I have a theory /tg/. Now, I was looking at some Eldar Models, and they had huge, well defined asses. Now, compared to my flat assed Dark Eldar, this seemed off. Slaanesh eats the Dark Eldars soul over time, right? So, this can only mean that the Eldar Soul is located directly in the asscheeks. Does this seem plausible?
>>29449266Seems about as plausible as anything else in 40k.
And when they die, the ass pops, and slaanesh gets the soul.
>>29449319swiggity swooty. im coming for dat booty
Now, does this make Anal Sex more dangerous?
>>29449266Eldar got some big souls.
>>29449404Wait, now that I think about it. Orks are modeled kinda funny, so that the ass is jutting out. Is their soul in there too?
>>29449440oi boss. dis soul make me bum look fat?
>>29449489QUIET YA GIT, OI'Z GOT DA FATTEST BOOTY DIS SIDE OF DA GALAXY.
>>29449542wut bout da sqigs boss? deys all booty and teef
>>29449601>mfwI like where this thread is going.
>>29449440so is a big ass the physical ideal of some klans? like bigger ass means more powah in da WAAAGH!!
>>29449763I..guess? Is a big ass Orky? Do Goff's love giant asses more than anything else?
>>29449805Well, they're black. So that's a start.
>>29449542OY, BOSS! GEETA LOADA DA BOOTY ON DAT BOY!
>>29449763>What happened to Sgt. Kobrick?>You didn't hear? His squad got ambushed by orks the other day, he was the only one who made it back alive. He just keeps saying the same thing over and over, "The ass was fat."
I love you /tg/
>>29449893>Imagining a Gargant throwing 2 wrecking balls on its ass>the last thing the crew of the Warhound Titan heard was http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X8LUd51IuiA being blasted through Loudspeakers
And so, Warboss Bootylicious reigned as Supreme Warlord for years. That is, until a particularly large assed nob usurped him.
>>29449805O' COURSE IT IZ!
>>29450147Welp. My nobs are now called "Da Twerk Team."
>>29450168DA KULT OF RUMPDA TWERKER BOYZSTORMBUMSDA WARASS
>>29450211>>29450168>>29450147Twerk even sounds orky.
>>29450249MA 'UMPSMA 'UMPSMA 'UMPSMA 'UMPSMA DARN ROIGHT ORKY LUMPS
henceforth all deathwatch and ordo xenos inquisitors will be given this new ass penetrating weaponry. HEY i see you laughing back there. yes. you. space wolf in the corner. cut it out. youre 210. act like it. now. where were we? ah yes, the ass penetrating ammunition. it has been approved by the magos biologis and given the blessing of the holy emperor. please use it and give feedback on how it works. and do be honest, we cant improve it if all you do is draw dicks on the punch card, yes i mean YOU me dark angel. any questions? yes you ultramarine. what? NO this isnt in the codex. why?! IT JUST RUTTING GOT INVENTED! any questions that arent retarded. you. why have this? good question. well you see we been getting reports about some strange breed of xeno. nothing alarming, just your standard orks... buuuuuut they kinda sorta... value asses... above... everything... else... now... hey! CALM DOWN! STOP LAUGHING THIS IS SERIOUS. See... this, stuff like this shit right here is why nothing ever gets done in the imperium. stupid weak fleshmonkeys. im going back to my cog-nap
>>29450328>"Commissar! We've got a situation here, we've been surrounded by Orks!">"Orks again? Well which one of their 'klans' is it this time? The Kult of Rump? What about the Evil Buns? We've beaten them before, I'm sure it'll be another glorious-">"It's the Free Booties lead by Warboss Bootylicious sir... take a look.">"In the Emperor's name, I've never seen ass so fine! Quickly, send out a distress call! Get in contact with the ecclesiarchy! We need... the Sistahs..."
>>29450589BOOMBOOMBOOMfear not mortal the emperors angels of death are here. we will purge these foul xenOHMYEMPEROR WHAT ARE THOSE THINGS
>>29450589>Da Evil Bunz>Freebooties>mfwI'm fucking dying here anon. We need a Statline for Bootylicious.
