Hello fellow Ordo Xenos Inquisitors. Welcome to our Centurial Ordo meeting.First order of business, it is becoming increasing clear that we need to develop a final solution for the Tyranid problem. Now if you'll open your folders to page 3 we'll begin...
As we can see, the Tyranids seem to be very intelligent, sans their Abloobloobloooooooo!!!!Fuck it man, it needs some kind of smart ass and competent alliance, but this whole galaxy is soo stuck up, that they stuck their heads down their arse, then it vcame up their mouth, and buried itself again into it's ass.I give up.At least I can hang out with these cute chicks from omega 5 and can believe the delusion that everything's gonna be okay.Sanity out!
Question!What if - now bear with me, this may sound crazy - what if we DIDN'T immediately scrap every piece of alien tech? Especially the ones that we don't understand?
>>34866206Have we considered asking the ordo malleus to borrow some of their warp storm projectors/bombs. Launching those at an incoming hive fleet will rob it of most of its biomass before it even makes planetfall. Of course we need a detachment of guards for each unit, preferably battle sisters or the 666th.
>>34866304Oh right, before I totally go out:HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!111YEAH SURE, and people here aren't gloryhogs but really concerned for the Imperium and the citizens.Okay, but for real now:I am out, wake me up when you'Re not retarded anymore.
>>34866304Heresy, someone shoot that guy.
>>34866304Don't say that, the radicals will start shouting about xeno corruption being worse than daemons. I think there's like 1 xeno race that would actually bother to "corrupt" humans to a different belief. And that's the TAU. An empire that maybe 3% of the imperium even are located close to.
>>34866206I, TOO, HAVE A QUESTION!WHEN DO WE START PEEING INTO THE BUTTS OF ELDAR?I FEEL I NEED TO SMITE THEM.WITH MY PENIS.
>>34866206Alright you all ate gonna think I am crazy, but some of my contacts have encountered a Human-Eldar halfbreed that can control the Tyranids.Maybe we should reconsider my interbreeding program to produce halfbreed soldiers?
>>34866747Why don't we just shoot all the radicals?
>>34867117because you're the pus, they need to erase.Radically.
>>34866206Yes, I was thinking, what if we tried pitting one of the ruinous powers against the swarm?Minions of the lord of decay might do well enough, being concerned with the destruction of flesh. We should probably set up the servants of the prince of pleasure to assist and then betray the rotten cultists once they complete their mission. Then while the two are infighting, we come in and exterminatus the lot of them.
>>34867208.... but my interbreeding program.
>>34867208Right, then we'll have CHAOS Tyranids to deal with, what a brilliant idea!Someone shoot this idiot.
>>34867263... so will you support my idea?
excuse me, Inquisitors, but what if we try to create an anti-tyranid alliance with the more negotiable xenos? We could tell the Tau that destroying the hive fleets is for the greater good, and trick them into thinking that we will join them if they are totally annihilated. The Ordo Malleus supposedly works with the Eldar to fight Chaos, and the fact that they are all psykers means that the shadow in the warp is painful to them, so they shouldn't be too hard to persuade. Finally, we could convince the Orks that fighting the Tyranids will be the most entertaining fight possible.
>>34867387Then we backstab and slaughter them, right?Sounds like a wonderful plan.
>>34867383For the thousandth time, Reh'alder, no, your perverse and depraved xenophilic urges are not the solution to every problem in the galaxy.
>>34867383Somehow Half-Eldars sound a lot worse than Chaos Tyranids.
>>34867433... s-shut up... I already have 3 minor craftworlds on board to send volunteers (... and 10 kabals...). All I need is permission! Think of it! Adorable halfbreeds slaughtering the enemies of the Emperor!
>>34867450How so? My outlined plan makes sure we keep tabs on the volunteers and halfbreeds!
>>34867550Oh, yes, dealing with the Dark Eldar also, are we? That's it, gimme your rosette.
>>34867117Because then you're the radical. Just not the radical Puritan. Also have fun being servitored/flagranted
>>34867663But what if we just shoot everyone?
What the hell am I doing here? And why are there so many inquisitors here?
>>34867631Officailly we don't recognize the differences in the Eldar sub-races. And I AM authorized to deal with them. Eldar are my specialty and I have never overstepped my bounds. That is why I have been asking permission to carry out my plans and not simply doing it.
>>34867752shh just sit back and lisssten
>>34867786If you say so I guess
>>34867730Then everyone shoots back.How bout you go shoot the tyranids
>>34867776Officially, yes, but I'm an Inquisitor-Theoretical.Tell the victims of a thousand exterminated worlds how much of an "ally" the perfidious Eldar are.
>>34867776What do you mean officially? My friends at the local deathwatch watch station have entire libraries of data regarding the 2 subspecies. And that's just combat analysis, who knows what cultural gleanings we could get by going through some of the other scrolls. That is if one of you hasn't spilt the emprahs holy coffee on important battle plans again...
>>34867416Still sounds like heresy. How bout we kill these xenos last, and start with the nids
I believe, a considerable army of demon hosts might solve our problem. I might actually have one... or twenty... at my disposal.
We'll, looks like I am going to being dealing with Ordo Xenos inquisitors. This shall prove to be an interesting evening
>>34867842(Your just mad that Farseer turned you down...)I have used my contacts to help Imperial forces deal with xeno threats Eldar or whatever. You Cannot claim I am not doing my job. I got a Biel-tan farseer to DEFEND a Forge world!
>>34867965Did somebody say demons?
>>34867990No, now go before I get one in here to feed on your warp energy.
My fellow inquisitors! I come interupting your meetings with news of a far greater threat than your petty xeno squabbling.There exist Xanthite inquisitors among our ranks, ones who believe in heretical methods offensive to our God-Emperor. We must deal with them first before moving onto outside threats.What say you all?
What if we. Now hear me out!! What if we just let the Ultramarines increase their chapter size and make them only fight bugs.
>>34868024You openly use demons and people call ME the radical...
>>34868024Bring it on, I got "friends" in high places
>>34868058>Ultrasmurfs violating the Codex
>>34868043We should find and eliminate the threat immediately. I might have the perfect something for that.>>34868065You can't prove anything.>>34868067You might actually prove useful.
>>34868105You have THREE deamonettes behind you!
