Original thread >>>40533884>Our... adept Guardsmen prepare for an attack on a Chaos bakery>The Vostroyan Liaison Officer wants to find the man who stole his sweetheart's picture>The Commissar just gave up>There's some Tallarns around here somewhere doing Emperor knows what
>>40548117>but what if I don't want to shoot my friends?Then I shoot you.
>>40548119Newly minted Second Lieutenant reported for duty! Is there an infirmary nearby? the first one had all of their medical supplies robbed and I need to get something checked out.
Alexandr, we're marking targets for your artillery, will provide forward observer for correcting fire. No positive ID on chaos faction yet!...Wait wait, they've begun tossing captives into a boiling container!
>>40548269Hyay! Deenor! I mhean oh nooo! How whoorible! Whe should all charge eento them right now! >>40548209I am a docthor! I have lots of meedicul shupplies!
>>40548269Is "Sir" to you Lieutenant! What is ETA on battery readiness? Vostroyans... and Penal Regiment, standing by for barrage.>>40548209Ask your fool Searzhant, Second Lieutenant.
>>40548377Oh joy, let the emperor's fury rain down upon the heretics like rain!
>>40548340*BLAM*Excuted again for disobeying a direct order to be executed.
>>40548377We're marking their counter battery fire, mark for ETA.I'm sending you the encrypted coordinates now, and Officer, tell me if this pict file looks familiar...>***Holy Order of the Inquisition seel, your eyes only***
>>40548471>Explodes in a shower of green pus>the pus gets in all of the medical supplies and sprays nearby uniforms.
>>40548560>>40548340(puts gun to own head) *BLAM*
>>40548269Hold that thought friend(?)We've got IG prisoners on the right side of the bakery
>>40548584>Detaches from body and slithers away
>>40548119Uh...where the hell is my lasgun? Seriously, who stole my fucking lasgun?!>>40548269Start shelling them! They're definitely the purple horny dudes that make me uncomfortable. >>40548209I don't think so. Here, have my combat dressings, still in the package. Keep it in a small waterproof bag, turns bad when wet.>>40548377I'm no fool. Fought in the Hives, and fought hard, sir.
>>40548608OH GOD KILL IT *Starts slashing at it with cutlass*
>>40548529>>40548560Not any more Lieutenant. I think though we are needing supply drop. Also a new XO.
>Text printout from CRN114...>Target is extremely dangerous and irritating, capture alive and wait for Ordos Hereticus, destroy this printout after reading, Emperor's Speed First Lieutenant Aaliyah...>Machine jams and spits out paper
Should I be the new lieutenant?
>>40548692I'de support it.
>>40548665Engineer reporting, I found a new mask.
>>40548692>shoots you in the other kneeI am sure it was you who took my Anna from me. Prove me wrong, please.
>>40548692Yes let the paper work flow through you.Don't forget to requisition ammo alright?
>>40548665Liason, you may want to hear this, I just saw Guardswoman Teest behind enemy lines speaking to their commander. Their commander then backhanded her into a meat grinder, which then fed the result to what appears to be guardswoman Teest. What do you want me to write on the report?
>>40548722AHHHHHHH THAT WAS MY FLESHY LEG NOT THE METAL ONE I DIDN'T TAKE YOUR ANNA DIDN'T TOUCH IT DON'T KNOW WHERE IT IS WHO IS ANNA EVEN ANYWAY AWWWWWW MY LEG HURTS>>40548742SURE JUST LET ME BE IN PAIN PLEASE I'LL ORDER A LOT OF HEAVY BOLTER AMMO AND FUEL
Reporting CSM at the bakery.Ahh dammit it's the word bearers.Advise equipping of regimental earmuffs to keep the faggoty words out.Also 500 kgs of exotic explosive is getting heavy.
I get dibs on the hot-shot power pack!
Liason, we're taking fire from their sentinels! Where's your battery fire?! Whats their ETA? >Laser fire streaks between the surrounding cliffs and the fortified manufactorum peppered with light grenade fire and RPGs
>>40548777Don't forget the Meltagun ammo.Also we're planting some explosives after we lost Johnson to a wordbearer who tried to stand on his box. May his explosive death be remembered.
>>40548748First, I want you to change codename, yes? Second, did you see who took my Anna's picture? Third, I have corpse of Teest in front of me. Is not possible what you see.>>40548777I see you master paperwork under stress. Good! Congratulations, Second Lieutenant.
>>40548852Battery is ready. Rounds incoming, get clear my friend!>>40548803Launch explosive assault Searzhant!
>>40548911THANK YOU SIR PLEASE DON'T SHOOT MY FLESHY LEG I'LL HAVE TO REPLACE IT NOW>>40548882OK. I'll also be requisitioning some krak grenades to kill those CSM fellows.If I get promoted again, what will I be? A captain or a major? I forgot the Administratum training video.
>>40548803Marines? Who betrayed our emperor? They will meet a scorching end.
>>40548965Looks on as the explosion of 490 kgs of exotic explosive rips through the enemy bakery followed by a barrage of explosive ordnance.Casualty report:1 dead (Meltagunner Johnson)7 wounded (3 Meltagunners and 4 Hellgunners)Limping back to base!
>>40548992What's all this betraying the Emperor?
>>40548992Just do like the Captain does, shoot them in the leg. Or if you won't shoot them in the space between the pauldrons and their chest armor. Learned that in Hirundinae.>>40549023Can you get Johnson's meltagun? I would love a heftier weapon, even if it's radioactive. I've been stuck on this base for too long.
>>40549040Is Traitor Marines, friend Krieger. What do you suggest? Also, is your new mask alright?
>>40549040Heretics Engineer, even amongst the emperor's finest. A truly sickening thought.
