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Okay, I admit they aren't the best movies in and of themselves, but watching them again (because playing paradox games without something to watch is unimaginable) I realize that the whole thing is EXACTLY the sort of thing you'd get from cinematizing an RPG campaign.

The ridiculous fights, the inexplicable enemies, the pointless inter-party drama, the mystical bullshit, it all just makes sense when you think of it as a campaign.

LOTR, Star Wars, Blade, etc, are all better movies, but I honestly think that Pirates of the Caribbean is the closet thing to an RPG campaign that we'll ever get.
>>
>>45146238
>Pirates of the Caribbean is the closet thing to an RPG campaign that we'll ever get.
Nah, that would be Monty Python's Holy Grail or one of Tarantino's movies.
>>
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>>45146238
You know what?
I think you're actually right.
Are Jack Sparrow and Barbossa PCs from a previous campaign, then?
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>>45146309
>one of Tarantino's movies.

Most of his films seem like they are the result of 1 or 2 player + GM campaigns. Or a series of low-player one-shots.

Pretty solidly, really.
>>
>>45146408
>Okay, fine, you just HAVE to bring him back? Well, this witchdoctor chick knows a few things, and you're sort of undead anyway...

>BULLSHIT, HE GET'S TO COME BACK TO LIFE AND I CAN'T? COME ON?

>Dude, you got ate by a giant squid, you're totally dead.

>I WALK RIGHT FUCKING NOW IF HE GETS A RESURRECTION AND I DON'T.

>Don't be that guy Steve, just reroll and get on with things man.

>THIS IS BULLSHIT, FUCK YOU, I'M LEAVING

>Fucking fine, be that way, but the whole party is going to have to go drag your sorry ass out of purgatory...
>>
>>45146408
That would make a lot of sense. The new players take a bit to learn to deal with his antics, but the DM knows exactly how to set him up and handle him.

Will gets wrapped pretty heavily into the politics of the last campaign (the gold, his father) while still being his own character arc.
>>
>>45146567
One GM with a few small, separate groups.
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>>45146590
I suddenly like that stupid show now.
>>
>>45146900
I'm drunk and bored, give me any scene from the series and I'll deliver a player perspective.
>>
>>45147303
The stealing of the ship from the Brits in the first one.
>>
>>45147303
Freeing the sea goddesses before the big battle..
>>
>>45146238

I agree with that.

The PotC movies were terrible and we would have been better off for not having experienced them, and most RPG campaigns are terrible and we would have been better off for not having experienced them.

Makes perfect sense.
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>>45147303
3 factions all going for Jones' heart (buried) on that island with shenanigans ensuing to get it.
>>
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>>45147342
>Jack: Okay, so we're out of jail, right?

Yeah, you're out, now what do you do?

>Jack: We steal the big boat, the Gauntlet or whatever.

Okay, how do you get there? You're the town is crawling with guards.

>Will: Um, we can go to the blacksmith right? We can go there, and disguise ourselves as-

>Jack: WAIT I HAVE AN IDEA, do we have enough of a lead to get to the shore?

Yes, with about three minutes to spare.

>Jack: Okay, we run to the beach and grab a row-boat-

You're spotted immediately and-

>Jack: WAIT, we don't row out, follow me on this. We grab the boat, turn it upside down, and walk into the water, using it as an air-bubble

That's retarded as shit, but sounds pretty cool. Roll a strength check to hold to boat down while you walk.

>Will: That's not how strength works... If we don't weight enough...

>Jack: 18!

Okay, you reach the area under the DAUNTLESS without incident, what now?

>Jack: We climb up, kill the marines, then take the ship.

There's 10 of them, are you sure you want to go in guns-blazing?

>Jack: Um, what time of day is it?

Noon

>Jack: Shit, okay, we climb up and Intimidate the crew into leaving.

Okay, roll.

>Will: Shit, 4.

You try to put on a pirate accent and fail horribly, the entire crew laughs at you and-

>Jack: 20!

Confirm

>Jack: 20 again! Eat it you limey shits!

*sigh* and Jack impresses them with his history of pirating, and they all meekly pile into the longboat.
>>
>>45148119
kek
See...we've learned how to make shit movies entertaining.
Now we can excuse stupidity because its what the player did..and we all know how stupid players are.
>>
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>>45148119

>Will: Okay, we take the ship out to sea and head towards the pirate base.

You don't know where it is, and you don't have anywhere near enough men to crew a three-deck ship. You run around the deck trying to get the sails up *rolls* but you don't accomplish much before the fleeing marines warn the Commodore.

>Will: Don't I get to roll?

No, I've stated that it takes 12 crewmen at a minimum, there's no way you could get the Dauntless moving yourselves.

>Jack: WAIT! I HAVE AN IDEA! How many men does the ship the marines are taking out to us need to crew it?

Umm, it's a frigate, so two-ish? Why?

>Jack: Okay, so I have this idea, we hide inside the ship, and when they come over to arrest us, we swing across onto their ship and take it while they're busy searching for us inside the big ship.

Ohhhkayyy, that might work, give me a stealth-

>Will: Wait, we disable the rudder on the Gauntlet before we hide.

Dauntless

>Will: Yeah, the big one, before we leave, so they can't chase us.

Good catch, I'll need stealth and ship-handling rolls from both of you.

>Will: 13, and what's my bonus to ship-handling?

It's just your dex plus your-

>Jack: 20 and 20 AGAIN BITCHES, SUCK IT YOU BRITISH CUM-GARGLERS!

Seriously? I mean, I try to run a realistic game here...

>Will: Huh?

Nevermind. You swing onto the ship and realize that everyone on it has climbed aboard the Interceptor...
>>
>>45148423
Okay, sorry fucked up the ship-name at the end there. My bad. Also, I hope I wasn't belaboring the point there, anyway, working on:

>Freeing the sea goddesses before the big battle..
>>
>>45148423
+1
Nice m8.
>>
>>45148119
>>45148423
Hah!

>>45148467
>MOAR!
>>
The Pirates of the Caribbean movies have a great setting that would make for a damn fun RPG.
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>>45148918
Blacksail.
Ftw.
>>
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>>45148119
>>45148423
>>
>>45147456
>Barbossa: Fuck this naval battle shit, we always lose. We have all the thingies, let's just release the goddess and she'll curb-stomp the Brits.

>Will: That is a TERRIBLE idea, you've kept her enslaved for seven hundred-

Fifty

>Will: seven hundred AND FIFTY years, she'll just kill you, and everyone on the same ship as you.

>Elizabeth: I just spent three hours putting this pirate-kingdom thing together, please tell me you aren't going to just get us all killed by sticking your dick in the crazy-god.

>Barbossa: It'll totally work, I swear! She's the one who revived me, right? So I'm sort of her minion, and she'll probably be super impressed with me. We release her, she goes all god-like, smashes this stupid Brit fleet, and then we start going on quests for her instead of the Brits and Pirates.

>Jack: This is a terrible idea. I'm all for it.

Okay, so you're releasing her right? I need a ritual roll from you-

>Elizabeth: NO! This is stupid, we need to use the pearl to lead the attack, not get it destroyed by Cthulhu-chick!

>Will: Yeah!

>Barbossa: No, fuck you, this is definitely going to work. Be quiet, and let me do my shit, it's my redemption arc and all that. I'm the ship's captain right? I have my men grab them, and do the ritual anyway. *rolls* Shit, 7?

Okay, fine, your men grab Will and Elizabeth, you burn all the pieces of 8, and say the words, but as an undead, you can't put any actual emotion into them, and they fall flat.
>>
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>>45149719


>Barbossa: Shit! What about the crew, they're all still living, right? I have one of them say the words, that's a Captaincy roll, right? *rolls* 18 works, right?

>Elizabeth: NO, THIS IS STUPID, YOU FAILED THE ROLL, AND SHE DOESN'T DO SHIT! Now let's form up and go through the naval battle, it'll work out fine. I roll to break free *rolls* ... shit.

You fail to break free, and one of Barbossa's men steps forward and says the words correctly. Calypso grows in size until she is as tall as the mast.

>Will: Wait, that means she's, like, 20 tons, won't the ship sink?

Ummm...

>Barbossa: Shut up, I entreat the goddess to smite our enemies and grant us her favor in the upcoming battle.

Okay, give me a persuasion roll.

>Barbossa: *rolls* 7? No? Wait, what about my crew, with the Captaincy bonus it's-

>Elizabeth: Too late, you fucked us, now we're going to be tentacle-raped to death.

Calypso screams a bunch of gibberish, then dissolves into a tidal-wave of crabs.

>Everyone: WTF?
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>>45149719
Holy fuck,...

That's gold bro.
>>
>>45149719
>>45149762
I like it.

But what about the part where Will tells Calypso that Jones was that one that betrayed her?
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>>45149762
How about the part in the end of the second movie that Will, Jack and that other guy are fighting? Please don't forget when they are fighting on the wheel
>>
I fucking hate the third movie

They just literally stopped trying
>>
Sorry, I'm fading, if this thread is still up In the morning, I'll complete the last request (plus any others).

>>45150051
>Will: Wait, you completely skipped my turn. I persuade the god to not turn into a bunch of crabs, and attack the squid-guy, because he was the one who imprisoned her in the first place, right?

Actually, he just explained to the pirate-kings how to-

>Will: 13! Plus three from my "Handsome Devil" trait!

Okay, fine she listens to your words, and nods a bit, but she still grows into a giant and then turns into a bunch of crabs.

>Jack: What sort of crabs anyway? Because I'm pretty sure that I'm the king of hermit-crabs after I defeated their champion during the island-fight.

THE FUCK YOU, YOU DON'T GET TO HAVE A GOD ON YOUR SIDE KIND. NOW DO THE NAVAL BATTLE, OR SHUT UP.

>Barbossa: Actually, we still don't have to fight, the Pearl is the fastest ship around right? We can just run away/

THE CRABS FORM A GIANT WHIRLPOOL, SUCKING YOU AND THE FLYING DUTCHMAN INTO COMBAT RANGE, NOW ROLL.
>>
>Elizabeth: GUYS I KNOW WILL AND I SHOULD GET MARRIED DURING THIS BATTLE

What that doesn't even-

>Elizabeth: BARBOSA MARRY US

>Barbosa: I'm fucking fighting fish people!

I don't even give a shit anymore. You say the words while you fight them and they get married.

>Barbosa: But I'm fighting fish people! How can I marry them and not die from getting stabbed?

Man I don't know you fucking parry them without even looking and they attack you one at a time so you can swing your sword from side to side and block all of them fuck it I don't care anymore

>Jack: So we're still up for my solo campaign after this is all over right?

>Barbosa: Bullshit I'm getting in on that fuck you
>>
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>>45150207
>>45150267
Thanks anon.
>>
Davey Jones is about to kill you!

>Jack: I threaten him with his heart! I'll do it, I'll totally do it!

Davey Jones calls your bluff and he fucking stabs will

>Will: What the fuck man!

>Elizabeth: Oh come on we like JUST got married!

>Jack: WAIT I GOT THIS! I pick up Will's hand and I put the knife in it and I make him stab the heart, therefore saving his life and killing Davey and it's not me!

That's bullshit, it's still you stabbing him

>Jack: Fuck no! We all let you get away with that fucking plot hole of Davey teleporting when you said he can only do it at night, and then we let you get away with his whole "cannot be on land thing" by having him be in a fucking bucket! Will stabbed him, not me! It's a loophole!

Fine fucking whatever

>Will: No you fucking son of a bitch don't you do it DON'T

>Jack: Shut up I did it!

Fucking hell. Davey Jones dies and falls into the abyss. The whirlpool stops.

>Elizabeth: What about all the other ships? The pirates who were all outmanned five to one?

They didn't fight they just stayed where they are. The pirates cheer and shit. Will you take over as Davey Jones; your dad cuts out your heart and puts it into the chest. The Black Pearl and the Flying Dutchman unload on Beckett's ship and he dies all stoic and shit.

