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/tg/ - Traditional Games

We are clearly past the point edition
Nicer formatting edition
Copyright Strike dodging edition
Look whom the cat dragged back from the dead edition

Archive: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/46095195/

This is a work of fiction. It doesn’t necessarily represent nor portray the state of the industry or the beliefs of the Author

Any reference to pre-existing work of fiction is to be considered entirely coincidental (except when it's not).

No character is speaking on the behalf of the author. Their moral considerations as well as their beliefs regarding the social, religious and political sphere are representative only of the characters themselves.

Gathering the seven Dragonballs might not resurrect the quest again. I am giving it another shot because I am already pretty much at the lowest possible level I could be at, so be it.

I can’t promise you’ll have fun. I can promise however that I will try to make this fun. I am responsive to the audience and I will try accommodate most requests
Time to stop the shitpost and begin reformatting then

You roamed around the city, without a real purpose or destination. People seemed to not really mind you until you donned the necklace. Then they started giving you dirty looks.

What was it, was the necklace out of fashion? Was there something on your face?
Was it a national sport?

You couldn’t tell.
You were almost annoyed at how invisible or otherwise shunned you were, until you felt what it was like to be noticed.

A man wearing strange clothes spotted you from the distance.
His eyes grew in size several times over, so much that the expression “Having eyes larger than the stomach” transcended the metaphorical to become literal.

Then he literally rushed at you, his arms wide open as in an embrace.
You dodged him at the last minute, causing him to crash on an innocent bystander.

“Sorry”, you coldly stated. “I am not the hug kind of guy”.
While the bystander was still on the ground, rubbing his head in pain, the guy you supposed to be the priest crawled to your feet and gripped your ankles tight.

“YES, YES!” he screamed, overjoyed. “20 years! 20 long years of fasting and praying I have endured, but now the Goddess pays it all back! HAH!” he rose to his feet again, just to point his admonishing index finger to the onlookers that had gathered around.

“HAH! CHECKMATE, ATHEISTS! There you go! Here is a real Outer! What now, huh? Will you still spout your nonsense?”

Most people just ignored his ramblings, some others seemed pissed off enough to prompt you to grab him by his robes to make him stop.

So now there you were, the Outer and the Priest, one in total amazement, another in total confusion.
Maybe it’s better to take advantage of the situation to the fullest.

>What’s written on this necklace?
>What is an Outer?
>What kind of drugs do you take and can I have some?

(betcha nobody saw this coming eh)
>What is an Outer?

“Excuse me holy dude, while we’re at it, what is an Outer?”
The Priest gives you a puzzled look. “Odd question, coming from an Outer. But let me elaborate.

Outer is the name we give to beings like you, that exist outside of our dimension. It makes sense, does it not? You are not inside our world, therefore you’re Outers”
“Flawless logic so far. Go on”

“There are two kind of Outers. The ones of the Rising Sun are by far the most potent, as well as to be rumored to be the ones who created this Universe. As the Outers of the Setting Sun became more and more interested in the creation of the Outers of the Rising Sun, they started watching over us.

It is rumored that the Setting Sun Outers were the model on which the Rising Sun Outers modeled the denizens of this world, but it’s just speculation and apocrypha. The Setting Sun Outers are also considered on average to be more lenient and benevolent towards each other, so citizens more devoted to the Setting Sun than to the Rising Sun are not unheard of”

“I see. I recall the Goddess talking about something like that, but it’s not like I was paying any attention to her whatsoever”

The priest nods, then rubs his chin pensively “Forgive me for the abruptness, but tell me, do you possess your powers still?”

“Powers? Which powers?”
“But the power of naming of course!”
“You’ve lost me there, buddy”

“Hm, how can I explain?Well, let’s see, denizens of this world don’t go by a name. We embody a concept, and a concept is merely a mix of stereotypes and archetypes. It’s instead proper of the Outers to be able to give names to people. So I ask of you, what name would you assign me?”

“The Priest”, you respond flatly. “There are many arguments I could mention in favor of my decision, but I suppose the fact that you’re a Priest is probably the most important one”
More importantly, Priest”, you ask, “Aren’t you hungry? You know, after 20 years of fasting”
At the same time, the stomach of the Priest growls threateningly.