>>34868058You fool, The ultramarines would never increase their numbers past their ordained limit, if we are to create an over strength chapter to battle the Tyranids, i suggest the black templars. perhaps the Salamanders could be convinced their aptitude with flamers could prove useful...
>>34868131These aren't daemonettes... those are my uh secretaries!
>>34868105When I says friends in high places, I do mean high places. As in the highest beings of the warp high places
>>34868131I see no daemons, i see, uh, maidens from the planet hornia?
>>34868159(Can you provide a contact for me?)
>>34868067>>34868105Quit yet squabbling, we have more important things to worry about.Why the hell did we kick kryptman out, he had some good ideas on this issue?
>>34868151I have fought against She Who Thirsts forces many times. Those are deamonettes! You even tried to give me a few last week.
>>34868214Please don't mention her
Hmmm... things aren't exactly as they should be in here, but i cant place my finger on what it would be...
>>34868241Gee, I wonder what I could be?
>>34867416The way I saw it, based on the amount of time necessary, by the time we eliminate the Tyranid swarms, we'll have enough trust in each other that we won't need to fight each other, and can keep the alliance permanently. perhaps after we have destroyed the hive fleets, the alliance can be used to destroy chaos.
>>34868268... why did you say that now they will never agree...
Welp, i see nothing wrong here. Carry on fellow inquisitorial brethren.I'm off to route out lords who have obviously been corrupted.
>>34868326You have fun with that
>>34868314say what? I'm just being optimistic.
>>34868453Oh, sure you are. You are also playing right into Tzeentchs plans
>>34868496NOT ANYMORE FOUL CREATURE!
>>34868453... I have been trying to broker peace for awhile. Everyone treats me like a dangerous radical because I have an occasional fling- I mean meeting with Eldar.
>>34868532I was wondering when you would show up. How you been Big E?
>>34868564Pretty good, had a good nap for a thousand years. Right now just waking to get back to busi- HEY WAIT, BE GONE FOUL DAEMON! YOUR WHISPERS HAVE NO POWER HERE
>>34868532So my Emperor, about my plan...
>>34867984Yes, I can. Consorting with the xenos is heresy.
>>34867113You mean the rainbow haired furred hybrid we distected earlier? If so, no
>>34868608Wait, I was talking to you last week! Who are you and what have you done with the God-Emperor of Mankind?
>>34868619Oh, um hey... you... i uh remembered i left the...uh... astronomicon on back in the palace.gotta go!
>>34868619Woah, I have seen Emps nope so much since that sex tape of him and Slaanesh popped up on the warp
>>34868681> Left the astronomicon onIsn't that how it's meant to be...DAMNIT INQUISITOR, YOU SCARED OFF THE EMPRAH!
>>34868651It is my JOB to work with them! I provide 8.27% of ALL the intel we get on the Eldar for the entire Galaxy! I have never wavered in my duty.
>>34868743I know, it hilarious, right?
>>34868663No I meant the child of Farseer Taldeer and some rogue assassin.
>>34868803that sounds older familiar... Oh wait I know now where I heard about that. Big E and Slaanesh were arguing about who gets her soul
>>34868743What did I say!?!
>>34868861You mentioned your plan
>>34868803But you know that is a genetic anomaly. By definition, she shouldn't be alive
>>34868895Pretty sure Big E did, though I shan't go into detail about what he had to do to win.
>>34868043>File: lord_volkwin.jpg (644 KB, 1936x1104)We Xanthites are willing to do anything to protect the Imperium of Man. We fear not Death, for what is death, compared to standing in the glorious light of His Throne?We fear not Damnation, for what is one mans soul compared to the untold Billions that serve Him?We do not fear persecution from our Brothers in arms, for what is exile and torture compared to Victory in His Name?A lifetime in shadows, fighting the Ultimate battle of Mankind's Survival. Life on the run, forever moving onward to the next battle. Blood and Tears we spill, Body and Mind we sacrifice, yes indeed, our very Souls we corrupt, all in the Name of the Holy Throne. All ending in an unmarked grave on some forsaken world. And You call Us Heretics?In Nominate Imperator, we will succed!
>>34868754Look, you just need to read "Monodominance" by the esteemed Lord Inquisitor Goldo. It'll explain everything.
I'd really like to think this thread is what Inquisitional Conclaves are actually like.
>>34868927Would you like to make a deal?
>>34868907Which is why my research lead my to beleive it can be done! We just need the right volunteers. Both Human and Eldar. We CAN do this.
>>34868709How do we move a million plus worlds...
>>34868964Would you like some help to speed up the process?
Hey guys can you wrap it up here?The Emprah's Day Festival planning committee booked this room in 5 minutes.
Oooh oooh ahh ahh!*creates palm-held lascannon out of desk lamp and autoquill*eeh eeh!
>>34869053I make it a habit to avoid random voices and the warp in general.
>>34868995It's in the archive.>>34868927The wages of Chaos are damnation and destruction! I move we have this witch boiled in holy oil!Also, Sebastian is a man's name.
>>34869101Quiet down, you.
>>34869103Smart man. The last inquisitor I met in the warp became a demon prince of Malal. I had nothing to do with that, I was just there for it of course
>>34869145*disintegrates technological marvel and sulks*ooh ooh....
>>34869145Your not one of my volunteers...
>>34869180Fire? Oh, I am so scared, you know, being a thing that does not have its own physical form!
>>34869145What is THAT ?!
>>34869245Nothing you need to worry about, I'm sure
>>34868743So, for those of you who aren't psychically inclined, I have just felt the Astronomicon turn off.Well, on the bright side, at least the 'Nids aren't heading towards Holy Terra anymore.
>>34869285>>34869145*eats banana, throws skin at strange pointy-eared mean person*
>>34869202Gea's tits, stop looking at me like that.You just don't want to draw too much attention to yourself.>>34869210I have no idea what you are talking about.>>34869245I am Inquisitor Deasún's acolyte. My name is, er, Hugh Mann. As you can tell from my shambling apelike demeanor, I am a cors- er, pirate that he dealt w- uh, captured.
>>34869053OH GOD THE SCREAMING, HES SCRAPING AT THE DOOOO... Oh shit man, is that you? Long time no see.