>>29451106Warboss BootyliciousPts - 190Wargear: Mega Armor, Cybork Body, Da Cheek of Gork, Da Cheek of Mork, WartrykeWS 6 BS 2 S5 T5(6) W3 A4 LD9Wartryke: A special 3 wheeled warbike, allowing an Ork to wear mega armor while ridingMega Armor- A special suit of Assless Mega Armor, Bootylicious is wearing.Da Cheeks of Gork and Mork - Once per game, Bootylicious can hop in the saddle, and stand up, playing a hypnotic rythem on his, as if used as bongos. All enemies within Line of Sight must make a LD Test. If Passed, the enemy has no idea what they are seeing, and can only snap fire shots at Bootylicious this turn.
>>29451175IT'Z DA LANKY GITZ. IT'S TIME TO TWERK BOYZ.
>>29451248never change /tg/NEVER
>>29451248>mfwIs it strange that I would feild this?Also>Da Booty Boss>Bootylicious takes a group of Nobs, dubbed "Da Twerk Team" with him. All of these Nobs are riding Trikes, and can be given mega armor for 50 points more per Nob
>>29451273MY BUM'S THE GREENEST AND THE MEANEST!
>>29451361Why, I forgot my Face
>>29450328OI BOYS. 'OW 'BOUT DESE KILLA CANZ
>>29451392We forgot the Grotz. Maybe a Killa Kan is the only way to become truly bootylicious for a Grot?
>>29451412Killa Kanz equip with speakers for da Boyz ta twork to
>>29451412grots cant be bootylicious. they can only be envious o the booty and also attent to the warbosses train. managing his backend as it were
>>29451492>Pvt. Ted readied, knowing the Orkz would charge>He saw the green bodies, and clanking monstrosities storming up the feild, as he let off volley after volley of lasgun fire>But, something was amiss>He heard loud horns, then "TWERK TWERK TWERK TWERK WORK DAT BOOTY WORK DAT BOOTY">Suddenly, hundreds of green bodies, hands on their knees, almost looking like they were violently shaking their asses at them.>Actually, they WERE violently shaking their asses at them>Pvt. Ted was the only survivor, he watched as every man in his squad was pummeled to death by green ass after ass.
>>29451565PSYKER! ready the anti ass shielding
I have never played WH40K. The only experience with it I even have is the bits and pieces from /tg/ which basically is just "there's a bunch of guys in futureland who are really angry".And yet this thread makes me want to make this game my hobby.
>>29451749OI' DEY'Z GETTIN' SUM ANTI-BUTTZ STUFF READY. GET DA WYRDBOY TA MAKE DEZ ASSES EVEN BETTER.
>>29451772not if i have anything to say about it, xeno
>>29451804>imployin' oi haven't deflected yer tiny boolets wif my bunz of steelNICE TRY, GIT.
>>29451843>Bunz of Steel are their Power Klaws
>>29450547admech addressing anything inquisition relatedmah autism is acting up
>>29451843RUN these Xenos have got *BLAM*
>>29451772>Bootius Maximus, Cap'n Bootylicious' right cheek Ork and most powerful weirdboy.>Twerks so hard the momentum of his butt and the psychic power coursing through it lift him into the air.>Two mountainous green cheeks part the clouds and come crashing down on the enemy.>"I call'z it da cheeks of Gork!"
>>29451870Desperate times anon. When the Orkz discover the ancient fightstyle of the Twerk, they need to help.
>>29451921>mfwbrb writing a statline
>>29451949>>29451921>>29451565>>29450589This is the greatest thing I've ever been a part of.
>>29451764From what I've heard there are occasionally people who moddify models or create their own for these kind of joke armies/units. It's rare, but I'll be damned if it isn't plausible that some idiot didn't at some point make Angry Marine models, power wrenches and all and probably run them under Black Templar rules shouting the whole game.
You guys do realize what this all means, right? The Elder and Krork - ancestors of the modern Ork - were made by the Old Ones, most senior, patient, and wise beings of the universe to fight the C'tan and the Necrons.This means two things:That the C'tan and Necrons are vulnerable to large assesAnd Old Ones confirmed for liking the big booty bitches.
>>29451925this. also ultramarine being prick... it fits fluffwise
>>29451921>Bootius Maximus, Kaptin' of Da Twerk Team>Pts - 130>Wargear - Slugga, Copper Staff, 'eavy Armor, Cybork>Special Rules: Warp 'ead, Da Twin PeekzWS 5 BS 2 S5 T4 W3 I3 A3 LD 8 Sv 4+Warp'ead: Bootius is a Warphead in all respects.Da Twin Peekz: Bootuis can start in reserves. He can arrive on a precision deep strike. After this, place a large blast template over him. Any non Ork model caught under it, literally cannot conceive what has taken place, and takes an Initiative test. If failed, said model falls to the ground, brain exploding.
