New? Here's the previous threads (one of them is missing)http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Neckbeard%20QuestSince I haven't done this in a long while, and the last time I brought it up, someone suggested a new game. So I will give you the choice to load a previous game or a new game, and you can do this whenever. Even number has to suggest along the lines of PAUSE, CHARACTER MENU to go back here.If you choose new game, you can only pick one physical trait, since you didn't complete the first one. You cannot pick the same physical trait as the last game. Characters from the last game will exist in your new game, but you cannot control the main character of said previous game. You cannot delete unfinished progress.
>>32575876New game.Trait: amputated left arm!
>>32575876Load the game.
>>32575934>>32576072NEW GAME LOADEDYour known physical trait is your amputated left arm.It is currently 6:00 AM, december 18th. Temperatures are at 35f.You are currently HUNGRY and SLEEPY.You are currently unemployed.
>>32576487Wow, it's nearly freezing! Better go put on a coat!
>>32576487>Make meatbreadWelcome back Teli
>>32576578You head into the kitchen to make meatbread. How did it go again?Your current kitchen inventory:1lb bacon1 loaf bread1 dozen eggsThree apples1 carton of milk1 bunch of bananas2lb ground beefAn orangeBaking powder and sodaBox of saltBox of pepperBottle of honey1 bag of sugar1 bag of flour1 box of spaghetti noodlesAnd a candy bar
>>32576754Candy BarAll the saltHalf the orange1/4th pound ground beef3 appleseedsand the empty honey bottleno honey, just bottle
>>32576754>Brown that meat>Cook that bacon>Hollow that bread>Stuff that shit in there>Bake until delicious Aw yeah son
>>32576754Scramble some eggs. Meatbread is too much work.
>>32576858You scrambled some eggs
>>32576986fuck we look depressingtry and regrow your arm with the nutrients provided by eggs.actually grow a third arm on your back or something
>>32576986Put on your ROBOT ARM
>>32577010You stuff the scrambled eggs into your mouth, fresh out of the pan. You then proceed your vain attempt at regrowing your left arm.
>>32577170Build a mechanical left arm out of cans, bubble gum, and dreams.
>>32577170Put on your prosthetic arm.
>>32577170Now that our morning routine of trying to regrow our arm is over I say we take a shower and maybe try to find a job.
>>32577170So are we missing our right arm? Build a right arm out of those apple computers you stole from your neighbor.
>>32577320I support this if only because it would mean we'd have two right arms.We would be twice as right.
>>32577357Look at the picture, we don't have a right arm.
>>32577396Check the text>>32577170>regrowing your left arm.I think Teli misdrew because the missing arm is on his left, but the character's right.
Rolled 1>>32577310>>32577320(What? No, his left arm is missing. Did I convey it wrong?)You cannot decide what to do first, so the dice shall decide.1.Shower2.Computer arm
>>32577458In the pictures, his right arm is amputated.
>>32577515Are you sure it isn't our left, his right? I'll try drawing it on the other side.
>>32577531It's definitely his left arm that isn't missing. 100% sure.
>>32577560Whoops, graphical mistake! Back to the game.
You are now at your shower.
>>32577639Disrobe and stand under the showerhead for ten minutes.
>>32577639Take a shower then build a robot arm.
>>32577639>>32577679Don't forget to turn on the shower
>>32577728>>32577746You disrobed, turned on the shower and just stood under it for 10 minutes.
Beeardstrosity: Kool-Aid man through the wall and reclaim your rightful place as MC!
You then head to your room to turn your stolen computer into a robot arm. It's a shitty mac and you doubt your neighbor will miss it.How will you work this out?(God damnit Moot, where's the subject field. Also, I messed that last post up AGAIN, sorry.)
>>32578508Get out of your shower and get dressed. Go outside and explore.
>>32578532Acknowledge the glory of Satan.
>>32578532Moot took subject field out of quick repliesand if you don't know how to build a robot arm from a computer, I bet the internet doesand the computer can access the internetARE YOU THINKIN WHAT I'm THINKIN?
>>32578572We can use our robot arm to get on the Internet?
