Previous Episode: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/35928090/Captain's Log.Stardate: Tuesday.Over the previous hours, me and my crew of capable droids, R3D2 and C2P2, have cut a swath through the galaxy in an attempt to flee from the Rebels. We have been charged with delivering a piece of information essential to turning the tide of the war; the specifications of the Rebel Flagship. Launched from a far-flung Federation forward base into the depths of a void in a glorified medbay with jets, we were told that we would be faced with heavy opposition, and that the Federation was counting on us. And opposition, we did face. Pirates. Rebels. Cultists. Rebelling Pirate Cultists. And each and every one, we blew to pieces, with nothing more than an Ion burster cannon and cobbled-together weapons drones.
The ship is barely holding together. The air is leaky, the hull is being held together by duct tape and prayer, and the damn doors won't even lock. Otherwise, the situation is nominal; fuel is sufficient for many jumps, and we have enough spare parts that the droids can pump out as many attack bots as we need.
We've reached the end of the first sector, but at the Long-Ranged FTL Beacon, we have a decision to make. It will determine the future of the mission, and our lives.Fuck squids,Captain Tom Henderson.
>>35967807Abandoned Sector, motherfuckers!We need some Lanius on this here ship!
>>35967876We decide to warp into the Abandoned sector, in hopes of spotting some Lanius! What is a Lanius, you may ask? Good question. They are a rare form of space whale.It should be noted that your captain is entirely inexperienced with this game.The jump goes off without a hitch, and we are informed that the few life signs in this sector have begun being wiped out, possibly by the Lanius.They're aggressive space whales, I guess.Only two beacons have been built close enough to this one to use; a really poor choice on the part of the Space Designers, but oh well. Where to?
>>35967994There's only one way to go, and that is up!North!That way!The one that's above you!Shut up and fucking go there!
>>35968061I believe you mean SpaceNorth, cadet.Full speed ahead! We arrive at the beacon and there's... nothing. Empty space. The stars twinkle in the infinite expanse of space, and Henderson contemplates what a waste of time this was.Riveting.We receive a weak distress signal! It's probably a dastardly Space Whale trap to get at our delicious Space Krill stores, but it might actually be a man in trouble, and Henderson spares no man from his particular breed of saving! But perhaps that changes today?
>>35968303Let's get to that distress signal. It's almost definitely a trap, and we can use that knowledge against them!
>>35968303To the distress signal!We are big heroes!
>>35968303We jump in, and see the Lanius tearing into a Rockman ship!Henderson is starting to think the Lanius aren't space whales. He probably should've read the Guide To Common Species before he signed up for this.There's actually a copy sitting in the glove compartment.Eh, fuck it. But should we intervene, with our pretty-wrecked ship, or just leave?
>>35968438Lanius are little better than the slugs, attack them and save the rocks.
>>35968438Save the Lanius. Because friendly robot thieves.
>>35968438Slaughter the disgusting metallic, oxygen-destroying beings!
>>35968438Try and save the rockman
>>35968438Death to the space whales!
Henderson takes out the Guide."Lanius are little better than Slugs. Turn the page "Slugs" for details."He turns the page. It's been ripped out.I guess Slugs are slimy space whales or something."Lanius are also freaky silicon-based assholes who act like, what are they called, Tieflings? Those guys who steal everything, but nobody's supposed to get mad. Those guys. They also eat oxygen and shit poison."Henderson turns to Rockmen."Total bros."The course of action is clear! But what is our attack strategy? I spot a small missile launcher, and a big-ass cannon!
>>35968880launch drone, keep ion cannon on autofiresit back and hope it works
>>35968920>>35968937>>35969023Is there any other option?
>>35968920Aim that cannon at the Shields, though. Get them as gone as you can.
With no clear move other than "Fire all the shit" available, we target all their major systems with the Ion intermittently; guns, shields and Engine. Perhaps due to faulty wiring on the part of the Lanius, their missile pod never fires off a shot, and their Laser Cannon isn't nearly as impressive as the size would indicate. All-around, they were chumps.We contact the Rocks they were attacking!
>>35969077Whaaaaat a pack of assholes.And the guidebook said they were cool bros!
>>35969091Things are looking mighty dicey for us. Repairs when?
This is why I said to save the robo whale thieves.
The fleet are upon us, and so quickly too! We need to jump, fast! Where to?
>>35969138Beacon dead ahead.
>>35969138I say the 4 O'clock beaconseems like the best bet
Rolled 1 (1d2)>>35969152 if even>>35969164 if odd
The dice have it! We warp to the SpaceSoutheast.We find a Rebel ship, lying in wait! We chat over the comms for a while, and he actually seems like a pretty nice guy. Doesn't accuse the Federation of corrupting his Human rights or anything. But when we ask if we can just warp on out, he powers up his weapons.He also appears to have thought of a counter to our one and only strategy. The Droids clutch the fresh Attack Drone like a mother clutches her child.
>>35969259Ion their drone systems and deploy our drones, but whilst we're at it, bend over and brace for impact.
>>35969259Well. Fuck. Space fuck.
>>35969259Ion the drone controls, then send out ours! Its the only hope!
