/tg/ something strange just happened>get some juice befor I start DMing my game>get to fridge, 1L coconut water, 1L lychee juice>make 3L mix with 1L water added to the juices in my 4L container (yeah I'm a thirsty fucker)>sit down and start DMing, juice is ok>as I sip the hours away juice tastes a little different>probably just the denser juice at the bottom heightening the flavour right?>nearing end of session and juice is starting to taste real weird, bearing with it, because I eat/drink anything>session is finishing up and I take a sip>wtf.png>tastes weird as fuck and I look insideGREENmy fucking juice is a light green/tg/ nothing I put in there was green, why is my juice green? I feel ill also. What the fuck is this shit?
>>37629415Either you aren't playing vanilla Nethack, or you misidentified your potions. #dipping fruit juice into fruit juice into water should only create diluted fruit juice.
>>37629630Anon its hurting.What do I do?
>>37629415Were you drinking the entire time without looking in the container?Have you urinated?
Lychee Juice?Coconut Water?It's gotta be the GLUTENS, consult your local church of foodology.
>>37629745Yeah.I have yes, I piss a lot.But my gut hurts now.
>>37629771Have you defecated?
>>37629727ask somene who isn't tg?Try to puke everything out.
>>37629754I don't know what gluten is, I thought that was in bread, I don't eat bread, I eat rice.
>>37629415Where any of the players in the room with you?Do any of them have a reason to poison you?
>>37629778Yeah, yellow bile and a little blood.But that happens every now and then with me, I had a very nasty case of ceptic shock from peritonitis.
>>37629842This was a while back however**>>37629837No this is over skype, so it can't be my players poisoning me.
>>37629842Take an Antacid and call a doctor in if nothing improves.
>>37629861>No this is over skype, so it can't be my players poisoning me.Don't you see you fool, that's what they want you to think. It's the perfect cover.
>>37629415Alright, make a Fortitude save.
>>37629861Are you on a terrorism watch list that might get you targeted by the CIA?
>>37629415>hours>Uncovered coconut milk>Uncovered lycheeYou dun messed up.
>>37629415>get to fridge, 1L coconut water, 1L lychee juice>make 3L mix with 1L water added to the juices>3=1+1?Did you check the 4l container before pouring the juice in?
>>37629415Uh. Maybe /ck/ can help?But I'm pretty sure you are supposed to drink cocunt juice right away. Also why didn't you look when it started to taste weird?
>>376299991L coco water, 1L lychee, 1L water1+1+1=3
>>37629415>lychee juice>coconut waterIt's what you get for being a dirty hippy. There's a reason Mountain Dew has become the beverage de jure of tabletop; it's never going to slowly mutate into a poisonous green fluid over the course of hours. It starts off that way, so you know what you're getting.
>>37629958That's what makes sense. Unless you were stirring that pitcher up on a non-stop rampage.
>>37629882>>37629876>>37629875This is some scary stuff.>>37629999>>376300401 part water, 1 part lychee, 1 part water, 3L in a 4L container, there is no math here.>>37630011>>37629931The same reason I got peritonitis.I didn't go to hospital after my apendix burst, I nearly died, I was rushed to hospital a couple of days after it burst because I went for a checkup, turns out I was nearly dead.I have a habit of just leaving shit.
>>37630100Maybe you should go to a hospital and get your stomach pumped of this juice shit?
>>37630100Jesus, anon, go to a doctor and get yourself sorted!
>>37630160>>37630241There's now a sharp pain in my intestines at one point, I think its evolving.I'm sweating like a pedophile at a kindergarten here. I live near a hospital, so if I start dying I will go. Its ok, I know what dying feals like, so I'll feel it coming then I can go.As for now, for research purposes. (And potential plot points in future games for us all) I will try to tough it out.I'm in considerable pain here, shit I think it just kicked.
>>37630288No, seriously, just go to a doctor, dude. There's no point in telling us about it. Just stop being a nitwit and go.
>>37630288Quit your shit and just go to the hospital you jackass.
>>37630288If you really refuse to leave, then tell us about the game you were running.
>>37630288Your probably about to suffer a few hours of bad diahrea food poisoning style. Stay hydrated and go to the hospital if your condition gets worse.
>>37630332Introductory session into a 5e game, I braved naval combat to liven up a voyage. Turn out quit nice actually. Good session.>>37630333>>37630305>>37630323Yeah thanks, regular chlorine water seems to to be quelling some of the pain. But shit, was not expecting my juice to attempt to kill me.
>>37630363What was the party like?
