Rat Bastard QM Refuses Reasonable Retcon Request EditionIntro:>http://pastebin.com/cUuQQ6mp Primary Cast:>http://pastebin.com/GwrT5QVg Character Sheet:>http://pastebin.com/2gx5bYkw Rules:>http://pastebin.com/iJZVBT94 Setting:>http://pastebin.com/gGMy1KsGTumblr containing additional fluff:>simmonsqm.tumblr.comBestiary:>Coming soon! Askfm>ask.fm/qmsimmons Twitter:@QMsimmons Threads are archived here:>http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?searchall=exterminator+quest
Thought I’d try something new this week and narrate the recap myself. Pardon the lazy editing, if you like it let me know. If you don’t, let me know that too but resist the urge to rip one another’s throats out as best you can.https://soundcloud.com/user6815764/exquest19voiceoverVery Approximate Approximation of a Transcript:Certified Exterminator Vincent Esperanza selflessly utilized the principles of capitalism and distributed much needed water supplies to the people of Hong Kong.Afterward Vince checked on Jeremy and found that he was just fine, though Amanda had left to go find the both of them something to eat and drink. Vince was grateful and left $50 with Jeremy to cover her expenses along with 5 cases of water to ensure everyone would remain hydrated. He then took his leave to take on a secondary assignment, clearing an abandoned apartment building of an unknown but noisy (and smelly) infestation.After clearing the first floor of bums and tranquilizing a rabid humanoid specimen, Vince was surprised to find two more squatting residents on the second floor of the building: Maxim and Ilya. Apparently a couple, these two carved out a primitive domicile in an otherwise inhospitable building and attacked Vince when he broke down their door with a gun in his hand.Once their differences had been resolved, Maxim agreed to help Vince after he promised that the couple would be left in peace once the building’s various pests had been exterminated and whatever was causing the noise complaints gone.Vince then decided to continue on to the third level of the building.
>Current Loadout:>Pistol (Silenced Chinese Special, fully loaded)>Wrangling Stick>Tranquilizer Gun (11 darts remaining)>5 tranquilizing gas grenades>hazmat suit“This place is a fucking shithole,” you declare, turning on your headlamp.“I told you, we were not aware-”“That was a ree-torical statement, Maxim. And for the record, I’m not the least bit surprised to find you here.“You are not?”“Nah, squatting in a decrepit tenement with insidious corruption looming over you probably feels just like home for you. Hell, I’m surprised there aren’t more Russians living in here.”“We honestly did not think to check for neighbors.”At least he took it with grace.“What now?”“Shut up, Ruskie, I’m thinking here.”You give the nearby area a sweep with your suit’s headlamp. The black roots growing out of the ceiling glisten wetly where the light hits them and the gross mutant locusts crawl half-heartedly out of your spotlight. A few, clinging tightly to the roots, refuse to budge. It looks like they might be feeding.Pick one:>Investigate the bugs>Investigate the roots>Investigate muta-rat feces>Explore the floor with Maxim>Split up and explore the floor>Go up another floor>Go back down a floor>Get something from the van>Write-in to use an item
>>42943491>>Investigate the bugs
>>42943491>Investigate the bugs
>>42943559>>42943675You move in to examine of the feeding bugs and notice that it's covered in... blood?>roll me 3d6 for an intelligence check to see if that's really what it is.
Rolled 6, 6, 3 = 15 (3d6)>>42943702Vince is just discovering a whole new stat today isn't he.
Rolled 2, 5, 5 = 12 (3d6)>>42943702Speed check when?
Rolled 2, 1, 6 = 9 (3d6)>>42943702
>>42943718>>42943744>>42943751>SuccessYou reach out and attempt to remove one of the insects and find that it does not relinquish it's grip easily. A vile liquid squirts from it's abdomen, probably as some kind of defense mechanism, but it misses you and sizzles ineffectually on the floor.Increasing your pull, you discover that not only is the insect capable of holding on for dear life but it's actually stronger than the root itself, which breaks off violently.Maxim jumps as something screams and the bug hisses disapprovingly but you keep clear of it's large mandibles and examine the part of the root where it's been clinging. It was definitely feeding and the red fluid is some kind of viscous internal "sap" that just happens to look exactly like blood.You also note that the insect's feeding areas are organized into notches and the older notches have been filled in with a white substance that is easily crushed when you apply force. Laying eggs you figure.>examine the root more closely>investigate the muta-rat feces>Explore the floor (split up or together)>Go up>Go down>Back to the van>Open up a tranquilizing grenade
>>42943931>>examine the root more closelyIt was obviously sap yeah.>something screamsSomething?Did. Did the fungus just scream or did a bug?
