http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?searchall=neckbeard+questPrevious threadsIf you wish to switch character files, even number must simply suggest PAUSE, FILE SELECT. You may second even numbers in hopes your post lands an even number.----You went on to show this Television lady who's boss-
"I'm not wasting time with this."
You are now Neckbeard. The main character of this game file.You had just noticed this guy tied up in your Cat Baker's kitchen right now. After an intense sexual session with her.How are you gonna deal with this?
>>33327611Wait a moment for our simple brain to sort this anon into "soul food," "minion," "sex," or "standard food."
>>33327611Invite for round 2?
Rolled 16>>33327537>>33327543>>33327572Fucking Mary Sue GMPC bullshit. We didn't even roll for the dicklunge yet.
>>33327611Bake neckbread with Cat Baker.
>>33327729Hey, what the hell do you think happens when you summon the master of reality?
>>33327807I just want to see the telebitches dodge roll, that's what.
>>33327611Pee on tied anon
>>33327611Fuck him, too.
Rolled 4Teli ingame, when summoned, will not be up for battle purposes entirely. She will act as a fashion shop owner if you come across one of her doors. No harm will be presented to any ingame characters, as they would just be flung into the nearest soft spot. If no soft landing is around, she will spawn a random one. Be it ballpit, bed, pillows, a pool of whipped cream.If you find her daughter, she will lead you to the shop as the one in charged.>>33327678Rolling for decision on this.1. Soul food2. Minion3. Sex4. Standard Food>>33327680Will occur if dice lands on sex.
>>33327611Aaaw, how thoughtful of her! She found us anew toy! We gonna call him a Snack!
>>33328021Poor one-arm anon. I knew him, Horatio.
>>33328021PAUSE, FILE SELECT
>>33328081>>33328143Huh. I didn't think anyone else would back me on this.Trying for evens, I suppose.
>>33328021Make sure to dance it up.
>>33328021One arm anon break bondage out of pure fear adrenaline.
>>33328266We gotta be him to do that, right?>>33328143Trying again.
>>33328302We've given npcs commands before.
>>33328366Have we? Muh bad.
>>33328366I think Armless-Anon is an exception. Not sure if Anon, Garush, etc. are selectable on file 2 or not.
>>33328194Might as well entertain the guy before you eat him!
He smells like like a lot of arousal and desperation. With a hint of fear.
>>33328783When did we get a mega carapace?
>>33328783Terrifying. And erotic!
>>33328817Select One-arm file.
>>33328817>Select One-arm file>select succubus
>>33328848>select succubusDude, battle of the demons?
>>33328912You'r lucky this turned out to be my only fma pic.
>>33328846>>33328848Just to be sure, select character.>SUCCUBUS>ONE-ARM
>>33329065>>33329075Succubus.>>33329052Who is this background fellow? I'm so confused
>>33329065>>33329075>>33329085>>33329093Haha wow. SUCCUBUS GEEZE
>>33329111No!! Sucubus damn you
You are now the Succubus.
>>33329259>Celebrate this fact.
>>33329270Nothing real special to celebrate about, but you're glad you're you.
>>33329287Use detective skills to trace down that Anon bugger who got out of his rough, non-consentual sex.
>>33329287>Feel good about that for a moment, then examine your current surroundings.`
>>33329287Now, where the fuck is one-arm. You still want to rape him. It's a matter of principal to not let guys get away.
>>33329287Go back to following your hellhound as it pursues the one-armed poet's scent.
>>33329270>>33329300hehe :^)>>33329287lick hand suggestively
>>33329300You are currently in some residential area, where you followed this guy with a missing foot to his home. You were watching him getting undressed.>>33329308Oh right, your hound has been tracking his scent. It's pointing to the area with Cat Park station.
>>33329546>Make a pit stop. Your hound looks like it needs to poop.
>>33329546Man what a great day to be a succubus! Enjoy the essence you already stole from one-arm, then follow in a leisurely manner.No one has ever beaten you at anal bomberman, and no one ever will.