>>34869318Hey, an Eldar. This is going to be interesting
>>34868950I'll direct you to my subordinate Magos Velkman, he'll be most interested in making a "deal" with you...>>34869112My name is Sebastian Lorn, and I am most assuredly am not a woman, nor a witch. The woman you see in the Vox Pic is my mistress and mentor, Thalia, Mistress of the Eraktus System. Now, I will gladly accept Damnation and Destruction, if that means the same happens to the enemies of ManThought of the Day: He sees not effort nor intention, but Victory
>>34869318Hugh Mann? Now there's a name I can trust.Here;s the codes to arm the cyclonic torpedoes, take them to the weapons room won't you? chop chop.
>>34869342Hey man been a while. I'm sorry but where have we met before?>>34869360Been a while since someone was actually stupid enough to take me up on that offer
>>34869344A what now? I assure you, I am as much a mon-ke... that is, a human, as anyone here!>>34869363Why thank you, Lord Inquisitor, I shall definitely go do human things like... breeding... and murdering innocent exodites with this.>>34869317(By Eldanesh, why did the Old Ones have to create these things?)
>>34869318You are an Eldar... from Yme-Loc maybe? Anyway I am Lord Inquisitor Reh'alder XII.
>>34869422Good work soldier.Now, gentlemen, where shall we send wave after wave of men next? I hear Abaddon's 13th Black Crusade is a real meat grinder. Do Chaos Space Marines have a kill limit?
>>34869380Don't you remember that party in eye, during the launch of the 32 black crusade? We smoked warp stone of Cultist tits
It appears you Inquisitors have had too much time to think. You should be more like me - a Lord General of the God-Emperor's Astra Militarium. Your little ideas conflict with one another, and are irrelevant. Give me a thousand Leman Russ vanquishers, and I shall show the Tyrannid swarm the power of the Imperium!
>>34869360The only damnation and destruction you will bring upon your head will be that of whole worlds! Chaos cannot be mastered by a sane man!Thought for the Pious: All Daemons are Falsehood. They are lies given the shape of creatures by the fell power of Chaos.
Most venerable inquisitors, I have arrived with the obligatory meeting-time snacks.Sadly the Imperial-11 was out of Amasec and sweetmeats, so I got us this cheese platter instead.
>>34869476You must be thinking of a different voice, because I don't remember that.
>>34869422> innocent exoditesHAHAHAHAHAHAHAman how did you become an inquisitor, you could have become on the imperiums best comedians.Can you make up a good one about smashing those stone thingies Eldar seem to like?
>>34869477General, dance for my amusement before I have you hanged, drawn, and quartered.
SO DEN 'UMIESI 'ER DERS A BIG FIGHT GOIN' ON, AND WE WANTS IN.NO LOOTZ TO BE 'AD FROM 'NIDS THO', SO YOU JUS' GIV' ME SOME GUNZ AND GUBBINZ UP FRONT RIOGHT AND I'Z SMASH 'EM FOR YA.
Uh, hey guys. Sorry to interrupt. But I've got the emprah's day festival planning committee waiting outside. They did book this room, as written here. So can i let them know you will be wrapping it up or what?
>>34869509I'm afraid Inquisitor that I cannot bow to your request. I feel my Laspistol shall be of sufficient backing in this regard.
>>34869508You do realize that if it wasn't for those stones, Slaanesh would just be eating their souls ever time they died right. Aw but what do I know, I'm just a random voice of the warp, so please continue doing that
>>34869517They have loot, just bring us Nid heads and we will pay you for certain amounts. Interested?
>>34869445No, from Il-Kai- waaaait a minute.>>34869475Yes, so I am told. Make sure to sent lots and lots of meat sh-, that is, Guardsmen!>>34869508...No. No, I cannot.
>>34869477Fuck, that's an underalotment of resources. You can have that and 5 baneblade battalions, with navy support. I'm sure cadia has enough people watching it right now to not need them.
Ok then. I'll just let them know you guys are going to be a few more minutes...
>suddenly the intercom, and every inquisitor's vox caster start to project the same voice.Even fighting alongside the xenos will not be enough to ensure the destruction of the devourer. you need the help of the legions of chaos to obtain certain victory. Don't bother trying to trace this signal, I payed my Alpha Legion and heretek contacts the top price to have your communications bugged securely.But where was I? oh yes I can all but promise assistance from the XV Legion for a small price. Let's say, the total extermination of the Space Wolves?
>>34869583I'Z BEEN WORKIN' FOR TRICKSY 'UMIES BEFORE, I'Z SMASH 'EM, BUT YOU PAY ME GUBBINZ OR I'Z COME BACK AND SMASH YOU
>>34869628Obviously a thousand son
>>34869517Inquisitor Green-Skin please control yourself! There's no need to shout.Perhaps some cheese would cheer you up?
>>34869628BOG OFF SPIKY BOYZ, I'Z GOT THIS
>>34869551I will get you those tanks if you can help me "negotiate" with some Dark Eldar kabal that took some of my volunteers. Interested?
>>34869650DOES 'CHEESE' HAVE PLENTY OF DAKKA? I'Z GET ME MEK TO 'AVE A LOOK AT IT
>>34869503Sweet, cheese! You're promoted, Stormtrooper.>>34869551I outrank you and your pretty little laspistol, "Lord General". Now unless you want to be bumped down to latrine duty using your tongue, I would suggest you take that pathetic piece of hardware out of my face and dance.
>>34869627Why are you still here?
>>34869611A thousand Vanquishers is all I need. Ensure that the crews served with me on Vraks, and that they are properly fed before battle. The Emperor Protects.>>34869662I see through your ruse, Xenos swine. A warrior from Krieg does not back down!
>>34869744Or does He?
>>34869761A thousand times no!
>>34869604I have 16 volunteers from there! You know Ancanea? She joined my project. Nice girl.
>>34869628Someone get our maleus friends, someone is trying to start shit again.>>34869517We can provide large amounts of gear of all kinds, from titans to lasguns. If you're so inclined, I know phil keeps all kinds of ork tech in his bunker if you need it requisitioned.
>>34869744Again, General, why are you trying to order around men who answer only to the Emperor? You are not my equal.
>>34869713>>34869744WHY YOU BOYZ 'AVIN A ROW WHEN DERZ SCUTTLY BOYZ TO SMASH. GET ME GUNZ AND GUBBINZ AND WE CAN DO SOME PROPA FIGHTIN'
>>34869706Cheese is made from the milk of bovine-like animals. So if by 'dakka' you mean 'healthy vitamins and nutrients' then yes, yes it does.>>34869713>>34869662Thank you sirs, all in a days work.
