You are Shax Gloombreaker, and you just got information from your old Earth Elemental pal about all the places that are acting super crazy in the area! The theory is that if you take them out, then all those lame demons will stop pouring into Manderlay, ruining the whole land for proper raiding. Can't raid a burnt out building, after all. Granted, you will probably burn one down by raiding it, but that is different. You Have:>53/64 BtB exp>61/64 MSiF exp>38/56 CyRCTHaM exp>Shax's Stuff! So you can keep track: http://pastebin.com/U3hKZfAd>Shax Company!: http://pastebin.com/mZgVD5yH>Shax Ability Tree: http://pastebin.com/aBfqv1vP>I'm the boss! Points: 0>Pearls: 0You're still out of gas from the dragon fight, though by now your daily items have reset. There are a bunch of Aetheric Disturbances in the area according to Mr. Earth Elemental, but you're not sure which one is the demon boy. The longer you take, the more demonic hordes he'll have saved up at the final location. You have a right proper sized army, about four or five Shax Companies worth of goblins. Mixed up between spider cavalry, light skirmishers, and sneaky git assassins. You have a fair sized warlock contingent in each one, as well. But I mean, they're nothin' special, just using creepy magic to help you stay in contact with them.As for the disturbances, there is one right outside the capital, one in the quarry near here, one near where the lich's tournament was, and one over by the gnolls.What's the plan, boss?>Make sure to protect the portal to New Shaxlandia. Leave two companies back to guard home base.>Go in full force to the capital. Demon boy has to be there, right??>Spread your forces out to each one!>You'll head to the Quarry. Who'd want to be in that place?>Lich House! He's probably fine, but what do demons want with that place?>Gnolls! Let's see if old crazy guy ascended. If so, we don't want him on their side.
>>34090879>>Lich House! He's probably fine, but what do demons want with that place?This seems concerning.
>>34090879>Lich House! He's probably fine, but what do demons want with that place?
>>34090879>Lich House! He's probably fine, but what do demons want with that place?That guy was nice, plus we may see squidface again.
>>34090879>Lich House! He's probably fine, but what do demons want with that place?>Make sure to protect the portal to New Shaxlandia. Leave two companies back to guard home base.
>>34090879I agree with this >>34091061 fine fellow
>>34090879>Make sure to protect the portal to New Shaxlandia. Leave two companies back to guard home base.>Lich House! He's probably fine, but what do demons want with that place?Just cause everyone else likes it
>>34090879>Lich House! He's probably fine, but what do demons want with that place?Float-skull is totally magical and keeps doing these tournaments where he gives the winner one thing they want.Wouldn't be surprised if Demon Boy is going to try and use him to try and get totally super powerful(er).Also Squidface might still be around. We dunno how long it takes to turn him into a bonesquid.>Make sure to protect the portal to New Shaxlandia. Leave two companies back to guard home base.If he's still doing the same sort of thing, he's not going to let our whole army inside his tiny amphitheater, so we might as well not have them all wait outside.
>>34091103Just cause everyone else likes it??? I Thought this was a democracy! Screw everyone else!Anyway, seems fairly unanimous. Writing.
>>34091118I wonder if Squidface is proud of us.
>>34091148This is an important question.
>>34091148We should make him somebody important in Shaxlandia.Like, I dunno, a governor. I don't know what he would govern but it sounds important enough. Ooh, he can be 'Executive in charge of Cephalopod Induction'
>>34091360Nah, obviously he should be secretary of education.I mean, he helped us grow and look how we turned out!
>>34091360We can make him a priest. that way he can marry Shax and Blaise
>>34091360>"He's Head Squid.">"Wait, because he's in charge, or because of... you know.">"Yes."
>>34091432Oh my godI actually had to do a spittake there. Holy shit.
Well, you have pretty good memories of that tournament place! You met a lot of good friends there, and you'd hate to see it get over run with demons. Not that a super powerful demilich had much to worry about that, you suppose. Ordering some companies to stay back at the portal, you march the rest out to the tournament grounds! The trip is largely uneventful, as your army dispatches large groups of demons fairly easily. After a few days (wow traveling with lots of people is way slower than a raid!) you finally arrive, to see the cylindrical structure absolutely swamped with kobolds and demonic task masters. They're so busy trying to break in, that they barely even notice when just shy of a thousand goblins show up."The Duke of Torments and Tears beseeches your audience, Honored Goblin Chief Shax, in a hope to parley before we commence in glorious destruction." A weirdo demon with a beret and feather is bowing before you. Most of the other ones you've seen had, like, no eyes and toothy faces with claws and stuff. This dude is bald and has a giant nose and pointy ears and is fairly small. You decide you don't like him very much.You rest your head on a hand, looking down at the imp. "What's he want to talk to me for? I got no business with anyone with that kinda title. And how'd you know I was a chief or what my name was? I don't like spies very much!"Kow-towing, the imp hurriedly explains, "We were part of the same army! Why wouldn't we know who you were?" Oh, right. "And as for the Dukes intentions, he never would let someone such as myself know his grandiose thoughts. I'm but a simple messenger, Honored Chief."You're not sure how much of this you believe, truth be told.>Agree to parley. There might be dissension in the ranks!>Disagree. You got no time for talkin' to dukes!>Kill the messenger! Kill the demons! Capture the kobolds!
