It takes a particular kind of stupid to be a bandit. The kind that thinks that robbing strangers in a forrest is somehow a good way to make a living, the kind that thinks it's easier to get away with killing someone than to hold them at knifepoint, and the kind that thinks that they can sell what they loot to someone without raising suspicion.Though, in retrospect, it also takes a particular type of stupid to roam through the woods at night, with no weapons, but you just wanted to get back home, and you were so close, there was no chance you'd be ambushed this close to town. Really, it's your fault, but that still doesn't excuse the fact that you now have a knife buried in the thing that's supposed to pump blood around your body... which now appears to be stopped.Oh dear. ................................................................................................................................................Ok. You're dead. Definately dead. That's probably not the man who stabbed you over there cackling like a madman and giving your shit away to some limpdick in a tall hat.Oh... why is he on the ground.... did you miss somehting... kinda woozy here.Huh. Ok, he's laughing again. And HOT HOT HOT THAT WATER IS BOILING. THAT FUCKER IS NOT GETTING AWAY WITH THIS.You pull the knife from your chest. You are...> Anya Harran, Town Guard. Discharged... for rape.> Henry Foiles, King's Army... deserter> James Mantell III. Retired captain of the Fiends Delight. Which sank. Twice. In the same harbour.
>>45880304 HELLO. THIS IS THE FIRST THREAD. GUESS WHAT? YOU HAVE AN HOUR TO VOTE. GO GETTEM' TIGER!
> James Mantell III. Retired captain of the Fiends Delight. Which sank. Twice. In the same harbour. We gonna be good at sailing boys
>>45880304>Anya Harran, Town Guard. Discharged... for rape.While being the retired captain of a ship sounds interesting, I don't think I could stand the idea of being one who's ship sank twice while in harbor. My great uncle did that, and he's just too synonymous with bad ideas for me.
>>45880304>> James Mantell III. Retired captain of the Fiends Delight. Which sank. Twice. In the same harbour.
>>45880304> Henry Foiles, King's Army... deserter
>>45880304>James Mantell III. Retired captain of the Fiends Delight. Which sank. Twice. In the same harbor.
>>45880304> Anya Harran, Town Guard. Discharged... for rape.
>>45880304>James MantellLet's just pretend that the approaches were very traitorious, ok ? Or that we did it for the insurance money.
>>45880384Because rape doesn't sounds like a bad idea at all to you?
20 minutes to call, but I know who has a lead. I guess I'll start writing.>>45880779>assuming that any of these choices are good onesVery funny anon.
>>45880304> James Mantell III. Retired captain of the Fiends Delight. Which sank. Twice. In the same harbour.I'm ready for the type of idiot /tg/ builds from him.
>>45880779Not like the other two are any better. Also my uncle not only sank boats, he managed to sink multiple houses. One on dry land with foundation on stone.
> Anya Harran, Town Guard. Discharged... for rape.
>>45880831just how?how does a man fuck up that much.
>>45880847He accidentally a river into it. The others were built on permafrost in the winter, turns out when you turn on the heaters the house sinks.
>>45880304> James Mantell III. Retired captain of the Fiends Delight. Which sank. Twice. In the same harbour.Yo hohoho and a bottle of rum!!
> James Mantell III. Retired captain of the Fiends Delight. Which sank. Twice. In the same harbour.but can we please change the ship's name in "fools delight"?
> James Mantell III. Retired captain of the Fiends Delight. Which sank. Twice. In the same harbour.Motherfucker thinks that this is funny huh? You'll show him funny. No one fucks with a pirate, and especially not one who's down on his luck, Of course, you're angry, you're always angry, all the time, but the first time you lost your ship in a raid, you learned that Crookhabour is named that way for a reason, and it's not because It's full of lazy thieves. The second time taught you patience. Of course there's something to be said for shock and awe tactics. Fear mongering got you a crew, and helped subjugate your prey long enough for you to get close enough to blow their mast off. On the other hand, you are naked. And sitting in a pot. Is that parsley ? Gods above, no fucking taste these days. You can cook meat in vegetable stock, sure, but don't add the parsley until meal is ready.> Stabby stabby, smash and grabby> Patience, you don't want to add something else to the list of things you did twice in the same place. In this case, die.
>>45881033>stabby stabby, smash and grabby
>>45881033>Patience, you don't want to add something else to the list of things you did twice in the same place. In this case, die.
>>45881033> Stabby stabby, smash and grabby
>>45881033> Patience, you don't want to add something else to the list of things you did twice in the same place. In this case, die.Great not just a pirate but a cook pirate at that.