>>37630397Fairly good mix, a couple of talkative types, one's not a bad tactician, a newby and a shy bloke.Not the full party but all in all good.One human fighter man.One elf druid.One elf ranger.One human assassin.One warlock.And some guy who is something? Like I said introductory session.
>>37630100How long did you have all the shit you mixed into your juice in the fridge? With most "health juices" anything over a week is pushing it since they refuse to add preservatives or pasturize their shit which means toxic levels of bacteria and their metabolic wastes can build up within a few days before/after the sell by date especially with real hippy dippy shit like coconut water. Also, coconut milk is fucking disgusting, what the hell do they do to it to rebrand it as "cocount water"
>>37630483Coconut water is coconut milk taken from super duper unripe coconuts
OP. There are doctors for a reason, to make sure you don't get to the point where you think you're gonna die. Go to the fucking hospital you freak.
>>37630505That alone sounds like it should make you puke and or shit yourself for a healthy no Alohahumanbean
>>37630483I don't know what you're on son, but coconut water is fucking delicious. I remember harvesting coconuts from trees, chopping myself a hole, then chugging it from the coconut. Then I'd chop it open and eat the inside. Coconut milk is great too, are your tastebuds damaged?
>>37630483Not health juices. Just juice, fresh, bought it yesterday.My friend says judging by the blood and colour its more of an upset stomach thing. Though its considerably more painful and I'm sweating a lot.I've had the full range of upset stomach, gastro enteritis, apendicits, peritonitis and ceptic shock.Hnnng, this aint not upset stomach.But then again, I'm no alchemist, and outside of lychee and coconut martini who mixes those two. In chlorinated water.The hell is wrong with me.
>>37630553Your fucking friend is looking at your bloody stool and still not taking you to the doctor.WHAT A GUY
>>37630448>not knowing all the classes of your players evenDid you like.. not check their sheets?
>>37630573My excuse is its an introductory session and I have 5-7 players.>>37630562We have stoicism in common.
This is less related to /tg/ than quests
>>37630627You know what, Leonidas? Don't go to the hospital. No matter what. You've bought the ticket, now take the ride. Just see this thing through and try to leave us with as vivid a description of your death as possible, so we know exactly why not to do what you did.
>>37630553>I've had the full range of upset stomach, gastro enteritis, apendicits, peritonitis and ceptic shock.So you have all kinds of intestinal problems and you just drank something that freaked you out. I think you might be scaring yourself to death, buddy. So just relax...or you'll die.
Damn /tg/, good on y'all. Only board where almost everyone says "go to doctor, that's serious shit." And op still delivers.
>>37630664>>37630670Cept this guy.
>>37630627Have you tried drinking salt water?
Status update: Went to shit, just blood and bile came out. No solids, this is as my friend predicted.The pain though man, there's tear a brewing here.
>>37630717Got any bread or something? You could try eating that to soak up the toxic shit in your gut
>>37630717Last time I shat blood and was intense pain like that I had a bacterial infection in my intestines. Now I'm not expert, but if your coconut water and lychee juice had turned fucking green I'd say bacteria was involved. Take some antibacterial medicine if you have any, although I'm not sure how effective that would be because I was cured via IV drip.
>>37630717I had that problem before. I drank a bunch of coconut water and lychee juice and it cleared right up.
>>37630735Or better yet, go to a doctor. Major bacterial infection used to be one of the biggest killers around prior to modern medicine. That shit frequently doesn't just get better.
>>37630728No bread, only rice.But I guess I could give that a try my only concern is I don't want ot have to deal with a solids version of the bloody liquid horror that just fell out of me taking some vital organs with it.
>>37630762relax and you won't shit it out so hard man
RIP infected anon. Died as he lived: shitting blood.
>>37630762Retard. Add some variety to your diet. Rice is not enough you stupI'd nipponophile. Fiber and protein!
>>37630810Ugh. Sorry. Posting from phone and drunk. *stupid nipponophile.
>>37630810I'm poor as shit, when I can afford I eat nothing but varied meats and buckets of vegetables, and before anyone askes, I visited my mother and I asked for food.My diet is mostly rice, meat and vege. Usually I cook simple asian dishes. Made a delicious Malaysian Chili Crab the other day, you'd have loved it. (The crab was also on special and there were loads of them, guess the local fishermen made a good hall, I can't resist cheap seafood)What was I talking about again.Ah yes, well. The pain has stabilised.I'm managing not to grimace or tear up anymore now also.
>>37630851I am also poor as shit. I dig man, I do. You just power through the poor man diet shits. Really though, the occasional fiber bar really helps even things out.
