This is the ongoing tale of a bunch of guardsmen who got drafted into the Inquisition after their regiment was reduced to a mere 37 men by a combination of Orks, Heretics, more Orks, Tyranids and, of course, their own leadership. Currently they work for an Inquisitor that is the 40k equivalent of Professor Oak, he provides teams and missions to Interrogators who need to get some leadership experience before becoming full Inquisitors.>Most previous chapters can be found here:http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?searchall=all+guardsmen
Fuck yeah, storytime!
F5ing like a motherfucker
>>36338781SHOGGY MAH NIGGA, MAH BASED NIGGA!!!
>>36338781Few notes as we get started here>I’m putting everything into a single place where I can go in an edit stuff and junk. If you’d prefer to see these stories all in one spot instead of spread out over a thread or in a cap you can see the semi-finished product here:https://googledrive.com/host/0B3Z9sXPTD9rpN2owNGdVWmdFWXM/agp.html>Criticism and Questions are always welcome>I am on hotel internets and a borrowed laptop, that is a thing which may affect other things. I’d appreciated a hand capping this, image editing on a laptop is hard.>As usual I apologize for all delays and such, I am slow
HYPE TRAIN HAS ONE DIRECTION AND HAS NO BRAKES!!!
>>36338857The squad is sitting along one side of a table, across from them is a group of dangerous looking men and women. Both sides are trying to stare each other down over the impressive array of official looking documents piled on the table.At a word from Sarge the squad’s melee specialist, Cutter, puts down his chainsword and carefully pulls three documents from the pile. Across the table a woman in a black bodysuit does likewise and Sarge winces as he sees which ones she’s holding.There’s a brief whispered argument on both sides of the table, then Doc, glaring daggers at Sarge picks a large folder and starts going through it. A large metallic man on the other side immediately grabs a few documents prompting Twitch, the squad’s demolitions expert, explodes out of his chair and starts to lunge across the table. He’s stopped by a hand on his collar and a warning shouted by a hooded man sitting off in a corner. Sarge pulls out a few files, shoves them into Twitch’s hands, then orders the trooper out of the room.Both sides sit and glare at each other until the hooded figure observing the meeting clears his throat in a menacing way. Sarge gives Nubby, the squad’s quartermaster, a meaningful look. Muttering under his breath and moving with exaggerated slowness Nubby pulls some exotic looking weapons from a storage case and lays them on the table. At a glare from Sarge he also brings up two small crates, then sits back and nervously watches as a tall, thin man leans across the table and inspects them. After the thin man sits back down and has a short conversation with his team Sarge gets to his feet and, voice trembling a little with nerves, he prepares to make what might be the most important deal of his life.>”We’ll offer these weapons, two crates of amasec, and will handle the combat training for the scribes, in exchange for your team taking ALL of the psykers.”>The All Guardsmen Party: Good Soldiers, Bad Educators
>>36339030>ALL of the psykersGET YOUR DTUs READY FOLKS, TIME FOR PERILS OF THE WARP!
>>36339030So no shit, there we were, on a ship headed out to some nameless Inquisition facility, to teach a bunch of fresh recruits how to be proper Inquisitorial goons. In our humble opinions this was stupid as hell, we were definitely goons, but it was hard to find anyone less proper than us.When you hear the term ‘Agents of the Inquisition’ you’d usually imagine a bunch of people in billowing cloaks, armed with masterwork power weapons, and acting all dark and mysterious. Maybe they’re not all beautiful or darkly handsome, but the one’s that aren’t are definitely covered with impressive scars and fancy looking augmetics. You’d expect them to swoop in, interrogate and possibly torture anyone who looks shifty, maybe make a few other people disappear, then do something eldritch and fly away into the night. You would not expect a bunch of guardsmen wearing sweaty fatigues and constantly looking either bored, frustrated, or confused.The point is that we didn’t look like proper agents, we didn’t act like proper agents, and we definitely didn’t have any idea how to teach a bunch of recruits to be proper agents. Sure all of our missions had been relatively successful, but aside from a few tactical situations we hadn’t actually done anything complex. We didn’t interrogate people, we didn’t assemble theories or hypotheses, and we didn’t leverage secret arcane knowledge. We just followed around our superior officer and did what we were told, if investigations were called for we typically just asked someone who looked smart to do it for us. All we really ever did was stand around until someone fucked up, then applied explosives and las-fire to the problem until it was fixed. Sure this seemed to work for us, but it definitely wasn’t the way things were supposed to be done and Oak probably wouldn’t thank us for teaching the rookies to act like that.This was the worst idea since, well, putting Nubby in charge of buying a ship.
>>36339030>The All Guardsmen Party: Good Soldiers, Bad Educatorsoooooooh, this can't end well... this can't end well at all. Hilariously good, but this can only end in pain.
>>36339085Okay, maybe it wasn’t THAT bad.We weren’t handling all of these rookies’ education, just the final polishing. They’d already been through a few months of lessons on the basics of Inquisiting; some of Oak’s adepts had already taught them all that boring ‘what is chaos’, ‘where do tyranids come from’, and ‘why heresy is bad’ stuff. They’d also supposedly been given a rundown of what their general role was and a few basic lessons on stuff like interrogation and disguises. We were expected to finish that training though, as experienced field agents we’d to be able to tell them what it was actually like to be on a mission and how to do their jobs correctly. Unfortunately we didn’t even know what those jobs really were, much less how to do them.Luckily a second team of instructors shipped out with us and they did know about that stuff. They were all sleek and professional looking and were experienced in all the aspects of Inquisiting that we weren’t. Ideally we’d just hand off all the training to them, but there were too many students and too little time so we’d have to split the load up as evenly as possible.We were also accompanied by one of Oak’s personal Interrogators, a quiet bugger who liked to sit in corners and work on dataslates. He didn’t seem very interested in us, just gave us a basic briefing, handed over the files on the recruits, then sat and worked on his slate while we hashed things out with the other team. Apparently he was always on the way to set up another batch of trainees and didn’t have any energy to spare on us. He’d make sure we had a facility and the right trainees then fly off and set up another batch, and another, and another. Once classes got started we wouldn’t see him until he showed up for the final review and shipped us all back to Oak.
>>36339293In before the final exam passes inexplicably and Sarge gets Interrogatorified
>>36338781BEST TIME OF THE MONTH. Shoggy, is something going on, you're a little inconsistent when you can post these threads? I'd like to know so I know to be excited to read these.
>>36339293Aside from the initial briefing our Interrogator probably said less than a hundred words to our team over the course of the trip. Some people would have been offended by this treatment, but we liked him; he seemed a lot less likely to get us all killed than any of our previous bosses.Instead of bothering our Interrogator, we mostly interacted with the other team. They seemed like fairly solid folks, for a bunch of fancy agent types that is, but they were obviously a little unhappy about our presence on the mission. While they tried to be polite, it was easy to tell that they thought we were a bunch of dim grunts and didn’t believe any of our stories about our previous missions. Orders were orders though and if Oak said that we were half the training team then they’d make sure we did half the work. We would’ve settled for a quarter, or maybe an eigth.Trainee records needed to be reviewed, locations needed to be chosen, resources needed to be requested, duties needed to be assigned, and lessons needed to be planned. As the only responsible members of the squad Sarge and Doc handled most of this. Nubby was called in to lend an occasional hand with the requisition paperwork while Twitch and Cutter were left to their usual pastimes, paranoid booby trapping and obsessive sword drills Now Sarge and Doc did their best to get us the cushiest jobs, but there weren’t many of them and the other team wasn’t born yesterday. They weren’t about to let us stick them with all the crazies, criminals, and incompetents while we sat around drinking beers with a bunch of well trained PDF troopers and government agents. In the end we all sat down to a negotiation and got the best deal we could.At least we managed not to get stuck with the damned psykers.
>>36339471Our squad would be in charge of four batches of trainees. There was a unit of PDF that had helped take down a minor daemon and some violent priests who had burned out a few cults and were probably just being sent to us to get them out of the way. Then there was a group of criminals who were dumb enough to rob an Inquisition warehouse, but smart enough to talk their way out of an execution, and finally, the scribes. Those fucking scribes.Not all scribes are useless little sissies, hell Cutter was a scribe. If he hadn’t been handed a chainsword during a pitched fight and subsequently discovered how much more fun being a raging berserker was, he’d probably still be pushing pencils and sorting files. In an extreme situation the meekest men and women can rise up and become heroes, surprising their enemies with berserk fury or vicious cleverness. Unfortunately when that heretic cult kidnapped a bunch of Administratum scribes and forced them to help translate a daemonic text, all the brave ones who fought their captors or sabotaged their translations were immediately killed. The ones we got were the cowards, the weasels, the dimwits, and the bloody sheep.They were completely unqualified for any combat, but Oak always needed more nerds for field duty and these scribes had enough mental fortitude to translate a chaos tome without going nuts. If we could make fighting men out of any of them he’d call it a win, even if the rest died in the process.Both our squad and the other team had seen what a shitshow training these bookworms to fight would be, none of us wanted to trust them with a butter-knife, much less a firearm. It was obviously going to be bad, but all they needed was basic combat training and our squad could definitely provide that. So while the agents would handle all the assassins, infiltrators, cogboys, and psykers; we’d have the nerds, nuts, grunts, and scum.
>>36339619We touched down after a few weeks of idleness or frantic lesson planning, depending on whether you asked Twitch, Nubby, and Cutter or Sarge and Doc. The Interrogator directed both our squad and the other team to separate fliers and told us that the trainees and all the requested materiel were waiting for us. As a sort of afterthought he reminded us that he’d be back in a few months for the final review, then he got back in the shuttle and left. It was reassuring to see that the other team was just as surprised and confused as us by his sudden departure.All of us stood there and milled around while the shuttle took off, then a pair of men walked up from the shuttles and reminded us that the trainees were waiting. As we split off to the shuttle Sarge promised to keep in touch with the other team, which according to our guide, would be operating out of a separate facility half a continent away. This came as a surprise, none of us had paid that much attention to the location briefing and we’d expected to all be in the same facility, honestly it was a bit worrying. Our boss had just ditched us and the people we’d planned on asking for help and advice would be nowhere near us. We were going pretty much alone with the trainees, Sarge and Doc started to worry about the quality of their plans and the rest of us began to feel guilty about slacking off.Once we boarded the flier our guide introduced himself as one of the Interrogator’s organizers. There were four of them at the facility: a doctor to watch the trainees’ health, a pair of tech-priests to keep the place running, and him, the administrator. He was the man that had been getting everything ready for us and would be handling all the paperwork as well as doing his best to fulfill any requests we made. Twitch immediately asked for several tons of explosives, but Sarge interrupted the administrator before he could finish asking what type.
>>36339804Sarge gave the administrator a quick rundown of who was considered mentally fit and what constituted a reasonable request. To his credit the man didn’t seem to be worried or confused by any of it, he’d probably worked with teams weirder than us, hell there was probably an all psyker team out there somewhere.The planet we were flying over was reasonably pleasant looking. It seemed moderately developed world with no obvious specialization, a few large cities, a few small hives, a major manufactorum or two, and a fair bit of farming. A nice place with a breathable atmosphere and, at least where our base was located, a comfortable climate.According to the admin there weren’t any horrible political crises, religious schisms, genestealer cults, or major wars currently on the planet. He said there were occasional issues with feral orks, which made Twitch very unhappy, and of course there were always criminals and minor cults, but this was still the nicest planet we’d seen since enlisting.The first thing we saw when we landed and the flier’s doors opened was a pair of big servitors bearing down on us. Twitch immediately opened fire and Cutter drew his sword and began to charge, luckily the rest of the squad intervened before any real harm was done. After Doc explained our previous experience with servitors to a rather annoyed tech-priest the admin introduced to the rest of the base staff and we got settled in.Doc went off with a scary looking doctor lady to look at medical records or something. Sarge got a base tour from the admin and scheduled a morning review of the trainees. Twitch went off with the less annoyed of the two tech-priests to inspect the perimeter while Cutter and Nubby were left with the bags. After making sure both the cargo servitors and the tech-priest weren’t possessed they loaded up our gear and went to get the squad’s quarters in order.That night we got together, reviewed our lessons, and collectively panicked.
>This entire thread's theme song:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V06DISKajss
>>36339804>Twitch immediately asked for several tons of explosives, but Sarge interrupted the administrator before he could finish asking what type.This administrator sounds pretty based.
>hell there was probably an all psyker team out there somewhere.This sounds like a reference to another story, anyone care to elaborate?
>Moving rooms again, back in 5
>>36339901that was both excellent and relevant
>>36339938just the general terribleness that psykers bring in 99% situations, and how a team of them is fucking nuts, and so the guardsmen team is practically mundane in comparison
>>36340132What about a team of guardsmen who were found t be latent psykers?
>>36340168then may the emperor have mercy on us all
>>36339901 Yes, yes it is.>>36339448Well holidays are starting, going to try to normalize after that, but mostly I'm just bad at time management
>>36339945Something wrong with your room? Or are you in the public areas of the hotel doing the typing?>>36340168Sounds like a team that won't survive their first gellar field flicker.
>>36339883In the morning we marched onto the central training field looking imposing and professional in our Evil Goon Uniforms. Well trying to at least. Sarge looked fine, but Doc looked like he was about to throw up, Twitch had spent all night messing with the perimeter defenses, no one had told Cutter to clean his uniform so it had a fair bit of blood on it, and Nubby looked like Nubby. We weren’t sure whether it was a good or bad thing that the trainees didn’t look any better.Aside from the PDF none of them were in matching uniforms, this offended our guardsmen sensibilities even before we registered what the owners looked like. Their spastic collection of clothing included: priestly robes with hand sewn =][= symbols, poorly fitted bodygloves, trenchcoats that drug on the ground, several old battered scribes’ robes, and to top it off two of them had the poor taste to dress up like Cadet Commissars. They dressed like idiots, they milled around on the field like idiots, and what they held in their hands proved they were idiots. Every, single, one of them was armed.Not just armed, but heavily armed. Someone must have opened up a giant crate of autoguns, handcannons, and swords then told everyone to take whatever looked cool. One of the criminals looked like he was carrying over a dozen pistols, an old scribe was struggling to hold up a heavy stubber, and some idiot had let all of the priests have hand flamers. As we stared at the mob of trainees we realized that no one here had heard of trigger discipline and judging by the flickering pilot lights on those flamers they hadn’t heard of safeties either. Twitch and Nubby tried to casually move behind Sarge and Cutter.Sarge’s instincts kicked in and he started bawling out the recruits, but before he could get up to speed there was a loud bang followed by a scream. The shouting had surprised one of the scribes and he’d shot himself in the foot.