>>42943931>>examine the root more closely
>>42943988>>42944009>Examine the root more closely*drip*The broken root leaks a single stick drop onto the floor while you turn over the fragment in your hand (you've given up on trying to dislodge the bug).It's definitely unusual. From the neat cross section you've created, you can see that the root has a leathery water retaining outer layer and a fleshy inner portion which, though you were calling the substance leaking from the root "sap" before, looks to have the vascular system of an animal, complete with larger veins and arteries.The arteries in particular, continue to try and pump fluid as you watch.That's... really disturbing. If you weren't kinda drunk, you'd probably be scared by this.>whack the injured root with your wrangling stick>investigate muta-rat feces>Explore the floor (split up or together)>Go up>Go down>Back to the van>Open up a tranquilizing grenade
>>42943702ill be lurking for a bit simmons, playing some vidya. still hype!
>>42944221So. It used to be a human being, degenerated into fungus form.So it's both sap and blood. Sorta.>>investigate muta-rat feces
>>42944221>Explore the floor (split up or together)split up, he can handle himself probably
>>42944221>>whack the injured root with your wrangling sticksqueal, piggy.
>>42943420I have to say I really really love the Soundcloud
>>42944221>investigate muta-rat feces
Rolled 2 (1d3)>>42944338Glad someone did.>>42944330>>42944309>>42944256>split between looking at poop, splitting up, or whacking the rootRolling to resolve.
>>42944309Except he'll probably kill all the bugs if there are a bunch nesting together.We want to use a gas grenade if we find them concentrated someplace to get dozens of specimens at once.
>>42944387>>42944256>wait, poop clinches itYou put the "root" aside for the time being and focus on the pile of muta-rat feces on the floor."What is the verdict, exterminator? Evil man fungus?""I'm not sure and I told you to shut up."You do your best to glare at him but it's hard to do when that helmet is completely obscuring his face. In fact, you think he might be staring past you into a dark corner of the hallway.Wonder if he's got nightvision in that thing.Turning back to the feces you try and remember the pictures from your handbook. It was easy enough to recognize these as muta-rat turds but can you interpret their deeper meaning?>roll 3d6 for another intelligence check
Rolled 4, 2, 3 = 9 (3d6)>>42944426Like reading tea leaves.
Rolled 6, 3, 5 = 14 (3d6)>>42944426
>>42944426Tell me your secrets, rats!
Rolled 3, 2, 4 = 9 (3d6)>>42944426dice
Rolled 3, 2, 5 = 10 (3d6)>>42944388I loved that soundcloud.>>42944426We genius now?
>>42944456>>42944471>>42944509Hmm.You lean in to shine some more light on the poop.Interesting.You roll it over. Incredible."What is it telling you exterminator?" asks Maxim as you rub a sample gently between your fingers. "What does the poop say?"It says... well, it says the rats have had a protein rich diet lately, probably from the bugs. You might have guessed that though.Other than that, the only thing you're sure of is that there's definitely something odd about this poop. You just can't put your finger on it (more than you already have)."Alright, I've learned what I can from this. We need a plan to take care of this floors pests.""Agreed."What's your big plan, Vince?>split up, cover this place separately (write-in for instructions to Maxim)>patrol it together
>>42944644>>patrol it togetherIf we find a nest or something we want it alive.
>>42944644>C. burn the whole place to the ground. flames for the Goo God
>>42944644>patrol it together
>>42944644>>patrol it together
>>42944681>>42944775>patrol it together"For now, stick close to me. Even if the mutarats are the most dangerous thing here this could be dangerous for either of us alone.""It would not be so dangerous if you had let me bring Baba Yaga.""Did you really name your-"You're cut off by a loud thump from down the hallway on your right."You want to go check it out, comrade?">Go towards the noise, wield trank gun/wrangling stick/pistol>Head in the opposite direction, no need to go looking for trouble yet>stay right where you are and be very quiet, wield trank gun/wrangling stick/pistol>Make a loud noise
>>42944886Someone upstairs wants to investigate who hurt their roots?>Go towards the noise, wield trank gunSee that's why I didn't want to whack the injury. It provokes this.