>>29451982there are plenty of pics of angry marines models. why not a freebooty army? also check 1d4chan for many homebrew chapters. eg: http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Marines_Immaculate
yes,it's why black chicks always go on about having a lot of soul. And why they eat soul food which goes directly to their soul.
>>29452147If I didn't already have a 3k point Ork army you bet your sweet sweet cheeks I'd convert up some Freebooties. Maybe even some Evil Buns or Snakebutts.
>>29452243>Snakebutts>mfwThis thread literally gets better with every post.
>>29451991Necron's not having asses at all confirms this. SOMEONE, CALL THE INQUISITION, TELL THEM WE NEED TO VENERATE THE BOOTY
she who thirsts is confused and... totally aroused by this thread. proceed
>>29452299too late. they know. and are doing the opposite. >imperium... >>29450547
>>29452303I can see slaanesh on a laptop, reading this, having the most confused boner, and look of all time.
>>29452372if only i were a drawfag. or lewdanon.yeah... that would be sweet.
>>29452299>>29452303Yes, also see what you can do about enhancing the bosoms of the Imperium!
>>29452399>"Wait, these Orkz are doing WHAT? Why didn't I think of this?!"
>>29451991That would be caused Necrons/C'tan favored toned and muscled butts over disgusting jiggly fat asses.
>>29452372There's no such thing as a confused boner to Slaanesh, or such a thing as not having a boner to Slaanesh
>>29452466>No such thing as a confused boner to mePlease, I just saw a mob of 30 Orks beat guardsmen to death with their asses. I'd say about 2 of my 6 are pretty confused right now.
>>29451921is gork the one thats booty cunnin or cunnin booty?
>>29452289>"Snakebutts are considered backward by the more booty-minded tribes, for they all have bums as thing as a snake's. As a result of their less than plump lifestyle, Snakebutts are usually tougher and bonier. They are experts in the field of breeding, and their Bumsquigs are the fiercest in all of Orkdom
>>29452441Now necrons are truely confirmed fro gay.
>>29452531"Da Evil Bunz are specialists of making themselves as fast as possible. Known for equipping heavy ass gyrators, allowing themselves the luxury of slamming their asses twice as hard. A known tatic commonly used, would be the "Twerk by". Where they lean in from their bikes, violently jerking their asses up and down, causing grievous wounds to anything caught in their path.
>>29452620>>29452531We need a drawfriend in here, stat
>>29451982>tfw there's an Angry Marines player in our FLGS.It's... not nearly as appealing as it sounds.
>>29452721he wasnt angry enough
>>29452721>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VqSuic4MwooWork dat booty, work dat booty, even in death I still got GROOVE
>mfw when this entire threadDon't ever change /tg/, you're all great people.
I must sleep comrades, for the night has come. Please, somebody archive this or keep it alive. I won't see the dream of War-hams Booty-k die.
>>29452801Go away, Doomrider.You're ded.
>>29452819Sleep well anon, may your dreams be as full as Warboss Bootylicios's ass.
>>29452821No he's not, his head is still alive. Casual.
>>29452819i second the archive request
>>29452836And slowly driving the White Scars to Heresy with his incessant begging for COOOCAAAAINE!!!
>>29452821YOU THINK THEY DON'T HAVE COKE IN HELL?!
>>29452836>tfw they still gonna pike his head on the road of trophies or whatever>he never shuts the fuck up and starts ragging on everyone coming into the white scars fortress>White Scars get annoyed as shit but can't really do anything since its tradition to keep your trophies. >Doomrider wins anyways.>DO YOU GOTS ANY COOCAAINE MAAN?"Why in the Emperor's name are we still keeping this damned thing?">IT'S THAT A YES OR A NO?>hey>hey>hey>heyheyheyheyheyheyheyWHAT?!!?>COCAINE>HEY baaaaaaabyyyyyyySILENCE DAEMON>got any cocaineI do not acquiesce warp spawn>just a bumpNO>you could sell these trophies baby. make lots of money. money that gets doomrider his cocainethese are sacred relics of the chapter and->boring. so you got any cocaine or not...>I think thats a yes. is it a yes. its a yes. just a bump baby thats all doomrider needsstop talking
>>29452861>Someone capped my thread>mfw
>>29452763Holy shit dancing dreadnought :D :D :D :D
>>29452904they better archive it too dammit
>>29452904Butt of course!
