Previous threads:>http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Ogre%20Civilization%20Quest>http://archive.foolz.us/tg/search/subject/Ogre%20Civilization%20Quest/type/op/order/asc/An excerpt from "A Remarkably Cultured and Insightful Look at the Various Gaming Traditions of the Equally Varied Races of Our Glorious World, Including Those of Unfortunate Lesser Mortal Races, Edition MLXVI," penned by Ethrillo Etherbright Poncepoussei, High Elf Scholar."It is often said that you can tell a lot about a culture from the things they do for fun."As far as can be told, simple humans enjoy equally simple war games and card games. Occasionally, they attempt to spice them up by playing from the back of horse-drawn carriages running at full gallop. This tendency towards multiple concussions would certainly explain why so many of them act like addled manchildren."Dwarves, being short, stumpy, borderline sociopaths, are single-mindedly obsessed with their "achievements." There are two leading theories as to how this came about: first, that this bizarre fixation on these accomplishments, which often require teamwork, unified the dwarven race. The second theory goes the other way around: that the achivement system is simply an offshoot of the dwarves' communal lifestyle (i.e. how they cram high density populations into small, crowded underground spaces)."As each elven subtype has its own unique customs and glorious culture, we shall reserve a more in-depth look at their numerous and varying concepts of entertainment for later chapters, which range from sophisticated and gentlemanly pursuits to elaborate Machiavellian schemes to sensual displays of decadence."As later events would reveal, kobolds apparently entertain themselves with bizarre picture books, notable for their use of simplified caricatures (with an emphasis on cuteness)."Orcs, of course, have their blood sports. The less said about those green-skinned maniacs, the better." (Cont.)
-----------------------------------------------Ogir Place - Flying Golem OasisEQUIP - Sandstorm/Magmastorm Drill, Ruoumoko-----------------------------------------------Population: ???/??? - Ogres, Elves, Scaratones, Paladin Patchwings, Wraith Skellies- [Landmarks] Oasis, Daphnaia, Scaratone Hive, Underground Cave/Quarry- [Food] Cacti(-ow), Fungi, Wheat, Potatoes, Ravager Meat, Milk; Stupid Lucky Growth- [Resources] Sandstone, Iron+Chromite Ores, Featherstone, Aquifer Pebbles, Bones [Ogir Fist]- [Diplomacy] Cheevo Hunter Dwarves [ALLIED]; Dimension Kobolds [PRISONERS]; Scaratones [UNITED]; Felpowder Elves [UNITED]- [Key Items] Tomes (Dragon Lore, Illusory Magic I, Necromancy I), Crazy Ghost's Books- [Arms] Cactus Maces, Iron Scimitars, Heat-Seeking Rokkit Launchers, Short-Ranged Bow+Arrow, Crude Iron Armor, Demon Helm/Shoulderpads; Ur-Camouflage- [Vocations] OGRES: Geo (∞), Berserks, BMasters, Rockkits, Riders, Heallusionist- [Beasts] Giant Bats (trained), Naked Mole Ravagers (trained)- [Settlement] Ruined Rock Shanties, Broken Storehouse, Mud Farms, Anchor/Stairs, SOGGY HELL ASHES- [Named Ogres] Boss Bawss Fistboss [+30 Diplomacy], Geomancer Gubbins [+30 Geomancy to All, +Ruoumoko, +Time], Beastkrumpa Squiggles Irwin [+Beast Whisperer, Big Vulture]- [Allied VIPs] Celicia Silverstone, Gunston Lockstock, Vultan- [Tech] Fire, Fish, Farm[+Protection+Fertilizer], Cooking, Tea, Mine, Smelt/Forge, Write/Read, Hats, FStone Flight, FStone Airdrops, Airships, Ur-Cartography- [Magic] Geomancy X, Heallusion I, Necromancy I, Time I, Climate Control 0- [Economy] System=Barter; Currency=Shit- [Justice] Krumpin' Duels / Boss Knows Best-----------------------------------------------ROLLS>Any Doubles: STUPID LUCKY>100: SO BRILLIANT IT'S STUPID>91-98: Stupidly Successful>61-90: Successful>41-60: So-So>12-40: Kind Of A Problem>2-10: SO STUPID THAT IT'S BRILLIANT >1: LUCKY STUPIDThanks for the fanart, mysterious drawfriend(Cont.)