>>33329546Fucking catpeople. You never really liked the animal people, but you the catfolk least of all.
>>33327537Why is this TV so hot? Why am I so reminded of Broken Age.
>>33327537I know I've seen that TV lady before...
>>33329546Become an incubi and grow a beard
I will bump this.Once.Because I don't want it to die.Live!
>>33331292I saw her on /co/ some years ago.
here's more I have.
I got one.
>>33335248>>33335203>>33331292...Why do I find this strangely arousing?
>Wake up, check on thread and prepare update>Anon is posting old pictures of TeliStop posting old embarrassing pictures of me. Please.
>>33329572You made a pitstop for your hound. It takes a fat nasty shit on someone's property.
>>33335903Continue to track down One-Arm
>>33335903The best way to find one arm is to turn into an arm, so he will be mystically attracted to you.
>>33335431You tell me, maybe you like robots, maybe you like teli vision. Maybe it's some deep set mental trauma that is taking effect that you have hidden away after years of horrible shit happening to you?>>33335903Shit son get a move on, you ain't exactly got all day and who knows how far the one armed sperm bank has gotten. Git on with it.
>>33335903Can't we fly or something?
>>33336062You can spawn wings, yes, but that means you have to
DO YOU WANT TO SEE THE PIT, ANON?DO YOU WANT TO SEE THE FUCKING PIT
>>33336512I think he does.
Back to the game.>>33336062You can spawn wings, but that means you have to shed your elven disguise.Proceed?
>>33336552Lets turn into a giant antropomorphic helicopter.
>>33335118Yeah I didn't get the chance the see the whole thread, seemed really cool with the cancer plant and TV lady.
I asked you to stop so we can get on with the game. Keep it to yourself.
>>33336835thrash and flail, trying to escape from weird tv lady.
>>33336552Lament over the fact that you let one cripple escape you and trick you.Shit son how can you even fuck up that badly? But seriously go get that bloodhoundthing of yours revved up or something, you got a mancow to milk.
>>33337200It's too late!
>>33337509Is it moist, warm and tight~?Or is it a literal pit and not a totally awesome pit?
You're already in the pit!And now back to our game session.
Alright, where were we.. Oh yes.
Your wings wound up and rotated around like helicopter blades, lifting you and your Hellhound into the skies.
The hound is pointing in the direction of some thread-stores are at, but you can't tell which.There is:>Bookshop>Pornshop>Bakery>Another pornshop>Clothing>GrocerThe guy has to be in one of those, right?
>>33337620>another pornshopI know where we're going
>>33337620Let's pick up some nice book as a gift and some kickass pie and track him down to his house later for a nice visit. Wouldn't that be nice?
why is this called neckbeard quest when the protagonists are slim sexy furries and antropomorfic tvs?
>>33338262Because it's Teli.Ever been over to the Second Life threads?
>>33337620What, no limb store?
>>33338262Because our original "Hero" was a neckbeardThings kinda escalated from there, there was a demon, a pompadorc, and then we became a dogIt's rather freeform
>>33338262Well, in the first few threads, the quest didn't have a name really.When came time to archive it, the anon that archived it decided to call it neckbeard quest.
>>33338330That's still a thing, second life?
>>33337620You say porn shop, I hear buffet.
>>33337776>>33337778You decided to stop by the bookstore to pick up a nice gift for that nice cripple. What book do you look for?
>>33338767Our favorite book: The Very Hungry Caterpillar.You were never really good at reading...
>>33338808Nah, we all about One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish
>>33338808>>33338873>Implying bitch got beyond Hilights
>>33338767Something slightly suggestive, but not outright lewd. Something romantic.
>>33339074>Implying she can remember which is which since she can't read the titles.
>>33338808You picked up a copy of The Very Hungry Caterpillar,>>33339022Two versions of the Kama Sutra, the original and the married,>>33339086And a copy of fifty shades of grey.You can only purchase one, choose wisely.
