“Hey, Will. Who’s that girl?”“Which girl?”“The one with the silly hat, in the fancy chair.”“You mean the throne? That’s the princess, Raban.”
What a terrible sense of deja vu.Quick, Raban! See if fucking the princess also triggers a deja vu.
“Oh, I see…”“Wait. I know that face. That’s your ‘I am going to fuck that person’ face, isn’t it?”“Maybe.”“No! You can’t fuck the princess, Raban!”“Why not?”“Maybe because we’re peasants, and you’re both women, besides? I’m pretty sure the king won’t take too kindly to you making lesbian advances on his daughter.”“Won’t know until I try.”“No. No! We’re just - we’re going to walk up to the king, bow, formally hand over the village’s taxes, and then we’re going to walk away. There will be no fucking of any kind, especially not princess-related fucking. Okay, Raban? No fucking. Got it?”
Point your shapely rump at her when you bow to the king. Surely none can resist.
Tell the King he should allow Lesbian Sex in his Kingdome!
Court her, kiss her hand and call her cute>>41571422this too, but be smooooth~
>>41571420>>41571422We're going to get killed. We need to go adventuring first. Get some bard levels. Come back and THEN fuck the princess.
Attempt to fuck the princess.
>>41571405He's not our boss!Lets fuck that princess by convincing her that lesbian sex will lead to favors from the Goddess Yur'ifhag.
>>41571405We should spread rumors of a terrible curse spreading through the land that can only be cured by copious amounts of lesbian sex... Either we start here or begin fabricating it when we get back home.Then we need to bill ourselves as the best sexual 'sin-eater' (professional curse breaker) in the land.Nothing can possibly go wrong!
>>41571466I... actually support that a little? But we need bard levels. All the bard levels.
Rolled 67 (1d100)I roll disguise to make the guards think I am a foreign prince looking for a wife.
>>41571504With a friend actively giving us "Don't fuck that" warnings, we probably have a few levels in Bard.
>>41571531Or work our way up. Does the Princess have female guards?
Rolled 23 (1d100)>>41571405decide to become an adveturer, kill something huge that's been plaguing the kingdom, and for the reward, ask for princess fucking.
Send her a love letter.
>>41571466>>41571504>>41571519>>41571531Guys.We need to go full Casanova on this shit. Somebody pull up the original playah's memoirs. He did shit like this for a Saturday morning workout.
NONE OF YOU GET IT AND YOU'RE MAKING IT SO MUCH GAYER THAN IT NEEDSwe're a gal right?fuck the king
Rolled 19 (1d20)FUCK ALL OF YOUI ROLL TO SEDUCE
>>41571830>completely missing the point.
“Your majesty, we come from the eastern province, bearing ta-“
>>41571863Shit... One off.
“YOUR MAJESTY!”“what”“Have you heard the terrible news?!”“raban what the fuck are you doing”“A curse has spread throughout the land! A vile witch has been cursing the young ladies of the land, causing the plague, ugliness, and sixth fingers and toes aplenty!”“raban no stop”“But fear not! For the cure has already been discovered…”
“…the gentle, sensual lovemaking of a female partner. Being a patriot as I am, and having noticed the early signs of the curse in your cute and lovely princess…“ I kiss her on the hand. “It would be my honor - no, my sworn duty- to aid in curing this vile affliction. In addition, you should allow for similar sapphic intercourse throughout the kingdom. For, you know, curse prevention.”The king strokes his beard thoughtfully. “I see! How truly terrible. Do you have any proof regarding this dastardly hex?”
>>41571948"I have been having lesbian sex like crazy - and notice - no sixth toe!"
oh course! come to the window and you will hear the sound of doom . then carefully whisper towards him some ominous sounds. be careful not to breathe on him.
Rolled 11 (1d20)>>41571948>>41571930Rolling for gratuitous lies
>>41571948...you know, I'm not so sure the Princess wouldn't be willing to fake a cough or two for us.We could also point out the truly deplorable state of our companion there. I mean, just look at him. Just goes to show that even if the witch is especially cursing women, it doesn't mean she can't curse guys too.
>>41571974Inb4 we discover the curse is actually real
Go to the Uglyest Soldier and Ask him if he had sex in the last week!Then point out that he had the curse from Birth and that's why he looks like a troll.If he objekts say he must had gay sex as cure for this
>>41572022I second this.We're an experience sapphic sin-eater. That's our cover story.
>>41571974The only option.