>>36340256most people dont survive their first geller field flicker
>>36340420>The shouting had surprised one of the scribes and he’d shot himself in the foot.HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH
>>36340420I imagine at least one of the recruits looked like this.
>>36340420While Doc hauled the idiot off the field we had a quick discussion then Sarge readdressed the trainees in a much quieter voice. After a brief introduction he asked everyone to go store their weapons, unloaded, and come back in an hour wearing proper exercise attire. As the mob dispersed Nubby grabbed one of the PDF troopers and asked him and his squadmates to oversee the unloading and storage, two self inflicted gunshot wounds in a day would be a bit much.Eventually everyone filed back onto the field, mostly disarmed and more appropriately dressed. It was tempting to start yelling at them about proper formation and posture, but we understood that those weren’t something an Inquisition agent needed, so we skipped over the drill sergeant routine. Sarge reintroduced us, explained what aspects of their training we’d be handling, then went about splitting everyone into groups based on role and fitness.The general plan was to split each day up between PT, weapons drill, lectures, and team exercises. After a few weeks everybody would be working together smoothly and we could look into more complex exercises or getting in some outside experts to talk about stuff like cogitators and disguises. That plan fell apart before the first week was over.
>>36340523>That plan fell apart before the first week was over.No plan survives first contact with the All-Guardsmen Party. Either that or the enemy, I'm paraphrasing here.
>>36340523Every day started with physical training, but instead of Sarge leading everyone through their morning jerks together they had to be split up. Sarge took the few healthy recruits and put them through the usual routine while Twitch did his best with the moderately unfit and Doc handled the ones that looked like they were going to have a heart attack. This slowed everything down a lot and was compounded by problems getting everyone out onto the field at a reasonable time for PT, which is to say before dawn. In the guard we would have just flipped them out of bed and drug them to the field, but some of those scribes looked like they were at death’s door and we wanted to get as many as possible through the program.As the days went on PT began to start later in the morning and trainees tended to sneak out from Sarge and Twitch’s classes. Aside from the PDF and a few scribes who seemed keen on their change of lifestyle, all the trainees seemed keen on avoiding as much work as possible. If we didn’t keep an eye on them and send them back they would all wind up lazing around with Doc’s band of old fogies, asthmatics, and land-whales. This was a perfectly understandable goal, in fact most of us swore by it, but that sort of thinking was supposed to be reserved for proper guardsmen, not trainees. We spent a lot of time forcing the little buggers to work and it didn’t endear us to them.
>>36340570Bet you the Psykers are involved somehow.
>>36340672If anything the weapons drills were going worse. Nubby and Cutter were working their asses off, but every damned recruit had a different weapon and most of them had no clue how to use them. While standard Guard weapon drills can teach almost anyone to use a lasgun, they aren’t very good for explaining how to use a side-fed submachinegun, a bolt action anti-armor rifle, or a bloody crossbow. Nubby spent more time figuring out how to use each random ass trainee weapon than teaching them how to shoot. Cutter wasn’t doing much better with the close quarters combat training. It wasn’t so much because of their random weapons, after one of the scribes lost a finger during his first lesson he confiscated everything and handed out wooden sticks, the problem was that everyone was over excited or afraid of getting hit and Cutter was really just a bad teacher. Most of the scribes were terrified of him, he was horrible at pulling his blows, looked like he was genuinely trying to murder them, and really couldn’t explain how to properly use a weapon without demonstrating. At full speed. On a live target. The few trainees that weren’t scared shitless thought of Cutter as a complete simpleton and generally ignored everything he said or wandered off at the first opportunity, except the priests. The damned priests took a shine to him and seemed to think that his berserk fighting style was the best shit ever. Before we knew it we had a whole group of idiots who thought the best way to fight was by recklessly charging the nearest enemy. This had the side effect of making the scribes afraid of the priests.We never got to the whole lecturing or group exercise part of the plan during the first week, the PT and drills just took too much time. There were over a dozen injuries that week, ranging from sprains to burns to gunshot wounds. Things were not going well and the trainees’ morale was getting low.
>>36340788The scribes were generally terrified and exhausted, and obviously thought of us as dumb grunts that were only there to torment them. Most of them seemed sure that this was either some fuckup or a pointless formality before they got cushy desk jobs. As time went on they got more and more snippy and none of us could think of any way to deal with the problem without falling back on the guard method, which was just beating the shit out of anyone who complained. Sarge and Doc vetoed this solution on the grounds that these were not guardsmen and were probably not considered as disposable.The scum and the priests were a bit better behaved, but were developing some worrying habits. The criminals had figured out that we were generally busy keeping the scribes in line and were slacking off. They were staying out of the way, but their general contempt for us wasn’t doing our reputation any favors, and they persisted in antagonizing all the other recruits. Meanwhile the priests were developing that special flavor of crazy that we recognized from every damned cleric we worked with. They were far too eager to use those damned flamers on someone and Cutter’s combat lessons weren’t helping. They were antagonizing the other recruits as well and it was probably only a matter of time before one of them tried to ‘purify’ someone. We were at a loss when it came to dealing with the priests, they didn’t seem to listen to anything that anyone less holy than them said, but Doc suggested that Nubby could win over his criminal brethren if he had enough time with them.To our surprise the PDF caused problems too. Most of them were solid troopers and we’d be happy to have them at our back any day of the week, but there were two damned Cadet Commissars mixed in with them and they were not happy about taking orders from guardsmen.
>>36340788Those two Commissar wannabees screwed up things to no end. These weren’t the fun, happy, drink-and-play-cards-with-the-men Commissars, these were the ones with the whips. We knew their type, they must have been itching for their final promotion so they could start performing field executions without asking permission first. Both of them probably soiled their pants in glee when they got a job offer from the Inquisition. They were all set to start climbing the ladder towards becoming the scariest fuckers around, then a bunch of lowly guardsmen came along and started bossing them around. They were not happy campers and neither were we.A guardsman is bloody well programmed to fear and obey any Commissar and it was damned hard to give them orders, hell it was all we could do not to salute them. Both of them performed well on the field and range, but they ignored most of our half-hearted orders and bossed around all the other recruits, especially the PDF troopers. Those poor fuckers had apparently known the the Commissars for a while and were absolutely terrified of them.Our authority was suffering and the trainees were unhappy. We made a few attempts to bring them into line, but even appeals to the importance of proper discipline and troop morale, which was the whole purpose of Commissars in the first place, failed. They just knew, with absolute certainty, that they were better than us in every way and that they should be in charge. Doc suggested transferring them to the other team, Nubby and Twitch were in favor of just shooting them, and Cutter actually liked them since they were good sparring partners. Sarge decided to give it a little longer and see if we couldn’t straighten them out.
>>36340440A flicker's not so bad, so long as it is JUST a flicker. Sure, you're gonna have to clean out the minor daemons that popped up in the shitters, mop up the warp blood in the rooms that started bleeding, maybe execute a few latent heretics who decided that it was time for the uprising, and if you're unlucky, perhaps exorcize some servitors (with lasguns), but a flicker's not so bad.It's not like you're going to be ass-deep in DAEMONS DAEMONS DAEMONS with just a flicker.>>36340788>We never got to the whole lecturing or group exercise part of the plan during the first week, the PT and drills just took too much time. There were over a dozen injuries that week, ranging from sprains to burns to gunshot wounds. Things were not going well and the trainees’ morale was getting low.I'm really surprised they didn't solve the "non-uniform weapons" and non-uniform recruit outfits problem by requisitioning crates of standard-pattern lasguns and some insignialess Guard uiforms and issuing them to the newbies.
>>36340976Eventually we got the fitness regimen and weapon drills running smoothly enough for us to devote some time to lectures and team exercises. Neither of these went well.Lectures don’t work well when the students don’t respect their teacher, or believe anything they say for that matter. When we talked about our previous missions they’d nitpick everything we said, analyzing every stupid decision we made or pointing out all the things that couldn’t possibly have happened. Twitch got in a heated argument about whether a box full of Orks could possess a regiment of guardsmen and Cutter decked one of the scribes after he kept pointing out that a Knarloc couldn’t survive in a spaceship. The priests would interrupt our stories with accusations of heresy and those damned Commissars started riding our asses about not following standard procedures, especially the part where we didn’t purge the orky regiment. The only ones who didn’t cause problems were the scum and PDF troopers, but they seemed more interested in enjoying the stories than learning anything. Instead of serving as a demonstration of effective strategies those group storytimes turned into a sort of torture. The practical demonstrations went a bit better, but not much. While it was hard to argue about the truthfulness of a lecture on the planting and defusal of mines, the students tended to question why it would be their job to worry about that sort of thing when there’d be tech-priests around, or guardsmen for that matter. It was damned hard to get the little buggers to understand the importance of being a well rounded agent instead of a specialist, especially when they could point out that we were pretty damned specialized ourselves. They kept complaining that they were here to learn to be Inquisitorial investigators not guardsmen, well except the PDF troopers, they were fine with the idea of being guardsmen.
>>36340986Compared to all the other shit they have to deal with, non-uniform kit is small potatoes.
>>36341023The team exercises were a complete fiasco. We’d work damned hard with the admin and his tech-priests to set up realistic combat scenarios then the trainees would either fail spectacularly or just stand around and complain. It’s utterly infuriating to hear one of your recruits bitch about the ‘special effects’ instead of properly covering his teammate.Eventually we started leading the exercises ourselves, just to keep everyone moving. That stopped most of the complaining, but it’s hard to fix stupid and almost every run ended in failure. Scribes would trip over their feet or collapse from exhaustion and had a tendency to hit themselves or their teammates with every other shot they fired. If we’d used live rounds over half of them would have died, as it was the priests managed to torch an entire test area and badly burned a few students. It was enough to make a guardsman cry, but those test scenarios were nowhere near as bad as the competitive exercises.Imagine a large group of children playing scrumball, the big ones knocking over the little ones, the mean ones ganging up on the meek ones, and the bossy ones ordering the other kids around. Now arm everyone.There weren’t any deaths, but that was all you could really say for it. There were petty arguments over objectives, teams would frequently dissolve into in-fighting, there was no tactical coordination, and no matter who won each exercise, the scribes on both teams lost. Aside from the usual injuries there were two ‘shankings’, a few cases of ‘excessive whipping’, and one of the clerics bit an ear off. Doc and the base surgeon got it back on, but that was one scribe who wasn’t going to look at priests the same way again. We were about ready to cave in and ask the other training team for help when the admin told us he’d spotted a nice he’d spotted a nice milk run for our trainees. This was great, a nice combat mission was just what was needed to straighten everyone out.
>>36339804>a separate facility half a continent awayinb4 the final exam is some sort of contest or pitched battle between the student groups.
>>36340976>Those two Commissar wannabees screwed up things to no end.These guys. These guys sound like the ones to make capital-E Examples of. Prove to the rest of the recruits that even Commissars-in-training don't scare you because goddamnit, you're the fucking Inquisition here, and they should fall in line.>>36341031I dunno about that...It sounds to me like playing to the group's weaknesses. They are, after all, the All Guardsmen Party. They've proven the effectiveness of surviving long enough to blunder into victory by virtue of being a heavily-armed group of Guardsmen.So, to my way of thinking, handing a group of newbies to these guys, who are notable precisely for being five Guardsmen, is a tacit way of saying that the first step to turning these recruits into Inquisitorial agents is to turn them into Guardsmen: train them to use the most commons weapons they'll ever be able to lay their hands on, so they won't ever be useless when Charles Chaos comes knocking. Train them to be disciplined, so they know how to take orders when someone with authority over you is around - even if it's not someone you think /should/ have authority over you - and to give orders to those who are in the same trade with confidence they'll be obeyed, etc. Getting them uniform outfits and uniform kit sounds like the start of that.
>>36341076In a way we were right, the mission did result in a lot of straightening, just not in the way we thought.The admin had a few contacts in the local government who kept him apprised of any missions that could be used for training. If the instructors accepted the local forces would stand back and let the trainees have a crack at the problem, otherwise they’d move in and handle it themselves. This was a pretty agreeable arrangement for all parties.Now we didn’t have any illusions about the quality of our trainees, they were utter shit, but this was the milkiest of milk runs. A feral ork raid had crawled out of the section of swamps where they bred and sacked a few farms then ran back to their hovels with the loot. A fair sized counteroffensive was being formed by the locals to purge the nest they ran to, possibly with the help of the other team’s trainees, we didn’t care about that though. We had our eyes on one of the sacked farms, where a few straggling gretchin and squigs were still wandering around. Our trainees could fly in and have a nice simple game of Hunt The Gretchin while we watched and made sure everyone stayed safe.It was just about the easiest mission anyone could go on, a grocery trip in most low income hab block was more dangerous. These were feral gretchin and completely ordinary squigs, they were weak, stupid, cowardly, and armed with nothing but knives and pointy sticks. Our trainees would be armed with ranged weapons and they could just slowly sweep the area, gunning down the little buggers before they even got close. We put together a clean and simple plan of attack, made sure everyone understood their role, and even checked their weapons for them. There was no way that anything could go wrong. The op was practically foolproof, we would have trusted it to a bunch of kids with slingshots. It was amazing how hard they fucked it up.
>>36341152I'm just saying, between the arrogance, madness, and straight stupidity, the mismatched kit is not worth bothering over, for us and these poor Guardsmen.
>>36341159>There was no way that anything could go wrong. The op was practically foolproof, we would have trusted it to a bunch of kids with slingshots.>It was amazing how hard they fucked it up.Oh, this is gonna be good!
>>36341194Eh. I would've *started* off with fixing the mismatched kit problem, honestly, not left it until a week into training. Once the cavalcade of fuckups is underway, yeah, it's probably the least of your problems.Then again, it might have helped avert some of the problems if it'd been corrected early. Devil's in the details and all that.
>>36341159The locals had a cordon set up around the farm to keep the orkoids contained and we sat in a command tent they provided while the trainees deployed. This meant we were a few hundred meters away when the screaming started, but from what we could piece together when the smoke settled it went something like this.Squad three was advancing across the southern field when their gunner, the scribe who’d picked a heavy stubber, spotted a gretchin fighting with a squig in a nearby ditch. We heard him call in the sighting then both he and a squadmate opened fire. A few seconds later they stopped firing and announced their intention to advance and ‘confirm the kill’. The heavy weapons scribe walked over to the gretchin and squid then, instead of just headshotting them both and moving on, prodded them with the barrel of his stubber.The squig jumped up and bit his ankle, causing the scribe to fall face first into the ditch. This in turn prompted the wounded gretchin to latch onto his head and start scratching and biting like only an angry gretchin can. The scribe leapt to his feet, flailing his arms and screaming over the open channel until his squadmate removed the gretchin. Unfortunately this was done with his hand-cannon and while the gretchin was removed, it taking the poor scribe’s head with it.While the teamkiller panicked and tried to perform first aid on a headless corpse a second, unnoticed gretchin seized the abandoned heavy stubber.In the end there were seven deaths, four serious injuries, and three arrests.
