Meanwhile on dragon /tg/.
What are you talking about you are on dragon tg
I imagine custom dragon keyboards would both be large, bulky, and expensive.
>>44218475Dragon Han Solo dies at the end Dragon Star Wars
OUTTA THE WAY METALLIC FUCKING SHITS, CHROMATICS COMING THROUGH
humans are for ______
Just chatting about how scales and furries are completely different. I mean seriously, what about this picture is fluffy and furry?
guysI found an old scroll in my grandfather's graveI did what it said and now my body is falling apartNo I won't call a doctor
How come humanborn don't have tits?
>>44218762You're becoming a Dracolich. Fucking lucky bastard.
>>44218742Many things. If you've got more of a hide going on than a set of scales, some of them are pretty good at this hot oil massage thing they do sometimes.As a note, it's only really, "hot," if your body's not fueled by elemental fire or similar. It has a tendency to, uh, according to the one I've hired, "deep fry," their hands as they're working. He had pictures. It's not pretty.
>>44218742Fucking in the center of a orgy.
I want to put a legendary human in my campaign, but I'm afraid it's going to be jumping the shark. What challenge rating would Saint George have?
>>44219929Well no shit, but how high?I mean, come to think of it, the party is almost entirely Metallic dragons in-game. Saint George is lawful good, so I doubt they'll have a reason to fight him unless I pull some bullshit "evil saint" thing.It's actually so weird that they all decided to play metallic dragons. I feel like Tiamat is judging us every time we play the game.
>>44218978I hate to say it, but Georgius is at least demigod level. I mean, "Saint," is right in his name, and major religions take that shit pretty damn seriously. Check the book on making gods and demigods for whatever system you're using, and it should tell you about what it'll be.
>>44220179>inb4 -4 ChaStill mad Grry Gygaxialax removed that racial penalty "because it was racist", even though clearly those damn money lizards are ugly as sin. Shit, their plumage doesn't even differentially oxidise as it ages.
>>44218978Depends on what you're doing, but the E6 thumb-rule of "surpassing level 6 is roughly equivalent to surpassing humanity" is a good one. Assuming you want this character to be seriously legendary and can balance around them being so strong... take the highest-level NPC you were otherwise planning to use, up the CR by two, slap on the Saint template (assuming 3.5e), and go to town.
I am really glad Khans block had a good ending where all the dragons came back.It was really depressing before
>Tfw, playing mostly card games on my computer.
>>44220439>George>HumanAre you fucking kidding me? He probably could have killed Bahamut in his prime, with a little luck. That guy was fucking insane.
>>44218669Well they're already large anyway because they need to be sturdy for when Dragon gamers rage quit.You think human game systems overheat? Try literally breathing fire when you're pissed off because someone's cheesing you in your favorite game and spouting outdated memes over microphone chat.
>>44220798For Tiamat's sake, the guy's not just a human, he's a human SAINT. Humans are already kitted out to be high level boss style opponents what with their hundreds of equipment templates giving them any bullshit damage types and resistances the DM wants at the near drop of a hat, but this guy has divine levels too I bet.
>>44220884True. I mean, doesn't George get all kinds of crazy bonuses against evil dragons as well? I imagine he would, considering how he is typically portrayed in human lore.I remember my mom telling me stories about how George would come and slay me in my sleep if I was bad. Good times.
>>44220798>>44220439>>44220411>>44220265>>44220179>>44219929>>44218978>These fools don't know the real story of St. GeorgeSt. George didn't kill the dragon, he convinced it to stop eating humans.
>>44220835>outcheesing a dragon>who probably bankrolled the developers to make his favorite game>who got access to the beta months or even years before anymore else>who knows every secret, cheat code and game exploit by heart and then some that he personally implemented himself without the devs knowingYou sure we're talking about a dragon here?
FUCKING ADVENTURERS GET OUT OF MY HOARD ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAR
>>44220979>Implying you can get someone to stop eating humans.Their like chips, you eat one, it's nice for a second, swallow it, there's a momentary pang of shame and then nobody ever has to worry about it ever again. Save for your long suffering innards, that shit ain't healthy.
>>44218475So if a human got fat, would its fat go to it's stomach like a monkey?
>>44221009I don't like the taste myself, well, except royalty, but princesses are more a dessert than anything else. Usually less crunchy too.
>be me>human>sneak into dragon's lair>he's sleeping>creep up to him>he asks "another damn human after treasure eh?">tell him I'm after a certain treasure>asks me what>start rubbing his belly, tell him "your friendship and affection">get cuddled with all night, not allowed to leave because I'm now his favorite possessionhelp.
Okay help me out /tg/.A girl in my group recently came out as an anthrophile, made a big deal of it too. She's a red for anyone wondering.We were all cool about it but she's kind of pushing it. Her fighter she's running has a human npc husband that she carries around everywhere. They act all lovey-dovey and she spent all of her gear money on their wedding rings. This is during an extended campaign about taking down an industrialized human colony, and she doesn't have armor that can withstand cannons. It slowed us down when we were storming the walls.In the last session she started doing some weird shit, carrying him in her mouth, squeezing him, etc. and I'm worried she'll turn this into some kind of humie-loving magical realm garbage if it gets any worse. I mean I'm down for a virgin sacrifice every harvest or two but this is getting out of control.Any experienced GMs know how to deal with this?
>>44221049Buddy I hate to tell you, but that's even worse than normal humies. Royalty tends to be big fat bastards that are filled with sugar.>>44221048Fuck off skinfag.
>>44221068Tell her to either cut it out or fuck off.
>>44221077It's a guilty pleasure, I typically try to keep it at one princess a decade. Need to keep my figure and all that.
>>44221048Depends on the human. For women, it usually goes to the stomach, waist, butt, and chest as those weird, "breast," things that other mammals get only when they're pregnant or nursing their young. For men, yes, it goes primarily to the stomach.It also depends on their lineage; what would happen to their parents would likely happen to them as well.
>>44221068>a human npc husband that she carries around everywhere>NPC>as in, controlled by the GMHow did this happen?
I really hope my Bad-Human turns up soon, I've been wanting one for a few millennia now
>>44221109Why do you even know that? Are you one of those sickos that transform into humans and waste your time living through one of their lives? Ugh.
>>44221137>I really hope my Bad-Human turns up soon, I've been wanting one for a few millennia now>>>dragon/b/
>>44221150>Dragon /v/ literally has fire coming out of your screen when you click on it.This site has become real shit.
I don't see how you guys get together and play? Last time I went it was just a ruse by a large red to bait unfortunate smaller dragons to their doom. I was fortunate enough to not get eaten though so that's a silver lining
>>44220999Yes, so imagine what happens when some dirty human manages to, against the odds, do it anyways.
>>44221149Now, not saying I'm racist, but those Eastern fucks have some really weird fetishes.
>>44221170>Didn't get eaten.How would you even be posting if you did?
>>44221172It's actually happening allot lately, there's a entire damn steam group dedicated to pissing dragon's off, and their actually doing good.
>>44221170It could be worse. You could be playing Corps and Cubicles with Lofwyr as your GM. That shit gets crazy real fast.
>Player won't stop talking about their SUPER EDGY KNIGHT CHARACTERS WHO'VE SLAIN A THOUSAND DRAGONS WITH ONE HAND BEHIND HIS BACK>Fucker is min max'd to shit so it's almost impossible for me to knock him down a peg without screwing over everyone else>Now he's trying to convince one of my other players to use a Female Wizard he made after his character didn't survive my attempts to screw over Knight guy>And I know he's totally going to talk him into RPing gross mammal sex every night at camp to spite meFucking primatefags.
>>44218475I bet all you faggots just live in the back of your mom's hoard.
>>44221240Just flat out tell him to fuck off if it's bothering you. Rocks fall everyone dies style, say his character has a very sudden heart attack.
>>44221149No, the weird little hairless apes have done a lot of really weird study into physical traits being passed on along family lines. On one of my raids into the local town, I-Well, it's a bit embarrassing, but one of them got the bright idea to ram a cartload of black powder into me and toss a torch into it as he jumped off.I landed on my back in a bookstore, with one of my wings screwed up, and books caught or skewered on some of my spines. I managed to get out before their guards got to me, and acquired, in addition to eating some of their livestock and freeing several more and scaring them in the general direction of my lair, several new pieces of literature, among them a treatise on what they're calling, "genetics," and how it applies to, not just themselves, but to plants and other animals.The little bastards are weird, but you have to admire their ability to get a job done. Or, in some cases, to overthink something to the point of near-insanity.