“Well, I’ve had plenty of romantic encounters with other women, and look! No sixth toe!”The king looks at my foot. “My word! It’s true!”“On the other hand, just look at my friend here.”“no raban please no do not bring me into this”“He - SHE has been hit hard by the curse, but for some reason romantic entanglement with me doesn’t seem to cure the effects. I humbly request that if you have any concubines or female staff who feel like stepping up, h- SHE needs the touch of a tender young maiden as soon as possible.”“wait what”“I see. I will do what I can.” The king motions to a guard. “Find this poor woman someone to help cure her ailment!” The guard takes Will by the hand and leads him off. He stares back at me, mouth hanging open, as he goes.“Thank you, your majesty. Now, if you wouldn’t mind, I should like to get started with your daughter immediately-“
“Wait! Are you sure she’s got the curse?”I glance at her. “…well, one of the symptoms is a prominent, reoccurring cough.”I wait.*cough, cough*“As you can see, she’s nearing the sixth-toe stage as we speak! I must hurry!”“How absolutely frightening! But there’s no need for you to do the deed. You’ve already done so much! I shall consult the court magician for an alternative cure at once.”
>>41572750This princess is too lesbian.
Tell him that normal Magic don't work, and that he have to be a Minion of the Dark Arts to understand Curses and if he is, he should be hanged at this moment, while you make love with the Princess. To help her of course
>>41572750Apologize deeply, but the one who formed this curse was very careful. Any attempts to use normal magic would only make it far worse. It has been a long and difficult quest, one who have worked long and hard at, to find the only cure.
>>41572750Curses can't be lifted by traditional magic! Meddling with them is bound to cause an accident.
>>41572750it would take to long, your own cure took much testing to devise. a new alternative cure could take long enough for her to end up with a sixth everything.
>>41572950I think this is a better approach. Ask him if he's willing to wait for his magician to find a cure, and risk the curse progressing.
>>41571374>>41571386>>41571405This is why all the smart people leave to become adventurers. You can get drunk in town, you can find multiple partners in a village, town or city, but intelligent conversation is always somewhere out on the road where people tell lies about the places they've been and the things they've seen. As an adventurer, I came to see the King about a quest, and while standing in line I overheard this peasant girl.She obviously doesn't know much about princesses who have servants for almost everything. There are maids to help them get dressed in the morning (which involves helping them out of their clothes), there are bath attendants to help them wash (do I really have to explain this?), and in some cases there's even the position of "royal butt wiper." All they have to do is say "we come with our taxes, and a gift..." Like C3PO in Star Wars, the gift is a servant, "a lady in waiting for your daughter." Thus the quest is completed faster than you can say "Do you know how to use a feather duster?"
“I’m sorry to tell you this, sire, but curses can’t be lifted by traditional magic! The witch who formed this hex was very, very careful. Not to mention that it was a long and difficult quest just to find the only cure, and waiting any longer could-”“Nonsense! We’re talking about the Great Wizard Humphry Higgleston, curer of the Halitosis Hex of ’77! If anyone can cure this ailment, then he can. Unless you’re suggesting that you have a greater knowledge of sorcery and the arcane arts…?”
>>41573342i am sure he is great, but tell me, can you risk it? can you risk your daughter being changed because you refused someone's help?
>>41572750The curse is immune to magic. That's why it's called a curse
>>41573342"I'm sorry, Sire, I can't claim that. Only that this is the only cure I know of, and that your daughter is obviously suffering for its lack. Surely it would be worth it to relieve her pain for at least the time it takes to summon your wizard though?"
>>41573376Someone, my lord, who has spent so long focusing solely on this issue? I am sure your wizard is great in many subjects, but I am a specialist on this one!
>>41573342The curses of old are not the same as the curses of today!
Just put on your Robe and your Wizard hat!
I don't want to fuck her just get a blowjob.
>>41573342As the great Saphic Oracle, you have insights into many futures, none in which the Wizard cures the princess.
>>41573512That's how we can prove we know magic!Grow a dick!
>>41573594That might be slightly counterproductive to proving our sapphic might to the king.
“I am an expert on this specific affliction, sire, and the curses of old are not the curses of today! Besides, can’t you see your daughter is suffering? Can you really risk the princess growing six of everything just because you refused my help?”“True… I guess there’s no time to waste. But you’ve already done too much. Let someone else shoulder the burden of performing the act itself.” The king calls out to a female guard nearby. “You there! Are you willing to help save the princess?”The guard stutters and stumbles. “I uh I would do anything your uh your highness would order me to um do I uh but um I mean oh gosh…”Shit! Gotta think fast!
>>41573979Tell him it has to be a selfless act, he can't command someone to do it.
>>41573979Asking the guard to do it without the proper knowhow just exposes her to the curse and might not actually cure it.
>>41573979Sire, you shouldn't trouble your guards with such a burdenYou should know too that this curse is highly contagious for an unexperienced person to attempt to cure.I myself am very experienced in curing this curse, and I assure you it would be no trouble on my part.
>>41573979Tell the king that it is your duty!
>>41573979Why not ask the princess who she would prefer to do this with? This will most certainly make the treatment more effective!
>>41574014this, plus, it might just make it worse yknow
>>41573995This. That even sounds vaguely like a real rule of some sort of lifting curses.
>>41573979>"She can guard us and monitor me so you can rest assured as to the Princess's safety in the process."