>>36341159>There was no way that anything could go wrong. The op was practically foolproof, we would have trusted it to a bunch of kids with slingshots....must you really tempt Tzeentch and his ilk?
>>36341261See post >>36341264pic relevent
>>36341261>seven deaths, four serious injuries, and three arrests.>Fighting a bunch of squigs and gretchins.
>>36341261>While the teamkiller panicked and tried to perform first aid on a headless corpse a second, unnoticed gretchin seized the abandoned heavy stubber.SIDES LEFT ORBIT
>>36341261Of the seven deaths, only three were directly caused by the greenskins. The first was the teamkiller who was gunned down by the gretchin with the stubber. Another pair of gretchin did for a cleric who had a little too much faith in the Emperor’s protection and too little sense to run when his gun ran dry. The final one was a scribe who dove for cover in a mulch pit which was already occupied by a half dozen squigs. Good ol’ fashioned friendly fire took down the poor PDF trooper who killed the gretchin with the stubber as well as the scribe who’s death started the whole mess. The last two deaths were Commissar related.Squad five took most of the fire from the gretchin with the stubber. He probably wasn’t anywhere close to hitting them, but the tracers flying overhead spooked the two scribes in the squad. They ran for it while the Cadet Commissar who was leading the squad berated them for cowardice. Then, in a fit of retardation, the Commissar drew his sidearm and placed three rounds through one of the scribes’ backs and started to draw a bead on the other fleeing nerd. Before he could get the shot off a stray round, which neither the criminal or PDF trooper in his squad saw the source of, took him in the head. Also someone stabbed his corpse a few times, but we put that down to a gretchin who must have somehow gotten hold of an ‘Type 7: Princeps’ Special’ switchblade.As far as injuries went the worst one was a cleric got badly burned when he used a flamer inside an enclosed space. An enclosed space which just so happened to be made of wood and filled with hay. Aside from that two trainees were badly hit by stray shots and a scribe broke both his legs when he tried to take cover in a well, a deep and very dry well. There were a few dozen lesser injuries spread across the whole group, but those were the only really ones. All in all we lost eleven men, nearly a quarter of our trainees, but that wasn’t the end of it.
>>36341261Damnit shaggy, what did my sides ever do you?!?
>>36341261You know, it's the three arrests that are getting me here and I don't know why.
>>36341323>Also someone stabbed his corpse a few times, but we put that down to a gretchin who must have somehow gotten hold of an ‘Type 7: Princeps’ Special’ switchblade.
>>36341323We’d provided all the trainees with comm-beads, figuring that good communications would help prevent screwups. None of us had thought to limit what frequencies they could transmit on.One of the panicking scribes had decided the situation was fucked and called for backup. This by itself wasn’t a bad thing, hell we were the ones who taught them to do it. Calling for help when shit got tough was a nice, sane reaction and we all endorsed it, but not over the emergency channel that everyone within fifty klicks was linked to.As our squad mopped up the few surviving greenskins and Doc started triaging the wounded, the cavalry arrived. Several platoons of local PDF, a pair of chimeras, and a half dozen fliers descended on the farm, all of them intent on rescuing our trainees from some sort of surprise attack by the Orks. We just barely managed to prevent another round of friendly-fire.The reinforcements did help Doc treat the wounded and might have saved a few lives, but it was just about the most embarrassing moment in our lives. Sarge was vibrating between incandescent rage and horrible shame as he talked to officer after officer, thanking them for the help and assuring them the situation was under control. Doc kept himself busy with the wounded and avoided talking to anyone while Twitch and Cutter collected all the surviving trainees. Nubby just vanished, he tended to do that when people started asking awkward questions.The cherry on top of everything was when another group of fliers landed and the other training team stepped out with their spiffy looking recruits in tow. They looked over the dead and wounded, asked a few of our trainees what had happened, then walked over to where Sarge was negotiating the release of three trainees who had tried appropriate a chimera and desert.Words were had.
>>36341323> Good ol’ fashioned friendly fire took down the poor PDF trooper who killed the gretchin with the stubberDamn, he was one of the good ones.> Then, in a fit of retardation, the Commissar drew his sidearmTeamkilling asstard. Of course a bunch of fucking scribes don't have the fortitude of Guardsmen. That was why they were there, as a confidence- and team-building exercise.> A stray round, which neither the criminal or PDF trooper in his squad saw the source of, took him in the head.The Emperor's Justice comes in many forms, but swiftly. Good riddance.> As far as injuries went the worst one was a cleric got badly burned when he used a flamer inside an enclosed space. An enclosed space which just so happened to be made of wood and filled with hay.> a scribe broke both his legs when he tried to take cover in a well, a deep and very dry well.My sides have achieved escape velocity.C'mon, you gotta tell us about the arrests. Inquiring minds just gotta know!
>>36341423> then walked over to where Sarge was negotiating the release of three trainees who had tried appropriate a chimera and desert.And there's the circularization burn complete, my sides are now officially in low earth orbit.
>>36341423>One of the panicking scribes had decided the situation was fucked and called for backup. This by itself wasn’t a bad thing, hell we were the ones who taught them to do it. Calling for help when shit got tough was a nice, sane reaction and we all endorsed it, but not over the emergency channel that everyone within fifty klicks was linked to.Oh my...
>>36341423None of us were strangers to the odd reaming, it’s just part of being a guardsman. In a way people yelling at you is almost comforting, it’s a reminder that the world hasn’t changed and you’re still right where you always were, at the bottom of the pile getting shit on by everyone else while you hold their asses up. Any of us could stoic our way through a dressing-down without blinking, this one crossed the line though.It was one thing to be chewed out by your superiors, in private, for mistakes made by your and your men. It’s quite another to be berated by a group of your colleagues, in front of your subordinates and allies, for every damned fuckup since the Emperor decided that Horus would make a good warmaster. They even had the trainees chime in, whining about unfair treatment and poor lesson quality. That surviving Cadet Commissar was especially vocal, throwing out accusations of incompetence, cowardice, and heresy.Sarge got the worst of it, being the nominal superior and first member of the squad they could find. The rest of us watched as he went from embarrassed to ashamed, to angry, back to ashamed, then straight past angry, furious, and murderous to a sort of zen state. The man was beyond anger, beyond shame, and beyond fear, he was cold and calculating and was taking note of every single thing that was said. The lecture petered to an end when the psyker on the other team started looking nervous and pulling at her teammates, suggesting that they still had a mission to do and they really ought to be going, right now.As they got back into the gunships and flew away Twitch asked if he should hit his detonators before they got out of range. Sarge just shook his head and we gathered everyone up and headed back to base.There was no talking during the flight or when we landed. No reprimands, no lectures, no punishments, just directions to get some sleep.That night we reevaluated our lesson plans. This would not happen again.
>>36341564This is coming
>>36341564>The man was beyond anger, beyond shame, and beyond fear, he was cold and calculating and was taking note of every single thing that was said....oh shi-
>>36341564PT started an hour before dawn. Anyone who didn’t get up was dumped out of bed, tied by the leg to a servitor, and drug out to the field. There were no separate groups this time, everyone was doing the same drills we’d done as snot-nosed recruits. If you complained you got a licking from Sarge or Cutter and if you collapsed you got a stim shot from Doc or were left where you fell. If we thought you were malingering Nubby would go over and give you a few good kicks and ever since he got those augmetic legs Nubby could really put the boot in.Once the sun was good and up we led, or drug, them all to the firing ranges where Twitch had laid out all of their weapons. Next to the rows of fancy firearms and melee weapons were several large crates which the admin had busted his ass to get for us over night. Sarge walked down the line of sweating trainees and asked each one to go get their weapons. When they went pick up their autogun or flamer or crossbow it was yanked out of their hands and they were given a battered lasgun and dull bayonet. This triggered a few complaints from the stupider recruits. They raised several points about the low quality of the weapons and their inexperience with them then tried to demand their old guns back. Sarge calmly explained that they were getting the lasguns because shut up you dumb fucks. Then he hit anyone who kept complaining.They got the message pretty quickly and we outfitted everyone with a standard guardsman’s kit with optional toothless chainsword. Well almost everyone, the remaining Cadet Commissar refused. He kept a death-grip on his weapons and launched into a tirade about dignity and such, then Cutter clubbed him over the head and he was drug away by one of the servitors.That night we stripped him, wrapped him in duct tape and shipped him to the other training base with a note saying he had requested a transfer. He was not missed.
>>36341564>Twitch asked if he should hit his detonators before they got out of rangeGodspeed Twitch you magnificent bastard
>>36341631That night we stripped him, wrapped him in duct tape and shipped him to the other training base with a note saying he had requested a transfer. He was not missed.And there was much rejoicing.
>>36341631I like where this is going.
>>36341662Not too much though, Sarge's still irritated.
>>36341631The next few days were nothing but PT and weapon drill. There were no team exercises, no demonstrations, and no lectures. Nothing but sweat, yelling, and as much food and sleep as they could get. No one was exempt, it didn’t matter if you were old or weak or overweight. The only way to get a break was to be too sick or injured to stand and the second Doc or the base surgeon okayed it you were back on the field. None of us knew how to be or train proper Inquisitorial Agents, but we damn well knew how to soldier. We were going to make every one of them into a guardsman, or kill them trying.Once everyone began to adapt to the new regimen we split them into squads and made the PDF troopers squad leaders. With both the Commissars gone the troopers really started to shine, every one of them proved to be a good leader and they were put in charge of keeping their squaddies in line and leading PT and weapon drill. After all, they’d been through boot before and knew exactly how it should work.With most of the basic training being handled by the troopers we started doing demos and lectures again. This time we didn’t even try to fit our demonstrations or lectures to the trainees’ roles, we just focussed on teaching what every guardsman should know and didn’t put up with any arguments. It didn’t matter whether or not it was something that an Inquisitorial Agent needed to know, we said it was important and they were going to learn it one way or the other.Twitch taught demolitions and defusal. He made sure every trainee knew how to plant explosives, set traps, put up alarms, and at least appreciated how tricky defusal was. He would rig realistic looking and sounding explosives under their beds and periodically send servitors to check their perimeter security in the middle of the night. None of the trainees liked him, but they learned fast.
>>36341708>None of us knew how to be or train proper Inquisitorial Agents, but we damn well knew how to soldier. We were going to make every one of them into a guardsman, or kill them trying.I'm smiling so much my face hurts. This is exactly what I've been waiting for.Especially the part about the duct-taped Commissar. That was great.
>>36341708>We were going to make every one of them into a guardsman, or kill them trying.About time I say. Should have started off like this!
>>36341708...c-can it be that you guys are making an actual team of competent Agents?
>>36341763There's no way they're going to turn these clowns into Agents.They're going to turn them into the next-best thing, though: properly disgruntled Inquisitorial Guard.Woe betide the heretic who thinks that these scribes will be easy prey, only to fall victim to the one who excelled the most in Twitch's paranoia class.
>>36341757Hey, they had to learn that playing nice is going to get you nowhere
>>36341708Doc and Sarge made sure everyone knew standard Imperial Guard Combat doctrine, or at least the useful parts. Chances were they’d never need to know the correct way to call in an artillery strike or when to dig a foxhole, but it’d saved our lives in the past so they were going to learn it. The field medicine lessons were a little more useful and there were even some nice demos when the trainees hurt themselves. Doc glowed with pride when he demonstrated how to treat a lasgun wound on a whimpering priest.Cutter mostly stuck to close quarters combat training, though he did throw in a few confusing lessons on the proper filing of Munitorum paperwork. There were still problems with the scribes being afraid of of him, but the PDF troopers were usually able to assist. Generally by abusing the terrified scribe until they decided it was easier to face Cutter.Nubby’s lectures were dedicated to scrounging, weapon maintenance, and how much criminality you could get away with. The shadier trainees found these lessons surprisingly educational and started warming up to the little bugger, we didn’t ask where they went on their field trips.We all came together to teach our single most important class, Not Dying In the Inquisition. Now that we’d established a proper respectful atmosphere our stories were much better received. We started slowly and laboriously going over every single battle we’d fought and death we’d witnessed. We pointed out how explosives solved almost every problem, how psykers tended to fuck everything up, and often our problems were caused by our superiors. We crammed their heads with little pieces of common sense, each one founded on a horrible death or surprising victory, and made sure they could repeat every one back to us.It might not have been the traditional Inquisition curriculum, but we hoped that none of our scribes would wind up reading random daemonic tomes and our clerics wouldn’t die leading suicidal charges.
>>36341836Of course everything wasn’t magically better. Some of the trainees couldn’t take the strain and others tried to desert. The frail ones were handed over to the administrator, we weren’t going to waste time with them, maybe he’d find a place for them somewhere else. The deserters were retrieved and fitted with good ol’ fashioned penal legion collars for a few days while we explained how preferable death was to angering the bloody Inquisition. After that was fully explained we removed the collars and offered them another chance to run, there were no takers.There were also a few recruits who were just so abysmally bad with their weapons that we just gave up on them. Between them, the wounded, and the unfit we lost another eight trainees before we started doing exercises again, but the ones we did have performed much better.We ran them through the usual guardsman training drills, complete with pig guts and razorwire. Everyone hated it and even the PDF troopers complained about the stupidity of learning trench warfare as an Inquisitorial agent, but they still went through the exercises and that’s all we cared about. We kept making the drills worse and worse, with Twitch adding dozens of little surprises, Doc and the base cogboys transforming servitors into horrible monstrosities, and Nubby bellowing horribly retarded orders at them while they drilled. They bitched, they moaned, and they began to really hate our guts and that hatred seemed to be the final ingredient needed to really bring them together.When we started the competitive exercises again they actually worked like teams. The scribes were still the weak link in most squads, but their squadmates and leader began to actually work to support them instead of ignoring or mocking them. They were doing damned well, we didn’t let them get overconfident though. If a team was kicking too much ass we’d enter the exercise ourselves and show them how it was done.