>>37630851Anyone want to bet that the anon's stomach pain are actually the battle damages from the cocolychee bacteria armies encountering the seafood bacteria denizen?Someone should make a card game out of this!
>>37630851Eggs can give you all the protean you need and are pretty cheap.
>>37630873Rice is great for filling the void, but it's hell on your digestive tract.
>>37630875That might be what's keeping him alive.
>>37630873Yeah, I got fined by my bank recently for not having enough money.I normally don't get to eat 1-2 days of the weak. Being forced to eat cheap bulk foods here really hurts the gut, vegetables and decent meat to out of my price range.>>37630875Honestly, I never thought of that. I probably don't have particularly great microflora.Also 3 years ago when my appendix went nova I was pump full of antibiotics, like literally, I was shitting clear gel for a couple of days after they cut the defective little piece of shitty meat out. There was also the problem that there were numerous poison collections between all the tubes of my gut. When they went to operate on me to suck that stuff out, the CAT scanner broke so I had to wait to weeks while they ordered a part, got an engineer and fixed the thing. All the while I lay in bed stapled shut, grey unable to read as my eyes couldn't focus, just staring at the opposite wall. Then when they did suck the goop out of me the anesthetic didn't work and it hurt like shit because I was awake, lying on my front while they poked a little sucky tube through a hole in my back to prod around and get the goop.But yeah Bowel Card gameAnd instead of lands and things, there could be ciliated gut linings, or festering pockets.Factions could include:Marine BacteriaThe Fungi ConclaveMicroflora of the NordsStuff like that.
>>37630949Seriously, yogurt isnt expensive. Active...whatevers in it. Eat it.Spinach leaves. Also cheap. Eat it.Crappy steak. Read stuff online. Cook to become good steak. Eat it.No excuse op. Tech up.
>>37630949I've been experimenting with making bread, recently. Got a bag of whole wheat flour for three bucks, been trying my hand at various unleavened breads. Results have been mixed, but if this pans out (no pun intended) I will have stumbled upon pretty inexpensive source of bulk calories.
>>37631029I laugh at your horrible pun regardless. Good on you.Also worth exploring: fucking quinoa.
>>37631070All of the recent jerk posts have been me.I don't mean to sound that way, but that seems the most effective way to motivate folk. Stop being a pussy and get healthy. I'm not doing this for me. It's only for you.
>>37631095>>37631070Somebody was telling me about quinoa the other day, but I wasn't really paying attention. Something about that and sprouted chia seeds, which I was legitimately surprised had any use other than hair for terra cotta busts.
>>37630949>thread created barely attached to /tg/, much more /ck/>anon possibly on verge of death>somehow becomes a /tg/ topicHow.
>>37631191welcome to /tg/ we can make anything out of anything.
Status Update:Shat another round of bile, less blood.>>37631070Quinoa is super expensive, at least here.>>37631095>>37631017You say that but I have a huge metabolism, and I'm a big guy (tall, not fat).I'm working on the getting healthy thing. I eat most of whats mentioned if I can afford it.The only diet that can stop me actively losing weight, is loads of meat, loads of vegetables and a little bit of rice. Seriously, ANYTHING else, and trust me, my mother brews her own kombucha or whatever the fuck its called, makes kimchi, and other weird potions and eats super healthy (before you ask, also poor can afford to help me beyond the odd shopping trip).Fucking working on this things, I also have a nervous system issues, stress, anxiety, severe depression (diagnosed for 8 years).But I'm off meds, regaining some of my strength. I used to be very fir and very strong when I was 17 I was a competitive rower and trained hard for TKD.I think I'll survive for now though.I'm tired and Dizzy but I think I'll survive.Still in considerable pain but I've slept through worse.
>>37631212When the mods are asleep and don't kneecap us 10 posts in, yeah. Latenight /tg/ is the closest thing we've got to old /tg/ now.
>>37630363>regular chlorine waternigga what the fuck
>>37630483Coconut water is the water inside the coconut, coconut milk is made from the pulped flesh of coconuts.
>>37631337Tapwater has trace amounts of chlorine in it. It's why you can drink it and not die of cholera or dysentery or the like. I'll take "trace amounts of bleach in my drinking water" over "shitting myself to death" any day.
>>37630851>I'm poor>eats seafood>awful list of bowel problems>can't resist cheap seafood>awful list of bowel problems
>>37631342You should be more worried about the FLUORIDE the government puts in your water
>>37631114Quinoa is awesome. Roast some butternut squash halves and chopped up red pepper, cook quinoa, when the squash is done scrape up some of dat flesh and mix in the quinoa, peppers, honey and feta cheese.
