Previous threads:>http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?tags=Ogre%20Civilization%20Quest>http://archive.foolz.us/tg/search/subject/Ogre%20Civilization%20Quest/type/op/order/asc/"Yet another issue that continues to baffle scholars around the globe is the ogres' understanding of mortality as a concept."For centuries on end, the most commonly held belief (among us "civilized" peoples) is that ogres are so incredibly, tragically stupid that they do not fear death. However, recent studies have shown that this is a gross simplification of the underlying truth: ogres seem unable to grasp what death actually IS."This is supported by their rather strange vocabulary, along with their standard philosophies. Ogres very rarely use the word 'kill', instead preferring to describe violent, possibly lethal acts of force as 'krumping' or 'smashing.' For the most part, they seem to regard such violence with a fond playfulness, and are surprisingly blase about being killed; they often don't hold it against their killers (though there are limited reports of ogre leaders being violently protective of their underlings and flying into a rage upon their deaths)."Scholars have yet to determine WHY this should be. One working theory is that it has something to do with their belief that if they die, they'll just disappear for a while and then return after an unspecified period of time. Perhaps this is a roundabout way of saying they believe in reincarnation, or perhaps there's some strange phenomenon going on that we have yet to uncover..."(Cont.)
>>30377987Celicia Silverstone, leader-slash-commander of the Felpowder Elves of Ogir Place, never imagined that her career in the Elven Coalition's Armed Forces would come to this. She's currently sitting on a rock in the middle of a desert, thousands of miles away from her homeland, watching over the body of an ogre she actually counts as a friend.Then again, she never thought she would live to see a gargantuan, eldtrich, godsteel-clad harbinger tear screaming into the world, only to be suplexed by an ogre barely a fraction of its size. That's most of the reason why Celicia's sitting on a rock- the impact crater left by the the Railed Roads' passing seems to have stripped the surrounding area of its sand, but that's not really the important part.What IS important is that when the dust cleared, Boss Bawss Fistboss was lying facedown in the shattered remains of his Ogretek Armor, mildly burned and majorly unconscious, possibly in a coma. And Geomancer Gubbins, Bawss's technical second in command, has yet to return from an ill-advised time traveling outing to the past, in order to scout out the layout of the dwarven lands in order to revive them in the present with the power of THE MAP.Well, the elves are nervous, some of them worrying that the ogres will return to their "vile base natures" without their leaders to guide them. (Celicia has done her best to disabuse them of this notion, but it's a work in progress). The beetle-like Scaratones have withdrawn back to their hives- even Queen Kilkkarak reluctantly returned home, since she has to sort out all too much after the defeat of their ancestral enemies. The dwarves have withdrawn into themselves, fretting over the fate of their homelands after... whatever it is the kobolds did to them.(Cont.)
>>30377987>blorp is back>BLORP IS BACKToday is a wonderful day!
>>30378014Strangely enough, the ogres themselves were the least affected by their leaders' incapacitation, and have started working on repairs to Ogir Place, the walking oasis-golem that was badly damaged by the Formichroma Prophet's possession (and the ogre-delivered thrashing that knocked him right out of it).Everyone Celicia asked replied with some variation of the same phrase: "he's just sleepin' it off, nothin' to be worried about."Celicia grimaces, flicking her straw-blond hair over one shoulder. Yes, and then there's the small group of kobold "defectors," who Boss Bawss Fistboss brought back with him, and who were also technically responsible for the poor state he's currently in.She leans forward, propping up one elbow on her knee as she eyes Bawss's unconscious form. Next to his body, that strange spider-demon sword remains lodged blade-first in the sand, keeping its own silent vigil over Bawss; Celicia ignores the thing, grumbling dourly to herself."Well, this is another fine fuckin' mess you've left us with." (Cont.)
>>30378052-----------------------------------------------Ogir Place - Flying Golem OasisHP - 25/100EQUIP - Sandstorm Drill (broken), Magma Shield (broken)-----------------------------------------------Population: ???/??? ogres (6 dead), 90/90 elves, ∞/∞ patchwings, 50/50 Solar Skellies- [Landmarks] Oasis, Daphnaia, Underground Cave/Quarry [50% mined]- [Food] Cacti(-ow), Fungi, Wheat, Potatoes, Ravager Meat, Milk; Fair Growth (+32/turn)- [Resources] Sandstone, Iron+Chromite Ores, Featherstone, Aquifer Pebbles, Bones [Ogir Fist]- [Diplomacy] Scaratone [ALLIED; Featherstone Carts, Fungi, Paper]; Felpowder Elves [UNITED]; Achievement Hunter Dwarves [???]- [Key Items] Tomes (Dragon Lore, Illusory Magic I, Necromancy I), Crazy Ghost's Books- [Arms] Cactus Maces, Iron Scimitars, Heat-Seeking Rokkit Launchers, Short-Ranged Bow+Arrow, Crude Iron Armor, Demon Helm/Shoulderpads; Ur-Camouflage- [Vocations] OGRES: Geo (∞), Berserks (4), BMasters, Rockkits, Riders, Heallusionist- [Beasts] Giant Bats (trained), Naked Mole Ravagers (trained)- [Settlement] Ruined Rock Shanties, Broken Storehouse, Mud Farms, Anchor/Stairs, SOGGY HELL ASHES- [Named Ogres] Boss Bawss Fistboss [+30 Diplomacy], Geomancer Gubbins [+30 Geomancy to All, +Ruoumoko, +Time], Beastkrumpa Squiggles Irwin [+Beast Whisperer, Big Vulture]- [Allied VIPs] Celicia Silverstone, Gunston Lockstock, Vultan- [Tech] Fire, Fish, Agriculture[+Protection+Fertilizer], Cooking, Tea, Mine, Smelt/Forge, Write/Read, Hats, FStone Flight, FStone Airdrops, Airships, Ur-Cartography- [Magic] Geomancy X, Heallusion I, Necromancy I, Time I, Climate Control 0- [Economy] System=Barter; Currency=Shit- [Justice] Krumpin' Duels / Boss Knows Best-----------------------------------------------ROLLS [Updated!]>Any Doubles: STUPID LUCKY>100: SO BRILLIANT IT'S STUPID>90-98: Stupidly Successful>60-90: Successful>40-60: So-So>10-40: Kind Of A Problem>2-10: SO STUPID THAT IT'S BRILLIANT >1: LUCKY STUPID(Cont.)