>>32578532Draw up a blueprint of your new arm.
>>32578572Where do you begin?
>>32578991/diy/ will know. If not maybe /g/.
>>32578991shitpost about roboticists
>>32578991fuck that's low qualitybut yeah /diy/ and /g/Make a thread to ask if you have to
>>32578991/toy/ and /tg/
>>32579026>>32579042You decide to shitpost about roboticists in both /toy/ and /tg/. Maybe they can help you!You hear knocking at your door.
>>32579316Look out the window to see who it is
>>32579316Open the door.
>>32579316Look out the peephole.
>>32579316Get some clothes on first. Did everyone forget we're naked?
>>32579316[Knock Back] "I'm the one who knocks ... O wait it's you Jeff."
>>32579316>open the door>fuck clothes
>>32579316>Open the door>Get on the floorYou know what comes next.
>>32579432>I'm the one who knocks...
>Oh wait, it's you Jeff.
"My name isn't Jeff, and I want that computer you stole from me back! NOW."
>>32579860man I did you a favorit's an apple product
>>32579860I want that arm that YOU stole from me back.
>>32579860You can have your computer back when you solve my riddle!>Also yay! Teli's back!
>>32579860Steal Jeff's left arm.
Rolled 75>>32579860"It's ok Jeff your with friends. You don't need to hide the real you any more."
>>32579948>I want that arm that YOU stole from me back."I never stole your freaking arm because you never had one in the first place! I'm not the only one who saw you move in with only your right arm.."
>>32579986>Fine.>You can have your computer back when you solve my riddle!Quick, think up a riddle.
Rolled 13>>32580705"What was white and now a mess?""Your computer on the pavement."
>>32580705Where is my right arm?
>>32580705What takes it doggy-style in the morning, cowgirl in the afternoon, and missionary in the evening?ur mum
>>32580705What is made of aluminum and about to become my new arm?
>>32580705What's Irish and stays in back of the house, even when it rains?
Rolled 11>>32580705What's in my pocket?It's sand. Roll for POCKET SAND
>>325807421>>325807522Rolling for riddle
>>32580742>Where is my right arm?".. Right there?"
>>32580898fuckwhere is my left arm?
Rolled 49"Winner winner chicken dinner."
>>32580898Wait, who's that making off with the computer?
Rolled 35>>32580993The real Jeff, For he was the one we knocked for.
>>32580921Did someone steal the computer we were stealing? Fuck, chase em down.
>>32580921Look, lets get real, i dont HAVE your computer, what i do have however is a certain paticular set of skills, skills which can be used to hunt down your computers kidnappers, step inside and we shall discuss my price, but i must warn you, once you step inside, you shall be entering my domain, Dare you enter my magical realm??
>>32580936>Winner winner chicken dinner.
"That's it! I'M COMING IN THERE, YOU ONE ARMED FAGGOT"
>>32581788That's insensitiveI didn't ask to lose my arm saving thousands of orphans from a fire.
>>32581788He can't get you if you close the door.
Rolled 82>>32581905Indeed. Never mind the fact that I str ... I mean starving.
>>32581967This, slam the door in his face.
>>32581788That's discrimination Im calling the cops. Slam door
>>32581788>Flip him off>Slam the door
Lock the door, quickly.
>>32581788Attempt to shut his arm in the door so hard that he loses the arm.We could use a second one.
"NO, GET BACK HERE"Before he could prevent you closing the door on him, he slips his arm through.
Rolled 1>>32588046And before he could use that arm to pry it open, you slam the door on his arm as hard as you can to make him lose it.Rolling for success.
Success! Your neighbor loses his arm. You can hear him screaming in pain outside.
>>32589669Quick! Now's our chance!We must attach his arm to our arm-stump using the ancient ritual!
>>32589669Wow, we're stronk.Use his arm as our arm. Attach with duct tape if necessary.
>>32589669Remember being hemophobic.
>>32589669Google how to sew new limbs onto oneself.
>>32589693You mean the stapler?