>>41573979Wait a moment sire, if I may allow me to examine this fine young guard.... MY GOD ITS AS I FEARED! She too has been effected, nervous twitch, panicked breathing, yes she shows all the early symptoms of the curse herself. If she and the Princess were to be left alone the curse would surely double in potency, nay they wouldn't last the night in such a state. Your Majesty this is worse than I feared, if your own royal guard has begun to show signs then we've not a moment to spare. I implore you to allow me to secure the Princess in a private chamber away from others so I may begin cleansing her of this curse at once lest it grow worse by the minute.
...Are we sure we're not a bard?
>>41574100Truly, for such an action, the princess should accept the assistance from the one she chooses.But, of course, the Guard could help if the Princess asked for both. Well, after we demonstrated proper technique (unique to the princess, of course).
>>41574210perhaps we are, either way this quest won't end til we Fiddle that princess
>>41574244But I've been led to believe that we can, in fact, NOT fuck the princess.I would like to know just what I'm getting into here.
“Wait a moment sire…” I walk over and start examining the guard.“Uh…?”I sigh and shake my head sadly. “It’s as I feared. She too has been effected. Nervous twitch, panicked breathing, yes, I’m afraid she shows all the early symptoms of the curse itself. If she and the princess were to be left alone, the hex would double in potency, and neither of them would last the night.”“WHAT?!” The guard exclaims.“My God!”“Yes, sire, it’s true. If your own royal guard has begun to show signs, then we haven’t a moment to lose! I implore you to allow me to secure the princess in a private chamber so I may begin cleansing her of this curse at once, lest it grow worse.”“I understand. I’ll make preparations immediately.”“No, no, wait wait wait!” The guard’s eyes are wide with terror. “Could you go back to that part about me being cursed?! I don’t want six of everything!”
>>41574702do not worry, once the princess is cured i will cure you as well, everything will be okay now that i'm here.
>>41574702"Welp Sucks to be you. I could cure you next if you want.
>>41574702Give her a smooch. The best smooch of her life.Show the princess will be in good hands and cured shortly.
>>41574702>>41574702Fear not! We shall aid in curing you at the same time as the princess. Our skill in this treatment is of no small caliber, healing two at once would, perhaps, be even easier than one at a time.
>>41574702>I don’t want six of everything!"Well, that's why it's called a 'Hex,' sweetie."
>>41574763not at the same time you dolt>>41574742this
>>41574733>>41574742>>41574748>>41574774>Not going threesome route.I am disappoint.
>>41574774[ba dum chu]
>>41574792We only go threesome right if the Princess seems alright with it. If not, we just nobly offer to relieve the Guard of her Curse afterwards.
>>41574792Trying to do two at once is a bit more than we can handle. Besides, the prize catch is the Princess, not the Princess Guard.
>>41574792But we can't fuck the princess guuuuyyyyyyss.
>>41574826>>41574833Hm. Perhaps... we can cure the princess. Then cure the guard. THEN we discover that it has spread to other guards. And we cure them. Then we figure out how to stay on the staff, as the curse surely shall return if not treated regularly.
The curse is now real.I see it coming
>>41574893>the Queen is infected or the source>possibly wicked stepmother as well
>>41574930We have to bang the Princess and burn the Queen!
>>41574966No. We must bed the Queen as well. So bedded her mind snaps and she becomes ours. Then we must bed the duchesses and baronesses. Yeeesss.
>>41574966Shhh! Let's get confirmation of her wickedness first. Also make sure she's not a MILF
>>41574990We take over the Kingdome with Lesbian Sex?
>>41574702Its as I said, based on your symptoms it seems you've been affected as well. Though by the looks of it you have several days if not a week or two before you need to worry. Honestly if you wished I would be happy to assist you but considering the Princess's predicament and the nature of the cure you may wish to find a close friend to help yo out here. Unless you'd prefer to wait a day or so til I've been freed up and can begin cleansing you myself but really it depends on how severe the Princess' condition is
>>41575016>king becomes infected>turns into a princessOur work never ends!
So is our friend just watching this unfold?
>>41575039He's kinda gettin' to know the Guards. If you know what i mean.
PST i did fanart
>>41575092Can you do a drawing of the Princess fully cursed?
>>41575122He already did.
>>41575092Cute. Maybe I'll do one with guard.
Best quest ever.
>>41575246>no six fingersgettin' short here, eh?
>>41575246Top kekCould someone do the guard? All cute and panicked?
>>41575246the poor dear, we simply MUST help her
>>41575246Hey Mouse, haven't seen you in ages in the Towergirls project, you still wanting to work there?>polite sage for off topic.
I give her a long, deep kiss.
“Buh- wha- huh?”I wink. “Don’t worry, dear. Once I’m done helping the princess, I’ll be back to cure you, too, if you’d like.”“that would be nice yes thank you.”The king clears his throat. “The chambers are prepared. Do you need anything else?”