>>33339146After rigorous debate, the Caterpillar.Something about it, I dunno. So hungry.
>>33339146The Big Book of Dicks! How did we forget this timeless illustrated guide?If it's the new edition, pick that up for ourselves. Just buy Volume 1 for now.
>>33339146Fifty Shades is fucking ass though. Let's go with Kama Sutra, the married one.
>>33339164In some way the caterpillar reminds you of yourself, a constantly hungry being, knowing no other love than to be a glutton and devour the only source of food you know. It would if you actually could read, you just like the images.Caterpillar it is.
>>33339218the pillar maaaaaaan!
>>33339146married kama sutra
>>33339164>>33339218>>33339335This isn't the time to be fooling around. We want that dick!
>>33339403but the 'pillar is the most suggestive of them all!i mean he does nothing but indulge in his baser senses!what will warm a body faster then a classic like that?
>>33339403Wistfully think to yourself, at the end of the story the caterpillar eats enough to turn into a butterfly.You don't think you'll ever get enough to turn into a butterfly.Anyway, look at the time! dick o'clock again!
>>33339403Hey man, what's more suggestive than eating someone and green phallic imagery?Also reading with one arm is pretty hard, the HHC is really easy to read with one arm.
>>33339146The Very Hungry Caterpillar
Yes, the caterpillar it is! The book store clerk asks you if that's all.
>>33339540Tell her to put the Big Book of Dicks, Vol 1 on standby for you.Also, have you seen a one-armed sexpot? If not, please point me to the nearest pie store!
>>33339540Yes. Pay for it and head out.
Rolled 1>>33339589>>33339609Either of these is fine. Rollan
>>33339540Pay and head to the bakery for something to complete the gift. Caterpillar and food, it goes together brilliantly!
>>33339540Hit up some small talk with shopkeeper and ask if she is free later tonight.
>>33339804Apparently this is the answer /tg/ was looking for.
>>33339804You spent 12 monies, Copy of THE VERY HUNGRY CATERPILLAR is now in your inventory.You attempt to small talk the shopkeeper and ask her if she's free later tonight."I would say yes, but.."
"... Your dog is giving me the hibbie-jibbies.""I'm going to have to ask you move along.""So I don't have to look at it."
>>33340544Oh riiight. Change back to elf form, give her the finger guns and head to the bakery.
>>33340544"That's not my dog, it just followed me here.", shoo our dog out of the shop and get back to setting up date with shopkeeper.The dog is a bro, hopefully he understands he's being a cockblock here.
>>33340544"That's because it likes you something fierce- ah.Lock your doors and windows tonight unless you hear a knock."
>>33340544Spray dog with squirt bottle until it reverts to its disguised form.
>>33340744You changed back into elf form, and gave the shopkeeper finger guns before heading out.
>>33341324Your dog reverts to its disguised form when you did, but you sprayed it with water regardless.
As you enter the bakery, your hellhound ran right past the counter and began barking at the kitchen door.You can hear voices in there, something along the lines of "... need him alive for punishment..."
>>33342261Bang on the call bell while shouting how you want delicious frosting in your mouth.
>>33342261Grab two of the most phallic looking pastries you can find and go eavesdrop the kitchen door.
>>33342261Think long and hard about fat baker butt.
>>33342261There's nothing to worry about. Just barge in, and if they get too cocky go to demon form. Whoever it could be are just weak creatures. Nothing in there could possibly defeat a succubus.
>>33342356>>33342425>>33342675>>33342735Bang the bell, grab pastries, barge in shouting about frosted butts sound good?
>>33342940First, you banged on the bell. You got a reply, but who has time to wait?So you grabbed a bunch of pastries and went into the kitchen yourself.
>I WANT SOME FROSTED BUTTS
>>33343580Kinky.Wait a moment for our simple brain to sort the bearded fellow into "sex" "kill" or "both."
Rolled 1, 13, 12, 20, 25, 17, 10, 19, 26, 23 = 166>>33343580Slap your forehead"There's my sex slave!"