>>34869790Inquisitor we all answer to the God-Emperor, however a soldier who has seen combat is far superior to a man who sits behind the lines. Have you seen combat, Inquisitor? I was on Vraks, and the Stagler's have a history of unbridled ferocity.
>>34869788I GOTZ PLENTY OF ORK STUFF I NICKED OFF UVA ORKZ ALREADY. I WANT SOME PROPA DAKKA LIKE SOME OF THOSE BLUE BOYZ GUNZ.GET ME SUM OF DAT AND I'Z SORT YER NID PROBLEM OUT REAL GOOD
>>34869777Are you sure?
>>34869795Stormtrooper, I could use men like yours in my group. Tell your squad they are now in the employ of the ordo xenos. Leave your gear with your regiment, we have far better equipment for you here.(Haha, now I have people who can deliver my cake, all the way from terra to the segmentum obscurus)
>>34869782I have not been... home... in quite some time. Perhaps you have heard of Raelis' Razorhawks. That was me.And if you will, ask Ancanea if she can return the necklace I gave her.(And shut up about me being an Eldar)
>>34869791Begone, Ork, I have no time for you uncouth scum.>>34869865Naturally - yes.
>>34869839My work "behind the lines", as you say, Stagler, has saved entire sectors while you were fighting your petty wars. Do not get an ego above your station, it is not good for your health.
>>34869878Seeing as how my squadron was already seconded to the Inquisition for a while, that will be no problem.But we'll be keeping our equipment, it's served us well.>>34869954>>34869839Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the meeting-room!
>>34869901Do you know what lengths he has gone through just to protect to puny guardsmen, well one guardsman and one guardswoman
>>34869983How do you feel about becoming a "Tempestor", or whatever they call it?
>>34869901HAHA, PUNY LITTLE 'UMIE RECKONZ HEZ GONNA SMASH THE NIDZ ALL ON 'IS OWN, HAHAHAHA
>>34869993I would have no regrets over accepting such a promotion, sir. It's not like my job exactly gets less dangerous by taking it.
>>34869954Vraks was a petty war, Inquisitor? I beg to differ.Though it seems you are as stupid as your title sounds. How appropriate.>>34869983He is an idiot of the highest order and must be put in his place. A fighting soldier is inherently superior to rear-echelon troop - which this so-called Inquisitor barely, even then, qualifies for.>>34870013Silence, Ork! A thousand Krieg Vanquishers is enough to destroy an Ork Empire! Get out of my sight!
>>34869858Please ask some of your small green orderlies to fill out the requisition papers and you'll get all the supplies you'll ever need. Thrones are no problem for the inquisition.
>>34870102Sounds like someone hit a nerve
>>34870097Excellent, you start today. In my retinue. I'll be needing an elite team for exfiltration and pillaging missions.
>>34870102LOOK 'OW PUNY YER 'UMIE GEAR IS COMPARED TO MINE, HAHAHAHA
>>34870102Without "rear echelon troops" such as myself, the entire surrounding sector of Vraks would have been lost to Chaos and darkness.Do not presume to understand the importance of an Inquisitor's actions. 90% of the job of the Inquisition is research.
>>34869990daemon pls go
>>34870148I called him first, how do you think we'll survive without protection for our cake deliveries?
>>34870237How about, no
>>34870111OI, GROTZ, DO DA 'UMIE WOTZ-ITZ SO WE CAN GET DA GUBBINZ. I SAW ONE OF DEEZ OUT BACK, I WANTZ ONE.
>>34870181Disgusting Ork. A single Vanquisher can conquer the universe!>>34870213Commissar Lord Jurten was responsible for intelligence and recon on Vraks, and made a very good job of it. You appear to be the one attempting to seize a position quite above your station. A very dangerous game, Inquisitor.
>>34870148It'd be an honor, of course. Cheese? The platter's still quite full.>>34870102Regardless of intellectual limitations, we cannot all be on the front, Lord-General. I respect your position as a leader of men, but I don't think arguing with an inquisitor of rank will end well.Would anyone care for some cheese? If the platter is not to the Ordo's liking, I could acquire something else.
>>34870250Use a couple veterans, they're cheaper.
>>34870280I would not mind some cheese. Is there Boursin?
>>34870275Astounding that you- um, that is my fellow primates allow this kind of cheek.
Hey guys, its me again.Just letting you know the emprah's day planning committee decided to use a different room. Luckily nobody showed up for the Eversor Assassin Survivors support group so that one ended early.So you have the room for longer.
>>34870280It is your duty to be at the front. A wise man once said that the gap between the fighting forces and the supporting forces should be significantly smaller. I quite agree with that statement. The Inquisitor, however, seems to think that supporting forces can win wars single handed - a rather unjust and peculiar assumption.
>>34869788is saving the galaxy from those extra-galactic swarms considered shit now? Through my deal, you gain the help of the most brilliant minds in the galaxy, and the possibility of receiving further aid from additional legions. And all you have to do is destroy Fenris, and officially admit that the VI are the kin-slaying traitors that they are.
>>34869900Hello fellow inquisitor, I'm trying to document craft worlds and meetings with the tau to figure out what the taus plan is. Don't suppose you have any information on that front, you seem to have experience with these Eldar.That is some great disguise work by the way. A little bit of makeup and I would mistake you for an Eldar.
>>34870275I am losing my patience with you, General. Silence your nattering before I have you neuro-scourged and every regiment under your command decimated.Do you know what Inquisitor Clemen Sauw said about war? He said it was too important to be left to the generals.A dagger in the dark is worth a thousand swords at dawn.>>34870280Don't mind if I do.
>>34870353Just be quite, no one cares about you anyway
>>34870250I'm sure you could induct other troopers, Lord. May I suggest the Cadian 8th? They have quite a reputation to live up to.>>34870307Let me see... Ah, yes there is!>>34870329I think the Inquisition takes priority over planning for festivities. Also 'Eversor Assassin Survivors support group'? That sounds like a honeypot operation to me.>>34870346While I agree with the comment as well, arguing with the inquisitor is a very unwise idea. They have a way of making people... Disappear.
>>34870353IT WASN'T ALL WAYS THAT WAY. PERHAPS WE COULD SIMPLY...REMOVE SOME OF THE LEADERS AND TROOPS?SPECIFICALLY THE WOLF RIDERS AND KHORNE DAEMON AXE USERS
>>34870329Speaking of which guys, were we going to do a float in the parade? I haven't heard back from them on that.