>Will: I never fucking wanted to be Davey Jones!

>Jack: Sorry m8

You and Elizabeth get to spend a day on land and fuck like bunnies then you ship off for ten years at sea.

>Elizabeth: Wait I'm not going with him? Why he fuck aren't I going with him?

Fuck you, that's why.

>Jack: So I still get the Black Pearl, right?

>Barbosa: No, I fucking steal it!

I let him steal it.

>Jack: Goddamnit! Now I'm back to where I fucking was at the START of this campaign, you hack!

Eat my dick Jack
>>
>>45146238
I desperately want to run a thinly veiled Pirates of the Caribbean game in Rogue Trader.
>>
>Jack: Look I'm just saying I don't understand why you don't just talk with the new player

He wanted to play a priest

>Jack: Look I understand I'm just saying he's really weirding out the rest of the party with his mermaid fetish

Man I didn't fucking know he'd be so into it when I introduced the mermaids, alright?

>Jack: Dude he fucking NAMED her. Stop letting him waifu the mermaid.

Look it doesn't matter I'll kill him off during the final battle anyway
>>
I'm a happy cunt having stumbled onto this thread


Gold
>>
>Barbosa: So you're telling me that this sword completely controls my ship and I can do all kinds of sick-ass rope tricks with it just by thinking?

Yeah totally dude

>Barbosa: Fucking sick man, I take Blackbeard's ship, tear up my privateer contract and set sail for Tortuga!

>Jack: I'm starting to really suspect that there's some favortism going on here m8

You got your ship back

>Jack: It's in a fucking bottle! How do I get it out?

Fuck if I know

>Gibbs: At least we have each other, Jack!

>Jack: Fuck you man you're like old enough to be my dad
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>>45147303
Do Jack persuading Barbossa to launch the attack on the Brits.
>>
>>45150577

Will, Barbosa holds you over the chest with the knife to your neck, ready to cut it open!

>Jack: I make my way through the crowd!

They're all stunned!

>Jack: You don't wanna do that, m8!

Barbosa ignores you at first.

>Jack: Kek. His funeral.

Barbosa reconsiders and asks you why.

>Jack: I tell him about Commadore Norrington's ship outside and the ambush that is waiting for them! Then, okay, get this---

>Will: Not another fucking convuluted plan

>Jack: I tell them NOT to kill will, and that instead, they should go and kill the brits. Right? I cozy up to Barbosa and tell him that he could have TWO ships. I'll work for him and captain the Black Pearl.

>Will: Dude what the hell?

Diplomacy check.

>Jack: 15.

He's considering it...

>Jack: I run my hands along the Aztec Gold and pick up a few pieces, dropping them in, but I use this as a disguise to steal one!

>Will: Wait what? The curse---

>Jack: I roll 19 on Sleight of Hand!

Barbosa doesn't notice.

>Jack: So then, after I haggle pricing with him, I tell him that he can have the title of Commadore.

He's in. He sends off almost all of his men to go attack the navy.

>Jack: Score.

>Will: I thought I was the main character in this story. Why am I not doing a fucking thing?
>>
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maximum kek
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>>45149762
>Calypso screams a bunch of gibberish, then dissolves into a tidal-wave of crabs.

That's how you know you're at the end of a DH campaign.
>>
>Jack: Hey, man! When are we gonna get that new game going?

I don't know, man, I'm out of ideas for the setting.

>Jack: But I've got Barbosa and Will to come back!

Jack, I'm serious, I have no fucking idea what to do. I've used up almost all of my fucking ideas for sea-themed lore without stealing from fucking Disney.

>Jack: Why not? How about we quest for like Neptune's Trident or something?

I don't even know who the villain would be.

>Jack: Just have it be some guy from my past!

Fucking... Jack, we can't keep inventing new backstory for your character to pull characters from. First Barbosa, then Davey Jones, then Blackbeard's daughter, now some fucking new guy? Fuck's sake your unwritten backstory alone could've been its own campaign.

>Jack: And?

Fine fucking whatever just give me like a year.
>>
>>45150774
Is that trident thing actually confirmed as part of the new movie? I haven't kept up with it so I dunno what's going on. Though I'd fucking love for random Greco-Roman gods to suddenly be canon in the universe
>>
>>45150669
>>Will: I thought I was the main character in this story. Why am I not doing a fucking thing?

>having a main character in a collaborative game

bruh, no
>>
>>45150806

Clearly the PM (PIRATE MASTER ARRRRGHH) made the game for his friends Will and Elizabeth and had a whole big story he wanted to tell with them before Jack came in, derailed everything and made it his show.
>>
>>45150831
rofl
>>
>>45150798
Well, IIRC, according to roman myths and legends, calypso was a greek demi-goddess who seduced and trapped odyessus (that one guy from the illiad) so if they have calypso, then there's a very good chance they'll have greco-roman gods be canon.

Honestly, I'd like to see jack go up against hades from animated hercules. Can't you just see those two playing off each other?
>>
>Barbosa in PotC1
>"The Code is more like a guideline."
>Barbosa in PotC3
>"WE MUST OBEY THE CODE THE CODE IS LAW I GUESS I'LL TAKE ALL MY ORDERS FROM ELIZABETH BECAUSE SHE GOT VOTED KING LOL"
>>
>>45150850
>Can't you just see those two playing off each other?

Yeah I'd like to see Kingdom Hearts: The Movie too
>>
>>45150831
Well, it starts out with Will and Elizabeth. Jack seems to have joined in at a later session, tied his backstory to Barbarossa and his crew, and lolrandumed his whole way across the plot.
>>
>>45150932

That and after the clusterfuck that was the third arc of the campaign, Will and Elizabeth didn't want to come back.
>>
>>45150831
Yeah, definitely. Then he invited a couple more friends, tied them into the plot, and then they stole the show via a)lolrandum and b)being an actual badass pirate
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>>45150831
>Pirate Master

Well I'm stealing that if I ever run something nautical.
>>
>>45150831
>>45150966
>not Pirate King
>>
>>45150976
>the Captain player inherits the title at the end of the line and has to run the next campaign
>>
>>45150947
Well I wouldn't want to either - imagine getting to become king of the pirates and Davy Jones himself, but losing the romance arc that was the main purpose of your continuing with the plot half the time. Every time Jack had done something stupid or betrayed you, you could justify continuing along because of your love interest not being fulfilled, but now there'd be nothing to keep you from just smashing Jack and ruining everyone's fun. If you can't do that, what's the point of all that power?
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Writefag, you are the best.
>>
>>45151020

Actually there's at least two of us

>>45150774
>>45150669
>>45150493
>>45150448
>>45150377
>>45150267

Was all me

I just piggy-backed off the first dude
>>
>will makes a dramatic pronouncement about hating pirates
"So are you single or a eunuch?"

Yeah this is pretty PC grade antics.
>>
Dammit Will, you're half an hour late. Whatever.

>Will: Why's he got all the cusions?

You'd know if you were on time. He's going to be the chief

>Jack: Yeah, the biggest baddest, hardest-drinking chief.

>Will: What the shit? Whatever. My bad.

Will, you're in front of jack when you regain consciousness. You find it hard to move your hands and feet. It feels like you're in the middle of an earthquake. Get me a perception check.

>Will: 13. What do I see? Can I tell where I am?

You are bound to a stick being carried by several natives wearing loin cloths with bones protruding from their lips and cheeks. You're in the middle of the gathering. Do you have ranks in knowledge (local)?

>Will: Yeah, 3 ranks.

That's good enough. You think cannibals live in this area.

>Jack: I tell them to take Will and put him with the others tout suit.

Give me a diplomacy roll

>Jack: 10. That good enough to get the point across?

You make various grunts and do your usual mashup of english and whatever it is you speak. But they get the point. You think you told them Will is a eunich at some point.

>WIll: What the hell man. I tell them that Jack's a fraud and a pirate and would taste delicious.

What languages do you speak?

>Will: Um...just English I guess.

The natives can't understand you. They just see a man begging for his life.

>Will: But he got to communicate! Why can't I?

You're tied up, dude. Anyways. They start carrying you off to the other prisoners.

>Jack: When I walk by him, I whisper "Help me!" but I don't want the natives to get on edge. I've got a 17 for stealth.

Will, give me a perception

>Will: I got a 17 too.

You hear the message loud and clear before you're brought to the others.
>>
>>45151086
yeah, that's totally PC
>>
>>45151103
Elizabeth, not all of us are interested in the nuances of native tribes. If you want something factual, go read one of your books. Otherwise wait until your turn. Where are you again?
>>
>>45150857
I think the difference is a) when the code works for you, and b) when you might get stabbed a bunch for not following it.
>>
>>45151144
Being creeped on by the EIC dude at the time right? No wonder she got bored and just fucking ran away to try and join the plot.
>>
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I love you writefag(s).
Please keep posting.
>>
Cornering you on the rigging he says again "Do ye fear death Jack Sparra?"

>Jack: Well no not really we've already established I can just break out of purgatory whenever I want

Yeah but it was really hard.

>Jack: I was dead and got better, didn't even have to re-roll

Because you bitched

>Jack: Because you can't get enough of me! Now. Swordfight. Got a 17.

I want to punish you but I can't.
>>
>>45151369
>I want to punish you but I can't.

SO I'M TAKING AWAY YOUR SHIP

AND YOUR CREW

AND BARBOSA STOLE THE MAP

>Jack: Ah, but I anticipated this! I cut out the center!

FUCK YOU JACK I HATE YOU SO MUCH
>>
>>45151408
How is Jack's player always on top of everything and not getting thrown out? Is it dice rolls? Natural charm and intelligence? Does he just know the game like the back of his hand, or all the other players?
>>
>>45151431

Jack is, frustratingly enough, the best player out of all of them, creating long-term plans and masterfully executing all of them.
>>
>>45151431
Dicking the GM's mom of course.
>>
>>45150377
>I let him steal it.

God bless America.
>>
>>45146238
I always figured Pirates was a long running Scion campaign. It starts off with mostly-mortal shinanagens, and ends with a trip to the afterlife, releasing a trapped goddess, and a sword fight in the heart of a maelstrom.

Tia Dalma/Calypso is a God of the sea (obviously).
Jack is a Scion of Calypso.
Barbossa is a rival Scion of Calypso.
Davy Jones is a Demi-God.
Beckett is a Scion of a rival pantheon centered around industry. He hopes to ascend by stealing the power of the sea from the pirates, Calypso and Jones.
Will is drawn into the story because of his mysterious parentage, is drawn into the Legend of Davy Jones, and finally ascends to Demi-godhood.
Elizabeth was originally an NPC for Will's story, but a player joins later and picks her up (probably GM's girlfriend).
>>
>>45149719
>This is a terrible idea. I'm all for it.
Never before has a single line encompassed PCs so perfectly.
>>
>>45154095
Someone screencap this bitch. I have never laughed so hard in my life.
>>
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>>45151034
>this much modesty
>>
Ok, am back, will do the 3-way fight with the water-wheel thing now.
>>
>>45154279

I don't enjoy taking credit for someone else's work
>>
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This is good stuff.Great work anons.
Has a nice nostalgic DM of The Rings vibe to it.
>>
>>45154301
Shoggy?
>>
>>45154301
So. How's AGP coming along?
>>
>>45147524
This.
>>
>>45150850
I don't know how you managed it, but you managed to refer to Odysseus without mentioning the fucking book named after him. I mean, he's in the Iliad and does the whole Trojan Horse thing, but the guy has his own fucking story going on after that as well.
>>
>>45154955
>I don't know how you managed it, but you managed to refer to Odysseus without mentioning the fucking book named after him.
War and Peace?
>>
Rolled 51 (1d100)

>>
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>>45147524

Norrington hauls up the chest. Inside there are several pieces of paper which appear to be-

>Jack: PAPER? BULLSHIT! This is another of your stupid treasure maps, isn't it? You're not actually paying any attention to our rolls when we use the compass, are you? It's just your magical railroading plot device!