>>33683774>[X] [MEDIATE] Between you, the orcs, and the kobolds!>[X] [SUMMON] ... with some help from your friends!Boss Bawss Fistboss, boss of the ogres (et al) of Ogir Place, has just tamed some sorta hole-in-reality. It's a real keeper, what with all the sparkly space-stars that became visible whenever it opened its mouth, and the fact that it also seemed to subtly drag the edges of the material world down toward itself whenever it moved anywhere. Of course, now it's safely stored away in the nothingness wrapped around the larger ogre's hat, so he'll have to remember to check it out more later!... once he deals with the small issue of being surrounded by a stranded advance guard of kobold raiders and a squad of orcish spearmen- orcs. Bawss has seen kobolds before, tiny little lizardmen who move all sneaky-like; these ones are no exception, even though they're clad in armor (and also despair, since they just saw their ticket home taken away from them).The orcs are new, though. Big green musclemen with tusks, pointed ears, and not a whole lot of hairs on their heads, these particular ones seem to be carrying rock spears, wooden shields, and not a whole lot else aside from paint and loincloths. Real colorful hats, though, with exotic feathers and everything all over their heads. Bawss almost finds himself nodding approvingly, but he stops that real quick. He doesn't have time for this; it's time for some mediation. Or it would be, if he had some pals along who could help him hold them away from each other long enough to talk it out.[A] [OGIR PLACE] Try to get your entire home all up in here![B] [WRITE-IN] Summon someone specific, and name 'em![C] [RANDOM] You don't have time for this, just nab someone from home!
Rolled 49>>33683832Reach into the portal and nab Bawss. Two heads thinkin' da same ting is better an' one head, yeah?
>>33683917oh shit.do it.
>>33683917>>33683941Is our body still asleep back in Ogir Place? Won't we just be grabbing our unconscious self?
>>33683983No. Bass is conscious now, so we'd be grabbing conscious Bawss. Maybe?
Rolled 45>>33683832[A] [OGIR PLACE] Try to get your entire home all up in here!
>>33683917>>33683983So we grab our unconscious self and wake him up! Lazy grot can't sleep all day, we got work to do!And ogres and two heads go hand-in-hand like hats and ogres!
>>33683917[X] [GRAB BAWSS]I...WELL OKAY THEN>***STUPID LUCKY TIME?***ROLL d100! (dice+1d100 in the email field)Best of three!
Rolled 85>>33684090inb4 1
Rolled 25>>33684090Let's break reality even more than before.
Rolled 86>>33684090Heh heh HA HAHHAHA
Rolled 16>>33684090Does he come with takeout?Rolling for takeout.
Rolled 67>>33684090LET'S DO IT THEN
>>33684090>>33684106>>33684118The brain breakage starts early tonight
>>33684163>>33684118>>33684106We get an 84 and either an 82 or an 83 and we get a straight. Ha.
Rolled 9>>33684248>>33684181Imagine what Cecilia is going to think. Not only did we tame nothing, but we brought back two heads!
Rolled 69>>33684381Two heads? Ha GA HAAAWe bringing in an alternate bawss boyslets fuck the timeline lads
Rolled 77>>33684090Did we inadvertently save another timeline from Ogres?
>>33684551congrats you will be the one to completely break Blorps sanity tonight!
>>33684568Sorry anon, there -is- a limit to the rolls he accepts. This one was way outta range, sadly.
Rolled 67>>33684609the dice will deliver or when blorp brains meltwhich ever comes first
>>33684609hmm i remember him cherry picking rolls before *shrug*
>>33684090You know what they say. When you gotta get something done, do it yourself.Aw man, one Bawss for each side of the argument!
>>33684664CouldCould we diplomance /ourselves/?
>>33684106>>33684118He'll must likely just pull himself out a few inches to the side, kind of like an Aperture portal.
>>33684726Why would we need to? Shouldn't we already agree with ourselves?
Rolled 17>>33684726Depends how old he isOlder hes in charge Younger hes second in commandor maybe send him to make a second ogre city?
>>33684778A second Ogir Place?Only if they can transform and combine. We have to set some strict rules here.That said, Ogir Fist looks like a good basis for starting one. . .
>>33683737Blorp! YOU'RE ALIVE!>aura mendongYes captcha... that is exactly how I feel.
Rolled 28>>33684778The one that has the bigger hat is in charge.
Rolled 21>>33684897We got nothing on the hatThose that it is smaller or bigger then?
Rolled 47>>33684927Ah, but you forget, our hat has nothing as it's crowning accessory. Our hat ensures our dominance in the upcoming negotiations.
