. With a program cost (possibly including R&D) at a whopping 2.5 trillion dollars, and a per-ship price starting at a mere $50,000,000,000, the ships are proper replacements for naval fire support! With electro-magnetic railguns, massive quantities of VLS, huge amounts of point-defense and the latest in stealth technology, no Abyssal, enemy surface combatant, or air threat is safe from its reach. Despite some 'small' cost overruns, this ship may prove to be the decisive edge against any remotely sea-faring nation that thinks it can wage a war of aggression against American interests. Presented by Lockheed Martin, Bath Iron Works (A Subsidiary of General Dynamics), Boeing, BAE Systems, Raytheon, and General Atomics.
>>46407459>liking AliceMarisa is where it's at
>>46407468>>46407405>>46407399IIRC Perrine is around 18.Yoshika and Littlest Cossack are around 16.Eye-talian is youngest at 14.
>>46407468I'm pretty sure planefag didn't give enough of a shit to do that and I remember talk about how fucking young she was in the quest proper. Not worried enough about it to go dig through old thread though. >>46407507Since fucking when?
>>46407497Artfag dammit!>>46407500I like them equally bro.
>>46407497I just realized that that thing has a man-bun... even the aesthetics are shit
>>46407517the only one he aged up was Heidi mainly because he didn't believe a girl like that could be 15.
>>46407497>no Abyssal, enemy surface combatant, or air threat is safe from its reachBring in the subs
>>46407535That I would believe.
>>46407536YesWho are you, comrade?
>>46407536>PIATTime to de-ass this AO, pronto.
>>46407497Is that the Eye of Sauron I see?Seriously, it's got a big fucking tower and everything.
>>46407536Why are you misspelling Heidi?
>>46407468>planefag up-aged them when he started the questNot sure where you got this myth from.
>>46407595>Heidi>Literally palette-swapped Perrine
>>46407592Nah, it's one of those low-observable mast designs that the Brits came up with.Check the Type 45 Destroyers.
>>46407615But Heidi has two things Perrine doesn't.
>>46407649They're a liability on radar, yaknow.
>>46407656High radar profile is pretty undesirable, after all.
>>46407497Well, that sounds legit, as coming from Lockheed-Martin.>funded by CongressOR BLOODY NOTGood art, though.>>46407592>>46407619
>>46407694What's funny with these masts is that they ACTUALLY make a damn good job of reducing radar returns.
>>46407694...is that a fucking Dalek?
>>46407721of course a Sheldon tries to be funny and fails
>>46407721Blame BAE Systems.
>>46407497>all eggs in one boat>instead of being divided across the fleet...Hey, at least the designers know the difference between a battleship and a carrier - unlike that H45 and Donald Trump shit.
>>46407737Sheldon? Who's that?
In that moment, it all clicks for you.She's a bloody frog. The bitchiness. The obsession with perfectly-baked bread. The wonderful and mighty wrath arrested and neutered by the most inconsequential of concerns. She HAS to be a Frog. There's no other explanation. You are duty-bound and honor obliged to fuck with her. “Yes, you'd know all about gays, wouldn't you?” you croon. “Being FRENCH and all.” Perrine crosses her arms huffily. “What, because they use perfume? And combs? And know how to dress right?” She snorts. “And you must be *English.*” You blink. “How do you figure?” “Because I know what a Beaufighter looks like, even after some HALF-ASSED KNUCKLE-DRAGGING SIMIAN manages to plow it into a damned stone wall!” Perrine points out. “How hard is it, pilot? Pull back on stick, go up. Push forward on stick, go down. I'm sure its in your manual - oh, right, you're afraid that *reading* something and trimming your beard will result in a thunderstorm of dicks raining upon you! HMPH!” “Oh, my,” you say, turning to Young. “Quick, turn down the lights because someone's PROJECTING!” Perrine narrows her eyes. “Is that so, BIG BEN?” “A clock you can see from a distance!?” you exclaim in shock. “Scandalous. Unlike the Eiffel Tower, which served no function other than to be a huge phallic object that everyone was obliged to walk BETWEEN THE LEGS OF to access the World's Fair. Much like the Arc De Triomphe, notably decorated with naked french boys charging big bearded Germans waving biiig loong swords, which must've been terribly ironic when said Germans marched through i-” “Silence!” Perrine is glowing like a red emergency flare now, spatula quivering in her grip as she restrains herself from the brink of violence. “I'm supposed to listen to this, this *balderdash* from the Land of Look At Our Huge Naval Guns?” You hold up your hands. “I'm RAF, m'lady-”
“HA!” she says, poking at you with the spatula. “No escaping it! Always, with the guns! Someone makes a gun? You have to make a bigger one! Italians order a big gun? Better order two just like it and slap it on your silly little forts in the middle of nowhere, just so everyone sees YOUR guns are the biggest!” “Sounds like *someone* is jealous of our advanced technological b-” “The breech block that made your big guns possible was invented by a Swede,” Perrine points out primly, “and all your quick-firing ones ripped off our own 75mm model 1897!” She crosses her arms and nods with a hmph. “All you clowns do is scale things up, and badly, to prove you've got the biggest cock on the block!” “Hardly-”“HMS General Wolfe,” she snorts, “and LORD CLIVE!” “They were experimental!” you object. “And now the excuses,” she says, turning her head to the side and waving you away with the spatula. “Well!” you say with a huff. “No matter how much you Parisans pretend that the swarthy bear-eating bastards down south don't exist - La Bigfoute! - we English have something you never will - resolve!” “Yes,” Perrine nearly growls. “We saw plenty of it at Dunkirk!” “We promised to fight on the beaches,” you retort primly, “we just never said which one. And now, I shall demonstrate the depth of my English resolve. If you,” you point, “do not fix me a wonderful sandwich, I will proceed to dance like a Welshman.” Perrine's eyes widen in horror. “Y-you *wouldn't.”