>>33343580Think about the fat cat butt.Pose.
>>33343580Cram a pastry into your mouth suggestively - not because you want to initiate a sex act, but because you are physically incapable of eating a thing in a non-suggestive way.Ask what you have to do to get serviced around here.
>>33343580Ask to borrow the tied up guy, if they aren't too busy in whatever it is that they are doing.
>>33343580That's our sex slave alright. Just meander over there and take him.
>>33343580One-Arm: FULL PANIC MODE.
>>33343580>"Muh husbando!"Then have the hellhound engage the cat, I mean you gotta fight what's yours right.
>>33343580So the Neckbeard is mad at the Cripple because his Catwaifu fucked our Cripplehusbando?Roll for success at using Succubus powers to unfuck Catwaifu.
>>33343580Just get our fucktoy.
>>33344317Eh? Naw Neckbeard just wants to eat the guy. Cat Baker wants him alive to punish him for breaking into her apartment while fleeing the sucubus, and possibly she just isn't down for murder as a rule.This is standard Neckbeard, really. If he'd decided to minion the guy instead of eating him, we wouldn't be in this situation.
Rolled 4Sorry, I was grabbing food>>33343708>>33343718>>33343826>>33343844>>33343990You are only a simple succubus. You can do so few at a time.
>>33345642>"m-muh.."You utter and point at the tied up cripple.
>>33345968i like this one :>
>>33345642You gotta do a loop-de-loop on the way towards your butt-buddy.
Do the succubus and Beardstrosity answer to the same demon lord?
>>33346504Probably not. It's highly like though that their Demon Lords are rivals.
>>33346504>>33346551If I remember, doesn't Neckbeard follow Beelzefag? If he's a devil-equivalent (Beelzebub), it might be that in this continuity there is only one demon lord. Normally I'd agree tho.
>>33346608I dunno, 50% of the time Beelzebub is the demon prince of gluttony. Which makes sense for us because gluttony is a major part of Neckbeard.
>>33346672Issat right? Neat. If true, adds a whole new dimension to this Succubus-Neckbeard encounter.Poor one-arm, caught in the middle between rival demons! Also the blood feud of dog vs. cat.
>>33346672But the other half is an neglected sex drive and easy to please sexual fantasies.Shit we basically got neckbeard around our finger already.
>>33346822Or it turns out he's stronger and we are incorporated into his harem/group of minions.
"Lady, where are you going with my lunch?"
>>33347336"Lunch? He's my fucktoy."
>>33347336Fuck you he's my lunch.Go find your own.
>>33347336Who are you supposed to be? The furry Metro-Goldwyn Mayer mascot?
>>33347336To someplace to fuck him till he dies so I can claim his soul.
>>33347336You can have him if you beat me in a game of anal bomberman. Or any anal game, really.
>>33347501Not a challenge for beardo.
>>33347554Haha true. She couldn't know the level of his expertise, though!
>>33335804Oh hi Teli
>>33347577So can we go with something along the lines of "Fuck off beardy unless you think you can beat me at anal games!" and then... neckbeard grows the biggest, most horrifying smile any creature has ever seen.
>>33347661Sure, like the fucking Grinch on both mouths. And Beardy's erection grew three sizes that day!
>>33347721Yeah, or Guts slasher smile.
>>33347336Transform into Succubus mode and command your transformed Hellhound to distract Beardy while you make your escape.
>>33347336"Fuck off. Go find lunch somewhere else. He's mine."
>>33347412>Fuck you he's my lunch.>Go find your own!
You may control both parties, regardless of file selecting.Winner's file will automatically select itself.
>>33348681Go demon and try to make a contract with him.
>>33348704Seduce catgirl. Fuck her.If you give him a big enough erection, he'll forget he was hungry!
>>33348704Whose turn is first?
>>33348704Sic your hound on Neckbeard. How dare he attack you.