It's a late Christmas miracle!
IT LIVES!But does Bawss?
>>30378080--------------------------------------**CHOOSE TWO (special) STRATEGY ACTIONS**--------------------------------------[A1] [REPAIR MOBILITY] Ogir Place can't walk OR fly right now.[B1] [REPAIR STRUCTURE] And it's full of holes, Cap'n![C1] [REPAIR WEAPONS] AND it can't defend itself![D1] [REPAIR REPAIRS] Okay, now you're just being silly.[E1] [WRITE-IN] Wot do?--------------------------------------**- AND CHOOSE ONE EVENT ACTION**--------------------------------------[A2] [SCARATONES] Check up on Queen Kilkkarak, see how the ogres' oldest allies are doing in the aftermath of that huge battle.[B2] [DWARVES] Check up on Lockstock and his crew. Their morale can't be very high after all that's happened.[C2] [ELVES] Celicia's feeling introspective. She needs time to sort through her priorities.[D2] [KOBOLDS] Interrogate the... prisoners? More importantly, we need more information about everything!--------------------------------------**AND THEN IT'S TIME FOR GUBBINS' TIME TRAVEL ANTICS**--------------------------------------
>>30378242>[A1] [REPAIR MOBILITY] Ogir Place can't walk OR fly right now.>[B1] [REPAIR STRUCTURE] And it's full of holes, Cap'n![A2] [SCARATONES] Check up on Queen Kilkkarak, see how the ogres' oldest allies are doing in the aftermath of that huge battle.I MISS QUEENIE
>>30378242>[D1] [REPAIR REPAIRS] Okay, now you're just being silly.>[B1] [REPAIR STRUCTURE] And it's full of holes, Cap'n!>[A2] [SCARATONES] Check up on Queen Kilkkarak, see how the ogres' oldest allies are doing in the aftermath of that huge battle.
>>30378242[B1] very important[D1] let's get those auto-repair thingies that didn't previously exist but suddenly retroactively do back online![A2] Ok, I just like Queenie
>>30378242[D1] [REPAIR REPAIRS]Repair it so hard it repairs its self[A2] [SCARATONES]
>>30378242[B1] [REPAIR STRUCTURE] And it's full of holes, Cap'n![D1] [REPAIR REPAIRS] Okay, now you're just being silly.[D2] [KOBOLDS] Interrogate the... prisoners? More importantly, we need more information about everything!Embrace the ogre way.
>>30378242>[D1]>[D1]We's gottsa repair da repairs befores we fix Ogir Place!>[C2]Celicia's doin' da thinkin' thing. Betta make sure she has help!
>>30378242>[A1] [REPAIR MOBILITY] Ogir Place can't walk OR fly right now.>[B1] [REPAIR STRUCTURE] And it's full of holes, Cap'n![C2] [ELVES] Celicia's feeling introspective. She needs time to sort through her priorities.
Rolled 66Oh ho ho it's good to be back, Blorp.(Now to see if I can remember how to roll, it's been so long...)
>>30378506First roll is a double
Thanks for the welcome, guys, I'm glad to be back!ALSO, it looks like we have a tie for the Event Action, so gonna have to ask for one more round of votes between-1) Visit Scaratones2) Follow Celicia
>>30378570I've got a good feeling about this thread.
>>303785781) Visit Scaratones
Rolled 5>>30378578Gotta say Celicia.
>>30378506>>30378570it hasn't even begun yet, WHY THIS
>>30378578CeliciaShe wasn't... right last time we saw her.
>>30377987HOLY FUCKING SHIT YOU'RE BACK WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN YOU WONDERFUL SON OF A BITCH
>>30378578>1) Visit Scaratones
>>30378242[D2] [KOBOLDS] Interrogate the... prisoners? More importantly, we need more information about everything!>[D1] [REPAIR REPAIRS] Okay, now you're just being silly.
>>30378578>2) Follow Celicia
>>30378607Because you hurt us when you left us here for so long.We hurt the ones we love the most, Blorp... We hurt the ones we love...
>>30378242>>30378578Okay, it looks like Celicia wins by a hair ! Which means the consensus is:>[A1] Repair Mobility (roll required)>[D1] Repair Repairs (roll required)>[C2] Follow CeliciaAnd you know the drill...!>***STUPID LUCKY TIME?***ROLL d100! (dice+1d100 in the email field)>taking the best 2 out of 4 rolls!
Rolled 28>>30378774Oh lawdy
Rolled 98>>30378774Rolling for stupid!
Rolled 62>>30378774nat 1 inc
Rolled 95>>30378774Let's go!
>>30378780>>30378799It's ogre before it even began
>>30378794>>30378798>>30378799Triple 8 combo!
Rolled 68>>30378819I was one off from excellence : /
>>30378820That's pushing it, dude. Be happy with the 97 and 98 we got and don't get greedy.
>>30378735Don't be silly, that can't be the reason for->>30378780>>30378794>>30378799.... II GUESS IT'S TIME TO START WRITING
>>30378861AWW, but I like hearing the sounds of Blorp's mind shattering into fragments like a mirror being hit with a hammer...
Rolled 65>>30378888YES! IT'S HERE! MY FIRST PARTICIPATION IN THE OGGRREEEEEE!!! Oh, and quad 8 post number
Rolled 41>>30378888Quads. The Ogre times are upon us, brothers.>the oingoinVerily!
>>30378888oh what's going on in this threa->83>97>98IT'S THIS THING ALL OGRE AGAIN
Rolled 28>>30378888... Did it always take this long? I think I nostalgia'd my memory of update speed.
>>30379462check twitter.blorp having trouble with 4chan.
>>30379462Blorp said that 4chan's having a seizure on Twitter.
Rolled 95>>30379479>>30379499Oh hell :(ROLL TO RESTORE 4CHAN!
>>30379462Yeah, 4chan shat the bed again. Server problems. Figures it happens when Blorp returns from the nether...
Rolled 98>Always hit one off of 96.Fuck me, RNG be taunting.