>>29452998not enuff butts >DATS NOT ORKY
>>29451991DAM THE C'TAN, THEY FOUND OUR WEAKNESS! Who knew with loss of our bodys, our once glorious bootys would be taken along with them!
>>29449805>OI LOIKE BIG BUTTS AN' I CANNOT LIE>YOUZ OTHA GROTS CAN'T DENY>WHEN A BOSS WALKS IN WIF AN IDDY BIDDY WAIST>AN' A ROUND THING IN YUR FACE>YOUZ GET SPRUNG, WANNA PULL OUT YA GUFF>CUZ YOUZ NOTICED DAT BUTT WAZ TUFF.I am legitimately surprised no one has done this yet.
I NEED FLUfF AND WRITEFAGGOTRYif we can take this to 1d4chan my day will be madecaptcha: which storeiall of them captcha, all of them
>>29453519We need a name, and why they exist. Any ideas?
>>29453571we got some names. minor ork klans. i am a fan of the freebootyz.
>>29453571Name: Da Booty BoyzExistance: Slaanesh got really, really bored.
>>29453624Da Evil Bunz, Freebootyz, Snakebutts, Buttmoonz
>>29453519Brother Chappington of the Gentleman marines looked around the scenic battlefield, waiting for the enemy to show their rude head. He and his company had been called there when the planets distress beacon was activated and attracted their attention, leading to the first company having a jump, skip and hop over there to teach these hooligans some manners. But on their way there, they discovered many strange thing: Multiple Imperial Guard ships, filled with Dead Guardsmen body's killed from commissars who the killed themselves, and from a distance, a few corsairs of Eldar decent, and most surprisingly, even a Necron tomb ship was fleeing from the world. Upon setting down on the world and construction of a small base of operations, as per Gentleman Marines code, it seemed as though there was nothing of concern. Yawning, he looked once more, this time towards the east. Thats when he heard it. At first, a soft supple whisper entered his ears. Then, came the full mental attack of it raining across the purple mountains in a tide of true horror.
>>29453758"TWARK TWARK TWARK TWARK" Screamed the green wall of steelish bumps vibrated towards the encampment.Only mild "By Joves" and "God Save the Emprah"'s were uttered, but were blocked out by the sheer volume of the attackInside of Chappingtons chest, both of his old hearts exploded as he slumped to the ground in utter shock, even forgetting to wipe his mouth of blood as the Gentleman Marine Codex enforced upon death."That Posterior.." was all he could manage before he slipped into the kind embrace of death. The few marines neither screaming insane ramblings or spontaneously imploding into the warp made a mad dash for the landing ships, hoping to escape from the thrashing hoards. Only a few ships, not brought down by the drivers due to madness, made it back to the Battle Barge, God Save the Emprah. Horrified by the events, the ship deployed as much ordinance as possible to the planet's surface. But even this would only slow the progress. But it would slow it long enough for another to take care of it. And with that, the Fleet entered the warp, but not before deploying a automated message: "Here lie the ruins of Hannah montanius, forever to be known as the Dead world of Milius Cyrus, By order of GentileMarine Chapter Master Biscus"
>>29453999Inquisitor Demi Loevato looked over the ragged space marine in front of her, silently looking at the shock face on the marines. Not one single chapter had ever given FOUR companys worth of marines to the vigilant watch, but there was nothing against it. She quietly checked her recording Servo-Skull to make sure the Machine Spirit was still pleased before continuing. "So you tell me that...The reason so many of your marines have decided to volunteer for these..Honored positions is because of this...horror?" She said questioningly. The marine, Top hat slightly wrinkled only nodded. She took a breath before asking "Astartes...Follow me.." She said as a wall opened up to reveal a hidden corridor. She briskly moved out of her chair and into the hall, leading the Space marine as they went. after passing hundreds of murder servitors and guards, She arrived at a large locked door embedded with skulls. Quickly inserting hundreds of codes, she only gave a moment long warning to the ancient warrior behind her of what was to come before he was hit full blast by the most terrifying sights known to any sentient or beastly being in the galaxy,
MEANWHILE, IN DA WARP>Gork and Mork roughhousing>Mork throws Gork hundreds of miles, he lands, and picks himself up, ready to smash in Morks gob. >Suddenly, an idea, as if hitting him like a battlewagon slamming into the rear armor of a Chimera>He put his hands on his knees>And started to slam his ass up and down>Mork stared, baffeled. "WOT'RE YOU DOIN'?">Gork couldn't respond, only backpedaling towards him with ever increasing speed. "I DUNNO, YA GIT!" as he slammed into him, Mork being pummeled into submissionAND DAT'Z 'OW DA FREEBOOTIES, FAVORED SONS OF GORK CAME TO BE.