>>35969259Divert energy to engines, try to take out their drone system but if its not working prepare to jump away the second it is ready
The Ion Blast hits, but it's not enough! Our little drone gets knocked out of orbit, and we're struck by a missile!Fire on deck! Venting, and the fight goes on!
>>35969338Through the fiiiiyaaah and thaaaa flaaameeeess!!!!
>>35969338Take power away from the drone, power up the engines more. Vent fire from the deck. Try to keep everything going until we can jump out
Their drone system just won't die! But eventually it gives up, though we've taken quite a few missile shots in the meantime!>>35969396Should this drone be destroyed, all power will be given to plan GTFO!
>>35969412If that drone dies, then it's time for a tactical retreat. By which I mean run away like a bitch.
>>35969412The drone is destroyed, activating contingency LITTLEPANSY!Where do we go? The droids scramble to hit the SHOP SHOP SHOP button, but Henderson holds them off long enough to make an informed decision!
>>35969454We need repairs. Shop ahoy!
>>35969454Shop. And try not to die.
We limp to the shop, and the owners are, frankly, astounded that we're not all dead. Perhaps sensing that we'd pay good money for a fucking candy bar if it meant we gained a little hull integrity, they charge OUTSTANDING prices for everything.
>>35969530There are also a few mercenaries hanging around in the various shadowy corners of the bar on-station.Henderson realizes the bar is a circular room.
>>35969552Overpriced cockmonglers. Fix the ship and buy some gas. Space gas. And those merchants are space cockmonglers.
>>35969552>shadowy cornersnicebuy the repairs, all of them
>>35969552We need to be less dead but woah look more robots.
>>35969566>>35969567>>35969570but guys, more robot!
>>35969592but not dying
>>35969552Space repairs. Use our space fun bucks on space repairs and space gas
>>35969592My need for robot is outmatched by my need for having a face.
>>35969592Fuck robots, acquire space healing
>>35969610>>35969620>>35969624You're no fun at all. We could get robot and still heal half our spacehealth
With heavy application of spare parts, glue and robot sweat, the ship is fixed! Good as ne-...Those fuckers didn't even fix the interior bits of the ship? And how did they repair the hull, if there's a hole in the floor of our airlock? What, did they weld everything BUT there?Jesus, what a shitty space rest stop. Henderson gives them a negative post on their Spacebook page.Will that be all?
>>35969636Missing out on a robot sucks. Having your internal organs shot out into the vacuum of space sucks worse.
>>35969636But then we couldn't get space gas and space coffee.
>>35969661chill out in the medbay for a sec to fix our spacehealthbar also make the robots fix our spacefloor before we spacejump
>>35969661Finish up the fixing, buy all their gas so they can't go anywhere, then grab a handfull of space twinkes, a couple of bottles of space coke and get on out of there.
>>35969715Can I get a space Pepsi instead of a space Coke?
>>35969661Also can we upgrade our spacedoors so that any spaceperson can't just spacewalk into our spaceship
Get on my level.
>>35969763They only have Space Mr. Pibb.
We buy ALL their gas, so that they can't get anywhere, and will eventually lose power to the life support, damning them!"FTL fuel does not power the life support."Shut the hell up, C2.We also empty our portapoty in their cargo bay, and fuck right off.
>>35969900let's try spacenorth that's always worked terribly for us in the past
>>35969841There wasn't even a can of Space Ale8?
>>35969900Top right, let's see if we can swing around a bit
>>35969900Before we fuck off, fix the damn breach and all the systems if you haven't done so already.
>>35969766We really don't want those spaceassholes space-invading our personal spacespace, yeah. Doors are crucial.
>>35969900Head right, man, head right. I'm listening to IA right now and this is exactly what I need.
>>35970049Please. Fix EVERYTHING.
>>35970049What do I look like, an incompetent? I mean, I am, but I also fixed the ship up.>>35969923>>35970024>>35970101One for up, one for right, one for top-right. Because top right is in the middle of those other two, we go there!In a burst of distortion and light, we're pulled into the gravity field of a Pulsar star! It's constantly emitting fluctuating radiation fields, playing havoc with out equipment! A Lanius ship, scavenging a broken research station orbiting the place, moves to engage us! They must be hired thugs from that rip-off gas station, hunting us down for stealing a pack of slimjims!
>>35970231Hmm.Alright, I have an idea. Bear with me, it's a bit radical, but, I suggest we deploy our drone, and ion various parts of their ship.
>>35970262YOU ABSOLUTE MADMAN YOU'LL KILL US ALL
>>35970231Blast their shit, but use the star to our advantage. Target their weapons system with our ion cannon while the drone goes to town, since the star's gonna wipe their shield out anyway.
>>35970231Deploy drone, Ion shields. They can't touch us.Move our shield guy to the engines. See if we can't train up an Engine man.
Fully aware they're about to get thrown apart, they try to escape! Then a Pulsar blast just removes their engines from the equation. We receive a hail.
>>35970372I think we can get a better deal. More boom please.
>>35970372Fuck the Lanius. They're a bunch of buzzards and carrion birds.RIP AND TEAR
>>35970372On one hand, I really like the space whales... on the other SHOOT THE FUCKER.