*sigh* and UNDER the papers is another, smaller chest which emits a deep, steady thumping.

>Elizabeth: I investigate the papers-

>Will: I use the key to open the heart-chest and stab the heart!

>Jack: Wait! No! The Kraken is still chasing me, if you kill Jones we can't get him to call it off, we've got to trade the heart to Jones.

>Will: That's stupid! He'll just fuck us over. This is our one chance to kill Jones and free my father, we have to take it, and I'm sure the Kraken will just wander off once its master is dead.

As you put the key into the chest-

>Jack: I draw my sword and stop Will!

>Will: No, fuck you, I'm done with doing whatever you want! I draw my sword!

You don't have a sword, just your father's dagger.

>Will: I draw Elizabeth's sword!

>Elizabeth: HEY!

Norrington draws his sword as well.

>Will: Wait, who's side is he on?

Neither of yours, he explains that Beckett wants the heart, and it's his once chance for redempt-

>Jack: He's an asshole, got it. Let's do this you pansies, *Rolls*

Wait, who are you attacking?

>Jack: Umm, both of them?

>Will: I parry the blow towards Norrington and then use the distraction to...

>Elizabeth: This is so fucking stupid.
>>
>>45150267
>Barbosa: Bullshit I'm getting in on that fuck you

Icing on the cake
>>
Please writefags, do the scene from the first movie where Jack escapes the marine after saving Elizabeth. This could be glorious.
>>
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>>45156242
*Sigh* Norrington dodges Will's attack, tries to trip Jack and *rolls* fails miserably.

>Elizabeth: Seriously, it's been 10 rounds and none of you have managed to even hit eachother. This is beyond pointless. Let's just compromise on a plan, then you can team up on Norrington and we can get back to the quest.

>Will: No! I'm not letting him get away with his prima-donna bullshit again!

Or maybe one of you could actually talk to Norrington and-

>Jack: You're right! This fight is pointless bullshit.

>Elizabeth: Finally, thank god-

>Jack: I steal the key and run into the woods on the island.

>Elizabeth: OH COME ON!
>>
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>>45157095

Okay Jack, as you through the woods you come across a ruined church with a graveyard and small water-mill attached.

>Jack: I run inside, hide in the tower, the double back to the chest after they run past.

Norrington, who is five feet behind you, sees you run into the church, and catches you on the stairs. Give me a footing check and a grapple check.

>Jack: *rolls* Shit.

Norrington grabs the key, then shoves you off the stairs.

>Jack: I grab the rope to the church's bell to slow my fall!

>Will: I grab the other end of the rope, and use his momentum to launch myself upwards, and grab the key out of Norrington's hands as I pass..

I don't think bells actually work that way..

>Will: Oh come on, it's nowhere near as bad as half the shit you let him get away with.

Fine, you grab the key and shoot to the top of the church tower, then spout a witty one-liner at Norrington, who proceeds to run up the stairs and corner you at the top.

>Will: I'm not cornered, I go out the window and onto the top of the wrecked church.

Okay, just to be clear here, there's no actual roof, it's just a bunch of crumbling, slime-covered walls which you'll be scrambling across to top of while trying to defend yourself from Norrington. Are you SURE this is a good idea?

>Will: Yeah! I mean, the terrain penalty maxes out at what, twenty? And I've got like fifty dex. I'm practically Legolas over here.
>>
>>45157213
>practically Legolas over here

You're damn right.
>>
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>>45157213
>I've got like fifty Dex. I'm practically Legolas over here.

Fucking dying mate
>>
Someone give me that "Best Thread on /tg/ right now" seal of approval and fkcin slam that shit in. This is gold
>>
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>>45157520
>>
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I love you writefriends
>>
>>45146238
Can confirm, I fuckin loved those movies and it was 100% because I watched them as if they were RPG campaigns
>>
>>45148423
Why are you making him confirm skill checks? What format does that?
>>
>>45157718
People who say skill check critical hit I guess
>>
>>45157718
Honestly I'm just making this up as I go along, since I haven't played anything but Dark Heresy for years now.
>>
>>45157712
Honestly, you can watch everything like that. I certainly do. It started when my dad talked about how Palpatine was just a sci-fi lich with Vader as his "vampire" lieutenant - and stormtroopers were their equivalent for skeletal minions, of course.

Miss you, pop.
>>
>>45157831
Vader's just a Death Knight. No vamping.
>>
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>>45157877
Don't be ridiculous. He even had fangs.
>>
>>45150857
Jack's scary ass dad wasn't there when he said the first thing.
>>
>>45157999
>scary ass dad
Keith Richards?
>>
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>>45157213

Okay Jack, you're finally climb up onto the roof. Will and Norrington are a little in front of you, and are still fighting. Norrington hasn't heard you approach yet and his back is exposed to you.

>Jack: Wait, who has the key right now?

Norrington has it in his off-hand, why?

>Jack: I sneak up on him and steal the key.

Oh come on, you have a perfect shot on him.

>Jack: Nope! Just takin the key. *Rolls*

Fine you take the key, but Norrington notices and immediately switches his attack to you, leaving his back exposed to Will.

>Will: I reach over Norrington and help him attack Jack.

Really, I'm practically bending over to give you guys opportunities to end this… Fine, at least two of you are working together. I need some swordsmanship rolls from both of you and a strength roll from you Jack.

>Jack: Shit.

The combined force of the blows disarms Jack. Will, Norrington asks your leave to kill the man who ruined his life.

>Will: He can fucking go for it.
>>
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Jack=best player just joking around

Barbarossa= The second best whos there only to annoy Jack

Will=Avarage player who knows the rules but is not as good as Jack and Barbarossa

Elizabeth=Wills gf who just started

Davy Jones=DM character who is op as fuck but players outplay dm in the end.
>>
>>45158212

>Jack: Wait! This is bullshit! What did I ever do to Norrington? Will's the one who stole his girlfriend, not me! I persuade Norrington to attack Will instead. *Rolls* 17!

*sigh* You succeed in enraging Norrington, but he decides to finish you before attacking Will.

>Jack: I jump off the building! It's only one story right?

Okay, fine, you jump off, and Norrington turns his attention back to Will.

>Will: Oh this is fucking bullshit man! Jacks just walking away with the key!

Well maybe you should've killed Norrington when you had the obvious chance, now roll for swordsmanship and footing. *rolls* Huh...

>Will: Wait, both me and Norrington both got 1s for our footing? Do we both just fall off the roof or something?

Umm…. I guess the whole water-wheel part comes off with you both still standing on it.

>Jack: Ohh, and then it starts rolling down the hill right? And they have to run backwards to stay on top of it?

Yeah, I guess that'd work, Will give me a-

>Jack: Oh, by the way, while they're fighting on the giant spinny wheel of doom, I just casually walk back to the boat.

>Elizabeth: Wait, holy shit, does that mean I finally get to do something?

No, because Jack gets all of ten feet before he trips and fall into an open grave. Then while he's trying to get back out of it, the wheel rolls over him, trapping him between the boards, and hauling him into the air as the wheel turns.

>Jack: Fucking railroading bullshit.

Eat me, now roll perception to figure out where the key went...
>>
>>45158251
Okay, I'm burnt out on that scene, will take a stab at one of the others after food.

>>45154383
>>45154555
Didn't actually mean to name-fag there, but hi. Writing progress is continuing at a slow pace, partially because I spent my first free evening in ages getting drunk, watching the entire pirates of the caribbean series, then wound up on /tg/ writing about it. Not a very productive use of my time that...
>>
>>45158356
It's cool dude. I'm gonna call you McDonald's.
Because Ba-da-da-da-da I'm loving it.
>>
>>45158157
I prefer to think of him with his royal name Sobekhotep II of the 13th Dynasty of Egypt, long may he walk the earth before he returns to the long sleep of death.
>>
Somebody please screencap all of this wonderful gold. Bonus points if you do it in chronological movie order.
>>
>>45146900
>>45146590
>>45147303

Wait what show is this you're talking about
>>
>>45158731
pirates 2
>>
>>45147303
Pleasepleasepleeeease do the scenes where Jack enters the blacksmith shop and tries to free himself and ends up fighting Will until the "GM" railroads by having the drunken owner sneak attack him.
>>
>>45158790
Oh, I thought he meant the players were characters from something else. PotC is a film, movie or flick, not a show.
I was thrown off by Jack Sparrow's player not being "Steve" and not "Johnny"
>>
>>45150976
YO HO HO HE TOOK A BITE OF GUMGUM
>>
>>45151431
Johnny's just really good at RP.
>>
>>45158356
>Okay, I'm burnt out on that scene,
Now imagine having to shoot that shit
>>
>>45158251

as a lurker who never actually played, is this how a normal session would go?
or is this more like "the best cuts", or like "a good DM" representation.
>>
>>45160217
Yes now get your ass in the game finder thread
>>
>>45160217
GMs usually aren't this butthurt at their players. Unless they're shit GMs.
>>
>>45160217
Kinda sorta.
Look, it always varies.
If you want more looksies into things, you can check out assorted podcasts. And for more fictional, see http://www.shamusyoung.com/twentysidedtale/?p=612 and http://darthsanddroids.net/episodes/0001.html, basically what this thread is doing but Lord of the Rings and Star Wars.
>>
>>45160519
It's kinda friendly butthurt.
Both exasperated at bullshit, but knowing that in the end it'll be entertaining.
>>
>>45160519
Yeah, I took it more as

>>45160577
^What he said from how it was written.
>>
>>45160217
Nah, not really.
The joke is that the players are all extraordinarily obnoxious, and going out of their way to dick each other (and sometimes themselves) over.

The DM also isn't doing a very good job. He's letting himself get exasperated and playing against the PCs. Basically everyone in this scenario is a horrible player.
>>
>>45158800

>>45151034 Here. Writing.
>>
>>45161590
Actually, I'm like 80% done with that one and figure I'll just knock out the blacksmith fight too while I'm at it.
>>
>>45161590
>>45161689

Okay sorry, misread post numbers. The blacksmith scene is all yours if you want it, not like I've actually started on it.
>>
The British soldiers are all searching the streets.

>Jack: I roll a 16 to hide.

You see a blacksmith's shop! You duck inside without any of them noticing.

>Jack: Okay, I take off my hat and start looking for a way to break the chains. Is there a hammer?

There is. You are startled by a sleeping, drunk blacksmith.

>Jack: I poke him a few times.

He doesn't react.

>Jack: I shout at him!

Again, nothing.

>Jack: Great! Can I break my chains?

Give me a circumstantial roll.

>Jack: 15!

Not bad. You see a hot poker and stick it to the mule that turns the large gears of the shop.

>Jack: Wait is that a thing?

You hook the chain onto the gears and it cuts them in half!

>Will: But then I get back to the shop?

Yes. You notice the donkey is moving.

>Jack: I hide!

In your haste, you forget to move your hat.

>Will: I am very attentive to details. I calm the donkey and notice his hat after checking up on the blacksmith.

>Jack: I draw my sword and tap him to keep him away from my hat!

>Will: Ah, so you're the pirate they're looking for! You threatened Elizabeth!

>Jack: Only a little. I make for the entrance!

>Will: I draw a sword and stop him from leaving! You're not going anywhere, pirate!

>Jack: You think this is smart, new guy? Trying to cross blades with a level eight pirate?

>Will: I have five ranks in swordfighting!

>Jack: And yet hardly any ranks in flirting---no wonder Elizabeth hasn't fallen for you.

>Elizabeth: Hey!

>Will: I fight him!

Let's have some rolls.

>Jack: I roll for superior footwork against this inexperienced lad. 13.

>Will: 13! I match his footwork!

The two of you clash blades across the shop, throwing witty remarks!