>>36341920After a few months of grueling training things were definitely starting to shape up and we began to think about other things. None of us, except maybe Cutter, had forgotten the way the other team had lectured us in front of everyone. It might have been justified and really kicked us into gear, but they’d crossed several lines and we felt a little revenge was called for. Nothing too bad mind you, the training had to continue, just enough to put them in their place and maybe boost our trainees’ morale a little.Now it takes a certain type of person to plan this something like this. You need someone with a lack of scruples and what might be called a ‘Criminal Mind’, which is to say someone like Nubby Nubbs. Of course we didn’t just let him plan it all himself, we’d learned that lesson the hard way, but he had a few very interesting ideas. The admin was asked to keep an eye out for a few things that might fit the bill and before long we got lucky. A few carefully worded messages were sent, a few palms were greased, and some interesting rumors were started. Soon both our team and the other were informed that some mass disappearances were happening in the slums of one of the planet’s major cities. This was a perfect opportunity for the trainees to test their investigative skills! We suspended our drills, called in some fliers, and got the trainees disguised as harmless civilians, which is to say we told them leave their helmets behind and throw a coat over their body armor. Once their cunning disguises were in place Sarge gathered everyone up and informed them of the situation. He explained what we’d heard and who we’d heard it from, then asked them to remember the first rule of being a guardsman.
>>36341965>He explained what we’d heard and who we’d heard it from, then asked them to remember the first rule of being a guardsman.Never touch Twitch's shit without asking him first?Never believe a word you hear without verifying it yourself?Never, ever, get cocky or careless when returning to base?When in doubt, fortify?When cut off or at a loss, go to the NCO Disaster Recovery Checklist?Never forget that your superiors are trying to get you killed?
>>36341965Of course there are a few first rules of being a guardsman and there was a little confusion about which one Sarge meant. It wasn’t “The gun is always loaded”, “Stay the fuck in cover”, or “If at first you don't succeed call in an air-strike” and it definitely wasn’t ”It’s not stealing if they’re not from your unit and they didn’t really need it”. Nubby got a hard look after that one.With a weary sigh Sarge explained that the First Rule of Being a Guardsman in the Inquisition is “If the job looks hard, make sure you actually have to do it first”. None of the trainees seemed impressed with this peice of wisdom, at least not until the rest of us volunteered some reasons why these disappearances might not be their problem. Then, just because subtlety is completely overrated, we also suggested a few things that could be done with free time in the city if this turned out to be someone else’s problem. That got them thinking and as everyone boarded the fliers we heard the squad leaders talking. They were already brainstorming who this mess could be dumped on and what to do with their R&R after they dumped it. Bless their little hearts.There was no point messing around with subtle entrances, we just landed at the largest police barricade, blatantly flashed our credentials, and turned things over to the trainees. We watched, tears in our eyes, as they practically marched onto the scene, looking exactly like a bunch of guardsmen trying unsuccessfully to look like civvies. They were growing up so fast.The squads split up and stomped around the cordoned area with a complete lack of subtlety, loudly asking questions about whether there were any evil cults, daemons, or mutants around. If you knew where to look you could see cleverly disguised or concealed agents staring with their mouths open. Within minutes one of the other team’s trainers appeared out of the shadows and asked us just what the fuck we thought we were doing here.
>>36342017>NCO Disaster Recovery ChecklistIs this a real thing? It sounds like a thing US Army/Marines would have.
>>36342034While Sarge was the one the agent approached, the whole squad stepped back and let Nubby be the spokesman, it was just funnier that way.The conversation was needlessly long and incredibly aggravating for the agent. It was hard as hell to keep a straight face as Nubby ignored accusations of incompetence and blatantly lied about our trainees’ expertise in tracking, interrogation, and general investimagashun. Eventually the exasperated agent gave up on logic and tried bartering, prompting Sarge to step in and cut a deal. Our trainees were pretty much done here, so we’d go off and investimagate somewhere else in exchange for the other team agreeing to hold nightly meetings with us to discuss findings and progress. After all, if they were so much better than us our trainees needed to see how it was done and maybe, just maybe, our boys would find something they didn’t.That done with, we marshaled the trainees up and left the area. Once everyone was back to the fliers we handed operational control over to the squad leaders and adopted the role of observers. One of us tagged along with each group as they followed their leads, answering any questions they had occasionally making rather unsubtle suggestions.That night everyone met up in a nice warehouse near the local PDF base. To our delight one of the squads had attained it by simply asking nicely and spent most of the day securing the perimeter and sneaking naps. A the meeting time approached a few of the other team’s trainers and trainees found their way in and provided com links to the members in the field. Once everyone had arrived Sarge got everyone quieted down and proposed taking turns with presenting facts and handed to floor over to leader of the other training team.
>>36342075It's a thing every military force has
>>36342075Possibly, but the one I'm referring to specifically is from this very narrative, in fact the second-ever chapter, "Guardsmen and Pilgrims."https://09cd64678bddc0198cca7fef0df8ce7b359fff2d.googledrive.com/host/0B3Z9sXPTD9rpN2owNGdVWmdFWXM/agp.html#title-pilgrims>Step 1: Secure the perimeter>Step 2: Determine chain of command>Step 3: Call for backup if needed>Step 4: Establish contact with friendlies>Step 5: Combine forces with friendlies and repeat
>>36342109The agent explained that his trainees at the scene had found signs of struggle and a few emblems that matched no known cult, Imperial or otherwise. He talked a lot about footprints, dropped items, and other stuff that none of us listed to. When he wound down Sarge thanked him and asked Doc’s squad to present their findings.The squad leader stepped forward and made his report in a nice clear parade ground voice. His team had gone to the local Arbites precinct and asked if they had seen any heretics, daemons, xenos, or mutants recently and if they knew any reason that groups of people would be disappearing. They had not seen anything and suggested looking for slavers or PDF recruiters as a cause of the disappearances. Sarge thanked the trainee and turned the floor back over to the agent. Neither he nor his trainees seemed very impressed with the short report, but they didn’t make any comments and continued with their findings.The other team’s trainees had tracked down a few witnesses and examined their minds and blah, blah, blah, no psychic activity, but definite signs of cults, blah, blah. Once he was done Sarge’s team reported that none of the local temples had seen any xenos, daemons, or mutants, but the Church of the Divine Man and His Living Saints was pretty emphatic about the Third Convocation of the Emperor’s Blessing being a bunch of heretics. They also suggested that the disappearances were a sign of imminent rapture or that the Mechanicus was making an extra large batch of servitors.By then the agent was getting a little frustrated and had obviously noticed how little attention most of our trainees paid to his teams’ findings, we did make sure none of them fell asleep though. One of his trainees gave an exceedingly boring report about surveillance records and people wearing matching robes, which is, of course, a classic sign of cultists. Some of our trainees snickered at this.
>>36342172Twitch’s team had chatted with the local PDF before securing the warehouse we were in and verified that they hadn’t seen anything weird. The PDF had also implied that maybe all the disappearing people had just suddenly decided to move to a different city and it probably wasn’t anything sinister. At this point the agent and his trainees began to raise objections about the quality of our investigation. They seemed to think that all we were doing was asking random people if anything was wrong then just accepting whatever they said. None of us saw anything wrong with this though, so we just ignored their objections until they got on with their reports.Another batch of the other team’s trainees had done some snooping in the sewers and a few underworld establishments with mixed success, but those that weren’t waylaid by gangers had of course found more evidence of cultist activity. A short argument was triggered by nameless wise-ass in the audience pointing out that the agent and his trainees could probably find evidence of cultist activity in their breakfast cereal. The mood was not improved by Nubby’s team’s helpfully confirming a sighting of one of the other trainees being worked over with a pipe-wrench. They had thought about intervening but didn’t want to blow the man’s cover. Instead they verified that the local underworld leaders hadn’t seen anything fishy or perpetrated any mass kidnappings and nicely asked them not to actually kill anyone until the investigation was over. The criminals had suggested the disappearances might have been caused by a press-ganging band from a navy or merchant vessel. On the way out they spotted the rather battered trainee lying in a trash pile, he was probably okay.The agent was starting to turn a funny shade of red now and the report from Cutter’s team was the final straw. They had gone to the local Administratum headquarters but couldn’t get an appointment until tomorrow.
>>36342231We were all accused of horrible incompetence, astounding laziness, and quite a few other things. We bore these accusations like the stoic guardsmen we were, but some of the trainees felt the need to respond by accusing the agent and his trainees of ridiculous paranoia. Sarge quieted them down and reminded them that paranoia wasn’t always a bad thing and pointed out how often Twitch’s had saved our lives. Being compared to Twitch did nothing to improve the agent’s mood and he stormed out with his trainees in tow.As he left Doc ran out after him and apologised for our behavior and lack of useful findings. This might have mollified the agent, but Doc followed it with an assurance that everything would be sorted out when we got our appointment with the Administratum. Once they were gone everyone broke into laughter, the trainees weren’t stupid and they’d realized that we were playing with a stacked deck long ago. It had become a game, the stupider they thought we were and the more time they spent chasing imaginary cultists, the funnier it would be when we proved them wrong. We went to sleep proud of our trainees, they were adopting the proper cynical guard outlook surprisingly fast.In the morning we all went down to the Administratum for the meeting. Most of the trainees were left outside, but Cutter’s squad went in and we sat and watched as they went through the questions. The head scribe assured the squad that there were no heretics, daemons, or xenos around and only a small number of minor mutants according to the last census. As far as the disappearances went, they didn’t know anything about slavers and neither the PDF nor Mechanicus had filed for a recruitment sweep in that area, but a Rogue Trader with a permit to press-gang had been cleared to operate in that area. Unfortunately was a slight mess-up, a key piece of paperwork had been misfiled and the local authorities hadn’t been properly informed.
>>36342231>They had gone to the local Administratum headquarters but couldn’t get an appointment until tomorrow.Bloody red tape, eh?Bwaha-hahahahahaaaaaa! That's perfect.
>>36342231>The agent was starting to turn a funny shade of red now and the report from Cutter’s team was the final straw. They had gone to the local Administratum headquarters but couldn’t get an appointment until tomorrow.What the other teacher is feeling
>>36342231>they had gone to the local administratum headquarters but couldn’t get an appointment until tomorrowI'm dying. I'm done. My sides have gone on to a higher plane of existence.
>>36342282>Unfortunately was a slight mess-up, a key piece of paperwork had been misfiled and the local authorities hadn’t been properly informed.Should we be worried?
>>36342334Nah. The other team, on the other hand, have spent the last day getting their faces worked over by the local crooks and generally driving themselves into fits of fruitless paranoia over absolutely nothing unusual.
>>36342282So it was all just a misunderstanding, imagine that! Someone just needed to go get the press-ganging crew to fill out the paperwork again and now that the head scribe was looking closely it seemed they were issued the wrong identification badges too. Somehow they had been issued what appeared to be some sort of decorative novelty pins covered with squiggly lines instead. Without any prompting our trainees volunteered to go get the papers signed and deliver the proper badges, after all it was their duty to get this mess sorted out as soon as possible.A few hours later we were all drinking and laughing in the rather nice hotel the leader of the press-gangers was staying at. The man was very apologetic once we’d explained all the trouble that had been caused by the little mix-up, he promised to make sure his paperwork was properly filed in the future, and invited us to have a few drinks in the hotel restaurant on him. A message was sent to the other team telling them we’d solved the whole mystery and recommending they head home, then we let the trainees off the leash and had a nice chat with the press-ganger while we waited.It took a while before someone on the other team came over to see what the hell our message was about, none of us minded. When the sneaky looking trainee poked his head into the restaurant he saw all of our students having a pretty wild party while our squad sat like kings at feast. Cutter grabbed the little bugger the second we saw him, drug him up to our table, and the rather tipsy press-ganger explained the situation with Nubby filling in a few blanks. The look on his face was priceless and we let him scurry away to call his bosses.A little later the whole other training team was standing in front of us, in the middle of a party that was off several types of hooks, glaring at us like we’d kicked their mothers and slept with their pets. Or vice versa, there was some drinking going on.
>>36342334>inb4 there is actually a cult in the area.
>>36342431They didn’t believe us at first. Hell we wouldn’t have believed us, it all looked too cut and dried, but we had all the proof. The official documents and permits, the logs from the shuttle the poor suckers had rode up to the Trader, the note from the head scribe explaining the accident, and the press-ganger himself beerily waving and confirming that it was all him. There were no cults, no secret societies, and no complex coverups, well, at least there weren’t any involved in the disappearances. It was all just bureaucratic mix-up, a simple mistake. Just. Like. We. Said. It. Was.It was glorious watching their faces as it sank in, seeing them go from disbelief to anger to utter disgust. We didn’t gloat too much, there’s such a thing as winning gracefully. The trainees were less restrained though and might have made some very unpleasant enemies if the designated thinkers hadn’t hauled them away in time.We invited them to stay and party with us, but they all needed to go see to their own trainees. As they left their leader, the suave agent fellow, swore that they had actually found a cult, even if it wasn’t linked to the disappearances. Sarge invited them to give us a call if they needed some fire support when they located it, we were done here.Then we partied. Except for Doc, his squad drew the short straws and had much less fun. They did have all the good stories about that night though.
>>36342479>As they left their leader, the suave agent fellow, swore that they had actually found a cult, even if it wasn’t linked to the disappearances.If you look hard enough, you can find a cult anywhere. What was it that notable bastard =][= said? "Give me six sentences spoken by any Imperial citizen and I'll find justification to purge him for heresy."That said, somehow I imagine this is going to go massively ploin-shaped on the other team and it'll be up to the AGP and their new goon-squads to fix everything.
>>36342479After everyone had slept it off we cleared up the last loose ends and headed back to base. There was still a lot of training to do.In our opinion we’d made proper trainee guardsmen out of the lot and it was time to start polishing. We began to work heavy weapons and explosive drills into the schedule along with few more specialized classes for the scribes and priests. We had the base staff act as guest lecturers, talking about more or less anything that was nerdy and Inquisition related. None of them were teachers really, or veteran field agents, but they knew a few things and passed them on to our nerdier recruits while we taught the others how to use missile launchers and heavy stubbers.We tried to fill the remaining gaps by dumping piles of semi-restricted books and vids on the trainees. Lots of journals written by Inquisitors, after action reports, and other stuff like that. Honestly we just had the admin grab some of everything and let the trainees work it out for themselves, we certainly weren’t going to read all that shit, except for Doc that is. He tried to get us to read this book about longing for balls by some famous old crippled Inquisitor, but it was too long and sounded a little gay so none of us could be arsed. He was a bit sore about that, but he got some sort of book club going with the trainees so it all worked out.Everything was shaping up nicely as we got near the scheduled end of our training. Sure we were down to thirty recruits, not counting the ones that had washed out, from our original fifty, but we were reasonably happy with what we had. Every one of them was a soldier now, maybe a nerdier, scummier, or holier soldier than usual, but still a soldier first and foremost. Admittedly Oak hadn’t asked for a bunch of mudfeet, but if he wanted something else he shouldn’t have put us in charge.Then we got the call from the other team.