>>44221225Lofwyr? Damn, that ancient blue still kicking around? He's actually the one that introduced me with some stupid far future module that included not only humans, but humans in big flying machines, like come on, it was already unfair when they could use healing magic consistently but this was just ridiculous.
>>44221276>one of them got the bright idea to ram a cartload of black powder into me and toss a torch into it as he jumped off.Nigga what? That sounds like something out of a fucking action movie, were you fighting against fuckin' pic related?
>>44221282I hear some guys have written whole settings about having those same flying machines, but the world is like an island in a sea of other world-islands, kind of like the difference between planes.And these machines fire force energy or something in red bolts, or 'photon' arrows.Who makes this shit up?
>Be me (young yellow)>Kidnap human wizard>He's doing weird shit with seer stones>Force him to amuse me by letting me look at other worlds>Almost all of them are boring>Except one>No magic>No elves>No dragons>No gods>Just humans>Humans have fucking crazy technology>Boats the size of cities>Bombs hotter than the fire of Tiamat herself, which move faster than the most swift wind spirits and can circumnavigate the entire planetI actually thought it was legit until I asked what this world thought of dragons, and he showed me some really raunchy pictures of dragons in chains getting raped.
>>44221134Shit got out of hand really fast.For context, my wyrm buddy (fucking amazing cleric, by the way) drew us up some really sick art, and he took on a pet wyvern somewhere along our last campaign. She sits on his shoulder and it's cute, harmless fun.This red, though, wanted a human pet after, which I allowed since his damage was laughable and he didn't talk much. Like a week later she came out and we all had a big "OH SHIT" moment.She's really touchy about the whole human thing and I don't want to scare her off, I mean she's been a great player up till now. It's just the last two sessions where things started to go dragonfruit. I'm hoping it wears off but shit is falling apart fast. I know she occasionally draws for /d/rakes and I'm worried we're going to see some humie vore or scale-play or something soon. I can't deal.
>>44221179>Eastern Dragons>Muh Honorabru>Muh glorious claws made of 1000 folded layers can cut though any eastern scalesI hate those camel faced fuckers
>>44221240What is that gif from?
>>44221346>I actually thought it was legit until I asked what this world thought of dragons, and he showed me some really raunchy pictures of dragons in chains getting raped.For your own innocence, stay out of Fafnir's hoard. You know the guy, ancient red... even if he invites you over for C&C, just... just stay away. You do not want to know what's in his book collections.
>>44221346Nigga, you got a cheap-ass seer, or some bard trying to pass himself off as the real deal so as not to piss you off.There are plenty of worlds like that.Some worlds even watch replications of other worlds on rectangular scrying glasses, but- get this- they don't actually know the other worlds exist, they just happen to write stuff that matches what actually happens in those worlds.Isn't that some weird shit?
>>44221331No, he looked about half-insane, though. Seriously, I round a corner at a dead run, chasing this upstart adventurer on a horse, amusing myself mid-raid, y'know? I skid into the turn and just stop. He's standing there, one leg on the side of this small cart, the other in the driver's seat, with no horse hooked to the front.There's two pairs of bright red painted wooden barrels in the back, and a few other miscellaneous casks of the stuff. He's holding a torch in one hand, and a rope in the other. A rope attached to a wooden block on one of the wheels.Before I can even react, he yanks the rope, and it starts rolling towards me. He's yelling something, I didn't catch it; something about the feeling of a horse hitch slamming into my neck made that, and getting any traction, a little difficult.Next thing I know, he's jumped off, tossed the torch into the cart, and then I'm on my back, dizzy, sore, one wing throbbing in that one way where you know something's broken, and covered in books. The rest is pretty obvious.
>>44218742cuddling, befriending, fattening up and eating.>there are dragons on this board RIGHT NOW who wouldn't use a human as a hotrockfamilicide yourself.
>>44221432Damn humans, it would be fine if they started to sequester themselves the more powerful they get, like how you never see two ancients in the same region together without them starting a fight, but no, they have to have some integrated society bullshit that turns a routine raid into a fight for your life from one of those damned adventurers.
>>44221387I think that's from pic related, actually.
>>44221402>Believing the "Muh technological supremacy" wizardsAre you fucking retarded, dude? Everybody knows that shit is super fucking fake. If it was real, why wouldn't the humans be trying to open up some kind of portal? I mean, we'd all be fucked if some of that shit stormed into our world.Nah. It's all made up.
>>44221480The problem with adventurers isn't that they exist, it's that they come in groups. If it was one at a time, it'd be fine; a knight that has his stupid little heart set on slaying a dragon is easy to kill. A knight being backed up by a healer, a wizard lobbing explosive spells, and a rogue that you didn't know was there until it stabbed you in the middle of the back? That's a lot harder, let me tell you.
>>44221514>Humans>Thinking with anything other than their nethersBruh.
>>44221402Infinite universes, infinite possibilities. It's weird but it's not that weird.
>reach into the bag for a succulent human maiden during a session>peel off armor, not really paying attention>aw yeah, blonde! score!>down her in one go>it's a fucking elf>a male high elfFuckers taste like apples and cabbage. Best gaming snacks? Pic related for me.
>>44221514Same reason you don't try to open a universe that leads to some form of fiction you like made real, it would be batshit to them.
>>44221532There's also sorts of weird sexual shit in that fantasy world as well, dumbass. At the very least they'd open a portal to get their hands on those "vibrator" things.Don't get me wrong, I'd actually love it if those worlds were real. Getting experimented on by scientists and then sexually tortured to death? Yes please
>>44221566Literally worse than deathwing.
>Be pen pals with an Eastern green>He decided to be generous and grant a wish to anyone who completed a fetch quest for him>A couple of centuries pass>He gives me a call>Turns out a bunch of people actually succeeded>Expecting their wish to be grandiose and worthy of a dragon's wish-granting capabilities>Nope>Some pig-man motherfucker just up and asked for a girl's underwearGoddamn skinbags, I swear to Kami
>>44221558>>Blonde score!My nigga.
>>44221276>>44221346>Shit that never happened: The PostThe seer's just butthurt about being captured and fucking with your head. They do that sometimes, you know. Not trying to turn this into dragon/pol/, but only the craziest skinshits think monkies could have developed fire on their own. IMO he's probably just trying to provoke you into killing him.
So I've been reading this really popular human book series about these kids at a wizard school and I was kind of getting into it but then the antagonist shows up. And his name was fucking "Draco". You know, I thought we were past this. If I can find a pen big enough, maybe I should write a book where the antagonist is a dragon named "Nigger" and see you all like it.>reading human booksHonestly, all the good dragon authors don't publish frequently enough for me to have a steady stream of reading material. Plus, it lets me know that humans still think terms like "draco" are still okay.
>>44221168>Not going to superior 8dragon where folks actually talk about vidyaFucking wyrm
>>44221610At least it's not another book polluted by the basilisk political agenda. I swear, we've been losing movie roles to those greasy fucks for 'muh equality'.
>>44221610See, this is why people who fetishize humans make me sick. If they weren't all such racist fuckwads I might be ok with it. They might have some good ideas but they're just abysmal.
>>44221585And there are so many of the different bastards that these monkies think it actually matters.>Pointy-ear monkies>Fat monkies>Tiny monkies>Green monkies>Magic monkiesThey talk about dwarven/elven/orcish/human pride and all that, but they're still just monkies.
>>44221643Hordr pls go.
>>44221585Well of course it was bullshit. No way that stuff exists. None of that shit is possible period, much less without magic.
Who /WYVERN/ here? :D
>>44221689Back to /b/asilisk with you. Come on, shoo.
>>44221699>>44221689Where da dragoness bootys at?
>>44221699mom sez I'm just as much of a dragon as you though u._.u
>>44221689Sorry if you have less then 6 limbs you can kindly fuck off. Maybe you can go hang out with your Lindnorm buddies in the mud faggot.
>>44221732#rude! stupid limbogynist bastard
>>44221732>6 limbsFilthy Terran detected.
