If you have a vorpal grindstone that makes anything it's used on also vorpal, can you think of any dumber use for it than grinding wheat into flour?
>>30001078Not grinding wheat into flower.
I'm pretty sure bags of vorpal flour would make pretty deadly throwing weapons.
Vorpal flour to make vorpal bread. Mmmm.
>>30001078Vorpal bread sounds deadly...
What are you talking about, OP? Making vorpal flour is brilliant. You'd bake it into vorpal bread, and then the bread makes an attack roll. On a 20, the victim's head flies clean off. Imagine the epidemic. Villagers would be afraid of eating bread!And then when they're off to hunt, you ambush them with your minions and add them to your undead horde.
>>30001078Fleshlight for giant stone golem.
>>30001108>wheat into flowerWhat exactly does that look like? Do the seeds pop into flower petals or something?
GRINDING BONES TO MAKE MY BREAD
>>30001135Vorpal Dwarf Bread is banned by the Gazebo Conventions on the Rules of War.
>>30001146Or you could use the flour directly as a weapon by throwing it at people.
>>30001078Yeah, grinding corn into flour. Wheat is clearly the superior starch.
>>30001141"gah, that bread went right through me. WAIT, IT LITERALLY DID!" *dies*
>>30001141Not as much as vorpal flour. 1 in every 20 particles will behead you. Throw enough and you're going at their neck with a monofilament blender.
>>30001078Using it as a paper weight.
>>30001078>vorpal flour bombsThis sounds like a wonderful idea.
>>30001135Wouldn't vorpal cupcakes be better?Cutcakes, if you will.
>>30001146>Not becoming known as one of the few providers of safe bread>Not cornering the market on cornbread>Not waiting for the price of bread to drop, but having inside knowledge of when the vorpal bread will run out suddenly buying it all up when it runs outDo you even Merchant?Horo.png
Smash it into pieces, grind, make a LOT of vorpaling sanpaper, sell it. Money!
>>30001078A landscaping decoration is a stupider (non)use
This is one of those things an adventurer would create after ascending to godhood at the end of their journey, isn't it?
Make vorpal biscuits and call them snicker-snacks.
>>3000126710/10 would go galumphing with
>>30001202>vorpal paperOh, shit!
>>30001078Funny. Just the other day a friend reminded me of a game I ran years ago. He played a buff as can be angel that used a millstone as a weapon. Seriously beat people with a big fucking rock.But a VORPAL grindstone, you say? He'd probably drool over it.
Jesus christ can you imagine breathing it in by accident?
>>30001267But that's a brilliant use. OP asked for stupid ones.
"I wonder why he wanted me to bake this in the shape of an alligator?""These are joke scrolls officer. See? They say animate bread instead of animate dead. No necromancy here."
>>30001311Is that suppose to be some kind of symbolism?
>>30001305>Vorpal Paper>Paper CutNoNoNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
>>30001211It depends what sort of weapon you want - Battle Baguettes have much the same properties of a warhammer in the right hand, a lethal loaf is generally only good as ammo for a small portable ballerina, though in sliced form it makes a decent enough throwing or close in slicing weapon (add butter to one side and you can often chain a thrown attack, as it lands butterside down upon the target and sticks to them, causing them to behead their comrades as they flail and try to remove the slice from their person).By contrast throwing scons and poison tipped pasties are largely assassins weapons - lacking the heft of larger baked goods they have to rely on their cutting edge, so making batches in vorpal form are a fairly good investment for the baking assassin.>>30001190yeah but how do you throw it? Stick your hands into the bag to grab a handful and bam, no head.
Oh boy oh boy, it's that time again.
>>30001375Things have just gotten much more complex. Bread-capoeira anyone?
>>30001375A scooping bowl doesn't have a head.
>>30001346I doubt it. He's kind of a dunce. A well meaning dunce, but still... kinda dumb. He probably just like the race's stats and thought using an improvised weapon effectively was cool.The 'drool over it' part was a pun, though. All those jokes about vorpal foodstuffs.