>>33684090>>33683832>>33684118>[X] [WRITE-IN] Summon someone speciBOSS BAWSS FISTBOSS>85, 86- Successful!It doesn't take very long for the yelling to start."O-Our portal!" The first kobold to recover from the mild mind-breaking starts squawking indignantly, pointing a claw at Bawss. "You've stolen our portal, you sneak-thief!""Naaah. Dat wasn't sneakin' or thiefin'," Boss Bawss interjects calmly. "Dat was straight up, ol' fashioned taming.""It doesn't matter! Give it back!!" The kobold yowls, pulling a wickedly serrated knife and running at the much larger ogre-- only to leap out of the way, narrowly avoiding the spear that almost seems to sprout out of the ground. The lead orc straightens back up, crossing his arms over his chest. "Oh no you don't. First blood ain't going to you, little fella." He bares his fangs in a feral grin. "We'll be taking that honor, you and the portal mage both."Bawss frowns. "... I'm a mage, now?" The kobolds and the orcs ignore him."... no. We're cleansing the world of YOUR kind, greenskin," the kobold hisses, tail lashing angrily.The orc laughs at that, deep and scornful. "You and what army, rat?""We don't NEED an army to deal with you!""Yeah? We'll see how long your bravado lasts when we wring your veins dry for the gods to drink!""The only blood that will be shed this day is youWHAT-""We'll see aboWHY THIS-"(Cont.)
>>33684735Well, if Blorp's smart, he'll have Bawss take himself from right after the diplomacy is done, so that the summoning one is summoned away at the end and the Bawss that had both conversations moves on without us being able to do too many shenanigans.Let's all hope he doesn't think of that.
>>33684970>Blorp breaking againGood times
>>33684982traitor diewe must break blorp to summon the ogre time
>>33684970The orcs and kobolds quickly scrabble for something solid to hang onto as Boss Bawss Fistboss once more unravels the nothingness from his hat and pulls out a gaping void into unreality, the mere unveiling of his new pet inexorably dragging everything in like a black hole. The ogre, heedless of this, blinks and looks up."Naaah, don't stop on my account, I'm just gettin' something to help me think.""WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" the orc roars over the howling wind."I'm a portal mage now, so I'm thinkin' with portals," Boss Bawss Fistboss replies, as if that was the most natural thing in the world."PLEASE STOP," the orc shouts back."LISTEN TO THE FILTHY ORC," the kobold adds. "YOU'RE GONNA DESTABILIZE ALL OF REALITY IF YOU DON'T STOP-"Boss Bawss Fistboss stops. The orcs and kobolds breath a collective sigh of relief as gravity reasserts itself.The sigh grows cut-off and strangled as both sides look up to see two of the exact same ogre staring at each other."Oh. Hi," says Boss Bawss Fistboss."Hi," replies Boss Bawss Fistboss, looking around at the change of scenery. "Wot happened to da desert?""What? Oh, you just woke up, huh?""Yeah, an' Celicia was actin' all happy 'cept she was pretending to be all gruff an' stuff. Except then she started screamin' when you poked your head through da reality an' pulled me out to da... this ain't the desert, huh?""Naaah, this ain't the desert.""Ooh. So it's a new place, then?""Yup! With orcs an' kobolds."There's an expectant pause as Boss Bawss Fistboss looks at Boss Bawss Fistboss and quirks a fleshy eyebrow."Diplomancin'?" Bawss hazards."Diplomanchin," Bawss confirms.Both ogres ignore the thin wail of "WHAT IS GOING ON, HOW IS THIS HAPPENING" from the lead kobold, and turn around to face the orcs.(Cont.)
>>33685030"Hey, so I was thinkin'," Bawss says."Thinkin' real hard," Bawss adds."That maybe you shouldn't murder everyone here an' fight like crazies," Bawss finishes with a sage nod."These kobolds aren't gonna hurt anyone," Bawss elaborates."So you don't got any reason to hurt 'em, right?" Bawss asks expectantly.All throughout the one (two?)-sided conversation, the orc leader looks between the Fistbossi, ill-equipped to deal with existential crises. "Er... I guess?" he hazards, squinting suspiciously into nothingness as his eyes start to cross from the strangeness of it all."Good. We settled then, guys?" Bawss rumbles, glancing over at the kobolds."No fightin' each other?" Bawss rumbles, also glancing over at the kobolds."Yes! Yes, we promise! Just- please stop existing on top of each other like that!" the kobold gibbers, down on his knees. "I beg of you! Before something horrible happens!!"Both Bawsses frown, scratching their heads in unison. "Before something like what happ-">***STUPID LUCKY TIME?***ROLL d100! (dice+1d100 in the email field)
Oh god... I've been reading these on the archive... Can I play?!
Rolled 74>>33685068oh shit
>>33685070No.Go away, you smell.
Rolled 52>>33685068pizza party
Rolled 1>>33685068Lucky stupid!
Rolled 98>>33685107ah man so close
>>33685101I hate myself for not sneaking my 1 in before you so much right now!
>>33685107Oh boy, time to shift into maximum ogredrive
Rolled 29>>33685068I have tears in my eyes I am laughing so hard.>>33685107Welp
>>33685107You called it anon.
Rolled 8>>33684970He younger then usI think?