>>34091603>Kill the messenger! Kill the demons! Capture the kobolds!We're not pirates!WE'RE BADASSES.KILL, KILL, KILL! WATER THE FIELDS WITH THEIR BLOOD! YEAH!
>>34091603>Kill the messenger! Kill the demons! Capture the kobolds!We've done enough sneaking.
>>34091603>>Kill the messenger! Kill the demons! Capture the kobolds!
>>34091603>Agree to parley. There might be dissension in the ranks!Let's see what he has to say.
>>34091603>Agree to parley. There might be dissension in the ranks!Let's do this. Though we should drink some from our Chalice of True Seeing, we don't want to give them a chance to pull the wool over Shax's eyes.
>>34091603>Kill the messenger! Kill the demons! Capture the kobolds!
>>34091603Agree, but knee the messenger in the nuts first.
>>34091603>Agree to parley. There might be dissension in the ranks!
Alright. Writing! Give me a d20 for murdering.
Rolled 9 (1d20)>>34091817
Rolled 20 (1d20)>>34091817Okay
Rolled 13 (1d20)>>34091817
Rolled 11 (1d20)>>34091603>before we commence in glorious destruction>beforeC'mon, can't you guys multi-task?>>34091817What could go wrong?
I WANT TO MOLEST ALLONCESHELPI swear, if no OWQ smut appears before endgame, I'm gonna pay someone to write it.
Rolled 17 (1d20)>>34091848Time for murder.
>>34091847>>34091848>>34091855>>34091858Oooh, I'm liking the change to the roller, Moot.
>>34091876What would you even want Allonces to do?? She's not even that overtly sexual!Anyway, writing.
>>34091848Oh jeeze I was confused for a moment but it looks like moot changed the dice roller, that's pretty cool.Also apparently dead lucky for me I guessMurderin' time is the best time.
>>34091876>Not BlaiseHow utterly plebeian.
>>34091926Steal all the dark elf boys and make a harem?
>>34091950Blaise is pure, Allonces is for lewd
>>34091950elf for rapemaid for servisugoblin for marriagesatyress for learning and mutual entertainment
>>34091926Hey Chief, can you post the picture you have for Sitri again? I wanna make a thing, and I need that for reference.Also, which two of our minions would be the most likely talk about lewds?
>>34092082I don't know which two, but Sitri is one of themMaybe Allonces? Brogak? Blaise for better servicing us?
>>34092082I'd say Sitri and... is that elf girl stalker a minion, or just a tag along? I can't recall when we got her. But probably those two.
>>34092082Sitri and Brokagh.
>>34092157Dark elf stalker doesn't have much of a character though.And the character she does have is more backgroundy. I can't really imagine her in a conversation about anything.
>>34092130>>34092157>>34092159Can't be Sitri for it to work. I was thinking Brokagh and another guy, because it's supposed to be less talking dirty and more of two drunk guys shooting the shit.
>>34092191>implying Sitri can't fit in any lewdness-involving situation
>>34092223Nah, it involves her, just in a later scene.
>>34092191I can perfectly imagine Sitri shooting the shit like that, though. Is Sitri up to something else in this scenario or something?
"So, do you have an answer for this humble messenger?"You nod, "Oh, yeah, but you aint' gonna be able to deliver it." You wave at one of your guards, and they swarm the guy, quickly taking him down. "Sorry." Taking a sip of orange juice from a goblet, though you tell everyone it is wine, but you're scared of drinking it too much, because when you get drunk things happen that you don't fully remember.Looking at your commanders, you raise your arm and point out your command tent. "Alright, boys! We've got some kobolds to smash, and snobby imp guys to take down! Let's find their toothy masters and mess them up but good! First one to find out who that Duke of Teeths is gets a surprise treat!""What's the treat?" A smacking sound is heard, "It won't be a surprise then, idiot." Someone groans. Sitri raises a scorecard that says 0 / 10.With a sigh, she shakes her head. "I've been reasonably impressed at Shax's ability to avoid stereotypical goblin conventions, but that bit is just too cliche. Please, if you want to be Shax's personal guard you need to bring fresher material to the table. I'm afraid it just won't work out. Sorry." The pair of goblins shuffle out disappointedly, heads hung low. The other guards seem a bit more nervous than they were.Sitri has been taking her job as your head bodyguard very seriously, vetting each applicant thoroughly. You're not sure about her standards, but you've never been a bodyguard so who is to say, really?You've hardly gotten out of the tent and busted a few demons to bits before a messenger reports that you've routed the whole army, suffering minimal casualties. Oh. You didn't know leading an army would result in less fun... Jeez, no one tells you the important stuff.>Investigate the structure! Try to get inside!>Investigate the army's remains! What were they up to?>Investigate the true meaning of comedy with Sitri. (This isn't a real option.)>>34092082Here you go.