>>30001078So does Vorpal'ness give an item the ability to randomly cut someones head off? Wouldn't it be more effective as flour or a powder because you could just blow it at someone and each granual of dust would have a chance to cut their head off?
>>30001375>yeah but how do you throw it?Pour into small rice paper bags. Throw bags.
>>30001342This is truly the perfect crime
>>30001400>Play Wizard>Get greater wish>"I wish I was the greatest baker ever">Find Vorpal Grindstone>Fashion great slabs of Vorpal Bread>Use magic to bind them together>Become Demilich, put Phylactery inside with you>We Breadnaut now
>>30001141>Vorpal bread sounds breadly.
>>30001806>"I wish I was the greatest baker ever">wasYOUR WISH IS GRANTED.LONG AGO IN YOUR YOUTH, THE SPIRIT OF BAKING PLACED THE SPARK OF GREATNESS WITHIN YOU. UNFORTUNATELY, YOU FAILED TO USE IT, AND IT GREW STALE AND MOLDERED INTO NOTHINGNESS ABOUT FIVE YEARS AGO.
>>30002010>"I wish to be the greatest baker ever!"YOU SHALL BE. START PRACTICING.
>>30002035>I wish that at this moment I will become the greatest baker, of all time, and stay that way
>>30002098You are bigger than the largest mountain and wider than the largest ocean. You bake as a hobby. Unfortunately, you are awful at it and can't even bake bread.
>>30002098Upon uttering the last syllable of your wish you get permanent polimorphed into Gary Oldenitsky, a halfling level 3 commoner with knowledge: bakery +48 and a couple of bakery related epic feats through DM fiat. You have no recollection of your past adventures and are very confused.You have indeed become THE greatest baker.
>>30002273That makes no sense>>30002315Acceptable
>>30001305>Vorpal paper cuts underneath the fingernail
>>30002354You sick fuck, feel my retaliation.
Here's another magical item.A sword that projects the history of its creation on things it strikes. They experience the heat of the forge and getting struck by a hammer thousands of times.It's not just a weapon, you can hit pieces of metal with it to turn them into swords.
>>30002571>attach to rope>throw to enemy cannons
>>30002707There should probably be some kind of craft check for that last condition.
>>30001181So like diamond dust.>*action*Don't do this.
>>30002098I wish that without otherwise changing who, what, where, why, or how I am, I was the greatest baker ever.
>>30002782Why not? *shrug*
>>30002571>Try to block sword with my shield>My shield becomes a sword>Jokes on him, I just took dual weapon proficiency and hadn't found a second blade yet
>>30002844Wait.. so if it hit a sword, would it turn it into two swords?I mean, he saids SwordS! Plural.
Clearly we need to grind up large chunks of ice and make vorpal water.
>>30002868NoYou would end up with something smaller anyway. It doesn't create more metal.
>>30002872How about spinning it REALLY fast to make vorpal tornadoes?
>>30002868what if you fight a warforged with those, would it just turn into one big sword on a successful hit or would each part successively turn into swords?
>>30003006Sentient Blade/Sword golem.
>>30001078Nothing.Vorpal can only be put on things that cause slashing damage.
What about like, fruit? Like start grinding something that has an ass-ton of seeds and then plant the now-vorpal seeds for vorpal trees of whatever-the-fuck.Fuck it, make a vorpal forest.
>>30001078Use it as a wheel.>vorpal planet
>>30003006An easy craft check on a limb makes it a sword, a hard craft check on the center mass turns the whole thing into whatever configuration of swords you desire.
>>30003027that premise was thrown out the window as soon as we had a vorpal grindstone.
>>30003033>Coconut falls on somebody's head>Decapitation
>>30003027>Vorpal can only be put on things that cause slashing damage.You've clearly never cut yourself on bread.Then there's the various times /k/ made swords out of hardtack.
>>30001078Not using it?
>>30003087>>30003101Irrelevant.You can find a way to cut yourself on a warhammer, doesn't mean you can put a vorpal enchantment on it.Also these enchantments can only be put on things that are explicitly weapons. Grindstones don't count as weapons (improvised yes, but those never count) and thus can't have the vorpal enchantment on them.