Okay, it looks like 4chan is having some major stability problems for a lot of people, myself included. It's hitting east coast America at least, possibly the entire country.I'm still typing up the next post, but I don't know when or if I'll be able to get it out at a reasonable time... many apologies, folks. Definitely going to continue this tomorrow- if this thread's still around, then it'll be here, otherwise it will be in a new thread at 7 pm!
>>30379541God damnit moot.
>>30378780Let it be known a clapped like a retarded monkey when I saw this.
Rolled 24>>30379526Derm, change your name to Lord of the 99. Do it NOW!
Rolled 7>>30379688OH GOOOOOOOOOOD
Rolled 79Please, dice, please...
Rolled 79>>30379716IT HURTS IT HURTS MAKE IT STOP
Rolled 85>>30379735REVERSED ONE AWAY!
Rolled 15>>30379744BUT THERE WERE TWO 79's!CLEARLY WE ARE GODS AMONGST MEN.
Rolled 21>>30379735>>30379729They have chosen...
Rolled 85>>30379756>>Hubris, my old friend...
Rolled 43>>30379541You have my sincerest apologies Blorp, but really, you bought it upon yourself.
Rolled 35Look at this roll... And the message...http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/30005100/#p30008101I was the chosen of the dice.And I am now.
Rolled 78>>30379854Verily, we are the chosen lords of the number deities.
Okay, looks like I spoke too soon- 4chan connectivity seems to be back up right now. Quest will be continuing shortly!
Rolled 45>>30380001Oh, so close.Also yay!
>>30380001Yes! As an Eastcoaster that just got /tg/ back ten minutes ago I can't tell you how happy I am too see Ogre Quest continue!
>>30378080>>30378242>>30378774>[REPAIR MOBILITY] - 98 - STUPIDLY SUCCESSFUL>[REPAIR REPAIRS] - 97 - DITTOWithin minutes of Boss Bawss Fistboss’s pyrrhic victory, it becomes distressingly clear how much of a difference his leadership made in the lives of the ogres."I AM FIXING DA FINGS," one ogre bellows cheerfully as he sits his ass in the middle of the desert, hammering a rock onto another rock with every sign of enjoyment. The CLINK TONK WHONK of his proud work echoes throughout the desert, causing many an elf to cover their ears in annoyance."HOW DO YOU CLIMB ONTO DA PLACE,” another one yells out quite calmly from his precarious position halfway up Ogir Place’s massive bulk, hanging onto a craggy ledge with nothing but his fingernails between being an ogre and being a pancake on the ground below.“I’M HELPING,” yet another one calls out proudly, jumping up and down on Ogir Place’s oasis, accomplishing nothing but kicking up clouds of sand that get in everyone’s eyes and nostrils. The ogre’s latent geomancy is even less helpful, turning the sand whorls into amusing images of spectral butts that fade away into the desert like so much mist.All around the downed, half-broken Ogir Place, those three scenes are multiplied by about a hundred or so as every able-bodied ogre does his damned best to help without actually knowing HOW to help. The resulting racket is immense, with dozens of ogres either slamming rocks into rocks (and occasionally each other), yodeling at the top of their lungs as they clamber all over the downed oasis-golem (and/or fall off the edge to bounce off the sands below), or just having a fun time by trying to stomp everything flat.(Cont.)
>>30380317>spectral buttsogres, pls
>>30380317The noise is actually enough to get Gunston Lockstock, dwarven prince of the southwestern quadrant of the Icedagger Mountains, to leave his huddle of despondent dwarves and grab the nearest ogre in a doomed attempt to explain to him exactly what they’re all doing wrong.“Look, you and the other lads, you’ve all got yer hearts in the right places,” Lockstock says, not unkindly. “But you’re not making any bit of headway here. Are ye gettin’ my drift?”The ogre frowns, scratching his blue bald head with an equally blue hand. “Wot’s a drift?”“... er, not important. Anyway, you’ve got to... er, how should I put it?” The dwarf tugs at his salt-and-pepper beard, thinking hard for a moment. “Try fixin’ your way of fixin’ things. You’ve got a lot of ogres with you, you ought to pool all yer resources together, figure out what you can do. Got it?”(Cont.)
>>30380364An hour later or so later, Celicia leans out of one of Daphnaia’s many windows to see exactly WHY all the racket suddenly stopped, careful not to fall out (since the elven tree-structure is currently listing toward the ground at a 45-degree angle). Even from this far up, it’s ridiculously easy to spot the ogres gathered out in front of Ogir Place; without their Ur-Camouflage, they’re one rather large blotch of blue against the desert sand and rock.One ogre sits facing the entire group, a rock in either hand. “… so anyways, he sez to me, ‘fix yer fixin’. So dat’s wot we’re gonna do right now, ‘cuz dat’s what Boss Bawss would totally want us to do. Are you all ready? You got yer rocks in hand?”All ogres present lift up their rock-clutching hands dutifully.“A’right. So dis is wot we’re gonna do- on the count of lots, we’re gonna start bangin’ ‘em together all at da same time.” The lead ogre takes a breath. “One! Two!”Celicia watches with the expression of someone who’s 99% sure that she already knows the punchline, but lives in fear of the remaining 1% chance that it will end with reality getting a pie to the face.“LOTS!”(Cont.)
Rolled 26>>30380393*Anticipation intensifies*
>>30380393As one, all the ogres lift up their rocks, bringing them down hard to chunk against their secondary rocks with a large CRACKing noise.“One! Two! LOTS!”CRACK.“One! Two! LOTS!”… on the third CRACK, Celicia suddenly notices that Ogir Place’s left foot doesn’t seem so cracked and chipped anymore.“One! Two! LOTS!”She squints at the leg. Yes, there’s no mistaking it, new stone is poking up out of the wound, completely in time with the CRACK of the ogres’ efforts. Over the course of the next half hour, in fact, the leg is as good as new, and the repairs’ REPAIRS have moved onto the next leg to do its work. (Celicia is not around to see it, because she is too busy getting inebriated.)>Ogir Place’s legs and arms are healed!>Ogir Place’s mobility restored!>Sixty-seven fingers and toes have been stubbed due to overenthusiastic rock-banging!(Continued soon for Celicia event post, in 20-25 minutes!)
