>You wanna join my group, huh? Alright, lemme see your character sheet..>Now just so you know, This is gonna be a high-lethality, story-driven campaign. It's likely you'll need multiple characters.>Also, I tell my stories non-linearly. Expect to jump around in the continuity a lot...>Whats This? No proficiency with handguns? No ranks in intimidate?>Kid, you're not gonna last long with this character. You might wanna..>Alright, just don't get mad when Sammy out-soliloquizes you before blowing a hole in your head.
>>39932921>I didn't go to wizard school, I went to wizardsBRAVO QUENTIN
>>3993292110/10 would play Shadowrun with
>>39932921>>Whats This? No proficiency with handguns? No ranks in intimidate?My katana proficiency and acrobatics ranks more than compensates.
>>39932948Damn it, Uma! I told you last week, we were running a gritty western. All that wuxia-shit was the last campaign!
>>39932969Alright, I'll play a brawler then.But I'll keep the katana.
>>39932921Fine. Just, please, one thing, hold it back with DMPCs. If you have to play a guy that tags along with us, have him die off scene or something, don't hog the spotlight, okay?
Here's my character. Stats optimised, Backstory starts on page 3. I trust you'll find everything in perfect order, gentlemen.
>>39933025>Just so you know, you'll be teaming up with my DMPC. Sure, she has all kinds of supernatural powers that don't normally exist in this setting and her skills surpasses anything you can do, but she's so quirky and cool that I'm sure you won't mind.
>>39933025Fine, Steve, just this once I'll keep my plot-driving DMPC out of the spotlight. Maybe I'll be super-nice and let one of you kill him off; if you don;t piss me off too much.>>39933070What do I look like, a weeb? I just wanted to run a game with katana-chicks in motorcycle jumpsuits, I wasn't expecting an Inquisition.
Are you gonna get all weirdly racist when you talk to anyone with a black character again, Quentin?
>>39932921>Loves inserting his magical realm into every game. Not because it actually turns him on or anything, he just wants people to think he's eccentric.
>>39932921So are you just gonna take an old campaign from the 70's and try to pass it off as your own again?
>>39932921Fuck you man, both your WW2 and western campaign were bullshit from start to finish. I'll play, but only if you run a modern day scenario.
>>39933116Just one more thing: Keep it down with the feet, okay?Nobody really minded the first few times, but the n-th time it gets creepy.
>>39933143Listen, if you don't like my period pieces, you can go play in Joss's alpha-bitch fantasyland. We're plaing in the wild west, niggers and chinks were looked down on in that time.>>39933168Don't pretend like you didn't like the game were you were all bank robbers, that was one of my best runs!>>39933170Okay, so Brad kinda stole the show with the WW2 one. I can't be blamed for that; I tried to give you all equal playtime. I even let Donny pick out his own moniker!
>>39933196But the feet stuff is so quirky and eccentric, how else would he express what a cool DM he is without it?
>>39933215Quentin, sprinkling the old campaigns with swearwords and pop culture references doesn't really make them as provocative and avant garde as you think. I mean, it was kinda cool at first, but can't we just play a game without the NPCs bantering about pop culture for most of the session?
>>39933270This one's player's fault really. Quentin warned us he's gonna treat OOC discussion as IC whenever it at least somewhat makes sense. Any you know we just can't help it sometimes...
>>39932921If I wanted to play some "updated" dumb weaboo plot I would had stayed with G. Lucas.And no, it's fucking shit forcing me to roll if I want to suck black cock, you sick bastard. Die in a car crash, you hack.
>>39933270Would you rather play in Joss's campaign, where his little waifu steals the show every other fight?>>39933230THANK YOU! Finally, someone gets it!
>Remember that cool BBEG from the campaign you really like?>Sure, I just GMed the first third of the campaign, but it's still all mine.>Anyway, I wrote this really awesome backstory for the BBEG. Check it out, it gives him this whole new depth.
>>39933310You're just mad because Joss is more popular with the girl gamers.
>>39933310Said the guy who ran a campaign about weeaboo katana catfights.
>>39933297Not cool man. Not cool..
>>39933341If he is so popular, why he chickened from Twitter.
>>39933358Why would anyone want to stay on Twitter?
I love this thread almost as much as I love feet for some goddamn reason.
>>39933297"if I want to suck black cock" or "whether I want to suck black cock." The former sounds like you're rolling for how well you did it.
>The plot in my new campaign is gonna blow your mind!
>>39933392Get out of here, Night! No one likes you anymore!
>>39932921He guys what's going on. Can I join? I know the last time I played with you it didn't went as right as it should, maybe my fault, maybe not, but this time it will be a blast.
>>39933341He hasn't been popular since the 90's. Joss is a hack with a tough-gal fetish.>>39933353I ran the campaign you guys asked for. You said, 'Hey, let's get Lucy and Uma in this group! Make it happen!' And I obliged. I dunno what you want!