>Over VoxNegative Captain, your barrage fell short, adjust elevation. We're circling north. They appear to be fishing out the civilians, I cant imagine they survived.... Wait wait! Captain, there's something stirring in the vat!*the ground shakes all the way back to base rocks fall from the cliffsides*
>>40549084>>40549089It is functional, and I agree it is sickening, and there is only one cure. We purge externally.
>>40549083Yep, here you go Lt.,meltaguns are built better than most of us guardsmen so it survived.>>40549084We already killed them the Imperial way!Explosives and artillery there might be more though so be careful.
>>40549098Second strike incoming, Lieutenant.
>>40549187No go, shells deflected by wind, one hangar is in shambles, I've lost one chimera over the ledge from the quakes, aim for that cauldron I don't like the looks of it.
>>40549352Don't aim at the cauldron directly. Kill everything that moves instead. Let the higher-ups deal with it.>>40549127Thanks. I'd like to join you guys on the next patrol.
>>40549352The cauldron survived?We planted almost 20kgs. of explosive on it. Are you sure it's the same cauldron?
>>40549352Chyort! Understood, Lieutenant. Battery adjusting coordinates and firing.>>40549083Second Lieutenant! I must return to my regiment to coordinate for big push. You are in control of Penal Battalion /tg/, now. Remember, the Emperor Protects.
>>40549384Who is this? Name yourself guardsman!>>40549392Positive guardsman, You were able to breach the front wall, but it was not a retainer for the cauldron. There appears to be something stirring in it... How many seconds till impact Captain?
>>40549402YESSIR!!>>40549392Then we have a problem. Whatever they're trying to make in that cauldron is going to get out. Maybe a Greater Demon? Do not destroy the cauldron. I repeat, do not destroy the cauldron, or else everything might go to shit.>>40549434I'm Guardsman Joe, 2nd Lieutenant of the /tg/ Penal Regiment. Don't fire on that fucking thing, lest demons or some horrible shit come fuck everything up for us all.
>>40549501Fortifying our base in depth sir.
Guys, we're humping it out to the Chaos bakery. Anyone have any coordinates? Just send them to me in private.bumping for interest and hope
>>40549585What do you think you're doing?You aren't qualified to fortify anything.
>>40549501Roger Joe, We'll provide suppressing fire from the ridge, advise on secondary targets for our RPGs.
>>40549679Fire on the Marines, quick. Any cultists that are stirring the cauldron should be your number one priority. The second are those Word Bearers.>>40549585Good, but that can wait. I need three platoons, each with a heavy bolter or some krak grenades. We're going to help those sons of bitches. Ready the Chimera's, let's get rolling.Some battle music to amp up morale https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUqqNLB0_FI
>>40549608Get a shovel and start directing then. Whatever's in that cauldron ain't gonna wait for us to finish.
>>40549762Just get on with it quick. How fast can we get to the battlefield?
>>40549790Abandoned fortifying and mounted up on the chimeras23Meltas, 16hellguns at your service.
>>40549762Start digging, there's an experimental technique I've been hoping to try, the double-decker trench.
>>40549839Good. Let's get ready for war, man.
>>40549501Gentlemen I suggest we fire a bombardment of all our Jello Rations into it.
>>40548194Emperor preserve us! Something emerges from the vat! It's-It's hideous! Focus fire on that thing! Don't let it get any bigger!
OOC: Anyone got a map for the Tallarn-bro's battlefield? Don't want this to become a quest, but it would be nice.>>40549868Hold on! Cavalry's coming!
WUS DIS BOUT BAKEING?
>>40549868I'm here lieutenant, what's the situation?
>>40549970Just because Orks are the only ones who can eat that strange thing you call food doesn't mean you're a war chef, it just means you can't cook, no better yet, why don't you go over there and show those chaos guys how it's done.
>>40550026>>40549970The monster seems to be growing, it's 20ft tall at the moment... Wait, it's eating... Cultists, the cultists are lining up with their sacrificial pastries!I'm getting reports of orks on the field as well, do you have a visual? ... Reports of an ork wearing a toque!
>>40550106Don't let that thing get near you, but let it rampage. Everyone divide into ten-man groups, with at least three hellgunners. We now have a three-fold goal: First, to kill that demon. Second, stop the cultists from empowering that thing, and third is to clean up the place. First group, I want you to Go To Ground and tie up those Word Bearer sons-of-bitches. The second group will enter the bakery, and remove the cultists inside them, and wreck shit up. The third will kill every cultist that's feeding themselves to that thing. Anyone else, follow me. We're gonna make that demon in pasty jello. Stephen, Krieger, come with me!
>>40550238Good. Krieger, do you have those demo charges? We're going to see how hard that demon's gonna be pissed. *Goes akimbo with meltagun and hot-shot lasgun, taking potshots at everything in front of me, leaving a trail of carnage and confusion* KILLKILLKILLSHOOTHAHAAHHAZYOULIKETHATYOUHERETICS?!COMEGETSOMEOOOHHYEAHH
>>40550325'Do I have demo charges' What kind of question is that? Of course I do, any particular types?
>>40550325Meant for >>40550260
>>40550378JUST THE ONE THAT MAKES THE BIGGEST BOOM BABY! NOW COME, WE'LL TEACH DEMONS THE POWER OF LOW-YIELD EXPLOSIVES!
>>40550378Oh, and your Krieg is spelled wrong.
Lieutenant the cliff side is crumbling, we have to make a retreat and reposition! Emperor preserve us->Static
Get to cover, pick your targets and volley fire lads. And someone burn those cultists. Slow deliberate fire now all of you.
>>40550426AW SHIT, EVERYBODY FALL BACK. PREPARE THE CHIMERA. PUT THE DEMO CHARGES IN FRONT OF IT. TODAY I EARN THE EMPEROR'S FORGIVENESS!!
>>40550404Hmm...I'll need duct tape.