>>30380424I have no face.
>>30380424holy fuck i seriously cant breathe im laughing so hard
Rolled 15>>30380441Well, how convenient, I haves no sides or lungs.
>>30380424I love you Blorp. This is exactly what /tg/ needed.
>>30380424>Doot de doo...Huh. Someone is using the Ogre Quest pic. That's nice.>Wait.>Blorp !!RkFQIQOO6xk >IT FUCKING LIVESGood to see you back, Blorp.Did you get these images from the last thread? I don't think I saw them on the twitter.
Rolled 49>>30380424My face is inverted
>>30380424I knew Repairing the Repairs was the right option!
>>30380498And dis be the other.
>>30380498>>30380518hot damnNO, GOOD SIR, I CANNOT SAY I'VE SEEN THEM BEFORE. Thanks for bringing them up, I have no idea how I missed those pics!!
>>30380545speaking of eggs did those bat thing friends started laying?
>>30380682YOu mean the patchwings?
>>30380682The patchwings?Well, that's probably been going on in the background and all that. They're basically an infinite resource.
blorp's backguysII'm crying right nowI'm not worthy.
Rolled 79>>30380778Correct, you aren't.Leave this place, and return with an artifact worthy of his presence!
>>30380811Psst! You hav ta roll a duble if yer going at say that!
Rolled 15>>30380902Man I have doubles stocked for DAYS. Look right the fuck up there! First roll of this thread! Double sixes!
>>30380424>Celicia Event!Frankly, all Celicia really wants to do right now is to drink more dwarven alcohol, burn through all her cigarettes at once, and go to bed, not necessarily in that order. She is, in fact, nearly willing to risk smoking AND drinking dwarven alcohol at the same time WHILE in bed, which may be a very good way to accidentally set all of fucking Daphnaia on fire.On the plus side, if she's burnt to ashes, at least she wouldn't be bone-weary anymore. Between apparently going FULL OGRE during that last fight and having to deal with a trillion elves asking to talk to her about their fears and doubts regarding the ogres' detrimental lack of leadership blah blah blah, well..."It's enough to drive me up the fucking wall," Celicia gripes to the only person left in Ogir Place who she trusts enough to blab all of this to. "I know, I know, it's my job and all, but I just wish all these damn FNGs would just learn to have a little more faith in the ogres. You know what I mean?""Ogres?" Vultan the patchwing squawks, tilting his avian head to one side while scratching at the desert sand with paws more at home on a hyena. "Ogres. Elves, elves, elves."Celicia narrows her eyes. "... seriously? No way. You don't actually think-""Elves, elves, elves," Vultan interrupts. He then tilts his head so far to the side that it almost touches the ground, staring up at Celicia intently. "... kobolds," he adds gravely.(Cont.)
>>30380979The elf grits her teeth, grinding her cigarette out on the sand. "... seriously, you're too damn perceptive for your own good, you know that?" she grumps.Vultan nods sagely, looking mildly smug. "Kobolds. Elves, elves, kobolds.""Alright, alright." Celicia rocks back onto her heels and stands up, brushing the sand off her uniform reflexively. The damn bird-thing's got a point; it's not the other soldiers' nagging that's really got her knickers in a twist: it's the kobolds.The kobolds, who seem to have wiped out the humans and the dwarves in no time flat. And when you talk about your average adventuring group, the type who'd go out on a nice round of murderhobo spelunking together in a kobold warren, all the BEST stories feature humans, dwarves, and elves."And we all know who the little drake-fuckers are going to go after next," Celicia mutters to herself. Goddamned horrible time to have a lingering sense of nationalism and/or grow a conscience.Either way, the Elven Coalition really needs to know that they're in for a lot of trouble soon.[A] [IGNORE] ... or not. Fuckers can go fend for themselves, after abandoning the Felpowder Elves out in the desert. Besides, it can't possibly end well for her.[B] [TAKE THE TRIP] On the other hand, Celicia's soldiers surely have families back home. She owes it to them to tell the elves- or TRY to, anyway.[C] [MIDDLEMAN] Try to ring up the merchant guy and have him pass on the message. It'll save Celicia some trouble, even if the message gets there too late.[D] [WRITE-IN]
Rolled 22>>30380979The suspense!
>>30381016[B] [TAKE THE TRIP] On the other hand, Celicia's soldiers surely have families back home. She owes it to them to tell the elves- or TRY to, anyway.
>>30381016>[C] [MIDDLEMAN] Try to ring up the merchant guy and have him pass on the message. It'll save Celicia some trouble, even if the message gets there too late.
Rolled 5>>30381016Use da map to move the elves over here for a sec, then move them back.
>>30381016>[B] [TAKE THE TRIP] On the other hand, Celicia's soldiers surely have families back home. She owes it to them to tell the elves- or TRY to, anyway.Seeing her laughed out of the place will make me feel less bad when the elves get it.
>>30381016>[B] [TAKE THE TRIP]ROAD TRIP!If only Bawss was awake. He'd love to talk to them!
>>30381016Should we ask any of the elves who came through the portal if any of them died from a kolbold attack?
Rolled 63>>30381016[C]MiddlemanThe ogres need help now too, and they've done more for her and her team than the coalition has
Rolled 23>>30381016>WRITE-INOrder take out for the Elven bureaucrats and have the pizza guy deliver the message.
>>30381016>[D] [WRITE-IN]I wonder if we can like make a little figure labelled Cecilia and then put it on the map, then move it on the map to the area labelled "elf lands." and then she'll be in the Elf Lands!
Rolled 69>>30381070It's so stupid that it has to work.
>>30381016BThe elves don't seem to listen to anybody other than themselves, and half the time they don't give a shit. Cecilia is the only person to do this with any sucesss
>>30381149The middleman is an elf I believe.
>>30381093Celicia explicitly banned anyone who came through the portal from telling anyone anything about the future.
Rolled 90[X] OPTION D: MAP TRICK
>>30381173I don't remember, but wasn't he a drow? I have the impression he was a drow for some reason.
>>30381016>[B] [TAKE THE TRIP]
>>30381016>[MIDDLEMAN]And tell him that if he reveals the source of this information to the Coalition we'll cut off his supply of Hats and Ogre Poo!