>>42944886>>stay right where you are and be very quiet, wield trank gun
>>42944886>>Go towards the noise, wield trank gun/wrangling stick/pistolIt must be heavy and slow to thump like that.
>>42944945>The law favors those who act in self-defense>>42945010>>42944916>Never seen a horror movieYou pull out your trusty trank gun and move towards the location where you thought the thump came from. Maxim follows close behind you.You shudder together as there's another louder thump, followed by a sound like cracking eggs just as you near the corner."You sure you don't want to use real gun?"You shake your head and double check that the gun has all four darts loaded. Then you swing around the corner.What you see almost makes you throw up. A humanoid creature that looks as though it was dipped in dripping tar stands there, caught in the light of your headlamp. A muta-rat lies dead at its feet, the brains still leaking out of its crushed skull.You and the thing make eye contact as it bares its perfect human teeth. There's no nose but it looks at you with hate, just like a man would.You shoot while you still have the chance.>roll 3d6+4 (yes, 4) to try and take him down. Boost up to twice with Nerves.
>>42944886trank stick>Go towards the noise, wield trank gun/wrangling stick/pistol
Rolled 1, 2, 2 + 4 = 9 (3d6 + 4)>>42945263>+4We are badass
Rolled 3, 5, 6 + 4 = 18 (3d6 + 4)>>42945263
Rolled 5, 4, 4 + 4 = 17 (3d6 + 4)>>42945263ewwww
Rolled 2, 2, 4 + 4 = 12 (3d6 + 4)>>42945263
>>42945400>>42945411Great save m8s
Rolled 6, 5, 2 + 4 = 17 (3d6 + 4)>>42945263All that Tarantino movie-ing from Sunday paid off.Damn Tanners.
>>42945477If we get in a serious bind I recommend we go full John Woo and given that we're in Hong Kong it might actually work
>>42945375>>42945400>>42945411>successThe first and second darts seem to do it no harm as it runs toward you but the third bullet causes it to stumble and a fourth brings it to the ground.Jesus Christ and Ronald Reagan, that was enough trank to ground a 2-ton Snub.Maxim comes up behind you."Very nice work, exterminator. I would not have-"*tump tump tump tump*You're both confused for a single second but by then the second creature is upon you, jumping Maxim from behind and knocking the big man to the ground.It beats at his back and you give it a strong kick, which is all Maxim needs to get his bearings back and fire his pistol into its chest.Black gunk and gore explodes out of the tar man's back and spatters the ceiling. It doesn't die though, just clenches its pearly whites together and seethes air through them as Maxim tries to hold it back.You bring out your own pistol and put a single round through its head. For a second even that doesn't seem to work but then the creature seems to relax in its struggle with Maxim before going limp altogether.He pushes it off."Tanner freaks," he confirms."You were wise to keep me close, this variant seems to be very strong. If I struggled with one, it surely would have crushed you.">Yeah, I was afraid of this>Don't assume I'm weaker than you, my country won the Cold War>I'm not sure I agree>Dialogue Write-in
>>42945723>>Yeah, I was afraid of thisOr at least make him believe that.
>>42945723>>Don't assume I'm weaker than you, my country won the Cold Warpretty IC to say something like this, and it made me chuckle. so let it be
>>42945723>>Don't assume I'm weaker than you, my country won the Cold WarThere weren't any humanoid shapes on the third floor before.When did they start coming downstairs?
>>42945723>>Yeah, I was afraid of this
>>42945794I think we're on the 4th floor
>>42945723Don't assume I'm weaker than you, tovarish, my country won the Cold War
>>42945883Based on fucking what.>Vince then decided to continue on to the third level of the building.
>>42945723>Yeah, I was afraid of thisWonder if tazer nets would work? They are powerful enough to fry super-sized salamanders after all.