>>41575499nah bruh we good
>>41575499>"Your finest musician to drown out the whispering of infernal spirits!"
>>41575499Some privacy to assist in conserving the princess' modesty is the true need, which you are already granting....though perhaps we should request some bath oils or the like?
>>415754991. We are definitly a Bard2. "Sir. We need three Cucumbers. A pot of Honey. 1 Apple and a lot of Lamps"
>>41575499We're fine my lord, just keep in mind this process can take quite a while.
>>41575499Yes! Some of the finest soap! The princess needs a bath to cleanse her of external impurity!
>>41575499Be sure to remind him to have the princess attend her weekly check ups.
>>41575551The stranger our item request, the more it seems like the cure for a curse
>>41575499>"I require a bath!"
>>41575499considering the curses progression I will require scented oils blessed by a virgin, three leaves from a tree facing the rising sun, a gourd of wine mad from berries dark as night, and a bucket of ice incase things get complicated
all of the above and alsoone grape
>>41575645While I'm not against these, they should simply be dropped off by the room as they become available, perhaps by the female Guard. The Princess does after need to be treated immediately.
>>41575707too far anon
>>41575645Add a Whip and bridle.
>>41575831>Add a Whip and bridle.you know... for cleansing stuff or whatever
>>41571422Don't be silly. The Kingdome was demolished years ago.
>>41575977Damn Russians. I'll never forgive what they did to Seattle
>>41574352You can (Not) Fuck the Princess.
“Oh, well, just a few things…”“Name it, and you shall have it.”“In that case, we’ll need the finest musician in the land, bath oils, three cucumbers, a pot of honey, an apple, a generous supply of lamps, the most expensive scented soaps, a drawn bath, scented oils blessed by a virgin, three leaves from a tree facing the rising sun, a gourd of wine made from berries as dark as night, a bucket of ice in case things get complicated, a whip and bridle for cleansing, weekly checkups from yours truly, and a single grape.”“…that could take some time.”“Deliver them to the door as you can find them, then. Meanwhile, I’ll start the cleansing process with the princess immediately. Absolute privacy is essential, as I’m sure you’re aware.”“Oh, oh yes, of course…”
The princess and I are led to a comfortable room. I lock the door behind us as the princess goes and sits on the end of the bed.“That was mean.” She grins.
>>41576354It was necessary!
>>41576354Now put on your Robes and your Wizard Hat and start the Ritual to get rid of the REAL curse.
>>41576354>"Only the legittest curer of ails would need all those things, and I am legit."
>>41576354Well I certainly didn't see you stopping us.
>>41576354Enough talk, Princess! We must get you treated right away!Any ideas on how to begin? A bath? A kiss? A candlelit dinner?
>>41576502We should check under her Bed first. Gaston could be waiting for us, because We can't fuck the Princess
>>41576354"But you love it, don't you Princess"
>>41576354Maybe, but your needs are only second to my own dear Princess. And I've got a feeling what comes next is something we both need very much, am I wrong?Cast Detect Cockblockers: Female Edition
>You can fuck a princess>This is what anon actually believes
>>41576531Nobody cockblocks like gaston
>>41576756That's why we should first check for him
so which one has the cock, them or us?
>>41576775trick question, the Princess keeps those in the drawer next to the bed
>>41576644We will fuck the princess, it's not a question of can or can't.
>>41576354>So, would you say I was a cunning linguist?
“I didn’t see you stopping me.”“Well, it’s not like I had a choice. I didn’t want daddy throwing you in the dungeon, after all.”“Excuses, excuses. You loved it.”“Maybe a little.”“So, should I begin ‘treating’ you?”“Ooh, getting a little ahead of ourselves, are we?”“‘We’?”“I’m using the royal ‘we’. I’m a princess. I can do that.”“So you can. There are other things you can do, too, things I think we both need very much-““Hey, hey, slow down, love bug. I don’t even know your name yet.”
>>41577265Robin vera ginty.
>>41577265>Something that's a letter off from the Princess's name We're her long lost twin.>tfw you can't fuck the princess because she's your twin
>>41577265"Call me "Insert your Name with an extra A"
>>41577312>implying that's a problem
>>41577265Formally introduce yourself, kiss her hand, and then point out you don't know the full title of the beauty you're in the presence of either. Princess... ?
>>41577312>implying can't have twincestKatalin douglass
>>41577265>"Raban Vera Ginty."We already have a name! It's Raban.
>>41577265Oops, introduce yourself with a flourish! Also maybe talk to her, get to know her, ask what it's like being a princess.
>>41577265"Raban, now excuse me , i have to check under the Bed for something...or someone..."
This reminds me of the chronologically third Narnia book with the Horse and the twin princes.
>us as a baby:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAX_4x8zh7s
>>41577441A Horse and His Boy. My favorite Narnia book and the one that will never have a movie made about it because those friggin' kids aren't in it. Well, okay, two of them are, for about five minutes. But otherwise the entire thing is in-universe. In Calormen, too, rather than the not!Europe that is Narnia or Archenland.It'd make a pretty fun movie...but we'll never see it.