>>33348704>Target CatgirlSEDUCE SEDUCE SEDUCE
>>33348704Use your mana to drag the battlefield into the shadow realm.
>>33348704catgirl: IRON CHEF technique to increase DEFNeckbeard: Intimidate by belching out the bone of a dog you ate earlier.
>>33348704Seduce the cat!
>>33348704Catgirl: Cat like reflexes! Dodge everything from the black creatures.Neckbeard: Consume hellhound.
>>33348704Oh no, it didn't have to come to this ;_;
>>33348704catgirl baker bakes a cake and then sleeps on it
Rolled 1>>33348730You attempt to seduce the cat girl.Rolling for success
>>33349269I guess Catgirls are only attracted to fluffy things.
"Oooh miss succubus ooohh"You have successfully seduced Catgirl Baker.Neckbeard's turn.
>>33349384Eat the succubusGain Lust in addition to Gluttony.
>>33349384whip it out
>>33349384Oh. Any who, eat the dog. Your hungry.captcha: descartes tverson
>>33349384One-Arm: scurry away in caterpillar fashion.
>>33349384Capture Cripple.Let's make this a hostage situation.
>>33349444>>33349452You ate both the dog AND whipped it out. Impressive.It's still your turn.
>>33349581Counter-Seduce Catgirl. Engage in Seduction Duel.
>>33349614This. This so much.
>>33349581Is our hunger sated? If so, try and counter seduce, seduce everyone! Make a face like this.
>>33349663As hunger demon, our hunger is never sated.
>>33349688...true. But we aren't STARVING, just an endless hunger.
>>33349581wowI don't remember us ever being so well endowed
>>33349581>>33349614Why does Neckbeard make every situation hilarious? IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE
>>33349731Because a god of chaos and trickery has secretly empowered us a bit. The only one who may know about this is Beelzfag.
>>33349614If possible, proceed to mark everyone as your property.
>>33349731Simple: because we made him do a no-sense stuff and goals
>>33349581Seduce catgirl back via helicoptering your dick.
>>33349614You three had engaged in a Seduction Duel. It felt like it was never ending.
>>33349837Spitroast the cat.
>>33349837Dear god, Cat baker is in heaven isn't she.
>>33349646Then you three engage in a threesome! That still counts as a battle right?
>>33349581Bitchslap both bitches. With it.
>>33349837I have provided a soundtrack.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGoWtY_h4xo
>>33349856Kinda. It's just a little fun "hot coffee" break
>>33349856Camera: Pan right
>>33349856Time to make use of the SPECIAL special menu.
>>33349856Neckbeard, this is your moment to prove to, well, EVERYONE you are the alpha, the apex predator, the Macho Man. Make the gods and demon lords recognize you.Meanwhile, One-arm, you need to slink away as fast as you can.
>>33349856>>33349895Needs to pan both right AND down.
One-arm: roll out of the place and call for help
>>33349878Naw, too romantic for neckbeard.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RaG8faaFUMMThis may fit.
>>33350060PffhahaAlso an excellent choice, especially for bakery sex.
>>33349864You are not quite sure you are doing any damage here.It's either of your turns now. This is out of my power.
>>33350265Use dick as a cat toy and play with catgirl.
>>33350265One-Arm: slink away faster.Succubus: use secret 'fuck them into unconsciousness' technique, then abscond with One-Arm.Catgirl Baker: continue being a slut.
>>33350265Neckbeard: declare everything in sight a minion.Then this:>>33349903With the soundtrack>>33350060Succubus: Do your thing, but check out mentally. Think about the Hungry Caterpillar, get fed.
>>33350336Using my neckbeard suggestion AND my music suggestion?Oh you~
>>33350265Charlotte: Arrive to buy baked goods
>>33350318One arm has already fled. Turns out his legs weren't tied!As for the succubus..
>>33350506Run after him while beardy and the cat girl are occupied.