“You are wise, Outer of the Setting Sun. There’s a restaurant nearby, and it would be my honor to treat you. As we head there, is there anything you wish to ask me?”

>Why is this place called the Holy City?
>Why has the Goddess conjured me here?
>What is this necklace for and can I sell it for a good profit?
Cool to see you still running this

>What is this necklace for and can I sell it for a good profit?
shake his faith
Gonna be honest. There are too many QMs as it is and your quest kinda sucks.

You can't do it, kid.

“So man of the cloth, I was thinking”
“What’s up with this necklace? It’s a religious symbol of enormous power isn’t it?”

“Hmm”, the Priest hums once again. “That’s not exactly it. I could perceive that both you and the necklace possessed some mystical aura. But I don’t think there’s any magic power attached to it.”

“So, huh, could we like, sell it for a profit? Or is it blasphemous?”
“There’s no blasphemy in that. The object has fulfilled its role, so it won’t be a sacrilege to dispose of it”, the Priest says with a smile. “I just think not many people will be interested in buying it”.

“The necklace says ‘Dense Idiot’. I don’t know how it is for you Outers, but that’s not a nice way to call a person around here”.

“Hilarious prank. If I am so dense, why did she bother bringing me here? Geez”
“ You’re an Outer of the Setting Sun, I think what she needed was a new perspective on things”

You didn’t expect a serious answer to your question, but the Priest goes on.
“Your main power, that of affecting this world directly, is sealed as long as you are here. But a new perspective can change the world just as much, albeit indirectly”

“So this world can change itself?”
“It already has, or we wouldn’t have creatures that demand that Outers worship them”, the Priest comments bitterly.

The discussion didn’t end on a good note, but you’ve been so immersed in it that you already find yourself at the entrance of the restaurant.
“Ah, come on in”, you can hear the Priest urge you. “It’s a medieval-style Inn. Reminds me of the region I come from!”
“Medieval style? I surely hope they don’t make me pay extra for rats in the soup, then”

The Priest laughs heartily. “You’re too funny, just too…” his expression changes into one of disgust. “Oh for the Goddess’s sake, no”.

You turn in the same direction he’s facing. There seems to be a small group of pre-pubescent girls at a table, dressed up like fairies. One of them seems to be looking at you.

>Dodge her gaze
>”What’s troubling you, Priest?”
>”Don’t tell me they have taken Black Death off the menu!”
>Dodge her gaze

> pre-pubescent girls
sounds like trouble
and make it double
Disturbed by the oppressive stare, you turn to face the Priest.
“What seems to be the problem?”
The Priest waves his hand in front of you. “Don’t mind it. Let’s just sit and eat”

Saying this, he heads for a table for two in the corner.
“Don’t take this the wrong way. I don’t usually mind company, but I am not particularly fond of the people around here”.

You let your gaze wonder. Other than the loud little girls and the two you, there seems to be an heavily armored knight sitting by himself on the corner opposite of where you stand, while an humongous warrior covered in scars and what seems to be just a regular guy are sharing large table at the center of the hall.

“What will you be having?”, the Priest asks you.
“Eh… do they have hotpockets?”
“If that’s Outer cuisine, I doubt they have it here. Look, it’s easier that way”, he says, pointing at the huge table in the middle of the room.

“Those guys pretty much ordered the entire menu for themselves. If you see anything that you like, just ask me. I will fill you in with the details”

Nodding slowly, you examine the warrior and the average guy’s table.
There seems to be anything ranging from potatoes to soups, from pork to cakes.

‘Classic mistake: there were no potatoes in the Middle Ages’, you think smugly to yourself.
“I absolutely don’t want to eat anything healthy, God forbid I will live long and happy. If possible just order the most meaty, greasy and overall heart-attack inducing stuff you can”.

You wink to him. “I am counting on you. Cholesterol is cholester-cool!”
The Priest sighs. “Your wish is my command. I guess you have no currency on you, do you?”
“Nothing. Nisba. Nada. Zilch”

“Fine, fine. Then this will be on me, to celebrate our meeting. Do you drink alchol?”
“Yeah actually, but only with people I dislike. So I will pass”
So saying, you lean on the backrest of the chair and let your gaze wander through the room.