>>41577533TO be completely honest, A Horse and His Boy was completely underwhelming for me. It was... the least memorable of all the Narnia books.And that's including the Silver Chair.
"My Princess, I am Rovera of Nyavern."Kiss her hand."And now I shall show you how I manage my lovers."Get down on her.
>>41577633She's not as dumb as the king, namefag.
>>41577566Eh, when I read it as a kid it stood out as being set in an Turkic/Arabian land rather than a European land, which was a big thing for me since it was different from everything else I'd read up to that point. It lead me to read The Arabian Nights, in particular.I'll admit I'm probably remembering it as being a lot cooler than it was. Any movie adaptation would have to make some serious adjustments, most likely...but I'd love to see Calormen, and Tashbaan, and also see Shasta and Aravis on screen and Aravis kicking ass n' stuff.>And that's including the Silver Chair.Shit son, nothing is less memorable than that.
>>41577310>>41577379Isn't our last name Vonelle?
DISREGARD THE CONSTABLEBY ALL MEANS DO FUCK THE PRINCESS
>>41577664Fuck. I'm on two threads at the same time. Forgot that my name was up there.Also, I just want to fuck the princess dammit.
>>41577699Steiner pls go
>>41576641>Cockblockers: Female EditionYou mean clamjams.
>>41577633You're doing it wrong!*pulls off skin-tight face mask and bites deeply into the princess' neck*
>>41578089Uh, Chief? I think this guy might be a vampire blood necromancing wizard of death
>>41577265It's your name, because now that we're alone I'm going to knock you out and impersonate you. Hey, does this rag smell like peasant to you?
I flourish. “Why, I am Rovera of Nyavern-““Like hell you are.”“Yeah, that might have been a little much. Call me Robin Vera Ginty.”“Your last name is ‘virginity’?”“Okay, okay, my name is Raban. Raban Vonelle.”“Really?”“Telling the truth this time, honest.”“You’re not good at the whole ‘not telling outrageous lies’ thing, are you?”“It isn’t really my cup of tea, no.” I shrug. “So, how about you? What’s your name?”
“Ava Edwina Casterly III.”“That's a pretty name.”“Thank you.”“Okay, introductions complete. Now I shall show you how I manage my lovers. Prepare your clitoris.”I lean forward, but she puts a hand on my face and pushes me back. “UH. Can we maybe take this a LITTLE more slowly?”
>>41578198>CasterlyWe Westerlands now
>>41578198We should probably say something like "Forgive me, your grace" and get to work on rubbing her back and shoulders, and ask her a bit about what its like to be a princess or such, before we force her to be ravished.
>>41578198>"Very well. YOUR TOES!"
>>41578198Yes.Let's round the bases. Do this proper, because she's a proper lady.
>>41578198Okay.PRRRREEEEEPAAAAAREEEEEEEE YOOOOOOOUUUUUURRRR CLIIIIIIIITOOOOOORRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSS...
>>41578179'not good at this outrageous lies thing' we just convinced your father you were sick and that the only prescription was more clamshell
>>41578198exactly how long does your clit prep take lady?
>>41578253Not good at NOT telling outrageous lies.
Hug her and cry happily.
>>41578198>"Then why don't we follow your lead, your Highness?"
>>41578198Ask her how she would like to start. She is the princess afterall.
>>41578381Or is she?That's why we can't fuck the princess. She doesn't exist!
>>41578620>>41578381... It's a Trap.IT'S A TRAP.She's a PRINCE.
>>41578227this is good.
“Forgive me, your grace.” I kiss her.It lasts a while. Finally, I break it off. “…oooh.” She breathes.“Glad you liked it.”“I - no, yeah, I - I really liked it.”“Why so nervous?”“I’m not nervous.”“You’re blushing.”“I…” She looks at the floor. “I’ve never done this sort of thing before. I don’t really know how to, uh, do, you know… stuff.”
>>41578860>"Well first, there's the TOES!>Proceed with tickling and licking.
>>41578860Oh great, a virgin. Oh well, tell her you'll show her how things go.
Take the princess Dick!
use your extreme woman pleasing skills and show her a good time.
>You can't fuck the princess because the dream will end first
Guys I don't get it. We seem to be getting close to fucking the princess. I was promised that we would NOT be fucking the princess in this game!
>>41579042Making sweet love to, anon.
>>41579042It's not fucking without penetration. It's just sweet, sweet lesbian love.
Are we gonna ride futa princess?
>>41579042If someone asks, it was the princess that fucked us.
>>41579042it was a challenge.
>>41579042YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO
>>41579042wait, shit, it's an 'approaches but never reaches zero' situation. we will get closer and closer to fucking the princess but never actually fuck her, FOREVER!
