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/tg/ - Traditional Games

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I would love if we could try to explain various decks in terms of what it would look like in a duel between planeswalkers. For example
>I am NOT a planeswalker
>I am a dragon
>Once a turn, an Enchantment comes into play under my control
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>>As soon as we begin to battle, he starts muttering in some eldritch tongue
>>Energy swirls around him
>>He continues, getting louder and louder
>>Sheer eldritch power wafting off him
>>Suddenly, he stops chanting, and uncountable lashes of dark energy flay my very soul.
Not very good at that but I imagine my Goblin deck would be
>Guy in strange hat gets one goblin out.
>More Goblins appear out of nowhere
>oh thank god for fog, that would have been awful... wait, is he picking up goblins?
>tfw killed by thrown goblins
>Enemy lobotomizes himself
>Zombies, horror and illusions poof out of his head
>Suddenly flaming guy and a bunch of zombies beat me up
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I like this.
I'm guessing dredge. I'm also guessing you don't care for the mechanic.

>In large highlander game with several other planeswalkers
>Mostly tribal stuff, no big deal
>This blue mage plays a weird autist in a silly hat
>Gives him some mana stones and whatnot
>Holy shit the autist can artifice
>Wait, is he an artifact too?
>Trancends his physical form and takes his time slaying us one at a time
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I imagine most burn decks look like this- fire everywhere. You meet up with another planeswalker and just as you open your mouth to say something and they start flinging fire and lightning at your face, screaming incoherently.
>Screaming incoherently
Red mages in general. Goblin tribal, Red deck wins, burn. I like this
>In this corner: the vampires of innistrad (and human collaborators), mobilized for a massive hunt!
>In the other corner: Aurochs, a...Cow? A cow with a bullwhip, and-oh, you struck some of my men down with magical cowardice, forcing them to flee
>This is going to be the most embarassing hunt ever
>The surface dwellers have polluted our lands
>The tides of war are spreading
>We rise out of the tide and strike with the force of a tidal wave, my lords and generals commanding the masses
>Your life is ended by murmaids
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> As the battle starts he opens a portal
> the first one comes out weak and frail
> but then more and more forms pour out,
varied and different.
> each of them started changing, growing wings
becoming more muscular, producing more mouths in which to feed.
> the enemy tries to see which one is the most important one to take out.
> He is being torn to pieces realizing that ...
> the Hive cannot be stopped
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Another EDH
>Fellow walkers and I agree to settle dispute with large battle
>Free-for all, but politics is to be expected.
>An elemental, a couple humans, and two giants
>Alright let's begin
>Everyone begins ammassing an army
>Giant 1 is just funneling life to his master
>Giant 2 get's summoned, and goes apeshit
>Attacking anyone and everyone
>His master just laughs and claims he can't control him
>Aforementioned walker starts creating artiffacts of power for giant
>Gives him layered magics to prevent us from defending ourselves.
>Fuck that guy.
>Meet up with a hippy chick
>Rhino comes out of nowhere
>She starts petting the rhino.
>Seems pretty coo-wait..why are there more rhinos?
>Centaurs start coming out, there's a bed of fungus for some reason
>Saprolings are shooting out two at a time
>Fuck ton of beasts and centaurs and shit, one or two giant bugs hanging out near the back
>She still hasn't swung that's good
>She says something to all of her creatures about giving thanks for all the blessings of family.
>They all kneel to pray
>Good good, now I can attack while this chick has bonding ti-wait... why are the clouds parting
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>Hello, Planeswalkers.
>Look at your Sol Ring, now back to me.
>Now back at your Sol Ring, now back to me.
>Sadly, it isn't me. But if it stopped being a sol ring and started being tinkered with it could fuck shit up like me.
>Look down, back up, where are you? You're at the Seat of the Synod with the Colossus your Sol Ring could smash like.
>What's in your hand? Back at me, I have it. It's an Artifact with infinite potential to become that thing you love.
>Look again, the Artifact is now Blightsteel.
>Anything is possible when you use Tinker. >I'm on a Leviathan
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Good god yes