Rolled 1 (1d2)>>42946018In water. But they are powerful.>>42945954This anon is correct.>>42945759>>42945842>>42946018>Right, Tanner's Freaks, the freaks for tanner, those freaks.>>42945928>>42945794>>42945771>'MURICAGonna make me roll, eh?1 for Tanners2 for 'Murica
>>42946094>Tanners"I was worried they might be Sprouters after I played with the fungus back there."Maxim nods."There are likely more of them.""Lots more, they're all upstairs.""How do you know?""Because they're probably related to the roots coming out of the ceiling."No point in revealing you thermal scanned his house."So then we should stay down here for just a little while, don't you think? Then I can get Baba Yaga and we can go upstairs.">No, no Baba Yaga. No Khruschev or whatever you call that flamethrower either.>Maybe. Let's finish this floor and then we can decide. I have more equipment outside.>Yeah, lets hustle through here SWAT-style. Or NKVD-style. Whichever!>Write-in
>>42946184>Maybe. Let's finish this floor and then we can decide. I have more equipment outside.If there are lots of them, we can try gas grenade (low chance of working) or the nuclear option, the nano net.
>>42946184>>Yeah, lets hustle through here SWAT-style. Or NKVD-style. Whichever!not a bad idea, clear this floor and get a bigger gun for those huge guys
>>42946184>>No, no Baba Yaga. No Khruschev or whatever you call that flamethrower either.Our job is to stop noise complaints, not create them.
>>42946184>>Yeah, lets hustle through here SWAT-style. Or NKVD-style. Whichever!
>>42946184>>No, no Baba Yaga. No Khruschev or whatever you call that flamethrower either.
>>42946184>No, no Baba Yaga. No Khruschev or whatever you call that flamethrower either.
>>42946184>>Yeah, lets hustle through here SWAT-style. Or NKVD-style. Whichever!We already captured one, no need to get more.
>>42946184>Yeah, lets hustle through here SWAT-style. Or NKVD-style. Whichever!
>>42946215>we can make up our minds later, there's work to doSounds like you have a plan, anon. I like that.>>42946227>>42946287>>42946308>>42946313>hurry up so we can blow shit away>>42946239>>42946289>gotta stay subtleLooks like strength through maximum firepower takes the day. Writing.
>>42946327There were three No votes >>42946304Not that it changes the outcome.Let's see if the neighbors catch any stray bullets.
>>42946357A couple of dead citizens is a small price for weeding out this nest of Nope.
>>42946357We can just blame the husky bastard.
Odds of Baba Yaga hitting the support structures and bringing the building down.Better gas and grab the specimens you can and lock em in the van before going to floor 4.>>42946380admittedly, if they're dead, they can't make noise complaints.>>42946416Blame the secret person you're claiming doesn't exist since you cleared the building of infestations, humans and otherwise?
>>42946440this is worst case scenario. if he or we kill someone with a stray bullet, we can claim he was resisting us evicting him and shooting at us, killing someone else.
>>42946357I saw it, just didn't click it I guess.>>42946327"Yeah, if there's a lot of them we're going to need firepower."You know for a fact there is, so encouraging him to bring out the big guns seems like a good idea."I'm glad we feel the same about one thing at least. Now, follow me this time."You're reluctant to play second banana but he's right: you don't lift enough to take these guys on hand to hand and you've already seen that they can crush a skull without much struggle.You feel so sensible that you fear you may be sober again.Together, you work your way through the apartments, kicking down the doors and opening up on what's inside. Usually it's just a cat or a muta-rat eating a cat but outside one room Maxim signals for you to stop."Do you hear?"There's a sound like someone repeatedly pulling apart velcro coming from inside the room.>reload trank gun, shoot whatever is in there>handle it like a man with your wrangling stick (with or without dart tip)>toss in a trank grenade>just shoot it with regular bullets>write-in/other?
>>42946537>>reload trank gun, shoot whatever is in there
>>42946537>handle it like a man with your wrangling stick (with or without dart tip)without dart tip. we getting stronk with trial by mutant
>>42946571>>42946581>>42946635>TRANK IT GOOD"I hear," you say. "Watch my back."You turn the corner and find yourself in a room coated in blood spatter and dismembered bits of animal. In the middle of it is the biggest cat you've ever seen, ripping away at an unidentifiable carcass the size of a small dog.You've haven't seen a mammal this big since... well, since those giant bats nearly killed you. It stuns you for just a second too long and your inaction gives it the chance to pounce.>roll 3d6+3 to knock it out before it lands on you!