>>33350336Her attempt to fuck them in unconsciousness didn't work out. So she just let neckbeard take over and checked out mentally, thinking about that very hungry caterpillar.I cannot show this now, but what I can say here is that:Neckbeard used a technique not with just his dick, but with his tongues, to show who was alpha. But has the dark lords recognized you? Probably, but damn, you are the BOSS.
Rolled 17You have won. Switching to victor's save file.You have gained a new minion!You have gained an accumulated amount of monies.
Due to certain circumstances, we will have to either switch to another character for now. Or, we can fast forward after the orgy.
>>33350639Garrush all the way.
>>33350612I feel like succubus should be more like a partner.Any who~Neckbeard: Proceed to eat one-armed man.Succubus: Tell Neckbeard he should at least let her fuck one-armed life force away.Cat Baker: Point out that One-arm is gone.
>>33350650>>33350674You are now Garush.You and your classmates are trying to comprehend what happened today. Like the raining swords.
>>33350947Check if you remembered to bring your shield umbrella.
>>33350947They's not bokken, so you knows its wasn't me.
>>33350947Somebody's got to get to the bottom of this. We, however, need to toughen up Cryanon so he can deal with the Neckbeard.It's like the endtimes out here.
>>33350947Are they still raining?Damn, well only 1 or 2 were a bokken so pretty much >>33351033Any, who. Do we know where Anon's new wife and Yorick went?
>>33350947Times likes dis, ya gots ta finds outs what youse is mades ofs.Go out into the raining blades like a boss.
>>33351331>>33351073Sure, if it's still raining use raining swords to toughen up Cryanon.
>>33351355Trying for even
>>33350982You did not bring your shield umbrella. This type of event was unexpected on everyone's part.>>33351086It looked like it stopped.>They are not bokkens, so you ams knowings it wasn'ts me.>Anyways!>Where ams Yoricks and your wifes, Anons?"I don't know. But I hope she's okay.""Wait.""Wife? You mean girlfriend right? Forced marriages aren't a thing here anymore.."
>>33351516Wow that rain IS dangerous. Cryanon: call /k/ay to check up on her.
>>33351516You said the vows. You're a man now.
>>33351516Ignore Anon's complaint."Hey! We never dids throw yous a bachelor party."
>>33351516Anon you can't break her heart by treating her like your girlfriend. Take responsibility.
>>33351537>>33351571>>33351589>>33351603All of these.
>>33351589Proceed with preparation to the bachelor party
Didn't his wife fuck that guy on a train? Does he know? Can he join in?
>>33351892Well, Yorick did in /k/ay's body. He has no way of knowing, and it's happening on a train somewhere, so he can't join in.>>33351537Heh, did Anon ever actually get /k/ay's number?
>>33351516No, Cryanon. She's your wife. You married her.Don't pretend you didn't consent~
>>33351648>You sayings the vows. You ams a mans now!"Ah, I can't find my phone.."
>Anons, you can't breakings her heart by treatings like girlfriends!>Take responsibilities!".. It must of got destroyed in the fire. Or looted up."
>Hey!>We never dids throwings you a bachelorings parties!"Garush.">We can be doings of one todays!"Please."
"BOYS! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!""GET BACK INSIDE RIGHT NOW"
>>33352605go to the bakery!
>>33352605You probably should in case it rains more swords.
>>33352605Turn around and yell out "WHY!?"
>>33352736don't forget intense stare. Its must be totally important cause, no one mess with our preparations to OUR parties
>>33352605Fire hair gun at unidentified assailant
>>33355772NO! For some reason I think he's a teacher!
>>33355972They have really shitty pay, It'd just be sad to shoot a poor person like that.
>>33352605Ams you really expectings me to stayings away from a field of swords?
>>33356024>Not shooting poor peopleWhat do you do between your games of polo and your money baths?
>>33356035Shoot moneless people, like blacks and hobos.Shooting people with little money is just wrong, the money means they are human after all.
Garush isn't a badguy...
Is somebody going to archive before this falls off?
>>33358037Looks like somebody did ithttp://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=neckbeard+quest