>Enemy walker and I bow
>I begin by encroaching upon some territory
>throw down some peon
>He responds by claiming land, then ceding it to some weird manastone
>Some sort of barrier, no idea
>I order minion to attack, and summon another
>He does the same thing, and amidst the smell of burning ape, he throws something into the Aether
>The fool thinks he'll live long enough to see it appear
>I again assault him, summoning another minion.
>This fool will be dead soon enough.
>Cue ape smell
>He casts an enchantment of some sort
>Honor of knight-hood or some nonsense
>As he casts, reality tears apart
>Suddenly, my minions and lands are gone
>My repertoire of spells has been diminished
>The monstrosity is on the board.
The fuck?
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The soldiers pop in one by one
They multiply and form ranks
Their summoner brings more and more officers to boost the army's strength
Then they help him bring in the Obelisk in short order
When he wields the sun god's spear, everyone goes on the march
The earth trembles and the enemy is silenced
Is this Auroch whip?
>I'm also guessing you don't care for the mechanic.
And I'm guessing you don't understand the mechanic.
I do. I believe we've had this discussion before, in another thread. You seem to have an undying hatred for this mechanic akin to Chandere's hatred of Narset.
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>a grand contest of multiple planeswalkers
>one is a red mage. you can tell because of the singe marks on him
>he begins by laughing meniacally
>the summoned minions of every participant arrive eager to serve, the usual disorientation replaced by a hint of the red mage's own histeria
>then he casts some kind of enchamntment, Everyone feels their mana reserves flare with greater intensity
>finally the red mage acts, with an even larger surge of power he summons a dragon with wings of flame. it lays waste to the amassed ground forces and charges to tear into one of its masters enemies. it is thankfully struck down quickly
>immediately in its place he summons a...what the fuck is that
>it charges as well, this time no answer is forthcoming
>fnally with his monstrosity in place you can feel the sheer amount of power he wells up, the blue mage braces himself, this is his moment, but then as if it always was, the ground splits open, molten lava pours out showering everything. somehow, the red mage is the only walker harmed by this display, but where he is scorched by molten rock, every other competitor finds the showers if magma forming into humanoid forms, surrounding them, and then beating them to death with fists of flame
>the red mage somehow looks disappointed in his victory
"I was playing for the draw"
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>This battle is tiring
>All my efforts are burned alive, and yet she does nothing to attack me
>Wait what?
>Preparing to cast some foul magicks to call upon other spells.
>Calls upon the infallible grace of the angel's
>I... wait
>Proceeds to go beyond death, wracking her body by paying an insidious cost.
> She is nothing more than a withered husk
>Death's very shadow appears, emboldened by this display of masochism.
>With a single word, barely a whisper, she empowers it with an enchantment made for messengers
There is no god.
>Be me
>An average white mage
>Some artificer guy wants to battle
>Battle begins
>I summon a pair of soldiers
>He raises his hands and laughs
>Artifacts out of fucking nowhere
>Tons of them charging directly towards me
>There's a mechanical bug leading them
>I panic and turn that little guy into feathers
>The artifacts just stay there flying above me
>I summon a couple of soldiers
>This time there's one single artifact charging towards me
>Some weird android which I can't do shit to
>Send my soldiers to block it
>Soldiers can't damage it
>That fucker didn't even stop
>It finally gets to me
>Rises fist and punches me
>Feel the everlasting force of all the fucking universe condenced into one single strike
>Fucking Die
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>Decide to pick on the green mage again
>fucking hippie
>he warns me before we begin that he's got a new friend
>whatever, I'll just burn through your trees again
>summons an elf, feel like I've seen it before, but whatever
>start blowing up forests to make room for beautiful mountains
>suddenly notice that there are a lot of elves
>like, seriously, way to many elves
>jokingly ask which one is his new friend
>green mage nods to the ground
>tiny little green ball, barely two feet tall
>elves start chanting
>little green ball is now seventy stories tall
>dwarfs even my biggest dragon
>fucking elves man
OP here. Really happy about this thread. Keep em coming
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>they start flinging fire and lightning at your face, screaming incoherently.

I strive for elegance and speed in my work.
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>Some chucklefuck walks to my plain
>Immediatly attack him, because fuck other walkers
>He has a goddamn mine already wtf?
>Summons a tower of some sort
>What the actual fuck is happening
>I see a large protion of his library of spells flash before me.
>I assault him with my own magics, but it's too late
>He summons a thundercloud, empowering it by ceding land to the abyss.
>I attempt to do the same, hoping to bargain with it
>Good god he has so many
I die
A week later
>Motherfucker is back
>Jokes on him, I have mages preventing him from that gay thunder shit
What the actual fuck guys?
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Imagine a game of planechase from the natives perspective,