>>34092238Is she educating them on mistakea they've ,ade and giving advice for future endeavours?
>>34092244>>Investigate the true meaning of comedy with Sitri. (This isn't a real option.)>Investigate the army's remains! What were they up to?
>>34092244>Investigate the army's remains! What were they up to?>Investigate the true meaning of comedy with Sitri. (This isn't a real option.)Squidface when?
>>34092244>Investigate the army's remains! What were they up to?>>Investigate the true meaning of comedy with Sitri. (This isn't a real option.)
>>34092244>investigate army remains>praise head bodyguard
>>34092244>Investigate the structure! Try to get inside!Comeon Squidface, where are you?
>>34092244>>Investigate the army's remains! What were they up to?No need to try and break into the structure. Just yell "HEYYYYYY, SKULL GUY. YOU IN THERE?" or something once we're done poking around for marching orders or whatever.>>Investigate the true meaning of comedy with Sitri. (This isn't a real option.)C'mon, Sitri. Why you gotta hate on slapstick?
>>34092244Thanks Chief. Managed to track down Brokagh and Fetidclaw's descriptions too, so I should have all the references I need.
Alright. Give me a d20 to see how thorough your boys work! Let's find some juicy clues!>>34092344She likes slapstick, but she encourages originality among her improv group. I mean, elite bodyguard organization.
Rolled 8 (1d20)>>34092508nat 1 inc
Rolled 16 (1d20)>>34092508
Rolled 11 (1d20)>>34092508no 1s, no 1s
Rolled 4 (1d20)>>34092508
>>34092508For a second, I thought she was siting on a branch. This is surely the optimal awakeness level for running OWQ.
>>34092522I like d20 best of three. It is basically crit fail or success.Anyway! Writing!
>>34092633It defiantly feels like that in this quest.
"So boss, what are we supposed to do? We can't get into that big ol' building either." A rather weasly looking goblin approaches you. You've long since stopped trying to learn their names."Well you go lootin', duh." With hands on your hips you look at him like it was the simplest thing in the world. These city goblins, you swear.Sniffing a bit, the goblin turns his head, "I don't see the appeal at all. I mean, what are we doing here? What's the point? Why'd we come here?"Giving a shout, you stamp your feet and wave your arms, "I dunno, maybe if you'd go loot you'd find out! Jeez! Go out there, and look for clues as to what theys was up to! That's one of the main 'peals of looting!" The weasley goblin scurries off with a squeak. Sitri seems to be murmuring to one of your body guards, writing something on a sign. You think you see a four on it? For some reason, you suddenly get the impression that Sitri has high standards for something, but you're not sure what.Word spreads among looters to share any particularly weird stuff they find with you, but a particularly sensible goblin adds in that you won't take it from them, you're just curious what it is about.This led to a tiring procession of odds and ends, knick knacks, and various other things that barely constitute as 'loot'. Around the fifth time someone showed you a rock that looked sorta like a beetle they once owned back in the caves, you were going to call it quits, when a standoffish young goblin girl shows up, with short purple hair and a serious attitude."Hey, boss. Found this on some fancy lookin' demon. Looked weird. You can't have it." You reach over to pick it up and the goblin pulls a knife out. After a chorus of assurances that you'll give it right back, she agrees to let you see it.It's a bronze bangle, and seems to have a pulsing gem in the middle. Whoop says it is a communication device.>Call whoever is on the other end!>A palantir is a dangerous tool! Smash.
>>34093031>Call whoever is on the other end!Ring Ring
>>34092633Too lewd! But technically worksafe. The best kind of worksafe.
>>34093031>Call whoever is on the other end!Sup.
>>34093031>standoffish young goblin girl shows up, with short purple hair and a serious attitude.NEGASHAX!>>Call whoever is on the other end!But do it cunning-like. Have one of our Kobolds place the call pretending to be one of THEIR Kobolds, and have 'em say that the fancy guy bit the dust and now that he's gone they dunno what they should do next.That way, we get to know who's on the other end of the line, and we also get to know what they wanted everyone here to do!
>>34093031>Call whoever is on the other end!
>>34093165That's a good idea. You're gonna need someone who writes flash cards very quickly, though.
>>34093165That's a good plan, actually! You get a boss point.This d20 check is much less scary now. But you're still gonna roll for it, anyway!Also, have a boss point.>>34093288hhheeehehe
>>34093288>writing...I think we'll have to delegate some more.