>>39933109>spends 10 minutes describing her appearance>still don't know what she looks like above the ankle
>>39932969>I told you last week, we were running a gritty western.I don't see how that would conflict with sweet katanas, though.
Superior DM coming through.
>Rocks fall, as the cruel forces of nature will always inevitably destroy the fragile lives of men. You are released from the meaningless farce that is life. Roll new characters.
>>39933452That's what Quentin would do, not Joss.Joss would spend at least 20 minutes on her appearance, and then just kinda glance past the male NPCs.
>>39933450>He hasn't been popular since the 90'sPot, meet kettle.
>>39933429Dude, you knocked me out, broke the GM's nose and burned his house to the ground.Still the best game I ever played, but come on.
>>39933507>What's the matter, are my campaigns too deep for you to comprehend?
>>39933470YOU ARE AN IDIOT. YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA ABOUT GMING. CHRIST, HOW CAN SOMEONE BE SO RETARDED? DON'T YOU SEE IT? HE IS A HACK
>>39933521Yes goddammit! I came here to have fun and roll dice, not take a philosophy class.
>>39933507You're going to fight that boss again, and again after that until you do it the way I planned.And if you can't figure out the symbology of the next dungeons carpeting then I'm never DMing for you guys again.
>>39933528Klaus, I know I shouldn't keep inviting you to my games, but you're the best player I've ever had. Even if you pissed in my Cheetos bag again.
>>39933534If you can't handle true roleplaying, why don't you go and play Lucas' little space samurai game instead.
Sorry about being away for so long guys. Had to DM a couple games for the kids in my neighbourhood.Want to pick where we left off with tha post-apoc game?
>>39933534>>39933572I don't see your problem with his games. You can do whatever and he just goes along with it.
>>39933572>muh true roleplaying
>I feel like artificial concepts like "rules", "dice" and "reading the campaign and setting books before playing" just limit the roleplaying experience.
It is too late for joo to join my game, but I tell joo what:We will take jour son to apprentice weeth a master fencer, and then with a survivalist and then an urban escape and evasion expert.On hees 16th birthday we drop heem in the slums of San Pedro Sula and follow heem weeth the camera drone.
>>39933628Max Payne with swords? I love you, you crazy son of thousand whores.
>Before we can start playing DnD, I need you all to live in this dark, spider-filled cellar for at least two months. It's for authenticity.
>/tg/ starts poking fun at various directors they like instead of just taking half-assed pot shots at those they dislikethis is why /tg/ is the best board
>>39932921Oh look it's That DM.Like so many others, you've no business running a game, now go write a screenplay.Fucking authors who have no damn clue how to run game.
>>39933646I am not playing a drow. But I heard Day-Lewis has cut his legs for his dwarf character. Maybe he is interested.
Hey guys, I know you want to play the next part of my vigilante campaign, but it'll take a while to set up. In the meantime, I have this really cool new setting I just finished working on. It's all about dreams. If you guys aren't interested I can always run it with Leo and the gang.
>That classic mini-campaign was all right, I just made it even more fun by adding a bunch of cool fight scenes and the love triangle I always felt was missing. And it's like trice as long now, you'll love it.
So who's up for a game of Unknown Armies?
>>39933673You will play a level 2 Human Fighter, and you'll like it.
>>39933717Well at least someone's hosting it, swear it takes the company ages to release a new edition.
>>39933728ME ME ME ME ME ME ME
>>39933728More like a really weird Delta Green/Changeling crossover campaign.
>>39933645That was actually his plan for Dune, he raised his son to be a "Spiritual Warrior" so he could play Paul.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WWu1kclNDA
>>39933467Shit Francis, next time you run a premade campaign at least try to follow what the book says.
>>39933751>thought I'd start you guys off with an easy first fight to help you get used to the campaign
>You'll all start at level 1, as usual. Except for you, Johnny. I want you to play the same character as you usually do, since I know you're the only one with the roleplaying skills to do this campaign justice.Danny, did you bring your mixtape? Excellent!
>This is going to be a girls only campaign.
>>39933774Dude, the book is more like a suggestion than something you have to actually follow.
> I expect all the female players to make themselves sexually available to me.
>>39933109>>39933827>These guys have the right idea. There's absolutely nothing creepy about inviting female players young enough to be your daughter to the group.
>>39933831Pete, I'm tired of this cliche fantasy shit, can we go back to that Shadowrun game you ran in South Africa?
>So guys I had in mind to run some Shadowrun this timeFor fucks sake, we have already had three campaigns about being criminals, knock it off Ritchie!
>>39933865DID SOMEBODY SAY SOUTH AFRICA?
>>39933865Did someone mention South Africa?
>>39933883>>39933880So eager he showed up twice.