Rolled 86>>33685107Oh boy. IncomingGoddess luck anyone?
>>33685139Yeah, but it's still a fourth roll. It's ok though, still helps build our Lucky Lady Intervention's bonus...
>>33685107shame that your roll is the 4th one. I'd LOVE to see how Blorp wouldve handled it.
Rolled 91>>33685030>what happened to the desertGod that line killed me. Straight from thread 1.
>>33685107Ah, close! I'M SURE WE'LL BE SEEING MORE OF THESE SORTS OF ROLLS SOON THOUGHWriting.
Rolled 55>>33685274Lady Luck?
>>33685274Blorp gained sanity pointsWe must break him
>>33685290NOIT'S TOO SOON
>>33685274Blorp, are you really gonna do thatARE YOU REALLY GONNA LET THAT GOHE CALLED THE LUCKY STUPID AND GOT THE LUCKY STUPIDTHE DICE GODS WILL IT!
Rolled 83>>33685362Prepare the dice
Rolled 67>>33685361Do it.Didn't you say it recharged?
Rolled 84>>33685361the dice remember you
>>33685362No, no, no.This is a roll for ridiculous fallout from our ridiculous bullshit. We want this to go as wrong as possible so we can do even more ridiculous bullshit.
>>33685361How long until SPACE OGRES?
>>33685421The logic is sound sirBut we hate failure
Rolled 86>>33685361>>33685421Well, we were looking for another prolapse in reality to start our breeding program.
>>33685487Shit, we forgot to summon Squiggles to help wrangle the Tear and any others that might pop up...
>>33684163>>33685413>>33684106>>33684118Just need a 82 or 87 thenGood omens for the dice today
>>33685068>>33685082>74 - Successful!Circumstance bonus added for nearby lucky stupid and stupid lucky rolls!There's the sound of glass cracking, and a spiderweb fracture appears on the face of reality."S... something like -that-," the kobold whispers hoarsely into the sudden silence, backpedaling as slowly and carefully as he can."... oh." "Is dat a problem?" The Bawsses peer closely at the strange phenomena, one on each side."A problem?" The kobold laughs disbelievingly, the edge of hysteria in his voice. "You've torn open an unsanctioned gap between dimensions, unsecured against demons from the Inner Circle, and you're asking if it's a PROBLEM?""... yeah, I'll just be taking the guys here and going home now," the orc leader says to no one in particular, retrieving his spear and shuffling away, weapon pointed at the dimensional gap. The other orcs follow suit."What, just demons?" Boss Bawss frowns."Yeah, we fought demons before, dis ain't all dat bad-""That is completely different!" the kobold snaps. "Didn't you hear the capital letters I put in front of my ominous use of that title? The Inner Circle! That's bad news! That's... that's so far up the food chain that we won't even have TIME for 'I was standing behind you the whole time' shenanigans! Straight to the final boss! Now stop bending reality, and you can fix this whole mess!!"Boss Bawss Fistboss frowns. Meanwhile, Boss Bawss Fistboss scratches his head.[A] [UN-DOUBLE] Well, two Bawsses would just get confusing, anyway. Send the spare somewhere/somewhen else![B] [ENTER] MORE demons? Maybe we can talk to them, get them to stop being so invasive an' evil. Or just punch them.[C] [PATCH UP THE HOLE] Ask the kobold if you can just get rid of the problem. Or just go ahead and dispose of the hole entirely![D] [WRITE-IN]
Rolled 28>>33685826>[C] [PATCH UP THE HOLE] Ask the kobold if you can just get rid of the problem. Or just go ahead and dispose of the hole entirely!Hey Bwass, help me apply the antimatter paste
>>33685826We only need the two heads. Don't need the two bodies. Double headed ogre time.
>>33685826Tame the hole
Rolled 60>>33685826>WRITE-INAsk alter-Bawss to summon another Bawss.'Cause three Bawss' tinkin' out da problem is better an' two!
>>33685826>[D] Upgrade our hole in Time and SpaceWell, we've fed it Nothing. Time to make it armor out of the fractures in reality bending to Ogre. That way it'll get more powerful as time goes on!
Rolled 74>>33685826Ogre colony on demon turf yes[A] [UN-DOUBLE] Well, two Bawsses would just get confusing, anyway. Send the spare somewhere/somewhen else!
>>33685826>>33685904YES. WE'VE FOUND A SUITABLE PARTNER. Now we can begin our eugenics program!>>33685916Is even funnier.
>>33685904Our portal buddy needs a friend!TAME THE HOLE.
>>33685826>[D] [TRAININ] It's all because the gap hasn't been trained like a proper pet should be, and that's Bawss's fault. Make sure to teach it proper gap behavior, such as keeping the demons out.