>>40550427STEPHEN, STAY WHERE YOU ARE, I'M TAKING THE EASY ROUTE AND I'M GOING TO RAM THE FUCK OUT OF THAT DEMON SO EMPEROR HELP ME I WILL FIRE FASTER THAN EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU.>>40550470Change of plan. I'm going to ram that thing. Achieves two of our goals.
>>40550455Lieutenant, the device is in place.*cut to a mound of explosives taped together*We should leave immediately.
>>40550455>Throws ice cold water to Lt. To calm him down.>>40550470>throws spare duct tape to Krieger.
>>40550489Oh...uh very good then for the Emperor.
>>40550503WHY DID YOU DO THAT?! YOU SOME KIND OF COMEDIAN?!>>40550508DON'T WORRY ABOUT MELET'S KILL IT! YEAH!! I AIN'T NO SPACE MARINE SON, SONhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMUBWKJ5A_0
>>40550559The brick Lt, you can keep the accelerator down with a brick, just like my Commissar Ciaphas Cain picts.
>>40550588But then he'll survive, where's the glory in that?
>>40550588That's a good idea, Stephen. Let's give it some. Guardsmen, fuck firing at the heretics, just shoot the demon to piss it off.>>40550598I don't want to die. You know that.
>>40550598If it worked for the Hero of the Imperium it'll work for us.
>Blooorgh!>Stomps on some heretics, picks up a nearby razorback and tosses it>RPGs harmlessly pelt it, detonating in showers of white gore
SCREW THIS! AHHHHHAHAHAHAIIIIIIHAAIAIIIIIIIEEEEE *Puts brick to the accelerator, at full speed, hip-firing my meltagun as if there was no tomorrow.* WITNESS ME MOTHERFUCKER *Jumps from the chimera, hitting it dead-on at the leg, leaving it to limp and moan.*
>>40550623...What?>>40550626How was he a hero if he is not a martyr?
>>40550701My legs are not fine. You gain thrones
>>40550722By racking up the heretic/xeno/daemon kill count Krieger, by racking up the kill count.>>40550701Second squad pick up our fearless leader.
Anybody, help me! I thnk I broke my leeegggsss!!!
>>40550753Is it dead?
>Looking down at its twisted leg in fury the monster vaporizes the chimera
>>40550752I don't understand how any of you want to live.>>40550753Regardless the lieutenant is broken, we should give him the Emperor's peace.>>40550768Stephen, get the device.
>>40550768FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKYOOOOOOUUUUU KRIEGFUCK STRAP EVERYTHING ONANOTHER CHIMERA GRENADES PLASMAGUNS EVERYTHING IWILLMAKE SURETHATFUCKINGTHINGDIESTODAY
>>40550753Shall I deliver you the Emperors Peace?
>>40550811NO I WILL KILL THAT THING I WILL STRAP EVERYTHING THAT GOES BOOM ON ONE CHIMERA AND GIVE IT A GIANT FUCK YOU
Sorry I was away, friends, I had to drag our... old friend the commissar to his bunk and make sure he would survive his ethylic coma.Also, why does it smell of croissants and muffins in here?
>>40550791Here's the device Kriegsman.>>40550803Sir quit flailing about while second squad drags your ass over here it makes it harder to get a decent handhold.>>40550811Can I have some flakk missiles Quartermaster going to see if it doeas some damage.
>>40550826But I'm strapping everything that goes boom,and stephen I'll need your melta.
>>40550768This vehicle belonged to the Emperors subjekts. Destroying it requires your instant executtion.Charge and attack!
>>40550858Hmph how fitting, the memento of a Krieger to be used by another Krieger in the end. Use it well Kriegsman.
>The monster readies for the attack, trying its best to conceal the limp.
>>40550857THAT'S IT CARRY ME TO THE CHIMERA AND I WILL RIDE WITH THE EMPEROR ON VALHALLA, ALL SHINY AND CHROME
>>40550857Excellent, some det-charges, more melta bombs, a few grenades, a hot plasma gun, some nitro-glycerine with a cherry bomb on top, Lieutenant, the chimera is ready.
REVEL IN THE MOMENT GUARDSMEN FOR TODAY IS THE DAY YOU CAN SMELL PLASMA IN THE AIR OH YEAH DAEMON DON'T SURF>>40550901GOOD NOW GET ME MY MELTAGUN
>>40550889Hop to it second squad, get the Lt. His chimera.>>40550884Alright, Boys and Girls, this thing has pissed me off enough to want it's head on the wall, aim low.
This is what I get, I take ONE nap in the trenches and suddenly I miss a emperor-damned assault on a chaos fortress! Now the lieutenant is missing his legs, and those damn Tallarns are dead! Now this thing is going to eat plasma!
>Krak rockets pelt beasts dome, sending concussive ripples down its form, cultists run screaming without their pants. In the distance a lone ork wearing a toque sheds a single tear as the lone chimera charges the beast, streaking lass fire and arcing plasma heralding its onslaught
>>40549868>>40550106THESE UMMIES SNACKZ AIN'T PROPPER ORKY!BRING DA BREWES AND DA SNACKZ BOYZ!!! >>40550070*STOMP* SNACKZ TIME!
>>40550924I can't, I used it to increase the explosive force.
>>40550931Uhhh about that.See that shiny blue bit by the chimeras bumper? Yeaaaaah Here have a Flakk missile launcher!
>>40550884I'll show you what it means to have been part if the 2nd praetorian before the goat incident
>>40550901>>40550901Do we really have to use that many explosives for this? Can't we just drown it in bodys instead of wasting precious explosive?
>>40550981We don't have as many bodies after the oven incident, otherwise I would agree.
>>40550945OOOHHHH YEAHHHH COME WITH ME AND YOU SHALL SEE FUCKING FIRE CHARGING AT YOU YOU CUNT TIME TO DIE *In my last moment, I give no fucks about what I'm doing*
>>40550931I'm as lost as you, I tried to make sure the commissar... Ex-commissar didn't drink himself to death and I just came back and nobody will tell me anything.