>>39933865No, and we're not gonna go back to those silly zombie games either. I'm fully devoting myself to adapting the classic stories from my childhood as tabletop games. Except I've improved them and made some very necessary additions and fixes, of course.
>>39933883>>39933880Jesus Christ Neil, give it a rest. Why not host a campaign somewhere else for a change?
>>39933883>>39933880I need to stop drinking, I'm seeing double.>>39933892Fine, but will you at least take the time to draw your maps by hand? This computer generated stuff makes my eyes hurt.
>>39933891Well yeh, guys, cuz oi gotta great idea fer a campaign.It'll be a film noir fantasy genre set in a big city wif magical powers.In South Africa.Then we moove onto a dense, underground city populated by magic trolls.In South Africa.And then we bring it all home in an alien invasion.Of South Africa.
>>39933905Yeah, why not set it in New York instead? Or maybe the Mediterranean.
>>39933919>Really I just try to set campaigns to locations within driving distance.
>>39933728I'll bring a bunch of cool campaigns. Like the one where Brad was the BBEG all along and the one we played last time with Christianity and Old America bits and the alien girl.
>>39933919Go away Woody, nobody wants to listen to you try to seduce all the female NPCs again.
>>39933880>>39933883>4 seconds apart
Guys, I was thinking of running a game of Unknown Armies, would you be interested? Maybe I'll get Terry to...wait, never mind.
>>39933926That plot twist at the end of the campaign was bullshit and you know it. Why not go play with Shyamalan over there instead?
>>39933911No way. Ever since Lucas showed me this map generator website, GMing has been so much easier. Unless del Toro, I'm not a grognard caveman who wastes his time painting models of the monsters. I've moved on from that now.
>>39933926Look, I know we derailed it with all of the car accidents, but I still want to run in your weird-ass cyberpunk setting again.
>>39933954Too soon, dude.
Hi everyone. I was wondering if you had any GMing tips. I've always wanted to run my own campaign.
>>39933944He *really* liked South Africa.
>>39933981La Li Lu Le Lo
>>39933981Everything is better if you give them wands of fireballs. And if you just say you don't understand the UMD rules.
>>39933981Do you think you could run an Evangelion game? Maybe throw some Space Odyssey in there too.
GUYS I HAVE A GREAT IDEA FOR A GAME
>>39934010Let's be honest, if Michel Bay ran his games like his movies they would be a lot of fun to play.
>>39934010?Implying I wouldn't play in in Mike's Explosion-pocalypse setting.LET'S MAKE THIS SHIT HAPPEN, MIKE!!!
>>39933981*ten minutes later*So you want a realistic down-to-earth game that's completely off the wall and swarming with magic robots?
>>39934042>>39934031Sounds cool until he beats you over the skull with the likeable maverick NPC and his walking pair of hips of a love interest and the handwaving of everything that isn't directly tied to his main plot that has to do with those two.
>>39934042hmmmm implaying...wait I have an idea! what if we 'imply' that all PC's start with the innate ability to cast fireballs at will... we don't even need the damn wands then man
>>39934064As long as we're all drinking heavily, I'm cool with it.
>>39934071Yes...YESSSSSSS!!!!FUCK THE META! WE'RE ALL SUPERS, NOW!!
>>39934022Dude, if I want to play a video game I'll just play the video game. Particularly since you can't DM for shit anyways.
Is anyone up for a modern action-heroes ERP? We had some great times in the nineties, remember?
>>39932921You rolled a 12 for "Stop BBEG's plan", right ?*claps*Congratulations.*leaves*
>>39934225Sorry, guys.It just feels like we're doing the same games over and over.You tried LARP and you did really well there. Maybe you should give up tabletop and pursue LARP full-time?
>>39933547Is it minotaurs?
>>39933392>DM. Night Shyamalamadingdong
So, about this campaign I've been running out for over 11 years or so, I think its time for me to move on....See you around okay?
Did you guys expect me to run CoC forever?
The fuck is pic related going to put out new modules?I'm worried that my campaign will reach the end of the existing ones before the new one releases
Who wants to play some Only War?
Hey guys, I know you loved my first couple campaigns, but I've decided to change it up a little. Now, it'll still have elements of those other campaigns, except it'll be more roleplay centered until the end. So get your diplomacy skills ready.Oh, you rolled up intimidate? Well it will work for a colonel character I wanted to be an NPC, but I guess I'll let you play him if you really want to... I mean, the rest of the party didn't take it, but I think we can make it work...And are you sure you don't want a history as a scientist? I mean, humans are really underpowered in this setting if they don't have a remote controlled biologically cloned hybrid body... yes I'm going to change the name eventually.
>>39934071I'm all for rule of cool, but you have to rein it in a little, man.
>>39934592Honestly, James. I'd rather play in that histoircal piece you did a few years ago. Yeah, that one on the ship.I don;t know why! I just don't want to play in your weird blue-furry fetish game!