>>41579478Fuck, that sounds like hell.
If we're the long lost sister of the princess, are we the older one, or the younger one? Let's figure this out by comparing breast sizes.
>>41579478>>41579544That sounds like... exquisite agony.
>>41579544>>41579585This is Sakura spirit, /tg/ edition.
“Pshaw, don't worry about that. I can teach you my woman-pleasing skills.”“Really?”“Yeah, I’ll show you how things go. First off, and most importantly, the feet-“
I have a migraine, so my friend will be helping me out with art for these last few updates.Suddenly, there’s a loud banging on the door, and the king’s voice can be heard yelling. “Get out here you charlatan! You harlot!”“Uh, we’re busy in here! Curing hexes, curses, and all that! Go away!”“Don’t lie to me! I’ve spoken with Humphry, and he’s made it quite clear that your ‘curse’ is nothing more than a ridiculous hoax!”“Aw, man, and just when it was getting to the good part…” Ava sighs. “What are we going to do? If he gets his hands on you, it’ll be the dungeon for sure!”oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap
>>41579767YOU MUST ELOPE WITH THE PRINCESSJUMP OUT THE WINDOW, STEAL A HORSE!
>>41579767>"Give me some clothes, I'll try sneaking out impersonating you.">Open the window, leave some of your peasant clothes laying around the bed.
out the window! use bed sheets and drapes for rope. you will fuck at your house.
>>41579767Cut off one of your toes. Crudely hold it up against the princess' foot. Cleverly have her show toes, but not the damage to your cut-off toe. >"SEE SIX TOES IT'S REAL YOUR HIGHNESS!"
>>41579767I second the motion to elope.Too bad about our friend, though.
>>41579767Time for a dashing escape.Uh, you wouldn't happen to be strong enough to princess-carry her while sliding down an escape-rope (or blanket) would you?
>>41579767Eh, we look similar. Let's try getting into a Princessly dress in a big-ass dresser while she deals with this fallout.
>>41579855I'd imagine if anyone could recognize the princess from a commoner it'd be the King anon.
>>41579876That's why we're sneaking out after the King leaves with the other princess!
We're not getting cockblocked by a fucking king.Clearly we need to simply block the door then loudly fuck the princess so he can hear her.
>>41579982I forget how totally silly that movie is sometimes. That scene wouldn't look out of place in a Monty Python sketch.
>>41575134>>41575325tfw you loved princess for years but never had the courage to say it.
>>41580074Isn't it sad guard-chan.
>>41580074>tfw popcorn trick won't work because aren't boy and movies aren't
>>41580074You can do it! Fuck the king, burst in there and confess!
>>41579767have the princess stall them while we run out the window.
>>41580101We cannot leave until our goal has been fulfilled anon!
>>41580120We'll still be in the castle, let's just steal the clothes and armor off a guard.
>>41580129>not barter it off cute guard in return for a roll in the hay
“The window!”“What? We’re like a story up!”“Come on, Ava. Let’s do this.”“But…”“Ava. Do you trust me?”“…yes.”“Probably a poor decision, all things considered.” I sweep her off her feet, kick the window open, and jump out. “Here we go!”“WHY”“We’re eloping. Or, at the very least, I owe you some sex, and my house is free.”“…oh. Okay.”
>>41579767Orcs bust through the door wearing poorly fitted guard armor. As recover from the shock you turn and realize the princess was just a skeleton with a remarkable disguise. CURSE YOU JEFFERSON LICH!
>>41580210Uh, you can land well right?Alright, grab a horse or something so you can ride away into the sunset (I dunno what time it is but there'll be a sunset).
“I can’t believe we survived that fall. Did you know those bushes were out there?”“...yes. Of course. All according to plan. So, the stables are over here?”“Yeah, let me get the door… oh!”“Huh? What is it?”“Raban!” A mysterious voice calls out.
“Uh, hi. Who are you?”“Who do you think?! I told you not to fuck the princess, Raban. ‘No fucking of any kind’, I said. But then you have to go try to fuck the princess anyway. You see what happens, Raban? You see what happens when you try to fuck a princess?!”
>>41580242>"OH MY GOD, THE CURSE AND CURE WERE BOTH REAL! WE HAVE TO GO TELL THE KING!"
>>41580242"That the princess and I get to run off together to have passionate sex and possibly elope we're not sure yet?"
>>41580242Woah, grew out your hair? ...and chest?
>>41580242...What in the name of every god/goddess of forbidden and/or purest love is even going on here?
>>41580242Explain that it's vitally important you have sex with the princess...you two are actually in love! Also it was prophesied! Also your da's dying wish! And let's not forget the curse!
>>41580242>"Will... you're hot now!"
>>41580242>>41580258This. Things seem to be going okay so far!Also>"Looking hotter than usual there Will. Not royalty hot but still, I'm happy for you!"
>>41580242>Ask hot lady Will to cover for you with the King.>And also what's up with the hot lady part.