>>44221732Hey man, maybe chill off a bit, it's not their fault they were born with a disability.
>>44221765>not having 5, in the image of our messiah and savior
>>44221766what the trick is that supposed to mean?? I am just as much of a dragon as you! humans call me dragon, fear me just the same and I can kill them just as well as you! fucking entitled prick!
Who /bahamut/ here?Fucking chromatic scum.
>>44221804I'm sure that's what she tells you so your wittle feelings don't get hurt.Face it, you 4 limbed degenerates arn't worthy of being mistaken for dragons. Go run along and find some humans who'll chain you up and rape you, that's all you're really good for at this point.
>>44221765I hate you and wish you were either dead forever or I lived in a less shitty universe
>>44221844Oh Tiamat, who invited the gold?
>>44221858I dunno man...
>>44221855He's probably a silver fag.Get out of here you shiny pieces of shit, I hope your scales rust you goody two shoe choir boys.
>>44221881That's why you go for Kill La Kill cosplayers.
>>44221851let's see what you have to say when I eat your fucking eggs bitch
>>44221689>>44221766I thought wyverns were just dragons that never had their wings split from their forelimbs post-adolescence, or something? Parents never explained this biology stuff lol>tfw tiny wings>tfw look like a wyvern from the wrong angle because I'm kind of short but my wings are totally separate they're just not very strong yet>tfw wyrmletI fucking wish I had some adventurers every once and a while, maybe some of them would actually end my suffering>>44221170I just found a possessive one who wasn't possessive enough to actually kill/capture her gamers. Whenever we show up she just kind of acts smug. It's at least partially an excuse to show off her hoard but those games are the only things that get me outside anymore
>>44221558I said it before, I'll say it again, princesses are a guilt pleasure...
>>44221915>I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I GRADUATED TOP OF MY CLASS IN THE NAVY SEALS!
>>44221904>not learning to love the taste of the store brand cosplayersI shake my horns family.
>>44221346What the fuck is a yellow dragon?
>>44221962I-it's a scale condition, OK?
>>44221962The entire story's just bullshit, next thing he's gonna tell you his mom came home after shattering some drow fucks ancestral gem collection.
>>44221732I was raised to believe that it wasn't the size or the number of limbs that make a dragon, but how much money is in his hoard, and how many fear or respect him.I mean, hell, I'm a crossbreed. Mom was a wyvern, dad was a wingless drake; I've got wings for hands and my tail constantly grows spikes that I can flick off harder than an arbalest. I can't breathe fire, but I can dismount a galloping rider from his horse from half-way to the horizon.I need multiple floors in my lair to store my entire hoard, and I live close enough to three settlements that they all know about me, but far enough away from all of them that they all have different stories about, and names for, me. Hell, one of them even thinks I'm venomous, and neither of the others has anything about that in their stories.
>>44221884>>44221855>"Look how cool I am! N-no morals! All that matter is my hoarde XDDDDD"Every single time I help adventurers, it's in the hopes that they kill you fucks
>>44221962Yellow dragons are a rare type of chromatic dragon that breathe saltThere's also oranges that breate napalm and purples that breathe lightsaber
>Be me>Be born with tricephaly>Mom thinks I'll be bullied because I look like a hydra, so I'm stuck living in her cave and treated like a fucking hatchling>Finally move out after three centuries>Everyone thinks I'm a fucking hydra>A cave dwelling hydra with wings, one mind, and none of that fire vulnerability bullshitI swear to Tiamat everybody is retarded
>>44221962I breathe sodium.Shit's kind of weird but it works pretty well. Fun to fight boats with—shit explodes on contact with water.
>>44222012What, aren't dragon enough to come here and do it yourself?
>>44221990FUCKFUCKCENSOR THAT SHIT
>>44221990DUDE WE DON'T WANT TO SEE THAT KIND OF SNUFF GORE SHIT OH MY TIAMAT
>>44222086Someone posted beheadedgreen.jpg, for the shock value.
>>44222063It wouldn't be a fair fight, motherfucker.
>>44221923You need to be 300 to post here, son.
mmm. dragon eggs sure are tasty
>be White Dragon>everyone calls me dumb>never took it seriously, but do some research and find out that a particularly clever human is smarter than meHow can I face all my friends?
>meanwhile on demon /tg/...
>>44222100At least you acknowledge your inadequacies.
>>44222123I'm 316, dammit!Seriously, nobody else had this when they were younger? I've thought about just forcing it but I don't want to damage the wing and wind up flightless forever
>>44222124Real talk, that looks fucking delicious.What is that and how do I make it?
>>44222141you wouldn't understand.>>44222144>another day of accounting work.
>>44221926>princessesI don't know how people do that. Kidnapping the alpha-females, I mean. They keep the bastards in hives made of rocks, for fuck's sake. I got drunk once and someone dared me to stick my hand in one that was crawling with soldier drones. Long story short, they stung the shit out of me and I didn't even SEE a princess. It took days to get all the splinters out.
>>44221929somone please do it
>>44222141If they were your friends before, then they're not going to stop being your friends, just because you found out that you're a bit on the dim side.Also, educate yourself.
So, I need some advice on dealing with a kobold tribe that's moved in near my lair. I've never had to deal with them before and I don't really know how to respond
>>44222149spice to taste.
>>44222160I prefer to just wait till something that looks like a princess comes out to go somewhere, then just steal the whole cart she's in.Worked last time.
>Be lovely black dragon with scales as sleek as ebony >Have a red cousin>Hear he has a new hatchling>It is a dragon born>Want to be happy for him but It doesn't even look like one of the ones that will develop wings given time. >Now I have to baby sit him in a week What is a good starting hoard for the whelps?
>>44222168Try to convince them that they should worship you, move them into your lair, and have them adventurer-proof it. The little buggers can be useful, if you give them the chance. And, hell, if the thread's climate is any indication, the fact that they're, technically, descended from Tiamat's oldest child, Kurtulmak, should be great for you.
>>44222149Well you see, when a boy dragon and a girl dragon love each other very much...>>44222147Hate to break it to you, anon, but you might be a lesser drake. I'm sorry.
>>44222190Reverse google image search shows that it's a fucking chicken egg he used.Not even edgy, trying to pretend to be edgy with a plastic katana.
>>44222188Send him a fruit basket! Everybody loves those!
>>44222188A small pouch of low-quality gem stones, uncut if you have them to spare. And by, "small pouch," I mean, like, maybe a dozen or so at most.
>>44222188Underscales or gtfo
>>44222199So what? Just open with a wingover and a lightning blast and see where it goes from there?
Fucking sky lizards, your bones will be powder beneath the boots of men, do you hear me!Also, do any of you know of a small (about the size of two horses) Red that calls himself "Gorinon the Mighty"? The bastard made off with an entire fucking cow in the middle of the night, and he will be the first victim in my grand genocide of all dragonkind.
>>44222160That's why you breathe into an opening.
>>44222162But the scores say I'm lower intelligence than all the other dragons! It's not my fault no wizard wants to move up north for me to steal books from!
>>44222262Oh great, a roleplayer with a human fetish.
>>44222267If the knowledge won't come to you, go to it. Get your friends to help you.
>>44222288I'm not a fucking dragon you overgrown newt, I found this stupid fucking device in an abandoned cave.
>>44222239I know they live modestly but that not even even enough to get a dwarf merchant interested.
>>44222262>humans>>44222312Sorta the point
>>44222267Have you ever considered going south for the winter and raiding?
>>44222264>breathe into an opening.Wouldn't that kill the princesses though?
>>44222312It's for a youngling. The fact that you're giving them anything will get their attention. And, besides, if you can teach them to cut and polish gems while you're babysitting them, they can make them more valuable, and in a few years you'll have access to something to make your own hoard more valuable if you ever need it.
>>44222320>>humansAnd what of it you fucking winged gecko? Last I checked, humans are the ones with an actual civilization, while you fucks just shit around in caves like fucking savages.
>>44222329They tend to be put in very protective rooms away from openings.
>>44222329Do it on the lower levels, they never live there. Try to find where the pokey ones live.>>44222333>we have civilization!!!11!!ONE!And what of it you fucking bald ape? Last I checked, humans are the ones cowering in fear and impotent rage against dragons.