>>39934613Oh come on, I worked really hard on this! It's a completely original setting and system! I even took the time to completely model and paint up miniatures for everything!
Hey guys, are you roleplaying? That is so cool, I love roleplaying! I wrote my homebrew system on these filthy napkins and random pages I ripped out of some older games I found at a thrift store, and I made my own dice out of cardboard and used chewing gum. You should play it, it has angora elementals and everything.
>>39934626...these are just army men and Indian figures, the latter dipped in blue paint. And you used the army men in that bug hunt game a few years back!
>>39934647They are not just dipped in blue paint! These models have tails! They're completely new!
>>39933981Talk to Toro. He's great at helping new GMs learn the ropes.
I have this hilarious voice for this new character. I don't really have any other ideas for the game, but trust me, this voice is so funny that you won't even notice.
I know you guys really liked Everyone is John, but I thought it would be fun to LARP with the neighbor kid. Yeah, Karen will be there...no, we're not together anymore. I kinda got this new thing but she's cool with it and we're still friends.
>>39934592God damn it you asshole, you said we were going to do cyberpunk this time!
>>39934022Who let "the bowl" in the store? I thought he was banned for life.
>>39934699And it will never get on your nerves. It's that funny.
>>39934714This IS cyberpunk!It's in the future isn't it?
>>39934022Go back to /v/.
>>39934604I would listen to your advice more if you didn't make a campaign centered all around your waifu DMPC.
>>39934735I made you your "badass hitman with a loli girlfriend" campaign, I don't think you can complain. Also, it turned out OK, didn't it?
>>39934469Aww Chris, I'll miss you. Even when the group had way too fucking many players and everybody was on fucked up schedules and it became impossible to plan anything... I always had fun at your place.
Hey guys, remember that sci fi sych horror game I did a while back with the modified COC rules? Well I was thinking of doing a prequel game to that.
>Ah keep telling youh, Maark, et was ahlways sopoosed to be a camedy game. Ehts called ahrony, Maark. Ahm ah grate Dangeon Maaster.
>>39934751You pulled it off a lot better in the sci-fi campaign. It's easier to tolerate pseudo scientific hippie bullshit in settings like that.
>mfw this thread
>>39934725You know full well what is and isn't cyberpunk, Jim, I've seen your manga shelf.
>>39934767Hey, that's funny, so was I!
Hey, sorry I haven't been able to keep going with that sci fi game I did ages ago. I've been busy DMing for some other guys, had some other shit to work on. I'll pick it up soon though, I promise.
Everybody's a Nazi cowboy living and working in downtown New York.You're all gonna have singing parts, so get workin on those solos now.
>I'm starting a new campaign, and I'm looking for players.>Oh, I'm still running those other games. I like to have four or six different campaigns running at once. Don't worry, I can handle it.>Most of the group are complete newbies anyway.
>>39934834>I could be working on Half Life 3.>Nah, I'll just charge money for free game mods.
>>39934865Not here, please.
>>39934878We won't be silenced
>>39934834>Hey, you know all those free maps and game aids I compiled for you guys? The ones I took from other people?>Yeah, I'm gonna need ten dollars apiece for those things now.
Fuck it, I'm just going to run the same campaign I did the last two times.You assholes are just going to run off and do stupid shit anyway.
>>39934852We get it Mel, you're Jewish. But that's not really a punchline in itself.And who brings "funny" props to game night, anyway?
Did someone say "little girls"?
>>39934896Fine, but go be loud in the appropriate shooting room. Polite sage for off topic.
>>39934933As long as they also said robots, medievalpunk and giant elemental beings.
You guys remember Frank? Why don't you sit down, it's kind of - WOW - heavy.
>>39934961I'll fine with any system, really. As long as there's expansive rules for flying, and at least one blob monster. And little girls.
What is the deal with these roleplaying games?
Look, guys...I know things got a little crazy last time, what with the awkward silence when I couldnt think how to get you all past the party introduction scene (she was new. I thought she could handle it. But come on guys, you just stood there awkwardly chuckling). And cheezy one liners. And my uh... my magical realm slip ups.But seriously! I have this new Mutants and Masterminds game that will be really great. Hell, it will be Triumphant!
Yeah, I'm thinking we can get some lighthearted fun going in this game! It's all gonna be daijoubu desu.
>>39935064Joel, your M&M games suck. Your villain NPCs are really cheesy and cliche, and what's with the narration when we suit up? I don't remember drawing nipples on my guys costume design...
>This supers game was all right, but I did some changes to the setting to make it more realistic, and we're using this homebrew magic system that I read about on the internet.>Would any of your characters happen to be lesbians, by the way?
>>39935024>in b4 that one comic
>>39935117Eh, I dunno about this magical girl game, Gen? I'm still mentally recovering from that cyberpunk game you ran a while back...
>>39935134It was already posted twice in the prison gaming thread.