>>34870418Thank you very much young, easily corruptible storm trooper
>>34870355He is Eldar. And why would't you ask me? I am an expert on the Eldar and even have a mistress- I mean important contact on Biel-tan.
>>34866206Dark Heresy Supplement - Genestealer Cults.pdf
>>34870406Heresy! You are a heretic! Calling for the decimation of Krieg regiments which have never once been so much suspected of heretical taint!This man is a heretic! You are all my witnesses! You won't hear the last of this, Inquisitor!*stalks out of room angrily*
>>34870355Well, I have had few personal dealings with the Tau, but I have heard tell of what their wicked plan may be.Of course, you would not want to focus on the Eldar, they aren't the real threat.And thank you. My skills in... disguise... have served me well.Fucking hell.
>>34870329> Eversor Assassin Survivors support groupWho puts funding towards groups like this? Like anyone who's ever survived is going to come fow.... Wow, there's like 1 person. Can someone get the commissar to this guys house, I think he needs to be dead.>>34870346> space between the front and the back should be smaller.I'm not sure if you're aware of how many guard forces have been lost to the last man when someone pushed all their men within a 200m square area and got destroyed by artillery.I like you though, you've got fighting spirit.
>>34870485You're welcome Mysterious Voice Coming from the Void Between Worlds.Wait. Something about that seems off.And I am pleased to announce that the Amasec is here. Sadly I will have to see ID for all of you, as I'm not allowed to serve it to minors.
>>34870599Oh come on, I am older than everyone here. I have existed since before humanity came into existence, and you ask for MY I.D.! You clearly are stupider than I thought you were
>>34870599Friendly reminder that rejuvenant makes you look a lot younger than you are. Some people thought my ID from M39 was false.
>>34870500Serving under an impertinent wretch such as yourself may have tainted them.(Note to self, have that man killed tragically by ork snipers.)
Gentlemen I have a question if you might.Why haven't we tried exterminatus on a hive fleet. Literally flining cyclonic torpedoes at it.If that fails, I suggest we try to ram a spacehulk into a Hive Fleet.And then we blow it.
>>34870494You really should be gelded.
>>34870599CHILDDO I LOOK UNDER 18? NOW POUR IT INTO THE ALLOTTED HATCH.IT BETTER BE 150% ALCOHOL
>>34870599Son, I am four hundred and seventy-six. Do I appear underage?
>>34870649Yes, yes, I've heard it all before. Now either give me your card, or take a hike.>>34870683I'm sorry sir, this is simply procedure. Blame the regulations, not me.>>34870711If I may speak on a matter (somewhat) above my pay-grade: The problem is that will disperse the hivefleet, instead of simply destroying it, leading to its continued existence. As for a spacehulk, those have a tendency to be unreliable solutions at best. Or full of Genestealers, either/or.
>>34870494Well? Answer me. Necklace, or no?
>>34870725Why is that? I know you subscribe to Craftworld Illustrated. As well to a few other things. *smiles at you*
>>34870768Ahem, would you like to know what happens to puny mortals when I should invade their heads for more than three seconds?
>>34870768But wouldn't the Tyranids lose unity. Thousands of disparate fragments are easier to handle than a full on Hive fleet if I remember well from my years on Typhon
>>34870785She gave it to her... partner in my experiment... well one of them anyway...
>>34870736To be fair, you don't look like anything more than a large metal walking coffin with some arms and legs stuck on. That said, very well.And... Sure, of course it's 150% alcohol. The only kind they make around here.>>34870764Touche, Lord. I'll let you have at the drinks then.
Guys, new idea.Why don't we abduct a shit tonne of kids (we're inquisitors, who'se going to stop us?) and have them done with the same procedures as space marines, just not attached to a chapter.Boom! Retinues of space marines.>>34870768This is what I get for taking gene therapy to look like a little girl *searches power armour pockets for rossete*
>>34870736Congrats on your promotion my friend!
>>34870813You cretinous heretical blackguard, I shall have you flayed for your outrageous accusations!>>34870850Good lad.
>>34870855the astartes may not like that...
>>34870830A HIVE SWARM IS LIKE A ASTEROID. IF YOU DESTROY IT, IT SPLINTERS, CREATING HUNDREDS OF TINIER ASTEROIDS THAT SPREAD OUT IN HUNDREDS OF DIRECTIONS. THIS IS GOOD WHEN PROTECTING A SINGLE PLANET. A SECTOR? NOT SO MUCH
>>34870821Now sir, you may be able to invade my head, but that won't get the drinks to appear any sooner.>>34870830I believe in terms of a cost-benefit analysis the following logic is employed: Thousands of fragments may become impossible to track, but a single threat is both easier to track, and easier to predict.The Imperial response seems to be to just smash the threat all at once and let the rest handle itself.>>34870855... I'm somewhat disturbed by that comment, sir, but I will refrain from saying anything.>>34870895All in a day's work, sir, all in a day's work.
>>34870840...I see.That belonged to my late mother, of whom not even a trace was found. Not... even a stone...Where was it this breeding experiment was being held again?
>>34870895Relax... have a drink.
>>34870877YES, IT IS NICE BEING AWAY FROM ALL THOSE WOLF FUCKERS FOR A WHILE. I WAS AFRAID NEXT TIME I WOKE UP, I WOULD BE IN A GIANT WOLF ROBOT OR SOME NONSENSE
>>34870909A lot of people don't like what I do. I removed a planet from the imperial tithe just so we could have a planet myself and several other inquisitors could constantly recruit from without having to worry about it not having enough people to give out. To me, my suggestion is an improvement on the plan.
>>34870980Now that would be hilarious
>>34870850AHHH...NOT QUITE AS GOID AS THE OLD ALE OF FENRIS, BUT TIS FINE YOUNGLINH>>34870909I CAN VERIFY THIS, GENE SEED IS LIKE A MANS CHILD. YOU DON'T KIDNAP THEM.
>>34870855Sigh. You mean the Red Hunters, JC?>>34870972Loose lips can be dangerous, "brother".
>>34870967> sir Check your privilege, trooper.
>>34870968Oh! Is that an heirloom? I will see if I can get it for you. As for where... I have 319 different research stations in the nearby sectors alone, why?