>Guardsman Lieutenant Joe's world fades to white, as the Emperor carries him off the chimera. To Valhalla, all shiny and chrome
>>40551031...Was I just tricked out of martyrdom?
>>40550998>>40551031>sheds a tearMy Emperor! Joe!
>You could swear you could hear the lords of chaos roar at the death of their might confection>before all goes eerily quiet, with only the sound of dust in the wind.
>>40551046Don't worry there are some orks over the horizon, so back to the trenches with us. Oh and since Lt. went and martyred himself someone has to rake up the mantle of paperwork.If anybody needs me I'll be manning the trenches.
>>40550998For the Emperor, Lieutenant, for the Emperor
>>40551105The trenches I brought into imperial standards.
>crackling,>faintly over voxLieutenant, lieutenant, can you hear me!? What happened?
>>40551135Yes sir.Now I know we just stopped a confection of chaos but the orks are charging us now, is that beer and pretzels?Emperor hold fast lads.
>>40551105Not Joe! Not him! He was my only friend in this regiment. >cries on
>>40551145The lieutenant perished attacking a daemon the traditional way of your people.
>>40551145Sir, he...died killing the fucking thing hardcore. Went up and shoved himself in a chimera full of grenades, plasma guns, meltaguns and more. He was the craziest fucker I've known, and the best. Emperor let him be at peaceBut now, the Orks are coming! Hold the fucking line!Thanks for the thread guys, even though it was a little disjointed and weird. Haven't had much fun roleplaying since a long time.Music for the lieutenant's departure https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEm0AjTbsac
>>40551179>Barely audible over cracklingAh... I see, emperor protect his brave soul. We'll meet up for a sitrep then, the firing has died down on our end. We have wounded on the way, prepare for our arrival...
>>40551211Should we archive this? I mean, Joe was pretty hilarious
>>40551227We, and the orks await your arrival.
>>40551227Careful not to alert the orks to your presence Tallarn Lt.Emperor speed.
Should we archive this?
Joe.... Ain't got time to mourn. Let's move boys, time to roast some orks just like he would have wanted
>>40551255So, what's the plan sir?
>>40551274We kill orks and die, for the Emperor.
>>40551274Hell if I know. Do we have any nominees to replace joe?>>40551253I think so, if only to preserve the beauty of joe.
>>40551240TBH that badass sacrifice made me weep a little, even if I did write it, that addition of all shiny and chrome earlier, I couldn't not write that in. if we do archive we'll need the last thread for reference, but I'm in favour, I just wish I had my tablet right now so I could draw joe being carried off by the emperor and the bottom half of alliyahs face as she held the vox. emperor protect /tg/ this made my day
>>40551301The squad needs a portrait to remember the battle.
>>40551297Stephen would make him proud. Let him lead the regiment. >>40551301I agree. Rocco was a pretty cool guy.
>>40551297Man the trenches and hold the line, also someone needs to abduct a scribe to fill out the requisition forms.Hop to it Plasmagunner we don't have infinite ammo.
>>40551301Thanks. I never thought it would go in this direction. Ave Imperator, all of you. May the Emperor never forget this thread.
>>40551386Understood. Guardsmen, hold steady. For Joe's sacrifice.
>>40551386Join the Guard they said, you'll never do paperwork again they said. I think I can manage to fill out forms while incinerating the Xenos.
>>40551274Rocco, take 3 hellgunners and a meltagunner and scout out that ridge.>>40551297Get the requisition forms to the trenches, we need more ammo.
>>40551430Understood. Men, spread out! You don't want to be ambushed all together, would you? Check those crevices, those Orks always hide in improbable places.
Bumping for more potential
>>40550945>>40551031Zoggin Beutiful....WE GOTZ DA LEFTOFERS TONITE!
>>40551338Drawfag here I'll see what I can do, but off to work now. Archive it please.
>>40551519I'm sculpting Joe being carried by the emperor. the joe part is easy, the emperor part won't be...
>>40551545>>40551535Godspeed, you both do us all a service.
>>40551534*static*st, we h*static*ual of orks to our 3'O'clock, prov*static*ring firealso thank emperor the orks turned back up
>>40551600Well troops, we are needed elsewhere, death and glory!
All clear, sir. The ridge is currently free of Orks. Shall I put some pickets there?So, how do we archive again?
>>40551600Oh yeah! Let's teach 'em hell! *Starts shooting accurate fire over the Orks, whittling them down*
>>40551625Cover the Tallarns! Flank the orcs left!>>40551617Keep the main force of orcs focused on the trenches!/*still filling out those forms while shooting*/
>>40551519Will be back in one hour.
>>40551689I was born for this.*alternates between the trenches various weapon emplacements*
>Puffs of dust crop up as the Lieutenant's convoy bounces through the rolling badland hillsfilling out archive forms and fucking up, sorry lads I'll get it eventually...
>>40551689Yes sir! Men, to me! Teach them the fury of man! *Fires his hellgun as fast as he can, killing Orks left and right*Put on your bayonets! We will go home!
>>40551689You know what the biggest problem with orks is? They release spores. Plasma sees to that little problem quite well. *begins firing*
>>40551776OOOOHHHH YEAAAHHH WE DON'T NEED THE CAVALRY, WE ARE IT. COME GET SOME!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZrNjvAhsJvQ
>>40551774You will.*readies shotgun to charge*
>Over VoxWe are inbound with paperwork and woundedTo preserve our legacy, we must petition the god emperor! http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.htmlVote nigga
>>40551776Burn them! Burn them all!*Fires handflamer*
>>40551818That's it! Put your all into it!