>>39935129>That Lovecraft T-shirt
>>39935145Well, it is your own fault for not having common sense on your character. All these things could have been solved without any escalation.Besides, I bet you masturbated to my street sammy monofilament whip sadist. Or to all those mutant gynoids.
>>39935129Holy crap, he really does look like a wizard.
>So whats the mater anon, my last campaign was too deep for you?
Ooo. Ooo. Oh!Hey guys!Hey! What if...What if we did another globe trotting dungeon crawl!OOO! Or,Get this.Dinosaurs! In a THEME PARK!But wait, this time, a SUCCESSFUL theme park!OH! Even better.GUY!A globe trotting dungeon crawl WITH dinosaurs!And Nazis!
>>39935239Gen, I know we're only two sessions in, but that rabbit-cat-thing is starting to creep me out. Why do you describe it as always smiling? Why was it smiling even when that black-haired girl was trying to kill it?
>>39934988You're not gonna drive us all crazy describing the inn food again are you? That festival last session nearly killed me.
>>39934961>medievalpunk...what's that even supposed to mean?
>>39935239What about a superhero game instead?
>>39935313Who the fuck cares, just make the stupid contract already, god. The rest of us are tired of protecting you.I swear, you not being a magical girl yet is a real pain in my gun slinger's neck.
>>39935312I dunno man, your games tend to be either amazing or awful.Can you at least promise that there won't be any annoying children we have to rescue all the time?
>>39935317It's called atmosphere, Anon-kun. Now shut up while I describe how rustic and nostalgic this old house is.
>>39935336Well, I'm open for anything. I don't want to get stuck with one genre.I know. How about a spaghetti western, IN SPAAAACE, with intergalactic socialists workers party and monsters?
>>39935330Taking Nausicaa as an example, the setting is clearly post-apocalyptic, with modern technology such as guns, aircraft and tanks, but also features plate armor, swords and feudalism. It's a sloppy term, I'll admit, but I feel it gets the idea across well enough.
>>39935330Medieval society but with punk aesthetics.
>>39935402Hey, spaghetti western in space is my thing! I totally invented that concept, it had never been done before I did it.
>>39935409Please go to hell.>>39935430So nothing like any of Miyazaki's movies, then?
>>39933682The gang? I mean, sure, we're all up for playing both campaigns. It's a shame we can't get Leo involved in the vigilante game.
>>39935361This, I cannot do. They're just so plucky!OH! And it's really fun to stick them in a hamster ball and have a T-Rex kick them around!But I WILL promise I wont do another campaign twist with aliens.
>>39935430>young nobles dying their hair with beet juice and stealing nails to stud their cotehardiesI dunno man, doesn't sound too punk.
>>39935453That's very rude of you. Note that I'm not trying to devalue or discredit the setting, just generalize it.
>>39934064Too right; we're playing a game where everyone plays a giant shape-shifting robot and the squishy NPCs end up being the focus. It's like an escort mission.
>>39935489I have no problem with the setting, just you -punk assholes who try to ruin everything for everyone. But that's a topic for another thread.
>>39935516>try to ruin everything for everyoneWhat? How? It's a simple thing, just generalizing an aesthetic.
>Only too late do you realise, that YOU are the BBEG.
>>39935591Why do we even keep coming to your games, anyway?
>>39935642>I don't play your silly kid games any more.
>>39934865Remember when Black Mesa was supposed to be free and include Xen? Pretty funny how we ended up in a situation where it costs money and the Xen will apparently be paid version exclusive.
>>39935660>too fat to fit behind the DM screen
>>39935444What?! I- okay, fine. I'll just make a modern hitman game, with gangsters and hookers. Now then. Is anyone familiar with the name Ludlum? No? Oh okay, that's great.
>>39935665Firstly, that's not really got anything to do with him, and secondly, go back to /v/.
>>39935665The Black Mesa project started before HD remixes were a common thing. Now they sell pretty good for other games, and Valve wanted a piece of that pie. Besides, those guys worked pretty hard to put out a quality product. They deserve some dosh. Too bad its only that 15% of $10 Valve's going to let them have.
>>39935738It'll sell like hotcakes anyway, and besides, if anyone wants to support the devs they can always donate to them.
>>39935689Wait, did you just say hookers? Hm, maybe I judged you too quickly...
>>39935340I dunno. Something feels fishy about this campaign.I mean, this campaign is supposed to be cute and fun, right? Well, what was so cute about that suicidal woman you saved?
>>39935129>Makes an asshole NPC>Everyone ends up liking him
I'm planning to run another zombie game. Nobody's tired of zombies by now, right?
>>39935791Are... are they going to be like, real zombies? Like, undead monsters? None of this virus stuff? None of this cute, zombies with a heart stuff? None of this post apocalyptic gangs of expert zombie killers stuff?Just people... normal folk who are in way over their heads, against flesh eating, never-ending hoards of zombies?