>>36342431>some sort of decorative novelty pins covered with squiggly lines insteadPANIC
>>36342563>longing for balls by some famous old crippled inquisitorThis sounds like a reference, but I can't quite place it.
>>36342563While we’d been doing our final polishing, the second team had been chasing the cultists they had spotted during the mission. Despite the shit we had given them about paranoia they were a veteran Inquisitorial team, they’d done this sort of thing before and if they still thought there was a real cult around here there probably was. We weren’t going to go look for it ourselves of course, we probably wouldn’t be very helpful and they certainly didn’t want us there, but the admin had kept us updated on their progress.The second team rebased, infiltrated, called in some local support, rebased again and so on. It was interesting to watch them bouncing around the planet hot on the trail of something and we made sure our recruits saw their progress, it was probably educational. Whatever they were chasing was serious though, a few of their trainees died and something fucked their psyker chick up pretty bad. That didn’t stop them though and eventually they found what looked like the evil lair the main cult was operating out of.We’d received a few little summaries about what they were dealing with. It was some sort of end of the world cult, worshiping ancient death gods and prophesizing their return. There were some signs of weird xeno or archeo tech in the cult’s base and their doctrine seem to actually be anti-daemon and psyker, which was unusual, especially since something warpy had mangled the psyker chick. The base didn’t look too huge or well armed, but it was a very weird cult so the other team wanted the purge done by someone more experienced with spooky stuff than the locals. Ideally they’d put out a call for reinforcements from Oak or another Inquisitor and sit tight and observe the cult while they waited for backup to arrive. Something had lead them to believe that time was critical though, so they were going to have to settle for our squad and the trainees.
>>36342563>We began to work heavy weapons and explosive drills into the schedule along with few more specialized classes for the scribes and priests."Lasguns are an everyday weapon. Carry them everywhere.Flamers are a /sometimes/ weapon. Before you get one out, ask yourself if what you want to set on fire can be set on fire better with an incendiary grenade.Directional mines are only your friend when you're on the back of it. If you can read the words "this end towards enemy," Mr. Directional Mine is not your friend anymore.Double-action mechanical mines are loads safer than proximity mines. If you really need to blow them up and the enemy isn't obliging you by stepping on them, use the remote detonator.Never be afraid to augment the most advanced security around with a half-dozen short-fuse grenades taped to the inside of the door. The heretic bastards will never see THAT coming.For the Emperor's sake, NEVER READ THE BLASPHEMOUS TOME OF SOUL-RENDING TERROR!"
>>36342613It was actually pretty exciting to get the call. Normally we liked to avoid things like angry cultists trying to kill us or being sent to storm a fortified position, but this was a perfect chance for our trainees to prove themselves. We were going to rip through those cultists like a chainsword through butter, or flesh and some types of metal for that matter.Fliers came to get us and we loaded up with a bit of everything, no one was sure what was in that base and it wouldn’t hurt to be prepared. Between the standard gear, the specialist munitions our trainees knew how to use, and our personal arsenal we were ready for anything up to a titan. Of course Twitch pointed out that the base was just large enough to hold a titan, but we really couldn’t fit any more ordinance into the fliers.The recruits were briefed, weapons were checked, and we headed out.As we flew Sarge worried in his usual grumpy way and double checked the brief, Cutter made sure his chainsword was all greased up, Doc wrote a soppy letter, just in case. Twitch was arguing with Nubby about how many detpacks it would take to cripple a titan while the little man tried to out-cheat a few trainees at cards. The recruits were mostly excited and a little nervous, they’d trained for this and were pretty confident in their skills.We were about twenty minutes from our destination, flying low and slow, when something flashed out of the sky. It was directly ahead of us and came straight down, trailing fire at well over terminal velocity. It looked like a macrocannon shot, it sounded like a macrocannon shot, but it wasn’t part of a barrage and according Twitch the shock-wave when it hit wasn’t nearly big enough. We weren’t sure what it was and it had struck right in the middle of the cult’s base.The other team voxed and said they were moving in without us, just in case it turned out to be some sort of weird world ending shit. Sarge told the pilots to forget stealth and floor it.
>>36342673I'm guessing necrons. Only thing Nobby doesn't have a complex about yet that fits the criteria.
>>36342611Inquisitor Ravenor by Dan Abnett.Cripled psyker, lives is a support chair, wrote a super famous book on psykers and chaos called The Spheres of Longing
>>36342672>It was directly ahead of us and came straight down, trailing fire at well over terminal velocity. It looked like a macrocannon shot, it sounded like a macrocannon shot, but it wasn’t part of a barrage and according Twitch the shock-wave when it hit wasn’t nearly big enough.Sounds to me like a drop pod.Perhaps the Adeptus Astartes have arrived. If you're lucky. If not, the Traitor Legions have come to join the fun.Or probably something completely different.
>>36342672>Doc wrote a soppy letter, just in caseAww.
>>36342672So no shit there we were, flying towards a cultist base that had just been cratered by a UFO, listening to the other team advance and hoping against hope that this wasn’t about to turn into a rescue mission. We made it almost all the way there before the screaming started.A crude plan was formed as we landed, the other team had flipped their beacon and we were going to head right for it. Twitch would take a squad and secure the perimeter and fliers, Cutter would be on point with another squad, Doc’s squad would cover our rear, and Sarge would lead the rest of the squads from the middle with Nubby acting as aide. Nubby complained about the arrangement and was reminded that, after the mess he made of the ship purchasing, he was banned from command until the Emperor stepped down from his throne and told Sarge otherwise.The frequencies the other team had been using were a complete mess, filled with a few screams and lots of static. Something in here was screwing with the coms and their low profile models weren’t punching through well. Ours were doing a bit better but only the vox-casters were getting through clearly, one of the recruits with a caster was put in charge of cycling through their frequencies and telling everyone to fall back to our positions. The cult’s base was a sort of giant low bunker. It had one large entrance, a few side doors which we left to Twitch, and a huge ass hole in the roof that was probably not in the original design. The hole was slightly on fire and appeared to be glowing green, we decided to go in through the front door.There was a trainee from the other team lying in a few pieces just outside the main entrance and the first cultist we saw was in similar shape. The second, third, and fourth cultists we ran into were all alive though. Also nuttier than squirrel shit and armed with an automatic shotguns.
>>36342756Luckily Cutter’s boys were pretty quick, only one was injured before a few grenades solved the cultist problem. After that scare we slowed down a little, there was no point in getting killed before we managed to rescue anyone.The recruits put their breach and clear training to good use, room after room was flashed and secured as our force headed deeper into the bunker. We ran into a few more cultists and a lot more corpses on our way, we didn’t have any trouble with the hostiles, but the bodies were worrying. Some had normal gunshot wounds, others had been sliced up by something very sharp like a mono or force sword, and a few didn’t have a mark on them. Something here had been killing both friendlies and cultists, and was being damned weird about it. Nubby put his money on a daemonhost and started telling everyone about how he’d killed the last one we faced before the rest of us told him to shut up.Things started to get bad after we found the main stair shaft for the bunker. Sarge left a squad to secure it, figuring that it was about the most important access point around. A few minutes after our main force left them their squad lead voxed us and reported a man missing, shortly after that we heard lasfire and his second reported one man dead and two missing, including the squad lead.A halt was called. Sarge told the cut-off squad to pull together and hold position then sent Doc and Nubby with a patrol to recover the squad before they were all picked off. Doc didn’t run into anything and when he arrived the squad was still intact. A quick sweep found the two missing recruits dead in corners without a mark on them and the squad lead hacked to pieces. Whatever had been hunting the other team and the cultists was stalking us now. Sarge mandated minimum groups of three, called Doc and the recruits back to the main force and resumed the advance.
>>36342827The recruits on our flanks began to report possible enemy contact, usually flashes of movement or odd sounds on their comms. During a brief firefight with a nest of cultists in some sort of storage room one of our men dodged into a closet and didn’t come back out, he was dead by the time someone noticed and went to check on him. Two more trainees died this way, and a pair of recruits chased a fleeing enemy around a corner, only to find the cultist eviscerated and still twitching. They swore something flashed away into a dark corner, but didn’t find anything when they checked.Everyone was getting jumpy, and a trigger happy recruit nearly shot the first friendly we ran into. A few surviving trainees from the other team, usually in groups of two or three, followed our vox casters’ signal and made contact as we advanced. For the most part they were in good condition if disorganized, their command structure had fallen apart with the comms and they’d been wandering around killing cultists until we’d shown up. Sarge put them on the flanks to act as scouts since they were stealthier than our boys, not to mention a little more expendable.None of the rescued trainees had any useful info for us until we found a solo one with a nasty face wound. She was panicking hard and waving a power sword around in the middle of a brightly lit room and in the end it took both a tranq and a stim from Doc to get her talking properly. Most of what she had to say was gibberish, but she was fairly insistent about blades coming through the walls and glowing eyes.This sounded like a pretty good explanation of what was happening, some of the scribes in our group said they recalled reports of daemons and daemonhosts phasing through solid objects or emerging from shadows. Sarge adjusted his standing orders to include staying away from walls and unlit areas and put Nubby and Doc in charge of figuring out a trap for the hunter as he continued the advance.
>>36342864Nubby being Nubby, he voxed Twitch and told him to come up with a way to trap something that could move through walls or darkness. Between them they came up with a rather cruel, but surprisingly effective solution.At their request we began capturing a few cultists instead of killing them all. Nubby, with far too much enthusiasm, would tie them up, tape a short fuse grenade into their hands, and pull the pin. Of course a few immediately let go of the lever and blew themselves all over the room we left them in, but most held tight. As the advance continued we heard the occasional explosion behind us, prompting Nubby to cackle and Doc to complain that this was probably not something we should be teaching the trainees. The traps worked though, two of the explosions resulted in odd high pitched screaming sounds and we stopped seeing the flashes of movement. While Nubby was fooling around at the rear, Cutter’s squad was starting to run ragged after so much time at the front. They’d taken the most casualties from the cultists and Cutter himself had taken a few minor wounds, Sarge rotated them off the front and led the final push towards the other team’s beacon. As our force got closer everyone began to hear the sounds of a firefight, shorty after that we encountered the largest group of cultists yet.They were trying to force their way into a large room and failing miserably. Our boys hit them in the rear with a few grenades and a lot of las-fire, we took a few lumps but were able to mop them all up without too much trouble. That done with we carefully made contact with the other team.They looked a little worse for wear and a corner of their room opened into the bottom of the crater, which was still glowing green. Judging by their positions they had been lot more concerned with covering the crater than holding off the cultists. That did not bode well.
>monoblades>pins with squiggly lines on them>phasing through walls>glowing eyesMandrakes. First guess was Rak'Guls but these are clearly Mandrakes.
>>36342906Over a dozen of them were holed up in there, including two of the trainers: the agent guy who led them and the cogboy. The rest seemed to be their ‘heavies’ the ones that were less about stealth or talking and more about kicking ass; a few former arbites, a psyker or two, a bunch of generic agent types, and that damned cadet commissar we’d ‘transferred’ to them. Several were wounded and a few more were dead on the floor, they seemed damned glad to see us, except for the commissar that is.The boss agent gave us a quick rundown as we got our boys into position. When the UFO had cratered they came in fast and hard, a few of them stuck together to check out what had landed, but most split off solo or in small groups, to cover more ground or something. They’d been kicking ass right up until they got to this room and poked their noses into the crater.The second they entered the crash site everyone’s comms had gone down, the solo trainees started getting picked off, and their main force got torn up by the ship’s defenders. Sarge was in the middle of asking what was meant by ‘ship’ and ‘defenders’ when one of them men watching the crater shouted a warning.Black and green metallic critters began boiling out of the corner opening and everyone started shooting. They were small, quick, tough to kill, and there were a lot of them; good thing we had a choke point, it would have been bad to face them in an unrestricted area or close quarters. As it was we were able to hold the tide back with volleys of fire and a few grenades, at least until something covered with claws came out of the bloody floor and shredded two recruits.
>>36342916I think you called it
>>36339030>”We’ll offer these weapons, two crates of amasec, and will handle the combat training for the scribes, in exchange for your team taking ALL of the psykers.”Now I have to go and read the whole thing.
>>36342971FUCKING NECRONS AAAAHHHHH!
>>36342971The situation started to go bad very quickly. The thing that had risen out of the floor was some sort of big metal spider-worm with scythes for arms, it positively screamed ‘close quarters combat specialist’ and it was behind our main firing line. Now a proper guardsman can handle just about anything, but we prefer to fight our enemies from the maximum effective range of our current weapon or, better yet, the maximum effective range of the nearest artillery battery. The spider-worm was far too close for comfort and it killed three men before it ran into someone who could put up a real fight in melee, even then it played hell with our defense of the crater entrance. The fire keeping back the tide of metal bugs began fade as recruits scrambled away or switched their target to the new threat.We just barely managed to hold though, Sarge barked the recruits back into position as our squad worked to personally deal with the spider-worm. Cutter led the attack with the commissar and agent backing him up in melee, the rest of us fanned out and hit the thing with our heavier las-guns. It was not an easy fight, the enemy was tough, fast, and attacks had a disturbing tendency to pass through it; half the battle was just trying to line up attacks so they didn’t hit an ally on the other side if the thing phased out. To be honest Cutter didn’t really bother with that, he just depended on everyone else getting out of the way.Whatever the spider-worm’s claws were made of was both sharp and tough as hell. It sliced through Cutter and the other melee fighters’ armor without any difficulty and parrying doesn’t work when the enemy’s weapon can phase through yours. Only some incredible dodges kept them alive long enough for us to figure out how to reliably hit the damned thing, turned out the trick was to wait for the exact moment it struck. A few well timed volleys did the trick and it collapsed in a sparking heap.
Finally managed to catch one of these live.My sides, they have been ejected from me at maximum velocities.
>>36342699Good call. I thought it was Spess Mehrines. I was wrong.
>>36342971>necronsOh. Well fuck me, nevermind.
>>36343015Sarge and Nubby took stock of the situation while Cutter ignored Doc and the cogboy’s protests and wildly chopped at the remains of the spider-worm. A few trainees from both groups had died during the attack, mostly to the spider-worm, but a few of the smaller metal bugs had gotten through and done some unpleasant things before they were smashed. There was also a fair number of wounded, including Cutter who had finally collapsed after reducing what the cogboy called a ‘technological marvel’ to a pile of scrap metal, and ammo was getting a little low too.A quick counsel of war was held and the other team finished filling us in. The hostiles were apparently a type of xenos called Necrons, which rang a faint bell, something about techno-magical powers, looking like skeletons, and refusing to die. These didn’t look like skeletons and the one Cutter had torn apart looked pretty dead, but they seemed fairly sure so we went with it. The thing in the crater was one of their ships and it looked to be in pretty good condition, especially considering how it got there. According to the agent and cogboy this ship was both an amazing opportunity and a dire threat to the planet. Necrons were supposed to teleport a lot, and this ship might start bringing in an entire army, but at the same time capturing it was probably worth more than a planet as far as the Inquisition was concerned. We, as nice sane guardsmen, were in favor of calling in the locals and just bombing the place until the ship was either blown to pieces or buried under a few hundred tons of rubble, the agent and the cogboy especially did not agree.They wanted to capture it, which was stupid, and claimed that the amount of time it would take for support to get here might doom the planet, which was less stupid. There wasn’t time to argue so we gave in, called for Twitch, and started getting ready for one hell of a breaching operation.