>>41580242Ask the princess if she knows any other princesses for Will to grab, she's just jealous I'm sure.
Time travel happens?...Wanna have a threesome?
>>41580365>tfw cute guard left out
>King>Friend>Even the quest titleMany things try to keep us from the princess poon, but we shall overcome!
>>41580417Eagerly awaiting the sequel, "You Did Fuck The Princess! Quest".
“Will?!” My eyes widen. “…heeeeyyyyy, buddy. You’re looking, uh, hotter than usual. Like, not princess hot or anything, but, uh, you grew out your hair? And… chest?”“No shit! I’m a woman now!”“What? How?! What’s going on h-” I blink. “No way. The curse was real?!”He lunges forward, grabs my shoulders, and then starts yelling. “NO, Raban, the curse wasn’t real! But the king didn’t know that. When having sex didn’t ‘cure’ me, he brought out his wizard, and it turns out wizards can ‘cure’ you even if there’s nothing wrong in the first place!”“Oh.” I glance down at his hands. They’re uncomfortably close to my throat. “That’s, uh, rough.”“They figured out that the curse was fake after I started freaking out, and then they started talking about throwing us in the dungeon. I managed to escape, but now the guards are chasing me and I’m a woman and GOD DAMN IT Raban WHY did you have to fuck the princess?!”
>>41580513well hang on a moment we haven't fucked her YET
>>41580513>Punch her out.>"NO ONE RATS ON RABAN VONELLE!"
>>41580513Look Will, you can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs, right? Look on the bright side! I'm sure you'll get laid way more now that you're attractive!
>>41580513Uh, point of order is that we haven't fucked her YET and hey, you're a chick now, so... Trust me, it could be a lot worse, right? Now, you can be as pissed at me as you like, but first we should probably be where the angry royal guards aren't.Oh, uh, Will, meet Her Highness Ava Edwina Casterly III. Ava, this is Will. She's a friend of mine.
>>41580513Fucking princesses is a biological imperative, surely you understand!Look, we can just find another wizard and have them turn you back right? If you can't appreciate the female body and all. Right Ava?
>>41580513SHE'S REALLY HOT OKAYAre there any other wizards that can fix this? We have to go.
>>41580513Unfortunate, but what can ya do? Point out he makes a good chick anyway. Introduce Princess.
>>41580513Wait how did he manage to have sex before we did? Did he last like two minutes or something?
>>41580608While a good question, I fear it will quickly lead to strangling.
>>41580608Perhaps the princess' chambers are a really long way away from the throne room.Perhaps the guard is just really really good in bed.
>>41580448>still no actual fucking of the princess will happen in the thread>in either thread
>>41580649Oh ye of little faith!
>>41580635Speaking of the guard, I'm calling it now: as we make our dashing escape, she'll run out and call for us to take her with us. a) she can't leave the princess without a protector b) she's totally sweet on the princess c) she may have a crush on Will now d) she's implicated in all this and the king looks unmerciful to bystanders.Come on, OP, you know this has to happen. The adventuring party is formed! One hot princess with an adventurous streak; one cockblocking best friend; one adorably nervous solder; and one outrageously bardish bard! For adventure! For hijinks! For purest love!
>>41580673Hmm, well we have the seduction skills and outrageous ideas of a bard, but do we qualify skill-wise?
>>41580742We can probably play a lute. Our fingers are doubtless nimble enough and we know how to get sweet sounds out of whatever's in our arms!
>>41580448>not You Can't Fuck The Guard! Quest>and the last in the trilogy, You Can't Fuck ____Will!____ Quest
>>41580765We got the magic fingers.
>>41580786>implying Will x Guard isn't OTP
>>41580667>implying the tension isn't what I crave
>>41580796>You Can't Have A Fucking Threeway! QuestIT WRITES ITSELF
>>41580804Tension is best when you can see it build and build and build and just when it seems like if the unresolved sexual tension can't get any more taut... It gives juuust a little, the very smallest snap of a single fiber in the rope...From there, the tension builds again, it snaps a little more, a little greater this time.Then it repeats, each time building to a climax, before giving a bit more than last time...Then finally, just as you think this cycle will continue indefinitely... BANG! everything goes at once, without warning and afterwards, you're left panting for breath and wondering what the hell just happened and when you can do it again!
Which guard are you guys talking about, the guard we sent Will off with, or the guard we promised to bang?
>>41580825Anon pls, don't write OP's smut for them.
>>41580836What are you, a rope fetishist?
>>41580835Wait, weren't they the same..? Ah wait, crap, they weren't... The latter then. Shyguard.>>41580836I do what I want.
>>41580835The guard what raped an innocent maiden like Will on the King's orders.
>>41580835Well let's hook up Will with the former and 3p with the latter.
Ava gives Will and Raban the dick
>>41580859You can't fuck the princess, because the princess fucks you.