>>39935890Well, since I've already done smart zombies, good zombies and tool-using zombies, I was actually thinking of doing flying, firebreathing zombies this time. It puts a fresh spin on the genre, don't you think?
>>39935409Post apoc medieval sounds like a much better name than fucking medieval punk.If I can't imagine a punk in your setting, it ain't punk.
>>39933453"What can I say, I'v always been... an anime otaku" -Old Gunslinger Tarantino
>>39935926Can we turn it into a game show where the contestants are trying to evade the flying, fire breathing zombies? That would be most extreme!
>>39933621LYNCH! FUCKER! HOW MUCH LSD DID YOU PUT IN MY DRINK DRINK DRINK DRINK FUCK DRINK THERE WAS SOMETHING ABOUT MY DRINK! Why am I screaming?
>>39933621>You see red curtains....
>>39935993I so want this, now.>Kenny and Vic will never narrate your campaign to hilarious results.>You will never be judged on effective of character by whether or not you can evade foam wrecking balls while crawling across a spinning log bridge.>You will never plummet into a tough of mud as they playfully berate your failure to rescue the princess.>Or whatever.?>It's MXC, for fucks' sakes. What, were you expecting Tolkien?
>>39935993That depends. Would it still count as social commentary?
what happens in the end is they all join forces and the gungans fight the droids in this huge war and peace battleliterally war and peace like huge with 10,000 troops on either sidealso I hope you like my new comic relief NPC
>>39936101See>>39936086It's certainly commentary.
>>39936120George, the group has been discussing the direction you took the last campaign, and we've decided that I should take over as DM. It's for the good of the group, George.
>>39936120If he had toned it down on JarJar a bit, and hired a kid like 2 or 3 years older then the pumpkin headed little boy, it might have actually turned out ok! There was no saving attack of the clones though... uuuhg
>>39932921>inb4 magical foot realmFuck you and your fetishes.
>>39933628>not just giving everyone some acid and having the whole campaign as a story he tells
Hey guys, I'll GM tonight if Simon and Nick are gonna play. I'm planning something pretty talky with quirky characters, but it might get rather combat-heavy toward the end. Oh, we only have a few hours? That's alright, we can breeze over some of the less-important stuff. It's all in good fun, this will be pretty lighthearted.for like 10 minutes, maybe.
Hey guys, who's up for some modern-day Call of Cthulhu?
>>39936151I'll be honest, you totally fucked up the last sci-fi campaign, but you fucked it up in exactly the right direction to be perfect for this one. I'm in.
>>39932921>Rhed ahn blou, livfe aa dett, beag le swallColors are always significant and impose stats/forebode events, you're already dead until you die, Hoseph VS the Horrid twisting mass of tenticles and eye>Wood yuo injoy my Ar-Pea-Hee moobie??captcha: soup bowl delivery digiorno
>>39935192You're shitting me.......You really don't know who he is?
>>39936151What, you want to run ANOTHER sci-fi campaign?Your last one was shit. You ruined it with cheap gameplay gimmicks and fanservice.And you kept shining flashlights in everyone's faces for some reason.
>>39935466Yeah, that South American campaing had such a suprising ending!None of us could expect that! (eyeroll)
>>39936436Hey, at least it's better than that bullshit deserted island game where he just kept introducing more and more weird plot-threads that never went anywhere, since he was literally just making it up on the fly.
>>39936512And remember when he ran that giant monster campaign? When he just waved a camera in our faces and went 'Ah-wooOOOoooOOOaaaAAAooo*BWAAAAAAAHHHHMMMMMM*!!!' for three hours?Yeah, I'd rather play with George. He might have annoying NPC's shoved everywhere, but at least he doesn't use shitty gimmicks to draw our attention.
>>39934705That boy is far too pretty.
>>39936555George is okay, as long as he just sticks to dungeon crawls. It's his attempts at inserting "complex political intrigue" and "strong, emotional drama" that don't work out that well.And remember that time he said he wanted to run Marvel Heroic Roleplaying?
>>39936621>whole world is covered in duck punsThat shit was foul. I mean, we don't have fucking human puns all over the place.
Can we just get back to my neverland campaign? I don't see why you guys were so upset over the age cap.
>>39933479Tarantino and Whedon are both foot fetishists.
>>39936651Don't you mean that it was fowl?
>>39934852Why the fuck is there an DMPC with your exact personality in every goddamn game we play? And why does he always end up as the party face?
>>39936799He was the BBEG in the cowboys and space games.
I love you guys
You know, /tg/, you can be pretty cool sometimes.
>>39932921Why have Quentin Tarantino when you can just browse /tg/? Almost precisely the same attitude and dynamic.
>>39936817Well what about that one in the psychiatric hospital or the multiverse historical setting? Or the Nazi invasion game.
>>39937246I never said he was never a DMPC.