These assholes just appear out of nowhere in our little village and start wrecking the place, throwing spells and monsters I've never even heard of before! Then they just vanish all at once, the only reminder of their appearance the scorch marks on the well and the smell of decay
> some fag says he's the best wizard
> fug you! Summon up creature to pound his ass
> feels like a rod is shoved through my skull as I forget the next thing I'm going to do
> see some creepy looking dude whispering in the other guys ear
> summon another homie to help me gangstomp this chump
> other wizard isn't looking so hot but has a wide smile
> pale bitch comes from nowhere and a great heap of slag rises from the depths of the earth
> send a bolt of lightning at the dudes confidant and roast him alive. They were talking shit about me I just know it
> flick of the pasty chicks wrist and the slag heap cracks apart revealing some giant mechanical exosuit
> bro creature takes the bullet for me as I forget the next thing I'm going to do again
> get eaten by some bio-mechanical nightmare.
>Fight this faggy looking guy
>I start by summoning an el providing me with some more mana
>His hand becomes a huge claw and rips appart my elf
>Summon my favorite plant ever, soon this faggot will know the power of a Rhino
>He brings out some soldier guys
>Decide to deploy a centaur for some defense, this bitch has a huge ass
>He brings out some fucking goblins, his soldiers staring down my impenetrable defense, I fucking hate goblins man
>Decide to peer into his mind, dreams of flames and a desire to teach his pawns kung fu, I take that desire away
>He anticipated this and reaches into his mind to find an answer
>He's finally ready.
>He creates a kung-fu dojo for his creatures to train, the fuck?
>He starts by telling them to help him burn my centaur, they do and the experience of this task makes them stronger.
>As the master he too revels on the experience, finding more things to do.
>He tells them to do to me the same thing they did to my gf, they bur my face, these niggas are getting buff and dangerous.
>He's very happy with the results his students have put out so he buys tickets for all them to board on some luxurious boat
>When they come back the minions are even stronger, and their master has found even more resources to finish this battle.
>The minions attack, I fear for my life but I think I can make it out alive for a while if I sacrifice my plant and put it on their way.
>He still has more spells under his sleeve, he burns my face yet again, then asks them to do the same, that's just overkill man.
>The last sound I hear before going unconscious is a loud WU TA!! from one of the goblins
>Fucking Kung-Fu man
planechase is weird because all your things on the battlefield come with you, so it's not even a driveby by some spell flinging chucklefucks. It's entire armies manifesting themselves from nothing, going at it for a while, then all at once just up and vanishing
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>Be a muck farmer
>Muck Farming to feed the family
>A bunch of chucklefucks pop out of nowhere, one is screaming and flinging fire everywhere while another is making his fire vanish
>Another brings a giant Wurm from out of my muck, all that muck just ruined
>Creepy looking fucker grabs my cow and drains it of life, throwing cow corpse into the ruined muck
>Pompous guy is lecturing creepy guy about the cow while angels float around him giving him life, does nothing to help me with muck
>They vanish
>Wife comes out and asks why the hell is the cow dead and the muck ruined?
>Wife takes the children and leaves me to go to the city, says I'm dangerously irresponsible.
>Go back to muck raking, the only thing I know
>Two chucklefucks just appear
>One has a fuckton of goblins
>The other has huge monsters
Captured beautifully
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"Nature's big. Like, really big. And that's not even counting the countless other realms and different time streams. The last part is important. Did you know there's a whole group of creatures that can travel through time rifts? I met this one a while back, and he's been my good friend ever since. Even taught me a trick or two. I've got a lot of other friends now, too. Best not blink, or you'll miss them."
>Fighting this other Planeswalker
>Oh great, Slivers, how original
>Huh, is that that Khan chick from Tarkir's past?
>Whatever, I'll just bolt her next tur- Hive Stone?
>You've got to be fucking me.
>Free-for-all of walkers
>Friendly walker with a beer gut
>Constant flashes of light and bells tolling help everyone concentrate somehow
>Constantly reading aloud pages from that atlas that gives everyone ideas
>"Hey man, here's some help casting your spell"
>Someone tries to carry out the finishing blow
>Arena becomes all foggy
>Fog lifts, creatures confused, everyone's still around
>Duel goes on a while, mr. friendly just inspiring his friends to hurt each other, but not letting anyone be defeated
>"Here, have a hippo"
>Suddenly after a bit, dark inspiration crosses his face
>Pulls open a portal, an innocuous looking miner comes out
>Casts some powerful magic, and he splits into 6 copies of himself
>Everyone else feels their brains withering away, barely clinging to sanity
>Slight curl of the lip, lifts his mallet, and rings the temple bell one more time
>"We're all mad here..."
is this thragtusk standard?
>Be me
>Some sentient undead risen by some scantily clad planeswalking cunt
>She wants me to fight my own people, I try to stop myself
>I try to stop myself as throw hordes of undead at them day after day
>GIants with more undead spilling out of their stomach
>Zombies pulling still alive beings into the ground, never to be seen again
>My dear Avacyn, what have I become
>I can't stop myself
>I can't stop the incessant waves of the Army of the Damned
>they seem to grow in numbers by half at the start of every day
>I have gone from worshipping angels to being forced to consort with demons
>and the worst part is, my presence only makes them stronger
>My dear Avacyn, save me please
>kill me if you have to, just end this torment
>Your dear servant,
>Ok, Round 2 against the goblins, they're not gonna get me this time
>Strange altar comes out
>Don't care, just making sure he doesn't start lobbing goblins again.
>Goblin comes out, I lose my train of thought for a moment.
>Goblins start multiplying and I lose my grip on reality as the world becomes goblins
>ok calm down, I can still do this
>More Goblins come on down to the price is gobbo gob gob a bob gobbo gobbo here's a gobbo there's a gobbo everywherer a gobby gobbo
>Goblins are life.
>Be the Lunarch
>Summoned by some guy I met a while back
>Hey, why does that guy on the other side of the field look familiar?
>Holy shit is that me?
>I'm dead?
>Be Sidisi
>Tyrant of My Brood
>Shit's cash
>Get summoned, look to my left, it's me
>But dead
>the fuck?