>>34866206WE SHOOT THEM WITH THE SHOOTAHS!
>>34871043The one she is in, if you don't mind.I'd like to... chat... with her.DICKS
Greeting Lords.We have news from Mars, thanks to your mandate, we have been able to reverse engineer the fragmented weapons and systems of the Necron machine called "World Engine".Thanks to a newly recovered STC fragment and this technology, we are currently constructing our own blessed engine, one we have nicknamed "Death Star". With it, we will have firepower unmatched ever before since the Golden Days of the OmnissiahWe will let you know shortly of the advance of this endeavor.
>>34871028No no. The red hunters are an actual chapter. What I mean is we create space marines maybe 5-10 at a time, and simply use them as retinue, like a standard acolyte in power armour, but An astartes. No chapter affiliation, just the tech needed in creating space marines. I have some friends in the gene stock vaults, which chapter gene seed should we use for this?
>>34871023Oh by the way I found an old ship that your chapter will want back. It's name is "the Fursonna". I told my men not to board it. I knew the Wolves would be displeased.
>>34871126NO! NO! BAD MAGOS!
>>34871032It's a gender-neutral form of address in the case of military superiors, inquisitor, think nothing of it. But I will do so at my earliest convenience.>>34871023You're more than welcome, of course. I would direct all appreciation to the brewers in question.>>34871126That strikes me as a bad idea, Lord Magos. Care for some refreshments?
>>34871126Wonderful! Send me the reports and I will see if we can help you out!
>>34871129Ultramarines, obviously, but count me out of this.
>>34871126Remember not to drop the experimental power core this time. Do you remember how long it took it figure out what happened to the previous subsector you tested this in.
>>34869047We'll need to take the webway from the eldar fucks hiding it
>>34871126SOUNDS INTERESTING. KEEP ME POSTED>>34871003I LEFT AS SOON AS WHAT I SAE HAPPENED TO MY DRINKING BUDDY MURDERFANG AND THE OTHER DREADNOUGHTS. WOLF HEADS? REALLY?>>34871138DESTROY IT.DESTROY IT NOW.
>>34871058I LIKE THIS PLAN!
So, which chaos god do you inquisitors hate the most?
>>34871167INDEED. WHO ARE THEY SO THAT I MAY THANK THEM?
>>34871167Apologies trooper, I get a bit tetchy without my alcohol. Here is my rosette and my old info card.
>>34871234B-but it is a holy relic of your chapter! We have reason to believe it was Leman Russ's personal ship for Legion bonding and recruitment rituals...
>>34871290Don't get him started
>>34871234Aside: Lord Bjorn, we have received your request for, and I quote, " Four tech-bitches" to assist in the holy rites required to maintain your armor. We have already transferred the personnel along with the artifact implant we have recovered on the world of Fallius III. I think you will be pleased with this new implant, yet I have no idea why one such magnificient being of the Omnissiah's glory would require the return of his, and I quote "Dong".
>>34871118I am afraid she made request to keep her location secret. If you are interested in the program I have brochures...
>>34871277Ah, it all appears to be in order, here you are, Lord. I'm sure you'll be... Invigorated by it.>>34871260Braston and Sons, "Finest Amasec makers in the Imperium". I'm sure they'll be glad to hear it is to your liking.
>>34870451Bullshit. the wolves attacked Prospero 10,000 years ago.
Are there any further objections to my no chapter space marines project? I think this could be quite a benefit to us inquisitors, having standard acolytes as astartes. My mago biologis mates are on hand and ready. We just need the kids. We can take them from that world that was recently raided by the dark Eldar, it's not like those grieving mothers need their children now that their husbands have been stolen.That's what the bean counters tell me anyway.
>>34871397Right, let me talk to some... friends. I'll get back to you.
Well this is odd. Usually Nurgle would have shown up by now. Guess he must being treating Isha to a fancy dinner or something
>>34871290IT CONTAINS LEMAN RUSSES/PERSONAL/ DATA BANK, A ENTIRE DATABASE OF DATA FROM THE DARK AGE OF TECHNOLOGY TO NOW. THE WOLVES FOUND IT MILLENNIA AGO, BUT THANKFULLY, I THREW BACK TO THE WARP. IT WILL ONLY INCREDIBLY WORSEN THE SITUATIONI REITERATEDESTROY IT>>34871362MY ARMOR IS A ANCIENT PIECE OF INTERACATE INCREDIBLY ADVANCED SOFTWARE. I AM THE PERFECT COMBINATION OF FLESH AND METAL. DO NOT QUESTION MY NEEDS.>>34871405*Rips off a gold metal* SEND THIS TO THEM. I DO NOT NEED IT.>>34871413YES, I AM AWARE OF THAT. I WAS THERE
>>34871568Goddamnit tzeench, we know you come to every one of these meetings, you don't have to hide it. Or are you just a greater daemon of tzeench? Theoretically a chaos god probably wouldn't waste their time giving their full attention to a meeting like this. But they would assign a lackey to it.
>>34871663I am not aligned with the big four if you must know, I am just a random voice in the warp, who happens to be stuck in a guardswoman's head because Tzeentch thinks it is funny
>>34871659B-but the knowledge from a primarchs personal database could yield so many lost technologies...
>>34871563Also, what did you think of Isha and Nurgle's wedding? I found that it was quite entertaining
>>34871786I don't know who posted the servo skull video feed for that on the warpnet, but the Gray knights came and stole everyone's recordings of it. Do you have recordings of it malal? I thought it was quite entertaining when all those captured Eldar delegates exploded in a shower of pus.
>>34871876Are you implying that I'm Malal. Because I am not. In fact don't mention him at all. Bad things happen when you his name to many times
>>34871659You were there? how? >>34871738on the one hand, if you don't destroy it, you can show the imperium what filth the VI Legion really is. on the other hand, destroying it means the wolves will feel what it is like to lose something precious to them. tough call.
>>34871738DESTROYITLESSER MEN HAVE DIED LOOKING AT ITS CONTENTS. I SWEAR THAT SHIP ONLY HOLDS NIGHTMARES OF THE WORST KIND. I MEAN, IF THE STASIS TANKS FAILED, IMAGINE THE EMBARRASSMENT
>>34871958DO YOU NOT REALIZE WHO I AM?
>>34871979Oh, so that where samus ended up.Listen to the dreadnought, that ship needs purging.