>alright, you guys succeed in escorting the young princess back to her kingdom>unfortunately, the castle and surrounding lands have been taken over by her necromancer uncle>as you go to enter the castle, the princess is the only one allowed to enter - there is a magical barrier stopping entry for anyone without royal blood>i'm sure she'll be fine
>he's an ork demon summoner>What do you mean he was a half-dragon last time we saw him?>because I'm sure that never happened>and he's keeping the pauldrons covered in hearts, you won't convince me otherwise>what do you mean "I try to climb the tree"? Is your character stupid?
Okay. It's the Odyssey but in the 1930's.
>>39937859I'm down. I'm assuming you're going to substitute all the horrible monsters and demigods for social commentary, right?
>>39936417Not him but>not knowing your dank memes
>>39937999It'll be great. I've got a mix tape made up and everything.
Guys, I know you like being murderhobos but can I just take a minute to talk about these NPCs that are plot relevant? No? Fine, have more explosions.
>Hey guys, I know you didn't like my last few campaigns, but this time I have something completely new and revolutionary to bring to the table as a DM>Hope you don't mind, but I brought Ellen over to play again
>Alright guys, this one's going to be high power, high sci-fi>I'm going to be passing notes to each of you individually throughout the game>spellthief grunts are the best>Johnny, you are given the Boon of All-Gods for your prodigious work as a carpenter>the rest of you can pick out your prizes from the armory>except for you, Alan, you're the BBEG, surprise!
>>39938120Whenever you talk about your NPCs you're always making fun of how stupid they are, and then calling them names of people we know.>>39938139Only if we get to see her naked this time.
Alright, your characters have been living in a dungeon are trying to get out of it. The dragons are just trying to help free you from reliving the same boyish fantasy again and again. Everywhere you go there's more dungeon. Oh look, goblins! You kill them. They were a family. Roll to see if you're okay with this. You aren't okay with this. Now roll to control your sexual frustr- Wait are you having fun? This isn't supposed to be fun! That's it, time for The End of This Campaign! The dungeon starts collapsing. You can (not) save your characters.
Okay. There's vampires. No, wait. Zombies. Nevermind, it's an over the top action movie with political commentary. Actually, I want it to be about kids who are spies.
>>39932921>Or you can join my game and enjoy over the top non stop action game without pretentions and endless gossip. Don't forget to bring some booze.
>the princess wants to offer you a reward>her wings burst from the back of her royal dress, the frayed rags of which turn into tight fitting armor, and horns push out of her skull>the succubus settles on your lap>she pops her tit-armor off and offers her nipple to you>it splits open and reveals a wide grinning mouth>her guards tear off their flesh to reveal fireblood demons>your cleric is now a undead
All I wanted to do was run a game with an all-female party that tried to put a fresh spin on gender roles without reverting to stereotypical, outdated and sexist character tropes.Somewhere, some part of me should have known that my all-male group of players would inevitably turn the entire game into a magical realm. It was an innocent, high-fantasy setting for kids! It wasn't even meant to be for grognards to play in the first place!By the time the table decided that the party should become sexy high-school students for no apparent reason, I'd already stopped DMing for them. Now I'm just watching from the sidelines. It's like a car crash. Me and Craig never had this problem back in the 90s.
>>39939842>being Lauren is sufferingI'm not a brony or anything, but I genuinely feel bad for her. No one deserves that.
>C'mon guy, I know that we haven't completed the last campaign yet but I really want to try and expand on the setting by exploring a different era>Don't worry, I have both the glossary and the lore you need to read right here>Didn't want to lay it on as a thick is last time, so I condensed everything to only 340 pages
>>39939842>without reverting to stereotypical, outdated and sexist character tropes.The party consisted of a know-it-all bookworm, a brash tomboy, a vain fashionista, a straight-talkin', straight-shootin' southern belle, a timid environmentalist who loved animals and a hyperactive ditz on the verge of type 2 diabetes.You really sure you weren't reverting to those stereotypes when looking at the character sheets, Lauren?
Rolled 18 (1d20)>>39933682I roll to survive the plane crash.
>>39933453It wouldn't necessarily. Classic westerns did draw really heavily on Akira Kurosawa movies.>>39935963You know technically, he did phrase that correctly. Otaku isn't actually synonymous with anime fandom. Vidya, computers and hacking, as long as you're a NEET devoting your life to it, you're a "____" otaku, in Japanese usage. Tarantino actually used the term properly, and just got called out by people who don't actually know what it means. Well, kinda properly, I doubt he ever spent enough time in his basement watching bootleg VHS anime tapes to really qualify for "otaku" status, but in a general sense, he used it correctly.
>Listen guys, I'm going to be running a new game in this system I've been working on. It's really great, you can do ANYTHING in it!Peter, you've said that about every game we've run with you. How many systems are you planning on making>YOU CAN DO ANYTHINGPete->ANYTHING
>>39940161You don't even need to be a neet to be an otaku, just to have an unhealthy obsession with something. Miyazaki is an airplane otaku who yells at his employees for asking too many questions about his planes.