Blorp, it may be the alchohol talking, but... I love you.
>>30381289That's not the alcohol, thats the addict!
>>30381149>>30381173>>30381230Just to clarify: the representative from Lolth's Guild of Merchants is NOT actually a totally-not-a-drow dark elf; the guild is generally led by them, however. Which isn't too big of a problem, since the Elven Coalition basically unified all the major variations of elf under one collective nation and the dark elves no longer rip peoples' heads off. They just rip off their wallets.>>30381289A-ANON....
>>30381016IT'S BACK! IT'S FUCKING BACK!>[C] [MIDDLEMAN]
>>30381289It's definitely the alcohol talking, but I love him too.
>>30381016OH RIGHT, the winning entry is:[X] [MIDDLEMAN]>***NORMAL ELFY TIME?***ROLL d100! (dice+1d100 in the email field)>taking the best 1 out of 3!>Ogre luck table doesn't apply yet
>>30381016>[B] [TAKE THE TRIP] On the other hand, Celicia's soldiers surely have families back home. She owes it to them to tell the elves- or TRY to, anyway.
Rolled 11>>30381497oh boy
Rolled 81>>30381497IT'S TIME!
>>30381497am I doing it right?
Rolled 91>>30381525>>30381527Well then
Rolled 65>>30381530you forgot the 1 in 1d100
>>30381530dice+1d100like above anon>>30381525gj
Rolled 16>>30381497>>30381527Oh dear
>>30381525>>30381527Bwahahahaha. I wish we'd sent her through, that roll would probably have her go Ogre on them if they tried to ignore it.
>>30381525>>30381527This is glorious.
Rolled 26>>30381527It's happening.
>>30381497>>30381520>>30381525>>30381527Welp, the ogres' luck is rubbing off on their elf buddies.
>>30381525>>30381527>meant for this to be a harder roll because she's an elf, not an ogre>clear it effortlessly anyway>would have DOUBLE cleared it if this was an ogre roll>nnghaaaaaahTIME FOR WRITINGS
>>30381620Silly Blorp. They are all Ogres now.
Rolled 39>>30381620Just how many reaction images do yyou have saved just for reacting to rediculous rolls?
>>30381695as many as i can find
>>30381620ELF LUCK!!!(And good to see you back, Blorp. So good. However, it seems like your quest is sucking the luck out of a few others. Hrrm.)
>>30381754The massive break was just gather those images wasn't it?
>>30381620Please, she's already gone all Ogre once. You know that 97 just unlocked her potential to use the 11 properly.
Rolled 37>>30381754Wow Blorp, you have too much THYME on your hands.
>>30381759That's normal. I'd be more concerned if that wasn't happening.
Rolled 38>>30381497Oh dammit, I was doing something and missed the rollings.
>>30381790She's well on her way to being an honorary ogre, if she isn't already one in name!
>>30381620Blorp?Blorp, honey, are you alright?You're not having a seizure from OGIR LUCK again, are you?Blorp, honey, answer me, please...
>>30381497>>30381016>[X] [MIDDLEMAN]>97 - Stupidly Successful!It doesn't take very long for Celicia to narrow down her options, mostly by hashing them out with Vultan. Sure, the Elven Coalition stranded them to die in the desert, just to save political face or whatnot (and also because they're a bunch of watch-wearing dildos). And going back to convince them in person will probably lead to her getting laughed right out of the gates at best, and clapped in chains at the very worst. And THEN the ogres would have to come save her, and... they would probably end up breaking the minds of some very important elven officials.She hesitates. Actually, it would be pretty fucking hilarious to see how THAT would go down-But anyway. On the other hand, doing nothing would absolutely grate against her nerves, probably because once the elves DO disappear, her inaction and all that what-if-I-actually-tried shit would grind her conscience down to a raw stump, and she can't have THAT. Which leaves the compromise option.A few minutes later, she's standing in the portal room of Daphnaia. The entire chamber is pretty badly tilted due to Ogir Place's current prone positioning, but the portal is remains unharmed (though the occasional new elf has a pretty terrifying arrival, since they tend to roll out the doorway and down the main hallway while trying to get to grips with reality). After a bit of finangling, Celicia manages to prop herself up against the wall, raises a fist to the portal, and-- she hesitates. Come to think of it, the last time they saw Moonvenom, merchant representative of Lolth's Guild of Merchants, they'd just finished selling him a sack of shit and a packful of lies in exchange for a pretty expensive item. Celicia isn't entirely savvy on how the guild works, but it IS run by dark elves, and she can't imagine that they'd be at all lenient on the poor bastard.Better be prepared for a new guy, then. She raps her knuckles on the portal frame...(Cont.)
Rolled 20>>30382678Phew, for a second there I thought that things were over
>>30382678In an instant, the portal within flares to life. When Celicia stops shielding her eyes-"Oh, hey, if it isn't my favorite number one customers! How's it going, Lady Celicia?"She can't help but stare for a moment. "It's... it's been strange," she mumbles hoarsely, all the shit-talking temporarily shocked out of her. Because, well.It's certainly Moonvenom. Except she was REALLY sure that his suit wasn't so well-tailored before, and he definitely wasn't wearing a jaunty velvet hat with a feather in it or a pair of dwarven-made sunglasses. For that matter, he sure as HELL wasn't loaded down with enough jewelry to send a dragon into gold fever, and-Moonvenom grins, mildly misinterpreting her shocked silence. "Not bad, eh? I got you fine folks to thank for all this, and my new position, too. Heck, I was waiting for you guys to call back so I could thank you in person! Well, relatively speaking," he adds with an indulgent chuckle."... so, uh, what we told you was... useful, then?" Celicia mumbles again, uncharacteristically thrown for a loop (which is saying something after all her time with ogres)."Oh, HECK yeah! Okay, well, I won't lie, I thought I was in hot water when I got back and they asked me to prove it, but I kept my faith in all you people here. Rounded up some ogres, told them real simply what I expected of them, and-""And they managed to do it," Celicia deadpans, back on familiar ground."You betcher boots they did! 'Course, I had to remind them a few times, since the ogres stared at me like they didn't know what I was talking about, but then they all said something like 'ooh, so THAT'S how it happens,' and lo and behold..."(Cont.)