>>34871958You sure are dense for a marine who values knowledge above all else
>>34871659Thank you, sir. I'm sure the brewers will be happy to hear of your approval.Are there any other refreshments you would all like? I'm sure I could get some crackers or... Something sent up.
>>34871979... is it like >>34871028Secret stash of reading materials? Say no more.... (I kinda want to see it now)
>>34872081Ever had Fulgrim beer?
>>34872126No, and I daresay trying any brew made by an arch-heretic would be decidedly unhealthy.What's it like?
>>34872126I remember that stuff! Ah, haven't had that stuff since before the Heresy... I mean I am totally not a perpetual... brochures anyone?
>>34872029if it was Samus we'd already be dead
>>34872006>>34872076the security camera is in terrible black and white. I can tell by your voice and your silhouette that you are a dreadnought, but that's it.
>>34872126If it was made pre heresy, have 10 kegs sent to my quarters.I must be off fellow inquisitors. Continue solving the tyranid problem. Of not.
Excuse me, my lords, but I had an idea.What if - and follow me here - we asked the Emperor for his advice?
>>34872204Have you ride the latest edition?
>>34872259we didhe told us to stop bothering him
>>34872267edition of what? The beer? Then no I don't drink stuff brewed by the enemies of man.
>>34872226I can wait to see the look on your face when out finally figure out who he is
>>34872334theirs no way a dreadnought can be maintained for that long. he can't be old enough to have been there.
>>34872006when did you become an Inquisitor?
>>34872544Oh it's possible
>>34872544Figure it out yet?
>>34872605>>34872607not unless they were so important that....and talks of the king of rabies like he knew him personally... .........You are lucky it was so expensive to have this place bugged, or else i would have this place blown in half
>>34872810You know I am a being of pure warp, and that explosions have no effect on me right?
>>34872810... are we gonna tell him?
>>34872868I think he has figured it out by now
>>34872845not you. idiot. the wolf.
>>34872029HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW THA- NEVER MIND. YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO MEET HER, ESPECIALLY IF I RECALL THE LAST TIME I MET HER>>34872081ASTARTES SIZED PRETZELS AND ANOTHER TANK OF MEAD>>34872214THATS WHAT THE STASIS TANK IS FOR, ALONG WITH THE OTHERS..AND NO, ITS NOT JUST DATA. IT IS MUCH MUCH WORSE. SOOOOOO MUCH WORSE>>34872226>>34872544I ALMOST HAD FORGOTTEN THAT AS ALTHOUGH THE WOLVES HAVE FALLEN, THE SONS HAVE FALLEN TWICE AS HARD. PERHAPS YOU SHOULD COME MEET ME YOURSELF, FOR I DOUBT YOUR EXPLOSIONS WILL HURT ME>>34872593WHEN THOSE INQUSITORS CAME TO DESTROY THE WOLVES, ONE CRASHED NEAR MY CHAMBERS. WHEN I WENT TO INVESTIGATE, HE WAS HALF DEAD AND A TOUCH BRAIN DAMAGED, SO HE GAVE ME HIS TITLE AND KEYS TO HIS SHIP.*A small panel pops out and reveals rossarie from a small cubby*>>34872868NO, HE MUST FIND OUT FOR HIMSELF
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF THIS SESSION, PLEASE COME TO ORDER! We have a LOT of ground to cover and we've come to nothing approaching a consensus on even the first order of business - how do we respond to the Tyranid thread?For the sake of expedience lets remove the obvious "no" solutions.No, we are not going to ally with and/or have sex with the eldar.No, we are not going to ally with and/or have sex with the tau.No, we are not going to ally with and/or have sex with the orksNo, we are not going to ally with and/or have sex with chaos.No, we are not going to ally with and/or have sex with the tyranids.What we need to do is *clear* - we need to host another founding and establish one, if not several, new chapters of Space Marines devoted exsclusively to the eradication of the Tyranid threat. It has come to my attention that the Ultramarines - yes, I know some of you hate them - have a whole Companies worth of Tyranid War veterans. I believe that they, combined with our own Death Watch Veterans, will form a skilled basis for this new founding.Secondly, we need to study in great detail the military efforts of the other races in opposing the Tyranids, namely both the Tau and the Orks, who have recently won victories against Fleet Tendrils in their respective sectors.
>>34872905You do realize that I got all 4 chaos gods backing me up, don't you? I would advise against calling me an idiot, and would strongly advice against Callimachus the wolf
>>34872963Samus is in stasis?I could have sworn I'd seen her on a planet that later exploded
>>34872963... About the ship... some girl in orange powerarmor was found floating in the void. she some how took control of a ship and is heading for the nids...
>>34872986I LIKE YOUR IDEA. I COULD PROBABLY TALK THE FIRST GRAND COMPANY INTO HELPING YOU.I ALSO HAVE SOME DEBTS WITH SOME OTHER LEGIONS I COULD PULL UP.ALSO, YOU FORGOT TO INCLUDE NECRONS.>>34873084IT IS COMPLICATED. ITS LIKE DRAIGO OR THE SANGUINOR>>34873112WHAT? NO, THIS IS BAD. QUICK, BLOW IT UP. THE TYRANIDS MIGHT GET THE PRIMARCHS PERSONAL GENE-SEED AND DNA, THE FUCKER PISSED ON EVERYTHING AND CU-....... DESTROY IT
>>34873112huh guess I did see heroh well aim her towards the nids
>>34873197Yes, wise words Elder Bjorn.No, we will not be allying with or having sex with the Necrons
>>34872986My program is the future! However I think a new founding is a great idea.
>>34872986sounds good>>34873197I pity the guy who has to write the paperwork
Well, I have to go now so bye
>>34873197If only I had my halfbreed soldiers to hunt her down... ah well. See is long gone.
>>34873275>>34873230>>34873197I have three seconds, so if we could move forward on a vote: Establishment of another founding of Space Marines to go on a dedicated Crusade towards the end of eradicating and ending the Tyranid threat perminantly, all in favor depress the Aye rune upon your console.AYE.
>>34872986I may just be a Tempestor in the Militarum Tempestus, but I don't see any of that happening.Helping the Xenos seems to be a bad idea in the long-run, particularly in regards to the Tau.