>>36343072While Twitch’s squad came down with all the ordinance they could carry, Doc headed up with Cutter and the rest of the wounded. None of them were in shape for more fighting and a few of our trainees would die if Doc didn’t stick with them, anyway Sarge wanted someone competent on the surface who could tell everyone what was happening and request backup. In addition to that Sarge gave Doc an extra order while the agent and cogboy were busy talking to Twitch. A quick call was made to a certain Rogue Trader who we were on good terms with and hadn’t left the system quite yet. There were no naval ships currently in orbit, so his ship had the biggest guns available; if shit went south we wanted a serious trump card.Once everyone was moved around and rearmed Twitch took a good look at the ship. It looked weird as hell, all crescent shaped, covered with glowy lines, and made from a weird metal the cogboy called necroderpis or something. It was definitely a combat capable void-ship though and had serious armor, Twitch could tell at a glance that no amount of detpacks would get us in, this made him far too happy. He actually started to giggle as he dug through his pile of explosives, the case he pulled out made us all flinch.Just to be clear, we all liked Twitch and there was no better demolitions trooper around. We trusted him to set any explosive device and never worried about his traps misfiring, but the way he doted over that melta-bomb was unsettling. Emperor knows how Nubby and the admin found that thing, we’d only asked for a few bombs to show to the trainees. In addition to the nice normal ones that had been delivered there was this beast, it was NOT guard issue. If you could un-file the serial numbers and other markings it’d probably say something like “Property of the Adeptus Astartes, Intended for Anti-Titan Use Only”. Twitch called it Big Bertha and slept with it under his bed.He’d had to raise his bed on blocks for it to fit.
>>36343131Bertha was obviously intended for use by someone far stronger than a normal human, everyone held their breath as Twitch wobbled under the bomb’s weight. While he fiddled with the timer and magnetic clamps the rest of us pondered how to get it onto the ship without blowing ourselves up. The other team had marked a line across the crater entrance and according to them anyone crossing it would trigger another scarab attack. They’d done a little testing and it was only people that seemed to set it off, rocks, bullets, and even grenades were fine. We weren’t keen on fighting scarabs while carrying Bertha to the ship so we needed a way to get the bomb onto the hull without leaving the room. The agent suggested that the last two surviving psykers could levitate the bomb across the gap. Sarge vetoed this on the grounds that it was an incredibly stupid idea.Nubby and a few recruits were sent to collect pipes and scrap metal while Sarge explained how the squad had dealt with a similar problem involving a tentacle daemon. By the time Twitch had the bomb ready a long, ugly, and surprisingly sturdy pole had been constructed and a fulcrum was set up on the edge of the line. Bertha was attached to the pole with her clamps facing forward and with the help of several trainees we slowly pushed the rod along the fulcrum. It was touch and go in a few spots, especially when a seam got stuck on the brace and nearly tipped it over, but we got it across and clamped to the hull without triggering an attack or blowing ourselves to little pieces.Attack plans were finalized, heavy weapons were set up and sited on the ship, and we all shielded our eyes as Twitch hit the detonator.It wasn’t the usual flash, bang, and shockwave of high explosives, it was a sort of hissing and crackling sound along with intense heat, blinding light, and a whole lot of smoke. As soon as the bomb was finished we poured heavy weapon fire into the smoke and swarming scarabs.
>>36343179Eventually the smoke cleared and the scarabs stopped coming. None of them had made it out of the kill zone we weren’t attacked by any more spider-worms, which, according to the cogboy, were called wraiths. We reloaded, formed up, and carefully made our way through the still-glowing hull into the xenos ship.The agent and commissar led the way and the first thing they did after entering the ship was fall sideways out of the hole as the ship’s gravity field took over. We handled it a little more gracefully, after our last adventure gravity shifts didn’t really bother us anymore, and we managed to get all the trainees through without any injuries. The room we were in was large enough to hold our entire force and packed with all sorts of green glowy machinery. The cogboy was ecstatic, but didn’t see anything that looked like the teleporter.We made our way to a large door that looked like it led towards the middle of the ship. Breaching charges were placed, nades were prepped, and we got ready for a fight. We didn’t get one though, the room seemed just as big and empty as the last one. We advanced across the room and were about halfway to the next door when the enemy hit us.Green beams lanced out of the shadows and cut down a few trainees while the rest of us grabbed cover. These were the skeleton things that we’d been expecting when we’d heard the word necron; they stood stock still ignoring incoming fire and shooting lightning from what looked like green plasma weapons. Anyone they hit went down hard, the beams chewed through armor, flesh, and bone without much trouble, luckily it couldn’t pierce the machines in the room and the xenos didn’t appear to understand the idea of cover.After the initial surprise attack we poured fire into the necron warriors. There were only four of them and over thirty of us, but they were surprisingly sturdy and by the time we wore them down reinforcements were coming in.
>>36342864I put my money it's either Necrons or a few Eldar Warp Spiders and their Exarch
>>36343239>fall sideways out of the hole as the ship’s gravity field took over
>>36343239Two more necrons stepped out of the far door along with a swarm of scarabs. They just stood there and traded fire with us like the others had, except with the scarabs repairing them almost as fast as we did damage. It was damned disconcerting watching their wounds sort of flow closed and some of the recruits began to panic fire. Without the heavy weapons Twitch’s squad had brought down it would have been bad, it took a pair of our single-shot krak missiles to kill them.As soon as the last two hostiles were dead Sarge ordered an advance. We got about ten meters into the next room before more hostiles came through the far door and opened fire. The room was long and thin, with good cover along the sides, but no safe way to move forward. It was tempting to just sit there and take shots from cover, unfortunately the cogboy said he could detect the teleporter ahead of us and more necrons were porting in. We couldn’t afford to sit and trade kills with these guys, they had reserves and we didn’t.While Sarge argued tactics with the cogboy and agent, Nubby was back at the entrance to the room sitting in the best piece of cover available. The little trooper nearly shit himself when both the dead xenos next to him began to slowly get up. Operating in a blind panic Nubby sprayed one necron with las fire, kicked the other between the legs hard enough to knock it across the room, and ran forward screaming like a little girl. Only sheer luck kept him from getting hit as he ran through everyone’s line of fire.Sarge looked back when he heard Nubby’s screams and swore. Back in the recently vacated room more of the necrons were reanimating.
>>36343323So no shit, there we were, on a crashed xenos spaceship, fighting skeletons made of living metal, and the ones behind us were getting back up. This was a very bad thing.If they were going to keep porting in and the dead ones weren’t going to stay that way there was only one real option, we had to push forward and destroy the teleporter before we were overwhelmed. Sarge gave the order to advance by squads and we all prayed to the Emperor that the xenos weren’t good at switching targets.The trainees were not happy about the order, running headlong into incoming fire did not sound fun and the necrons were damned scary looking. On the other hand more metal skeletons were coming up from the rear, so there wasn’t anywhere else to go. They complained, they swore, then they manned up and advanced; just like proper guardsmen.It’s important to understand that advancing by squads is not the same as a reckless charge. It is a precise, difficult maneuver and it was a damned good thing that we’d drilled on it, because there were a lot of ways it could have gone horribly wrong. Sarge stood there and barked commands, exactly as he’d done during training, ordering one squad to throw grenades, another to lay down fire, and a third to advance to a new position. Then, as soon as the third squad was in cover, the process would repeat; there wasn’t any stopping to rest or retrieve wounded, everyone had to keep moving and fighting or the whole thing would fall apart.Some trainees died, others were badly wounded, but to a man they followed their orders and we steadily gained ground. This was something it took a well trained unit to do and if anyone from the other team had been watching it probably would have impressed the shit out of them, unfortunately they were busy. We didn’t trust them to work as part of the advance, so they were holding off the necrons coming up the rear. They seemed to be doing a decent job of it.
>>36343396The grenade barrages before each push were our best weapon against the necrons, that necroderpis stuff they were made of just shrugged off most las and stubber fire. The hostiles were reinforcing in pairs with a few bugs repairing them, each barrage would handle the closest pair and most of our fire would focus on softening up the next two before the process repeated. Sarge kept everyone organized and moving, Twitch took potshots with his remaining krak missiles whenever he had a chance, and Nubby dedicated himself to making sure any downed necrons nearby stayed that way.The boys were starting to run out of grenades as we reached the end of the long room, but when hostiles came through the door we could see a big glowy platform thing on the far side. This looked sufficiently teleporter-like and Sarge called a halt, line of sight was all we really needed. Next time the door opened we set up the few remaining krak launchers and the heavy stubbers then sighted on the platform while the last barrage of grenades handled the necrons. The doors slammed shut and every one of us focused on moving as little as possible. One of us had get a shot through the door before it closed again without hitting one of the hostiles coming out of it. The door opened, we fired.Sarge’s shot was high, it sailed over the platform and blew apart a section of wall. Nubby’s shot was wasted on one of the advancing necrons, but that cleared a path for Twitch and the stubbers. The krak round sailed through right before the door closed on a the tail of a steam of AP rounds; none of us saw it go off, but we sure as hell felt it.There was a loud crackling bang, the entire ship shook, then things got weird. First everything went all tingly and green colored, next Nubby spotted some of the necron corpses sort of fading, then the walls went all wobbly, and finally there was an almighty *CLANG* and everything went back to normal.
>>36343415>*CLANG*WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!
>>36343415>CLANGWhat the fuck was that!?!
>>36343415Everyone just sort of stood there looking stupid for a few seconds. We all expected something more to happen, like another attack or the ship exploding or a wormhole sucking us into the warp, but nothing did. All the hostiles had vanished and we were just sitting there, in what seemed to be an empty ship. Eventually Sarge gathered everyone up and took stock.The rearguard hadn’t had an easy time of it: the agent was missing an arm and unconscious, the cogboy was dead, and only the commissar holding them together. We were down to about fifteen effective, with a handful of wounded who might live if we didn’t run into anything else. On the bright side it seemed like the fight was over, we’d heroically saved the day and captured a piece of highly valuable xenos tech. At least it looked that way, Sarge decided to err on the side of caution and do a last sweep before we threw any parades.The door to the teleporter room was pried open and we carefully entered, it didn’t have any hostiles inside and appeared to be the bridge. Half the room was taken up by the wrecked teleporter and there was what looked like an empty command chair with a few deactivated control panels, but what really caught the eye was this important looking pedestal. It was covered with runes that were still glowing green and had a small metal cube suspended above it in some sort of anti grav field. Sarge told everyone, especially Nubby, not to touch it. While the rest of us poked around the bridge Twitch made some field repairs to our least damaged vox pack. It didn’t take long, say what you will about those green beam weapons, they don’t do much collateral damage. The first thing Doc asked when we reached him was if WE had called for any shuttles.The call was interrupted by the door on the far side of the bridge slamming open.Not one, but two silver and gold giants strode into the room. They had huge ass bolters and far too many spikes on their armor.
>>36343446>>36343458>Pig says oink>Orc says WAAAAAGH>Necron says CLANG
>>36343475>Not one, but two silver and gold giants strode into the room. They had huge ass bolters and far too many spikes on their armor.'Crons weren't enough, now Chaos wants to get in on this shit as well?Dayumn. Okay, who's gonna walk up to them with a tank full of promethium and an unethical quantity of armed detpacks?
>>36343475>They had huge ass bolters and far too many spikes on their armor.welp
>>36343475So no shit, there we were, standing on the bridge of an alien vessel, staring slack-jawed at a pair of chaos space marines, both of whom seemed just as surprised as we were to find anyone else here. Everyone held very, very still and waited for someone to make the first move. We had them heavily outnumbered and they had us heavily outclassed, if this turned into a fight it was going to be a bloodbath. The staring contest stretched a little longer. Sarge carefully stepped forward and, nonchalantly as possible, asked if we could help them with anything. This just got more blank stares and an awkward cough from Nubby, until a third figure entered the room. The two marines stepped aside to reveal what was obviously a heretek, who, after a fit of buzzing and giggling, told us that yes we could indeed help them. Now most any tech-priest looks sinister, but the difference between an ugly cogboy and a full blown heretek is damned noticeable. Aside from all the metal tentacles, eerie lights, dripping thingies, and pointy bits, this one practically radiated insanity. The second you saw him it was obvious that this guy wasn’t just bloody nuts; he was also bolts, screws, rivets, and those metal clampy dealies you use on the prefab field buildings. In a voice that seemed to be stuck looping between five different settings and between bouts of giggling the heretek demanded ‘the device’. No real clarification was needed, he wasn’t just staring at the cube on the pedestal, his eyes had actually extended out of his head on little mechadendrites. Sarge, mind racing, stalled for time by asking the crazy metal man what the cube was and why we should hand it over. This triggered an exasperated groan from both marines and a rambling monologue from the heretek.
>>36343554>This triggered an exasperated groan from both marinesWow. I guess some things transcend even the barriers of loyalty/heresy.No Chaos Cogbro for those guys, huh?
>>36343554>triggered an exasperated groan from both marinesI find the idea of exasperated CSM far funnier than I should.>oh fuck, now hes gonna talk for hours>look what you've done
>>36343554The question had mostly been a stalling tactic while Sarge tried to figure out a way to get us out of this alive, but mixed in with all the insane chatter there were a few very important things. Firstly the device was a device for devicing devices, secondly it belonged to the heretek because he'd inerted the intertia and un-phased the phaser, and finally he would make us into 'meat puppets' if we didn't give it to him, now. We translated all this as "I am crazy, evil, easily distracted, and far more concerned with that box than you." Sarge considered the situation. The good news was that the heretek wanted the box so bad he might be willing to cut a deal, the bad news was that he had to have a ship of some sort in orbit and would inevitably try to kill us the moment his box was safe. His assets consisted of a bunch of exhausted trainees, a paranoid, a cretin, and a still active vox link to Doc. He did not want to fight a pair of traitor marines, not to mention heretek or a bloody warp-ship, he wanted to live through the next few minutes and screw the other guys over before they screwed him over. Thinking fast he shoved Nubby forward and told him to make a deal, then waved Twitch over and tried to nonchalantly stand in front of the pedestal. The negotiations would have been funny if the situation weren't so serious. One party was a cretinus little sneak telling outrageous lies and trying to figure out how to make a profit on this, the other was completely insane and had no concept of what normal people wanted. The two marines began to look incredibly annoyed, at least as far as a giant pile of ceramite and spikes can look anything other than murderous. We got the distinct impression that if things drug on much longer they'd stop waiting for the heretek's word to attack.