>>30382678>they'd just finished selling him a sack of shitThat's ogre gold, my friend!>>30382701Oh damn, you beat me to it, Blorp.
>>30382701"A-Alright. Alright," Celicia says more firmly, dragging a hand down her own face to forestall any attacks of ogre PTSD. "Yes, Moonvenom, I'm really fuc- really happy for you and all, but this isn't a social call. You see..."She tells him all she can about the kobolds and their reentry into the world. Moonvenom's grin fades as he listens, gradually turning into a thoughtful, worried frown."... that's a real hard story to swallow, Lady Celicia," he muses, all joviality gone."Look, if you want, I can-""No, I believe you," Moonvenom quickly adds. "But that lines up with everything the main Council's observed and all. All the reports WE got keep claiming that it's the demons, but this just isn't their style, you know?"Celicia relaxes a bit. "You're going to tell them?""Hey, don't worry about it. This ain't the first time I came to the higher-ups with hard-to-swallow information, you know?" Moonvenom's grin comes back, and he lowers his shades to wink at her briefly. "And I got a little more clout, now. I can at least make sure this information reaches them. Just knowing about this should help out the Elven Coalition, give 'em something to go off of when preparing their defenses."The blonde elf can't help but sigh in relief. "Thanks. We're in your debt.""Nah, nah, none of that, now. This is me paying off my debt to YOU guys. Now if you'll excuse me, I got some calls to make. Be careful out there!" Moonvenom whips out a snappy salute before his image wavers and dissipates.In the silence of the portal chamber, Celicia leans back, feeling a weight rise off her shoulders. She's... she's done what she could. Bawss would probably approve. Hell, she can almost imagine him standing there behind her, doing that stupid thing where he strokes his chin in thought before saying something incredibly asinine and/or frighteningly intelligent-Celicia frowns. Speaking of incredibly asinine... what the hell ever happened to Gubbins?(Cont.)
>>30382721Somewhere, somewhen, out in the deep, vast reaches of absolute nothingness, there is a voice. A bawdy, completely off-tune voice, but a voice nonetheles:"... one bottle of beer on the wall, one bottle of beer," Gubbins sings for the 1,389,588th time, completely undaunted by the weight of not-time weighing down on his very existence. "Take one down, pass it around..."The ogre pauses, scratching his head before starting over for the 1,389,589th time. "... ten bottles of beer on the wall! Ten bottles of beer on the wall, ten bottles of beer..."Eventually, Gubbins trails off. Right. Right, he was supposed to be doing something real important, but he kinda got off the beaten track and then his time magic went all wonky and wouldn't work. Maybe he should get movin', quick-like, before Boss Bawss Fistboss comes a-lookin' for him.[A] [WAIT] Naaah, something cool's gonna happen soon, he can feel it in my gizzard.[B] [CALL] Gubbins can't be the ONLY one out in here, right?[C] [WARP] Try to exercise that time magic again! It should be recharged by now.
Rolled 25>>30382740[A] [WAIT] Naaah, something cool's gonna happen soon, he can feel it in my gizzard.
>>30382740>[A] [WAIT] Naaah, something cool's gonna happen soon, he can feel it in my gizzard.
>>30382740>[B] [CALL] Gubbins can't be the ONLY one out in here, right?
Rolled 27>>30382740>[C] [WARP] Try to exercise that time magic again! It should be recharged by now.
>>30382740>[A] [WAIT] Naaah, something cool's gonna happen soon, he can feel it in my gizzard.Come on. You know how this works.
Rolled 58>>30382740[B+C] Call and warp! If nothing answers, warp around until it does!
>>30382740>[A] [WAIT] Naaah, something cool's gonna happen soon, he can feel it in my gizzard.That gizzard has never been wrong before.
Rolled 94>>30382740Good things come to those who wait. Like sandals. Or hats.
>>30382740>...he can feel it in my gizzard.>[D] Squeeze Blorp's gizzard until he makes with the sweet plot-breaking plot.
>>30382740>[WAIT] Trust the Gizzard!
>>30382813Or another installment of Ogre Civ Quest.
>>30382837Oh shit. We were Gubbins all along.
Rolled 25>>30382740Since we're waiting, ring up Bawss using our hat to communicate with his hat and let him know we've discovered singing
>>30382740[A] [WAIT] Naaah, something cool's gonna happen soon, he can feel it in my gizzard.
>>303820740Wait he has sung the same verse 1,389,5890 times. Damn. ... Wait, HE KNOWS HOW TO COUNT TO TEN!
>>30382884>[WAIT] Naaah, something cool's gonna happen soon, he can feel it in my gizzard.>he can feel it in my gizzard>he can feel it>in my gizzardWut
>>30382969Gubbins perception has transcended beyond himself. He can now feel the tingling gizzard of reality itself.
Rolled 46>>30382969Gubbins CHIM'd when he time traveled. He knows he's in a quest.
Rolled 100>>30383060Huh, I wonder if he met anyone else we know... maybe DP. That would be hilarious.
Rolled 21>>30383216HE MET DEADPOOL!
Rolled 37>>30383216If he hadn't he has now.
Rolled 75>>30383216Well damn.
>>30383216Ahahahahahaha.Oh god it hurts to laugh.
>>30382740>[X] [WAIT] to see what happens!>[X] [RING] up Boss Bawss to see if he checks in!Gubbins screws up his face in thought. Well, nothingness like this doesn't really happen unless it's just waitin' for SOMETHING to happen, right? 'Cause something always happens when there's nothing going on, it's just a matter of time before nothing becomes something, even if that nothingness was the result of something happening to take all the something away to turn it back into nothingness.But even more convincing than THAT, he feels it in his gizzard. And also in My Gizzard, which is the all-encompassing feeling of gizzardlyness that connects all gizzards together, unifying them into one great big gizzardly whole that's intricately connected to the inner workings of the universe. Hence the gizzards' sensitivity to All Things That Will Be.... gosh, Gubbins is so good at bein' smart that it even scares himself.While he waits for nothing to turn into something, the master-class geomancer, on a whim, extends his pinky and thumb outward while curling his remaining three fingers inward. And then he puts it up to his ear."Hello, Bawss? Can you hear me? Boss Bawss?"Silence."It's Gubbins. Just wanted to let you know dat I'm gonna be late. Want me to pick up anythin' on da way home?"Gubbins nods as the all-consuming silence enters his ears and relays its message to him, the echoes of heavenly spheres playing in his mind."Milk? Yeah, sure boss. Wot's milk? ... boss? Bawss?" Gubbins makes a face as he makes his fingers go back to normal. Seriously, the reception here absolutely sucks-(Cont.)