We open comms."YOU HAVE HUGE METAL, SO THAT MEANS YOU MUST HAVE HUGE METAL GUTS! RIP AND TEAR!"I don't think they speak SpacEnglish, but they probably get it.
Bump to ask:Best mod for FTL? Already played vanilla to death some time ago.
>>35970478Ah, son of a bitch. Nothing good. I guess we can use the scrap to upgrade weapons or drones more.
>>35970478Ŷ̖̦ͪͮ͐O͍͙͓ͫͣ̍̔ͫ̃U͔̫̯͂̏͊͘ ̺̟̔̃̌ͅḤ̲͔̤̗͢A̎ͦ͏͍V̞̮͔̙ͥ̉̅̑͘E̤̭̹͚̲͛ ̬̯͍̼̯͛̌A̜͆ͦ͒̃̿͗͢Ṅ̛͍͚̦̍ͤG̤͕͎̩̮̭͌̈́̏͋E͕͙͉ͣR̖̥͓͎̺͂̍̍́̆̾͞Ė̯͉͔̇̿͐́ͭD̸̰ͤ̂̉ͩ́̈́̐ ̜̿ͧ̈ͯ́T̩̘̭̜H͓͍̭͚̠̉ͯE̪̟̖̖̟ ͚̺̐̉͛̂͐͞L̫̼̭̝̻̃͌̿̈́ͪͅA̫̘̬̠͈̦̞̾̈́̋ͭN̉ͪ͋͏̩͖̗I̽U̱̝ͮ̃ͣ̇̾̚ͅS̲̣̖̝̠͕͒ͦͧ͌͌̕ ̟G͍̋ͧͣ̅̑Oͪ̔D̷͓̓,̉͛͑ ̝̘̉T̟̱̯̣̘͗ͦ̆ͯ͐ͫC̡̗̗͚͖̩̝̪̈ͯ̈͂ͪ̅̓Ḧ͔̠̤̦́̈́͋̃́N̥̠̗̔͜I̎K̹͙̐̑ͪ̅ͅT̜ͯ͐̍͒ͣͭͨ͢I̾̑ͬͧ̅̚҉̥͕N̳̠̦̙͋Ḷ̜̝̰͒̑ͤͩ̀E͖̭͎̱ͤ̐͑ͫ͑͠N̲͔̍ͬͯ͂I͉͈̦̽̅ͩ̀̅̇ͦT̮̖̤̫̦̈̒͋̿̓ͮͥͅẢ̰̤̯͕̺̖̎ͣ̀̄̇̂N̳͚̱͕̟ͦ̽ͨ͗͌Ȉ̳̠̝̘͉̮̄͗ͮ̅A̦̱ͭ̋̓ͯͨ́̓͝Nͦͥ̃̍̏ͥ̚Ĺ̒̿͋͏̙͉̠̠͍͕͍A͔̫̱͚͙̠͚ͤͤ̃͊ͮͥ̇͝N̡͍̩̹̼̪̙̥ͣ̅I͍̞̰̔ͤ͑̆͞Ú͔̺̯̩̼̝̊̚S̸͈̣̩͖͙̐ͥ̉̀̑ͮ!͙͉̞͕̈́͛ͤͤ͢͟ͅO͔̙̳̘͊̓͊̄͒̀U̶̹ͣ͆ͨ̌R͎̻͇ͮͮͨ̒̐̀̽ ̡̬͑̀̽͒ͩS͓P̱͈̳ͭ͊ͤ̀A̦͓̟͂̽ͭͫ͛C͉̫̭̘ͯ̎̔̆̐͟Ẹ ҉̪͎͉̺̭̗̞C̴̥̜͐ͪ͐̂ͤ̾̔U͌ͭ̏L̛͎̣̣̦̖̺̤ͧͨ̇̀͆ͣT͕͈͎͊̍̇̈́̅̀̚I̢̩̬̮̽ͭ̄̀S̘̼͇̘̘͎̪T̺͔̱̬̝̒S͇̺̄ͥ ̨̰͓͕̭̬̆̋̄ͧW̤̠͇̤̪̺̿͆ͤ̂͋͠I̢̪̿̚̚L̸̤̤̘̺͈̾͊ͨ̔ͦ̋̄L̢̦͎̮͉̼̜̥ ͓̞͉͙͔͓ͬͪͧͨS͓̝̙͎̺̱̓ͣ͠ͅO̔̆͆ͣ̀̂ͨO̾̃̔͌̏ͨ̄N̝̙̠̦̫̲̍ ̴̊ͤ̀F̵̗̘̙̻̖ͯ̐̃I̻̬̤͎͎̪Nͪ̎̀͏͚D̜͍̺̝̪̋́́ͪ ̐̉́҉Y͈̟̟̣̲̝̹ͤ̌̽ͥ̚Ŏ̲̲̟͕̫̞̗̎ͩ̊̈͜Ṵ̇̽ͨ͠Ṛ̶̮̜̊̈́͐̐͂̿ ̝̉̈́͆S̷͔͔̗H͕̟̰̖̩̗́ͩ̐̋͐́I̘͕̼̓ͧ͐ͮP͓̲̙̻͉̗̈ͬͦ͂ ͇͉̣̱̮̠ͭA͔̭ͯ̉ͣ̍͋ͪͬN̩͙̫̗̤̭͎D̵̰̠͕̱͇͔̦͗ ̬͔̮͚̜͔̱̏Ď̩͇̆̇͊̃̀ͅI̺͂͡Ś͓̯̮̲̻̺̂̔̊̽̀͠M̨̞A͉̼̙͓̎̊̌N̲̙̜̖͉͚̥̈́ͧ̃ͬ͑ͬT̜͉ͦ̍̀͟L̯̮͚̖̜ͥ̒Ē͈̱͍ͦ̉̽ͭ̈̚ ̸̝̲̻̣͇ͫ̇̂̓̎ͣỲ̤̆̋̿̄Ỏ̮̣U̱̹̿
>>35970519The last time someone threatened the Engi with that, they ended up being spaced while the bots integrated their ship's systems into their own.Besides, everyone knows that the Lanius only show up long after a battle is done.