>Jack: Good show, boy, but I must be on my way.

>Will: I throw the sword into the wooden door bolt, forcing it to stay shut! 20!

>Jack: Ahah, but now you have no sword!

>Will: I draw the hot poker from the forge!

The donkey reacts and starts moving again!

>Everyone: *Laughs*
>>
>>45161854

>Will: I fight him with the hot poker!

Sparks shower with each clash of the blades! Will, you can grab one of the twenty-something swords lying around.

>Jack: What? Who makes all these swords?

>Will: I do! I have three ranks in blacksmithing!

>Jack: How many ranks do you have in being a eunich?

>Will: I force him onto the cart in the corner! I roll to disarm--18!

>Jack: 5, damnit.

You knock Jack's sword up high---it sticks in one of the cieling beams!

>Jack: I jump up and try to grab it by putting my feet on the beams and pulling!

>Will: I jump back onto the cart and ready my attack!

Jack, you fall and land on one side of the loosened cart, forcing will to fly up into the rafters.

>Jack: Hahah!

>Will: I pull myself up and cut down a heavy weight over my side of the cart and send him flying up too! 19!

>Jack: Hey, I'm supposed to be the one doing the flashy stuff.

Jack, the weight sends you flying up to the beams above, where the two of you continue to cross blades! Eventually, you jump down to the floor and continue your fight!

>Jack: I disarm him. 16.

>Will: I grab a hammer!

>Jack: I jump onto the stairs and grab the soot shoot from the furnace and blast it into his face, blinding him. 20!

It works!

>Jack: I point my gun at him.

>Will: Hey, what the hell, man? You cheated! We had a thing going on!

>Jack: Yeah, see on my character sheet, right here, where it says 'Pirate' under class?

The british soldiers are pounding on the door, alerted to the noise!

>Jack: Well, I leave out the back.

>Will: I stop him!

>Jack: m8 seriously I'll shoot you.

>Will: I won't move!

>Jack: Damnit man this bullet isn't meant for you!

Jack, suddenly the blacksmith smashes a bottle on your head. Roll to stay conscious.

>Jack: 1! What the hell!

The soldiers break down the bolted door and charge in. Commadore Norrington gives all the credit to Jack's capture to the blacksmith.

>Jack: Railroading scumbag.
>>
>>45156811

Okay, you pull Elizabeth out of the water and realize she's not breathing. The two ship-guards have no idea what to do.

>Jack: I cut the straps on her corset thingy, since that's why she fainted.

Stop metagaming, you've got to do a first-aid or at least a search check,

>Jack: It's not metagaming, it says right here on my background sheet that I spent several years in Singapore, and as everyone knows overtight corsets are the leading cause of death in Singapore.

>Elizabeth: Just let him, I don't want to die 3 minutes into the session.

Fine you cut her corset, she starts breathing, and as she coughs up sea-water, you notice a gold medallion around her neck. Before you can inspect it or ask any questions though, the Commodore and his Marines arrive pull you off Elizabeth, and the Governor orders them to kill you.

>Jack: Oh come on, are you really going to be this butt-hurt over me skipping a first-aid check?

>Elizabeth: I intercede on Jack's behalf, explaining that he rescued me. That's persuasion right? *Rolls an 11*

The Commodore grudgingly lowers his sword, and offers Jack his hand in thanks for rescuing you. Sense motive roll Jack.

>Jack: 3?

As you shake his hand, the Commodore grabs your arm and rolls up your sleeve, exposing the pirate brand on your wrist, plus your distinctive tattoo.

>Jack: Oh come on, this is all sorts of railroading.

Look, I told you when you took all those infamy flaws that it was going to make shit hard for you. Anyway, the Commodore identifies you as Jack Sparrow-

>Jack: CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow

Yeah yeah, the Governor orders your arrest and the ship guards hand over your gear to the Commodore, who inspects them. He *rolls* doesn't realize your compass is magical, just assuming it's broken, and mocks you for the general shoddiness of your equipment as they put the irons on your wrist.
>>
>>45158212
this reminds me that I fucking love the later pirates movies
>>
>>45162084
>Jack: Yeah, see on my character sheet, right here, where it says 'Pirate' under class?
Perfect
>>
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>>45162232

>Elizabeth: I'm going to try and persuade them again, it's not like he's broken any laws here. *rolls*

You stand between Jack and the armed guards, trying to explain that what he did was heroic and justifies leniency, but the Commodore is unmoved. The guards finish putting Jacks cuffs on, and take him-

>Jack:WAIT! I take the chain between the cuffs and loop it over Elizabeth's neck, using her as a shield and threatening to kill her.

>Elizabeth: WHAT?

Oh god, here we go… roll intimidate.

>Jack: 15!

The guards think you're serious, and back off a little. Congratulations, you're alone, on the end of the pier, with 20 armed guards pointing their weapons at you, and you've just taken your only ally hostage. What do you want to do now?

>Jack: I ask for my stuff back.

How are you going to take it? Your hands are busy with the threatening-to-strangle Elizabeth thing.

>Jack: I have her take them, then take the gun from her and hold it to her head while she turns around and dresses me. Oh and I make faces at the Commodore and the Governor while she puts my belt on.

>Elizabeth: Why do you have to do perverted shit like this every time I roll a female character? This is why we never have a full group you know.

>Jack: What? It's completely in-character. If you can't handle the pirate stay out of the ocean.
>>
Do the scene of the insane pirate politics in the last film. That whole bit was off the rails
>>
>>45162327
but inter NPC action isn't fun
>>
>>45162292
> If you can't handle the pirate stay out of the ocean.
Gold.
>>
>>45162327
Last of the trilogy part I mean. I actually liked 4 more than 3 and about as much as 2, but it is very standalone.

>>45162350
Fair
>>
Do the part where they save Jack and then all point guns at each other.
>>
>>45162487
Dude that happens like 3 times.

I'm at work otherwise I'd give it a stab
>>
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>>45162292

Moving along here, Jack you now have all your gear, but are still in irons and on the end of a dock which is full of guards, and the Commodore is getting edgy after your little display.

>Jack: Okay, there's loading cranes around right? Like the big ones for hoisting cannons and shit?

Yes there's one next to you, its stone base offers a small slice of cov-

>Jack: I back towards the crane with Elizabeth, then as I reach it, I tell the Commodore that he'll always remember this as the day he ALMOST caught Captain John Sparrow-

Jack, your name is Jack.

>Jack: Whatever, and then I throw Elizabeth at them while simultaneously grabbing the crane's rope. Then I kick the crane's brake free, so the stuff it was hoisting drops through the dock and any guards under it, while I shoot into the air.

… you are so lucky that the crane actually was actually holding something. Okay, give me acrobatics and strength rolls.

>Jack: 13 and 17 baby!

Okay, you're now rocketing into the air towards the top of the crane while 20 marines train their guns on you. What do you do?

>Jack: I grab the crane's steering-line thing, so my weight starts pulling it in a circle, and then I swing out and land on one of the smaller cranes, and THEN I-

Hold on a second, I need to see exactly how shot you get as you swing around like an idiot in front of 20 armed men. *Rolls*

>Jack: That is a LOT of ones there buddy.

>Elizabeth: Holy shit, I think the Marines might be retarded. Did any of them shoot themselves?

No… but none of them even come close to hitting Jack, and a few fall into the hole the cannon left in the dock.
>>
Firefly seems very tabletop RPG
>Mal is party leader
>Doctor and special snowflake sister
>Captains bestie and her husbando
>Jayne's That Guy
>Reverend with mysterious past

And they almost always fuck up every job they take
>>
>>45162890

>Jack: Ha! Anyway, like I was saying, I swing onto a smaller crane, then use the chain on my cuffs to zip-line down a rope to the shore. Thats two acrobatic rolls and another strength right? *Rolls* YES!

What, why would there be a rope for you to zip-line down, that's stupid-

>Jack: It's for climbing up the top of the crane and hanging pennants and stuff, very important and well documented feature of all pirate-era dock cranes. Now are you going to sit here arguing over semantics, or bow down to the two and a half 20s I've got sitting here.

*sigh* Okay, you swing onto the crane like a drunken acrobat, and zip down to the dock while bullets whiz past through the air around you. You are now at edge of town, far away from any sort of rope, crane, or counterweighted device, and you have the distinct feeling that attempting any more acrobatic shenanigans will end poorly for you.

>Jack: Yeah, yeah, point taken, but serves you right for being all railroady. Now I've got a bit of a lead on the Marines, but I still need to get the shackles off right? So I either need to find the thieves' guild or a blacksmith.

There no thieves guild, this isn't d&d.

>Jack: Pirate's guild then.

There's not one of those either.

>Jack: Fine, blacksmith it is.

Good choice, let me just get out my notes and floorplan

>Jack: Wait, why do you have a floor plan for a blacksmith? I've got a bad feeling about this…

>Will: Does this mean I get to start playing now?

>Jack: HOLY SHIT YOU CAN TALK? I thought you were mute.

>Elizabeth: Shut up Jack.
>>
>>45163256
Okay, I'm going to call that one done since the other writefag already did the blacksmith stuff wonderfully.

I'm going to head home, and will get one or two more done. Are there any other requests aside from the Pirate-Summit and the wet-gunpowder scene after they escape the locker?
>>
>>45163343
"What's become of my ship?"

Alternatively when Elizabeth tricks Jack on the Pearl and gets eaten.

Or the reunion where Jack calls her out on it.
>>
>>45146238
>Blade
Better movie than Pirates of the Carribbean.

I have no time for this nonsense.
>>
>>45163416
>when Elizabeth tricks Jack on the Pearl and gets eaten
Yeah, that's a pretty PC moment, and one of the best bits of the films imho.
>>
>>45162487

Ok, so you guys are all thoroughly soaked, but are otherwise none the worse for wear.

> Barbosa: Fantastic. I pull my gun on Jack. "I want your Piece of 8, and the Pearl."

> Will: What? I pull my gun on Barbosa. "I need the Pearl to kill Davey Jones, back off."

> Jack: I pull my gun and point it at Will. "And I just want the Pearl, so bugger off."

> Elizabeth: Jeez... I pull my gun and point it at Jack. "I would prefer it if you didn't shoot Will, and can we PLEASE not try and actually talk things out for once?"

> Barbosa: Come on, Jack. I need your piece because we're gonna free Calypso, and with her help we can deal with the Brits and Davey Jones no problem!

> Jack: And you want the Pearl just to spite me?

> Barbosa: Partially. It's still the fastest ship on the seas, so we can get to our destination faster.

> Will: You can't kill Jones, not until I free my father. And to do that, I need the Pearl to chase after the Dutchman.

> Jack: Well I don't care! The age of piracy is over, I'm just looking to save my own skin!

> Barbosa: And what, be the last pirate? What're you gonna do then, with your ship and no one else to crew it?

> Jack: "Still working on that, but I know I'm not gonna go back to that shit hole we just got out of." I shoot Barbosa.

Ok, you pull the trigger, the hammer clicks, but nothing else happens.

> Everyone: What? I do the same thing.

Yep, the guns don't work. Smitty, Jack's henchman, points out that all the powder is wet, and cause the guns are flintlocks, they're useless.

> Will: Listen, we still need supplies after spending a week in the Locker, let's go to the nearest island, forge up some water and food, and then we can kill each other later, OK? If I use the bamboo map, it should lead us to the nearest island for said supplies, right?

Yep.

> Everyone else: Fair enough.
>>
>>45147472
I'd say "you must be fun at parties", but with an attitude like that I doubt you've ever been to one.
>>
>>45162903
It's an online campaign. Special snowflake barefoot sister is played by "Summer Glau" actually Joss Whedon because its his fetish
>>
>>45151431
Most likely he is a DMPC
>>
This whole thread is absolute gold.
>>
>>45164001
Agreed someone should archive it. I would but I don't know how.
>>
Can someone either cap these, or archive this thread?