Rolled 6 (1d20)>>34093305I hope for the nat1 of hope.
Rolled 5 (1d20)>>34093305Shax is super competent
Rolled 3 (1d20)>>34093305Here's hoping we have a smart kobold.
>>34093325>>34093326>>34093335Shax has impeccable handwriting.
>>34093325>>34093326>>34093335I-it's a lot l-less s-scary, right?We pass, right?
See what happens when we plan? Nothing goes right.
Pretty fun results for me. Writing!
Rolled 15 (1d20)>>34093359maybe whoever's on the other side will just wonder when they hired a retarded goblin?
>>34093479More like Shax tries to write the flashcards herself. I hope the terminator kobolds have a speech module or something.
>>34093592OH GOD.THE KOBOTS HAVE TO SOLVE CAPTCHA.
>>34093631That might be an issue, yes.
You pick up the bracelet, tapping on the gem when Whoop clears his throat. "Ah, if this one may interject, perhaps an honored one such as yourself would be more cautious? There is no telling, after all, of what that device might do. Perhaps someone more disposable should take care of the task."When you begin to hand the bracelet to Whoop, Sitri puts a hand on your arm shakes her head. Oh, that might be rude, huh? Everyone else is looking at the few kobolds in the room, the ones Xab is currently yelling at. That is actually a good idea.A few moments later, several goblins with shields surround the kobold holding the bracelet. He taps the gem curiously, and then looks upward. "Yip yark, yes? Kobold yes good what is it? Ah, kobold friend much thanks! We's been yip yark dead boss, yep." You hold up a card that says 'where at????' and point at it. "Whee? Rat? Yip! No, me kobold, not rat. What you mean what I just say?" Another card goes up, 'whoo he is???' The kobold squints at you. "Kobold friend, boss. What? Boss is dead, why ask that, yip?"You're concentrated on the conversation, desperately scribbling out another message when the kobolds eyes glow a bright orange, crackling energy surging out of them and lancing through the lizard's skull. It lets out a horrifying scream as a creature rips its way out of the kobold's chest. A hulking demon, slaving from two seperate mouths.It roars,"WHO DARE CALLS ATRILLIMAX, LORD HIGH OF TORMENT AND TEARS?""Boy, a lot of people seem to rule that place," Some goblin bodyguard says. "Ah! That wasn't a joke! Just an observation!" They seem awfully nervous.>Hi! I'm Shax!>I got this here smite evil sword I'mma use on you real fast, thanks.>Try to capture the demon!
>>34093956>I got this here smite evil sword I'mma use on you real fast, thanks.I don't trust our dice with the capture.
>>34093956>Hi! I'm Shax!I kind of wanted to kill the demon guy, but this is funnier.
>>34093956>Hi! I'm Shax!>I got this here smite evil sword I'mma use on you real fast, thanks.When you gotta smite a demon at least be polite about it.
>>34093956>>Hi! I'm Shax!And I'm your new boss.
>>34093956>Hi! I'm Shax!You blew up our kobold. You owe us a new kobold (or equivalent value.)
>>34093956>Hi! I'm Shax!>I got this here smite evil sword I'mma use on you real fast, thanks.
>>34093956>Hi! I'm Shax!
>>34094070>or equivalent valueSo like what, treating us cup ramen?
>>34093956>Hi! I'm Shax!>I got this here smite evil sword I'mma use on you real fast, thanks.You're supposed to introduce yourself before you murder someone, right? Called a dool or something.
Distracted vote counting edition! Writing!
>>34094306that's a lewd pic, chief
>>34094402My little Chief can't be this lewd.
>>34094306...Is that pic in any way related to why your vote counting is distracted, Chief?
"Hi! I'm Shax! I didn't even have to kill your last boss personally, since he got murdered by a bunch of barely trained goblins. Ah, what were the casualties? Minimal, right?" You give the demon a wave.One of your marshals speaks up, "Only ol' Snotsnout died, but he died from fallin' asleep in the middle of battle. Old feller just couldn't stay awake past the afternoon anymore, and got trampled to death."You make a face, "Who the heck is Snotsnout?" This army management business is really tiresome."FOOLS, ARTILLIMAX CARES NOT FOR WHO YOU ARE!" The creature responded in what is best described as a bellow.The purple haired goblin glowers, "Can I have my bracelet back, yet? I didn't know it could summon annoying demons. Probably makes it worth more. If I lose it I expect compensation, you know." She looks at you and rubs two fingers together. Wow, shameless.A strange clown ducks in, "Ah, hello? I thought I heard a prince of torment and tears shouting a bit?"The demon turns suddenly to the clown, and recoils in terror. "NO, IT CANNOT BE! BUT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE-" Cutting off suddenly, you glance at the clown to see he has a finger on his lips."No, no. Don't go giving it away. I don't want to scare off cute lil Shax there. Anyway, what are you doing on this plane of existence, Artillimax? I thought you were enjoying the War of Tears quite thoroughly."The demon scratches the back of his head, "AH, THAT IS TO SAY, I SEEMED TO HAVE BEEN CALLED HERE AGAINST MY WILL. A HIGHER POWER, IF YOU WILL."With a whistle the clown turns to face you, "Hey, I'll just banish this guy back to Sidricca real quick." With a wink, he pulls a strange device out and flings it at the demon, making the creature vanish in a pink poof of smoke. A bunny remains in its place. "Tadaa!"A few people clap.>Hey clown I thought you were dead>Kill that clown right now>Do you know how to get into the round structure Magical Clown Man?