Rolled 2, 5, 3 + 3 = 13 (3d6 + 3)>>42946806>catEl Diablo!
Rolled 3, 5, 1 + 3 = 12 (3d6 + 3)>>42946806FUCK CATS
Rolled 4, 6, 5 + 3 = 18 (3d6 + 3)>>42946806This was a formerly domestic cat or just a tiger.
>>42946806Ah, before I forget, remember you can boost shooting rolls with nerves up to two times.That said, your nerves are a little shaky.>Nerves [11/13]
Rolled 5, 5, 6 + 3 = 19 (3d6 + 3)>>42946845>>42946866>>42946887noice
>>42946537Handle it like a man no tranquilizer
>>42946926We'll need those boosts later.
>>42946845>>42946866>>42946887>13.12.18>>42946926>Boostar!>>42946941>No boostar!We shall use the democratic tool to solve this.Vote 1 for boost, 2 for no boost.Window ends in... eh, 7 minutes.
>>42947098>>42947074The ones have it. Writing.
>>42947114>Success>Nerves [9/13]The cat moves like lightning but your lizard brain stands its ground and you send a single dart right up its snout. The tranquilizer load that close to the brain must be potent, because the cat collapses onto you like a giant furry sack of potatoes.“You’re really racking them up today!” Maxim exclaims.“Just get it off.”You’ve now cleared this floor of all the muta-rats and regular cats. The bugs remain, unless you have a plan to take care of them.“You are ready to go back to the apartment now?”>Yes>No (write-in)
>>42947205>>No (write-in)Put the cat and whatever other mutants we can in the van
>>42947205>>No (write-in)Sneak up to and gas the largest concentration of bugs.Load everything you captured or tranqed downstairs.
>>42947205Get the bait from the van.Leave it on the third floor.
>>42947233>>42947273>>42947290>>42947298>>42947326"Not yet, I want to take this and the mushroom man out there and put them in my van. Can you help me with that?""Sure."The two of you carry both of those specimens down handily enough. On the way down your are both dismayed to see that the bug you captured earlier has farted acid straight through Ilya's bowl and escaped."That was a good bowl!"Neither specimen is small enough to fit into your cages but you load them in the back anyway. Maxim calls you crazy for packing a sprouter in your van but you assure him you've had crazier back there as you try and maneuver its limp form so it doesn't touch your other humanoid speck."I don't believe you.">take one medium size or two small items from your van and add them to your bag to fill depleted space in your loadoutAlso return an item and exchange it?>yes>no
>>42947530Make a trip to catch bugs.Take the cages and bait with Maxim's help and leave them on the third floor.
>>42947530The bugs are specs, right?Bait them or gas some, then come back and take the mesh.
>>42947598+1. Also inject the sprouter again to make sure it doesn't wake up while we are out.
>>42947723No.We only have so many trank darts.
>>42947598>>42947691>>42947723>>42947734Either all the anons but you three died or they're working out their ideas.I'm keeping the window open a bit longer on this one and also eat something.
>>42947734Darts are cheap. The stuff we have in the van isn't.
>>42947792It doesn't matter how cheap they are, they can't be refilled until we go back to GEC.We need to make them count on this mission, which you won't get refills on.
>>42947530Whatever we do we should take a quick bump.
>>42947830We decided to kill, not tranq in an earlier post.>>42946327
>>42947834Vince pls.Save it for when you meet up with the cop again.>>42947877You did no such thing.You decided to take out the big unsubtle guns so you have the ability to perform mass slaughter.That doesn't mean you aren't allowed to trank the ones you can while blasting the ones you can't away.
>>42947769Sorry for dying on you I do that sometimes>>42947530Take the cages just in case
>>42947530Does the taser grid launcher count as a long gun?