>>34873322Hunting her is a good way to a planet
>>34873368we're not heping we're finding out their tactics and seeing if we could use any of them>>34873339Aye
>>34872963know this wolf. you shall pay for Prospero. Do not think you will go unpunished for destroying the homeworld of our legion and banishing us from our place at the Emperor's side while feigning loyalty.
>>34873368I RECOMMEND WE PUT DOWN THE TAU AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. THEY ARE DANGEROUSLY ACTIVE IN THE RESEARCH FIELD AND HAVE THE CHANCE TO CONVERT CAPTURED TROOPS. THERE IS CONFIRMED REPORTS OF A CONVERTED INQUISTOR AMONG THEIR RANKS AND EVEN RUMORS OF CONVERTED SPACE MARINES.>>34873376>>34873322DO NOT WORRY. I WAS ENTRUSTED WITH THE BACK UP PLAN INCASE OF SUCH EVENTS.*Slight beeping sounds*THERE. THE IMAGE I HAVE SENT TO HER HELMET SHOULD HAVE CONFIRMED HER MENTAL PROGRAMMING. SHE SHOULD BE SCREAMING SOMETHING ABOUT A CHILD OR KID OR SOMETHING.
>>34873468YOU REALIZE YOUR PRIMARCH MADE DEALS WITH THE GOD TZNEETCH BEFORE HAND, CORRECT? I PITY YOU THOUSAND SON. YOUR FATE WAS SEALED THE MOMENT YOU FOUND YOUR PRIMARCH.
>>34873490by the emperor does anyone else hear a woman screaming about a childam heading to my shipemperor be with you
>>34873413>>34873381>>34873339All Opposed!? Too fucking bad we're carrying the motion anyway cry about it ya little bitches.WHATS THE NEXT ORDER OF BUSINESS?
>>34873556HOW SHALL WE DEAL WITH THE TAU?
>>34873556My funding for my program?
>>34873634WHAT IS IT THIS TIME? AND IT BETTER NOT BE ASTARTES BREEDING. I DO NOT WISH FOR CHILDREN.
>>34873545hmm the planet isn't gone yetI guess I was wrong>>34873556Wenches and Ale?
>>34873490My experience with the Tau is that they tend to be far too smart for their own good. A las-bolt between the eyes is the only things those degenerate xenos deserve.>>34873413It sure sounds as though we're helping them, sir. Still, I will defer to your superior judgement.
Whats ub a dub dub Biaaaatches.Just developed a anti ork fungal spray and Anti tyranid virusWhaaaats up with you guys?
>>34873625Shoot them, I assume.Seriously, the only reason they aren't all dead is we're busy with more important shit.Lets uh... Send them a custom tailored plague and use human sleeper agents 'converted to the greater good' to spread it.We should probably get the Officio Assasinorium and the Mechanicus on that
>>34873678No the Eldar one... I am not a sicko...
>>34873532LIAR! Magnus saved our legion from the flesh change. It resurfaced while fighting alongside yours. Your primarch brought it back to begin his plan to replace us as the emperor's second most beloved legion. I'm sure of it.
>>34866304You know that issue is easily solved if we just slap a purity seal on it and call it Imperium tech.Seriously, that's all that matters.
>>34873719>Secondly, we need to study in great detail the military efforts of the other races in opposing the Tyranids, namely both the Tau and the Orks, who have recently won victories against Fleet Tendrils in their respective sectors.study them not help them
>>34873822If I may say so, Lord. I highly doubt anything will be as easy as that. Studying will require us to interact with them more. Which could get... Messy, Sir.
>>34873822>>34873862I mean, seriously, the Tau beat a fleet tendril and all we know is that they were "more adaptive"? What the shit is that? It's like they have bullshit mary sue powers. if they weren't damn near blanks i'd say there's warp fuckery afoot, so it must be something else. Maybe the Eldar or the Necrons are helping them
GOOD NEWSTURNS OUT CHAOS UNDIVIDED WAS A COVER RELIGION SET UP BY TZEENTCH IN ORDER TO SUPPRESS THE POWERS OF A 5TH CHAOS GOD THAT APPARENTLY FUCKS THEM ALL OVER IF THEY GET TOO STRONG BY STEALING ALL OF THEIR POWER, AND HAD WE NOT KNOWN THIS, TZEENTCH WOULD HAVE STOLEN IT'S POWER TO MANIFEST IN THE MATERIUM VIA USING OUR GLORIOUS EMPERORS DEFEAT INTO A GOD OF ORDER TO FURTHER THIS TO I'S BROTHERS RESULTING IN A HUGE FINAL BATTLE CLUSTERFUCK OF CHAOS GODS WALKING IN REALITYWE JUST HAVE TO SEND A MESSAGE TO DRAIGO TO RAID LORGARS HOUSE WTH AMPLE EVIDENCE OF THIS 5TH CHAOS GOD AND THEN ALL THE HERETICS GET FUCKEDWHICH SPACE MARINE LEGION DO WE SEND TO THE CANNIBAL HERETIC HATEFUCK FLEET TO EMBARK ON THE RECONNAISSANCE NEEDED OH, AND APPRANTLY THIS GUYS ARTEFACTS EAT DAEMONS, SO MUTATION AND WARP CORRUPTION HAVE POSSIBLE CURES, WHEN PLACED IN THE HANDS OF THE IMMUNE TO WARP INFLUENCE.ADDITIONALLY, THERE IS A GIANT CACTUS HERESY APPROACHING.
>>34873862life is messy>>34873868"more adaptive"?hmm we need more intel then that
>>34873760SUCH SADNESS AND JEALOUSY. MAGNUS WAS TO SMART FOR HIS OWN GOOD. ONE DAY YOU'LL LEARN THIS
>>34873868THIS IS WHY THEY MUST DIE. THEIR PLOT ARMOR EVEN BEATS THAT OF US SPACE MARINES
>>34873987Yes, but 'pulse rifle liquefying your head' isn't the kind of messy I feel is best avoided at all possible.>>34873868Perhaps we could create some more of this 'plot armor'? I'm sure it must be better armor than what is currently available to us.
Alright hear me out... halfbreeds space marines. Think of the plot armor those would have!
>>34874506WHAT DO YOU THINK SPACE MARINE ARMOR IS MADE OF? IT IS ONE OF OUR GREATEST SECRETS.
>>34874884So the Emperor... my friend of Terran decent... I knew I was right!
>>34874884although some is thicker then others