>>44222351I'm just impressed he's able read, sounds like one of those filthy mud farmer humans.
>>44222351At least we have hair, you scaled fucks! We worked for all we have, built ourselves up from the fucking mud, but you lot are just "naturally gifted" to be barbaric multi-ton wastes of flesh!There's only room for one apex species, and it sure as hell isn't going to be fat fucking skinks.
>The only way a real dragon plays magic
>>44222374Yeah, can't only a few percent of them read? Pathetic.>>44222382You mud monkeys are naturally gifted to be a shit-tier nation of rats for all eternity. There's only room for one apex species, and it sure as Hell is the race of magnificent, flying, hyperintelligent reptiles.
>>44222298Most of my friends are pretty distant or impatient reds, and besides, I don't want to let them know I'm dumb.>>44222322Maybe - I heard it gets cold at certain times - but it'll be hard to find a wizard before it gets warm.
>>44222382It takes, what, 5 humans to kill a single dragon? Your best and brightest? And it's usually just a kid even. It takes 5 of your "greatest heroes" to kill one of our kids, and even then they might be shit out of luck.
>>44222419>You mud monkeys are naturally gifted to be a shit-tier nation of rats for all eternity.And yet explain how we're able to build grand citadels of stone and metal, some strong enough to kill the largest among you! It bust be a sad, sad day indeed with a fucking "mud monkey" is able to kill one of your kin!>magnificentYou're fucking naked, bestial, and an absolute disgrace to the concept of a sapient species. The fucking Elves are better than you!>HyperintelligentOh, by that you must mean "stealing and kidnapping human mages and scholars and their work" instead of doing your own fucking work!
>have a knight fetish>knights regularly attempt to defeat me>let them>they become uncomfortable once they realize>they leave in discomfort>can't get my rocks offwat do?
>>44222124>>44222149>>44222178>>44222262>>44222382>I'm totally a avenshurer hyuu-man>I.. I kill lots of people and eat babies all the time!>having hair is totally cool, just like my Eastern cave-drawings!>implying a monkey would even know how to use a computerI can hardly wait till spring so all these hatchling reds can go back outside and stop shitting up the board.
>>44222455Good thing we have hundreds, thousands, sometimes even tens of thousands with which to kill your overgrown fat arse! We don't even to need to use our swords to do the job, chucking a whole fuck load of rock right into your smug fucking face usually does the trick!
>>44222489Fuck off you overfed snake.
>>44222477We're just smart enough to not waste time on shit like construction or study. And yes, we are magnificent. What other word makes sense for a huge being that eclipses the sun with shimmering scales, able to swoop down at any point and end as many lives as we see fit?>>44222495So we get more snacks?
>>44222481Have you tried any charm spells?
>>44222481So, see, you find another dragon that's fine with your fetish and helping you get said rocks off, convince them to shapeshift into a human and wear some armor, then, well, I'd assume you don't need an abacus to do the math on that one.
>>44222514>What other word makes sense for a huge being that eclipses the sun with shimmering scales, able to swoop down at any point and end as many lives as we see fit?Disgusting.>So we get more snacks?Snacks that fight back you reptilian shit!
>>44222489>This is why I lair in the middle of the desert
>>44222481Put up more of a fight? Knights love it when you play hard to get.
>>44222531>snacks that fight backA little entertainment with my dinner is just what I like, actually. And what do you call a scraggly-haired lump of soft flesh that cowers in fear unless clad in metals? Disgusting and pathetic.
This thread really doesn't need to exist. We really don't need more dragon roleplay and nudge-nudge, wink-wink fetish undertones on this board.
>>44222556At least we fucking try to improve and better ourselves beyond our natural abilities! Let's see whose laughing when the next poor soul you consume goes down with a jug of Arsenic!
>>44222562>RoleplayThis isn't a phase- I'm really a dragon, dad.
>>44222577>arsenicLiterally wyrmling's first poison. You think I can't survive something as lame as that?>>44222562You're right, people who RP as humans and human fetishists should be b&
>>44221068>>44221351Had a Drake who was like that. Was all into the whole /s/oft/s/kin humie shit. Not implying that half the dragons at the table weren't but none the less we were all creeped out when he started talking OOG about getting a Rider.At that point we all had to stop the game and scorch a line. Once we talked to him about it he clearly explained it was something he read in some old Fantasy scrolls he found at the local atheneum, like real fucking old scrolls.He was always kind of a sheltered hatchling type, didn't go on the web much and certainly didn't go on 4drag nor /td/, but kind of knew about the fetishy droppings but at the same time wanted to do a serious take on it, like soul bonds from the Drakengard scrolls.Just flat out say that there must be a line that will be drawn. She goes on /d/rakes, great, keep it on there though. She still wants hot hummie dickings? Her only option is to keep it to non fetishy soul bonding. Otherwise, she can just /drp/ it on /d/rake or /b/ahamut
>All these people doubting that yellow about that human-dominated worldYou fuckers have absolutely NO idea. This really old Elven wizard decided to show me it after I killed his entire magical college. So I call him on his bullshit and tell him to open a portal. He does this whole spiel about how it would be impossible and how he needs all sorts of rare gems. Of course, I have everything he needs in my horde. The rarest item was a diamond the size of an egg. What self-respecting dragon doesn't have at least four dozen of those? At this point I was banging this other Red, about my age. It was always kind of a "wonder if I should kill her" kind of thing, but we lived pretty far from each other, so we weren't really in that much competition. Plus, I think the chance of betrayal made it hotter.So he opens this portal. I call her over, because I want to show those insolent whelps what real power is like.We barely terrorize one village when those guys roll up with some of the scariest shit I have ever seen. I swear to god, Tiamat would have fled if she saw the stuff they were throwing at us. And it was just two humans! One was black and the other was this older guy, both in those weird black dress clothes the humans wear to weddings. They had some kind of energy weapons. One of them clipped my companion's wing and she exploded into a million pieces. An ancient red, dead in one hit!I'm not even ashamed to admit that I flew out of there as fast as I could. The crazy part is, they chased me! They were actually mad at each other that they couldn't catch me. The weird thing is, they didn't call each other by name. They just used letters. Maybe some kind of cult of the men in dark clothing?I don't know. All I know is that I got back, destroyed that fucking portal, and murdered that wizard.So, you younglings. Don't get arrogant and go universe-hopping looking to prove how powerful you are. You'll liable to get your fucking head blown off.
>>44222577>Thinks I'm gonna go down to something as mundane as that
>>44222515that ruins the moodcharmed people can't into doms>>44222519shape-shifting doesn't cut it, its fakeness is to high>>44222555will try this
>>44222615>letting an elf send you anywhereWhat a retard.
>>44222602>You think I can't survive something as lame as that?We'll see how whatever our alchemisters are whipping up fairs! I bet you won't be laughing that disgusting laugh of yours when your guts are melting through your belly!I can't wait to collect the scales after the fact, they make excellent jewelry!
>>44222615>I let an elf send me to a high fantasy human worldWhy don't you go ask that old worm Fafnir why why you keep a sword that is a bane to your existence around?
>>44222624You could always engineer your own enchanting spell that pretty much just makes them want to dom you. It'll take some time, but hey, totally worth it in the end.
>>44222615Thanks for the tip, lizard breath!I'm going to let the local mage college know about this, and maybe they'll be able to bring these god-humans back to finally wipe your kind off the face of this world!
So I'm outside with some friends, right? We're just having fun, seeing how far we can knock cows by hitting them with our tails. Sure, it's kind of a hatchling's sport, but it's good to get outside once in a while, right?So it's me, another green, and our blue friend, trying to pelt these terrified cows and hit inside the city walls, when this rank fucking smell comes creeping over us.Turns out a new black dragon moved into the area, and he doesn't seem to know anything about personal hygiene. Smelled like death and decay before we could even see him. He came closer, and the smell was hitting like a wall, we were tearing up. He told us he was new here, asked if he could join us. Naturally, we told him to get lost.I get that you blacks live in swamps and all, but do you need to smell like shit? Do you cover yourself in fucking carcasses or what? Just take a bath or something, nasty fucks.