>>36343554>This triggered an exasperated groan from both marines and a rambling monologue from the heretek. I'm not entirely sure, but I think that my side have left the solar system
>>36343554>This triggered an exasperated groan from both marinesShang-hai them into the Inquisition, these guys are great
>>36343627Can an insane Heretek annoy a pair of CSM enough that they'll willingly re-swear their loyalty to the Emperor?I doubt it matters, though. The only position that the Inquisition would have open for a pair of formerly-disloyal Astartes is firing range live practice target, or possibly experimental test subject.
>>36343605Eventually Nubby stomped back to the rather distracted Sarge and Twitch and reported success. The heretek had agreed to let us live in exchange for the box and he’d even thrown in the necron ship on account of it being a ‘boring thing that attracts more boringer things’. This was about the best deal we could expect to get and Nubby had bought just enough time to finish the preparations, so Sarge accepted and stepped away from the pedestal, poker face firmly in place. In a loud clear voice that just happened to be directed towards the vox unit, Sarge announced that we’d be withdrawing to the room behind us. We’d be back here sitting still, while the heretek and two chaos marines with bolters went up to their shuttle, the one on the roof, that would take them to their ship, the one that was in orbit. We would stay down here and do absolutely nothing to SABOTAGE THEIR SHUTTLE or INTERCEPT THEIR SHIP. Sarge’s acting skills may have left something to be desired, but the heretek didn’t seem to notice and the marines didn’t seem to care. He also somehow managed to fool the commissar, the idiot accused us all of heresy and might have caused serious trouble if Nubby hadn’t come up behind him and kicked him very firmly between the legs. The second kick was probably uncalled for and the third definitely was, but no one said anything, they were all busy slowly backing out of the room while watching the marines. We made it almost all the way to the door when the heretek told us to stop. Hearts racing, we all froze and watched as his mechadendrites shot out and ripped the cleverly concealed explosives off the box and pedestal. He made a comment about not needing any more explosives, thanked us for the thought, and tossed them to Twitch where he was gathering up the vox unit. We all kept backing up and tried not to let our disappointment show. This was apparently not a problem we could solve with detpacks. At least not immediately.
>>36343666Once the door was closed and we were sure no angry traitor marines were coming after us we all turned and ran for the exit. Except for the commissar that is, he was being dragged between two other trainees. As we ran Twitch got the vox pack patched through to our frequency and Sarge asked Doc if he’d got all that. The heretics had to be stopped before they got their shuttle into the air and then their ship needed to be taken out before it just nuked us from orbit. Back on the surface Doc was looking at a very big and sturdy looking shuttle, in rather petulant voice he told Sarge that “Damn it man, I’m a doctor, not a demolitions expert!” Twitch unhelpfully reminded everyone that he was a demolitions expert but had been force to trade places and hike all the way down here. Sarge told him to be quiet unless he had something useful to say. Doc was in a bind, the rest of us were coming up through the bunker as quickly as possible, but the heretics would probably reach their shuttle first. He had to figure out a way to cripple their shuttle or delay the enemy long enough for the rest of us to arrive. He didn’t have much to work with, the fliers had been crippled by the shuttle as it landed and every scrap of serious munitions had been sent down to be used in breaching the necron ship. All Doc had was a handful of wounded troopers, a few lasguns and chainswords, a semi-conscious Cutter, and a crate of medical supplies. A BIG crate of medical supplies. A big crate of Military-Grade medical supplies. Thinking fast and abandoning all medical ethics, Doc started digging into the crate and planning one hell of an ambush.
>>36343666>He made a comment about not needing any more explosives, thanked us for the thought, and tossed them to Twitch where he was gathering up the vox unit.Aww, man.
>>36343666>He made a comment about not needing any more explosives, thanked us for the thought, and tossed them to TwitchWhat a nice... thing?
>>36343693While Doc was working on the shuttle problem Sarge was trying to have a vox conversation while running. He’d managed to contact the Rogue Trader who’d helped us set up the whole kidnapping thing, but he was running into problems. The trader was shifting his orbit towards us, he’d been happy to lend us some orbital fire support when Doc asked, fighting another warp-ship was a different matter though. To put it simply he wasn’t going to risk his ship, even on an ambush, for a mere bunch of inquisitorial henchmen. He needed some sort of motivation.Sarge didn’t have time, or breath, to spare arguing with the trader. We needed this guys help, there were no other well armed ships in the system, with the exception of the heretek’s ship that is, so Sarge cut a deal. There was a very real chance that someone would have him killed for making this deal, but it was the only way he could see out of the current situation. Sarge offered the only really valuable thing he had, a slightly used necron ship.You better believe that caught the traders attention.Sarge gave what evidence he could that the ship was actually there and greed did the rest. The trader said he’d handle whatever vessel the heretek was using or damn well die trying, the prize was worth it.That done with we laid on the speed. It was a clear run up through the bunker, all the cultists were dead or fleeing, and we all ran flat out. There was no real plan, it was just going to be a matter of getting to the roof and hitting them in the rear while Doc held their attention. No finesse, no trickery, just the biggest sucker punch we could manage.We either made amazing time or the heretek had taken a while getting the box off the pedestal, because we got there right as Doc’s ambush hit them. Boy was that something to see, we almost forgot to fire our weapons.
>>36341261>In the end there were seven deaths, four serious injuries, and three arrests.Shoggy, you are a weapons-grade side-annihilator.
>>36343776It's shoggy AND his based group and GM.They are /tg/'s finest
>>36343693Shoggy every time I get in one of these threads you nearly kill me laughing, I smoke too much to be laughing this hard
>>36343977Clearly, then, you'll have to quit smoking.
>>36343977My poor sides died tonight because of that post.
>>36344003or maybe you shut the fuck up soldier
>>36343734Some of you might know what Slaught and Frenzon are, but if you don’t, imagine the fastest, meanest, agriest fucker you’ve ever seen. Now give him an immunity to pain, rabies, and slight brain damage, that’s what a dose does to a normal person. What a double dose cut with stimms did to Cutter and his boys was just ridiculous.Doc had got them positioned, timed their injections, and let them loose at just about the perfect moment. A bunch of half-dead mudfeet turned into enraged murder-machines about 2 meters from the heretek and his marines, right as they were getting off the hover thingies that raised them out of the crater. The fight was too fast to follow, we just did had to aim for the enemy and hope our shots didn’t hit Cutter’s boys.I’d like to say it was a heroic and complex battle, but really we just poured fire into the two traitor marines until we pushed them off the edge into the crater. That was it. Sure they killed half of the berserkers and a few of us, but the sheer weight of fire and the ferocity of the melee attackers forced them to give ground they didn’t have. They pancaked on the crashed ship with a sort of crunchy splatting sound.There heretek wasn’t so easy though, he had some sort of shield and fought off everyone but the king berserker himself. Until we could burn his shield down it was a one on one match between Cutter and the crazy cogboy.
>>36344147>They pancaked on the crashed ship with a sort of crunchy splatting sound.
>>36344147>Now give him an immunity to pain, rabies, and slight brain damage, that’s what a dose does to a normal person. What a double dose cut with stimms did to Cutter and his boys was just ridiculous.It's like you gave a bunch of tasmainian devils speed
>>36344147Cutter’s time was measured in seconds, he was being kept on his feet by a cocktail of drugs that would probably kill him the second they ran out. Seconds were all he needed though.He didn’t bother with dodging, parrying, or any sissy stuff like that, all he cared about was doing as much damage as possible. Mechadendrites ripped off chunks of flesh, a sparking weapon nailed him in the legs, and some sort of injector just barely missed his heart, but he lodged his chainsword firmly in the heretek’s chest and wrenched it upwards with berserk strength.The cogboy screamed and flailed as he was bisected. He was writhing so violently that pieces started flying off, including one which landed within Nubby’s reach and was promptly pocketed. As the chain-blade reached his head the screaming coalesced into one word repeated in a dozen voices, ‘Burn’. There was silence, a humming sound, then he exploded into a fireball that engulfed Cutter. He laughed as he burned.All in all, there were worse ways to go.
>>36343015One of those fucking things? The Shattered Suns (from Shas'o R'myr's last game) got rekt by something similar... the bastards are too hard too hit.First time reading one of these... live-ish (caught the ship, but by the time I finished reading the archives a few days later it was down.) Enjoying immensely.
>>36344397Oh shi -Cutter beefed it?Well... Fuck.I liked him. Not as much as Twitch, or Sarge, or Doc, or Nubby... Well, maybe a much as Nubby.Still: Fuck.On the other hand, that's a pretty fucking badass way to go, especially after he Assassin-dived on the Daemonhost cogtain in the last one and survived purely by the greasy grace of Nubby Nubbs.
>>36344397i like how cutter's player seems to be the only guy that keeps losing characters. I mean there was cook but he kinda suicided so I don't really count that one.
>>36344397Isn't this the same guy losing his character over and over again.
>>36344460>>36344455This was heavies player, I think.
>>36344397damn.... cutter may be a grunt, but he is one glorious bastard to go out like that.
>>36344397>He was writhing so violently that pieces started flying off, including one which landed within Nubby’s reach and was promptly pocketed.
>>36344477I imagine it was pure reflex on Nubby's part. They'll find it during the traditional "hold Nubby upside down and shake him to see what falls out" bit at the end.Hrm... Without Cutter, who's gonna be on the other side? I mean, Sarge is clearly strong enough to do it, but I doubt Doc is... Is Twitch beef enough to get the other leg? Or is Sarge just gonna get like, three or four of the recruit survivors to help?
>>36344604Also finally caught up. Shoggy, my man. I want to be in your most-based-of-based group but I"m terrified I'd cause things to be less interesting.
>>36344397There wasn’t time to mourn. A few seconds after the heretek’s death a massive energy beam hit the nearby shuttle, the crazy fucker had called for an orbital bombardment.We grabbed what wounded we could and ran for the bunker, it was the only option we could see. We sprinted through hallways and down stairs with titanic explosions filling our ears and an uncomfortable dampness filling our pants. Nubby led the way on his augmetic legs while we all followed and hoped his cowardly instincts would lead us to safety. We ran through the wreckage of our battles and, just a barely ahead of a titanic wave of heat, we scrambled into the necron ship. None of us stopped there though, we kept going until we reached the bridge, then held our breaths as the entire ship began to shake.The shaking went on for a while, but there was no sudden burst of heat and light. Eventually it all went quiet. Our heart rates slowed as we realized that, somehow, we’d survived the bombardment. Doc started crying.
>>36344604I know, right?I kind of expected Cutter to go MIA, charging a warp portal with chainsword-chan, chasing after Kharn or Abaddon and screaming that he was going to carve the traitorous marine-balls out of their codpieces and stuff them into their eye-sockets or something.Still, bisecting a heretek after leading a squad of half-dead, half-trained rookies in a berzerker banzai charge on two CSM and a heretek is a pretty fucking balls-out end for the Cutmaster.
>>36344397>Including one which landed within Nubby's reach and was promptly pocketed.
>>36344397Cutter you were a giant psychotic murderous bastard, but damnit you were one of the finest guards 40k ever had
>>36344728>>36344397I just realized; it has the glowy green cube thingy, doesn't it?
>>36344397Cutter, you shall be missed.In the meantime, an update of the group pic. Still super rough because work has been eating up all my free time the last week. If you want anything changed Shoggy let me know. Gonna go pass out, but I will check the archives manana.
>>36344397Thronespeed, you crazy bastard. Pius would be proud.
>>36344147Aw, I wanted to hear more about those marines.I bet they drew straws to see who had to accompany the old coot to get the thing.
>>36344625We sat in that ship for what felt like days. The hole we’d cut was clogged with debris, there was nothing to do but wait and hope someone came looking for us.Sarge got Doc up and moving, the few surviving wounded need his help. Twitch and Nubby kept out of their way and collected what rations had been in peoples pockets. There was enough to keep us going for a few days.There were fifteen of us all together, us four guardsmen, the wounded agent we’d left in the ship, eight of our trainees and two from the other team, the commissar and a few others had fallen behind during the run. Supply-wise we had a few weapons, a little bit of food and water, a medkit, and one necron box thing that Nubby had snagged. Not much useful stuff, but at least we had plenty of light, the ship was still glowing green.Our time down there wasn’t as bad as you’d think. Everyone was so tired that we slept through most of it and Sarge kept everyone calm while they were awake. Before food or water became a problem there was a titanic groaning sound and the ship’s gravity went a little funny.The sound and shaking continued and we all wandered down to the breach. As we watched the rock began to shift, then float away. Slowly the gap cleared and we saw that the whole ship was rising into the air. We rose then twisted so that we could only see sky, then there was a thump and the noises stopped. A figure climbed into the hole, looked down at us, and told us to get off his ship. He was apparently a busy man with things to do and experts on xeno-tech to see.
>>36344894Geeze, the man could be a little more polite. Does spending a night drinking and partying mean nothing?
>>36344894>A figure climbed into the hole, looked down at us, and told us to get off his ship. He was apparently a busy man with things to do and experts on xeno-tech to see.So, apparently the Rogue Trader was successful in destroying whatever blasphemous ship the heretics had brought.Betraying him and shooting him right in the face like they did the last one is probably a bad idea. Well, Oak can always buy the ship off him, or impress him into Inquisitorial service if he wants it that badly.
>>36344962To hazard a guess, that was probably not the Rogue Trader himself, but one of his crew.
>>36344962Different guy, probably. The party guy was just the pressganging organizer.
Welp... I just realized that I've been watching this thread for five and a half hours.Shoggy spins a damn good yarn. I desperately want to go the hell to bed and get some sack time, but I really, really want to see the end of it, too.