>>4588103330 mins to vote call. I'mma grab a sann'ich>>45880718But of course. It's not like you were trying to kill yourself. Yeahhhhh. No mental issues at all... heh.
> Stabby stabby, smash and grabby
Rolled 2 (1d2)Dammit people. I will not stand for this tie. CHOO CHOO,ROLLAN ON THROUGH!
I'll break it>Patience
> Patience, you don't want to add something else to the list of things you did twice in the same place. In this case, die.Ok, so first things first, it's time to get out of this ACCURSEDLY HOT POT OF WATER. Hopeully not alerting the madman who made the mistake of stabbing a handsome rogue like you in the chest. Especially not this close to your home town. Looking back on it, it's surprising how little it hurt to pull a Jagged blade out of your chest. Or how little blood there is in the pot. And who cooks someone alive anyway. Not that it matters, this sick bastard is three ways from dead. It's a nice knife. Good long blade. A handle that would be rattling if you didn't have you hand clamped over the guard, a serrated edge on one side... Why did he leave a blade this fine buried in your chest? Idiot, it's gonna be the end of him now. Just sneak over to the bushes, nice and quiet nowYou look around. Trees everywhere, but the undergrowth is thick enough to cover your naked form. It also removes some of the water dripping off your chest, and allows you to hear the ramblings of the mad bastard.
Stabby stabby, smash and grabbyI like it when I'm not being stewed.
>>45881696"Bone and throne and head of gold. Meat and mead and golden treats, flesh is best when it comes from the west and came along side and bloody test!" Really he is quite ugly. Nice long scar from cheek to cheek, bulging eyes, trinkets, all over his body, probably from his victims. His clothes fit badly, and he... Wow, did he really leave his only weapon IN YOUR CHEST? And his taste in clothing? red and magenta vertical stripes? He's a walking fashion disaster. It hurts to look at. Time to end this fool.ROLL TO COUP-DE-GRACE this sad old sack of hammers.15 to hit, +2 for sneaky actions, and 1st 3 rolls are counted.
Rolled 15 (1d20)Here we go boys!
Rolled 2 (1d20)To prosperity and plunder.
Rolled 14 (1d20)>>45881716stabby
>>45881747I mean, this gets it, but I'm hardly going to leave it like that if there can be CRITZ, GLORIOUS CRI->>45881779>>45881787 Oh never mind.WRITAN!
Rolled 19 (1d23)>>45881716
>>45881802Damn it man, you need more speed.
>>45881802HAH, YOU SNOOZE YOU... Uh... I guess you stab?>>4588174715+2= STABBY STABBY MOTHERFUCKYYears (3 is a plural, shut up) of being a pirate tought you how to murderise people pretty eficiently, which is why it comes as no surprise when the knife (YOUR knife) slides in between the back of his ribs and into his kidney. And then his left lung, and then his right lung and then the screaming stops, and then his pancreas, and then his stomach. No surprise to you anyway, I mean, he's pretty surprised to suddenly be drowning, dying of multiple stab wounds and dying of blood loss. And to see you walking around of course, but see, that's why you stabbed him repeatedly. And are keeping the knife, (YOUR knife). It's a nice knife. OK, stabbing complete, you should probably check over your situation.... uh... Yeah... you were... you were going home? somewhere? Everything's a bit fuzzy, and... uh... Was it that way? Where were you even headed?>wander, looking for civilization that isn't cannibals.> Call out, maybe someone will find you?> Creep about, perhaps those assholes with your clothes are still about?> fuck it, you can do this better in the morning.
Rolled 5 + 2 (1d20 + 2)>>45881716
>>458819311 hour to call, I need more food. ( I'm not a tyrranid, I promise...)
>>45881931Creep about, if people find a naked man screaming in a forest they'll just assume we're crazy, if we have clothes we only look drunk!
> Creep about
>>45881944Please note, unless you have a lot planned for each post, an hour is a bit of a long gap.
>>45881984It's called dinner anon, I need it.
>>45881931Creep about, as it is extra easy to be a creep without your clothing, that we dearly need.>>45881984He's clearly lying and is a tyranid, and thus needs to take long breaks to devour his neighbors.
>>45881990Is this dinner a nearby planet you filthy tyranid?
>>45881931>OtherLoot the idiot who stabbed us. Then put some clothes on, tty to find our clothes maybe? Then we follow up with our journey.
>>45882012Not unless you call a potato a planet anon. I was hungrier than I thought, so back early, giving another 5 mins. >>45881999And please, I might be an moderately androgynous Irishman, but even I'm far too pretty to be a Tyrranid. a girl though, I am not, for better or for worse. Please do not lewd the QM, and especially not on the first thread
>>45882256>lewd the QM.We aren't /d/ op.