>>44222668Are you fucking retarded?You really think that they're going to help you? They're going to slaughter fucking all of us. Everybody. >>44222650>>44222635Yeah, I know, I'm retarded. Look, you fuckers haven't got bit by arrogance before? I mean, when you're as awesome as we are, it's easy to get a big head.
>>44222562Would you say the same thing if it was a 'meanwhile, on 40k /tg/' thread?
>>44222682>You really think that they're going to help you? They're going to slaughter fucking all of us. Everybody.It'll be fucking worth it just to see your putrid species obliterated! Besides, if they are as human like as you say, there's a chance they'll be friendly to fellow bipeds.Better to die than to live under the yoke of Dragon oppression!Also, I'm not going to lie, I really want to see how their magic works.
>>44222048My GM is going to host an ocean/pirate themed game, would it be powergaming to roll up a sodium breathing dragon?
>>44222695Those threads aren't a great improvement, but at least they're not filled with otherkin roleplaying and horrifying paraphilias.
>>44222714Yes. Seriously. I may be ugly as shit, but sodium breath in water is hilariously fun.
>>44222707If they've got an entire religion based on obliterating anything from outside their world, my guess is they are not going to help you; and may in fact turn you into a gooey puddle just for breaching their universe. At BEST
>>44221732>having six limbs>Not having four limbs with webbed feetStep aside pleb, sea dragon master race coming through. I've got three sunken ships and an entire sunken city's worth of treasure for my hoard, what have you and your westernshit kind got going for them?
>>44222722What sort of penalties do you think would be in order to make it doable?I mean it does make sense for a dragon to take advantage of his strengths.I assume a hefty charisma penalty?
>>44222670I had a good friend a few centuries that was black. I suffered a nasty wound early on in my life that pretty much prevented me from being able to smell, so we got along quite well. The answer is yes. They do cover themselves in rotting flesh. To them, that's actually a bath. They sleep practically up to their necks in a thick soup of swamp-water, acid, and decomposing organic matter. Gross as fuck, but hey, they seem to like it.
>>44222739Then we'll leave the fucking portal open and hope they take you out along with us!Have you considered that they attacked you not simply because you're not of their world, but because you're a fucking non-human?!
>>44222714Yes. Yes it would.
>>44222757You tell me Mr. Xenophobic Plebian
>>44222714>Not lighting every ship on fire>Not making it rain and then electrocuting them all
>>44222714That would be like asking to play a red in a setting where everything is made of paper.>>44222749>They do cover themselves in rotting flesh. To them, that's actually a bath.Now, I don't want to be chromist, but that shit is fucking nasty. It says something when any proper breed needs a fucking disability to be able to stand them.
>all these Dragons Fuck Yeah circlejerkers that refuse to accept they might not be the pinnacle of the universeTheres an infinite amount of worlds out there, it's pretty closeminded to believe there isn't a world where humans are stronger than dragons.
>>44221532>>44221514>>44221402>>44221346See that's the weird thing, I have a Hatchling brother who's one of those odd types, you know?Was always less into the domination hoarding thing and more or less had a wanderlust deal going on. Much like everybody else in my line but it was potent with him.During his travels he encountered one of those Gem drakes, those weird, freaky dragons that are more crystal than dragon, you know? Ended up meeting one with a Scryer who was experimenting on him, yeah, that kind of freak. Was using the gemstone in his scale to focus his magic, which made him able to scribe thousands of other worlds, more than any other Scryer can. Said that he stayed with them for several moons, watching these other worlds, but one he came upon was just like described. Only found one of them though. Said there was something seriously fucking wrong with the humans though, the Scryer had apparently been studying the world though, showed him a ton of his scrolls and notes on the world, siad it was because the Humans were thinking purely with their nethers that they were able to achieve so much.Said it was because of their desire to fuck everything, even the laws of nature itself, they had a completely mad view of how the real world worked, which only enhanced their vast innate magic, allowing them to invent all sorts of impossible things. The fuckers were able to invent all this "scientific" stuff because they thought that magic didn't exist, despite the fact that they themselves were using it.Plan to go visit them after the thaw. Because the thought that the only reason that they haven't invaded our world, is because they don't think it exists, sounds like a fantastic setting for my next campaign.
>>44222772I'm anti-dragon, not xenophobic, you worthless pile of scales.
>>44222744Huge Charisma penalty, but, honestly, it's going to be extremely hard to play a pirate game with a yellow dragon.You're really underestimating how big the explosions are.
>>44222749I will admit to not knowing any blacks. I do however, live sort of in the opposite climate
>>44222785>he hasn't hear of Fermirs paradoxIf there's so many great races out there, why haven't they contacted us? Checkmate, skinfags.
>>44222790That might work as an apocalypse campaign, but nothing else. If >>44222615 isn't bullshitting, you aren't even going to be fighting much. Just fleeing the entire time.If you run it, you're going to get a lot of magical realm fucks who just want to get killed by something stronger than them.
>>44222804Why contact something beneath you? Do you visit all your nearby human farmsteads? No, you only bother with the cities and larger villages.
>>44222783It's not really Chromist. Blacks are trying to be as terrifying to other creatures as possible, and that involves assaulting all the senses.I know a few blacks. We mostly communicate by scroll, for obvious reasons. Clever fellows, but, well, they assault my senses as well. Still, that doesn't make them lesser, just different.
>>44222820Couldn't some sort of horror/psychological terror game be interesting?See who manages to survive them the longest.
>>44222832>No, you only bother with the cities and larger villages.It's pretty comfy to raid some small, distant village, sometimes. They won't have time to ask for help, you can do pretty much whatever you want. You know, just take your time.>land in small village>they've only heard tales of dragons>demand tribute and an elaborate ritual, or else I will kill them>just make up shit as I go along, gets pretty stupid>they believe it, go through with the entire convoluted mess of a ritual, takes all day>i'm having a blast>they finally finish>scorch the place, no survivors
>>44222820>you're going to get a lot of magical realm fucks who just want to get killed by something stronger than them.Ugh, those fuckers are the worst, especially when they try to make shit sexual. I had the "joy" of knowing a chromatic that fought everything under the tiamat damned sun to try and find something that could easily dominate her in a fight since she got off on that shit. Tried her hand at taking on a pair of tarrasques which went about as well as you'd expect. I wouldn't have had too much of an issue with that if she had actually fled when she could rather than trying to get one of the tarrasques to mate with her afterwards. I didn't raise a goddamned claw when they started to eat her. Scary thing is; i'm sure being eaten was another fetish of hers.
>>44222714I asked my GM what the others had decided to play to see if a yellow dragon could fit in.Apparently my group consists of a half-black half-white whelpling (who is apparently 4000 years old and a vampire), a Sentient Chinese Water Dragon (I'm seriously not making this shit up. That's not even a dragon!), and this homebrew "sword dragon" race that apparently has claws sharp enough to cut through diamond dragonscales as easily as human fat and moves twice as fast as a chromatic dragon.I'm not sure if I should even continue with this game or if I should roll up said yellow dragon and try to drag everyone down to hell with me.
>>44222846You could do it. Fuck, I'd play in it. I've killed so many humans that it would almost be a nice change if they were hunting me for once. At the very least, it sounds kind of scary. I mean, you fight wizards all the time, and shit's easy. Imagine if you're fighting normal, boring, tasty humans with crazy technology. It feels spooky just thinking about it.
>>44222949Yeah, imagine if bows could kill you in one shot. Any human could be a potential death sentence. Drives a chill down my spine. We'd be extinct in a matter of months.
>>44222919Do it. Include a complicated backstory about how you're just trying to retrieve yer wee little gnome slaves for your hoard and you honestly give no fucks about collateral damage(as usual), cause this setting sounds absurd already.
>>44222949Sounds stupid as fuck, honestly. It would be like if cattle became the dominant race. There's fantasy, and then there's just plain stupid.This is the latter.
>>44222993>"Were me weeeh men!"
>>44222985At that point, we cut our loses and surrender. Better alive than dead, right? Maybe we could get jobs carrying cargo or doing financial work.Holy fuck that sounds so degrading. Thank god that's all just fantasy.>>44223007Humans are definitely a step above that. The more powerful ones can kill ancient reds, with a lot of luck and teamwork.