>>35970478You should buy some decent doors. Maybe a nice solid oak door, with mahogany trim.
>>35970519Fuck off back to Mars Mag'ladroth.
>>35970519I'm not worried about some slug-whale-thing.
>>35970536H̼͖̟E͉̜̫̭̯͚͕͠Y͘,̼ ͏̗I̩͎̩̗͎͕͜ͅT̙̠̰̬͞ͅ'̛̙̭S̢̘ ͔̻̯̰R̺͘U̩̣̱͇̬͍D̫̳E̞͚̭̰͇ ̗T̥͎͉̯̦O̰̫ ̯͍̭̰̬̫ͅT̴͔͔À̝L̹̩̩̘͇͈̤K̦̜̦̖̭ ̢̠͍̯̱̰A͎̱̞̫B̹͔̝̯̩̞Ǫ̼̤͓̭̝͇ͅU͕͕͟Ṭ̸͙̖͎͓ ̼̲̗̠͓͉͞P̴̖̥E̶OP͚͕̗̘͈̮L̛̲̲̫͈̺E̗̺͟'̝͎S̗̜̬̥͇̕ ̴̫̝̰̮̜̼T͏̫̹E͍̮͎͍̟E̴͇͙N͖͇̻̲̙̳A̘̝̮̮G̲̰̹Ḙ̳̫̟̳̬̳ ̱̠̲̰̝̝ͅYE͙͙̲̼AR҉̭̟͍̳̭̲Ș̷̰ ̧̙L̗͙̙͓͖̯Í̖̤̤̯̝K̤̦̝E̫̤̼̫͎ ̸̱T̼͞H̫͢AT̶̘̫̼̱ͅ!͚̰̮̟͠͞W̶̬͎̥̩͈E̲̘͚̺͉̜ ̻̳͎͖̺͔̬W̥̦̻E̸̗R̜Ḛ͎̩̜̠̼Ņ͚̩̝͈'͏̮͉̭̰̖̪T͔̤̜̗̙ͅͅ ̟͖̖̜̲̱͢V͚̩͔E̼̜͖͉R͔͙̖̗̟͙̰Y͈͈͉̬̙̤̭ ̸G͇͈̼̻̮͍͖O͝O̱͍̩̙͝D͓̜͎ ̜AT͔̖͍̗̬͍ ̸̠̜Ş͖̱̹̘̹̠͎P͍̰͍͔̻͍̤͡A̳̹̭̦̻C͔͉E͎̞̘̠̲̖͞ ̶̬̪͕̙̦̼͉CUL̵͍̗T̴̯͈̲̳I̙̼͍̖̱̲S̱̺̱̥T̞̞̕I̺̹N͎̤G̨̪̞̖͉̪̱̺ ̷T̼H͕͍̱͕̥͔̱͢E̥̫͝N̸̠̘͙̞̤̝,̡̯̜̳͉ ̗͖̝͠B̟́Ṳ̢̱͉̫̺̪ͅT̨͍̩̼͉ W̟̟̟̹̱̲E̲'̣͕̼̘̪R̗E̹̞̭ ̳͖̳͔̯̪B̛̮͇̥̯E̜̠̜̭T̵̩T͔̦̯̦̀E͇̻̖̺R̞ ͖̗͎͎͚̘͘N͈͚̮͡O̗̝̗̦͎̳W͓̪̱̗
After receiving a sooper spoopy message over Comms and giggling about it for a while, the crew starts charting their next course.We also buy the newest in technological inovations: the deadbolt!
>>35970576To the Space North-West, and the hell away from the Lanius/C'tan thing.
>>35970576*InnovationsAnd will buy, once we get out of this Pulsar field.