>>37631380Tell me more.
>>37631342But who the fuck calls it chlorine water.
>>37631191We at /tg/ have mastered the art of railing, derailing, and rerailing a thread to our whims. Stay awhile and you, too, might glean the secrets of this sorcery.
>>37631368I know good seafood when I see it, don't worry.>>37631337Tap water haha, not pool water.Before I go though, Lets make a start on this card game?(Trying to stay awake so my anus doesn't fall off in my sleep and leak blood everywhere)
Enzymes in the coconut water and juice reacted with each other, changing the nature of the esters and proteins in both.
>>37631305Can you carefully list your usual symptoms?Side effects could be passive cards you take damage for at the start of your turn.
Anon bought some lychee juice, he put it in the fridgeHe got some coconut as well and then he made a mixHe put the juice in the coconut and drank them both upHe put the juice in the coconut and drank them both upHe put the juice in the coconut and drank them both upHe put the juice in the coconut, he posted on tg, all rekt upNigga let me get this straightYou put the juice in the coconut You thought it tasted strangeYou put the juice in the coconutYou drank it still, are you deranged?
>>37631604/thread. Go home everybody, we're not topping this.
>>37631604I like you anon
>No one suggesting Rice and Beans.You will live off that shit, complete complex carb whatever the shit, super good for you. Guess what crazy ass mexicans ate while building fuck huge temples.Can you build a fuck huge temple? No. Obviously not cause you ain't full of beans and fucking rice.Get some fucking primo beans and rice. Add sauces like liquor/eggs/veggies/stray dogs as needed. Also shit, steal some pots off people and some soil. Buy a single potato, wait for it to sprout, slice it up and plant those nig pops too. Add water as needed for a few months. Repeat process. Free taters.
>>37629861Then do you have a cat?
>>37631616>>37631660I was hoping to make the full song, but I lost inspiration. If anyone else finds a way to continue this: be my guest.
OP here, final status update.After shitting quite an ammount of blood just now I think I'm going to call it a night, if I can't get some rest, yes I'll go to hospital, holy shit this hurts.I will survive either way.Good night.
>>37631778Good luck and godspeed you, black emperor.Apparently someone has archived this thread.
>>37631778Ok, instead of finishing the song, here's something else.There once was an anon on tgWho drank moldy mix with some lycheeHis stool got real bloodyWhich he showed to his buddyYes that drink that he drank wasn't peachy
>>37631848Do you like green coconut and lychee?No, I do not like them teegee.I do not like green coconut and lychee.Would you like them juiced or mixed?I would not like them juiced or mixed.I would not like them in any way.I do not like green coconut and lychee.I do not like them, teegee.Would you like them by your side?Would you like them with chlorine?I do not like them by my side.I do not like them with chlorine.I do not like them in any way.I do not like green coconut and lychee.I do not like them, teegee.Would you drink them with champagne?Would you drink them for the pain?Not with champagne.Not for the pain.Not by my side.Not with chlorine.I would not drink them juiced or mixed.I would not drink them in any way.I would not drink green coconut and lychee.I do not like them, teegee.Would you? Could you? In the loo?Drink them! Drink them! Here they are.I would not, could not, in the loo.You may like them, you will see.You may like them, in a thread?I would not, could not, in a thread.Not in the loo! You leave me be.I do not like them with champagne.I do not like them for the pain.I do not like them by my side.I do not like them with chlorine.I do not like them juiced or mixed.I do not like them in any way.I do not like green coconut and lychee.I do not like them, teegee.A lyric! A lyric! A lyric! A lyric!Would you, could you, on a lyric?Not a lyric! Not a thread! Not in the loo! Teegee, let me be!I would not, could not, with champagne. I could not, would not, for the pain.I will not drink them by my side, I will not drink them with chlorine.I will not drink them juiced or mixed.I will not drink them in any way.I do not like them, teegee.>>37631962Selamat malam!
yea, lychee and coconut mix fine. check them expiration dates, because if they're fresh it's probably from the water.say, you're not from Sochi, are you?
>>37630690You talking about that one crazy dude's manifesto?
>>376294154chan is not your blog
>>37632706No, apparently it's a chronicle of his last words.
>>37632772>>37631778>I'll go to the hospital right after I take this nap.Sounds right.