You know... Seeing as how boss has a diplomacy bonus... Then if we keep the other boss... That's double the bonus right?>[B] [ENTER] MORE demons? Maybe we can talk to them, get them to stop being so invasive an' evil. Or just punch them.Let's diplomance some demons.
>>33685826[A] [UN-DOUBLE] Well, two Bawsses would just get confusing, anyway. Send the spare somewhere/somewhen else![B] [ENTER] MORE demons? Maybe we can talk to them, get them to stop being so invasive an' evil. Or just punch them.[C] [PATCH UP THE HOLE] Ask the kobold if you can just get rid of the problem. Or just go ahead and dispose of the hole entirely![D] [WRITE-IN]ALL OF THESE.>Send one Bawss (one with a reality eating dimensional hole in his hat) to enter and have a talk with the demons>Patch up the hole behind him; he'll know how to get back himself
>>33685982Operation Tame Reality is a go.
>>33685826>[A] [UN-DOUBLE] Well, two Bawsses would just get confusing, anyway. Send the spare somewhere/somewhen else![C] [PATCH UP THE HOLE] Ask the kobold if you can just get rid of the problem. Or just go ahead and dispose of the hole entirely!
>>33685826See if the Demons on the other side have takeout. We haven't had takeout in AGES.
>>33685826Ahaha jesus, these votesAlright, given how close it is, I guess the course of action looks like it's going to be:>[X] Tame the hole TO THE ABYSSAL HELLS IN SPACE by upgrading your own hole, keep PART of the second Bawss, and wing it from there!This has gotten very silly. Therefore, as a responsible QM, the only course of action left to me is to tell you guys to>***STUPID LUCKY TIME?***ROLL d100! (dice+1d100 in the email field)Best of three!
Rolled 48>>33686190It begins...
Rolled 3>>33686158Let's see...
>>33686190>SO STUPID THAT IT'S BRILLIANT.......................... writing
>>33686158>>33685826>[X] Various actions!>9 - SO STUPID THAT IT'S BRILLIANTWhile the second Bawss looks on with interest, the initial Boss Bawss Fistboss solemnly takes off his hat, unraveling the nothingness around it."What... what are you doing?" the kobold leader asks warily."I'm doin' a thing," Bawss rumbles easily, reaching into the nothingness and rummaging around a bit. "I know how dis sorta thing works, after all."The kobold leader allows himself to feel just a brief second of hopeful optimism as the other raiders behind him murmur in confusion. "Then... then you'll do it? You'll make everything back the way it was before you screwed it all up?""Yup," Bawss replies. Then he hefts up the portal he'd tamed from before... and tosses it straight in the direction of the fracture in reality. "I choose you, lil' buddy."The tamed portal lands on the ground and barks! For a given value of "barks," anyway, since it sounds more like the cosmos getting torn asunder by an otherworldly force. That's the last thing the kobolds hear, anyway, as they immediately begin running as far away as their stubby little legs can take them, fleeing into the relative safety of the jungle.Bawss kneels next to his tamed portal, patting it on the head (and ignoring how doing so apparently stretches his hand like goo, bits of his physical body spiraling into oblivion). "Think you can take 'im, boy?"The portal barks once."... huh? It's a girl?"The portal barks once more before swirling off toward the hairline fracture, the stars inside his body flashing strange and terrible colors. Both Bawsses watch what happens next with quiet, solemn interest.(Cont.)
>>33686915They tilt their heads at what happens next, standing firm in the face of the gale-force winds and the earth shaking beneath them, the cosmic horrors screaming even louder than the cacophony of a suddenly-unstable jungle."... is dis where we blast 'em with a cold water hose?" Boss Bawss Fistboss the First asks rhetorically."I dunno 'bout that, but dat can't be sanitary," Boss Bawss Fistboss the Second rumbles philosophically.Once the dust clears, the portal is inside the hairline fracture, the metaphorical bedsheets are in disarray, and the portal sighs in blissful contentment as it smokes a post-coitus cigarette, basking in the afterglow.>Pocket Portal to Hell and Back obtained!The Boss Bawss Fistbosses nod in satisfaction. "A'right. One more thing to take care of?" "Yup."The larger ogres high-five each other, the resulting thunderclap flattening every tree in a ten mile radius.... and then there was one. In the silence that follows, Bawss quietly dusts himself off, very literally twice the ogre he once was- although it's hard to tell exactly how it will affect him. Time will tell!Of course, that does leave the fact that he's currently stranded in the middle of the orcish jungles.[A] [SUMMON HOME] Ogir Place could use a nice change of locale![B] [SUMMON A FRIEND] Another point of view could always help![C] [EXPLORE JUNGLES] Bawss's business here ain't over yet![D] [EXPLORE HELL] ... well, he DOES have a portal now...