>>35970559>>35970562>>35970576H̶̛͜͝E̷̕͟Y̶̴̨̢!̴̷̨͡͠ ͘҉I̴͟҉ ̢̨͟͠͠S͟͞À̶̛̛͝I̴̢͘͜͜D̸̸͢ ͏̸̶͠͡S̵͠T̶̛Ơ̴̧̕͞P̛̕͝ ̡̢̛͟L̷͠A̸Ú̀G̢̢̢Ḩ͘I̶̕N̶̷̛͘͝G҉̵̢̡̕!̴̨̕̕̕ ͘͘I̵̛̛̕͠'̶͜M̴̢̛͢ ̨҉̶́Ś̴̴̛Ȩ̵͜R̷͢Į͞҉O̴̡U̷̷̵͘͏Ś͟͡!̷̨̀͘̕̕͜͝͝͏J͜͡E̸̕҉̡͟E̢͘͜Z̸̶͢͞ ͝͏̷̡Y͢O͝͏̴͢͜U̧͞҉͢͞ ̡̛̛̀G̸҉͏́U҉̵̡Y̷͞͞S̕͠͡ ͏̡̨͠A̧͟R̨̧͟E͜͜ ͘͞͡R҉̵̧͜͠Ȩ̛͘A͡͏͘L̛̕͢ ̴̡͡F̛͘͡U͜҉̷̵C͏̵͠͠K͠͡͠I̸̶̧Ǹ̛͠Ǵ̢͘͜͠ ̕͟P̢͞R̡͢Į̸̛͞͝C̡͏̴́͞K̡͏͜S͡͏̨͞ ̴̵͟͡͝Y̸̛͜͝Ǫ̶̧U̕͏̶ ̧̕K̶̨̕͟͠N̸͝O͜͜W̵̵̡ ̶̡̕T͢͠Ḩ̶̵̀͞A̴̧T̡̢̕?͠͞ ̧̕͏̷I̛̕͜͞ ̵̡͢J̸U͟҉̵̡S͢͠T҉̷̡̀ ̶͟͜͝Ẁ̡͡A̸̡͞N̷̡͡T̡̕͟͝͏ ̴̷̛͢T̶̕͜͠Ơ̵̴͢ ̶͠Ḿ̵A̴̛͘͠K͢͠͡È̢̀͜ ̶̸͏̀͠A̸̛͜͜͡Ņ͜͡͡҉ ̢́H́͘͟͞͠O̸҉́͘N͘͟Ę̷S͘͞T̢̀ ̸̛͘͘҉L̡͞Ì̧͝V̷͘͜͝I̸̶̴N̸̨G̢̕͞͠ ̵̡A͠͏̸̀͝S̀͢ ҉̧́À̵ ̧̡̨͝S̸̡͏P̸͡͡A̵̡̡C̶͜E̸̡͝͡͝ ̛̕͏̸Ć͞҉Ų̵̧͜͠L̨̡̛͞T̀̀͡Į̶̴͡S̵̷͘͜T̡̨̡̀͏!̷͜҉
>>35970602Then get a better cult. Like one with an economic system that isn't based on broken pieces of metal.
>>35970576Well, if I'm the tie breaker, we're going east or southeast. I don't think going north east would be good to reach the FTL gate.
>>35970634Í̧̕'̢̀L҉Ĺ̢́̕͝ ͢҉͡͏̶H́̀͞Á̸̷͢V̴̢̧͝͠Ȩ̨̡͜͜ ҉͟Y̢͜O̡̢̢U̡̨͘҉ ̀͏́Ķ͘N͘͘͢҉Ó͠W̷̡͟ ̡͝҉̨M͘͢Y̡͏͜ ͟͠͡͡C͟҉̸̢Ư̛͞͡L̸̨̀͜T͘͞ ̢̢͡O̵̕N̸͠L̴̡̨̕͠Y̡͏̵̡̕ ̴͡T̀̕͝A̡K̷̛͢E̵̷Ş̷҉̀̕ ̸̨̛͞S̵͟͝͞C̨͝͡҉R̷͟A̴̴̷͝P̨̛ ̵̛̀͞T̸̨̡̛͡H̀͜͡A̶̸̶͞Ţ̸͢͠'̵҉̵̧͜S̶̨͝ ̵̡͠͏S̶͜҉͢H̵̀͘A̸̧̨͡P̨͜҉̡È҉҉D̷͜͠ ̴͢Ĺ̶̸̨͘Į̢̀͡K͜͜E̴̢ ͠͏̷͢͠B̨͢Ù͡N͏Ǹ̸̴͜͢I̢̢E҉́͡S̵̨͞,̛́ ̷̧͠N̶̵̷͝O҉҉̷T͏̨̕ ̢҉̴J̵̵҉U҉҉̀S̷̶̨̕͟T̷͢ ̢̢͞A̴̷̛Ņ̴̛͠Y̵͢͡ ̶̕͝R̵̵̀Á͠N͜͝D͠O̵͞͞M͟͜ ̷̨̡̧P̵͢Ì̡̀L̵̀͘͜E̵͟ ̵O̷̢̨͢͝F̸̕͠͠ ̴M̨̀͝͡E̢͡͝͏͢T̶̢͝͡A̶̡͟L̀͘!͢҉ ̵̴̨̛J҉́҉̴Ę́̕͡É̷̛Z̷,̛͘ ̷̶̷̢T̸̨̕͘A̷̵͟͝Ļ̛͝K̀͢͝ ͟͞҉A̢̕͟͞B̀͘Ơ̶͠͞Ù̀͞T̴̸̡̕ ́͞͏I̵͟N҉S҉̧͏E̢̧̨N̴̷̡̨̕S̷̸͠I̧͜T̶͠Į̀͢͞͝V̀͏̴̢E̡͞.̡́
>>35970668>Oh, my, R3D2, you've tuned the transceiver to receive Deep Web Chat again! You know how Master Hinderson hates the Deep Web Chat!