>>32589750Yes the stapler obviously the stapler
>>32589669Thank him for giving us a hand. High-five ourselves for this wicked pun by tossing the arm in the air and freeze-framing it while the credits roll.
>>32589669Just give him back the weak flesh arm.
>>32589669Meld the flesh with the machine. Become the ultimate human.
>>32589669On second thought, lets use the severed arm to fap in front of him.
>>32590533reminds me of this
Goddamit, still no even numbered post?
>>32589669lamp the fucker with the arm then decapitate him with a rusty spoon
>>32589669Pat yourself on the back for a job well done.
You rip the arm from the door. You now have a left arm in your inventory.>>32589750>>32590324Your stapler is somewhere in your house. Where did you last leave it?
>>32592166In your pants. Go fetch it! Also, might wanna brace the door with one of those boxes.
>>32592166In the second desk drawer of our study.
>>32592166>>Your stapler is somewhere in your house. Where did you last leave it?The stapler is obviously in our microwave oven.
>>32592166Don't use stapler, use needle and thread. Plus super glue for better effect..
>>32592677>>32592166Or duct tape
>>32592166Made small improvement of the current MC.
>>32592166We left the stapler inside the drywall.
>>32592166Retrieve stapler from desk.
>>32592918It's up your ass, shit it out.
Rolled 2>>32592918You suddenly have a small, canonical improvement.>>32593068>>32593548Let's recall where you left it... With a roll.1. Drywall2. Stapler
>>32594035>2. StaplerI mean desk shit sorry my head is broken.
>>32594065Clearly the desk is just a giant stapler
>>32594065Let go and get the stapler from the desk while being naked....
You go and retrieve your stapler from one of your desk drawers.Your computer is missing.There is a note on the spot where your shitty mac is supposed to be.
>>32594239Read the note?
>>32594239Pick it up and read it with angry look
>>32594260You read the note.
>>32594314Unleash the NERD RAGE!!!! We shall Goosh Goosh this bastard!!!!We need to get a dog and track down that bastard!!!
>>32594314Write "It wasn't mine, anyway," then fold it into a paper airplane and throw it out the window.
>>32594314First things first, use the stappler to ritually attach the new arm.
>>32594314You SON OF A BITCH
>>32594742You proceed to staple your brand new arm onto your torso.
>>32594874You then cripple the note in your working fist.>You SON OF A BITCH
>>32594984Test it outYou know how
>>32595014That arm doesn't look to very securely attached. Go find a long, sharp carpentry nail and drive it through your new shoulder and into the bone of your socket joint. That should keep it from falling off.
>>32595143This and then...>>32595045Do this with help of porno
>>32595045>Doing it lefty.It's almost like somebody else is doing it.
>>32595260You search your post for a long, sharp carpentry nail and drove it into your new shoulder, into the bone of your socket joint. It is still not completely functional, but it should stay put.Your source of porn is gone. You must look for another way to get porn.
>>32595530Woopsie, forgot pic.
>>32595530peep on your neighbors doing it or visit /e/
>>32595530Take binoculars, go voyeur people from the window.
>>32595530We can use the power of imagination instead for porn. If women can do it without the porn aid, we can do it too if we try real hard.
>>32595562Did you forget >>32592918 ?Your dick is now long enough to fuck your own ass. You no longer need porn.
>>32595530>>32595562WAIT! Masturbate with your new arm.(If you need use your other arm to move your new arm)
>>32595572It's pretty dark out, but no luck of finding something to voyeur on.
>>32595868Wouldn't that mean bending your dick backwards to stick it in?
>>32596327Leave your apartment naked and try to find some elven skank.
>>32596348Some price are worth paying
>>32596348Put on some clothes you whore.
>>32596348Put on clothessteal another shitty mac
>>32596348Fuck it, put some bizarre clothes on and go hunting for the computer thief. We'll give up on our journey if we manage to gain enough money on the way.
>>32596402>>32596464Well, which is it? Go out naked or go out clothed?
>>32596734Get clothed you stupid whore
>>32596734Put on a shirt and go out pants less
>>32596734go half-naked, flip a coin:heads-toplestails-bottomless
>>32596348I was going to link you to a image on encyclopedia dramatica demonstrating it for you, but it turns out that site is gone now. Damn.