>>34094729>Hey clown I thought you were deadIf he honks we have have to disable his hands.
>>34094729>Command demon to tell you who the clown really is. You summoned him, he has to obey, right?
>>34094783Demon just got banished.
>>34094729>Do you know how to get into the round structure Magical Clown Man?
>>34094729>Hey clown I thought you were dead>Do you know how to get into the round structure Magical Clown Man?
>>34094729>Hey clown I thought you were deadDid we? When did that happen?
>>34094729>Hey clown I thought you were deadI can't remember the last time we saw that clown.
>>34094846Last time we saw... it, was when we recruited it
>>34094729>Hey clown I thought you were deadAlso he was totally going to give us some answers, but you poofed him into a rabbit, so now you've gotta tell us some stuff instead.Or teach us how to speak rabbit....we should maybe ask Sea Mom what the clown's deal is when we get a chance.>>34094832Not because we watched the clown die or anything, we just haven't seen 'em in a long time.
>>34094729I'm suddenly more concerned about this clown than, like, literally any of our enemies.
Maybe the last one was too lewd? This one is less, I think!Bells will wring, tingalingaling. That's a writing!
>>34094975Well s/he doesn't seem to be our enemy at the moment. So as only as we stay on their good side we should be alright.
>>34094729>A bunny remains in its placedontmakebunnystewjokedontmakebunnystewjokedont...>Hey clown, thought you were dead.
Hey chief how did you like that re:monster thing?honk.
Can the clown teach us comedy cos Sitri won't.
>>34095041>Well s/he doesn't seem to be our enemy at the moment.>seem to be>seemThat's the critical word there, methinks. Dollars to donuts our demon prince boy has been the clown all along, mark my words.
Did someone say honk?
>>34095486No Chen, now get back in your box.
You give the clown a small wave, "Oh, hey. I didn't know you were still alive. What was your name again?"With a smile, the clown dismisses the question, "Hey. Don't worry about it, alright? How's this whole army deal going. I lost track for a while there, when you went rushing all about. It was pretty boring in camp without you? Did you know that Milda looks all prim and proper, but actually cheats at cards?"Milda gasps and blushes. You squint at her. She did seem to win an awful lot.Sitri walks forward, hands on her hips. "Hey, Mr. Clownman."With a tut-tut, the clown wags his finger, "You don't know that.""Yeah, whatever. How'd you banish a demon like that, and what is the deal with the bunny?"Pulling the jester cap off, the clown holds it upside down, then pulls a rabbit out of it. "Magic tricks! Tadaa!" The same people that clapped before do so again, the clown gives them a showman's smile and appreciative wave, "Nothing else to it. As for banishing, I have many talents. Just none as entertaining as my ability to juggle not one, two or three flaming axes, but..." The clown begins juggling flaming axes. Four go twirling about him, "Four!" There is more clapping."ENOUGH OF THIS MALARKEY!" Sitri stamps her foot."I think she's just mad 'cause she knows the clown is funnier than her," one guard whispers to the other.There is more commotion, but the clown ceases antagonizing Sitri. Turns out before joining the circus, the clown was some sorta high priest in a horrifying demon cult. At least, that's the story it says.Wow, this was a series of dead ends.>Try to get into the structure!>Who even cares about the demi-lich anymore. Let's go hit another spot!Don't notice that you mistyped the captcha for, like, fifteen minutes edition!
>>34095735>Try to get into the structure!
>>34095735>>Who even cares about the demi-lich anymore. Let's go hit another spot!This is BOOOOOOORING, let's go hit up some more interesting places!
>>34095735>>Try to get into the structure!
>>34095735>>Try to get into the structure!FLY. ING. SKULL. FLY. ING. SKULL.
>>34095735>Try to get into the structure!Should be fun to see how much lich guy thinks we ruined his death tournament.
>>34095735just knock and ask for mr. skull face
>>34095976Yes? Hello, Is Mr. Skulface in? Sorry to bother you at this time of day, but I'd like to check up on you and inquire as to why a demon might want to loot this place.Anyway! Give me a d20!