>>35970693D̴́͏O̧͢͟Ń͝'̶̸̛͝T̷̛͘͟ ̢͘Y̷͡Ờ͢͞U̶͡ ̷̵͜͟͜F̨Ú̧̀͠Ç̛K̡̀͝I͞҉̸̧N̶̢̢̛͠G҉-̸͞͞ ̶͡W̶̷͘͏̕Ą̸͝͝I̢͝Ţ̷̛͢ ͏̨́À̡ ̶̀̕M͠҉̕͠O̴͘͝M̵͝͝ENT HEREDON'T YOU FUCKING TUNE ME OUT I HAVE SHIT TO SAY
>>35970668That's even worse. First you had capital in such a high amount it lost all value, now you have capital so rare it prevents the expantion of industry! You know nothing about fiat currency! Go on the fucking Gold Standard or something.
Looks like Northeast it is!We arrive in the middle of a battle, and only due to some fancy piloting skills from Hinderson, we manage to steer clear of the conflict. On the outskirts of the battle, we find some civvies being fired on by the FreakyMetalMantisMenFromMars!In the engine bay, the Droids fiddle with an old HAM radio they found lying around, which seems to be hooked into the ship's PA system!
>>35970715>Please see >>35970728, you uncouth brute! Only a fool would - oh, forget it. R3, I'm re-tuning the transceiver!
>>35970743Shoot to kill! Maybe the civvies have some reward for passing 'heroes'.
>>35970743Shoot em', their god and his lack of economic sense is pissing me off.
>>35970743Delicious scrap awaits the bold! fire our drones!
>>35970728LISTEN WE HAVE PEOPLE FUCKING EVERYWHERE SCOURING WHATEVER SCRAP THEY CAN FIND FOR BUNNY SHAPED SCRAPAND WE HAVE LIKE40 OF THEM NOWAS FOR YOU, >>35970746BEWARE THE SPĄCE͏ ͜CU͟L͝͏T̸̕͢I̵͜Ś̡̨͝T͏̛Ş̴̵͠͏,҉ ̵͟Y̷̨̧͜͞O͜͞҉Ư ͏͘F͘͝-̨̕͟-̢͏-̕͜-̵̛͟-̴͏̢͢
>>35970743pew pew pew
>>35970788Do you even have any stable non-internalized trade routes? An established FTZ? Have you even established your 401k yet?
>>35970788>A logical improbability. First and foremost, the Universal Scrap Standard is only applicable in the endeavors of space-faring ships. It would be sheer folly to use scrap as an actual method of currency! Second, in my full function cycle, there is little to no chance that I will meet a space cultist while I am fully intact.>In short, as the children say, "Fuck you, dad, I'll be dead before you can catch me."
Ha ha, murder time!R2P2 chooses to, at this time, inform us that the shield is still down from residual Pulsar Field interference.
>>35970810HEY FUCK YOU MAN WE'RE GETTING THERE ALRIGHTWE HAVE THIS ONE TRADE ROUTE WITH THOSE SPACE PIRATESTHAT'S PRETTY COOLWE GIVE THEM ALL OUR SPARE SCRAP AND THEY DON'T IMPORT ROCKETS
>>35970860Sack of shit astromech droids! Alright, let's do some damage control and get our combat drone out. Get the Engi in the shield area into the engine room and have him work that until the shields are back up. Shoot for the shields for a bit, then shoot at the weapons.
>>35970874One. You have one trade rout, a nearly useless currency that no formal government recognizes, and your servants die like flies.
>>35970905BASICALLY, YEAHALSO FUCK THIS I'M PUTTING IN MY TWO CYCLEGET SOME OTHER LANIUS GOD
>>35970925>While I feel somewhat sympathetic to your pains, I shall also state that your inability to calculate proper financials is...worrying. Perhaps you should attend some night classes? I have an encyclopedic knowledge of the surrounding planets; it would be a simple task to find a class for you.
>>35970925Aww. Well now I feel like a dick. Sorry.Though you do still have some seriously fucked up economic plans.
>>35970495Captain's Edition and associated mods, by a mile. It's like playing FTL for the first time again.
We focus fire on the artilary to keep that Cutter Laser from getting up and cuttin'. With some lucky timing from the Drone, we bring his weapons down, and it's over from there.Honestly, these Lanius are dropping like flies. They're all piss-weak. They all suck. I've never met a Lanius who didn't suck.Ever.
>>35970967RACISTI'M GETTING MY LANIUS FOLLOWERS AND WE'RE LEAVING YOUR STUPID GAME
>>35970967Apparently the Lanius also hate science. Perhaps this is why their weapons technology is all old, out of date trash?
>>35970976Do you need a hug? Space hug?
>>35970951AWW, WELL SHUCKSAPOLOGY ACCEPTED MAN, IT'S COOL>>35970978DUDE STOP WITH THE STEREOTYPES MANSHIT AIN'T COOL
>>35970961Looks like exactly the kind of thing I'm looking for.Thank you based anon.