>Be Silumgar
>Just driftin'
>Get summoned
>Look to my left
>It's me
>I'm a lord
>... nice

>Be Tasigur
>Beauty queen at only 16
>Get summoned
>Look to my left
>It's that dick silumgar
>sweet necklace though
>Wait I'm on his necklace
>the fuck?
>Must be some illusion by the enemy as I am most certainly alive
>I rush the enemy, having bolstered all my other human comrades
>For some reason all his forces step out of the way
>I land a mighty blow to the foe, one that Avacyn would surely be proud of.
>And then suddenly everything goes black
>The battlefield disappears
>I no longer hear the sound of zombies shuffling around
>Am I dead?
>I can't be, Avacyn would greet me at the gates of death
>'There is no Avacyn here today, only me'

And so the cycle continues.
>Fighting some haughty mage, he decided to pick me out the crowd and challenge me to a duel, just because I'm a planeswalker and "easy prey" or whatever.
>Dude is an asshole, covered in gaudy gold jewelry, already boasting about his command over armies and spell to drain me of all my gold and then my life
>Goddamnit I just wanted to go to market for some fruit and study a bit more today
>Duel begins, he puts down some weird temple thing and begins peering into a book to see what's next. Whilst he does this, I open up a hole in the ground and create a mine. I then pull out a map.
>Other mage connects to a swamp & uses some profane ritual and then summons up not one but three skeletons- they don't seem that strong, but the mage seems a little too confident.
>Whatever, I create an metal contraption and wrap it inside a summoned building- with the power-plant created, I read into the map and see it burn up, my next destination settled upon.
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>Other Mage connects up to a plains and summons up some sort of thrull and then summons an aven guy- immediately that weird looking thrull swings at me, knocking me to the floor and raids my pockets for what gold I have, giving it to the Asshole mage. He laughs and commands only one of the skeletons to attack- which quickly becomes greatly stronger, as if fueled by the energy of the others. Hurts like a bitch.
>My turn- immediately shape up a tower- the trio of locations complete and each practically glowing with energy. Using this energy, I call upon the blind eternities and wipe out all that which has color- turning his little legion to dust. He yells a few profanities, but this is hardly all that is to come.
>Next few turns are far more interesting from an observers viewpoint- furious mage draped in gold yelling about unfairness despite him asking to duel in the first place as creatures from beyond the planes of existence exit raging portals to heed my beck and call, devouring not just his creatures but the land he steps upon as well- annihilating not just him, but all he holds dear.