Rolled 12 (1d20)>>34096003roll
Rolled 3 (1d20)>>34096003
Rolled 10 (1d20)>>34096003
Rolled 11 (1d20)>>34096003Here comes nat 1 silliness.
Rolled 14 (1d20)>>34096003
>>34096038ADEQUATE BUT BORING. Fair enough.Writing.
There is more fussing heard all around, and the dignified goblin court image you were trying to maintain dissolves into chaotic arguing. You've learned a valuable lesson. Don't leave goblins standing around talking about what to do for too long. Growing as a leader is truly satisfying. Or something.You manage to distract the goblins by loudly declaring that you're going to storm the structure. It doesn't take long before you're sitting outside the circular arena, with your arms crossed fuming mad. This thing just won't open up! It was so easy last time. You get fed up and start pounding on the wall."Hey! Mr. Skull face! You open up right now, I gotsta talk to you! About these dumb demons!"The wall cracks open just a silver and you see a gemencrusted eye peaking through. "Sorry, no solicitors." The wall starts to creak back closed."No, wait. I wanna talk to you about these demons." You sorta wanna jam your foot in the door, but you also don't want to loose a foot."Sorry, not interested in your weird religion. Please leave." This dude."No, stop! It's me, Shax! I ruined your tournament, remember?" The doors widen up and he skull floats there, but you get the sense that it is studying."What? Are you sure? I don't remember many goblins, but I recall that one. And you don't look anything like her. First of all, you stink of light. She was more of a dusky water thing. Second of all, you're well on your way to a more proper divine ascension, and she just had a mark of destiny. Sorry, but I don't believe you." Maybe he actually was blind?"Okay, whatever, you can not believe me if you want. What would demons want with this place?"Gems sparkling the demilich's skull bounces, "What wouldn't they want? A giant source of pure magical energy? Yeah, I'd want that, too. Oh, but I already have it. And it freaking bound me to it.""Hey, is that Shax?" A pale squid head leans over. "Oh, hi! What's up?">How do you greet Squidface?
>>34096462Cling to senpai's leg!
>>34096462Squidface its been forever. How have you been. I've been busy what about you. Show him Rex. He was your first friend.
>>34096462>Run up and hug Squidface.Haha, reunion! I bet Squidface is gonna be really proud of his daughteru and all she's accomplished.
>>34096462>>How do you greet Squidface?Hugs!Can't go wrong with hugs.
>>34096539Let me rephrase that. Basically get all excited and giddy and say a million things at once while beaming at him.Also show the dragon head.
>>34096462With as much excitement as possible. And hugs. Tell him about some of our adventures, let him know that we totally have an army now, and we killed a dragon because she was a big jerkface. Preferably all in a single breath.
>>34096462Hug that squid. Tell him about what we've been up to and how cool we are now.
Rolled 12 (1d20)>>34096462Squidface! We beat up a continent and stoles some thrones and got a demiplane with gods and turtle butlers and maids in it and then we killed the dragonlady and now we need to know information about demons for reasons!
>>34096462>How do you greet Squidface?Enthusiastically.
>>34096587Shit how could I forget the hugs include those too. At one point we need to pick him up and spin around.
I am pretty sure we have a consensus.
>>34096712No we need more votesMORE VOTESNah, I got the jist of it. Give me a d twe- haha, just kidding. Writing!
Rolled 3 (1d20)>>34096733
>>34096776wow that is the worst hug I've ever seen its not canon and terrible
Rolled 7 (1d20)>>34096733FUCK YOU IMA ROLL A 20
>>34097053Pls stop, you'll make Squidface not like us anymore.
Rolled 14 (1d20)>>34097089BITCH WE'LL BEFRIEND THE SHIT OUT OF HIM WITH HUGS
"Squidface!" You cry out, trying to squeeze through the cracks.The demilich turns to face the alhoon, "You actually know this goblin?""Yeah, she's cool. Let her in." Squidface gives the demilich a thumbs.The demilich bobs, and the door opens up. "Whatever, dude. You and your goblins. I will never understand." Squidface puts a emaciated palm to his face. "I'm telling you man, it is just the one goblin. Which is this one. Her name is Shax. It has only been just the one named Shax."You cut off the conversation by hugging Squidface, "Oh! I have a giant lizard mount! And I got turtle butlers, and a maid, and my own giant crystal castle, and I beat up these weird dudes and stole a doll for a dragon lady, and then I killed her, and now her doll is summoning all sorts of demons, and some were here and that is why I'm here!""Haha, what. You have a castle? And you've been consorting with dragons? Waaait a minute, that wouldn't happen to be our Grouchy Lady Nevith, would it? And you actually killed her? That... That's a bit unexpected." Squidface breaks the hug and scratches at his face. "Way unexpected. You didn't sit in any big rock chairs, did you?"You make a face, "You mean a throne of power? Yeah, I sit in those, like, all the time. On the reg.""Oh, that is definitely not good. Definitely not good at all. Hey, this goblin is pretty close to ascending." Squidface points at you.The demilich bobs. "Yeah, I said that. It clearly isn't that nuisance who interrupted my tournament by giving you the win.""What's she about to ascend to?" Squidface asks, crossing his arms.The demilich turns to you, "Oh, looks like Avarice. And some sorta disgusting purity influence, probably from that light. With a hint of water, washing away refuse and all that. Weird mix."Squidface shakes his head, "Shax, c'mon, are you tryin' to get your immortal soul eaten?">You're not my dad, Squidface!>Pfff, I can fight a dumb Hungerer.