You turn to Young. “Hey. Young?”“Yes?” he says, rubbing his hands together to dry them before picking up the metaphorical bat. “What do you do when your plane is missing...” you waggle your hand indecisively, “like, not a LOT of wing, but not a little, either?” “Bail out,” he says. “Mmmhmm. And what do you do,” you continue, “if you have... resolve?”“Try to skip it over the castle's harbor breakwaters and plant it into the wall spinning like a frisbee?” “Mmm. Yes.” You waggle your eyebrows at Perrine. “So, about that sandwich....” She bristles - literally. You can feel a faint crackle of static electricity as faint strands of blonde hair rise about her body. “I could put you down with one jolt!” she threatens. You snort. “And bring ruin upon your family name?” “For stomping out a rude little pest like you!?” she glowers. “They ought to give me a medal!” “A rude pest? My. My my. The Earl would be most aggrieved to hear you, a Clostermann, called me THAT.” Perrine blinks. “Earl?”“My dear grandfather,” you say. You didn't think it possible, but the Frog turns three shades whiter than she already was. You smile thinly. “Now~” You point. “MAKE MY NAME, LITTLE BRETON!”
Do not bully Perrine!
>>46407921>and LORD CLIVEOOOHOHOHHHHHGotta get some Arctic ice for that sick burn.
That's the end of the thread for tonight!I was honestly planning on just doing the first thread as SWQ, then reverting to KCQ as normal, with absolutely no explanation given, but given the surprise April Fools formatting thing - which eliminates tripcode functionality - I figured, ah, hell, I'm running Saturday night anyways, right? At least I think I am - I got a call from my best meatspace friend, he wants me to go to a bar with him tomorrow night while he's in town. We'll... see about that. I don't know. Watch twitter, if I have to skip, I will reschedule that thread!
Seriously, who is this guy?
>>46407989... So is SWQ back?
>>46407989Can we continue this instead?
>>46407989Okay.Good luck with that boss.
Rolled 18 (1d20)>>46408017>HigginsFuck. Rolling for SAN loss?
>>46408008Knowing Planefag, he's probably going to leave us with this last parting shot before leaving us to simmer in the hot, salty tears of emptiness caused by SWQ's incompleteness despite our patronizing, ass-kissing, and dick-sucking for him to continue working on it.In other words, it's not dead, Planefag just doesn't feel like writing for it every day anymore.
>>46407989Is BeaufordLead gonna tap Shirley?And how did she lose her top?
>>46407945For those that don't know the absurdity of LORD CLIVE:(from thread #127)>Anonymous 03/23/16(Wed)23:56:53 No.46214647>18 inch cannon>5,850 long tons displacement>designed for shore bombardment>secondary gun was a 12 incher>tertiary battery of two twelve-pounders, later replaced by three 76mm cannons>quaternary armament of two six inchers, got stripped out for two four inchers later on>>46407989It can still make sense as KCQ - this is just some wacked-out dream that Bat Lead is having as he's being doped up to his eyeballs with morphine in Yokosuka's hospital.Whether this is due to injuries sustained in the Bonin Islands battle or injuries sustained doing a different kind of bonin' is your decision.
>>46407989Thanks, sir. Twas a good thread nonetheless.
>>46408063>injuries sustained doing a different kind of bonin'>implying Kaga will approve
>>46407939>MAKE MY NAMESo Batlead is a Sandwich (a Montagu)? Why would a French lady be worried about insulting an English house?
>>46408070>Jesus KaneLONG LIVE THE BROTHERHOOD
>>46408072I don't think Kaga can stop Akagi from doing what she wants.
>>46408072Essex can run interdiction against Kaga, right?
>>46408008Maybe. PF really seemed to enjoy running this omake, so much that he forgot to switch back to Kancolle. I don't think he'll ever go back to running it regularly, but he might run it again a few more times and finish up some of the loose ends.
>>46408084Still genuine nobility either way, which is increasingly scarce by the '40s
>>46408042Faith in Planefag.Trust in Planefag.
>>46407989See ya tomorrow Kathy Fag
>>46408063>18 inch cannon>mfw Yamato had 18.1 inch guns just so they could say "mine's bigger"Not sure which side was compensating more.