>Afterwards I chilled out and got some oranges to eat. Fuck yeah, oranges.
Sidisi? She's the only boltable one. I don't get your story.
>be necromancer
>summon my stockpile to the field of battle
>sift through my junk, throw some fucking archon on the pile, it's not doing any work for me
>some phyrexian bitch I guess, she got a mouth on her
>oh hey, why don't I just bury some people alive, that always makes me feel better
>some fucking angel, zombified holy man, giant that shines with the briliance of the sun itself
>into the trash it goes.jpg
>cast necromancy. just plain old necromancy, there's not even something fancier to call it
>necromancy that angel bitch, she can return the dead to life or something right?
>she shrugs off my own necromantic power, dooming herself to return to her own death but simultaneously returning the zombie priest who in turn confers a mockery of life upon her as she dies while he's being made a not-dead undead
>magic and causality have a debate for a moment, this makes most other mages go cross-eyed
>in the end, I have a zombie jesus, more powerful undead angel bitch, and the shiny giant came back to life and is casting my own necromancy on that phyrexian bitch
>necromancy: work smart, not hard.
>tarkir's past
>Alesha or Yasova
tarkir's past, not alternate reality. either alesha or yasova. probably alesa since there's a lot of self-sacrificing slivers
Alesha since most of my slivers have two or less power.
>Me and some other walkers are in the middle of a battle
>Each one of us have a general to help
>There's some maniac who've been laughing the entire battle, doing nothing else
>This maniacs general is no other but Nicol Bolas himself, intimidating and menacing as always
>At some point the manic starts laughing and shouting
>Tendrils of metal out of nowhere, next thing I know even the fucking terrain is made out of metal
>Everyones creatures goes ape shit taking everything they can to attack each other
>Another fucking Nicol Bolas out of nowhere, this one is a lot more powerful than the previous one
>The new Nicol Bolas just stands there doing nothing
>The first Nicol Bolas takes the latest one into its hends and starts swinging Nicol all around the place
>Just another day as a planeswalker
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>Two wizards fighting
>One triggers the end of the world
>everything is gone but the two dueling wizards
>out of the infinite void surrounding us, a Demon appears.
>The wizard who destroyed the world bargains with the demon, sacrificing everything everything he ever was to the beast.
>in exchange, remakes the world, it's very physical laws into something his opponent physically cannot live in. The entire universe that was the duel between the wizards now screams with its physical laws
>"Die faggot"
I was thinking bant slivers running all the buff slivers available yasova and hivestone and like mnemonic sliver could be amusing.
>slivers get swole
>some bitch in furs
>sliver-shaped rock
>bitch gets SWOLE
>walks up toone of my creatures
>tells him he's her bitch now. tells him he's a sliver now too
>my creature commits harikari to give my enemy some bright ideas
>As soon as you see him, magic lances into your very mind, stripping you of your spells
>immortal vampires began assaulting your defenses
>All your creatures are killed, only for you to watch his vampires return
>Then he starts summoning his greatest monsters
>But he doesn't even bother swinging
>Then you get the invoice from leHappyMerchant
Being Sultai is confusin.
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>Guy shows up wearing black robe
>Uses some profane ritual and summons some kinda Gigery wet dream from the future.
>I notice the thing doesn't look to friendly even towards it's master and aim to piss it off with lighting.
>he cuts his arm and the blood turns into an imp, the little bugger grabs my spell midair and throws it at me, extinguishing it's own life and singing my nuts.
>Oh now it's on, I open my backpack and grab my gauntlet of might so that I might bitchslap this ass pirate.
>Did he just take my gauntlet and throw it into an open gate to phyrexia? How does that shit even work?
>Oh great and now I've got smallpox.
I've seen some planeswalkers are shown with weapons; do they even really need them? Aren't they like, all highly accomplished wizards. Unless it is plot relevant (like on Theros) get back to summoning or whatever it is planeswalkers do when making creatures.
>>Oh great and now I've got smallpox.
For some reason that just makes the whole thing more funny.
most are, but a planeswalker spark does not confer any more magical ability than its owner originally had. some, like gideon are just better at punching than summoning.
>Be me
>Some smug mage summons his insect buddy.
>Replace his vibrant mana bonds with a a desolate landscape.
>Little white dudes ruining his concentration
> He finally gets enough to cast his spell
>He dies to an swarm of soldiers.
Golgari vs monowhite, right?
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>Summon my trusty scientist friend that is into some mysterious shit
>Opponent takes a swig from some glowing jug and starts tripping balls.
>My buddy went a bit too deep and somehow found himself another body, one stronger than the one he has known
>Call up for my punk friend that likes to play with matches and decide I want to take a look into what my opponent is thinking
>More drugs and even a kind of BDSM fiend that he hopes to summon or something
>He drills a fucking Screw in his head, screaming the entire time and starts jabbering about faeries or something
>I have this in the bag, my pals let their fists and/or mandibles do the talking
>The opponent invites a couple of wierd fucking friends and they are all acting like they belong in the next JoJo arc
>Fuck that shit, I let my friends show them the door and hurl one or two bolts of lightning at his head.
>The looney fucker digs up a friend of his and he still seems to be alive
>The zombie keeps slamming himself on the floor to gain access to mana I didn't even know about
>More of the guys cooky friends show up, acting like it's all hunky dory
>His zombfag buddy is going bonkers and somehow some faeries pop up from the ground
>And they are fucking huge
>He keeps taking swigs from his jug and I see his thought escaping him
>His faeries are also smashing their heads against the floor with his zombie pal
>15/16 zombie and 13/12 faerie cave my face in
Close enough.
I already wanted to build Jeskai tokens and this has convinced be even further.