Hi everyone. Anthony Fantano here. Internet's busiest music nerd. And today I'm gonna review >>37629415, the latest blog post by Anonymous.This guy is a notorious blogger from /tg/, you might know him from his previous work, most notably the insanely popular meme "Excuse me captain" and the classic yet somewhat forgotten hit "-4 STR".He's been around the block a few times, picked up a couple tricks from other boards, and now he's back and with a vengeance, full of fresh new ideas.I must say I really liked the image he picked for this specific blog and the overall composition and pacing of the blog is extremely well put together.As I was reading the blog over and over i couldn't help but be mesmerized by some of the language he used here, he really did his research on this one.Overall I'm feeling a strong 6 to a light 7 on this thing.Tran-sition!If you've given this blog a read, what did you think of it?Did you love it?Hate it?Why?And...what should I review next?Cool?Cool.Anthony Fantano.Anonymous.>>37629415.Forever.
>This kills the Anon
>>37630851>poor as shit>buys hippie food like lychee juice and coconut waterstop your bullshitting, OP
>>37632821Goddamnit man. Tears.
>>37633994Randomly cheap exotic foods are one of the rare pleasures of poverty. When it's priced to go, it goes home with you.
Rip in peace OP.
>>37635440i doubt he is kill, but if he dose not get to a hospital he might be
>>37630553if there is blood and bile in your shit thats not an upset stomach, go to the fucking hospital because you have holes in a few of your organs
>>37633994that shits cheap, yo.
>>37631409I'm going to go with pretentious food hipsters, the kinds who think quinoa is super amazing, and never mind that the poor schmucks who grow it can't afford to eat it themselves now.The probably also eat activated almonds and ramps
>>37631708>there was no rice in ancient mexico>you dumb fuck
OP here.Back from a night at hospital. Whatever was in the green juice torn me a new one.Literally, inside my rectum was identified a fissure. This hole was identified when the female doctor was jamming her finger up my ass proding around and reported after doing so that "Blood was trickling out."Some how, maybe acidic blood or teeth or claws the green juice put a hole in my innards. Thats where the blood was coming from.Anyway, I sadly don't think I'll see he end of this thread before it 404s, I'm tired and need to sleep, not to mention the morphine is wearing off.Thank you all for entertaining me in my time of agony.And please do, continue ideas for that card game.>>37632004I may have an aversion from doing that anymore.MORAL OF THE STORYALWAYS CHECK THE JUICE>pic related, proof I'm alive, if a little shaken
>>37637027Good you're alive, Anon!Sleep well, and get well soon!
>>37630100Yeah, after this post, I stopped caring if anon lives.Ignoring the pain involved in having your appendix burst is serious Darwin Awards stuff.The casual way in which he wrote it made me first think he knew it had burst and chose not to go to the hospital, which would be even worse.The whole thing reminds me of a snake bite show I saw where a snake expert got bit by a snake and didn't go to the hospital since there was no anti-venom in existence and it was an IRL save or die situation.So he sat at home for nearly two days while his hand rotted off.Turns out that the effects of a venom nearly killing you can kill you too. The fool nearly died from the strain the pain was putting on his body and if he had gone to the hospital first, they might have saved more of his hand.Hate to derail this thread into something tg related, but this is like reverse-meta-gaming meta-gaming.>DM: Ok, you survived the encounter, but the attack left you diseased and weakened. You should probably return to town to get healed.>Player: Screw you and your rails. My char is an ignorant fighter and wouldn't know he's sick. I go on.>DM: But he can feel his body weakening with every step, the pain in his guts worsening by the minute.>Player: He's a tough fighter, he will walk it off. I goes on.much rolls and travel later...>DM: So, weakened by the disease, your fighter collapses unconscious in a pool of his own sick, spasming from pain, and releasing his bowels. Mark off your last HP.>Player: Nah, he'll be fine after a nap.
>>37637027>This hole was identified when the female doctor was jamming her finger up my assDid you get her number?
>>37637387This Anon, asking the right Questions!
>>37637027Good to see you're alive. Also, your face is cute.
>>37630527It does make you vomit/diarrhea.1 liter of the stuff is enough to make people shit themselves.
>>37631395Butternut squash is so fucking good you can make anything with it. It's a pain in the ass to peel, but goddamn.
>>37639557His rectum ain't.
>>37630065>Mold growing in hoursWhat the fuck? What kinds of food go bad that fast?
>>37630735>Take some antibacterial medicineDO NOT self-medicte antibacterials. Go to the doctor, OP.
Where is Doctor Assmarbles when we need him?
What in the shit is going on in this thread? What the fuck did I just read?I hope to god someone archived this.