Yeesh, Will managed to get laid incredibly quickly.
>>41580868Yet still he dares complain!
>>41580862That's "You can't fuck the Tsarevna!" Quest.
“She’s REALLY hot, okay? Besides, hang on a minute, we haven’t fucked YET…”“RABAN!”“Fine, fine! Sorry! Look, we can just find you another wizard to turn you back.”After a moment, Will lets me go. “…okay. But you’re paying for it.”“Sure, sure, whatever. But we’ve got to go, before-“Suddenly we hear yelling from the other exit to the stables. “-think I saw her run down this way! I’m going to go check!”Will turns. “Oh, crap!”
>>41580908Which guard's this then?
The guard rushes downstairs, spots Will, whacks him in the knees, then grabs him and puts him into a headlock. “Got you!” Then she notices us. I recognize her as the female guard I kissed earlier. “Oh, princess! And… you!”"nooooo" Will whimpers. “please I don’t wanna go to jaaaaail”
>>41580915There's no time! All of you! In here now!
>>41580915Quick! Have the princess convince her to join us on our escape!
>>41580915No time to explain! Get on this horse!
>>41580915>"Please, you have to help us! My friend's recent health showed how inept the current Wizard is at his job, and now he's hypnotized the King into arresting and executing us!"
>>41580915>Good, we don't have to take the time to find you. Now, hurry and get yourself a horse before others arrive!
>>41580915Please come with us, you can still be saved!
>>41580915Put on charm, put everyone on horses, and get outta here!
>>41580942Perfect. Seriously, act like you're in charge and nine times out of ten, people will just go along with what you say. By the time she thinks to question anything, all four of us will be long gone and she'll have no choice but to become friends with us. After all, if she escapes with us, she'll be implicated in our 'crimes'!
>>41580673Its too perfect.Go grab the guard, steal a horse, and become the greatest bard in history! Its about time we had a /u/ quest
>>41580915"No time to explain! Just run this way!"Think she'll actually fall for it?
>>41580959Indeed, Raban truly has the confidence of true royalty. Banging the princess will be but a formality.
>>41580915Sweep her off her feet, literally. Then put her on a horse with Will, grab another one for you and the princess, and off we go.
>>41580242Ask her if this is her homework.
“Good, you’re here. Hurry up and get yourself a horse! That goes for the rest of you, too.”“Huh?” The guard blinks.“There’s no time to explain! Just pick a horse and get on!”She does so, dazed. She cautiously picks a horse and sits in the saddle. “Like this?”
>>41581230Excellent! Now, we ride!
>>41581230im pretty sure that's a donkey not a horse but sure
“Perfect!” I slap the horse’s backside, hard.“Wait, whoa, whoa-!” The guard yelps as the horse runs off at full tilt.“Just hang on! We’ll be there in a moment!” I call after her.
After Will, Ava, and I get saddled, we all follow the guard’s trail. We catch up to her.“What is happening?!” The guard calls out, utterly confused. “What's going on?!”“We’re escaping from the evil king and his evil wizard, who are planning to throw us in the dungeon for their own evil reasons.”“What reasons? Evil? What? I don’t understand! Start at the beginning!”“The beginning? Well, let’s see…” I wave happily to Ava, struggling to get her attention on horseback. After a moment, she waves back with a smile. “I suppose it all started when I saw a beautiful princess out of the corner of my eye…”
>>41581252Absolutely sublime. It's just a pity it won't go on longer.I had a laugh. Thanks, OP!
>>41581252Were Raban and Ava long lost sisters? Saying "yes" will make me and all of America happy
>>41581252>And then Raban kept on trying to have her foursome, but everytime some sort of adventure got in her way>Soon enough they had saved over a dozen villages
>>41581252That sun sure is setting!
>>41581280It's rising anon. Sheesh.
>>41581252Who was fifth rider?
>>41581276>Raban is still a virgin to this very day!
>>41581252Thanks for running OP>couldn't fuck the princess after allI'll just imagine they do later then!
>>41581264I'm glad you enjoyed it! I might start a second thread in a few days, since people seemed to enjoy this one so much.I wasn't originally intending this to be any more than a oneshot, but, hey, who am I to resist the call of /tg/?>>41575092>>41575246>>41580074Oh my gosh, all of this art is absolutely awesome! Thank you so much!
>>41581312>I might start a second thread in a few days, since people seemed to enjoy this one so much.Ah, I guess we'll have to find the answer to >>41581273 another day then!
>>41581312Looking forward to further princess-blocking we'll fuck her one day just you wait and see!
>>41581284Ava: "Wait, Raban, there's one horse left."Raban: "Yeah, but we've all got horses to ride."Ava: "But it'll be lonely."Raban: "..."*Raban quietly releases last horse into the wild*
>>41581340Hey, extra horses are good to have!
>>41581352>emergency food supply
>>41581358plsI was thinking more rotating riders so they get some rest. Or selling for cash-money at most.