>buys tickets for a luxurious boat trip
>Guy in ragged clothes walks up to me
>Smells like shit, so I ignore him like any good walker would do
>Must have pissed him off, because the moment I turn my back on him he starts muttering some bullshit curses at me
>Black mana, black mana everywhere
>I can feel my brain melting as his spells rip my thoughts apart
>Try to fight back, but having just had my shit pushed in it's not easy to recover
>What the fuck is this bullshit? Fucker just joined with some grimy shit-looking land?
>Oh fuck
>His land is spawning little glowing insect things and they bite and it hurts oh god it hurts and the pain won't stop no matter what I do
>Seriously, nothing I cast can make the pain go away
>He starts chanting again, summons a zombie in armour with a chin bigger than Jay Leno's
>Nothing I throw at it works
>He starts chanting again, more black mana
>Suddenly, there's a flail in zombie Jay Leno's hand
>It starts beating my ass
>Fuck this shit
>I summon everything at my disposal, throw every single fucking thing I have at this fucker, finally manage to kill his flailing zombie faggot
>He casts a black hole that fucks my whole army up
>Now his glowing insect with the horrible bite is wielding the flail
>hobo challenges me
>fine whatever
>he does dark rituals out the ass
>aw shit hes going to hurt me bad
>exiles his whole library
>erases his own mind
>wh-what? did i win?
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>Guy, oil marks up to his elbows just kind of scuttling around
>Approach him
>Phantasmal gorilla appears out of fucking nowhere
>Wild flashes of red
>Some little ant robot, steaming hot hits ground, fucker must weigh half a tonne
>Fire starts flashing out of every. fucking. where.
>Guy's on fire
>Guy's half tonne ant dude is on fire
>I'm on fire
>He produces a voodoo doll, also ostensibly on fire
>Flames wicked of off it onto me.
>Am I on double fire?
>I'm on double fire.
>Entire battlefield is ash and cinder, guy's burnt to a crisp and barely conscious just laughing like an idiot.
>Norin Souls
Uuuuh? Norin is a master prospector and goes out into the wastes to find Myr nonstop? And also gives some to the opponents? Genesis chamber makes no sense, I don't know.
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>Beginning of battle enemy mage summons a small frog.
> I'll just burn it
>Spell Fizzles what the fuck?
>Now the Frog is wrapped in a Ghost-Spider
>Now the frog wrapped in a Ghost-Spider wrapped in a Ghost-Dog
>Why can't I banish this stupid Frog
>Now it has a halo, flies, is ever vigilant, strikes first and is giving its lifeforce to its Master
>Oh Great now it has shining armor and is super swole
>I die to the magnum opus of frogs
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>Spell Fizzles

I know this is a lore faggotry thread, but "can't target" means your spell could never fizzle to begin with
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>Opponent is summoning summoning angels out this glowy portal shit, except how the fuck to they see, they have all these halos.
>I draw mana from this magical glowy ball thing that left my lands overflowing with mana.
>Suddenly, the night sky darkens as the stars glow, showing the outline of a god, holding a large hammer, fiery embers swirling around the stars.
>After that, a sand storm starts to swirl around me, a man with a brilliant blade in a large turban and cloak.
>With his arrival, the embers swirling the stars lash out at the opposing, burning his skin.
>His angels lash out at me, a glorious angel with mutliple wings, but no stupid halo descending upon me.
>As soon as the barrage of attacks ends, the old man gives a come hither motion with his hand to someone behind him
>The sandstorm restarts, easily ten to fifteen mercenaries come out of the storm of particulates.
>For each one that steps out, my opponent is burned by the swirling embersof the forge, until he's finally knocked off his feet by the final blast of fire.
>His angels disperse into flares of white mana as the old king smiles to the sky.
I'd like to assume a mage would at least try and find out their brain won't let them do it, same thing as a fizzle but no wasted energy.
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it would be more like being unable to get a sight of a gun on the target

the concept is to fuzzy to think directly about and get a handle on
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Yeah on boggle that sounds right, I like the idea that your brain can't focus on it at all and thats what makes it untargetable, good read of hexproof. I'd still call that a fizzle lore-wise for lack of a better term.
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lets call the whole thing off!
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>Opponent calls upon multiple forests and mountains to cast something, you can't exactly tell what.
>Sky darkens on his side of the field, a stark contrast to the daylight on your side.
>Seven stars shine out behind him, two glowing significantly brighter than the others. One red, and one was green.
>Once I summon a simple soldier, he makes his move.
>He calls upon the mountains and casts something that silences the air, the tension thick.
>An aditional mountain is drawn upon to rip open a void in the world, out steps a giant monstrosity. A flaming hulk of rage and malific intent.
>As my opponent continues to draw upon the virile red mana, more and more beings and beasts appear.
>A giant wurm, a slavering, infectious beast, and a being that you can't seem to look at.
>I...try to focus on it, but it keeps dropping in and out of my perspective, its eyeless body bearing down on you.
>Suddenly, laughter echoes, the seven stars that all shine in the sky take form, taking the shape of a large Satyr with a crown of antlers.
>He waves his staff over the poisonous beast, its form growing larger and more monsterous, its single eye glowing red.
>and his servants all charge towards me
>The eyeless monstrosity wipes away the soldier in it's wake, the puny human's eyes boiling out of his skull as he's tossed away.
>The beast, dark green in coloring, bites into you first, charging faster than the rest of the pack.
>Flesh crumples underneath its bite, my arm goes limp, is this what it feels like to die?
>As my body disintegrates, all that I can hear is my opponent's laughter, coinciding with the satyr's hollers.
Manaless Dredge
>fight starts and the guy collapses and his brains are oozing out everywhere
>you just sit their confused until he starts puking up a million zombies and they molest the shit out of you