>>33686950>[C] Find our kobold friends. Intimid-I mean, Diplomance them to comin' back to Ogir Place with us.
>>33686950[C] [EXPLORE JUNGLES] Bawss's business here ain't over yet!
>>33686950>[D] [EXPLORE HELL] ... well, he DOES have a portal now..I believe we lost Ogir Place's self-heating system. We need to get it back.
>>33686950>[D] [EXPLORE HELL] ... well, he DOES have a portal now...
>>33686950>[B] [SUMMON A FRIEND] Another point of view could always help!Random friend. I want us to roll for this.
>>33686950[C] [EXPLORE JUNGLES] Bawss's business here ain't over yet!We can visit hell later. Time for some jungle fever.
>>33687022Hey, we should wait until we have our demon spider overseer/sword back with us before doin' stuff with demons.It might hurt her feeling's to leave her out of her area of speciality.
Rolled 58>>33686950Go visit OI WHATS MILK.
>>33686950>[C]We need to collect the Kobolds before we head home. And we should head home to make sure Queenie and Co are ok.
Rolled 51Call forth other-Bawss to explore Hell while we look for the Kobolds. Two Ogres with one portal.
Rolled 98I'M HERE WHAT'D I MISS HOLY SHIT WHAT
>>33687231>2 offGet your shit together.
Rolled 86>>33687254Imposter? I think? Or did I bypass the timer somehow or somethingOh god the insanity is spreading.
>>33686950Alright, looks like [X] [EXPLORE JUNGLE] wins, with the intent to go look for the kobolds, so...>***STUPID LUCKY TIME?***ROLL d100! (dice+1d100 in the email field)
Rolled 90>>33687296SHIT LETS GO
Rolled 74>>33687296What could possibly go wrong?
Rolled 98>>33687296OH BABY COME ON
Rolled 35>>33687324>>33687325One second apart. Wow.
>>33687324>>33687325BLORP>>33687330>>33687309BLORP PLEASEIT'S TIME TO GET MAGICAL WITH DOUBLE DOUBLES
Rolled 23>>33687231>>33687324>>33687325It's like it's making fun of me.
>>33687296>90>two 98s close byOH BOYWriting!
>>33687296>>33686950>[X] [EXPLORE JUNGLE] Look for the kobolds!>90 - Successful!Circumstantial boost for double 98s!Boss Bawss Fistboss frowns thoughtfully. More kobold raiders, huh? Little lizardy guys, all talking about extermination and cleaning the world and possibly destroying all the dwarflands, except that last bit never actually happened even though he clearly remember it happening due to strange timeline shenanigans that means that Gubbins did a real smack-dab job with it. Okay. Good.Goal in mind, Bawss peers up into the sky, shades his eyes against the sun with the back of his hand, estimates all sorts of things like wind speed and time of day and centrifugal force and quantum mechanics, and proceeds to walk into the jungle in any ol' random direction.Some distance away, the kobolds stop for a break, clustering around an old rotting log and gasping for breath. Hardened and war-ready as they are, they did an awful lot of running, and all but forgot to pace themselves in their panic.Kk'ssah, leader of this motley crew, allows himself a more cautious moment of optimistic hope. The world hasn't been cored out like a goddamn apple, reality is still functioning as it should, and time and space still have some sort of meaning. Somehow, that ogre did the right thing and set everything back to the way it was supposed to be.... sure, this means that they're stranded away from their interdimensional warrens, but right now, that sort of worry seems distant and remote, compared to the sheer relief of not being dead.(cont.)
>>33688202The kobold leader stands up straight, looks each of his dozen crew members in the eye, opens his mouth to ask for a status report and/or give a stirring, heartening speech, and promptly screams like a little girl when a section of the log swings open to allow Boss Bawss Fistboss to step through.Bawss manages to get a word in once Kk'ssah runs out of air. "Oh, hey, guess you guys didn't get all dat far after all. So anyway, I just wanted to say-""No!" the kobold shrieks, scrambling back. "No saying! No words! No more talking! You're a threat to- to EVERYTHING that ever was or will be!"Bawss frowns. "You know, dat's not very nice.""That's fine! You won't live long enough to get your feelings hurt!!" The kobold jabs a claw at one of his raiders. "Summon it! Summon it, now!""G-Got it, boss!"As the kobold starts chanting shakily, Boss Bawss Fistboss shrugs and rolls one shoulder. Good thing he got here fast enough to stop these guys from preparing. As it is...[A] [INTERRUPT] Stop the summoner![B] [CAPTURE] Grab the leader![C] [SUMMON] You got friends of your own, see?[D] [SKEDADDLE] Eh, these guys aren't going anywhere, you can always come back another time![E] [WRITE-IN]
>>33688224[C] [SUMMON] You got friends of your own, see?MINION VS MINION MADNESS.