>>32596762>>32596790You slip on some tidy-whities but it's not enough.Go nuts.
>>32597160He should wear a wife beater and a ratty jacket and combat boots.
>>32597160Put on your best suit.
>>32597160Trenchcoat and nothing but a trenchcoat.
>>32597448You left your post in only a trenchcoat.Where does your search for elven skanks begin?
>>32598147In the room that's behind the door that's right in front of you.
>>32598147nearby maid cafe
>>32598147The nearest mana tree
>>32598147Check our elvish skank trap, which I believe we baited yesterday. Rebait it if necessary.
>>32598268Oh right, those might have elf skanks! But seeing as you just moved into /tg/, you don't know your way around the area just yet. Nor do you have any means of a map anymore, since that shitty, stolen computer of yours is gone.>>32598470You do not know of any local manatrees at the moment.
>>32598572Hmm. Since we don't know our way around, our options are limited. Try some sort of elf mating call. Go outside and yell that you have pizza and love trees.
>>32598572Just wander around while looking depressed.
>>32598572Sounds like we need to go exploring
>>32598572>>32598645Add a miner's hat to your ensemble, one with a light you can turn on. Begin wandering the alleyways in search of adventure and elf skanks.
>>32598572Head out and hope for the best. Maybe we can find a catalogue somewhere.
>>32598572Go outside anyway and get lost
>>32598572Let's get a fedora and a whip and go searching for precious elf skank booty.
>>32598572Sniff the air. See if you pick up any foreign scents.
>>32598572Follow your throbbing erection. It always knows where it's going.
>>32598696>>32598974You leave your thread and get lost by following where your erecting points to. Forward, like always, with the occasional crooked throb/wind blow.Temporarily disregarding the even number post rule, each poster may name a possible place. The next 5 posters' places will be decided under a dice roll.
>>32599574ERP THREAD!! We are looking for elf skanks.
>>32599574Quest Thread General
>>32599574Magic: the Gathering storyline thread! I'm sure there are hot elves in there!
>>32599574The "Elf Slave Wat Do" club.
>>32599574The Anima general
>>32599742I'll use this lull to thank Teli for taking the time to illustrate another angle of our cockjourney.
>>32599804Cockjourneys are important like that.
>>32599787You have entered the thread. So far, no elves in site. Unless you actually look around.Do you post? If so, what do you post?
>>32600184Post that everyone else is faggots
>>32600184Post that you're making an elf deck, and you're curious about good elves.
>>32600184Poast asking what they think the best elf based cards are.
>>32600184post saying "dorfs suck, where all duh white elves at?"
You have posted.>>32600280So far, no replies yet.
>>32600184They seem to be ignoring us...
>>32600356Grab OP by the neck and hold him hostage, demanding that the thread give us ALL the elves (even the falmer)
>>32600356This place blows. Let's go to the erp thread.
>>32600356Look over people's shoulders and breathe heavily onto them.
>>32600413>tripfag keeps shilling for the erp threadlel
>>32600500I'm just saying. If we want the elf booty what better place to check than an erp thread?
>>32600356pfft haha what I don't evenLook around for elf maidens. Tell them Nissa a best.
>>32600547probably someplace that isn't /tg/in fact /t/ has some elf related material, maybe elves are on that
>>32600356>>32600549Whelp. Look for elf replicas!
>>32600356Capped the response thus far for posterity, so archive readers won't get too confused.Never capped before; I just employed Paint and intense labor.
>>32600408You were just about to make a hostage out of OP until you got replies.
>>32600944The card in the Gatherer link.
You got some elf recommendations.
>>32601040OK let's try the old pick-up lines! "Hey baby, I only got one arm and... um... shit." Move on to the next one, trying frantically to think of something better.
>>32601040Take them to a bar. They look like fun dudes.
>>32601040LET'S PROVE TO THAT ONE ELF CHICK HOW NOT GAY WE ARE! WITH OUR DICK!!!