Rolled 8BLORP! THE DICE WANT GUBBINS TO MEET THE 'POOL! YOU WILL DO AS THE DICE COMMAND! YOU MUST!!!
>>30383329- and then he can't hear himself think over the noise of the thunderous explosion that billows out from the center of the great nothingness. In an instant, there is space where there was nothing before, and an entire cosmos stretches out before him, rushing past at speeds that cannot be comprehended by the mortal mind. Guided by wild magic, impossibly hot gasses wrap themselves up into stars, while other elements coalesce into other forms, given solidity and mass. Lights streak across the canvas of the budding universe, bathing Gubbins' face in its reflective glow.Gubbins watches all this with the solemn awe of a small child seeing something he doesn't understand, but appreciates anyway.That is, until he feels an incredible searing heat at his back. Gubbins turns around and is forced to shield his eyes against the red-hot glow of a truly titanic phenomenon, as much a concept as it is fire given solid form. Flickering flames seem to form its feathers, the embodiment of all the suns that shall ever exist giving off enough heat to nurture life on countless planets, or sear them into oblivion before they can blink.Gubbins squints at the god-bird. There's the sense that the awe-inspiring deity, fated to exist at all beginnings that will ever be and every possible ending, is squinting right back at the insignificantly tiny ogre.ESPECIALLY when the ogre's stomach rumbles.[A] [AGGRESS] Krumping it will solve two birds with one of the sharpest light bulbs in the crayon box![B] [INTERROGATE] A'right, so who're you and why're you here? And wot's milk?[C] [WARP] NOPE NOPE NOPE OLLIE OUT[D] [WRITE-IN]
>>30383351>[B] [INTERROGATE] A'right, so who're you and why're you here? And wot's milk?
>>30383351DIPLOMANCYHI THERE I'S LOOKING FOR THREE DAYS GO IN DWARFVILLE
Rolled 19>>30383351[B] [INTERROGATE] A'right, so who're you and why're you here? And wot's milk?Unfortunately I have to go to bed.You better fucking archive this I swear to god
Rolled 64>>30383351[A] Krumpin' time!
Rolled 22>>30383351>[D] OI! WHATS A MILK?
>>30383351>[B] [INTERROGATE] A'right, so who're you and why're you here? And wot's milk?i hate that fucking bird and his stupid ball egg ulti.
Rolled 82>>30383397It's been archived since the beginning.
Rolled 80>>30383405Wait, this is much better.>[D] OI! WHATS A MILK?
>>30383351Well, there's no need to attack when it hasn't done anything yet.>[B] Wot's all dis den?
Rolled 91>>30383351"Ya know beaky, you's pretty hot, dat can't be healthy-like for yous. Ya could try some milk ta cool down.""By da way, wots milk?"
>>30383405YES. I LOVE IT.
>>30383351>[D] [WRITE-IN] Diplomacy.There are no other options.Also, in before the supreme deific pheonix goes, "It had to be one with Ogres. . ."
>>30383429>>[D] OI! WHATS A MILK?Bawss said bring milk, and Bawss is the boss.
Rolled 65>>30383351My only thought process is Gubbins witnesses this giant bird-thing swoop in out of nothing, and his singular thought process is;"What comes after One bottle of beer on the wall?"
>>30383405Oh god, my sides demand this one.
>OI! WOT'S A MILK?oh goodness. WELL, ROLL 'EM>***STUPID LUCKY TIME?***ROLL d100! (dice+1d100 in the email field)>taking the best 1 out of 3!
Rolled 5>>30383589It's OGRE.
Rolled 72>>30383589but Blorp, what is a milk?
Rolled 36>>30383589lets do this
>>30383604>>30383610Fucking amazing, you guys.
>>30383604>>30383610>So Stupid it's Brilliant x 2.It's a bird, they don't even produce milk, why does this?Ogres.
Rolled 60>>30383604>>30383610haha, oh wow
Rolled 33>>30383589Does Gubbins finally CHIM?
>>30383604>>30383610I think I hear the sound of Blorp opening a new bottle of whiskey.
>>30377987YOU ARE BACK!
>>30383604>>30383610>>30383613>two so "stupid it's brilliant"sNormally, I would be screaming, butOKAY, WRITING
>>30383704It's the kind of roll you'd expect from asking some fiery god-bird what milk is.
Rolled 24>>30383704But TOO LATE!
>>30383704We finally broke him.
>>30383732Blorp has been broken since long ago, anon.
Rolled 45>>30383766He just completely shattered just now.
>>30383704Blorp, did Gubbins just watch the Big Bang that created the universe, then made the Flaming Bird Sun God cry because he got there first then asked it what Milk is?
>>30383766Which made him think he was safe from breaking again.He wasn't.
>>30383778>>30383789With how much time and space has been bent right now, Blorp must be in a constant state of being broken and not being broken.
>>30383784In a word, yes. That said, Blorp, are you using the new lore about Phoenix from DotA 2 as the background to this sun birdy?
>>30383784There's no use crying over spilled milk.
>>30383351Oh shit, took bad we don't have Beastkrumper Irwin here. He totally could use a pimped out ride.
Rolled 57>>30383925There's no use crying anyway. Milk doesn't exist.Yet.