I'm on mobile, and can't really do either.
>>
Someone do the one where Jack tricks everyone into flipping the boat over in purgatory, so they can get back into the real world.

The part where Barbosa sails them over the side of the world is fine too. Both are a bit short, though.

There's also the scene in the third movie where the Spaniards pop in while everyone's fighting to tear apart the fountain of youth.
>>
>>45146238
>the closet thing to an RPG campaign that we'll ever get.
Star Wars: Rebels is just a Force and Destiny campaign adapted to TV.

Ezra is actually played by a younger sibling from the party, who was just flipping through the book and saw cool art, so he said "I wanna use the plasma slingshot!"
>>
>>>45160556
>Darths and Droids
I wonder if they'll do TFA, and I shudder to think of the implications.
>Leia: wait didn't we do this a couple years ago
>GM: no you didn't
>Luke: yeah we totally did this campaign before, it was when I started playing!
>GM: I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT
>>
>>45164259
>There's also the scene in the third movie where the Spaniards pop in while everyone's fighting to tear apart the fountain of youth.
>third movie

I think you might have skipped the second movie when you watched the series there m8
>>
>>45164655
Fourth, my bad. The two with Davy as the antagonist run together in my head a little bit.

Captcha, I swear I am typing exactly what you have in the picture.
>>
>>45162903
>>45163729
Someone needs to writefag this
>>
I know self-archiving is frowned on, but no one else seemed eager to do it, so here it is: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Pirates%20of%20the%20Caribbean

If no one has capped this stuff before the thread dies, I'll go and collect them afterwards, then throw them up in one of those best-of threads.

>Going to try to knock out the Jack gets-eaten scene, and maybe the boat-flip and waterfall scenes if I maintain coherence
>>
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>>45166580
This shit needs done more.

"Movie scenes from a hat, as seen from watching a ttrpg"

No valid reason to limit it to pirates.

Ocean's 11.
The usual suspects.
Sons of anarchy.
>>
>>45166669

Yeah, I'd enjoy it if this became a thing. I don't know about Ocean's 11 but a bunch of stuff other then Pirates seems like you could source gold from it.

Sons of Anarchy you could have Clay as a DMPC and Opie as the only poor bastard who actually tries to role play.
>>
>>45156475
Are you the namefag that used to run a>>45156811
n on/off Primarch Quest?
>>
>>45150976
Giving the guy running the game the title of PK sends mixed messages. I'm doing this.
>>
>>45151431
He's the worst player you've ever heard of.

But of course that means you /have/ heard of him.
>>
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>>45163416
>>45163518

Okay, so everyone abandons ship before the Kraken comes back?

>Jack: This is fucking bullshit you know, there is literally nothing in our arsenal that can even dent the thing. You seriously fucked up the encounter levels for this.

No, YOU fucked up when you decided to repeatedly piss-off Davy Jones, and then when I gave you an obvious way out, you fucked up AGAIN. I can't believe you guys had a stupid goddamn pissing-match over what to do with the heart, and the lamest NPC I've ever created just walked off with it.

>Jack: That's not even SLIGHTLY what happened.

>Elizabeth: Dammit Jack, please just let it go and accept that you fucked up for once.

>Jack: Your boy-toy fucked up too you know, he's like 60% to blame for this shit.

>Will: Hey! My plan was completely reasonable, you're the one who just had to-

Okay guys calm down, just a game. Now, is there anything you want to do before you get in the longboat?

>Elizabeth: Wait, I have a question. The Kraken is tracking Jack, right? So this abandon-ship plan isn't going to really work, is it?

Well…

>Elizabeth: Oh you bastard, you were just going to let us go out there and get eaten!

Mayyyybeeee?

>Will: Wait isn't it just tracking the spot? Can't we, like, cut of Jack's hand, and then the squid can't find us?

>Jack: NO! There's no healing in this system, that's practically halving my combat ability! I might as well just reroll at that point.

Either way, since none of you read the papers in the chest-

>Jack: There were papers in the chest?



>Jack: You never mentioned any papers.

*sigh* You have no way of knowing if cutting of his hand would work, and since he's sort of against that, and we've demonstrated that you guys can't even HIT eachother, it's sort of moot.

>Will: So the Kraken is going to ambush us again unless we get to shore before-
>>
>>45168637

>Elizabeth: I kiss Jack. Seduction *roll* 9.

>Jack: What?

>Elizabeth: I said I kiss you, now counter-roll.

>Jack: huh?

You heard her, roll or auto-fail.

>Jack: Ummm, fine, 15.

Hmm, with modifiers for all the flirting you've been doing, that comes out as a… 6. What do you do Elizabeth.

>Jack: WHAT? 6?

>Elizabeth: I push him back towards the main mast as we kiss, then use the cuffs in my inventory to chain him to it.

>Jack: Oh you dirty little-

>Will: HEY!

Okay Jack, give me another willpower roll, then an escape roll.

>Jack: *rolls* shit *rolls* FUCK… Fine, I call her something really scathing as she leaves. Like mentally-damaging.

Okay, roll willpower again.

>Jack: 4?

You call her a pirate, and smile at her like an idiot.

>Jack: OH COME ON!

Okay Elizabeth, Will, anything else?

>Will: Umm, did I see her do that?

Let me roll here *rolls* nope, just the kiss.
>>
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>>45168711

>Elizabeth: I get into the boat, and tell Will and the NPCs that Jack decided to stay behind to draw off the Kraken while we escape.

>Jack: I yell as loud as I can, calling her a lying bitch, and telling my loyal crew to kill her and come rescue me.

>Will: JACK!

>Jack: Chill man, it's in-character. Be calm, just… chill.

Yeah… anyway: Jack, you're still out of it from the seduction, so you just sort of stand there, smiling to yourself about the irony of the situation.

>Jack: Well, I'm fucked then, aren't I? Fine, I take 20 on the escape check while they row away.

There are no other boats available you know.

>Jack: Fuck boats, I just want my sword-arm free. I'm gonna go down fighting this thing. Who knows, maybe I'll crit everything, and pull off a victory.

Okay, the boat rows away safely, and as Jack gets his cuffs off the ship begins to list to starboard-

>Jack: Which one is that again?

It's right, the ship is tilting to the right, and as your cuffs come off, you're greeted by the sight of the fang-filled maw of the Kraken. It lets loose a mighty roar, shaking the entire ship, and spraying you with foul-smelling mucus. Also, a black object shoots out and lands at your feet, upon closer inspection it appears to be a familiar Tricorn Hat of +2 Captaincy.

>Jack: MY HAT! Okay, I am totally fine with this death now. I put on the hat, insult the squid, then leap-attack directly at its face. *Rolls* 9?

You leap into the air with a tremendously witty one-liner, then sail into the fang-filled maw, and disappear with a wet crunching sound.

>Jack: Well, that's about as cool as deaths get. Did anyone see it?

No.

>Jack: Shit… Oh well. Guess it's time to roll a new character. Hey, is there any chance I could play the undead-captain guy from the last campaign? He's sort of the right level, right?

Ummm, actually we have a new player coming in, and he sort of wants to play Barbossa…
>>
>>45168764

Okay, it's late, and I'm sort of out-of-it. I'm going to hand off the torch to anyone else who wants to take a shot.

I'll swing back in the morning and see if I can't knock out a few more of the requested scenes.

(Do please tell me if these are getting old or aren't funny anymore, I'm shit at judging that for myself, and don't want to sit here typing at no-one)
>>
>>45168858
>Do please tell me if these are getting old or aren't funny anymore, I'm shit at judging that for myself, and don't want to sit here typing at no-one)

Dude, this is straight gold. No need to second-guess yourself.
>>
>>45168858
Dude 10/10. I'm freaking eating it up. Do you write books?
>>
>>45168858
Only problem I have is that I don't like the DM much, railroading git. But please continue when you have the time. We have plenty more ground to cover.
>>
>>45169386
Near enough: https://09cd64678bddc0198cca7fef0df8ce7b359fff2d.googledrive.com/host/0B3Z9sXPTD9rpN2owNGdVWmdFWXM/agp.html

>>45169444
Yeah, but look at what the poor git has to deal with! Jack is the embodiment of that non-existent saying: "Sufficiently numerous criticals are indistinguishable from magic."

>>45168897
Thanks for the kind words, I'll try to get another one out before I crash.
>>
Thanks m8
My drunk ass enjoys this as well as your DH tales.Please tell us more about AGP
>>
> Will: Will you just let me look at the map? I can read the map, right? I've earned a rank or two in seafaring?

No, Barbosa outranks you by quite a bit in this area.

> Barbosa: Damn right I do.

> Will: This is bullshit. First Barbosa jumps into the game and now we're fucking bringing Jack back? What is this shit? There better be a necromancer at the end of this, or I swear I'm walking out. Where the fuck is Jack, anyway?

Something about getting a snack, I think. Anyway, you -

> Will: I swear to god, if he's smoking a blunt right now, I will kick his ass.

> Elizabeth: Can we just get back to the boat, please?

> Will: Yeah, whatever

Alright, so, Barbosa, you think you're coming close to your destination. *Roll* There's a dim roaring in the distance, and you can't see any land ahead of you. Anything you want to do?

> Barbosa: I tell the crew to full speed ahead.

Really? Alright. *Roll* The closer you get, you're noticing that the current is pulling your ship closer to - *Several rolls* - Ugh, oh wow - whatever's ahead of you. Any change?

> Barbosa: Nah, I'm good.

> Will: Wait, do you not know where we're going, Barbosa? Let me see that fucking map, give it here

> Elizabeth: Can we please focus on not getting sucked into whatever's nearby? Please?

> Barbosa: Hey, I told you, I got this. My seafaring rank is higher than yours. Fight me if you want it, alright?

*Another few rolls* Alright, finally. You and your crew finally understand that you're about to hit a big-ass waterfall. In the ocean. Elizabeth, you and the men succeed and turning the ship, but you are not slowing your speed. What do you do?

> Barbosa: Oh, well I wasn't expecting that.

> Will: What? I thought you could read the map!

I said his skill was higher than yours, not enough to read the map accurately. Roll for injuries. Barbosa, roll for the ship.

> Barbosa: *Roll* ...17, alright... *Roll* ...Ah, shit.

Not that anon, hope I did fine. Feels sub-par, but I've not writefagged before.
>>
>>45167386
Oceans 11 would be a great heist game I'd think. If this thread or another like it is up tomorrow I'll take a stab at writing.
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>>45150207
>THE CRABS FORM A GIANT WHIRLPOOL, SUCKING YOU AND THE FLYING DUTCHMAN INTO COMBAT RANGE, NOW ROLL.
That rail road
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>>45170315
Cool anon.
>>
Alright, Will, you've done pretty good. You've gone up and-

*doorbell rings*

>Jack: Mate, I'm here! Got my character and everything!

Oh god... hang on. Jack, you're two hours late.

>Jack: Traffic was awful, I had to cut two red lights to make it here before it was three hours. Anyway, who're these guys? New players?

Yes, they're new players... what's that in your hand?

>Jack: My character sheet for Captain Jack Sparrow, and his 50 page backstory.

Captain- NO! I've got a character for you, Commodore Norrington, and you're not bringing Jack to this table again!

>Jack: I've got the backstory to justify him coming to wherever the hell you've set this campaign.

Port Royal. An English port. Filled with Her Majesty's finest-

>Jack: It's the Carribean mate, they're fuck awful. Besides, here it is, everything, just look here, alright?

Sea turtles... you honestly think-

>Jack: The bit below that.

...oh. I see what you're doing there. Well, in that case, he's five levels lower and he's only on a small, leaky sailboat.

>Jack: I could hear the compromise in your voice, but I'll take it. I get to keep the hat and the compass, right?

FINE. WHATEVER. THE BOAT'S SPRUNG A LEAK.