>>42947834That's a good idea. But what should Vince do?Kidding... I think.>>42947598>>42947691>>42947723Agreed on setting up a simple bait trap.So that's settled.>>42947723>inject>>42947734>don't injectAt last count you had... 6 darts left? 7 before you shot one up the cat's nose.>>42947943>That doesn't mean you aren't allowed to trank the ones you can while blasting the ones you can't away.Very true, anon.>>42947955That's okay buddy, you gave me the chance to eat a greek yogurt and I appreciate that.>>42947967The fucking what?!Writing for setting up the cage trap but anons should really continue to post about anything from the inventory they think they can use here.
>>42948013Well does it?We could exchange the wrangling stick for the taser grids and the taser grid launcher that shoots them at things.Need to know if Vince is as good at shooting it as the trank gun.
No matter what we must keep our chinese pistol
>>42948064Anon, the taser grids are discs three inches in diameter that fire out electrified nets when buttons on the rim are pressed in. They have a short range, maybe five feet.>>42948013You enlist Maxim to help your four cages onto the third floor and sprinkle the drugged bait inside them."You roofie the bugs? Why not spray them?"You try to explain the bounty system to him but he shakes his head."Bringing back crate loads of insects sounds silly to me. But I am not your boss."You head back to the second floor with him."Now are we ready to deploy the real tools?">Yes>Wait, I just want one last thing!
>>42948112>>Wait, I just want one last thing!The nano-mesh and some taser grids.
>>42948112Incidentally, this consumes the bag of bait. You'll need to buy a new bag if you want more.
Rolled 1 (1d2)>>42948142>>42948155
>>42948112Taser grids....in fact, what if the whole damn fungus conducts electricity with its electrolyte laden bloodstream.
>>42948293"I'm just going to make one last trip to the van. I'll meet you back here in a minute.""Hurry up!"You rush back down to the van and empty your entire sack of taser grids into your bag.>acquired 19 taser gridsThe mesh net is so small that you're able to tuck it neatly into your front pocket.Returning upstairs, you find that Maxim has already taken Baba Yaga out into the hallway and is carefully inspecting her. There's also something else."This is for you. I know you like quiet things.""This is a flamethrower!""Silence is relative. Everything is quiet when the old witch speaks.""But I'll burn the building down!""Just be careful, pussy.">I'm no cat (take the flamethrower)>This still seems like a bad idea... (turn it down)
>>42948440>>I'm no cat (take the flamethrower)
>>42948440>>I'm no cat (take the flamethrower)We are a pyro
>>42948440>>This still seems like a bad idea... (turn it down)Devlinson...
>>42910013 >“But I can’t burn it down?”>“…I doubt the neighbors would appreciate that. Besides, we can’t charge someone for burning down their buildings. Not that we wouldn’t if we could.”
>>42948440>>I'm no cat (take the flamethrower)https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wmin5WkOuPw
>>42948561Just be careful, pussy
>>42948501>>42948482>>42948562You walk over and hoist the flamethrower. It's truly heavy but the grips..."There is a strap that you pull out there. And the dial on the side adjusts the flame length."...They feel warm. And so so right. "It's a real Russian F-75 so keep an eye on it. It was designed to melt the hull of an aircraft carrier."This should be fun.>End ThreadSorry guys, got to sign off here. But I'll make it up by running tomorrow, 5pm EST? My schedule should be clear.Leave your questions here or on the ask.fm, I'll see them in the archive.>>42948562>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eGbucSjSLDw
>>42948682Archived here, vote as you feel:http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?searchall=exterminator+questAnd the twitter is @qmsimmons if you want to track the quest schedule more closely.
>>42948682Souncloud gave me a sensible chuckle.Now just four floors to go.
>>42948823I liked the review audio thing, it was entertaining. Also good thread, you think we will finish this up tomorrow?
>>42949185He's not gonna respond until the literal next thread in 20 hours. That question doesn't really have longevity.
After this is all over, Vince should buy a machete. Maybe from the free market and not Silver Pete.Or some kind of melee weapon more lethal and faster than the wrangling stick.Then the cell phones. Though Jeremy's should have parental controls installed on it since he technically shouldn't exist, so he should be limited to just a red phone for contacting Vince.Also one of these nights, either Tuesday or Wednesday, take Jeremy out to Lion's Rock to go bat sniping with thermal vision. Teach him to shoot the Chinese special. It'll be like a co-op video game. And it'll thin the number of predators of the mantis people at the same time!