>the guy starts shouting REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE at the top of his lungs
>his fucking eyes explode out of his head as energy swirls around him like a hurricane
>he dry humps in your general direction as 100000000000000000000 iron balls collide with your face

>dude pulls out some orbs and an hourglass
>all of the sudden you shit out your organs but dont die
>he punches you in the face until you die

>dude literally shits 4000 elves
>tidal wave of elves from the guys asshole
>holy fucking shit
>then he shits a giant fucking beast the size of a building and you get run over by 4001 trucks

>your opponent calls in another dude
>the other dude beats you to death while your opponent just flicks your head with a ruler when you try to cast something until you die

Cephalid Breakfast
>dude summons a squid and a horse
>the squid and horse have mad crazy sex while his skull explodes leaving his brains everywhere
>all of the sudden you get run over by a giant fucking truck out of nowhere

>Guy summons jace
>they double team you with bladed condoms while a small Kor woman watches in horror and a small asian man is furiously masturbating
>Fighting multiple planeswalkers
>One fucker is sitting in the corner with a box, everytime he fiddles with it you feel an idea you almost had slip away
>eventually he opens it and you find a sudden rush of inspiration
>Monsters and lands are appearing all over the place
>You just think of instants and sorceries, they slip away before you can realize them
Rad, very vivid.
I chuckled. Ol' Snappy Pappy would do something like that.
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>Hanging 'round downtine by myself when
>some chucklefuck saunters up and demands a duel
>k, whatevs
>summon up my dead relatives and raise a goblet fill wiht nothign in their memory
>fuckhead takes out a toy top but it ceases to exist when I see it
>the town I'm in is filled with a bunch of backstabbers so I call my friend to lend a hand
>kinda chubby, but works in a metal factory, total bro
>shitstaingets super pissed when he sees my friend pull up, so he just yells untill metalbro decides to leave
>wtf man?
decide to stop fucking around and building a factory real quick. Super smoggy but it's all accodring to plan
>dude calls up his angel waifu to help out
>turn on my factory and create this bitching globe replica. feelin' pretty proud about it
>Nutfuck decides to burn his plains rather than it witness the glory of my factory, then has his angel punch me
>fucking dick
>call up another factorybro to help me out
>turdburglar treis to convince him to give up the fight and start farming
>I tip my fedora and my nether filled goblet to remind him that shit ain't gonna fly
> speaking of flying his angel hits me again
>fuck this I'm getting my magnet golem and more factory workers to help me beat this fuckstick down
>takes awhile to do it though. Watched a child be born the graduate high school during the whole affair
>at zoo admring rhino's
>hear some crashing from the bathroom nearby
>wtf so i check it out
>some warty midget breaking all the mirrors
>suddenly millions of chubby guys show up gang rape me to death
>mfw i have no face
underrated post
>oh fuck where did all these goblins come from
>homeboy in the back sippin' hot soup
Listen to that one deathklok song when playing fish
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an oldie
>a bunch of faggot commies are protesting outside my house.
>less than 3 of them hanging out outside my house
>laugh and summon a firestorm over them
>faggots cancel it out
>do this ad infinitum
>all out of tricks
>so are they
>suddenly realise there are a lot more of them now