And then you’re made painfully aware of it. Of your awful mistake. The little girl was still staring you.
You catch a glimpse of her: she’s dressed as a magical girl of sort, wearing a frilly red dress. Her eyes are dark green, and her hair is brown.
It’s just a glimpse, because then the unthinkable happens.

With a piercing shout, she bolts from her seat screaming

>Prepare a counter-attack
>Prepare for the worst
>Run away
>Prepare a counter-attack
Shove the priest in the way

It’s not too late, not yet. The catastrophe hasn’t occurred yet and there’s a way to stop it.
Bolting from your chair in response, you grab the Priest and use it as a human shield.

“What are you doing?”, he asks, scared
“Nothing personal, Priest. I just have a bad feeling about this”

Surely enough, the little girl goes crashing on the Priest, and the recoil of the impact sends her sitting on the ground a few meters away.

Her face turned into a sad frown, she starts sniffing.
“Oh no. Oh no no no no no”

You’ve heard that sound before. It’s the alarm bell to another, imminent tragedy.
It’s just like with the daughter of the neighbors: after even a very menial thing has even so much as slighted her, she would start sniffing.

And then, of course…
She would start crying. So loud that the entire neighborhood would be aware.

And the little girl in front of you doesn’t seem to make any exception. Although at a closer look, she might be a little bit older than you originally thought. It’s her completely flat chest that makes her look a lot younger than she actually is.

“What do I do now, Priest?”, you ask in a panic.
The eyes of everyone seems to be pointed at you. Even the knight clad in full armor seems to be giving you a piercing gaze through his inscrutable helm.
But it’s the eyes of the crying girl’s friends that scare you the most

Burning with unrivaled hate and disgust, they seem to be saying: you better make up for this, you son of a wench, or we’ll deal with you later.

You’ve never been scared of little girls before. Well, there’s always a first time, no?
“Ahem… try to help…her…up, no…? Let’s not fight today”, the Priest whispers.

You move a few steps forward, and stretch your right hand towards her.
“Come on, get up”
She stops crying and takes your hand to help herself up. Then she stares at you with hurt puppy eyes, pouting.
“Why did you do that, Onii-chan?”, she asks

>Why did YOU charge me, Bingo Bongo?
>It was self defense. Don’t victim blame me!
>Stop calling me that at once
>>Stop calling me that at once
"It's really not as cute as you think it is"
“Uhh”You try to give an evasive answer.
“Well next time don’t try to jump at people. It’s not that cool. And don’t call me Onii-chan”

She stands there sniffing. Then suddenly she grabs your arm holding it tight.
“Sorry Onii-chan. I won’t do that anymore.” She looks at you beaming with joy. Her chest is absolutely flat, you finally ascertain.

“I said, don’t call me that. I don’t know what that means, but it sounds annoying. Sounds like chalk on a board so please, quit it”

*coff coff*. The priest is clearing his throat, as to signal his presence. Both your and the girl’s eyes turn to him
“You, there, filthy creature. The person you’re defiling with your impious embrace is an Outer of the Setting Sun, sent to us by the Divine Providence herself”

The eyes of the girl swell in surprise as she faces you.
“Amazing! Onii-chan is a god! I knew there was something special about you!” Her grip on your arm tightens.

And that’s where you snap.
With a snake-like motion, you shake your entire arm and pull her away.
“I already said: don’t fucking call me that! I am an Outer of the Setting Sun (whatever significance it might hold), and if you don’t cease this bullshit at once, I will personally end you, in this world or the other, so help me God!”

The speech seems to have had an impact on the girl. She’s looking at you petrified.
“I am sorry, onii-… I mean, I am so…I am sor…”

“Oh for crying out loud”, the Priest swears.
And that’s exactly what happens. The girl starts crying again.

“Fuckin A’”, you murmur. Now even what looks like the owner of the shop is giving you a puzzled look.

The magical girl table, on the other hand, seems somehow much madder than it used to be. You could swear you’ve seen them whip out their magic wands or something.
The knight has crossed his arms and is staring at the scene. The Warrior is chuckling, and the average Joe seems to be somewhat annoyed by the commotion.

>Be conciliatory, but firm
>Pretend nothing happened and go back to eating
>Be conciliatory, but firm
Assert your position
“Now now”, you try to calm her. “It’s just annoying to be called like that. Let’s find a compromise, ok?”