>>3597097897 Scrap...mind giving us a screen of what we have to upgrade, so far? If I had a say in anything, I'd put points into our weapons system or our drone system.
R3P0 checks the stocks, and it turns out we have loads of Spacebucks! Should we spend any to pimp our ride?
>>35970999>Not maxing out enginesDo you even FTL?
>>35970999We need drones. And a less racist captain.
>>35970987YEAH A SPACEHUG SOUNDS PRETTY SWEET RIGHT NOWTHANKS MAN
>>35970999>Master Hinderson, I congratulate you on your recent triple-digit - nevermind. A two-pip increase into our power reactor would be fine, and a forty-seven scrap cushion is desirable for any emergency purchases.
And find me some Space Ale 8! Or a Space Pepsi!
>>35970999We're far, far too slow. Engines need a tune-up.
>>35970999Maybe save most of it until the next store in case we find something we like
>>35970999Upgrading doors or cameras is never a bad idea.
I vote for Space Doors, to keep out the Space neighbors! ( and to help suffocate them when the do break in, he he)
So far, I'm seeing:1 vote of +2 In Reactors2 votes for FAST1 for Drones2 for Doors and 1 for Cameras.We can also synthesize a Space Pepsi for 50 scrap, and a dedicated reactor power point.
>>35971109A space Pepsi sounds good.But still no Space Ale 8? Seriously? I'm about to commandeer this ship and fly it to Space Kentucky.
>>35971109Can I ad voting space pepsi to my earlier vote for doors because i have two arms and thus two arms to raise for voting?
>>35971109>I'll have a coke>Sorry, is SPACE PEPSI ok?
I'm sorry, I read the manual wrong. It produces Diet Mountain Space.
>>35971200FUCK. ...Do they have the Space Warcraft ones still?
>>35971200>DietFuck it, we'll drink the scrap instead.
>>35971200That is the favorite drink of Space Whales, and thus not for people.
Taking a look at the Map, we spot an incoming signal proclaiming GOOOOOOD DEALS and SLIGHTLY USED BETTER THAN NEW LASER ARTILLERY. Perhaps we should consider our spendin' options there?
>>35971250if you dont' head south now you will die
>>35971250Go there, see if they have Space Ale 8 or Space Pepsi.
>>35971250Spend the dough i say!
>>35971260Basically this, though going to the store might be good.
>>35971260Time enough to hit the store then backtrack.Barely.
>>35971250Too the mall!
Actually... our lust for upgrade might kill us. Are we sure?
>>35971308Absoposalutely.We should be able to just barely make it to the jump station
>>35971308Yes. We can head back to this beacon then go for the exit with time to spare.We really need a gun right now. One drone and ions won't cut it.And it's normal. Cmon.
>>35971308GET, ME. A. SPACE. PEPSI.Or Ale 8.
Suddenly aware of a rapidly-approaching time limit, we hurriedly jump to the shop!And it turns out it's owned and operated by Lanius.Yeaaaaah... it's awkward, but they seem to give fair prices.
>>35971348Nothing.Page 2 please.
>>35971348And oh boy, would you look at those armaments!
>>35971348Mantis Man! Can we keep him?
>>35971363On second thought, fuck mantis man, get a hull laser.
>>35971363Eh...Hull rep drone is interesting but not needed right now. We can't recover our drones so no to the combat.Hull laser then.OR, maybe breach 2...We might be able to suffocate our opponents if we're feeling lucky.
>>35971363You buy that Defense. you buy that defense right meow.
>>35971413>DefenseThat's an odd way to spell hull laser.
>>35971413>>35971380Defense 2 is ass
Two for Hull Laser, two for Defence! Which will it be, boys?
>>35971458Hall laser, I change my mind
>>35971458Hull. Do it. Now. In Space.
Rolled 2 (1d2)>>35971458LET FATE DECIDE! EVEN FORMER, ODD LATTER
>>35971475Fuck fate, get lasers/
>>35971475Fuck fate. Lasers.
>>35971488...that is lazers it rolled...
We buy and install the Hull Smasher Laser! It deals double-damage when targeting system-less rooms, so keep that in mind as we attack!Should we spend our remaining spacebucks on anything?
>>35971513Shush. I can numbers.
>>35971518Can I have a fucking Space Ale 8 now?
>>35971518Weapon upgrade. Then we'll be one upgrade and two power from being able to have ion and laser at the same time. Plus, buffer vs breaking.
>>35971527They had some NeoCanada Dry. Want some of that?
>>35971518Weapons and/or power
>>35971542JESUS FUCKING- That's it, out of the driver seat, we're going to Space Kentucky right the fuck now, and we are not coming back until I get my fucking Space Ale 8.
>>35971563I've just received this urgent SpaceOGram from Federation HQ.The Rebels have wiped out our last remaining reserve of Space Ale 8. The empire weeps.
>>35971595THEY REALLY DID IT! THEY BLEW IT UP! YOU BASTARDS!
We upgrade our Weapons capacity, and make a pair of quick jumps back to the previous node, then down towards the exit! We find these assholes again.And this may just be me being a Spacist, but I can't tell these guys apart. They may ACTUALLY be the same assholes from before.