>>40551864For the Emperor!*Charges into green horde*
>>40551827What description and title should we give it?>>40551876LET'S DO THIS! FOR JOE! *charges alongside the lone engineer*
>>40551842>>40551876Keep moving forward keep their eyes on you.>>40551864Head for the rear! We'll flank the warboss!FOR THE EMPEROR!
>>40551902>>40551909*Green skin to the left of me, green skin to the right of me, green skin in front of me falling before my mighty shotgun*
>>40551909Got'cha boss! *Moves silently among the chaos, chain-machete in hand, ready to fuck shit up with his men* Guardsmen, roll out!
LITE UP DA BURNAZ AND BRING YA CHOPPAS SNACKZ AND SMACKZ for ALL!
>Orks pouring in by the dozen fall flat before the quadrilateral trench, piling up in a green mass just high enough for more boyz to run over. dozens more pour in only to be cut down by plasma fire and hot prometheium. They are almost uppon the guardsmen when their 'bridge' collapses.>Dust plumes around the ork boyz as they fall into a seemingly random double decker trench[spoilers]also don't forget to >http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html Vote on our favourite thread. Should I also archive the previous thread, it did have sum lulzy moments.[/spoiler]
>>40551956yes to archiving the previous one
>>40551950Eat shotlass ork!>>40551956Yes please.
>>40552005Anyone want to start on a short little 1d4chan article for our heroes while I'm archiving the previous thread?
>>40552045Can we do that?
>>40551936*The squad is near the bulk of the Ork force, green giants trampling the earth, with guns. Among the chaos, is a giant figurre, larger than the other orks, with a chef hat and a pretzel choppa in hand.* With a mighty cry, Rocco leads his men into the madness. "Guardsmen, MOW THEM DOWN! I WANNA SEE THEM FILLED WITH LEAD!" "ANIMAL MOTHER, GET ON IT!" A storm of lead and nuclear fire takes the Orks by surprise, the eye of the storm being a few men, bound by their hate and fury. Let this be the day hell is unleashed.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mC57rpO8ChA
>>40551776>>40551842DA BREWS, DA BREWES IS BURNIN!
>>40552045Please don't. This thread is a stain on /tg/'s already thoroughly soiled honor.
>>40552057Everyone want to hold here until tomorrow?
>>40552066I want you to stop with them negative waves.
>>40552077And I want everyone in this thread to stop acting like a 13 year old on a freeform forum, but that's not going to happen either, is it?
>>40552072 aye, I should have guardsman sculpt done by then. and hopefully some more art will crop up
>>40552100Where's my 'no fun allowed' robot image?
>>40552100I dunno. This is the only time we've had fun, so leave us be. Besides, if its shit, its just one thread, unlike quests and other kinds of shit. If you're trolling, I wouldn't care. But you seem decent, so I'll let it slide.Some anon please archive this already.
>>40552129Take your head out of your ass and maybe you'll find it.
>>40552124Signing off,until tomorrow.
>>40552137You're a real treat, you know that?
Gais, gais, we can all get along here. The threads allready been archived, it's sitting at the top of the pile, and hopefully some nice drawfaggery will come of this, and at the very least a pile of us had fun.http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html
>>40552205You're right, let's all take a break and return later.Until then...
>>40552057"Come on, no sons of bitches are going home in a bodybag today!" The fighting devolves into a melee, the team only enduring due to their adrenaline, numbing wounds that had blood flow freely.
>>40552045please please someone do it, I can't access that shit at work
>>40552299At the very least the thread IS archived so that will buy us a little time till we can slice up the posts and form a coherent story accompanied by drawrings.
>>40552324So...what now? We just wait for the drawfag and modellingfag to deliver?
>>40552362No pressure guys.
>>40552100>muh quest threads>muh cyoas>/tg/ is super serious
>>40552414Any progress? Rocco is getting bored.>>40552440Please, ignore that asshole.
>>40552061>The destruction of the Booze destroys the Warchef's ingredients and forces him to go loot some more.
Let's keep this thread up! Bumpan for interest.
>>40552615Let's keep the roleplaying going.
>>40552664I'm still here. But I think the rest wanted to pause for today.
What the fuck? Why is it called a quest? It ain't a quest, just some anons having some fun.
>>40552743Still, why is it a quest? We only had a coherent storyline when Joe started fighting the demons. And why do anons say this thread's bad?
>>40552784I don't really know. It's just some funny roleplaying.And I think that this thread collides with some Anons PoW about what should belong on /tg/.
>>40552810Yeah, I guess. At least homebrew threads, chess generals and more good threads are coming now.
I'm back... Damn those probes hurt.
Running into technical difficulties with the empy and making the two objects work together, but here's what I could do with fuckin' joe in an hour. Emperor rest his chrome soul
>>40548119EUREKA!I've got it! I have a plan. The first step is to gather as much honey as we can find!
>>40553003What will we do with honey Lemmings?
Are we going to eat it? Please say we don't... I was convicted on Mara for eating...
>>40553034We fire it out of our weaponry in order to attract THE BEES! The swarm will descend upon our enemy, and we shall have the perfect opportunity to strike!
>>40553049Hal! Hey bud how good are you at talking to the administratum? Also how does one get convicted on eating?
>>40553066They want me dead... And I was convicted for eating twelve guardsmen, including our sergeant and killing five more with my teeth and nails. I killed only three and ate five, but they put it all on me as the only survivor from our group.
>>40553105But do you have BEES, Gibbers?
>>40553105Oh wow, you think you could get them to approve us getting a Leman Russ?>>40553136Lemming there's still behind the gas tanks use your honey there./*the paperwork is real*/
>>40553136They tried to remove all of the... Things... Not bees, but they buzz all the same. Cut them out of my brain, see? But the buzzing didn't stop.... THE BUZZING NEVER STOPS!!! *Starts clawing at his own ears*
>>40553185I think that's edgy. Or maybe they just cut out his eardrums?
