Capitalist Quest Part 3Continued from: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/33322168/Let's see if my internet won't go out again, eh?Your name is still Alena Belyakov, also known as 606. Not too long ago, you were beating employee 203 with your shoe. You then watched him get thrown out the window and picked up by corporate lawyers. No doubt that he's in a prison. You feel like you're close to leveling up - shit, I mean promotion.Commercissar Stanislav patted 405's bald head. "The shininess of your scalp no doubt exmplefies your devotion to the company and to capitalism. Great work, 405," he says. At least, as well as you can lip-read."And my tie, sir," replied 405, beaming with pride."Huh?""Never mind, commercissar."Stanislav rubbed his not-bald head. "The rest of the commies on this list will have to go. Now, as we still have the element of surprise, I say that -"Static echoed throughout the entire Prelestny Fashion building. "Attention, employees. Shift B, over. Thank you, and have a nice day," crackled the intercom.Stanislav dropped the list into your hands without hesitation. A couple seconds of three-way staring. "What? It's time to go home."You're not sure about this turn of events. The IDs left on the list are: > Doubtfully switch to a depressed and boring 405> Stay as Alena Belyakov, self-claimed ace peusdo-attorney
>>33348823>> Stay as Alena Belyakov, self-claimed ace peusdo-attorney
>>33348851You firmly stay as the ruthless psychopath. Commercissar Stanislav is starting to leave the room, along with 405. Those lazy bastards.
>>33348883Go for 999.
>>33348925Everybody's going home, silly. You don't know what hole anyone crawls into at night.Loneliness sucks.
Skip to the next day. There's no time to waste.
>>33348986You remember that you have a home. You think that it might be a better idea to wait at home than in a giant corporate building possibly full of scary things.... where do you live, again? All this excitement has blocked out all rational thought. It doesn't help that New Moscow is a confusing cityscape to memorize.> The amazing CAPITALIST glitz and glamour of the upper class> One entire level underground, in the crowded but comfy middle-class> Level 2, the battered slums, which serve as an reminder of a failed COMMIE revolt> Your office
Your office. Only the weak sleep.
>>33349022>One entire level underground, in the crowded but comfy middle-class
>>33349063At least you had the time to decorate it. It's cozy, and the pop-out bed is really soft. Plus, you got all these swaggin' posters of obscure movies and video games.
>>33349116Scope out the rest of the office. Maybe some of the spies on the list sleep in their offices, as well.
>>33349151You take out two water glasses and create a wonderful pair of binoculars. Nothing seems out of the ordinary in the room.
Go on the hunt for spies, on the rest of the floor.
>>33349264You a room directly next to yours, labeled "607".To your left is the rest of the hallway, barely lit.
>>33349358Start making noise. Maybe it will bring the spies to you.
>>33349410You think you hear the building's security mainframe humming to life. Are you sure you should continue this banging?
>>33349479Start screaming. The more noise the better
>>33349479God, no. Oh, wait, there is no God in CAPITALIST NEW RUSSIA.Masturbate furiously to our recent successes. And because of our horrible, horrible loneliness.
>>33349547The hallway is hardly an appropriate place for this.>>33349524You can tell you activated security by the red alarms.
>>33349569>The hallwayI thought we were in our room? Well, balls. Let's head back inside and wait for the alarms to go down.Then let's sneak up to the management's office.
>>33349569Fake unconsciousness. Perhaps something can be gained from this.
>>33349611>>33349595You fake being dead and deadly crawled back to your room. Back to square one.What are you going to do in management?
>>33349653Check the financial records. Look for things that don't make sense.
>>33349653Find the location of the spies, and dig up diet on your non-spy coworkers.
>>33349653Set that shit on fire.They took our stapler.Alternatively, look over the sales figures. Try and figure out why sales have dropped!
>>33349653Wait, fuck, don't we need dinner? We should get food and get drunk somewhere.
>>33349699You despise diet soda.>>33349701And officially hunt spies tomorrow with an hangover?>>33349684>>33349700You're a lot more cunning than you expected to be at this time of night.Unfortunately, this doesn't unlock the door. But there must be a way in...
>>33349735Headbutt your way to answers.
>>33349701We live in office: we got unlimited supply to stale pastries and cheap instant coffee. We will live.
>>33349735Take a fire axe and break in. You already set off a security alarm, so what more harm could it be?
>>33349735Peek through lock. Then, proceed go through windows
>>33349735Try the air vents.Here's hoping we don't meet pic related.
>>33349801It's a weird trifecta bullshit lock. It's too small to see through.>>33349806You are now scared shitless.>>33349767>>33349783You headbutt the door. This is followed by smashing it down with a fire axe.
Oh. Hi there.
Hit that fucker in the face with the fire axe
>>33349910Murder him, then LIGHT UP THE NIGHT!
>>33349910Ax him a few questions about communism.
>>33349910606: put ax near door, and silently move out. Then leave a note "sorry. We thought there a commie inside"
>>33349910Ask him what he's doing this late at night.
>>33349857smash his face in with the axe
>>33349910Is he wearing sunglasses indoors? What a douche.
>>33349949You put the axe down. You write a sorry note, as you're deaf and mute. While you considered asking questions, an apology seems most appropriate.>>33349965You ponder this as he starts to write something back.
>>33350049Grab his computer and run back to your office.