>>45882293I've Been to Vox's treads anon, I don't trust any of you. WRIIIIIIITAN!
>>45882256>do not lewd the QMHey now, none of us said anything about that, it's almost like you are suggesting things.
>>45882256>Irishman>do not lewd
>>45882324Hey now...Vox is special.
> Creep about, perhaps those assholes with your clothes are still about?Sneaking around at the spead of sound seems to have worked so far, and you still don't have clothes on. And there is no way anyone can convince you to wear the (newly) bloodied rag that murder-hobo was wearing. Nope, No way in hell. No way, no how...Damnit............................................................................................................................................> poor excuse for clothes equiped.Now, no longer nude, perhaps it's time to see if you can find someone who won't try to kill, you, eat you or die quickly. And hopefully they'll give you back your clothes, dignity and memory of where you were going. After you've leapt out of a tree and put your brand new (slightly rusty) knife in the space beween their spine and the back of your skull. See, these are your woods, you grew up around here (wherever "here" is), and there is no one who can slide along branches like the man who climed the ranks of a pirate crew by tossing people off of the crows nest. It's even easier because the wood isn't even trying to throw you off balance, like the sea and wind would. And your last drink was hours ago. Apart from the soup. Damn you taste good.
>>45882560>regret added to inventory.You regret tasting the water you were being stewed in, but a free meal is a free meal.Sliding along the branches like a demented cat in a jesters outfit, you pick a direction ( totally not random, you know that moss grows on the south...) and keep a low (high) profile. It's not long before you see a lone figure trying to keep as stealthy as you are. Of course, they're focussed on the three guards standing around, two making sure they're safe (they're not) while the third pisses against a tree.> Sneak up on the sneak.>sneak up on the... those don't look like normal town guards... What's going on here?> watch and learn.... BWAHAHAHAHA, FUCKING KILL THE ASSHOLES PISSING IN YOUR WOODS> Kill the sneak. Hey, it looks like they've got actual clothing.
>>45882574> Sneak up on the sneak.
>>45882574Sneak up on the sneak
>>4588257420min voting margin? no one's gonna try and kill me like some kind of ...bug... for this right?
>>4588266620 minutes works, people are just lurkers, You satanic piece of shit
> Sneak up on the sneak
>>45882701THAT'S FUNNY ANON, VERY FUNNY. AND CLEARLY WRONG. YES.
>>45882574> Sneak up on the sneakLike a snake
I'm feel like I'm late... Why do I feel like I'm late?... Meh, not important, FIGH- I mean WRITAN!
> Sneak up on the sneak.Sneaky sneaky snakey sneaky.... Wait snake?...Nope, just a vine. And now that you have a better view of your competitor, and it is a nice view, you can clearly see that she's no novice at this either. Or that she's not unfairly proportioned, meeeeeee-yow. Glad you didn't kill her, and really what's a sweet thing like her doing assaulting town guard. Especially in a bar wenches dress. There really only is one way to find out and still have a chance of getting in on that action. You wrap your knees around the branch beneath you and swiiiiiiiiiiii-ng. Wooo... just a little dizzy."Hi there," you whisper. "see I can't help but notice you're sneaking up on people, and-" You're speach is interrupted by the ground as she pulls you out of your leafy domain with nary a whisper. "Shut it moron!" is the hushed response as the captor of your heart swiftly puts her hands over your mouth. "I could hear you 20 feet away". Naturally she could, she's got those long elfin ears (why do they seem so familiar) to help her. "Now unless you're going to help me clear out those bandits who think they can keep Harrfell in check by dressing as guards, stay here and shut up!"Ohhhhhh. That's where you were headed."Yes'm..."> Tag along> Shut up and watch (her work, not her works)
>>45883102>You'reClearly as an insomniac, I should not be typing...
Tag Along.We need to avenge ourselves.
>>45883102Tag along, but stare at her ass.
>>45883156This is probably the best option
>>45883102> Tag along
>>45883102Giving it.. another 20 mins I guess. People happy so far? You'll stop being quite so annoying soon, you're just... Kinda stabbed. In the heart. Blood loss and migraines kinda messed up your head,
> Shut up and watch
>>45883156I second this
>>45883156This, plus trying to measure out the fatness of dat ass while she's spying on the bandits.
Whoops, forgot to say, Writing.