>>44222820I figured as much but I'm tossing around the idea of running a campaign where various races of dragon, wyrm and drake are aligned with smaller groups of these Humans in exchange for power and wealth.Sure the epic level humans are no doubt insanely powerful but imagine if you were to use their magic?So either I go full apocalypse or complete over the top impossible.Maybe its the fact that i'm mostly Brass in me that wants to do the latter. (Grandsire was actually a Brass, made things awkward between my dam and sire, redish brass, you really can't tell honestly since he more looks like a deep Red, and my dam who is a pure Iron, for a number of centuries after my hatching, when he decided to come see his new offspring)>>44223007Nah, it can be done right, you're pitting centuries, if not millennias worth of knowledge and experience against heavily armored and clawed, prey. Like Planer Dragons that somehow got stuck in this weird dimension who have to fight and hide against these Eldritch spawned humans. Obiously since you're RPing epic level Drakes, you're going to be a mite bit stronger and older than most of /dg/ so it could work out if everybody at the slab isn't a complete Kobold.
>>44223026>doing menial workNo, no, no. Here's what you do:You use your hoard (wait, keep reading) to buy a lot of human stores, farms and property, and just control all of that instead. Then, over time, you get back even more valuables than you originally had. Then you can use some of that hoard to buy even more human stuff. So you can still be a dragon, have a huge hoard and do whatever you like, but now you have humans doing all the work for you. No more raiding.
>>44222919>tfw sword dragon>go on board my pirate ship>feet so sharp they cut through the deck>try to regain my balance>my movement just cuts the ship apart>ship now in pieces, I fall into the water>try to surface, my limbs just effortlessly cut through the water, meeting no resistance>can't get up>drown>tfw sword dragon
>>44223043I think it works best if you just go full apocalypse. If you can use human magic, there's no way they're going to be a credible threat.>>44223061...Huh. That sounds like a really good idea. Has anybody ever actually tried that? Like, in the real world. That doesn't sound like a bad plan at all.
>>44223072Well obviously Humans got stronger forms of magic, as far as I know from my Hatchling brother, didn't mention much of it though, from what I remember, it was no exaggeration on >>44221346 's part.So maybe lesser forms of their magic if they perform a soul bond? Have to be seriously seriously careful with the fetish material that surrounds it but much of the ancient human/drake fantasy scrolls do use it as a way of empowerment. Which, lets be honest here, isn't that unsurprising considering the offspring of humans and other races mating, tend to have their nonhuman aspects oddly enhanced. So pit the collective against strong human magic but force them to interact with friendly humans? Maybe built up cults of worshippers who fight with them? Maybe even forge treaties with other countries late game to take down the larger human threats?Did meet one of those "Eastern" dragons who tried something like this, though. Manipulated weather in exchange for certain goods. Didn't demand human sacrifices so he didn't live too extravagantly but so long as he performed a slight weather change, some sun during the thaw, calm snow during the freeze, not on demand so they would be entirely dependent on him but enough where even as they got smarter over the generations, it was far smarter to keep him on their side because he also had the ability to destroy their crops for the year, completely ruining their lineage.Smart drake, but didn't get too large, nor that big of a hoard. Surprisingly stable mate though, but I think that's more because that's how they are over there, what with there being so few of them with the most powerful being of the Celestial level.
>>44222489heyHEYSHUT THE FUCK UP YOU LITTLE SHITWe paint with the clouds, we sculpt in the crash of waves. We weave epics amongst the skies and seas. We do NOT, as you claim, draw in caves like some filthy ape.
>>44223223You're right, you just go and destroy the entirety of your achievements when your "King" finds out his whore-mate also mated with his brother when he drank himself into a state of ape like intelligence.And they then proceed to wage war upon themselves for a few years, destroy each other's empires before one stands victorious... On a pile of dirt and ash with nothing to show for it.While we, the Elves, fey and when they're not hiding in the mountains, the dwarves, watch befuddled, wondering why the humans didn't learn their lesson from their last generation of spawn.I get you're not one of the long lived species but at some point, history has to stop repeating itself and you keep missing the point every what? Fifty years or so?
>>44223287What? I'm just sick of everyone saying that eastern dragons draw in caves.
>>44223287He thinks you're some sort of nearly-hairless mammal.
>>44223287>>44223308>>44223329Wait, I think there is some serious confusion here, missed the eastern drake painting it so it sounded like >>44223223 was a Hummie trying to justify shitty ape cave drawings with big words.Unfortunately have dealt with so many of those human superiority shit posters over the centuries, both in and out of /dg/ that I sometimes miss the distinction. Fucking Mods never cleanse them of the board so they just linger around, doing what they do best.Will admit you Easterns can shape some stunning scapes especially when time really isn't an issue
You know what feels really good? Knowing that you literally own half the town at the base of your mountain. While most of you just sit on your gold, I invested a portion into building that town back when it was a little village. The mortals are so grateful for my patronage that they regularly send me their children to keep me company and my scales polished. They've been doing it for so long they consider it an honor to climb the mountain.I've had a few adventurers who tried to stop the tradition over the years. They stomp into my lair with all the swagger their tiny bodies can muster and then stop dead in their tracks when they see the town's children (that they are attempting to "rescue") attending to me without force. I've only had to kill one or two of those parties and I really hate losing my tributes as collateral damage; having to part with my loot for compensation to their parents is annoying.
>>44218742Humans? They don't exist.
>>44223421>having to part with my loot for compensation to their parents is annoying.Yeah, just keep on telling yourself that you're the one in charge here.Why the fuck do you have to compensate them for damage caused by human adventurers? Let them go complain to their guild or whatever thing they call those adventurer organizations.
>tfw no qt dam>tfw no one to warm yourself against>tfw no female will ever show you her underscales
(Why do dragons call the equivalent of normies, cyborgs, and robots?)
>>44223421>giving to humans>compensations>they don't even worship you as a godYou're absolutely pathetic.
>>44223490Look at this scrub knowing nothing of internet culture.Also, what is a cyborg and robot?
>>44218742Taking advantage of, they not only make great spotters, but also falsely believe that they 'own' me and are obligated to feed and care for me. Its an awesome deal, and I don't even have to give up any of my horde
>>44223490>hello fellow dragons, please explain your best maymays to meBasilisk detected. Get lost or lurk long enough that you won't stand out.
>>44223502>>44223518Human poster here. Did I come to the wrong place?
>>44223466Keep em happy I guess?I mean, so long as the tributes keep coming in he doesn't have to worry, what he lost can easily be made up over the course of a decade or two, that's what? A short nap? Just have your intermediate say that you must rest so the tributes should be something that will last.I guess if you're one to indulge in... Geez, don't know if you've heard of it, the few humans I get it from call it "alcohol"? If you have them leave it in barrels in your cave over the course of a nap, it can become incredibly valuable. I sometimes do that where I'll acquire a few barrels from some dwarves in a nearby mountain range, take them back to my cave, rest for a while, bring them back in exchange for a large wagon of mixed wealth, gems and gold, that sort of thing, when I bought the barrels for maybe a small bag of platinum.Or maybe when I have a group of rowdy adventurers, I throw one of them at them, let them return to the local cities, so damn old that I can't keep track of all the new ones that come and go, and they usually split the profits, usually. At the very least, for a couple decades I don't need to worry about adventurers tromping about my territory.The random cults that think they're the new greatest hottest thing when they stomp on in trying to cut out my heart for "NoreallyI'mnothewhoscreamsintonguesguys" on the other hand?
>>44221844Stay mad, piss dragon :^}
>>44222012Say that to my face, ya scaleless faggot. I bet you love getting pet by those damn humies too.
>>44223466Like >>44223543 said, the value of the loot I lose is negligible in the long run. I forgot to mention that I'm also collecting insurance from the townsfolk against raider attacks and the like. It's not terribly much (the folks down the mountain are mostly farmers and craftsmen) but it adds up and I reinvest to keep the town expanding.>>44223498Maybe not as a literal god, but when some small-time mortal warlord makes a move on my town, I come down on them with all the force I can muster. If you've blasted a small army of mortals, you know what I'm talking about. Once I'm done, I have their gratitude, devotion, and loyalty. It's going on two hundred years and not once have they betrayed me.