>Jack: Touchy touchy.
>>
>>45170433
Congratulations, I read all those lines in Jack's moderately-inebriated voice.

The DM got to sound like Drew Carey, because that's what my DM sounds like.
>>
>>45169793
Barbossa has two s's
>>
>>45164259


Okay, Jack, you're looking at the map. Give me an insight roll

>Jack: What's an insight roll?

Just roll man, I'll handle it.

>Jack: 15?

Okay, you realize that the map is telling you that the ship needs to be upside down to cross into the mortal world.

>Jack: I tell everyone else that and we start moving cargo.

Hold up there, you're at like -7 SAN. You keep talking to yourself, and licking rocks, and other shit. No one would believe you.

>Jack: Okay, I leave the map-puzzle how I left it, and tell everyone that I see something on the left-

>Barbossa: Port.

>Jack: On the port side of the boat.

Umm... everyone runs over the rail to see what you're yelling about...

>Jack: As soon as everyone is at the rail, I yell about seeing something else, and run to the other side of the ship.

Okay, I see where this is going, good idea. Barbossa, Give me an insight roll.

>Barbossa: 11

You look at the map, and realize that Jack's trying to flip it over because the map told him to.

>Barbossa: Do I trust the map?

Well it got you to the nautical equivalent of hell without any problems-

>Will: We lost our ship and half the crew!

Without and SERIOUS problems, and please don't interrupt unless you're actually doing something IC.
>>
>>45171177

>Barbossa: I start running back and forth to help with Jack's plan, and tell the crew to cut the cargo and cannons loose, so it can rock with us.

>Jack: Wait, I thought I was Captain, it's my ship right?

You can sort that out later, for now, all the crew rush to do as Barbossa orders. The ship starts to list severely on every swing. You guys are sure about this, right?

>Will: Wait, "are we sure"? is Jack wrong about this?

>Jack: Too late! Over we go!

>Will: Shit shit shit

>Elizabeth: It'll work out don't worry.

The Pearl pitches over so hard that the keel comes out of the water, everyone give me strength checks to hold onto the rail.

*rolling*

Okay, you all pass, but one of the crewmen falls into the ocean-

>Barbossa: Shit! That puts us below optimal crew size.

And another catches the netting, but is crushed by one of the cannons you released.

>Jack: HA!

>Barbossa: Whoops, my bad.

>Elizabeth: You just killed a man and the best you've got is "whoops"?

>Barbossa: He was a pirate, probably raped a bunch of nuns or something, totally had it coming. Anyway, it's four more before we drop to the next level of crew efficiency.

>Elizabeth: When did this become an Evil campaign?

Probably at the point where you handcuffed Jack to the ship and left him to die.

>Jack: SICK BURN!

>Will: Oh shut up.
>>
>>45171215

Anyway, the ship flips over, leaving you all submerged and hanging to the railing. Everyone roll endurance

>Jack: Wait a second, how close to sunset were we? Because I sort of started this on the assumption that we only had a minute or so left…

Congratulations, you aren't a complete space cadet, I award you -2 to the opposing roll on your breath-holding endurance check. So you just need to beat a *rolls* negative one...

>Barbossa: Well, that went better than expected.

>Jack: HA! Eat it ocean.

Okay, fine, there's a flash of green light, then the gravity shifts and suddenly all the water rushes down past you. Congratulations, you're back in the mortal sea, and you now need to decide where to go next-

>Jack: I HAVE AN IDEA!

>Barbossa: I point my gun at Jack before he does something stupid.

>Jack: I point my gun at Barbossa!

Oh here we go again...
>>
>>45171215
>>Elizabeth: When did this become an Evil campaign?
>Probably at the point where you handcuffed Jack to the ship and left him to die.

That's just wonderful. And mostly true to the movies
>>
Okay, I'm out for realsies this time, will return in the morning and keep writing until the thread actually dies.

>>45171251
I like to imagine that Will gets butthurt over every time someone calls Elizabeth out for being a bitch.
>>
So /tg/ plays and directs Pirates of the Caribbean?
Can we get screencaps of this win?
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>>45150798
>new movie
wait what?!?
I mean, 4 was at least a marginal improvement over 3, but for fuck's sake, it's super dead by now
>>
>>45171345
They've figured out the formula now, this one will just be Johnny Depp drunkenly sword-fighting for two hours, with about 30 minutes of break time split between semi-witty banter and titties.
>>
>>45171345
Basically not long after 4 they decided to do a big final movie(s) in the franchise, which has/have actually I think finished shooting by now. I forget if they're going to do one or two but if it is two they shot them together making the franchise basically Standalone that tentatively ties into a Duology, followed by a standalone which will...tentatively tie into a duology again.

Either way, it is set some time later and has an older Jack and probably will revisit the end of an era theme from the last two movies. There'll probably be a trailer soon.
>>
>>45148242
The world needs more like Darths and Droids.

Although fuck all'a y'all, I love the Pirates movies, even the fourth one. Davy Jones is an amazing character and Bill Nighy probably spent time between takes cleaning the chewed scenery out of his teeth.
>>
>>45171426
>>45171426
You and me both. They're junkfood. Not something I want to have all the time, but once in a while is a nice treat.

Except Barbossa. I want more of him. Like a movie of just him.
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>>45168764
>Tricorn Hat of +2 Captaincy
Oh my god
>>
>>45162254
Same. They get pretty convoluted by the third one but they're so comfy and fun.
>>
>>45164366
The Kanjiklub scene is classic player shenanigans.
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>>45164366
The GM for TFA is actually Sally, with an all-new group
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>>45171587
That's adorable.
>>
The best part of this method of film analysis is that literally ANYTHING unrealistic or out-of-character can be explained by Player Error.
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>>45170433

Alright, okay. I've calmed down. Your small ship is taking on water. What are you going to do?

>Jack: What do you think I'm going to do, I'm going to bail water.

It's a pretty bad leak, you'll just about make it to port if you keep bailing. As you're sailing in, you see that there's some corpses hanging in the breeze, with the sign 'PIRATES BEWARE' hanging in front of them.

>Jack: I salute them and sail on in. By the way, I'm going to roll for stealth.

You... you literally just put your dice face-up on a one. That's... roll that properly.

>Jack: No. I'm going to stand on the mast as my ship comes in on the nearest dock. Now, are they all looking at me?

Well, you failed your stealth roll, so... alright. Yes, they're looking at you. Happy?

>Jack: As my ship sinks, I extend a foot out and step onto the pier. Then I continue forwards. There's probably some ship around here I can steal and get these two somewhere interesting.

The dockmaster interrupts you. 'It's a shilling to tie a boat up at dock.'

>Jack:...it's sinking mate. Said so yourself.

Rrr... alright, he looks at you. 'And I'll need to know your name.'

>Jack: I put three shillings into his book and say, 'how about three shillings, and we forget the name.'

I'm going to roll to see whether he hauls your ass off to the fort. *rolls* God damnit. Well, he takes the money and says, 'welcome to Port Royal Mr Smith.'

>Jack: Is there a pouch of money nearby?

Yes.

>Jack: I steal it, how much's in there?

*roll* 5 shillings. You asshole.

>Jack: Right, now about that ship, I'm going for it. Where're the shipyards on this rock?
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>>45171712
Forgot the picture.
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Ok, screencapped all of this. Noticed some people did similar.
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>>45171794
Are you going to edit them so that they're in the proper order? Gets a little confusing when you have several people doing different scenes at the same time.
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>>45171828
I may have to go through it again in order to do that, first I need to stitch a few together that we too big for one image. If someone wants to do that more than me, I can just post them up on an image hoster that does albums. I haven't seen the movies in ages, so my own memory of chronology in the movies is terrible.
>>
This is amazing.
We should do it every week with different movies or something.
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>>45151431

You know that guy who is a faggot who keeps ruleslawyering every little nuance but knows how to play the game instintively and would take out a huge chunk of the story (and motivation behind everyone else) if you suddently booted him? Jack's that guy.
>>
I know it's minor, but can somebody write out the scene where Will is checking out the governor's house and breaks the candle holder?
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>>45146238
>implying
There are people on /tg/ right now that have never read El Ingenioso Hidalgo don Quijote de la Mancha or maybe they read a shit translation that guts much of the original's bulk and/or writing style.
You know what let me do you faggots a favor, download both volumes of these ebooks and fucking read this shit already.
http://www.gutenberg.org/etext/5921
http://www.gutenberg.org/etext/5946
>>
I know imgur is typically frowned upon, but here's my attempt at screencapping the thread's contributions: http://imgur.com/a/856kb I've grouped them by the story and then by the order they appeared in the thread.
>>
>>45172100
If an Anon can organize the groups of stories by how they appear in the films, that'd be based.
>>
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On a slightly different note:

Alright, Darwin, make a spot check.

>Darwin: 15.

Good enough. You see your animal companion reaching out to grab something in the air.

>Darwin: I call for him to climb-

Suddenly, you hear a gunshot. You see Wallace falling, his chest wet With blood.

>Darwin: W-what?

As you cradle the monkey in your arms, you-

>The Italian: Dude. That was a fucking dick move.

What? I'm trying to ramp up the stakes for the finale.

>The Indian: Oh geez, Darwin's crying.
>Darwin: [Bawling] Wallaaace!
>The Italian: This is about your ex again, isn't it?

No off-topic conversations.

>The Italian: God dammit, Roy. Stop fucking venting in our games. You keep fucking doing this shit.

Fuck you! I'm not venting!

>The Indian: You description of the big bad is an exact insert of the guy she's dating, you asshole.
>>
>>45172440
I love you if for no other reason than the fact that you know The Fall.
>>
this whole thread reads like we're on a journey to discover how a once hopeful GM got his soul crushed by That Guy.
I love it.
>>
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Why has no one suggested the final escape scene at the end of the first movie? GM reads off samples from Jack's 50 page backstory, some more ridiculous rolls to escape and trip, hilarious escape by Jack via cliff. Fucking do it writefags!
>>
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>Ian: I stride towards the troll, my staff raised, and ready a Lightning Bolt.

Roll for it.

>Ian: 9! Now, for damage-

Not so fast. You forgot to subtract your attack score due to using Radagast's staff? When you try to cast, your staff fizzles out.

>Ian: Wait, what? Pete, there's absolutely nothing in either the rules or fluff that supports that. I've read the core. Magic doesn't fucking work like that.

It's a house rule.

>Richard: How's the troll standing around anyway? I thought trolls got Petrified in sunlight? It's early afternoon too.

Uh, it's a different breed. Anyway, the troll swings it's club down at you, Ian.

>Ian: Made the dodge save. The staff shit is still retarded by the way.

>Ryan: I climb up the catapult to hide.

Roll for it.

>Ryan: ... 1. Shit.

Crit fail! Let's see... You lose your grip on the catapult. As you attempt to re-steady yourself, a single coin falls out of your stuffed bosom, triggering the , launching you straight into the troll's gullet.

>[Whole group]: Wait, what?

Alfrid is instantly killed. Fortunately for Ian, the troll begins to choke on his corpse, and collapses to the floor. I believe the damage actually finishes it off, too.

[The whole group is struck completely dumb]

>Martin: Can I do anything yet?

No.
>>
>>45172893
>>Martin: Can I do anything yet?
>No
Be still, my sides
>>
>>45172893
Suddenly, you all hear the sound of a dwarvish war-horn. A massive row of heavily-armored dwarves appear over the horizon, lead by a majestic dwa-

>Ian: Wait, what the fuck is that mini?

Dain Ironfoot, leader of-

>Ian: That's the worst paintjob I've ever seen.
Martin: Wait, is that an Orc Boar Boy? It's even mounted on a boar and everything.

Look, Richard already borrowed my Dwarven Noble for Thorin, and all I had on hand was old WFB minis, alright? I got creative.
>>
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Wait, so you're ALL playing teenage mercenaries?

>Rinoa: No, I'm a teenage resistance fighter!