>>30383589>>30383351>[X] [INTERROMILK]>5 - So Stupid It's BrilliantFor a long, long minute, both parties stare at each other, neither of them flinching. The master geomancer eyes the celestial phoenix warily, while the all-suns-as-a-concept doesn't even blink.Gubbins is the first to break the silence. There, on the eve of the universe's very first moment in existence, the slightly smaller ogre opens his mouth and speaks the very first words ever to be uttered in the history of reality:"OI! WOT'S MILK?"The celestial phoenix's movements still. Its staring takes on an entirely new intensity; if its gaze actually packed heat, it would be hot enough to immediately end the universe in a searing, roaring inferno. Even Gubbins is forced to take a step back, somehow managing that feat despite not actually having any solid ground or gravity beneath his feet.And then the forefather of all phoenixes ever to exist opens its beak."Oi... oi...?"It flutters its wings excitedly, solar flares arcing off its pinions to circle around the pair of them joyously. "Oi! Wot's milk!" it continues, the words rolling off its tongue. "Yes, how glorious! How melodic!"The celestial phoenix puffs up its chest before crowing triumphantly, in a voice regal enough to match those of the gods, loudly enough to echo to every corner of the continually-expanding cosmos."Hear my call, and let the descendants of all life ever to exist listen to the echoes of my voice! I have chosen my title! Now and forevermore, MY NAME IS OIWOTSMILK!" The newly-named deity leans down toward Gubbins, voice quieter now. "Tiny demigod, you have my eternal gratitude for christening me. Take this, with my thanks."Gubbins scratches his head, accepting the strange sphere thing that Oiwotsmilk drops down from its beak. "Thanks? But- er, look, you didn't have to-"(Cont.)
>>30384078Oiwotsmilk, celestial phoenix, doesn't deign to notice the ogre any longer; it stretches its wings in an impossible manner and streaks off into the far reaches of the cosmos, cawing its name triumphantly as it goes.Unseen and unnoticed once more, Gubbins pouts to himself, crossing his arms. He never DID get an answer to his question.[A] [SPHERE] Examine Oiwotsmilk's sphere. It's certainly a nice gift, innit?[B] [WARP] Time's a wastin'! You've got to get mil- save the dwarflands![C] [CALL] Try to call out to someone else. Perhaps you'll find someone![D] [WRITE-IN!]
>>30384098>[A] [SPHERE] Examine Oiwotsmilk's sphere. It's certainly a nice gift, innit?
>>30384098>[A] SphereOh god, Blorp.History in the making. By ogres.
>>30384098[A] [SPHERE] Examine Oiwotsmilk's sphere. It's certainly a nice gift, innit?
Rolled 47>>30384078>>30384098What a gyp, he didn't even tell us what Milk is. Also, oops.>>30384098>[C] OI! ANYONE ELSE KNOW WHAT MILK IS? SERIOUSLY, I'VE GOT TO GET SOME BEFORE I GO
>>30384098>[A] [SPHERE] Examine Oiwotsmilk's sphere. It's certainly a nice gift, innit?Maybe... maybe this is milk?
>>30384098[A] [SPHERE] Examine Oiwotsmilk's sphere. It's certainly a nice gift, innit?Clearly this must be milk.
Rolled 60>>30384178OF COURSEAnd now we can bring it to the boss
>>30384098>[C] [CALL] Try to call out to someone else. Perhaps you'll find someone!Try and get in contact with a guy named Blorp. He could probably help you with that gubbins
>>30384098Fuck it, seconding >>30384158. Really hoping Sideways Future Gubbins is the one to answer.
>>30384078i can hear lady luck's insistent giggling while reading this.[A] [SPHERE] Examine Oiwotsmilk's sphere. It's certainly a nice gift, innit?
>>30384078. . .Wut?>>30384098>[D] [WRITE-IN!] Make mental note to make Oiwotsmilk a fancy temple and hat when we get back. Maybe from the Dwarves in return for Mapping them back to existance?Then A.
>>30384178>>[A] [SPHERE] Examine Oiwotsmilk's sphere. It's certainly a nice gift, innit?Of course! This must be milk. After all, the guy that gave it to us had milk in his name.
>>30384279Maybe we could get the Patchwings to warship Oiwatsmilk? Or the glowy skeletons? Both seem like a decent fit.
>>30384307Oooh, yes.Ogres, of course, can't grasp the concept of Religion (Nor do we want them to!) But the Patchwings could do it. I wonder if we could teach the Patchwings Necromancy, too? It fits them better then the Ogres.Next time we get back to Civ actions instead of Quest Actions we should turn the Patchwings to Oiwotsmilk's worship and necromancy so as to empower our Solar Skeleton Squads.
Okay, going to go with A (and probably a bit of C)... next time, since it's getting a bit late on this end. I will also keep the Oiwotsmilk worship in mind for the future. Sadly, Deadpool won't be in evidence. Sorry!Thanks a lot for participating, and again, I'm glad to be back- you guys are awesome. Lemme know if you have any questions, and if I can't get to them now, I'll answer either next thread or on my Twitter thing at https://twitter.com/BlorpQuestNext thread will most likely be NEXT TUESDAY, 2/25, at 7 pm (-ish) EST once more; if anything changes, I'll post on Twitter. Catch you later!
>>30384433>Only 2 hoursI feel so empty.
>>30384433thank you for running blorp!and thank you for coming back!
>>30384433It was a lovely time, Blorp. Has the thread been rearchived?
>>30384433I just want you to know, I saw a few updates from the front page, and you just got a new reader.
>>30384433You've restored my fate in Ogrekind
>>30384611FUCK, I meant faith
>>30384611>>30384635As if your fate wasn't already being dictated by big blue jolly ogres.
>>30384654The world makes sense now. IT MAKES OGRE LOGIC
Hah! Knew you couldn't be dead / escape the call of ogre BlorpNice to see you back, hope you are having fun with whatever other insanity you have been inflicting upon this world
>>30384433Thanks for running Blorp!I'm just happy to see you back in action again.
>>30384455With any luck, 4chan won't go wonky for an hour or so, so the next time should be a bit longer!>>30384463Nah, thank you guys for sticking around!>>30384487It has, yup.>>30384499Haha, I'm glad you liked what you saw- hope the past bunch of threads tickle your fancy, too!>>30384611>>30384635CLOSE ENOUGH>>30384701Thanks! Although it's usually the other way around, really.>>30385176Glad to be back!
>>30385388So......I guess any sidestories that you were planning on writing have been long forgotten now, huh?
>>30385442Alas, the master backlog of sidestories is perfectly safe and now I have no excuse NOT to do them
>>30385636It's an ogre miracle!
>>30385650Clearly we need an Ogre Christmas Special to celebrate this joyous thing. It will be set on the day after the summer solstice.