>>44222034What color are you? Could work to your advantage. Say you raid a Red, and try to take his horde, he thinks you're a hydra this tries to burn the fuck out of you. Then you cone in with your wing claws and fuck his shit upIts almost a win/win
>>44222124Actually, I've had metallic eggs before, delicious once you get past the damn shell. And it's technically not canabalism, because I'm chromatic
>>44218475Who /dame/ here?
>>44222251I think you mean scutes. And how the fuck would that prove its a dame? Last I checked, scutes were pretty damn similar across both genderscloacal vent or gtfo
>>44223615Underscales or gtfo
>>44222442>coldYou're a Tiamat damned White! You are the dragonification of cold!
>>44223642>not being able to tell genders apart unless looking at genitalsHuman confirmed.
>>44222743I can fry you with chips.
>>44223674That's his point. He was afraid it would be too warm.
>>44222670Yeah swamps make it painful as fuck to keep myself clean, but I try, Tiamat knows how hard I scrub at my scales trying to get the worst stench off. It drives the humies away, and I don't want that. That actually taste pretty good, considering I normally eat frogs and shit
>>44222012What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little Basilisk? I’ll have you know I came out as the dominant hatchling in a line of purebred reds, and I’ve been involved in numerous raids on tiny little lizards like you, and I have over 300 villages paying me tribute. I am trained in Kobold warfare and I’m the top firebreather on the entire continent. You are nothing to me but just another adventurer. I will wipe you the fuck out with fury the likes of which has never been seen before Tiamat, mark my fucking glyphs. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Firewire? Think again, hatchling.
>>44223706Really you know nothing about mammals.Spend three centuries stuck as one of those half-flings things.The horror, you don't know half of it.
>>44223758As we speak I am contacting my secret network of Kobolds across the known world and your scent is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, lizard. The storm that sweeps up the pathetic little thing you call your hoard. You’re fucking dead, hatchling. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my tail. Not only am I extensively trained in fifth limb combat, but I have access to all the artefacts of my gigantic fucking hoard and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable scales off the face of reality, you little shit. If only you could have known what peerless retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your forked fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn feral. I will shit fire all over you and you will drown in it. I'll turn you into a fucking wallet, hatchling.
>>44223723At least you try, which is more than can be said for most nasty swampdwellers.>frogsHow do you even live off that? How big are you?
>>44223592>Maybe not as a literal god, but when some small-time mortal warlord makes a move on my town, I come down on them with all the force I can muster. If you've blasted a small army of mortals, you know what I'm talking about. Once I'm done, I have their gratitude, devotion, and loyalty. It's going on two hundred years and not once have they betrayed me.Great way to grow your hord.Used to do it during my younger days, find a kingdom during my travels, facing some undead scourge or what not, I don't much remember what the humans would do, nor did I care. Kill the problem, let the adventurers sort the issue, toss the loot in a cave I'd dig up in a local mountain, mark it with my breath so I know where I'd be on my return trip.Ended up settling down on a nice hoard but after a while you end up getting a reputation for being old and what not, you'll come to know what its like if you don't already. Cults start popping up, trying to make you a god or something, kill you for them, so you go out, kill them, drop off the bodies somewhere at the nearest city.Then more cults show up.So you do the same thing.But more come about because of this.At some point I just grew so tired of having them trying to sneak in my territory, at least in the kingdom I nest in, I don't wait for the kingdom to call the adventuring guilds in or Tiamat forbid, the witch hunters. I straight up track them by the sent of the obvious tears they're trying to rip in the veil, drop on in like some herald of their god before killing them, dropping off the bodies at the Mage's guild and by the end of the year, a group of the guards drops off some valuables and artifacts they found at the Cult's nest that I "guard". Toss some hoard at the dwarves for more Alcohol and the local villages for easy meat, my hoard still grows in value, lose some of the unnecessary bulk, if I want to pay off a Scryer, just dig some more into my cave, pull out some gemstone and they're happy.
>>44221068you gotta refresh her memory Humans are puny, weak and easily lostPets are best left to guard the lair/horde
>>44223780Really fucking tiny, I was dropped as an egg and never really grew beyond the size of a humie
>>44223884And the frogs in my swamp are rejects from some mage faggot, and are fucking massive, larger than a humie kid, and really agressive. Most adventures die to the frogs before I can get to them myself
Today I was out scouring my realm as I happened by a group of kobolds, when they saw me they started human out, yelling "Ay yo hol' up my lord, hol' up." In broken draconic. As a good and beutiful red dragon I am I didnt even kill all of them. Sudenly they started flinging spears and feces at me, before I destroyed them all with a simple spell I heard their leader yell "We wuz draguns n shit, we kill da honkey fir leggaz, why you so mean we dindu nuffin!". God I hate kobolds we should all go back to enslaving them harder and hire humans or dragonborn as proffesional slaves.
So, what can you horrid spaw...most venerable of flying lizards tell me of draconic anatomy. I have a thesis to do you see...yea, a thesis. Where does a filthy human *cough*mostnaturalandbeatufulinallphysicalform*cough* have to cut for a nice magically enchanted sword or two?
The kobolds have somehow decided amongst themselves that once every couple generations, whoever has performed some amazing feat of heroism gets selected to MARRY me. I think one of the elders is actually fucking senile as shit and is spreading this idea. That sounds like dragonfire time, right? But I'm kinda attached to them, and part of the "legend" as it is, is that I come to them when the last one dies and make a declaration on exactly what kind of heroism qualifies the next in line. What hilarious, unachievable task do I give them, guys? Entertainment value prioritized.
>>44218978>>44220179>>44220265>>44220411>>44220439>>44220798>>44220884>>44220943never change /tg/, never change
>>44223782>pimping your hoard out to dwarves like a common whore>allowing the monkies to breed and spreadLiterally worse than Dovakiin
>>44223961Well, to marry you, they must become somewhat equal, right? It would only be the proper way to conduct marriage.So, they're already scaly little fuckers, but they still lack some important dragon features. Like natural flight.So, tell them that whoever figures out how to fly, no magic involved, is your chosen champion.Then you get to watch the little bastards run around and flap their tiny little arms like crazy.
>>44222124Well I mean, what are you to do with the unfertalized ones?
>>44223782Call me a purist, but it isn't a 'hoard' if you spend some of it. That goes against the concept of hoarding. There's a rich local wizard who pays big bucks for wing dandruff whenever I need booze or food.
>>44218475Adult blue here.So uh i recently had a gold mate (i know race traitor etc.) and our brood just hatched.Well um they kind had some sort of jade-gold colour to them and can breathe both fire and lightning.They are just adorable but here's the problem.They are growing at twice the speed of both their mother and i.By the time they are young adults they'll be as large as an ancient red if this goes on.I cant bear to kill them since they are my children.Should i just drop them of on the outskirts of some adult reds territory?I mean i taught them how to hide and burrow so they will grow up safely and they won't endanger me that way.Should i go through with it?I might have spend too much time ruling humans and the gold mate i have might have also had an influence on me.
>>44224007>boozeSee, I want to like booze, it's just so impractical to deal with, at least around my domain.I'm a red, so I'm kind of a big guy, and it takes forever to get me drunk. Last time I tried, I had to force them to bring up the entire storage of the local baron's vineyard, just to get me sufficiently boozed up. Turns out the little fuckers put arsenic in it as well, so I had the worst fucking hangover of my entire life afterwards. I had to wait a week before I even bothered burning down that baron's mansion.And don't even get me started on that time I coughed, and lit aflame a ship's worth of rum.
>>44224018You sure this is your brood?
>>44223961>humoring the sublizardsFucking degenerate, kill them and put them on double shifts like a normal dragon.>growing fond of koboldsWhat the fuck?
>>44224053>not wanting to be worshipped
>>44221576>Literally worse than deathwing.Did nothing wrong you fucking amphibian. How is species diversity treating you?
Trying to stat up a human virgin, at what age category do they get wizard casting again?
>>44224052Yes. She's a young adult while i'm almost an ancient blue + i used a blood test to make sure.They are mine allright.Two of them managed to take over a dwarven citty a few years after they hatched.
>>44222017>purples that breathe lightsaberThey breathe vaporwave tho
>>44224018Well, aside from putting your dick in a metal box, they might be mutants. But then you did decide to fuck a metal box so that's on you.>>44222743I recall this human telling me about some comic book heros or some shit before I ate him. Said there was one called aquaman and gave me a bit of a chuckle at how he made fun of him. So I imagine you'll have to ask other dragons to give you a lift if you want to do more then skulk around in your lake? I might be tempted to buy you some floaties and a few balloons.