Wait, what's your class again?

>Rinoa: Beastmaster. I have a pet dog named Angelo, and I teach him tricks, and-

Wait, so your main method of attack in a world teeming with monsters is a PET DOG?

>Rinoa: Yep!

What about you?

>Squall: Fighter. I took the Gunblader Prestige Class.

I told you that you can't take it at level one!

>Squall: Sure I can, I dumped charisma AND took a bunch of social flaws to balance it out. See? Oh, and here's a picture.

"sigh"

>Zell: I'm playing a happy-go-lucky Monk!

Well nothing wrong with that. Next?

>Selphie: Cheerful Transfer Student with an oversized Nunchaku!

>Zell: Wait, is that Core?

I approved the splatbook, it's fine. Class?

>Selphie: I Multiclassed Gambler and Wizard.

Alright... But the magic system is different in this game, so I'll have to alter how your character works a little.

>Selphie: Got it!

>Quistis: I'm playing a Sexy Teacher with a Whip!

>Irvine: Heheheheheheh.

Dammit man, stop injecting your fetish shit into every game.

>Quistis: No, it's legit this time! She's a Fighter with the Monster Mimic ability.

>Zell: I looked over his character, he's playing her realistically

I did approve that Splatbook... Fine, but no Magical Realm Bullshit.

>Quistis: Deal

>Irvine: I'm playing a Marksman/Bard, with a shotgun and a sniper rifle.

Okay. Let me make this abundantly clear. Monsters in this setting are completely mindless, and if you try to seduce one, it will rip your dick straight off.

>Irvine: How do you I'm not into that?

Dude...

>Irvine: It's fine, I've got a short write-up of his backstory and personality. It's on the level.

Wow, this is pretty good. Mind if I make some changes to help it fit in with the story? The other kids from your childhood, for example?

>Irvine: Sure.

Alright, seems like a solid group. Let's do this.
>>
>because playing paradox games without something to watch is unimaginable

you watch the screen
make sure that once the blob-of-the-week starts getting carved up by the other great powers, you get a piece of something too
>>
>>45173158
>Wow, this is pretty good. Mind if I make some changes to help it fit in with the story? The other kids from your childhood, for example?

Fuck. I love this thread.

>Squall is a minmaxer completely devoid of interest in RP and the plot and just wants to fight whatever the GM presents.
>The GM keeps giving him more and more plot relevance and importance to try and coax him into RPing more despite him not wanting any of it.
>>
>>45173158

>Oh, and here's a picture.

My sides.
>>
>>45173158

So is Seifer the DMPC or is he a PC who made a character alongside Squall to compete with him at who could be the best, showed up for like the first three sessions, and then bailed on the campaign, forcing the DM to turn him into an NPC and then having him show up every now and then despite his increasingly irrelevent status in the plot?
>>
>>45173445
He's a DMPC the GM built as his counter to Squall's min/maxing.

It doesn't work.
>>
>>45173470
He really ought to have learned his lesson with Cloud
>>
>>45173497
Yeah, but after Squall he learns his lesson and makes Zidane and Tidus, when he gets into a relationship with Rinoa's player.

FF8 in RPG form is the story of how Squall's player learnt to roleplay.

Also how am I just now realizing that 3/4 FF games in a row are love stories
>>
>>45173542
Well I suppose at least Cloud's player learned to RP right at the end, even if he was still hilariously OP, so he might have been thinking along those lines.
It's probably where he got the idea of rewriting the backstroke a from too.
>>
The biggest mistake their GM keeps making his letting his players make characters seperately while leaving him to figure out how to throw them together as a group
>>
>>45173634
The GM's pretty lenient most of the time. Character death's so rare that when it does happen, it's a shock.
>>
>>45173656
>Tifa NOOOOOO
>.....
>Well shit, time to use one of those Phoenix Down's we've been stockpiling
Nope
>What
Doesn't work. She's dead as dead gets
>What the shit is this railroading bollocks?

You know, this interpretation gives me a lot of respect for Cloud's character, most other PC's would crash the campaign in revenge for that kind of bullshit
>>
>>45173682
I always figured phoenix downs were powerful healing items, and that ordinrily "defeated" characters were just mortally wounded, not actually dead.

But eh.
>>
>>45173682
>>45173698
To be fair, the Phoenix Downs only revive unconscious people. When you're at 0 HP, you're just KO.

Aerith's player took over as the disposable DMPC that had been with them for a while
>>
>>45173682
Phoenix Down revives from KO, not death. How has this series been around for well over two decades and people still don't understand this?
>>
>>45173682
It's especially bullshit given that Cait Sith's character bullshitted his way past a character sacrifice.
After banging on about how he was going to redeem himself all that time, pissing Tifa's character off with the "last prophecy" and then going in to die, he just Waltzes back in at the worst time possible?
What a nobhead
>>
>>45173682
>Implying Cloud isn't salty as fuck for the rest of the campaign, but sees it through to the very end, only to take on the GM mantle and run FF8 for the previous GM.
>>
>>45173706
>>45173712
People have been confusing 0HP for death since AD&D first came out
>>
>>45173731

Considering that being stabbed, shot, bludgeoned, sit ablaze, frozen, poisoned, doused with acid, zapped by lightning and hit with meteors rarely results in simple unconsciousness?

Kind of understandable.
>>
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>>45173748
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>>45173716
>rewrite the backstory for me and Tifa, eh?
>payback time, asshole
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>>45173682
OK guys, as Professor Hojo is speaking, a large glass cylinder elevates from the floor. Aeris-

>Aerith!

Whatever. Anyway, she and a red furred creature are trapped inside

>Barrett: I point my gun arm at hojo and intimidate him into letting them go...4. Fuck

Hojo ignores you, wittering on instead about how he'll save two endagered species by breeding them together

>Aerith: WHAT THE FUCK

>Cloud: What did I tell you about your magical realm bullshit, man?

>RED: Don't look at me, I didn't come up with it!

>Barrett: Sod it, I shoot at the glass

>Aerith: you realise I'm still in here, right?

>Barrett: You'd prefer the alternative?
>>
>>45174659
Beautiful

Okay guys this should be a thing. Writefags make your favorite media into a ttrpg
>>
>>45174744
The Original Series of Star Trek would be good to see done like that.
>>
Taking scene requests again. Gonna see if I can't keep this up until we hit the post limit.
>>
>>45175827
For POTC or anything?
>>
>>45175920
Ummm, I'm going to be limited by whether or not I've seen the same movies as you, but otherwise, sure, any movie.
>>
>>45175955
Does it have to be movies? I had my eye on >>45175664's idea there.
>>
>>45175955
I'm tempted to ask for something out of Harry Potter movies.
>>
>>45175964
I don't have perfect recall of the old star-trek series unfortunately, but if you can provide a youtube link to the scene you want, I should be able to take it from there.
>>
>>45175981
Ask away, I'm familiar enough with those.
>>
>>45175998
How about a scene from the first movie? Anything really.
>>
>>45175998
Party entering the Chamber of Secrets and their fight against the basilisk if you don't mind.
>>
>>45175998
>>45176046
The actual starting point of the first session: The Hogwarts Express.

Ron's been around /tg/ shit all his life because his parents are into it so he takes everything for granted and doesn't understand that his parents' houserules aren't official.
All Hermione knows is from lurking /tg/, she's never actually played a game but she's read all the rulebooks and she's shit at RP but thinks she's good.
Harry is a normie jock.
>>
>>45176051
>>45176188
Okay, writins
>>
>>45175827
Do one for Conan the barbarian.
Battle of the mound or where they break into the tower would be great
>>
>>45154301
I fucking knew it was Shoggy! I hail thee, demigod of writefags.
>>
>>45175998
Harry and Hermione on their time turner jaunt. Or when they tricked Umbridge into the forest. They get a lot of solo adventures Ron doesn't get to do
>>
>>45176384
That's already been done. I wish I could find it again, but it was one of those screencap comics like Darths and Droids. Problem is I read this shit years ago so fuck me if I remember the name to google it.
>>
>>45177823
Bloody Nipple Saga. It was pretty great.
>>
>>45176188

I think that's it for the backstories, let's get this started

Ron: Does anyone else feel like Harry's was just a little longer than everyone else's?

Look, I was going to work the whole Lord Voldemort thing into one of your pasts, and Harry showed up with a backstory that consisted entirely of, and I quote here: "Orphan, raised by bitter magic-hating relatives". I had to fluff that out a bit. I mean, he didn't even given them names...

Harry: Sorry, no one told me there was some sort of of two-page minimum for this stuff.

Ron: Yeah yeah, our bad, it's your first game and all that, I was just sort of worried that your character is getting a little mary-sueish.

Harry: Huh?

Hermione: Don't worry about, I'm sure things will work out, can we pleeeease get started? I have my whole introduction planned out.

Okay, you all board the Hogwarts Express. Harry, what part of the train are you sitting in.

Harry: Ummm, the middle?

No, like what group are you sitting with? Are you with the other first years, or one of the house related carriages, or do you tag along with the Prefects?

Harry: The who or the what now?

*sigh* Did you read the setting notes I sent to you?

Harry: …no?
>>
>>45178903

>Ron: It's okay, I've got this, and Harry not knowing how stuff works sort of makes sense in character: he's only known that magic even exists for like a day and a half. Let's say that my family and I ran into him out on the platform, helped him through the invisible wall and stuff, and then got seperated for a while until I find him sitting alone in one of the empty carriages, and ask if I can join him.

Okay, sounds good to me. Harry?

>Harry: Huh?

>Ron: Can I join you in the carriage Harry?

Harry: Oh sure.

>Ron: Right, I come in, introduce myself, and ask if you're really THE Harry Potter and have the scar.

Harry: Wait am I famous? I thought you said the Voldemort thing was a mystery-

Hermione: You've really got to listen more. Why Voldemort died when he attacked you was a mystery, but everyone knows who you are, just not what you look like.

Harry: Sweet I'm famous AND rich. Speaking of, is there anything I can spend my money on here?

It's a train, so not really. I guess there's a cart with snacks for the kids.

Harry: Cool, I buy everything on it, and share it with Ron because he's poor, right?

Okay, you spend eleven sickles on a giant pile of candy, and the two you gorge yourselves as the scenery flies by. Ron, I'm assuming you're filling harry in on the basics of magic while you travel?

Ron: Yeah, and I demo a spell for him to prove I know what I'm talking about. I'm assuming I know everything in the Cantrip category?

Actually no, they don't let you do magic until you get to school, so you haven't learned any actual spells, but if you want you could attempt a random one based on imitating what you've seen your family doing.

Ron: Okay, out of 20? *rolls" Ha! 1.

Hermione: Wait! I want to be here for this! I come along the hallway looking for a toad that one of the other students lost, and look into their carriage right as Ron casts the spell.
>>
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>>45178903
>>45178975
>>
>>45178903
>>45178975
Sorry, I don't know how I managed to fuck up the greentexting...
>>
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>>45178975

You all watch as Ron announces his intention to turn his pet rat yellow-

>Hermione: OH NO.

-mumbles a chant about daisies and jabs his wand at where his rat. There's a little flash of light and the candy wrapper the rat is chewing on shoots off, but nothing else happens.

>Hermione: What? I thought the rat would explode or something, he crit failed right?

It was just a basic check, those don't crit or crit-fail.

>Hermione: Oh… Well, I'm here now so let me do my intro: I step into the carriage, and point out that Ron's spell didn't sound like a real one, and take my own wand out, then, since I've been studying my spellbooks during the trip, I walk up to Harry and cast Reparo on his broken glasses, that's a basic spellcasting check, so DC 5 *rolls* and I get an 11, so the glasses fuse back together and the tape that had been holding them together flies off, then I introduce myself as Hermione Granger and-

Whoa calm down, that's a whole lot of stuff at once, and you don't set your own DCs you know. This is just the intro, so I'm going to allow you to memorize the spell, and use it to fix Harry's glasses, but just this once.