>>30003033>all the trees are vorpal>cut them down for wood>free vorpal wooden weapons forever
>>30001146>baking the bread>not making vorpal spaghettiIt's like you don't even want to become the noodle knight.
>>30003123Dude, that was a Discworld joke mixed with a long running (though a bit cliche now) D&D joke.Anon's not being 'wacky', he's building off existing premises.
>>30003006>Sword that turns things into swords.>Hit Warforged>Now have to battle the newly created Swordforge.
>>30001375>small portable ballerina
>>30003130Well aren't you just a buzzkill.
>>30003130Which is why you should just ignore the thread because if you're actually going to try to apply rules it doesn't make any sense from the get-go. Just leave.
>>30003130Maybe in DnD. We're talking about vorpal grindstones here, I don't see you opening a fantasy novel and complaining that this man can't be king because magic isn't real and so there's no way he could use it to rule.
>>30003152>elves conquer the globe
>>30003152>go into the forest>get decapitated by leaves and twigsI dunno man.We would need like, Double-Lumberjacks.
Vorpal suspenders. It'll be hipster genocide
>>30003263Except in the short story that had the first mention of the vorpal enchantment, it was used by a sword.From the very beginning it's been associated with swords and other bladed implements.
>>30003249>HouseruleAnd suddenly it makes perfect sense again!
>>30003313Or headless ones.
>>30003359>Undead Lumberjacks>Dullahan LumberjacksGENIOUS!
>>30003313That is not how the vorpal enchantment works.The vorpal enchantment only works if you hit someone hard enough to cause legitimate damage.So assuming a bludgeon weapon can even have the vorpal enchantment, the leaf or twig would have to be moving fast enough to legitimately hurt someone.Which doesn't happen too often. Especially with leaves.>>30003343Beards too.
>>30003130TO A TRUE MASTER, EVERYTHING IS A WEAPON.
Once again, some asshole wizard has turned the world into a hellish deathtrap for his own amusement.Your party of dullahans must set out to fix this mess.
>>30001078Use it to replace a tire. Vorpal planet. Every time you take a step is vorpal roulette.
>>30003392I could say my words are a weapon, because they can hurt people.Doesn't mean I can enchant my throat so I could start decapitating people simply by calling them fat.
>>30003396Why? Dullahans are evil as shit.
>>30003396So... Umm.So like, can she use that hole where her head is supposed to be for other stuff?
>>30003378Shit, that gives me an idea. Next time I play a cyberpunk game I'm grafting long carbon fiber wires to my face as a beard and attaching a big weight to the end of it.I will have a beard mace. Mark my words.
>>30003455>This is how I evil bard
>>30003334>He took his vorpal sword in hand:> Long time the manxome foe he sought -->So rested he by the Tumtum tree,> And stood awhile in thought.Ok. Replace "vorpal" with "metal" and realize how silly your argument sounds.
>Make a vorpal bed>person flops down on it>They're suddenly a blood-splosion like out of an anime
>>30003463>Dullahans>EvilPick one and only one
>>30003455>Doesn't mean I can enchant my throat so I could start decapitating people simply by calling them fat.You could if you applied your self at magic school, but you got shit grades and got stuck on a magic wand assembly line.Why don't you try fucking applying yourself for once, anon, instead of hating everyone else's magic.
>>30003455>implying that shouldn't be immediately houseruled into bards.
>>30003474YesAny other questions?
>>30003455You're the worst kind of autistic.If you enchant your throat to be vorpal, then your throat would have to make contact with their head, but then again, I suspect you're really good at sucking dick anyway.
>>30003532Which head flies off?
>>30003532>If you enchant your throat to be vorpal, then your throat would have to make contact with their head, but then again, I suspect you're really good at sucking dick anyway.>An assassin who kills her/his targets via oral sex.
>>30003539Idunno man. I'm not a dick sucker.
>>30003523How does it feel?I-is it moist and warm?
>>30003488Snicker-snack sounds more like a bludgeoning sound anyway. Kid probably used the flat of the blade.
>>30003455>not knowing Perform - Vorpal Aria>2014
>>30003568This I do not knowI would assume yes
>>30003616Will it hurt her to put things in it?