>>33688224>[C] [SUMMON] You got friends of your own, see?
>>33688286Dammit, accidentally namefagged from other thread. FUCK. I have GOT to remember to fix that.
Rolled 28>>33688224Summon what they're summoning! Before they do!
>>33688324This. Oh yes, this.I don't care how impossible it is.
>>33688224>>33688324Oh yes.I like this.
>>33688365But we're ogres. ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.
Rolled 92>>33688324Rollan for this result!
>>33688377Exactly, which is why I don't care how impossible it is.Unless they're trying to summon the train. In which case I think they'll only get a error message: "Not against ogres. Nope nope nope."
>>33688463>dat 98Yes. YES!
>>33683737So, this a Civ thread? because I was thinking of starting one.
>>33688502It's more of a reality-sanity breaker simulator disguised as one.
>>33688324Oh god my sides
>>33688502The most popular civ ever.
>>33688502Yeah noThis aint a civ questThis is an experiment to see how long it takes to break blorp mindIf you want a civ quest go to AI quest or Hive queen Quest for pointers
Rolled 28The civ ran out long ago.We haven't researched anything in years.
>>33688502At this point, it's a... very non-standard civ thread! If you want to see how it's usually done, I'd suggest checking out some of the other ones.>>33688324... ALRIGHT THEN, summoning what they're summoning will be a thing, although it'll be harder than usu- ahahaha oh god who am I kidding>***STUPID LUCKY TIME?***ROLL d100! (dice+1d100 in the email field)Best of three decides!
Rolled 36>>33688581I cannot fathom the hatred the rng has for letting me do this.
Rolled 18>>33688581LET'S DO IT!
Rolled 24>>33688597We got ourselves a meh!
Rolled 22>>33688581If this fails, then lady luck intervention
>>33688602sorry but it was a few seconds
>>33688597Oof, so-so at best. It's been a long time since we got that result, I think!The Goddess of Luck Intervention IS off cooldown this thread; are you sure you want to use it for this?[YES][NO]
>>33688733>[YES]What could possibly go wrong?
Rolled 93>>33688733Do itBREAK THEM
>>33688733heh might as well punch the fuck out of whatever they summonso NO
Rolled 4>>33688733Since it was my decision, let my roll decide.
Rolled 51>>3368875996 + 4 = 100MAKE IT SO FULL THROTTLE ENGAGED CRAZY INBOUND BUCkLE YOUR HATCHES FOLKS
>>33688733>YES.I don't care HOW impossible.
>>33688784fuck i guess yes then
The ayes have it. Writing!
Rolled 68>>33688887>UpdateBehold my power!
Rolled 66>>33688923No, behold MY power!
Rolled 52>>33688973MY POWERIS BEYOND COMPREHENSION!
>>33689016give it up you have lostyou know the rulesonly 1 or 100 can beat doubles
Rolled 53>>33689107THE TRUE POWER OF THE WORLD RUNS THROUGH MY VERY SOUL!>heustru LEGACY
Rolled 47>>33689216I will climb this damn ladder if I have to.
>>33689216Derm, the 96 has abandoned you.You need to stop.
>>33689216rule of threedo this again and you forfeit your name>>33689244welp you lost your name
>>33688581Hey OP, I just finished reading all of the archive the a couple days ago when you hosted the last thread. I have to say, this is the greatest Quest I've ever seen. I love you.
Rolled 56>>33689262>>33689259THE 96 NEVER DIESgoddammit work you son of a bitch where the hell did you go.>genealogical nyattinApparently some fucked up gene modding or something I dont know
>>33688973Hey you wonYou gonna take Derm, Lord of the 66?
Rolled 66>>33689307*Strangled noises*
>>33689326So, yes to >>33689307.The dice have it.
>>33689326Be the lord of the _6
Rolled 9>>33689326Oh son of a whore I guess I am.
>>33689307No. I am the nameless emperor. The crownless king. The nomad of dice. I shall take no title.
>>33688581>[X] [COUNTER-SUMMON] Try to get what they do before they... do!>53 - So-so...>GODDESS OF LUCK INTERVENTION!As always, Boss Bawss Fistboss makes a split-second decision before he has time to really think about it, planting his feet against the ground and tapping into his own magical ability. He grabs at the ether with both meaty hands, exerting his will onto forces that mortals only have the shallowest understanding of-"Summoning something of your own, eh?" Kk'ssah hisses, brandishing his own dagger and skittering right at Bawss. "You can't cast any spells when you're gutted like a pig!""Nah, I ain't tryin' to cast a spell," Bawss rumbles, his voice resonant with power. "I'm takin' his.""Wha-" Kk'ssah doesn't even have time to show his surprise before some instinct screams at him to get away- he dodges just in time to avoid a boulder slamming into the ground. The kobold is then forced to duck as a rope-suspended log swings out from the forest, the impossibly swift contraption knocking aside his fellows too slow or unlucky to avoid it."No way. No fucking way- you took it? You just up and TOOK our summon!?""Yup." Boss Bawss Fistboss relaxes out of his pose, looking around for some sign of the- whatever it is he has now. Aside from a boulder and a log trap- and a group of kobolds huddled in the center of the clearing, as if terrified to even move an inch. "So, uh... what'd I get?"(Cont.)