>>45883560> Shut up and watch (her work, not her works)"I'll be good""Well since you're not shutting up branch boy, how about you get back in that tree and sneak over to the lovely targets over there. When I give the signal, you stab the idiot on the left and leave the rest to me."You scamper back up into the branches, and practically bounce your way over to the now chatting men who have no idea you or your (nostalgic?) beauty are about to end their bandity lives... And you settle in for the show. As she makes her way through the undergrowth, you can see just how good she is. Slipping between the trees like a deer, quiet, and confident, and slow as molasses. Which is fine by you because she keeps turning around and putting her back to the bark, giving you a wonderful view of what's sticking out. Namely her behind. Which reminds you a lot of the moon peeking out from behind the clouds which, coincidentally, it is. Appreciating the way the light shines off a tight skirt like a sharp blade is a pleasure you would gladly spend the next while doing but she's right underneath you and no-one is any the wiser. The flick of her hair (there is definitely something familiar about that. And it's bugging you) is captivating and also presumably the signal. Showtime. >invert and stab (1d20+2 sneaky sneaky)>jump into the frey (1d20 won't have to climb down and get stabbed)> don't act> I think I saw an assassin do this once... (High risk, High reward)(1d20, Bad ass, kinda stupid)
>>45883653Be back in... 10 mins? I hunger.
Rolled 5 (1d20)>>45883653>I think I saw an assassin do this onceNo regrets!
>>45883690Oh god I regret so much
>>45883707>>45883690Don't worry, I need more people to vote, but the first 3 rolls are still counted for success.
Rolled 2 + 2 (1d20 + 2)>>45883653>invert and stab (1d20+2 sneaky sneaky)
We are, without a doubt, the worst pirate I've ever heard of.
>>45883671Clearly ten minutes was not enough. VOTE EXTENSION. VOTE DAMNIT VOTE!>>45883801You sank your ship twice, in a the same harbour. How did you think this would go anon?
>>45883653>invert and stab (1d20+2 sneaky sneaky)
>>45883854By which I mean I need both rolls and votes. (please anon, you could save the fair maiden)
Rolled 6 (1d20)>>45883653> I think I saw an assassin do this once... (
Rolled 10 (1d20)Release the Kraken.
Rolled 13 (1d20)>>45883854do we get a bonus for swashbucklingalso diito>>45883887
>>45883887Doomed we may be, but we are once again tied. So choose anons, Still in the tree, or out of the tree?>>45883910Not yet you don't
>>45883944>>45883910clearly I can't read, for I did not see your ditto. MWAHAHAHAHA, I WRITE!
Rolled 15 (1d20)>I think I saw an assassin do this once...
> I think I saw an assasin do this once... (High risk, High reward)(1d20, Badass, kinda stupid)61013FAILWait, this is kinda like an assasination, isn't it? you definately saw an assasin do this once! Which is why you chose this exact moment to jump like a lunatic onto the chest of the man below you. It's also the exact moment your body decides to catch up on blood loss, and send you crumpling like a sack of potatoes in his general direction instead. Not to say that it isn't effective, but daaaamn it hurts. Though the silver lining is you get to watch a certain elf whip a blade into the chest of goon#3, before doing a Pirrouette, almost like she's dancing, and planting her fist into the throat of goon#2> Recovery: d20+4 because you're on top. Like always... yeah.
Rolled 8 (1d20)>>45884150
Rolled 6 (1d20)>>45884150Went better then I expected
Rolled 9 + 4 (1d20 + 4)>>45884150
>>45884236>>45884280>>45884357I'm afraid the quest is going about as well as can be expected with in name taken into consideration.
>>45884150"I meant to do that. By utilizing my blood loss, I was able to use my entire body weight against the target."
121013And of course, The fact that you have blood now oozing out of you chest is very encouraging. HAH. Yo...u are gonna kill this g..uy in a second. As soon as the stars s...top swimming and the... oooh that hurts. The wonderful angel finishes off her prey, a huntress in sharp relief plunging her dagger deep into his chest. She really is quite pretty. The way the blood splatters on her face look like freckles is kinda nice. And she gets close enough to kiss as she leans down and severs the throat of the man under you. Heh, kinda like when you fell out of that tree when you were five and your sister was running around underneath you and then she tripped and fell over you. Your sweet adopted sister..."James?... JAMES YOU'RE BLEEDING!""..."Shit.AAAAnd that's a wrap. I'll probably continue this tomorrow from... 7?, as people are quietening down and I've got a lovely cliffhanger set up for the moment. I'll hang around for the next hour to answer questions and bully people.
Archived, Upvote as wished. And I will thank all of you for showing up!http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Redemptor
>>45884570why is this called OFITG quest
>>45884721OneFootInTheGrave.Don't be a fag.
>>45884721How well have things gone,anon? Also because you'll see next thread.