Some sort of bugs... Psychneuein or something... They said Mara has the most dangerous known variant. Many were afflicted, many were killed. I was one of the 200 "lucky" ones to live...
>>40553235Not trying to be special snowflake, I just love the Mara landing Massacre lore. I just mixed in the Mara strain psychneuein and made him very insane indeed. Sorry if my attempt to make entertaining madman was unsuccessful.
I can just shut up if that makes you guys happy. Unless someone wants him around, "Gibbers" Hal will now vanish to the background.
>>40553362Mara Landing Massacre? You have me intrigued, anon. Tell me more.
>>40553406Keep the thread going.
It's Dark Heresy RPG lore. Mara was once a mining world. Miners disappeared. Decolonization failed. It was quarantined. Then this unlucky regiment makes a crash landing after botched warp travel. Men start killing each other in animalistic frenzy. From millions, only few thousand survive, most to be taken in by the inquisition or executed.
Recolonization... I hate autocorrect.
>>40553158But first we need the honey! QUICK, TO A HIVE CITY!
>>40553429Oh shit. Chaos? Or some strong psychedelic drug?
More like the thing that ends warhammer 40k universe similarly to fantasy's end times if GW decides to go with it.
>>40553472Link to my posts anon. Or were you replying to someone else?
>>40553493Sorry. I was replying to you, though.
>>40548119Okay, so I've looked at this thread and some of the replies for it, and its a bit saddening that /tg/ is throwing the heavy doses of "No fun!" at us.I used to do this Field Kit Inspection thread regularly for a couple of weeks a while ago, and no-one complained then, I suspect maybe because it didn't spill over into another thread, but then, it never used to get this many replies.Anyway, I intend to do more of these.
>>40553566Thanks for giving us Guardsman Joe, sir. What were some hilarious moments you've had back then?
>>40553566I have loved this. I'd love to join similar threads in the future
>>40553586Pleasure. And I would tell you, but the archives have been deleted, but back then the character was Lord-Commissar Zachary. I think the last thread I did with him he uttered the name "Chaos Spawn" and, well...>>40553603Then I will do more!
>>40553472XXIII In that place there shall be a gathering,XXIV Among them will be the deluded, the damned, and the lost,XXV They shall take their place beneath the light of a sun that shines not and whose power they will know not,XXVI The herald shall return from that echoing and great place,XXVII He will return and there will be great power with him,XXVIII But his power shall be that of the lost and others, even the damned, shall know it not,XXIX Fools will be his bearers, his coming will be the coming of ruin and death though it be not of his own making, XXX And so with all in motley and blood the players shall wait and the darkness shall pour, clawing out of a dark sun and vomit darkness into the offering bowl.
>>40553677HAHAHAHAHAHA So let me guess, everyone in that thread was attacked by Chaos Spawn? Or turned into one themselves?
>>40553723Something along those lines, I can't remember precisely, but I started doing it as a bit of a 40k parody of the Wizard's Guild threads, because I thought they were funny and wanted to try it out in a different setting.
>>40553754Heh. Yeah, I like that. Has more leeway to goofball. Is this some sort of achievement to you? That some anon managed to make your thread on the archive?
>>40553778It doesn't really matter whether they're archived or not, its just a bit of fun.Besides, they've been archived before, and one of them apparently still is. Apparently my wifi was just playing up when I tried to get onto it.http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/28360492/
>>40553621Is it ok if I go on with Dark Heresy-based characters next time too?
>>40553754Maybe eventually there'll be a Deathwatch variant.
>>40552471I have a day job lads, I'll be able to work on it in the evening only. Luckily I don't go out much.
>>40553913Entirely possible>>40553932Wow, there's going to be drawfaggotry? This will be interesting.
Just asking, what made Joe special? And what made the anons archive this thread?
>>40553985He died, I think? Not sure.
>>40554040That can't be it.
>>40554117I don't know then. I haven't been here half the time.
>>40554138Oh. Then the other anons should be able to answer. What made Joe special?
>>40554163He had a three letter name that started with J and didn't end with a consonant.
>>40554163He died via suicide bombing a giant chaos doughboy that was nearly impervious to damage.He was also a bit of a berserker.
>>40553966Could stand it anymore, went on a smoke break, doodled a bit. So, penal regiment designation /tg/, this is what you brought your commissar to.
>>40554180Ah. Pretty cool.
>>40554289I can help him! Look Commisar, I have a new way for us to deploy explosives! It involves spare guardsmen and catapults, but look at how effective it is!
>>40554350It could also be an option to bring the commisar close enouth to hit them with his sword.
>>40554350No'one can help me!Look at Colonel-Commissar Gaunt! Took a bunch of woodsmen from a backwater planet, and WON HALF THE BLOODY SABBAT WORLDS WITH THEM!Me? I knew a Penal Regiment would be tough, but you people...YOU PEOPLE HAVE SUCKED ME DRY!Now I have to fill my veins with alcohol to fill the gap your stupidity has left in me...>>40554289(Nice drawfaggotry!)
>>40552978That's awesome. Tell us of your progress!
>>40554408BRILLIANT! And if we combine them, by tying explosives to the sword... I've got it!
*looks up* good, the sun is still there, bright and everything.
>>40554423And here we have an allegorical representation of Ltn. Joe's martyrdom.
>>40554580If he had my new model of flak jacket, he'd still be alive.
>>40554594Lemming, I don't get how it works so I have no clue how I would even draw it. I know you stab yourself in the shoulder but that's it.
>>40554594What makes your flak jacket special, huh Lemming?>>40554580Not bad. There should be an explosive version.All in all, a pretty good thread.
>>40554613No, that's my new way of holding your rifle. My flak jacket design is optimized for maximum defense. >>40554641You see, you take a bunch of laspistols and affix them to the exterior of the jacket, so when you fall over, the laser blast cushions you, and allows you to simply roll with it. If you get hit, one of the laspistols will be destroyed, but it should set off the other laspistols to fire, so you can counterattack!