>>36344894The trader was nice enough to call us a ride before he tractored up the necron ship and headed out-system as fast as possible. He seemed to think that we might change our minds now that we were no longer being bombarded and wanted to be far away before any Inquisition fleets showed up.The administrator was on the pad waiting for us at base. We explained the whole bloody mess and asked him to get started on a report for the Interrogator. Then we went and got drunk, very very drunk.Training was over after that, the few recruits that had survived were officially Inquisitorial agents as far as we were concerned. We all just sort of lounged around, reminisced about Cutter, and speculated about what the Interrogator and Oak would say when they saw how many trainees we had left. The agent and his trainees stayed with us, aside from the psyker chick who had been badly hurt during the investigation he was all that was left of his team. He wasn’t that bad of a guy, a bit of a downer though.Eventually the Interrogator arrived and we gave our report: Eight recruits trained and ready for service, plus a handful of washouts. Also, as a side note, we destroyed an evil cult, found and secured a necron ship, got into a fight with a heretek, traded the necorn ship to a rogue trader, and now all we have is this necron box thing and everyone is dead. That got the aloof fucker to pay attention.
>>36345129Job well fucking done if you ask me.
>>36345129You know what kills me? This is no where near the hell the Guardsmen went through before joining the Inquisition.
>>36345129Technically, the necrons did most of the cult killing.
>>36345222Don't need to tell the boss that
>>36345129Considering what those recruits just went through I'd say the inquisition just got the text book definition of quality over quantityAlso both Comisars are dead so that's a win
>>36345269Isn't the one alive, or was he killed by the wraith?
>>36345287He lagged behind with a few others and didn't make it onto the Necron ship, I think. Dead by orbital bombardment most likely.
>>36345287>the commissar and a few others had fallen behind during the run.
>>36345269think Shoggy said here>>36344894that him and a few other recruits fell behind and got hit with the space lazer
>>36345129It took a lot of explaining, mostly by Sarge and the agent. The whole story was gone through, from start to finish, sparing no detail. He didn’t judge or lecture, he simply made sure he had all the facts straight then put them all into a neat report. In the end the Interrogator decided this was above his paygrade, took our recruits, and sent us all back to Oak with the little box.The trip home was about as normal as warp travel gets, nothing more interesting happened than Twitch nearly killing a naval rating that was cleaning the air ducts. The report had gone ahead of us and when we got to Oak’s ship an escort was waiting for us. Our entire group was marched to Oak’s office and our story was gone over yet again.To our surprise Oak was not angry, not even when we mentioned giving the Rogue Trader the necron ship. He shrugged that off as something to be dealt with later, if the necrons didn’t deal with it themselves. All he seemed to care about was the little box, it seemed quite important to him. He asked us a lot of questions about what the heretek had said about the box and was a little annoyed when we couldn’t give him anything besides insane babble. In the end he took the box, told us we all did exceptionally well, and instructed us not to talk to anyone about it, even inside the Inquisition, without his direct permission. Then we went and got drunk again.
>>36345312what a shame
>>36345328>even inside the Inquisition,Uh-oh.
>>36345346Having Necron tech is the kind of thing that the Mechanicum gets a bit.... inquisitive.... about.
>>36344397>So this is the true power of combat drugs. Not bad, not bad at all.Pourin' one out for my homie Cutter.After all he managed to survive, I figured the only thing that was going to bring him down was straight-up falling to Khorne.D-do you think that with the lethal cocktail of stims he took, he heard chainsword-chan's voice one last time?
>>36345346This could mean one of two things, in my eyes.One, Oak is doing it for himself, be it demonic possession, black market, or research.Two, Oak is smart, and knows what will happen when the Inquisition gets their grubby little hands on it.
>>36345383Dude. The guys behind that music video are crazy motherfuckers with serious issues. Kickass animators and artists though.
>>36345388I do not see how those two are or even should be mutually exclusive.
>>36345388yeah, Oak seems like a pretty smart, upstanding, and capable dude....which given our setting doesn't add upI wouldn't trust him after this because if this party's adventure have taught us anything is that you can't be all three, pick two and hope for a The Rupert
>>36345407You've piqued my curiosity.
>>36345383I'm sure they screamed bloody murder for one another 'til the bitter end, laughing mad as they were.
>>36345426http://animatorexpo.com/mememe/Trigger warning: Perils of the Warp
>>36345328Cutter’s funeral was a pretty big deal, we got everyone we could to come to it. In addition to the guardsmen there were a few cogboys, including Jim and Hannah, the hospitaller and a few other sisters, the old adept lady and finally, to our considerable surprise, the Rupert and Alfred.It was a hell of a party, both stories and beer flowed freely, but the real crowning moment was when the Rupert brought out his death offering. Emperor knows where he, or Alfred, got it, but it was one of those orky chainswords, a perfect match for Cutter’s. It floored us all, even Sarge was crying as we put it in the plasma chamber with everything else. It was a damned fine sendoff, we did him proud.Days later, after the beer had run dry and the hangovers had cleared, we got another visit from the Rupert and Alfred. He told us, in his own unique way, that he’d asked Oak to transfer us to his retinue, but Oak had declined. Apparently the Inquisitor thought he might need our services in the future, but as a favor to his form student, he’d consider sending our next Interrogator to work with the Rupert.It took a while for the situation to sink in, but it did eventually. Sarge thanked the Rupert and said he’d be happy to serve alongside him again and hoped the Interrogator we’d officially be under wasn’t a complete tit.He turned out to be a complete tit.
>>36345494are you really even surprised at this point?
>>36345494>and hoped the Interrogator we’d officially be under wasn’t a complete tit.>He turned out to be a complete tit.You slay me.
>>36345494>the Rupert and Alfred showed upGreat guy.>He told us, in his own unique way, that he’d asked Oak to transfer us to his retinueHell ye...>but Oak had declinedAwwww!> hoped the Interrogator we’d officially be under wasn’t a complete tit.>He turned out to be a complete tit.No surprise there.
>>36345494Damnit now I'm crying, why is The Rupert such a broCutter I hope you're drinking with Chainsword-chan, Crisp, Heavy, and That glowing bastard of Mankind himself
>>36345494>And That's All FolksSorry for the delays and loss of quality near the end there. I lost about a dozen posts to laptop shenanigans and had to retype on the fly.I've been ignoring questions in my panic to finish, and am now a little tired. If this thread is alive in the morning I will answer all of them, also that drawfaggotry I saw is awesome.Due to holiday obligations the next thread will probably take near a month, I'd like to get it done before the year ends, but I'm not sure I'll have the time. Rest assured, I'm not going to just wander off though.I'll see if I can answer a few questions before I crash, thanks guys you've been awesome.
>>36345446What the actual fuck.
>>36345563Great thread boss. Sad about laptop shenanigans though.
>>36345563Thank you for the story Shoggy!
>>36345563Thanks a million for posting man, your tales are incredible. RIP Cutter, you will be sorely missed.
>>36345563Emperor be with you, Shoggy, you glorious bastard.
>>36345563thanks for the story.
You do the Emperor's work, Shoggy.I'm pretty sure you're either Doc or Sarge, but I hope you never tell us straight.
archive link up, nighthttp://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=all+guardsmen
>>36345649Didn't he tell us he was Nubby?
I wonder who's going to replace Cutter?>>36345845He's specifically avoided telling us who he plays, and he wont without a majority vote.
As always, thanks for running OP. You're bringing joy to people.
That ending was almost worth being woken up after three hours of sleep with severe belly-aches.RIP, Cutter. You rest in pieces, the way you would've wanted to go: taking two traitor Marines and a Heretek with you.Also, the next Interrogator turned out to be a complete tit, eh? That bodes ill. By which I mean it bodes well for us, but ill for the poor bastards. :)
>>36345563So, is Sarge the new complete tit?
Damn. Too late to see it unfold live.
>>36347018I doubt it. I expect that Oak gets the idea that he knows damn well he'd be a terribad Interrogator.Though, scarily enough, if he were made the Interrogator, he'd have the good sense to know to grab the right brainy scrubs to throw at any given problem: The crazy old Adept, the least purge-happy Cleric you can find, Jim and Hannah for Cogbro and Cogsis, and an Untouchable.
>>36338781Best day of the month right here.
>>36345563Do you know who's going to replace Cutter?
>>36345563So, by now Oak probably thinks of you as the "unfuckers" or something. Whenever there is an interrogator who's a colossal fuckup, whenever there is a job that needs to be done. He calls in the unruliest bunch of stormtroopers he can, because he knows that they'd get the job done. ammirite?
>>36347941That would make sense.>Interrogator has had a suspiciously large run of "bad luck">he always manages to shift the blame on someone else>Oak doesn't have enough evidence to waste time on bringing him in>he sends in the guardsmen
I'm not even a quarter of the way through the archive and I'm getting worried I may die laughing before I finish.Have you guys played twilight 2000 before? Because half of this sounds like the sort of trouble my previous employer would get into in his games.
>>36347018Nope, at least not yet>>36347787Yes I do, but I'm not telling.>>36347941>>36348104That really would explain the next mission so well...>>36344778This is awesome, thanks a ton
>>36347941A group of honestly incompetent looking and seeming guardsmen, who, no matter how hard you scrutinize them, including mind scanning them and the watchful eye of several inquisitorial interrogators are nothing more than slightly competent, lazy and out for themselves.And yet somehow complete every single mission with astoundingly low fatalities, and ridiculous odds against them.Sarge is probably already one of his top 'go to' interrogators, and the cell one of his top teams.He just knows he'll fuck up the whole deal they have going if he tells them.He's wise enough to know not to look a gift horse in the mouth, or to knock a good thing."if it seems stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid"
>>36348250I fucking swear, if you're right i'll shit a brick.
I went to sleep because obvious reasons and I expected this thread to be alive.Shoggy, the only thing that's missing right now would be for you to get Moderator on /tg/, then you'd be full circle Paragon of this board.Thronespeed to you and your crew, Shoggy, and hopefully, we get read how Twitch blew up an entire Hivefleet or other major building in a shower of brimstone, promethium and hellfire.
This right here is the good, pure shit. Thank you based Shoggy.
I'm sort of here by the way. I'll do my best to answer any question, even if it is via cellphone
>>36348568oh, awesomewill cutter's replacement be debuting next storytime?and is Sarge finally unable to dodge the promotion? and how long have you guys been playing the game now?
>>36348250>"if it seems stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid"Oh man, Shoggy, you really NEED to look up Murphy's Laws of Combat. I think your group would enjoy them, seeing as they follow a good chunk of them even without knowing it.
>>36348730to add to his question, what's your current rank so far?
>>36348730Yes, yes, about 6 months since our reunion now>>36348887Oh we've read them. We're debating making a 40k version.>>36348893If you mean level-wise we just hit the one where it splits into specializations.
>>36349077please do make a murphy's 40k version, it would be amazingyou gonna see any of the surviving 8 trainees in future games, perhaps from the most recent session? getting stories about their escapades would be fun too, make Sarge proud
>>36349077I've been meaning to ask: How exactly does/did Cutter talk? Nubby has that Ratling inflection and I'm curious if our martyr had any
>>36349077ooooh shit, this gon be guudalso, how the bloody fukken hell did Twitch requisition a motherfucking Astartes Melta Bomb
>>36349376>also, how the bloody fukken hell did Twitch requisition a motherfucking Astartes Melta BombNot Shoggy, but if I had to guess?A: Their circumstances gave him a huge bonus to whatever rolls are required to requisition equipment.B: Nubby.Captcha: Peckham derpowYes, necroderpis go derpow when exposed to Space Marine-grade Melta.
>>36349309Stories are always a thing that might happen.>>36349336Quiet and slightly nasal with a tendency to mumble, until the sword came out. Then he'd go faster and louder and devolve into a sort of continuous screaming.>>36349376>>36349597That was a crit on Nubby's acquisition roll. We initially asked for a tank but the DM said no.
>>36349848>That was a crit on Nubby's acquisition roll. We initially asked for a tank but the DM said no.This, kids? This is why you should invest in your bureaucracy skills. Sure, it may seem like a bunch of dull paperwork, but a master bureaucrat is the difference between having exactly the right tool for the job you didn't know you'd be tasked with, and trying to improvise a shaped charge powerful enough to breach spaceship-scale necroderpis with just detpacks, grenades and scrap metal.
>>36349848hahahaano tank, here, have an astartes melta bombyou must have been proudhow much of a buffer session wise have you got between when you play and when you post?
>>36349848So uh.... Khornate in the making then as I expected. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if it turned out "Chainsword-chan" was actually a daemon in disguise.
>>36345544Don't forget Skeleton-bro from the fucked up ship.
>>36350737That was Crisp
>>36350786>>36350737Oh god. Then who was the headless guy?
>>36342075For Marines, Step 0 is: Have two beers and ask the LCpl
>>36350925That was Heavy
>>36350985>>36350993HOW DID I MISS THIS
>>36351050because you dont pay attention
>>36351050well it was explained at the end of the last thread
I can just see Cutter and the Chaos Marine yukking it up at the Dead Party Party, mutually bitching about hereteks being the worst. Maybe even with the other two newly killed Chaos Marines.
>>36345446>http://animatorexpo.com/mememe/Ok. 1. Is there a translation for this shit?2. WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK
>>36349982Three now>>36354746You make me want to get together with my DM and put a short story together about all those dudes.
>>36355641You damn well better.
>>36355641It would be pretty slickAlso, want to give us a teaser about the next game, considering that with holiday stuff you mightn't be posting a new full storytime for a while. Perhaps Cutter's replacement
>>36355189Apparently, there are english subs available if you select "EN" at the top right of the page.
>>36345446WHAT THE HELL KIND OF DRUGS DID THEY BUY WITH THE EVANGELION MONEY?
There needs to be a late night Dark Heresy/40k TV series.
>>36345446This pleases Slaanesh
>>36356044he already did give a hintthe next interrogator is a tit
>>36344778Oh cool there's even art now.Didn't Shoggy say he was going to commission some stuff?That'd be something nice to come back to after the holidays, the character descriptions are a little sparse.
>>36359144going in to unfuck an interrogator.And working with rupert.This is an odd situation where the main =][= probably respects the help more than the nooblet interrogator.
>>36359686>the character descriptions are a little sparse.Maybe, but their mannerisms and behavior are so vivid I think it fills them in pretty well.
>>36345446Oh god it loops
>>36359803I think, with all the successful missions the team managed to pull off, Oak considers them as the go to team to assign to interrogators that needs a serious wake-up call or those that need that bunch of cynical, nigh unkillable guardsmen that are skilled and lucky enough to even give Tzeentch a run for his money, not because of keikaku, but just sheer willpower and grit>>36355641What's the average Willpower stat of the guardsmen and related talents that you guys got/ were awarded through RP?What's the insanity/corruption level for Twitch so far?
Not sure if anyone is interested, but I actually did go and record myself reading through the first part of the All Guardsmen Party story.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7cNhYdmdTM Any comments would be appreciated, but I am planning on doing the other parts.
>>36365178Pretty good. In the beginning your voice wavered a bit but you got the hang of it.
>>36345446Any other place to view this? It's not loading for me.
>>36365722nvmnd, found it on vimeowas alright