>>30003652No it would notBut it's like AnalSome Dullahan don't like it, others can't get enough, and some are in the middle
>>30003652Look, stop pussyfooting around and just ask: "Can I fuck a dullahan's neck-hole?"
>>30003455>I could say my words are a weapon, because they can hurt people.>Doesn't mean I can enchant my throat so I could start decapitating people simply by calling them fat.A pretty cutting remark.
>>30003686I believe he was trying to make the point that it was not, in fact, a cutting remark.
>Fighting a giant who is wielding the vorpal grindstone>Get hit in the neck with it>He completely fails his roll and I live easily>"You'll never get ahead that way.">His head flies off
>>30003670>>30003676Don't be so lewd, anons! I'm just trying to learn about dullahan anatomy! Honest!Can I?
>128 replies>no "vorpal penis"/tg/, I am disappoint
>>30003568She's undead. What do you think?
>>30003778Slimy and cold?
>>30003776Well, we have some discussion on the fuckability of dullahan neckholes if that makes you feel any better.
>>30003776Do YOU want to rub your penis against a grinding stone?
>>30003593I dunno, snicker-snack does sound vaguely like a blade quickly cutting through flesh to me.Ever fillet fish? Gut 'em yourself, scrape the meat from the bones? 'Sniiiiiiiick, snack' is seriously what it sounds like.
>>30003759>Be a bard assigned to eliminate undesirables.>Perform at communal events.>Act consists of jokes the undesirables would consider offensive.>Heads start popping in the audience throughout my act.
>>30003811sometimes sacrifices must be made
>>30003778Wait are dullahan undead, constructs, or undead constructs?
>>30003789You passed your knowledge check.
>>30003825I call it the aristocrats.
>>30003843They could be constructed undead.
>>30003843Depends on the settingIn some they are independent creatures that are just fucked up
>>30003843Mythologically, they're sort of somewhere between undead and supernatural.
>>30003856"Ah, anon! My neck is moving on it's own!
>>30003123Don't be so fucking ignorant
>>30003876>>30003888>>30003895Ok that helps I guess
>>30003957He's not, he's just saying that attaching "Dwarf" to everything is fucking stupid.
>>30001078Okay, but what if a monk with Improved Unarmed Strike accidentally caught his hand in this grindstone? Would his hand be vorpal?
>>30003980Why are you guys getting mad if they're having fun with their dwarf jokes? Christ, stop being so short tempered.
>>30003994It's a good thing monks don't masturbate.
>>30004012>Why are you guys getting mad if they're having fun with their dwarf jokes?Because dwarf jokes are stupid yet surprisingly common on /tg/.
>>30004031Are you saying that to find one you only have to search for a short while?
>>30004060Stop being such a little shit, you know what I'm talking about.
>>30004016Cornflakes put a stop to that nonsense!
>>30003980Read some Discworld you ignorant twat.
>>30004095Ritual circumcision helps too.
>>30002844>>30002868Two swords, nigga!TWO SWORDS!
>>30002785"Your wish is granted long live Jambie"
>>30003746double Carlos! Bazinga! et cetera.
>>30001078Grinding your mother on it.
>>30001866I laughed way too fucking hard at this.
>>30003455>implying Fus doesn't work
your dickunless it somehow doesnt grind it up into a fine red mist, then it'd be great
>>30002872>Vorpal WaterOh, that is devious.However, I can one up you. I freeze oxygen, and then grind it down to create vorpal oxygen.
what happens if you grind two of them against each other?
>>30006007You get a double vorpal grindstone, which decapitates on 19 as well as twenty.Yes, you can rub the double vorpal grindstones on each other to get a quadruple vorpal grindstone.
>>30006070Can I create quadruple vorpal gingerbread men?
>>30002785>all other bakers better than you drop deadalternatively>can't be changed but wishes to be differentHow even
>>30006070what would happen if one grinded itself?
>>30006321Again, double vorpal. Or quadruple. Or... hexadecimal, I suppose?Can't get above twenty, though.
>>30001078Is this thread archived yet?
>>30006722foolz archives everything automatically.