>>33350049Punch him in the throat while he's busy writing and then smash his head into the desk repeatedly
>>33350073>>33350072You consider these wildly violent solutions as he hands you back the paper.
>>33350124Well. Uh."Sure, let's go with that."Proceed with the date.
>>33350124write back to him "no you limpdicked gaping asshole smegma covered 40 year old virgin neckbeard"
>>33350124Well, you aren't getting any younger. Why not?
>>33350124Nod yes. While his guard is down, ask to use the computer.
>>33350175No! Don't you understand? He's management! We can fuck our way to the top!
>>33350197shiiet you're right I retract my choice lets go get the D
>>33350166>>33350181>>33350197You nod yes and wordlessly sit down.
>>33350273give him a seductive look
>>33350273Is he blushing?We should tell him that we're a deafmute.
>>33350273I'm not sure this is a good idea. If he's expecting a date, she's probably headed here now.
>>33350273Take off his douchey sunglasses.
>>33350273Stare him blankly in the eyes. Show no emotion
>>33350295You are now local manager of floor 12. Your date has come a lot sooner than expected. A week, in fact.She's kind of got that plain cute kind of cute. Oh Christ, what do you say? Your mother will be so disappointed if you screw up another first date with a woman.She's making a face at you. You're not sure what it exactly means. How do you feel about this?
>>33350386Intensely, uncomfortably aroused.
>>33350386Take as much time as you need to compose yourself. Maybe she won't notice.
>>33350386Extreme and very intense arousal.
>>33350386Like she's trying to appear sexy and failing awkwardly.
>>33350419>>33350424>>33350431>>33350456>>33350469You haven't been on a date in years. You now remember why you avoided them.Your mom better be proud of you for giving you another chance. How do you make this a successful date and make this woman happy? Food? Drink? Internet videos?
>>33350485Let's put on that great new show we heard about yesterday.What was it called again?Oh, yeah.>ASS BANDITS
>>33350485Funny cat videos will for sure make a successful date.
>>33350485show her two girls one cup
>>33350485Try and seduce her with a sexy dance.
>>33350485>>33350555do a sexy dance while helicoptering your Penor
All of these suggestions are exactly how you got your last restraining orders.
>>33350611Fine. Let's break out the Vodka.If we're going to make an ass of ourself, we're going to do it while we're all drunk, damn it.
>>33350611Quick, do something! You have to grab her attention before she leaves.
>>33350611Uh, have dinner like it's a normal date. And get her drunk.
>>33350611Lets go take her out on a normal date with a surprise at the end of course
>>33350637>>33350675Guess who's out of alcohol?You do, however, have the key to the kitchen and alcoholic vending machines. Perhaps some vodka awaits there.
>>33350726Cooly suggest that you both head out for some refreshments, your treat!Women dig confidence and free comestibles!
>>33350726Jesus, no wonder we're such a fuck up love-wise.Okay, let's start with a nice, normal dinner then.Let's move to the kitchen, and closer to the alcohol.
>>33350726Well shit time to see if she'll go out for a dinner and glass of wine or two
>>33350801>>33350771>>33350748You tell her that you should both head to the kitchen and get some old grinders and wine, your treat!As you turn around, expecting to see her following you, she just stares at you. She's the one that looks more puzzled than you at this refusal to follow.
>>33350886Continue to forget that she's deaf and get super nervous.
>>33350886Goddamn it. We already forgot she's deaf. Write her a note and bring a notepad and pen with you or something. DANG IT
>>33350886smack your forehead because you remembered that she was deaf and write the questions down for her because it's been a while since you got your lame ass laid
>>33350886If she wrote a note instead of speaking, she might not be able to hear you.
>>33350886Think on why she hasn't spoken at all, and wrote on that notepad.THINK HARD.
>>33350935>>33350932You grab your head in eureka and violently convulse from such an obvious deduction.>>33350921You use this idea and walk together to the elevator after she writes "OK, just please don't do that again."
>>33351028Get the alcohol.All the alcohol.
>>33351046>>33351028But before you do that make sure you clear your computer history, after all you don't want anyone to see what was on it should this night go south
>>33351066Fuck, the elevator doors just closed.>>33351046This elevator ride is taking a lot longer than you remember. Like, enough time to make some moves.
>>33351092Awkwardly shuffle closer until she feels uncomfortable.
>>33351092TELL HER HER HAIR IS NICE
>>33351111>>33351126You wonder how exactly to write this out. It needs to be charming, and sensitive, and beautiful.
>>33351171Write it in comic sans.Girls love comic sans, right?
>>33351171"YOUR HAIR IS NICE"
>>33351171Draw a sexy portrait of her. She'll love it.
>>33351171YOUR EARLOBES ARE WELL FORMED
>>33351193>>33351200>>33351225>>33351235YOU DO ALL OF THESE THINGS.And watch what happens next, next time on Capitalist Quest Part 4! Available sometime, eventually. Ideally around 12am EDT tomorrow, when I'm butt-tired from work.Stay beautiful, you lovely people.
/tg/ is terrible at dating advice.
>>33351305Damn, see you tomorrow OP. Thanks for the thread.
If anyone ever wants to relive this hell: http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/33348823/>>33351352I also intensely love and are aroused by you too.
>>33351305What happened to your brush settings?
>>33351403Not bothering to change brush size and switching to pen happened.