>Harry: Wait, my glasses were broken?

>Ron: I think we might need to take bit of a break and go over the mechanics and backstory again man.

Yeah. Ron, you want to take everyone through the setting lore while I throw together a spell mechanics tutorial...
>>
Okay, I actually have to do some work today, but I'll try to knock out the other Harry Potter scene this afternoon.
>>
>>45146238

>are all better movies, but I honestly think that Pirates of the Caribbean

Can I just ask for an explanation why does so many people hate Pirates?
I'm not saying that they are all better than what he called before, just looking for some solid statements.
>>
>>45179185
because they started off silly and fun, then dived right into pants on head retarded for number 3.
>>
>>45177047
Ron's player gets married with kids and a real job between movies 2 and 3, and they can put a dampener on your hobbies like nothing else. Ol Rupert's wife is extremely jealous of Emma because she just doesn't get Rupert's hobbies and she wants to do things together
>>
>>45179185
also, in the first movie the first scene contains Norrington talking to child-Elizabethe about pirates.
Then story..story..story.. and we get to the "present" and bla bla bla. and he is hitting on her. It just seem weird, as if he has picked her when she was a kid to be his future wife.
>>
>>45146309
Or "The Sword and the Sorcerer".
>>
>>45171426
I've seen a ton of ripoffs.
Avengers.
One Piece.
Ponies.
Pretty fucking much anything.

Quality varies.
>>
Why does everyone say "I say 'X' " instead of just saying "X"
>>
>>45179041
>memorize the spell
>vancian magic in Harry Potter
Hope Joanne homebrews a better system
>>
>>45179433
To differentiate between the player talking OOC and the character talking to the people around him.
>>
>>45179433
Declaration for speaking IC.

Not like it's consistent anyway of course, but at least a sometimes token effort.
>>
>>45179380
Link 'em
>>
>>45179566
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/CampaignComic
>>
>>45179433
or some people may find it difficult to stay in character the entire time. Especially new players.
>>
>>45179607
>Larp Trek
FUCK don't remind me that that shit is dead, that premise was so cool
>>
>>45179607
>one piece campaign comic
>798 pages so far
>still not done with Arlong Park
Yeah, sounds about right.
>>
>>45178903
>I have my whole introduction planned out.

I want the player to be bitch smacked already. You do a good job channeling early Hermione to get that immediate of a response
>>
>>45179842
Hermione, while a loyal friend and someone worth knowing, has never, ever been someone worth hanging out with. Ron is the life of the party.
Which is, of course, why Ron's player is absent so often, and Hermione's player is nearly always there.
How do you think the players reacted to Book 4? It's practically a solo campaign.
>>
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>>45179607
>leaky d20

>Harry: who's going to pay for boarding school?

you are, you're rich. add 1000 GP to your inventory
>>
>>45179956
Leaky d20 is the shit.
>>
>>45179380
I recall the pony one actually kind of worked because of the serial nature of the adventures. One Piece too. Not sure how well Avengers would adapt to that format, given how it is a different movie style beast than Star Wars is (which was itself influenced by Flash Gordon which probably helped)
>>
>>45179944
>How do you think the players reacted to Book 4? It's practically a solo campaign.

"Fucking railroading son of a bitch"
>>
>>45178903
Not sure but for some reason this has reminded me of Wizard People, Dear Reader.
Not quite a campaign version of harry potter but more like Harry Potter as interpreted by some scatterbrained hippie.

It was made by Brad Neely, better known for Be Aggressive.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2XGp5ix8HE
>>
>>45180229
does the guy who gets to play HP try to bang Fleur?

would make total sense
>>
>>45179956
>>45180086
Holy shit I'm loving this.
>>
>>45179956
>>45180086
I want to read this but I can't seem to find a way to make navigating this not a pain in the ass. Is there a "next page" feature or anything? I'm not clicking on each page manually and opening them in a new tab.
>>
>>45180309
Never mind, I just found the not really optimally placed buttons for this.
>>
>>45180309
near the top of the page there is a prev button. the comic goes backwards from the archive, so you have to use it to get to the next article
>>
You know, Game of Thrones works quite well if you think of all the out of nowhere deaths as players getting tired of their characters and wanting to roll up new ones.

I'm thinking particularly of Ned, and how the GM is all set to send him off to the wall to have wacky adventures with Jon (the party split early and hard), but Ned's player decides he's had enough of him and convinces the GM to have Joffrey suddenly kill him off.
>>
>>45180086
>Infinite Gold.
>>
>>45180351
Reminds me of my last foray into D&D. Our DM was a cunt, and when my character got killed in the second session, I left.
>>
>>45179320

That's actually kind of sad.
>>
>>45180351
Or perhaps a GM running an open game at FLGS and killing characters whenever a player doesn't show up?
>>
>>45180469
Heh, imagine Robert's player going on holiday and coming back after a couple of months.
>>
>>45180438
That's life.
>>
>>45180086
>multi-class paladin wizard
>>
>>45179185

Because the first two were more of a fun, lighthearted, and simple swashbuckler story about a group of pirates and some cursed gold.

And by the time you reach the third movie it's almost three hours long, full of exposition, the story is convoluted, and the tone is overly dark and the humorous tone of the first two is lost.

The fourth one was absolute shit though, and I will vehemently defend that the third was better than the fourth.
>>
>>45180549
Well, he did derail the carefully planned session of political intrigue on the small council to go hunting, then crit failed his roll to hit the boar and got critted back in return.

>GM: Okay, well you're going on holiday anyway, so we'll say you're just badly injured, and you'll be confined to your bed for *rolls* 2 weeks. I don't really want to kill anyone in the first few sessions

>Bran: Sure didn't look that way when your asshole DMPC threw me out a window...
>>
>>45180669
Ya..but it would be like defending shit vs shit with corn.
>>
>>45180692
Actually, all of GoT (or aSoIaF) would be great in this format. Imagine the Red Wedding.
>>
>>45180697

Look, would you rather eat a turd, or a turd that I salted for you?

I never said it was good, just better than the fourth movie. And I hope Penelope Cruz stays stranded on that island because there was absolutely zero chemistry between her and Johnny Depp.

Captcha, it isn't my fault I can't see what's in the far background of a picture half the size of a postage stamp.
>>
>>45180133
One Piece is super good for this shit. I can't tell if Luffy is the best or worst type of player.
>>
>>45180727
>Robb: Is THIS what you guys have been passing notes back and forth about? FUCK YOU!
>>
>>45181504
I wonder what Ramsay's player would be like. Or Cersei's.
>>
Because no one asked for it.

I present: Mass Effect.

Okay guys, just got a call from the others and they're running a bit late but they said to start without us and introduce them whenever possible.

>Kaidan: Sounds good, been a while since we've run a sci-fi game.

>Jenkins: Yeah man, I can't fucking wait! Being Marines in Space :^) sounds fucking awesome! You're a marine too, right?

>Kaidan: Nah, I'm a tech specialist with a dip into psychic powers.

>Jenkins: Woah woah woah! Psychic powers? This isn't going to be another caster edition, is it?

No, no. It's all balanced, trust me. Besides, the multiclass prevents it from getting out of hand.

>Jenkins: All right, fair enough.

You've both read the setting info I gave you, right?

>Both: Sure. Yeah.

Okay then let's get going. So, you've arrived at the human colony of Eden Prime with the turian Spectre Nihilus on board the brand new, top of the line, Normandy (the first human ship designed in-part with another species). On entering orbit, you intercepted a transmission that the colony was under attack by forces unknown so you're going in as a squad to investigate. The squad will be led *pulls out a mini* by the ship's Executive Officer. Meet Commander John Shepard.

>Kaidan and Jenkins both roll their eyes at each other.

>Jenkins: A DMPC? Really? You gotta be fucking kidding!

>Kaidan: That's seriously uncool, man.

Hey! Hey! Relax! He's just here for combat since there's only two of you right now, don't worry. It'll all be fine once the rest of the group are here.

>Jenkins: You swear?

On my life, I swear. Can we continue? Okay, so... Captain Anderson wishes you all luck and your squad hops off the ship, ready to explore.

How am I doing so far? It's probably not great since I'm not used to writing in this style but it's a great exercise.
>>
>>45181603
Cersei would be the girl we hear about all the time on /tg/; the girl who's awful at the game, but she's there because she's hot and sleeping with one of the players (a new one every week).
>>
>>45181662
She is DM's girlfriend. Incredibly lucky rolls, gets all the attention, gets away with things and so on.
Then they break up in the middle of campaign and suddenly all her luck disappears.
>>
>>45181652
It's already an RPG, that's cheating
>>
>>45181652
>Shepard is the DMPC
well played there
>>
>>45181603
Ramsay and Littlefinger are both in a game to out That Guy each other through different means.
>>
>>45179607
This shit makes me want to do something for Supernatural as a Hunter: The Vigil game.
>>
>>45181917
>hey we've got a new player
>Hi, I'm Misha, I'm playing an angel
>...what the fuck is going on, Eric?
>>
>>45181955
>then by the end of it Misha and Jensen are fuggin'
>>
>>45181810
Littlefinger is literally the embodiment of PC plans.
>>
>>45182002
But his plans work.
>>
>>45180692
Robert didn't really crit fail his roll to hit the boar. He stabbed it in the eye and killed it, it's just the boar got very lucky too.
>>
>>45182147
So they both got crits and rolled different results on the big table?
>>
>>45181982
They try to keep it out of RP, but man is it obvious. GM posts here about how cringy and gay his two players are, then gets called out on all the female NPCs who never make it past a single encounter.
I really hate that fujoshit made its way into American fandom
>>
>>45182010
Of cousre not.
All his sucesses are just side effects of his much crazier plan that never worked out as intended.
The player probably wants to become Lord Commander of the Night's Watch, take over the Seven Kingdoms, turn them into the Seven Socialist Republics and then finish it of with the World revolution.
>>
>>45179488
>homebrew spellcasting mechanics added later
>this is why the spells go from spells to gunshots during the final movies
>>
>>45178975
What about when Hermione takes ALL the fucking class in year three?

Emma where did you get all the exp for these class skills?

>Hermione: Splatbook.

That's not an answer Emma.

>Hermione: No look see it's on page 513 of the Bedknobs and Broomsticks book and I requisitioned it through the academic funding rules in chapter 7 of the Ministry of Magic setting book.

Disregarding the utter lack of running any of this by me, you've still not explained Emma. What. Is. It?

>Hermione: Just a timeturner.

>Ron: Oh God in heaven no!

Damnit Emma!

>Harry: Uhh... What's the issue?

>Ron: The ender of groups! The White Horse of the RPG apocalypse.

Time travel bullshit.

>Hermione: It's not thought I followed the rules I've been applying the fatigue penalty and everything.

While telling no one!!!

>Hermione: Because I knew you'd react like this, but I can do better than all those guys in the green text stories.

You know what Emma! Fine! Since you're so clever we'll do it your way, see these campaign notes? Tomorrow I'm going to drive out of town and throw them in the river, then you're going to run and finish the game resolveing all of the plot threads.
I will play Lupin as a PC and have a wonderful time and if any of these things do not happen you are gone you got that?

>Hermione: Umm yeah, I'll started.

See ya! *SLAM*

>Ron: Man he is pissed can I take a look at that? Wait did you take Muggle Studies?

>Hermione: Yeah.

>Ron: You're from the muggle world!

>Hermione: Well yes but I didn't have any points in it!
>>
>>45183353
I really do like Hermione as a slightly-clueless powergamer. It just fits.

Anyway, thread's about dead. I'll see about building on the earlier anon's work and getting everything capped before it dies, and either dump it here or save it for another thread.

It's been fun guys.
>>
>>45182147
You're correct, it's been so long since I read the first one that I forgot he killed it. Mea culpa.



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