>>34097180Not if you keep rolling like shit. Not even a single 20 how is Squidface meant to love someone so mediocre.
Rolled 10 (1d20)>>34097220>Pfff, I can fight a dumb Hungerer.God damn it 4chan, now I gotta put my dice on for all my posts.
>>34097220>Pfff, I can fight a dumb Hungerer.
>>34097220>You're not my dad, Squidface!>Pfff, I can fight a dumb Hungerer.Hungerer a shit.Shax is da bes
>>34097220>Pfff, I can fight a dumb Hungerer.If we don't fight the Hungerer, then we'll get our soul eaten anyway when we die.
>>34097220>Pfff, I can fight a dumb Hungerer.Not like it would be the first time we killed a god anyway.
>>34097220>>34097283This is a pretty good point.It's like how he didn't want to get sucked up into the squidmind; he decided to take drastic action in order to keep himself from getting eaten too, sort of. We're gonna be just like squidface senpai.
>>34097220>>Pfff, I can fight a dumb Hungerer.
>>34097382Like father, like daughter
>>34097382>It's like how he didn't want to get sucked up into the squidmind; he decided to take drastic action in order to keep himself from getting eaten too, sort of. We're gonna be just like squidface senpai.That's actually a really good point. We should say something to this effect.
>>34097220>Pfff, I can fight a dumb Hungerer.He ain't going to eat our soul, EVER. He ain't gonna eat any of our boys' souls too, cause we're the Boss and they're ours. We're going to have to deal with it sooner or later, so we may as well bring the fight to him.
>>34097382>>34097459Yeah we should bring this up.
>>34097283Man that is a good point. Being a goblin sucks!
>>34097382That's actually kind of touching, definitely add this.
>>34097220>Pfff, I can fight the dumb Hungerer! Er, when I feel like it. Yeah, totally not stalling for a few more power ups and good lootings first...
>>34097283Um yes, we should probably mention this.
>>34097382Oh right the Elder Brains."I learned it from watching you!"
Alright! Let's give the man a response.>>34097525You sure? Okay. Probably last update of the night. Slow thread tonight, and I apologize for it!This is a character I wanted to put in the quest, but never did because she was too close to my fetishes.
>>34097595But Chief, I want to enter your magical realm
>>34097595There's nothing objectionable about her.Unless it's not a her.
>>34097595>picture of harpoon girlAssuming we end up making water world happen I think you might get an excuse to make villages of that quasi fetish. Just saying...
>>34097633She's the cutie pie spear/boatgirl from Suikoden 4 I think
>>34097633>>34097753I suspect it has something to do with the wrappings. Chief has mentioned belt bras are his fetish before, after all...
>>34097633Well, she DOES have a gigantic harpoon.>>34097805Spats, chest-wrapping-as-shirt, pronounced eyebrows for sure. Maybe the choker and/or compression gloves/socks? I dunno, it could be practically anything.
>>34097805Just saying, villages of them living on Island Turtles, slowly swimming across and endless blue sea...
>>34097848Worshiping Shax as protector of the peopl
>>34097848When we're a god we gotta get on that. It can help out Blaises people to gain extra maid points as well.
>>34097873Probably less "protector of the people" and more "that badass that keeps steam rolling the bandits and keeping their stuff, and some times hangs out with that God Karken from the Deep..."
>>34097951No by that point we will be the god. More reverence will be found and while we will do that stuff. I feel like Shax will get lazy and just send others to do it most of the time. Shax will be a NEET.