>>33689371"But no one other than a kobold can even commune with these spirits!" the kobold leader groans in despair, desperately trying to catch up with current events, even as he dodges- of all things- an anvil, sleek and shiny and new and heavy enough to leave a hole in the ground. "Our Greater Trap Elemental!!"Boss Bawss Fistboss tilts his head, listening intently. He thinks he can hear the sounds being made by the invisible summon- something chewing? Gnawing? And then a smart-ass, wise-guy voice echoes out- despite how nonthreatening it sounds, it's enough to make the kobolds to huddle together even closer."What's up, doc?"[A] [COMMAND] Take down the kobolds, make sure they can't run/fight/murder![B] [CAJOLE] The kobolds know just how scary this elemental is. Use it to get 'em to agree to come with you![C] [TALK TO ELEMENTAL] Alright, so why IS this elemental fighting for the kobolds?[D] [SUMMON ALLIES] Oh shit, the guys at Ogir Place have GOT to see this![E] [WRITE-IN]
>>33689440[C] [TALK TO ELEMENTAL] Alright, so why IS this elemental fighting for the kobolds?Oh god.
Rolled 52>>33689440[x]Oh hey bugs, I got you a portable hole.
>>33689440>[C] [TALK TO ELEMENTAL] Alright, so why IS this elemental fighting for the kobolds?Welp.
>>33689358Names always have powerYou leave it just gonna be stolen and yours was earned with a doubleTake it and don't let it be misused
>>33689440E-Summon Michael JordonSpace Jam anyone?
Rolled 100>>33689477>Gah, I can't cheat on my 96. I'M SORRY HONEY!
>>33689440>[C] [TALK TO ELEMENTAL] Alright, so why IS this elemental fighting for the kobolds?'Ey! You'd be perfect for Basketball night back at Ogir Place.
>>33689440>[B] Diplomancin'!>[C] And you're gonna be our friend, too!
Rolled 97>>33689440[C] [TALK TO ELEMENTAL] Alright, so why IS this elemental fighting for the kobolds?[D] [SUMMON ALLIES] Oh shit, the guys at Ogir Place have GOT to see this!Well celicia got something new to watch on sat morns at least
>>33689440QUESTIONIs Bawss a two headed Ogre now, or is he just twice as big?
Rolled 66>>33689516*Blank stare*Uh.Well.Okay then.
Rolled 94>>33689516You dont countBegone and dont you fuck up the dice>>33689566
>>33689566hehcaptcha was 96
>>33689494You cannot claim Lady Luck for yourself, anon! She is WILD and FREE.>>33689516>>33689566
Rolled 42>>33689566EVEN THE POST NUMBER IS A DOUBLEAM I IN SOME SORT OF BAD SOAP OPERA WITH NUMERALS!?
>>33689566Huh, between the roll and your post number, y'got doubles.
Rolled 16>>33689589Too late The name is stolenWe gave the thiefs power
Rolled 65I'm not entirely certain but I think I just charged up a luck intervetion on my own in the past half hour.>Behold my final form
>>33689644See what hubris wreaks?>>33689687The power does not come from us, but from our goddess.
>>33689558Neither of the above! He just has more concentrated ogre in him- at least for now.Also, apologies for cutting it short, but I'm gonna have to end the thread early tonight, as well! I'll tally up the votes and pick up from there the next time.As always, thanks for participating, and I hope you enjoyed the thread!
Rolled 30>>33689741I don't know about you but I just went through a hell of a life changer here.Any comment on RNG soap opera drama?
>>33689741Short, but fun. See you next time, Blorp.
>>33689741Thanks blorp that was awesome
>>33689687Derm, my friend, I'm not going to tell you to start panicking, but consider the following. You just got visited by the 66 AND the 100, while stating your allegiance to the 96.There is another, older story of a man who was forced to choose between three feminine powers of great potency. Things...didn't end well for him.
Rolled 43>>33689863Oh hell.
>>33689863The name was in challenge of threeIt has power nowWe will regret misusing itIt now has history with the 66>>33688973>>33689326>>33689566
Archive description got messed up a bit. Goblins? I'm pretty sure it was supposed to be Kobolds.