>>32601156I think that's an Anon in the background.>>32601040Elf on the far right is best girl. Offer her a new staff to polish.
>>32601040Take them home and "make a deck"And, by "make a deck," I mean "have an orgy."They're just cards, though, so it isn't rape and they can't say no.
>>32601156Which one? At least 2 are female.
>>32601040Paint a message on yourself that says "For the most pure waifu." Throw yourself at their feet. See what happens.
>>32601211But we want a lewd waifu, anon.
>>32601211>>32601279Paint a message on yourself that says "For the most lewd waifu." Throw yourself at their feet. See what happens.
>>32601334Cute/Sexy doesn't make sense as an axis, since one can be both at once.
>>32601156You whip it out, but you haven't decided HOW to prove you're not gay.>>32601334You do not have any paint on hand. Be quick, find something you can use as paint/writing material!
>>32601521Remove new arm and use as a brush, I'm sure there's some blood there still
>>32601521Just say it to them.
>>32601521Carve it on your body with you nails.
>>32601521Pull out your shoulder nail and write with the bloody tip.
>>32601579No need to remove the whole arm. Just twist the nail a bit to draw some blood.>>32600356I love how meta this is.Was it this or a different quest that involved a post on another board before?
>>32601579>>32601583>>32601589>>32601625>All oddsCheck our trenchcoat pockets for something useful?
>>32601521Use the nail on our arm.
>>32601521Say "ladies" in a voice like that of the spy from team fortress 2.
>>32601521Screw writing, jump at their feet and say it!Fuck the Wellwisher. Fuck her good and hard.
>>32601521Oh, man, I hope we get to see that Wellwisher in Teli lewd style. I still have boners from the elf that tried to eat Beardy's dick.
>>32601521start swinging your dick in a circle while singing "you spin me right round baby right round, like a record baby right round"Surely this will prove your heteroness
>>32601878I actually burst into laughter from this. Best option.
>>32601872I'm pretty sure she tried to give him a blowjob.
>>32601971Don't make me sad like that.
>>32601971Naw man, she totes wanted to nom is dick off.
(No, /tg/ is the first board this quest started out on. I want to do one for /v/ and /co/, but I'll just stay here for now.)>>32601688>>32601804You twist the nail a bit to draw enough blood to write your message on your body and threw yourself at their feet all while saying ladies as the tf2 spy. You are in pain right now.
>>32601878You then began swinging your dick in a circle, singing the lyrics to "you spin me right round".Your audience watches in amazement.
>>32602333Come oooooon, Wellwisher.
>>32602357Now that we got their attention. "So who's down for getting something to eat?"
>>32602333I know this one was here from the beginning. I was meaning referencing a post on a different board for in-quest actions. If that was this or something else. It's been a while. Probably something else.
Rolled 15>>32602357Rolling to seduce.
Rolled 12>>32602444We can do better!
Rolled 9>>32602357WE ARE GOING TO SEDUCE HER!!!
>>32602444You got them flustered! Whatever it is you're doing, keep doing it!"Dude what the fuck is going on here. This is a blue board!""Some asshat trying to seduce elves."
Rolled 1>>32602550rolling for hilarious failure
Take notice of >>32602546
>>32602573They're onto us! Grab the Wellwisher and run back to your thread.
Rolled 5>>32602357WE ARE GOING TO SEDUCE HER!!!
>>32602573Take elves and go. We know where we're not wanted.
>>32602577>1d1I'm on to you!
Rolled 3, 8, 13 = 24>>32602573Rolling to get each of them to come with us to eat dinner.
>>32602724Really, how did you find out?
>>32602734You don't really need to roll, just leave commands.
>>32602802>commandsI command the elves to have sex with me!
>>32602905Not this, its not very sexy.Continue to seduce the elves with your love sausage, give them your thread number then leave before the mods come, but not before blowing a kiss at them, Nonsexually of course
>>32602966>Leaving them behindBullshit, take them with us.
>>32602983Yeah, your right, but take the Gay Sayer with us, so we can show him just how straight we are.
>>32603017By giving it to him up the ass?