>>29454487From every possible angle, from every possible position, from every possible race there was, it was here. And it was frozen dancing. Eldar doing the Timewarp-way, Tau brokenly hanging limp as they preformed the Battlesuit-Bot, Necrons dancing to beats unseen before, a strange looking salamander with a large grey case hanging over its shoulder, Daemonettes performing lude positions on polls, Hruds performing dancebattle moves that humans could dream of. But in the middle of this grand archive of dance did stand a empty platform with a stasis cell. Brother Spiffingtus could only get out a short "How " before puking up in his suit, to which Inquistor Demi Replied "A recent exchange from...A certain Necron for some worthless artifacts... But not the point." She lead the sick feeling marine to edge of the platform, and excalimed "Behold, the dark book of DAH FUNK!" She said with dramatic flair
Anybody got any more?
>>29454798is that the end?
>>29449379Never anal sex a dark eldar, There starving ass might just devour your soul.
>>29461266or an ork. because tworking accidents kill dozens of guardsmen each year. do your part and spread tworking awareness
>>29462599agreed even if it is a bit dead right now
Slaanesh is secretly culling the Eldar species of flat ass genes.
>>29463264But if Slaanesh is supping on the souls of the flat assed Dark Eldar then she is the source of all our flat assed woes. Only those Aspects who embody Khaine as a Bootylicious Warrior can combat the Great Enemy and prevent her from stealing away our beloved bums.
>>29463502DIS MAKES ME 'EAD 'URT!!! WE GONNA TWORK FER MORK OR NOT?!
>>29449266Slaaneesh prefers the Dark Eldar to Eldar.He also prefers the more "delicious" souls among them./thread
>>29463677and so we have come full circleall hail the threadgod
>>29463677Who says Slaanesh prefers Dark Eldar?Just because she's constantly sipping on them, doesn't mean they are her favorite...
>>29452537>implying that not EVERY faction in 40k is totally gay when space marines kidnap young boys and fill them with their gene-seed
>>29465558orks arent. aint got no dicks>though some banging backsides
Readying the Twerka-Bumma!
>>29465975and da killa keisters/ looted fannys
>>29463502Prepare the rites of war. Today we fight to protect the pride of the Eldar; our glorious sylph asses.
Now imagine the kind of epic Waaaaagh! you could provoke by saying to a Warboss that his attack was half-assed.
OP, your theory is supported by other great works.I believe you are on to something.
>>29466238'Alf assed?! 'ALF ASSED!!! YEW GIT!!! AINT NUTTIN BOSS STEELCHEEKS DOES IS 'ALF ASSED!!! ITZ TIME FER A TWORK OFF YA STUPID GROT!!!
>mfw when this threadJesus christ, how wonderful.
>>29468655I'm not sure where it is going, but it's somewhere great.
>>29451921I think you meant weirdbooty
This thread must be archived for posteriority.
>>29472877Already has been.>>29453393
>>29451383You forgot the pic.
>>29473146Oh man, DAT ASS... Butterface...
>>29473146>Me gob whenOI'Z GONNA LOOT DAT ASS.
>>294731468/10 would bang
>>29466166>This Eldar>OYYY VEY Face
>>29476164"You haven't killed off all of those Booty Boys yet? Ov vey Morty, you're breaking my heart. You're nearly 300, what are you doing with your life?">Now imagining a old jewish wraithguard pestering her kids.
>>29476231And when ya gonna meet a nice farseer?! I hear biel tan has some lovely ladies. You gotta settle down son. Our race isnt getting any younger you know. I want some grandkids before ynnead comes is all I'm saying.
>>29477224>trusting pointy ears>41.001k
>>29477224>mfw I'm a le happy merchant>mfw when my mom sounds EXACTLY like this>mfw when I play Eldar tooJesus fuck, if my mom lived that long, I think I'd blow my brains out.
>>29477278>WE'ZE GOT US SOME MORE BOOTY, BOSS!
>>29477483Fer da greatee Gork!
>>29452892for some reason I read this in Dr. Rockso's voice
>>29477654We all do anon... We all do.
>>29477864goodnight sweet princethreads dead baby. threads dead