>>34097998Being a god is totally a job, Shax is a productive member of society dontchaknow
You roll your eyes, "Squidface, I can beat up any giant ol' Hungerer. 'Sides, I'm just bein' like you. You didn't want to get eaten by a super brain or something, so you ran off and did your own thing. I don't wanna get eaten by a giant monster, so I'll just kill it if I have to. It's worked out for me so far." You cross your arms, "Anyway, if I die I get eaten by him in the goblin afterlife, anyway."Squidface holds up a finger, "Ah, but not if I captured your soul and used it to animate your lifeless body, giving you perpetual life."Wrinkling your nose, you frown, "I dunno if I'd like being in a corpse too much, wouldn't it feel all gross?""Well, you wouldn't have much of a choice," Squidface says, spreading his hands. "C'mon, it'll be fun. Forget about all that ascending junk and consign your immortal soul over to ol' Squidface." You punch him in the arm, "Haha, jeez, I was joking, jeez. That hurt. Like, wow. Have you been lifting weights?"You wave your giant sword around, "No, dummy, just this giant stupid sword I got stuck with. Obviously!" You mentally apologize to your sword. You'd never mean an insult like that. I'm sorry, sword.You catch up with Squidface, him getting you to clarify on your many ridiculous statements. "You said something about a god vessel spawning demons everywhere? That definitely sounds like something I need to keep track of. Mind if I tag along?"Do you recruit Squidface?>obviously>yeah>sure>no duh>yep>Achievement unlocked! You've earned 'Thunder God Cidolfus' achievement! Congrats on getting a ridiculously overpowered late game character! Squidface is your first arcane caster. He has some pretty broken spells. Assume every fight he is in begins with 'time stop, spell sequencer, spell sequencer, spell sequencer.'
>>34098036>Do not recruit Squidface
>>34098036HELL YEAH! Squidface!
>>34098036>time stop, spell sequencer, spell sequencer, spell sequencer.Damn caster edition quest... grumble.
>>34098036only if you join me on rex
>>34098036I don't know what a spell sequencer is but I like the sound of it.
>>34097998Maybe, but I see Shax quickly getting bored with staying in one place and not steamrolling anyone. On the other hand, she doesn't seem the type to try exterminating a pantheon for the hell of it, so I figure she'll probably wander around, making friends, kicking ass and slowly generating an ever more expansive portal network so she can SHOW UP if anyone messes with her friends (or brings sufficiently enticing loot near by).
>>34098036>Forget about all that ascending junk and consign your immortal soul over to ol' Squidface.>You said something about a god vessel spawning demons everywhere? That definitely sounds like something I need to keep track of.I dunno, Squidface, this whole line of discussion seems awfully suspici-AW, WHO AM I KIDDING. Get over here, ya big cuddle-fish.
>>34098116>so I figure she'll probably wander around, making friends, kicking ass and slowly generating an ever more expansive portal network so she can SHOW UP if anyone messes with her friends (or brings sufficiently enticing loot near by).This pretty much sums up what I see Shax like as a god.
Anyway! That's the thread for tonight! Thanks for playing along, reading along, and waiting along with me being super slow. I'll run again this weekend! Or thursday. Or sometime. Any day I plan doesn't work out because the universe hates me I assume.Anyway! You guys are wonderful. Eight threads to go! Let's see it through all the way, alright?
>>34098129Eh, so long as we get to kill the Hungerer and Squidface keeps a low profile, I'm cool with it.
>>34098284Thanks for running, boss.
>>34098115It's basically a spell that lets you cast more spells.Basically what Chief is saying is that Squidface's first turn consists of casting about 10 turns worth of spells.
>>34098284Thanks for running.I guess we're gonna have to do some training/prep for the fight with the Hungerer. Let's hope Blaise can ascend with us to help.
>>34098376God of maids and bars?
>>34098366Right. So if he found out about and appropriated that world-engine/mirror-thingy, he'd basically take a few levels of badass by virtue of infinite mana and be fairly unstoppable, right?Note, I'm suggesting we keep him the fuck away from the mirror.
>>34098284You bet!EXP next thread I guess?
>>34098281>"You see those sort of damp glowing caverns? You've gotta bring something really cool and shiny over to it and then wait around for a little while. She'll come out eventually.">"Ok, but then what? I already made my offerings for the year! How the hell is this gonna let me ask a boon of her?">"That's the best part. Once she comes out, all you need to do is sort of be there.">"...what?">"Seriously. It's crazy. Even if you're like a quarter-mile away watching from a far hillside, she's gonna take a look at whatever awesome bauble you left out, poke at it, pocket it, and then suddenly appear behind you somehow and just start talking. "Hi, I'm Shax!" and all that.">"No kidding?">"Yep. The next part's a little bit weird, but once you know the trick it'll work every time. Just tell her that the thing she picked up over by the cave is yours, but you'll be willing to let her have it if she can do something for you. Nothing you could really do to stop her if she just wanted to keep it and laugh at you, but as long as you make sure to tell her it's a sidequest, she's going to get too carried away to notice."
>>34098691Shax is going to be both and coolest and broest god ever.
>>34098376>Blaise as goddess>Darkness, Ice, Maids, Big weapons, CrusadersShe's actually quite compatible as a Goddess of Duty. Have ghostly knights and maids running around fighting the good fight and rendering services for proper offerings.
>>34099229So she's pretty much a more lawful bend on Shax then.
>>34099305She'll also have an aspect of loyalty. Families that have strong ties to her will have her backing even without asking.I'm also pretty sure Shax can't clean or do complex management. Not sure if anyone would want a god running their city management simulator though.