The girl nods slowly, and her crying turns into sniffing again. “I am sorry. Truth is, I am not really used to names”
‘This has likely to do with what the Priest said’, you reason.

“What does Onii-chan mean anyway?”, you ask, curious.
“Eh? Can it be that you don’t know? It means older brother”

The thought alone makes you feel a twinge in your stomach. There’s no doubt that the she was using that term with sexual connotation, and that disgusts you. “R-right”, you mumble.
“Hear me out. How about you just call me ‘bro’?”

“Yeah. That’s the word we’d use where I come from. It also makes me feel like less of a pedophile. So it’d be much appreciated”

The girl smiles cheerfully again. “Then it’s decided! I will call you Bro! But, onii…I mean, Bro… If you’re an Outer, I want you to give me a name too!”

She states that with a determination that makes the question sound almost like a demand.
“Yeah well I am not that good at naming. How about ‘Magical Girl Love and Justice and Friendship and Other Assorted Nice things?”

“Bro, that name is too long!”
“Then make up your own name!”
“Nooo, I want you to make up my name, Bro!”

You’re starting to have second thoughts about her calling you Bro. It’s somehow rather unsettling.

“Er, you must have an idea, I presume?”
“Yes! I want… let’s see… something with Sweet, something with Princess, and something with Dreams!”

You fight back the urge to puke. This stuff is so girly you can barely bear with it. You scratch your head, absorbed in your own thoughts. Then, the epiphany.

“Sweet Dreams Princess. There you go. Easy peasy lemon squeezy”.
“YAY! I am the magical girl Sweet Dreams Princess, and I am onii… I mean Bro’s wife!”
“Y-yeah, right. Look, me an the Priest here are on a quest to…”
“Can I join you?”, the girl invites herself.

“Well, I think I will ask my partner’s opinion first”, you say hesitantly, but you can already see the Priest shaking his head at full speed. “Let’s talk about the details later, alright?”

“OKEH!”, she screams in joy. “I have rented a room here. Just come see me later, the room number is 404, alright?”

The Priest is looking at you with disapproval in his eyes.

>Alright, see you later
>Only if we’re not alone
>Like hell I will!
>Only if we’re not alone
>Only if we’re not alone
shes obviously unstable
“Woah woah woah. That got really weird really quickly. I don’t have a problem seeing you again as long as it’s not just the two of us”

Sweet Dreams Princess touches her lips with her index in hesitation. “Would you like some of my friends to be there too?”
“No, if possible I’d like to have someone reliable with me. Yo Priest, you’re coming right?”

“Please don’t make me”, he says, with a tone and an expression that suggest he’s literally begging of you. You can’t understand what his problem is.

“Look priest, just come along with us, and then if you are not convinced we won’t bring her with us. Deal?”
“Alright. Deal”, says the Priest in resignation.
“404! Do not forget, ok Bro?”, Princess says, before returning at her friends’ table.

“Oh boy. This was surely unpleasant”, the Priest says, cantankerous.
“It was just an excited little girl. Have you never seen one like that before? Where I come from girls her age go crazy for pop singers”, you comment with an hint of cynicism.

The Priest looks at you intently. “Could… could it be…”
“Hm? Speak, Priest. I am not in the mood for riddles”
It’s clear that he’s trying to hide his laughter. “No, it’s nothing… prfftt…nothing, just… ihih, you Outers… have the gift of naming, that’s for sure”.

You give him a quizzical look. Then the owner comes over, the two of you order your food and eat it shortly after. The meal was decent, but the Priest was sure starving. He devoured probably 70% of what you ordered.

Seems like you’re not the only one who’s done either. The average joe and the massive Warrior are on their way to the exit. But before that, the Warrior walks towards you.
“You there, you’re an Outer, correct?”
His presence is so imposing that you barely muster a nod. In response, he smiles widely.
“That’s great. I like how you handled things over there. You were strict, yet accommodating. The Warrior’s way is balance. If you are in need for companions for your quest, do not hesitate to seek me. I will be here tomorrow for lunch again. Until then”

The normal guy following him makes his way to the counter, but with a powerful pat on his back, the Warrior signals that it’s going to be his treat.

“What now, Outer? Are we really heading for that creature’s nest?”