Rolled 1>>32602612>>32602718You grab the wellwisher and make a break for it, but the wellwisher turns out to be reluctant and tries to stop you.Rolling for her success.
>>32603229fuckreach out to her for healinglook sad
>>32603229Find a park.
>>32603229We... are not very good at planning.Tell her you've got one colorless and one forest back home. You can totally pay her mana cost.
>>32603566The life would be useful, seeing as how we stapled ourselves.
>>32603613Maybe after we heal over base life we can start using our new arm.
Unfortunately, you lost your grip on her and she hurries back into the thread.
>>32603340You head into the nearest park. Your erection has gone flaccid.It is now 7:45 AM, temperatures at 40.
>>32603729Wander around dejectedly.
>>32603747Check out that sweet-ass dog in the corner there.
>>32603747Check out the chick with the giant ice cream cone.
>>32603747Do a 360 and steal the car passing by.
>>32603747SPRINT TOO THE PARK INTERSECTION!!! INTERESTING THINGS HAPPEN AT PLACES WITH 4 DIRECTIONS!!!
>>32603847>Go to crossroads>meet the devil>sell soul for elf waifuYeah, seems legit
>>32603859Nah we already got beardstrosity for Faustian pacts.
>>32603859OF COURSE IT'S LEGIT!! AND IT'S ALL FOR THE PRICE OF 19.95!
>>32603879Turn off the cruise control, triptard.
>>32603752You wandered around dejectedly.>>32603758Then you run into this dog."Bark!"
>>32603971Kick the dog because you didn't get laid.
>>32603971Just what we need. Hug your new friend.
>>32603971Adorable. We shall call you Jimmy, and you shall be ours.Maybe we can use Jimmy to pick up elf chicks? Chicks dig dogs almost as much as they dig giant robots.
>>32603995>>32603971You FOOL! Now we'll never pick up elf chicks... Not unless we can find a giant robot....
>>32604020meant for this>>32603989
>>32603971Try to soliliquize like Hamlet."Alas, master dog, to be but a hungry hound! Naught but a belly craving bacon to beckon you forward; no elvish beauties having scorned, no more wit to your tongue than lolling and licking, yet always a friend to laugh with it! Naught to say but a bark, yet always a friend to listen!Oh, to be a dog, with heart so light it fair lifts you from the earth. But then, does the truism not also hold for thee: 99 problems you have, but a bitch ain't one."
>>32604050Add an alas in there. "But alas, a bitch ain't one."
>>32604050>Alas, master dog, to be but a hungry hound! >Naught but a belly craving bacon to beckon you forward; no elvish beauties having scorned, no more wit to your tongue than lolling and licking, yet always a friend to laugh with it! >Naught to say but a bark, yet always a friend to listen!>Oh, to be a dog, with heart so light it fair lifts you from the earth. >But then, does the truism not also hold for thee: >99 problems you have, but a bitch ain't one.
>>32603990You then proceed to hug the dog.
>>32604130>>32604151I rolfed hard.Try to get DOG to join your party!
>>32604151now come the bitches
>>32604151Lay him on the ground and rub his stomach!
>>32604151We're sure to get all the bitches now with our sweet ass dog.
>>32604151DAT BITCH IN THE BACKGROUND HAS LONG EARS.Time to lure them in with our new companion.
>>32604151wait shit is that an elf back theremake with the cute, doggie!Wait shit I can do this"Forsooth, what passing vision sweeps away the moonlight in its wake! Methinks it is the day, the sun has dawned, for she outshines the moon. What fools we mortals be, too trapped in restless contemplation to let the star-bewitched air invigorate our hearts - friendly beast! Get thee upon thy belly, and bark most cutely!Fuckin do eet. NOW COME THE BITCHES!"
>>32604151Stare at the elf.
>>32604151Use the dog to pick up elf chicks.
>>32604271O we got this.
>>32604336Ah yes - the cute dog is the stitchWith which I'll sew the heart up of the bitch!
>>32604561Stop being an ass, namefaggot.
OP might be asleep. If we weren't already past 300 replies, it'd be time to bump once every few hours until morning.
>>32607719In the OP