>>30003593sounds like scissors or shears operating quickly, to me
>>30003857I think you win.
>>30006321It goes blind.
>>30006808I meant on sup/tg/
>>30007162I neither know nor care.
>>30006321>what would happen if one grinded itself?If you want to do it easier, just grind the grindstone on another grindstone so you have two vorpal grindstones.Then grind them together.I'm pretty sure that's like dividing by 0.
>>30007518No, it just increases the vorpalness exponentially.
>>30007615then put a sword through the middle like a pair of Bi woman scissoring on a Huge dick.
>>30002351a secondary definition of great is in reference to size. E.g. The Great Wall of China. It might be a pretty nice wall, but the scale is what makes it great.
>>30001078>Grinding wheat into vorpal flour>Vorpal fuel-air explosiveThat sounds like a pretty great use for a magic grindstone, actually.
>>30003455That sounds like a pretty great idea, actually. That works in my games now.
>>30003532No, you're the worst kind. You're still acting like something cool isn't doable, but being more self-righteous about it.
>>30002868Would it turn into 2 swords that both make things into swords?
>>30006007>>30006070>>30006321>>30006356Wait, so if you get twenty of them together, they would form a grindstone that could make something that would do vorpal attack NO MATTER THE ROLL? enchanting a fuckload of smaller objects would probably be even more broken than normal vorpalness. Launching clouds of vorpal doom objects at an enemy army could turn the resulting battlefield into something even more hellish to try and cross than the landmine covered messes of today.
What happens when you touch a vorpal weapon when your head IS your body?
>>30009231Everything attached to your head gets cut off.
Let's be reasonable, Kirby would never be slashed by one, he would inhale it and absorb its power before that, and become even more deadly.
>>30009317>vorpal KirbyThere is no hope.
Having a double vorpal grindstone alternatively enchant to cutting off two heads on a 20, a quadruple cutting 4 on a 20, and so on, could create an interesting setting where somebody made a grindstone that was enchanted far more than ALL the heads in the setting and swung the resulting weapon created on it. You have to play dullahans or such because any creature that evolves a head or somehow enters the setting is hit by the vorpalness.
>>30009780>cutting off two heads on a 20, a quadruple cutting 4 on a 20, and so onWe Hydra Slayer now. http://forums.roguetemple.com/index.php?topic=1270.0
>>30009933Hydra slayer you say?
>>30006321You would get vorpal portals.
>>30003130k, so vorpal paper is still legit?
>>30015370Since it has something describable as a cutting edge, yes, I think it could be made vorpal. I'm not fond of randomly sticking fantasy concepts together, but that particular example makes sense.
>>30003152>Swing axe.>Axe-head cut off.
>>30001132They would cut the bag first.
>>30001156Then give him a lust potion, so he can tear through your enemies with his vorpal dick.
Sharpen a straight razor on it. Accidentally nick yourself while shaving kinda bad? Head comes off.
>>30003130Quit being such a party pooper. I mean, I know that when you see anyone having anything approaching a good time, you obsessively try to ruin it, but can you tone it down a little? Go tell a 5 year old that there's no such thing as Santa Claus or something.
>>30013941>proof that goblins will be an accepted race in the future
>>30015582>vorpal Scythe>only 1-in-20 heads of corn are cut off with every swingVorpal a shit.
>>30003995Because we have these for 4chan.>Eating vorpal bread
>>30002829Because you're not a 13 year old girl, and this isn't Gaia.
>>30018753Stop shitposting. We have rules against that.
>>30018794>anon tells someone to stop shitposting>gets accused of shitpostingThe irony is staggering.
>>30003995Because you're not a fourteen years old girl on Gaia Online.
>>30018794Pot, meet kettle.
>>30003033H: Good lord, Blackie! I remember you, that pigmie with the sharp slice of mango could have... E: And you said that if I ever needed a favour, you'd be there. Well, it's the big push tomorrow, and I'm not all that sure that I want to go over. (Haige mulls this over) E: It was a viciously sharp slice of mango, wasn't it sir!
>>30003375I think I just figured out the excuse for dullahan as a race.