Today's secret sourcebook is...PLANET KRISHNA!TERRADYNE!CALLAHAN'S CROSSTIME SALOON!
Hey, guys, who wants to play Everyone is John tonight?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUR FIGHTER DOESN'T HAVE 18/00 STR ?!?!
>>39940358Malkovich malkovich malkovich, malkovich malkovich malkovich malkovich. Malkovich.
>>39934791Now I'm stuck reading Cultist-chan's lines in his voice. You son of a bitch.
Sorry, I was only able to write four campaigns this month. Wife found my coke stash.
>>39940553you can't finish shit anyway
>>39940271>>39940161Yeah. Translating into nippon for example, trekkie = "star trek otaku"
>>39940365Sometimes Vince, I think I liked playing more than I do being DM now. We had some good times back in the day, right? Like when Bret actually flipped the table, punched you and stormed outta the store because you gave the ancient gold belt of kings to Shawn instead of him? Man, that was classic! Seriously though, my games just aren't that good. I've gotta deal with washed-up has-beens, guys who complain that their character isn't getting enough 'screen time' in the campaign and skinny neckbeards who think they're hot shit because they ran a couple of good homebrew games.Honestly, I can see why Shane got out of it the first opportunity he got.
>>39940553If you don't finish that weird west game our party is gonna visit you in real life motherfucker.
>>39940576At least your low level campaign group is going well.
>>39933215>chinksPlease, he sucks all that slanty shrimp dick off his katana worship. Its fucking annoying.
>>39939842>reverting to stereotypical, outdated and sexist character tropes.But that's exactly what you did, Lauren.I mean by all means have fun with your campaigns, you're good at it, but stop pretending you're a game changer.
So I was checking out the mass combat rules while gardening and I got an idea....
Alright, let's get this session started.
>>39940961Anon, you get sexual favors and coffee for that one
>>39933728>tfw Guillermo will never run Unknown Armies for you>tfw he will never get to make At the Mountains of Madness>tfw no more Hellboy movies
>>39942202The lack of Hellboy movies I'm okay with. Del Toro, Perlman and the franchise are great, but I feel he somewhat missed the point by making it a (somewhat) goofy action movie and not a weird noir horror thing. I'd much rather he do his own stuff; give me more in the vein of Pan's Labyrinth.
>>39933682Chris, I like your campaigns but you always overshadow our characters with the story and setting, they're not bad, but still. Oh and can we not have a campaign centred around time?
>>39934988>>39934933>when you use this as the exact joke that made him decide to quitThanks, anon...thanks...
Well guys that was a fun game...what? You didn't like how everything went tits up suddenly screwing you over, how the major NPCs were all horrible horrible people, cute kid character kept getting killed, AND the weird sexual frustration everyone had? Well gee I'm sorry.Tell you what, we can do a mulligan and you can take different plot hooks and see how those turn out. Maybe this time you won't feel sad and frustrated!
Listen guys, I know you wanted a small party, but I invited some friends, and then they invited their friends, so we kind of have a lot of players. Like, a LOT.>How many more players do we have?uh...twelve
>>39940161No, it... Sukiyaki Western Django is, like, a samurai western.Samurai and cowboys in an inexplicably Japanesey western town.Tarantino's in it. He narrates.
>>39943039>that part with the curving bullets in the windI don't have any pictures of faces in mid-orgasm.
>>39943039>>39943084I honestly didn't find SWD that enjoyable. It never clicked with me. I enjoyed The Good, The Bad, and the Weird a lot more, partly due to the (IMO) more compelling narrative, as well as my general preference for Korean cinema. Plus it paid homage to Tarantino without, you know, casting him as a major character.
>>39935388I just want a sequel to the Adriatic pilot campaign, man. You've been promising that for a decade, I loved the first one. And I know you love planes, too. Just... come ON.I'd love to play a sequel to the thief campaign too, but I know you only borrowed Complete Book of Thieves from that guy who looks like a monkey.
>>39943162Oh, it was garbage, don't get me wrong.It is extremely relevant to a fictional Tarantino running a western game with katanas, is all.
>>39940961Why bother? It's just an empty, meaningless fantasy designed to distract us from the madness of our own existence.
>>39943162I enjoyed it far more for the imagery than anything else. Frankly, I felt that the movie itself kind of dragged.
>>39942968I swear to god if they have twelve MORE friends I'll throw the dice-bucket at you.
>>39943621>Ocean's 24Fuck me
>>39935330>>39935330Extra belts and goggles for everyone.
>>39937664I don't understand this JoJoke
>>39938120Can we just go back to playing that one all-troll Shadowrun game? That shit was fantastic, we should play stupid characters more often
>>39936151I hate his smug fucking face.