>>35971638Nice scout they have there, let's take it.
>>35971518Upgrade Doors! nothing sounds better then the nails of boarding party members scrapping against your space doors as they suffocate with their own helplessness... That and it helps to with putting out fires even when damaged.
>>35971638O look, a fresh space whale for target practice. And we have a new gun and everything!
>>35971638Kill 'em all and let Space God sort 'em out.
We engage the enemy! As if we /wouldn't/ kill Lanius for sport.Battle strategery, men?
>>35971638HA HA HA HA TIME TO GENTLY CARESS THEIR SPACE WHALE LARD WITH LASERS!
>>35971638Fuck 'em up
>>35971705Let's try out our gun. Ion off and gun on with combat drone. Target weapons.
>>35971705Hull lasers. And drones
>>3597170Hull laser's no good when the enemy doesn't need air. Ion and drones
>>35971723Meant to reply to >>35971715
>>35971723Ion can't break systems.
>>35971723Typically, I'd use the hull laser while the enemy shields are down to knock out their systems, but it looks like we don't have enough power for it.Ion2 and drone will murderize their ship quickly.
Ha Ha Ha, fish in a barrel.Combat Analysis:With the Drone, it makes an incredible team.It actually fires two bolts! That's nice.The Ion fires fast enough in conjunction with it that we could fire, swap to the ion for a quick EMP pulse, then load it up again to deal damage. But yeah, they're dead.
>>35971747Can we bring up the upgrade screen real quick? Just want to see how much weapons 5 costs.
We loot 18 scrap off the drone, and some knowledge about the area.But now... we could move to the exit and get extract, or... we could be ballsy as hell.>>3597175950 Dollar.
>>35971763Let's blow this spacejoint
>>35971763SpaceSouth is an objectively awful idea. SpaceEast to the exit
>>35971763Bit dangerous. Single digit fuel as well.Lets get outta hete.
>>35971763Go space south man. Live fast, live free and leave a beautifull corpse (of a different person)
>>35971763Time to blow.
>>35971763It's not worth 2 extra fuel and a probable rebel RAPE ship, leave.
>>35971763HAHA TIME FOR LEAVING NOW PLEASE
>>35971794Wait, you'd need to jump back here next turn, duh, so definite rebel RAPE ship. Seriously, those things suck.
We head to the Long-Range FTL Gate, and spend our time waiting for the engine to cool perusing the bar, as usual. It's last call, and we cna spy some lovely looking potential crewmen over there in the corner, looking aaaaawfully lonely. C2D2 greases himself unconsciously.
>>35971811We're on normal so its not too bad.I already voted to bail, but to play devil's advocate, a visit down south could be done. We have two shield and can up our engines. If we were REALLY ballsy then we might even fight back as we would ertainly have enough scrap for weps 5.
>>35971829Don't Forget what the spacemanual said. Rockmen are Bros. Hire that charming gentleman aboard!
>>35971829Eh, I'd prefer more gun to be honest but a slug might be fun for targeting enemy crew.
>>35971829Dr. Mr. Slug could be a good addition.
>>35971834Well, the RAPE ships aren't worth fighting, anyway, since you get like 5 scrap for beating them.
>>35971876Actually you only get one fuel and thats it.The primary appeal is to get more scrap from the encounter. Killing the rebels is secondary.
>>35971906Oh, right, been a long time since I fought one of those guys.
The Slug climbs aboard, but what is it's name, and what is it's story?
>>35971920His name is Jabba and he used to be a crime lord but he was run off of his planet by some rebel scum named Luke.
>>35971920Bronco, the cattle ranching slug from space tennessee
>>35971920Derek, he used to work in space-accounting
>>35971920Dr. Mr. Slug was a prominent medical doctor but lost his license for eating a patient. The patient was delicious.
>>35971945>>35971947Derek Bronco, Space accountant/Space Snail wrangler. Has a trademark stetson and chews tebacca (not tobacco).
>>35971920Tigwingle. He used to do children's parties before he was sacced for mind raping a few of them.
>>35971968>>35971920Thats Dr. Mr. Derek "Slug" Bronco to you.
>>35971876>>35971906Isn't there also the potential of taking fire from an Anti-Ship Battery? (aka the giant offscreen death cannons of torment)
Dr. Mr. Derek "Jabba" Bronco was a renowned physician, and part-time Space Snail rider. Until a tragic Snail-riding accident broke his bottom half, rendering him unable to walk. He survived on his Phat Stax, but slowly degraded into debauchery; wild children's parties, drug lording, the works. He tried to get clean of it all, get a steady job working as an accountant for Space Ale 8, but then, the Rebels began their coordinated strike against the beverage, for tailoring it's taste to "Non-Human Scum." He fell back down, and hard, and wound up in the bar, offering himself as a Do-anything prostitute do get just a little more crazy mind drugs.Upon being hired he immediately used his doctoring skills to walk again.I think that's it for tonight, thank you for playing! See you next time around now! Maybe not tomorrow night, but definitely the next!
>>35972016Yes, that too.
Oh someone archive this on The Suptgs, please
>>35972023This is awesome and you should feel awesome.