>Yes, but you don’t need to come with me
>This is a bad idea isn’t it?
>This is a bad idea isn’t it?
“…This is a bad idea isn’t it?”
The Priest shrugs. “Not exactly. It just isn’t pleasant for me. But I guess we gave our word, so now we really need to go, I presume”.

You nod. “Aye, let’s get over this. And let’s be done with this quickly”.
Having asked the owner about the guest rooms and their location, you headed for room 404.

“Is this place cheap, Priest? I don’t really have a place to stay”
“Yeah, reasonably cheap I’d say. Although we don’t really have a plan, so taking such a decision now is rather premature”
“I concur. Let’s talk with the magical girl first”

The door of room 404 is exactly in front of you. You knock on it, and hear a faint voice reply.
“Who is it?”
“It’s us, er, ‘Bro’ “

The noise of rushing steps can be clearly heard from the inside of the room, then the door bursts open and Sweet Dream Princess jumps you again.
You fight against her grip, and slowly but surely pull her away.

“Awwh, bro, you’re no fun! That’s not how you treat your wife!”
She’s wearing an even frillier, girlier dress than before, in black and white and with a much shorter skirt.

“Aren’t you rushing things a bit too much? I don’t even know you, what makes you think I’d be your husband?”
“Because we were fated to meet, Bro! It’s destiny, I am telling you. Look, you even have a Priest with you! It’s destiny onii-… bro! Let’s get married!”

“Thanks, but no thanks. We’re on a quest to save anime here. Serious stuff. Do you understand?”
“Hm Hm!”, Princess nods. She looks like she couldn’t care less about what you just said.
“Look I never asked for this, but we have to…”
“Yeah, yeah, I get it already!”, she interrupts you brusquely.

“Me and the boring priest and Bro will save anime, then Bro will marry me and we will live happily ever after!” In the midst of her conjugal fantasies, she stands on the tip of her toes and executes a pirouette. Her skirt is lifted as a result, and through her panties, the horrible truth is revealed.

The Priest at this point is simply trying to hide his snorting, while you’re having serious trouble processing the information you just acquired.

That. Is not. A girl. That. Is a boy dressed as a girl.

The urge to puke grows larger and larger. You’re almost collapsed on the ground.
“Bro? Are you ok Bro?”

>"Y-yeah, give me a second [implies you’ll stay and talk]"
>Regain your composure and attempt to leave with an excuse
>go full /pol/
>go full /pol/

“Hm? What do you mean ‘stop’, Bro?”
“I-I mean w-what I-I said! I said STOP! STOP! IT’S TIME TO FUCKING STOP!”

You finally lose it, and you’re not the only one. At this point, the Priest is folded over on the ground laughing his ass off. He’s almost hyperventilating.

“What’s the problem, Bro?”

The boy innocently shakes his head. “No, I have the body of a boy but the mind of a girl. This is why I will be Bro’s wife!”

You rush towards the door. “Oh and fuck you too Priest, I hope you’re having fun”.

But no response comes. The Priest is convulsing on the ground, having problems breathing. It looks like he never laughed before in his entire life.

You walk all the way back to the restaurant room. The owner is there, and the Knight, whom you didn’t notice at all after the crossdressing boy incident, seems to be still sitting at his place.
“Outer, did you experience the pain of betrayal?” The Knight’s voice is deep and virile.
“Huh? You mean that crossdress bullshit? I wouldn’t say it’s betrayal, probably more like a joke gone too far”

“Oh I see. You have a pure heart, like I once used to have. But this world is ripe with corruption and evil. Even if we do not wish to betray others, in the end we will be betrayed. Truly, being betrayed was my destiny since I was born”

“Aren’t you being a little bit melodramatic now?”
“Oh, of course, people that lived a sheltered existence like you can’t possibly understand the pain that burdens my soul! Oh if you just”
“Yeah, right, see you around mate”

You cut him short and head for the exit. You really have no time to spare to listen to some grim dude’s rambling.

The sky is blue, and the sun is shining. You asked the Owner to tell the Priest that you’re just taking a stroll and that you’ll be back soon enough.

“This day can’t possibly get more shit. Can it?”


In the next episode of Saving Anime Quest

What will happen to our MC during his trip through the city?
Who are the enemies lurking in the shadow?
Will the trap meme ever die?

This, and much less, in the next episode of Saving Anime Quest!
Until next time, OP.

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