>>40554580>>40554289If you are of making drawings, friend, do not skimp on glorious moustache. Also, is not fat, just winter coat.
>>40554658That's stupid but if it works, it works. Doesn't mean it ain't stupid.How could Joe be represented in Only War? Just asking.
>>40554580i was wondering how he rammed the demon pastry with one chimera and then managed to get into a second one right afterwards, or maybe i missed something*cough* I mean>spooky lights dance across the sky as barely audible words fill your ears
>>40554689I think he was already unhinged a bit. He was carried by the 2nd squad to the second Chimera after Krieg Engineer prepared the Chimera of multiple Explosives, Hate, and FUCKYOU.Speaking of which, how good is /tg/ at teaching roleplay?
>>40554689What in the warp is this?
>>40554825Who's the guardsman?
>>40554872I don't remember his name but there was one in the first thread with a melta gun.
>>40554825Da! Wery good my friend! You capture moustache wery well.
>>40554895Bah! Meltas! They're only useful if you're using them in tandem with long lengths of twine wrapped around incredibly lengthy iron poles with a cache of promethium on the end.Speaking of which, anyone care for some Promethium Jousting Practice?
>>40554927No one wants that, Lemming.
>With a violent lurch the tear begins to widen and a big cylindrical object begins to emerge.>As the tip of the object begins to leave the warp it becomes quite discernible.>A large lho stick, unlit
>>40554970*I go nearby and kick it* What the hell is this? Some kind of joke?!
>>40554958Ridiculous! Promethium Jousting is a revolutionary new form of combat, I'm telling you! WE SHALL PLACE OUR PROMETHIUM LANCES ON TANKS! TANKS, I SAY!>>40554970Wait, what's this?
>>40554970Don't fall for it! It's a temptation of Slaanesh!
>>40554980Wait, that sounds like a good idea. How do we make Promethium Lances, Lemming? I'm surprised this is a good idea out of the menagerie of your stupid ones.
>>40554987But what does it do?
>>40555011What you shouldn't do is light it up. Bad shit always happens. So don't.
>>40554987>Is temptation of Slaanesh>Says goat-defiler
>>40555010Well the important thing is making a pole long enough, in order to distance yourself from the Promethium igniting. At the end of the pole, you attach a cache of highly compressed Promethium. Then, we wrap a fuse around the pole from the cache to the other end, which we will ignite when we wish to detonate. All we have to do is either place the lances on the ground with camouflage in order to detonate them the moment the enemy walks over the cache, or we use them on tanks or as infantry weapons during combat.
>Somewhere in the warp a birdthing strokes it's chin
>>40555025I...I... Well at least I recognize Slaaneshi shit when I see it.
>>40555046Good idea. You can use them as punjabi traps, or you can ram things more efficiently. Both are good.
>>40555055>Somewhere on the battlefield, a man filled with ideas the likes of which the Imperium has yet to see strokes his chin
>>40555055Joe, my man, did you drop the stick? Joe? Ah crap, Joe is totally out guys. Birdface, come back here and stop plotting, it's your turn to play.
>>40554970>Picks it up and throws it back into the hole with a krak grenade.There! Is no more problem. Emperor give me strength... Mudaks!
>>40555067Don't look at me like that. No. Nuh-uh.
>>40548119>Our... adept Guardsmen prepare for an attack on a Chaos bakeryMUH BAKERY!!!
>>40555082What the fuck?! Did you guys hear that?>>40555112AAAAAAHHHHH WHAT IS THIS THING KILL IT WITH ANYTHING
>>40555112SLANEESHI DAEMON! QUICK, GRAB THE HONEY, SPIKED BARBS, AND RAZOR WIRE!I have a plan.
>>40555112Aaaaaand that's the end of it. Alright everybody, nice job. Two whole threads before it showed up. See ya in the funny papers.Do not, I repeat, DO NOT MAKE ANOTHER THREAD.
>>40555112Told you so. Fucking told you. But noooo, you get caught fucking a goat and nothing else matters anymore.
>>40555132WHAT THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO WITH THAT?! IT'LL JUST MAKE IT MORE HORNY
>>40555144he didn't say it was a great plan!Maybe if we disguise ourselves, it won't notice us. Quick! make out me!
Why do you look at me like I'd be a monster?
>>40555144>>40555152It's a brilliant plan! The honey is bait, the spiked barbs will distract it so we can go in with the razor wire!
'nesh, when you were talking about gettin baked, nobody understood it that way. Stop sulking and tell your pincer girl to just bring back my stick.Birdface will you just play your next move for the love of me?
This inspection is steadily turning more outrageous
>>40555194Wait... The Emperor? Am I hearing the Emperor?GIVE ME DIVINE INSPIRATION, OH GREAT EMPEROR!
>>40555160Because I don't want to be eaten, Gibbers.
>>40555121>>40555132YOU FOOLS HAVE RUINED EVERYTHING!!!
>>40555243>picYeah, was a real nice thread we had going here. Seriously, why the fuck do you have to ruin everything fun?
>>40548119We'll be back next week, folks!
>>40555243Alright, forget the honey. BRING OUT THE PROMETHIUM LANCES, WE HAVE HERESY HERE.(Also ND you should be ashamed.)
>>40555262I'm rather newfaggish, what is the deal with nice daemonette?
>>40555332Nothing really, I just post lewd things and people flip shit over it.
>>40555272NO FUCK THAT I SAY WE GO FULL JOE AND RAM THE MOTHERFUCKER WITH OUR PROMETHIUM LANCES
>>40555243>Hidden somewhere on a muffled distance, a lictor sees this picture.>The only reaction the Hive Mind can understand out of it is to vomit right on the spot on disgust.>The vomit obviously becomes and acidic barf biomorph
>>40555398ATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATAATTATTATATATATATTAATTATATATATATTATATA DIE DIE DIE DIE DAEMON BY THE POWER OF HOKUTO SHIN KEN
Wait, guys. I just had a great idea!So, once we take out the big Tyranids the smaller ones just start running around right?What if we captured the guants with a carrot or something, and put them in giant treadmills to recharge our battery packs?