mfw the commies have opened a recruitment office down the street and are sending the recruits to join the protest
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>>Mage with...no colors keeps staring at me vacantly
>>Decide he's up to no good
>>Start attacking him
>>Shrugs it off, digs a mine, summons a living map
>>Living map helps to bring forth a power plant
>>Mage just keeps staring vacantly
>>Finally puts out a tower and these weird bubbles that feed off each other
>>Still not bringing forth any army
>>Suddenly all the tentacle monsters
>>Look on his face makes more sense suddenly
>>Then nothing made sense ever again
So does wizard.
Fluff wise dredge is giving yourself brain damage.
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>Sitting on my porch eating reheated noodles
>Planeswalker shows up in my backyard talking shit
>toss out some robots to distract him while a few others start pumping out energy
>Dude starts getting pissed because my little robots keep putting themselves back together
>Dump some of the excess power from my bots into the garden decoration
>Couple of heavy hitter golems pop out of them to play crowd control
>Planeswalker tries to turtle down and start popping golems one by one
>Laugh as I produce golems faster than he can kill them
>realize I left my Drink in the house
>Fuck I am thristy
>Launch a golem right at the guy
>It hits him twice and breaks his neck
>Go sip my ice cold drink while my robots clean up
Seriously why do people keep showing up I haven't even done anything
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>Scout the battlefield, your opponent has no allies except for an old elf
>suddenly the elf attacks
>the elf starts wildly spinning in place
>thousands of weird spirits surround you
>the spirits start rioting, killing you in the progress
I fucking hate stax
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A littlefinger like hippo.
He gives everyone what they want, giving them fighters, healing them, filling their minds with great ideas... and doing the same for the enemy. They wear themselves out throwing unstoppable force at immovable object. Then you swoop in and knock them over with just a flick of the wrist.
Awesome thread.
that combo wouldn't work
Maze of Ith untaps an attacking crature - spamming Argothian Elder's ability doesn't count as attacking
That's why you attack with the elder first
You attack with the Elder, then Maze it to untap it.

It's still attacking, since Maze of Ith never removes it from combat, but now it's untapped. Which you then use the Elder to untap Maze and another land, tap the maze to untap the elder, rinse and repeat.
/tg/ is terrible at magic
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>Planeswalker pops out of nowhere
>With a goat he probably got from a nearby marketplace or some pasture
>Think nothing of it
>Suddenly appendages burst out of the goat, turning it into a massive floating mass of tentacles.
>Battling it out with some dudes
>Meet fellow walker, shares some tips 'n tricks
>Keeps giving me new ideas
>Yes please
>Shows me his cool lich friend
>Guy gives me more pointers, even though his gaze unnerves me to no end
>Every thought I have is like a needle through my brain
>Who cares, my inspiration has never run this wild
>Suddenly ADHD
I saw you argue this in a different thread. Dredge isn't brain damage. Brain damage is exiling cards from a library. Milling is just the erosion of sanity.
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I think you forgot this
>at the club just chilling with some buddies
>they're real cool, don't have to waste time or energy to call some of them and others just pump everyone up
>did a whole bunch of blinkmoth juice off a table and tripping so hard that the fucking ground is dancing
>Some random cucklefuck shows up and slaps my gf's ass
>his tiny buddy walks up and out of nowhere hits me harder than I thought he could
>little guy is greasy and oily as fuck. Total basement dweller.
>step back, my buds get ready to kick the shit out of this guy when the little guy fucking hits me again even harder
>can't see shit with all this oil and grease in my eyes
>pass out
>Having a friendly sparring match with a friend
>Suddenly some guy comes shambling over and challenges us to a duel.
>At the same time
>Start by summoning my closest companion, a dog from Kamigawa
>friend brings out an elf
>Chucklefuck begins chanting
>Suddenly black magic pervades the air
>Like a lot of black magic
>Holy fuck why is there so much black magic
>Giant mechanical skeleton monstrosity climbs out of the ground
>What ever, lightning bolt that shit
>Bolt arks off and kills my dog and destroys my land.
>Fuck black mages.
> fighting some jackass
>I summon up my goblins
> he summons some scrub villagers, and a priest of some sort
> and then a vampire painter
> and then some kind of bull man in heavy armor, what the shit
> the priest is stabbing his villagers
> the vampire is using their innards for some kind of avant garde sculpture
> the bull is laughing
> suddenly everything is on fucking fire
>I am on double fucking fire
>"What the fuck is this, man? Who are you guys?"
> he answers
>I laugh for the very short remainder of my life
I chuckled.
I like it.
arguably the best so far
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>Opposing planeswalker enters my realm.
>Summons a single tree, what is this faggotry?
>Wait... that tree has a face. And it's moving.
>Whatever, I can handle it. I'll take my time summoning my giant creatures.
>Tree approaches and whips with a branch.
>"Ha! Barely scratched me me!"
>Tree doubles in size. The fuck?!
>Still gathering mana. Tree hits me again. Hurts more, and tree grows again.
>Finally summon a mighty beast to defend me.
>Opposing walker places a strange horned crown upon the misshapen "head" of the tree.
>It starts to fly.
Not sure I understand the combo. Boros Reckoner and blood artist? Blasphemous?
the standard deck aristocrats. It's also a joke on the Gilbert gottfried's "the Aristocrats" joke
>Gilbert gottfried's
the aristocrats is a memetic joke that well outdates Gilbert Gottfried's career
Gotcha. The priest is Cartel aristocrat. I was thinking an avacynian priest. Thanks!
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>Why phyrexia, why you so evil?
>Because reasons

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