>>44224053Looks like we've got ourself a black edgedragon over here.
>>44224076What are you using her for?Just get her a few inteligence boosting potions an basic spell books.She'll get it done in a year if she does nothing other than study.Get some subordinates to acquire food for her tho so she doesn't get distracted or die from hunger.
>>44224018Gods, you've really fucked it on this one. Freedom to choose between good and evil AND they're growing at a freakish rate?If you really can't find it in your heart to kill them, go make friends with a powerful wizard and war them to the farthest plane or habitable planet you can. Trust me. Some of them will start pining for world domination, some will dedicate themselves to stopping the evil ones, they'll get the human kingdoms involved, and the whole realm is going to be a wasteland in under three centuries. At least make sure it isn't YOUR realm.
>>44224112*warp themFucking haptic keyboards are useless with these claws.
>tfw small hoardI hate being a poordrag.
>>44224063I can get much higher quality worship from actually clean and at least closely related races like dragonborn or lizardmen.At least those aren't fucking tiny specks overpopulating your home with their filth.>>44224104Yeah I just got my servants to sharpen my horns and claws, what about it?
>>44224094Well it seems plausible that they are mutants but them being this powerfull is what baffles me.Well now i know why Tiamat wanted to fuck her brother at least.I'll do some research with them before i drop them of at different locations.They might be an entirely new race for all i know.
>>44223971>Dovakiin>>44223954The unscaled part of my vent
>>44224112Well okay. Maybe i should use a portal to get them to other planes.I'll keep one of them tho.He's quite apathetic and not prone to doing anything stupid like world domination or calling him self a champion of justice.He also has an elf fetish but that doesn't bother me.So long lived sorcerer grandkids that can work for me don't sound that bad.
>>44222390That's fucking genious
>>44224174>He also has an elf fetish but that doesn't bother me.>So long lived sorcerer grandkids that can work for me don't sound that bad.fucking race traitors, I swear
>>44224085A E S T H E T I CToo much time spent on a stupid joke.
>http://awoiaf.westeros.org/index.php/Dragon>Dragons have no fixed gender differentiation - according to Maester Aemon dragons are “but now one and now the other, as changeable as flame” presumably meaning that they are able to change from one sex to the other for whatever reason.So progressive.
>>44224123>tfw more than 400 years old yet i still live in the caverns under my mother's hoard
>>44224242That's not uncommon with a lot of reptile species, anon.2/10 you tried.
I think I fucked up guys.Okay, quick backstory; copper here. Yeah, gtfo shinies whatever. Thing is, my great-sire was a chromie. Blue, if it's at all important, which it's not.Result of which is I get -and I hate admitting this- this patina. Verdigris. Corruption of metallic nature or inner chromatic one coming through or something. Not sure, isn't an exact science. Not important.Getting rid of it is simple, basic grooming and polishing like everyone does keeps my scales shiny. But.. I also hibernate. Yeah I know, it's technically a kind of hyperarcane dormancy or something, it's fucking hibernating. And in that time it builds up.Normally I just wake up, take some cattle, eat and then clean off the accumulated patina. This year though, I wake up and there's another dragon in my lair. No idea how she got to my sleeping sanctum but apparently she had no idea there was another dragon around, and invited me to the local game session. And as I just woke up and wasn't thinking clearly, I agreed.. And while I am all about that normally...Well, she's a Red. And she saw me covered in this buildup and.. well she thinks I'm a Green. A GREEN. So now there's this local Red who thinks I'm a Green who expects me to turn up to a game night, and I can't get the damned image of her tail out of my head. I fucked up didn't I?
>>44224258Well son, looks like you're a green now.
>>44224018>Chromatic >doing it with a MetallicHERESEY! BURN THE HERETIC AND ITS DEMONSPAWN
>>44224242>oh no, animals in my fantasy setting act like actual animals>i bet the liberals are behind thisOnly /pol/ is this dumb.
>>44224258Build up more corrosion, fuck the red cloacaIt'll totally be worth it.
>>44224258You're a Chromatic now, Anon. It's worth it if you think you can get it on with that Red. Plus, the game night might be fun.
>>44224291>>44224274This. Gotta make the best of it
>>44224291I guess it IS a trick worthy of an Ancient Copper... If I pull it off I'll get so much respect from the elders. >>44224299Fuck it. I'll roll with it. I can probably fudge the breath weapon with a cantrip and my own.What are Greens like? How can I fake being a Green long enough to fool other Chromatics?
>>44224324Bullshit, I've worked with metallics before, and you lot are proud-ass motherfuckers. You burst in, with a Red gf, you're gonna be in deep shit. If you come back with her head and tales of how you saved humies from her wrath...If you wanna be a green, beef up on some tough ass riddles, and lie. Lie until you cannot lie anymore. It'll all work out in the end. Greens are basically like humie leaders: cunning as fuck, decitful, and damn good at it.Source: I'm green. I wanna see where this goes
>>44224474You've never talked to a Copper have you? We're the tricksters of the metallics. You're thinking of Golds and Silvers. Nice folks but they can be pricks now and then. Riddles though, guess I'm going to brush up on them. I just hope the game night doesn't have any real greens or this may be.. tricky.
>>44224324Be a regular copper except helping the mortal races thing and lie a lot.Set up traps and maybe you should learn alchemy to fake the poison breath?I'm the blue from the other post.The one with the jade kids.What you want to do is to take this as far as you can and wait untill your brood hatches and make the reveal (for added hillarity).Alltho i didn't need to use lies to get that golden cloaca in my case (Young thing wandered into my terrirtory and challenged me calling me an ebil ruler and deemed her self a champion of justice and all that jizz. After beating her i kept her alive and made her my henchman by having her learn to rule over mortals. She changed alignments to LN within a decade.)
>>44224503Have some confidence. Coppers were born and bred for pulling bullshit like this. If you bang or lay a clutch with her, even if she tears your head off, your shit-eating grin as you die will go down in history.
>>44223031Ah the one who slew an elder god. I really hope hes inna planes, dude was cool.
>>44224550Eh, I already have a slowing breath. If I spit a little acid in that it's probably enough to mimic it, plus I'll throw in some basic prestidigitation to sell it.Guess I should be outraged or something at the Gold's fate. So er, fury of Bahamut on you or whatever. Shit happens all the time across the planes though. >>44224769That's the idea. Plus I mean, dat tail is fiiine. I'd be tempted even without being able to pull this trick.
>Be me, ancient blue dragon>Go poking around southern Avistan>Holy shit some motherfucker gold is starting a breeding cult for humans>Fucker's trying to breed "perfect mortals"That asshole stole my plan! And he's gonna screw it up too! Thing is, he's a great wyrm gold. How the fuck am I supposed to compete with that? He's got a leg up on me for start time, /and/ he's somehow managed to get the backing of one of the big LG gods. What do I do?
>>44224920Nah, she went with it willingly and i'm not bound to worship Tiamat or Bahamut as well.Really the steel dragons are the ones that get it right, screw both and live decent lives and don't bother with things that don't affect you.I stopped being an edgy drake back when i was youth and realized that if i want to conduct scientific and magic experiments that drawing attention and doing theatrical bullshit like reds do only brings unnecessary trouble.Also willing test subjects are much better material for research than kidnapped peasants.
>>44225441Ah a fellow blue.That guy is probably my father in law.I got him into natural-science and eugenics.Just start your own cult much-further away and don't involve deities in it.If he approaches you to cooperate just say you want your work to stay independent but say you appreciate the advice.Fellow is kinda naive and thinks all Blues are redeemable after meeting me so he won't attack you unless you mess with him and his group.
>>44222556I actually prefer to put the buggers in a maze and chase them around.
>>44222615>Killed in one hit by a clipped wing.Now I know your bullshitting.Is this the weapon that they were using? Those things bounce right off, and this is considered a strong pistol for them.
>>44225734I think he may refer to an universe with ''laser'' weapons.
>>44225734>Hating on revolvers.
>>44218742using to sate dragon lust.
>>44221387garo honoo no kokuin
>>44225734It looked more like this.