>>40555513GENIUS! Truly you have the spark of true innovation! I'll make the calculations and preparations at once!
>>40555221Who turned on my mic again? Birdface? *croaking voice goes JUST AS PLANNED!*Fuck you Birdface, I'm done with you. I'm dragging my bro Joe back to my warp realm.
>>40555332>>40555356You repost the same shitty pictures over and over again ad nauseum, pictures that by your own admission aren't even yours so you're not even attention whoring for your own art.You draw attention to yourself in the most obnoxious way possible and make it your mission to ensure that everyone in the 10 or so threads you're simultaneously posting in knows you are the lewdest person there. Keep that shit on /d/, we don't want to hear about your fucking fetishes every fucking day. Hell, I just bet even /d/ are getting sick of you by now, if they haven't already.You feel the need to reply to every single person in a thread, and when someone calls you out you play dumb and act like we're overreacting to nothing. THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME SOMEONE HAS HAD TO CONFRONT YOU LIKE THIS.Some anons will just say to filter you out but seeing people replying to air would just annoy me and frankly, I don't believe in filtering individual posters.To summarise, you are become niggerfaggot. Destroyer of threads. I honestly do not care about what you do over on /d/, the dedicated fetish board, but here on /tg/ you are one of the most virulent cancers infesting this board that I love. All you have to do is drop the namefagging and act like a decent human being but you just point-blank refuse to cool the autism even just a little.Kill yourself.
>>40555550Thanks Lemming, you know, I've always thought thinkers like us were under appreciated in the guard.Another idea I had was putting the bayonet inside the barrel of the lasgun, so you not only get to stab, you also get a really hot knifegun!
>>40555659True genius! Say, what do you think of a partnership? Working together, our ideas and tactics could take the Imperium by storm!
>>40555722You mean take the Imperiums enemies by storm, right?Either way... hm... G.N. And Lemming, I like the sound of that! And my mam always told me that names are 97% of everything, so I'm on board!
>>40555722Guardsman, stop stealing stuff from the armory and building idiotic devices with it or I will have to execute you.
>>40555789It's not stealing, it's "Requisitioning for Experimental Warfare Research"
>>40555789>>40555824He's right, you know. It's for the benefit of the war effort, and therefore, a necessity.
>>40555824Tell me. Why didn't you join the Ad-Mech if you like to experiment with dangerous devices?
>>40555854Me mam didn't want me wearing all that red and chrome, said it wasn't my color and made me look like a poof.
>>40555854And the Mechanicus wouldn't let me join when I proposed my "Kamikaze Sheep" idea.
>>40555918Lemming, we already use people for that.
>>40556296Ah, but this was brilliant! You see, the sheep were going to ride inside giant wooden horses that were stuffed with explosives! And then those horses were to be launched from high-powered catapults! Apparently making the sheep themselves cyborgs was "tech-heresy." Ridiculous, I say. But I'm telling you, it's a great plan! We just need the resources!
>>40555854 Admech and innovation. Sure.
>>40556362Ruh would never let us use his "relaxation" sheep for testing anyway.
>>40556398That would be the main problem at the moment, yes. But if we can get our hands on some beetles, a bottle of wine, and some poker cards, I may have a plan to fix that.
Gibbers already did his, as did Ruh. Anyone else want to describe how they got into this legion?
>>40556457Me mam caught me fiddling with a bicycle, string, and pops old coat to make a new, revolutionary way of transport and shipped me out here saying "It'll straighten you out and make you a real man just like your pop."Honestly I think she thinks I'm at a boarding school or something.
>>40556457Well, like I said, tech-heresy. Hence my presence in this here penal legion.
>>40556457After 10 battles I was still alive, so the Death Korp thought I was a heretic, because I did not die for the Emperors Glory. So I was send to the penal batallion to think about my sins.
>>40556457I accidentaly hit a Space Marine with a rock.It was a big rock.
>>40556750Hrm, that might come in handy against Chaos Marines. What kind of rock was it?
>>40556783One attached to a krak grenade.
>>40556804...That gives me an idea.
>>40556822Yes Eric, what is it? What revolutionary new concept have you thought of?
>Oversees the Imperial Guard's camp hidden behind cover.>Lays its eyes upon the commanding officer.
>>40556844Well, krak grenades are good for breaking armor and stuff right?But grenades have a limited range because lets be honest, none of us lift.But what if we made something like a cannon, and strapped krak grenades onto the cannonball, or even inside of it? The range could be huge!
>>40556941Ingenious! Simply ingenious. I shall start designing the cannons at once.
>>40556941Wouldn't that basically be an primitive artillery?
>>40556980Nope.Not at all.Completely different.
>>40556398The sheep were disappointing, and someone ate most of them anyway.
>>40556457What about you?
>>40557034Before a battle against orks, the commissar told us "don't stop firing". Whenever the ork warboss stampeded over our lines, I didn't stop firing. When it engaged the commissar and the rest of the regimental command, I didn't stop firing. I murdered the command and the warboss (who's armor was ripped open by the commissar's powerfist). No execution, but here I am. >>40556913Anyone else feel as if it's nice they're not an officer?
>>40557161Yeah, officers always get killed by assassins and big monsters and stuff. Or big monster assassins.
>>40557175I just want to point out that the commisar holds a higher rank than I do.
>>40557213Yes but I think he is still in alcohol-induced coma.
>>40557275Well that just means the giant monster assassins will be gone that much quicker.
>>40557338Maybe those Tallarns have a high ranking officer?